1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,040 Speaker 1: She's on the Money. 2 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 2: She's on the Money. 3 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:26,720 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast 4 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:31,080 Speaker 1: for millennials who want financial freedom. In Australia, ten percent 5 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: of families uplended or step families, and as the rate 6 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: of divorce continues to climb, it follows that that percentage 7 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 1: will only increase. Is that it only ten percent? Yeah? 8 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: I was shocked by that. Did you think it would 9 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:45,440 Speaker 1: be more? 10 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,639 Speaker 3: I definitely thought it was going to be more than 11 00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,560 Speaker 3: ten percent, definitely. 12 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:53,559 Speaker 1: So that was data from the twenty sixteen census, so 13 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 1: pretty recent, I suppose. Yeah, I was surprised. I'll let 14 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: you get on with your intro. Sorry about my professional 15 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: speaking voice. Well, there is plenty to navigate when it 16 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:09,040 Speaker 1: comes to perfecting new family dynamics. What's the best way 17 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,679 Speaker 1: to manage money in blended families? Specifically if your partner 18 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: has a child but you don't. My name is Georgia King, 19 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:21,399 Speaker 1: and joining me as always is financial advisor Victoria Divine Fee. 20 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 1: But you didn't know why I was hearing? Yeah, surprise, 21 00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,440 Speaker 1: it wasn't just J on the show. I imagine you 22 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 1: would be working with clients all the time from blended families. 23 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 1: How have you seen people managing their money if that 24 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: is their family dynamic. 25 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,360 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, everybody is so different, Gin know what, 26 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 3: It really depends on your financial situation and your ability 27 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 3: to support other people. And there's no one size fits 28 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 3: all approach when it comes to managing money with a 29 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 3: person who has a child from a former relationship. I 30 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 3: don't think that there is a right or a wrong. 31 00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: And you and I. 32 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 3: Were talking about this episode before we hit record, and 33 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 3: I said to you, I feel like this is more 34 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 3: of a conversation episode, like we want to open up 35 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 3: the topic of well, how do you have that conversation 36 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 3: and at what point do you have that conversation Because 37 00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:14,440 Speaker 3: it's becoming increasingly prevalent for people to you know, divorce early, 38 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 3: which I think they should if they're not in the 39 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 3: right relationship, but it's also very common for you know, 40 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:23,000 Speaker 3: single mums to have kids and want to get into 41 00:02:23,080 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 3: another relationship. But also how do you bring that up 42 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:29,000 Speaker 3: with your partner, Like from the flip side, like what 43 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,800 Speaker 3: if you have a kid, Like are you expecting this 44 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 3: person to financially provide for your child? And at what 45 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 3: point does that happen and why would you have that 46 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,399 Speaker 3: expectation and how does that work. So Gee, I feel 47 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 3: like it's going to be a bit of an opinion 48 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 3: episode from us, because some people do want to keep 49 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 3: their finances completely separate so that they don't have any confusion. 50 00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,639 Speaker 3: And the person who has a child is going to 51 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:52,040 Speaker 3: work with the parent of that child to pay for 52 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 3: their expenses, and if there's no ex they might painful 53 00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 3: for that child's expenses, but then obviously that's going to 54 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 3: significantly impact their relationship with money in a way, which 55 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,360 Speaker 3: might mean that they don't have the financial freedom that 56 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,640 Speaker 3: the person who doesn't have a child or doesn't have 57 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 3: that financial burden does. Conversely, G, there are families where 58 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 3: both couples contribute equally to child expenses, and some believe 59 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,359 Speaker 3: that that creates a better family dynamic. It's very different 60 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:23,600 Speaker 3: for very different situations. But from my conservative financial advisorcy 61 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 3: over here, G is really important to highlight is that 62 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 3: in most cases, there is absolutely no legal obligation for 63 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 3: a step parent to pay for or provide for a 64 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:36,440 Speaker 3: child or pay any child support if you later separate 65 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 3: from the parent of that child. There are obviously going 66 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,720 Speaker 3: to be some exceptions to this, and I won't go 67 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 3: through them because they are few and far between. But 68 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 3: it's a really personal situation and there's no right or wrong. 69 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,840 Speaker 3: But I feel like this is going to be a 70 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 3: really interesting episode. Whether you have kids or not, or 71 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 3: you're in this position, or you might not ever think you'll. 72 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,400 Speaker 1: Find yourself in this position, because I. 73 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 3: Think that a lot of people listening are going to 74 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 3: be like THEE I'm not a parent, I don't have 75 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,040 Speaker 3: a kid, and I'm not dating someone with a kid. 76 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:05,400 Speaker 3: What are you talking about? But you could find yourself 77 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 3: in this position in the future. Or conversely, g you 78 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 3: might have a friend who finds themselves in this position. 79 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 3: They're like, oh my god, I don't know what to do, 80 00:04:13,040 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 3: and you'll be like, well, actually sit down, my friend, 81 00:04:16,080 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 3: I have a whole heap of information for you. 82 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. It's not something we've ever really discussed, and I've 83 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,839 Speaker 1: definitely never really thought about. So I am quite interested 84 00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 1: in today's episode. Could a couple potentially divide things along 85 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,159 Speaker 1: percentage lines? I remember when we did our Equity in 86 00:04:35,240 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 1: Relationships episode, that was something that was thrown up in 87 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 1: the Facebook group and we just didn't have time to 88 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: cover it, Like what do you do if you have 89 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 1: a child, but your partner doesn't. How do you split 90 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,159 Speaker 1: money in that sense? Could you do it on a 91 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:51,040 Speaker 1: percentage based kind of scale? 92 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 3: Totally, you absolutely could do it on a percentage based scale. 