1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,639 Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Doting Dads. My name is Matty 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: Jay and I'm Ash, and this is a podcast all 3 00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 1: about parenting. It is the good, it is the bad, 4 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:11,040 Speaker 1: and and we don't give advice, but our guests do 5 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:14,680 Speaker 1: give advice sometimes. And this happens to be a best 6 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:18,560 Speaker 1: of Guest episode because Ash and myself we deserve a 7 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:19,920 Speaker 1: bloody break because we work hard. 8 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 2: Yes, we moved on from the Bahamas. Wherever we moved 9 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:24,800 Speaker 2: on to Southeast Asia is lovely? 10 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 3: Is it the Philippines? 11 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 4: Yeah? 12 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: Sure, we're putting Philippines on the list of places to visit. 13 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:31,840 Speaker 3: It's this is North Korea. Actually. 14 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: In this episode, we do talk to Chantel Duncan, which 15 00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,960 Speaker 2: her son had a close call with drowning. 16 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: We also have Becky Lucas struggling with her son's heart conditions. 17 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:46,000 Speaker 1: Ben Tate you might remember him from Ben and Zara, 18 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: and he had an incident where he almost missed the 19 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:52,479 Speaker 1: birth of his child because of an international ad that 20 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: he was on. 21 00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,400 Speaker 2: We also have Sam Frost along with Hugo Tuv which 22 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 2: is an amazing story. And we finish it off with 23 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 2: one of our closer personal friends of the show, Sassy. 24 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 1: We call him a. 25 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,480 Speaker 3: Close Yes, I will. I'll continue forever. 26 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: Can we call him that I comment on all I'm 27 00:01:09,160 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: like that weird person. There's always one or two people 28 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:12,320 Speaker 1: who comment on every post. 29 00:01:12,400 --> 00:01:14,400 Speaker 3: They're talking about you behind your back, for sure. 30 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: And every time they post anything, I'm like, that's so funny, 31 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:20,160 Speaker 1: because you guys are hilarious. But Sasi's got one of 32 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 1: my favorite episodes. He is in a same sex relationship. 33 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: So he talks about the very long, difficult journey to 34 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 1: surrogacy and becoming a dad. 35 00:01:28,080 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 5: Let's get into it, let's do it. 36 00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 1: He has been speaking to a lot of experts lately, 37 00:01:46,280 --> 00:01:52,800 Speaker 1: Sam about childbirth and what dads can do in that environment. 38 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 1: Was there anything in particular that Jordi did that was 39 00:01:55,640 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: very helpful? And if it doesn't have to be we 40 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: were to be honest, Ash and. 41 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 3: I were both a bit average. Yeah, we'd call it 42 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 3: at the same time. 43 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: Was there anything that he did that you were like, 44 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,640 Speaker 1: probably wouldn't do that again. 45 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 6: So Jordy, while I was and Jordy, we love you again, 46 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 6: asked for a cigarette while I was in labor. 47 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 7: Obviously my body is going through a lot. Let me 48 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,359 Speaker 7: just emphasize. 49 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 1: Also, we'll just preface that we've done a tens machine, 50 00:02:24,880 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 1: so we get, we get. 51 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:31,760 Speaker 3: We're brave. Okay, we are brave man, that is so 52 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,680 Speaker 3: we gotta be like, yeah, that's true. We did do 53 00:02:37,720 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 3: a tens machine and like we couldn't hack level ten. 54 00:02:40,960 --> 00:02:42,920 Speaker 3: Yeah we got to fifteen. 55 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:45,079 Speaker 6: You guys must know exactly what it's like. Oh yeah, 56 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 6: the whole Yeah, but yeah, JORDI had a headache. 57 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:54,760 Speaker 7: So the guy and I was like, you know, obviously 58 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,880 Speaker 7: in the thick of it, and I was to say ten, 59 00:02:58,080 --> 00:02:58,880 Speaker 7: and Jordy. 60 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 3: Was like, hey, to be that guy, but I. 61 00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 6: Have got a killer headache. 62 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 4: Like you. 63 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 3: And he's like, can you give me some about me? 64 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:13,800 Speaker 8: I know? 65 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 3: And I still give him a hard time about that, 66 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:17,360 Speaker 3: and is he regret asking? 67 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 7: He's heard me talk about it, and he goes, well, 68 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,679 Speaker 7: I didn't want the moment meeting my son ruined by head. 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 9: Fair. 70 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 3: I know. 71 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: This is a bit of a traumatic one. It's it's 72 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,960 Speaker 1: probably every parent's worse fear. Yeah, but it involved this 73 00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: one the swimming pool two years ago. 74 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 4: Pretty much in a couple of weeks will be two 75 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 4: years to the day that Yeah, that was you just 76 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 4: you know, it's a possibility, you know how to protect everything. 77 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 4: You do everything by the book, but there's things that 78 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:01,680 Speaker 4: you cannot control. And one for us is the fact 79 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 4: that we have older there's more than one child. We 80 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 4: could be as safe and shut front doors, shut garage doors, 81 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 4: shut poolgates, fix things, put things away, but you can't 82 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,520 Speaker 4: see what the older ones are doing and what they're 83 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 4: forgetting to put away or what they're forgetting to check 84 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 4: all the time. And that that was the twenty second 85 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 4: or twenty third of December. We were prepping the house. 