WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - HELP! My ex has moved on faster than Usain bolt 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:26.599 Hello, lovely listeners, and welcome back to another episode of 0:00:26.760 --> 0:00:30.720 Ask Uncut. This is our quick, down and dirty episode 0:00:30.720 --> 0:00:33.279 for the week where we answer your deep, dark and 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:36.320 burning questions. Has anyone ever told you you have really 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.440 cute dimples? No? Laura and I as of today have 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.760 started to record again together one point five minute distance 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:45.120 in Laura's bedroom. And look at how much you've missed me. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:47.239 You want to talk about my dimples because I was 0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:49.720 looking at you just then as you introed that, and 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.640 they're pretty deep, they're pretty intense dimples. Well, they're really cute. 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:57.040 That's age. No deickness comes from lack of collagen. They're 0:00:57.080 --> 0:01:00.000 cute dimples, which I'm desperately trying to rectify with retine. 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:03.240 But the years of sun damage in Woollongong have really 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:06.920 had their toll, just specifically Warongong. What a depressing way 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:10.120 to start this sun damage anywhere else. So I'm haggard 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:12.840 and looking worse for wear, but you know what, we're 0:01:12.840 --> 0:01:15.360 in isolation. It doesn't matter. Actually, can we just talk 0:01:15.400 --> 0:01:18.080 about this is a thing? Did anyone else any other 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:21.360 listeners just notice what just happened. I just complimented Laura 0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.160 and she turned it around somehow to say, Okay, I 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.479 get it. I'm haggard. What on earth this isn't topic 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:29.800 on itself. Women that can't take a compliment and then 0:01:29.920 --> 0:01:33.600 put themselves down. Woman, let's try that again. Love you, dimples, 0:01:34.040 --> 0:01:38.840 thank you. Oh that felt so weird. It gave me 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:41.280 a shudder right down to my toes. Just tell me 0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:45.560 what you know this week? Something very important? It does 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.600 it affect me? Not at all? From maths, your world, 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:51.600 not my wealth. You would think that we'd left these 0:01:51.640 --> 0:01:54.360 guys behind with the last season, but we haven't. Did 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:56.840 you read today that Michael Goonan is now trying to 0:01:56.920 --> 0:02:00.440 sell his wedding ring that he had with Stacy on eBay. 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:03.800 Not just his wedding ring, his wedding ring and a 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:06.760 smashed picture of Stacy Waite that should just be on 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:08.960 by swap Sell. I can't believe it made into eBay. 0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:10.720 It's going for six hundred dollars at the moment. Is 0:02:10.760 --> 0:02:13.600 that all I know? I kind of thought it would 0:02:13.600 --> 0:02:16.320 go for more. I thought be worth more. The thing 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:19.840 I'm kind of like, I'm a bit unsure about is 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.079 that it's not saying that it's listed for any charity 0:02:22.160 --> 0:02:24.519 or anything. So I think he is literally just selling 0:02:24.560 --> 0:02:27.320 it to pocket six hundred dollars for personal gain. I 0:02:27.360 --> 0:02:29.360 bet you he expected it to go for more than 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:31.679 six hundred dollars. But hang on, correct me if I'm wrong, 0:02:31.680 --> 0:02:35.320 because I didn't actually watch it. But isn't he really 0:02:35.360 --> 0:02:38.200 really loaded? That's the thing. Why does he need to 0:02:38.240 --> 0:02:40.440 sell a ring for six hundred dollars? Well, I feel 0:02:40.480 --> 0:02:43.520 like if you're selling a ring publicly and a smashed 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:46.880 picture of your ex, it's a very very very public 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:50.079 way of having the last stab. Remember when Lara Bingle 0:02:50.120 --> 0:02:52.919 threw a twenty thousand dollar ring down the toilet. When 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:55.079 Lara Binger was with Michael Clark and they were doing 0:02:55.120 --> 0:02:57.320 their show, like The Real Bingal or whatever it's called, 0:02:57.360 --> 0:02:59.520 the reality show, they had a fight. She flashed her 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:01.800 ring down the toilet and I was like, actually, I 0:03:01.840 --> 0:03:04.240 think saying twenty thousand dollars, I think it was it 0:03:04.280 --> 0:03:06.239 was like ten times more than that. I can't even remember. 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:08.400 It was a super expensive ring she put down toilet. 