WEBVTT - Lord of the Throne

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<v Speaker 1>Something happened to me this morning. And I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if it's happened to you before, but you know, like lately,

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<v Speaker 1>I've had a little bit of crooked guards. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know why this happens all the time. You shut it anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>that's not what I'm I'm not telling that story.

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<v Speaker 2>Continue have interrupted?

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<v Speaker 1>So like, how many times have I shipped myself and

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<v Speaker 1>told it on this podcast? Nearly every episode? No, I

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<v Speaker 1>was just like just run of the mill morning bog.

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<v Speaker 1>But because I've been unwell, there's been a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>cleaning the back of the bowl with the brush.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, And this.

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<v Speaker 1>Morning, this morning, I'm cleaning the back of the bowl

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<v Speaker 1>with a brush and a bit of water flicked up.

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<v Speaker 3>No, no, no, thankfully not in the eye.

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<v Speaker 2>Welcome back to Two Dating Dads. I'm Maddie J and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm This is a podcast that happens to be all

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<v Speaker 2>about parenting for good, the.

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<v Speaker 1>Bad, and the relatable.

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<v Speaker 2>And as always, we do not offer any type of advice.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, we definitely don't. I don't know what else to

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<v Speaker 1>add to that. That's pretty obvious.

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<v Speaker 2>I do want to say there happens to be quite

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people who don't have kids, not even

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<v Speaker 2>trying for kids, just taken advice who have started listening.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I've noticed that people have been like, I'm in

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<v Speaker 1>my twenties and don't even have kids. It's like, why

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<v Speaker 1>are you listening to me? Ramba?

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<v Speaker 2>You know when you speak to someone who doesn't have

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<v Speaker 2>kids in the same way that you would speak to

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<v Speaker 2>someone who did have kids, and you talk about food

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<v Speaker 2>and sleep routine, and I can just see within three

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<v Speaker 2>seconds just the joy leave their face and they're like, no.

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<v Speaker 1>One gives us. It's like showing friends kids pictures you

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<v Speaker 1>no one gives. We spoke about this the other day

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<v Speaker 1>with the wedding video. Remember we're talking about me you,

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<v Speaker 1>Lauren April were talking about like showing people your wedding video.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just like they glaze over the that they could

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<v Speaker 1>not give two.

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<v Speaker 2>You may as well be showing them a video of like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>look at this bit of paint drying on a wall.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you like that?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>And is it a testament to ask that people without

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<v Speaker 1>kids are listening? Absolutely it is. Yeah, it must just

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<v Speaker 1>be well done, well done to both of us.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if we've had this bit.

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<v Speaker 1>I actually, legit have never had this particular better beer.

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<v Speaker 2>No have we No, I don't think No, we should

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<v Speaker 2>wish back on it now.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I just squirted everywhere, that's what she said.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, can you stop ejaculating things?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, it's a mid strength for those of you listening,

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<v Speaker 1>better be MIDI so.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that's three percent asked for those playing at home.

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<v Speaker 1>I drove because last time I got public transport, I

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<v Speaker 1>swore like a sailor on this podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>And you got home at like three am. I do

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<v Speaker 2>just want to say you're looking delicious and the better

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<v Speaker 2>be a tiny monster shirt.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm so stoked when I got that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a good color.

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<v Speaker 1>I like they really went for the monster theme on that.

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<v Speaker 2>I really did.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, we are on the mid strength for a reason

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<v Speaker 1>because coming up.

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<v Speaker 2>To Dridge your line, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Look that's trademarks. I don't know if we can actually say.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, can we say I'll say it, come and sue me,

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<v Speaker 2>come get me?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I can come straight off.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not scared.

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<v Speaker 1>Not me because I don't have the money.

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<v Speaker 2>Are you going to do drive your line?

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<v Speaker 1>I feel absolutely not. Look you want to think about it.

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<v Speaker 1>I did January February dry.

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<v Speaker 2>How did you feel?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, like an athlete.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's just not the real ash, is it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not the real me? Like April prefers that. Look,

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<v Speaker 1>I did feel really good, so it was a cleanse.

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<v Speaker 1>Then I might do one later in the year.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to do drive your life, so I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to support you. You can be on the sideline.

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<v Speaker 1>I will drink your.

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<v Speaker 2>Beers perfect if that's O perfect. So this is yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>this is like a little warm up to what do

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<v Speaker 2>we now?

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<v Speaker 1>We're winding down the percentage of alcohol.

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<v Speaker 2>We've got like like a week till July. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>want to sound really cliche, but isn't the year going quick?

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<v Speaker 2>Shut up? What am I saying? Sorry? Sorry? Cut that out.

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<v Speaker 1>April I was like, oh my god, you know it's

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<v Speaker 1>technically July. It's like, baby, it's June first. Just chill out.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm with April on this April April. If you're listening,

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<v Speaker 2>I can't believe it either. It's shocking. It is absolutely shocking.

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<v Speaker 1>Such a boomer thing to talk about, like how quick

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<v Speaker 1>gear is going.

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<v Speaker 2>It's all I've got. It's all I've got that that

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<v Speaker 2>and git it's cold at the moment.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like such a go to small tour.

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<v Speaker 2>It's mate daycare drop off. Literally every pair.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know what to say.

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<v Speaker 2>You just say, oh it's nippy. Yeah, I could really

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<v Speaker 2>feel it my fingers.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's like I was in the surf just then

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<v Speaker 1>and I was like one guy sitting next to me.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like that wins cold. It was like, no, ship,

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<v Speaker 1>it was bold. I was like, I actually back because

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<v Speaker 1>it's like my head's probably going to be a little

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<v Speaker 1>bit warmer than yours. So, but that's such a go

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<v Speaker 1>to Yeah, go to chit chat. I don't really finish

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<v Speaker 1>that one already. What that's like halfway?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, you are the fucking tinmy monster.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, boy, not wrong, not wrong, Ash.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know if you saw my stories over the weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>I was at a wedding which had a little disaster.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh last weekend.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, a little while ago, a surprise wedding.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually, I do recall the stories because I screenshot a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of them and zoomed right in your face. Because

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<v Speaker 1>that's the sort of friend I am where I send

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<v Speaker 1>you your half blurred face going like you look like

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<v Speaker 1>a fucking idiot. Yeah, I'm just like this guy's excited.

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<v Speaker 2>Thanks, Ash, So we were at Shady Pines for what

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<v Speaker 2>everyone thought was a birthday. It was a location where

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<v Speaker 2>the two people getting married had the very first so

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<v Speaker 2>we came back there like nine or ten years later

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<v Speaker 2>for the birthday. We knew that it was going to

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<v Speaker 2>be a wedding because Laura had done the rings, so

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<v Speaker 2>we were up to speed.

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<v Speaker 1>I did see that, yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And how it was going to play out. A friend

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<v Speaker 2>of ours who's a celebrant, also does some MCing. She

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<v Speaker 2>was on the mic, still very much playing the game

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<v Speaker 2>of this is a birthday party, have an MC But

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<v Speaker 2>I think every I think everyone never got it. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>everyone knew. And the way it was going to play out.

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<v Speaker 1>Love is disgusting, It's awful, awful.

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<v Speaker 2>The way it was going to play out is that

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<v Speaker 2>we had some birthday cakes, beautiful, big birthday cakes, like

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<v Speaker 2>they would have cost a bit of money, Like, yeah, extravagance.

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<v Speaker 1>The wedding cake. Look they're expensive, look delicious. Did they

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<v Speaker 1>have the surprise wedding so that when they told vendors

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<v Speaker 1>they're just having a birthday, it wasn't this.

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<v Speaker 2>Expense cater was airding, Like motherfucker is they charge an

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<v Speaker 2>extra forty percent stitch up so the mc slash celebrant

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<v Speaker 2>was going to say, Hey, we're going to put some

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<v Speaker 2>sparklers on the birthday cakes. We're going to sing happy

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<v Speaker 2>Birthday out of the Happy Birthday surprise. It's actually a wedding.

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<v Speaker 2>That was a game plan a little bit of context

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<v Speaker 2>as well. There's a few people there who I didn't know.

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<v Speaker 2>And Shady Pines is it's in the city. It's almost

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<v Speaker 2>like a basement that you go into.

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<v Speaker 1>It sounds, honestly, sounds very shady like. It's it sounds

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<v Speaker 1>like a strip class.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a great pub, great part.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, i'd say, ba, I know one thing. There were

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<v Speaker 1>some barrel tables there.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, and there was like a moose head, there's a

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<v Speaker 2>deer head, lots of taxidermy. But people would go outside

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<v Speaker 2>because it was during the day so it was lovely

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<v Speaker 2>weather outside. One person at the party was smoking a vape,

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<v Speaker 2>well I thought it was a vape and he said,

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<v Speaker 2>do you want some? And I don't, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know. I don't smoke vabes. But also like in

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<v Speaker 2>that situation where there was a couple of them and

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<v Speaker 2>they said, have some of this, and I, what is it?

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<v Speaker 1>Like? Just Dad's on the vapes just a I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>What it was to do, but I've I was lightheaded, like.

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<v Speaker 1>It look if you haven't had a vape before and

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<v Speaker 1>you suck it back.

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<v Speaker 2>Like it wasn't it was something else.

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<v Speaker 1>Nah, it's just like makes you dizzy, man.

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<v Speaker 2>Dude, I was. I was not quite with it.

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<v Speaker 1>So is that why your photos do you look like that?

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<v Speaker 2>I was kind of in front of these people. I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, well, that's good, vabe. I went back inside

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<v Speaker 2>still like and back into the basement where it's all

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<v Speaker 2>quite dark. My job was to light the sparklers as

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<v Speaker 2>I'm still quite not with it, feeling a bit tingly.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's dark down there people. And Laura, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>gonna put Laura in the ship now because she said

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<v Speaker 2>the best way to light these sparklers is to bunch

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<v Speaker 2>them together really tightly.

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<v Speaker 1>And you light them all of them.

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<v Speaker 2>So Laura had I'm going to say, like twenty sparklers

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<v Speaker 2>like held tightly.

