Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 2: My name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud Yr the
Speaker 2: Order Kerney Whalbury and a waddery woman. And before we
Speaker 2: get started on she's on the Money podcast. I would
Speaker 2: like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land of
Speaker 2: which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country, acknowledging
Speaker 2: the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming through
Speaker 2: as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing and
Speaker 2: the storytelling of you to make a difference for today
Speaker 2: and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 1: Let's get into it. She's on the Money.
Speaker 3: She's on the Money.
Speaker 1: Hello and welcomed. She's on the Money podcast for millennials
Speaker 1: who want financial freedom.
Speaker 4: Hello, Vickid Hello, that why.
Speaker 1: I mean, we'll move on. We'll move on. I can't
Speaker 1: we left that behind? Did? I wanted to see if
Speaker 1: you responded to negatively? Nothing gets by you?
Speaker 5: No? All right?
Speaker 1: What am I going to call you? Becky? Yes?
Speaker 5: Be yes?
Speaker 1: Oh that rolls up thet. It's awful.
Speaker 4: That's easy.
Speaker 1: So today we are talking about the myth of making
Speaker 1: it financially. I'm excited to talk about this.
Speaker 5: Yes, I'm very excited to talk about this because I
Speaker 5: feel like people assume that once you have a certain
Speaker 5: amount of money or like you become rich, you've made it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: nasis nah. And we were talking about this concept the
Speaker 5: other day where we were talking about your work life
Speaker 5: balance and you were like, I just want to sit
Speaker 5: in the grass with my friends, and I was like,
Speaker 5: we need more.
Speaker 1: Of this energy.
Speaker 5: We need to be talking about like the lifestyle that
Speaker 5: we have and the type of life that we lead
Speaker 5: as opposed to the materialistic items that we have, because
Speaker 5: they don't actually lead to an increase in happiness.
Speaker 1: So now is the time to have that conversation, my friend. Exactly.
Speaker 1: I think we'll walk away from this episode feeling very
Speaker 1: confident and happy within our celves.
Speaker 5: I hope empowered, Like Howard, just smash life out regardless
Speaker 5: of your financial circumstances.
Speaker 1: Yes, we don't let money. What's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker 1: Hold us back, hold us back and define us? Yeah,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. So I guess, like my first question
Speaker 1: is is the myth that you can't ever really make it?
Speaker 1: Or is it more that it won't necessarily lead to happiness?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Okay, So there's two edges of this sword, I suppose, so, like,
Speaker 5: if you're not feeling great about the way that you
Speaker 5: deal with money or how much you know about the
Speaker 5: intricacies of finance, you are absolutely not alone.
Speaker 1: Obviously, she's on the money.
Speaker 5: It exists to empower you, and our culture of encouragement
Speaker 5: that she's on the money has kind of like fostered
Speaker 5: over the last few years, should be one where excessive
Speaker 5: consumption is not that sexy. Financial systems were designed to
Speaker 5: be complicated because people need to make money, and therefore
Speaker 5: our job is from my perspective, to really break them down.
Speaker 5: But I think that a lot of money myths exist,
Speaker 5: and I think it's kind of both, right, Like, there
Speaker 5: are people who in this world are going to want
Speaker 5: to quote make it, and I think that that means
Speaker 5: a lot of different things. I just think that there's
Speaker 5: this misconception that making it means you become extremely rich.
Speaker 5: And I just think that some of the richest people
Speaker 5: in my entire life for not the ones that have
Speaker 5: loads of money. So I think we need to have
Speaker 5: that conversation. But then also we know, and we'll get
Speaker 5: to the research, but we know that there is a
Speaker 5: cap on happiness and there is a point at which
Speaker 5: happiness doesn't increase regardless of how much more money you have.
Speaker 5: I think it's very naive of me if I said,
Speaker 5: look back, money can't play happiness, because that's such a
Speaker 5: catchphrase that we hear, and in reality, intrinsically that's true.
Speaker 5: But if our base needs aren't being meant, like we're
Speaker 5: not able to put a roof over our head, we're
Speaker 5: stressed about debt repayments, we are not able to put
Speaker 5: food on the table, why would we be like that
Speaker 5: makes us feel like trash. So I think that yes,
Speaker 5: money can actually buy happiness, because Becky, if I said, look,
Speaker 5: how happy would you be if I could guarantee that
Speaker 5: the income that you earn each and every single year,
Speaker 5: it's always going to put you in a position where
Speaker 5: you're a okay, Like you're in a perfect position, like
Speaker 5: you are absolutely fine, you are never going to go without.
Speaker 5: So we're not talking about that side of things, because
Speaker 5: I think that that would be incredibly tone deaf to
Speaker 5: say something like, oh my gosh, well money can't buy happiness.
Speaker 5: You're gonna look at me and be like, well.
Speaker 6: Actually, you know what, I'd be really happy if I
Speaker 6: could pay my grocery bill, Victoria. I'd be really happy
Speaker 6: if I could afford the apartment that I need, Victoria.
Speaker 6: So I think it's let's put that to the side,
Speaker 6: because there is a base financial needs.
Speaker 1: That's base.
Speaker 5: Honestly, I think everybody should just have access to that,
Speaker 5: and we create a lot of content on making sure
Speaker 5: you have access to that. However, the conversation today is
Speaker 5: about taking it to that next step, and that myth
Speaker 5: around is money by happiness or like, what's this idea
Speaker 5: of making it financially? At what point are we good
Speaker 5: enough for ourselves? And I suppose this creeps into the
Speaker 5: realm of We record money diaries every single week and
Speaker 5: we always ask our community like, oh, on a scale
Speaker 5: of you know, A through F, like how would you
Speaker 5: rate yourself financially? And a lot of people say, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm a B. And you might listen to the story
Speaker 5: and be like, oh, my lord, like they're an A plus.
Speaker 1: What the heck?
Speaker 5: That's you overlaying your personal values onto what that is.
Speaker 5: Somebody who might call themselves a B, you might go, Wow,
Speaker 5: they're like the most financially literate people I've ever met.
Speaker 5: But they will say something along the lines of yes,
Speaker 5: but to take it to an A, I just really
Speaker 5: want to feel like I've actually achieved those goals I'm setting.
Speaker 5: They might have the clarity to be an A in
Speaker 5: your eyes, but they just don't feel like they're there
Speaker 5: yet because they want to prove it to themselves. As
Speaker 5: I've said before on the podcast, sometimes I'm like, oh
Speaker 5: my gosh, girl, no, you're absolutely an A. But I'll
Speaker 5: never argue with you over that because that's your own
Speaker 5: judgment of yourself and I can't overlay my values on that.
Speaker 5: Sure gets important to understand whether you think you're an
Speaker 5: A or an F this myth of I guess financially
Speaker 5: making it is going to mean different things to different people.
Speaker 5: And that's what makes our world so beautiful. Like how
Speaker 5: cool is it that your values are so different to
Speaker 5: my values? But the beauty of that friendship is that
Speaker 5: we both respect one another.
Speaker 1: You got go VI, why have you got two cats?
Speaker 1: What the heck?
Speaker 5: Whereas I might go beck Grass, it makes me itch,
Speaker 5: I'm not going to lay in that.
Speaker 1: What are you talking about?
Speaker 5: So I think it's just about really embracing that every
Speaker 5: single person in this community is so different. But how
Speaker 5: do we get clarity on what our goals are. But
Speaker 5: then what does financially making it even mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess if you're constantly setting different goals and
Speaker 1: thinking like, oh, once I make it here, then I'll
Speaker 1: be happy, or once I make it there, I'll be happy.