86 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,240 Speaker 4: Sam and I were running around like headless chooks while 87 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 4: the twins were sleeping or not crying, and trying to 88 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,400 Speaker 4: clean the house and get it ready for all our 89 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 4: family to come over. And I just remember seeing Paris, 90 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 4: our third child. Here is the bravest kid. He literally 91 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,160 Speaker 4: has no fear. And this is how it happened. This 92 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 4: is the issues. Our boys are so boisterous and they 93 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 4: have no fear. And I remember watching him jump on 94 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 4: the trampoline. They do it after they go for a 95 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 4: swim to dry off, and they call it like being 96 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:01,359 Speaker 4: a Liz. They lay down on the mat on the 97 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 4: tramp and they were all jumping, and then I remember 98 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 4: looking back and he wasn't in the trampoline, and he's 99 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 4: so loud, so you know where he is. And I 100 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 4: turned and I noticed that the pool gate was slightly opened. 101 00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:17,719 Speaker 4: There was a toy in the way, like a seat thing, 102 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:23,559 Speaker 4: and I just remember dropping my phone and then walking 103 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,240 Speaker 4: close out. I couldn't see anything in the pool because 104 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:28,440 Speaker 4: he was so tucked up against the wall. And I 105 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 4: remember walking and I saw the head and I just screamed, 106 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 4: like the bloody murder Sam's name. It was like the 107 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,200 Speaker 4: worst exorcism voice that came out. Neighbors everyone heard it. 108 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 4: I jumped in, grabbed him and he was this dead flop, 109 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,400 Speaker 4: like a complete flop. Oh my, my husband came running 110 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 4: out and I almost just like dropped him into his arms, 111 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 4: and then he's screaming, called the ambulance, Called the ambulance. 112 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:53,960 Speaker 4: And I couldn't find my phone. I didn't know what 113 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 4: I did with it, and so I'm running inside trying 114 00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 4: to check everything, and I could not find a phone, 115 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,800 Speaker 4: and he's yelling call the ambulus as he appliing that's 116 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 4: performing CPR, and then I find it. I'll call them, 117 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 4: and by the time the answer I turn around, Comparis 118 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:14,200 Speaker 4: is up and Sam's holding them and he's just like crying, 119 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 4: but he's like fine, So I'm calling, I'm telling them 120 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 4: what's happened. They're coming straight over. We were able to 121 00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:25,520 Speaker 4: check the camera footage so that we could tell them 122 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,159 Speaker 4: exactly how long he had gone under for and also 123 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 4: for the council that they come and they checked for negligence. 124 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:33,599 Speaker 4: So really, you know, we had everything to make sure 125 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 4: that we were to the strict Queensland safety guidelines like 126 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 4: our pool and everything like, you know, it wasn't our 127 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 4: negligence and how that happened to the child and he 128 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:47,680 Speaker 4: was under for two minutes ten fuck. 129 00:06:49,600 --> 00:06:53,840 Speaker 3: H so long and like goosebumps that. 130 00:06:55,520 --> 00:06:59,600 Speaker 4: And he was only two two years old, he was tiny. 131 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 4: He blacked out at one minute twenty. You can see 132 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,559 Speaker 4: him just give up. I could have watched the video. 133 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 4: Sam sent it to me when I was in hospital, 134 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,200 Speaker 4: but I didn't watch it, but he watched it, and 135 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 4: I don't think i'll ever. 136 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 3: Watch it, to be honest. 137 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:14,679 Speaker 4: But we went into hospital, they did all the checks, 138 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 4: they did all the scans, and they come in and 139 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 4: this is the end of our journey there. 140 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 3: We'd stayed overnight. 141 00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 4: They're like, okay, the report is there is not one 142 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:26,880 Speaker 4: single thing wrong with your son. We can't find a 143 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 4: single thing. He has blocked his He's like completely blocked, 144 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 4: so no fluid went down, nothing went in his lungs. 145 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 4: He's not at risk of pneumonia anything. There's no temperature 146 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 4: on your child. There is nothing. He's passing all the 147 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 4: like neurological chests and things like that. 148 00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: And I'm assuming they're kind of saying this, They're like, 149 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:47,640 Speaker 1: that's a miracle. 150 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, oh yeah, gosh, he didn't take any water into 151 00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 3: his lungs, nothing his body, like a muscle contracted or something. Yeah, 152 00:07:59,680 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 3: it does. 153 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 4: It normally happened and definitely not at that age. We 154 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 4: walked out of that hospital. Literally both just walked out 155 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 4: of that hospital and they're like count your blessings and 156 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:08,680 Speaker 4: Merry Christmas. 157 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:12,080 Speaker 2: And I was like, holy shit, did you Like straight 158 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 2: away after that, I would have like concrete at the 159 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 2: bull up. 160 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. 161 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 4: We were like and we didn't have to tell our 162 00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 4: boys because they were shocked. They were they saw the 163 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 4: whole thing. We went straight online and I was like, 164 00:08:25,160 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 4: if there is one thing that I can do to 165 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 4: try redeem this situation, is everyone's gone and going to 166 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 4: be around a pool for Christmas with their friends and family, 167 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:35,320 Speaker 4: and they're all going to drop the ball. They're all 168 00:08:35,360 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 4: going to turn a blind eye. They're all going to 169 00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 4: be more relaxed, they are going to they're not going 170 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,360 Speaker 4: to think about what the older kids. 171 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:41,760 Speaker 3: Might be doing. 