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<v Speaker 1>And I was trying to burn the place down.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, have you made a sparkle bomb before? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a male, I'm a male,

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<v Speaker 1>was a child yeah yeah yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>It's dangerous. Yeah, and you know if I hadn't had

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<v Speaker 2>that vape, I would have been thinking more clearly and

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<v Speaker 2>I would have said this is a bad idea, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>but I go for it. I'm too high for this,

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<v Speaker 2>bring him here. They were too light.

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<v Speaker 1>The watermelon vape really got to me.

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<v Speaker 2>And they even said someone made a joke saying about

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<v Speaker 2>the fire alarm is going to go off.

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<v Speaker 1>Dude, that ship shut up.

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<v Speaker 2>That ship went off like it you know when they

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<v Speaker 2>start to take and it goes it's a little spark yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just smoke everywhere. Oh my god,

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<v Speaker 1>it's like letting off a flare, dude.

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<v Speaker 2>It was. It was crazy. It was absolutely crazy.

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<v Speaker 1>Laura, not your best idea, mate.

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<v Speaker 2>She was holding not just the hand of but she

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<v Speaker 2>was holding part of the sparkle bit that lights up

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<v Speaker 2>the whole. The whole sparkler went up in like two seconds,

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<v Speaker 2>just gone. And then because all these sparklers go up,

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<v Speaker 2>people and just throw it on the cake and it's

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<v Speaker 2>this Morne cake. So then the cake's on fire and

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<v Speaker 2>I'm there like in this haze.

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<v Speaker 1>I did see a photo of you, like obviously taken

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<v Speaker 1>aback from like what was happening, and you screen I've

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<v Speaker 1>screenshot it and zoomed on your face because you were like.

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<v Speaker 4>I was.

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<v Speaker 2>I was in shock. It was up to me the

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<v Speaker 2>guy who's just I don't know what I've smoked outside,

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<v Speaker 2>and then it's just me and this cake that's on fire,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know that it's the bride's favorite cake. So

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<v Speaker 2>I was like trying to like put out the cake

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<v Speaker 2>and then the dude. Then the smoke alarms went off

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<v Speaker 2>and they're all links. All of a sudden, all the

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<v Speaker 2>smoke alarms in the building.

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<v Speaker 1>Have the sprinkler. Luckily, oh that would have been I

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<v Speaker 1>love disaster.

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<v Speaker 2>It's what you want. It makes it more memorable.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah, we wouldn't be talking about if everything

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<v Speaker 1>went to play am I have?

0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.240
<v Speaker 2>But I did think I was wondering they're going to

0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:05.960
<v Speaker 2>be you know, some of these alarm systems.

0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:12.360
<v Speaker 1>Imagine if like firefighters came in but that wasp, Yeah,

0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:13.160
<v Speaker 1>we here to put the fire.

0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:20.800
<v Speaker 2>There was a moment where I looked at the celebrant

0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:23.600
<v Speaker 2>and she was there going, oh, my fucking god, because

0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:29.920
<v Speaker 2>there's smoke. Every Johnson ruined this fire alarm, and then

0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.440
<v Speaker 2>the bride and groom as well, also looking at like

0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:34.440
<v Speaker 2>this is a disaster. And then they had to kind

0:11:34.480 --> 0:11:37.280
<v Speaker 2>of say, like surprise, it's a wedding beyond that moment,

0:11:37.559 --> 0:11:41.840
<v Speaker 2>beautiful ceremony. Yeah, they regathered, regathered, came came home strong.

0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.360
<v Speaker 2>Mum and dad were in tears of the writing groom.

0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:47.679
<v Speaker 1>I had sure it wasn't tears because of the smoke.

0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.560
<v Speaker 1>This is a beautiful wedding if we could see it.

0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:55.719
<v Speaker 2>It worked out well because you know, I was very

0:11:55.720 --> 0:11:58.280
<v Speaker 2>squinty at that stage, so I had something to blame her.

0:11:58.320 --> 0:12:01.880
<v Speaker 2>It's not me, baby, this was and that watermelon vape

0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:03.839
<v Speaker 2>that I did.

0:12:03.920 --> 0:12:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Laura burn her her well, she burned her.

0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:11.200
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, La Laura burn burned by name, burned by nature

0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:14.240
<v Speaker 2>and by fingers. She she did. Yeah, I should have

0:12:14.240 --> 0:12:17.800
<v Speaker 2>given her more sympathy. She did say it looked bad.

0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.600
<v Speaker 2>It looked bad. The skin was very charred.

0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:21.959
<v Speaker 1>And we'll get over it.

0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:24.120
<v Speaker 2>And she was like, I may have to go to hospital,

0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:27.320
<v Speaker 2>and I'm not going to hospital, and that.

0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:29.440
<v Speaker 1>All Marley will take it to hospital. She's been before.

0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:30.520
<v Speaker 2>She knows the drill.

0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:33.800
<v Speaker 1>She knows. I got to see some of it just

0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.040
<v Speaker 1>with the stories, but actually reminds me of my own

0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.800
<v Speaker 1>Sparkler story I have it. It's not as juicy as that,

0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.440
<v Speaker 1>But I'll just whip through it really quick.

0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.679
<v Speaker 2>Can you just confirm at what age is this story?

0:12:45.720 --> 0:12:46.559
<v Speaker 2>Is this a young ash?

0:12:46.679 --> 0:12:49.199
<v Speaker 1>Is this a young ash? This is primary school Ash?

0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.280
<v Speaker 2>Okay, you look like a kid who would have been

0:12:52.280 --> 0:12:52.880
<v Speaker 2>into fire.

0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I like burning things down. Don't tell the police

0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.360
<v Speaker 1>of that. I was just going to say spar was

0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:03.880
<v Speaker 1>a dangerous man. We were. We had a party at

0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:07.440
<v Speaker 1>birthday party at our house when we were kids. I

0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.960
<v Speaker 1>can't remember whose birthday was, has just come to me now.

0:13:10.480 --> 0:13:13.920
<v Speaker 1>And one of my cousins had a sparkler. We all

0:13:13.920 --> 0:13:16.040
<v Speaker 1>had sparkles because we're kids. The fucking sparkles are great

0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:19.360
<v Speaker 1>when you're kid. Yeah. Anyway, she's bloody flung it right,

0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:23.640
<v Speaker 1>this thing flying through the air, landing on top of

0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:26.280
<v Speaker 1>the back shed. The back shed's got all the pine

0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:26.960
<v Speaker 1>needles on it.

0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:28.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah you're kidding.

0:13:29.000 --> 0:13:30.560
<v Speaker 1>The fucking shed burnt down.

0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:34.800
<v Speaker 2>No one got there in time quick enough to stop it.

0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:38.079
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't so quick. It was just happened. The whole

0:13:38.160 --> 0:13:42.439
<v Speaker 1>roof was covered in pine needles, and it was an

0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:47.280
<v Speaker 1>old shed. It was gone, like it was literally gone.

0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:51.400
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe sparklers are still in business. They're sold.

0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.000
<v Speaker 2>You can get them from the shops.

0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:55.079
<v Speaker 1>Go get my kids some sparkles after this.

0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.320
<v Speaker 2>Ask here you go, mate, late birthday president, and I just.

0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:00.480
<v Speaker 1>Get them from woollies. What we used to do? You remember,

0:14:00.480 --> 0:14:02.439
<v Speaker 1>you used to like make the bombs out of it.

0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:05.080
<v Speaker 2>You strip out the sparkle bit and then it was

0:14:05.160 --> 0:14:06.200
<v Speaker 2>like breaking bad.

0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.880
<v Speaker 1>You know, I know kids are such pirate technics.

0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:11.480
<v Speaker 2>I used to used to litle bit of fire back

0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:11.880
<v Speaker 2>in the day.

0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that was burning down, just beautiful. We shouldn't encourage it.

0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's actually it's been a while since I put

0:14:21.400 --> 0:14:22.040
<v Speaker 2>something on fire.

0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:32.600
<v Speaker 1>Let's finish this up and go better. Yeah, Mace's got

0:14:32.600 --> 0:14:37.280
<v Speaker 1>a new nickname in my house, Princess Lord of the Throne,

0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.480
<v Speaker 1>I call her is What is she doing?

0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:40.880
<v Speaker 2>So?

0:14:41.160 --> 0:14:43.200
<v Speaker 1>She's too young to be doing the toilet training? She's

0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.360
<v Speaker 1>like nineteen months old? Okay, I don't I think that's right.

0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:50.400
<v Speaker 1>Abel will correct me neither way.

0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:52.320
<v Speaker 2>So she's still in nappies all day?

0:14:52.400 --> 0:14:56.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I still doing a nappy thing. And Oscar's

0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:58.120
<v Speaker 1>like potty training. We spoke about that because he shit

0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 1>himself last week. But Macy's just adopted this thing where

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.360
<v Speaker 1>she has to sit on the toilet now, at any moment,

0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:07.440
<v Speaker 1>at any waking moment, it's so hard to get her

0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:10.760
<v Speaker 1>off the toilet. She's just sit on there. She's just fully,

0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:12.840
<v Speaker 1>which is gonna be great down the track when we

0:15:12.920 --> 0:15:15.760
<v Speaker 1>do toilet train when she's in her teenage years.

0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.200
<v Speaker 2>Do you think she's just watching what you do? Sit

0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.160
<v Speaker 2>on the toilet for like a good hour.

0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.840
<v Speaker 1>No. No, because it's a different toilet. She hasn't seen

0:15:22.840 --> 0:15:25.000
<v Speaker 1>me in the other toilet. I'm in the en sweet toilet.

0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:27.240
<v Speaker 1>This is the where Oscar sits to do a poo.

0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:30.320
<v Speaker 1>So I think she's just mimicking an Oscar. Nice try though,

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:32.920
<v Speaker 1>I do like what you did there. Try to make

0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:33.880
<v Speaker 1>me look like a bad dad.

0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:34.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:15:34.520 --> 0:15:37.320
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, Well, joke's on you, little as I am.

0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:43.560
<v Speaker 2>So she if she's happy though, fine, leave it there.

