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Speaker 1: Hello. That was far too formal. But my name's Will.

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Speaker 2: This is what.

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Speaker 1: You might already know who we are because this podcast

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Speaker 1: in our feed.

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Speaker 2: If not, though, and I'm aware of the fact that

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Speaker 2: there are people clicking on this who have been directed

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Speaker 2: here through the Life Uncut Girls, through Britt Hockley and

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Speaker 2: Laura Byrn. You should know that last year Woods and

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Speaker 2: I made a mental health app called Share My Mood,

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Speaker 2: and so this year, to continue in our quest to

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Speaker 2: get you guys to connect better with your friends, we

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Speaker 2: had this idea to do from Share my Mood, Share

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Speaker 2: my Food.

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Speaker 3: Let's it, which is effectively sitting down with people that

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Speaker 3: are close to you or really anyone in your life yep,

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Speaker 3: and going through three activities that we have crafted with

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Speaker 3: the help of a mental health service Butterfish yep. And

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Speaker 3: again you'll hear in this dinner that we have with

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Speaker 3: Laura and Britt just how far you can take a relationship.

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Speaker 3: We didn't really know these guys at all. Was the

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Speaker 3: first time we had physically met. Have a listen to

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Speaker 3: how we're talking to each other at the end of

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Speaker 3: this dinner. That's a good point and you could be

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Speaker 3: doing that with anyone in your life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and as you said, we didn't know them at

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Speaker 2: the start, and we're now friends with them.

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Speaker 1: And I would say free exercises.

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Speaker 2: You know, you can know someone for six months, you

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Speaker 2: can know someone for your whole working life and not

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Speaker 2: consider them a friend. We sat down there with these

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Speaker 2: women for an hour and a half and we're now

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Speaker 2: mates purely through the right exercises.

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Speaker 1: And it just goes to show that.

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Speaker 2: And that's what the whole point of this was about,

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Speaker 2: was realizing that there is love for you.

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Speaker 1: There are people who care about you. They're in your life.

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Speaker 2: You just have to make yourself open to that in

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Speaker 2: order to experience it.

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Speaker 3: And have the right activities. So you can do one

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Speaker 3: of these dinners. By the way, if you want one

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Speaker 3: of these activity books, then head along to our instagram.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, there's a link in the bio on the Instagram.

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Speaker 2: You can also head straight to Willmwoody dot com. I

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Speaker 2: know there's a lot of people listening to this who'll

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Speaker 2: see it as an instructional bit of audio for your

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Speaker 2: dinner tomorrow night on Thursday night. I'm recording this on Wednesday.

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Speaker 2: I really want to stress as well that every dinner

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Speaker 2: will be different. This This got very emotional at times.

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Speaker 2: It was very open, it was very transparent. You might

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Speaker 2: just move a friendship from a friendship where you're an

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Speaker 2: acquaintance a million acquaintance to maybe.

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Speaker 1: Talking a little bit more. That's a win.

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Speaker 2: Anything that happens at these dinners is yours. It's yours only.

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Speaker 2: It's a win for you. Don't use this as something

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Speaker 2: to measure yourself against. Just use it as a way

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Speaker 2: to guide you through it anyway.

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Speaker 4: Enjoy the check, guys.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so we're here with the live pun cut girls,

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Speaker 2: Britt and Laura. Thanks for coming down to the first

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Speaker 2: chapter of Share My Food, which is the continuation of

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Speaker 2: Share My Mood.

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Speaker 4: And there is food here.

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Speaker 1: We're at the Builder's Arms Hotel.

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Speaker 2: You beautiful food. Will It's roy I'm reading there, whipped codrow.

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Speaker 5: Theod is amazing.

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Speaker 2: Oh me, Well, you just thought it spend a bit

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Speaker 2: of a time game to know each other and just

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Speaker 2: what everyone's going to be doing on Thursday night.

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Speaker 1: So it's what it's all about.

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Speaker 2: We're trying to stimulate that for them. We've got three

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Speaker 2: activities which have been written by us and Butterfish, which

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Speaker 2: we're going to work through together. And the first exercise,

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Speaker 2: which is for all the hosts out there, is to

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Speaker 2: organize each guest to answer a question about another guest.

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Speaker 2: All you have to ask is get the person to

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Speaker 2: write down what they admire about another guest. One sentence

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Speaker 2: is what I've captured at. It can be more than that,

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Speaker 2: it can be less than that.

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Speaker 5: I just wade a PowerPoint present.

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Speaker 2: All right, so we've all been allocated each other law

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Speaker 2: I wrote for you, So please everyone hand over your compliments.

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Speaker 2: I just remember in your phone's I love that you

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Speaker 2: said yours.

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Speaker 4: No no, I as in like, yeah.

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Speaker 2: You're going to say it, I've got yeah, yeah, that

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Speaker 2: almost spoke.

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Speaker 1: Jeez.

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Speaker 2: I love that I was about to say on Thursday night.

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Speaker 2: You did not have to read these out, give them

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Speaker 2: to the guests and it's for them to read privately.

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Speaker 2: And okay, So I just want to stress before we

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Speaker 2: do this that the reason you're doing this is to

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Speaker 2: avoid people feeling. The reason you pre prepare your note

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Speaker 2: is so that you're not on the spot on Thursday nights.

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Speaker 2: You're not rushing thinking like jeese, I got to think

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Speaker 2: something nice to say about this person. That's a really

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Speaker 2: hard thing to do.

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Speaker 1: I've also stressed. Here.

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Speaker 2: Let people read these at the same time privately so

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Speaker 2: you don't feel pressure.

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Speaker 1: But that true, the pressure.

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Speaker 2: And the other thing I've written here, it's a chance

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Speaker 2: for people to know each other. The reason we're doing

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Speaker 2: this is it's just a chance to connect before.

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Speaker 1: We go any further.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So without further ado, I will start.

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Speaker 1: Laura.

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Speaker 6: Also, I hate compliments, so like compliments make everyone.

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Speaker 5: I feel like everyone gets a.

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Speaker 6: Bit uncomfortable by compliments you just like in particular, I'm like,

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Speaker 6: what do I do with my hands?

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Speaker 5: Now?

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Speaker 1: I think.

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Speaker 7: We want.

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Speaker 2: Right here you go, Laura. I can't believe we're reading

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Speaker 2: these out. This is against the rules, but we're doing it. Okay, Laura,

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Speaker 2: I've got nothing but admiration for your capacity for warmth. Importantly,

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Speaker 2: given your status, your notoriety, and who you are. Ever

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Speaker 2: since I've met, you've showed me nothing but compassion. Even

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Speaker 2: more impressive, however, is that it doesn't dilute your wit, intellect,

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Speaker 2: or your humor.

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Speaker 1: It's all just a beautiful melange.

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Speaker 2: If anything, I think your softness only amplifies all your

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Speaker 2: other best traits.

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Speaker 5: Oh well, it's nicest thing anyone's unset about. That's really nice.

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Speaker 6: That was very nice, and I feel like I need

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Speaker 6: to add more things.

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Speaker 5: That was really nice, beautifully thought out and delivered. There

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Speaker 5: was a word in there.

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Speaker 4: I might need to google malone maloge.

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Speaker 5: It's like a boiling thing. I think like people can

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Speaker 5: do it in like.

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Speaker 7: An intersexual capacity as well a malonge.

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Speaker 5: I don't think it is. I think you can use

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Speaker 5: it as a mix. So mixing body parts, don't do.

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Speaker 3: You think In France they go, let's have a milange,

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Speaker 3: which means let's just mix our body parts up.

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Speaker 5: That's what I'm doing.

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Speaker 1: My great compliment. Compliments are good, so.

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Speaker 4: Assume the position.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so.

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Speaker 5: Uh just makes it trust me to make it more

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Speaker 5: walk and it has to be.

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Speaker 3: What I admire about you is your resilience for starters.

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Speaker 3: So I know that the first time we spoke to you,

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Speaker 3: and I brought this up on Friday when we had

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Speaker 3: an interview, but you're in tears before a radio show

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Speaker 3: that you did, and then when I met you for

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Speaker 3: the first time of a webcam, I never could have

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Speaker 3: guessed in a million years that you were going through

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Speaker 3: a tough time or that you had been crying, because

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Speaker 3: you are the sort of person who puts others before

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Speaker 3: yourself in every single situation.

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Speaker 4: You're a people pleaser to your own detriment.

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Speaker 3: And since I've met you in person today, I think

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Speaker 3: on about six occasions already you've taken the piss out

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Speaker 3: of yourself to make the people around you feel a

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Speaker 3: lot better. And that's an incredibly amiable trade.

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Speaker 5: Thanks.

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Speaker 3: I mean that was so nice.

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Speaker 7: I felt that you meant that too, because the eye contact.

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Speaker 3: Which got a little bit creepy, O.

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Speaker 1: Will fret.

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Speaker 5: I should have prepared this like an eye contact.

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Speaker 1: That's fine thing where.

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Speaker 2: You debase, just do whatever you feel comfortable with me,

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Speaker 2: and you have to look down and.

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Speaker 5: Then well, yes for somebody, I'm going to go rogue

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Speaker 5: as well.

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Speaker 7: Great for somebody that talks for a living and a

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Speaker 7: comedy show at that you're the base of who you are.

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Speaker 5: Who you both are is comedy.

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Speaker 7: I find from the moment I met you that everything

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Speaker 7: you say is very considered.

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Speaker 5: Nothing is, even if it sins off the cuff. I

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Speaker 5: can tell it's not. I can tell that you are Your.

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Speaker 8: Brain snaps is very quick inside your head, and.

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Speaker 7: You can regulate what you're going to say to make

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Speaker 7: sure that you don't offend anyone. Yet you're still a

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Speaker 7: funny fucker, so you still deliver the goods, you still

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Speaker 7: bring it home, but it is very considered and thoughtful.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Thank you, Brittany. That's so nice. Thank you

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Speaker 1: so much. That's so lovely.

