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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, if you're one of those parents who wishes so

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Speaker 2: much that you could spend time at the beach and

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Speaker 2: experiencing the holidays, and you can't find the joy, see

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Speaker 2: the beauty that's around you in those small moments, because

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Speaker 2: sometimes that's all you're going to have.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad.

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Speaker 2: School holidays week one are over for Northern Territory of

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Speaker 2: Queensland and Victoria. The Act and WA and New South

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Speaker 2: Wales holidays start at the end of today. Except for

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Speaker 2: those lucky kids whose parents gave in when the kids said,

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Speaker 2: but Mum, no one else is going today. We don't

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Speaker 2: do anything except watch movies. It's the last day of

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Speaker 2: school South Australia and Tazzy one week to go. The

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Speaker 2: countdown is on. I'm here with my wife and co

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Speaker 2: hosts of this podcast, missus Happy Families. Kylie. What's the latest, Kylie?

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Speaker 2: Today's I'll do better tomorrow? Are you doing better tomorrow?

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Speaker 3: Look? I predicted that there'd be some withdrawals after parental guidance. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: finished darts?

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Speaker 2: Are you missing it.

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Speaker 3: Well, there's just been so many conversations that have been

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Speaker 3: coming up as people have been catching up on nine now.

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Speaker 3: And we actually had a family friend, she's a grandma, yeah,

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Speaker 3: and she was dealing with a pretty significant tantrum the

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Speaker 3: other day with one of her grandchildren.

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Speaker 2: Which grandma is that we know, what's her name, just

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Speaker 2: first name, Jeanine, Jeanine, Oh okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And she remembered the experience that you had with the

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Speaker 3: teen parents and time emotion coaching, and so she decided

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Speaker 3: that she would try it because she recognized that there

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Speaker 3: was actually she didn't have any control over what was

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Speaker 3: going to happen in the situation her grandson was in,

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Speaker 3: but she did know that she could at least acknowledge

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Speaker 3: what he was experiencing, right, And she looked at me

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Speaker 3: with wide eyes and she said, I can't believe it.

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Speaker 2: It was it was imagine it's a parenting expert knows

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Speaker 2: what he's talking about. Surprised.

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Speaker 3: I love that. So she had a wonderful experience with

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Speaker 3: her grandson and they were able to spend some really

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Speaker 3: nice time once he calmed down and compared to what

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Speaker 3: he's previously done where it's been this very long, drawn

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Speaker 3: out experience, and everybody's distressed by the end of it.

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Speaker 3: She said a couple of words that acknowledged to him

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Speaker 3: what she was seeing, and he calmed right down and

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Speaker 3: they were able to go off and have some cake

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Speaker 3: together a lot and just had a great afternoon.

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Speaker 2: That's because this show changes lives, even grandparents' lives.

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Speaker 3: I love it.

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Speaker 2: That's so great. Welcome to the podcast, those of you

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Speaker 2: who are new here. Every Friday, we talk about what

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Speaker 2: has made our lives work well or maybe what hasn't.

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Speaker 2: We call it I'll do Better Tomorrow, and the focus

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Speaker 2: is on evaluating intentionally how we can be better parents. Kylie.

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Speaker 2: My intentional evaluation of this week is as follows. I

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Speaker 2: work too much now And I'm not sharing this as

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Speaker 2: a confession. I'm sharing this because I have no doubt

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Speaker 2: that there will be thousands, literally thousands and thousands of

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Speaker 2: parents who tune in for some earning inspo who are

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Speaker 2: feeling like they're in the same boat, like school holidays

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Speaker 2: supposed to be with the kids, but there are work commitments,

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Speaker 2: and I feel it intensely because I'm the parenting expert

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Speaker 2: who's supposed to be getting it all right. But just

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Speaker 2: because at school holidays doesn't mean the work stops. I've

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Speaker 2: got presentations to write, and I've got travel commitments that

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Speaker 2: have to be met, and blogs that have to be written,

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Speaker 2: and all the content, the podcasts, all the stuff that

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Speaker 2: we have to produce. It just keeps on stacking up.

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Speaker 2: And if I'm not at work, I end up getting

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Speaker 2: overwhelmed and it just can't all be done. And I

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Speaker 2: know that in term three. So we have so many

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Speaker 2: bookings in term three that I'm almost not going to

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Speaker 2: be home for ten or twelve weeks. And so I've

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Speaker 2: got this huge amount of drive and maybe even a

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Speaker 2: whole lot of guilt to be at home with the

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Speaker 2: kids right now. And yet I've got to get all

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Speaker 2: this stuff done. I've got so much work to do.