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.200 How many people do you think were out the next 0:03:10.240 --> 0:03:12.240 day in the Eastern suburbs trying to dig up the 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:14.840 plumbing lines to be like, I will find that ring guilty. 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:18.919 You'll find it no under you remember it, you have 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:21.639 to be a little bit jilted still, if you're going 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.280 to go publicly and sell the ring, I think like 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.720 if your statement is it's such a statement in and 0:03:26.720 --> 0:03:29.480 of itself, if you were over it totally or you 0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:30.960 were like and I'm not saying that he's still hung 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:32.760 up on Stacy, but if you were over it and 0:03:32.800 --> 0:03:35.560 you didn't think about the relationship and it didn't affect you, 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.160 you wouldn't make such a public statement as in selling 0:03:38.200 --> 0:03:40.160 it on eBay. It's a real kick in the day. Yeah, 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.680 there're three of them, so his new partner, Casey who 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.040 was on the show, and Stacy, who was his old partner. 0:03:45.280 --> 0:03:49.040 They're all having the most Stacy I just realized. I 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:52.920 didn't know that either, But they're having the most ridiculous 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:56.040 fights online, not even worth mentioning. That's all I'm gonna 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:57.760 mention about it. But there's a reason I just wasn't 0:03:57.760 --> 0:04:00.280 into that show, because you don't like fun, Brittany. That's 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:05.960 why I'm sorry. There's no fun in m AFS. That 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:09.400 was so, so terrible. I'm actually contemplating whether or not 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:13.200 I need to edit that out. Probably well, I've got 0:04:13.240 --> 0:04:15.840 some news for you, Laura. I'm ready for a pretty 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:18.440 what news so people people might even say it's too 0:04:18.480 --> 0:04:21.479 hot to handle news. Oh I like what you did there. 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:24.960 I really like what you did there. Guys, if you 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:28.000 have jumped on the too hot to handle bandwagon with us, 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:31.400 they are having a reunion show tomorrow, so on Friday, 0:04:31.720 --> 0:04:34.400 and we get to find out what happened to all 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:37.760 these train wrecks. I actually saw this come through because 0:04:38.120 --> 0:04:40.599 someone who follows the podcast, who's like deep in the 0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:43.440 Facebook group, they were the ones that sent through, like, 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:45.120 oh my god, did you know that this was happening. 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:46.920 I didn't even know this was happening. I got sent 0:04:46.960 --> 0:04:49.919 this from one of our very loyal followers and listeners. 0:04:50.400 --> 0:04:52.760 So I love that. I love that you guys are 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:55.120 as invested in this as what we are, because we 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:57.360 are sick for it. To be fair, I think nothing 0:04:57.400 --> 0:04:59.760 is going to I think no one's together except harrying Francesca. 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:02.440 That's that's it. That's what I'm calling now. I cannot 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:05.640 wait to see the reunion of Friday. But also I 0:05:05.680 --> 0:05:09.000 hate and I feel dirty about how invested in this 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.120 I am. And I also feel dirty that we talk 0:05:11.160 --> 0:05:13.200 about this for a good five minutes at the start 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:15.240 of every single episode. You feel like it'll be done 0:05:15.279 --> 0:05:17.440 after this, is it? Actually that's a lie, because we 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:19.279 probably need to talk about it next Tuesday, after the 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:21.680 Union episode, but we're never doing it again. But on 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.400 that note, we do like to keep these short and sharp, 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.679 So why don't we jump in and sexy occasionally? Sometimes 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.880 they're fart, sometimes they're sexy, sometimes they're fars. What's a 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:33.760 question for you sexy questions? There are such thing as 0:05:33.760 --> 0:05:36.960 a sexy fart. There's definitely not a sexy far, unless 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:39.160 that's like your kink fetish, in which case I'm sure 0:05:39.160 --> 0:05:41.520 there's someone out there who finds fart sexy. Hands down, 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:45.080 there would