WEBVTT - MICHELLE MITCHELL: How to help your child through a difficult life transition

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<v Speaker 1>You might have heard that I was speaking about my

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<v Speaker 1>daughter Lola, who's just started at a new daycare and

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<v Speaker 1>she is having a truly horrible time transitioning to a

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<v Speaker 1>new daycare. Not only is she having a hard time,

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<v Speaker 1>but as a parent, I am having a horrible, horrible time.

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<v Speaker 2>Because there's a parent's friend and business partner.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, there's nothing worse as a parent leaving your child

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<v Speaker 1>somewhere and having them be sad and cry for you.

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<v Speaker 1>And with school coming up very soon, there's going to

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<v Speaker 1>be a lot of parents across the country who are

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<v Speaker 1>going to be dropping their kids off for school on

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<v Speaker 1>the very first day. And we have Michelle Mitchell with

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<v Speaker 1>us now. She is a child expert. With had her

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<v Speaker 1>on the show many times and she's written an incredible

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<v Speaker 1>book around building resilience in children. And the big question

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<v Speaker 1>is is this resilience building or is it a time

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<v Speaker 1>when a parent needs to swoop in and help them Michelle,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome back to the show.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh thanks for having me, Laura. And it's such a

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<v Speaker 3>privilege to talk about your little four year old. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>aren't they so precious at this age?

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<v Speaker 1>No, she's the best. You almost four county down to

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<v Speaker 1>a birthday.

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<v Speaker 2>Or Michelle, what do you think I mean, do you

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<v Speaker 2>think this is relatively normal to be this excessively upset

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<v Speaker 2>like all night after and all morning?

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<v Speaker 3>It can be, Okay, it can be, and only Laura

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<v Speaker 3>can really answer this. So if you'll step into my office, Laura,

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<v Speaker 3>I have three questions for you. Will you answer these

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<v Speaker 3>for me?

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely?

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<v Speaker 3>I think the first question you want to ask yourself

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<v Speaker 3>is how big does this feel for you? Because that's

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<v Speaker 3>normally a mirror of how big that feels for our kids.

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<v Speaker 3>So if our kids were leaving high school or leaving

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<v Speaker 3>school or getting married, you know it would pull on

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<v Speaker 3>our heart strings in exactly the same way. So let's

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<v Speaker 3>not minimize it. Because there's three going on four. So

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<v Speaker 3>how big does it feel for you? Give me a

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<v Speaker 3>number between one and ten, being like I can't cope

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<v Speaker 3>with this anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, it's it's funny you say that, Michelle, because when

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<v Speaker 1>we left, like I think any mum kind of knows

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<v Speaker 1>that you become very close with the daycare or the

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<v Speaker 1>place that your kids are at. And the last day

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<v Speaker 1>that we had at her old daycare, I was in

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<v Speaker 1>tea is because I didn't I don't want her to change.

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<v Speaker 1>It was more a decision that Matt had made, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think potentially she has seen how upset I have

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<v Speaker 1>gotten over the process, and I probably haven't set her

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<v Speaker 1>up for being I think we did everything right to

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<v Speaker 1>start with. We were trying to be excited. But now

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<v Speaker 1>if she's getting distressed, I'm getting more distressed about it,

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<v Speaker 1>and so I think it's just escalating each other.

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<v Speaker 3>So you would be almost better off vocalizing those things

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<v Speaker 3>like I'm really missing your old daycare teachers right now?

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<v Speaker 3>Are you missing them? Because I think you and your

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<v Speaker 3>daughter are mirroring some of those feelings. So my next

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<v Speaker 3>question for you would be in your gut and to

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<v Speaker 3>the best of your knowledge, is she safe where she is?

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<v Speaker 3>Does that kindy have checks and balances in place? And

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<v Speaker 3>do you think it's a good place?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's no, it's a fantastic daycare, like it is

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<v Speaker 1>a fantastic, fantastic school. I think I'm just so used

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<v Speaker 1>to the familiarity that even for me, I was like,

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<v Speaker 1>I hate change. Now she's so little and she has

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<v Speaker 1>to go through that change herself.

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<v Speaker 2>You do hate change.

