1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,440 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions. 2 00:00:09,520 --> 00:00:12,680 Speaker 1: Every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are 3 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:16,960 Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie Colson. It's Friday. I feel like saying, frya. 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: I know that that's really cringe. If our children were 5 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,159 Speaker 1: hearing that, and in fact, if anyone's hearing that, they 6 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: might have decided to stop. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Kylie, 7 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,520 Speaker 1: help me rescue me. What should I say? Fee, No, Nick, 8 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,239 Speaker 1: I'd double down on it. That was terrible. All right, 9 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: here's what we do every Friday in the pod for 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,280 Speaker 1: those of you who may be new. Great thing about 11 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 1: what I do for work is it's so gratifying. I 12 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,480 Speaker 1: get to travel around the country give talks. Everywhere, people 13 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:43,919 Speaker 1: clap and say how much I've helped their families. It's wonderful, 14 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: and many people will say I listen to the podcast 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: every day. Just recently, a couple of weeks ago, I 16 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 1: was in Perth. A man and his wife handed me 17 00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: a letter and it was just basically saying we and 18 00:00:54,160 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 1: he mad, sure, Justin, this is for you and Kylie 19 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: like they were really really explicit, this isn't just for you? 20 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,120 Speaker 1: This is for both of you, and the letter was 21 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:03,880 Speaker 1: basically them saying we love the podcast. It helps us 22 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: so much. A couple of weeks ago, I got an 23 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:10,240 Speaker 1: email from a mum who we featured on the podcast. 24 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: She sent us a voice note to podcasts at Happy 25 00:01:12,319 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 1: Families dot com dot IU, and we offered some advice 26 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 1: on one of our Tricky Tuesday podcasts. Here's what she said, Kylie. 27 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,000 Speaker 1: She said, hearing my voice on today's podcast shocked me. 28 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,480 Speaker 1: I had to listen to the episode a few times 29 00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: just to digest it fully. I like that. I think 30 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: everyone should listen to all of our episodes a few times. 31 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: That's good, isn't it right. We're saying stuff that's so deep, 32 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,040 Speaker 1: so meaningful, need a few listeners. 33 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,480 Speaker 2: No, I think it's just hearing your own voice. If 34 00:01:36,480 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 2: it's not something you used to it really really disconcern. 35 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:41,959 Speaker 1: She was saying. I had to listen to it so 36 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 1: that I could get used to my voice. She said, 37 00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:46,640 Speaker 1: I had to listen to digest the podcasts anyway. 38 00:01:46,920 --> 00:01:48,760 Speaker 2: That's because she was still caught up on the fact 39 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 2: that she'd heard hersell. 40 00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 1: Since attending your talk at my kids' school, I signed 41 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: up for the Happy Families Membership. I wanted to write 42 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 1: so many times, off and out of sadness, burnout and 43 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 1: pairing overwhelm, but I never did Today not only to 44 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: thank you, but also to share more about my daughter. 45 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 1: Your work has become part of my everyday life. I 46 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 1: listen to your podcast while walking the dog, your webinars 47 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:12,080 Speaker 1: while working, and I've replaced Netflix at night with your books. 48 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: At first, it felt like a cold shower, realizing how 49 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: many mistakes I'd made despite trying so hard to be 50 00:02:17,200 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 1: the perfect mother. I've read many parenting books, but yours 51 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: have truly helped me to turn things around. I've started 52 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 1: using the three e's, staying calm and focusing on connection. 53 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,360 Speaker 1: I'm not perfect, and there's still a long road ahead, 54 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: especially when the kids are rude or dismissive, but I 55 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: feel hope again. Thank you for helping me reconnect and 56 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: find a better path forward. Your work is making a 57 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 1: real difference in our family. Thank you from the heart 58 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 1: and PS. I'm reading this Connection and the Parenting Revolution 59 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:41,119 Speaker 1: at the same time. 60 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 2: She's hardcore. 