WEBVTT - Lost In Translation: Part One 0:00:00.560 --> 0:00:03.520 My name's Nan. I'm a storyteller on Fine and Tell. 0:00:04.200 --> 0:00:07.800 I'm Australian born Korean and I'm currently living on Gadigle Country. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:11.720 I'd like to recognize the traditional custodians of this continent 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.680 whose land was stolen nearly two hundred and fifty years ago, 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:19.120 in particular the Camaragle and Warneri people, whose Land Is 0:00:19.160 --> 0:00:22.200 podcast was recorded on and we extended our respect to 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:26.279 all Aboriginal and torrest Right islander peoples. The rich storytelling 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:28.440 history of the world's oldest living culture is what we 0:00:28.480 --> 0:00:31.080 pay homage to when we tell stories on Fine and Tell. 0:00:35.360 --> 0:00:39.120 Hello, I'm Jimilla Risby and this is Find and Tell, 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:43.320 the search for the next generation of Australian storytellers, and 0:00:43.520 --> 0:00:48.120 here we are. We started with hundreds of applications from 0:00:48.280 --> 0:00:52.720 wannabe podcasters from all around Australia. We narrowed it down 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:56.760 to just four storytellers who you have gotten to know 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:59.080 and fall in love with on the show over the 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:02.800 last few weeks, and now now we're down to the 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:07.640 final two, Ben and Mark. All that's standing between them 0:01:07.880 --> 0:01:11.600 and being crowned our first ever Find and Tell Champion 0:01:12.319 --> 0:01:16.360 is one last story whoever tells it best will win 0:01:16.440 --> 0:01:19.960 the crown and they'll take home best in Class podcasting 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.960 goodies and gear from the team at Rhade Australia and 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:26.520 a range of short courses from the Australian Film, Television 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:30.120 and Radio School, so our winner can continue to find 0:01:30.160 --> 0:01:34.520 and tell stories well into their future. Both Ben and 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:38.600 Mark's final theme is lost in translation, and today we're 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:43.160 going to hear from Mark. Since his very first story, 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:47.319 Mark has been willing to be totally vulnerable with me, 0:01:47.600 --> 0:01:51.440 with you, our audience. He's shared his experiences as a 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:53.960 gay man growing up in the Mormon Church and the 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:57.880 everyday challenges faced by people who are plus size. He's 0:01:57.960 --> 0:02:02.000 even tickled our nostalgia by bringing up memories of Cosma 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:06.440 DeVito's dramatic exit from Australian idol what feels like one 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:11.440 hundred years ago. Mark has this natural talent for bringing 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:15.680 us the audience into his world. He weaves his humor 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:18.880 and his warmth into everything he does, even when he's 0:02:18.919 --> 0:02:24.760 tackling some really serious subjects. So for the very last time, Mark, 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.440 welcome back to find and tell Hi. 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.400 Oh my goodness, that was a bitter sweet This really 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:32.000 is the last time right, it's. 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:34.000 So exciting to see you again. But yeah, knowing this 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:39.359 is it, I am so psyched to hear your final story. 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:44.320 Tell me, have you developed your storytelling style over that time? 0:02:44.400 --> 0:02:46.080 Do you feel like you know a bit more about 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:47.760 the kind of storyteller you are? 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.080 Well, you know, I guess it just depends on the 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:53.640 story as well. Some will require a lot of me, 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:56.760 some won't. I may just be a platform or I 0:02:56.800 --> 0:03:00.920 may just be like a conduit. So I think the 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.560 biggest thing that I've learned really is just to be flexible, 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:08.600 to be agile, to take things with grace, and to 0:03:08.720 --> 0:03:10.680 problem solve in ways that I never thought i'd have 0:03:10.680 --> 0:03:13.800 to problem solve, like even from a logistical perspective sometimes, 0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:18.600 particularly with this episode. So yeah, just to be flexible 0:03:18.880 --> 0:03:19.920 and love the whole process. 