93 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 3: And if we distill all of this down g to 94 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 3: just being really pragmatic about it. 95 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: If you have a child, your expenses are. 96 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,520 Speaker 3: Going to be increased. You're going to be paying more 97 00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 3: for groceries, You're going to be paying more on electricity, 98 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:11,039 Speaker 3: on water because turns out kids need bar This wild 99 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:14,359 Speaker 3: but true. You would in a lot of circumstances have 100 00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 3: increased rent or housing costs because that child usually or 101 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 3: sometimes might have their own room. And I feel like 102 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 3: none of this is taken into consideration in a relationship, 103 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 3: Like you might just be fifty to fifty with your 104 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 3: partner and that's totally okay, But it can also be 105 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 3: a bit of a friction point in relationships where one 106 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 3: person might not have the kid and they're like, I 107 00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 3: don't understand why I'm fifty to fifty when they have 108 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 3: this room at our house and they increase our grocery 109 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 3: bill when they're here. 110 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:44,599 Speaker 1: And as we've said so many times. 111 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 3: It is very different for very different people. But I 112 00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,840 Speaker 3: really want to empower you guys to have this conversation 113 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 3: and make sure you're comfortable, because, as we know, money 114 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,239 Speaker 3: is the number one thing people argue about in relationships, 115 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,599 Speaker 3: and it shouldn't be that way. Like money is a tool, 116 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 3: we can allocate it to purchasing goods or services, and 117 00:06:03,240 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 3: we can actually empower ourselves through money. And if we 118 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,840 Speaker 3: can be more open and honest about money and how 119 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 3: it works and how it impacts us, I think that 120 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:12,560 Speaker 3: we can be more empowered in general. 121 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: So this is I guess what this conversation is about. 122 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,360 Speaker 1: So if you have a child, Bee, and you've had 123 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,240 Speaker 1: the conversation and your partner is like, no, I don't 124 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,360 Speaker 1: believe I need to pay any of those that child's expenses. 125 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 1: I'm not interested. Does that raise red flags for you 126 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:32,920 Speaker 1: or is that perfectly acceptable? 127 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:36,360 Speaker 3: I think it is perfectly acceptable right from my perspective. 128 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,000 Speaker 3: And I also think it is very dependent on the relationship, 129 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 3: like did you get with that person recently? Like it 130 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:46,839 Speaker 3: would set off massive alarm bells if somebody like you 131 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,040 Speaker 3: got in a relationship gee with somebody and they had 132 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,839 Speaker 3: a kid and they're like, oh, been together for six months? Yeah, 133 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 3: you should be covering the cost of my child, Like, no, 134 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 3: absolutely not. It does depend on how long that relationship 135 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 3: has existed as well well, But I don't think it 136 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,520 Speaker 3: should set off alarm bells, especially if they don't want 137 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:05,560 Speaker 3: to pay for a child that's not theirs, Like I 138 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:08,080 Speaker 3: don't believe they should have to. And if a partner 139 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 3: doesn't want to pay for your child, or if you 140 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 3: don't want to pay for theirs, that doesn't mean that 141 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 3: you don't love that child. It doesn't mean that you 142 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 3: don't feel a connection with them or have a great 143 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 3: relationship with them. No one should be putting pressure on 144 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 3: you or themselves just to pay for something when they 145 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 3: don't think that they should. I feel like we should 146 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 3: be having this conversation and saying, well, at what point 147 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,720 Speaker 3: does that happen? I mean, it might be a very 148 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 3: different situation if you've been in a relationship with someone 149 00:07:34,360 --> 00:07:36,720 Speaker 3: for the last ten years and you've got a child 150 00:07:36,720 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 3: who's thirteen or fourteen, and yeah, maybe some expenses come 151 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 3: up at hoc because you're not with them all the 152 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 3: time and they're with their step parent, and it might 153 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 3: become a friction point if they're like, no, you can't 154 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 3: have that because your mum's not here to pay for it. Like, 155 00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 3: I feel like that is a deeper issue than someone saying, well, gee, 156 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 3: that's your kid, you should be paying for it. And 157 00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 3: I think we should be really aware of that. It's 158 00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 3: a privilege to have somebody else financially contribute to a 159 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:03,520 Speaker 3: financial obligation that you have. There's not one size fits all, 160 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,760 Speaker 3: but I guess the alarm bell for me would be 161 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 3: bubbling up if they're completely unwilling to talk to you 162 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 3: or hear you out, or see your side of the 163 00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:14,119 Speaker 3: story and support you if that's actually something you desperately need. 164 00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 3: And conversely, if they are the one with the child 165 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 3: and there being too intense that you contribute when you've 166 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 3: made it quite clear that you don't want to or 167 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:25,120 Speaker 3: you're not in the position to do so, then I 168 00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 3: guess that would then raise some red flags for me. 169 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 3: But yeah, I feel like you shouldn't have the obligation, 170 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,600 Speaker 3: but we should have the conversation at some point, especially 171 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 3: if you are in a serious, committed relationship with someone with. 172 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,760 Speaker 1: The child, yeah for sure, and also like they may 173 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: have multiple children that could get quite spent on exactly. 174 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 3: But then also on the flip side, you know, let's 175 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 3: say you get with someone who has a far higher 176 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 3: income than you, and you are a sink or you 177 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 3: were a single mum, and you've got two young kids 178 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 3: and you're putting them through school, and you're trying to 179 00:08:56,760 --> 00:08:58,800 Speaker 3: keep up with the joneses in a way because your 180 00:08:58,800 --> 00:09:01,240 Speaker 3: partner wants to go on holiday and do all these 181 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,559 Speaker 3: fancy things with you and your kids, but doesn't want 182 00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 3: to contribute to your kids, and it's putting significant financial 183 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 3: pressure on you. That's when I would be having the 184 00:09:09,200 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 3: conversation around, Okay, these are your values as well, like 185 00:09:12,600 --> 00:09:14,959 Speaker 3: there needs to be some kind of give. We need 186 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,439 Speaker 3: to talk about how that can still happen without putting 187 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 3: me under such significant financial stress. 188 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 1: So I think that there is a line. It's not 189 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:25,000 Speaker 1: just cut and dry. 190 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 3: There's not a oh, I don't want to pay for 191 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 3: your kids full stop, end of story, but there is 192 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 3: a lifestyle maintenance perspective. I guess to overlay over this, 193 00:09:33,880 --> 00:09:36,840 Speaker 3: and it's like, well, George, if you're really rich and 194 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,600 Speaker 3: we're in a relationship, no, I don't expect you to 195 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:42,520 Speaker 3: pay my way for my kids. But if you expect 196 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 3: me to be able to come to the table and 197 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:47,480 Speaker 3: keep up with your lifestyle and put the same amount 198 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:49,959 Speaker 3: of money on the table when it comes to experiences, 199 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 3: and that's just not viable. We really need to be 200 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:56,359 Speaker 3: having that conversation about you know, what are the obligations, 201 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 3: how does this work? How do we negotiate this so 202 00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 3: that one everybody's comfortable, but to nobody's being put in 203 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 3: a worse off position because of the decisions being made 204 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 3: all the experiences you want to have as a couple. 