Speaker 1: She's on the Money.
Speaker 2: She's on the Money.
Speaker 3: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast
Speaker 3: for millennials who want financial freedom. In Australia, ten percent
Speaker 3: of families uplended or step families, and as the rate
Speaker 3: of divorce continues to climb, it follows that that percentage
Speaker 3: will only increase.
Speaker 1: Is that it only ten percent?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was shocked by that. Did you think it.
Speaker 3: Would be more?
Speaker 4: I definitely thought it was going to be more than
Speaker 4: ten percent, definitely.
Speaker 3: So that was data from the twenty sixteen census.
Speaker 1: So pretty recent, I suppose.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was surprised.
Speaker 1: I'll let you get on with your intro.
Speaker 3: Sorry about my professional speaking voice. Well, there is plenty
Speaker 3: to navigate when it comes to perfecting new family dynamics.
Speaker 3: What's the best way to manage money in blended families?
Speaker 3: Specifically if your partner has a child but you don't.
Speaker 3: My name is Georgia King, and joining me as always
Speaker 3: is financial advisor Victoria Divine Fee.
Speaker 1: But you didn't know why I was hearing?
Speaker 3: Yeah, surprise, it wasn't just J on the show. I
Speaker 3: imagine you would be working with clients all the time
Speaker 3: from blended families. How have you seen people managing their
Speaker 3: money if that is their family dynamic.
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, everybody is so different, Gin know what,
Speaker 4: It really depends on your financial situation and your ability
Speaker 4: to support other people. And there's no one size fits
Speaker 4: all approach when it comes to managing money with a
Speaker 4: person who has a child from a former relationship. I
Speaker 4: don't think that there is a right or a wrong.
Speaker 1: And you and I.
Speaker 4: Were talking about this episode before we hit record, and
Speaker 4: I said to you, I feel like this is more
Speaker 4: of a conversation episode, like we want to open up
Speaker 4: the topic of well, how do you have that conversation
Speaker 4: and at what point do you have that conversation Because
Speaker 4: it's becoming increasingly prevalent for people to you know, divorce early,
Speaker 4: which I think they should if they're not in the
Speaker 4: right relationship, but it's also very common for you know,
Speaker 4: single mums to have kids and want to get into
Speaker 4: another relationship. But also how do you bring that up
Speaker 4: with your partner, Like from the flip side, like what
Speaker 4: if you have a kid, Like are you expecting this
Speaker 4: person to financially provide for your child? And at what
Speaker 4: point does that happen and why would you have that
Speaker 4: expectation and how does that work. So Gee, I feel
Speaker 4: like it's going to be a bit of an opinion
Speaker 4: episode from us, because some people do want to keep
Speaker 4: their finances completely separate so that they don't have any confusion.
Speaker 4: And the person who has a child is going to
Speaker 4: work with the parent of that child to pay for
Speaker 4: their expenses, and if there's no ex they might painful
Speaker 4: for that child's expenses, but then obviously that's going to
Speaker 4: significantly impact their relationship with money in a way, which
Speaker 4: might mean that they don't have the financial freedom that
Speaker 4: the person who doesn't have a child or doesn't have
Speaker 4: that financial burden does. Conversely, G, there are families where
Speaker 4: both couples contribute equally to child expenses, and some believe
Speaker 4: that that creates a better family dynamic. It's very different
Speaker 4: for very different situations. But from my conservative financial advisorcy
Speaker 4: over here, G is really important to highlight is that
Speaker 4: in most cases, there is absolutely no legal obligation for
Speaker 4: a step parent to pay for or provide for a
Speaker 4: child or pay any child support if you later separate
Speaker 4: from the parent of that child. There are obviously going
Speaker 4: to be some exceptions to this, and I won't go
Speaker 4: through them because they are few and far between. But
Speaker 4: it's a really personal situation and there's no right or wrong.
Speaker 4: But I feel like this is going to be a
Speaker 4: really interesting episode. Whether you have kids or not, or
Speaker 4: you're in this position, or you might not ever think you'll.
Speaker 1: Find yourself in this position, because I.
Speaker 4: Think that a lot of people listening are going to
Speaker 4: be like THEE I'm not a parent, I don't have
Speaker 4: a kid, and I'm not dating someone with a kid.
Speaker 4: What are you talking about? But you could find yourself
Speaker 4: in this position in the future. Or conversely, g you
Speaker 4: might have a friend who finds themselves in this position.
Speaker 4: They're like, oh my god, I don't know what to do,
Speaker 4: and you'll be like, well, actually sit down, my friend,
Speaker 4: I have a whole heap of information for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's not something we've ever really discussed, and I've definitely
Speaker 3: never really thought about. So I am quite interested in
Speaker 3: today's episode. Could a couple potentially divide things along percentage lines?
Speaker 3: I remember when we did our Equity in Relationships episode,
Speaker 3: that was something that was thrown up in the Facebook
Speaker 3: group and we just didn't have time to cover it,
Speaker 3: Like what do you do if you have a child,
Speaker 3: but your partner doesn't. How do you split money in
Speaker 3: that sense? Could you do it on a percentage based
Speaker 3: kind of scale?
Speaker 4: Totally, you absolutely could do it on a percentage based scale.
Speaker 4: And if we distill all of this down g to
Speaker 4: just being really pragmatic about it.
Speaker 1: If you have a child, your expenses.