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Speaker 2: I forgot how good that exercise is.

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Speaker 1: It's incredible.

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Speaker 2: Like writing something and saying something about someone that you

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Speaker 2: you know, maybe you know them really well, maybe you

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Speaker 2: don't know them so well. The capacity will make you

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Speaker 2: like just instantly feel gratitude towards that person's massive and

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Speaker 2: you already feel like.

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Speaker 1: You'd kind of just get a chance to just know

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Speaker 1: them a bit more.

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Speaker 7: It's also interesting to see how other people the impression

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Speaker 7: that other people get.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, other people see you.

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Speaker 7: From you know, we don't know each maybe we've had

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Speaker 7: a few interactions, you know each other from a public profile.

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Speaker 5: It's different to see.

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Speaker 3: How you come across one hundred percent so ashamed that

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Speaker 3: we don't say these things to each other. Yeah, until

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Speaker 3: we knew each other. But I wasn't going to reach out.

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Speaker 3: I was going to DM you and say that to you.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 9: Yes, it's funny how you feel uncomfortable to give such

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Speaker 9: a nice compliment.

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Speaker 5: So true, don't you think as well?

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Speaker 6: And not just like I think it also becomes a

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Speaker 6: gender thing, like I think it's if a guy is

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Speaker 6: to reach out and give and like a really like

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Speaker 6: outstanding compliment, there's always an implication that there's something more

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Speaker 6: loaded int So if you were to say that to

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Speaker 6: me normally, sorry, if you were to me will and

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Speaker 6: I had only met you, I.

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Speaker 1: Would be likely too much?

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Speaker 4: Whoa too much?

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Speaker 6: I have kids, And if you would think you would,

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Speaker 6: you would read more into it. And I think like

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Speaker 6: there has to be space to allow for those conversations

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Speaker 6: where there isn't something loaded into it.

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Speaker 5: That's what makes people feel more comfortable.

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Speaker 1: One.

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Speaker 2: That's a really good point, and that's amazing that within

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Speaker 2: that space because we set it up like all the

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Speaker 2: other totally just like this a crack, I can actually

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Speaker 2: just tell you that, you know, you're a beautiful person

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Speaker 2: and not feel.

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Speaker 3: Like yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: All right, guys, let's go on to the next bit.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, yeah, okay, So.

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Speaker 2: The next exercise is checking in with each other and

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Speaker 2: learning how to listen. So everyone in the group is

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Speaker 2: going to answer the four questions. They're all related. Don't worry,

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Speaker 2: they're not it's not like a total new question, total

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Speaker 2: refresh each question. They're all linked in with each other,

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Speaker 2: so they should flow really easily and sequentially. And this

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Speaker 2: is the next bit again for the listeners is try

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Speaker 2: to avoid while you're listening to someone trying to fix

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Speaker 2: the struggle for them, try not to tell them what

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Speaker 2: you would do in that situation. So all you're trying

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Speaker 2: to do here is just how you can support them.

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Speaker 2: Maybe ask that is there any way I can support

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Speaker 2: you at the end? Can I make it easier at all?

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Speaker 2: Obviously you can ask questions if there are questions that

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Speaker 2: come up to.

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Speaker 1: Help clarify or to help like probe a.

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Speaker 2: Bit deeper, But ultimately it's just about empathizing with someone

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Speaker 2: when they're talking and just like holding space for them

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Speaker 2: without like, you know, trying to solve it for them,

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Speaker 2: which I know you feel like you're trying to do

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Speaker 2: the right thing, but it's really frustrating when you just

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Speaker 2: need someone to just listen to you, because as I'm

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Speaker 2: sure anybody who's been in therapy will tell you.

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Speaker 1: You solve the problems yourself.

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Speaker 2: You just need somebody to kind of like point you

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Speaker 2: with the right questions. And again, it's not even to

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Speaker 2: be therapy. It's just a chance to tell other people

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Speaker 2: what you're going through. So woods ah, perfect why I

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Speaker 2: started the last one.

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Speaker 4: So that's fair, yep, But technically Laura was second. La

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Speaker 4: Laura wants to go.

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Speaker 6: No, I feel like I need to lead by example

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Speaker 6: so that you can go first. No, No, I need

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Speaker 6: I need to follow by examples example.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So a struggle I had this week was brought.

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Speaker 4: Upon by I hate to bring up a competitive.

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Speaker 3: Podcast or another podcast, but the Imperfect Do you guys

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Speaker 3: know the Imperfect an extraordinary guy. They recently brought out

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Speaker 3: a podcast which was titled Truth the Harmony effectively with

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Speaker 3: their in house psychologist, and it effectively explained that the

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Speaker 3: issues around choosing for harmony and keeping everyone happy compared

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Speaker 3: to speaking the truth, which may it be received too well.

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Speaker 4: And then for people.

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Speaker 3: Pleasers, it can be very difficult to talk about what

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Speaker 3: you need because you worry that it will.

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Speaker 4: Let someone down or it's not what they want to hear.

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Speaker 3: So this resonated quite strongly with me, and I knew

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Speaker 3: I needed to have a conversation with my partner about

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Speaker 3: that because on.

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Speaker 4: A level, I'm constantly.

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Speaker 3: Thinking about what does she want to do or what's

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Speaker 3: going to be best for her? And she doesn't demand

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Speaker 3: that of me at all, but I'm just constantly probably

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Speaker 3: not being fully honest about what I want to do

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Speaker 3: because I'm so wary of keeping her happy or making

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Speaker 3: sure she's having at her best, etc. So I listen

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Speaker 3: to this podcast and I was like, I know that

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Speaker 3: I need to have this conversation with her. So I

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Speaker 3: actually interestingly brought up an.

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Speaker 4: Idea with her to have a need date.

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Speaker 3: And that was the idea that every single week we'd

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Speaker 3: get together and then just say one thing.

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Speaker 4: That we really need that we haven't communicated.

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Speaker 3: To each other naturally MIMS or right through this and

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Speaker 3: we're just.

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Speaker 1: Like, what do you know?

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Speaker 4: You like, no, nothing, that's.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely what are you talking about? And she's like, you've

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Speaker 3: clearly got one and this is your subtle way bringing.

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Speaker 2: Up I was so subtle.

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Speaker 6: She's like, let's not drag it out and like made

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Speaker 6: me like wonder for three days what the problem is?

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Speaker 4: Just tell me one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: So she said that, and I was like, let's not

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Speaker 2: talk about it now, let's just put some things in

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Speaker 2: place again.

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Speaker 3: I actually, when she said that, pretended that it just

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Speaker 3: came to me. I was like, oh, sorry, there was

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Speaker 3: this one thing again she said right through and it

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Speaker 3: was such a simple one, but it was clearly having

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Speaker 3: an impact on me, and that is that when I

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Speaker 3: do something socially or even do something by myself, she'll

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Speaker 3: make a joke of like no, no don't go, or

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Speaker 3: no don't I'll miss you. And it's really really beautiful

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Speaker 3: that she says that, and she's also saying it as

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Speaker 3: a joke. But what I never communicated to her was

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Speaker 3: that really and I was like, oh, now I feel

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Speaker 3: awful about going to do this thing without you. So

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Speaker 3: I just said her, please don't make that joke, and

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Speaker 3: she was like, yep, no worries. And it's just so

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Speaker 3: funny that in my you know, my thought going into

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Speaker 3: that conversation, I was like, this is going to be

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Speaker 3: the hardest thing to do, Like this is confrontational, She's

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Speaker 3: going to be offended by this.

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Speaker 4: Da da da da.

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Speaker 3: But then when I actually went through it, it was

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Speaker 3: totally fine. Yeah, I know, yeah, absolutely, but in my

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Speaker 3: head it really.

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Speaker 1: Did so yeah, you go, Britt.

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Speaker 7: I was just gonna say it's funny too, because without

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Speaker 7: communicating that, she probably thinks I'm just letting him know

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Speaker 7: how much I love him and I'll miss him, and

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Speaker 7: she probably thinks she's.

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Speaker 5: Giving you these good feelings and like.

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Speaker 7: Food informations, but not knowing that you were feeling guilty.

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Speaker 4: Then yeah, one hundred percent. Yeah, And I know that.

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Speaker 3: I think the hardest thing about this struggle, though, is

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Speaker 3: going to be well, this was went really well because

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Speaker 3: I brought it up. I know that I'm going to

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Speaker 3: need to have those conversations more with people because for

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Speaker 3: so long and for so many of my relationships, whether

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Speaker 3: it's with me and or friends, I've just always been

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Speaker 3: probably a bit dishonest about what I want to do

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Speaker 3: or what I really need because I'm always like, what.

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Speaker 4: Do you want to do? What do you want to do?

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Speaker 3: And yeah, I'll do that to my own detriment. So

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Speaker 3: I'm not looking forward to having those conversations with friends,

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Speaker 3: and probably I'm concerned about not becoming a no person.

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Speaker 3: But I'm concerned about maybe saying to a friend now,

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Speaker 3: I don't want to do that, and how they might

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Speaker 3: think that I'm different.

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Speaker 1: Ask why.

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Speaker 4: I think it's.

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Speaker 3: Because I feel safe and secure when I'm being this

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Speaker 3: person that's easy going and is making everyone's experiences around

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Speaker 3: me really good. And I think an irrational fear I've

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Speaker 3: got is if I'm not being that person and if

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Speaker 3: I'm not always saying yes or agreeing to what's going

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Speaker 3: on around me, that then I will not be liked,

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Speaker 3: and then those relationships will probably.

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Speaker 4: Fall down because.

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Speaker 1: A fun person.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or in my head, I'm like, but the reason

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Speaker 3: that relationship, that relationship works is because I'm making so

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Speaker 3: much effort to like make it so nice for everyone

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Speaker 3: around me.