172 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 4: And so we went online and we just spread, we 173 00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,960 Speaker 4: fully spread the awareness of you need to watch pool gates, 174 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:50,720 Speaker 4: you need to be on the ball, You need to 175 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 4: allocate someone to consistently watch the kids in the pool 176 00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 4: and check the gates. 177 00:08:57,040 --> 00:09:00,320 Speaker 1: Like yeah, you know, if it makes you feel any 178 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:03,600 Speaker 1: any better. But when Marley was really young, we only 179 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: had I think Lola might have been a newborn. At 180 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: our old house, we had a little paddle pool and 181 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: stupidly we know not to fill it up like any 182 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: higher than like ankle deep water, but we filled it 183 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,040 Speaker 1: up really high. We had friends over and it was 184 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 1: one of those situations where you're kind of entertaining. You 185 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 1: got friends over, Laura and I kind of got lost 186 00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 1: and who's looking after Marley. We had a front and 187 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,240 Speaker 1: a backyard. The paddle pool was in the front, and 188 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: it got to a point where we said, where's Marley 189 00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:33,600 Speaker 1: And we were looking around couldn't find her, and luckily. 190 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 3: She was just too small. 191 00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:37,040 Speaker 1: She was trying, she'd been trying to climb into the 192 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: paddle pool which was filled up like a she and 193 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: she was only you know, she was crawling at this stage. 194 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 1: And you know, we think, gosh, it's so easy to 195 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: just lose them for a split second. And you think, 196 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,000 Speaker 1: you mentioned before, you're like two minutes ten, that's a 197 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 1: long time, but you think, gosh, it could have been, 198 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,240 Speaker 1: could have been so much worse. 199 00:09:55,760 --> 00:10:01,199 Speaker 4: Yes, just that things can change in an instance, and 200 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:06,120 Speaker 4: you just never ever want to take away the joy 201 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 4: in each day and the opportunity to have each day. 202 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,920 Speaker 4: I think that's what really brought us closer as a unit, 203 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,320 Speaker 4: is like it might be really hard to have five kids, 204 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,600 Speaker 4: but we would never change it for the world. 205 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,240 Speaker 6: It was weird because yeah, in so many ways, I 206 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 6: had a you know, he was a normal baby, and 207 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 6: I just could not enjoy it in the same way. 208 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:28,320 Speaker 6: And I like, really, it feels like life has started now. 209 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 10: Yes, So the lead up to the surgery, not knowing 210 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:33,360 Speaker 10: when it's going to happen, I suppose they. 211 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,679 Speaker 6: Said yes, but then we did lock it in. So 212 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 6: after that hospital stay, the surgeon was like, let's just 213 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,800 Speaker 6: lock it in, we'll do it, and the leadof is 214 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 6: just I mean, I lost my mind. I was just 215 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 6: like I would just walk around crying, weeping in public, 216 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,400 Speaker 6: like I don't know you, I just it was just 217 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:58,320 Speaker 6: so sad, so I'm going to cry. So funny that 218 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 6: I was talking about being having come but yeah, it's 219 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 6: it's like a it's oh my god, it's embarrassing. I mean, yeah, 220 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 6: obviously it's a sad topic. But he's really good now, 221 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 6: like he's really he's really strong. He's actually already lifting. 222 00:11:19,240 --> 00:11:27,720 Speaker 10: Other than you waiting for surgery or is it normal? 223 00:11:27,720 --> 00:11:31,080 Speaker 6: Like everything is well, they tell me, like they they're like, yeah, 224 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 6: he can do everything. He needs to check up every 225 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 6: year for the rest of his life, and he will 226 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 6: need when he's older, like when he goes through puberty. 227 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 6: They will need to put another valve in. That's the 228 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 6: main thing. But the surgeon seems to think that they 229 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 6: won't have to do open heart again, that they can 230 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 6: do most of these things via catheter. So I'll always worry, 231 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 6: like I'll just always freak out. And he's so active 232 00:11:55,200 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 6: and sometimes I'm like, just chill. I just want him 233 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,760 Speaker 6: to be a ballet dancer or something. I wanted to 234 00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 6: be athletic, but like not contact sport. Yeah, and I'm 235 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 6: just scared that he was going to want to play rugby. 236 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 6: And because there's a fame that you do know Sean White, 237 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:15,640 Speaker 6: the Olympic snow border. He has tetralogy a fellow really Yeah, 238 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 6: so he needed like three open heart surgeries before the 239 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:18,400 Speaker 6: age of five. 240 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: It's like flying in the air, like twenty feet out. 241 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 3: Of our heart. 242 00:12:22,679 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 6: Yeah. And like he you know, did football and like 243 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,959 Speaker 6: they can definitely do apparently whatever other kid does. 244 00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: I will not tell George that. 245 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 3: Sorry George reading. 246 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm like, you're going to just live with mummy frog. 247 00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,600 Speaker 1: Like you know, when you go through that traumatic experience 248 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:45,640 Speaker 1: as a parent and you come out the other end. 249 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:48,720 Speaker 1: And we spoke before about the fact that parenting is amazing, 250 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,480 Speaker 1: but those amazing moments are matched with moments where it's exhausting. 