Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Emma, welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: One Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and I have
Speaker 1: some good news. Well, I mean it's good news for me,
Speaker 1: maybe not for Brittany, but it's kind of good news
Speaker 1: for you guys as well. What's the good news. Am
Speaker 1: I in on this good news? Am I privy to
Speaker 1: this information? Well, you just told me about the good news,
Speaker 1: at which I mean you have emotional and sad wid
Speaker 1: blash from it. But I'm excited. Brittany is like ninety
Speaker 1: nine point nine percent getting a flight back to Sydney.
Speaker 1: She's going to come and join us in this hell hole,
Speaker 1: which do you know what? Originally when BRIT's trip was booked,
Speaker 1: she was only supposed to be going for six weeks
Speaker 1: to you know, go spend some time, fall in love,
Speaker 1: run around, frolic, be nude, and obviously, because state of
Speaker 1: affairs that we're all in, it extended, Brick couldn't get
Speaker 1: a flight back. But she's just brought me the good news,
Speaker 1: and that is that sooner rather than later, we won't
Speaker 1: have to do these recordings and zoom recordings, and I'll
Speaker 1: be able to touch you and get all up in
Speaker 1: your one point five meters space. I don't actually know
Speaker 1: if this is good news or not. Like a part
Speaker 1: of me is a bit bittersweet. Part of me is
Speaker 1: the tiniest bit happy. I'm like, you know what, I
Speaker 1: am ready. I'm ready to come home, do life face
Speaker 1: to face again, get back into normal life, get back
Speaker 1: to my apartment, get back to a little bit of
Speaker 1: routine and not staying up all night so I can
Speaker 1: work on Australian time. But the other part of me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, fuck, like, I'm over here with the love
Speaker 1: of my life and I'm having a great old time
Speaker 1: and I don't want to leave him again. So it's
Speaker 1: definitely gonna be a bittersweet and I'm definitely, like you
Speaker 1: just said, I'm gonna have some real emotional whiplash when
Speaker 1: I get back. But that's for future, Brittany. Tomorrow's problems
Speaker 1: are Tomorrow's problems. But also, I don't know if people
Speaker 1: necessarily know you and Jordan have actually only spent quite
Speaker 1: a small amount of time face to face prior to
Speaker 1: this trip. So it was like this time that you
Speaker 1: guys got to have trip. It was the make or break.
Speaker 1: It was what was either going to galvanize the relationship
Speaker 1: or it was going to be that real one or
Speaker 1: one time where you were like, oh, long distance Jordan
Speaker 1: is better than face to face Jordan, kill each other.
Speaker 1: I like FaceTime Jordan. I like the one where we
Speaker 1: just sex. No, but it's like for you guys that
Speaker 1: don't know the timeline, Jordan and I met, fell in
Speaker 1: love very quickly, saw each other every day, but it
Speaker 1: was probably only for about three months, give will take
Speaker 1: a week. Then he left and he was away for
Speaker 1: three to four months before I saw him again. Then
Speaker 1: I was only supposed to come back here for six weeks,
Speaker 1: so I don't supposed to be with him for six weeks,
Speaker 1: So we ended up spending more time apart than we
Speaker 1: had together. So this five weeks that I was coming
Speaker 1: over to see in was really really important, And the
Speaker 1: fact that I ended up getting stuck here, I guess
Speaker 1: was a little bit of a blessing in disguise, because
Speaker 1: we were able to spend some really good time together.
Speaker 1: We were able to be like, you know, is this legit?
Speaker 1: Is this fucking real? Are we really going to do this?
Speaker 2: Though?
Speaker 1: Imagine if you'd gotten there, you got stuck there, and
Speaker 1: then you realize you didn't like him, Like this was
Speaker 1: the perfect come from this situation. But it could have
Speaker 1: gone very very badly. It really could have. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure there are plenty of people that that has happened to.
Speaker 1: But I mean I actually thought about that. I was like,
Speaker 1: what if I do get stuck here for six months?
Speaker 1: Who knows? I mean, that could happen and it didn't
Speaker 1: work out, And I just thought, you know what, I
Speaker 1: would just I would be so fine on my own.
Speaker 1: I'd probably just go on cruise off somewhere. He's not
Speaker 1: the sort of person that would ever throw me under
Speaker 1: a bus. He would look after me at the same point,
Speaker 1: So like I wasn't overly worried about There's always somewhere
Speaker 1: to go, there's always something to do. But yeah, look guys,
Speaker 1: it is a happy ending for now. But when I
Speaker 1: come home again, I don't know what I'm going to
Speaker 1: see him again. He might not even be back this year.
Speaker 1: He might not be back till next year, and even
Speaker 1: then we're not sure. If the Australian Open goes ahead,
Speaker 1: he'll come back. But what we're facing is probably for
Speaker 1: the next five or six years if we stay together,
Speaker 1: is like six months apart at a time. It's pretty insane.
Speaker 1: So well, and I think as well that there's so
Speaker 1: many people who have been in your situation in the past,
Speaker 1: like you know, two years, especially because of this COVID situation,
Speaker 1: Like there are so many people who have had and
Speaker 1: been forced into doing long distance from their partners, or
Speaker 1: even if they haven't done long distance, they've been forced
Speaker 1: into making some really radical decisions about their relationship that's
Speaker 1: either fast tracked it and then they're now in the
Speaker 1: same place, or they've had to do this pro long
Speaker 1: time apart. So I know that we've been saying this
Speaker 1: for ages, but there is there is such an episode
Speaker 1: in long distance and managing long distance, and now you've
Speaker 1: got some real first hand experience, because my long distance
Speaker 1: experience was not a good one. So I think it's
Speaker 1: really great that you have been able to manage this
Speaker 1: in a way and be able to keep the spark
Speaker 1: alive and to be able to like not have jealousy
Speaker 1: creep in or all the other things that can sometimes
Speaker 1: like rear its ugly head in long distance relationships. And yeah, guys,
Speaker 1: there's an episode in this coming. I know we've been
Speaker 1: saying this for a while now, but now she's well
Speaker 1: and truly versed in it. Yeah, I just needed a
Speaker 1: bit more experience, but I'm good to come back and
Speaker 1: do it. But Laura, I was thinking today. I was like,
Speaker 1: I cannot believe. I actually cannot believe that we're in September.
Speaker 1: Like I feel like it was yesterday that we were like, well,
Speaker 1: welcome to the new year. It's twenty twenty one. It's September,
Speaker 1: coming towards the end of the year, which is bonkers.
Speaker 1: But do you know what September is? No, But I
Speaker 1: know that you, like you think that this year has
Speaker 1: gone fast, and I feel like it's been the slowest
Speaker 1: year of my fucking life. I haven't slept in seven months.
Speaker 1: Guys like I am, yeah, wow, Well, I mean that's
Speaker 1: self inflicted. You keep reproducing. I just think it's weird
Speaker 1: that I was like pregnant in January and had a baby,
Speaker 1: and now that child is crawling and has two teeth
Speaker 1: like I. For me, NAP does not feel like a
Speaker 1: fast year at all. Feels like the year that's never ending.
Speaker 1: But before we get any further, today's episode is brought
Speaker 1: to you by our sponsor, which is Dermavine. So we
Speaker 1: just want to say a very big thank you to them,
Speaker 1: and Dermavine is a product that gets a very good
Speaker 1: nudge in our household with dry, scaly, crusty little kiddies.
Speaker 1: They have some amazing skincare products. And I don't know
Speaker 1: about you, but with the change of season and coming
Speaker 1: out of winter, my skin is so dry and crusty.
Speaker 1: But speaking of a change of seasons, do you know
Speaker 1: what September is, Laura, I do know what you're getting at.
Speaker 1: I know what September is. September is soft launch September,
Speaker 1: because we're going to talk about this soft launch September,
Speaker 1: and I have a few feelings. Okay, for anyone who
Speaker 1: doesn't know what a soft launch is and what we're
Speaker 1: talking about right now, a soft launch is when you
Speaker 1: might see someone on social media and maybe it's a
Speaker 1: famous person, maybe it's an influencer. Hell maybe it's just
Speaker 1: your friend and they're in a new relationship or they've
Speaker 1: just started seeing guy or a girl or whoever, and
Speaker 1: instead of coming out and being like, this is my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: this is my new partner, they do a soft launch.
Speaker 1: They might just post a picture of their dog, or
Speaker 1: they might just post a picture of their hand or
Speaker 1: maybe like a bit of their side arm as they're
Speaker 1: holding hands on the couch. There's a lot of different
Speaker 1: ways that you can soft launch a new part of
Speaker 1: what a soft launch is. It's a tease. It's a tease.
Speaker 1: It's a way to build anticipation. It's the way to
Speaker 1: get people talking about, oh my god, did you see
Speaker 1: Laura had a new boyfriend? Or something's definitely going on.
Speaker 1: There's something there, but we can't find out who. It's
Speaker 1: a way for people to be like I'm gonna tease this,
Speaker 1: but I'm not sure when I'm gonna drop the actual bomb.
Speaker 1: And it can be as small and minute as like
Speaker 1: two glasses in the photo, like two wine glasses, and
Speaker 1: then there's no person in it. It's just you eat
Speaker 1: the two glasses and you're like, had the best night.
Speaker 1: It's like shit like that where you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: who did she have the best night? With? You tap
Speaker 1: on the picture. There's no tag on there, there's nothing.
Speaker 1: It just leaves you wanting more. And then a week
Speaker 1: later there might be like an elbow, like someone else's
Speaker 1: elbow in the frame and you're like, slowly it's driving
Speaker 1: you insane and you want to know more than ever.
Speaker 1: And it's gone to the point where there are so
Speaker 1: many comedians that have taken the piers. It's gone pretty
Speaker 1: viral on social media, so they have given it its
Speaker 1: own month, which is soft launch September. Nola, How do
Speaker 1: you feel about a soft launch? Mat? I have so
Speaker 1: many feelings about this, and also I feel like one
Speaker 1: of them is me going to be criticizing you because
Speaker 1: I know that you are partial to a soft launch brute,
Speaker 1: and I am not. No, hang on, I actually am not.
Speaker 1: I have had friends that have soft launch lunch friends
Speaker 1: and non friends, and I fucking hate it, Like I'm like,
Speaker 1: why are you doing this? I actually never soft launch.
Speaker 1: You soft launched, Jordan? No, I didn't. This is a
Speaker 1: common no. I did. Were lying. We din'd have a
Speaker 1: fight on the podcast everyone. I know why you think
Speaker 1: I did, but I didn't. The way that Jordan came
Speaker 1: about was I didn't soft launch because it actually like,
Speaker 1: whilst has pardon me? That sort of wanted to start
Speaker 1: to show him before I knew that, I was ready
Speaker 1: to say, Hey, I'm committed to this person. I was
Speaker 1: doing a Q and A on my Instagram and I
Speaker 1: was answering loads of questions and somebody said to me,
Speaker 1: show us a time you were happy. So I put
Speaker 1: a picture up with Jordan. It could have been anywhere
Speaker 1: you couldn't see his face. It was just a time
Speaker 1: I was happy. That was it. That was my soft launch.
Speaker 1: I didn't say it was now. I didn't say it's current.
Speaker 1: I didn't say I am happy. Don't raise your hand
Speaker 1: at me like you're in a classroom. I I'm finished, Okay.
Speaker 1: I have so many things to say to this, which
Speaker 1: are like, Brittany, you can live in a delusional land
Speaker 1: and you can tell yourself that that's not what you did.
Speaker 1: The reason why that is not true is because this
Speaker 1: was New Year's you're away, you're out, you're on holidays,
Speaker 1: and Jordan came to see you, and you had been
Speaker 1: posting photos which were by the pool and in that area.