be this already is weird. If you're still 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.320 with us, we're going to get into the questions now, 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:50.200 because this is going downhill fast. All right, Let's jump 0:05:50.279 --> 0:05:53.000 into the questions. Thanks to everybody who's written in questions 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.560 this week, we have had loads. Britt has done the 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:58.920 job of going through every single question and doing her 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.680 best to reply to everyone, but honestly, we do get 0:06:01.680 --> 0:06:04.000 so many questions that it's not possible for Britt to 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:05.919 get back to all of them straight away, so sometimes 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.680 it takes us a little while, so we appreciate your patience. 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:11.400 But we also really, really really appreciate you guys writing 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.800 these in And if you do have any questions that 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.440 you want to just share to the group and you 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:19.200 don't feel like they need to be anonymous, please feel 0:06:19.200 --> 0:06:21.560 free to jump onto our Facebook page which is at 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:24.719 Life Uncut Podcast because you can always ask your questions 0:06:24.760 --> 0:06:28.520 there as well. However, like I said, those questions won't 0:06:28.520 --> 0:06:31.000 be anonymous. But anyway, let's get into the questions that 0:06:31.040 --> 0:06:34.280 we've chosen for today and Brittany over to you. I 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:36.760 just want to also add to that, even if it 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:38.479 takes us a while to reply and it looks like 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:40.880 we haven't seen it, we have read every single one, 0:06:40.960 --> 0:06:43.320 so we are reading them even if we haven't given 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:45.719 you a response yet. So just know that you are seen, 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:49.360 you are heard. Question number one, I have a straight 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:52.560 up easy question for you. I've been dating my guy 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:55.479 for about a year, but I've been using isolation and 0:06:55.560 --> 0:06:58.120 lockdown as a bit of a reason to not see him. 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.279 I've just found myself less and less interest. I'm slowly 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:03.360 starting to screen his calls. I don't want to talk 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:06.719 to him as much. My question is can I dump 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:12.920 him over text? Oh my god, girlfriend, you are fierce 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.760 and I am frightened of you. Everything. My body's tingling. 0:07:15.840 --> 0:07:17.640 I'm going to straight up I like you. I'm going 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:18.960 to straight up and say I don't think you can 0:07:19.040 --> 0:07:21.320 dump over text after a year. Look, I'm gonna say 0:07:21.360 --> 0:07:25.280 you again, you absolutely can, but it makes you a 0:07:25.280 --> 0:07:27.800 bit of an asshole, so probably don't do it. It's 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:29.480 not the right way. Of course, you can do it 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:31.640 if that's your question, but it's not the right way 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:35.280 to be handled. Imagine if that was reversed and he 0:07:35.360 --> 0:07:37.520 was dumping you and you got a text text from 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:40.560 him saying, hey, babe, like, thanks for the last year, 0:07:40.560 --> 0:07:43.640 but I'm done taking this question actually seriously as well. 0:07:44.120 --> 0:07:47.000 It's it's so dismissive, and you're not allowing that person 0:07:47.000 --> 0:07:48.960 to have the closure that they deserve by trying to 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:50.640 break up with them over text. And the fact that 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:53.080 you've been ignoring him, the fact that you've been stringing 0:07:53.080 --> 0:07:55.880 this out and dragging this out throughout this whole isolation period, 0:07:56.240 --> 0:08:00.400 would be making him feel crazy. And I think that's 0:08:00.440 --> 0:08:02.880 a really unfair way of treating someone. You could lead 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:04.680 into it. You could start with the text let him 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.119 know that something's on your mind, literally saying, hey, sorry, 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:09.640 I know i've been distant recently. I've had a lot 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:11.400 on my mind. I've been doing some thinking and I 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:13.680 think we need to talk. You could start it like that, 0:08:13.680 --> 0:08:15.960 that we need to talk. Thing like ouch, he knows 0:08:16.000 --> 0:08:19.240 what's coming. We need to talk is another kick in 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:20.960 the