1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:02,640 Speaker 1: Hello there, it's Amantha. 2 00:00:03,120 --> 00:00:06,160 Speaker 2: I'm currently on a break, so I've handpicked a bunch 3 00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 2: of my favorite episodes from the last year to share 4 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:09,600 Speaker 2: with you. 5 00:00:10,280 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: Okay, on with today's best of episode. 6 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,520 Speaker 2: If you're a regular hall I Work listener, you're probably 7 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,639 Speaker 2: a sucker for a morning routine, just like me, and 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 2: for good reason. When left to our own, devices were 9 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 2: surprisingly bad. It's something as seemingly simple as getting fed 10 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:29,479 Speaker 2: and heading out the door on time. 11 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: So maybe by now you've. 12 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:36,960 Speaker 2: Got yours perfected. You're meditating, exercising, journaling, drinking water with 13 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 2: a pitch of Himalayan rock salt and a squeeze of 14 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 2: lemon or before your first Pomadora session at the office, 15 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:45,400 Speaker 2: or if you're like the rest of us, it's a 16 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:51,160 Speaker 2: work in progress. And to add one very complex variable 17 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 2: to the mix, maybe. 18 00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:54,320 Speaker 1: You have kids. 19 00:00:55,440 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 2: Most kids hopefully aren't as interested in being little productivity 20 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 2: machines as we are, but the right start to their day. 21 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:06,039 Speaker 1: Is still just as important as yours. 22 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,960 Speaker 2: Is. Best Selling author and parenting expert and host of 23 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 2: the top ranking podcast Happy Families, doctor Justin Coulson says 24 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 2: that the solution is actually to do less, and according 25 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:21,319 Speaker 2: to research, it can be as simple as a four 26 00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:25,400 Speaker 2: part formula to turn our mornings with kids from messy 27 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 2: to magic. My name is doctor Amantha Imbert. I'm an 28 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:37,680 Speaker 2: organizational psychologist and the founder of behavioral science consultancy Inventium, 29 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 2: and this is how I work a show about how 30 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 2: to help you do your best work. So what are 31 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:49,279 Speaker 2: some of Justin's time saving hacks as a working parent, 32 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 2: especially when thinking about the mornings. 33 00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 3: So there's probably a couple of different ways to answer this, Samantha, 34 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: and I know that I don't want to get too 35 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 3: deep and philosophical, but we do definitely have a couple 36 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 3: of those things that I'll share with you in just 37 00:02:03,640 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 3: a tick. Before I do that, though, I think it's 38 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,160 Speaker 3: probably worth highlighting my relationship with time and how it's 39 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,960 Speaker 3: changed over the years, and having children has been a 40 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 3: really major element to that. I used to feel like 41 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,920 Speaker 3: time was a resource, and I felt like it was 42 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,600 Speaker 3: my job to maximize and utilize time for the very 43 00:02:21,600 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 3: best of my ability, and to squander time was just 44 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 3: the wrong thing to do. Watching my children when they 45 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 3: get to live their life outside of the structures that 46 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,399 Speaker 3: we place upon them for their good of course, Amantha, 47 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,839 Speaker 3: like school for example, what I've discovered is that they 48 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 3: actually don't think about time. Not just not in the 49 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,239 Speaker 3: way that we think about time, but they actually don't 50 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 3: think about time at all. It isn't important to them. 51 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 3: It's not a thing. They're so present and so delighted 52 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 3: to be in whatever moment they're in with I'm not 53 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,840 Speaker 3: suggesting that the future is an important that we shouldn't 54 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,160 Speaker 3: be making plans, but just their ability to be there 55 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 3: and to enjoy that. And it's something that I've really 56 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 3: learned as I've considered my life. I mean, I'm getting 57 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 3: dangerously close to fifty now, and I'm maturing, and so Amantha, 58 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 3: I think that what I'm what I've actually decided. And 59 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,560 Speaker 3: this might sound a little bit woohoo and airy fairy, 60 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 3: but I've decided that I am time like I am 61 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,799 Speaker 3: just made up of the moments that I have, and 62 00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 3: with that it's helped me to be a lot more 63 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 3: easy with what happens. I'm still an efficiency junkie. I 64 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 3: still need to get things done. When I step into 65 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,000 Speaker 3: the office, stuff has to be done. We've got deadlines 66 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: and all that kind of thing. But when I step 67 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 3: out of the office, my focus is actually less about 68 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 3: time and efficiency with my children and just being with them. 69 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 3: And that might mean that if they're having a bad morning, 70 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 3: as much as we have a process for getting through 71 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,800 Speaker 3: the morning and making sure that well children or four 72 00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:02,520 Speaker 3: children now that the oldest ones don't need is so 73 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,000 Speaker 3: much are