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Speaker 4: And the minute I stopped doing that, I will lose

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Speaker 4: that friendship or lose that friend.

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Speaker 1: So silly you can.

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Speaker 4: Say no, yeah, I will.

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Speaker 3: It's so funny that the one of the examples that

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Speaker 3: the podcast brought up was if you're the sort of

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Speaker 3: person that goes to a cafe and orders a coffee

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Speaker 3: and then the wrong coffee comes out, you still take.

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Speaker 4: It and you just sort of accept it. And I

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Speaker 4: was listening to that, and I was like, oh, that's you.

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Speaker 3: I am that person, and then I will probably avoid

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Speaker 3: that cafe for the next six months because I won't

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Speaker 3: want to say, hey, last time you got the order wrong,

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Speaker 3: I actually like this, remember.

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Speaker 7: When you were buying my wrong coffee for six months.

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Speaker 5: I didn't want to tell you, so I just let

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Speaker 5: you do it.

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Speaker 6: But you still have the coffee. You got it today

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Speaker 6: I switched back.

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Speaker 4: Now you maybe love it.

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Speaker 2: Today.

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Speaker 5: I want a buffe and you've got the name one

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Speaker 5: and I was like, I don't know, that's what. I

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Speaker 5: ordered a different cofee.

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Speaker 7: She's like, but I've been ordering you saw it for

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Speaker 7: the whole time. And I was like, it's okay, it's fine,

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Speaker 7: and I don't want to cause a problem.

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Speaker 1: It's fine.

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Speaker 4: She's like, it's crazy.

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Speaker 3: It's just like you go into fight and fight your

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Speaker 3: fight off flight mode, like when someone does something. If

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Speaker 3: you brought me the wrong coffee, or if someone brought

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Speaker 3: me the wrong coffee, it's like my whole body breaks

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Speaker 3: down or shuts down.

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Speaker 5: When they call that sickophan.

401
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Speaker 7: It's called sickophan, which is like cloaquially is called a yes, ma'am.

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Speaker 7: Someone that wants to suggest please, and you just it's

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Speaker 7: easier for you to say yes, yes, yes. The thought

404
00:18:35,119 --> 00:18:38,159
Speaker 7: of what could happen if you say no, it's just

405
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Speaker 7: too much.

406
00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:39,240
Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, So what's the lesson that you took away from it?

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Speaker 3: Well, the lesson I sort of went around the wrong way,

409
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Speaker 3: but I talked about the issues around it. But I

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Speaker 3: had the conversation with him and it went It just

411
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Speaker 3: couldn't have done easier.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was the.

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Speaker 4: Easiest conversation I've ever had, in hindsight.

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Speaker 2: Telling people because I've been on the other side of

415
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,840
Speaker 2: that situation, you know that, like Sam is eerily similar

416
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Speaker 2: to you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, don't don't tell me too that, Tom, let's not

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Speaker 4: go too far.

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Speaker 2: But like I am always so relieved when yeah, exactly,

420
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Speaker 2: she actually just like says, no, this is what I want.

421
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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, thank god, now would you? You got

422
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Speaker 2: to finish off with something the best thing that happened

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Speaker 2: to this week, This is basic gratitude stuff. Rather than

424
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Speaker 2: focusing on the thing that was, You've got a great

425
00:19:27,240 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 2: lesson from it was the fact that you actually got

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Speaker 2: to say it to her.

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Speaker 1: The best thing that happened to you.

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00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,240
Speaker 4: Absolutely not the best thing that happened to me this week.

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Speaker 4: It actually happened last night. So it's a fresh one. No, no,

430
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:47,640
Speaker 4: it's fine, It's totally fine. Sick mind that up again. Yeah, no, no, no,

431
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Speaker 4: I used an air fry for the first time last night.

432
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Speaker 3: Was it?

433
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Speaker 4: My goodness?

434
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Speaker 5: I'm not there yet. I can't relate yet.

435
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 4: Get an air fryer.

436
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 5: I don't have one, but I've been. I get a

437
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:04,720
Speaker 5: lot of this energy.

438
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Speaker 4: It is so easy.

439
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:10,520
Speaker 6: So my okay, I'm gonna before we get into my thing,

440
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Speaker 6: I don't know if I have a lesson for mine.

441
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:16,840
Speaker 5: They came to think we can, Okay.

442
00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,240
Speaker 3: We can.

443
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Speaker 4: When I'm going to try and solve it.

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Speaker 1: We can split ball it if we solve it.

445
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Speaker 4: Champagne, my FAD's Champagne ship.

446
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Speaker 1: Do you want me to read to you or do

447
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,080
Speaker 1: you want to read them?

448
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 7: You can read to me.

449
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 1: You may read to me.

450
00:20:39,720 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 5: Did you read The Far Away?

451
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Speaker 1: I did that book. It's been taking off the books.

452
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,760
Speaker 1: It's been taking off the shelves. The Magic Fireaway.

453
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,720
Speaker 7: You never read The Magic. It was the best child

454
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:51,240
Speaker 7: of the book ever.

455
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:52,800
Speaker 1: It's totally totally been canceled.

456
00:20:53,720 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 2: Their Little Black Friends.

457
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's didn't as well.

458
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,800
Speaker 3: Characters called Dick and Pennycter.

459
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 5: You know the word extraordinary, it's a good word. It's

460
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:13,480
Speaker 5: a really good work.

461
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:14,600
Speaker 2: I don't.

462
00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:16,240
Speaker 5: Use it.

463
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:24,119
Speaker 6: I really like it. I'm going to take it extraordinary.

464
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:25,520
Speaker 5: I really enjoy it.

465
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 1: Okay, Britt, let's go.

466
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 2: You've got some carrots to shove in your mouth, just

467
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 2: in case you get a little.

468
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 4: Bit you need some.

469
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, cool, right, all right, So first question, what were

470
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:38,520
Speaker 2: you struggling with this week?

471
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 7: So that was really hard for me to think of

472
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:46,399
Speaker 7: what I was struggling most with. I feel like our

473
00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,320
Speaker 7: emotions at the moment are like a hurricane. I think

474
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:52,879
Speaker 7: I feel like we've always got loads going on. But

475
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,440
Speaker 7: if I had to pinpoint what I have been having

476
00:21:55,440 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 7: the most trouble with, probably not this week, but electively,

477
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 7: this year, maybe even for many years. For me, it's

478
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 7: been like a constant uphill battle, and that is that

479
00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 7: I never I feel very I can already feel myself

480
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:17,800
Speaker 7: getting upset, but this is.

481
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:18,960
Speaker 5: A vulnerable place.

482
00:22:20,200 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 7: I feel very unlovable and very oh wow, like something

483
00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:28,840
Speaker 7: must be wrong with me, Like I'm the common denominator,

484
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:36,440
Speaker 7: because I've had a like ten years of just like

485
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,640
Speaker 7: horrific things happening to me, some public, some very private.

486
00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:41,920
Speaker 7: But I just feel like I can I'm a bit like,

487
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 7: when's my turn? What's wrong with me?

488
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,200
Speaker 5: Why can't?

489
00:22:44,240 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 7: Why is everyone else getting a happy ending? And I

490
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 7: can't find love or like feel loved, so and I

491
00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 7: know I'm the first person to say on the podcast.

492
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 7: You know, don't be silly.

493
00:22:58,560 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 5: It's not you.

494
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 7: It's and it's hard to sometimes take your own advice.

495
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,760
Speaker 7: And I know that it is still because I know

496
00:23:06,840 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 7: that I'm a good person and I'm worthy of love

497
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,600
Speaker 7: and stuff like that. But that is just what I

498
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:13,000
Speaker 7: battle with for constantly.

499
00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,760
Speaker 5: I always just feel like, oh, here it is again.

500
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:17,879
Speaker 7: I'm not enough again, I'm heartbroken again.

501
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 5: No one wants to know me. I feel like no

502
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:25,240
Speaker 5: one wants to know me. That's what I feel like, ye.

503
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 2: Mate, Yeah, thanks for like, honestly, that's a big thing

504
00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:33,360
Speaker 2: to say to us, like we again don't.

505
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,000
Speaker 1: Know each other that well. I privileged that actual's sharing.

506
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 7: That's Oh I just thought if I'm going to share something,

507
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 7: I may as well hardcorn have like the.

508
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 4: Knee jerk reaction and just like yes, you know that,

509
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 4: because that.

510
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 5: Doesn't do anything.

511
00:23:49,800 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 6: Do you think and I feel like I know the

512
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,239
Speaker 6: answer to this, but do you think that this has

513
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:58,199
Speaker 6: been more amplified this year because obviously everything came to

514
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 6: a head with like this has been like kind of

515
00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:04,200
Speaker 6: like feeling like being put back into the same place.

516
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,280
Speaker 5: Yeah as last you.

517
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 7: Yeah, I had like a you guys broken to know,

518
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:11,879
Speaker 7: but I had a what I thought was finally the

519
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 7: one love.

520
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, and.

521
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:24,920
Speaker 7: Yeah, oh man, that's okay, I'm fine.

522
00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:35,160
Speaker 10: The Floris Lava everything, it's just like sorry properly.

523
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,719
Speaker 7: I guess, like towards the end of the year, it

524
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 7: wasn't like a clean cut.

525
00:24:38,560 --> 00:24:43,120
Speaker 5: It's quite ongoing. But yeah, it just puts you back

526
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:43,560
Speaker 5: a step.

527
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 1: It's okay, no thought.

528
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,320
Speaker 2: It also doesn't have to be okay, Like I know

529
00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 2: you're saying it's okay, but it doesn't have to be okay.

530
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: I know that's a nice like conversation cleansing.