Speaker 4: Are going to be increased. You're going to be paying
Speaker 4: more for groceries, You're going to be paying more on electricity,
Speaker 4: on water because turns out kids need bar This wild
Speaker 4: but true. You would in a lot of circumstances have
Speaker 4: increased rent or housing costs because that child usually or
Speaker 4: sometimes might have their own room. And I feel like
Speaker 4: none of this is taken into consideration in a relationship,
Speaker 4: Like you might just be fifty to fifty with your
Speaker 4: partner and that's totally okay, But it can also be
Speaker 4: a bit of a friction point in relationships where one
Speaker 4: person might not have the kid and they're like, I
Speaker 4: don't understand why I'm fifty to fifty when they have
Speaker 4: this room at our house and they increase our grocery
Speaker 4: bill when they're here.
Speaker 1: And as we've said so many times.
Speaker 4: It is very different for very different people. But I
Speaker 4: really want to empower you guys to have this conversation
Speaker 4: and make sure you're comfortable, because, as we know, money
Speaker 4: is the number one thing people argue about in relationships,
Speaker 4: and it shouldn't be that way. Like money is a tool,
Speaker 4: we can allocate it to purchasing goods or services, and
Speaker 4: we can actually empower ourselves through money. And if we
Speaker 4: can be more open and honest about money and how
Speaker 4: it works and how it impacts us, I think that
Speaker 4: we can be more empowered in general.
Speaker 1: So this is I guess what this conversation is about.
Speaker 3: So if you have a child, Bee, and you've had
Speaker 3: the conversation and your partner is like, no, I don't
Speaker 3: believe I need to pay any of those that child's expenses.
Speaker 1: I'm not interested.
Speaker 3: Does that raise red flags for you or is that
Speaker 3: perfectly acceptable?
Speaker 4: I think it is perfectly acceptable right from my perspective.
Speaker 4: And I also think it is very dependent on the relationship,
Speaker 4: like did you get with that person recently? Like it
Speaker 4: would set off massive alarm bells if somebody like you
Speaker 4: got in a relationship gee with somebody and they had
Speaker 4: a kid and they're like, oh, been together for six months? Yeah,
Speaker 4: you should be covering the cost of my child, Like, no,
Speaker 4: absolutely not. It does depend on how long that relationship
Speaker 4: has existed as well well, But I don't think it
Speaker 4: should set off alarm bells, especially if they don't want
Speaker 4: to pay for a child that's not theirs, Like I
Speaker 4: don't believe they should have to. And if a partner
Speaker 4: doesn't want to pay for your child, or if you
Speaker 4: don't want to pay for theirs, that doesn't mean that
Speaker 4: you don't love that child. It doesn't mean that you
Speaker 4: don't feel a connection with them or have a great
Speaker 4: relationship with them. No one should be putting pressure on
Speaker 4: you or themselves just to pay for something when they
Speaker 4: don't think that they should. I feel like we should
Speaker 4: be having this conversation and saying, well, at what point
Speaker 4: does that happen? I mean, it might be a very
Speaker 4: different situation if you've been in a relationship with someone
Speaker 4: for the last ten years and you've got a child
Speaker 4: who's thirteen or fourteen, and yeah, maybe some expenses come
Speaker 4: up at hoc because you're not with them all the
Speaker 4: time and they're with their step parent, and it might
Speaker 4: become a friction point if they're like, no, you can't
Speaker 4: have that because your mum's not here to pay for it. Like,
Speaker 4: I feel like that is a deeper issue than someone saying, well, gee,
Speaker 4: that's your kid, you should be paying for it. And
Speaker 4: I think we should be really aware of that. It's
Speaker 4: a privilege to have somebody else financially contribute to a
Speaker 4: financial obligation that you have. There's not one size fits all,
Speaker 4: but I guess the alarm bell for me would be
Speaker 4: bubbling up if they're completely unwilling to talk to you
Speaker 4: or hear you out, or see your side of the
Speaker 4: story and support you if that's actually something you desperately need.
Speaker 4: And conversely, if they are the one with the child
Speaker 4: and there being too intense that you contribute when you've
Speaker 4: made it quite clear that you don't want to or
Speaker 4: you're not in the position to do so, then I
Speaker 4: guess that would then raise some red flags for me.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I feel like you shouldn't have the obligation,
Speaker 4: but we should have the conversation at some point, especially
Speaker 4: if you are in a serious, committed relationship with someone with.
Speaker 3: The child, yeah for sure, and also like they may
Speaker 3: have multiple children that could get quite spent on exactly.
Speaker 4: But then also on the flip side, you know, let's
Speaker 4: say you get with someone who has a far higher
Speaker 4: income than you, and you are a sink or you
Speaker 4: were a single mum, and you've got two young kids
Speaker 4: and you're putting them through school, and you're trying to
Speaker 4: keep up with the joneses in a way because your
Speaker 4: partner wants to go on holiday and do all these
Speaker 4: fancy things with you and your kids, but doesn't want
Speaker 4: to contribute to your kids, and it's putting significant financial
Speaker 4: pressure on you. That's when I would be having the
Speaker 4: conversation around, Okay, these are your values as well, like
Speaker 4: there needs to be some kind of give. We need
Speaker 4: to talk about how that can still happen without putting
Speaker 4: me under such significant financial stress. So I think that
Speaker 4: there is a line. It's not just cut and dry.
Speaker 4: There's not a oh, I don't want to pay for
Speaker 4: your kids full stop, end of story, but there is
Speaker 4: a lifestyle maintenance perspective. I guess to overlay over this,
Speaker 4: and it's like, well, George, if you're really rich and
Speaker 4: we're in a relationship, no, I don't expect you to
Speaker 4: pay my way for my kids. But if you expect
Speaker 4: me to be able to come to the table and
Speaker 4: keep up with your lifestyle and put the same amount
Speaker 4: of money on the table when it comes to experiences,
Speaker 4: and that's just not viable. We really need to be
Speaker 4: having that conversation about you know, what are the obligations,
Speaker 4: how does this work? How do we negotiate this so
Speaker 4: that onebody's comfortable, but to nobody's being put in a
Speaker 4: worse off position because of the decisions being made all
Speaker 4: the experiences you want to have as a couple.