out the door on time and doing what 74 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 3: they need to do, we've kind of allowed ourselves to 75 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,839 Speaker 3: just be with them where they are. We have one 76 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 3: daughter as well who has ADHD, and so that has 77 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 3: also forced us to look at time and efficiency in 78 00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 3: a completely different way. So that's a kind of philosophical 79 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 3: treatis before my answer. The short answer though, is we've 80 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 3: got a couple of things that we do. One of 81 00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 3: the things is what we call our making Morning's Magic system, 82 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 3: and that's comprised of four elements. Element number one. The 83 00:04:35,680 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 3: morning begins the night before, so that means that we 84 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,599 Speaker 3: get the kids lunch boxes organized, or at least have 85 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 3: them out and ready for the next day. They've got 86 00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,159 Speaker 3: their uniforms, is it library days? At sports day? Do 87 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 3: we know where their shoes are? Has a rogue sock 88 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 3: been left under the seat in the car as their 89 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 3: swimming gear ready for the next day? All that sort 90 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:55,239 Speaker 3: of stuff morning begins the night before. We have found 91 00:04:55,240 --> 00:04:59,320 Speaker 3: that that is one of the most incredibly useful things 92 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 3: to make sure that we have smooth mornings. We even 93 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:03,480 Speaker 3: sort of pull out the stuff for breakfast and stick 94 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 3: it on the kitchen bench so it's ready. That's the 95 00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 3: first thing. The second part of the four part process 96 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,160 Speaker 3: is that we wake the kids up about ten or 97 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,840 Speaker 3: fifteen minutes before they need to be awake. And what 98 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,880 Speaker 3: that does is it creates two things. First of all, connection, 99 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 3: because when we wake them up, we walk into the 100 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,760 Speaker 3: room gently and softly and sit with them and give 101 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 3: them a hug and talk to them about the dream 102 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 3: that we've wokened them from or what they're looking forward 103 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 3: to in the day. We just have two or three 104 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 3: minutes with each of them. It doesn't take long, but 105 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,919 Speaker 3: they wake up feeling connection before we move it to 106 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 3: the next room. And then a manth of the critical thing. 107 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 3: It also creates margin because no one's rushing because we've 108 00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 3: got an extra ten or fifteen minutes because everyone's getting 109 00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 3: up a little bit early. The third thing that we 110 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 3: do is we actually have kind of like a breakfast 111 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:52,760 Speaker 3: and lunch system. The kids put in their breakfast order 112 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 3: and their lunch order by You know, when you go 113 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 3: to a motel, usually a cheap motel on the side 114 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,200 Speaker 3: of a highway, you can do a quick time can 115 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 3: flick for room service breakfast the next day and you 116 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:07,880 Speaker 3: order those two pieces of thin white bread with a 117 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:10,600 Speaker 3: couple of fried eggs that usually arrive cold and a 118 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:12,960 Speaker 3: little bit too hard. Not running it off. But you've 119 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,280 Speaker 3: got that tick and flick process, so we actually use 120 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 3: We don't do it anymore because the kids have got 121 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,040 Speaker 3: the system nailed. But to start it off, we would 122 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,960 Speaker 3: get the kids to fill in their menu for breakfast 123 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:23,840 Speaker 3: to lunch the night before, which means that when they 124 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:27,240 Speaker 3: walk out into the kitchen, the list of what they 125 00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 3: need to do is already there. What they're going to eat, 126 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 3: what they're going to prepare, how it's going to work. 127 00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:36,159 Speaker 3: And I can't tell you how amazing that is to 128 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:41,760 Speaker 3: remove the decision making process from a tired, sleepy child's mind. 129 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,599 Speaker 3: They just have to look at the piece of paper 130 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,880 Speaker 3: and make that. And we've spent the time to teach 131 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:48,840 Speaker 3: them to make it, which means that step number four 132 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:51,280 Speaker 3: is that we don't tell them what to do. What 133 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:53,200 Speaker 3: we do instead, as we say Hey, how are you 134 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,240 Speaker 3: going with the five things that need to be done 135 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,799 Speaker 3: this morning? What's next? How can I help? 136 00:06:58,480 --> 00:06:59,880 Speaker 1: That is so good. 137 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 2: I'm taking copious notes as you're talking, justin I'm loving this. 138 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 3: We found that it's made an enormous difference, and in fact, 139 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,760 Speaker 3: it was so popular that The New York Times picked 140 00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 3: up an article that I wrote and they published it. 141 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 3: So if people want more, you could probably just link 142 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 3: to the Making Morning's Magic New York Times piece that 143 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,680 Speaker 3: I wrote, and it outlines precisely what those steps are 144 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 3: and also how it taps in with basic psychological needs 145 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:27,360 Speaker 3: that kids have. And this is why it works because 146 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 3: it fulfills the need for connection. They're getting lots of 147 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 3: that when we wake them up nice and early and 148 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 3: spend time with them, but also as we say, hey, 149 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 3: how are you going? What help do you need? Which 150 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 3: is connection rather than where are your shoes? Why haven't 151 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 3: you done this? 152 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 1: Hurry up? 153 00:07:41,320 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 3: We're going to be late, which is correction and direction. 