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:23.240 In the meantime, the theme for this final episode is 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.720 lost in translation. When I first told you and Ben 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:28.960 the theme where did your Where did your mind go? 0:03:29.160 --> 0:03:31.800 Did you have a story that came about quickly? Or 0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:32.799 did you have to go hunting? 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:36.000 Actually, this was the first time that I was stumped. 0:03:36.000 --> 0:03:39.480 From the very beginning. I think I had I had 0:03:39.760 --> 0:03:42.160 stories that I wanted to tell, even going into this 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:46.280 competition that I was able to work into the incredible 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:49.280 themes we've been given before. But this was the first 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.240 time I was like, oh my goodness, I don't have 0:03:51.280 --> 0:03:54.000 anything that come immediately to mind, and so I had 0:03:54.040 --> 0:03:57.040 to work through that freak out first and then eventually like, 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:01.040 really back in, have a good solid think to really 0:04:01.240 --> 0:04:04.880 just like dig deep and look inwards. And I hope 0:04:04.880 --> 0:04:06.280 people enjoy listening to me. 0:04:06.360 --> 0:04:10.000 Yep, they definitely will. I know that for sure, So 0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.080 let's do it. The theme is lost in translation and 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:17.040 Mark this is your fourth and final contribution to Find 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:17.400 and Tell. 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.800 So I hate being ghosted. I hate being left in 0:04:27.839 --> 0:04:30.440 the dark. When you're left with gaps of information, you 0:04:30.560 --> 0:04:33.080 fill it with your own. Is it because I'm fat? 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:35.040 I do something wrong and I say something wrong? 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:35.120 Go? 0:04:35.200 --> 0:04:42.560 I don't I deserve an explanation. Ghosting can sometimes feel 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:46.560 like a stab in the heart. It's so much worse 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:49.719 than regular rejection. It's like a rug has been pulled 0:04:49.760 --> 0:04:54.520 out from under your feet, which really fucking sucks. I 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.440 remember the very first time I was ghosted. I was 0:04:57.440 --> 0:04:59.839 twenty one and super fresh to the dating scene. Into 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:02.599 that apps, I matched with this cute Filipino guy in 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.920 my area and we hit it off. We spoke day night, 0:05:06.160 --> 0:05:09.080 punding over our love for K pop, and I remember 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:13.640 messaging chat tomorrow one evening, but by the next morning 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:17.400 his profile was gone. So why do we keep putting 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:21.120 ourselves out there? Well, I guess we're all looking for 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:26.240 that spark, right, I'm talking Anne Hathaway early two thousands 0:05:26.360 --> 0:05:30.600 y two k cheesy rum coom spark. To some, it's 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:32.240 a kiss that has you kicking your feet up, like 0:05:32.240 --> 0:05:33.440 in the Princess Diaries. 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:36.400 In old films, whenever a girl get seriously kissed, her 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:37.160 foot would just. 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:42.919 Kind of popped, or a sloppy passion the rain like 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:46.919 in the Notebook. To others, it's enemies to lovers, cliche 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:50.000 like and you've got male or friends to lovers in 0:05:50.080 --> 0:05:51.840 suddenly thirty, I'm. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:52.920 Just crying because I'm happy. 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:59.960 I want you to be so so happy. I love you, mad, 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:02.440 You're my best friend. 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:09.760 Cheesy, cheesy, I know, but I want that so bad. 0:06:10.400 --> 0:06:12.280 I want to stroll hand in hand with someone in 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:16.400 Central Park. I want to spend hours yapping and explaining 0:06:16.560 --> 0:06:20.000 and venting. I want that Gilmore Girl's conversation speed where 0:06:20.040 --> 0:06:24.560 the connection is undeniable and almost unspoken. It's a little 0:06:24.560 --> 0:06:26.440 sad to admit at twenty eight, but I don't think 0:06:26.440 --> 0:06:29.360 I've ever felt that spark, at least not in full. 