Speaker 1: Do you know who I despise? So this is what's happened,
Speaker 1: just quickly. Yes, the coffee machine over there, it's just
Speaker 1: a smake. Coffee machine's a couple of years old. But
Speaker 1: the baskets in the porter filler. What a porterfiller is? No,
Speaker 1: it's the thing that goes in you put the coffee
Speaker 1: in porter filler portable. Yeah, porter filter. Sorry for people
Speaker 1: playing it. Yeah, what I hate is they're getting a
Speaker 1: bit old. So I was like, we need to replace them.
Speaker 1: They're just not as good.
Speaker 2: The porter filler.
Speaker 1: The porter filler basket goes in it, so it's like
Speaker 1: the single shot, double shot whatever. So I went to
Speaker 1: the kitchen shop. It's like a little kitchen shop down
Speaker 1: at the shopping center down here. I won't name names,
Speaker 1: but I feel like the two old bags in there
Speaker 1: so rude, like, oh, can we help you find anything?
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm just after to aport filter basket.
Speaker 1: Like what the hell is that? And I was like,
Speaker 1: it's the thing that goes in the coffee machine. Just
Speaker 1: explain to you. And they're like, what brand? I said,
Speaker 1: It's a Smeg. It's fifty one meal.
Speaker 2: Did they oh? Smeg?
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry, no, I wish they went, oh, fifty
Speaker 1: you'll have to go to Half Norman. I have a
Speaker 1: Smeg at home and I can't even replace it. I
Speaker 1: was like, okay, easy on just a second. They're like, no,
Speaker 1: you think they all just fit. I was like, whoa,
Speaker 1: oh shit, and I was like, it's fifty one mill Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what size I need. If you've got one. They're like,
Speaker 1: we don't have any of them. I'm like, oh, we
Speaker 1: could have just saved this whole interaction. And she was like,
Speaker 1: You're gonna have to go somewhere else. I was like, what,
Speaker 1: Like I offended her. She's like, I have a Smeg
Speaker 1: at home and I can't even replace mine. I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god. I was like, sorry to watch your
Speaker 1: time and walk down.
Speaker 2: So when I asked this morning, if you're in a
Speaker 2: bad mood, is that why?
Speaker 1: That is? Why? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Did you get the Porter filter?
Speaker 1: No? According to the old bag, I've got to go online.
Speaker 1: I'll go to half in Norman or buy a new Smeg.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to two Dating Dads.
Speaker 1: I'm Mattie Jay and I'm Windy McK winter.
Speaker 2: This is the podcast all about Porter Fields, all about
Speaker 2: the good the bad and the relator and the fifty
Speaker 2: one mills.
Speaker 1: And the fifty one millimeter.
Speaker 2: What else do we say for the intro?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you come, If you come for advice, good start,
Speaker 2: you come for advice? Stop right now?
Speaker 1: Sweating again?
Speaker 2: It is it is a bit warm today.
Speaker 1: Can you grab grab thee that last time?
Speaker 2: Give me one second hand?
Speaker 1: What are you wiping my forehead? Dude? Thank god, I've
Speaker 1: got a refreshing stone Wood.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to cool you do, because you went ok, this
Speaker 2: is your problem. You're going for runs pre you've gotten
Speaker 2: rid of your ice bath. Shout out to your ice bath.
Speaker 2: By the way, someone out there has it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, someone's sniffing it.
Speaker 2: That's what you need to get. Your core temperature ash
Speaker 2: is just it can't come down. It can't come down.
Speaker 2: You're running too hot. Would you do this morning? Five
Speaker 2: or ten k?
Speaker 1: Just five this morning?
Speaker 2: Just se even five k. That's enough to make ash
Speaker 2: wicks start peaking?
Speaker 1: Yes. Anyway, let's get back to the subject at hand,
Speaker 1: which is stone Wood. Stone and Wood our partners of
Speaker 1: stone Wood. Today we are drinking a Pacific o the
Speaker 1: OG the flagship named after the Pacific Ocean.
Speaker 2: Do you remember your first Stonewood. Do you remember when
Speaker 2: that was?
Speaker 1: I was just a young pub.
Speaker 2: My mate was like, this is years ago. He was like,
Speaker 2: you've got a stone Wood. I was like, what's that?
Speaker 2: Stone Wood Pacific? And I remember as soon as that
Speaker 2: little nectar picked my lips, I was like, Oh, it's
Speaker 2: like pashing fruity, like citrusy.
Speaker 1: It's like juice. I have it with breakfast anyway. It
Speaker 1: is their flagship, of course, and you can get it
Speaker 1: at all good bottle shops, all good pubs, all good bars.
Speaker 1: And we love it here and we like to thank
Speaker 1: Stone and Wood for being such lovely partners of the show.
Speaker 2: Without them, we wouldn't be here and this wouldn't be possible. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: and whilst we can't be on holiday's ash, it's nice
Speaker 2: to have a drink that can transport us to somewhere
Speaker 2: where we'd rather be. I e.