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Speaker 2: And so my I'd do better tomorrow is I don't

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Speaker 2: even know what it is. Really, It's just an acknowledgement.

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Speaker 3: If you're a.

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Speaker 2: Parent who's got kids on school holidays right now, and

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Speaker 2: you maybe hating yourself a little bit because you can't

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Speaker 2: take time off and so the kids are in outside

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Speaker 2: school ours care, or if you're a parent who simply

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Speaker 2: doesn't have the annual leave, and so the grandparents are

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Speaker 2: looking after the kids or they're looking after themselves and

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Speaker 2: watching way too many screens. I guess my older better

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Speaker 2: tomorrow is sometimes you can't do better tomorrow. Sometimes you

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Speaker 2: just that's life. I want you to know that I

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Speaker 2: acknowledge what you're going through. It's it's really tricky. And

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Speaker 2: those moments that we have grabbed this week, whether it's

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Speaker 2: been a walk along the beach or a kick in

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Speaker 2: the backyard with the ball Kylie, I've just saved them.

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Speaker 2: Or when one of the kids has come and climbed

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Speaker 2: into bed and hugged this those have been the gold

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Speaker 2: flex in a week that has been pretty rocky in

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Speaker 2: terms of school, holidays and dad being available.

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Speaker 3: You were listening to a podcast the other day and

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Speaker 3: you sent me a definition, a new definition for you

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Speaker 3: of what joy oh is?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah it so I was listening to a podcast.

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Speaker 2: In fact, I've got this person coming up on our podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's not going to be another at least another three

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Speaker 2: or four weeks before we get to hear from her.

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Speaker 2: But she's an intimacy and marriage and relationship and so on,

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Speaker 2: a therapist, and she's just so insightful and anam's Jennifer

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Speaker 2: Finlayson if I can't wait for her to be on

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Speaker 2: our podcast end of July. We've got her scheduled for

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Speaker 2: But she was talking about joy and she said, joy

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Speaker 2: is the ability to see beauty. Joy is the ability

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Speaker 2: to see beauty. And I've been thinking about that since

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Speaker 2: I heard on the podcast about a week and a

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Speaker 2: half ago, and I love that definition. I don't know

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Speaker 2: if it's the most perfectly accurate definition from a science

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Speaker 2: point of view, but from a practical point of view,

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Speaker 2: I know that I'm happier when I'm spotting those gold flecks,

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Speaker 2: those moments of beauty in every moment.

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Speaker 3: Well, I guess and as you were talking, just this

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Speaker 3: acknowledgment that for those of us who are feeling really

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Speaker 3: stretched and really pulled, especially in the holidays, when we

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Speaker 3: want to be somewhere, but we actually have commitments that

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Speaker 3: we have to deal with, yeah, so hard. Beauty in

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Speaker 3: the moments that we experience allows us to experience a

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Speaker 3: level of joy that we wouldn't otherwise have because we

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Speaker 3: just get caught up in all of the details of

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Speaker 3: our commitments.

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Speaker 2: And that's what I've been really working hard on and

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Speaker 2: that has been, I guess the light in what has

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Speaker 2: been an otherwise really tricky week. But I mean that's

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Speaker 2: kind of it. My older better tomorrow is if you're

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Speaker 2: one of those parents who wishes so much that you

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Speaker 2: could spend time at the beach, spend time walking with

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Speaker 2: the kids and playing games and just getting away and

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Speaker 2: experiencing the holidays, and you can't because of inflation, or

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Speaker 2: because of job requirements, or because of just life. I

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Speaker 2: get it.

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Speaker 3: It's hard.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that there's any easy thing other than

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Speaker 2: find the joy, see the beauty that's around you in

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Speaker 2: those small moments, because sometimes that's all you're going to have.

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Speaker 3: Earlier in the week, I had a really profound moment

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Speaker 3: with our nine year old.

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Speaker 2: Profound. I like it. Profound is good.

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Speaker 3: She has always been drawn to have friendships with boys. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: result has been introduced to a whole heap of characters

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Speaker 3: and shows.

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Speaker 2: She just likes dinosaurs and dragons and wings of fire.

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Speaker 2: That's that's really what it is.

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Speaker 3: And in the household of girls, we've never actually had

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Speaker 3: to deal with this before.

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Speaker 2: Cupcakes and rainbows and unicorns what we're used.

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Speaker 3: To, right Kev's and so I am not across a

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Speaker 3: lot of the TV shows that she watches. All of

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Speaker 3: our other girls have watched a lot of the same

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Speaker 3: shows that I grew up with, or something similar, I.