0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but it's like it's also dangerous mate. Yeah, she

0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:49.400
<v Speaker 1>falls off, I'm going to the hospital. I don't want

0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:49.920
<v Speaker 1>to have to deal with that.

0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:52.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because she's quite I'm looking at a photo now.

0:15:52.920 --> 0:15:56.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm happy. She's got food on her face, but happy very.

0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:58.520
<v Speaker 2>Close to the corner of the sink.

0:15:59.320 --> 0:16:01.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, that's that's the same thing that I hit

0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:03.400
<v Speaker 1>my head on before you tell that story, we sell over.

0:16:03.480 --> 0:16:06.560
<v Speaker 2>That's looking sharp. Also, the bath, she could fall on

0:16:06.640 --> 0:16:08.040
<v Speaker 2>the corner of the bath into the bar.

0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's not an ideal. Thank you for pointing out

0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.440
<v Speaker 1>all of the safety hazards in which I've put my

0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:13.520
<v Speaker 1>child in that situation.

0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.920
<v Speaker 2>You're very welcome. But she looks.

0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:20.760
<v Speaker 1>Happy, she's super happy. Food on the face. But anyway,

0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:24.240
<v Speaker 1>so she's just addicted to a lord of the throne.

0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:29.240
<v Speaker 1>As you can see, addicted and you'll see how cute

0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.640
<v Speaker 1>she is anyway, So anyway.

0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:33.840
<v Speaker 2>There are worse things to be addicted to.

0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:37.800
<v Speaker 1>But the problem is you can't get her off. So

0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:40.040
<v Speaker 1>what do you do. She won't let anyone else sit down,

0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:43.640
<v Speaker 1>and you cannot get her off because she'll just scream.

0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.080
<v Speaker 1>So she screams and screams, and you put it down

0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:48.680
<v Speaker 1>somewhere else. In back, she's just on the toilet all

0:16:48.680 --> 0:16:49.080
<v Speaker 1>the time.

0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:51.560
<v Speaker 2>Isn't it weird what kids get fixated.

0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.680
<v Speaker 1>I've got to bring her food, I've got to bring

0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.920
<v Speaker 1>her toys, I've got to bring she's worked it out

0:16:58.280 --> 0:17:00.720
<v Speaker 1>that she's like, if I just sit here, they will

0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.640
<v Speaker 1>come to me. They will come to me with things.

0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.160
<v Speaker 1>So she's now.

0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:08.159
<v Speaker 2>Where she now has dinner. She could just sleep the throne,

0:17:08.200 --> 0:17:09.040
<v Speaker 2>she could just sleep in the bar.

0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:11.720
<v Speaker 1>Soon I'll be fanning her with a big fucking leave

0:17:11.800 --> 0:17:13.639
<v Speaker 1>and I'll be feeding the grapes and she'll be this

0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:15.400
<v Speaker 1>fattening on the toilet, being like ring.

0:17:17.800 --> 0:17:19.199
<v Speaker 2>It's going to be awkward when I go to your

0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.119
<v Speaker 2>place next time to record. Then I go to do

0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:21.720
<v Speaker 2>a piss.

0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:22.600
<v Speaker 1>And I pissed through a legs.

0:17:22.760 --> 0:17:29.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, sorry, excuse me, So Lord.

0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:32.879
<v Speaker 1>Of the Throne, She's like, she's just obsessed with it.

0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:34.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if it's normal. I don't know if

0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.520
<v Speaker 1>anyone else. Look, this is only my second kid, so

0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:39.840
<v Speaker 1>I don't know the first one didn't do it. But

0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I guess like she's probably thinking, like my brother does.

0:17:43.000 --> 0:17:43.720
<v Speaker 1>Is all that other kid?

0:17:43.760 --> 0:17:44.879
<v Speaker 2>Now? I want in on the action?

0:17:45.160 --> 0:17:51.080
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but she's sitting there fully closed, closed clothed. Get

0:17:51.080 --> 0:17:51.520
<v Speaker 1>that out.

0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:55.520
<v Speaker 2>If there's any parents out there who were experiencing something similar,

0:17:56.119 --> 0:17:59.240
<v Speaker 2>how do I get them off? Any words of advice

0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.120
<v Speaker 2>on how to this trend or do you just embrace it?

0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:04.360
<v Speaker 1>Well, this morning, trying to get it in the car

0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.600
<v Speaker 1>to go to Kindy, she was like, he's screaming head off,

0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:11.439
<v Speaker 1>Like once back on the throne, and it's not like

0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.080
<v Speaker 1>it's all the way upstairs. Like I can sit in

0:18:14.119 --> 0:18:16.720
<v Speaker 1>the lounge room and just look through the door and

0:18:16.760 --> 0:18:19.240
<v Speaker 1>there she is safe and sound near all these.

0:18:20.560 --> 0:18:23.560
<v Speaker 2>If she's happy, mate leave her there.

0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:27.840
<v Speaker 1>Like hopefully it transitions into that she just wants to

0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:30.440
<v Speaker 1>easily potty training, because she'll just sit there all day

0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:32.600
<v Speaker 1>and she'll just shit and piss all day while she's.

0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:35.919
<v Speaker 2>There, taking happy off, PLoP it down. That's actually not

0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:37.400
<v Speaker 2>about show see what happens.

0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:40.040
<v Speaker 1>You know what will happen. She'll want to get off.

0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:51.080
<v Speaker 2>I've got a buone to pick with you. Oh fuck, Actually,

0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:56.440
<v Speaker 2>Ash far away, I'm angry at you because you've ruined

0:18:57.160 --> 0:19:01.480
<v Speaker 2>kids birthdays for me because we had Marley's birthday on

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.479
<v Speaker 2>the weekend. Also, thanks for coming, Ash, very kind of

0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.199
<v Speaker 2>you to drive all the way from and all the

0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.800
<v Speaker 2>beaches out to eastern suburbs.

0:19:08.400 --> 0:19:10.919
<v Speaker 1>Of Sorry, I had to wash my hair that day.

0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:14.639
<v Speaker 2>I thought I thought we were friends, but.

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:17.879
<v Speaker 1>I honestly I had something. I had better things to do.

0:19:18.080 --> 0:19:21.080
<v Speaker 2>That's fine, I completely understand, But when your kids have

0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:23.760
<v Speaker 2>a birthday party, eventually.

0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.600
<v Speaker 1>Never when it happens, you'll be at their eighteenth don't.

0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:27.919
<v Speaker 2>Expect me to fucking rock up.

0:19:28.480 --> 0:19:29.640
<v Speaker 1>It's a long way, man.

0:19:29.840 --> 0:19:32.520
<v Speaker 2>So I was given the task of I do understand

0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.000
<v Speaker 2>by the way, I'm only joking, just like a ship friend.

0:19:35.000 --> 0:19:38.480
<v Speaker 2>That's fine. I was given the task of organizing Marley's

0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:42.480
<v Speaker 2>birthday party, which I should be good at because I

0:19:42.480 --> 0:19:45.160
<v Speaker 2>worked in events for fucking your own.

0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:46.360
<v Speaker 1>Okay, no.

0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:54.920
<v Speaker 2>Organized all these. I left it last minute. Yeah, didn't

0:19:54.960 --> 0:19:55.760
<v Speaker 2>organize that.

0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:59.840
<v Speaker 1>If it was your party, you'd be like you organized

0:19:59.880 --> 0:20:02.640
<v Speaker 1>it last birthday. This one. You're just like our weak out.

0:20:02.640 --> 0:20:03.280
<v Speaker 1>What do we want to do.

0:20:04.040 --> 0:20:05.880
<v Speaker 2>I thought it's not summer, so I didn't think it'd

0:20:05.880 --> 0:20:09.160
<v Speaker 2>be that busy. There's a lawn bowls place down the road.

0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:12.320
<v Speaker 2>Guy was saying, it's like, mane, we don't take bookings

0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:14.840
<v Speaker 2>for the outside tables, and I was like, I'll pay

0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:15.560
<v Speaker 2>whatever you need.

0:20:15.760 --> 0:20:18.240
<v Speaker 1>Just do not know who I am. I'm Maddie j

0:20:19.000 --> 0:20:20.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm Australia's favorite bachelor.

0:20:21.800 --> 0:20:24.199
<v Speaker 2>I was going to drop that in decided not to

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.080
<v Speaker 2>bullshit and he didn't want to bar of me. I

0:20:27.119 --> 0:20:30.960
<v Speaker 2>was like, now, honestly, whatever, if there's a minute, whatever, whatever,

0:20:31.280 --> 0:20:35.560
<v Speaker 2>I will make it worth your while. Fuck you, that's

0:20:35.600 --> 0:20:36.920
<v Speaker 2>going to get me three tables.

0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Nice, I'll do it.

0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:41.760
<v Speaker 2>Didn't want me East Footy Club, great venue for the

0:20:41.840 --> 0:20:44.080
<v Speaker 2>kids home games. Can't take bookings.

0:20:44.119 --> 0:20:45.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah.

0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.760
<v Speaker 2>Out. So I'm calling calling everyone, trying to also work

0:20:49.800 --> 0:20:54.600
<v Speaker 2>around the Fairy Princess that we've organized. And it's just awful,

0:20:55.000 --> 0:20:55.960
<v Speaker 2>absolutely awful.

0:20:55.960 --> 0:20:57.160
<v Speaker 1>And at the stripper.

0:20:58.720 --> 0:21:04.880
<v Speaker 2>Fairy Princess Prince, welcome Crystal, the kids entertain it is Porsche.

0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:07.320
<v Speaker 2>I was trying to make it worthwhile for you to

0:21:07.320 --> 0:21:13.760
<v Speaker 2>come out this way. And at the same time I

0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:16.240
<v Speaker 2>had to had to go get Marley's presence as well,

0:21:16.320 --> 0:21:19.080
<v Speaker 2>and that was just a fucking ordeal because Laura had

0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:23.119
<v Speaker 2>pre booked it on Camar Click and Collect. Waited in

0:21:23.200 --> 0:21:25.600
<v Speaker 2>line at the service line as well on the phone

0:21:25.800 --> 0:21:28.760
<v Speaker 2>trying to fucking find a venue. Got to the front

0:21:28.760 --> 0:21:30.320
<v Speaker 2>and they said, oh, this is the wrong there's two

0:21:30.400 --> 0:21:33.560
<v Speaker 2>k mats and bondais one in Westfield and one outside.