Speaker 1: Byron Bay.
Speaker 2: That's why they call it Barron Bay in a bottle.
Speaker 1: There you go to do that full of fun facts.
Speaker 1: We are let's kick off, Matthew. So how are you can?
Speaker 2: I just say I went to your toilet just before
Speaker 2: we started recording, and I have to admit it's the cleanest.
Speaker 2: It's ever been? Was that yous? At April?
Speaker 1: Is it not normally clean? I don't even use that.
Speaker 1: It was so really that's it smelled. So what you're
Speaker 1: trying to say is.
Speaker 2: Not normally messy.
Speaker 1: So you say, my wife sticks. But should be listening, you.
Speaker 2: Know, sometimes you go into a bathroom and it just smells.
Speaker 2: It smelt clean enough that I could have dropped like
Speaker 2: breakfast on the floor, put it back on the plate
Speaker 2: and kept eating sheets.
Speaker 1: A tight ship. Not normally really Okay, Well, April, if
Speaker 1: you're listening, I.
Speaker 2: Was coming and she's like, I've got to clean The.
Speaker 1: Last time she walked in and you're busy on the
Speaker 1: floor and she was like, what's going on here?
Speaker 2: I felt guilty when I started dripping all over the
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, sorry about this, April.
Speaker 1: Well, she's gonna hear about now, isn't she.
Speaker 2: But I'm okay. I'm okay, mate. You seem stressed. Something's up?
Speaker 2: What's wrong? That's wrong?
Speaker 1: Nothing is up? Nothing is that. That's the OSCT goes
Speaker 1: back to school next.
Speaker 2: Week, and you're upset about that, aren't.
Speaker 1: I am over the moon. I'm going on a bender
Speaker 1: as soon as it happens. That's beIN. It feels like
Speaker 1: he's just here all the time. He lives here, not
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 2: And you're like, you're still here.
Speaker 1: The constant entertainment, my god, drive me crazy. But here's
Speaker 1: going back and as you can see, Matthew, there is
Speaker 1: something new in my house behind you. It is a
Speaker 1: new couch. When you get a new anything, new bed
Speaker 1: that is a substantial size in your house. Unless you're rich,
Speaker 1: like you has multiple bedrooms, you can just leave them
Speaker 1: in and we're back to usual viewing. You've got to
Speaker 1: get rid of the what's in the way, the old
Speaker 1: couch for example. Yes, and how do you do that? Marketplace? Actially?
Speaker 2: Often are you selling something of a marketplace?
Speaker 1: Not me, bro, I'm like I just said to April
Speaker 1: and Mike, just fucking throw it out. Just leave it
Speaker 1: out front and say free, and then it'll be one
Speaker 1: of those couches out front and says free and then
Speaker 1: it rains on it and some freak still takes it.
Speaker 1: So we had to Yeah, marketplace, April act that bad
Speaker 1: boy up on Marketplace?
Speaker 2: What was the RRP asking price? What we're going for?
Speaker 1: I think she asked for four hundred s A bit
Speaker 1: rich for you? Is it like, I'll take five of them.
Speaker 1: How many do you haven't? Stop?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: How old was it?
Speaker 1: It's not that I only a couple years old. It's
Speaker 1: like a five grand couch.
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to react like that.
Speaker 1: But like a fucking what is it? Furniture warehouse? What
Speaker 1: do they call it? Fantastic furniture thing? That's fucking some
Speaker 1: child together.
Speaker 2: It was designer. Some would say, so, yeah, four hundred,
Speaker 2: how do you go good?
Speaker 1: She told it obviously because she.
Speaker 2: Got four hundred. Yeah, actually that's I was like, she's
Speaker 2: yelling drugs.
Speaker 1: She's not negotiable like that lady. She doesn't budge, like
Speaker 1: we'll give you three hundreds not enough. They give you
Speaker 1: three fifty not enough. One start okay, start hustling, like
Speaker 1: she hustles. Love that, but did I.
Speaker 2: I'll give her twenty percent of anything she can say, Well,
Speaker 2: she's like.
Speaker 1: That sold, don't touch that. That sold? That's so old,
Speaker 1: Like where's all the cutlery? Sold it piece by piece anyway,
Speaker 1: So she sold it and they were picking it up
Speaker 1: when everyone was home. And this happened to be Oscar
Speaker 1: and Macy, but Macy was too busy eating or something.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but Oscar is at the age was
Speaker 1: really inquisitive. We spoke about last week how he has
Speaker 1: a million questions, and it happened to be Oscar's first
Speaker 1: ever marketplace transaction.
Speaker 2: You popped his marketplace cherry.
Speaker 1: Yes we did, not me, but we did, and I did.
Speaker 1: That's right. I'm sick of doing the transaction part because
Speaker 1: that's what the husband does. The wife does the posting,
Speaker 1: the chatting, the organizing. Then they come, she hides, and
Speaker 1: I've got to do the awkward bit, which is the
Speaker 1: transaction where I'm like, yeah, you're picking up my used
Speaker 1: couch and there's a stay in on the back of it.