Speaker 3: Yeah, brilliant, And we will be talking about how to
Speaker 3: broach that conversation and when the right time to have
Speaker 3: it is after the breakik, Yes, a little forward plug
Speaker 3: before the show, I was doing some quite strange reading,
Speaker 3: I must admit on like Reddit and Cora, like all
Speaker 3: of these strength.
Speaker 4: Reddits, yes, spicy part of the Internet for you to
Speaker 4: be doing research for She's on the Money Georgia Keene.
Speaker 3: Okay, So in researching this topic, there's like no information
Speaker 3: beyond these.
Speaker 1: It's not a thing. It's not a thing we talk about.
Speaker 4: It's just like you and I are being like what
Speaker 4: happens and our community being like what happens.
Speaker 3: So all of the information though, exists within these forums.
Speaker 3: And I have to tell you I think it's just
Speaker 3: people feeling really confident behind a computer screen and like
Speaker 3: on their keys, very familiar with fe but like they
Speaker 3: were pretty adamant, quite consistently that as a step parent
Speaker 3: you have no obligation to pay anything for your partner's child. Like,
Speaker 3: absolutely not, not in a million years would I be
Speaker 3: doing that. Rah rah rah, I've been burned. And then
Speaker 3: so it went on I'll link it to you after
Speaker 3: the show.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I read all of that.
Speaker 4: So recently, George, I had an article go up which
Speaker 4: was very exciting in the Sydney Morning Herald and the
Speaker 4: Herald Sun here in Victoria, and it was about how
Speaker 4: I believe we should have complete pay transparency and we
Speaker 4: should be talking about our salaries with our colleagues and
Speaker 4: with our friends so that we can have more open,
Speaker 4: honest conversations and really understand our value. And I found
Speaker 4: myself on ABC Radio the other afternoon, which was super
Speaker 4: fun and I'm super grateful for these opportunities, but it
Speaker 4: was hilarious because it's obviously not the type of person
Speaker 4: that is going to be like, oh my gosh, totally
Speaker 4: we should be open, honest about our salaries. So I
Speaker 4: was talking to Raf on the radio about this, and
Speaker 4: he's like, you know, why do you think you should
Speaker 4: be talking about salaries and all of this other stuff.
Speaker 4: And they obviously have like a text hotline open at
Speaker 4: the same time, and the messages that were coming through
Speaker 4: about these people like nobody deserves to know about my pay.
Speaker 1: Mind your own bees wax.
Speaker 4: Br uh, And I was like, oh my god, Like
Speaker 4: I'm trying to empower you, Like I'm not trying to
Speaker 4: be pervy and make you disclose something if you're not
Speaker 4: comfortable too, like George, you don't owe anybody in explanation.
Speaker 4: If you don't want to tell someone what you earn, don't.
Speaker 4: But I want you to be more comfortable having conversations
Speaker 4: about pay because that person who wrote in and was like,
Speaker 4: none of your bees wax, like mind your own business,
Speaker 4: and like I think he called me a nosy millennial
Speaker 4: or something, and I was.
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, that's me, girl, that's me.
Speaker 4: But I feel like we should be having these conversations
Speaker 4: because he could be earning significantly less than his colleagues
Speaker 4: and just having the conversation could have put him in
Speaker 4: a significant better position. But then conversely, like if he
Speaker 4: was in a really good position. It could empower somebody
Speaker 4: at his workplace to ask for a raise or be
Speaker 4: put in a more powerful position that they deserve to
Speaker 4: be in. So I don't think that there is any debt.
Speaker 4: And I mean, obviously this is a very topical conversation,
Speaker 4: but I don't believe that our salaries and pays should
Speaker 4: be something that we.
Speaker 1: Don't talk about.
Speaker 4: So when it comes to, you know, talking about taking
Speaker 4: on the cost of a child, like we should be
Speaker 4: talking with our partner about the income we derive and
Speaker 4: how that works. But it is funny how spicy people
Speaker 4: get on the internet and how vocal they get, and
Speaker 4: it's interesting to see how those conversations are being taken
Speaker 4: outside of the She's on the money community. I feel like, Gee,
Speaker 4: I live in a bubble of this gorgeous group of
Speaker 4: supportive people who want the best for each other and
Speaker 4: want to have these deep money conversations and want to
Speaker 4: be a part of the journey, and they want other
Speaker 4: people to succeed. And they're all of this opinion that
Speaker 4: arising tide lift soul ships, and I'm so.
Speaker 1: Proud of them.
Speaker 4: But it's funny when you find yourself on ABC Radio
Speaker 4: and someone's like.
Speaker 1: Mind your own business, and they're like, oh.
Speaker 4: I'm not used to that, or I find myself on
Speaker 4: the wrong side of TikTok when I create content on there, and.
Speaker 1: I, oh, I wish I wasn't here. Okay, it' see
Speaker 1: you out in the wild. It's me out in the Why.
Speaker 1: I don't want to be in the wild. I want
Speaker 1: to come back to my community.
Speaker 3: So I guess your point in telling that story was that, like,
Speaker 3: people have a lot of opinions.
Speaker 4: They've got afraid of opinions, gee, and they're not afraid
Speaker 4: to share them, but they never seem to share them
Speaker 4: in person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that's that's the thing. People warriors on Reddit.
Speaker 4: Keyboard warriors, or text message warriors on ABC radio.