531
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I think for me and I've spoken about before,

532
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 7: it's it's this idea that okay, this much time has

533
00:25:01,880 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 7: gone past, now, yeah you should be okay and everything

534
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,920
Speaker 7: should be fine, should be back on track. And I

535
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 7: think that's one thing I want to tell all of

536
00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 7: our listeners too, is that there isn't a clean like

537
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 7: love and breakups and healing isn't linear, and sometimes it

538
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,440
Speaker 7: takes longer for other people and you have to work

539
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 7: through other things and like, yeah, it's just a feeling

540
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 7: that it just like I had felt it over the years,

541
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:24,760
Speaker 7: and then I felt really good for a little while

542
00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 7: and then it just this year is just really driven

543
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,680
Speaker 7: it home and it makes it harder because.

544
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:32,719
Speaker 5: I feel like I shouldn't feel like that.

545
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:34,240
Speaker 7: I'm like, look at all the good things I have

546
00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,679
Speaker 7: in my life, and that doesn't take away from the

547
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 7: fact that you can have amazing things in your life

548
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,440
Speaker 7: and amazing people and doesn't take away from the fact

549
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 7: that you can still feel those things.

550
00:25:43,440 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 4: So do you find comparison hard? But I know we

551
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 4: were talking before about like with your.

552
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 3: Friends they're all totally because that used to impact me

553
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 3: a little bit. Again, I met my partner like a

554
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 3: year and a bit ago, and I'm in my thirties,

555
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 3: and for me hard when it was like, oh yeah,

556
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 3: and it's really hard.

557
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 4: As you said, you just can't compare what people have

558
00:26:06,080 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 4: or don't.

559
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,199
Speaker 7: Have or what you you can't it's just really and

560
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 7: there's always pressure in your thirties as well as a woman,

561
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 7: like there's always pressure for that kind of thing, and.

562
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 5: I don't put that on myself at all.

563
00:26:17,119 --> 00:26:19,679
Speaker 7: And I guess that's why even though I have these feelings,

564
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 7: I definitely don't. You know, I was single for nearly

565
00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 7: ten years even though I wanted to find that and

566
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 7: have that relationship And this is one thing I guess

567
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 7: I can say I'm proud of about myself is I

568
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,120
Speaker 7: still won't just settle or date somebody for the sake

569
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 7: of it, even though I really want those I'm still

570
00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 7: willing to wait for the right time.

571
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 4: Right person.

572
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 11: But yeah, you definitely care.

573
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:41,400
Speaker 5: You can't help it compay us off.

574
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 7: And you know, I'm with Laura every day and she

575
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 7: has the beautiful, happy ending and the kids and the fiance,

576
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:51,800
Speaker 7: and you know they have a really beautiful, a lot

577
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,040
Speaker 7: of people might not see it, but very supportive relationship.

578
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,040
Speaker 5: So you just sort of like, when.

579
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:07,920
Speaker 7: It's my turn, that's my that's my heartbreak, guy, But like, I'm.

580
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 5: So fine, and I actually am.

581
00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: What's the great Stuff's part about the struggle probably covered it?

582
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:16,960
Speaker 7: Yeah, I think, I mean, I think I just feels

583
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 7: a lesson.

584
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,160
Speaker 5: I guess the lesson lessons probably that I don't really

585
00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 5: have a lesson. I don't think I've got there yet.

586
00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 2: Can I suggest a lesson that I've come away from

587
00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,600
Speaker 2: it for though, Because it's so funny that I said,

588
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: like I was immediately like going, oh, you know, is

589
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,800
Speaker 2: the self worth thing more global with you? But immediately

590
00:27:32,840 --> 00:27:36,960
Speaker 2: you're like, well, no, because like I'm nailing this, nailing this, nailing,

591
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,200
Speaker 2: and I think the same thing with my sister when

592
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 2: I speak to her, like her maybe this isn't a

593
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:45,800
Speaker 2: lesson so much as like a byproduct of it. I'm

594
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 2: always so impressed with how self sufficient she is.

595
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,159
Speaker 1: Like I'm a little bitch in life.

596
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:58,359
Speaker 2: I need so much of my stuff taken care of.

597
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,439
Speaker 5: I built this, I made this.

598
00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 2: Toy.

599
00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 5: Who he's going to do it?

600
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:08,000
Speaker 2: You had to and you just clock it and you

601
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,280
Speaker 2: just nail it, and like, look at you. I mean,

602
00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:12,159
Speaker 2: like it's so funny that people would look at you

603
00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,200
Speaker 2: from the outside and you have that issue with self

604
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 2: work because people would look at you and go exactly

605
00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:20,120
Speaker 2: what you said, income, lifestyle, travel, beauty, all of these

606
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,920
Speaker 2: things you've just like like if I was an examiner,

607
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 2: like like a plus like all the way down.

608
00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:30,120
Speaker 6: Okay, I am kind of attacking this in the same

609
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:31,920
Speaker 6: way that you did, Brit because it's not so much

610
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 6: my like I feel like overall like I'm very lucky,

611
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 6: and I don't I don't.

612
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:39,720
Speaker 5: I guess how'd I say?

613
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 6: I have probably one overarching thing that is like a

614
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 6: current and constant theme in my life that is.

615
00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 5: My greatest struggle.

616
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,880
Speaker 6: It's not so much that it's just any one particular

617
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:52,040
Speaker 6: week then I've had this one epiphany. But I have

618
00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 6: a real problem.

619
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:56,080
Speaker 5: I don't know how to describe this.

620
00:28:56,200 --> 00:29:00,800
Speaker 6: I have a real problem with taking on everything because

621
00:29:00,920 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 6: I think I need to do it all in order

622
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 6: to be successful and to prove.

623
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:07,880
Speaker 5: That I have value.

624
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 6: And that I can be good at my job. And

625
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 6: I think that I've gotten myself into a situation I'll

626
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 6: also cry where I have two very small children. I

627
00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 6: had two children under the age of two. I also

628
00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 6: ran two businesses at the same time. I went back

629
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,440
Speaker 6: to work with a two week old baby. I didn't

630
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 6: get any maternity leave, like I was still sending out

631
00:29:29,400 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 6: emails when I was in labor, like I.

632
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:39,400
Speaker 5: So I constantly have this feeling of like everything is

633
00:29:39,480 --> 00:29:40,480
Speaker 5: like this, Like I.

634
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 6: Work until midnight every night because there's.

635
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:45,000
Speaker 5: No time to stop, but I don't know how to

636
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:45,479
Speaker 5: stop it.

637
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:52,960
Speaker 6: So that's like, yeah, so silly, okay.

638
00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:54,280
Speaker 5: And the reason why.

639
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:56,840
Speaker 6: I get so upset about it is because I miss

640
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:58,160
Speaker 6: a lot of things with my kids.

641
00:29:58,240 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 5: Yeah, and that's and like that makes me feel really guilty.

642
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 5: So I feel like I've got.

643
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:05,800
Speaker 6: These really precious years with my kids, but my career

644
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 6: is also doing this and I have to just constantly

645
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 6: keep on the hustle.

646
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 5: And yeah, like it's the whole.

647
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,320
Speaker 6: That whole quote of like you can have it all

648
00:30:17,320 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 6: but not at the same time is so true. And

649
00:30:20,520 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 6: I guess like a lot of people kind of go like, oh,

650
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 6: how you juggle so many things, like how do you

651
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 6: have how do you be a mom and still do

652
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:28,960
Speaker 6: these businesses and stuff?

653
00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 5: And I guess the thing is, like.

654
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 6: I do it alongside sacrificing myself, like I don't have

655
00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 6: time for myself. I work, and I have kids and

656
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:39,640
Speaker 6: have a great relationship.

657
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 5: But in terms of like.

658
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 6: Fuck 't think of anythings like literally, like in terms

659
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,360
Speaker 6: of just like doing things to like read a book

660
00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 6: or like sit and just like not have something or

661
00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 6: someone that needs something. There's very few moments about left

662
00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:59,640
Speaker 6: like two under two is it's that's a crazy ride.

663
00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 6: That's too baby, And I think sometimes I don't even

664
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:04,400
Speaker 6: stop and go.

665
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 5: Like holy shit, like you did that.

666
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 6: You had a newborn baby, you had a seventeen month

667
00:31:09,840 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 6: old baby, and you fucking worked your ass off.

668
00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 7: Like two business successful businesses, And.

669
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 5: It's a weird feeling.

670
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 6: And I guess like now, my seventeen month old is three,

671
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 6: and there are times when I look at her and

672
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 6: I'm like I missed miss you know, and having to

673
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 6: like put them into daycare and stuff, which is fine,

674
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,480
Speaker 6: most working moms have to do that, but there is

675
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 6: a moment of like, I want to I want to

676
00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:35,160
Speaker 6: enjoy it more.

677
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:36,880
Speaker 5: I want to enjoy it. I don't want them to

678
00:31:36,880 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 5: have to hurry up and go to bed.

679
00:31:38,280 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 6: I don't want them to sit and watch TV and

680
00:31:40,440 --> 00:31:43,760
Speaker 6: like stop being loud, or I don't want them to

681
00:31:43,840 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 6: have to be like, Mommy, no phone, or Mommy, put

682
00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:46,880
Speaker 6: your laptop down.

683
00:31:46,960 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 5: You know.

684
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 6: I want to be able to, like, yeah, take those

685
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 6: moments and enjoy them.

686
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 5: But when you.

687
00:31:53,240 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 6: Have things that are yelling at you and you have

688
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 6: to get through your to do list, they take priority

689
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:01,080
Speaker 6: because it's it's like you know that your kids are

690
00:32:01,080 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 6: going to be their next week, and they're going to

691
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 6: be their next week, and they're going to be there

692
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 6: next week. I am like a hugely driven person, Like

693
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 6: I've always been someone who like sets the bar really high.

694
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 6: And it's not like.

695
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 5: I expect a lot for myself.