251 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,080 Speaker 3: It's relentless. Yeah, it's so bloody hard. 252 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: Do you ever get guilt where you're life You're like, 253 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:02,840 Speaker 1: you know, I thought I might lose you, Yeah. 254 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 6: And you're pissing me on Yeah, yeah, totally. And then 255 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:09,480 Speaker 6: and then that's even harder. Because I'm like, I'm not 256 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 6: even allowed to have the normal experience of being pissed 257 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:15,640 Speaker 6: off at your kids. Yeah, it does feel like I 258 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 6: was it almost. The different ways in which I feel 259 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,480 Speaker 6: I've been robbed emerge, like I don't even I wasn't 260 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,600 Speaker 6: even prepared, Like he's he's not a great sleeper, but 261 00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 6: only because we are. You know, for the first six 262 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 6: months of his life, they said, don't let him cry 263 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:36,720 Speaker 6: too much because he might go blue and lose oxygen. 264 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:38,760 Speaker 6: And then he has his heart fixed, and they're like, yep, 265 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,559 Speaker 6: he's good. His heart's like fixed, you can let him 266 00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:44,280 Speaker 6: scream his head off. But that's a very hard thing 267 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 6: for us to do. 268 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 5: We don't want to do that. 269 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:51,160 Speaker 6: So because of that, he just runs rings around us, 270 00:13:51,320 --> 00:13:56,000 Speaker 6: like we just do whatever he wants, yeah, which you 271 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:58,440 Speaker 6: know probably isn't good for him. Like I know that 272 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 6: I need to teach him to sleep, and that will 273 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 6: require me like dealing with my own anxiety around his 274 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,440 Speaker 6: health for his own sake, but that's just really hard 275 00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:12,679 Speaker 6: to do. And Yeah, I just feel angry sometimes that 276 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:14,600 Speaker 6: I can't even do. 277 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,800 Speaker 1: I can't do that, Like, how was it for you 278 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: from when the waters broke to when you ended up 279 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:23,880 Speaker 1: in hospital. 280 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 5: Wow. 281 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:29,640 Speaker 11: Okay, so around two months before so we found out 282 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 11: least was due on the fourteenth February, and I two 283 00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 11: months before I went for an audition for the lead 284 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:42,040 Speaker 11: in international TV commercial. So we found out that lease 285 00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:46,360 Speaker 11: was due with our firstborn on the fourteenth February. And 286 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 11: two months before that, I went for an audition for 287 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 11: the lead in an international TV commercial. And when you 288 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:55,520 Speaker 11: go for an audition, you sign a thing where it 289 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:59,400 Speaker 11: says do you have conflicts for any conflicts for the 290 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 11: following day. It's fourth, fifth, and sixth of February, And 291 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 11: I just thought, no, I don't, because you. 292 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,160 Speaker 1: Don't want to make it sound that you're difficult to 293 00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: work with or give any reason why you shouldn't be picked, right. 294 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 11: For sure, But also I'm going to sound like a numpty. 295 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,160 Speaker 11: But I didn't think that our baby would come early. 296 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, right, yeah, And I. 297 00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:24,840 Speaker 11: Just very genuinely it was just like just you on 298 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:28,040 Speaker 11: the fourteenth, Yeah you think that's the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah, 299 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,520 Speaker 11: I did in that moment. And so fourth of February 300 00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 11: rolls around. I need to be in the Eastern Suburbs, 301 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 11: was living in the Northern Beaches. I get up at 302 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 11: three thirty in the morning, I have to be there 303 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:40,200 Speaker 11: on set. 304 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 3: Oh, you booked the job. 305 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 11: I booked. Sorry, I booked the job. I booked the job, 306 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 11: which is awesome. 307 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 3: Graduations, you. 308 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 11: Know, new family, young family, all that sort of stuff. 309 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,400 Speaker 11: It was a good earn. So I was stoked wake 310 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 11: up at three thirty in the morning on the fourth 311 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 11: of February to get ready to be on set. And 312 00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 11: I think I've caught a plus five or something, and 313 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 11: Lisa's not in the bed, and she's in the bathroom 314 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,520 Speaker 11: with the door closed, which is within itself. And then 315 00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:12,680 Speaker 11: I've gone, you're right, and she said, I think so 316 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:15,520 Speaker 11: my water's broken. 317 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 1: Yet. 318 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 11: So I opened the door, super excited. And then in 319 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:25,160 Speaker 11: the absolute moment you do not want to make it 320 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 11: about yourself, I've gone, holy shit, I've got to go 321 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 11: to this thing. Because I've been in the industry since 322 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 11: I was a kid, I knew there could be legal. 323 00:16:36,840 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 3: Ramifications if I don't turn up. 324 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:40,680 Speaker 11: And you know. 325 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,400 Speaker 3: TV, that's the thing. Time is money. 326 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,840 Speaker 11: And it was an international thing, so all these people 327 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,360 Speaker 11: had come over from overseas. It was like it was 328 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 11: a big thing. It was a massive thing. So I 329 00:16:56,040 --> 00:16:57,960 Speaker 11: said to her listener this is what I'm gonna do. 330 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:01,720 Speaker 11: I'm gonna call my sister Karli. Carlie had actually helped 331 00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 11: a couple of people give birth. She's a freak of nature, 332 00:17:07,680 --> 00:17:14,520 Speaker 11: not a midwife ot occupation. Seriously, she loved and I said, 333 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 11: O call Carli. She lived ten minutes away. I'm going 334 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,920 Speaker 11: to get Karlie to come. She takes you to the hospital. 