Speaker 1: Also the comment section of Daily Mail.
Speaker 4: Articles about us wildly spicy.
Speaker 3: If you read the Daily Mail, then the Daily.
Speaker 4: Mail they've they've featured us a fair a few times.
Speaker 1: So I would say they're a legitimate source of content,
Speaker 1: and I.
Speaker 3: Use them frequently for my research.
Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I don't hope not.
Speaker 3: Just Before we move on from that radio chat, Harper's
Speaker 3: dad last Friday night was like, George, I heard your
Speaker 3: friend She's on the money on the radio, and I
Speaker 3: was like.
Speaker 1: Oh, it was me. Oh my gosh, Victoria.
Speaker 4: So Harper's dad's maybe he was the one texting telling
Speaker 4: me to mind my own beef.
Speaker 1: Classic Phil the biggest angel in the world. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Phil. Shout out to Phil. If you're listening.
Speaker 3: Okay, So, basically, would you say that you do or
Speaker 3: don't agree with those Reddit people who said that absolutely,
Speaker 3: in no way should you be providing anything if you
Speaker 3: are the step parent, I'm.
Speaker 1: Assuming you don't agree.
Speaker 4: No, I don't agree with that, and it's not because
Speaker 4: I don't agree with the sentiment of not paying for kids.
Speaker 4: If that's what you want to do and that works
Speaker 4: for your situation, fantastic, But it's not black and white.
Speaker 4: And I don't want to judge anyone's decision on this
Speaker 4: space because I I don't know their personal situations.
Speaker 1: What I want, though.
Speaker 4: Is for you to be having open, honest conversations about
Speaker 4: what contribution actually looks like and what your expectations of
Speaker 4: your partner is and how that works. Like, we're not
Speaker 4: here going you should be paying for your partner's kids,
Speaker 4: But what we're saying is you should be having the
Speaker 4: conversation and It's not something that is easy to bring
Speaker 4: up because it's a you know, it's a big piece
Speaker 4: of responsibility. But at the end of the day, like,
Speaker 4: your decision is yours alone, but I want you to
Speaker 4: be having open, honest conversations about money for sure.
Speaker 3: I think it also changes be depending on circumstance. So
Speaker 3: for example, if you start to date a widower who
Speaker 3: has like a two year old and you then get
Speaker 3: married and you raise that child as your own, compared
Speaker 3: to coming into a relationship where they have two seventeen
Speaker 3: year old twins, Like, that's a very different situation. Would
Speaker 3: you agree with that?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would absolutely agree with that. Like, as we
Speaker 4: said before, different situations call for different outcomes, and there's
Speaker 4: no one size fits all approach, and it's yeah, it's
Speaker 4: very very hard, but it's something that we should just
Speaker 4: be open and honest about. And it's also, as I
Speaker 4: said before, tenure of the relationship. Like if you've just
Speaker 4: met a widower and they have a two year old
Speaker 4: and you're in a relationship with them, but you've only
Speaker 4: been dating them for six months, I would feel like
Speaker 4: the obligation's very different than if the intention is to
Speaker 4: move in together and build a life together, and you're
Speaker 4: taking over that deep parenting role and you really want
Speaker 4: to contribute. And I think something that we haven't touched
Speaker 4: on here, George yet, and I think the reason we
Speaker 4: haven't touched on it yet is because neither of us
Speaker 4: are parents, nor are we dating parents, is that parents
Speaker 4: are packaged deals. Like parents, And if you have a
Speaker 4: kid and you get in a relationship with somebody, like
Speaker 4: it's you and your kid and that person. It's not
Speaker 4: just you and that person in the relationship, like that
Speaker 4: kid is a part of the relationship, like they are
Speaker 4: a package deal at the end of the day. Like
Speaker 4: if I, you know, if Steve and I broke up
Speaker 4: and I was dating a guy with a kid, like
Speaker 4: that kid's part of that relationship and they need to
Speaker 4: be honored and respected and looked after. And if I'm
Speaker 4: choosing to get in a relationship with that person, I'm
Speaker 4: choosing their whole person, in their whole situation. I'm not choosing,
Speaker 4: you know, just them because I want to date them.
Speaker 4: But I didn't sign up for the kid, Like I'm
Speaker 4: quite opinionated on that. When you're signing up to be
Speaker 4: in a relationship with someone who has a child. You're
Speaker 4: signing up to that child being a part of that relationship,
Speaker 4: and finance has become a part of that conversation. Whether
Speaker 4: you contribute or not is a different story and it
Speaker 4: means different things to different people. But I mean that
Speaker 4: child probably has another parent, or in most circumstances, that
Speaker 4: child is going to have another parent. They might be
Speaker 4: working and contributing, but you're now a part of that
Speaker 4: parenting relationship, whether you like it or not in a way.
Speaker 4: So I just feel like we need to be really
Speaker 4: respectful of that. And you know, you and I haven't
Speaker 4: brought it up earlier because we're just not in that position,
Speaker 4: but if we were, it's something that you need to consider.
Speaker 4: And you know, if you don't want to take responsibility
Speaker 4: for someone else's kid, this can sound like a really terrible.
Speaker 1: Thing to say.
Speaker 4: I would say, don't date people who have kids, Like,
Speaker 4: don't make that decision, because they're a package deal. You
Speaker 4: can't just pick up the kid and put it to
Speaker 4: the side and not make them a priority.
Speaker 1: Have you seen that show Love Me Feet?
Speaker 4: I don't believe so some junk I would watch.
Speaker 3: It's not junk. It's like they give me the breathe.