Speaker 1: So everyone who follows you knew that it was a
Speaker 1: current photo because it was taken in the same area
Speaker 1: that you had been posting photos the day before. It
Speaker 1: was a photo that only showed half of his face
Speaker 1: and the guy's sock tan no no face, no face, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there was no face. Everyone who saw it was like
Speaker 1: even The Daily Mail was like, who is Brittany with
Speaker 1: So you can convince yourself that you didn't soft launch Jordan,
Speaker 1: but you did, Okay, so in my I can see,
Speaker 1: I can see when in my defense, it was never
Speaker 1: an intentional soft launch. It was like, in all honesty,
Speaker 1: it was a lot someone says, show me when you've
Speaker 1: been happy. It was the last time I could remember
Speaker 1: that i'd actually been happy, and I was so happy.
Speaker 1: So I was like, cool, this is going to answer
Speaker 1: that question. No part of me thought that this was
Speaker 1: a soft launch. Otherwise I would have said had the
Speaker 1: best time at the bottom, like it feels so nice
Speaker 1: to be falling in love, and then just like really ambiguous. Okay.
Speaker 1: There are a few influences who I have noticed are
Speaker 1: very partial to a soft launch. Bella, who was un
Speaker 1: Lucky Season I have noticed, and I've followed Bella for
Speaker 1: a long time, like you know, we've been friends, but
Speaker 1: I have noticed it over the years that she loves
Speaker 1: a soft launch. Ruby Tuesday Matthews also partial to a
Speaker 1: soft launch. Now, I mean, like, live your best life.
Speaker 1: You can do whatever you want on your social media.
Speaker 1: The reason why I find a soft launch weird, I
Speaker 1: guess is because it's not so much about the person
Speaker 1: and their relationship, it's about the followers and their reaction
Speaker 1: to the relationship, and so like, if we're supposed to unpackwater.
Speaker 1: Soft launch is The term soft launch comes from something
Speaker 1: that businesses do when you're trialing a new product, or
Speaker 1: you're trialing like a new service to market, and you'll
Speaker 1: do a soft launch on that product in order to
Speaker 1: garner your customer's feedback. Right, it's advertising. You're like building suspense. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so you're like, okay, so you're like trying to garner
Speaker 1: feedback on a product or you're building suspense. How can
Speaker 1: that then be related to a boyfriend? Like the only
Speaker 1: reason why people are doing it is in order to
Speaker 1: create suspense, in order to like create a hype around
Speaker 1: their interests in their own personal love life. And I
Speaker 1: just think it's a little bit self indulgent. Oh it's
Speaker 1: completely self indulgent. Okay, good around. It's like we're completely
Speaker 1: taking our personal branding way too seriously, That's what it is.
Speaker 1: Why do you think people give a fuck who you're
Speaker 1: dating or who you're not dating. I just think it's
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's actually oh my god, Brittany,
Speaker 1: you are so partial to a soft launch. This is
Speaker 1: killing me. Hang on, who else I've never I'm dating
Speaker 1: in ten years? Who are I soft launch? Okay? Everyone,
Speaker 1: Britta and I actually kind of dated the same guy
Speaker 1: mini years apart. Ha ha, that was not a soft launch.
Speaker 1: I saw him like twice. I used to call him
Speaker 1: Man Mountain because this guy was literally like a man
Speaker 1: you could climb. He was so attractive, but he was
Speaker 1: also did you try like white bread? Which actually leads
Speaker 1: us so well into this episode for today we're talking
Speaker 1: about attraction. But okay, this guy Man Mountain, he was
Speaker 1: so hot. He was literally whitebread though the most boring
Speaker 1: He's beautiful, Yeah, boring. Man. He was so hot that
Speaker 1: he never had to try and be interesting. That's how
Speaker 1: I That's how I described him. You know those people
Speaker 1: that like roll out of bed, don't even put shoes on,
Speaker 1: and just walk down for a swim and you're like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, you are so hot. That was what he
Speaker 1: was like. And now Laura and I didn't know that
Speaker 1: each other day did the same guy. I just came
Speaker 1: up in conversation one day, like if we were just
Speaker 1: talking about I was like, I've dated someone similar to that,
Speaker 1: and then we started talking about everything about him and
Speaker 1: he's like this was like this sounds very familiar. Figured
Speaker 1: out we dated the same person, but you dated him
Speaker 1: way more seriously than I did. I hung out with
Speaker 1: him like twice, but Brittany started sharing photos of his
Speaker 1: dog on her stories and I was like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: it's a fucking man Mountain soft launch. Here we are,
Speaker 1: Laura and I are zooming right now, and I'm pretending
Speaker 1: to massivate to the phone's work because I'm like, get
Speaker 1: get as I did not solft launch him. We So
Speaker 1: what happened was we literally hung out like twice, and
Speaker 1: then I was it was not going anywhere. We were
Speaker 1: not interested, but we're to this day still friends, and
Speaker 1: he had a really cute dog, so we kept hanging out.
Speaker 1: I put photos on the dog. That is not a
Speaker 1: soft launch. You obviously don't know how to soft launch
Speaker 1: if you think that as a soft launche Laura, but
Speaker 1: I did. Look, I can see how people think I
Speaker 1: soft launched Jordan, but that sort of like makes me
Speaker 1: feel a little bit unwell because I'm not fond of
Speaker 1: the soft launch. So that was an unintentional soft launch.
Speaker 1: I think you guys need to just like back off
Speaker 1: me a little bit now. Yes, Laurie, put your hand
Speaker 1: up again. Sorry I had my hand up. It's really
Speaker 1: hard on zoom because we can't talk over the top
Speaker 1: of each other. Okay, I have one more thing to say.
Speaker 1: And this is like playing Devil's advocate here. I know
Speaker 1: I went in hard and I said that it's like
Speaker 1: a very like self indulgent thing to do, to do
Speaker 1: a soft launch. I do also think it comes from
Speaker 1: a place of being very excited about being in a
Speaker 1: new relationship and like having this connection with someone, but
Speaker 1: obviously the relationship not being progressed enough to be able
Speaker 1: to share it. I think that if you find yourself
Speaker 1: doing a soft launch, and the intention isn't so much
Speaker 1: to bait your audience, because like, for example, I'm sure
Speaker 1: people do it who don't have huge followings, so their
Speaker 1: intention isn't to be like to their friends, Hey, look
Speaker 1: at who I may or may not be dating. I
Speaker 1: think that sometimes people do this idea of a soft
Speaker 1: launch more so because they're so excited about this person,
Speaker 1: but the definition and the parameters around the relationship is ambiguous,
Speaker 1: and they're not comfortable with being like, hey, here's an
Speaker 1: intimate photo of my partner because the person's not their partner,
Speaker 1: so they don't want to like seem as though that
Speaker 1: they're over eager or give the person the wrong impression.
Speaker 1: But they also want to be able to share this
Speaker 1: really special time and how excited they are about this person,
Speaker 1: and so doing a soft launch. I guess it doesn't
Speaker 1: always have to be as self indulgent as what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: For anybody out there who's done it and feels personally
Speaker 1: victimized by me right now, there is another side to
Speaker 1: this that I can completely appreciate as well, Like we
Speaker 1: take the piers and we have a laugh, and like
Speaker 1: as I said, I've just sort of done it in
Speaker 1: the past. Whilst I don't love seeing people do it,
Speaker 1: there isn't anything wrong with it. It's exactly what you
Speaker 1: just said, is right, Laura. Sometimes you want to share
Speaker 1: moments of your life without completely exposing yourself as well.
Speaker 1: So you might want to share a really fun moment
Speaker 1: at a friend's party or engagement or whatever. You're there
Speaker 1: with this person that you're seeing. You want to take
Speaker 1: a photo, but you're not ready to say I think
Speaker 1: i'm seeing this person or Hey, this is the person
Speaker 1: in my life right now, so your soft launch, and
Speaker 1: I think that's absolutely fine. And you know, a lot
Speaker 1: of celebrities, a lot of famous people, and the big
Speaker 1: people with big followings, I think for them it comes
Speaker 1: down to privacy too. They want to share that they're
Speaker 1: happy and in love, they want to share that they're
Speaker 1: off the market, but they're not ready to be bombarded
Speaker 1: with articles and interests and paparazzi and things like that.
Speaker 1: So I think that's why the big dogs do it.
Speaker 1: See I think for me, that's the one point of
Speaker 1: this that I don't agree with. I don't think that
Speaker 1: the big dogs, I ease, celebrities and influencers do it
Speaker 1: because they're wanting to create ambiguity or they're not wanting
Speaker 1: people to be talking or have that interest. The problem
Speaker 1: is is I think that they actually do it because
Speaker 1: they are trying to drum up their audience. They're trying
Speaker 1: to create engagement, They're trying to create commenting and hype.
Speaker 1: I actually am more suspicious when influencers and celebrities do
Speaker 1: it because I think that there is it's really a
Speaker 1: gender and motive driven. So for example, Kendall Jenner recently
Speaker 1: did a soft launch of some guy that she's seeing,
Speaker 1: and yeah, sure, the articles aren't about the guy and
Speaker 1: his name, but the articles are all about the fact
Speaker 1: that she's doing a soft launch. Everyone's like, who is he?
Speaker 1: And so then the followers, who are super engaged go
Speaker 1: into overdrive trying to figure out who this person might be.
Speaker 1: I think the hype is even greater, and it's more
Speaker 1: intrusive because there's this element of like, I'm not letting
Speaker 1: you know this, but I'm going to give you just enough.
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a nugget to keep you guessing.
Speaker 1: So I think that it's far more tactical when an influencer,
Speaker 1: a celebrity does it than just say someone who has
Speaker 1: a smaller social media following, who maybe is just doing
Speaker 1: it because they're not comfortable yet to share their life
Speaker 1: with their friends or their family. Yeah. Look, I think
Speaker 1: you've been a bit pessimistic. I think we need to
Speaker 1: give the big dogs the benefit of the doubt in
Speaker 1: some cases, like one hundred percent what you've said is true. No,
Speaker 1: I am being a realist, and it's just because you
Speaker 1: are feeling threatened. I feel so I feel so attacked.
Speaker 1: But no, while we're talking about the soft launch of relationships,
Speaker 1: the antithesis of a soft launch of a relationship, you
Speaker 1: can actually soft launch your way back into single them.
Speaker 1: Have you seen that or have you where all of
Speaker 1: a sud maybe you've been following someone right you know
Speaker 1: they're single, you can you can. I mean, like, let's
Speaker 1: be real, we can all tell someone's posts from when
Speaker 1: they're single. You know, if someone's single from their graham,
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, they've soft launched their boyfriend.
Speaker 1: They're in love, everything's loved up. You know that they're happy.
Speaker 1: You can tell once that relationship's broken up because the
Speaker 1: soft launch to singletoon starts, and whether you want to
Speaker 1: believe it or not, we're at a point in our
Speaker 1: generation where social media, it is like a CV is
Speaker 1: what friends look at, it's what perspective lovers look at,
Speaker 1: people online dating, it's what prospective employers look at. Like
Speaker 1: you you get for a job, now people go and
Speaker 1: search you. It is everything. So it's really important if
Speaker 1: you're all of a sudden single, to be like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: don't forget I'm single. So people soft launch their way
Speaker 1: back into singletom. And I think that starts with like
Speaker 1: a couple of little bikini photos, you know, a couple
Speaker 1: of wild nights out drinking with your friends. You can
Speaker 1: soft launch your way back to saying boys girls slide
Speaker 1: on into the DMS. I'm back, baby. I agree with you.