61 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: So now I know that some people might listen to 62 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 1: me read that out and say, oh my goodness, I'm 63 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: listening to this podcast so this guy can pat himself 64 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,640 Speaker 1: on the back. That's actually exactly the opposite. I'm reading 65 00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:55,560 Speaker 1: it out because it means so much to you and 66 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 1: I to know that we're actually being helpful. And if 67 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:02,760 Speaker 1: you're new to the podcast, that's our promise. We want 68 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: to be helpful. We want to give you real pairing 69 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:06,720 Speaker 1: solutions every day, the sort of things that you don't 70 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,560 Speaker 1: want to miss the podcast for because it can really 71 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 1: make a difference. 72 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:14,880 Speaker 2: So much of family life feels really hard. You feel 73 00:03:14,919 --> 00:03:18,720 Speaker 2: like you're in the trenches, and often we can't see 74 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 2: the light. And one of the things that you and 75 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 2: I value so much is having that sense of hope. 76 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 2: We've used the word many times, the idea that we 77 00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 2: could be hope builders, that we could just elevate your 78 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: thinking enough to realize that while you're in the thick 79 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 2: of it, it's not always going to be like that, 80 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 2: and there are solutions. 81 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 1: Speaking of being in the thick of it, and that 82 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: there is hope. My Old do Better Tomorrow is not 83 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 1: actually about Anna, because that's anis old Better Tomorrow. Rather, 84 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: it's about what we did last weekend. And I know 85 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,360 Speaker 1: that there's a whole lot of other stuff that we 86 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: could talk about. But this was just so meaningful to 87 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 1: me that I really want this to be our conversation today. 88 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: We had the opportunity to go down to the Gold 89 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:06,880 Speaker 1: Coast and celebrate my mum and dad's fiftieth wedding anniversary, 90 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,800 Speaker 1: which is such a milestone. I mean, fifty years. Is 91 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: that the gold wedding anniversary? Yeah? Okay, I should have 92 00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:14,200 Speaker 1: given them something old. I should have given them a 93 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 1: given him a pineapple, given him a fifty. 94 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 2: I didn't Are you going to say two dollars? 95 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: I didn't give them something? What did I? Oh, that's right. 96 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: I bought a ridiculous expensive cake. 97 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 2: That's what we laced in gold. 98 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 1: You felt like the amount of money. Anyway, here's the 99 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: point that I wanted to make. First some background. Mum 100 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:34,559 Speaker 1: and Dad met for the first time on the Gold Coast. 101 00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if it was schoolers or around maybe 102 00:04:36,560 --> 00:04:38,240 Speaker 1: there was a year after schoolers or something like that, 103 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:40,560 Speaker 1: but they're on the Gold Coast. Mom's gone into this 104 00:04:40,880 --> 00:04:44,760 Speaker 1: Chinese restaurant. She's hanging out with the friends. My dad 105 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: walks in with a couple of his friends. He knows 106 00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:50,919 Speaker 1: a girl that's sitting with Mum. So they start chatting 107 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,479 Speaker 1: and my mom is looking at my dad. This is 108 00:04:53,480 --> 00:04:55,600 Speaker 1: really uncomfortable for me to say this, but my mom's 109 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:57,640 Speaker 1: looking at my dad going haba, haba, like I think 110 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:01,920 Speaker 1: he's pretty hot. And then they get talking and my dad, 111 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 1: this is even more embarrassing to share. My dad orders 112 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,640 Speaker 1: prawns and tomato sauce for dinner, which I mean, who 113 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,559 Speaker 1: does that? Who does that happens even on the menu. 114 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,760 Speaker 1: My mum and literally was like, who does that? But 115 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: she was so enamored by my dad that he only 116 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 1: stayed for a few minutes ate some prawns and tomato sauce, 117 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: didn't even finish them, all left them. She ate them 118 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:28,039 Speaker 1: in I don't believe. I mean, this is terrible. But 119 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:30,320 Speaker 1: then a few weeks later, back in western Sydney they 120 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: grew up in that Auburn Granville area for those of 121 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: you who are familiar with the geography, They bumped into 122 