Speaker 3: So it's a high quality Aussie drama, I would say,
Speaker 3: in Melbourne, and it makes Melbourne look so chic, which
Speaker 3: it is, but you know, it also runs a lot anyway. Basically,
Speaker 3: it's like it follows three different love stories within a
Speaker 3: family and it's beautiful. It's really well done. I would
Speaker 3: highly recommend to everyone listening love me.
Speaker 4: All right, it's on It's on my list. Where can
Speaker 4: I find it? It's on netflick ah, it.
Speaker 3: Might be SBS or ABC.
Speaker 4: Yeah, because I had so many good, glowing things to
Speaker 4: say about the demographics of ABC.
Speaker 1: No, that's so nasty of me. I adore the ABC.
Speaker 4: But yeah, Usually I don't find the type of content
Speaker 4: that I want to consume on there because I'm the
Speaker 4: type of person who watches trash, like actual trash, Like recently,
Speaker 4: I just finished Inventing Anna obsessed like, I want juicy trash.
Speaker 4: I don't want your smart, nice, gorgeous shows that you
Speaker 4: watch because you're.
Speaker 1: More intelligent than me.
Speaker 3: I'm watching Inventing Anna too. I've just googled it and
Speaker 3: it's on Binge. So I completely much write binge. Thank you,
Speaker 3: She's sorry, not sorry. The moral of this tangent is
Speaker 3: that one of the storylines is that this beautiful young
Speaker 3: woman falls in love with someone who has like an
Speaker 3: almost adult child. He's like fifteen. And I'll tell you what.
Speaker 3: I don't usually want to punch kids, but this one.
Speaker 1: I want to have a bit of a biffo with. Ah.
Speaker 3: He was vile, and I can just imagine in a
Speaker 3: lot of those situations it would be like really really hard,
Speaker 3: and we shouldn't underestimate that, Like, it's not always going
Speaker 3: to be very brainy bunch spec you know. Yeah, No,
Speaker 3: toddler's a cute though they are. We'll take a toddler.
Speaker 4: We will take a toddler, but we negotiate the teenage ys.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Anyway, that was kind of a pointless little side step.
Speaker 3: But here we are. I highly recommend everyone watches Love
Speaker 3: Me on binge. I'm everyone's still listening. I reckon, we
Speaker 3: should actually go to a break. We'll collect ourselves and
Speaker 3: we'll see you on the other side. It certainly will
Speaker 3: straight back into it. V Lord, when would you say
Speaker 3: is the right time to be having conversations around kids
Speaker 3: and finances with your significant other? I feel like this
Speaker 3: is a really unproductive podcast, Like good topic, great content,
Speaker 3: But my opinion is it is different for everybody once again,
Speaker 3: but it's going to change for every couple, right. Obviously,
Speaker 3: this isn't a conversation that I would super encourage you
Speaker 3: guys having on the first day, be like, hey, George,
Speaker 3: so nice to meet you.
Speaker 1: So I have a kid, would you pay for them? Like,
Speaker 1: That's not what's going to happen.
Speaker 4: But I would encourage the ones it's clear that the
Speaker 4: relationship is getting quite serious and you're perhaps considering moving
Speaker 4: in together and will have shared expenses that you need
Speaker 4: to take into consideration.
Speaker 1: Or maybe you're considering marrying the person.
Speaker 4: If that child's going to live with you, it would
Speaker 4: just make sense to have a discussion around what the
Speaker 4: expectations around money are going to be moving forward and
Speaker 4: how that works. And you know, it's it's definitely not
Speaker 4: a first date conversation gee, And it's definitely not something
Speaker 4: that should be jumped into straight away or you should
Speaker 4: feel any kind of pressure to have that conversation immediately.
Speaker 4: I don't think anyone would actually expect that, and if
Speaker 4: they do, I feel like that might be a red flag.
Speaker 4: It just needs to be at a time that feels right.
Speaker 4: For you and feels right for the relationship, like maybe
Speaker 4: it's starting to happen, then it's a good time to
Speaker 4: have that conversation. But I do think that it's important
Speaker 4: to just have the comfort to have that conversation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I guess it does make sense that if
Speaker 3: you are combining finances that you would do it at
Speaker 3: that time, right, Yeah, of course, yeah, Okay, In terms
Speaker 3: of actually broaching the conversation, how do we do that?
Speaker 3: Because we know money conversations can be very awkward.
Speaker 4: Money conversations are fickle and hard to have, and I
Speaker 4: obviously have lots of tips on how to have them,
Speaker 4: And the first tip is having it face to face,
Speaker 4: like probably don't text them the question should I be
Speaker 4: paying for your kid? Not going to work out as
Speaker 4: well as it could. And also have an idea of
Speaker 4: how you want that laid out first, like what do
Speaker 4: you want to say? How do you want to say it?
Speaker 4: So perhaps frame it so they're ready to have that
Speaker 4: conversation as well, So maybe in the morning, say hey, tonight,
Speaker 4: while we're having dinner, can we have a chat about
Speaker 4: family finances so that they're ready and I guess open
Speaker 4: to having that discussion. I don't think it is fair
Speaker 4: to just bring it on somebody when you haven't spoken
Speaker 4: openly and honestly about money before. The next thing I
Speaker 4: think is to be honest, like, just approach the situation
Speaker 4: with honesty. If you can't afford to contribute, then make
Speaker 4: that really clear.
Speaker 1: I think too.