Speaker 1: But the goals are constantly moving and wiki growing, and
Speaker 1: you know, it's just it's just not the best thing
Speaker 1: to like kind of aim for me.
Speaker 5: Talking to somebody obviously complete pivot, but it's like talking
Speaker 5: to somebody about their diet. Yes, So like someone will
Speaker 5: be like, oh, once I lose another five kilos, I'll
Speaker 5: be happy, and then they lose five kilos and they
Speaker 5: actually haven't addressed the underlying issue of the lack of confidence,
Speaker 5: and they lose that five kilos and you'll say, how.
Speaker 1: Do you feel now? And they say, oh, do you
Speaker 1: know what I've got this way?
Speaker 5: I just need another five kilos, not addressing the fact
Speaker 5: that it was self love that we were lacking.
Speaker 1: It's not about way.
Speaker 5: So I think it's really really similar in the financial
Speaker 5: realm because I think some people will go, well, do
Speaker 5: you know what would have made it?
Speaker 1: Beck?
Speaker 5: Once I have ten thousand dollars in my emergency fund,
Speaker 5: guarantee the second you get to that, you'll go, oh, okay, cool.
Speaker 5: But I've thought about all these other goals now that
Speaker 5: I have this level of financial security, Beck, I really
Speaker 5: want to buy a house, or I really want to
Speaker 5: buy a new car, or I really want to go
Speaker 5: on a holiday, or there might be a million other
Speaker 5: things floating around, But there's never this idea that you've
Speaker 5: made it.
Speaker 1: I feel like we make that up in our heads.
Speaker 4: Exactly.
Speaker 1: We make it up in our heads.
Speaker 5: And maybe it's motivating to be like I will have
Speaker 5: made it, and then you kind of work harder to
Speaker 5: get to that point.
Speaker 1: Yes, you get there and you're like, oh you just
Speaker 1: sometimes you don't even realize it you gotten there. Maybe
Speaker 1: it's a motivational podcast see motivations.
Speaker 5: We just we want to demotivate you to financially making
Speaker 5: it to be okay with who you are in this
Speaker 5: mode that's kind of wholesome.
Speaker 1: We want you to stay right where you are. We're
Speaker 1: reverse engineering it and just changing your mindset.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1: But V I suppose it's a question two of what
Speaker 1: does making it actually mean to you? And I know
Speaker 1: this is a subjective, so yeah, I'm sure you can
Speaker 1: remember our episode how much is a Lot of Money?
Speaker 1: From Jen twenty five. I think it was.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, Beck, it's literally halfway through the year now,
Speaker 5: even on the podcast, nearly six months.
Speaker 4: Oh does that feel weird?
Speaker 1: It does feel weird. Let's have a Barbie party? Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, I think we should have a Barbie party?
Speaker 1: All right? Do we whip that up real quick?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Real quick? Set on socials later. Great. So for some
Speaker 1: people in our community, it was, you know, never having
Speaker 1: to check your bank account before you go shopping, and
Speaker 1: for some it was never having to work. Again, It's
Speaker 1: all subjective, but I guess.
Speaker 5: I loved that conversation. I retually, I really liked it.
Speaker 5: I liked that some people were applying a dollar amount,
Speaker 5: other people were replying a thing.
Speaker 1: So their responses on that.
Speaker 5: We asked the community on an Instagram story and we said, hey, guys, like,
Speaker 5: what to use a lot of money. We didn't give
Speaker 5: a lot of context about what it was for or
Speaker 5: how it worked, so we got, like, I guess, the
Speaker 5: most organic responses, and some people commented ten thousand dollars,
Speaker 5: some people commented fifty dollars, some people commented one million, dollars.
Speaker 5: Other people commented, oh, a lot of money. If I
Speaker 5: had a lot of money, it would mean that I
Speaker 5: could get the most expensive sushi train plate without even
Speaker 5: thinking about it. And then other people would say things like,
Speaker 5: oh my gosh, yeah, as you said, I don't have
Speaker 5: to check the bank before I tap my card, Like
Speaker 5: that's what a lot of money would mean. And I
Speaker 5: just think it's so subjective to the circumstances that you've
Speaker 5: grown up in. It's so subjective to the circumstances that
Speaker 5: you're currently in that making it is exactly the same.
Speaker 5: It's so similar, like there's no question of what making
Speaker 5: it means because to you, making it is your definition
Speaker 5: of what success in life would mean. And then you
Speaker 5: know how much money is going to really depend on
Speaker 5: where you came from. Because Becky, your opinion was like
Speaker 5: oh v like when we talked about it, it was
Speaker 5: definitely not a million dollars, Whereas I think that was
Speaker 5: my response. I think I said, oh, look, a lot
Speaker 5: of money.
Speaker 1: What's a lot of money?
Speaker 5: A house is a lot of money on average, and
Speaker 5: Capital Cities Melbourne saying it's about a million dollars now,
Speaker 5: so I just thought that's a lot, Like, that's a lot,
Speaker 5: a lot of money, but I could have said a
Speaker 5: billion dollars, that's a lot a lot of money. True,
Speaker 5: it's all just where's this coming from? And usually goes
Speaker 5: back to your values. So I find it super interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, so I guess, like, let's talk about this
Speaker 1: idea of financial freedom sexy. Again, it's relative and not
Speaker 1: to diminish anyone's situation here, but where does the average
Speaker 1: Australian sit in a global context with what we are
Speaker 1: able to afford.
Speaker 4: Oh, we're rich, we're rich, we're rich. We are ballers
Speaker 4: some of us.
Speaker 5: Yeah, But at the same time, Beck, even if you're struggling,
Speaker 5: you are so much better off than a lot of
Speaker 5: other people, a lot of other countries. Like, obviously I
Speaker 5: don't want you to go, oh, I have to check
Speaker 5: my privilege when I'm stressed about debt appointment. That's not
Speaker 5: the case at all. But I think it's about just
Speaker 5: really going wow, like, we're a first world nation. That
Speaker 5: is pretty cool that we have the privilege of living
Speaker 5: in this society. We have a society where if you're
Speaker 5: not able to generate and income independently, we have welfare.
Speaker 5: You're not going to be left high and dry. It
Speaker 5: might not be the lifestyle that you want for yourself,
Speaker 5: it might not be the ultimate end game. But isn't
Speaker 5: it crazy that our government will step in and make
Speaker 5: sure that you can in a way put food on
Speaker 5: the table. I mean, there's always going to be shortfalls,
Speaker 5: there's always going to be issues like This is not
Speaker 5: a conversation about the welfare system and what it does
Speaker 5: or doesn't do. It's just in comparison to the rest
Speaker 5: of the world, we are so flipping lucky. So basically,
Speaker 5: if beck you have a roof over your head, you
Speaker 5: have three meals a day, you have access to running water,
Speaker 5: and you make more than forty thousand dollars a year,
Speaker 5: you're actually in the top one percent of the world's
Speaker 5: highest income earnest.
Speaker 1: Really, yes, top one percent.
Speaker 5: Like when they talk about the one percent, who would
Speaker 5: have thought that's basically all of us.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's going on. We are to right percent that's
Speaker 1: gone in my Instagram bio top one percent exactly.
Speaker 5: And the stats say, get this, the worldwide median, So
Speaker 5: the average annual household income.
Speaker 1: Do you want to guess do you reckon? Do you
Speaker 1: want to guess.
Speaker 4: Which kind of scared each year?
Speaker 1: Is it going to make me sad?
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't think so, because obviously the world
Speaker 5: is made up of lots of different like average incomes.