154 00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 3: So it meets that need for connection. It satisfies the 155 00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 3: need for autonomy because they're making lots of choices about 156 00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:51,880 Speaker 3: what they're going to eat or what they're going to 157 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:55,320 Speaker 3: do to make the morning work, and it also satisfies 158 00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 3: a basic psychological need for what research is called competence 159 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 3: because they do it themselves. We spend the time teaching 160 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:07,040 Speaker 3: them how to make their breakfasts, how to scramble their eggs, 161 00:08:07,040 --> 00:08:10,400 Speaker 3: how to pour milk onto their week bics, and how 162 00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 3: to get their lunch organized, which means that by the 163 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 3: time they're about sort of eight or nine years old, 164 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 3: they're doing it all on their own, which is just 165 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,960 Speaker 3: bliss for a parent who is busy and tired and 166 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:23,320 Speaker 3: probably stayed up till late the night before watching Netflix 167 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 3: instead of remembering that their morning began the night before 168 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 3: as well. 169 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 1: That's very cool. 170 00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 2: I was curious around what you were saying, just around 171 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 2: being really present and almost losing that sense of time 172 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: and almost the artificial structure that a lot of us 173 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,480 Speaker 2: can impose onto our kids. 174 00:08:43,679 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: And it was funny. 175 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,200 Speaker 2: It reminded me of a moment this morning with my 176 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 2: daughter before homeschool started, and we were playing with Lego 177 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 2: and I'm on a never ending mission to sort all 178 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 2: the Lego blocks into their appropriate color box. 179 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,400 Speaker 1: I mean, it's like achieving in box zero. 180 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 2: It might happen for one minute and then it'll all 181 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:07,160 Speaker 2: be ruined, and I was just I was really in flow. 182 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 1: And I asked Frankie, you know, do you know what 183 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 1: it means to be in flow? 184 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 2: And she said no, no, And so we were talking 185 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,400 Speaker 2: about that concept, which I feel is all about just 186 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 2: being really present and losing yourself in the moment. 187 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: So what has helped you be present with your children? 188 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: Because I feel like that's easier said than done. 189 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 3: It's paradoxical. But what I've discovered is that when I 190 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:38,000 Speaker 3: try to do it all, I feel stressed and pressured 191 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:46,240 Speaker 3: and frustrated, and I feel like the world is moving 192 00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,880 Speaker 3: too fast. And the great paradox of this is I've 193 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:55,440 Speaker 3: had to recognize that I am finite, and my time 194 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,920 Speaker 3: is finite, and my capacity is finite, and that therefore 195 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 3: I can't do it all. And the tremendous paradox of 196 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 3: accepting that you can't do it all is that you 197 00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:08,840 Speaker 3: kind of sit there for a second on the sofa 198 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:13,520 Speaker 3: and think, I'm helpless, I can't do this. But then 199 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 3: this really remarkable thing comes out of that acceptance, and 200 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 3: that is, well, if I can't do it all, what 201 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 3: will I do? Because I Am going to do something, 202 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 3: And it's in that moment that you kind of get 203 00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,880 Speaker 3: this crystal well if you're intentionally about it, you get 204 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,520 Speaker 3: this crystallization of values. If I can't do it all 205 00:10:30,679 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 3: this morning in terms of my gigantic to do list 206 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:35,959 Speaker 3: I'm supposed to. I mean, if you read all the 207 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,679 Speaker 3: health and wellness blogs, I'm supposed to meditate, and I'm 208 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 3: supposed to have my spiritual or religious practice, and I'm 209 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 3: supposed to exercise, and I'm supposed to work on my 210 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 3: to do list or my mantras or my affirmations. I've 211 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,240 Speaker 3: got to look at my I mean, you know the 212 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 3: blogs that I'm talking now, and they make you feel 213 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:57,200 Speaker 3: so inadequate, because not very many of us wake uppen 214 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,880 Speaker 3: with our lives like that. And what has happened instead 215 00:11:01,920 --> 00:11:04,520 Speaker 3: is I sit andre like, okay, so that's not going 216 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,079 Speaker 3: to work for me. So what can I do what matters? 217 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 3: And that's actually part of the way we distilled our mornings. 