Speaker 4: Often people get caught up in feeling bad or feeling
Speaker 4: guilty or you know, I know you really want to contribute,
Speaker 4: but if it's not within the scope of your financial circumstances,
Speaker 4: please don't take on that pressure because it's just going
Speaker 4: to add more pressure and down the line you're gonna
Speaker 4: end up having arguments over it, and it's just it's
Speaker 4: just not worth it. Like, just be honest from the
Speaker 4: get go, and then get really specific and set really
Speaker 4: clear expectations. If you're planning a holiday together, well you're
Speaker 4: part a contribute more for that child, Like what's the
Speaker 4: expectation there, or you're always just gonna split things fifty
Speaker 4: to fifty, which I know a lot of couples will
Speaker 4: just be like, look, let's just split costs fifty to
Speaker 4: fifty and call it a day. There's no paying for
Speaker 4: this kid in a separate you know, line item on
Speaker 4: our budget. It's just fifty to fifty and you're okay
Speaker 4: with that. But knowing exactly what to expect from your
Speaker 4: partner and from each other can make things much much easier.
Speaker 4: And another tip I have, which is a little bit
Speaker 4: left field, it's not necessarily about talking about money. It's
Speaker 4: actually about having productive conversations with somebody else, and that's
Speaker 4: making sure you're not accusing somebody of something. So Georgia,
Speaker 4: if I was to have a conversation with you about
Speaker 4: money and I'm feeling uncomfortable, I wouldn't say, Georgia, you
Speaker 4: always tell me that I'm bad with money, Like that's
Speaker 4: accusing you of doing something, and they're going to come
Speaker 4: straight back and go, no, I don't, I don't do that,
Speaker 4: Whereas on the flip side, we should be approaching that
Speaker 4: conversation from our own perspective, from our own shoes, not
Speaker 4: putting on what somebody else does, and taking feelings into consideration.
Speaker 4: So in that circumstance, I would say, Georgia, I feel
Speaker 4: like when I do this, you think I'm bad at money,
Speaker 4: instead of saying, Georgia, you always tell me I'm bad
Speaker 4: with money, which is not going to be productive and
Speaker 4: not going to get to the end and outcome that
Speaker 4: you want to get to. So I think it's really
Speaker 4: important to lead with feeling conversations. And I say that
Speaker 4: from I guess a psychological perspective of having productive conversations,
Speaker 4: but also from a little bit of a This sounds terrible,
Speaker 4: but gee, people can't argue with the feelings. They can
Speaker 4: argue with facts. Yeah, Like I can tell you I
Speaker 4: didn't do that thing, but you cannot argue that I
Speaker 4: feel disappointed that you've done something Like I can't say, gee,
Speaker 4: you always stay out really late and I hate it,
Speaker 4: But I could say I just feel like you stay
Speaker 4: out really late and it makes me really sad or
Speaker 4: something along those lines. It's not being manipulative. It is
Speaker 4: making sure that you are always approaching a situation where
Speaker 4: you're taking into account that takes two to tango, Like,
Speaker 4: it's not always about putting it on one other person.
Speaker 4: So I think it's important to know how to have
Speaker 4: a constructive conversation without blame, Like the blame game needs
Speaker 4: to be put in the bin. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 4: it's also important to remember it's not one conversation. It's
Speaker 4: not sitting down and setting the expectations, like we should
Speaker 4: always be talking about money, We should always have open
Speaker 4: lines of communications about situations and children and what's going on,
Speaker 4: because a two year old's going to need different things
Speaker 4: than a fourteen year old and how that works is
Speaker 4: going to change, so we need to be really aware
Speaker 4: of that, but open, honest, consistent communication.
Speaker 1: Georgia King brilliant.
Speaker 3: Okay, are there any I guess dangers be that could
Speaker 3: arise if we decided to financially contribute to our partner's
Speaker 3: child's upbringing, Like anything, we should be mindful of danger.
Speaker 1: Danger was that heavy word? A very strong word. I
Speaker 1: would argue that it.
Speaker 4: Is too strong for this circumstance, but it can definitely
Speaker 4: cause complications if you're on a different page to your partner.
Speaker 4: You don't want resentment to build if you feel like
Speaker 4: you're contributing too much, or you're doing too many things,
Speaker 4: or you haven't had the conversation and you're uncomfortable with
Speaker 4: the contribution you are making, but you feel like you
Speaker 4: have to make it. So again, be as open and
Speaker 4: as hoes and stand your ground.
Speaker 1: Like I think that a lot.
Speaker 4: Of people like, oh my gosh, this is my burden
Speaker 4: to carry this child's a burden, Like, a child's not
Speaker 4: a burden, a child's a blessing.
Speaker 1: Having a kid is really cool.
Speaker 4: Like, yes, there are so many, I guess financial things
Speaker 4: to take into consideration. Yes, there are people who choose
Speaker 4: not to have children, and that's okay, But Georgia, as
Speaker 4: I said, if you're choosing to be in a relationship
Speaker 4: with somebody who has a kid, you are choosing that
Speaker 4: and it's not just a thing on the side. They
Speaker 4: deserve the same amount of respect you give your partner,
Speaker 4: even if they are a fourteen year old absolute twat,
Speaker 4: Like I totally get it, but they still deserve your respect.
Speaker 4: I think it probably goes without saying as well. Gee,
Speaker 4: but if you split, it's not like you can claim
Speaker 4: any of the money that you contributed to that child's
Speaker 4: upbringing back. I would hope no one would want to
Speaker 4: do that, but it's definitely worth considering because I've heard
Speaker 4: people ask about that before. But I'm a very big
Speaker 4: believer in only contributing what you can afford to contry
Speaker 4: and seeing it as a contribution, not an investment that
Speaker 4: you're expecting a return on. It's the same with like
Speaker 4: gifts and presents and doing something for somebody else, Like,
Speaker 4: I'm very much a believer that if you do it,
Speaker 4: you can't ask for it back unless it's alone and
Speaker 4: there's you know, obviously a conversation happening around that. I
Speaker 4: just believe if you give your partner a gift, like
Speaker 4: that's not something to claim back later down the line
Speaker 4: when the relationship isn't going the way you.