Speaker 2: How many times did you have sex on the couch?
Speaker 2: I think it's just a couple of times, okay, not
Speaker 2: double figures they're listening.
Speaker 1: None of the time did that ever happen? And also
Speaker 1: if my father in law's listening, never, we've never had sex.
Speaker 1: Our kids are adopted them. So I get stuck with
Speaker 1: the transaction, which is always the case. And this time
Speaker 1: April said, tell me what time they're coming. And I
Speaker 1: had planned at that time to go to said bathroom
Speaker 1: upstairs to spend the rest of my morning and there until.
Speaker 2: Those who may not have done transactions themselves and maybe
Speaker 2: unfamiliar with the way that marketplace transactions happen. What do
Speaker 2: you dislike about being the person responsible? It's just the
Speaker 2: awkward interaction.
Speaker 1: The awkward interaction than me trying to explain where a
Speaker 1: specific stain came from on the couch.
Speaker 2: Before they've been like what is this? Explain this?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like kids right and the couch Christians come off
Speaker 1: and underneath the couch. Chrisions usually is that the lining
Speaker 1: of the couch is like usually white or something. They've
Speaker 1: spilt something down there. It's on the inside. It's not
Speaker 1: really visible, but they're like looking over it, like look
Speaker 1: in the key. They're looking around, so they could go, aha,
Speaker 1: three fifty, you're lied, and it's just like this organ
Speaker 1: it's like, oh yeah, there's like it's been a good couch.
Speaker 1: It's just fucking awkward and I hate it. Everyone hates it.
Speaker 1: And also sometimes it's like you don't have enough. If
Speaker 1: April was like Okay, well they're coming, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to be here to say she wasn't going to be here,
Speaker 1: I can't be like I have to have the whole
Speaker 1: intel of all the conversation they've had, just in case
Speaker 1: they bring something up. It's just awkward. So I decided
Speaker 1: they were coming at eight thirty in the morning, which
Speaker 1: is great because we had a big day. I had
Speaker 1: to get it out. Hence there's a mattress there that
Speaker 1: was our couch for a few days batchpad. So at
Speaker 1: eight thirty. Then when he was perfect eight thirty, snuck upstairs,
Speaker 1: went to the bathroom, locked the door. I need to
Speaker 1: do a shit, some would say. On my phone.
Speaker 2: Was April like can you be here?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I knew she wanted, but I thought I'm going
Speaker 1: to let her do.
Speaker 2: Her someoney's coming in and like need to be there
Speaker 2: to protect.
Speaker 1: Her too bad, Okay, Sorry, I'm just trying to prove
Speaker 1: a point here. Yeah, okay. So I went and I
Speaker 1: hit and then I get a knock at the door
Speaker 1: a few minutes later, like they're here here. I'm like, midshit, sorry,
Speaker 1: I'm still going, and I've left it at another five
Speaker 1: or ten minutes. Here's some chatter and some laughter at
Speaker 1: some muscle and bustle downstairs, and then eventually I emerge
Speaker 1: walk down the stairs and I was just standing there
Speaker 1: really really really like just wanting to ask questions but
Speaker 1: didn't know who to ask the questions to it. And
Speaker 1: then as soon as I come down, he's like, Dad,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Where are they taking the couch? What's happening?
Speaker 1: Where are the cushions, where's that going? What are they doing?
Speaker 1: Who are they?
Speaker 2: Just confusing? It's like, that's my freaking couchday.
Speaker 1: This is what he's at. And then he stood here
Speaker 1: and he just went I'm confused with his whole situation,
Speaker 1: all four of us, because there's two people carrying the
Speaker 1: couch out and me and April standing there just like
Speaker 1: burst out laughter. He was just so just had no
Speaker 1: idea what was going on?
Speaker 2: Must be so weird. Like all of a sudden, the
Speaker 2: door knocks opens up, random guy comes in, exchange of money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he's just taking here was yeah. He was
Speaker 1: like what else are they taking? And he's looking on
Speaker 1: stuff And then I explained it to him. I was like, look,
Speaker 1: these poor people, these derelics are buying. These people are
Speaker 1: buying our old couch to take it to their house.
Speaker 1: And he was like, how are we going to sit
Speaker 1: on it? The difference at their house. I was like,
Speaker 1: come on, come on, bro, come on, I'm like, get
Speaker 1: up to speed.
Speaker 2: Was he happy with the new couch?
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing. It took. There was a few
Speaker 1: days in between. So for days in between, he was
Speaker 1: trying to work out why we didn't have a couch
Speaker 1: and we had to all sit on that and then
Speaker 1: the day off the couch. I think the couch is
Speaker 1: coming today, I reckon. He asked me five hundred thousand times,
Speaker 1: when is the couch getting here? And the website we
Speaker 1: got it from, they have a tracker that's like a
Speaker 1: live tracker. You can track him, and he just pretty
Speaker 1: much all day was like so he got nothing done
Speaker 1: that day, but he feels like he did.
