Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Part This is out down and dirty little episode.
Speaker 2: It is our Thursday.
Speaker 1: Episode where we answer you're deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. That was quite soothing. That
Speaker 2: was a soothing interest.
Speaker 1: Once I finished podcasting, I'm going to get into sex
Speaker 1: line work, I reckon, and then I can just you know, hello,
Speaker 1: tell me gast recording, tell me about your fantasies.
Speaker 2: Okay, well that is not the call that I got
Speaker 2: from you earlier today. Why don't you feel the listeners
Speaker 2: in on the call that I got and what went
Speaker 2: down for you this morning? I'm talking like an hour ago.
Speaker 2: This is all very very recent.
Speaker 1: I am not okay, everybody not okay. And I also
Speaker 1: have not emotionally recovered from this yet. So this morning
Speaker 1: I woke up.
Speaker 2: This is why it's so fucking weird as well.
Speaker 1: Okay, so when I was on The Bachelor, you know
Speaker 1: how at the end the Bachelor gives you a ring
Speaker 1: at the end.
Speaker 2: There's about five people who's ever made it to the end,
Speaker 2: and I'm not successfully okay, Well, if you had made
Speaker 2: it to the very end, honey Badger, would have given
Speaker 2: you a ring, right, I did make it to the end,
Speaker 2: I didn't get my ring, and it's always too soon,
Speaker 2: more soon, too soon. Okay.
Speaker 1: So when we're on the finale, Matt gave me this
Speaker 1: beautiful diamond ring.
Speaker 2: I never wear it anymore.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not really my style, but he you know,
Speaker 1: since then, I've been given an engagement ring which I
Speaker 1: wear every day. So I woke up this morning and
Speaker 1: I keep the ring that Matt gave me on the show.
Speaker 1: I keep it in a special spot in a cupboard,
Speaker 1: and I just woke up with this feeling like, oh,
Speaker 1: I know Mary has been going through that cupboard, and
Speaker 1: I was like, holy shit, I hope she hasn't moved
Speaker 1: the ring. So I run to the cupboard and I
Speaker 1: open it and I start looking for the ring. And
Speaker 1: as I'm looking for the ring that Matt gave me
Speaker 1: on the show, I look down at my hand and
Speaker 1: my actual engagement ring is gone.
Speaker 2: And I was like, what the farugh is happened? That
Speaker 2: moment of like sickness in the pit of your stomach
Speaker 2: It was gone.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, did I take it off
Speaker 1: in my sleep? So then I always say I went
Speaker 1: through the bed, and then I went back through photos
Speaker 1: from the day of yesterday, and then I realized the
Speaker 1: ring wasn't on my hand when I was making dinner,
Speaker 1: because I had taken photo of me as you.
Speaker 2: Do when you're making dinner.
Speaker 1: So I went back through all my photos from the
Speaker 1: day and I was like, holy crap, I've lost my ring.
Speaker 1: Somewhere between three o'clock and seven o'clock and my engagement
Speaker 1: ring's gone.
Speaker 2: And then I just hysterically cried for about four hours.
Speaker 2: So I want to do a reenactment for one second.
Speaker 2: And I mean hysterically. I was crying so hard that
Speaker 2: I couldn't even look for the ring. It's actually and
Speaker 2: I know the type of pain that you felt like,
Speaker 2: I know the type of crying. So I get a
Speaker 2: call from Laura. She's supposed to be out in my
Speaker 2: house mind you for the record, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: she must be downstairs or something. I say, hello, this
Speaker 2: is what I get and I was like what the
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, what is I was like, breathe,
Speaker 2: what is wrong with you? Where are you? Anyway? It
Speaker 2: ensued from that. After about fifteen minutes I got from
Speaker 2: her that she'd lost her ring. Is it at my
Speaker 2: house somewhere. I've checked my back and I checked everything,
Speaker 2: and it was a bit of a meltdown moment.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like on a toddler when something really catastrophic, like,
Speaker 1: for example, when you break your toddler's Scotch fingerbiscuit in half,
Speaker 1: and they wanted the whole thing. It was like one
Speaker 1: of those moments when they are crying so hard that
Speaker 1: they can't breathe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know what the weird thing is. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've thought of this. The weird thing is
Speaker 2: you were supposed to get married this weekend. So imagine
Speaker 2: if thanks for reminding me, Brittany, but no I tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Actually I was supposed to be getting married tomorrow everybody.
Speaker 2: But imagine if this was actually going ahead and you
Speaker 2: did lose your ring the day before the wedding. This
Speaker 2: is how pathetic I was. I was like, Matt, you
Speaker 2: still Mary, I've lost my ring, And he was like,
Speaker 2: could you stop going to find the damn ring? And
Speaker 2: he's like, yeah, yeah, Like the wedding's off because you
Speaker 2: lost your ring. He's only marrying for the ring that
Speaker 2: he bought you.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I would just like to confirm that my babysit
Speaker 1: have found my ring, and I love her so much
Speaker 1: that I might actually marry her instead.
Speaker 2: I was actually hoping I would find it, because then
Speaker 2: you might like me more. You'd keep it in cash
Speaker 2: it I'd be like, I definitely did not find it,
Speaker 2: and you'd be like, what's that new car are you driving? Anyway, Look,
Speaker 2: it has been it's been a rollercoaster of emotions this morning.
Speaker 1: I can't say that I've it sounds so dumb. I know,
Speaker 1: it's just a thing.
Speaker 2: It's not dumb as your engagementary, but it is honestly
Speaker 2: the only physical, tangible thing I have in life that
Speaker 2: I actually really care about. It like beside your kids.
Speaker 1: No, like they're not, but I mean, I mean, I
Speaker 1: mean as in like a piece of material.
Speaker 2: That's the thing.
Speaker 1: I was trying to a materialistic item, you know, like
Speaker 1: anything else in my life. If I lost other things
Speaker 1: would be inconvenient, like my lap place, yeah, my laptop,
Speaker 1: my foot whatever, those things I would be annoyed and
Speaker 1: probably a bit upset about. But this was like, this
Speaker 1: hit very differently. So for anybody out there who has
Speaker 1: lost an engagement ring, or lost something that's just you know,
Speaker 1: maybe it's an heirloom piece from your great grandma or
Speaker 1: something like that.
Speaker 2: I know exactly how you feel. I was almost going
Speaker 2: to tell you. I was like, if we don't find
Speaker 2: it in the next hour, because you went to line
Speaker 2: and she did a bunch of things after it, I
Speaker 2: was like, you should put on your Instagram and you
Speaker 2: should just say I've lost this. This is a photo.
Speaker 2: Can someone look for it. I'm going to tell you
Speaker 2: a quick story of something that happened really recently in
Speaker 2: the tennis world. Andy Murray. Everybody knows Andy Murray. He's
Speaker 2: one of the best tennis players in the world. He
Speaker 2: always takes his wedding ring off. Now, this only happened
Speaker 2: about a month ago. He always takes his wedding ring
Speaker 2: off when he plays because it's just inconvenient, but he
Speaker 2: wants to wear it on his body, so he tied
Speaker 2: it to his shoelace. That's a stupid place to put
Speaker 2: your ring. Well, he plays double Kno, it's never he's
Speaker 2: done his whole career and there's never been a problem.
Speaker 2: But he was training his shoes and he always wears
Speaker 2: this one pair of shoes because they're made for him
Speaker 2: by his sponsors. They got really wet and muddy. They're
Speaker 2: stunk that when he's he was like, oh, I need
Speaker 2: to air these out. This is the night before the tournament,
Speaker 2: so it hurts. He just forgot that his ring was
Speaker 2: still attached to the shoelace. He put his shoe underneath
Speaker 2: his car in the car park of the hotel, like,
Speaker 2: I don't even know how anyone saw them. They were
Speaker 2: underneath because he's like, there's nowhere else to put them outside,
Speaker 2: so they were hidden. He has this moment of panic
Speaker 2: the next morning where he's like, oh my god, my
Speaker 2: ring was on my shoe. But he's like, it's fine,
Speaker 2: they're going to be under the car. He goes back
Speaker 2: out and someone has stolen his shoes, so that without
Speaker 2: knowing that his wedding ring's on it, he was in
Speaker 2: an absolute panic. He puts something out on his gram
Speaker 2: and he's got he's got a few million people. But
Speaker 2: long story short, about three days later, whether it was
Speaker 2: the thief that took the shoes, somebody returned the ring.