205 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, brilliant, And we will be talking about how to 206 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: broach that conversation and when the right time to have 207 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:17,000 Speaker 1: it is after the breakik, Yes, a little forward plug 208 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:21,839 Speaker 1: Before the show, I was doing some quite strange reading, 209 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,120 Speaker 1: I must admit, on like Reddit and Cora, like all 210 00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 1: of these strength. 211 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,400 Speaker 3: Reddits, yes, spicy part of the Internet for you to 212 00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:30,599 Speaker 3: be doing research for. 213 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 1: She's on the Money Georgia Keene. Okay, So in researching 214 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: this topic, there's like no information beyond these It's not 215 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,319 Speaker 1: a thing. It's not a thing we talk about. 216 00:10:39,320 --> 00:10:41,440 Speaker 3: It's just like you and I are being like what 217 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 3: happens and our community being like what happens. 218 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: So all of the information though, exists within these forums. 219 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:53,880 Speaker 1: And I have to tell you I think it's just 220 00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:57,880 Speaker 1: people feeling really confident behind a computer screen and like 221 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:03,640 Speaker 1: on their keys, very familiar with fe but like they 222 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:07,680 Speaker 1: were pretty adamant, quite consistently that as a step parent 223 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 1: you have no obligation to pay anything for your partner's child. Like, 224 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:15,160 Speaker 1: absolutely not, not in a million years would I be 225 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: doing that. Rah rah rah, I've been burned. And then 226 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,320 Speaker 1: so it went on I'll link it to you after 227 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 1: the show. Oh my gosh, I read all of that. 228 00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 3: So recently, George, I had an article go up which 229 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 3: was very exciting in the Sydney Morning Herald and the 230 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:34,000 Speaker 3: Herald Sun here in Victoria, and it was about how 231 00:11:34,040 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 3: I believe we should have complete pay transparency and we 232 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 3: should be talking about our salaries with our colleagues and 233 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 3: with our friends so that we can have more open, 234 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 3: honest conversations and really understand our value. And I found 235 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 3: myself on ABC Radio the other afternoon, which was super 236 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 3: fun and I'm super grateful for these opportunities, but it 237 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 3: was hilarious because it's obviously not the type of person 238 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,319 Speaker 3: that is going to be like, oh my gosh, totally, 239 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,360 Speaker 3: we should be open, I'm honest about our salaries. 240 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 1: So I was talking to. 241 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 3: RAF on the radio about this, and he's like, you know, 242 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 3: why do you think you should be talking about salaries 243 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,320 Speaker 3: and all of this other stuff. 244 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:09,480 Speaker 1: And they obviously have. 245 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,959 Speaker 3: Like a text hotline open at the same time, and 246 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 3: the messages that were coming through about these people like 247 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,760 Speaker 3: nobody deserves to know about my pay. 248 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,559 Speaker 1: Mind your own beeswax. 249 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,679 Speaker 3: Br uh, And I was like, oh my god, Like 250 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,679 Speaker 3: I'm trying to empower you, Like I'm not trying to 251 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 3: be pervy and make you disclose something if you're not 252 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 3: comfortable too, like George, you don't owe anybody in explanation. 253 00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 3: If you don't want to tell someone what you earn, don't. 254 00:12:36,640 --> 00:12:39,599 Speaker 3: But I want you to be more comfortable having conversations 255 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:42,600 Speaker 3: about pay because that person who wrote in and was like. 256 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,800 Speaker 1: None of your bees wax, like mind your own. 257 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 3: Business, and like I think he called me a nosy 258 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,199 Speaker 3: millennial or something, and I was. 259 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,760 Speaker 1: Like, yeah, that's me, girl, that's me. 260 00:12:50,120 --> 00:12:53,240 Speaker 3: But I feel like we should be having these conversations 261 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:57,199 Speaker 3: because he could be earning significantly less than his colleagues 262 00:12:57,240 --> 00:12:59,319 Speaker 3: and just having the conversation could have put him in 263 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 3: a significant better position. But then conversely, like if he 264 00:13:02,920 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 3: was in a really good position. It could empower somebody 265 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:09,040 Speaker 3: at his workplace to ask for a raise or be 266 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,920 Speaker 3: put in a more powerful position that they deserve to 267 00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 3: be in. So I don't think that there is any debt. 268 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 3: And I mean, obviously this is a very topical conversation, 269 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 3: but I don't believe that our salaries and pays should 270 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 3: be something that we. 271 00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:23,280 Speaker 1: Don't talk about. 272 00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:26,640 Speaker 3: So when it comes to, you know, talking about taking 273 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 3: on the cost of a child, like we should be 274 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 3: talking with our partner about the income we derive and 275 00:13:31,360 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 3: how that works. But it is funny how spicy people 276 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 3: get on the internet and how vocal they get, and 277 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,400 Speaker 3: it's interesting to see how those conversations are being taken 278 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:44,160 Speaker 3: outside of the She's on the money community. I feel like, Gee, 279 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 3: I live in a bubble of this gorgeous group of 280 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 3: supportive people who want the best for each other and 281 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 3: want to have these deep money conversations and want to 282 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 3: be a part of the journey, and they want other 283 00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 3: people to succeed. And they're all of this opinion that 284 00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 3: arising tide lift soul ships, and I'm so. 285 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 1: Proud of them. 286 00:14:04,440 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 3: But it's funny when you find yourself on ABC Radio 287 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:08,920 Speaker 3: and someone's like. 288 00:14:09,080 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 1: Mind your own business, and they're like, oh, I'm not 289 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:11,800 Speaker 1: used to that. 290 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 3: Or I find myself on the wrong side of TikTok 291 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:16,160 Speaker 3: when I create content on there, and. 292 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,640 Speaker 1: I, oh, I wish I wasn't here. Okay, it' see 293 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,920 Speaker 1: you out in the wild. It's me out in the 294 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: wh I don't want to be in the wild. I 295 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: want to come back to my community. So I guess 296 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,000 Speaker 1: your point in telling that story was that, like, people 297 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: have a lot of opinions. 298 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 3: They've got afraid of opinions, gee, and they're not afraid 299 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,320 Speaker 3: to share them, but they never seem to share them 300 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,040 Speaker 3: in person. 301 00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that's that's the thing. People warriors on Reddit. 302 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 3: Keyboard warriors, or text message warriors on ABC radio. 303 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: Also the comment section of Daily Mail. 304 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 3: Articles about us wildly spicy. 