0:21:33.600 --> 0:21:36.280
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, who in BONDI I see when

0:21:36.359 --> 0:21:38.200
<v Speaker 1>you fucking came ups do you need over here?

0:21:38.240 --> 0:21:39.480
<v Speaker 2>Came out. I don't want to tell you how to

0:21:39.520 --> 0:21:41.880
<v Speaker 2>do your job, but you don't need two fucking km

0:21:42.000 --> 0:21:44.879
<v Speaker 2>arts within like a one comet radius.

0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:47.960
<v Speaker 1>Gank. God, we've got one that like service as the

0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:51.199
<v Speaker 1>whole of North Sydney. I've actually got two now, but

0:21:51.760 --> 0:21:55.280
<v Speaker 1>they were like doubling up ten or fifteen k's apart.

0:21:55.560 --> 0:21:57.680
<v Speaker 2>So I went to the right km art and as

0:21:57.680 --> 0:21:59.520
<v Speaker 2>I was standing there in the service line waiting to

0:21:59.560 --> 0:22:02.560
<v Speaker 2>pick up the dollhouse, I saw something in the corner

0:22:02.560 --> 0:22:05.120
<v Speaker 2>of my eye and I thought that would be such

0:22:05.160 --> 0:22:07.920
<v Speaker 2>a great present for Mali because she's really into doing

0:22:08.359 --> 0:22:11.959
<v Speaker 2>concerts at the moment. I did see once she stands

0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:13.040
<v Speaker 2>there and sings a song.

0:22:13.240 --> 0:22:15.000
<v Speaker 1>When's she got a talent agent already?

0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:16.600
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm working on it.

0:22:17.080 --> 0:22:19.120
<v Speaker 1>You could just do it, man, I'm.

0:22:18.960 --> 0:22:21.560
<v Speaker 2>Thinking about it. But I bought a gift that I

0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:23.600
<v Speaker 2>thought was a great gift, but it was actually really shit.

0:22:24.520 --> 0:22:26.399
<v Speaker 2>It was a terrible idea and I regret it and

0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:28.480
<v Speaker 2>I can't get rid of it now because she loves it.

0:22:28.520 --> 0:22:31.040
<v Speaker 1>Is it the Is it the microphone?

0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:32.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes? Ye yes.

0:22:32.800 --> 0:22:36.040
<v Speaker 1>Every household that I've gone to that have that, I

0:22:36.240 --> 0:22:38.960
<v Speaker 1>just pick it up straight away and hid it. Oh,

0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:40.920
<v Speaker 1>because it's so fucking annoying.

0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:44.440
<v Speaker 2>And it's also the it's a little speaker which attaches

0:22:44.480 --> 0:22:46.240
<v Speaker 2>to a microphone, and I don't know if there's like

0:22:46.280 --> 0:22:48.439
<v Speaker 2>different modes on it, but it's an echo when you

0:22:48.480 --> 0:22:52.760
<v Speaker 2>sing into it. Oh, it's like a karaoke machine. And

0:22:52.840 --> 0:22:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Marley loves it. And as soon as I gave it

0:22:55.359 --> 0:22:56.879
<v Speaker 2>to I turned it on and she was just she

0:22:56.880 --> 0:22:58.439
<v Speaker 2>didn't sing, she just yelled in it.

0:22:58.960 --> 0:23:02.639
<v Speaker 1>Ah, in this echo, just scaring the ship out of

0:23:02.680 --> 0:23:07.640
<v Speaker 1>people with it. Yeah, such a shit toy, Like why

0:23:07.680 --> 0:23:13.399
<v Speaker 1>do they create toys that honestly just invented to annoy

0:23:13.440 --> 0:23:14.800
<v Speaker 1>the shit out of parents?

0:23:15.040 --> 0:23:16.879
<v Speaker 2>And I think back to that moment where I was

0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:18.679
<v Speaker 2>standing in line, and I was like, how did I

0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:20.560
<v Speaker 2>not have some common sense? Like how did I not?

0:23:22.200 --> 0:23:23.040
<v Speaker 1>You were in the moment.

0:23:23.080 --> 0:23:23.919
<v Speaker 2>I was in the moment.

0:23:24.040 --> 0:23:26.919
<v Speaker 1>You're in the moment. I do that too, where you're like, oh,

0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:30.399
<v Speaker 1>do you know what my sister got my kid for

0:23:30.560 --> 0:23:34.600
<v Speaker 1>his second birthday? All right, a kazoo.

0:23:36.640 --> 0:23:38.720
<v Speaker 2>And it's loud.

0:23:38.880 --> 0:23:42.480
<v Speaker 1>She gave it to us and I was like, oh,

0:23:42.920 --> 0:23:45.840
<v Speaker 1>like why and she was like, you'll see a straight

0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:48.879
<v Speaker 1>up fuck you And I was like what the fuck?

0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:51.720
<v Speaker 1>I kept throwing it out, but somehow I kept reappearing.

0:23:52.200 --> 0:23:55.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't know it, honestly, It's just tiny little kazoo

0:23:56.440 --> 0:23:58.840
<v Speaker 1>and I put it in the bin. I swear to God,

0:23:59.040 --> 0:24:00.639
<v Speaker 1>I put it in the bin more than once, and

0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:03.760
<v Speaker 1>it just keeps reappearing in my kid's mouth. And because

0:24:03.960 --> 0:24:06.760
<v Speaker 1>when you breathe through it, you breathe through it. But

0:24:06.800 --> 0:24:11.320
<v Speaker 1>then he'll breathe, he'll inhale too. So it's.

0:24:13.160 --> 0:24:16.120
<v Speaker 2>The people who have designed those types of toys. They

0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:20.159
<v Speaker 2>know what they're doing. They've designed this knowing.

0:24:19.920 --> 0:24:22.000
<v Speaker 1>Full well test the patience.

0:24:22.000 --> 0:24:23.520
<v Speaker 2>Where it's going to end up in the hands of

0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:27.879
<v Speaker 2>a little toddler, a little terrorist, destroying the lives of parents.

0:24:27.920 --> 0:24:30.600
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, I blame my sister, not the kid.

0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:31.119
<v Speaker 1>They don't know.

0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:36.520
<v Speaker 2>So it's the week of organizing Marley's birthday, with the

0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:40.560
<v Speaker 2>geek out, with the gears, with organizing the party itself.

0:24:41.040 --> 0:24:42.760
<v Speaker 2>And I was thinking to myself the whole time. I

0:24:42.800 --> 0:24:45.639
<v Speaker 2>was like, I don't have to do this. Ash doesn't

0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:45.840
<v Speaker 2>do it.

0:24:45.880 --> 0:24:46.399
<v Speaker 1>I don't do that.

0:24:46.800 --> 0:24:49.160
<v Speaker 2>Ash doesn't do this. Why am I putting myself through this?

0:24:49.600 --> 0:24:53.000
<v Speaker 2>And so now every birthday you fucking ruined it for

0:24:53.040 --> 0:24:56.879
<v Speaker 2>me because I know you're I know you're sitting there

0:24:57.800 --> 0:25:02.120
<v Speaker 2>on your couch at home, not even giving any thought

0:25:02.160 --> 0:25:04.000
<v Speaker 2>whatsoever to the birthday party.

0:25:04.280 --> 0:25:07.840
<v Speaker 1>I know. And also we went to a birthday party

0:25:07.880 --> 0:25:10.440
<v Speaker 1>locally at the one we went into yours.

0:25:10.440 --> 0:25:12.760
<v Speaker 2>Oh so you got someone else's birthday party? Okay, who

0:25:12.800 --> 0:25:13.679
<v Speaker 2>the fuck? Was it?

0:25:13.800 --> 0:25:15.840
<v Speaker 1>Just someone else? Someone less important than you as well?

0:25:18.560 --> 0:25:22.280
<v Speaker 1>And again we just told Oscar it was his party.

0:25:22.320 --> 0:25:24.199
<v Speaker 1>And all I did was tell one of my friends

0:25:24.200 --> 0:25:26.240
<v Speaker 1>to walk up to Oscar and say, thanks for having

0:25:26.240 --> 0:25:26.960
<v Speaker 1>me at your party.

0:25:29.160 --> 0:25:30.680
<v Speaker 2>You are so manipulative.

0:25:31.920 --> 0:25:33.320
<v Speaker 1>And we were getting in the car.

0:25:33.680 --> 0:25:35.679
<v Speaker 2>What did he say when it's okay?

0:25:37.880 --> 0:25:39.679
<v Speaker 1>We were getting in the car and there were some

0:25:39.720 --> 0:25:42.240
<v Speaker 1>other people there and they're like, thanks for the party, Oscar,

0:25:42.240 --> 0:25:45.359
<v Speaker 1>and he was like, that's okay, thumbs.

0:25:45.000 --> 0:25:52.480
<v Speaker 2>Up his cotton socks. One benefit though, of organizing the

0:25:52.520 --> 0:25:55.560
<v Speaker 2>party with this very princess that was coming.

0:25:55.680 --> 0:25:56.639
<v Speaker 1>She did extra.

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:03.359
<v Speaker 2>Ash please your mind. And it's going to lead me

0:26:03.400 --> 0:26:06.240
<v Speaker 2>into my new favorite segment on the podcast.

0:26:05.960 --> 0:26:16.359
<v Speaker 4>And that is tell Me, Lies, Tell Me and that song.

0:26:17.400 --> 0:26:21.200
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god.

0:26:19.960 --> 0:26:22.160
<v Speaker 2>This has ended up so much better that little intro.

0:26:22.400 --> 0:26:25.200
<v Speaker 1>I know, I just me singing anyway.

0:26:25.880 --> 0:26:27.680
<v Speaker 2>Were you ever in the school choir?