Speaker 5: We know that the average income in Australia is going
Speaker 5: to be very different to the average income in a
Speaker 5: very third world country, and you might say, oh wow,
Speaker 5: like you know, I don't know if the right terminology
Speaker 5: here is there. But like when you say what's the
Speaker 5: world's average income, I kind of like take into consideration
Speaker 5: the average income of an Australian because we know that
Speaker 5: that's about sixty to seventy thousand dollars on average. But
Speaker 5: then you also, I don't know, my head goes to
Speaker 5: like World Vision and they say for a dollar a day,
Speaker 5: you can do all these things for somebody, and I go, okay,
Speaker 5: well that's three hundred and sixty five dollars, So like,
Speaker 5: where where's the medium?
Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
Speaker 5: Because you kind of go, all right, well, you know,
Speaker 5: and obviously there are people in this world that live
Speaker 5: on wait less than that, but what does that mean?
Speaker 5: What do you think the average median household income is.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say fifty thousand a year, fifty thousand.
Speaker 5: Flat no, Nah, do you know what's wild? It is
Speaker 5: nine thousand, seven hundred and thirty three is the world's
Speaker 5: average my.
Speaker 1: Household, god, not individual household. Wow.
Speaker 4: Wow wow, Okay, so we're pretty lucky.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I can see I'm getting some perspective now,
Speaker 1: I'm sold. Ah, very humbled. Absolutely, Okay, that is outrageous
Speaker 1: that I do actually feel very humbled right now. So
Speaker 1: this actually makes me think about how we compare ourselves
Speaker 1: to other people a lot, and even just like try
Speaker 1: to guess what that was. I was kind of scared
Speaker 1: because I thought, if this is higher than how much
Speaker 1: I'm making or how much I've historically made, Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: going to be very sad. Why do we do that?
Speaker 1: What is it about comparison culture? I think your response.
Speaker 5: Is actually a really beautiful example, right. So the example
Speaker 5: is that we often, even when asked to look at
Speaker 5: something on a global perspective, which we did, you don't
Speaker 5: actually have the ability to step into the shoes of
Speaker 5: people that you don't surround yourself with. So your number,
Speaker 5: I can almost guarantee when you said fifty thousand dollars
Speaker 5: actually came from the average of the people that surround you.
Speaker 5: So your friends, your family, like the people that are
Speaker 5: surrounding you, right, And that makes sense because we are
Speaker 5: so likely to compare ourselves to our friends and our
Speaker 5: family and the people that we want to be like
Speaker 5: the most.
Speaker 1: And that is so fine to do.
Speaker 5: But that is why your type of comparison culture is
Speaker 5: always going to be like, oh, my friend live has
Speaker 5: x Y and Z, I want x y and Z.
Speaker 5: Whereas if we went up a different like salary band,
Speaker 5: those things that those people want are very different. It's
Speaker 5: kind of like if we shot all the way up
Speaker 5: to billionaires status, Like billionaires compare themselves to other billionaires
Speaker 5: and they're like, oh, bloody, Sophia, did you see her wedding?
Speaker 5: Oh my god, well her wedding was x Y and zed.
Speaker 1: We will have to do a better one.
Speaker 5: Like it's one of those things where we actually compare
Speaker 5: ourselves to our own social circle. And this idea of
Speaker 5: keeping up with the Joneses actually has levels. And that's
Speaker 5: where this idea of keeping up with the Joneses comes from.
Speaker 5: The jones is they're our average next door neighbor, So
Speaker 5: your average next door neighbor and you're just trying to
Speaker 5: keep up with them, you're not trying to keep up
Speaker 5: up with somebody in a completely different salary bracket to you.
Speaker 5: You're not trying to keep up with someone who is
Speaker 5: in a completely lower salary bracket to you. You're actually
Speaker 5: just trying to keep up with where you think that
Speaker 5: you align. And that is fine to do. But by
Speaker 5: doing that, you're absorbing all of their values. You're absorbing
Speaker 5: all of their goals and wishes and hopes for the future.
Speaker 5: And I find it really interesting. And this brings me
Speaker 5: back to another point that we've mentioned on the podcast before,
Speaker 5: and that's there was research done in the US that
Speaker 5: said the people most likely to go broke were the
Speaker 5: neighbors of small time lottery winners. So it wasn't people
Speaker 5: who won a million dollars two million dollars, because, to
Speaker 5: be honest, usually that bumps you up a salary bracket
Speaker 5: and you might sell your house and move to a
Speaker 5: different one, but you compare yourself to people who are
Speaker 5: similar to you, and you're more likely to go broke
Speaker 5: because the jones is those guys next door, have you
Speaker 5: send their boat. I've always wanted a boat. Maybe you know,
Speaker 5: maybe my husband and I should consider that we don't
Speaker 5: have the money for it. Maybe we'll get alone, We'll
Speaker 5: get a boat. Yeah, that's a good lifestyle, kind of
Speaker 5: like that where you're comparing yourself to like but you
Speaker 5: don't understand their financial circumstances, and that actually robs you
Speaker 5: of true happiness and actually creating fulfillment in your own
Speaker 5: life because you get the boat. Right, the Jones is
Speaker 5: next door, they've got a boat. They look really happy.
Speaker 5: Have you seen them in the driveway when they clean
Speaker 5: their boat after they come back from being out, you know,
Speaker 5: doing donuts with the kids all afternoon, Like.
Speaker 1: Have you seen them? Have you seen how happy they are?
Speaker 5: I want that happiness that I can see they're experiencing,
Speaker 5: and I'm pretty sure it comes from that materialistic item
Speaker 5: that they have. I'm going to get one of those
Speaker 5: because my family wants to experience that too.
Speaker 1: Isn't that lead then.
Speaker 5: You get the boat. I hate being on the ocean.
Speaker 5: I have the worst sea sickness in the entire world. Mate,
Speaker 5: My husband and I went out. Yeah, maintenance, absolutely not.
Speaker 5: I actually don't want to spend an hour after I
Speaker 5: get back in washing the boat. Absolutely not. That's not
Speaker 5: going to create happiness for me. What I could see
Speaker 5: is that they were really happy in that moment, and
Speaker 5: I was trying to channel that with the materialistic item
Speaker 5: that I thought was tied to their happiness. And that's
Speaker 5: not the case at all. I should have been working
Speaker 5: on maybe my family dynamics or the way that I
Speaker 5: am grateful for things, not at all the materialistic items.
Speaker 5: And I think that's why when we get something, we go.
Speaker 5: I didn't solve it. I didn't make me happier. What's next?
Speaker 5: Maybe we need a new car? Actually, beck Y, have
Speaker 5: you seen their car in their driveway?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? It's must be the
Speaker 1: missing link. It must be. It has to be the
Speaker 1: missing link, like, oh, you got a new car.
Speaker 5: Oh beg, your T shirt looks so nice. You look
Speaker 5: so happy today. I think if I got that T shirt,
Speaker 5: I'd look just as cute. I'd be happier. I'm going
Speaker 5: to go get that T shirt. Then I put it
Speaker 5: on and realize that that's not where your happiness was
Speaker 5: coming from. So I think it's really important to remember
Speaker 5: I guess your values and your goals and what you
Speaker 5: want to achieve, and that the boat's not going to
Speaker 5: do anything. It's just an example. Of you seeing someone else,
Speaker 5: And I think social media perpetuates this.
Speaker 1: I see it all the time on TikTok. Do you
Speaker 1: know why? Because I am the biggest sucker for TikTok.