305 00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: If you read the Daily Mail, then the Daily Mail 306 00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: they've they've featured us a fair a few times. So 307 00:14:57,480 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: I would say they're. 308 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 3: A legitimate source of content, and I use them frequently 309 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:02,560 Speaker 3: for my research. 310 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: I'm kidding, I don't hope not. Just Before we move 311 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: on from that radio chat, Harper's dad last Friday night 312 00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: was like, George, I heard your friend she's on the 313 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: money on the radio, and I was like, oh, it 314 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:20,800 Speaker 1: was me. Oh my gosh, Victoria. 315 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 3: So Harper's dad's maybe he was the one texting telling 316 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 3: me to mind my own beef. 317 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 1: Classic Phil the biggest angel in the world. Shout out 318 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:35,400 Speaker 1: to Phil. Shout out to Phil if you're listening. Okay, So, basically, 319 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,160 Speaker 1: would you say that you do or don't agree with 320 00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 1: those Reddit people who said that absolutely, in no way 321 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 1: should you be providing anything if you are the step parent. 322 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,480 Speaker 1: I'm assuming you don't agree. 323 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 3: No, I don't agree with that, And it's not because 324 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,520 Speaker 3: I don't agree with the sentiment of not paying for kids. 325 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 3: If that's what you want to do and that works 326 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:57,200 Speaker 3: for your situation, fantastic, But it's not black and white, 327 00:15:57,200 --> 00:15:59,280 Speaker 3: and I don't want to judge anyone's decision on this 328 00:15:59,360 --> 00:16:01,560 Speaker 3: space because I I don't know their personal situations. 329 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,160 Speaker 1: What I want, though. 330 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,440 Speaker 3: Is for you to be having open, honest conversations about 331 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 3: what contribution actually looks like and what your expectations of 332 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,520 Speaker 3: your partner is and how that works. Like, we're not 333 00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 3: here going you should be paying for your partner's kids, 334 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 3: But what we're saying is you should be having the conversation, 335 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 3: and it's not something that is easy to bring up 336 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 3: because it's a you know, it's a big piece of responsibility. 337 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 3: But at the end of the day, like, your decision 338 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 3: is yours alone, but I want you to be having open, 339 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,160 Speaker 3: honest conversations about money for sure. 340 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: I think it also changes be depending on circumstance. So 341 00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:37,200 Speaker 1: for example, if you start to date a widower who 342 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,000 Speaker 1: has like a two year old and you then get 343 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: married and you raise that child as your own, compared 344 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,240 Speaker 1: to coming into a relationship where they have two seventeen 345 00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:51,000 Speaker 1: year old twins, Like, that's a very different situation. Would 346 00:16:51,040 --> 00:16:51,720 Speaker 1: you agree with that? 347 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, I would absolutely agree with that. Like as we 348 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:59,320 Speaker 3: said before, different situations call for different outcomes and there's 349 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:03,120 Speaker 3: no one size fits all approach, and it's yeah, it's 350 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,480 Speaker 3: very very hard, but it's something that we should just 351 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 3: be open and honest about. And it's also, as I 352 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 3: said before, tenure of the relationship. Like if you've just 353 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,120 Speaker 3: met a widower and they have a two year old 354 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 3: and you're in a relationship with them, but you've only 355 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:18,840 Speaker 3: been dating them for six months, I would feel like 356 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:22,359 Speaker 3: the obligation's very different than if the intention is to 357 00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:24,920 Speaker 3: move in together and build a life together, and you're 358 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:28,160 Speaker 3: taking over that deep parenting role and you really want 359 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:30,960 Speaker 3: to contribute. And I think something that we haven't touched 360 00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:33,320 Speaker 3: on here, George yet, and I think the reason we 361 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,239 Speaker 3: haven't touched on it yet is because neither of us 362 00:17:36,280 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 3: are parents, nor are we dating parents, is that parents 363 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 3: are packaged deals. 364 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:43,879 Speaker 1: Like parents. 365 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 3: And if you have a kid and you get in 366 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 3: a relationship with somebody, like it's you and your kid 367 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 3: and that person. It's not just you and that person 368 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:54,520 Speaker 3: in the relationship, like that kid is a part of 369 00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 3: the relationship, like they are a package deal at the 370 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 3: end of the day. Like if I, you know, if 371 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:02,320 Speaker 3: Steve and I broke up and I was dating a 372 00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 3: guy with a kid, like that kid's part of that 373 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 3: relationship and they need to be honored and respected and 374 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 3: looked after. And if I'm choosing to get in a 375 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 3: relationship with that person, I'm choosing their whole person, in 376 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 3: their whole situation. I'm not choosing, you know, just them 377 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 3: because I want to date them. But I didn't sign 378 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:23,639 Speaker 3: up for the kid, Like I'm quite opinionated on that. 379 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 3: When you're signing up to be in a relationship with 380 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:28,480 Speaker 3: someone who has a child. You're signing up to that 381 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,840 Speaker 3: child being a part of that relationship, and finance has 382 00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,000 Speaker 3: become a part of that conversation. Whether you contribute or 383 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 3: not is a different story, and it means different things 384 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,080 Speaker 3: to different people. But I mean that child probably has 385 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:44,240 Speaker 3: another parent, or in most circumstances, that child is going 386 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,160 Speaker 3: to have another parent. They might be working and contributing, 387 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:50,600 Speaker 3: but you're now a part of that parenting relationship, whether 388 00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 3: you like it or not in a way. So I 389 00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:55,679 Speaker 3: just feel like we need to be really respectful of that. 390 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 3: And you know, you and I haven't brought it up 391 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:00,880 Speaker 3: earlier because we're just not in that position, but if 392 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 3: we were, it's something that you need to consider. And 393 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 3: you know, if you don't want to take responsibility for 394 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:11,160 Speaker 3: someone else's kid, this can sound like a really terrible. 395 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:11,320 Speaker 1: Thing to say. 396 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,399 Speaker 3: I would say, don't date people who have kids, Like, 397 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,080 Speaker 3: don't make that decision, because they're a package deal. You 398 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,000 Speaker 3: can't just pick up the kid and put it to 399 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,120 Speaker 3: the side and not make them a priority. 400 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,640 Speaker 1: Have you seen that show Love Me Feet? 401 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 3: I don't believe so some junk I would watch. 402 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: It's not junk. It's like they give me the breathe. 