Speaker 1: I don't think social media is everything. I think that
Speaker 1: people choose which world they want to live in, whether
Speaker 1: it's the digital world or whether it's the real world.
Speaker 1: But I do think that social media has become a
Speaker 1: personal CV like I completely agree with that, And I
Speaker 1: think that we curate the life that we want people
Speaker 1: to think that we have. We curate an impression of ourselves,
Speaker 1: almost like a social media first impression. And you can
Speaker 1: give the impression of being single if you're trying to
Speaker 1: like attract new partners, and you also very much can
Speaker 1: give the impression of being coupled up and being closed
Speaker 1: to new advances. I had a really interesting thing happened
Speaker 1: to me years and years and years ago. Now this
Speaker 1: wasn't so much a soft launch or a soft breakup,
Speaker 1: but it was a soft something, So I mean that
Speaker 1: was an issue. But okay, so I went through a
Speaker 1: really bad breakup. I've spoken about the guy quite a
Speaker 1: few times on the podcast, it was like my really
Speaker 1: tumultual toxic X. So we had finally broken up, and
Speaker 1: my family and friends were like, thank god, you have
Speaker 1: gotten rid of this guy and he's out of your life.
Speaker 1: But for me, the problem was is that we'd broken
Speaker 1: up and gotten back together so many times that my
Speaker 1: friends and family were in this weird state of like,
Speaker 1: we don't know if we can say anything bad about him,
Speaker 1: because Laura always goes back to him. You like the
Speaker 1: boy the cried wolf totally. Are you broken up or not?
Speaker 1: I don't know totally, but it was glaringly obvious how
Speaker 1: badly he was treating me anyway. I had made it
Speaker 1: so clear. I'd made it so clear to my friends
Speaker 1: and family we were never ever getting back together, and
Speaker 1: I had also made it really clear to him that
Speaker 1: we were never getting back together. A couple of weeks
Speaker 1: had passed and he was still trying to chip away
Speaker 1: at me to get back together, and I remember I
Speaker 1: had to go and see him for something. Something had
Speaker 1: happened and I needed to see him, which like, that's
Speaker 1: a terrible idea. You never need to see someone face
Speaker 1: to face if you're trying to like go no contact
Speaker 1: but whatever I did, and he posted a photo of Buster,
Speaker 1: so I didn't even know he had taken a photo
Speaker 1: of Buster, but he posted a photo of Buster from
Speaker 1: the day and was just like, love my little pow
Speaker 1: to try and give the impression to our friends and
Speaker 1: family that maybe we were getting back together, which is
Speaker 1: exactly what that impression would do if you were all
Speaker 1: of a sudden backposting, like it's basically saying like, had
Speaker 1: the best night with Buster, Like it's a soft launch.
Speaker 1: He's self launched his way back into your life with
Speaker 1: your three layered dog, Buster, and that is not on Bunny.
Speaker 1: It was so manipulative, and obviously then all my friends
Speaker 1: and family called me, the ones who had been really
Speaker 1: bothal about how much they hated him, and were like, Hey,
Speaker 1: what's happening. Are you getting back with him? Because he's
Speaker 1: just posted a photo of your dog? And I realized
Speaker 1: how manipulative social media can be in allowing us to
Speaker 1: kind of portray what we want people to think of
Speaker 1: our lives. And that was like, absolutely not true. We
Speaker 1: were not getting back together, but he wanted people to
Speaker 1: have that impression, and he kind of wanted me to
Speaker 1: deal with that backlash or that sort of like repercussions
Speaker 1: if we were to. So I know that this has
Speaker 1: been completely gotten off track, but I just think there's
Speaker 1: so many ways that people can soft launch themselves in
Speaker 1: and out of relationships. And it's really interesting how we
Speaker 1: use social media to either leverage and manipulate our following
Speaker 1: to be engaged, or we do it to try and
Speaker 1: like garner feedback and see people's reactions to where we're
Speaker 1: at in our personal life. Yeah. I mean, oh, look,
Speaker 1: the more I think about it, you can even soft launch,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people do. And I know there's
Speaker 1: other reasons for this and we can chat about that,
Speaker 1: but people soft launch their babies as well. Like when
Speaker 1: you've had a baby, it might be two weeks later
Speaker 1: and then no, think of how many inmforces or people
Speaker 1: you follow just put like their little pinky nail on.
Speaker 1: It's just a nail, and you're like, had the best
Speaker 1: day with you and it's just like a nail. And
Speaker 1: then you're like, they've had a baby. They've soft launched it,
Speaker 1: and then you're dying to see it. Is it a boy?
Speaker 1: Is it a girl? When did you have it? Like
Speaker 1: there are so many questions and it gets people talking,
Speaker 1: it's a soft launch of a baby. Do you know
Speaker 1: who did this? So Elise Knowles Atlisnles and her partner
Speaker 1: hadn't posted any photos of their baby's face, which I like,
Speaker 1: I'm all for that. If you don't want to share
Speaker 1: photos of your children, I think that that's like every
Speaker 1: mother or father's like, you make that decision between yourselves.
Speaker 1: But they didn't share any photos of their baby's face
Speaker 1: for so long, so everyone of course is interested. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: is that a bit of an ear? Like? What is
Speaker 1: that there? Everyone wants to see a bit more, because
Speaker 1: we're curious creatures and social media has kind of made
Speaker 1: us feel like we are entitled to see more of
Speaker 1: people's lives. For so long there, Alice Knowles hadn't posted
Speaker 1: any photos of her child's face, and then almost overnight,
Speaker 1: she just posted a full face photo of her kid
Speaker 1: and was like, here he is. Yeah, I've had enough.
Speaker 1: I've decided I can't give him a secret anymore. He is,
Speaker 1: but here he is. I don't know. I wonder what
Speaker 1: shifted in her to go from being someone who didn't
Speaker 1: want to share the baby's face to being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm cool, We're sharing this on social media? Now, was
Speaker 1: that a soft launch? Yeah? I feel like I remember
Speaker 1: reading about this and like I could be very wrong,
Speaker 1: but I feel like she was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 1: we just wanted to have a little bit of time
Speaker 1: together as a family and just not putting it out there.
Speaker 1: And we've decided now that we think that the time
Speaker 1: is right, you know, just a bit of privacy, which
Speaker 1: is so just into Franklin. She's just done that. She
Speaker 1: started by posting photos of her kids and she's just
Speaker 1: changed her mind. She just said, you know what, from
Speaker 1: now on, we don't want to do that anymore. We've
Speaker 1: just we've changed in mind, and we're entitled to change
Speaker 1: our mind again if we decide to show their face,
Speaker 1: but for now and so it's completely a personal thing
Speaker 1: and a private thing. But I just think it's funny
Speaker 1: when people just put like the toenail or the fingernail
Speaker 1: of then you born baby, and that's it. No name,
Speaker 1: no birth date, no weight, no boy or girl, nothing.
Speaker 1: I just think it's hilarious. I think that there's a
Speaker 1: really interesting conversation in this, So maybe we need to
Speaker 1: have this later down the track. It's hard for me
Speaker 1: to be unbiased because obviously I do share. Lola and
Speaker 1: Maley and I speak a lot on this podcast. We're
Speaker 1: really open with our lives. But there will absolutely come
Speaker 1: a point where I think my children will have more
Speaker 1: agency of choice. And if they ever express that they
Speaker 1: don't want photos taken or they don't want to be
Speaker 1: shared on social media, then I think that their privacy
Speaker 1: has to be taken into account. It's almost like children
Speaker 1: when they're a baby and when they're at toddler age,
Speaker 1: they're an extension of you and your life because you're
Speaker 1: so immersed in their life and you're so interconnected. But
Speaker 1: as they grow to have a little bit more individuality,
Speaker 1: I think, and a little bit more ownership over their
Speaker 1: sense of self, maybe my perception around that will change
Speaker 1: quite a bit. And I think that there is such
Speaker 1: an interesting conversation and there so like, let's unpack that
Speaker 1: whole aspect down the track a little bit further. Okay,
Speaker 1: we'll put that on hold for another episode, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna call it right now that Molly May is one
Speaker 1: hundred percent think she's got no choice. She's gonna end
Speaker 1: up like a comedy Instagram influencer. She's gonna be like
Speaker 1: eighteen years old. She's gonna be funny as fuck. She's
Speaker 1: gonna be doing real. It's like you would mash. She's
Speaker 1: gonna hi reckon, I'm gonna call me out, and she's Look,
Speaker 1: she walks around the house with so much attitude. Now
Speaker 1: she's got a hat on back when she's got her
Speaker 1: sunglasses on, she's do you know how she woke up
Speaker 1: this morning? This is how I walked past her bedroom
Speaker 1: when she was in her cot and she turned around.
Speaker 1: She goes, Hey, Laura, what are you doing? I am
Speaker 1: not kidding. She calls me, Laura, you can't sit with us.
Speaker 1: Hey Laura, what you're doing? I was like, this should
Speaker 1: not be real. You are not too Anyway, guys, enough
Speaker 1: about that, We have an awesome episode for you today.
Speaker 1: This episode is real nostalgia for me. It's back to
Speaker 1: our roots. It's just you and me, baby, Me and
Speaker 1: Britt unpacking the whole world of life, love, relationships. When
Speaker 1: we started this podcast was originally a relationships based podcast,
Speaker 1: and over time, like we've evolved, we obviously are covering
Speaker 1: other topics. I mean, we're still in our undease in
Speaker 1: the bedroom recording. We haven't evolved that much. But at
Speaker 1: our core and what really like interest Britain I is
Speaker 1: this conversation around human connection, around what makes great relationships,
Speaker 1: about what we can do to be active participants in
Speaker 1: our relationships and be able to live our best lives
Speaker 1: in love, you know, the whole We love love that
Speaker 1: we say at the end of every episode. And so
Speaker 1: today's episode we're unpacking this idea of attraction and we
Speaker 1: put polls out to you guys. There was so much
Speaker 1: feedback that we received. But whether you've dated someone who
Speaker 1: you have been fundamentally not attracted to that then maybe
Speaker 1: that attraction's grown over time, or what it's like to
Speaker 1: date someone who you're fiercely attracted to but there's literally
Speaker 1: nothing else there. So we're going to get into that
Speaker 1: in a moment. But before we do, you guys know
Speaker 1: that we never do an episode without our favorite segment,
Speaker 1: and that is accidentally Oh Brittany wants to do it
Speaker 1: to tragedy that and see that is accidentally unfiltered. Oh
Speaker 1: my godness. It never gets less lame the more that
Speaker 1: we do that. Mind mean, I love it personally, No,
Speaker 1: we love this section. Guys, you're writing, you're embarrassing moments
Speaker 1: We read them out. But I am actually mixing it
Speaker 1: up a little bit today and I have and I
Speaker 1: can't believe they said that. Now we bring this back
Speaker 1: and forth every now and again. So I've got a
Speaker 1: really good one today that I wanted to bring, but
Speaker 1: you can hit us first. Lauren, do you have your
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered? Okay? I do, now this one, And Britt,
Speaker 1: you're gonna love this because this is off the back
Speaker 1: of your story that you told the other week, which
Speaker 1: one I tell a lot of stories on this podcast, Laura,
Speaker 1: like my life is cooked. No, if you didn't hear
Speaker 1: the story that brid shared the other week about her
Speaker 1: moon cup, like her period cup, and how she had
Speaker 1: it in her handbag at the tennis and the security
Speaker 1: gard pulled it out of her handbag and was waving
Speaker 1: it around like what is this, young lady? Is this
Speaker 1: a fucking shot glass? Please don't try that at home.