Speaker 2: I will say it's a brave colored choice.
Speaker 1: I thought it was more gray than that, very white.
Speaker 1: But they come off and you can wash them the
Speaker 1: bell crow. But also another thing when you get a
Speaker 1: couch from brands like this, the cardboard boxes. My fucking
Speaker 1: got just the sheer amount of cardboard boxes. Unbelieve. Have
Speaker 1: you seen my garage?
Speaker 2: No, I haven't had a look.
Speaker 1: Oh man, you don't look at that look. Oh god,
Speaker 1: that's just that's just one of them with others stacked
Speaker 1: into it.
Speaker 2: What are you going to do with that.
Speaker 1: You throw it over the fence of the name.
Speaker 2: You're in a complex, you've got like twelve.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you don't want to be that guy who
Speaker 1: takes up all the bins because then they're like, you
Speaker 1: took it up all the bits.
Speaker 2: That's going to live in your backyard for like at least.
Speaker 1: Yeah, last time I got something from this or like
Speaker 1: a company similar I have. We've got a balcony upstairs
Speaker 1: that you can't really see, and I put it all
Speaker 1: out there.
Speaker 2: Is that the one that got like rained on it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what happened last time, But this one's more
Speaker 1: visible here because I don't want to take it upstairs.
Speaker 2: You're going to start rationing it, like cutting off little
Speaker 2: like squares.
Speaker 1: A period of twelve months, A really nice knife get
Speaker 1: stabby on it. Anyway, it was a stressful day putting
Speaker 1: it together, and it was hot, sweaty.
Speaker 2: I could just imagine. I could just imagine if you
Speaker 2: start having beads of sweat come down your brow purely
Speaker 2: by sitting here and having a conversation, I can only imagine.
Speaker 1: We have to go to the gym that day.
Speaker 2: Putting together a couch solo.
Speaker 1: Yeah, with two kids. Avery was out, you're a hero
Speaker 1: and no, that's right. April to go to an appointment and
Speaker 1: it turned up just as she was leaving. Ah.
Speaker 2: Perfect, that's her getting your back.
Speaker 1: And drives off. I was like, you sure you got
Speaker 1: to go? Now you're popping off for another six hours.
Speaker 1: Gotta go soil anyway, that's what I'm dealing with, Ash.
Speaker 2: I have an update on the car, Ah. Yes, we
Speaker 2: talk about you know, certain respons instabilities. There are certain
Speaker 2: tasks Ash that you know, sometimes Laura looks after sometimes
Speaker 2: I look after them. The car is one that I
Speaker 2: have to look after.
Speaker 1: Yes, we've spoken about this. That's right, both cars, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I spoke Yeah, getting them serviced, anything mechanical, And it's
Speaker 1: one of those situations where like except for Maley, she
Speaker 1: cleans them.
Speaker 2: Maley is in charge of the wax and polish. But
Speaker 2: I've had an issue with our car going on almost
Speaker 2: four weeks now.
Speaker 1: Yes, ship time too, yeah, oh, terrible time.
Speaker 2: And so there was a smell, like a moldy smell,
Speaker 2: and I thought maybe it was the girls dropping the
Speaker 2: water bottles in the back of the car on the floor,
Speaker 2: because there's just so much crap there on the floor.
Speaker 2: And the floor was all wet, and so got rid
Speaker 2: of all the crap, got rid of the mats, let
Speaker 2: it dry out, and this water just wouldn't evaporate. And
Speaker 2: I'm talking like you put pressure on the carpet and
Speaker 2: you could like see the water pull up, like there's
Speaker 2: a ship ton.
Speaker 1: Of water spongy.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Then I was like, you know, the car's four
Speaker 2: years old. So I'm like, what the what is going on?
Speaker 2: So I'm reading online trying to figure it out. End
Speaker 2: up calling a dealership where I got the car from,
Speaker 2: to bull Ake because they're like an hour and twenty
Speaker 2: minutes away.
Speaker 1: As a old former years car salesman, because like there's
Speaker 1: a dealership in every suburb of the same brand, and
Speaker 1: then new shoppers around this is them getting you back
Speaker 1: by saying this is what happens when you buy something
Speaker 1: from where you could have got it in your local area,
Speaker 1: but you saved a thousand dollars. Yeah, and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: there's something wrong with it. Guess what, bitch, drive it
Speaker 1: all the way out of here, fucking dare.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I saved seven hundred and fifty bucks
Speaker 2: by buying it in the dealership in Campbelltown. And so
Speaker 2: as soon as the dealership reopened after Christmas, they were like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's available for it to be dropped off in like
Speaker 2: three weeks. Times I'm like, all this time, I've had
Speaker 2: a MOULDI car because of all this water. And I'm
Speaker 2: thinking to myself, it's fine though, because it's within the
Speaker 2: five year new car warranty. And I was thinking to myself,
Speaker 2: I bet you they're going to figure out a way
Speaker 2: to say that it's my fault. I've caused the problem.
