WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT: "My husband doesn't like my friends"

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<v Speaker 1>Well, at that time of the week, it's Thursday Therapy Thursday,

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<v Speaker 1>Ask Guncut. It's what we do every week on our podcast,

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<v Speaker 1>Life Uncut podcast where we answer your deep, dark and

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<v Speaker 1>burning questions. Today we have Jess on the line, who

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<v Speaker 1>is having some issues trying to merge her relationships with

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<v Speaker 1>her friendship group and her husband. Hi, Jess, welcome to

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<v Speaker 1>the show High Jazz.

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<v Speaker 2>So what's the problem.

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<v Speaker 3>What's been happening with your husband and why doesn't he

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<v Speaker 3>want to hang out with your friends?

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<v Speaker 4>So I've been married for about a year and a

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<v Speaker 4>half honest years now, and me and my friends were

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<v Speaker 4>all lock and that tenn thirty this year. My husband

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<v Speaker 4>cannot tolerate them. And it was fine at the start,

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<v Speaker 4>but like now it's going to the point where he

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<v Speaker 4>does not want to come to their thirtieth and just

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<v Speaker 4>doesn't want to hang around and be there for anything

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<v Speaker 4>any other big events. I'm a bit torn.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't tolerate them? Like how many friends? Are we talking?

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<v Speaker 2>All your friends or just like specific friends.

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<v Speaker 4>Just specific friends, but a big bunch of them, like

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<v Speaker 4>a big group of them.

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<v Speaker 1>Has he told you why? Like the specific reasons? Is

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<v Speaker 1>it something they do or say? Is an action they've

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<v Speaker 1>done in the past, or what is it say.

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<v Speaker 4>Very narcissistic and too richies and he doesn't mind. To

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<v Speaker 4>be honest, I think it's just girls being girls.

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<v Speaker 3>In comparison though, if you're gonna go, like, if you're

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<v Speaker 3>going to be objective about this in comparison to other

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<v Speaker 3>friends and friendship groups that you have, are they.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think they are?

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<v Speaker 4>Like?

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<v Speaker 2>Does he have a point a bit? That's tricky, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 4>That's tricky because for ages and you've like, I don't

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<v Speaker 4>see them that way in a day to day basis.

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<v Speaker 1>It's tricky if you can recognize it, because it sort

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<v Speaker 1>of means you have to validate his feelings like you

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<v Speaker 1>can't he's not overreacting or if you can genuinely see

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<v Speaker 1>where he's coming from. That's really hard. There definitely has

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<v Speaker 1>to be some things I believe in life as couples

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<v Speaker 1>that you do even when you don't want to, Like,

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<v Speaker 1>there are things that you have to turn up to

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<v Speaker 1>and front up to as a couple. Maybe they're like

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<v Speaker 1>the bigger life events, not they're just like a Saturday

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<v Speaker 1>dinner or whatever. Like if you can't stand the people

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to be around, you don't have to go

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<v Speaker 1>things like weddings or engagements or a thirtieth or whatever

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<v Speaker 1>it is. I think occasionally he needs to suck it

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<v Speaker 1>up and throw.

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<v Speaker 2>You a bone.

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<v Speaker 4>I definitely think so too.

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<v Speaker 2>Does he have many friends that are women?

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<v Speaker 4>No, he doesn't. Actually, yeah, guys.

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<v Speaker 3>It's interesting because like I kind of hate the generalization

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<v Speaker 3>of like, oh, that they're just bitchy because they're women.

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<v Speaker 3>It's just how women behave because obviously not all women

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<v Speaker 3>are like that. So I think if he had more

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<v Speaker 3>female friends, I'd be like, oh, okay, you know, it's

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<v Speaker 3>just a specific group of people. But if he doesn't

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<v Speaker 3>really have any female friends and yet he's like quite

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<v Speaker 3>exclusionary to the people that you're friends with, I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>Part of me is like there does come a line

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<v Speaker 3>where you do just have to make a bit of

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<v Speaker 3>effort and yes, but.

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<v Speaker 1>There also comes a line where you're old enough where

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, I don't want to hang out with someone.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't like it anymore.

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<v Speaker 1>My time and energy is precious. Like there's a I

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<v Speaker 1>see both sides.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but it's different.

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<v Speaker 3>I Mean, we kind of just covered it, but it's

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<v Speaker 3>different between just going out for dinner or like someone's

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<v Speaker 3>birthday or a big event.

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<v Speaker 2>I think for those types of things.

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<v Speaker 3>Unfortunately, he just has to suck it up if it's important,

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<v Speaker 3>because if he really puts his foot down and puts

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<v Speaker 3>zero effort in, wants nothing to do with them, and

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<v Speaker 3>he makes that aware to them, it's just going to

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<v Speaker 3>cause so many unnecessary issues for everyone.

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<v Speaker 1>Just have a question when you go to these events,

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<v Speaker 1>like just so you go into a dinner, is he

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<v Speaker 1>just coming along with like ten girls or are their

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<v Speaker 1>partners coming to like have you thrown him in the

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<v Speaker 1>deep end just on his owner?

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<v Speaker 2>Or there are the men there to talk to.

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<v Speaker 4>There's other men there too.

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<v Speaker 1>He doesn't like them, mother and my friends cousins, and.

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<v Speaker 4>He's fine with them, like you think so the fine

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<v Speaker 4>and hear a complex me at home and he's like,

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<v Speaker 4>oh they're so like normal and show I don't know

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<v Speaker 4>how to deal with you people.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh I don't know. I feel like he's dramatizing. Suck

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<v Speaker 2>it up.

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<v Speaker 1>Put him on the edge of the table, like the

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<v Speaker 1>men can go down the end that way. He's turned up,

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<v Speaker 1>But he doesn't have to speak to twenty one. He

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to speak to you, but I think I

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<v Speaker 1>think you need to give Hi a bit of leniency

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<v Speaker 1>on the day to day stuff and just he needs

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<v Speaker 1>to show up on those bigger things.

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<v Speaker 4>I think so too.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, You're so welcome, Jess.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, if you want to get some great advice like that, everyone,

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<v Speaker 3>you can give us a call, or you can head

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<v Speaker 3>on over to the kiss Win page where you can enter.

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<v Speaker 2>You can also win yourself a prize if you get

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<v Speaker 2>on air with us.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't really have to have that issue,

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<v Speaker 1>like with my fiance Ben being overseas, we don't really

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<v Speaker 1>cross contaminate our friendship groups. Like we just go in

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<v Speaker 1>our own little world when we're together.

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<v Speaker 3>So when you are together, you will happily spend time

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<v Speaker 3>with each other's friends.

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<v Speaker 2>It's not like I don't have many friends. Well, you

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<v Speaker 2>should work on that, you're it. Unfortunately,