Speaker 1: We received this accidentally unfiltered, and I thought it was
Speaker 1: very funny and it also tied him perfectly. So here
Speaker 1: we go. So I'm listening to BRIT's horrifying story with
Speaker 1: the security guard and the vagina cup, and I remember,
Speaker 1: but what happened to me? This is a real doozy.
Speaker 1: I finally also ordered myself a vagina cup online. I
Speaker 1: live with my sister and my parents, so when a
Speaker 1: few deliveries arrived at home, I opened them at once,
Speaker 1: knowing that I was expecting mine to arrive. So here
Speaker 1: it is this quite large silicone shaped cup. Anyway, Lucky
Speaker 1: for me, I had just started my period that day,
Speaker 1: so I went up to the bathroom. I gave a
Speaker 1: little wash, and here I am trying to insert the
Speaker 1: cup into my vagina. It hurts so much. I called
Speaker 1: out to my mum and I was like, Mom, I
Speaker 1: don't understand. I can't get the vagina cup to fit
Speaker 1: in my clacker. Anyway.
Speaker 2: Turns out, turns out my sister had also started a
Speaker 2: candle making business, and I was trying to shove a
Speaker 2: silicone candle moll my vagina.
Speaker 1: Hangd on was this? How big was this candle? It
Speaker 1: was just like a big chandelier candle. Goes on, She's
Speaker 1: like it was a medium sized candle. I literally think
Speaker 1: she had tried to shove a small cup sized candle
Speaker 1: moll into her vagina. This is everything. Her mom walked in.
Speaker 1: What do you do? She was like, the vagina cup
Speaker 1: doesn't fit. Her mom was like, it's a candleball. You
Speaker 1: literally could You could not script that. That is so
Speaker 1: fucking funny. But it's like it reminds me if you
Speaker 1: haven't done it before and you don't know what it
Speaker 1: is like. When I first got mine, I had no idea.
Speaker 1: There were sizes I bought. I didn't know, but I
Speaker 1: bought like a maternity post baby like post pardon one.
Speaker 1: It was so big I couldn't get up my vagina,
Speaker 1: and then when I did, it just felt like it
Speaker 1: was stretching me. And I was like, how do people
Speaker 1: because everyone had been like, this is the most comfortable thing.
Speaker 1: Did she get it in there? That's the question? Did
Speaker 1: she make contact with the cervix? Did it go inside?
Speaker 1: I remember we once had someone write an accidentally unfiltered
Speaker 1: story and they had given a tamp on to their
Speaker 1: little sister. She'd just gotten her period for the very
Speaker 1: first time, and there was a big age gap between them.
Speaker 1: She'd given a tampon to her little sister to try
Speaker 1: and use, and her little sister was like, I can't
Speaker 1: get it in and was really upset, and then her
Speaker 1: oldest I was like, Okay, well, like, you know, tell
Speaker 1: me what you're doing, try and explain it to me.
Speaker 1: She had been trying to shove your tampon in her
Speaker 1: bum hole. It just like that. I think we had
Speaker 1: another girl that wrote in exactly the same thing, but
Speaker 1: she was given a pat and she didn't know what
Speaker 1: to do with it, so she rolled it up and
Speaker 1: tried to put it in like a dampon, and it
Speaker 1: was a whole bad like this. There's gotta be some
Speaker 1: something is wrong at the moment we're the way we're
Speaker 1: educating our children. If we don't know how to put
Speaker 1: bads and tambles in. Yeah, it's the fact that we
Speaker 1: don't talk about it enough or we do. Hear a
Speaker 1: life on cart, that's for sure. I reckon. There would
Speaker 1: just be so many moments like that, Like I just
Speaker 1: didn't even think a story like that was possible. There
Speaker 1: must be so many Mooncup period stories. And I don't
Speaker 1: just mean period stories like gross ones, but funny ones
Speaker 1: like that. If you guys have any other funny Mooncup stories,
Speaker 1: send them away because I just love them. Have you
Speaker 1: tried one yet? No, I've never tried one. I have
Speaker 1: to get the maternity one because, like you said, britt,
Speaker 1: I need to get the big massive saucepan one because
Speaker 1: my vagina is so humongous now after two children. Thank
Speaker 1: you for that. Okay, I'm gonna give you one little
Speaker 1: piece of homework this week. I want you to go
Speaker 1: and get it for your next period and then report
Speaker 1: back how it is. Okay, Well, I've only had two
Speaker 1: periods since having Lola. Since being pregnant with Maley and Lola,
Speaker 1: it's been almost back to back two and a half years,
Speaker 1: three years now, and I've just gotten my period for
Speaker 1: the first time two months ago because I've had two
Speaker 1: of them and they come monthly. Who would have thought,
Speaker 1: But it's so different. This is one thing that no
Speaker 1: one tells you either after you have a baby. Your
Speaker 1: period is completely different to what it is like beforehand.
Speaker 1: Maybe not for everyone, but for me and for so
Speaker 1: many moms that I've spoken to, it's just a totally
Speaker 1: different experience. It hurts more, it's heavier, it's just like
Speaker 1: shark week. Honestly, is completely different. And I don't know
Speaker 1: if a mooncup would cut it. I actually know the
Speaker 1: way you're describing it. I think a moon cup would
Speaker 1: be better. I honestly was I didn't try it for
Speaker 1: like a year, with my sister telling me, my friends
Speaker 1: telling me. I was like, no way, it is the
Speaker 1: best thing I have done. Like, I cannot stress it enough.
Speaker 1: You don't have to change it. There's no leakage it
Speaker 1: takes like if you get the bigger one, it will
Speaker 1: you'll just change it once a day, even with a
Speaker 1: heavy flow, Like it's absolutely amazing. I think that you
Speaker 1: really need to try. If any of you have been
Speaker 1: thinking about trying it, this is your little kickup the
Speaker 1: butt to go and give it a well. This episode
Speaker 1: is brought to you by Mooncups just in general, just
Speaker 1: moon Cups in general. Okay, all right, give me your
Speaker 1: I can't believe they said that. I want to hear it.
Speaker 1: All right. It's been a while since we have done
Speaker 1: and I can't believe they said that. But this one
Speaker 1: just really like I literally read it and said, I
Speaker 1: can't believe he said that. So that's how it's made
Speaker 1: it on the pod. It served his purpose. I was
Speaker 1: on a first date at a restaurant at night time
Speaker 1: with someone who I thought was pretty sweet and pretty mature.
Speaker 1: The date was going well, plenty of chemistry and the
Speaker 1: food was abundant. It was Italian, my favorite. Anyways, we
Speaker 1: were walking back towards our cars. We were chatting away
Speaker 1: as we were walking past one of those grates on
Speaker 1: the ground, you know the ones, the big metal drainage grates,
Speaker 1: and I thought I'd be cute and go ooh. I
Speaker 1: never walk over those. I'm too scared of it. I'll
Speaker 1: fall through. I giggled a little bit, did a dainty
Speaker 1: little jum. I thought it was elegant and cute. Still giggling,
Speaker 1: I look at this guy trying to get my flirt on.
Speaker 1: When he looks me up and down and says, we
Speaker 1: both saw what you ate. I don't think he need
Speaker 1: to worry about that. I was so shocked and didn't
Speaker 1: know what to do, so obviously I just laughed and
Speaker 1: kissed him what she said. But when I got home,
Speaker 1: I thought about it, and I never fucking saw him again.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so mad that you've rewarded his bad
Speaker 1: behavior by kissing him. No, that's a terrible idea. I
Speaker 1: think you don't know when you're in those moments where
Speaker 1: you're like, surely that just didn't happen. I'm gonna blank
Speaker 1: out that huge red flag that he's hitting me in
Speaker 1: the face and kiss him, and then she's gone home.
Speaker 1: She's been like, what the actual fuck? I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, but that is that is terrific. It's like
Speaker 1: when I dated that guy and he told me that
Speaker 1: I was He's told me that I was hot, but
Speaker 1: he said if I lost five kilos, I'd be even hotter. No,
Speaker 1: this is not like I think we need to stop
Speaker 1: dressing this up as being like, oh, people who were
Speaker 1: mean to us are really attractive, like red flag, red flag,
Speaker 1: red flag. Do not reward bad behavior. If we have
Speaker 1: put in nothing over the past two years from doing
Speaker 1: this podcast, is that you don't fucking kiss a guy
Speaker 1: who comments on what you eat all the way you
Speaker 1: book or just no, no, no, no, Well, Laura, in
Speaker 1: our listeners defense, how many times have you or I
Speaker 1: told a story there's been a huge red flag and
Speaker 1: then at the end we're like, oh, we's just left
Speaker 1: with him, but we still dating him. I still dated him, prayer,
Speaker 1: and then I was in love with them. It's true.
Speaker 1: I think I had sex with all of them, but
Speaker 1: I learned my lessons. So guys, for this episode, now
Speaker 1: I say that, but we've already done an entire episode
Speaker 1: before we got to this part. I literally feel like
Speaker 1: we have done the episode. I'm in a good mood
Speaker 1: now you made me laugh. But let's talk about some attraction. Okay.
Speaker 1: So we get this question in so many different way
Speaker 1: shapes and forms on Ask Guncut almost every other week,
Speaker 1: and we thought, instead of just answering one person specific question,
Speaker 1: we would do this and unpack it as a full
Speaker 1: episode because we thought it was well and truly deserving
Speaker 1: of the time and attention that it needs. I'm just
Speaker 1: going to summarize a question that was sent in by
Speaker 1: a listener, and like I said, this is exactly the
Speaker 1: type of question we receive every week. But here goes.
Speaker 1: I'm in a bit of a dilemma. I met a
Speaker 1: guy through the apps and have been on four dates
Speaker 1: with him. We're in lockdown, so it's just being walking
Speaker 1: and coffee dates. He is literally the guy I've been
Speaker 1: looking for. He's hot, he's got a shit together. He
Speaker 1: doesn't seem like a player who will ghost me next week.
Speaker 1: Can you tell that I've dated some doozies. The problem
Speaker 1: is I don't find myself attracted to him. We've sat
Speaker 1: down to drink our coffee a few times, and I
Speaker 1: just don't find myself getting that real pull or wanting
Speaker 1: to sit super close to him. He smells good, he
Speaker 1: looks good. I find him funny and everything, but I
Speaker 1: feel as though maybe we just don't have chemistry, which
Speaker 1: also doesn't make sense to me because we banter through
Speaker 1: messages a lot and I find him really fun. How
Speaker 1: important is it to feel the spark? And do you
Speaker 1: think attraction can come in time down downtown? Oh? It's
Speaker 1: such a bigie, which is why we're doing an episode
Speaker 1: on it. I think that. How about we before we
Speaker 1: get into it, Laura, how about we read out some
Speaker 1: of the polls that we did. All right, let's do
Speaker 1: that then, Brittany, I'm going rogue, all right. So we
Speaker 1: did put some polls up because we wanted to know
Speaker 1: have you, guys dated or would you date someone that
Speaker 1: you weren't physically attracted to? We wanted to know that
Speaker 1: if you have, was it because you valued other traits?
Speaker 1: Have you ended something with someone because they didn't feel
Speaker 1: physically attracted to them? So let's just see what the
Speaker 1: results were. Have you ever dated or would you date
Speaker 1: someone that you weren't physically attracted to now, thirty six
Speaker 1: of you said yes and sixty four percent of you
Speaker 1: said no. So for this is just our listeners, guys,
Speaker 1: out of this poll, more of you double have said
Speaker 1: that you would not date someone you were't attracted to,
Speaker 1: Like that is how important it is for you. But
Speaker 1: also I think thirty six percent, like a third of
Speaker 1: people have said that they would date someone who they
Speaker 1: feel zero attraction to. And like, maybe we didn't preface
Speaker 1: this well enough in that like I don't think it
Speaker 1: just needs to be physical attraction, but like if you
Speaker 1: have absolutely no attraction to someone whatsoever, what is it
Speaker 1: that makes that person not a friend? Like what gives
Speaker 1: you the motivation to want to then go on a
Speaker 1: second date or a third date or a fourth date
Speaker 1: with them? And now there's so much to this. When
Speaker 1: when Brittain I first started talking about this, we were
Speaker 1: like is there enough of an episode in this? And
Speaker 1: now we're actually doing a two part episode on this.