696
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:18,920
Speaker 6: I expect myself to be able to take on the

697
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 6: work and to do the work. And I'm very much

698
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 6: a yes person when it comes to like getting things done,

699
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 6: and no, I'm capable, I know I can do it.

700
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,280
Speaker 6: Does that mean that I'm doing it with a smile

701
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:30,640
Speaker 6: all the time, No, No, absolutely not.

702
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 5: But I'll get it done, you know. And do we

703
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:33,600
Speaker 5: do it through tears?

704
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 1: Do?

705
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:33,920
Speaker 5: Yes?

706
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: Time?

707
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 5: Maybe? But I think.

708
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 6: I'm really really driven.

709
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:43,040
Speaker 5: And you know, like my mom was that.

710
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,240
Speaker 6: My mom she raised three kids on her own whilst

711
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 6: working full time, and we did every sport.

712
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 5: That we wanted to do.

713
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,920
Speaker 6: She had no money, but she drove us around and

714
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:55,720
Speaker 6: like she just did it and she made it work,

715
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 6: and her entire life was sacrificed to make sure that we,

716
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:01,680
Speaker 6: like that.

717
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 5: We had what we needed, you know.

718
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 6: Like and I think because I see her, like I

719
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,800
Speaker 6: never ever remember my mom's sitting down on the couch

720
00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,120
Speaker 6: and watching I never remember my mom sitting down to

721
00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 6: eat dinner.

722
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:16,400
Speaker 5: Like she was always doing something. She would stand eating.

723
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 6: Toast and we would be eating out of dinner and

724
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 6: she would just everything was on the go. And I

725
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 6: think that really stept this precedent to me that like to.

726
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 5: Be achieving, you have to just keep on doing stuff.

727
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 5: You have to keep on ticking the boxes.

728
00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 2: What's funny you started that to be achieving is that

729
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,440
Speaker 2: like I have exactly the same blueprint for life, which

730
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 2: is like, if I'm not achieving, then whatever am I doing? Yeah?

731
00:33:41,440 --> 00:33:41,800
Speaker 1: Yeah?

732
00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 5: But also I.

733
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,960
Speaker 1: Don't know how if I go on a holiday I

734
00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:45,800
Speaker 1: have work.

735
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:46,719
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, you were.

736
00:33:47,360 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 1: I get there and I'm.

737
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 2: Just like, well, I've obviously got five pages of five

738
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,720
Speaker 2: chapters of a book to write, and if I don't

739
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:55,360
Speaker 2: have that, then I'll just go insane, or I'll go

740
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 2: like I have to go to a place where I

741
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 2: can dive or surf or physically exhaust myself. Otherwise I

742
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,320
Speaker 2: have a shit time. I actually have a shit time.

743
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 2: I get back and I was like, well that sucked

744
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 2: because I sat in a room thinking about all the

745
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 2: things that could have been doing.

746
00:34:08,280 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 6: And there are amazing aspects of that. And I don't

747
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,240
Speaker 6: think it ever was a problem in my life until

748
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,719
Speaker 6: becoming a mum. And I think that there's been this

749
00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:20,319
Speaker 6: and for a lot of mums feel it like there's

750
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,360
Speaker 6: this huge, like transformative shift in your identity because you

751
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 6: have to go from being like, well, my career is

752
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 6: really important to me, but my kids are really important

753
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:29,720
Speaker 6: to me, and where.

754
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 5: Does the balance lie?

755
00:34:30,680 --> 00:34:30,880
Speaker 6: You know?

756
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 5: And I think that.

757
00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 6: We live in a society now where women have a

758
00:34:35,160 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 6: lot more choices and we can be career women, we

759
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:38,680
Speaker 6: can be mothers.

760
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,000
Speaker 5: But we've kind of been sold the.

761
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,880
Speaker 6: Dream that you can just do everything, and it's impossible.

762
00:34:44,920 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 5: You cannot do everything.

763
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,600
Speaker 6: You just or like you know, you can't like that

764
00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 6: whole thing, Like I said, you can't have it all.

765
00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 6: You just end up doing absolutely everything and feeling burnt.

766
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,279
Speaker 1: Don't do any of it?

767
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 7: Do you think the next question, which I think I

768
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,040
Speaker 7: know answer, but like the lesson that you have learned,

769
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,760
Speaker 7: like what's your lesson? Then I'm going to tell you

770
00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:07,920
Speaker 7: what I think you'll listen to.

771
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:13,399
Speaker 4: Down and compare later.

772
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 6: I think I think I'm getting better at it. And

773
00:35:15,680 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 6: I think it's saying no to stuff and it's just

774
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 6: drawing a line. And even though people want things from

775
00:35:21,480 --> 00:35:25,160
Speaker 6: you and this is not you, like specifically, it's kind

776
00:35:25,160 --> 00:35:28,439
Speaker 6: of an everyone thing. Sometimes you just have to say sorry,

777
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 6: it doesn't it doesn't work for me, Like I can't

778
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 6: do that, and it's a no, and not have to

779
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 6: feel like you have to justify it.

780
00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 5: And I find that really.

781
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:41,600
Speaker 6: Hard because me saying no, I don't want to do

782
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 6: that because I want to put my kids to bed

783
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:44,359
Speaker 6: doesn't feel like.

784
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 5: A good enough excuse, but it should be, and so

785
00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:48,880
Speaker 5: I shouldn't have to justify it.

786
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:50,680
Speaker 6: I should just be able to say, sorry, I can't

787
00:35:50,719 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 6: do that.

788
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:53,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's it.

789
00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 5: But but I think, like.

790
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 7: You said before, you said it, and it's I think

791
00:36:00,440 --> 00:36:02,520
Speaker 7: we've both learned this from this period of time. We've

792
00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 7: got a few big projects that are coming to an end,

793
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:06,719
Speaker 7: and I think something we've learned from that is that

794
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 7: we won't do that again.

795
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:10,720
Speaker 5: I'm not I do that project.

796
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 7: That we're not going to say yes to this many

797
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:15,920
Speaker 7: things because they've been young things like over a year.

798
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:17,799
Speaker 7: These have been like twelve month things. So for us,

799
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:20,600
Speaker 7: we're about yet first, but we were like, yeah we can,

800
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 7: we'll figure it out, like we're really bad for that.

801
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:23,719
Speaker 5: But I think the.

802
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 7: Lesson learned is like, cool, maybe we'll take on one

803
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 7: extra thing if we ever do it, not like yeah,

804
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:29,719
Speaker 7: So I think that's what.

805
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 6: Yeah, totally, And I think like it's important for Matt

806
00:36:33,600 --> 00:36:35,920
Speaker 6: too because like you know, and I'm not sure how

807
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,960
Speaker 6: about how you get in your relationship, but when everything

808
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 6: else is a priority. Then your partner slips down on

809
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 6: the priority list, which is not intentional, but you're like,

810
00:36:44,719 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 6: we'll do date night another week, We'll have time together,

811
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,799
Speaker 6: and there can be days where we see each other

812
00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:51,760
Speaker 6: every day, but like we're both sitting on our laptops

813
00:36:51,800 --> 00:36:53,840
Speaker 6: until midnight, and then we get the next day and

814
00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,680
Speaker 6: it's kids and it's just there's no connecting.

815
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:57,960
Speaker 5: It's not quality.

816
00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 6: Yeah, and so we have to be really conscious about

817
00:37:00,640 --> 00:37:02,879
Speaker 6: like making sure that it's like tools down and there's

818
00:37:03,160 --> 00:37:06,239
Speaker 6: there's conversation and stuff, so that you don't lose the

819
00:37:06,280 --> 00:37:07,759
Speaker 6: thing that's the most important thing in your life.

820
00:37:07,760 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 5: You know.

821
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:11,160
Speaker 1: Laura was his labor and I had to say.

822
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,760
Speaker 7: I had to say, get I'm going to stop responding.

823
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,560
Speaker 7: I was like, I'm going to shut down your computer.

824
00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:16,160
Speaker 5: I was like, get off.

825
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:18,760
Speaker 7: And I messaged Matt and I said take her computer

826
00:37:19,320 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 7: from her.

827
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:21,799
Speaker 5: And he was like, oh, she's between contractions. Is fine.

828
00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 8: And I was like, you he would know because he

829
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:29,280
Speaker 8: knows they would make any more angry. I'm not getting

830
00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:30,759
Speaker 8: this done because I know I won't get it done

831
00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,239
Speaker 8: after so I just have to get this done now.

832
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:41,239
Speaker 5: She was literally that was fine. I was like, you

833
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 5: can't do anything about every drool. She literally said, it's fine,

834
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 5: I've had an epy drool. I can't really feel much.

835
00:37:46,320 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 12: And I was like, brod email, Yeah, and I don't,

836
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,279
Speaker 12: but I don't know where, Like I mean, like I said,

837
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 12: maybe my mum, but like I don't know where it

838
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:57,000
Speaker 12: comes from.

839
00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 7: Well, we're just all laid it bare. And you've had

840
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 7: lots of time to sit over there and think.

841
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: But what is your greater struggle you struggle this week?

842
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:14,919
Speaker 2: No surprise, I have a newborn, as I was telling

843
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 2: you guys on Uncut the other night, and there's so

844
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,399
Speaker 2: much of my stuff which crosses over with Laura's. It's

845
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 2: just like just cut and paste. That would be amazing.

846
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:32,560
Speaker 1: So a lot of time I'll just reduce.

847
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:37,799
Speaker 2: My answers the first I didn't think this was going

848
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:38,960
Speaker 2: to be a hard part of it.

849
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 1: But I had a moment the other day where.

850
00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:53,240
Speaker 2: I was feeling a distinct lack of connection or warmth

851
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 2: or whatever you want to call it, and I was

852
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:03,280
Speaker 2: like trying to find it in my two week old daughter.