Speaker 2: That also, I can like here underneath the car when
Speaker 2: I stop at every traffic light, I can hear the
Speaker 2: slashing of the water. That is, I don't know what's
Speaker 2: going on, but there's I'm like driving like it's like
Speaker 2: driving an oil tanker.
Speaker 1: If I was working there, I would be convinced. I
Speaker 1: would convince you it was your fault. I wouldn't just
Speaker 1: like be like, I think this is your fault. You
Speaker 1: would walk away going there. You know what, I need
Speaker 1: to check myself.
Speaker 2: I was ready for that. I was ready for that
Speaker 2: to be like, no, there's no way I'm walking out
Speaker 2: of here and not being under warranty of the car anyway.
Speaker 2: As I dropped the car off. There was maybe four
Speaker 2: other I went see the name of the car brand
Speaker 2: because they may sponsor the podcast in the future.
Speaker 1: And I don't want to really thin line, but there
Speaker 1: was like four.
Speaker 2: Other people there who were all clearly in a terrible mood,
Speaker 2: and they're kind of like I can hear. I could
Speaker 2: hear the conversations of a guy being like, what do
Speaker 2: you mean I need a new like oil filter, and
Speaker 2: they're like, yeah, it's four thousand dollars, mate, And I
Speaker 2: was like, everyone's just getting rinsed.
Speaker 1: Is this the maserati you're talking about?
Speaker 2: Yea, So do you want to know what it was
Speaker 2: that was causing this?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yeah, just like that fixed it?
Speaker 2: Fixed it. I was out there.
Speaker 1: It sink still, it still stinks.
Speaker 2: I was waiting out there for four hours in the dealership.
Speaker 2: They were like another half an hour, another half an hour,
Speaker 2: you can leave, but you know you may as well
Speaker 2: wait here.
Speaker 1: Because we might sell your car by the time we
Speaker 1: get get rid of it.
Speaker 2: Okay, So air con pump was blocked. Sure that might
Speaker 2: that must fall under the remit of like a new
Speaker 2: car warranty.
Speaker 1: Right doesn't.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. Do you know what's caused it? What cockroach?
Speaker 1: There was a cockroach in there apparently, Oh bullshit, right,
Speaker 1: So you had to pay for it?
Speaker 2: Yes, Oh, I was like, but is it fixed? Like,
Speaker 2: it's fixed, but you know we can't cover that.
Speaker 1: Mate. You shouldn't have told the cockroach to crawl down.
Speaker 1: They sure they could have come up with something better
Speaker 1: than a fucking cockroad.
Speaker 2: Well, then I still alive, and I didn't want to
Speaker 2: say we.
Speaker 1: Should question in that cockroach.
Speaker 2: Showed me the cockroach, but I was like, there's no
Speaker 2: way I can say to you guys, it's not a cockroach. Anyway.
Speaker 2: I got home and Laura's like, show me the cockroach.
Speaker 2: And I didn't ask for a proof of the cocka
Speaker 2: would you why They're just going to pull a cockroach
Speaker 2: from anywhere? It's a mechanic, So, like, you know, Laura
Speaker 2: is like, you need to go and tell them that.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, I.
Speaker 1: Would just if April asked me to do that, be like,
Speaker 1: you fucking do it.
Speaker 2: There's no way I'm doing this anyway. So the car's fixed.
Speaker 2: Had to pay for it. Car still stinks. It's a
Speaker 2: bloody nightmare.
Speaker 1: And then you even got the fucking third degree burns
Speaker 1: getting home and there and your wife's like, you need
Speaker 1: more proof.
Speaker 2: They could tell them, what's easy for you to say
Speaker 2: that it was magic Pixie d ask that caused the cockage,
Speaker 2: and I'd be like, fine, thank you. Anyway, here's the money.
Speaker 1: I remember one time years ago I bought a laptop
Speaker 1: and Abral was like, did you get a dealer? I
Speaker 1: was like, yes, that was the best I could do.
Speaker 1: I bet you could have got a better deal. I
Speaker 1: was like, how dare you question my ability you to negotiate?
Speaker 1: First of all, and second of all, do.
Speaker 2: You know how many cars I've sow? Yeah, experience, I
Speaker 2: had my belt.
Speaker 1: Second of well, why can't you just be like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's good, good deal babe? Well I don't know. You've
Speaker 1: got to question me to try and save an extra
Speaker 1: fifty dollars. And I was just like, you ring up
Speaker 1: and see if you get a better deal there.
Speaker 2: Did you get a good deal there? Or did you
Speaker 2: just pay for it?
Speaker 1: But she will never know that until this comes out
Speaker 1: and she's like, remember that time, like nine years ago
Speaker 1: you brought a laptop.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just not so I tried to get a
Speaker 2: deal and look how much of an idiot I am now.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's not worth it hate random one.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: We've spoken before about the fact that our kids, being toddlers,
Speaker 2: like to carry a lot of knickknacks with them as
Speaker 2: they leave the house.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2: So Lola at the moment is a number one culprit.