Speaker 1: So here's a mini series series. So we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about this idea of like how you can build
Speaker 1: attraction and how it can form over time. But also
Speaker 1: there's going to be a second part to this episode
Speaker 1: where we're going to go into different types of sexualities
Speaker 1: and how different people feel attraction. So we're going to
Speaker 1: talk about in a second episode. We're going to go
Speaker 1: into things like sapio sexuality, which is being attracted to intelligence.
Speaker 1: We're going to unpack things like pan sexuality and also
Speaker 1: demi sexuality. There's all these different names and terminologies which
Speaker 1: are how people are attract to others and how we
Speaker 1: express our sexuality. But we're not going into that just yet.
Speaker 1: That is for part two, baby. Yeah, and what you
Speaker 1: just said is true. And that's what I want to
Speaker 1: say to the question that you just write out from
Speaker 1: our listener. You know, she's been seeing this guy's he's
Speaker 1: really nice. I have banned there's no attraction. The question
Speaker 1: is what is it about him that he's leaving you
Speaker 1: with a thought, Oh, like I should probably see him again?
Speaker 1: Should I push through this?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Why you need to ask yourself why you're thinking that?
Speaker 1: Is it because you're in a situation now where you're
Speaker 1: just really really wanting some companionship. You're a bit lonely.
Speaker 1: Obviously the world is crazy at the moment, and people
Speaker 1: are lonely, people are wanting company. Is that the reason?
Speaker 1: Are you just really ready to settle down and you're
Speaker 1: desperate to put a square peg in a round hole
Speaker 1: and try and find someone to fit the life that
Speaker 1: you're really craving. Or is it this that you're looking
Speaker 1: for a friendship and you've because to me, it sounds
Speaker 1: like this guy in particular, could be a really great friend.
Speaker 1: You get along, you've got banter. Now do I think
Speaker 1: that you can successfully be with somebody that you were
Speaker 1: not physically attracted to? Yes? Yes, I do. The second
Speaker 1: part of this, and another one of the polls that
Speaker 1: we put ut was if you have dated someone. So
Speaker 1: if you're one of those thirty six percent of people
Speaker 1: who have dated someone who you're not physically attracted to,
Speaker 1: is it because there were other traits that you were
Speaker 1: attracted to over their physical attractions? So eighty five percent
Speaker 1: of people said yes and fifteen percent said no. So
Speaker 1: there's fifteen percent of people out there who are dating
Speaker 1: people that they're not attracted to physically and they fucking
Speaker 1: don't even like them as people, which makes me feel
Speaker 1: you guys really need to reassess where you at what
Speaker 1: you're doing. Yeah, that's like a self esteem thing. You
Speaker 1: need to reassess, Like, why do you want to be
Speaker 1: around someone, or why are you giving somebody multiple chances
Speaker 1: if there is nothing about their person that you want?
Speaker 1: But I think that that's like a whole that's a
Speaker 1: bigger picture to unpack there. The real conversation here is
Speaker 1: can attraction grow over time? And the overwhelming amount of
Speaker 1: messages that we receive from you on Life on Cut
Speaker 1: but also on my own personal Instagram as well, is
Speaker 1: that there are so many of you who originally started
Speaker 1: dating your partners and you weren't attracted to them. Like
Speaker 1: I cannot tell you the number of messages we received
Speaker 1: from people who were like I was not physically attracted
Speaker 1: to my partner whatsoever. But over time that attraction grew
Speaker 1: and now I think that they are the sexiest person
Speaker 1: on earth. And this idea of attraction, the more that
Speaker 1: I looked into it, the more that I better understood
Speaker 1: what compromises and what makes us attracted to people, because
Speaker 1: like we all know and we've all experienced that feeling
Speaker 1: where you might be on a bus and you're like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, what is it about that person? Almost like
Speaker 1: a love at first sight type feeling, but it's this
Speaker 1: like overwhelming sense of like m and you haven't even
Speaker 1: necessarily spoken to the person yet, it's just this primitive
Speaker 1: and that it is hot. Yeah, maybe they're just hot.
Speaker 1: Maybe it is maybe they're just hot. But I think
Speaker 1: also sometimes there's someone who you might have that feeling
Speaker 1: for and it's not necessarily just based on looks. Now,
Speaker 1: whilst we did receive so many messages from people on
Speaker 1: all all of our accounts that said, hey, like I
Speaker 1: had an amazing relationship, I have an amazing relationship with
Speaker 1: someone that I'm not physically attracted to that I wasn't
Speaker 1: physically attracted to, we had just as many people write
Speaker 1: to us saying that they've ended their relationships because they
Speaker 1: weren't physically attracted to the person. So we did do
Speaker 1: one last poll that was have you ended something with
Speaker 1: someone because you didn't feel physically attracted to them? And
Speaker 1: eighty eight zero eighty percent of you guys said yes,
Speaker 1: you've ended it because there was nothing physical there. Twenty
Speaker 1: percent said no. So eighty percent is pretty big to say, hey,
Speaker 1: I was in a relationship and I ended it because
Speaker 1: I wasn't physically attracted anymore. That is a lot. Now,
Speaker 1: obviously there's going to be people who are outliers to this.
Speaker 1: There are going to be some people who listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast who probably think I'm not sexually attracted to
Speaker 1: my partner at all, but we're really happy together and
Speaker 1: we have a great relationship. This conversation is probably more
Speaker 1: for the majority, and I would say for the majority,
Speaker 1: physical attraction is really really important. And when I say
Speaker 1: physically traction, I don't mean that your partner needs to
Speaker 1: be the hottest person in the world. There might be
Speaker 1: somebody who looks at your partner and doesn't think that
Speaker 1: they're attractive at all, but you need to find your
Speaker 1: partner attractive. And I guess for me, the reason why
Speaker 1: it's so important is because attraction is what differentiates a friendship.
Speaker 1: So I have male friends who are amazing people. I
Speaker 1: love their morals, they are fucking funny that everything about
Speaker 1: them is what I would want in a partner. However,
Speaker 1: I'm not attracted to them and I have never been
Speaker 1: attracted to them, and so I can't see myself ever.
Speaker 1: Well I definitely can't now because I'm in a very
Speaker 1: committed relationship, but I could never see myself. I just
Speaker 1: don't think I'll ever go there. I just think that
Speaker 1: that options off the table. Now, No, I could never
Speaker 1: ever see myself ever having a physical relationship with them
Speaker 1: because it gave me the ick, and no amount of
Speaker 1: time spent with them, no amount of exposure to them
Speaker 1: ever grew that attraction. So attraction is predominantly something that's
Speaker 1: like quite subconscious and happens without us having to put
Speaker 1: a lot of effort into However, the more that we
Speaker 1: did some research into this, the more that we realize
Speaker 1: that attraction is not unbiased. As much as it's subconscious,
Speaker 1: we still have a bias towards our attraction and it's
Speaker 1: created by five different things. Now, you guys know that
Speaker 1: we always do our research when it comes to this stuff.
Speaker 1: And according to doctor Claire Holt, who is a psychologist
Speaker 1: and professor at the University of Southampton who teaches a
Speaker 1: literal module on the psychology of attraction, there are five
Speaker 1: main factors that contribute to why we attracted to the
Speaker 1: people that we're attracted to. So proximity, which sounds weird
Speaker 1: because you're like, if you're from a small town and
Speaker 1: then you end up dating someone from your small town,
Speaker 1: proximity plays a huge factor in this. And when I
Speaker 1: say proximity, I mean, the more exposure you have to
Speaker 1: someone and if their morals align with you, if you
Speaker 1: find them funny, often that attraction will build. So when
Speaker 1: we say, you know, sometimes you need to give someone
Speaker 1: a chance, even if you're not first attracted to them,
Speaker 1: there is very much the potential that it could grow
Speaker 1: into something. Another thing that builds attraction is similarity. So
Speaker 1: how alike are you? And I think this is why
Speaker 1: we often end up dating people who look quite similar
Speaker 1: to ourselves or have very similar characteristics or personal traits
Speaker 1: to what we display. Well, I don't know, Laura, if
Speaker 1: I mean you have seen it because it's fucking funny.
Speaker 1: This isn't the rest of you guys. This is a perfect,
Speaker 1: perfect time. This has happened this afternoon. A few hours ago.
Speaker 1: Someone one of our Lovely Lovely listeners thank you shout
Speaker 1: out in the lifelin podcast group. They woke up in
Speaker 1: the morning and they saw a photo on their Instagram
Speaker 1: of Jordan and myself happy in front of the sunset.
Speaker 1: I posted it yesterday. I was like, cute date night.
Speaker 1: Then they kept scrolling. The next photo that came up
Speaker 1: on their page was a photo of Laura cuddling her
Speaker 1: dog Buster, Now this listener has put both the photos
Speaker 1: together and she posted in the group and she's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: is it just me or is Brittany literally dating the
Speaker 1: male version of Laura. Then someone has gone ahead and
Speaker 1: I can see the similarities. Someone has got ahead, cropped
Speaker 1: it out, zoomed Laura up, putting Jordan's super composed Jordan's
Speaker 1: beard onto Laura's face and put them side by side.
Speaker 1: And I am fucking cooked. I am dead. I cannot
Speaker 1: un see it. I'm dating you. I'm dating a male version,
Speaker 1: a hary version of you. Guys, if you haven't seen this,
Speaker 1: jump onto Life on Cut podcast on an Instagram. I
Speaker 1: actually just posted it. It is so funny. Britt I
Speaker 1: know you're obsessed with me, but you are literally dating
Speaker 1: the male version of me, who's much better at sport
Speaker 1: than I am. But this is this idea that we
Speaker 1: are attracted to people who look similar to us. Obviously,
Speaker 1: this is a bit of a stereotype, and there's going
Speaker 1: to be a lot of people out there who are
Speaker 1: dating their partners and their partners look nothing like them.
Speaker 1: But I think there is such a truth to the
Speaker 1: fact that we're often quite attracted to people who look
Speaker 1: similar to us. People always say that Matt could be
Speaker 1: my brother, and that's where the whole Instagram account came from,
Speaker 1: which is like siblings or dating. Well, a lot of
Speaker 1: people have Actually, no one has ever pointed out until
Speaker 1: this day that I'm dating you. That has not happened,
Speaker 1: but what people have pointed out. I have had heaps
Speaker 1: of people sliding to my DM since I started dating
Speaker 1: Jordan saying that we could be siblings as well, that
Speaker 1: like the whole siblings on dating thing, and I didn't.
Speaker 1: I can sort of see that, but I can see
Speaker 1: it more. I see more you in Jordan now than
Speaker 1: I do. But that was I just want to put
Speaker 1: this out there on the record for everyone to hear.
Speaker 1: I have never seen that before. I am not dating
Speaker 1: Jordan because I have a secret crush on Laura that
Speaker 1: I just want that out there. The real question is
Speaker 1: Brett that everyone wants to know is do you think
Speaker 1: about me when you're having sex with Jordan? I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously you're all I think about twenty four to seven Laura. Ha.