day. You know we need to talk. Is the 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.120 equivalent of your dad saying I'm not mad, I'm disappointed 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.200 from what you've said. He knows something is wrong. Send 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:28.640 him the we need to talk. I've had a lot 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.720 of my mind chat. He'll start to put two and 0:08:31.760 --> 0:08:34.200 two together and put the way you've been acting and 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:36.319 feeling and the way you've been treating him over the 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:38.320 last few months. He'll put it all together, and at 0:08:38.400 --> 0:08:39.920 least that way, it's not going to be a shock 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.240 and a slap in the face, because there's nothing worse 0:08:42.679 --> 0:08:45.079 than when this happens and you haven't seen it coming. 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:48.000 Like when it's so left field, it's almost hard up 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:49.840 because you're like, what where did this? I thought we're 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:53.360 fine planning our future. But when there's almost like a 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.840 warm up, it makes it somewhat easier. One thing I 0:08:56.880 --> 0:08:58.280 really want to add to this, and I think is 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:01.120 so important and I feel like we've touched on this 0:09:01.160 --> 0:09:03.400 in so many episodes recently, but I can't stress this 0:09:03.559 --> 0:09:06.880 enough during this whole crazy isolation thing, now is a 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:10.960 time that we really need to be conscious of people's feelings. 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:12.840 You know, right now is definitely not the time to 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:15.400 be texting a breakup like this is the worst time 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.280 for that. If anything, I think a little bit more empathy, 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:20.760 a little bit more love, a little bit more kindness 0:09:20.800 --> 0:09:23.640 in every day in all of our relationships, is how 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:27.480 we need to be behaving. This is really the coward's 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:29.720 way out. The older that you get, the more you 0:09:29.760 --> 0:09:32.120 realize that you really can't treat people in such a 0:09:32.160 --> 0:09:35.319 dismissive nature. I think you really owe someone who you've 0:09:35.320 --> 0:09:37.440 given a year of your life to the closure that 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.040 they deserve. And that is even if you cannot see him. 0:09:40.360 --> 0:09:43.000 Let's like hypothetically say that he's in Queensland right now 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:44.680 and you're in Sydney, and so you've been putting this 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.520 off because you can't physically get to him to have 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:49.120 the conversation face to face. You sure, shit can't do 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:50.839 it over text. You have to do it at least 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.920 over phone or zoom or some way so that you 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:57.520 can have as much connection with him as possible, because 0:09:57.559 --> 0:10:00.000 he deserves that. I really like to look at every 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:04.000 single aspect of my life in a way that's treat 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:05.599 others how you want to be treated. So if you 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:07.520 wouldn't want to be broken up with every text, don't 0:10:07.520 --> 0:10:09.480 break up with you overtext. I think it's simple like that. 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:11.640 How would it affect you, how would you feel, what 0:10:11.640 --> 0:10:13.040 would you want to get from it? What would you 0:10:13.040 --> 0:10:14.960 have done differently? I think they're the things that you 0:10:15.000 --> 0:10:17.080 need to think about how it would make you feel, 0:10:17.520 --> 0:10:20.160 and then apply that to your situation. Put your big 0:10:20.200 --> 0:10:24.959 girl panties on and break up with him face to face. Girlfriend, 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:27.440 you can break up with someone in the nicest way 0:10:27.480 --> 0:10:30.079 possible and dragging this out the way that you're doing it, 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:33.480 and by doing this over text, by ignoring him, by 0:10:33.520 --> 0:10:37.200 silencing him, by not giving him any any reasoning or 0:10:37.280 --> 0:10:39.880 understanding about the way that you're thinking or feeling that 0:10:39.920 --> 0:10:42.200 this is a really cruel way of going about a breakup. 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:45.839 I think that's it. Bloody number two. All right, let's 0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:50.280 jump into number two. Question two. I have been cheated 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:54.320 on in every relationship, both emotionally and physically. My question is, 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:57.320 how can you distinguish whether your gut instinct is right 0:10:57.480 --> 0:11:00.240 or wrong. I'm always going to be fearful that any 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.200 future partner is going to be cheating on me, and 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:05.120 my automatic gut reaction is to just not trust anyone. 