Speaker 1: And she had like a little bag.
Speaker 2: She has a little bag. There's there's a couple of
Speaker 2: different handbags. Depending on the day of the week. She'll
Speaker 2: take a different handbag and just fill it with like teapot,
Speaker 2: little cups, sauces, like duplow, Like who knows what she's bringing.
Speaker 1: What she's taken where? Yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Lola left the house recently with something that wasn't really
Speaker 2: appropriate to leave the house with. Oh no, But I
Speaker 2: was like, if it makes you happy.
Speaker 1: It's not worth The argument also depends on how inappropriate
Speaker 1: it is, So lay it on me. What was it?
Speaker 2: Well, as we were leaving, I wanted to go get
Speaker 2: a coffee right over the weekend, I normally take one
Speaker 2: of the girls sometimes both for a baby Tino and
Speaker 2: a coffee, take Buster for a piss happy days. And
Speaker 2: Lola had a handbag and she had like all the
Speaker 2: normal knickknacks, and then she had this other item in
Speaker 2: her hand, and Laura was like, you cannot let her
Speaker 2: leave the house with that. And I tried to take
Speaker 2: it off her and it was like like it.
Speaker 1: Was it was a twelve inch black Dialdo well what
Speaker 1: I'm right? No? Not quite shut up? She did not.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, I have a costume box This isn't it's
Speaker 2: a strap. Over the course of a number of years
Speaker 2: of making content online, ash, I have quite a robust
Speaker 2: costume boxy and she's taken one of the items. I
Speaker 2: don't know if you can see that and see what
Speaker 2: she's brought with her.
Speaker 1: Oh I see it's a dom play whip.
Speaker 2: It's a red whip.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I so even got the like thing
Speaker 1: at the end of it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, it's fine. I can like hide
Speaker 2: it in the prem you.
Speaker 1: Can play it off. So when I was thinking, she's
Speaker 1: walking around with a vibrator or something.
Speaker 2: So when we're in the cafe, this is what Laola's
Speaker 2: doing in the cafe, play on that.
Speaker 1: She's using it as like I want this. Well, we
Speaker 1: know what her king is going to be when she's
Speaker 1: a bit older, and that's on you.
Speaker 2: So for people who obviously haven't seen that video, if
Speaker 2: you're on our socials. But she's in front of the
Speaker 2: glass fridge pointing what she would like to order.
Speaker 1: What do they call that fetish?
Speaker 2: I think it's like BDSM.
Speaker 1: Yeah, essentially your daughter's walking around Bondi with a BDSM whip.
Speaker 2: And we're waiting for the baby China and the coffee
Speaker 2: and she's just out the front going whipping people.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: A couple of ladies were like, is that is that
Speaker 2: a whip?
Speaker 1: Also, what I would like training me is what else
Speaker 1: people's kids have taken out in public that's inappropriate? So
Speaker 1: just off the back of that, we'll make a social
Speaker 1: video about this. What's the most inappropriate thing your child
Speaker 1: has taken in public? From your house? If that makes sense? Yeah,
Speaker 1: from your house? Where else are you gonna have it?
Speaker 1: In your car? Whatever? What's the most inappropriate thing?
Speaker 2: She calls it a magic wand ash, and that's what
Speaker 2: I call it as well.
Speaker 1: Let's go into our new segment, Matthew, it is tantrums
Speaker 1: for the week.
Speaker 2: It's fun.
Speaker 1: Would you like to go first?
Speaker 2: No, Ash, I think I would like to hear your tantrum.
Speaker 1: I've just got a really quick one here. Whire might
Speaker 1: always pooh and toilet.
Speaker 2: Thing, because that's all we've got.
Speaker 1: This one's from Kayla throughout DMS on Instagram.
Speaker 2: I will take this opportunity right now to say that
Speaker 2: if you do have a tantrum, please submit it to
Speaker 2: either of our personal Instagram accounts or two doting dads.
Speaker 2: We also have an email address.
Speaker 1: We don't check any of them. So this one comes
Speaker 1: from Kaylor and says they have a twelve month old
Speaker 1: and they had a tantrum because they wouldn't let them
Speaker 1: eat the toy lot cleaner that's hanging from the ball.
Speaker 2: Great. Great, it's so annoying when you're trying to stop
Speaker 2: your child from causing like illness.
Speaker 1: To be fair, it looks pretty inviting that blue tablet.
Speaker 2: April comes home and you're just there with Oscar having
Speaker 2: a little feast.
Speaker 1: On this honestly looks like an upside down. The lollipop
Speaker 1: smells good, just gonna be honest. Smells good, looks good,
Speaker 1: does not taste good, does not taste don't make it.
Speaker 2: It smell so good it look unedible. I've got one here.
Speaker 2: This one is for, Oh, Lucienne, Lucienne, Lucien, how would
Speaker 2: you say that? Sorry, Lucien, Lucian. Lucian.