853
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 2: I don't know just which was just in hindsight hilarious,

854
00:39:12,920 --> 00:39:14,920
Speaker 2: and my partner sort of picked up on me that

855
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: like something wasn't right, and she came over to me

856
00:39:17,239 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: and she was like, oh, what's going on? And I said, Oh,

857
00:39:19,520 --> 00:39:24,440
Speaker 2: I'm just kind of feeling like I'm not connected with

858
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:29,320
Speaker 2: Max at all. But then she was like, oh, that's okay,

859
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:31,120
Speaker 2: and she sort of hug me, and then she said,

860
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:37,240
Speaker 2: she said, I really miss you. And it's funny because

861
00:39:37,239 --> 00:39:39,160
Speaker 2: like she's Dutch, so it doesn't like you wouldn't really

862
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,600
Speaker 2: say that to somebody in English if you're like in

863
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 2: their company, but like.

864
00:39:43,560 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: For her, that was the translation. She was like, I

865
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:46,279
Speaker 1: really miss you.

866
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 2: And instantly I realized that the connection I was missing

867
00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:55,000
Speaker 2: wasn't with my daughter, it was with my partner, and that.

868
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,399
Speaker 1: She's just been this.

869
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,719
Speaker 2: You know, just had the most hectic thing like birth

870
00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 2: and all that sort of stuff, and she's had to

871
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 2: be something else for someone else, and I've just found

872
00:40:09,080 --> 00:40:09,800
Speaker 2: that really hard.

873
00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:13,359
Speaker 1: She's been really tough, and I really miss her.

874
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:17,480
Speaker 2: And it made me realize, yeah, exactly what you're saying, Like,

875
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 2: I'm two weeks into parenthood and that's already going on.

876
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 2: And so when you were saying before, Laura, like you know,

877
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,600
Speaker 2: you're like really trying to find time for each other

878
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:27,520
Speaker 2: and within your relationship.

879
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:28,000
Speaker 1: And all around your kids.

880
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 2: I think something that was really hard for me is

881
00:40:30,160 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 2: almost like realizing and I think we both realized in

882
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,160
Speaker 2: that moment we kind of were both hugging and holding

883
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 2: each other, that this will be our lives going forward,

884
00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 2: is that will always we'll always be scrapping for the

885
00:40:47,719 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: love that we and the time and the devotion that

886
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 2: we once had because there's something else that we love more,

887
00:40:55,239 --> 00:40:57,000
Speaker 2: which is beautiful, which is the way that it.

888
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,840
Speaker 1: Needs to be. But that was really hard for me

889
00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: to realize this week. Yeah, yeah, I was full on.

890
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 11: Yeah, I imagine it's I mean, I can only imagine

891
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:15,920
Speaker 11: you've been through it, Laura, but it's a complete life transition,

892
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:18,640
Speaker 11: like your life now is completely different to two weeks ago.

893
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 5: And I don't imagine that is a two week adjustment.

894
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 6: And I think you guys as well, Like I mean,

895
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 6: and I'm being very conscious about like not giving you answers.

896
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 1: Please please feel.

897
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,800
Speaker 6: It in but you're in the trenches and two weeks

898
00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 6: is deep in the trenches. And I and I with

899
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 6: my to find the two.

900
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:45,800
Speaker 5: Week mark the hardest.

901
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 6: Sorry, I plan with my like I find the two

902
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,680
Speaker 6: week mark the hardest part, because like your sleep debt has.

903
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:53,560
Speaker 5: All the love hormones of gone, so you.

904
00:41:53,600 --> 00:41:57,359
Speaker 6: Have to crash and the sleep debt is there, and

905
00:41:57,360 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 6: you're so touched out because you've just had this baby

906
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:01,719
Speaker 6: just sucking you, and that you just don't want any

907
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 6: like you don't want anyone to touch you because you

908
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,800
Speaker 6: just don't have anything left.

909
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:09,320
Speaker 5: And that's a real word, being.

910
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:11,920
Speaker 6: Touched out, like like that you don't want to hug anyone,

911
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:13,839
Speaker 6: You don't want to just you just want to.

912
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:15,839
Speaker 5: Lay on your own bed by yourself. You don't want.

913
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,399
Speaker 6: Anyone to touch your boobs or you're like even Matt

914
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,480
Speaker 6: would do this and I'd be like, just stop touching

915
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 6: me because I just need to be not touched for

916
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 6: a second. And it feels never ending when you're in

917
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,680
Speaker 6: this phase, but every phase changes so quickly, and then

918
00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:33,320
Speaker 6: you get to like the four month mark, on the

919
00:42:33,360 --> 00:42:35,759
Speaker 6: six month mark, and then all of a sudden, you've

920
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:37,879
Speaker 6: got a one year old and a three year old

921
00:42:38,400 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 6: and you have so much time for those moments and

922
00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 6: the relationship. It's different, yeah, but it's like like for

923
00:42:48,440 --> 00:42:51,960
Speaker 6: us anyway, like there's a whole extra incredible lay up.

924
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:53,960
Speaker 6: You have all the things that you had before still

925
00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,799
Speaker 6: but you then have this thing that binds you, that's

926
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 6: the fact that you love each other, but you also

927
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:01,680
Speaker 6: just would do anything for this human and I think

928
00:43:01,719 --> 00:43:04,879
Speaker 6: it can be I mean, you know, obviously people are

929
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 6: different in every relationship, but this isn't a static and

930
00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 6: that's like the biggest thing to remember is how you

931
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 6: feel now. It's all just every phase is a phase.

932
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:15,920
Speaker 4: It will change it.

933
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 7: Do you thank you you're mourning a loss of a

934
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:21,800
Speaker 7: relationship in a way.

935
00:43:21,640 --> 00:43:25,279
Speaker 2: Because it's like one hundred I'm not ready to.

936
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 1: Let go of her.

937
00:43:30,440 --> 00:43:33,880
Speaker 4: I know you're saying it's not static.

938
00:43:34,719 --> 00:43:37,040
Speaker 2: And like, I really appreciate you saying that. I almost

939
00:43:37,080 --> 00:43:39,040
Speaker 2: like kind of knew that I was going to say today.

940
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 13: Hoping that likely Laura's was some good advice from me

941
00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 13: here because it feels, yeah, like it it really feels

942
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:52,480
Speaker 13: like I'm yeah and saying goodbye to like something that yeah,

943
00:43:52,520 --> 00:43:54,879
Speaker 13: I'm just not real to say goodbye to and it

944
00:43:54,960 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 13: feels like we're on the And the other thing is like,

945
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:02,320
Speaker 13: within the first moments of having a child, I knew

946
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 13: that nothing else would ever be the same.

947
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 1: Ever again, I knew in that moment.

948
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:09,360
Speaker 2: Like the world instantly felt different and every way I

949
00:44:09,400 --> 00:44:14,120
Speaker 2: perceived everything felt totally different and almost exactly not just

950
00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:17,160
Speaker 2: mourning the loss of my relationship and also mourning the

951
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 2: loss of myself, which is its own phenomenon.

952
00:44:22,440 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 6: We touched on this like a very momentary yesterday. But

953
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:28,279
Speaker 6: I think there's a lots of conversations for women and

954
00:44:28,320 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 6: for mothers and how their identity shifts when they become moms,

955
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,680
Speaker 6: but there's not a lot of conversation around like how

956
00:44:34,719 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 6: your identity changes when you become a dad. It's kind

957
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 6: of like you guys just get bundled along in it.

958
00:44:40,719 --> 00:44:44,640
Speaker 6: But also I think that's something. And a conversation that

959
00:44:44,680 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 6: a friend had with me just before I had Maley

960
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 6: was and I really look back and really love how

961
00:44:51,239 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 6: honest he was about it. And he said that nobody

962
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,920
Speaker 6: talks about the fact that a lot of dads don't

963
00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:02,000
Speaker 6: have this overwhelming interstance flood of love for their new,

964
00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:05,319
Speaker 6: warm baby. And he was, like, I had, and he's

965
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:07,319
Speaker 6: got a I mean, his baby's much older now, like

966
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 6: five or six, but he at the time we had

967
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:14,319
Speaker 6: this conversation, his baby was two. And he said, I

968
00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,160
Speaker 6: was prayed with mallet and he said, you know something

969
00:45:16,239 --> 00:45:17,839
Speaker 6: that I would say to you, but I'd be really

970
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,319
Speaker 6: careful to say to anybody else.

971
00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,560
Speaker 5: Was when my baby was born.

972
00:45:22,160 --> 00:45:24,800
Speaker 6: I walked out of the hospital and I cried because

973
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 6: I regretted had a baby.

974
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 5: He was like, my feeling.

975
00:45:28,320 --> 00:45:30,400
Speaker 6: Wasn't I thought I was going to feel this overwhelming

976
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,200
Speaker 6: feeling of love and I felt what the fuck have

977
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:36,680
Speaker 6: we done? And like I wasn't sure if that was

978
00:45:36,719 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 6: the right decision. And then he was like, but then

979
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,960
Speaker 6: what happened over time is I fell in love with

980
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:45,680
Speaker 6: my child because they started to, you know, have a personality.

981
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:46,600
Speaker 5: They started to connect.

982
00:45:47,040 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 6: But the connection grew with the connection as a dad

983
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:53,680
Speaker 6: grew and it was like falling in love with his

984
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,239
Speaker 6: kid as opposed to often with the mum who has

985
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:58,480
Speaker 6: this huge flood of hormone.

986
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:02,880
Speaker 1: Like new friend a child, like while you're pregnanty.

987
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:07,560
Speaker 6: But you can feel like it's shameful or like you're

988
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 6: doing it wrong, or like am I.

989
00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:10,719
Speaker 5: Not supposed to feel like this?