Speaker 2: He got his wedding ring back, and that was just
Speaker 2: in It was just like a manic story. I was
Speaker 2: like you know, when you hear things like this, I'm like, God,
Speaker 2: sometimes we can use social media for the power of good, honestly,
Speaker 2: but imagine being a thief with that fact, that little
Speaker 2: bit of heart still like I'll take the shoes, but
Speaker 2: I'll give the expensive point. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like when you hear those horrible stories about somebody stealing
Speaker 1: a car and then there's a kid in the back
Speaker 1: and they're like, fuck, I just wanted to steal a car.
Speaker 2: I don't want your kids. This escalated really quickly.
Speaker 1: Anyway, guys, I'm happy to confirm that I have my ring.
Speaker 1: I'm sad to also confirm I'm still not getting married,
Speaker 1: so who knows when that's gonna happen. But I wanted
Speaker 1: to tell you about a little news article that I
Speaker 1: read this week because it gave me a really good chuckle. Now,
Speaker 1: I hope that some of you, most of you, our
Speaker 1: young listeners, may not know this, but back in our day,
Speaker 1: when we were kids, there was a lovely dinosaur named Barnie.
Speaker 2: I reckon there. We so people that are like, who's Barney,
Speaker 2: Barney the purple dinosaur? You know who Barney is. Barnie
Speaker 2: was an absolute staple in our life. In our generation's
Speaker 2: life growing up, it was a cartoon. He was a dinosaur.
Speaker 2: Everyone watched him.
Speaker 1: And he would dance and I don't know, I think
Speaker 1: he sung. He was in a costume. He looked like
Speaker 1: a football mascot. But he was just just like purple
Speaker 1: dinosaur with a green belly.
Speaker 2: It's like the equivalent of the kids today having pepper
Speaker 2: Pig Like. It was that kind of all bluey like.
Speaker 2: It was a big staple in our life, except it
Speaker 2: was a grown man in cider costume dancing around. It
Speaker 2: was kind of more like like the wiggle.
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, exactly a sessimestre feel.
Speaker 2: Like we've described with this enough for everybody who knows
Speaker 2: who Barney is, they're like, get to the fucking boy.
Speaker 2: Why was really in my childhood? Okay, what happened with Barney?
Speaker 2: What has he done here?
Speaker 1: It is, guys, the man who played Barney the Dinosaur
Speaker 1: now runs tantric sex business. After playing Varney the Dinosaur
Speaker 1: from nineteen ninety one to two thousand and one, David
Speaker 1: Joyner decided that he wanted to retire as a dinosaur
Speaker 1: and he would set up his very own tantric sex business.
Speaker 2: What a normal progression. Hey, absolutely, what a segue. What
Speaker 2: else would you do when you were once a dinosaur?
Speaker 2: When you've once been a giant dinosaur.
Speaker 1: I'd just like to read this quote few because it's
Speaker 1: it's a bit weird. Makes me feel a bit uncomfortable,
Speaker 1: to be honest. Speaking to Vius back in twenty eighteen,
Speaker 1: he said the energy I brought up while in costume
Speaker 1: is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love.
Speaker 1: Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you
Speaker 1: have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it
Speaker 1: is to remove it with love and then replace it
Speaker 1: with God's divine love. Love heels and allows you to
Speaker 1: continue to grow. Now, I think that's a beautiful quote. However,
Speaker 1: not in relation to being a children's performer. Absolutely, It's like,
Speaker 1: who would have thought the Barny was.
Speaker 2: Such a trooper? I think that's a beautiful quote. Also, like,
Speaker 2: I think the world is full of love, and I
Speaker 2: think things should be dealt with love. And I think
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with sex, and okay there is when
Speaker 2: it's from a child. This is my point. There's nothing
Speaker 2: wrong with sex and tantrick, sex and all of the above.
Speaker 2: But it's a little bit worrying when you've spent twenty
Speaker 2: years as a children performer on a stage and a
Speaker 2: dinosaur and then you have those feelings like I just
Speaker 2: think those two need to be separate. Yeah, I think
Speaker 2: you made a good point.
Speaker 1: Look, I think it's absolutely fine to have seasons in
Speaker 1: a lifetime, Like you can go from being a child
Speaker 1: performer and that career and then go to doing whatever
Speaker 1: else you want to do. It's absolutely those two things
Speaker 1: can be completely unrelated careers and occupations. I think the
Speaker 1: issue comes with making reference to your child performing days
Speaker 1: and saying that you are exuding that energy.
Speaker 2: That is where I'm like, wow, I feel very differently
Speaker 2: about watching you as a Sami world. Now, how many
Speaker 2: live shows did you know? Don't say that? Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: I love that headlines. It has been a little while
Speaker 2: since we had a random headline. My favorite is still
Speaker 2: the woman that married the Dolphin, But I love that
Speaker 2: you brought that today, Laura, I'm coming in hot with
Speaker 2: an update today. Actually, I don't often have updates. You
Speaker 2: guys don't actually update us often, but this is an
Speaker 2: update from a listener. Now, if you listen to last
Speaker 2: week's ask Guncut. We answered a question about a man
Speaker 2: and a woman, a boyfriend and girlfriend that had gone
Speaker 2: to UNI together. They had the same degrees. They were
Speaker 2: out in the workforce at the same time. He was
Speaker 2: really unmotivated. He wasn't earning any money. He was sleeping
Speaker 2: till midday. She was very motivated, had a really great job,
Speaker 2: and he asked her basically to pay more rents.
Speaker 1: They could have a nicer place. Just on this as
Speaker 1: well if you didn't listen to the episode. Basically, she
Speaker 1: said that he was pursuing a more entrepreneurial career. However,
Speaker 1: he wasn't really hustling at that career. He was sleeping
Speaker 1: until mid He was being pretty lazy, but he was
Speaker 1: still expecting her to pay a majority share.
Speaker 2: She just wrote us an update, and I wanted to
Speaker 2: read it out just because I really love when these
Speaker 2: updates come through. And if you guys, if we've ever
Speaker 2: answered a question for you and you want to update us,
Speaker 2: and whether it's a good update or bad one, however
Speaker 2: it worked out, just slide back into the DMS. Hey, girls,
Speaker 2: you answered my question this week, and I was absolutely stoked.
Speaker 2: I loved your answers and I agree with everything so
Speaker 2: much I realized it was really not about feminism. I
Speaker 2: think the main point is the problem of transferring a
Speaker 2: UNI relationship to the real world. It's tough as fuck.
Speaker 2: I made it clear to my boyfriend that I am
Speaker 2: not willing to put that amount of money into rent,
Speaker 2: and he said he understands. I think it is a
Speaker 2: big problem in our relationship that he is still clinging
Speaker 2: to his UNI rhythm. It's like he doesn't want to
Speaker 2: grow up and accept that UNI is over. He said
Speaker 2: that he'll give himself six months to follow his entrepreneurial ideas,
Speaker 2: and after that he will get back into the real world.
Speaker 2: I think getting up earlier would be helpful, or even
Speaker 2: give him the opportunity to have a small side job.
Speaker 2: But it's his life the end, and I can't make him.
Speaker 2: Let's see what happens in six months. But thank you
Speaker 2: for your answers. I think it's great they've had the conversation.
Speaker 2: She's like, I'm not gonna pay the extra rent. He said,
Speaker 2: totally fine, give me six months. But he's still sleeping in.