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<v Speaker 3>That's really easy to blame ourselves for everything. So we

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<v Speaker 3>don't want to get too sort of like internally focused

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<v Speaker 3>with it. And I talked grade one a long time ago,

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<v Speaker 3>but I'd always say to parents, don't tell your kids

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<v Speaker 3>that you are going to leave them now or drop

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<v Speaker 3>them off. You aren't leaving them, You're not dropping them anywhere.

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<v Speaker 3>You're actually deliberately intentionally transferring them to me. So you

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<v Speaker 3>say something like your teachers are going to look after you. Now,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm going to be at work and I'm going to

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<v Speaker 3>be right here at three o'clock.

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<v Speaker 2>Michelle. The question is like Laura's trying to decide if

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<v Speaker 2>she's stuck it out for a couple of weeks, now

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<v Speaker 2>does she think is it going to change for Lola?

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<v Speaker 2>Is she going to ease in eventually, or if she

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<v Speaker 2>stood this upset after this couple of weeks, should Laura

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<v Speaker 2>be taking her back to the old daycare.

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<v Speaker 3>You can introduce some strategies like leave a heart in

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<v Speaker 3>her pocket strategy. So let me tell you about this one.

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<v Speaker 3>So when you drop her off, Laura, have a little

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<v Speaker 3>red love heart piece of paper cut up and give

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<v Speaker 3>it to her and say to her, sweet, I want

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<v Speaker 3>you to put this in your pocket. And anytime you

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<v Speaker 3>feel unsure or anytime you feel a little bit like

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<v Speaker 3>you're missing mummy. I want you to put your heart

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<v Speaker 3>and hand in your pocket, and I want to remember

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<v Speaker 3>that I'll be thinking of you all day. But what

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<v Speaker 3>that does is it gives your teacher a chance to

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<v Speaker 3>loop into that. And so your teacher, if she knows

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<v Speaker 3>your daughter's like feeling anxious, she didn't go to her

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<v Speaker 3>and say, put your heart, hand in your pocket. Honey.

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<v Speaker 3>What's your mommy doing right now thinking about you?

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<v Speaker 1>Michelle wonderful? Oh my god.

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, so we're going to try the hard thing before

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<v Speaker 2>we pull her out.

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<v Speaker 3>Laura.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna have to take over this now.

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<v Speaker 3>Everyone.

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<v Speaker 2>Laura just quit.

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for Laura quit. Like I said, it's something that

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<v Speaker 1>so many parents go through. I think it's something that

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<v Speaker 1>hits working parents particularly hard because you don't have an

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<v Speaker 1>option and the whole you know, like maybe take them

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<v Speaker 1>in later or pick them up earlier and make the

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<v Speaker 1>days shorter, and it's like great, all that's great in theory,

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<v Speaker 1>but when you have a job that you have to

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<v Speaker 1>be out that doesn't allow you to do those things,

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<v Speaker 1>you just feel like you're such a crap parent and

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<v Speaker 1>you're not doing a good job. And it's it's really

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<v Speaker 1>hard to navigate.

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<v Speaker 2>You are doing a bloody good job.

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<v Speaker 3>You are.

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<v Speaker 1>Hopefully those kids turn out okay. A couple of years,

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<v Speaker 1>we'll find out. Well, if anyone wants to get more

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<v Speaker 1>of Michelle, she's written some incredible books, every Day Resilience Journal,

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<v Speaker 1>and she sold it one hundred thousand copies worldwide. Put

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<v Speaker 1>that off. This is so cute.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, you know someone else that's probably going to be

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<v Speaker 2>crying pretty soon.

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<v Speaker 1>The bride's on maths.

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<v Speaker 2>It's that time of year again. It has kicked off

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<v Speaker 2>last night, and I want to talk to you about

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<v Speaker 2>one of the couples. What would you do if you

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<v Speaker 2>got onto a show like that and you were paired

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<v Speaker 2>with an X? Because that has happened, don't forget to

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<v Speaker 2>head intochemist's warehouse and say more money every year on

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<v Speaker 2>your regular medication and discounted prescriptions in every.

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<v Speaker 1>Store every day. We're going to be talking about it

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<v Speaker 1>next