Speaker 1: Wanted it to.
Speaker 4: And this is probably a little bit too deep for
Speaker 4: the conversation we are having right now, but I'm just
Speaker 4: a very big believer that if somebody asks for something
Speaker 4: back at a later date that was meant to be
Speaker 4: a gift or was intended to be a gift without
Speaker 4: any type of reciprocation, they never gave it for you,
Speaker 4: They only gave it for themselves, and now that it's
Speaker 4: not serving themselves, they want it back, And I just
Speaker 4: think that's a reflection of their personality, not yours. So
Speaker 4: I think it's important to remember that as well, but
Speaker 4: also having that clear conversation with your partner if you
Speaker 4: do thin think that could be a thing, or you're
Speaker 4: a bit concerned, like oh cool, well, anything you claim back, like,
Speaker 4: I just feel like it's not the nicest thing to do,
Speaker 4: but in saying that, money is fickle and it complicates
Speaker 4: situations significantly, So I think it's important to only give
Speaker 4: the things that you are never going to need back.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, this is kind of a different situation, B,
Speaker 3: But I'm curious as to your take on it, because
Speaker 3: I'm sure it comes up all the time. If you
Speaker 3: are in a partnership where you don't contribute to the
Speaker 3: finances of your partner's child, and your partner and their
Speaker 3: ex decide that they would like this child to go
Speaker 3: to private school and fork out how many thousands of
Speaker 3: dollars like that?
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, it is so expensive. I was creeping
Speaker 4: on one of Melbourne's private school websites recently year twelve
Speaker 4: g how much do you reckon that costs at a
Speaker 4: super private, super fancy school nowadays?
Speaker 3: Like fifty grand?
Speaker 4: Yeah, more than insane insane at someone's salary for one
Speaker 4: year of education, Like what?
Speaker 3: Well, and that's it. So presumably making this decision, or
Speaker 3: if your partner is making that decision for their child,
Speaker 3: that could impact your ability within that relationship to like
Speaker 3: go on holidays and live your best life, Like there
Speaker 3: may have to be a level of sacrifice there, of course,
Speaker 3: what does that look like, Like do you have any
Speaker 3: stake in saying, oh, maybe we should just send him
Speaker 3: to the local, Like, what do you do?
Speaker 1: That's not your decision to make.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think when it comes to finances, and you know,
Speaker 4: let's not even talk about kids, like, let's just talk
Speaker 4: about two people in a relationship who have different values.
Speaker 4: We need to be respectful of the fact that I
Speaker 4: have different values to you, George, and I want different
Speaker 4: things than you want. And a relationship at the end
Speaker 4: of the day is always going to be about compromise
Speaker 4: and something has to give. We can't have it all,
Speaker 4: but we can have it at some point. So I
Speaker 4: think it's really important to go, okay, well that's their
Speaker 4: value and sitting down and having a deep discussion with
Speaker 4: your partner about okay, like this is a financial value
Speaker 4: to you and are we going to contribute money to this.
Speaker 4: Whether you're contributing to that or not, it is going
Speaker 4: to impact you in some way. But that is true
Speaker 4: of any financial decision in a relationship, right, Like George,
Speaker 4: my partner Steve obsessed with golf, obsessed, that's one of
Speaker 4: his core values. In fact, I'm pretty sure at this point.
Speaker 4: Golf is a personality trait of Steve's. It is fantastic,
Speaker 4: and I adore that he has a passion, but it's
Speaker 4: not my place to talk to him about not engaging
Speaker 4: in that because it doesn't align to what I want
Speaker 4: to spend. So I think we need to have some
Speaker 4: level of flexibility because there's going to be things in
Speaker 4: my budget that stays like Victoria eyelash extensions are really like,
Speaker 4: is that something that aligns to my values?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 4: Do they benefit him in any way, shape or form,
Speaker 4: Absolutely not. But we need to be having conversations about
Speaker 4: our financial lives and what financial commitments we have that
Speaker 4: then changes the scope of what we can achieve together.
Speaker 4: We just need to be clear about that. And I
Speaker 4: think that you'll find that if that's the conversation you're having,
Speaker 4: and you're actually having a more holistic conversation about goals
Speaker 4: and values and doing a budget together and writing out
Speaker 4: things that you want to achieve together, it's going to
Speaker 4: help take that financial commitment into perspective as opposed to going,
Speaker 4: oh my gosh, they spend so much on that and
Speaker 4: I could do so many better things with that money. Okay, Well,
Speaker 4: that's what their values are. You can't argue with somebody's values.
Speaker 4: We need to find a happy medium. But I'm a
Speaker 4: very big advocate of going all right, well, that's their decision,
Speaker 4: but you need to be educated enough to know what
Speaker 4: all the opportunities are.
Speaker 1: Like if they're putting you.
Speaker 4: In a situation where you're going into significant debt to
Speaker 4: put them into private education, that's again a different conversation
Speaker 4: about is this the right thing to do and is
Speaker 4: this going to work for us long term? And I
Speaker 4: feel like a lot of financial and ammoss comes from
Speaker 4: not having had more holistic discussions about your values and
Speaker 4: your goals and understanding your partner's needs and your partners wants.
Speaker 4: Because that might be a core value to them. They
Speaker 4: might go, no, this is like I've worked my entire
Speaker 4: life to get to this point to put my key
Speaker 4: to through private school.
Speaker 1: That might not be your value.