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Speaker 2: Reckon, like with Netflix and all the other streaming services,

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Speaker 2: like once upon a time the kids just watching ABC,

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Speaker 2: that was it. And now with all of the other

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Speaker 2: alternatives that are around, there's just stuff everywhere, and it's

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Speaker 2: impossible to stay across it all.

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Speaker 3: And so as a result, Emily being more drawn towards

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Speaker 3: the more action pat I'm going to use the word

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Speaker 3: violent shows cartoons. I'm just grateful that we have our

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Speaker 3: TV in the main living space and I can hear

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Speaker 3: what's going on. So there's from time to time she's

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Speaker 3: been watching something and I've been able to just say

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Speaker 3: I don't like what I'm hearing, or this is this

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Speaker 3: is not a nice show. You need to turn it off.

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Speaker 2: I don't like what I'm hearing. A lot of the

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Speaker 2: time though, Like there's research that shows that cartoons today

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Speaker 2: are very different to what cartoons used to be. And

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Speaker 2: I know that road Runner used to blow Wiley Coyote up,

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Speaker 2: and they've always had that element of violence. Tom and Jerry,

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Speaker 2: there's always been the slapstick style comedy. But research shows

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Speaker 2: that there's a different tone to a lot of violence.

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Speaker 3: Realistic there was, there was, there was, I mean.

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Speaker 2: Well, I mean spongeboth squipt I can't even say it's

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Speaker 2: Spongebobs grab pants isn't exactly realistic. But there's so much

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Speaker 2: more noise, there's so much more busy. The cartoons are

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Speaker 2: so much more active, Like the cartoons are so intense

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Speaker 2: nowadays compared to what they were when we were kids.

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Speaker 2: There was only so much that could happen with the technology,

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Speaker 2: whereas now it's it's over the top. I feel the

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Speaker 2: same way like the cartoons today. I just think, wow,

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Speaker 2: man along for the old days. Bugs Bunny bring back bugs.

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Speaker 3: So as a result, a lot of what she watches

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Speaker 3: I am not actually across. But the other night she

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Speaker 3: came in after I had asked her multiple times to

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Speaker 3: turn the TV off, but because I was distracted, I

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Speaker 3: didn't follow through the way I know I should, and

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Speaker 3: so it took her a lot longer to respond to

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Speaker 3: me than I would have liked. But by the time

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Speaker 3: she came in, she was a little bit ashen faced,

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Speaker 3: and she just said to me, I just saw something

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Speaker 3: that's made me feel really sick, and I said, oh,

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Speaker 3: I said, would you go and turn the TV off

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Speaker 3: then and bring the remote to me? And as she left,

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Speaker 3: she literally burst into tears, like whatever it was that

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Speaker 3: she saw was so distressing to her that it just

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Speaker 3: left her feeling so miserable. So when she came back,

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Speaker 3: I grabbed her into a big bear hug and I said,

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Speaker 3: what was it that you saw? And she said, somebody

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Speaker 3: got killed. I asked her if she was watching a real,

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Speaker 3: live show or whether she was watching a cartoon. It

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Speaker 3: was a cartoon, and it was a cartoon that she'd

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Speaker 3: been watching with her sister. And so everyone's pretty good

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Speaker 3: at being police in our house. So if the big

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Speaker 3: sisters are watching some thing they know that the little

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Speaker 3: girls aren't watching, you know, can't watch, they'll send them away.

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Speaker 3: Or if the little girls are watching something that the

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Speaker 3: big girls know they shouldn't, they'll tell them. So I

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Speaker 3: didn't feel like this was going to be a show

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Speaker 3: that would cause significant distress. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: The kids are pretty happy and dub on each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: And so we sat there for a little while and

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Speaker 3: I said, well, what was the show you were watching?

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Speaker 3: She told me, and I said and what was its rating?

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Speaker 3: She said, it's only PG, mum, and I said, well, usually,

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Speaker 3: I said, if you're going to watch a PG, mommy

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Speaker 3: and Daddy need to be across that. And I said,

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Speaker 3: I said, are we across this one? She said no,

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Speaker 3: She said, but I do watch other pgs and I said, yeah,

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Speaker 3: because Mommy and Dady have told you it's okay. And

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Speaker 3: I said what do you think PG stands for? She

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Speaker 3: had no idea at first, and then something clicked and

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Speaker 3: she looked at me with a little glint in her eye,

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Speaker 3: and she said, parental guide. You see the big grin

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Speaker 3: on her face as she realized what your show meant,

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Speaker 3: and I said yeah. I said what do you think

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Speaker 3: that actually means, though? And she said she said parents