0:26:28.560 --> 0:26:31.840
<v Speaker 1>No? Very the weird al yank of each school choir,

0:26:32.960 --> 0:26:39.240
<v Speaker 1>such a beautiful it's one of those voices, you know.

0:26:39.400 --> 0:26:42.240
<v Speaker 2>When we recorded that and you said, oh, should we

0:26:42.359 --> 0:26:44.640
<v Speaker 2>keep going. When we stopped it at that point, there

0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:46.879
<v Speaker 2>was another like potential ten seconds that we could have

0:26:47.240 --> 0:26:49.280
<v Speaker 2>could have used, and I thought, nah, we don't do

0:26:51.040 --> 0:26:54.000
<v Speaker 2>and I regret not extending it. Ten seconds of you

0:26:54.080 --> 0:26:58.920
<v Speaker 2>singing is not enough. So I started telling a lie

0:26:59.200 --> 0:26:59.720
<v Speaker 2>to Marley.

0:27:00.000 --> 0:27:01.240
<v Speaker 1>And it's very much other one.

0:27:01.440 --> 0:27:06.119
<v Speaker 2>It's added to the list. The lies keep on coming.

0:27:06.600 --> 0:27:09.639
<v Speaker 1>That's an endless list of parenting is just an endless

0:27:09.680 --> 0:27:10.280
<v Speaker 1>list of lies.

0:27:10.560 --> 0:27:13.720
<v Speaker 2>Now that I'm paying attention to you know what I'm saying.

0:27:14.000 --> 0:27:18.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm just dishing out lines every day. I'm a psychopath,

0:27:18.240 --> 0:27:20.400
<v Speaker 2>so good, But I'm going to say it's like kind

0:27:20.400 --> 0:27:23.320
<v Speaker 2>of Santa Claus two point zero because Marley is a

0:27:23.320 --> 0:27:25.320
<v Speaker 2>pretty bad eater. She's always been.

0:27:25.280 --> 0:27:27.200
<v Speaker 1>Really, really tricky.

0:27:27.600 --> 0:27:31.280
<v Speaker 2>Lola is a little like she's grizzleguts. She'll just eat

0:27:31.280 --> 0:27:34.640
<v Speaker 2>everything she'll eat. Fucking watch off your wrist if you're

0:27:34.640 --> 0:27:38.399
<v Speaker 2>not careful, she will. There have been so many times

0:27:38.440 --> 0:27:40.920
<v Speaker 2>where I've come into the kitchen and she's like moved

0:27:40.960 --> 0:27:43.960
<v Speaker 2>the chair to the pantry and she's eating like dried

0:27:44.040 --> 0:27:47.080
<v Speaker 2>razoni and just like pesto. Anything she can get her

0:27:47.080 --> 0:27:49.760
<v Speaker 2>hands on. She's just shoveling it into the list.

0:27:49.800 --> 0:27:51.399
<v Speaker 1>None of my kids are fucked.

0:27:51.600 --> 0:27:54.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, Marley, you've got to like pin down. And

0:27:54.800 --> 0:27:57.320
<v Speaker 2>I said to her leading up to the party, I

0:27:57.359 --> 0:27:59.480
<v Speaker 2>was like, hey, the fairy princess so I found in

0:27:59.520 --> 0:28:02.960
<v Speaker 2>the park. She said she can come on Saturday, except

0:28:03.119 --> 0:28:05.200
<v Speaker 2>she only comes to the parties of those girls who

0:28:05.200 --> 0:28:08.520
<v Speaker 2>are really well behaved. And she said, make sure Mally

0:28:08.600 --> 0:28:12.800
<v Speaker 2>it's all her dinner, otherwise she won't come. And Marley

0:28:12.960 --> 0:28:14.080
<v Speaker 2>was like, shit.

0:28:14.119 --> 0:28:20.560
<v Speaker 1>They're so dumb. It's like, it's funny when you tell

0:28:20.600 --> 0:28:23.199
<v Speaker 1>that lie to them. How straight faced you are too. Yeah,

0:28:23.359 --> 0:28:27.480
<v Speaker 1>it's like, honestly, just like you can lie to straight

0:28:27.520 --> 0:28:28.199
<v Speaker 1>down the barrel.

0:28:28.320 --> 0:28:30.320
<v Speaker 2>In my head, I was like, will she take the bait?

0:28:30.400 --> 0:28:32.960
<v Speaker 2>Here is this? And like she took it, hook line

0:28:32.960 --> 0:28:33.359
<v Speaker 2>and sinker.

0:28:33.440 --> 0:28:33.920
<v Speaker 1>Beautiful.

0:28:34.000 --> 0:28:36.080
<v Speaker 2>She was in And I even said to her just

0:28:36.119 --> 0:28:38.160
<v Speaker 2>to like, you know, add a bit of spice. And

0:28:38.200 --> 0:28:40.400
<v Speaker 2>I was like, and the fairy princesses, you need to

0:28:40.440 --> 0:28:45.840
<v Speaker 2>clean the floor, clean the toilet. I said, they're always

0:28:45.840 --> 0:28:49.280
<v Speaker 2>listening and they're always watching. And so Marley was like, oh,

0:28:49.560 --> 0:28:51.840
<v Speaker 2>like thinking that this fairy is somewhere, She's like, I

0:28:52.160 --> 0:28:56.920
<v Speaker 2>love my dinner. I loved it. I loved it. And

0:28:57.080 --> 0:28:58.000
<v Speaker 2>every mouth was She was.

0:28:57.920 --> 0:28:59.480
<v Speaker 1>Like, maybe she was having you on.

0:29:02.120 --> 0:29:06.120
<v Speaker 2>Dad's fulling this fucking fully.

0:29:05.800 --> 0:29:10.120
<v Speaker 1>Grown man think. How stupid does he think I am.

0:29:10.320 --> 0:29:13.520
<v Speaker 1>I'm just going to play this up. Maybe get lolder

0:29:13.520 --> 0:29:16.920
<v Speaker 1>to eat my food, not tell, and then I get

0:29:16.960 --> 0:29:18.400
<v Speaker 1>my fucking fairy if she.

0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:20.680
<v Speaker 2>Was playing me, and who knows who was playing?

0:29:20.800 --> 0:29:21.880
<v Speaker 1>Who knows who's playing.

0:29:22.960 --> 0:29:24.880
<v Speaker 2>But it worked. Even when it came to going to bed.

0:29:24.920 --> 0:29:27.760
<v Speaker 2>She was like, do you know what, daddy, I love

0:29:27.880 --> 0:29:30.120
<v Speaker 2>going to bed because sleeping is fun.

0:29:30.280 --> 0:29:33.760
<v Speaker 1>She just got ya and I just got your Yeah,

0:29:33.920 --> 0:29:36.360
<v Speaker 1>I've met Marley and she is much.

0:29:39.840 --> 0:29:43.080
<v Speaker 2>She is fucking smart. The babysit a message and said, oh,

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:45.320
<v Speaker 2>by the way, I just want to say birthday for Marley.

0:29:45.440 --> 0:29:48.560
<v Speaker 2>She mentioned it was on the nineteenth.

0:29:48.440 --> 0:29:53.640
<v Speaker 1>Who is this? She's just telling randoms when her birthday is,

0:29:53.680 --> 0:29:55.480
<v Speaker 1>what time she was born, her exact weight.

0:29:57.000 --> 0:30:00.560
<v Speaker 2>She definitely doesn't get the brains from me from Laura. Yeah, yeah,

0:30:01.320 --> 0:30:04.960
<v Speaker 2>obviously she gets the looks from meet. She gets the

0:30:05.000 --> 0:30:06.920
<v Speaker 2>great personality from this guy.

0:30:07.600 --> 0:30:08.880
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, So let's move on from this.

0:30:10.280 --> 0:30:12.240
<v Speaker 2>How many lies you told your kids?

0:30:12.560 --> 0:30:15.600
<v Speaker 1>It's endless. It's like we were talking about last week

0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:18.960
<v Speaker 1>the park like things are closed or things don't work.

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:22.000
<v Speaker 1>And you know a classic is the park is closed.

0:30:22.120 --> 0:30:25.120
<v Speaker 1>That's a great one. And everyone who's listening except for

0:30:25.120 --> 0:30:25.760
<v Speaker 1>those who don't.

0:30:25.640 --> 0:30:27.840
<v Speaker 2>Have kids, Yeah, who maybe going you say what now.

0:30:27.720 --> 0:30:30.760
<v Speaker 1>Unless you'd lie to your dog. And also, dog parents

0:30:30.800 --> 0:30:32.400
<v Speaker 1>is not the same as real parents. Let me just

0:30:32.400 --> 0:30:33.000
<v Speaker 1>put that in there.

0:30:34.160 --> 0:30:35.840
<v Speaker 2>I for one just want to say to any dog

0:30:35.880 --> 0:30:38.440
<v Speaker 2>parents listening, you're doing a great job. And I can

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:43.320
<v Speaker 2>only appreciate how if a dog dies the listeners do

0:30:43.440 --> 0:30:44.200
<v Speaker 2>we need all the listeners.

0:30:44.240 --> 0:30:46.360
<v Speaker 1>If a dog dies, you get over it in like

0:30:46.400 --> 0:30:47.920
<v Speaker 1>a month and you buy a new dog. If your

0:30:47.960 --> 0:30:49.720
<v Speaker 1>kid dies, it's something you take with you for the

0:30:49.720 --> 0:30:50.360
<v Speaker 1>rest of your.

0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:51.840
<v Speaker 2>Life, maybe if it's your little shits.

0:30:52.640 --> 0:30:56.080
<v Speaker 1>But saying, but just saying, it's not comparable.

0:30:56.200 --> 0:30:59.240
<v Speaker 2>I am going to disagree with you there and say that.

0:30:59.440 --> 0:31:03.120
<v Speaker 1>Okay, So if Bustard dies, not that I wish that

0:31:03.200 --> 0:31:06.400
<v Speaker 1>upon bust I never know, like you're telling me, not

0:31:06.440 --> 0:31:08.960
<v Speaker 1>just going to go get a your dog at some

0:31:09.000 --> 0:31:13.160
<v Speaker 1>point irreplaceable. Okay. But if if Marley dies, you'll carry

0:31:13.200 --> 0:31:14.800
<v Speaker 1>that with you for the rest of your life. Correct,

0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:16.720
<v Speaker 1>So it's not comparable.