Speaker 2: He's still not willing to get up and think. I
Speaker 2: think the problem in this relationship is and she highlighted
Speaker 2: the problem is UNI relationships and teenage relationships and those
Speaker 2: really young relationships we do, unfortunately sometimes grow in different directions,
Speaker 2: and I think some relationships can be very situational and
Speaker 2: points of our life. And she's obviously realized that she's
Speaker 2: still willing to give it a go and work at it,
Speaker 2: but there's a part in the back of her head
Speaker 2: that's like, you know what, maybe we've both finished university
Speaker 2: and we're ready for different things, and that's definitely a consideration.
Speaker 2: But they've given each other six months, so I hope
Speaker 2: hopefully she writes us in six months and he's either
Speaker 2: making a million bucks as an entrepreneur, or he's got
Speaker 2: a real job, or they're not together anymore. But I'd
Speaker 2: love to know what happens in the end of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like brit said, we absolutely love it when we
Speaker 1: have answered and asked guncut question and we get the outcome,
Speaker 1: like whether you've taken on the advice, whether you disagree
Speaker 1: with the advice, whether you love the advice.
Speaker 2: And I really would love for us to be.
Speaker 1: Able to do an update episode, like a bonus episode
Speaker 1: in the next coming weeks where we kind of just
Speaker 1: rehash some of our ask uncut questions that we have
Speaker 1: done in the past. So if you ask somebody who's
Speaker 1: listening who has had an ask uncut answered, please slide
Speaker 1: into our DMS and answer that. The only other thing
Speaker 1: I want to say on this and just to expand
Speaker 1: or what you just said, Britt, is like absolutely, relationships
Speaker 1: can be situational, and when something fundamentally changes i e.
Speaker 1: Finishing UNI and everything in your life shifts, it can
Speaker 1: really highlight the huge differences that you guys have or
Speaker 1: the huge differences in personality that maybe were masked because
Speaker 1: you were both doing the same thing and enjoying the
Speaker 1: same lifestyle. So, like you said, you know, relationships have
Speaker 1: and not just like all relationships the same as friendships.
Speaker 1: Some of them are for a reason, a season.
Speaker 2: Or a lifetime, and there's this moment like think back,
Speaker 2: I don't know what your situation was, Laura, when you
Speaker 2: finish university, but there is this moment in time when
Speaker 2: you finish UNI and there's this realization of some people
Speaker 2: have Okay, I finally can go and earn money, and
Speaker 2: I can be professional and I can do all these
Speaker 2: things I've wanted to do because money is going to
Speaker 2: allow me to do this and this and this, and
Speaker 2: they're really excited to knuckle down and progress their career.
Speaker 2: But then there's this moment of like, this could be
Speaker 2: the last moment of my entire life that I don't
Speaker 2: have this freedom and this youth and this stress free life.
Speaker 2: In a way, there's a moment that some people don't
Speaker 2: transition as easily. So maybe he's just having some trouble
Speaker 2: accepting that that stage of his life is over and
Speaker 2: he's got a whole bunch more responsibility now, And you
Speaker 2: can't sleep in the second he goes and gets a
Speaker 2: real job. Those sleeping until twelve o'clock are gone totally.
Speaker 1: And you know what, Neither of these things are right
Speaker 1: or wrong, Like, neither of these things are better or worse.
Speaker 1: It's just that it's the same for like coming out
Speaker 1: of school, coming out of university, coming out of like
Speaker 1: big career changes. It's like any one of these huge
Speaker 1: shifts in life. Some people adapt to change really quickly
Speaker 1: and easily.
Speaker 2: And some people don't.
Speaker 1: And some people will take on extra courses at UNIQ
Speaker 1: becase they're not ready to leave that lifestyle yet or
Speaker 1: to figure out what the hell they're going to do.
Speaker 1: All of it is absolutely okay, and the whole spectrum
Speaker 1: of it is like, there's nothing wrong with it as
Speaker 1: long as it works for both of you, one hundred percent. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into today's questions.
Speaker 2: We've got a different kind of question to kickstart today.
Speaker 2: That's good, and I've actually got two questions that tie
Speaker 2: into the same sort of vibe. We haven't answered something
Speaker 2: like this before. Girls, one of my best friends does
Speaker 2: makeup on the side as a little side hustle. This weekend,
Speaker 2: we have a wedding coming up with a big group
Speaker 2: of our friends. I asked her if she could do
Speaker 2: my makeup for it, but we didn't discuss a cost.
Speaker 2: Silly me assumed she would do it for free, as
Speaker 2: we are best friends and I wouldn't charge your best
Speaker 2: friend for that. As a maximum, I would charge someone
Speaker 2: for the products. I would expect this, as of course
Speaker 2: the products cost money. I was very taken aback when
Speaker 2: she asked me to bring seventy dollars cash when I come.
Speaker 2: I think I was so taken aback because I wouldn't
Speaker 2: have asked a friend for money to do their makeup.
Speaker 2: I tried to say, I don't want lashes hope it
Speaker 2: would be a little bit cheaper, but she said nope,
Speaker 2: she usually charges ninety dollars and that she can't do
Speaker 2: it for free as the products cost money. I totally
Speaker 2: understand this, but I just wasn't expecting to be stung
Speaker 2: seventy dollars. Am I being stingy? Or is this a
Speaker 2: bit steep to be doing a friends makeup? I ended
Speaker 2: up very awkwardly canceling, as I'd rather spend the money
Speaker 2: to get my makeup done for a bigger event. What
Speaker 2: are your thoughts, doun done dumb? Okay?
Speaker 1: I have some feeling I think, and like this is
Speaker 1: probably going to come off as a bit harsh, but
Speaker 1: I think it is very unreasonable to ask your friend
Speaker 1: to do something with the expectation that they're going to
Speaker 1: do it for free, regardless of whether they're a best
Speaker 1: friend or not. If that's their job, if you're asking
Speaker 1: them to work for free, I think, like it's a
Speaker 1: side hustle. Yeah, well, I mean it's still their job, right,
Speaker 1: it's still how they make income. I think, yes, it
Speaker 1: would be nice if they did. And obviously it's nice
Speaker 1: that she offered a discount, which she has offered a discount.
Speaker 1: But you can't ask for some thing with the expectation
Speaker 1: that it's free, regardless of who the person is, regardless
Speaker 1: of whether it's your best friend or not.
Speaker 2: I agree. I think this is a tricky one, and
Speaker 2: you said it yourself. You can't always expect people to
Speaker 2: have the same ideas as you and opinions and you
Speaker 2: and behave like you do. That's that's unrealistic. I agree
Speaker 2: with Laura. I think you can never have an expectation
Speaker 2: from anyone that you know, friends or strangers, that somebody
Speaker 2: is going to do something for free. So even with
Speaker 2: my friends, I've been in situations like that before. I
Speaker 2: always and I've had friends that would do a lot
Speaker 2: for me for free, and I do a lot for
Speaker 2: them for free. But I always go into that with
Speaker 2: the expectation that it's not for free. I always go
Speaker 2: in and say, let me know the cost of this,
Speaker 2: how much? What can we sort out? And they'll either
Speaker 2: say the cost or they'll say, oh, don't worry about it,
Speaker 2: like you've done this for me or it's on me
Speaker 2: or whatever. But you should never go in with that expectation.
Speaker 2: And that's I mean, ultimately, in tough times like today
Speaker 2: as well, like with COVID, and people have been so
Speaker 2: out of work for so long. I think that these
Speaker 2: are things that you know, this is an income for her,
Speaker 2: You don't know that that might be going towards her
Speaker 2: rent this week or whatever it is like that. So
Speaker 2: also seventy dollars just as like an added bonus that's
Speaker 2: pretty good for you makeup.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's super cheap for a makeup, so I think
Speaker 1: she's doing her a really good price. Like I think genuinely,
Speaker 1: seventy dollars is very very cheap to get your makeup done.