218 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,080 Speaker 3: We looked at how mornings needed to work, and we 219 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:15,760 Speaker 3: realized that our children really have either four or five 220 00:11:15,880 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 3: things to do. They need to have breakfast, make their lunch, 221 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,320 Speaker 3: get dressed, and do their hair and brush their teeth. 222 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,200 Speaker 3: And if they can do that by a certain time. 223 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 3: What that allows is all the other stuff is superfluous. 224 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:37,360 Speaker 3: All the other stuff doesn't really matter. And as we've 225 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,160 Speaker 3: taught them how to do those things themselves, as we've 226 00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,080 Speaker 3: developed their competence, what it's meant for us is that 227 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:45,960 Speaker 3: we can actually be in those moments with them. We 228 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 3: don't have to be rushing around and stressing and panicking 229 00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 3: about it. And it just makes it makes such a difference. Now, 230 00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 3: do we get it perfectly? Do we have calm, pieceful 231 00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,480 Speaker 3: mornings every morning? Now that's that would be just such 232 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,840 Speaker 3: a such a lie. But most mornings we actually get 233 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,400 Speaker 3: it eighty or ninety percent of the way. 234 00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 2: There. 235 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,640 Speaker 3: It might be our challenging child, or a child who's 236 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,959 Speaker 3: had allows his sleep or woken up with a sore head, 237 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:12,720 Speaker 3: or just got out of bed on the wrong side. 238 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:17,600 Speaker 3: That stuff happens. Sometimes it's me or my wife, But 239 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:21,320 Speaker 3: just pausing and being intentional about it and having done 240 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 3: that heavy lifting in those early years, those first five 241 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 3: to seven years, it makes a difference. I think that's 242 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 3: one other thing as well that really sits in with 243 00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:32,440 Speaker 3: this in a profound way for me as a parent, 244 00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 3: And it seems to resonate with a lot of parents 245 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 3: that I talk about Amantha, it may do the same 246 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,440 Speaker 3: thing for you. There's an old, old saying in the 247 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 3: parenting literature. It's been around for decades, and that is 248 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:51,680 Speaker 3: that to a child, love is spelled T, I M E. 249 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 3: And if love is spelt time, I can't help but 250 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,080 Speaker 3: pause and wonder what hurry up to a child? What 251 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 3: that means to a child? My sense is that hurry 252 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:10,320 Speaker 3: up to a child something like you don't matter. It's 253 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 3: my agenda that is king here. We are so focused 254 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 3: all the time on managing time. But what if I 255 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:21,240 Speaker 3: am time? What if I am the moments that occur 256 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 3: in time because they're happening in me. What if I 257 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,640 Speaker 3: choose how I'm going to not use time, but how 258 00:13:28,679 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 3: I'm going to be right now? And what will that 259 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 3: do to my experience of this moment? What will that 260 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 3: do to my experience of time? What will that do 261 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,840 Speaker 3: in terms of the relationships that my family. 262 00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 1: Have with me? 263 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 3: That's kind of that's really affected the way that I 264 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:49,839 Speaker 3: think about my time, or in other words, how I 265 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:55,160 Speaker 3: am with my family, with my children, mornings, afternoons, evenings. 266 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,560 Speaker 2: Now, justin for people that are keen to connect with you, 267 00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:01,520 Speaker 2: and consume more of your work. What is the best 268 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 2: way for listeners to do that? 269 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm the co host and parenting expert on the 270 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 3: brand new channel Line TV show Parental Guidance. So basically, 271 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 3: if you google my name, all roads from Google will 272 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:18,160 Speaker 3: lead to my Facebook page, my Instagram, my website, Happyfamilies 273 00:14:18,160 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 3: dot com dot au. I'm pretty visible on the internet 274 00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 3: and I'll be pretty easy to find. 275 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 2: Fantastic, Justin, I have learned so much. Thank you so 276 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,160 Speaker 2: much for your. 277 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,800 Speaker 3: Time, Amantha. I hope it was valuable. Thank you. 278 00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 2: If you like Justin's advice, check out his podcast Happy Families. 279 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 2: It's one of my favorites for getting research backed and 280 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 2: practical parenting advice. And if you're looking for more tips 281 00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:47,480 Speaker 2: to improve the way that you work, I write a 282 00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 2: short fortnightly newsletter that contains three cool things that I've 283 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:53,880 Speaker 2: discovered they helped me work better, which range from interesting 284 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 2: research findings through to gadgets that I'm loving. You can 285 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 2: sign up for that at Howiwork dot co. It's Howiwork 286 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 2: dot co. How I Work is produced by Inventing with 287 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 2: production support from Dead Set Studios. 288 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: And thank you to Martin. 289 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,520 Speaker 2: Nimba who does the audio mix for every episode and 290 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:12,360 Speaker 2: makes it all sound amazing. 291 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 1: See you next time.