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,240 Speaker 1: each other at a dance and that set it all off. 123 00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:40,400 Speaker 1: And now six children and like eighteen or twenty grandchildren later, 124 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: and a couple of great grandkids. Mom and Dad celebrating 125 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:45,640 Speaker 1: their fiftieth wedding anniversary, and Mum has lined it up 126 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:50,039 Speaker 1: the restaurant that existed back in the nineteen seventies no 127 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: longer exists. But she's lined up this little, cool and 128 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,239 Speaker 1: gatta Chinese restaurant that literally only has room for about 129 00:05:56,279 --> 00:05:59,320 Speaker 1: twenty people in it. We'd like to come in, we 130 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:02,840 Speaker 1: want to visit, we want to relive the moment. And 131 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 1: they literally ordered prawns and tomato sauce, discuss it was inedible. 132 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 1: In fact, overwhelmingly it wasn't the best Chinese meal we've 133 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: ever had in our lives. 134 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 2: But what's so funny about this story you missed? The 135 00:06:18,080 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 2: punchline was that she didn't even remember meeting him at 136 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 2: the Chinese store. It wasn't until they had been dating 137 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 2: for a period of time. They went to a Chinese 138 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: restaurant and. 139 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: Dad ordered bronze and tomato sauce, and she went, hang. 140 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:37,760 Speaker 2: On a sec, were you at the Chinese restaurant? And 141 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 2: he was like, yeah, that was me. 142 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,360 Speaker 1: So here's my older better tomorrow point. The meta point. 143 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: Mom and dad were there with unfortunately one of the 144 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:46,160 Speaker 1: kids couldn't make it, but they were there with five 145 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 1: of their six kids. There's me, then twin sisters, then 146 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,640 Speaker 1: my brother, then twin sisters. So five of the six kids, 147 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: a whole bunch of grandkids and even a great grandchild 148 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 1: was there as well, And for them to sit there 149 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,840 Speaker 1: and reminisce talk about their meeting, talk about the events 150 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 1: leading up to their marriage and the birth of these children. 151 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 2: And didn't just talk about it again you miss in 152 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 2: all the details. They actually got you guys reenacting it. 153 00:07:11,120 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 1: So mum goes, I want to reenact this, and she's 154 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,680 Speaker 1: saying this to me and my brother. So here's what 155 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 1: we're going to do. Dad's going to walk into the 156 00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 1: restaurant talking to you guys, and you're going to be 157 00:07:20,520 --> 00:07:22,600 Speaker 1: his mates, and I'm going to be here talking to 158 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 1: one of my sisters. She's going to be my girlfriend 159 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: that I'm hanging out with, and then Dad's going to 160 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: start talking to her, and then he's going to meet me, 161 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,520 Speaker 1: and he's going to eat the prawns and tomato sauce 162 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:34,200 Speaker 1: like they're making us do a reenactment. My brother's looking 163 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 1: at me, rolling his eyes, going, you're going to be 164 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 1: kidding me. This is bonkers. And yet and yet here 165 00:07:40,920 --> 00:07:44,040 Speaker 1: we are a week later and we're talking about it 166 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: and we're laughing about it because it's about the relationship. 167 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: It's about the memories, it's about the conversations, it's about 168 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 1: the sharing. It doesn't matter how dumb it is, how 169 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 1: silly it is, how ridiculous you look. You're having these experiences, 170 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: you're building these bonds, you're sharing these memories. And yes, 171 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 1: this is a fiftieth and most people who are listening 172 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 1: to this are not thinking about fiftieth wedding anniversaries. But 173 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: whatever you're doing with your kids, make a moment of it. 174 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: Do re enactments, do role plays, Do do those things 175 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: where the kids say, oh, I want to do a play, 176 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,040 Speaker 1: and you're like, fine, we'll stop our meal and we 177 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: will watch you while you act something out that you 178 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: have not prepared, that you don't have a script for, 179 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,120 Speaker 1: and that you've got no idea what you're going to 180 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 1: do or say. But we're going to do that. We're 181 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: going to watch you, and we're going to applaud anyway. 