Speaker 1: There's a couple of layers to this one. I think
Speaker 1: it's the expectation that's gotten you into this uncomfortable, awkward situation,
Speaker 1: Like totally all could have been avoided by making an
Speaker 1: offer or payment, or just by asking, hey, if you
Speaker 1: were to do my makeup, how much would you charge me?
Speaker 1: That would have given your friend the opportunity to say
Speaker 1: nothing or to say seventy dollars. So the expectation is
Speaker 1: what's caused the awkward situation. But the second part of this,
Speaker 1: and I think this is a really important thing to dissect,
Speaker 1: is how undervalued creative industries are and how undervalued the
Speaker 1: services that creative people provide are. And I think when
Speaker 1: I used to be a graphic designer back in the day,
Speaker 1: that was my so I studied graphic design and UNI.
Speaker 1: That was my first degree and my first job out
Speaker 1: of UNI. I did that for ten years, pretty much
Speaker 1: alongside doing Tony May. I cannot tell you the amount
Speaker 1: of people who asked me if I could do business
Speaker 1: cards or websites or logos, or create letterheads for them,
Speaker 1: or just can you just make my resume look nicer.
Speaker 1: All of my friends asked me to do that, and
Speaker 1: it's the constant asking that creates that sort of like exasperation.
Speaker 1: It makes you feel like, well, okay, everybody asks me
Speaker 1: for free, so I'm just gonna have to charge everyone
Speaker 1: a slightly reduced rate. Who are my friends? Because you
Speaker 1: just don't have that many hours in the day. It
Speaker 1: creates burnout, and it also makes you feel like what
Speaker 1: you are able to do is completely undervalued by the
Speaker 1: people who care about you. So I'm very passionate about
Speaker 1: people who work in creative industries being paid for the
Speaker 1: jobs that they do.
Speaker 2: And it's okay that you can't if that's what it
Speaker 2: is like, If you were tight for money and you
Speaker 2: can't afford the seventy dollars for the makeup, Like that's
Speaker 2: okay as well. But I think what you need to
Speaker 2: do going forward in any situation, and that's anyone that's listening,
Speaker 2: is ask the question to start with, hey, are you
Speaker 2: doing makeups for the wedding? Like what are you charging? Basically,
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to work out what I want to
Speaker 2: do for it totally. She'll give you the fee and
Speaker 2: then that's it. And if you feel awkward with her now,
Speaker 2: you could always be honest with her and you say, look,
Speaker 2: I just had to reassess my finances and I just
Speaker 2: didn't have the sementy spare that week. But I appreciate
Speaker 2: you saying you would do it. Takes any awkwardness away,
Speaker 2: because I feel like when you said you awkwardly canceled,
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be awkward. I think honesty is
Speaker 2: the key. I think you to say, hey, like I
Speaker 2: was just too I overexerted myself this week and I
Speaker 2: just didn't have that semni spirit. But I appreciate you
Speaker 2: offering to do it.
Speaker 1: I guess, you know, maybe think about it from like
Speaker 1: a different industry perspective. If your friend was a PT trainer,
Speaker 1: would you expect to still pay them for PT training
Speaker 1: but at a reduced cost. If your friend was an accountant,
Speaker 1: would you still expect to pay your friend who's an
Speaker 1: accountant if they were doing attack. I don't want to
Speaker 1: like harp on about the whole creative industry's aspect of this,
Speaker 1: but I do think it plays a huge role in
Speaker 1: our perception around the value of a service. And I
Speaker 1: really just think regardless of how close a friends you
Speaker 1: are with someone, Yes, it's always nice for someone to say, oh,
Speaker 1: don't worry about it, I'll give this one to you
Speaker 1: for free, but the expectation causes so many issues. Even
Speaker 1: from a jewelry business perspective. The amount of times where
Speaker 1: friends have been like, oh, I really want this ring
Speaker 1: and I'm like cool, by yeah, or I'll give you
Speaker 1: a discount code to buy it, and I don't mean
Speaker 1: to any of my friends. I fucking love you. Do
Speaker 1: not take this as a personal offense if you're listening.
Speaker 1: But it's like, I really value my girlfriends who go
Speaker 1: online and buy pieces from me or who in the
Speaker 1: past maybe I've given them something, but then they've also
Speaker 1: bought something from me because it makes me feel like
Speaker 1: what I create and what my business is as a
Speaker 1: small business is valued to them. But for the people
Speaker 1: who just ask for things and say, oh, I really
Speaker 1: want this ring, but have never bought anything and kind
Speaker 1: of just expect it, what I do in those situations
Speaker 1: is I don't give it to them. I wait until
Speaker 1: it's their birthday or it's Christmas, and until it's like
Speaker 1: a special occasion, and then I give it to them.
Speaker 1: Because everything costs money. Your time costs money, your products
Speaker 1: cost money. All of that needs to be valued at
Speaker 1: the end of the day.
Speaker 2: All right. Question number two?
Speaker 1: Now, Question number two actually comes from producer Key Shaw.
Speaker 2: She just happens to be here.
Speaker 1: She's sitting right here in the room, lurking around. A ya, Keisha,
Speaker 1: take the microphone, give us question numero?
Speaker 2: Do it okay? Well?
Speaker 3: This is a synopsis of the question because it may
Speaker 3: or may not be attached to someone that I know.
Speaker 3: I have a friend, a friend of a friend, and
Speaker 3: she very generously has offered another friend of hers whose
Speaker 3: birthday is coming up. The backstory of this is that
Speaker 3: she has what they call virgin hair, so noncolored hair.
Speaker 2: Nobody's ever had sex with her hair before.
Speaker 3: So my friend, very generously, in my opinion, offered that
Speaker 3: for her birthday, she would pay for her to get
Speaker 3: her hair done.
Speaker 2: They don't live in Sydney.
Speaker 3: So what I'm trying to say by this is that
Speaker 3: the price of getting it done in regional areas, I
Speaker 3: have found in my experience, is a little bit less.
Speaker 2: Than what it is in your metropolitan cities. It's just like,
Speaker 2: if you're going to get a color in Sydney, it's
Speaker 2: like five hundred dollars. Why I literally cut my own
Speaker 2: hair in the bathroom sink. It's a week's rant for sure.
Speaker 3: Okay, So my friend has now gotten back to us
Speaker 3: and said, I've just received a message. She's booked in
Speaker 3: at this salon and it is a particularly lux salon.
Speaker 3: She's expecting it to cost between three hundred and fifty
Speaker 3: and four hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: She said.
Speaker 3: I was being taken back by this because the reason
Speaker 3: that I initially offered was because she was kind of
Speaker 3: down in the dump saying, look, I've got these grays
Speaker 3: and I'm feeling really self conscious about it, and I
Speaker 3: would just want to get the grays covered. So I
Speaker 3: anticipated that it would just be like one color overall,
Speaker 3: maybe a blow dry. Maybe Looking at two hundred dollars
Speaker 3: now that it's going to cost double that, I'm a
Speaker 3: bit shocked and I kind of feel as though, like,
Speaker 3: am I the asshole?
Speaker 2: What do I do here? Is that too much to expect?
Speaker 2: What do you think? Okay?
Speaker 1: I think easily four hundred dollars is way too much
Speaker 1: to expect for a present?
Speaker 2: So is it a birthday present? Just remind me yes, okay, yes,
Speaker 2: that's too much. I'm just trying to think, Laura, I
Speaker 2: don't know if you and I even gave each other.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I give you a massage once. I was
Speaker 2: trying to think I haven't used and you haven't us
Speaker 2: It's like two years ago. I've got you two massages
Speaker 2: and you have. Everything's been closed, it's been COVID cute,
Speaker 2: good excuse. You've probably lost them, like you'reing age or
Speaker 2: too sit So, okay, this is a tricky situation. You've
Speaker 2: done a really nice thing and you said, hey, I
Speaker 2: will help you with your gray hair. You can get
Speaker 2: your roots done. I would be absolutely gobsmack. This is
Speaker 2: a super tricky situation because I've tried to do something
Speaker 2: nice and in all honesty, and I'm going to be
Speaker 2: a bit like I'm a bit against the friend here
Speaker 2: that's actually getting the grays. The expectation that your friend
Speaker 2: that's kindly offered you a hair color, the expectation that
Speaker 2: they will pay four hundred dollars. I would never ever
Speaker 2: ever ask or expect a friend of mine to pay
Speaker 2: that much money. The tricky situation here is you've offered it,
Speaker 2: you feel awkward. I think what you need to do
Speaker 2: is say, hey, super stoked you found a saling you love.