Speaker 5: I see some girl with a new skincare routine and
Speaker 5: she looks real cute and has that puffy headband that
Speaker 5: they put on. I'd be an influencer if I got
Speaker 5: a puffy headband. Do you not see my bathroom right now?
Speaker 1: The damn puffy headband so ugly on me?
Speaker 5: What the heck did it do anything to make my
Speaker 5: morning routine feel better?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not. In fact, probably the opposite.
Speaker 5: Do I need their new retinal that somebody on TikTok
Speaker 5: is posting about? No, it's so wild to think that I,
Speaker 5: even in this position where I would argue that I'm
Speaker 5: acutely aware of what drives goals and values and reasoning
Speaker 5: and financial happiness, I still get sucked into being that's.
Speaker 1: Shiny, the little magpie like Shiny. I need that Shiny,
Speaker 1: I need that.
Speaker 5: And that is where I think it's really important for
Speaker 5: me to be open about this circumstance, because that will
Speaker 5: then help you go Even the experts don't have it
Speaker 5: all figured out. I know semantically what that means. I
Speaker 5: know pragmatically how that works in reality, though, my God,
Speaker 5: shiny things ten out of ten, ten out of ten.
Speaker 1: So take the shiny thing away from that. I don't
Speaker 1: know what my analogy is going to be, but basically
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying completely.
Speaker 5: We're just all different, and I think that we need
Speaker 5: to break down this I guess hustle culture narrative that
Speaker 5: we seem to all be so used to and segue
Speaker 5: away from that into why are we hustling? What are
Speaker 5: we hustling for? What does making it actually mean? Because
Speaker 5: how many times have we heard stories about the dude
Speaker 5: who's making it and we think he's a big dog,
Speaker 5: and then his wife divorces him because he's not present?
Speaker 5: Is that what we want? Is that how it works?
Speaker 5: Like where we your values? Because seemingly it's only once
Speaker 5: his wife divorces him that he realizes what he had
Speaker 5: and what he's now missing out on. How do we
Speaker 5: be more grateful for the things that we already have
Speaker 5: so that that feels like enough?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not sure if you know this. This is
Speaker 1: kind of out of the field, but there is an
Speaker 1: International Day of happiness. I did not know that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: isn't that?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: What do you do? Just like hold hands and sing kumbaya?
Speaker 1: You must be happy. It's illegal to not be happy
Speaker 1: on this stay on that day. Did you know that
Speaker 1: we are ranked number actually?
Speaker 2: Guess?
Speaker 5: Guess like as in out of all the countries. I
Speaker 5: believe it's worldwide, worldwide. Out of all the countries, who's
Speaker 5: the happiest?
Speaker 1: Yeah? No, what number or what are we? I wanted
Speaker 1: to guess, like, who was number one? That's a good question.
Speaker 1: You're on, I reckon.
Speaker 5: If we asked Americans, they would say we're the happiest,
Speaker 5: and I almost guarantee that they're not.
Speaker 1: Probably not. I'm gonna get number Hurrian, we're number five,
Speaker 1: number five? You reckon? Yeah, I reckon five. I have
Speaker 1: bad news. We are actually number twelve. But that's still
Speaker 1: pretty high.
Speaker 5: That's oh, I guess out of all the countries.
Speaker 1: That's not too bad now I think about it. Our
Speaker 1: producer just said that number one is Finland, and didn't
Speaker 1: I say, is that a Nordic country?
Speaker 5: They're so honestly, they're so happy, they're so happy.
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with them. Let just live their little best lives.
Speaker 1: They live in their best lives and what was what
Speaker 1: was the last one? I apologize Afghanistan.
Speaker 5: Look, that actually makes quite a lot of sense as
Speaker 5: to why they wouldn't be happy at this point in time.
Speaker 1: Oh that makes me want to hug them all and
Speaker 1: do something.
Speaker 5: No. Our producer is also just let us know that
Speaker 5: America was about like fifteen. New Zealand was ahead of us, unsurprisingly, yeah, risingly,
Speaker 5: and their prime minister just quit. So like, I'm surprised
Speaker 5: because I'd be really unhappy with that. Maybe this is
Speaker 5: old data and they were just like happy when they
Speaker 5: had Ja Cinder.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I be right exactly. I'd be riding once she left.
Speaker 5: But anyway, it is so important to talk about it,
Speaker 5: and I guess how they measure that is really important
Speaker 5: as well, because I think it wasn't a surprise when
Speaker 5: a Nordic country was number one, but then also when
Speaker 5: Afghanistan was the last. So that study actually looked at
Speaker 5: things like people's freedom to make life choices, which is
Speaker 5: really important, the generosity of the people in that country.
Speaker 5: GDP is a gross domestic product, so obviously that's kind
Speaker 5: of like how much money is coming in and out
Speaker 5: of the country to make sure that economically it's doing well,
Speaker 5: perceptions of corruption among citizens, healthy life expectancy, so I
Speaker 5: guess that stretches into lots of different areas at the
Speaker 5: crux of it, and then things like social support. So
Speaker 5: that makes sense because the Nordies they've got elite amounts
Speaker 5: of maternity. Do you know they get like a year
Speaker 5: of paid leave.
Speaker 1: That is what's hecu classic. They are so good health
Speaker 1: care across the board.
Speaker 5: Yeap, No, no, you don't need to pay to go
Speaker 5: to the GP. They're like, what's a gap? We've never
Speaker 5: heard of one O, never medicare.
Speaker 1: We don't need you. This is possibly fake news, but
Speaker 1: I heard not a single bully, not a single bully.
Speaker 5: All right, well we'll have to put an asterix on that,
Speaker 5: because I'm sure that there are some naughty.
Speaker 4: Naughties, possibly some bullies, possibly.
Speaker 5: Some bullies, but you know what we're glorifying, then we're putting.
Speaker 1: Them on that big pedestal.
Speaker 5: Obviously, understandably, a population is only going to be experiencing
Speaker 5: really high levels of overall life satisfaction if it's people
Speaker 5: are like pro social, healthy and prosperous. So all of
Speaker 5: that makes a lot of sense in other words, Basically,
Speaker 5: it's people have to have high levels of what Aristotle
Speaker 5: get this called youdy ammonia.
Speaker 1: So at the.
Speaker 5: Level of society, life satisfaction and you to ammonia go
Speaker 5: hand in hand. Beack, that's a mouthful of a word.
Speaker 1: Healthful. We might have to google what that means.
Speaker 5: Altruism full of a word. But altruism is also highly
Speaker 5: linked to happiness. And the study that was done that
Speaker 5: we're talking about actually consistently found that we get greater
Speaker 5: joy by giving to others.
Speaker 4: Oh that is so wholesome.
Speaker 1: Isn't that cute?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's really cute.
Speaker 5: I think it makes sense because I just love giving
Speaker 5: people presents.
Speaker 1: We should try that today, but you actually try that
Speaker 1: every day. I'm going to try to start doing that.
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 5: All right, let's go to a really quick break. Let's
Speaker 5: go to flipside. We need to re establish, and we
Speaker 5: will go back to talking about the mists at hand.
Speaker 1: We are back. We just had another look at the
Speaker 1: actual ranker and it is very interesting. I recommend googling that,
Speaker 1: but moving to one hundred percent. Sorry we forgot to
Speaker 1: mention we are both moving to Finland.
Speaker 5: Yeah, moving to Finland. I want to live there. I
Speaker 5: just think that they're happier. Also, they're really hot, and
Speaker 5: they're hot.
Speaker 1: They're hot.
Speaker 5: They're really hot people, and I'm hoping that via osmosis,
Speaker 5: I will get hotter.