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:32.839 I've come really close, but they would all just eventually 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:36.960 fizzle out. But one aspect of dating in twenty twenty 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:39.599 four that Renee Zelger and Colin Firth didn't prepare me 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:44.440 for was ghosting and fair Bridget Jones's Diary would have 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:47.680 been a completely different movie. The ending was Bridget blocking 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:53.279 mister Darcy on Tinder. So why do people ghost? And 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:56.640 how do we move on? Sometimes I wish I could 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.520 go back in time, break all the rules and revisit 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:02.880 some of my almost not to beg but to just 0:07:03.279 --> 0:07:06.159 I don't know, find out why why didn't it work out? 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.320 If only I had a platform where I talked to people, 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.760 and if only iHeart was the same company that an 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.880 old flame now has his own radio show and podcast with, 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:17.440 I could reach out and ask the questions I've been 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:18.400 wanting to ask. 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:22.600 Oh wait, hang on a minute, Oh god, Oh, I 0:07:22.640 --> 0:07:26.840 don't know. I feel bad. I feel guilty. I feel bad, Okay, cool, I. 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:29.840 Don't feel guilty. No, that wasn't the intention of this 0:07:29.880 --> 0:07:30.360 chat at all. 0:07:30.480 --> 0:07:31.000 You can grill me. 0:07:31.000 --> 0:07:32.640 I'm an open book if you want to grill me. 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:35.280 He grilled me, absolutely not. Look so that's Mitch true. 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:38.840 He's the night show host on Kiss in Sydney and 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:41.640 we matched on Tinder back in twenty seventeen, and from 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:44.720 the jump I felt a connection. We would chat for 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:47.480 hours and hours and hours, and he got all of 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:50.520 my pop culture references. We were right on the cusp 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:57.600 of that spark, but that soon dropped off. We'll come 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:00.400 back to him later. It's juicy, I know, I know. 0:08:01.160 --> 0:08:03.440 But before we get there, we got to do some work. 0:08:04.040 --> 0:08:08.200 We're going to therapy. I have so many questions about 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:11.320 ghosting as a phenomena, and I want to understand why 0:08:11.400 --> 0:08:14.160 people do it, or if people feel the same way 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:17.840 I do. In the aftermath, I first reached out to 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.080 my mates and ask for their ghost stories. 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:22.720 I've been ghosting so many times I don't know. 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:26.080 Usually it's not like dates with people, and then I 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:29.080 think that maybe they're a friend of confrontation or don't 0:08:29.080 --> 0:08:30.760 want to spend the energy on it. Maybe the same 0:08:30.840 --> 0:08:34.080 reason I goost people. The sheer number of friends who 0:08:34.080 --> 0:08:36.880 have been ghosted did not surprise me, But what was 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.400 surprising was how many had been the ghoste. 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:42.439 So I have ghosted myself just once. 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:43.280 It wasn't fair. 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.320 He didn't deserve it, but he was just a nice 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:47.080 guy and I was a bit young and a bit silly. 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:49.600 Yeah, I just never messaged again. 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.720 I think most people would agree that ghosting isn't the 0:08:52.760 --> 0:08:55.760 most mature way to end things, but I learned that 0:08:55.840 --> 0:08:59.840 sometimes ghosting is necessary to keep yourself safe. 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:03.120 On the third day, he invited me to his place. 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:07.080 The apartment creeped me out. Basically, I was not feeling it. 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:10.120 I was really anxious. My intuition was like, get out 0:09:10.160 --> 0:09:12.760 of here. He took my phone and wouldn't let me 0:09:12.760 --> 0:09:15.440 book the obar and I had to like pam my 0:09:15.559 --> 0:09:18.240 way out of there. And I managed to get out 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.360 of there. And then he sent me a few messages 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:25.120 wanting to meet up again, and I didn't respond. 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:33.160 So is ghosting as black and white, as right or wrong? 