Speaker 2: I've heard really good things about them. In all honesty,
Speaker 2: four hundred dollars is probably too much for me this
Speaker 2: week or at the moment, four forever until I'm dead.
Speaker 2: Four hundred dollars is too much. But here is a voucher.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's for half or whatever you are comfortable with,
Speaker 2: and whatever in your head you thought that was going
Speaker 2: to cost you, you can say, here is a voucher. Alternatively,
Speaker 2: I can really recommend my hairdresser. She's absolutely amazing, and
Speaker 2: I know that it's half the price, Like, I can
Speaker 2: really recommend her. That's what you do. I again, with money,
Speaker 2: I don't think there needs to be an embarrassment. I
Speaker 2: think people need to be really honest with each other
Speaker 2: because if you go to her and say, I don't
Speaker 2: have four hundred dollars for your hair, I'm so sorry I
Speaker 2: don't have one hundred dollars on my own hair, She's
Speaker 2: gonna be mortified. She's gonna be absolutely of course, like
Speaker 2: let's you know, no expectations, pay a hundred dollars or whatever.
Speaker 2: I just feel awkward.
Speaker 1: Money causes so many problems in relations because the problems
Speaker 1: in like romantic relationships, and it can cause problems in friendships,
Speaker 1: especially like I mean, we've all had that one friend
Speaker 1: who never pays enough for dinner or doesn't buy drinks
Speaker 1: or always seems to like conveniently leave when it's their
Speaker 1: turn to buy around.
Speaker 2: I'm like the opposite. I get so awkward. I would
Speaker 2: be the person at the table that would be like, hey,
Speaker 2: i'll get everyonce. Here's five thousand dollars for the bill,
Speaker 2: Like I'm so awkward with money. When someone's just spltered,
Speaker 2: I'll be like, I don't worry, I'll just get it, Okay.
Speaker 1: What I was gonna say is I'm just I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be on the girl who's getting her hair done.
Speaker 2: Side for a second.
Speaker 1: Here you're saying she has virgin hair, she's never had
Speaker 1: her hair done before.
Speaker 2: Maybe she genuinely.
Speaker 1: Doesn't know how much hair costs and to get a
Speaker 1: hair coloring costs, and just booked into somewhere that she
Speaker 1: knows is nice, books into somewhere that she's had a
Speaker 1: haircut before, asks for a service, and they gave her
Speaker 1: a quote, and she was like cool, maybe fully thinking
Speaker 1: that that's what her friend expected to pay, fully thinking
Speaker 1: that that is what a normal hair coloring costs, and
Speaker 1: she's never ever had it done before. I just think
Speaker 1: a very honest conversation in these sorts of situations. I
Speaker 1: know that money can be uncomfortable, but saying like, oh, hey, Bett,
Speaker 1: that's actually super expensive in comparison to a lot of
Speaker 1: other hairdressers in the city. I don't know if you're aware,
Speaker 1: but this place is really great and they do it
Speaker 1: for this price. If you have an amount that you're
Speaker 1: happy with, like that's probably the best way to tackle it,
Speaker 1: or say I'll buy you a voucher to contribute, exactly
Speaker 1: like you said, Britt. But I genuinely don't think that
Speaker 1: this person is intentionally trying to take her friend for
Speaker 1: a ride. I don't think anybody's intentionally trying to like
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, fuck it, my friends are going to pay,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna go to the most expensive salon in Australia. Like,
Speaker 1: I just think it comes with a bit of naivety
Speaker 1: more than anything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and look, I'm like, no one's to blame here,
Speaker 2: this isn't the thing. And I love that your devil's
Speaker 2: advocate on that one, but I am going to disagree
Speaker 2: with something even if you don't know how much. Like
Speaker 2: relatively another salon would cost four hundred dollars should still
Speaker 2: ring some alarm bells when you've ask him for a
Speaker 2: friend to diye hair, Like that's what I think. I
Speaker 2: don't think she's still intentionally being malicious or taking me
Speaker 2: for a ride. I don't think that at all. But
Speaker 2: I think it's just turning into an awkward situation that
Speaker 2: it absolutely doesn't have to be. And if I if
Speaker 2: this was me, I would just go back to my
Speaker 2: friend and be like, well, there is that is so
Speaker 2: much more than I've ever paid. I would say it
Speaker 2: like that. I'd be like, whoa four hundred dollars my
Speaker 2: hairdresser only cost me this much. I would say something
Speaker 2: like that, like my adress only cost me two hundred
Speaker 2: dollars for that? Do you want to look at my
Speaker 2: hairdresser or yeah, I'll give you a voucher for it.
Speaker 2: I would say that because again, Laura, maybe she doesn't
Speaker 2: know that you can get it cheaper elsewhere. If she does,
Speaker 2: think that's standard, just tell her, just say, hey, like
Speaker 2: my hairdresser does an amazing job for half of that price. Absolutely,
Speaker 2: And that's what I mean. That's what I think.
Speaker 1: It's like a bit of naivity that comes into it. Education, communication.
Speaker 1: It's the answer a to all your probably.
Speaker 2: Can I tell you something funny? My mom's gonna hate me.
Speaker 1: Also, I'm really worried that the person who wrote that
Speaker 1: question in who didn't even write it in Who's Friends
Speaker 1: of Keisha probably listened to the podcast.
Speaker 2: Fuck I know, hurry, but again, like really highlighting, no
Speaker 2: one's in the wrong, it's just Money's an awkward situation.
Speaker 2: I want to tell you something that happened on the weekend.
Speaker 2: I went up to see my parents in Port mcquarie
Speaker 2: and we were both going to buy some air fryers. Right,
Speaker 2: I had told him about the airfort ivery thing like
Speaker 2: having a family trip to buy multiple air I told you,
Speaker 2: guys how much I love the air fryer. I've been
Speaker 2: using pichas. This episode is brought to you by air fryers,
Speaker 2: talking about like how awkward, Like how I said I'd
Speaker 2: rather just pay for stuff. I obviously get that from
Speaker 2: my mom. So we were at this store. They were
Speaker 2: getting this expensive air fry. They're going to get a
Speaker 2: really good one. I didn't want to get the really
Speaker 2: really expensive one. We had been talking. My mom wanted
Speaker 2: to know my dad. They wanted to know every question
Speaker 2: about the air fry. So there was the man. It
Speaker 2: was like the good guys or something. The man that
Speaker 2: works there. He's paid to work there. His job is
Speaker 2: to work there. But obviously I think they scan tickets
Speaker 2: when they sell something, and if they get a commission,
Speaker 2: they get a commission eventually. So mine was asking every
Speaker 2: question about the air fry that you could know. We
Speaker 2: probably talked to him for about forty minutes. To be fair,
Speaker 2: I called my sister Sherry at the last minute just
Speaker 2: to check which one she had because she used it
Speaker 2: all the time. I called her a check and I
Speaker 2: told her I was like, hey, we're just about to
Speaker 2: buy this for mom and dad. Is this what you got?
Speaker 2: And she's like oh, She's like, am my own loud speaker?