0:31:16.960 --> 0:31:18.840
<v Speaker 2>I mean, if you want to shoot on the listeners,

0:31:18.960 --> 0:31:20.360
<v Speaker 2>as I will.

0:31:20.080 --> 0:31:23.240
<v Speaker 1>Just do so, okay, do so willingly?

0:31:23.440 --> 0:31:24.240
<v Speaker 2>Back to your lie?

0:31:24.600 --> 0:31:30.440
<v Speaker 1>Yes, the life. Sorry, we went off there a little bit. Yes,

0:31:30.520 --> 0:31:33.480
<v Speaker 1>so park's closed. It's a great one, but I pulled

0:31:33.680 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 1>a completely different one. I've adapted. I would say, I

0:31:38.320 --> 0:31:39.120
<v Speaker 1>impressed myself.

0:31:39.120 --> 0:31:40.000
<v Speaker 2>You've upgraded the line.

0:31:40.000 --> 0:31:42.880
<v Speaker 1>I've upgraded the lie to something else.

0:31:42.720 --> 0:31:45.880
<v Speaker 2>Because sometimes sometimes you do get caught out.

0:31:46.120 --> 0:31:48.120
<v Speaker 1>I get caught out because we were actually going to

0:31:48.200 --> 0:31:51.960
<v Speaker 1>the park, right and I can't be like or get

0:31:51.960 --> 0:31:53.720
<v Speaker 1>there and it's closed because it's clearly not.

0:31:53.680 --> 0:31:54.400
<v Speaker 2>How did that happen?

0:31:54.520 --> 0:31:57.240
<v Speaker 1>So we got there. Yeah, this particular park which is

0:31:57.320 --> 0:32:01.640
<v Speaker 1>very popular, and it was so busy, and he's the.

0:32:01.640 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 2>Weather's been good lately in Sydney. I was like, fuck

0:32:05.600 --> 0:32:07.280
<v Speaker 2>that swings are taken up.

0:32:07.520 --> 0:32:11.800
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, oh, sorry, buddy, it's booked out.

0:32:15.600 --> 0:32:17.200
<v Speaker 1>He was like, I was like, what do you mean,

0:32:17.280 --> 0:32:19.200
<v Speaker 1>what do you mean? What do you mean it's booked out?

0:32:19.200 --> 0:32:20.920
<v Speaker 1>I was like, look, can't you see the people? They

0:32:21.000 --> 0:32:23.920
<v Speaker 1>booked it out, But we can't go. We're not allowed.

0:32:24.400 --> 0:32:27.600
<v Speaker 1>I'd love to, I'd love to go to this particular park.

0:32:27.680 --> 0:32:29.240
<v Speaker 2>How long did it take to get to the park

0:32:29.280 --> 0:32:29.880
<v Speaker 2>from your house?

0:32:30.160 --> 0:32:31.800
<v Speaker 1>We walked and scootered there.

0:32:32.080 --> 0:32:34.520
<v Speaker 2>Right, so he's had some exercise.

0:32:35.560 --> 0:32:36.480
<v Speaker 1>We just scooted home.

0:32:37.120 --> 0:32:37.960
<v Speaker 2>Did he take it well?

0:32:39.880 --> 0:32:43.880
<v Speaker 1>You understood, Yeah, he understood that someone had booked it out.

0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:46.440
<v Speaker 1>We went for a little swing at another tiny little

0:32:46.440 --> 0:32:49.040
<v Speaker 1>ship park, but no one there.

0:32:49.280 --> 0:32:51.200
<v Speaker 2>I think, actually what you're doing is a good thing

0:32:51.600 --> 0:32:55.440
<v Speaker 2>because you're setting him up to experience disappointment from a

0:32:55.480 --> 0:32:56.480
<v Speaker 2>really early age.

0:32:56.560 --> 0:33:01.240
<v Speaker 1>Yes, yes, and it will come in waves throughout your life.

0:33:01.320 --> 0:33:04.120
<v Speaker 2>So you're really, I think, laying down the foundations for

0:33:04.800 --> 0:33:07.720
<v Speaker 2>what's going to be a great adult well done.

0:33:07.840 --> 0:33:11.240
<v Speaker 1>Just just like a really gullible man.

0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:13.440
<v Speaker 2>When it doesn't work out.

0:33:13.360 --> 0:33:16.160
<v Speaker 1>It's just like, must be broken, it must be booked out.

0:33:16.200 --> 0:33:16.680
<v Speaker 2>That's right.

0:33:18.040 --> 0:33:20.160
<v Speaker 1>I think, like I said, it's the circle of life.

0:33:20.320 --> 0:33:26.400
<v Speaker 1>Lying to your kids, not just in general. You tell them,

0:33:26.520 --> 0:33:29.320
<v Speaker 1>they'll tell their kids.

0:33:29.360 --> 0:33:30.440
<v Speaker 2>It is a beautiful thing.

0:33:30.560 --> 0:33:32.760
<v Speaker 1>I've adapted. I've adapted the lie you've got.

0:33:32.840 --> 0:33:35.360
<v Speaker 2>You've got to be fluid in your lie telling. All

0:33:35.400 --> 0:33:39.840
<v Speaker 2>good liars know that it's important to be fluid here.

0:33:40.160 --> 0:33:41.240
<v Speaker 1>I really encourage this.

0:33:41.520 --> 0:33:44.840
<v Speaker 2>As they get older, they start to figure out what's

0:33:44.920 --> 0:33:47.560
<v Speaker 2>truth and what's not. You need to keep fucking spinning

0:33:47.560 --> 0:33:48.160
<v Speaker 2>those webs.

0:33:49.320 --> 0:33:52.239
<v Speaker 1>Nothing is true this is a simulation.

0:33:53.560 --> 0:33:56.280
<v Speaker 2>But for any parents out there, for any parents out

0:33:56.320 --> 0:33:59.200
<v Speaker 2>there who are spinning webs themselves and maybe they've come

0:33:59.200 --> 0:34:01.640
<v Speaker 2>across a really great lie that helps their kid behave

0:34:01.880 --> 0:34:05.120
<v Speaker 2>better or it like minimizes a tantrum, we want to

0:34:05.160 --> 0:34:07.400
<v Speaker 2>hear it. We will share them to all the parents

0:34:07.440 --> 0:34:09.879
<v Speaker 2>and dog parents out there ash who need help.

0:34:09.960 --> 0:34:12.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to know about your fucking dog lies

0:34:13.040 --> 0:34:16.560
<v Speaker 1>because they don't get it. That's not comparable when.

0:34:16.360 --> 0:34:18.799
<v Speaker 2>People who don't have kids, and I know this isn't fair,

0:34:18.920 --> 0:34:21.080
<v Speaker 2>because you know, there's always going to be someone out

0:34:21.120 --> 0:34:22.920
<v Speaker 2>there who's doing it more tough. But when people who

0:34:23.000 --> 0:34:26.279
<v Speaker 2>don't have kids say I'm tired, shut.

0:34:26.040 --> 0:34:28.640
<v Speaker 1>The that's I don't know what t it is.

0:34:28.760 --> 0:34:33.239
<v Speaker 2>You have no idea. But before I started haacking more

0:34:33.239 --> 0:34:35.080
<v Speaker 2>of our listeners, let's go into some questions.

0:34:35.160 --> 0:34:36.399
<v Speaker 1>No, I've got another lie?

0:34:36.600 --> 0:34:37.520
<v Speaker 2>Oh what do you got? Sorry?

0:34:37.520 --> 0:34:38.040
<v Speaker 1>Oh? Sorry?

0:34:38.120 --> 0:34:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Yes? Sorry?

0:34:39.040 --> 0:34:40.360
<v Speaker 1>How dare you cut.

0:34:40.080 --> 0:34:42.799
<v Speaker 2>Me off like I am so sorry? Apologies?

0:34:42.880 --> 0:34:45.680
<v Speaker 1>That's apology. I just wanted something that just I saw

0:34:46.520 --> 0:34:49.719
<v Speaker 1>that came up on TikTok. I was scrolling relentlessly because

0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:52.600
<v Speaker 1>that's all I do now that I'm unemployed, and I'll

0:34:52.640 --> 0:34:56.759
<v Speaker 1>play the snippet. Now, oh, my god, the fourth half

0:34:56.800 --> 0:35:03.680
<v Speaker 1>of tooth Ever, you know what is no? Oh, that

0:35:03.800 --> 0:35:07.200
<v Speaker 1>makes sense. So those of you who are familiar with

0:35:07.280 --> 0:35:11.480
<v Speaker 1>who created that video. But the little girl in that videos,

0:35:11.520 --> 0:35:14.640
<v Speaker 1>the neighbor is the name. But she dishes out a

0:35:14.680 --> 0:35:16.960
<v Speaker 1>lie that has been told to her. So that's why

0:35:17.000 --> 0:35:20.839
<v Speaker 1>this is a little bit unique. The kids actually believed

0:35:20.920 --> 0:35:26.200
<v Speaker 1>it so wholeheartedly that she's telling others this particular lie.

0:35:26.320 --> 0:35:30.319
<v Speaker 1>And the lie is that the tooth Fairy uses the

0:35:30.400 --> 0:35:34.160
<v Speaker 1>teeth to build her house like bricks like bricks. So

0:35:34.280 --> 0:35:37.920
<v Speaker 1>the dad or the mum has told this child. But

0:35:37.960 --> 0:35:40.799
<v Speaker 1>does this mean they're not giving them any money? Is

0:35:40.840 --> 0:35:43.680
<v Speaker 1>this charity work? That's what I want to know. I

0:35:43.760 --> 0:35:48.080
<v Speaker 1>want to know if these parents have turned somewhat of

0:35:48.120 --> 0:35:53.400
<v Speaker 1>an earning situation with this child into a charitable learning

0:35:53.480 --> 0:35:58.600
<v Speaker 1>situation where it's like the tooth Fairy will die without

0:35:58.640 --> 0:35:59.280
<v Speaker 1>your teeth.