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.800 Some stats on mind found that most people actually think 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.880 ghosting is appropriate in certain situations, and nearly two and 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:45.560 three have ghosted someone else. Almost everyone will experience it 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:49.240 at some stage. I guess people just ghosts and that's 0:09:49.240 --> 0:09:52.680 a reality. But why what are the reasons? 0:09:53.760 --> 0:09:55.720 I think you know that I'm about to say this. 0:09:55.920 --> 0:09:59.000 There is no single answer and there is no simple 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.760 answer as to why people ghost others. 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:07.040 As promised, here is relational psychologist Smoothly there who practically 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.160 gave me a free therapy session answering all of my 0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:14.880 big ticket questions about ghosting. Smoothly helps people who've been 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:18.400 impacted by relationships and the trauma that can come with 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:23.000 personal displacement. For the Darwin based psych ghosting is so 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:25.240 much more complex than we could ever. 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.640 Think, and for so many people who ghost, it is 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:32.880 about being too overwhelmed to own up and say they 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:35.360 don't want to see the other person again. And I 0:10:35.440 --> 0:10:38.080 want to be clear, this is not an excuse. This 0:10:38.200 --> 0:10:42.520 is usually the reason they do this. Sometimes it can 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:46.120 be too stressful or too uncomfortable to say no. Some 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:50.400 people ghost others because they're insecure themselves. They might not 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:54.520 be emotionally mature or empathetic, or they might refuse to 0:10:54.520 --> 0:10:58.640 take accountability for how their behavior impacts other people. Regardless 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:03.280 of intent, this kind of behavior is extremely poor communication. 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:08.680 It's hurtful to the other person. Usually, ghosting says more 0:11:08.720 --> 0:11:11.240 about the person doing the ghosting than the ghosting. 0:11:13.200 --> 0:11:16.160 Yeah, that makes sense. I don't need a therapist to 0:11:16.160 --> 0:11:19.640 tell me that when I get ghosted, I automatically blame myself. 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:24.079 And maybe that's why it hurts so much when someone 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:26.960 leaves me with no answers. I'm not to find that 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:31.000 closure on my own. It brings my deepest insecurities to 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:34.200 the surface, and I become my harshest. In our critic 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:39.160 for Smithie, this pattern of thinking is what ghosting really 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:40.240 taps into. 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:44.920 Someone who gets ghosted, if they already struggle with loneliness 0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:50.280 or rejection, sensitivity, or self esteem, ghosting can then perpetuate 0:11:50.400 --> 0:11:54.680 that thinking, and they might internalize the rejection and they 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:57.319 might be convinced that somehow they miss the mark or 0:11:57.520 --> 0:12:01.000 they're not good enough to date. They might start building 0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:04.680 this narrative in their head, built on confirmation bias, that 0:12:04.920 --> 0:12:07.280 dating is never going to work out for them, or 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:09.679 that they need to change who they are, they need 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:13.400 to change their personality in order to be likable. If 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.720 somebody tends to have this experience multiple times, and if 0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:21.640 they are not encouraged to self reflect and think about 0:12:21.920 --> 0:12:25.240 this from a mental health lens, it just drives them 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.840 further down a really negative paths. 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:34.319 Those anxious and irrational thought cycles are hard to predict 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:37.440 and control, and we may not always have someone else 0:12:37.440 --> 0:12:40.240 to help us out of them. So then, how do 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:43.720 we change that? How do we not internalize the external 0:12:43.800 --> 0:12:46.880 data we've been given? How do we feel empowered to 0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:50.520 break these cycles on our own? Look, I think it's 0:12:50.520 --> 0:12:53.719 time to face the inevitable. We need to look inwards, 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:57.040 confront the dark stuff, and work our way to the light. 