Speaker 2: And I said no, why, She's like, I just bought
Speaker 2: them one for Christmas. She's like, I've already got them
Speaker 2: their air fryer, a really good one. And I was
Speaker 2: like fuck. I was like, were you They're about to
Speaker 2: purchase one, an expensive one. We're just gonna have to
Speaker 2: tell them. She's like, fine, just tell them. So I
Speaker 2: tell mom and dad and like Mom, Dad, like, we
Speaker 2: don't worry about the air fright. Sharon's got my for Christmas.
Speaker 2: Surprise is over, but there's no point paying a five
Speaker 2: hundred dollars air fright now. I said to the man,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. We laughed. I was like, my sisters
Speaker 2: already bought them one. I thank you so much for
Speaker 2: your time, and he's like, no worries, that's fine. My
Speaker 2: mum was beside herself. She's like, I am so sorry
Speaker 2: that I have used all of your time and I
Speaker 2: was like, Mom, it's fine. In front of the man,
Speaker 2: I'm like, Mom, he's paid, it's fine. Like he's just
Speaker 2: doing his job. He's talking about it. She felt so
Speaker 2: bad that she went and bought another one hundred and
Speaker 2: fifty dollars product that she doesn't need so that he
Speaker 2: could get his commission. I was like, Mom, put the
Speaker 2: product down. She's like, oh, I could probably use it anyway.
Speaker 2: I'm like, fuck, I'm not even certain that they make commission.
Speaker 2: I'm not even certain that that's the way retail works neither.
Speaker 2: But she just was besides, and she's like, don't argue
Speaker 2: with your mother. And I was like, whatever you want
Speaker 2: to do, but she was that awkward, and I was like,
Speaker 2: he's literally paid to be here, and you're going to
Speaker 2: buy something you don't need, purely to that point.
Speaker 1: And he's going to make absolutely no extra money and
Speaker 1: still get paid the twenty five dollars an hour.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now, all right, let's get it.
Speaker 1: Let's get into your question number three. All right, question
Speaker 1: number three, Hi, guys, I was wondering what you think
Speaker 1: about age gaps. My friend is twenty two then and
Speaker 1: has developed feelings for her male coworker who is forty,
Speaker 1: so that is an eighteen year age gap.
Speaker 2: They both work.
Speaker 1: In the same position at restaurant and apparently get on
Speaker 1: really well and flirt a lot. He's asked her to
Speaker 1: grab a drink a couple of times, and she asked
Speaker 1: me for advice on whether or not to say yes.
Speaker 1: My overwhelming instinct was to discourage her from pursuing anything.
Speaker 1: But the more I thought about it, I didn't really
Speaker 1: have any justifiable reasons as to why am I unfairly
Speaker 1: prejudiced against age gaps?
Speaker 2: Am I an agist?
Speaker 1: Do you guys think an age gap like this can
Speaker 1: be okay for casual dating? In this case, she is
Speaker 1: leaving the country in six months, so not looking for
Speaker 1: anything long term?
Speaker 2: Yes, I think, I mean we know high last which way, Yes,
Speaker 2: yes to everything. I mean we all know. I don't
Speaker 2: mind an age gap. I've only got an age gap
Speaker 2: of seven years, and I'm the older one, so it's
Speaker 2: this is a very different situation. But in this situation
Speaker 2: eighteen years. Yes, it is a significant amount of time.
Speaker 2: But she is twenty two, she is an adult. He
Speaker 2: is forty. You can still be if you can still
Speaker 2: be very aligned at forty two twenty two, Like, it's
Speaker 2: such an individual thing. Age doesn't meaning for where someone
Speaker 2: is at what point of life. They're in the same job,
Speaker 2: so they obviously have similar interests. In that regard. The
Speaker 2: only thing that I would have said is a big
Speaker 2: alarm bell is if he was her boss, or if
Speaker 2: he was in a position of power or something like that.
Speaker 2: But it seems like they're working on an even platform.
Speaker 2: If this was going to be something serious, like if
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, I think I like him and want
Speaker 2: a relationship with him, there'll be so many other things
Speaker 2: you need to consider, so many aspects because you're gonna
Speaker 2: be different points of life. One of you might want kids,
Speaker 2: one of you's not ready, one of you wants to
Speaker 2: go travel, one of you's already done that. It opens
Speaker 2: up a whole nother kettle of fish. But I think
Speaker 2: for this very specific situation, she's twenty two, she's going
Speaker 2: overseas soon. She's not looking for anything serious. He's not
Speaker 2: a position of power, he's an equal, he's a colleague.
Speaker 2: They have an attraction. It seems like they flirt and
Speaker 2: get along. I don't think there is any harm in
Speaker 2: going on a date. That is my situation. And I
Speaker 2: think if the only thing that is bothering you and
Speaker 2: your friend is literally the number, then I don't think
Speaker 2: it can hurt to go on a date. If there's
Speaker 2: more to it, and she feels a little bit uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: then of course don't do it, Like there's absolutely no
Speaker 2: need to do it, no skin off your back.
Speaker 1: Also, like I mean, going for a drink doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you have to pursue anything sexual or beyond just
Speaker 1: going for a drink. But okay, I agree with you completely, Brit.
Speaker 1: I think that the fact that you're going overseas and
Speaker 1: six months, your friend's going over seas in six months
Speaker 1: and something that's casual means that it's even less of
Speaker 1: an issue. Like I think an age gap can be
Speaker 1: an issue. I think it would be silly of us
Speaker 1: to say it's always fine. Age gaps don't matter. Age
Speaker 1: gaps can matter, but they also cannot matter, like I mean,
Speaker 1: it's both ends of the spectrum in this respect, though,
Speaker 1: with the whole travel thing playing a huge part, I
Speaker 1: don't think it.
Speaker 2: Is a big deal. But Britt, what is the biggest
Speaker 2: age gap you've ever had? Seven years? Is the youngest?
Speaker 2: Like Jordan's the youngest I've dated? Oh? I actually no,
Speaker 2: there was one younger. There's like a couple younger you
Speaker 2: young pop? What was his name? What do we call him?
Speaker 2: Young pop? We call yes, we did. No Meat Raffle.
Speaker 2: Me wait, meat Raffle. Oh my god. Guys, if you've
Speaker 2: been with the pod since the day one Meet Raffle,
Speaker 2: yeah that was we forget that. We don't talk about that.
Speaker 2: I have PTSD.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we've got suppose suppressed memories about meat Raffle.
Speaker 2: He was one year younger than Jordan, but I didn't
Speaker 2: actually date him properly, so that doesn't count.
Speaker 1: I remember when you told me Meet Raffles age though,
Speaker 1: and I was shook.
Speaker 2: I was like, he's you can't too young. It was
Speaker 2: the start of my unraveling. And I don't know why.
Speaker 2: I don't know why my reaction was so like.
Speaker 1: I guess because I had this mentality of like, younger guys,
Speaker 1: being like seven or eight years younger in the early
Speaker 1: twenties wouldn't align with the things that you wanted in
Speaker 1: your mid thirties.
Speaker 2: I was like, gosh that, since I was early thirties,
Speaker 2: let's not age me up here.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, sorry, I'm just aging you to where I am.
Speaker 1: I thought that there would be too much of a disparity,
Speaker 1: but maybe that's an unfair assumption as well. I'm sure
Speaker 1: that there's people who listen to this who have a
Speaker 1: big age grap in the opposite direction where the guy's
Speaker 1: younger than the female and they want same things. It
Speaker 1: all comes down to where you're at in your life
Speaker 1: and whether your life goals aligned.
Speaker 2: Well. The oldest I dated I was about twenty seven
Speaker 2: and he was forty two. That's pretty big, but I
Speaker 2: didn't know that wasn't by choice. He lied to me.