403 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: So it's a high quality Aussie drama, I would say, 404 00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:39,280 Speaker 1: based in Melbourne, and it makes Melbourne look so chic, 405 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,119 Speaker 1: which it is, but you know, it also runs a 406 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: lot anyway. Basically, it's like it follows three different love 407 00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:49,080 Speaker 1: stories within a family and it's beautiful. It's really well done. 408 00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: I would highly recommend to everyone listening love me. 409 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:53,879 Speaker 3: All right, it's on It's on my list. Where can 410 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,080 Speaker 3: I find it? It's on netflick ah, it. 411 00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:58,600 Speaker 1: Might be SBS or ABC. 412 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:01,679 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I had so many good, glowing things to 413 00:20:01,680 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 3: say about the demographics of ABC. 414 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 1: No, that's so nasty of me. I adore the ABC. 415 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 3: But yeah, Usually I don't find the type of content 416 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,520 Speaker 3: that I want to consume on there because I'm the 417 00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 3: type of person who watches trash, like actual trash, Like recently, 418 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 3: I just finished Inventing Anna obsessed like, I want juicy trash. 419 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:26,840 Speaker 3: I don't want your smart, nice, gorgeous shows that you 420 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:27,920 Speaker 3: watch because you're. 421 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:31,880 Speaker 1: More intelligent than me. I'm watching Inventing Anna too. I've 422 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,400 Speaker 1: just googled it and it's on Binge. So I completely 423 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: much write binge. Thank you, She's sorry, not sorry. The 424 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:42,080 Speaker 1: moral of this tangent is that one of the storylines 425 00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: is that this beautiful young woman falls in love with 426 00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 1: someone who has like an almost adult child. He's like fifteen. 427 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,879 Speaker 1: And I'll tell you what. I don't usually want to 428 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:56,080 Speaker 1: punch kids, but this one I want to have a 429 00:20:56,080 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: bit of a biffo with. Ah. He was vile, and 430 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 1: I can just imagine in a lot of those situations 431 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,040 Speaker 1: it would be like really really hard, and we shouldn't 432 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: underestimate that, Like, it's not always going to be very 433 00:21:06,520 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 1: brainy bunch spec you know. Yeah, No, toddler's a cute 434 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,120 Speaker 1: though they are. We'll take a toddler. 435 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:15,880 Speaker 3: We will take a toddler, but we negotiate the teenage ys. 436 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. Anyway, that was kind of a pointless little side step. 437 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: But here we are. I highly recommend everyone watches Love 438 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 1: Me on binge. I'm everyone's still listening. I reckon, we 439 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,480 Speaker 1: should actually go to a break. We'll collect ourselves and 440 00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,399 Speaker 1: we'll see you on the other side. It certainly will 441 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,840 Speaker 1: straight back into it. V Lord, when would you say 442 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:38,560 Speaker 1: is the right time to be having conversations around kids 443 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: and finances with your significant other? I feel like this 444 00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:46,240 Speaker 1: is a really unproductive podcast, Like good topic, great content. 445 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:47,680 Speaker 1: But my opinion is. 446 00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:52,399 Speaker 3: It is different for everybody once again, but it's going 447 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 3: to change for every couple, right. Obviously, this isn't a 448 00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 3: conversation that I would super encourage you guys having on 449 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 3: the first day, be like, hey, George, so's nice to 450 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:00,720 Speaker 3: meet you. 451 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,760 Speaker 1: So I have a kid, would you pay for them? Like, 452 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: that's not what's going to happen. 453 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 3: But I would encourage the ones it's clear that the 454 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 3: relationship is getting quite serious and you're perhaps considering moving 455 00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:15,360 Speaker 3: in together and will have shared expenses that you need 456 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,359 Speaker 3: to take into consideration, or maybe you're considering marrying the 457 00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:21,439 Speaker 3: person if that child's going to live with you, It 458 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,640 Speaker 3: would just make sense to have a discussion around what 459 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,240 Speaker 3: the expectations around money are going to be moving forward 460 00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 3: and how that works. And you know, it's it's definitely 461 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 3: not a first date conversation gee, And it's definitely not 462 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,240 Speaker 3: something that should be jumped into straight away or you 463 00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 3: should feel any kind of pressure to have that conversation immediately. 464 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:43,719 Speaker 3: I don't think anyone would actually expect that, and if 465 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,080 Speaker 3: they do, I feel like that might be a red flag. 466 00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:48,719 Speaker 3: It just needs to be at a time that feels 467 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:51,679 Speaker 3: right for you and feels right for the relationship, like 468 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 3: maybe it's starting to happen, then it's a good time 469 00:22:54,760 --> 00:22:57,680 Speaker 3: to have that conversation. But I do think that it's 470 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:01,640 Speaker 3: important to just have the comfort to have that conversation. 471 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I guess it does make sense that if 472 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,320 Speaker 1: you are combining finances that you would do it at 473 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:10,880 Speaker 1: that time, right, Yeah, of course, yeah, Okay, In terms 474 00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,920 Speaker 1: of actually broaching the conversation, how do we do that 475 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 1: because we know money conversations can be very awkward. 476 00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,720 Speaker 3: Money conversations are fickle and hard to have, and I 477 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,200 Speaker 3: obviously have lots of tips on how to have them, 478 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:25,680 Speaker 3: And the first tip is having it face to face, 479 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,679 Speaker 3: like probably don't text them the question should I be 480 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 3: paying for your kid? Not going to work out as 481 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,320 Speaker 3: well as it could. And also have an idea of 482 00:23:34,359 --> 00:23:36,960 Speaker 3: how you want that laid out first, like what do 483 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,239 Speaker 3: you want to say? How do you want to say it? 484 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,679 Speaker 3: So perhaps frame it so they're ready to have that 485 00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:44,760 Speaker 3: conversation as well, So maybe in the morning, say hey, tonight, 486 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 3: while we're having dinner, can we have a chat about 487 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:50,320 Speaker 3: family finances so that they're ready And I guess open 488 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:53,119 Speaker 3: to having that discussion. I don't think it is fair 489 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,120 Speaker 3: to just bring it on somebody when you haven't spoken 490 00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 3: openly and honestly about money before. The next thing I 491 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:02,880 Speaker 3: think is to be honest, like, just approach the situation 492 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:06,000 Speaker 3: with honesty. If you can't afford to contribute, then make 493 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,000 Speaker 3: that really clear. 494 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 1: I think too. 495 00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 3: Often people get caught up in feeling bad or feeling 496 00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:15,280 Speaker 3: guilty or you know, I know you really want to contribute, 497 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 3: but if it's not within the scope of your financial circumstances, 498 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 3: please don't take on that pressure because it's just going 499 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:23,680 Speaker 3: to add more pressure and down the line you're gonna 500 00:24:23,720 --> 00:24:26,640 Speaker 3: end up having arguments over it, and it's just it's 501 00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,919 Speaker 3: just not worth it. Like, just be honest from the 502 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,680 Speaker 3: get go, and then get really specific and set really 503 00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 3: clear expectations. If you're planning a holiday together, well you're 504 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 3: part a contribute more for that child, Like what's the 505 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 3: expectation there, or you're always just gonna split things fifty 506 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:43,200 Speaker 3: to fifty, which I know a lot of couples will 507 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:46,000 Speaker 3: just be like, look, let's just split costs fifty to 508 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 3: fifty and call it a day. There's no paying for 509 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:51,040 Speaker 3: this kid in a separate you know, line item on 510 00:24:51,080 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 3: our budget. It's just fifty to fifty and you're okay 511 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 3: with that. But knowing exactly what to expect from your 512 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 3: partner and from each other can make things much much easier. 