Speaker 1: Listen to us, we're comparing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we are, but like sugar, that's moss is a scientific.
Speaker 1: Term where if you yeah.
Speaker 5: Anyway, we'll go on about that later. This is not
Speaker 5: she's on the science, she's on the money.
Speaker 1: Carry on. Okay, So back to the topic. I'm wondering
Speaker 1: what are some of the traps we get ourselves into
Speaker 1: when we focus on this quote unquote making it myss.
Speaker 5: Obviously, it's super important to be doing things like setting goals,
Speaker 5: and that's really positive and totally natural to want to
Speaker 5: have things like ambitions, whatever that means for you. But
Speaker 5: we need to be careful about not letting these things
Speaker 5: become toxic and flipping into a narrative that either it's
Speaker 5: not going to work for us or is actually detrimental
Speaker 5: to the rest of our life. That completely makes sense,
Speaker 5: and I guess it kind of makes me think, and
Speaker 5: this could probably sound a little bit random, but random,
Speaker 5: is there more pressure on women to be like everything.
Speaker 4: Be it all one hundred percent.
Speaker 5: I even feel the pressure to be at all right, Like,
Speaker 5: it is no secret that I really want to be
Speaker 5: a mum, Like I want to have a baby. At
Speaker 5: some point it will be the light of my life,
Speaker 5: I'm hoping. Imagine if I got there and I'm like,
Speaker 5: this is trash. Why did I do this? But it's
Speaker 5: just this idea that I want to be a career
Speaker 5: driven woman. I want to be a mom, I want
Speaker 5: to be a good wife. I want to, you know,
Speaker 5: be financially successful also life successful. And I feel like
Speaker 5: that we feel that additional pressure not only because we
Speaker 5: put it on ourselves, but also because women are judged
Speaker 5: so harshly. Like there's a case in point right here, right.
Speaker 5: I follow Steph Claire Smith on social media, Obsessed with her,
Speaker 5: love her. I think that she is this incredible role
Speaker 5: model for women and people everywhere to just be I
Speaker 5: don't know, more wholesome, do a better job, be the
Speaker 5: best version of you, Like I'm obsessed with the whole
Speaker 5: kick vibe. Anyway, we won't go on and on about that,
Speaker 5: but it is wild because she posts so much content
Speaker 5: about her and her son Harvey online, and Harvey honestly
Speaker 5: that kid is one of the most esthetically pleasing toddlers
Speaker 5: you've seen in your life, Like he has these curls
Speaker 5: that you could just eat, and you know, there's these
Speaker 5: beautiful view of her making porridge with him or just
Speaker 5: doing mum stuff, and I just I find that, from
Speaker 5: my perspective, so motivating, and I just think that there's
Speaker 5: this idea that, wow, she can be at all. But
Speaker 5: the amount of criticism that this poor woman gets because
Speaker 5: of the amount of work that she does. People are like, oh,
Speaker 5: where's your son, who's looking after your son? Or you
Speaker 5: don't spend enough time with your kid, You don't do this,
Speaker 5: you don't do that. Like obviously she travels a bit
Speaker 5: for work.
Speaker 1: As do I.
Speaker 5: It's going to be the reality of my life at
Speaker 5: some point too, But that doesn't mean that this kid
Speaker 5: isn't fulfilled. And there just is this idea that you
Speaker 5: can't have it all.
Speaker 4: So people want it all.
Speaker 5: But then if you're seen to be having a good
Speaker 5: life and balancing it, and I don't believe in balance,
Speaker 5: I just don't think it exists, well people will cut
Speaker 5: you down and let you know that, oh, well, what
Speaker 5: are you doing, where's your kid? Why aren't you looking
Speaker 5: after your kid as though that kid doesn't have another
Speaker 5: parent that is completely competent and capable. Like I swear,
Speaker 5: if somebody ever asks me about my child one day
Speaker 5: and where they are or what they're doing, heads will roll.
Speaker 5: Heads will roll, because that, to me is undermining the
Speaker 5: fact that I have a completely capable life partner that
Speaker 5: can also help me in that circumstance. And I just
Speaker 5: don't believe in this concept of work life balance in
Speaker 5: the way that it used to exist, because the way
Speaker 5: that it used to exist was that one entity in
Speaker 5: a family could go to work and earn enough money.
Speaker 5: Beck one person could go to work, earn enough money
Speaker 5: to buy a house, pay the mortgage, put food on
Speaker 5: the table, go on a humble family holiday each and
Speaker 5: every single year, put children through education, and have a
Speaker 5: good life while having another party who stayed home full
Speaker 5: time to do housekeeping duties.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, imagine that.
Speaker 5: Do you have anyone in your life where only one
Speaker 5: person in that relationship works but they own a house,
Speaker 5: have kids that live their best life and don't have
Speaker 5: any financial stress.
Speaker 1: Not a single person. It's not the reality anymore.
Speaker 5: No, And this idea that that's the type of commitment
Speaker 5: we should be giving blows my mind. But also it's
Speaker 5: just so unrealistic. I also think it's really important that,
Speaker 5: regardless of how the circumstances have changed, beck, is it
Speaker 5: not the coolest thing in the entire world that one
Speaker 5: day I might be able to become a mum who
Speaker 5: has her best life. At the same time, like I
Speaker 5: am obsessed with she's on the money. I cannot imagine
Speaker 5: leaving that community to focus on creating a family.
Speaker 1: Do you know why? Because I'd be really upset.
Speaker 5: I would not be motivated, I would not be the
Speaker 5: best version of myself. And if I'm not the best
Speaker 5: version of myself, how the hell am I going to
Speaker 5: be a good mum? And I guess to further that
Speaker 5: I'm so flip and lucky. I grew up in a
Speaker 5: family where both my parents worked full time, and I
Speaker 5: think that's where my work ethic ended up coming from.
Speaker 5: Do I feel like I had less? Do I feel
Speaker 5: like I missed out on anything?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: Did I love after school care every single time?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 5: Not ideal, but like, you get what you get and
Speaker 5: you don't get upset sometimes because even that was a privilege.
Speaker 5: When you look back on it like, why is this
Speaker 5: concept that I would need to be with my child
Speaker 5: twenty four seven for them to have a good, fulfilling life.
Speaker 5: The reality, yeah, it makes to me absolutely no sense.
Speaker 5: But the idea that all of that burden is put
Speaker 5: only on the mum. Have you ever heard someone.
Speaker 4: Go just about to say, Steve, Steve, where's your kid?
Speaker 1: Right now? You're in a meeting? What are you doing?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: How much time do you spend with your child?
Speaker 1: That's so wild?
Speaker 5: And then obviously this is you know, I don't have kids,
Speaker 5: So this is not a projection of my own parenting
Speaker 5: technique or anything like that, but a guarantee at some point,
Speaker 5: I'm going to post a picture of my child and
Speaker 5: my husband just at the park and they're going to
Speaker 5: go he's.
Speaker 1: Such a good dad, he's so good. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: is he pushing that kid on a swing elite?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 5: But I've emptied the dishwasher, I've done like three loads
Speaker 5: of washing, I've cleaned the house all before my kid
Speaker 5: and my husband woke up. I did all of these
Speaker 5: other things, and people were like, as your kid, you.
Speaker 4: Grew a human, grew a whole entire human.
Speaker 5: And I don't even get a, you get a gold
Speaker 5: star deck. Yeah, I get a Yeah, well you're the
Speaker 5: mum exactly. You're the mum though, Yeah, And you know what,
Speaker 5: then I guess to stretch this further because lots of
Speaker 5: my friends have kids, and I'm obsessed with them.