Speaker 2: He told me he was like thirty seven or something,
Speaker 2: which in my head I was like, that age gap
Speaker 2: was too big. I remember thinking that, and then when
Speaker 2: I found out after a few dates that he had lied,
Speaker 2: I didn't see him anymore because I couldn't. It wasn't
Speaker 2: the age thing. If I really really liked him, it
Speaker 2: wouldn't have mattered. But I was like, how did you
Speaker 2: start this with this huge lie? Like this? He age
Speaker 2: fished you. He age fished me, and I didn't know
Speaker 2: that was a thing, but he age fished me, And
Speaker 2: I felt really disgusted after. I was like, but that
Speaker 2: for no reason other than just I was with someone
Speaker 2: that blatantly lied to date me.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I think can sometimes be a
Speaker 1: problem with huge age gaps as well? Yes, you might
Speaker 1: be aligned with the person, Like, maybe you guys are
Speaker 1: on the same page with where you're aut in life.
Speaker 1: There's plenty of men out there who have mass Peter
Speaker 1: Pant syndrome and aren't ready to settle down at forty.
Speaker 1: But I guess my thing that I sometimes think could
Speaker 1: be an issue is will you align with their friends?
Speaker 1: You know, will you be able to sit at a
Speaker 1: dinner party with other forty year olds and feel like
Speaker 1: you have anything in common with them?
Speaker 2: Will you be able to sit there and smoke a
Speaker 2: pipe after dinner, smoke a pie like a grandpat, have
Speaker 2: a glass of port, you know how Grandpa's like smoke
Speaker 2: pipes after dinner. But like, you'll be going to forty.
Speaker 1: If you guys were actually to date and to be
Speaker 1: in a committed relationship, you'd be going to fortieth birthday parties,
Speaker 1: you'd be going to baby shells, you'd be going to
Speaker 1: big life events. And to be fully embedded in that
Speaker 1: person's life means that you're also having relationships with the
Speaker 1: people who they love, And so it could be that
Speaker 1: then your couple friends are all aged up as well,
Speaker 1: So that may cause some feelings of like, oh do
Speaker 1: I fit in here? In this friendship group. It may not,
Speaker 1: but it's always something to think about.
Speaker 2: To wrap it up, my advice is, if you really
Speaker 2: get along and you really like him, and you have
Speaker 2: the attraction to him, there's no reason you can't just
Speaker 2: go on a date and like Laura said, you can
Speaker 2: go for coffee, you can go for lunch. There's no expectations,
Speaker 2: there's no pressure. You might finish it and be like, Wow,
Speaker 2: I really like him, let's go for a dinner date.
Speaker 2: Or you might say wow, we're just really good friends
Speaker 2: and that's it. Either way. If your only issue is
Speaker 2: that there's eighteen years difference but you want to explore it,
Speaker 2: I think that that's okay.
Speaker 1: I do think though, one of the bigger issues here,
Speaker 1: regardless of it being age, I think it's like shitting
Speaker 1: where you eat. Like, I don't think I would want
Speaker 1: to date someone from work.
Speaker 2: I've done it so many times.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's necessarily a good recipe though, because
Speaker 1: if you date and things do go badly and there
Speaker 1: is this like awkward sexual tension, that's like ugh, or
Speaker 1: it's problematic, or he likes you more than you like him,
Speaker 1: whatever the situation can be, it makes your working life
Speaker 1: really complicated, and I think there is a greater chance
Speaker 1: that there will be some misalignments like that you guys
Speaker 1: won't be on the same page because of the age gap,
Speaker 1: which then could cause more problems in your work environment.
Speaker 2: If there is anyone out there that has a big
Speaker 2: age gap and I'm talking like twenty years and it's successful,
Speaker 2: or you've got kids, or you got married, or and
Speaker 2: that's either men or women older whatever, If any of
Speaker 2: you are like that, I'd love to hear from you.
Speaker 2: Slidning too the DM. So I'd just love to hear
Speaker 2: how it went and what problems you face, and just
Speaker 2: about how the relationship functions. I love a call out.
Speaker 2: I love a callout. Jump on into the DMS. Okay, last,
Speaker 2: but not least, I have been with my partner for
Speaker 2: nine years. Our relationship hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows.
Speaker 2: I have taken him back after multiple cheating situations, and
Speaker 2: for the last two years we have been in an
Speaker 2: incredible place. However, he has just hit me with a
Speaker 2: massive bombshell and said he doesn't think he wants to
Speaker 2: have kids and definitely not in the next five years.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty five and I've only ever pictured being with
Speaker 2: him and having kids with him. I've always been incredibly maternal,
Speaker 2: and I'm really confused here. I've sacrificed a lot for
Speaker 2: him over nine years, and I really don't know if
Speaker 2: I leave or stay.
Speaker 1: Oh Man, kids is like the biggest one, Isn't it
Speaker 1: like being aligned on your big life events. If you
Speaker 1: really want to have children and your partner is saying
Speaker 1: to you, I don't want to have kids, I think
Speaker 1: there has to be some very honest, open conversations around this.
Speaker 1: It's very likely that he could change his mind. It's
Speaker 1: also very likely that he won't. But I do think
Speaker 1: that after nine years of giving up your life for
Speaker 1: someone you're sure a shit, want to be on the
Speaker 1: same page. Otherwise you're making too many sacrifices.
Speaker 2: What jumps out at here is and it's not the
Speaker 2: end of the world. But you said he's cheated on
Speaker 2: you multiple times over the years, You've always taken him back,
Speaker 2: and you've always kept working towards it. I will be
Speaker 2: the first person to say that cheating doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be the end of a relationship. And I don't want
Speaker 2: people to jump down my throat at that often it
Speaker 2: is and that is absolutely fine. But we've spoken to
Speaker 2: a lot of relationship therapists that have said some relationships, marriages,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, depending on the situations, some of them
Speaker 2: can come back stronger than ever after infidelity. That's not
Speaker 2: for everyone. Obviously, you are happy to take him back
Speaker 2: and work towards it. You've forgiven him, and that's that's
Speaker 2: great for your relationship. The thing that worries me with
Speaker 2: this is you said he's cheated on me multiple times.
Speaker 2: But I've never basically pictured a life without him, and
Speaker 2: I haven't pictured kids without him like I just that
Speaker 2: is what I pictured. And I think something that we
Speaker 2: get stuck in as people and in relationships, and especially
Speaker 2: when we're younger, is this idea of But this is
Speaker 2: how I saw it, This is how I pictured it,
Speaker 2: This is the fairy tale, this is my ending. And
Speaker 2: quite often when a situation or a relationship doesn't work out,
Speaker 2: we mourn the loss of what could have been and
Speaker 2: what we thought was going to happen more than we
Speaker 2: mourn the loss of the actual relationship. So I think
Speaker 2: you need to ask yourself, are you only staying with
Speaker 2: him because you feel like you're too far gone to
Speaker 2: start again? Or you don't have the energy to start again,
Speaker 2: or you've never been with anyone else because you're only
Speaker 2: twenty five. You've been in for nine years, So I'm
Speaker 2: going to take a guess that you haven't had any
Speaker 2: other very serious, long term relationship because you just would
Speaker 2: have been too young. You really need to figure out
Speaker 2: are you only staying with him because you're too scared
Speaker 2: of the alternative, which is started again being on your
Speaker 2: own try and find someone else, Or are you genuinely
Speaker 2: happy to be with somebody that doesn't want what you
Speaker 2: want in terms of kids and has cheated on you
Speaker 2: multiple times in the past. If have you still got
Speaker 2: the trust there? There are so many things that only
Speaker 2: you can ask yourself in this situation.
Speaker 1: I think you're so right, and you just hit something
Speaker 1: like for me. As you're saying that, I was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I've been there with my first It was my first relationship,
Speaker 1: but my my first big relationship six years. I've spoken
Speaker 1: about him on the pod before I was desperately in
Speaker 1: love with him.
Speaker 2: Our relationship was really rocky.
Speaker 1: He was struggling with depression at the time, but he
Speaker 1: also was pretty unfaithful in the early years, and then
Speaker 1: he also he would say to me, point this is
Speaker 1: really for anyone who this could be a bit triggering,
Speaker 1: but it was a very profound thing that kept occurring
Speaker 1: in our relationship. He would say to me, if you
Speaker 1: ever got pregnant, I expect you to get an abortion.