Speaker 1: So similarity, guys. There's more to this though than just
Speaker 1: whether Brittany is fantasizing about me. Similarity isn't just necessarily
Speaker 1: similar in the way that you look. Similarity, then the
Speaker 1: more that you get to know someone, similarities display themselves
Speaker 1: in all different ways. It could be that you have
Speaker 1: the same political views, it could be that you've had
Speaker 1: the same morals, the same ethics. Similarity is like who
Speaker 1: you are at your core, just as much as it
Speaker 1: is who you are and the way you look. The
Speaker 1: next thing that really impacts attraction is this idea of reciprocity.
Speaker 1: Attraction is reciprocated and now I am so fucking guilty
Speaker 1: of this and have been in my past relationships. There
Speaker 1: have been times where I have like found myself really
Speaker 1: liking a guy or starting to really like a guy
Speaker 1: just because they liked me first. Oh see, my problem
Speaker 1: is like I like his people that didn't let me
Speaker 1: back in my I've married people before in my head
Speaker 1: that didn't even know I existence. Yeah, that's a real problem. Brittany.
Speaker 1: We're also single for ten years. Mind you, I was
Speaker 1: never single and that's because I had codependency issues. So
Speaker 1: we both had our own problems. Guys, we're bringing this
Speaker 1: podcast from years of experience, That's what we always say.
Speaker 1: But this idea, Okay, that someone might not even be
Speaker 1: on your radar a friend, maybe you hadn't really necessarily
Speaker 1: looked at them romantically, and then you got wind of
Speaker 1: the fact that maybe they were interested in you as
Speaker 1: more than a friend, and you start to look at
Speaker 1: them differently, and you start to think, oh, maybe maybe
Speaker 1: I could go there, or maybe this could be something.
Speaker 1: And that's where the attraction starts to build its idea
Speaker 1: of when somebody shows you affection and shows you interest,
Speaker 1: it almost triggers something that can build attraction as well.
Speaker 1: I can take the piece as much as I want,
Speaker 1: but in all honesty, in the past, I have actually
Speaker 1: done that. I have dated people where I know there
Speaker 1: was nothing there. I never ever would have even crossed
Speaker 1: my mind to date someone like that there was no attraction,
Speaker 1: but they would have got me at a point in
Speaker 1: my life where I was down. I wanted attention. I
Speaker 1: needed to feel wanted. And I think that that is,
Speaker 1: as much as we want to say that is not
Speaker 1: a factor in who we choose to date. It one
Speaker 1: hundred percent is if you're in a time where you're
Speaker 1: a little bit vulnerable, or you're you've just gone through
Speaker 1: something really toxic and emotional, or you need to feel
Speaker 1: some confidence. You need to feel wanted, You need to
Speaker 1: feel loved. We're humans, like it is human nature to
Speaker 1: want to feel loved and like someone cares for us.
Speaker 1: And if you're in one of those points in your life,
Speaker 1: I know a lot of people that date someone for
Speaker 1: the sake of literally having someone there helping them get
Speaker 1: through a tough time. One hundred percent is that is
Speaker 1: definitely a factor, Laura that I think at some point
Speaker 1: in our life most of us are going to go
Speaker 1: through the last two factors, which contribute to why we're
Speaker 1: attracted to people is obviously physical attraction, you know, like that,
Speaker 1: we can't deny that. You know, there's definitely going to
Speaker 1: be times where you see someone and just the pure
Speaker 1: beauty of them knocks the wind out of you. And
Speaker 1: now physical attraction is different for every single person. There
Speaker 1: are definitely some things that are influenced by society, you know,
Speaker 1: like for women, stereotypically we like older men who are
Speaker 1: financially secure, who have their shit together, and guys like
Speaker 1: chicks with big boobs. Like these are all stereotypes obviously,
Speaker 1: but we've all been exposed to different things, and we've
Speaker 1: all been conditioned from a very young age to find
Speaker 1: certain attributes and qualities in a person attractive when it
Speaker 1: comes to physical qualities. Point number five, which is the
Speaker 1: last one in this list, is familiarity. So we are
Speaker 1: attracted to people who were comfortable with we're also this
Speaker 1: is so weird, but there's some Freudian shit in this.
Speaker 1: We're attracted to people who from remind us of our parents,
Speaker 1: who have similar quality, especially if we've come from healthy
Speaker 1: relationships with our parents and they have modeled what a
Speaker 1: great relationship is. We you know, if maybe if your
Speaker 1: dad or your mum is super funny, or they're charismatic,
Speaker 1: or their you know, whatever it is. We often look
Speaker 1: for similar traits in our partners to traits that our
Speaker 1: parents display. And it is weird and it makes me
Speaker 1: feel strange saying that, but there's truth and there's a
Speaker 1: lot of research in the pudding. I think, I mean,
Speaker 1: like Jordan doesn't run in my dad at all, but
Speaker 1: I think in terms it reminds me of you, we've
Speaker 1: established it. I think that overall, like for me to
Speaker 1: summon up, I think you need a little bit of everything.
Speaker 1: You need to definitely have a level of physical attraction.
Speaker 1: You need to be attracted to other parts of your
Speaker 1: partner as well, whether that's their personality, what they want
Speaker 1: in the future, their beliefs, anything. But there definitely has
Speaker 1: to be a level of physical attraction. Now does the
Speaker 1: physical attraction have to be there from day dot? No,
Speaker 1: I don't think think it does. I think that you
Speaker 1: can one hundred percent start to date somebody that you're
Speaker 1: attracted to all their other values, and the physical attraction
Speaker 1: can grow. And I say that from experience. I say
Speaker 1: that for two reasons. One, I've done it in the past.
Speaker 1: I dated somebody that I had no physical attraction to
Speaker 1: at all at the start. He was my roommate. We'd
Speaker 1: lived together for a little while, and that is how
Speaker 1: we met. He was so kind, and he was so funny,
Speaker 1: he was so good at his job. There were so
Speaker 1: many amazing aspects about him. He looked after me a lot,
Speaker 1: He'd always cooked me dinner. He was just a great
Speaker 1: human And after time an attraction developed. Now that attraction
Speaker 1: was never there. Now that it's done and I look back,
Speaker 1: there is no attraction there. But at the time we
Speaker 1: started to date and physically see each other, I was
Speaker 1: so into him. I just thought he was the greatest
Speaker 1: thing and some of my friends were like, what are
Speaker 1: you doing? Like this doesn't look like you know, you
Speaker 1: said you had no attraction to him. You guys don't
Speaker 1: look like you are suited to each other. And I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just obsessed with him because he was
Speaker 1: so funny and so kind and every other part of
Speaker 1: him was amazing, and all of a sudden, I just
Speaker 1: felt like one day I woke up and I was like, Wow,
Speaker 1: what a beautiful, sexy human. And I look back now
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, what was I thinking? But
Speaker 1: I one hundred percent, I one hundred percent think that,
Speaker 1: like if somebody has so many amazing traits that of
Speaker 1: course the attraction grows. Of course you can become obsessed
Speaker 1: with them, and of course you can have an amazing relationship.
Speaker 1: But can you date someone successfully long term and marry
Speaker 1: them with no physical attraction even though they've got every
Speaker 1: other part? I think that's just going to cause a
Speaker 1: lot of problems down the track. Well, I think you're
Speaker 1: robbing yourself if you do that. Like I okay, I agree,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. Physical attraction can grow. Maybe sometimes in
Speaker 1: like modern dating, we're almost sold a little bit of
Speaker 1: a lie, Like you know, we've talked before on this
Speaker 1: podcast as well, where we're like, chemistry isn't the most
Speaker 1: important thing. You have to look for other values and
Speaker 1: whatever else that aligned with your partner, but you cannot
Speaker 1: say it is not important and think we're going to
Speaker 1: rob ourselves if we say that physical attraction is not
Speaker 1: important at all, and we're going to rob ourselves of
Speaker 1: like a really healthy, zesty, fun sex life, because there's
Speaker 1: only so long that you're going to want to have
Speaker 1: sex with someone who you're absolutely not attracted to, Like,
Speaker 1: that's going to wane. And we already know that sex
Speaker 1: wanes as it is in a relationship. So if you
Speaker 1: don't have that connection to start with, it's probably not
Speaker 1: going to get any better. It's probably going to get worse.
Speaker 1: But that's not to say that I don't think that
Speaker 1: you should date people who are outside your box. I
Speaker 1: absolutely think that if somebody ticks all of your criteria
Speaker 1: but you don't feel physically attracted to them, that you
Speaker 1: should potentially still give them a go and still go
Speaker 1: on a couple of dates see where you're at. Because
Speaker 1: I think that you can assess yourself whether that connection
Speaker 1: is going to grow and if you get to maybe
Speaker 1: I don't know, four or five dates, maybe you get
Speaker 1: a month in. If it hasn't started to develop, then
Speaker 1: it's probably not going to develop. And I think that's
Speaker 1: when you need to make a decision to call it,
Speaker 1: because there's only so long that you can force yourself
Speaker 1: to feel something for someone if it's physically not there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And conversely to that, you can be walking down the
Speaker 1: street and see someone that is so smoking hot and
Speaker 1: you're like, holy shit, I'm gonna bang that. That is
Speaker 1: the hottest guy. You sleep with them, you try to
Speaker 1: go on days with them, and they have the personality
Speaker 1: and the humor of like a wet cardboard box, and
Speaker 1: you're like, I can never see you again because there's
Speaker 1: nothing else there. Whilst attraction is important, we have to
Speaker 1: look at attraction holistically because physical attraction and looks they fade.
Speaker 1: One day. We're all gonna be old. Our boobs are
Speaker 1: gonna be at our knees, we're gonna have wrinkles, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have bags, we're gonna have gray hair. It's going
Speaker 1: to happen. And then what have you got If you
Speaker 1: have no personality in your life and your partner, If
Speaker 1: you've got no humor. If you have no connection, if
Speaker 1: you don't want the same things, if all you had
Speaker 1: was the fact that you thought that they were the
Speaker 1: hottest thing, then you're not gonna have anything down the track.
Speaker 1: So this is why we say it's so important to
Speaker 1: have a holistic view of attraction. Yes, I agree. And
Speaker 1: also my boobs don't make eye contact anyone or as
Speaker 1: it is, they're already looking at the floor after two kids,
Speaker 1: So lucky you guys are funny. Yeah, I think that
Speaker 1: maybe that's why some people and maybe if we're if
Speaker 1: it depends on the life stage that we're at, especially
Speaker 1: as women, if we want to be in a relationship
Speaker 1: because we feel like our biological clock is ticking. If
Speaker 1: we feel like maybe we're going to miss the opportunity
Speaker 1: of having a big life partner, if that's what we want,
Speaker 1: then we might sacrifice attraction. We might kind of put
Speaker 1: that down the ranker as being not important. And I
Speaker 1: understand that priorities shift over time, and maybe when something
Speaker 1: becomes more important i e. Having children, having a committed partner,
Speaker 1: the attraction thing may not seem as important to you
Speaker 1: and that's okay, but I still think it has to
Speaker 1: be there in some capacity. I don't think that you
Speaker 1: can have a healthy, long term relationship with someone who
Speaker 1: you are physically not attracted to at all. And the
Speaker 1: fear of that is because at some point you're going
Speaker 1: to get the ick, like you don't want to be
Speaker 1: with someone who eventually you're in your relationship they repulse
Speaker 1: you when they touch you. That is a very real thing,
Speaker 1: and I know that we received a lot of messages
Speaker 1: from people who were like, I tried so hard because
Speaker 1: my partner was so great, there was such a good person,
Speaker 1: but we got to a point where the thought of
Speaker 1: them touching me or being intimate with me repulsed me.