Speaker 1: The audacity on those tiny toddlers to then make the
Speaker 1: dad their favorite. Oh or are you joking? Are you joking?
Speaker 1: Tiny terrorists? Are you joking?
Speaker 5: Like they go, you do all the work, you get
Speaker 5: all the societal pressure, nobody is going to step in
Speaker 5: and help you. But the second they say your husband
Speaker 5: pushing a kid in the supermarket being like, they're like,
Speaker 5: oh do you need hand?
Speaker 1: Like, oh, that must.
Speaker 5: Be hard work looking after that toddler. No, you know
Speaker 5: what for them the kid to be like.
Speaker 1: Also, by the way, you're not my favorite mum, Daddy is.
Speaker 1: Daddy is. And you know, there's something quite cruel about
Speaker 1: the fact that children do say dada a lot. Funff.
Speaker 5: Look, there's obviously this is just like stretching into like
Speaker 5: a science lesson moving career, but I did actually do psychology.
Speaker 5: Few things to note they're just on the science front.
Speaker 5: First thing, First, dadda is an easier phrase for little
Speaker 5: kids to say quicker, and often because the mum is
Speaker 5: always talking about the dad, it comes up quicker, right.
Speaker 1: That makes you.
Speaker 5: Know, oh, when's dad coming home or dadd a rarah,
Speaker 5: Like they are going to pick that up easier than mum,
Speaker 5: because the articulation is a little bit different. But then
Speaker 5: also I think it's up until the age of eighteen months,
Speaker 5: kids actually see their mum as an extension of them.
Speaker 5: They do not view their mother as a separate individual
Speaker 5: to them. They just go, well, that's mum because I
Speaker 5: have no capacity to look after myself, so that's me
Speaker 5: looking after myself.
Speaker 1: That's just mom. Dad.
Speaker 5: He's really exciting because he is actually an independent body
Speaker 5: and that's really fun. Moms actually given that's so the
Speaker 5: actually mums are not the favorite. It's not because you're
Speaker 5: not the favorite, babe. It's actually just because their little
Speaker 5: brains think that you are them and they are you insane,
Speaker 5: that is so it's kind of cute, right, And once
Speaker 5: you understand it, you're like, oh, well, and you're what.
Speaker 5: I guarantee when I'm a mum, this circumstance will happen
Speaker 5: and I'm going to be elated. It's five am on
Speaker 5: a Sunday morning.
Speaker 1: Back.
Speaker 5: My kid can say Dad, they're screaming Dad, and I
Speaker 5: get to roll over in bed and.
Speaker 1: Be like, it's you, honey, perfect, that's you. Oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I can see it's going to be studying. I'll be like,
Speaker 1: that's you, that's not me. In that case, I'm kind
Speaker 1: of happy about that. Yeah, so like we're not mad.
Speaker 5: I'm they're the favorite because I am that child, so
Speaker 5: therefore I'm also your favorite.
Speaker 1: Yes, stunning.
Speaker 5: Anyway, let's get back to talk about this idea of
Speaker 5: having it all. So there's a term that we probably
Speaker 5: both hear a lot recently, and that is girl boss.
Speaker 5: So I kind of just want to touch on girl boss
Speaker 5: hustle culture, that kind.
Speaker 1: Of I'm not a girl, I'm actually a woman. I
Speaker 1: didn't know that actually to start like that.
Speaker 5: I feel like even the term girl boss, if you
Speaker 5: like sit and stare at it for a hot minute,
Speaker 5: it's like the patriarchy sticking their middle finger up at
Speaker 5: you because they won't even call me a woman. In
Speaker 5: that circumstance, a girl is flitty and fun and like
Speaker 5: doesn't take anything seriously. I'm not just a boss and
Speaker 5: a girl boss Like I feel like there was this
Speaker 5: culture where we're really trying to embrace it for a while.
Speaker 5: But I just think that this idea that we need
Speaker 5: to reference our gender when talking about our professional capabilities
Speaker 5: blows my mind. Oh a female doctor, female lawyer, Yeah,
Speaker 5: girl boss. No, I actually just happened to be a
Speaker 5: boss of a business. I actually I don't even call
Speaker 5: myself a boss. I think that that's actually really toxic
Speaker 5: because I don't want to boss my team around. I
Speaker 5: actually want to be a leader. I would love to
Speaker 5: think that. You know, if you sat down my team individually,
Speaker 5: they'd be like, yeah, he's a really good leader, Like
Speaker 5: she leads by example. I don't want to be somebody
Speaker 5: that bosses people. It just the whole thing to me
Speaker 5: is toxic. But the idea of this girl boss culture
Speaker 5: and this hustle culture, gen z, they've got it covered.
Speaker 5: I want to be a gen Z when I grow up.
Speaker 5: They have it covered. They have canceled it. They're pushing
Speaker 5: it back. They leave on time, they leave their jobs.
Speaker 5: They're like, oh babe, it's five pm, and people will
Speaker 5: be like, well, why are you leaving? Like we've got
Speaker 5: hips too, They'll be like, are you going to pay me?
Speaker 5: Like the audacity on a gen Z needs to be
Speaker 5: cut and pasde into every other generation because I'm obsessed.
Speaker 5: But then you talk to the baby boomers and they'll
Speaker 5: say things like, oh, but you have to cut your teeth.
Speaker 5: Oh but you have to put in the time, energy
Speaker 5: and effort. Oh yeah, well I had to do it,
Speaker 5: so you have to do it. Absolutely not, No, I
Speaker 5: can't say that, Like, your ability and your capability and
Speaker 5: your worth as an individual is not dictated by how
Speaker 5: many hours you put into that thing. Like it just
Speaker 5: it blows my mind. But this idea of having it all,
Speaker 5: I think there is this idea of having it all,
Speaker 5: but it looks really different these days. And I think
Speaker 5: that to flip this to be a little bit of
Speaker 5: a personal anecdote, COVID taught me a lot about having
Speaker 5: it all. Like you guys know, I would hope by
Speaker 5: now enough about me to know that I came out
Speaker 5: of corporate. I was running a relatively large business. COVID happened,
Speaker 5: we decided to really scale it back. I just didn't
Speaker 5: want to do what I was doing, like I was
Speaker 5: the girl boss. And I think that we need to
Speaker 5: acknowledge that I did fall into that obviously my mentality
Speaker 5: now has changed, but like beck get this, I would
Speaker 5: get up this is disgusting, and I mean, if you
Speaker 5: want to scroll back that far on my Instagram, you're
Speaker 5: probably going to find it because I haven't tried to
Speaker 5: hide it. But yeah, so I used to get up
Speaker 5: at four thirty am.
Speaker 1: I used to go to the gym. There was a
Speaker 1: very long period.
Speaker 5: Of time where I thought a bulletproof coffee was real cool.
Speaker 5: So I'd make that in my neutral bullet I blend
Speaker 5: butter with coffee because obviously that's genius, and I'd put
Speaker 5: MHC or something. There was like some kind of special
Speaker 5: it was like this oil I can't even remember, but
Speaker 5: I would buy it online from herb. Anyway, I'd have
Speaker 5: my bulletproof coffee and I would have gone to the gym,
Speaker 5: and I was like stacking on the protein.
Speaker 1: I would like journal.
Speaker 5: I didn't even know what I was writing at that point,
Speaker 5: but like, this is how to be successful, this is
Speaker 5: what you do. Like I was journaling junk, like I
Speaker 5: wasn't putting down my real feelings. I was writing things
Speaker 5: out like I am a boss, I'm a badst bitch.