335 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 11: I am not going to miss this. I'm going to 336 00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 11: go there. I have to front up. We could be 337 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 11: in a lot of trouble if I don't talk to them. 338 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,840 Speaker 11: I'm going to front up, tell them what the go is. 339 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 11: But I'm not going to miss it. I will make it. 340 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:31,879 Speaker 11: I don't know how I'm going to do it, but 341 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:34,320 Speaker 11: I'm going to do it. So my sister came, all, 342 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 11: it's all good, it's all good. It's all good. The 343 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 11: guilt that I had was mate to this day. I 344 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 11: feel still feel a bit sick about it. Anyway, I 345 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 11: get to set and I spoke to the head of 346 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:49,760 Speaker 11: production and they. 347 00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:55,880 Speaker 3: Were lived filthy are you? Oh yeah? Oh what kind 348 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 3: of wait? 349 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,919 Speaker 11: Just well, because I'd sign the thing and I hadn't 350 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:05,120 Speaker 11: told them, it looked like I was calling a swiftye 351 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:11,840 Speaker 11: and I absolutely wasn't. And I said, I'm so sorry, 352 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 11: but I'm not missing the birth of my first child. 353 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:15,960 Speaker 12: Yeah. 354 00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 11: Yeah, you know, TV, anyone's production, whether it be a 355 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 11: TV commercial, it's the most important. 356 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,960 Speaker 3: Thing in the world, totally for them, right, And I 357 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 3: get that, but I couldn't do it. 358 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 11: So I threw everything into a tailspin and they said, look, 359 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 11: we're going to try and film well. Unfortunately, the first 360 00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 11: assistant director had his wife had just given birth to 361 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,359 Speaker 11: their first about three weeks before, so he was really 362 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,479 Speaker 11: connected and in tune with okay, and he came up 363 00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 11: to me and said, mate, I'm going to do everything 364 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,920 Speaker 11: I can to get you out of here. Let's film 365 00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 11: as much as we can. You stay in touch with 366 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,440 Speaker 11: his sister, get updates, and we'll go from there. Let's 367 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:57,199 Speaker 11: mind you. I had to speak to the camera, so 368 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,439 Speaker 11: I was doing monologues and a whole bit. 369 00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 1: It's anyway, mine's a bit preoccupied, yes, And. 370 00:19:05,119 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 11: So I'm sitting there, I'd say, if you want to 371 00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 11: do and then and cut, and then I look at 372 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:15,800 Speaker 11: my phone, Okay, we're okay at the moment, and then 373 00:19:15,880 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 11: in action and do it again. And I'll never forget 374 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,400 Speaker 11: this lighting guy. He was an older bloke, he had 375 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 11: three kids, he knew the drill, and he goes, I'm Ben, 376 00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 11: do you know how many centimeters dilated she is? And 377 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,800 Speaker 11: now I shout out to one of our hospital birthday classes. 378 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:41,159 Speaker 3: I didn't listen to this. I went, I don't know. 379 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 11: Then my sister pings me and says, eight centimeters dilated. 380 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:49,879 Speaker 3: That's big, that's the one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's we 381 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:50,359 Speaker 3: should know that. 382 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:55,480 Speaker 11: We should Well, I feel so much better having you 383 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:59,520 Speaker 11: guys say that. So then I've said eight centimeters to 384 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 11: old me and he goes, oh shit, Oh is that close? 385 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:06,320 Speaker 3: Is it? 386 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 11: He said, that's close? And then the next text was 387 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:12,639 Speaker 11: in capitals, she's coming. 388 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 3: We knew having a little girl. So I've told set. 389 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: It's a eastern suburb of Sydney to the mona Our 390 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 1: that's that could be an hour drive. 391 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 3: Peak out me. 392 00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 11: This is I think it was seven o'clock by this 393 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:30,960 Speaker 11: time and seven am and they've gone, go go, go, go, 394 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,760 Speaker 11: go go. You've got to come back, just go. So 395 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:38,680 Speaker 11: I've ran barefoot, jumped in the car and yeah, I'm 396 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,920 Speaker 11: not proud of this, but I did speed and I 397 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:44,040 Speaker 11: got a spending time. I was spending finding the tunnel, 398 00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:48,240 Speaker 11: which was later on retracted because I proved everything. 399 00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,680 Speaker 3: Which was quiet. That's pretty cool. 400 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 11: I do that, Yeah, and some people don't get away 401 00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 11: with it. 402 00:20:52,760 --> 00:20:53,040 Speaker 13: That day. 403 00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:55,879 Speaker 11: I've got someone that was so maybe they had the 404 00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:57,359 Speaker 11: same thing happened to them, but they. 405 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:03,800 Speaker 3: Were lovely, so thank you. Yeah. 406 00:21:03,880 --> 00:21:07,359 Speaker 11: So, and I try. I'm on Pittwater Road and my 407 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:12,240 Speaker 11: sister's going hurry up, hurry up, and a police I 408 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:14,480 Speaker 11: was in the right lane and a police officer was 409 00:21:14,520 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 11: in the bus lane pulled over and I'm trying to 410 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:21,600 Speaker 11: flag them. I'm beeping at them. He's looking at something 411 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,760 Speaker 11: on his monitor in the middle of the car and 412 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 11: the one time I want to copy a look and 413 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:29,840 Speaker 11: he did not flinch. Was I was beeping it because 414 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 11: I'm thinking escorting, so doesn't flinch. 