990
00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 2: There's no there's an extension of what I was of

991
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:16,600
Speaker 2: what I'm saying as well, is that like I really

992
00:46:16,840 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 2: don't want my mourning of my old life, my old

993
00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:25,640
Speaker 2: self and my partner to tip into and I can

994
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:30,080
Speaker 2: feel it tip into that word you use, the word regret,

995
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:37,799
Speaker 2: where you're like, oh jeez, I'm like so scared of

996
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:42,640
Speaker 2: accepting that that's a possibility. I'm almost like living a

997
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,640
Speaker 2: bit like almost like trying to force this thing on

998
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:48,640
Speaker 2: where I'm like, oh jeez, I'm just like, hey.

999
00:46:48,440 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: This is good, this is good, this is good.

1000
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 2: We can do this, we can do this, this this,

1001
00:46:51,480 --> 00:46:53,960
Speaker 2: And I'm almost like trying to convince myself sometimes of

1002
00:46:54,000 --> 00:46:56,520
Speaker 2: like how great this is. But if I'm really honest,

1003
00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 2: really really really honest, there is a huge part of

1004
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 2: me that's scared.

1005
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,239
Speaker 1: That's like maybe I wasn't ready for this.

1006
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:08,279
Speaker 6: But everyone feels like that right clear, And I think

1007
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:14,239
Speaker 6: like it's it's so okay to have moments where you're like,

1008
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:17,359
Speaker 6: maybe I wasn't ready for this, because there's so many

1009
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 6: moments of having a newborn that ship, but no one

1010
00:47:20,080 --> 00:47:23,279
Speaker 6: tells you that. But it's like it's really some days

1011
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:24,239
Speaker 6: a really fucking ship.

1012
00:47:24,480 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, overwhelming.

1013
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 6: It gets every day, it gets better, and then you

1014
00:47:29,120 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 6: get to the six month mark and you're like, it's

1015
00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 6: so great, let's have another one. Like you don't do

1016
00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:40,400
Speaker 6: that and also give yourself the grace to be.

1017
00:47:42,280 --> 00:47:43,920
Speaker 4: As you can hard.

1018
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,440
Speaker 2: This period is so hard, and then it gets better

1019
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 2: that ties really nicely into my my.

1020
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,840
Speaker 1: Sweet sweet high, sweety sweet high, which is.

1021
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 2: As I said, I'm eerily similar to you, and I

1022
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:01,120
Speaker 2: don't often do anything unless it has some sort of

1023
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,879
Speaker 2: thing that can be achieved from it or gleaned from it,

1024
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:08,160
Speaker 2: or involved some sort of hard work where I get

1025
00:48:08,160 --> 00:48:10,479
Speaker 2: to look back on it and go, you know, nice

1026
00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 2: one will stuck it out there.

1027
00:48:13,239 --> 00:48:15,800
Speaker 1: So we took Max to the beach for the weekend.

1028
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,319
Speaker 2: And I went surfing for the first time in two

1029
00:48:19,400 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: or four months. And surfing is probably one of the

1030
00:48:23,040 --> 00:48:26,480
Speaker 2: only activities in my life because it's not exercise, because

1031
00:48:26,480 --> 00:48:27,240
Speaker 2: I'm not exercising.

1032
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 1: I'm not racing a clock.

1033
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 2: I'm not like trying to like where I don't know

1034
00:48:30,560 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 2: how many laps I've done. It's just time in the

1035
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:36,399
Speaker 2: ocean where I was doing it just for fun, and

1036
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 2: I don't think I've been that happy and.

1037
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:41,719
Speaker 1: For so long.

1038
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 2: It's just walking out of the water and just like

1039
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:48,279
Speaker 2: it's just a ridiculous. It's just when you break it down,

1040
00:48:48,360 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 2: surfing is it the most ridiculous thing.

1041
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: You're standing on a piece of like.

1042
00:48:54,200 --> 00:48:59,200
Speaker 2: Driving a foaming crest of water so long. It's just

1043
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:01,920
Speaker 2: because you just walking out of the water and just

1044
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 2: like it's just a ridiculous it's just when you break

1045
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 2: it down surfing, is.

1046
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:07,920
Speaker 1: It the most ridiculous thing. You're standing on.

1047
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 2: A piece of like fiberglass, riving, riving, a foaming crest

1048
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 2: of water in the middle of the ocean. It is

1049
00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 2: stupidly good, like it can't. It's like life so simple,

1050
00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 2: so good, so fun. And it was just this instant

1051
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 2: reminder of like, oh, hey, you can play as well.

1052
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 5: How old is Max now?

1053
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 4: She's two weeks two weeks less.

1054
00:49:30,280 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 6: The fact that you guys are going out of the

1055
00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:34,959
Speaker 6: house and going to the beach of the two week mark,

1056
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 6: you're fucking killing it.

1057
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 5: Like you're killing it.

1058
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:39,719
Speaker 6: Some people can't even leave the house for six weeks after.

1059
00:49:40,680 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 6: I think we've just created a society in Western culture

1060
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 6: where it's like you have to get back up, look,

1061
00:49:46,520 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 6: you have to keep on going and like get.

1062
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:51,359
Speaker 5: Out of the house, go for a walk, like I

1063
00:49:51,640 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 5: like you think, like you go.

1064
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,480
Speaker 6: And I remember with Molly we went to a cafe

1065
00:49:56,560 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 6: and I was sitting on like a super dupat like

1066
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:02,239
Speaker 6: a frozen like is a spit about pillow just to

1067
00:50:02,239 --> 00:50:04,080
Speaker 6: be out of the house, but like because we've just

1068
00:50:04,160 --> 00:50:07,160
Speaker 6: kind of have to. But in other cultures, like the

1069
00:50:07,320 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 6: mother's taking.

1070
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:11,120
Speaker 7: Home for weeks, like you actually make a super duple

1071
00:50:11,239 --> 00:50:11,920
Speaker 7: to the cap.

1072
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: Because I like, we had them lined up in the

1073
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:21,880
Speaker 1: fraser as well. The people.

1074
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:27,000
Speaker 12: That's like, we made homemade one obviously, but you don't

1075
00:50:27,520 --> 00:50:30,640
Speaker 12: take it, wrap it up.

1076
00:50:30,520 --> 00:50:31,960
Speaker 5: And wet down.

1077
00:50:33,239 --> 00:50:36,040
Speaker 3: But surely they've invented like a thing which isn't but

1078
00:50:36,120 --> 00:50:36,560
Speaker 3: it's not the.

1079
00:50:36,560 --> 00:50:40,600
Speaker 5: Whole cold you can't eat. I own those as well,

1080
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 5: and they were very good, not right.

1081
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:48,440
Speaker 2: So finally activity this might this activity is about demystifying

1082
00:50:48,440 --> 00:50:53,120
Speaker 2: your ego, so super interactive and really just a way

1083
00:50:53,160 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 2: to prove to you that your inner chat is not

1084
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:59,400
Speaker 2: grounded in any fact. To prove this, each guest has

1085
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,160
Speaker 2: to think of a word that they would use to

1086
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:03,359
Speaker 2: describe how they think other people see them.

1087
00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:05,919
Speaker 1: And then what we're going to do. Not right now,

1088
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:06,680
Speaker 1: but on the account of.

1089
00:51:06,680 --> 00:51:08,360
Speaker 2: Three we're all say the same the words at the

1090
00:51:08,360 --> 00:51:08,759
Speaker 2: same time.

1091
00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:12,360
Speaker 1: Here we go one, two, three.

1092
00:51:14,080 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 2: Hilarious, sky, I said, arrogant.

1093
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 3: I said, I said empathetic, because I think you have

1094
00:51:23,840 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 3: an incredible ability at what knowing what everyone needs at

1095
00:51:27,480 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 3: like simultaneously with like a lot of people, you should

1096
00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:32,160
Speaker 3: seem at a party. It's quite extraordinary. Thank you.

1097
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 7: Thanks, so, I said, my impression of you is gentle,

1098
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:39,200
Speaker 7: I said gentle. I find it's very and I mean

1099
00:51:39,800 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 7: gentle encompasses a lot of things, kind, caring, compassionate, but

1100
00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:45,839
Speaker 7: gentle as a word that definitely, with two minutes sitting

1101
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 7: about it came.

1102
00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 14: To mind, thank you, and I said compassionate.

1103
00:51:49,719 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, for very similar reasons. That's what would said.

1104
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 6: But I think, yeah, I think that in the way

1105
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 6: that you speak, I mean in the way that you

1106
00:51:58,360 --> 00:52:00,520
Speaker 6: have the conversations we had yesterday, in the way that

1107
00:52:00,560 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 6: you speak about your own life, in the way that

1108
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 6: you speak about other people, I think that you seem

1109
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 6: like a very compassionate person.

1110
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 4: Thanks for that.

1111
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 6: You consider everyone before you speak.

1112
00:52:10,600 --> 00:52:14,200
Speaker 5: And it's funny. Why do you think you come across

1113
00:52:14,200 --> 00:52:14,680
Speaker 5: as arrogon?

1114
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 2: I don't know that that this is This is why

1115
00:52:19,520 --> 00:52:22,920
Speaker 2: I wrote the exercise. It's just the I get very

1116
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 2: very scared of coming across that way.

1117
00:52:25,920 --> 00:52:28,440
Speaker 6: All right, do we got you?

1118
00:52:28,480 --> 00:52:28,800
Speaker 5: Okay?

1119
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 6: Well, no, I had a word, but it was asserted,

1120
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 6: which you've just used.

1121
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna change.

1122
00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,920
Speaker 6: Mine, but I feel like that was kind of like

1123
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:43,720
Speaker 6: bundled into having I'm going to pick something else. Okay,

1124
00:52:44,520 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 6: I've got something.

1125
00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 4: Okay, I'll did the cantdown three two one.

1126
00:52:52,280 --> 00:52:54,799
Speaker 5: I said the same as you.

1127
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:56,920
Speaker 1: I said hard really.