0:11:05.480 --> 0:11:07.760 How do I know if I'm ever making the right decision, 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:09.680 because if I trust my gut, I just feel like 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:12.760 I'm not going to ever meet anyone. Oh man, that sucks. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.720 It's a good one. Though. You cannot go into every 0:11:15.760 --> 0:11:19.520 relationship taking the shit from your past because not everyone 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:21.319 is the same and not every man is going to 0:11:21.360 --> 0:11:23.200 treat you the same way. I do think that you 0:11:23.240 --> 0:11:25.000 can be cautious, and I do think that you can 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:28.360 be sensible, and you are allowed to have I'm not 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:30.000 saying you have a wall up, but you are allowed 0:11:30.040 --> 0:11:34.240 to have like a little bit of protection to your 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.200 heart and not wear it totally on your sleeve. But 0:11:36.240 --> 0:11:39.480 the only person you're doing a disservice to by thinking 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:42.080 that things are happening or by like really putting your 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.360 walls up before you get into a relationship is yourself 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:45.800 means you're never going to be able to find the 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:49.240 relationship that you deserve. But not every guy is a cheater, 0:11:49.480 --> 0:11:51.280 not every girl is a cheater, and not every guy 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.720 is the same. I agree. I do think you're shooting 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:57.080 yourself in the foot by taking this old baggage, these 0:11:57.080 --> 0:12:00.560 old worries and stress and anxiety into new relationship and 0:12:00.600 --> 0:12:03.080 projecting that on him, because he will pick that up, 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.920 he will feel that, and you'll never know. I guess 0:12:07.000 --> 0:12:11.200 the relationship's full potential because you've gone into it holding 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.640 on to some damage from the past. As someone that 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:18.559 has been cheated on quite a few times. Unfortunately, I 0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:20.760 don't let it affect me. I can honestly say I'm 0:12:20.760 --> 0:12:25.520 probably overly trusting with people. I do give people second chances. 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:27.760 I don't go into a relationship thinking they're going to 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:32.959 cheat on me because I know that I need to 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:37.280 give that person a full, complete, utter chance to prove 0:12:37.400 --> 0:12:41.080 like I can't blame the crazy things might exit to 0:12:41.120 --> 0:12:44.120 me on someone that has nothing to do with the situation. 0:12:44.200 --> 0:12:46.679 It's completely unfair on them. It's unfair on you, and 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.760 you're not giving the relationship time to blossom in itself. 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.200 Maybe you need to step back a little bit from 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:56.520 dating and ask yourself and check yourself. Are you dating 0:12:56.520 --> 0:12:58.520 the same type of guy over and over and over 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:01.240 like ah, is the situation that you're getting yourself into 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.480 and the people that you're dating doing the same thing, 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:06.960 and is the behavior the same? Because maybe you have 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:09.800 a type and maybe your type sucks. You need to 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:12.520 be realistic about that. And if that's the case, then 0:13:12.520 --> 0:13:14.679 you need to start dating people who may not necessarily 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:16.920 be the guy that you had that intense chemistry with 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:19.600 straight away or the guy that you know ticks all 0:13:19.600 --> 0:13:21.440 the boxes in the same way that you're ex died 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:25.160 because there could be a reason that the guys you're 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:27.520 dating are cheating on you. It could be because you're 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:30.200 literally going for a personality type that is not a 0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:32.840 very nice person. Yeah, the reason that they're cheating on 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.000 you is not you. It's not a personal thing. It's 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:37.760 nothing you've done, is I think I agree with Laura. 