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Speaker 3: can only want And I said, no, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 3: that at all. But what it does mean is that

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Speaker 3: if a little person is going to watch something, they

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Speaker 3: kind of need their mummy and daddy's guidance. They need

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Speaker 3: their involvement to know whether or not this is something

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Speaker 3: that's going to be good for you. And I said,

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Speaker 3: so we're mummy and Daddy involved in helping you decide

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Speaker 3: whether this was a show that would work for you

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Speaker 3: or not. And she said no. And I said, do

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Speaker 3: you know why they're there? Why those why those standards

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Speaker 3: are there, Why those rules are there, Why those you know,

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Speaker 3: kind of parameters are there. And she said, so I

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Speaker 3: don't have to see yucky things. And I said yeah,

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Speaker 3: And I said, and that's why Mummy and Daddy talked

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Speaker 3: to you about the kinds of shows that you're watching,

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Speaker 3: so that you don't find yourself in a position where

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Speaker 3: you see yucky things. So we talked about it a

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Speaker 3: little bit more. I acknowledge that some of the books

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Speaker 3: that she reads are quite violent. She loves Wings of

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Speaker 3: Fire is all about dragons and the dragons kill each other.

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Speaker 3: It's very, you know, kind of war and combat, she said.

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Speaker 3: But it's different when it's in my head, she said,

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Speaker 3: Once I see it on the screen, Mummy, she said,

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Speaker 3: I can't get rid of those images. How powerful, so powerful.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have to tell her that she recognized it,

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Speaker 3: and so, while I wish she hadn't actually seen whatever

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Speaker 3: it was that distressed her so much, oh my goodness,

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Speaker 3: the learning that has come from this one experience has

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Speaker 3: literally changed the way she sees viewing TV. She asked

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Speaker 3: me specifically that night and didn't want to leave the

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Speaker 3: table until she knew it was done to have the

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Speaker 3: parameters changed on her Netflix account to go back to

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Speaker 3: the g that it had been about six months ago,

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Speaker 3: because she didn't want to be faced with another situation

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Speaker 3: where she watched something that didn't make her feel good.

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Speaker 2: So this is one of those reasons as well that

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Speaker 2: we don't want to protect our kids from everything. They

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Speaker 2: actually do need to have life experience because as they

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Speaker 2: have the life experience, they have the learning, and the

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Speaker 2: learning is where it gets internalized. But they also they

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Speaker 2: need to have that strong, safe, caring adult to debrief,

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Speaker 2: to work things through, to process with and to understand.

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Speaker 2: Because she's been able to do that, she's now internalizing huh,

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Speaker 2: I feel safe when I've got G rated content rather

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Speaker 2: than PG rated content. And it was only because she

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Speaker 2: was able to have that conversation that it all sort

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Speaker 2: of came together. She didn't really even know what PG

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Speaker 2: was until that conversation.

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Speaker 3: What I love about this experience is I am not

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Speaker 3: going to be there all the time. Yeah, and yet

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Speaker 3: I have a little girl who's now recognized that there

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Speaker 3: are certain things that don't make her feel good, and

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Speaker 3: she was proactive in that she instantly as soon as

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Speaker 3: she saw something, she walked away. I can't pay enough

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Speaker 3: for that, To know that my child will recognize and

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Speaker 3: be able to self regulate in the moment all by herself.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to add to that. What I can't pay

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Speaker 2: enough for, what I can't be more grateful for, is

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Speaker 2: that she's got somebody that she could turn to. And

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Speaker 2: that's what we're all trying to be, right. We're trying

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Speaker 2: to be that person so that when the kids are

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Speaker 2: exposed to an experience that doesn't feel good, that they

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Speaker 2: do turn to us. They know that they're safe to

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Speaker 2: come to us. They're not going to get in trouble,

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Speaker 2: but rather we're going to help them to process it

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Speaker 2: in healthy, functional ways so that they can adapt positively

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Speaker 2: to it. The Happy Family pot Cast is produced by

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Speaker 2: Justin Ruland for Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 2: To make you family happier, please visit Happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot AU. Oh you know what else would make

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Speaker 2: our family happier if we could have got tayored Swift tickets.

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Speaker 2: But my wallet is happier because websites have been crashing

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Speaker 2: all around the country and it looks like we're not

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Speaker 2: going to be able to leave the sunshine to date

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Speaker 2: and heads out of the border to take the kids

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Speaker 2: to see data and I can't say I'm sad, but

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Speaker 2: they are. It would have really made our family happier.

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Speaker 2: Probably going to have another hunt around today and to

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Speaker 2: see what we can find. I'm just putting it out there.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to look