0:12:58.040 --> 0:13:01.160 Except that our feelings may not always be reciprocated, and 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:04.839 accept that ghosting is unavoidable, whether that be from a 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:09.480 lack of chemistry or a loser with no empathy. So 0:13:09.520 --> 0:13:13.559 what now? What should we do when we're ghosted? Scream 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:17.679 into our pillows, close the curtains and blast olivery of Rodrigo, 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:21.400 Cry into a drive through speaker box, Oh just me, 0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:25.480 Oh my bad. Smoothie suggests that we focus on what's 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.880 in our control. The way that someone acts on Tinder 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:30.720 is not in our control. 0:13:31.559 --> 0:13:33.400 You are going to feel some sort of faith if 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.160 you get ghosted. Let's accept that feelings of feelings and 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:40.600 fighting and invalidating your feelings is not going to help. 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:44.360 What is going to help is understanding why you feel, 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:47.440 how do you feel, and starting to process them. This 0:13:47.559 --> 0:13:52.480 can include things like self reflection, understanding your triggers, understanding 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:56.679 your past experiences how do these shape your current feelings. 0:13:57.320 --> 0:14:01.160 This might involve not immediately believing your just because someone 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:04.880 did not text you back. It's very easy for us 0:14:04.920 --> 0:14:09.040 to fall into feeling shame when we perceive ourselves as 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:13.800 not being good enough or being unworthy of being responded to, 0:14:13.880 --> 0:14:18.960 being replied to. I would really encourage people to replace 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:22.720 that with what you would tell a friend who got ghosted. 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:28.000 It sucks. It's really hard, so remember to be self compassionate. 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:32.880 Being self compassionate will not fix the problem, no, but 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:36.040 you know what, it'll give you enough time and space 0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:39.480 to start feeling like yourself again so that you can 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:42.840 then reflect and problem solve and re energize and talk 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:43.360 about it. 0:14:44.560 --> 0:14:49.880 I'm a big believer in rejection being redirection. If I'm 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:52.240 going to be a loyal subscriber to faith and that 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.560 everything happens for a reason, I must also believe that 0:14:55.640 --> 0:14:58.960 some connections aren't meant to be. It's not the end 0:14:58.960 --> 0:15:00.680 of the world, and he it may just not be 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:04.240 that into me This might be hard to hear, but 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:08.760 surviving a ghosting may require some tough self reflection. I've 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:12.760 always struggled with confronting rejection head on. I lose myself 0:15:12.760 --> 0:15:16.960 in those inner conversations so easily, but to ground myself 0:15:17.080 --> 0:15:20.840 I must push through. Smoothie says that self care is 0:15:20.840 --> 0:15:23.720 a vital part of the process, so I asked her, 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:26.760 how can we take better care of ourselves when we're 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.760 grieving and processing a rejection. 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:33.080 I agree that sometimes it is about having those difficult 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:38.000 conversations or honest conversations with yourself, and self care is 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:41.360 definitely not about massages and candles date They can be great, 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:45.800 but self care has to be sustainable. It is about 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:50.920 putting yourself first, about valuing yourself and making a habit 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:51.480 out of it. 