Speaker 4: You might have gone to public school and be like
Speaker 4: that's fine, Like I don't need to spend money.
Speaker 1: That is fine. Those are your values.
Speaker 4: But you can't assume that just because you're in a
Speaker 4: relationship with someone, they would absorb your values and see
Speaker 4: everything from your page like that is not how it works.
Speaker 4: We need to have some level of flexibility. But if
Speaker 4: that is something that is a bit of a fickle point,
Speaker 4: have a chat about it. Be open, be honest, talk
Speaker 4: about what your values are and why that is impacting
Speaker 4: you and how that works. But I just think it's
Speaker 4: really important to see things a little bit more holisticly
Speaker 4: than it's school fees like it. Totally understand the example, though,
Speaker 4: because that is a massive commitment.
Speaker 1: Yeah for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, interesting, So I guess in all of those types
Speaker 3: of situations, just have the conversation be open, upfront, honest.
Speaker 3: How important is it that we establish a binding financial
Speaker 3: agreement or a prenup as they are also known, before
Speaker 3: marrying someone with kids? Is it more important than if
Speaker 3: they didn't have kids.
Speaker 4: No, It's important in any way, shape or form if
Speaker 4: you're in a relationship to consider a binding financial agreement.
Speaker 4: I mean, there are a lot of couples in the
Speaker 4: shees on the money community who are like, I don't
Speaker 4: need that, That's cool. All I want is for you
Speaker 4: to be educated on the topic and if it's right
Speaker 4: for you, getting one established. So, from my perspective, super
Speaker 4: important even if you don't have kids. But this is
Speaker 4: one of the best ways to protect your finances and
Speaker 4: make sure that you don't get the short end of
Speaker 4: the stick if the relationship doesn't work out, Like if
Speaker 4: you're creating well facets together and then you break up
Speaker 4: and they take all your well facets, but the kids
Speaker 4: were yours, Like, I think it's important to make sure
Speaker 4: that we are all well and protected. And gee, we
Speaker 4: never get in relationships with the intention of them ending,
Speaker 4: Like you're not going to go move in with someone
Speaker 4: as especially if you have children, if you don't see
Speaker 4: a future with them, Like that's that's crazy. So I
Speaker 4: feel like, yes, it might not be nice to bring
Speaker 4: it up.
Speaker 1: It might not.
Speaker 4: Feel comfy, it might be a bit awkward, there might
Speaker 4: be some tension, but by financial agreements are important. They
Speaker 4: do in the long term save a lot of stress
Speaker 4: and a lot of heartache. And George, at the very
Speaker 4: start of this episode, you said the fifty percent of
Speaker 4: relationships end up in divorced. So my favorite stats, it's
Speaker 4: not my favorite stat it's pretty depressing. As someone who
Speaker 4: is planning a wedding, I don't want to hear that
Speaker 4: from you right now. But I think it's also important
Speaker 4: to just realize turns out g as humans, we're not
Speaker 4: that great at picking successful relationships. So even if you
Speaker 4: are really committed to it, doesn't mean it will work out.
Speaker 1: But we should always protect ourselves.
Speaker 3: Nailed it before we head v It's okay to change
Speaker 3: our minds. If we committed to a certain contribution to
Speaker 3: our partner's child, we can backtrack if our circumstance changes
Speaker 3: or whatever it may be. Of course can change our minds. Yeah,
Speaker 3: of course you can. And I feel like that's just
Speaker 3: a good healthy relationship with boundaries and communication and having conversations. Also,
Speaker 3: if you're in a situation where you're like, I am
Speaker 3: not comfortable paying for my partner's child, that's okay. If
Speaker 3: that changes in the future, that's also okay, because even
Speaker 3: if you're just moving in with them, you're like, oh, like,
Speaker 3: we've just moved in together, we've been together for six months.
Speaker 3: I'm not ready to take, you know, our relationship to
Speaker 3: the next level of me taking ownership and responsibility for
Speaker 3: this child. But who knows, in ten years that might
Speaker 3: be completely different. And that's okay, because things change. Nothing's stagnant,
Speaker 3: nothing's stuck. The only consistent we have, Georgia is changed.
Speaker 3: So it's really important to remember that money conversations are
Speaker 3: not a one and done kind of thing. They are
Speaker 3: consistent and they are happening all the time. And they
Speaker 3: might be over the price of milk, or it might
Speaker 3: be over a fifty thousand dollars education for your partner's child,
Speaker 3: but money conversations should be consistently being had. Brilliant All right,
Speaker 3: b I think that's probably it covers as much as
Speaker 3: we can in a forty minute little podcast episode. Anything
Speaker 3: else to add, No, All good, All right, Sea, thanks.
Speaker 1: For having us.
Speaker 2: Bye.
Speaker 4: All right, let's actually be serious though, because as always
Speaker 4: we would before we head off, like to acknowledge and
Speaker 4: pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's.
Speaker 4: They're the traditional custodians of the lands, the waterways and
Speaker 4: the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing
Speaker 4: and for caring for the land on which we are
Speaker 4: able to learn. We pay our respects to elders past
Speaker 4: and present, and we share our friendship and our kindness.
Speaker 3: And remember, guys, the advice shared on She's on the
Speaker 3: Money is general in nature and does not consider your
Speaker 3: individual circumstances. She is on the money, exists purely for
Speaker 3: educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make
Speaker 3: an investment or a financial decision, and we promise Victoria
Speaker 3: Divine is an authorized representative of in Focused Securities Australia
Speaker 3: Proprietory Limited ABN four seven zero nine seven seven nine
Speaker 3: seven zero four nine AFSL two three six five two three.
Speaker 4: See you next week, Guys by Guys