415 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,640 Speaker 3: So I'm in and in and out of cars. It's 416 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 3: like the one of the worst roads to be and 417 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,440 Speaker 3: the potholes on that road ridiculous. 418 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 11: And so I'm using the bus lane doing everything I can. 419 00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:50,120 Speaker 11: I get to turn right into mine of our hospital, 420 00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:53,920 Speaker 11: and I'm beeping, flashing lights at the red light and 421 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:58,920 Speaker 11: going I'm going I'm going complete melodramatic. 422 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:03,440 Speaker 3: I want to be actor. So I've done it. 423 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 11: I've gone the red of Rann. 424 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,359 Speaker 3: In no shoes on. 425 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:16,080 Speaker 11: Making a complete scene. Unbeknownst to me, my sister, my 426 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,040 Speaker 11: beautiful wife Lisa, and the lovely lady mid the midwife 427 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 11: were in the zone. They were in a zen like state, 428 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:30,000 Speaker 11: and I run in and go there and they were 429 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:32,960 Speaker 11: not that pleased. A midwife thought I was a jerk 430 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:35,879 Speaker 11: because why had I missed the first couple of hours? 431 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:40,800 Speaker 11: I think anyway, she the midwife goes slow down and 432 00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,639 Speaker 11: Lisa and I both looked at her and went, who's 433 00:22:43,720 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 11: talking to and she pointed square. It means that you 434 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 11: and I went so held a hand, did the thing. 435 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:57,679 Speaker 11: Three pushes, and little Zara Tate was born with Teddy. 436 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: Obviously you want to try and like he said, be 437 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: upbeat and be like, no, I'm going to beat this. 438 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 3: This is not going to get me. 439 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 14: But they're like, at what time do you start planning 440 00:23:12,359 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 14: about not being around for Teddy? Yeah, it's it's a 441 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:25,720 Speaker 14: tough one. Things definitely change when you're a parent. Yeah, 442 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,880 Speaker 14: that's thinking about this. Last night I gave him a bath. 443 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,560 Speaker 14: It's the first time I've actually really. 444 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:38,040 Speaker 13: Thought about this, and I haven't told his amber yet, 445 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,320 Speaker 13: but giving him my bath last night and he was 446 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 13: just really happy and smiling at me, and he doesn't 447 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,560 Speaker 13: know what's going on. And then going into this major surgery, 448 00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:52,080 Speaker 13: I think, ship, how you know, things don't work out 449 00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 13: or my health doesn't go to plan the next six months, 450 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:58,040 Speaker 13: plus how's AMBA going to raise him? And how I'm 451 00:23:58,040 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 13: not going to be there for him. And it was 452 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 13: the first time I had these thoughts last night, and 453 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 13: it's a really tough one. But the thing is, he 454 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:06,320 Speaker 13: doesn't know what's going on, and I think in a 455 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 13: way that makes it easier because he doesn't know that 456 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 13: Dad's sick or Dad's not feeling well. He just wants 457 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 13: Dad to give him a bath and read him a book. 458 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:17,800 Speaker 13: And I think that joy is a good distraction. But 459 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 13: it's something that until very recently, I haven't really thought about. 460 00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,200 Speaker 13: And it's not till you have a kid. Your whole 461 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:29,200 Speaker 13: everything changes perspective. There's more to life than you. And 462 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:31,080 Speaker 13: for me, it just I guess in a way, it 463 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 13: gives me the ultimate motivation to get through it, to 464 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,360 Speaker 13: be there for him to recover as best as I can. 465 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 13: You know, even the decision of having this big stereia 466 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,119 Speaker 13: is a major decision. But I thought, you know what, 467 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 13: I'm bloody good at changing his nappies. 468 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,120 Speaker 3: I see to change another one. 469 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 7: You know. 470 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 3: One thing that doesn't where you're worrying me is poo. 471 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,119 Speaker 13: So you know, I thought, you know what, it's just 472 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:54,160 Speaker 13: a bit of a life adjustment. It's another major surgery. Yes, 473 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:56,679 Speaker 13: there are other unknowns. I've got such a small bow now, 474 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:58,240 Speaker 13: but there's only so much bow you can live with, 475 00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,880 Speaker 13: so there's always those risks. I keep having bow obstructions 476 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,239 Speaker 13: or keep going back here, and they have to take 477 00:25:03,280 --> 00:25:05,679 Speaker 13: more about. There will come a time where it's, like Jesus, 478 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:08,160 Speaker 13: you can only live with so much boo. So they're 479 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 13: things that I just have to constantly think about. And 480 00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,880 Speaker 13: being the father's been the greatest thing I've ever experienced. 