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:58.240 After chatting with Smithie, I took her advice and started 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:01.640 to self reflect. I paused my sixteen three watch of 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:05.720 The Devil Wares Prada, opened the curtains, fluffed and reshaped 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:09.480 my pillows, and I looked back on my almosts, on 0:16:09.560 --> 0:16:14.120 the ghosters and on the fizzlers. Some were short lived, 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:17.120 some a bit longer. I can forgive most of them 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:20.160 and still hurt with the rest. But I can't think 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:22.920 my way through that pain. I have to feel it 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.640 and then eventually let it go as I work through 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:30.000 the self deprecation and the confusion to then eventually find 0:16:30.000 --> 0:16:33.600 my own approaches to self care. There is one situationship 0:16:33.640 --> 0:16:37.120 in particular that keeps making a recurring guest appearance in 0:16:37.160 --> 0:16:40.160 the Rolling rom com in my mind. So let's get 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:43.080 back to Mitch, the radio host that I almost felt 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:45.880 that spark with, the one I've always wanted to look 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:47.640 in the eye and have a conversation with. 0:16:48.800 --> 0:16:51.160 This will be fun, fun, I'm say. 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:56.040 Okay, So I'll read the script narration that I have 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:58.600 planned for this and then we'll go straight into a chat. Okay, 0:16:59.200 --> 0:17:02.320 I'm so excited. Okay. So, like I said, things with 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.439 Mitch started as most modern love stories do, on Tinder 0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:08.320 in twenty seventeen. This was before he was kiss a 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:11.760 Fem's night show host and before he was voted Australia's 0:17:11.760 --> 0:17:16.639 most relatable media personality. Whatever he was though, the cashcock 0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:20.920 running errands for Kyle and Jackie. Oh oh god, our 0:17:20.960 --> 0:17:25.120 banter was electric. This was the chemistry I'd been waiting for. 0:17:25.960 --> 0:17:28.840 We both adored sushi and spent so many late nights 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:33.400 laughing about musical theater. We shared our dreams and aspirations 0:17:33.440 --> 0:17:36.240 of living in New York, and we were so hopeful 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.879 for our features. This went on for a couple of months, 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.720 and we promised to meet, but things just never worked 0:17:42.760 --> 0:17:47.399 out and our timing never aligned. Then I started to 0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:52.200 feel him pull away. Was that accurate? Is that how 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:52.680 you remember? 0:17:52.840 --> 0:17:53.119 Okay? 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.479 Why am I pining for this relationship that never happened. 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.960 I'm moaning the loss of the love that I didn't 0:17:58.000 --> 0:17:58.879 even know existed. 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:01.920 I've got a half erection. I didn't even know it's possible. 0:18:02.160 --> 0:18:04.199 I am in love with you all over again, and 0:18:05.119 --> 0:18:06.880 I do remember it in that way. 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:12.120 There, it is that mixtruy charm. We just bounced off 0:18:12.119 --> 0:18:15.840 each other so easily. But it was only seven years later, 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:18.240 on the other side of that fizzle, that I was 0:18:18.280 --> 0:18:21.280 comfortable and secure enough to reach out and speak to 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:21.760 him again. 0:18:22.560 --> 0:18:25.159 I'll be honest, that part of my life was very 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.199 weird at that point. I was like, send me in 0:18:27.200 --> 0:18:29.840 the closet. I was using dating and the apps to 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:32.840 enter that world. Right. I was just nervous, But I'm 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:35.240 a nervous person in general. I don't like letting people down. 0:18:35.520 --> 0:18:38.120 Like I still had a minute where I was like, Oh, 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:40.320 is it because I'm this or is it because that 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:40.960 person is this? 0:18:41.359 --> 0:18:43.600 But then like, if you want the answer, how many 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:45.800 years later has it been seven years six or seven 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:48.199 six or sevenays later? That's not the reason, it's not 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:51.120 your beautiful. The connection was really strong and I remember 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:53.200 it and it was like I genuinely thought, like, Wow, 0:18:53.240 --> 0:18:55.520 I'm really enjoying this conversation with this person. 0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:56.040 And. 0:18:57.800 --> 0:19:01.000 Okay, I need to come clean. I need to come clean. 