182 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:29,240 Speaker 1: Why because we're building these memories, these bonds, these experiences, 183 00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: these connections, and one day, fifty years down the track, 184 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,200 Speaker 1: you might just look at each other and say, do 185 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: you remember that night, Do you remember that experience? Do 186 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 1: you remember that thing we did? And everyone's going to say, oh, yeah, 187 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:46,240 Speaker 1: that was the worst, but you're going to laugh about it. 188 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 1: The memory is going to be emblazoned on your mind. 189 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:53,880 Speaker 1: That is the stuff of families. We think that we're 190 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:57,000 Speaker 1: supposed to have perfect families. Brawnze and tomato sauce is 191 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: not a perfect dish. And honestly, the meal that we 192 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:03,920 Speaker 1: eight as a family last Friday night. I'm probably not 193 00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 1: going to go to that Chinese restaurant again, no offense. 194 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,720 Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be a food snob or anything 195 00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 1: like that. I might be a little bit of one. 196 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going back there. But forever now we will 197 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: remember that night when we sat there with Mum and 198 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 1: Dad celebrated their fiftieth acted out the role, watched them 199 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: literally scrunch up their noses as they tried doing the 200 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 1: front and tomatoes as and ultimately just left it on 201 00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,319 Speaker 1: the table. We're going to laugh about it. And how 202 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: then we walked outside it was freezing. We went and 203 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:32,280 Speaker 1: got the gelados, and then our daughter decided that she 204 00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: wanted to have a pizza from Dominoes across the road 205 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:36,839 Speaker 1: because she didn't need enough Chinese, because she didn't like 206 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,240 Speaker 1: the Chinese, like all those things are going to come back, 207 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 1: and I just think there's so much joy to be 208 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: found as we just live family life and we're all in, 209 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 1: we're fully committed. We make it work and ideally in 210 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,320 Speaker 1: a perfect world in spite of the bumps and bruises 211 00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: and challenges along the way. We stick it out so 212 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 1: that we can be sitting around that table in fifty 213 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,560 Speaker 1: years and say, look at what the last fifty years 214 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: we've built. And it's got nothing to do with the 215 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 1: size of your house or the holidays you go on. 216 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: It's about the hearts of the people sitting around that table. 217 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 2: You give me the feels good good. 218 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: That's the point. Okay, so Kylie, I'll do better tomorrow. 219 00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:23,080 Speaker 1: Let's hear it from you. What is the thing that 220 00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 1: you've either been intentional about or the inside that you've 221 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: had to build a stronger and happier family. 222 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,560 Speaker 2: One of our daughters has had a bit of a crush. 223 00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 2: And when I say a bit of a crush, it's been. 224 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 2: It's been big. 225 00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:39,040 Speaker 1: When you're a teenager, every crush is big, eternal love 226 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: forever like it is big, it's. 227 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 2: Huge, And recently she came to the awareness that it 228 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:53,440 Speaker 2: wasn't reciprocated, and all the emotions were felt in one moment, 229 00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,080 Speaker 2: and that moment might have lasted for a long time. 230 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 2: I think we're still might be feeling the effects of it. Yeah. 231 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,200 Speaker 1: Week down the track, Yeah, it's been a rough week. 232 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 2: And I was having a conversation with one of my 233 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 2: good friends and I was just saying, I just I 234 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,440 Speaker 2: don't understand it. It's so big, and it feels so 235 00:11:11,679 --> 00:11:16,480 Speaker 2: disproportionate to what she's experienced because there wasn't even a 236 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:19,559 Speaker 2: relationship there. I would have expected based on what she 237 00:11:19,640 --> 00:11:23,160 Speaker 2: was feeling, that she'd been in a relationship for two years, 238 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,079 Speaker 2: they thought they were going to get married. Like this 239 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 2: has been really big. It has literally stopped her in. 240 00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:29,559 Speaker 1: A trap, robbed a world. 