513 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:03,680 Speaker 3: And another tip I have, which is a little bit 514 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 3: left field, it's not necessarily about talking about money. It's 515 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 3: actually about having productive conversations with somebody else, and that's 516 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:16,600 Speaker 3: making sure you're not accusing somebody of something. So Georgia, 517 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,080 Speaker 3: if I was to have a conversation with you about 518 00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:23,600 Speaker 3: money and I'm feeling uncomfortable, I wouldn't say, Georgia, you 519 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 3: always tell me that I'm bad with money, Like that's 520 00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 3: accusing you of doing something, and they're going to come 521 00:25:30,880 --> 00:25:33,760 Speaker 3: straight back and go, no, I don't, I don't do that, 522 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 3: Whereas on the flip side, we should be approaching that 523 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:41,719 Speaker 3: conversation from our own perspective, from our own shoes, not 524 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:46,120 Speaker 3: putting on what somebody else does, and taking feelings into consideration. 525 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,920 Speaker 3: So in that circumstance, I would say, Georgia, I feel 526 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:53,679 Speaker 3: like when I do this, you think I'm bad at money, 527 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:56,080 Speaker 3: instead of saying, Georgia, you always tell me I'm bad 528 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 3: with money, which is not going to be productive and 529 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,199 Speaker 3: not going to get to the end and outcome that 530 00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,760 Speaker 3: you want to get to. So I think it's really 531 00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:07,879 Speaker 3: important to lead with feeling conversations. And I say that 532 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,720 Speaker 3: from I guess a psychological perspective of having productive conversations, 533 00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:16,560 Speaker 3: but also from a little bit of a This sounds terrible, 534 00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 3: but gee, people can't argue with the feelings. They can 535 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,639 Speaker 3: argue with facts. Yeah, Like I can tell you I 536 00:26:22,640 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 3: didn't do that thing, but you cannot argue that I 537 00:26:25,680 --> 00:26:30,040 Speaker 3: feel disappointed that you've done something Like I can't say, gee, 538 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 3: you always stay out really late and I hate it, 539 00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:36,720 Speaker 3: But I could say I just feel like you stay 540 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:39,280 Speaker 3: out really late and it makes me really sad or 541 00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,560 Speaker 3: something along those lines. It's not being manipulative. It is 542 00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 3: making sure that you are always approaching a situation where 543 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:50,199 Speaker 3: you're taking into account that takes two to tango, Like, 544 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,719 Speaker 3: it's not always about putting it on one other person. 545 00:26:53,000 --> 00:26:55,119 Speaker 3: So I think it's important to know how to have 546 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:59,040 Speaker 3: a constructive conversation without blame, Like the blame game needs 547 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,800 Speaker 3: to be put in the bin. Yeah, And I think 548 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,800 Speaker 3: it's also important to remember it's not one conversation, it's 549 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 3: not sitting down and setting the expectations, like we should 550 00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 3: always be talking about money, We should always have open 551 00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 3: lines of communications about situations and children and what's going on, 552 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,119 Speaker 3: because a two year old's going to need different things 553 00:27:15,119 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 3: than a fourteen year old and how that works is 554 00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:19,919 Speaker 3: going to change, so we need to be really aware 555 00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,560 Speaker 3: of that, but open, honest, consistent communication. 556 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,240 Speaker 1: Georgia King brilliant. Okay, are there any I guess dangers 557 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,440 Speaker 1: be that could arise if we decided to financially contribute 558 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:34,320 Speaker 1: to our partner's child's upbringing, Like anything, we should be 559 00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 1: mindful of danger. Danger was that heavy word? A very 560 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:39,680 Speaker 1: strong word. I would argue that it. 561 00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:42,800 Speaker 3: Is too strong for this circumstance, but it can definitely 562 00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:45,560 Speaker 3: cause complications if you're on a different page to your partner. 563 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 3: You don't want resentment to build if you feel like 564 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 3: you're contributing too much, or you're doing too many things, 565 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,879 Speaker 3: or you haven't had the conversation and you're uncomfortable with 566 00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:55,919 Speaker 3: the contribution you are making, but you feel like you 567 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,520 Speaker 3: have to make it. So again, be as open and 568 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:02,639 Speaker 3: as hoes and stand your ground, Like I think that 569 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,720 Speaker 3: a lot of people like, oh my gosh, this is 570 00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,320 Speaker 3: my burden to carry. This child's a burden, Like a 571 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 3: child's not a burden, a child's a blessing. Having a 572 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,959 Speaker 3: kid is really cool. Like, Yes, there are so many, 573 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 3: I guess financial things to take into consideration. Yes, there 574 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 3: are people who choose not to have children, and that's okay, 575 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,159 Speaker 3: But Georgia, as I said, if you're choosing to be 576 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 3: in a relationship with somebody who has a kid, you 577 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:27,679 Speaker 3: are choosing that and it's not just a thing on 578 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 3: the side. They deserve the same amount of respect you 579 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:34,199 Speaker 3: give your partner, even if they are a fourteen year 580 00:28:34,240 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 3: old absolute twat, Like I totally get it, but they 581 00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,880 Speaker 3: still deserve your respect. I think it probably goes without 582 00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,320 Speaker 3: saying as well. Gee, but if you split, it's not 583 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 3: like you can claim any of the money that you 584 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:49,640 Speaker 3: contributed to that child's upbringing back. I would hope no 585 00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 3: one would want to do that, but it's definitely worth 586 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,720 Speaker 3: considering because I've heard people ask about that before. But 587 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,840 Speaker 3: I'm a very big believer in only contributing what you 588 00:28:58,880 --> 00:29:01,959 Speaker 3: can afford to contry and seeing it as a contribution, 589 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 3: not an investment that you're expecting a return on. It's 590 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,760 Speaker 3: the same with like gifts and presents and doing something 591 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,800 Speaker 3: for somebody else, Like, I'm very much a believer that 592 00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 3: if you do it, you can't ask for it back 593 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 3: unless it's alone and there's you know, obviously a conversation 594 00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:20,600 Speaker 3: happening around that. I just believe if you give your 595 00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:23,280 Speaker 3: partner a gift like that's not something to claim back 596 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,240 Speaker 3: later down the line when the relationship isn't going the 597 00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 3: way you. 598 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,240 Speaker 1: Wanted it to. 599 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:29,280 Speaker 3: And this is probably a little bit too deep for 600 00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,760 Speaker 3: the conversation we are having right now, but I'm just 601 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 