0:35:59.320 --> 0:36:00.759
<v Speaker 2>Do you want her to have a home or not?

0:36:01.040 --> 0:36:02.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Do you want the tooth fair to be homeless?

0:36:02.880 --> 0:36:05.640
<v Speaker 1>There's already a cost of living and a housing crisis

0:36:05.680 --> 0:36:08.440
<v Speaker 1>in this country. Now do you want to help the

0:36:09.239 --> 0:36:10.080
<v Speaker 1>help the tooth.

0:36:12.560 --> 0:36:15.200
<v Speaker 2>It does seem I don't want to swear, but fucked up?

0:36:15.600 --> 0:36:18.400
<v Speaker 2>Do you think, like what kind of animal is living

0:36:18.440 --> 0:36:22.960
<v Speaker 2>in a house made of teeth? Like surely, surely these

0:36:23.040 --> 0:36:25.400
<v Speaker 2>kids at some point are they've got to start asking questions.

0:36:25.640 --> 0:36:29.000
<v Speaker 2>But at the same time like genius nonetheless.

0:36:28.600 --> 0:36:30.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, so you got I love it because you've

0:36:30.880 --> 0:36:34.520
<v Speaker 1>gotten out of having to spend any money. One and

0:36:34.640 --> 0:36:37.879
<v Speaker 1>two your kid believed it and is willing to tell

0:36:38.000 --> 0:36:41.719
<v Speaker 1>other people, like spreading the good words, spreading the good

0:36:41.719 --> 0:36:46.440
<v Speaker 1>word and helping with this housing crisis that we're all in.

0:36:47.200 --> 0:36:49.120
<v Speaker 1>I've got one more life.

0:36:49.239 --> 0:36:51.759
<v Speaker 2>This lie is a good one because I've never used it,

0:36:51.840 --> 0:36:53.640
<v Speaker 2>but it really annoys me when I get the girl's

0:36:53.760 --> 0:36:55.480
<v Speaker 2>ice cream and they don't eat it quickly and it

0:36:55.480 --> 0:36:57.680
<v Speaker 2>starts melting and just makes such a huge mess.

0:36:58.480 --> 0:37:01.919
<v Speaker 5>That is that's no ice cream melts in my house.

0:37:04.880 --> 0:37:10.120
<v Speaker 5>Not just the tinea monster, the ice cream talking like pray.

0:37:10.640 --> 0:37:13.919
<v Speaker 5>This dad says that if you eat the ice cream

0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:15.840
<v Speaker 5>when it's melted, that will make you.

0:37:15.880 --> 0:37:17.959
<v Speaker 2>Sick, So you got to eat it quickly.

0:37:18.440 --> 0:37:22.840
<v Speaker 1>Right, Okay, there you go. It's not a great one.

0:37:23.120 --> 0:37:25.720
<v Speaker 1>It's kind of like it's giving get it done vibe

0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:28.919
<v Speaker 1>where it's like they make way more of a mess

0:37:28.960 --> 0:37:32.880
<v Speaker 1>if they're like what but like, is he also like

0:37:33.000 --> 0:37:35.239
<v Speaker 1>me where He's like, if you don't need it quick enough,

0:37:35.239 --> 0:37:37.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to have to swoop in and eat it instead.

0:37:37.440 --> 0:37:39.640
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I think it's a good lie. Marley and

0:37:39.680 --> 0:37:42.040
<v Speaker 2>Lola love ice cream. They eat it so slowly. I

0:37:42.040 --> 0:37:44.960
<v Speaker 2>mean maybe Oscar as a boy, he eat it quickly.

0:37:45.280 --> 0:37:46.480
<v Speaker 1>He shoves it all in there.

0:37:46.520 --> 0:37:48.840
<v Speaker 2>Man. See, girls don't do that. Girls take their time.

0:37:49.080 --> 0:37:51.000
<v Speaker 2>And it's fine now because it's winter, but when it's summer,

0:37:51.200 --> 0:37:52.000
<v Speaker 2>fucking nightmare.

0:37:52.160 --> 0:37:54.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, especially if it's like on a cone and it's

0:37:54.040 --> 0:37:57.200
<v Speaker 1>like dripping in the hands, that's fit fucked. But like,

0:37:57.320 --> 0:38:00.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm just there, mate, waiting there, just waiting just then

0:38:00.880 --> 0:38:01.839
<v Speaker 1>to not be eating it and.

0:38:01.800 --> 0:38:08.160
<v Speaker 2>Be absolute vulture. Nothing is more aggressive than a dad bite.

0:38:08.320 --> 0:38:10.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, I do it to April two. I'm like, oh,

0:38:10.960 --> 0:38:12.279
<v Speaker 1>give us a bite and I'll be like, go.

0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:14.040
<v Speaker 2>To open your dissiccate your jaw.

0:38:14.560 --> 0:38:16.719
<v Speaker 1>I'll go to do like the little nibble and I'll

0:38:16.760 --> 0:38:22.279
<v Speaker 1>go and just take that. Hates it.

0:38:22.520 --> 0:38:24.320
<v Speaker 2>Have I said for people to submit their lines?

0:38:24.520 --> 0:38:28.280
<v Speaker 1>Have I already said that I submit more lines?

0:38:28.520 --> 0:38:32.439
<v Speaker 2>Let's go on to some listener questions. Ash question number one.

0:38:33.280 --> 0:38:36.319
<v Speaker 2>She says, here, my partner, whenever I ask me about

0:38:36.320 --> 0:38:40.799
<v Speaker 2>having kids, his response is always soon. So she wants

0:38:40.800 --> 0:38:45.400
<v Speaker 2>to know what does soon mean in male terms? Good question,

0:38:46.200 --> 0:38:49.520
<v Speaker 2>Good question, I don't want to hope. If she's listening

0:38:49.640 --> 0:38:52.239
<v Speaker 2>right now, please take a seat, because this news may

0:38:52.280 --> 0:38:56.840
<v Speaker 2>shock you soon. That's that is he's deflecting.

0:38:57.000 --> 0:39:01.239
<v Speaker 1>It's not good. Yeah, it's not good.

0:39:01.520 --> 0:39:05.319
<v Speaker 2>Look we are firstly, we're sorry to break this news

0:39:05.400 --> 0:39:05.759
<v Speaker 2>to you here.

0:39:05.800 --> 0:39:08.239
<v Speaker 1>It's a classic man thing to just not commit to

0:39:08.280 --> 0:39:12.799
<v Speaker 1>something right. Yes, So like using soon is like yeah soon,

0:39:13.360 --> 0:39:16.839
<v Speaker 1>it's like when like April's like, can you loads of distrustion? Yes,

0:39:18.440 --> 0:39:21.239
<v Speaker 1>I know that it's I'm not going to end up

0:39:21.280 --> 0:39:24.839
<v Speaker 1>doing it. So hopefully that answers your question. I think

0:39:25.400 --> 0:39:26.200
<v Speaker 1>it's a tough one.

0:39:26.239 --> 0:39:28.759
<v Speaker 2>If you're wanting to avoid conflict, like I think most

0:39:28.760 --> 0:39:31.680
<v Speaker 2>people are in a relationship, it's a lot easier to

0:39:31.680 --> 0:39:35.760
<v Speaker 2>say soon. Then. Look, I don't want to have kids

0:39:35.760 --> 0:39:39.200
<v Speaker 2>with you because I don't see this relationship going anywhere.

0:39:39.640 --> 0:39:40.920
<v Speaker 1>You're a crack addict. I don't want to.

0:39:41.600 --> 0:39:42.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry.

0:39:43.120 --> 0:39:45.799
<v Speaker 1>No, he could be legit, I don't we don't know,

0:39:45.880 --> 0:39:48.480
<v Speaker 1>We don't know. These people were just like, we just

0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:51.319
<v Speaker 1>we take the question at first glance and it is

0:39:51.360 --> 0:39:53.560
<v Speaker 1>what it is, but it's not looking good, so let's

0:39:53.560 --> 0:39:53.840
<v Speaker 1>move on.

0:39:54.120 --> 0:39:56.399
<v Speaker 2>I think, yeah, I want to I want to try

0:39:56.440 --> 0:39:58.640
<v Speaker 2>and find some word of encouragement here. Okay, if I

0:39:58.760 --> 0:40:01.600
<v Speaker 2>was her, if you're on on any type of contraception,

0:40:01.960 --> 0:40:02.719
<v Speaker 2>stop taking it.

0:40:02.800 --> 0:40:03.759
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, trick him into it.

0:40:03.920 --> 0:40:05.160
<v Speaker 2>Trick him into it.

0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:08.479
<v Speaker 1>Because what relationship has ever failed if you tricked your

0:40:08.520 --> 0:40:11.280
<v Speaker 1>partner into having kidd save sex?

0:40:11.880 --> 0:40:14.040
<v Speaker 2>And if you are going to have sex, get on

0:40:14.200 --> 0:40:19.680
<v Speaker 2>top and lock in, locking with the legs and actually you.

0:40:19.640 --> 0:40:28.440
<v Speaker 1>Can missionary lock into just heals cheez and jeez. All right, Matthew.

0:40:28.719 --> 0:40:33.480
<v Speaker 1>Question number two for today's episode, boys, do your kids

0:40:33.640 --> 0:40:35.960
<v Speaker 1>fake injuries to get out of KINDI.

0:40:36.680 --> 0:40:40.120
<v Speaker 2>I think Marley is at this weird stage right now

0:40:40.360 --> 0:40:43.080
<v Speaker 2>where the only time she's not at daycare as a Thursday,

0:40:43.120 --> 0:40:46.560
<v Speaker 2>that's daddy day. And yet every morning she wakes up

0:40:46.640 --> 0:40:50.759
<v Speaker 2>and she goes, is it daddy day today? Sorry? Kid,

0:40:50.760 --> 0:40:53.239
<v Speaker 2>it's daycare day? And she flips out. She has this

0:40:53.280 --> 0:40:56.200
<v Speaker 2>little meltdown every morning it happens, and I'm like, can

0:40:56.239 --> 0:40:59.000
<v Speaker 2>you not just have some kind of awareness of the

0:40:59.080 --> 0:41:01.680
<v Speaker 2>days of the week, you know, it's a Tuesday.