Speaker 5: Like it was like really bad and then I had
Speaker 5: this idea in my head that to be the leader
Speaker 5: of the company, I needed to always be work. So
Speaker 5: like I would make sure I was at work by
Speaker 5: like seven or seven thirty, so that I was there
Speaker 5: before every single one of my staff got there, so
Speaker 5: I could be like, oh, good morning, and I was
Speaker 5: like there before you. Also, if you were still there
Speaker 5: in the afternoon, there is absolutely no chance I would
Speaker 5: have left before you. I would make sure I was
Speaker 5: a first in and the last out, because that's how
Speaker 5: business owners should be, right. I had absolutely no life.
Speaker 5: My mental health was in the bin. Yeah I looked
Speaker 5: pretty cute though, because like I got up and I
Speaker 5: always put on my little power suit and looked great,
Speaker 5: rah rah. But that was not a reflection of my
Speaker 5: mental health space. COVID happened, forced and all. There's obviously
Speaker 5: like a few gaps in this story if that's fine,
Speaker 5: But COVID happened realized that that was trash.
Speaker 1: Was forced to work from home.
Speaker 5: Obviously, mental health for everybody during that period of time sucked.
Speaker 5: So I was spending way way more time in bed.
Speaker 5: I also wasn't having to please anybody or like adhere
Speaker 5: to these cultural norms of being there at seven am.
Speaker 5: So I started sleeping in and I started not having
Speaker 5: that disgusting bulletproof coffee, and I started like listening to
Speaker 5: my body and how it works. And now the way
Speaker 5: I run a business is entirely different. And I do
Speaker 5: think that having it all means something so different. Like
Speaker 5: do I want to be the biggest business in the world. No,
Speaker 5: Like I am so adverse to hiring new individuals into
Speaker 5: the team unless it's absolutely critical to maintaining the quality
Speaker 5: of content that we put out here. I don't want
Speaker 5: to be the biggest podcast in the world. I don't
Speaker 5: want that burden. I don't want that responsibility. Do you
Speaker 5: know how much fun we have every day? Like we
Speaker 5: come in it's relaxed, Like I get to catch up
Speaker 5: with what I feel like, am my good friends. Like
Speaker 5: we create some content. We don't put timelines on things
Speaker 5: in the same way that I would have done historically.
Speaker 5: Like I've been talking about a new investment course for
Speaker 5: so long. I'm so excited by the way it's coming.
Speaker 5: We've done on the branding, I have started writing it.
Speaker 5: It is coming, but like we haven't put a due
Speaker 5: date on it because I'd prefer it to be created
Speaker 5: in this beautiful way that everybody's always engaged with it,
Speaker 5: and when it happens, we'll start announcing it. But historical
Speaker 5: me would have been like, all right, Beck, so we
Speaker 5: need to sit down and we need to map this
Speaker 5: out and get it done by the first of March,
Speaker 5: and then it goes out.
Speaker 1: Here's the marketing strategy.
Speaker 5: Like, I've just taken away the aggression from what I
Speaker 5: have been creating, and I think that that has meant
Speaker 5: that we've thrived even more. Like this idea that my
Speaker 5: team don't have set working hours, it's just like thirty
Speaker 5: eight hours a week, yep, call it even. Like, I
Speaker 5: just think this idea of hustle culture it's dead. And
Speaker 5: you know why it's dead because you can't be your
Speaker 5: best self when you're focusing so hard on something that
Speaker 5: shouldn't even define you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 5: Want to go to a barbecue and people go, are
Speaker 5: you that girl from Shees on the Yeah, I'm also
Speaker 5: I'm a really cool friend and I really like talking
Speaker 5: absolute trash, and I really like this other friend i'd
Speaker 5: like to introduce you to, and I'd like to have
Speaker 5: a nice cocktail and have a good time, Like I
Speaker 5: don't want to be defined by my work. Yeah, it's
Speaker 5: very unlikely that I would talk to you about that
Speaker 5: because I'm like, oh, I do that a week, Like,
Speaker 5: can we not talk about that? So I think it's
Speaker 5: really important to go, well, what's of value to you?
Speaker 5: And I'm pretty sure, Beck, if I sat you down
Speaker 5: and said, what are your values? Do you want to
Speaker 5: be defined by the work that you do?
Speaker 2: Not?
Speaker 1: Really? You don't want to be a video producer forever
Speaker 1: and a podcaster like that's who you are and what
Speaker 1: you do when you live and you breathe it. I'm
Speaker 1: kind of getting that way, but I definitely don't want
Speaker 1: to be.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but it's because you're passionate, not because you're forced
Speaker 5: into the society. I think you need to adhere to
Speaker 5: the social norms of what a video producer would look like,
Speaker 5: exactly exactly. It's crazy to me this idea that, especially
Speaker 5: as women, we are expected to adhere to our job. Right, Like,
Speaker 5: if you see a lawyer on Instagram, a female lawyer,
Speaker 5: girl lawyer, I'm gonna start being really condescending and I'd
Speaker 5: be like.
Speaker 1: Doctor male doctor, Oh my god, it's a boy doctor,
Speaker 1: boy doctor, boy, scientist, a boy signed a boy scientist.
Speaker 1: I've never heard of that before.
Speaker 5: But I just I think this idea that as women
Speaker 5: we need to be professional twenty four seven absolutely out
Speaker 5: the window, like it, straight out, straight out, It makes
Speaker 5: absolutely no sense. Why can't I be seen as an
Speaker 5: absolute professional and also love cats and buy fairy wings
Speaker 5: on the internet and love painting my nails rainbow colors
Speaker 5: and talking to my friends about absolute trash and sharing
Speaker 5: that publicly while not diminishing the fact that I am
Speaker 5: actually a finance expert. I have a lot of credentials
Speaker 5: in this space. I'm actually relatively intelligent. My fun and
Speaker 5: my life doesn't matter. I might be a train wreck
Speaker 5: on the weekends. Does that change the level of intelligence
Speaker 5: and value I bring to the world?
Speaker 1: Absolutely not? You do you boo?
Speaker 4: Absolutely sis, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I'm not about to go create only fans. It's just
Speaker 1: not my vibe.
Speaker 5: But like if I did, does that mean that I
Speaker 5: am not as smart when it comes to managing money?
Speaker 1: No, absolutely not.
Speaker 5: But that doesn't make me any less of a human
Speaker 5: because I have different values and goals and things that
Speaker 5: I like engaging in. I think that when it comes
Speaker 5: back to what does making it actually mean, what do
Speaker 5: you actually want out of your life? I think a
Speaker 5: really big question that we need to ask ourselves is
Speaker 5: is my career dictating who I am? And if it is,
Speaker 5: and you're so passionate about it, great, Because as much
Speaker 5: as I personally talk about not wanting to be defined
Speaker 5: by my job, far out Bereco'm obsessed like I live it,
Speaker 5: I breathe it, like I get up in the mornings
Speaker 5: and I'm thinking of new things that I can do.
Speaker 5: I'm so passionate about it. You might not have that passion,
Speaker 5: and that doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter. Not everyone has a passion exactly. We've talked
Speaker 1: heaps about this kind of like grass is greener mindset
Speaker 1: and this kind of like comparison culture and things like that.
Speaker 1: But I guess what should we take away? How can
Speaker 1: we shift our mentality and kind of bring ourselves up
Speaker 1: and stop this like looking at our the Joneses and
Speaker 1: our neighbors and trying to like, you know, one up
Speaker 1: each other.