481 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,080 Speaker 13: And he does so much for me at such a 482 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:19,560 Speaker 13: young age, and he's so small, but he gives me 483 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,960 Speaker 13: a boost that I can never get from anything else. 484 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 10: There's something kids can give you that you can't get 485 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:30,399 Speaker 10: from anything else exactly. And it's crazy to think that 486 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,280 Speaker 10: you know at some point over the whether it's the 487 00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:36,399 Speaker 10: little while that he's been alive that you've had to 488 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:39,240 Speaker 10: have those thoughts of this kid could potentially grow up 489 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:41,120 Speaker 10: without me, and I think about that with my son, 490 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 10: and I'm like, I couldn't imagine Oscar having to go 491 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 10: through this life without me. So it's incredible that you 492 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,399 Speaker 10: can put, you know, bring yourself here and sit with 493 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,920 Speaker 10: us and spread such a positive message about early detection 494 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:55,920 Speaker 10: and everything like that. 495 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 3: So I just wanted to commend you. 496 00:25:58,200 --> 00:25:59,720 Speaker 5: No, look, I told you. 497 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:04,440 Speaker 3: Knew you would get me too, And look, that's okay. 498 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:08,480 Speaker 13: You know, I used to apologize, like the natural thing 499 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:11,040 Speaker 13: when I used to cry, when during talks when I'm 500 00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:13,040 Speaker 13: often talk about Teddy or what am has done for me, 501 00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:14,159 Speaker 13: that'd be the real triggers. 502 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,680 Speaker 3: I used to get quite emotional, and you know, the 503 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,040 Speaker 3: default was sorry. 504 00:26:18,720 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 13: But then I now kind of just embrace that I 505 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,440 Speaker 13: never apologized for crime because it's obviously it means so 506 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:24,960 Speaker 13: much to me. 507 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:26,159 Speaker 3: And I think it's important that. 508 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:28,680 Speaker 13: Guys realize it's okay to have a cry and be 509 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,240 Speaker 13: vulnerable and you give your dad a hug, give you 510 00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,879 Speaker 13: made a hug, and that's the sort of the role 511 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 13: model on a be for Teddy. 512 00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 3: Is there anywhere along that process where you had the 513 00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:41,480 Speaker 3: feeling of this is not going to happen. One time, 514 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:43,960 Speaker 3: it was really hard. 515 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:47,920 Speaker 9: We were away and we got matched with as Surreygate 516 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,639 Speaker 9: and we were like, oh my god, it's going to happen. 517 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,480 Speaker 9: And we had the transfer date of when they were 518 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 9: going to the fertility clinic, and to match with one 519 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,640 Speaker 9: you meant a lotbody emotionally saying I'm going to bring 520 00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:05,480 Speaker 9: your dreams to life, and you know the reality, we're 521 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,920 Speaker 9: like four years in I think it was, and then 522 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 9: we get a call from the surrogac agency the day 523 00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:13,920 Speaker 9: of transfer and we're waiting to hear like, you know, 524 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 9: the transfer embryo transfer transfer went really well, and we 525 00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,920 Speaker 9: got told I hang on the surrogate actually can't actually 526 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:23,680 Speaker 9: be your surrogate anymore, and we were like, what the fuck, 527 00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:24,639 Speaker 9: what do you mean, what's happened? 528 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 3: They said, we just found out the doctor. 529 00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:32,800 Speaker 9: Whilst doing the transfer overheard her in conversation say that 530 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:36,280 Speaker 9: she was on a medication, which actually she didn't disclose 531 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:39,280 Speaker 9: to us, which it goes against you being able to 532 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:39,920 Speaker 9: be a surrogate. 533 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 3: And we were like, oh my god. They went so 534 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:44,359 Speaker 3: back to the drawing board and I hung up on 535 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 3: us and we were like far out my god. Yeah, 536 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 3: So that really during the process. 537 00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 9: That was when we were like, this took forever to 538 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:54,240 Speaker 9: get here, and then it just disappeared like that. 539 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 3: Can you describe that feeling you felt in that moment. 540 00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,119 Speaker 3: I looked at Marcus. I can remember we're in BALI. 541 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:02,880 Speaker 3: I looked at Mark and he was like you could 542 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 3: tell her. 543 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 9: He was like, well, I don't know what to do now, 544 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 9: and I knew exactly what I could do, and that 545 00:28:08,520 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 9: was put a fucking email together and tear these motherfuckers 546 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:17,639 Speaker 9: to pieces, right, especially because when there was a lot 547 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 9: of contracts throughout the process. But at the end of 548 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:22,920 Speaker 9: the day, I made it clear to them that you're 549 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:26,159 Speaker 9: working with people that are really vulnerable and actually you 550 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:28,840 Speaker 9: kind of have to do your due diligence and this 551 00:28:28,960 --> 00:28:31,600 Speaker 9: lies on you like you've taken us so far down 552 00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,320 Speaker 9: a road and then you've just pulled it away from 553 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:35,320 Speaker 9: us and you've just said, oh, well, it happens back 554 00:28:35,359 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 9: to the drawing board. And so the sensitivity around it, 555 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 9: you know, I'm pretty optimistic. 556 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:41,360 Speaker 3: I knew we had. 557 00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 9: I took it as a bit of a sign that, 558 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,600 Speaker 9: hang on, there was something wrong there, like that maybe 559 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 9: it was a positive and a good thing, but I 560 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,240 Speaker 9: saw my husband. 561 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,440 Speaker 3: Kind of go, oh my god, how much longer can 562 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 3: we just keep doing this? Yeah? 563 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 1: So then how was it when that took place to 564 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:00,920 Speaker 1: when you were able to lock in the surrogate that 565 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 1: gave you the twins? 566 00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:06,600 Speaker 3: Amber came along? I would say eight nine months later. 567 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 9: Still a long time, and you know, we've got we 568 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 9: had something like, I've got thirty great ambryos sitting waiting 569 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:19,960 Speaker 9: to go right like which is which is a wild number? 