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:40.360 It's probably that you're choosing the same type of people 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:42.480 in the same box, in the same category, doing the 0:13:42.480 --> 0:13:45.760 same thing at the same stage of life. And I 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:47.679 fell into that too. The best thing I ever did 0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:50.240 was jump outside the box and start to date people 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:51.880 I never thought I would date, And I think maybe 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:54.320 that's what I would suggest to this listener, try something new. 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.640 When I think of Matt and my relationship now, if 0:13:57.679 --> 0:14:00.360 I had met Matt outside of the Bachelor French, I 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.640 don't think we would have dated. Matt is such a 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.320 nice guy, and he's very different in a lot of 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:07.319 ways to a lot of the guys I've dated before, 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:09.360 not all of them, because I have dated some great guys. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.760 It just didn't work out. But you know, I definitely 0:14:11.840 --> 0:14:15.679 had a type, and that type was pretty dysfunctional, and 0:14:16.040 --> 0:14:18.440 I think, you know, you can sort of be reflective 0:14:18.480 --> 0:14:21.400 on the choices that you're making and take some responsibility 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:23.680 a little bit for the types of guys that you're dating. 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:27.360 The question she's actually asking too is do I trust 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.680 my gut? How do I know when to trust my gut? 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.200 I'm really really big on that when your gut speaks 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:34.400 to you and when you just feel something is wrong, 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:36.880 but you should you should know the difference. You should 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.480 be able to differentiate whether you were just imagining things 0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.280 because you think he's going to do it, and you're 0:14:42.320 --> 0:14:44.960 almost trying to manipulate the situation into him doing it 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:47.680 because you're waiting for it to happen. Your gut instinct 0:14:47.720 --> 0:14:50.520 is absolutely so powerful and it has never ever ever 0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:53.040 let me down. You just can't confuse the two with 0:14:53.160 --> 0:14:55.480 pure fear. Yeah, and this is something we've talked about 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:57.560 hates in this podcast, Like, your intuition is there for 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:00.760 a reason. When your intuition is raging, it's your internal 0:15:00.800 --> 0:15:04.360 alarm system saying this is dangerous, something is wrong here. 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:08.600 So if you are genuinely your intuition is what's saying, like, 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.800 fucking get it a bought mission. There is a really 0:15:11.800 --> 0:15:13.680 good chance that the guy you're dating is not doing 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:15.960 the right thing. What I think you need to be 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:19.880 wary of is are you projecting that really early? So, 0:15:19.960 --> 0:15:22.120 for example, if you've only just started dating someone or 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:25.240 seeing someone and you haven't defined what the relationship is, 0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:27.120 and you haven't talked about whether or not it's okay 0:15:27.120 --> 0:15:30.400 to be seeing other people, he may be dating other people. 0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:32.800 He probably is, Like most people are dating multiple people 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:35.600 at the start. That's just how we date in twenty twenty. 0:15:35.800 --> 0:15:39.280 So if you need to have that clarification, make sure 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:42.200 that you define their relationship before you allow yourself to 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.800 get carried away. With what you're worried about, what you're 0:15:45.840 --> 0:15:48.640 thinking could possibly be happening, because if you haven't defined 0:15:48.640 --> 0:15:51.200 the relationship, then he's not cheating on you either. It's 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:54.200 just that he's still opened seeing what's happening. So be 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.000 very clear with what you want, be very clear with 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:59.800 your boundaries, and also look at dating guys that maybe 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:02.120 are a little bit outside your box. I want to 0:16:02.200 --> 0:16:05.720 finish this one with just remember that nothing worth having 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.280 comes easy. You are going to have to climb mountains, 0:16:08.320 --> 0:16:10.080 You're gonna have to crawl through the dirt, and you're 0:16:10.080 --> 0:16:13.000 gonna have to go through a lot of rough diamonds 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:15.400 to find your smooth diamond, and that's just how it is. 0:16:15.480 --> 0:16:17.920 So don't be weighed down by the fact that people 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.160 have cheated on you in the past, and don't convince 0:16:20.200 --> 0:16:22.400 yourself that that means you're never gonna find your happy ending, 0:16:22.640 --> 0:16:25.240 because you will. Okay, I have one thing to say. 