Speaker 1: Look, I apologize, Lucian.
Speaker 2: I apologize if I have said your name incorrectly, I
Speaker 2: am deeply sorry. But she set me through. I am
Speaker 2: for the record, I'm always sorry for people. I defend
Speaker 2: Ash maybe not, but Lucian. To all the Lucian's out there,
Speaker 2: just move on. I think we are in a cranky mood.
Speaker 1: You are Lucian. That's how you pronounce it.
Speaker 2: Lucian, which is spelt ll you see and make it stop?
Speaker 1: Eh.
Speaker 2: Okay, So she has set me through a video and
Speaker 2: she said, I'm very happy for you to share this
Speaker 2: on the podcast. She sent me a video. Okay, I'm
Speaker 2: going to play you the video and you have to
Speaker 2: try and guess what this toddler is having a tantrum about.
Speaker 2: It has something to do with the room.
Speaker 1: So this is just turned into a game show.
Speaker 2: And our next tantrum is coming up now for ten
Speaker 2: points from Okay, so he's giving a good nudge.
Speaker 1: Do you want to get back in bed? Close?
Speaker 2: Does have something to do with a cot there.
Speaker 1: I don't know what is it.
Speaker 2: She changed the sheets, new bed sheets, and they're great.
Speaker 1: Honestly, they looked.
Speaker 2: Crisp changing the sheets on a cot just actually any
Speaker 2: bed sheets. Oh, it's the worst job. It's it's the
Speaker 2: bottom of the barrel.
Speaker 1: Do you know it's the worst when it's like Sunday
Speaker 1: night and your wife's washed all the sheets and you
Speaker 1: look at the bed and.
Speaker 2: You're like, especially when you're ready, you're like just ready
Speaker 2: to get it, You're ready to get horizontal, and then
Speaker 2: you're looking at just a bear mattress and you're like,
Speaker 2: can I just sleep on the match?
Speaker 1: So I understand what that kid's going through. That's great.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sending that through. If you want to
Speaker 1: send us videos of your kids screaming and we'll guess,
Speaker 1: we'll take it. We'll take that too.
Speaker 2: I do also have another one here, can I quickly
Speaker 2: just yes? Of course, one from Marley who messaged me
Speaker 2: on Instagram. She said, my daughter got really upset because
Speaker 2: I weed on top of her Wii without fucking her first,
Speaker 2: which if any non parents out.
Speaker 1: There, that's a big not that's a big one.
Speaker 2: You don't want to be mixing the Wii.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you really got to waste the water before.
Speaker 2: It. The goalposts are always moving.
Speaker 1: Always always.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I have attention when you flush. Other times that's
Speaker 2: when you don't flush.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a slippery slope to be dinant questions before
Speaker 1: we let these fine people go, I.
Speaker 2: Thought you'd never ask, gosh do it? Okay? This one
Speaker 2: comes from Amy, what is the one thing you really
Speaker 2: miss about pre kid life? And then also in addition
Speaker 2: to that, what's the best thing post kid life?
Speaker 1: It's a double double question that one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we norm only let single questions through, but on
Speaker 2: this occasion we've let a double through.
Speaker 1: Ash. I've miss being able to just like sit on
Speaker 1: the couch and do absolutely nothing.
Speaker 2: Will you still do that quite a lot?
Speaker 1: Hungover? I don't. I don't at me. I've seen you.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to see me through the window. I
Speaker 1: miss being like violently hungover and been able to sit
Speaker 1: on the couch and every meal is from different fast
Speaker 1: food restaurants. That's what I miss.
Speaker 2: If you wanted any insight into what kind of life
Speaker 2: Ash lived before kids.
Speaker 1: That's oh, that's now. And then what I want? What
Speaker 1: I like the most? Well, I like the wipes you.
Speaker 2: All, don't you? You have a big soft inner call.
Speaker 1: Maybe I do, but I will not show it. I'll
Speaker 1: hide it very deep down.
Speaker 2: I know you like the wipes. There's got to be
Speaker 2: something else.
Speaker 1: Let me.
Speaker 2: I like the left No, come on, come on, think deep,
Speaker 2: think about anything.
Speaker 1: I like when I drop them both off to Kindie
Speaker 1: and they don't cry.
Speaker 2: For people who think that Ash may have this like
Speaker 2: an o cold out of shell, yes he does at times.
Speaker 2: But I've seen the way that you have welcomed Macie
Speaker 2: back into this household.
Speaker 1: I do like that. I like the welcome when you
Speaker 1: haven't seen them all day. There he is, That's what
Speaker 1: I do like. There he is, yeah, yeah, yeah. When
Speaker 1: they make a big deal for about ten seconds and
Speaker 1: then you're like, well that's me done, and then I
Speaker 1: toddle off and enjoy something else.
Speaker 2: And you tried to say it was just the wipes.
Speaker 1: The wipes. The wipes are definitely good part. They're on
Speaker 1: part what about you man?