570 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 3: And we got Amber and she just sorry, you have 571 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,520 Speaker 3: your surrogate. She's getting the surrogate is not the egg donor. 572 00:29:30,640 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 9: Yeah, we've had an egg donor who we've got. We 573 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:37,880 Speaker 9: were able to get forty one eggs from Wow split 574 00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 9: down the middle of twenty was fertilized with Marcus's SPM 575 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,800 Speaker 9: twenty one fertilized with mine, and. 576 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 3: Then they grow them to day five. 577 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:47,360 Speaker 9: And then in America they tell you if it's a 578 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 9: great A B or C or something, and B or 579 00:29:50,000 --> 00:29:54,360 Speaker 9: C they do up to three thousand something like a 580 00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:58,800 Speaker 9: genetic disorder testing, and they destroy any that are a 581 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 9: level C is like won't let they say, pretty much 582 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 9: won't lead to any you know, problems with shoes or 583 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 9: miscarriages or whatever, and and so we ended up I 584 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:10,040 Speaker 9: think it's like nineteen grade a embryos. 585 00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:13,040 Speaker 3: Wow, she's like good number of US fucking basketball team, 586 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:15,000 Speaker 3: like totally unheard of. 587 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,840 Speaker 9: So like we got forty one eggs and the standard 588 00:30:19,080 --> 00:30:21,640 Speaker 9: is five to six eggs. 589 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:25,040 Speaker 3: Wow, yeah, you like triple that? Yeah, she fucking super 590 00:30:25,160 --> 00:30:28,000 Speaker 3: human our aig donut and there are sperm And. 591 00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:32,640 Speaker 9: I don't know if you guys have spoken to her 592 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,520 Speaker 9: like a fertility clinic before that spell. 593 00:30:35,040 --> 00:30:36,480 Speaker 3: I kind of want to quickly take it to my 594 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:41,400 Speaker 3: own sperm. If I'm like taking all we go to 595 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:45,520 Speaker 3: an IVF clinic. Here to do? I don't know. 596 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:51,120 Speaker 9: The cum dump literally literally just like wank into a 597 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:53,280 Speaker 9: jazy here's what you've seen in the movies. 598 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,240 Speaker 3: Right. They even gave a straight porn that I had 599 00:30:55,280 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 3: to walk out. I was like, really what it really 600 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 3: looked at my phone? 601 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:03,239 Speaker 11: Right? 602 00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,640 Speaker 9: And the fascinating thing is you can't use lube because 603 00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 9: it can contaminate. 604 00:31:10,600 --> 00:31:16,080 Speaker 3: I just saw anywhere. And then this lady we were like, 605 00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:17,720 Speaker 3: you know, we were a bit worried, you know what. 606 00:31:17,880 --> 00:31:20,959 Speaker 9: If and she was with something like a character out 607 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,479 Speaker 9: of a movie, like imagine a like sixty five year 608 00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,840 Speaker 9: old lady sitting behind a counter in a medical like, 609 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 9: you know center, with a drry in her mouth. 610 00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:29,200 Speaker 3: She didn't have one, but it. 611 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 8: Was a classic receptionist and she's saying, all you guys 612 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,680 Speaker 8: are the same. Let me tell you this, she said, 613 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:39,960 Speaker 8: I've been working in fertility for over twenty years. Eggs women, 614 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:44,520 Speaker 8: they are so fragile and perfect. She said, When you 615 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,600 Speaker 8: put any man's sperm under a microscope and look at it, 616 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:52,520 Speaker 8: it's that dumber always fucking swims again to the side 617 00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:53,600 Speaker 8: of the glass. 618 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:56,080 Speaker 3: Of the Peetrie dish. Right, She's like, it's all the same. 619 00:31:56,200 --> 00:31:57,760 Speaker 3: Trust that you'll be fine. 620 00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:10,520 Speaker 12: Picturing the person from it. So, yeah, we're apparently our 621 00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 12: sperm's perfect, all of us. All of us, guys. 622 00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 3: We rarely have problems congratution. 623 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:17,600 Speaker 1: Actually, I was like, I bet you he's been naughty before, 624 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: and I bet it was not great sperm. 625 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought that I was picking. 626 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:21,640 Speaker 13: Up on it. 627 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review, subscribe, 628 00:32:27,080 --> 00:32:27,760 Speaker 2: send to a friend. 629 00:32:27,840 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 3: Well, even though we are on holidays, we'll still be 630 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:31,720 Speaker 3: able to tell whether you did or not. 631 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,600 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, if you don't. Actually, that's like a Christmas 632 00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 1: present for us. They don't buy us anything. 633 00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 3: No, I still want you to buy me something to cash. 634 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 1: Would like, what do you need? 635 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:40,720 Speaker 4: What do you have to. 636 00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 5: Everyone? 637 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:46,160 Speaker 3: He naturally smell good. 638 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's your natural pheromones. 639 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 3: Peromones? 640 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:49,600 Speaker 13: What do we thought? 641 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:49,920 Speaker 3: The men? 642 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: Anyway, just just make these quick So if you've enjoyed it, 643 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 1: please give us a review or follow us on socials, 644 00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:00,880 Speaker 1: the Two Dunning Dads on Instagram, TikTok and the Facebook group. 645 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:01,600 Speaker 3: Back to the pool. 646 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, actually we've got a flight to North Korea. 647 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,880 Speaker 1: Oh yes, so we better not belated to the airport. 648 00:33:08,960 --> 00:33:11,680 Speaker 3: Bet and I we'll get in big trouble Buggers. 649 00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:21,400 Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country 650 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community. 651 00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,920 Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present 652 00:33:28,000 --> 00:33:31,080 Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander 653 00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,720 Speaker 3: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land