Speaker 1: And that was what he would say to me and
Speaker 1: I and he said, I don't know if I want
Speaker 1: to have kids with you. I don't know if I
Speaker 1: want to marry you. And we'd been together for six
Speaker 1: years and I just kept thinking, and because I had
Speaker 1: created in my head, I was like, this is the
Speaker 1: man I'm going to marry, this is the man I'm
Speaker 1: going to spend my life with that I was so
Speaker 1: convinced he was going to change his mind. I was
Speaker 1: so convinced that we were working towards a goal. And
Speaker 1: six years later, we just weren't. We weren't working towards
Speaker 1: that goal. You know, he fundamentally wanted different things to me,
Speaker 1: and we're not together. And now I have all the
Speaker 1: things that I always wanted with him, but I have
Speaker 1: them with somebody else. And I have never been more
Speaker 1: happy than what I am in my life and in
Speaker 1: my relationships. And I've never been in a safer, more
Speaker 1: secure relationship. But sometimes to be able to find that
Speaker 1: and to find someone who's fully aligned, you have to
Speaker 1: start again. And I'm not saying that this is one
Speaker 1: hundred percent what you're going to have to do, but
Speaker 1: I do think that you will have to have some
Speaker 1: very honest conversations around whether or not you want to
Speaker 1: have kids. And you're only twenty five, there is plenty
Speaker 1: of time. But if it's fundamentally something that you want
Speaker 1: and your partner is telling you I don't want this,
Speaker 1: maybe you need to give yourself a time frame for
Speaker 1: how long you will make that sacrifice. At what age
Speaker 1: do you want to be having kids? When do you
Speaker 1: want to be working towards that with your partner and
Speaker 1: just put everything on the table. And then if he
Speaker 1: is the one that comes to the table and says
Speaker 1: I want this, this, and this, and you know it's
Speaker 1: doesn't align with what you want, then there are some
Speaker 1: very big decisions you.
Speaker 2: Have to make.
Speaker 1: Don't just stick your head in the sand because time
Speaker 1: goes so quickly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and having kids or not having kids, that is
Speaker 2: probably one of the biggest deal breakers in a relationship,
Speaker 2: Like it's one of the biggest factors of a relationship breakdown.
Speaker 2: And obviously there are a lot of other things in fidelity,
Speaker 2: different place you want to be in different places you're
Speaker 2: not in alignment. But literally, you can love somebody so
Speaker 2: much and you can want to every part of you
Speaker 2: can want to be with them, and every part of
Speaker 2: them can want to be with you. But if you
Speaker 2: want a child and they don't, that is the cause
Speaker 2: of a relationship breakdown because someone in this situation is
Speaker 2: going to have to compromise. You're either going to have
Speaker 2: to say, cool, I'm happy not to have a child
Speaker 2: for five years and wait and hope that it happens,
Speaker 2: then hope that he changes his mind because there's no guarantee,
Speaker 2: or he has to compromise and say, fine, I'll have
Speaker 2: a child in the next five years. But then is
Speaker 2: he going to resent that? Is he going to resent
Speaker 2: the child? Is he going to resent you? Because it's
Speaker 2: a big life change. So one of you here is
Speaker 2: making a compromise. You need to decide who, you need
Speaker 2: to decide what the result of that is going to be.
Speaker 2: And if you want that.
Speaker 1: Not only is he gonna be resent for because he's
Speaker 1: had children when he doesn't want to have them, Is
Speaker 1: he going to be a shit dad? Is he going
Speaker 1: to be a shit father to these children? Because it's
Speaker 1: not what he wanted in the first place. And I
Speaker 1: think that's why these conversations are so important, Because you
Speaker 1: might foresee a future that you want with someone, but
Speaker 1: is that person that person that you foresee this future with,
Speaker 1: this person that you're holding onto, are they going to
Speaker 1: be able to give you all of the compartments of
Speaker 1: that life, all of the bits and pieces that will
Speaker 1: actually make you happy in the long run, or you're
Speaker 1: trying to fit a triangle into a square.
Speaker 2: I feel like we've answered that question.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a hard one because you know, we never
Speaker 1: want to say break up, because I don't think that
Speaker 1: that's necessarily the solution all the time. But very big,
Speaker 1: life changing conversations need to be had, and sometimes it's
Speaker 1: really scary to have them because you're scared of the answer.
Speaker 2: I just want to add one more thing in addition,
Speaker 2: but I just want to say that if this comes
Speaker 2: to the point where you guys aren't in alignment and
Speaker 2: the relationship ends, I don't want you to feel like
Speaker 2: it's the end of the world. Of course, you're going
Speaker 2: to be very very upset, and it's a whole everything's
Speaker 2: going to change for you. A life is going to
Speaker 2: start that you haven't had before. But that doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be scary, and it doesn't have to be the
Speaker 2: end of the world. Of course, you can mourn the relationship,
Speaker 2: but then you can be excited for what's to come.
Speaker 2: And I'm only saying if it goes down that track,
Speaker 2: because chances are you haven't had a relationship breakdown like
Speaker 2: that before, and that's going to be really scary for you.
Speaker 2: And you know what, it will be scary, and those
Speaker 2: emotions are normal, and it will feel absolutely fucking shit,
Speaker 2: and those emotions are normal, you know. I think saying
Speaker 2: like it doesn't have to be I think it will be,
Speaker 2: but I think it's okay that it is totally And
Speaker 2: that's it. Anyways, that's it from us, guys. We have
Speaker 2: a little bit of news for you though, just in housekeeping. Yes,
Speaker 2: bat Chung Cut is not going to be coming out
Speaker 2: tomorrow on Friday. Bat Chun Cut is actually going to
Speaker 2: be coming out on Saturday this week.
Speaker 1: I know that we missed last week's episode. I know
Speaker 1: you guys like I hate you. You are unreliable, but
Speaker 1: guess what. We've got two kids and.
Speaker 2: We're supposed to be getting married tomorrow, so we don't
Speaker 2: want to spend our day recording an episode. We would
Speaker 2: like to maybe go and have dinner and pretend like
Speaker 2: wet sex. They want to have sex. It is no
Speaker 2: they were supposed to be getting married, so they're like,
Speaker 2: let's pretend we're still having a really romantic getaway. Let's
Speaker 2: still pretend we're they're together. Let's have some down and
Speaker 2: dirty sex for about two point two minutes.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have some really hot, steamy, momentary two minutes sex.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be great, but no, honestly.
Speaker 1: Youny two minute noodles and then we'll go to bed. Honestly,
Speaker 1: we like, we love doing batch on cut. We actually
Speaker 1: can't wait to do the episode. Yeah, we're prepped, we're ready,
Speaker 1: we're pumped. We're coming back this week. We've got a
Speaker 1: road caster. It'll just be a day late. Because you
Speaker 1: know what, sometimes you've got to put some effort into
Speaker 1: your own relationship.
Speaker 2: Love that guys. It keeps lightning too. The DMS with
Speaker 2: your confessionals, you're accidentally unfiltered. Any funny stories you've got,
Speaker 2: can't believe they said that any updates on your ask
Speaker 2: on cuts, any updates on your asking Cuts. That is
Speaker 2: Life on Cut podcast on the Instagram, and jump in
Speaker 2: and join the Facebook discussion group if you haven't. There's
Speaker 2: like sixty thousand people in there, like minded people that
Speaker 2: have the best conversations. So many people have made friends
Speaker 2: as meetup groups. So jump on that on the Facebook group.
Speaker 2: That's also Life on Cut podcast. And Laura has something
Speaker 2: she else to stage. She's got her Panda. I was like,
Speaker 2: and you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad,
Speaker 2: tell you dug, tell your friends and share the love
Speaker 2: because we love. Oh that buddy the cutter, That buddy
Speaker 2: the b Cutter. Is the day, the day that don't
Speaker 2: go ba