Speaker 5: So you know, horses, horses, I do know, Yeah, yeah, Well,
Speaker 5: so they have these things called blinkers that they put
Speaker 5: on them so that when they're racing they don't get
Speaker 5: distracted by the horse beside them, because they'll be like, oh, horseye,
Speaker 5: that's crazy, and that's what I'm like, So I need
Speaker 5: to put some blinkers on to make sure that I
Speaker 5: can't see what other people are doing. And I think
Speaker 5: that that starts by only following content online that actually
Speaker 5: resonates with you. I think there's a very big difference
Speaker 5: between aspirational content and content that you're following because you're
Speaker 5: envious of it deeply. And I think we need to
Speaker 5: have a look at that and go, well, where are
Speaker 5: we starting? Because obviously, when we talk about the grass
Speaker 5: is always greener mindset, there's this black and white view
Speaker 5: that it's all or nothing. And I think that when
Speaker 5: we talk about well where are you getting your content from?
Speaker 5: Beck like, how is this working? How do we put
Speaker 5: maybe some blinders on ourselves so that we can only
Speaker 5: see our personal goals and what we are trying to
Speaker 5: achieve and still celebrate what people are doing on the sidelines,
Speaker 5: but it's not the main focus. It's not something that
Speaker 5: really distracts us. We can engage with it. You know,
Speaker 5: you could completely turn around and go, Victoria, what are
Speaker 5: you doing? How does that make sense? But then you're
Speaker 5: able to get back on track and see what your
Speaker 5: goals are with clarity instead of them being confused. Like
Speaker 5: I don't want you to go into someone else's lane
Speaker 5: because it looks like the grass is greener, because it's
Speaker 5: genuinely an optical illusion, Like everybody's life is a highlights reel.
Speaker 5: And I know that we talk about this before and
Speaker 5: it's not something I haven't mentioned on the podcast, but
Speaker 5: when we say it's a highlights reel, obviously, social media
Speaker 5: really exemplifies that because you know, you see people's stories
Speaker 5: every day, even my stories, right, Like, I'm not going
Speaker 5: to post the parts that I'm feeling a little bit
Speaker 5: flat because it's just not engaging. I'm not going to
Speaker 5: post the parts that are a little bit mundane and boring,
Speaker 5: like me walking to different meetings or taking notes or
Speaker 5: you know, looking at my pod content being like, oh,
Speaker 5: what are we doing next? I'll post the part where
Speaker 5: someone brings a coffee into our studio and it's all
Speaker 5: uppity and fun, but also that stretches into life. Beck,
Speaker 5: I'm not gonna sit down with you at brunch and go.
Speaker 1: How are you? And you go trauma dump, like.
Speaker 5: You're gonna go, oh, I'm really good, and you're be like,
Speaker 5: internally you kind of go, wow, beck's really good, I'm
Speaker 5: not really good. Like the entire world is a highlights
Speaker 5: reel because we always want to focus on the positive
Speaker 5: and share the positive because we usually have some type
Speaker 5: of guilt by burdening other people with negativity, so you
Speaker 5: don't want to do that. So the grass is always
Speaker 5: greener because someone's telling you that their grass is so
Speaker 5: green right now, how is it over there in that past?
Speaker 5: You beck, and you be like, look, it's really nice,
Speaker 5: Like thanks for asking, I'm having the best time look
Speaker 5: at my green grass. And then when you look down,
Speaker 5: you're like, far out's pretty muddy in here. I'm feeling
Speaker 5: real trash about this, got no fertilizer. Things can go
Speaker 5: to absolute sh one t next week, Like we're not
Speaker 5: looking at it in the way that we should be
Speaker 5: looking at it. And just because your grass looks greener, one,
Speaker 5: it doesn't mean it is, but it also doesn't mean
Speaker 5: it's catastrophically terrible. And I think that there's this juxtaposition
Speaker 5: where people say, well, if the grass is greener, you
Speaker 5: got there and it was terrible. No, like might be
Speaker 5: the same, but like the grass is greener where you
Speaker 5: water it. The grass is greener where you're actually nourishing
Speaker 5: the grass and growing your own and putting your own
Speaker 5: pastures into sw Like it's really sexy to have your
Speaker 5: own pasture. Yeah, heck mi, I might be full of clover,
Speaker 5: but you know what, I love my clover.
Speaker 1: It's very very good.
Speaker 5: But I think that there's just this idea that it's
Speaker 5: all or nothing. If I'm going to be a career giralie,
Speaker 5: I need to go all in with it.
Speaker 1: You do everything, just doesn't mean you have to do
Speaker 1: all of it all at once, exactly right, slow and steady,
Speaker 1: no rush, just get it done.
Speaker 5: Dabble in the things that make you happy. Like obviously,
Speaker 5: comparative thinking is really negative. Fortune telling sucks as well,
Speaker 5: So like a type of bias is where your brain
Speaker 5: believes it's able to see into the future. Literally, it's
Speaker 5: a psychological phenomenon where your brain just thinks it's able
Speaker 5: to predict the future.
Speaker 1: How many times have I said, if I could predict
Speaker 1: the future, I'd be real rich.
Speaker 4: Like, because you can't, you can't do it.
Speaker 5: And the narrative that you'll hear in your head beck
Speaker 5: when that comes up is I'd be so much better
Speaker 5: off if I X y Z. I'm going to be
Speaker 5: in a better position if I ABC. I'd be so
Speaker 5: much better off if I had what Beck had. That's
Speaker 5: fortune telling because you don't know that it's not guaranteed.
Speaker 5: Who absolutely knows that. Nobody. So I think it's really
Speaker 5: important to kind of just talk about this narrative because
Speaker 5: the grass is greener mindset. Honestly, it oversimplifies the alternative
Speaker 5: as being the better alternative.
Speaker 1: I might be allergic to your grass. I don't know. Yep,
Speaker 1: all right, V. So what I'm taking away from this
Speaker 1: and correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: go through unlessies out. Okay, So first things first is
Speaker 1: be mindful of your thinking. Stunning, challenge your thinking. Yes, absolutely,
Speaker 1: be grateful for what you have. Be grateful for what
Speaker 1: you already have for you already have, Yeah, exactly. I
Speaker 1: feel like that's the most important thing. Yes, for you
Speaker 1: already have. Not to say that literally, you know, a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago, I said, if someone says you
Speaker 1: should be grateful, then you shouldn't be grateful. But I'm saying,
Speaker 1: be grateful for what you already have. Yeld be present
Speaker 1: as present as you can be, be focused, and make
Speaker 1: changes carefully. So brainstorm options lists the pros and cons
Speaker 1: of possibilities, talk to others when you need it, act
Speaker 1: and evaluate the change, and of course, last but only
Speaker 1: seek professional help if you do feel like you're struggling
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. There are so many resources out there
Speaker 1: that can help you. My favorite one at the moment
Speaker 1: is Beyond Blue. And I'm saying that because I think
Speaker 1: that there's this misconception that you you should only reach
Speaker 1: out to professionals like that when things are really bad,
Speaker 1: like it's catastrophic, like nasis.
Speaker 5: If you want to change your mind frame, these are
Speaker 5: great resources to be helping you do things like reframe,
Speaker 5: and they're usually free, so go.
Speaker 1: Check them out.
Speaker 5: But Beck, as always, it is a pleasure hanging out
Speaker 5: with you each and every single week and getting to
Speaker 5: do a little deep dive into a topic that I'm
Speaker 5: wildly passionate about. That is all we have time for today,
Speaker 5: So let's go and we'll see you, beautiful people on Friday.
Speaker 4: CSM bye.
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