3: a very big believer that if somebody asks for something 602 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,000 Speaker 3: back at a later date that was meant to be 603 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 3: a gift or was intended to be a gift without 604 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,280 Speaker 3: any type of reciprocation, they never gave it for you, 605 00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,120 Speaker 3: They only gave it for themselves, and now that it's 606 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:49,760 Speaker 3: not serving themselves, they want it back, And I just 607 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 3: think that's a reflection of their personality, not yours. So 608 00:29:53,560 --> 00:29:55,800 Speaker 3: I think it's important to remember that as well, but 609 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,640 Speaker 3: also having that clear conversation with your partner if you 610 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:01,480 Speaker 3: do th think that could be a thing, or you're 611 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 3: a bit concerned, like, oh cool, well, anything you claim back, Like, 612 00:30:05,400 --> 00:30:07,280 Speaker 3: I just feel like it's not the nicest thing to do, 613 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:11,520 Speaker 3: but in saying that, money is fickle and it complicates 614 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,280 Speaker 3: situations significantly, so I think it's important to only give 615 00:30:15,320 --> 00:30:17,840 Speaker 3: the things that you are never going to need back. 616 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, this is kind of a different situation, B, 617 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,080 Speaker 1: But I'm curious as to your take on it, because 618 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure it comes up all the time. If you 619 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 1: are in a partnership where you don't contribute to the 620 00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:35,240 Speaker 1: finances of your partner's child, and your partner and their 621 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 1: ex decide that they would like this child to go 622 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,640 Speaker 1: to private school and fork out how many thousands of 623 00:30:42,680 --> 00:30:43,240 Speaker 1: dollars like that? 624 00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,760 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it is so expensive. I was creeping 625 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,959 Speaker 3: on one of Melbourne's private school websites recently. Year twelve 626 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,240 Speaker 3: g how much do you reckon that costs at a 627 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:57,480 Speaker 3: super private, super fancy school mownadays? Like fifty grand Yeah, 628 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:02,240 Speaker 3: more than insane insane at someone's salary for one year 629 00:31:02,280 --> 00:31:03,440 Speaker 3: of education. 630 00:31:03,480 --> 00:31:08,600 Speaker 1: Like what? Well, and that's it. So presumably making this decision, 631 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 1: or if your partner is making that decision for their child, 632 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 1: that could impact your ability within that relationship to like 633 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,840 Speaker 1: go on holidays and live your best life like there 634 00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,440 Speaker 1: may have to be a level of sacrifice there. Of course, 635 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,960 Speaker 1: what does that look like, Like do you have any 636 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,280 Speaker 1: stake in saying, oh, maybe we should just send him 637 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:30,400 Speaker 1: to the local, Like, what do you do? That's not 638 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:31,440 Speaker 1: your decision to make. 639 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:35,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think when it comes to finances, and you know, 640 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 3: let's not even talk about kids, like, let's just talk 641 00:31:38,400 --> 00:31:41,520 Speaker 3: about two people in a relationship who have different values. 642 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,760 Speaker 3: We need to be respectful of the fact that I 643 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,640 Speaker 3: have different values to you, George, and I want different 644 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,600 Speaker 3: things than you want. And a relationship at the end 645 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,480 Speaker 3: of the day is always going to be about compromise 646 00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:54,920 Speaker 3: and something has to give. We can't have it all, 647 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 3: but we can have it at some point. So I 648 00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 3: think it's really important to go, okay, well that's their 649 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,720 Speaker 3: value and sitting down and having a deep discussion with 650 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 3: your partner about okay, like this is a financial value 651 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,800 Speaker 3: to you and are we going to contribute money to this. 652 00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 3: Whether you're contributing to that or not, it is going 653 00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:13,720 Speaker 3: to impact you in some way. But that is true 654 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:17,200 Speaker 3: of any financial decision in a relationship. Right, Like George, 655 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 3: my partner Steve obsessed with golf. Obsessed. That's one of 656 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:25,240 Speaker 3: his core values in fact, I'm pretty sure at this 657 00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:27,920 Speaker 3: point golf is a personality trait of Steve's. 658 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: It is fantastic, and. 659 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,640 Speaker 3: I adore that he has a passion, But it's not 660 00:32:32,760 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 3: my place to talk to him about not engaging in 661 00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 3: that because it doesn't align to what I want to spend. 662 00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:40,600 Speaker 3: So I think we need to have some level of 663 00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:42,920 Speaker 3: flexibility because there's going to be things in my budget 664 00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:46,760 Speaker 3: that stays like Victoria eyelash extensions are really like, is 665 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 3: that something that aligns to my values? 666 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:48,840 Speaker 1: No? 667 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,560 Speaker 3: Do they benefit him in any way, shape or form, 668 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:56,280 Speaker 3: Absolutely not. But we need to be having conversations about 669 00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 3: our financial lives and what financial commitments we have that 670 00:33:00,360 --> 00:33:03,719 Speaker 3: then changes the scope of what we can achieve together. 671 00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,400 Speaker 3: We just need to be clear about that. And I 672 00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,400 Speaker 3: think that you'll find that if that's the conversation you're having, 673 00:33:09,440 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 3: and you're actually having a more holistic conversation about goals 674 00:33:13,320 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 3: and values and doing a budget together and writing out 675 00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,480 Speaker 3: things that you want to achieve together, it's going to 676 00:33:19,600 --> 00:33:24,480 Speaker 3: help take that financial commitment into perspective as opposed to going, 677 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,280 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, they spend so much on that and 678 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,240 Speaker 3: I could do so many better things with that money. Okay, 679 00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:32,720 Speaker 3: well that's what their values are. You can't argue with 680 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:35,920 Speaker 3: somebody's values. We need to find a happy medium. But 681 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,560 Speaker 3: I'm a very big advocate of going all right, well, 682 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 3: that's their decision, but you need to be educated enough 683 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:43,440 Speaker 3: to know what all the opportunities are. 684 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:45,480 Speaker 1: Like if they're putting you. 685 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,880 Speaker 3: In a situation where you're going into significant debt to 686 00:33:47,960 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 3: put them into private education, that's again a different conversation 687 00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 3: about is this the right thing to do and is 688 00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,240 Speaker 3: this going to work for us long term? And I 689 00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,360 Speaker 3: feel like a lot of financial and ammoss comes from 690 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 3: not having had more holistic discussions about your values and 691 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:09,000 Speaker 3: your goals and understanding your partner's needs and your partners 692 00:34:09,080 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 3: wants because that might be a core value to them. 693 00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 3: They might go, no, this is like I've worked my 694 00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:17,000 Speaker 3: entire life to get to this point to put my 695 00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:18,560 Speaker 3: key to through private school. 696 00:34:18,920 --> 00:34:20,120 Speaker 1: That might not be your value. 697 00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,719 Speaker 3: You might have gone to public school and be like 698 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:23,640 Speaker 3: that's fine, Like I don't need to spend money. 