Speaker 2: Pre kid life. Look, I think the beach was something
Speaker 2: that I really enjoy, and I think you take for
Speaker 2: granted how nice it is going to the beach without
Speaker 2: kids and just being able to do nothing, just.
Speaker 1: In enjoy without the haushole too.
Speaker 2: Without the househole. You know, you can go with just.
Speaker 1: Like minimal, we could go exactly like this, Like you
Speaker 1: don't need to tow Like if I said, dude, should
Speaker 1: we just tell it over on the beach, we could
Speaker 1: literally just go nothing and were like, well I've got nothing.
Speaker 1: Well you know what, Matthew, you don't need anything.
Speaker 2: Kids make the beach a lot more difficult, just the
Speaker 2: like fucking snacks, wipes, water bottles, buckets, like shade, Oh
Speaker 2: my god, the list is endless. Shade, Well, it's so
Speaker 2: hot at the moment, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: I love how you're going to take your own shade.
Speaker 2: And also then just like at the moment when you're
Speaker 2: at the beach with the kids and you have to
Speaker 2: say to your partner like hey, I'm going to jump
Speaker 2: in the water, and like cool, you've got three minutes,
Speaker 2: and that's like all you get, Like you get rational,
Speaker 2: go go go, like run into the water, pale around,
Speaker 2: and then you're like I could stay here for longer.
Speaker 2: And you look at the shoreline and they're they're going
Speaker 2: like pulling at the.
Speaker 1: Watch, going come back here, cross arms, like yeah, what
Speaker 1: are you doing?
Speaker 2: Come in and you're like just on another just like
Speaker 2: another minute to myself.
Speaker 1: When I've taken the kids down of the beach on
Speaker 1: my own that weekend, my mentioned with Apple was really
Speaker 1: really hungover with other friends, and I would be like,
Speaker 1: sneak away. I'd be like to the other parents, I'd
Speaker 1: be like back in one set for a swim, and
Speaker 1: by the time I get back, both kids realize that
Speaker 1: I've left them. Oh yeah, sated that you left. I
Speaker 1: literally went ten meters into the water and back. If
Speaker 1: I wanted to leave you, I would.
Speaker 2: The thing I like about having kids, I think.
Speaker 1: That's all we've got time for because the list is
Speaker 1: going to be endless.
Speaker 2: No, I think there's a lot of parts of parenting
Speaker 2: that are very hard ash But at the same time,
Speaker 2: especially at the moment, because I'm coming off the back
Speaker 2: of like a month of Lola just pating you looking
Speaker 2: at me like I'm a piece of shit, when I
Speaker 2: do get those little moments of affection, like we had
Speaker 2: a little breakthrough with Lola. We were actually down the
Speaker 2: beach to keep things on the same theme, And is
Speaker 2: a Thursday. I have both girls home from daycare on
Speaker 2: a Thursday, and she hasn't done this in a bloody
Speaker 2: long time. She fell asleep in my arms.
Speaker 1: Ah, and just that's pretty good, except I'm really sweaty.
Speaker 1: Lessons in Winter it's a no go.
Speaker 2: And it was just nice to have like a moment
Speaker 2: of peace when they're asleep in your arms, being cute
Speaker 2: and then nuzzling in. I was like, this is pretty good.
Speaker 1: That's a win. It's not very often we end an
Speaker 1: episode on a little soppiness, but anyway, that's very lovely. Matthew.
Speaker 1: I think on that night, we should probably wrap this
Speaker 1: up because I need to get to my therapy appointment.
Speaker 2: Yes we do. If you enjoy this episode, I'm coming.
Speaker 1: You know. It's like that those tiktoks are. It's like
Speaker 1: enjoying therapies like you too. And I was like, are
Speaker 1: we both going?
Speaker 2: Do you talk about me?
Speaker 1: And never you mentioned my name? Never, that's a lie,
Speaker 1: like you're doing my fu.
Speaker 2: Have you been enjoyed this episode? We would love it
Speaker 2: if you shared it with any other people out there, parents,
Speaker 2: non parents, pet parents, doesn't matter who it is. And
Speaker 2: if you would leave us a review and a couple
Speaker 2: of words on a podcast we never beg. We asked politely,
Speaker 2: but it makes a huge difference.
Speaker 1: Ash Night, Chacter, you will start to beg.
Speaker 2: We catch up every weekend on a Sunday night, and
Speaker 2: we just read the reviews to each other. That's how
Speaker 2: we get to sleep, and we are due for some
Speaker 2: new reviews.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's like a couple that were just like ashes
Speaker 1: the last and I slept like a baby after that.
Speaker 1: We get a lot of lovely messages every now and then, dads, and.
Speaker 2: It's like, hey, it's great to message us this in
Speaker 2: the inbox, but do you mind just like copy and.
Speaker 1: Pasting that it's Apple Podcast. Yeah, please'd be great. Make
Speaker 1: it publishiated. Yeah, all right, we're going to get out
Speaker 1: of here, you.
Speaker 2: Two doting dads. Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land see community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land