0:41:01.360 --> 0:41:06.279
<v Speaker 1>You know what day, your fucking birthday. The least you

0:41:06.280 --> 0:41:08.600
<v Speaker 1>could do is no Monday to Sunday.

0:41:09.480 --> 0:41:12.960
<v Speaker 2>So she gets upset. There wasn't a time when Lola

0:41:13.080 --> 0:41:15.799
<v Speaker 2>was unwell, and she kind of saw that Lola being

0:41:15.880 --> 0:41:18.040
<v Speaker 2>sick having a tempt Marley didn't have to get a

0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:23.040
<v Speaker 2>daycare and Marley was like, well, I'm not so yeah,

0:41:23.040 --> 0:41:25.560
<v Speaker 2>Marley kind of knew that she could feel her forehead

0:41:26.080 --> 0:41:30.040
<v Speaker 2>absolutely fine, not even like no snot whatsoever coming out

0:41:30.040 --> 0:41:32.839
<v Speaker 2>the nose. I was like, you're fucking going, yeah, don't

0:41:32.880 --> 0:41:34.799
<v Speaker 2>even try me power.

0:41:34.600 --> 0:41:37.040
<v Speaker 1>Oscar do the same thing where he'll just be like, oh,

0:41:37.120 --> 0:41:41.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm not feeling well. Oscar was off Monday because Sunday

0:41:41.280 --> 0:41:45.040
<v Speaker 1>had this rank ofugh was really bad, like I was

0:41:45.080 --> 0:41:46.080
<v Speaker 1>up with him in the middle of the night and

0:41:46.120 --> 0:41:48.319
<v Speaker 1>stuff like that, and so was like, have the Monday off.

0:41:48.360 --> 0:41:50.640
<v Speaker 1>And he'd got better really really quick. Must have been

0:41:50.640 --> 0:41:53.439
<v Speaker 1>cold air or whatever it might have been. And then

0:41:53.600 --> 0:41:58.440
<v Speaker 1>Tuesday comes around and he's like, oh, I'm still sick,

0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:06.960
<v Speaker 1>shaking it. No, no, well I'm sick too. Sick of

0:42:07.000 --> 0:42:10.440
<v Speaker 1>you off, Indy, you go, You've.

0:42:10.360 --> 0:42:12.359
<v Speaker 2>Just gotta You've just got to send him off.

0:42:12.400 --> 0:42:16.200
<v Speaker 1>They all do it. Man. Yeah, Oscar could have an

0:42:16.320 --> 0:42:18.600
<v Speaker 1>ear infection and limp into Kindy.

0:42:19.520 --> 0:42:22.400
<v Speaker 2>He's fine. I could be making this up. So if

0:42:22.440 --> 0:42:25.560
<v Speaker 2>my mom is listening and this is untrue, I apologize

0:42:25.560 --> 0:42:25.719
<v Speaker 2>in a.

0:42:26.000 --> 0:42:33.640
<v Speaker 1>Your mom's listening, Hey, Mad's mom because I got creepy.

0:42:34.160 --> 0:42:40.680
<v Speaker 2>You had a couple of beers and it's creepy my

0:42:40.719 --> 0:42:43.319
<v Speaker 2>little brother. I'm pretty sure over the weekend, like this

0:42:43.360 --> 0:42:45.600
<v Speaker 2>is years ago, this is like primary school. He fell

0:42:45.600 --> 0:42:48.480
<v Speaker 2>off his bike and we're being really bloody naughty, you know,

0:42:48.640 --> 0:42:51.239
<v Speaker 2>single mom, five kids. She's like, fuck, you guys are

0:42:51.239 --> 0:42:54.080
<v Speaker 2>doing my head. And he was like, my arm is

0:42:54.200 --> 0:42:56.799
<v Speaker 2>really sore, and my mom was like, you're fine. Next

0:42:56.800 --> 0:42:59.080
<v Speaker 2>morning he's like, you're going to school. He broke his arm,

0:42:59.440 --> 0:43:02.480
<v Speaker 2>but she's still him to school. He came home.

0:43:03.320 --> 0:43:06.560
<v Speaker 1>See a very big difference between that generation and our generation,

0:43:06.840 --> 0:43:09.040
<v Speaker 1>Like we could go on for days.

0:43:09.080 --> 0:43:11.759
<v Speaker 2>You just gotta you gotta, you gotta send him and

0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:13.600
<v Speaker 2>if they're unwell, you'll know about it.

0:43:13.719 --> 0:43:17.200
<v Speaker 1>Also like now, and this wouldn't have happened with the

0:43:17.280 --> 0:43:21.160
<v Speaker 1>generation before us, where Oscar might go to KINDI and

0:43:21.200 --> 0:43:25.000
<v Speaker 1>be a bit upset about us. Yeah, most of the time,

0:43:25.080 --> 0:43:28.879
<v Speaker 1>he fucking hates it for some reason, and April ring

0:43:29.160 --> 0:43:30.360
<v Speaker 1>like an hour later.

0:43:30.960 --> 0:43:33.000
<v Speaker 2>Just to make sure he's okay. Oh that's nice.

0:43:33.040 --> 0:43:34.799
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's nice. But my parents wouldn't have done.

0:43:34.680 --> 0:43:37.520
<v Speaker 2>That, Like, fuck this kid at a sight out of mind?

0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:40.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, fully, he's had tears rolling on his face and

0:43:40.960 --> 0:43:44.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm like he else, I'm out of here.

0:43:44.040 --> 0:43:47.759
<v Speaker 2>Man, because if Abel's doing that, it just invites the

0:43:47.760 --> 0:43:50.120
<v Speaker 2>opportunity for them to say, actually.

0:43:49.680 --> 0:43:52.200
<v Speaker 1>He's actually we're a bit short on teachers today.

0:43:52.400 --> 0:43:54.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, no, fucking way.

0:43:54.760 --> 0:43:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I would hate you. Yeah, tell you what you do.

0:43:57.360 --> 0:43:58.320
<v Speaker 1>Chain him to a desk.

0:44:01.960 --> 0:44:05.080
<v Speaker 2>And on that note, that is the episode.

0:44:05.280 --> 0:44:06.680
<v Speaker 1>We've got time for today.

0:44:07.000 --> 0:44:11.440
<v Speaker 2>Please chain him to a fucking desk.

0:44:11.719 --> 0:44:15.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, goodness, April, I didn't mean it.

0:44:19.239 --> 0:44:21.800
<v Speaker 2>Before we go, do you want to say? Do you

0:44:21.880 --> 0:44:23.759
<v Speaker 2>want to say thank you to everyone who's left a

0:44:23.840 --> 0:44:26.160
<v Speaker 2>comment on Apple Podcasts?

0:44:26.280 --> 0:44:28.560
<v Speaker 1>We can't leave. What do you mean we have a

0:44:28.560 --> 0:44:29.879
<v Speaker 1>competition when you're turn out?

0:44:29.960 --> 0:44:34.320
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, I'm all over the shop today.

0:44:34.560 --> 0:44:36.680
<v Speaker 1>No, that's okay, it's like when you were going.

0:44:36.719 --> 0:44:39.040
<v Speaker 2>It's that vape. I'm still feeling the effects.

0:44:39.160 --> 0:44:42.520
<v Speaker 1>The watermelon vibe you and every other primary school kids. Okay,

0:44:42.520 --> 0:44:43.440
<v Speaker 1>we vape.

0:44:43.560 --> 0:44:46.320
<v Speaker 2>We did we did a competition. It's a two hundred

0:44:46.440 --> 0:44:48.719
<v Speaker 2>without you the merch from Better Beer.

0:44:49.160 --> 0:44:51.560
<v Speaker 1>And thank you everyone for sharing.

0:44:51.239 --> 0:44:55.880
<v Speaker 2>Sharing your stories of listening to the podcast. But the

0:44:56.160 --> 0:44:57.440
<v Speaker 2>winner only one winner.

0:44:57.800 --> 0:45:00.400
<v Speaker 1>The winner is drum roll.

0:45:02.600 --> 0:45:06.440
<v Speaker 2>Kayo and shout out to his partner step who posted

0:45:06.480 --> 0:45:08.520
<v Speaker 2>him listening to the pod whilst he was cutting the

0:45:08.600 --> 0:45:14.120
<v Speaker 2>hedges at home. Eh, jeez, you are you are welcome?

0:45:14.600 --> 0:45:18.360
<v Speaker 2>And now am I missing? I can? We can? I

0:45:18.400 --> 0:45:19.000
<v Speaker 2>wrap it up.

0:45:19.040 --> 0:45:20.719
<v Speaker 1>We'll get in touch. We'll get in touch with that

0:45:21.120 --> 0:45:22.560
<v Speaker 1>winner and get that stuff at.

0:45:22.440 --> 0:45:25.000
<v Speaker 2>We'll message them directly. Now I can say thanks to

0:45:25.040 --> 0:45:28.480
<v Speaker 2>everyone who has given us a little comment on Apple podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>We really appreciate it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, give us a follow. What else is there?

0:45:32.000 --> 0:45:33.880
<v Speaker 1>La review? Follow the Instagram?

0:45:34.000 --> 0:45:37.080
<v Speaker 2>Look and if there's a parent out there, a dog parent,

0:45:37.320 --> 0:45:40.200
<v Speaker 2>a human parent who may be struggling, don't squint like

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<v Speaker 2>that ash, send them the podcast and hopefully having a

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<v Speaker 2>laugh they help the situation.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Look, no, let's let's leave it there and we'll see

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<v Speaker 2>you guys next week two. Doting Dad's podcast. It acknowledges

0:46:00.640 --> 0:46:04.239
<v Speaker 2>the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections

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<v Speaker 2>to land sea and community.

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<v Speaker 1>We pay our respects to their elders past and present,

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<v Speaker 1>and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

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<v Speaker 1>peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.