Speaker 1: And that's a really unhealthy relationship. For so many other
Speaker 1: reasons we know, like sex is very important in a relationship,
Speaker 1: sexual connection, sexual energy. Being able to connect with your
Speaker 1: partner on that level is something that a majority of
Speaker 1: people see as a real fundamental part of a relationship.
Speaker 1: And it is also because that is something that sets
Speaker 1: a relationship apart from being a friendship, which we already
Speaker 1: kind of discussed in the beginning. One thing I want
Speaker 1: to touch on, Britt, which you just said as well,
Speaker 1: is like this idea that you can have intense physical
Speaker 1: attraction to someone and there can be nothing else there.
Speaker 1: I mean that was Man Mountain for me, the guy
Speaker 1: that we talked about at the beginning. He was everything
Speaker 1: I wanted physically in a partner, Like he just was beautiful.
Speaker 1: But it's like noddling a lot because I know that
Speaker 1: Man Mountain was a beautiful man. It's a beautiful I say,
Speaker 1: who was, Like he still is, He's still around. He
Speaker 1: is a beautiful, beautiful man. Of course, there were other
Speaker 1: things that aligned, like we had some values that aligned,
Speaker 1: but from like a real emotional connection, there was nothing there.
Speaker 1: And I think sometimes we can almost try and convince
Speaker 1: ourselves and try and force a connection and force this
Speaker 1: deeper level of a connection just because someone looks so good,
Speaker 1: like we want it there because we're like, oh they're
Speaker 1: so hot. If only if only things were easier, and
Speaker 1: if only things were better, as in like we were
Speaker 1: more compatible. So I reckon I forced that relationship for
Speaker 1: a hell of a lot longer than what I should have.
Speaker 1: I really wanted it to work, just because I was
Speaker 1: so physically attracted to him, so I just soft launched him.
Speaker 1: In two days I was out, No, but just going
Speaker 1: back to something that you were saying about, you know
Speaker 1: the fact that if there's no physical attraction and you're
Speaker 1: with him for all other reasons, that you could get
Speaker 1: the ick. I was listening to a podcast. It's called
Speaker 1: for Play Radio. Now this podcast is years old, but
Speaker 1: I just found it really interesting. It's a sex therapist
Speaker 1: Laurie Watson and a psychologist Adam Matthews, and they both
Speaker 1: talk about different patients they've treated. Obviously, it's all anonymous,
Speaker 1: and they just it's just a podcast like you know,
Speaker 1: where they talk shit, they talk sex. They were saying
Speaker 1: that one of their clients came in to see them
Speaker 1: and they had been married for a long time. They
Speaker 1: thought they were in this really happy relationship. The husband
Speaker 1: was very wealthy. She was a female. They've been married
Speaker 1: for like fifteen years. The husband was very wealthy. He
Speaker 1: got into some financial problems and he lost his job
Speaker 1: and he lost all their money all of a sudden.
Speaker 1: She said, I was revolted by him. As soon as
Speaker 1: he lost his job and lost his money, I was
Speaker 1: disgusted by him. I got the ick and I had
Speaker 1: to leave. And this is I mean a I mean,
Speaker 1: what happened for better orf for worse? You just threw
Speaker 1: that in the garbage bin. B This is what's going
Speaker 1: to happen when you are being that superficial and basing
Speaker 1: your relationship on what we're taught as a child to
Speaker 1: look for. You know, you want security, you want someone
Speaker 1: with money like I just think that that is so
Speaker 1: far from the foundations of a healthy relationship. And it's
Speaker 1: just a prime example of the fact that she thought
Speaker 1: she was attracted to him, but she was attracted to
Speaker 1: the lifestyle, and somehow she stayed in that for fifteen years.
Speaker 1: The second time's got tough and she didn't have that
Speaker 1: money anymore. She was out the door. But I don't
Speaker 1: know if you can say that it's superficial necessarily because
Speaker 1: I don't think and this comes back to this idea
Speaker 1: that attraction is largely subconscious. I honestly think that sometimes
Speaker 1: we're attracted to people and we don't understand why because
Speaker 1: we haven't really had that cognitive thought pattern behind it.
Speaker 1: We haven't sat down and gone, what is it about
Speaker 1: this person that I am attracted to? And you know,
Speaker 1: in her case, it was obviously feeling security, it was
Speaker 1: having someone who was stable, It was someone who made
Speaker 1: her feel like they were loved by being able to
Speaker 1: buy her things or show her that sort of stability. Now,
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think that that is an intentionally superficial thing.
Speaker 1: The reasoning behind that is because this idea of attraction
Speaker 1: and how we're motivated by attraction is actually controlled by
Speaker 1: a part of the brain called the limbic system. Now,
Speaker 1: the limbic system here, I am getting all sciencey for you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm so science I love when you do your research.
Speaker 1: Don't let anyone tell you that this is not a
Speaker 1: well researched podcast. So the limbic system is a really
Speaker 1: primitive part of the brain, and it is the same
Speaker 1: part of the brain that controls things like hunger. Like,
Speaker 1: hunger is not something that we necessarily have conscious control over.
Speaker 1: It's a feeling that we get, and we don't have
Speaker 1: prejudice towards the feeling of hunger in the same way
Speaker 1: we shouldn't have prejudice towards our feelings of attraction. You know,
Speaker 1: we don't have control over who we're attracted to. I
Speaker 1: can confirm that I literally just ate a whole pizza
Speaker 1: and I had no control. I had no control of hunger. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: this comes into the whole idea of higher order thinking.
Speaker 1: You could exercise a little bit of self control that
Speaker 1: might have helped there, but maybe not. So there is
Speaker 1: this theory that in order to be able to really
Speaker 1: create a relationship that you can be proud of, that
Speaker 1: is a healthy relationship that is stable for all the
Speaker 1: right reasons, that we can't just rely entirely on attraction.
Speaker 1: And I mean that shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone,
Speaker 1: but like attraction, just like chemistry, it can be super misleading.
Speaker 1: We can think, oh my god, this has to be
Speaker 1: the relationship for me, this has to work out with
Speaker 1: this person because I feel so strongly about it, whereas
Speaker 1: maybe it taps into patent behavior. So for me, for example,
Speaker 1: and I know I've mentioned this before, but I was
Speaker 1: always dating the same type of guy, and I was
Speaker 1: having very dysfunctional relationships, and I was too busy putting
Speaker 1: all my thoughts into the attraction, into the chemistry and
Speaker 1: the way I felt about it. Then tapping into this
Speaker 1: conversation and this idea of higher level thinking, so really
Speaker 1: unpacking why am I attracted to this person? Which britt
Speaker 1: this woman that you're describing, if she had sat down
Speaker 1: in the very beginning and been like, what is it
Speaker 1: about this person that I'm attracted to? She may have
Speaker 1: been able to kind of reduce down that she was
Speaker 1: actually attracted to his money more so than she was
Speaker 1: attracted to him as a person. So I think sometimes,
Speaker 1: especially if you're in a situation now where you're dating
Speaker 1: and you haven't found the right person, you're unsure about, like,
Speaker 1: you know, this whole concept of settling, which I think
Speaker 1: there can be a lot of fear around. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't want to go on a date with a guy
Speaker 1: or a girl who I'm not attracted to because I
Speaker 1: don't want to settle. I think, maybe give it a chance,
Speaker 1: because if they are somebody who has so many other
Speaker 1: amazing qualities to them, maybe they're different to the type
Speaker 1: of person that you've been dating before, and there might
Speaker 1: be a reason why those other relationships haven't worked out.
Speaker 1: There is the possibility that attraction can grow just from
Speaker 1: spending time with them and getting to know them. However,
Speaker 1: like we said, if it doesn't grow, don't force it,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be in a situation where
Speaker 1: you have completely sacrificed something that is so incredibly important
Speaker 1: a relationship just because you don't want to be alone.
Speaker 1: And if you don't have a physical attraction in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship, it's going to rear it's ugly head
Speaker 1: in other ways, laid down the track now. There will
Speaker 1: be points where you don't want to have sex anymore,
Speaker 1: you don't want to be physically intimate anymore because you
Speaker 1: love being with this person, but you get the ick
Speaker 1: and they repulse you. And this we had so many
Speaker 1: people write in this exact thing. They're saying, I'm in
Speaker 1: a really tricky situation. I've been with my partner for
Speaker 1: a long time. I absolutely adore them. I can't imagine
Speaker 1: my life without them because they're all I've ever known.
Speaker 1: But I'm repulsed by them, like physically, that's what they say.
Speaker 1: They're like, it's so full on, isn't it. It is because
Speaker 1: they're like, it's a comfort, it's what they know. They
Speaker 1: love who the person is, they love what they could
Speaker 1: could create together. They love their morals, they love their family,
Speaker 1: they love what they've done in the past and their
Speaker 1: memories and the idea of a future. But the one
Speaker 1: part when they come They're like, I physically recoil when
Speaker 1: my partner touches me every day. I make up stories.
Speaker 1: We had a guy write in and he said he
Speaker 1: started to take overtime shifts at work because he didn't
Speaker 1: want to be intimate with his partner and he didn't
Speaker 1: know how to avoid it. He didn't want to end
Speaker 1: it with her because he loved her. So this happens
Speaker 1: on both sides. This is both men and women. But
Speaker 1: issues like this are going to arise if you are
Speaker 1: forcing yourself to have this relationship where you have no
Speaker 1: physical attraction. Whether we want to admit it or not,
Speaker 1: it is a huge part of our life. It is
Speaker 1: a huge part of our relationships and strengthening the relationships,
Speaker 1: having those emotional bonds, feeling really close and drawn to
Speaker 1: your partner. There's just no way you can dispute that.
Speaker 1: And if you force this for too long, these sort
Speaker 1: of situations are going to happen to you down the track. Well,
Speaker 1: I agree, And I also think that like you become
Speaker 1: bonded to them as a friend. You know when you say,
Speaker 1: like I can't imagine my life without them, Absolutely, that's
Speaker 1: a friend. Take care, it's a friend. It's like you
Speaker 1: can't imagine your life without your best friend. But then
Speaker 1: what is it that sets that relationship up from being different?
Speaker 1: And I think you know, I've been in this situation before.
Speaker 1: One of my long term, five year relationships. I got
Speaker 1: to a point where I had the IX so so bad,
Speaker 1: so bad. It was exactly what you described brit like.
Speaker 1: We hadn't had sex in so long because I was
Speaker 1: physically repulsed by the idea. But I loved our life together.
Speaker 1: And then the more that I look back on that
Speaker 1: relationship now, the more that I realize I wasn't in
Speaker 1: love with him. He was a great person, really liked him,
Speaker 1: but I was in love with our life. I was
Speaker 1: in love with what we built, and walking away from
Speaker 1: that was so hard that he was never the right person.
Speaker 1: And I think we can get ourselves, especially when there's
Speaker 1: this whole biological clock when other friends are in relationships,
Speaker 1: when we feel like why is everybody else dating and
Speaker 1: I'm on my own? There's this scarcity mindset. We can
Speaker 1: make huge compromises on what we want in a relationship,
Speaker 1: and there are some things that it's okay to compromise on,
Speaker 1: and maybe for some people, attraction is something that you
Speaker 1: can compromise on with the hope that it grows in
Speaker 1: the future, but compromising on it all together, having zero
Speaker 1: attraction to your partner and just hoping that they're a
Speaker 1: good person and they bring other things to the table.
Speaker 1: I don't think from a long term perspective that that's
Speaker 1: really a good enough compromise or that you'll be able
Speaker 1: to live a fulfilled and happy relationship in life with them.
Speaker 1: The other thing to note is that, of course, in
Speaker 1: long term relationships, sex isn't always going to be as frequent,
Speaker 1: or maybe as passionate or as intense as it probably
Speaker 1: was at the start in the honeymoon phase. That's normal.