699 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:24,359 Speaker 1: That is fine. 700 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 3: Those are your values, But you can't assume that just 701 00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:30,360 Speaker 3: because you're in a relationship with someone, they would absorb 702 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 3: your values and see everything from your page like that 703 00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:36,440 Speaker 3: is not how it works. We need to have some 704 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 3: level of flexibility. But if that is something that is 705 00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:42,280 Speaker 3: a bit of a fickle point, have a chat about it. 706 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,600 Speaker 3: Be open, be honest, talk about what your values are 707 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,800 Speaker 3: and why that is impacting you and how that works. 708 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:50,960 Speaker 3: But I just think it's really important to see things 709 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:54,319 Speaker 3: a little bit more holisticly than it's school fees like it. 710 00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:57,520 Speaker 3: Totally understand the example, though, because that is a massive commitment. 711 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,719 Speaker 1: Yeah for sure. Okay, interesting, So I guess in all 712 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:05,440 Speaker 1: of those types of situations, just have the conversation be open, upfront, honest. 713 00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: How important is it that we establish a binding financial 714 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 1: agreement or a prenup as they are also known, before 715 00:35:14,040 --> 00:35:17,399 Speaker 1: marrying someone with kids? Is it more important than if 716 00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 1: they didn't have kids. 717 00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:21,920 Speaker 3: No, It's important in any way, shape or form if 718 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:25,520 Speaker 3: you're in a relationship to consider a binding financial agreement. 719 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:27,040 Speaker 3: I mean, there are a lot of couples in the 720 00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,000 Speaker 3: shees on the money community who are like, I don't 721 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:31,040 Speaker 3: need that, That's cool. All I want is for you 722 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,160 Speaker 3: to be educated on the topic and if it's right 723 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,120 Speaker 3: for you, getting one established. So, from my perspective, super important. 724 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 3: Even if you don't have kids, But this is one 725 00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 3: of the best ways to protect your finances and make 726 00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:43,319 Speaker 3: sure that you don't get the short end of the 727 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,080 Speaker 3: stick if the relationship doesn't work out, Like if you're 728 00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 3: creating well facets together and then you break up and 729 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,440 Speaker 3: they take all your well facets, but the kids were yours, Like, 730 00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:53,600 Speaker 3: I think it's important to make sure that we are 731 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:55,640 Speaker 3: all well and protected. And gee, we never get in 732 00:35:55,680 --> 00:35:58,279 Speaker 3: relationships with the intention of them ending, Like you're not 733 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,520 Speaker 3: going to go move in with someone as especially if 734 00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,000 Speaker 3: you have children, if you don't see a future with them, 735 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:06,840 Speaker 3: Like that's that's crazy. So I feel like, yes, it 736 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:09,319 Speaker 3: might not be nice to bring it up. 737 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: It might not feel comfy, it might be a bit awkward, 738 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:12,080 Speaker 1: there might be. 739 00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 3: Some tension, but by financial agreements are important. They do 740 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 3: in the long term save a lot of stress and 741 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:19,239 Speaker 3: a lot of heartache. And George, at the very start 742 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:22,440 Speaker 3: of this episode, you said the fifty percent of relationships 743 00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,480 Speaker 3: end up in divorced. So my favorite stats, it's not 744 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,799 Speaker 3: my favorite stat it's pretty depressing. As someone who is 745 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:32,560 Speaker 3: planning a wedding, I don't want to hear that from 746 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:35,920 Speaker 3: you right now. But I think it's also important to 747 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,520 Speaker 3: just realize turns out g as humans, we're not that 748 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:42,560 Speaker 3: great at picking successful relationships. So even if you are 749 00:36:42,719 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 3: really committed to it, doesn't mean it'll work out. 750 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:50,000 Speaker 1: But we should always protect ourselves. Nailed it before we 751 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,160 Speaker 1: head v It's okay to change our minds. If we 752 00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:57,200 Speaker 1: committed to a certain contribution to our partner's child. We 753 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,320 Speaker 1: can backtrack if our circumstance changes or whatever it may be. 754 00:37:01,320 --> 00:37:02,759 Speaker 1: Of course can change our minds. 755 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, of course you can. And I feel like that's 756 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:10,200 Speaker 3: just a good healthy relationship with boundaries and communication and 757 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:14,200 Speaker 3: having conversations. Also, if you're in a situation where you're like, 758 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:18,040 Speaker 3: I am not comfortable paying for my partner's child, that's okay. 759 00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,040 Speaker 3: If that changes in the future, that's also okay, because 760 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,319 Speaker 3: even if you're just moving in with them, you're like, oh, like, 761 00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:25,879 Speaker 3: we've just moved in together, we've been together for six months. 762 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:29,040 Speaker 3: I'm not ready to take, you know, our relationship to 763 00:37:29,040 --> 00:37:32,279 Speaker 3: the next level of me taking ownership and responsibility for 764 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,399 Speaker 3: this child. But who knows, in ten years that might 765 00:37:35,440 --> 00:37:39,560 Speaker 3: be completely different. And that's okay because things change. Nothing's stagnant, 766 00:37:39,600 --> 00:37:43,160 Speaker 3: nothing's stuck. The only consistent we have Georgia is changed. 767 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:47,239 Speaker 3: So it's really important to remember that money conversations are 768 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:50,359 Speaker 3: not a one and done kind of thing. They are 769 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:53,399 Speaker 3: consistent and they are happening all the time. And they 770 00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,920 Speaker 3: might be over the price of milk, or it might 771 00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:59,360 Speaker 3: be over a fifty thousand dollars education for your partner's child, 772 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:03,279 Speaker 3: but money conversations should be consistently being had. 773 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,240 Speaker 1: Brilliant All right, b I think that's probably it covers 774 00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:09,640 Speaker 1: as much as we can in a forty minute little 775 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 1: podcast episode. Anything else to add? No, All good, All right, Sea, 776 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:14,640 Speaker 1: thanks for having us. 777 00:38:15,200 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 2: Bye. 778 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:20,400 Speaker 3: All right, let's actually be serious though, because as always 779 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 3: we would before we head off, like to acknowledge and 780 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:27,080 Speaker 3: pay respect to Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's. 781 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,520 Speaker 3: They're the traditional custodians of the lands, the waterways and 782 00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:34,160 Speaker 3: the skies all across Australia. We thank you for sharing 783 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,319 Speaker 3: and for caring for the land on which we are 784 00:38:36,360 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 3: able to learn. We pay our respects to elders past 785 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:41,960 Speaker 3: and present, and we share our friendship and our kindness. 786 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,040 Speaker 1: And remember, guys, the advice shared on She's on the 787 00:38:45,080 --> 00:38:48,279 Speaker 1: Money is general in nature and does not consider your 788 00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: individual circumstances. She is on the money, exists purely for 789 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,359 Speaker 1: educational purposes and should not be relied upon to make 790 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:59,440 Speaker 1: an investment or a financial decision, and we promise Victoria 791 00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:03,640 Speaker 1: Divine is an authorized representative of in Focused Securities Australia 792 00:39:03,960 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: Proprietory Limited ABN four seven zero nine seven seven nine 793 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,640 Speaker 1: seven zero four nine AFSL two three six five two three. 794 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,920 Speaker 3: See you next week, Guys, By Guys