241 00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 2: And she looked at me and she just said, oh 242 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,680 Speaker 2: my gosh, I love your daughter. She said she feels 243 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:41,640 Speaker 2: things so big, and I said, yeah, you're telling me. 244 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:43,920 Speaker 2: And then she she looked at me and she said, 245 00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 2: you know, when she finds her man, she said, he 246 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:49,160 Speaker 2: is going to be the luckiest person on the world, 247 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 2: in the world, because she will love him fiercely. And 248 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 2: it was just this moment where I sat back and 249 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 2: I went, oh, how is it that it's taken my friend, 250 00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 2: with her perspective, to shift the frustration that I was 251 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 2: feeling at this kid who's feeling these massive emotions, and 252 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 2: she's just changed my tune in a heartbeat. The idea 253 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 2: that our kids will have these big emotions feel inconvenient 254 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:24,479 Speaker 2: at times in our lives, and we often don't recognize 255 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:28,360 Speaker 2: the magnitude of them for them. And I just love 256 00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:31,560 Speaker 2: that my friend was able to rearrange things in my 257 00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 2: brain and help me to see this gorgeous, amazing young 258 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 2: woman for the beautiful qualities that she has. Yeah. 259 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm reading a book by Ethan Cross, University of 260 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 1: Michigan researcher. We had him on the podcast while back 261 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:48,679 Speaker 1: talking about his book Chatter The internal voice that we have. 262 00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 1: This one's called Shift. It's about our emotions, and one 263 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,080 Speaker 1: of the things that he really highlights is that if 264 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:56,120 Speaker 1: we want to shift our emotions, if we're in a 265 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:59,680 Speaker 1: heightened emotion state, sometimes what we need is perspective. We 266 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:04,520 Speaker 1: need to literally change our position, and that might mean 267 00:13:04,559 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: that we go for a walk, or we move back 268 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: a couple of meters, or that we create some space. 269 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 1: But sometimes it's just getting another person's voice in our 270 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,559 Speaker 1: head and this beautiful different perspective as we've lived through 271 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:24,680 Speaker 1: the emotional roller coaster. Actually it's been an emotional earthquake. 272 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: It hasn't been a roller coaster. As we move through 273 00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 1: the emotional earthquake of the last week, we've kind of 274 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 1: gotten to the point where we're going, we are starting 275 00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,520 Speaker 1: to become a bit annoyed with this human that lives 276 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: in our home. And then you hear that perspective, and 277 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,600 Speaker 1: you go, ah, we love this kid so much, and 278 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: we'd forgotten about all of the beautiful attributes and qualities 279 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: that she brings, those characteristics that light us up about her. 280 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 2: But I think it's more than that. I think it's 281 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 2: the recognition that the very qualities that drive us crazy 282 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:57,160 Speaker 2: about people, when seen from a different perspective, are actually 283 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,200 Speaker 2: the things that make that person who they are. Love 284 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 2: this here's this kid with this massive heart and this 285 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,680 Speaker 2: capacity to love so deeply. 286 00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:08,760 Speaker 1: Well, we really hope that the insights and the ideas 287 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,240 Speaker 1: that we shared with you in today's Friday edition of 288 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 1: The Happy Famili's podcast will help you to have a 289 00:14:14,760 --> 00:14:18,120 Speaker 1: different perspective on the way that you're viewing relationships, especially 290 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 1: if they're tough and tricky. The long game is the 291 00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,200 Speaker 1: game that matters, and your kids really do have some 292 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: characteristics and attributes that are noteworthy and delightful and that 293 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:31,080 Speaker 1: can and really do bring joy. Thank you so much 294 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 1: for listening to The Happy Famili's podcast is produced by 295 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. Have a wonderful weekend, spend 296 00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 1: time kids, be loved to. Im Me spend time with 297 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,840 Speaker 1: your kids this weekend, and we'll be back on Monday 298 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:47,160 Speaker 1: with more from the Happy Families podcasts.