0:19:01.119 --> 0:19:04.200 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can't keep painting sweet Mitchell 0:19:04.280 --> 0:19:07.840 this way as some dreadful Ghoster because he wasn't one. 0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:10.800 No Mitch came to the top of my mind because 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:13.919 he didn't ghost me. He instead just told me straight 0:19:14.000 --> 0:19:17.080 up that things were getting serious with another person and 0:19:17.119 --> 0:19:18.560 that he would just like to be friends. 0:19:20.760 --> 0:19:23.760 I remember writing how I actually felt I just want 0:19:24.000 --> 0:19:25.560 I owed you, I really liked you, and I owed 0:19:25.600 --> 0:19:28.280 you a genuine reason as to why I wasn't gonna work. 0:19:28.400 --> 0:19:30.359 It was getting very serious with my then partner, who 0:19:30.400 --> 0:19:31.680 I stayed with for five years. 0:19:32.040 --> 0:19:33.560 So I do remember that. 0:19:33.760 --> 0:19:37.320 Yes, well, you know, like the original and immediate reaction 0:19:37.480 --> 0:19:39.280 was oh my god, this is shitty. But then that 0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:42.160 only lasted for like two months, less than a month, okay, 0:19:42.400 --> 0:19:43.280 like forty five minutes. 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:44.600 I'm worth maybe three months. 0:19:44.600 --> 0:19:46.760 No, maybe like a minute and a half. Okay, interesting, 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:48.760 what you had done was given me an answer? Yeah, 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.119 I had a thought that I could grasp onto. You 0:19:51.119 --> 0:19:53.600 didn't leave me in the dark. I was given an 0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:56.000 uncomfortable answer, but at least I was given one. Yeah, 0:19:56.040 --> 0:19:57.960 my time for me to move on, find someone else 0:19:58.000 --> 0:19:59.119 I have better compatibility with. 0:20:00.280 --> 0:20:02.720 That's how you do it, guys, Yeah, it's not hard. 0:20:04.440 --> 0:20:07.960 By saying the uncomfortable stuff out loud, Mitch had saved 0:20:07.960 --> 0:20:12.600 me from the blame, the turmoil, the confusion. I felt 0:20:12.600 --> 0:20:14.840 that with others, but he was one I didn't have 0:20:14.880 --> 0:20:18.480 to worry about, and I can't thank him enough. He 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:20.760 could have left me on red, he could have ghosted, 0:20:20.840 --> 0:20:25.560 he could have been awful, but he wasn't. Sadly though, 0:20:25.720 --> 0:20:29.680 Mitch was the exception and not the rule. Some conversations 0:20:29.720 --> 0:20:32.280 will never be had and some things will get lost 0:20:32.320 --> 0:20:36.399 in translation, and that has to be Okay, what was 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:40.679 that great saying again? Yeah, rejection is redirection. 0:20:41.640 --> 0:20:44.520 Oh well, like that you was at the Darwin Psychologist. 0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:47.040 No, it was someone else. It was it was a 0:20:47.119 --> 0:20:47.960 thirty five year old. 0:20:48.560 --> 0:20:51.480 Interest it got it okay and sent me the link. 0:20:53.720 --> 0:20:56.399 Shall we call it a rap? Before we roll the 0:20:56.400 --> 0:20:59.399 final credits, here are some last bits of advice straight 0:20:59.400 --> 0:21:00.440 from the director. Cut. 0:21:01.200 --> 0:21:04.000 Dating is tough. You can't let it get you down. 0:21:04.280 --> 0:21:06.399 That's not your person. A person's not right for you, 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:08.040 or that's not your hook out, that's not the moment, 0:21:08.400 --> 0:21:09.360 they're not right for you. 0:21:09.160 --> 0:21:13.600 You cannot let a little ghosting stop you from dating 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:14.399 or going forward. 0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:18.200 And let's also be real to the ghosters out there. 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:21.640 Ghosting others is not going to make it easier for 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:27.119 you to date. People don't like being treated like they're disposable. 0:21:27.440 --> 0:21:31.200 So unless it has to do with your safety, consider 0:21:31.440 --> 0:21:34.320 if you can communicate what you're feeling in ways that 0:21:34.400 --> 0:21:40.359 are clear and non blaming. So practice communicating effectively and assertively. 0:21:41.880 --> 0:21:44.600 Everyone deserves today if that's what they want, of course, 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:48.680 and if ghosting is an unfortunate inevitability, then we must 0:21:48.680 --> 0:21:52.880 remain open hearted to keep our peace. Maybe then it's 0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:55.679 about making sure that the firing you burns bright on 0:21:55.760 --> 0:21:58.480 its own, so that when the ghost's clear and the 0:21:58.480 --> 0:22:00.880 sparks come fireworks. 0:22:17.119 --> 0:22:21.080 Mark, I can see you smiling. How does it feel 0:22:21.160 --> 0:22:22.200 listening to that? 0:22:22.200 --> 0:22:25.840 That felt so Norah Efron, queen of two thousands of 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:26.240 wrong goings? 0:22:26.280 --> 0:22:29.159 Hey, there's nothing wrong with having a self comparison to 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:32.560 Norah Efron. You did bring all the feelings. You brought 0:22:32.600 --> 0:22:35.120