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:32.920 That quote is like perfect and I love it so much, 0:16:32.960 --> 0:16:36.560 But I often think people confuse that with staying in 0:16:36.560 --> 0:16:39.120 shitty relationships because they're gonna work through the shit for 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:43.440 it to get great, And I like that kills me. 0:16:43.560 --> 0:16:46.080 Like that concept kills me. Because I think if your 0:16:46.120 --> 0:16:50.160 relationship has been freaking hard work from day dot, it's 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:52.960 never gonna get amazing. If your relationship goes up down, 0:16:53.040 --> 0:16:55.120 up down, up, down, updown, You're never ever gonna get 0:16:55.120 --> 0:16:57.640 to the point where it's like this holy grail of happiness. 0:16:58.480 --> 0:17:01.080 I think you only get back to that holy grail 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.400 of happiness if you had it in the first place. Like, yes, 0:17:03.480 --> 0:17:06.720 relationships go through struggles, like we all do. We all 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:08.800 have like our really great times, and we have sometimes 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:12.880 that are a little bit more challenging. But good, healthy, stable 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.440 relationships are not volatile. They're not up and down. They're 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:19.240 not going to make you feel crazy, So don't convince 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.000 yourself that you need to work through the shit of 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.960 your current relationship. What BRIT's saying is that you can 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:28.520 kiss a few frogs before you find whatever toads. You 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:31.560 can kiss a few ugly foes before you find your 0:17:31.600 --> 0:17:34.120 prince charming. Like, that's what she's saying, because your prince 0:17:34.200 --> 0:17:36.280 charming will not treat you like shit over and over 0:17:36.320 --> 0:17:38.600 and over. That's just not He's not the one that 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:40.879 ain't your soulmate, not in our fairy tale. That is 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:44.040 not your soul your soulmate does not make you cry 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.879 every day the end, unless it's third and last question. Guys, 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.679 my boyfriend and I have just split up after eighteen months. 0:17:52.119 --> 0:17:54.439 He's literally moved on straight away. He's in a new 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:57.679 relationship and he's happy, and he seemed in love. I 0:17:57.680 --> 0:18:01.160 am completely heartbroken. I'm I'm so confused to how he's 0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:03.320 gotten to where he is and I'm at home crying. 0:18:04.119 --> 0:18:06.639 What does this mean for our relationship? Doesn't mean I 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.720 wasn't worthy? Does it mean he tapped out early? My 0:18:09.800 --> 0:18:12.320 feeling's not valid. I don't know how to feel. This 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:15.200 is such a good question because I literally was having 0:18:15.200 --> 0:18:19.000 this conversation, this exact conversation really with a girlfriend on 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:20.920 the weekend. But you chose this question, so I feel 0:18:20.960 --> 0:18:23.080 like this was a setup. What I think is really 0:18:23.160 --> 0:18:26.359 important to clarify with this is that there's a good 0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:28.679 chance that the guy is monkey branching, Like there's a 0:18:28.720 --> 0:18:31.760 really good chance that he is using his new relationship 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:35.919 or that new person to feel feeling any pain, you know, 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:37.919 So instead of having to sit through it and grieve 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:41.000 through it and like actually feel the loss of a relationship, 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:43.439 he's just going to spack fill that hole with some 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.080 putty and find a new girl to spend some time 0:18:46.119 --> 0:18:48.680 with who's going to distract him from his sadness. There's 0:18:48.680 --> 0:18:50.560 a really, really good chance that that's the case. And 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:53.159 it doesn't just because he's behaving this way and his 0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.720 behavior now, it doesn't invalidate the relationship. It doesn't invalidate 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:58.320 the fact that he had feelings for you at one 0:18:58.320 --> 0:19:03.320 point in time. But regardless of his actions, the relationship 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:05.800