Speaker 1: It's normal to have sex less. You have kids, you
Speaker 1: have stresses, you have busy lives. That's normal. But what's
Speaker 1: not normal and not okay is to be repulsed by
Speaker 1: your partner and actually be like working double time and
Speaker 1: double shifts to avoid your partner, to avoid being intimate.
Speaker 1: You don't want to touch them, or the thought of
Speaker 1: your partner touching you revolts you and makes you physically sick.
Speaker 1: Like that is not normal. Yes, you'll have sex less,
Speaker 1: but you should still want that sex. You should still
Speaker 1: look at your partner and be like, I love you, You're
Speaker 1: so whole let's do it well, I mean that leads
Speaker 1: us into the whole conversation. And when we started having
Speaker 1: this originally we were like, how do we talk about
Speaker 1: this in a way that encompassed everyone? And it's impossible too,
Speaker 1: because we all show up to sexuality differently, and we
Speaker 1: all experience attraction and sexuality differently. And that's why we
Speaker 1: were like, this is so a two part episode where
Speaker 1: we will get into the idea of asexuality and demisexuality,
Speaker 1: because people who experience sexuality in that way will have
Speaker 1: a fundamentally different and approach to this conversation. So we
Speaker 1: just want to make it really clear that we are
Speaker 1: not talking about those sort of sub sects of sexuality
Speaker 1: either in this conversation right now. But this is the
Speaker 1: whole reason why we do this podcast. We hope that
Speaker 1: everyone is just like living their best fucking relationship and
Speaker 1: having their best life, and whatever relationship you're in, that
Speaker 1: you're having conversations, that you're optimizing your relationship and that
Speaker 1: you're working on it to be able to be as
Speaker 1: happy and as fulfilled as you possibly can be in
Speaker 1: your relationship. And you are not an asshole if you're
Speaker 1: dating someone and you don't feel that attraction and you
Speaker 1: decide to leave them. That's the other big part of
Speaker 1: this conversation is that so many people feel like I'm
Speaker 1: such a bad person because they're such a great guy
Speaker 1: or girl, but I'm not attracted to them. You're not
Speaker 1: a bad person. You don't have to date someone that
Speaker 1: you're not attracted to. You don't have to feel bad
Speaker 1: for wanting more for yourself, and you don't have to
Speaker 1: try and fit a triangle into a square. Okay, look,
Speaker 1: I think we've sort of covered this point. We've covered
Speaker 1: episode one, but just to say this, what Laura's trying
Speaker 1: to say is fundamentally, you gotta want to bang your partner.
Speaker 1: Ha ha ha, You just gotta you gotta want to
Speaker 1: have sex. Yeah, Fucking your partner is a really important
Speaker 1: part of this whole thing. I'm glad that you all
Speaker 1: came to our ted talk nexts very much. All Right, guys,
Speaker 1: you know that we never finished an episode without our
Speaker 1: suck and our sweet, our highlight and our low light
Speaker 1: of each and every week. And I haven't thought of
Speaker 1: mine yet. So Britt, what is your suck? Okay, my
Speaker 1: suck is that there is? Well, I mean I should
Speaker 1: say there is. There was there is a snake in
Speaker 1: the backyard. We saw that there was a snake, and
Speaker 1: then this morning one of the neighbors must have killed it,
Speaker 1: because the snake was dead on the driveway. So that
Speaker 1: is my I don't know, that's my suck. I was like, cool,
Speaker 1: It's like, it sucks that it was alive. It sucks
Speaker 1: that it's dead, but at least it means it's not
Speaker 1: because I think it's a dangerous one. So at least
Speaker 1: it's not in the house. I think because it's hurricane
Speaker 1: season here, all the rains are coming, so all the animals,
Speaker 1: like the are going nuts and trying to get inside.
Speaker 1: That's my suck. Okay, wait, wait, who the hell kills
Speaker 1: the snake and then just leaves it on a driveway.
Speaker 1: It's like really foreboding kind of omen. Here's the snake.
Speaker 1: So I took a photo and I went up close
Speaker 1: to it. I actually don't think someone intentionally kills it,
Speaker 1: and I'm hoping it's the same snake. Actually, now have
Speaker 1: you got me thinking it might not be the same snake.
Speaker 1: It looks like it has been run over on its
Speaker 1: neck because his neck was a bit squished, so I
Speaker 1: reckon it was probably an accident. Well do you know
Speaker 1: what I reckon that that's probably the snake suck for
Speaker 1: the week as well. One hundred percent, it's a shit
Speaker 1: week for the snake. My sweet it was actually my
Speaker 1: sweet for last week, but I wasn't allowed to talk
Speaker 1: about it when we recorded, but now I can. My
Speaker 1: sister Sherry got engaged after Oh god, I think I
Speaker 1: think it's been six years. Yeah, six or seven years.
Speaker 1: She's been waiting a long time, and now I know
Speaker 1: Jay had had her Now fiance had had the ring
Speaker 1: for a long time, and he'd been hoping because they
Speaker 1: met traveling. They went on this three year round the
Speaker 1: World trip together. He was hoping to go back and
Speaker 1: do it overseas, and then obviously COVID kept prolonging it
Speaker 1: and it got to the point where Sharon was like,
Speaker 1: we need to fucking do this, like we're in lockdown
Speaker 1: for however many more impending years. So they bought their
Speaker 1: first home together and he proposed on the first night
Speaker 1: in the new home. So that is one hundred percent
Speaker 1: my suite. I'm very very happy. That is bloody adorable.
Speaker 1: And also, guys, we're going to have Sherry on the
Speaker 1: podcast in the next couple of weeks to talk about
Speaker 1: because Sherry is a nutritionist and she runs her own
Speaker 1: very successful Instagram where she helps people with like living
Speaker 1: their best lives through nutrition and their relationship with food,
Speaker 1: and so we are going to get Sherry on in
Speaker 1: the next couple of weeks to answer all your questions
Speaker 1: in regards to this, which we put out on Instagram
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks back. Now now my second week. Okay,
Speaker 1: my suck is and I know I've said this every
Speaker 1: week for like the past couple of months. We are
Speaker 1: living in a two bedroom apartment and I cannot stress
Speaker 1: this enough. There is four humans and a dog that's
Speaker 1: the size of a great day, and we live in
Speaker 1: a apartment. We don't have a study. It is literally
Speaker 1: just two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a tiny little living
Speaker 1: area that's a combined living and dining. It's so full
Speaker 1: on right now, it's insane. It's fucked. It's so fucked.
Speaker 1: There's a mountain of laundry behind in this I always
Speaker 1: feel like we need to take a photo of us
Speaker 1: so that people can see there's a mountain of laundry
Speaker 1: behind her. Zoom you know what you need to do.
Speaker 1: You need to get one of those zooms where you
Speaker 1: can change the background to like look like you're in
Speaker 1: an office or something. You know how I live my life.
Speaker 1: I don't need to hide this from you, okay, but
Speaker 1: just to describe to you guys, where I'm actually recording
Speaker 1: this podcast. I'm sitting in Marley's bedroom on the floor.
Speaker 1: I have the phone shoved in her cot leant up
Speaker 1: against some toys that I can see brit I've got
Speaker 1: the laptop on my lap, and i have the podcasting
Speaker 1: machine next to me, and I'm leaning against the single
Speaker 1: bed that's in Marley's bedroom. This is how I'm working.
Speaker 1: It's insane, and it's insane that we've been doing this
Speaker 1: for so long now. So we actually went to a
Speaker 1: house inspection on the weekend. It was a five bedroom house.
Speaker 1: I would not even know what to do with myself
Speaker 1: with that much space. Never see you again. You'd be like,
Speaker 1: who wants to play hide and seek and not find me?
Speaker 1: Mummy's gone. We went to it and look, the problem
Speaker 1: was is that the place had a really bad floor plan.
Speaker 1: So upstairs was a bedroom in a lounge room, and
Speaker 1: then the middle level would have been the kids' rooms
Speaker 1: and the dining room, which would have meant that the
Speaker 1: kids were going up and down the stairs all day
Speaker 1: to use the lound room. It's so fucking weird. Who
Speaker 1: designs a house like this? So I got so excited
Speaker 1: because I felt like we had found our new house
Speaker 1: and I felt like this situation was a lot more
Speaker 1: temporary than what it is. And then we went and
Speaker 1: saw it and I was really disappointed. And it's the
Speaker 1: second house inspection that we've been to now and we
Speaker 1: just can't find something. So yeah, look, I'm gonna sit
Speaker 1: in Marley's room for another day. So that is my suck.
Speaker 1: My sweet for the week was yesterday. Yesterday we went
Speaker 1: to the beach. We went for a quick swim, we
Speaker 1: went for a really nice walk. Everything was socially distanced,
Speaker 1: but it was just so nice to have a hot
Speaker 1: day and be able to spend some time as a
Speaker 1: family outside of our flo that I'm bet. Well, that's
Speaker 1: a good second sweet. That is it? That is it? Guys?
Speaker 1: You know what, when brit comes back, we have really
Speaker 1: grand plans for us both to move into places that
Speaker 1: are a little bit bigger so we can both have
Speaker 1: a bit of a studio room. I thought you were
Speaker 1: going to say to movie, but that're gonna say we
Speaker 1: have grandpas of moving together, and I'm like, I'm not
Speaker 1: across this plan. You all know the BRIT's obsessed with me,
Speaker 1: So I'm getting a bigger house so that she can
Speaker 1: sleep in our bed. We're going to get a super
Speaker 1: king sized bed and have a polyamorous relationship. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: that is it from us. That was so weird. We've
Speaker 1: been talking for way too long now. And if you
Speaker 1: haven't joined our Instagram it's Life Uncut Podcast, go have
Speaker 1: a look at the photo of me and Jordan. And
Speaker 1: also we have the Life Uncut Discussion Group which is
Speaker 1: on Facebook and that's for anybody who wants to join
Speaker 1: the broader conversation or to talk about the episodes or
Speaker 1: to ask questions among other community members. There is fifty
Speaker 1: one thousand people in that group now, so jump on
Speaker 1: into the Life Uncut Discussion group as well, or just
Speaker 1: to have a lot. It's so funny, like people plast
Speaker 1: the funniest shit on there. It's I go there just
Speaker 1: for my daily entertainment. And it's also just like when
Speaker 1: we started that Facebook group, we wanted it to be
Speaker 1: a place where like minded people could get together. And
Speaker 1: so the thing that's really wholesome and heartwarming about it
Speaker 1: is that everybody who's in the group loves the podcast.
Speaker 1: A lot of people share very similar ideas and similar
Speaker 1: outlooks on the world. Obviously not everyone. You're never gonna
Speaker 1: find a space with fifty one thousand people where it's
Speaker 1: an echo chamber of the same thoughts. There's definitely some
Speaker 1: debate that goes on in there. However, nine to nine
Speaker 1: point nine percent of the time, it's super healthy and
Speaker 1: super respectful, and I just love that it is a
Speaker 1: very wholesome and uplifting community. And like, if you guys
Speaker 1: are interested in jumping on and doing any of the
Speaker 1: meetup groups, if you want to meet people in your area,
Speaker 1: if you want to make more friends, there are a
Speaker 1: little offshoot meetup groups in that group as well, So
Speaker 1: check it out, jump on the Facebook group, and guys,
Speaker 1: you know the drill, tell your mum te Dante dot
Speaker 1: te friends and share the love because we love la.
Speaker 1: I mean, they're not cutting the body and they're not
Speaker 1: cutting the boy. They're not cunning that their day.
Speaker 2: The