1128
00:52:56,840 --> 00:52:58,719
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, I was gonna say assertive, and I changed

1129
00:52:58,719 --> 00:52:59,520
Speaker 6: it to hardworking.

1130
00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,919
Speaker 5: I feel like that's how people would see me. Yeah,

1131
00:53:02,960 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 5: I would not have.

1132
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,239
Speaker 7: I spend more time in Laura than anyone, and so

1133
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 7: many words coming into my head. I want to say kind, loyal, compassionate,

1134
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,360
Speaker 7: but like the number one thing that trumps everything is hardworking.

1135
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 3: I said inspirational. Oh wow, and not for that, well,

1136
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:25,359
Speaker 3: you should not. Just like the emailing during labor has.

1137
00:53:25,320 --> 00:53:28,960
Speaker 2: Obviously had a big impact of it, it's not I

1138
00:53:28,960 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 2: hadn't ever general.

1139
00:53:31,880 --> 00:53:33,640
Speaker 1: Qualified by having drug.

1140
00:53:35,840 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 3: You've continued to work so hard, and it's not just

1141
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,239
Speaker 3: I think people could think about you that like, oh,

1142
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 3: everything's perfect for her.

1143
00:53:41,239 --> 00:53:42,839
Speaker 4: Obviously the birth was easy and.

1144
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:44,840
Speaker 3: The babies are easy, and that's why she's able.

1145
00:53:44,640 --> 00:53:46,760
Speaker 4: To hold down that job. But that's just not the case.

1146
00:53:47,040 --> 00:53:49,080
Speaker 3: And having spoken to you more, I appreciate that you're

1147
00:53:49,120 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 3: going through it. Everyone else goes through and you're really

1148
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:56,800
Speaker 3: honest about that, and you continued to work really hard,

1149
00:53:57,120 --> 00:54:00,560
Speaker 3: and I think that challenges what even today of females

1150
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 3: would think is the right thing to do. And it

1151
00:54:03,480 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 3: would be really hard to stick your finger up to

1152
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,400
Speaker 3: that and go, well, that's what I think, and you

1153
00:54:08,440 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 3: can think that I'm not raising my children in the

1154
00:54:11,160 --> 00:54:14,200
Speaker 3: right way because I'm continuing to work really hard and

1155
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 3: I didn't take maternity leave.

1156
00:54:15,920 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 1: Again.

1157
00:54:16,280 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 4: I know there's a lot of people that would disagree with.

1158
00:54:18,160 --> 00:54:21,480
Speaker 3: That, but I just think it's very powerful inspiration or

1159
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:25,200
Speaker 3: that you just continue to do you and then you

1160
00:54:25,239 --> 00:54:27,960
Speaker 3: don't doing it perfectly as well, and I love that.

1161
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, that's I'd like to change my answer.

1162
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 5: I will go with option being.

1163
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 2: No, that was very true, too, very accurate, and my

1164
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 2: word was generous because I think it's yeah, just it's

1165
00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 2: hilarious that you view the way that other people view

1166
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: you as hard working, but like you're to use that

1167
00:54:54,320 --> 00:55:00,200
Speaker 2: analogy from Goodwill hunting, you're like like you're like a

1168
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 2: duck on the water, Like unless I asked all these

1169
00:55:02,840 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 2: questions about you to learn about like we pushed you

1170
00:55:06,600 --> 00:55:09,160
Speaker 2: into a space where you had to go, hey, I'm

1171
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 2: juggling my kids and my partner and all these people,

1172
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:14,399
Speaker 2: and I've got this podcast with brid and like, you've

1173
00:55:14,440 --> 00:55:17,160
Speaker 2: got all this stuff going on, and yet despite all

1174
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:19,319
Speaker 2: of that, if we wind back to the first the

1175
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:21,800
Speaker 2: compliment that I wrote you, it was about how soft

1176
00:55:21,800 --> 00:55:25,640
Speaker 2: and generous you are, and that is amazing that even

1177
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 2: though you've got all of that going on, you're still

1178
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,799
Speaker 2: managing to go, like, I'm just gonna like shelve that

1179
00:55:32,320 --> 00:55:35,440
Speaker 2: because i have to devote my time and energy to

1180
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,120
Speaker 2: the other people that need me right now. And like,

1181
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:40,680
Speaker 2: I just think that's such a beautiful quality. Like in

1182
00:55:42,040 --> 00:55:44,600
Speaker 2: Buddhism they call it meta, which is this idea of

1183
00:55:44,680 --> 00:55:50,399
Speaker 2: giving loving kindness without without wanting anything in return, and

1184
00:55:50,440 --> 00:55:53,200
Speaker 2: like how epic that sort of love is without being

1185
00:55:53,239 --> 00:55:54,799
Speaker 2: like I'm just going to give you that.

1186
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:57,880
Speaker 1: It's going to give you that. I'm not like asking.

1187
00:55:57,520 --> 00:55:59,480
Speaker 2: For it back, like you know, like you have I

1188
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:00,680
Speaker 2: can see exact for the same thing.

1189
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: It's awesome.

1190
00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:03,719
Speaker 5: Thanks guys. He's a very good at compliments.

1191
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:10,880
Speaker 4: I look forward to my birthday every year. Has everyone

1192
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 4: thought of a word for me?

1193
00:56:12,719 --> 00:56:14,359
Speaker 5: Why no? I need one second.

1194
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 1: Ready already?

1195
00:56:18,280 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1196
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:20,479
Speaker 1: Okay, you call it one?

1197
00:56:21,080 --> 00:56:21,319
Speaker 4: Two?

1198
00:56:21,840 --> 00:56:27,640
Speaker 5: Three? Wow? Why do you think that of yourself. I

1199
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 5: want to smack you. Did you say coward?

1200
00:56:29,600 --> 00:56:30,320
Speaker 4: I said coward.

1201
00:56:32,760 --> 00:56:35,959
Speaker 5: That's a big one. You're like, God, I'm scared, no one.

1202
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:36,720
Speaker 5: That's such a good.

1203
00:56:43,880 --> 00:56:45,440
Speaker 4: I know we've been giving a ten minute warning, so

1204
00:56:45,760 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 4: we all go.

1205
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 5: He can take the whole ten minutes.

1206
00:56:55,120 --> 00:56:55,359
Speaker 14: Y bro.

1207
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,920
Speaker 3: I hate about myself that I think that is always

1208
00:57:02,960 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 3: take take coward the.

1209
00:57:05,120 --> 00:57:08,279
Speaker 15: Options and I tell people what they need to hear

1210
00:57:08,520 --> 00:57:14,279
Speaker 15: and not what people need, and I can shy away

1211
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:18,880
Speaker 15: from doing the right thing, and it's going to involve confrontation.

1212
00:57:19,400 --> 00:57:22,000
Speaker 4: I really I hate that about myself.

1213
00:57:24,760 --> 00:57:27,200
Speaker 6: Well, I think that makes you thoughtful, not a coward,

1214
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,680
Speaker 6: because you care about how it makes other people feel,

1215
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:35,200
Speaker 6: and you put other people's wanting other people to like

1216
00:57:35,280 --> 00:57:39,880
Speaker 6: you or care about you. Makes you somebody who is

1217
00:57:39,960 --> 00:57:42,919
Speaker 6: hugely empathetic. But it is also incredibly thoughtful. It doesn't

1218
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:43,640
Speaker 6: make you a coward.

1219
00:57:43,680 --> 00:57:46,000
Speaker 7: Well, it makes you my word, which is endearing.

1220
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:48,720
Speaker 5: That's the word.

1221
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:49,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1222
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:52,600
Speaker 7: And I think everything you just said maybe is about perception,

1223
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:57,520
Speaker 7: in the way one word and one feeling can mean

1224
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 7: different things to different people, and you can also change

1225
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 7: your perception. But I find you incredibly endearing, and I

1226
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 7: don't even know if that was the word that encompasses

1227
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 7: the whole feeling endearing, intriguing. It's like a multitude of words,

1228
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 7: but endearing is the one that you're You're you're funny

1229
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:19,920
Speaker 7: and successful, but you're not in your face, You're very humble,

1230
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,880
Speaker 7: and then there's something that about you that makes people

1231
00:58:22,880 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 7: want to know more.

1232
00:58:25,240 --> 00:58:28,320
Speaker 15: Yeah, yeah, that's really nice.

1233
00:58:34,720 --> 00:58:40,440
Speaker 5: Yeah I did, I said thoughtful.

1234
00:58:40,520 --> 00:58:42,760
Speaker 7: Oh yeah, now you who knows him most?

1235
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I knew how I was with aligned.

1236
00:58:45,440 --> 00:58:51,560
Speaker 2: So it's funny though that you I said vulnerable. But

1237
00:58:51,600 --> 00:58:53,480
Speaker 2: it's funny that you would see it as.

1238
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,720
Speaker 14: Like because I know how, I know how I know

1239
00:58:55,760 --> 00:59:03,000
Speaker 14: how soft you are. Yeah, but like it's so funny

1240
00:59:03,000 --> 00:59:05,520
Speaker 14: that you see it as like that, you see it

1241
00:59:05,560 --> 00:59:09,080
Speaker 14: as you branded it exactly. Britt said, like words are

1242
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:12,080
Speaker 14: so powerful and this like that you branded as cowardly,

1243
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:17,200
Speaker 14: whereas like that's your like, that's that's comfortably.

1244
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:20,560
Speaker 1: Your best quality strength. You're so beautifully soft.

1245
00:59:20,720 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 4: I don't seem as it was vulnerable at all. I

1246
00:59:22,680 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 4: say myself as not being strong enough to be vulnerable.

1247
00:59:25,040 --> 00:59:27,920
Speaker 2: But you're so beautifully soft and like you don't need

1248
00:59:27,960 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 2: to like I mean, there's I think when we talk

1249
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:34,200
Speaker 2: about the word vulnerable, there's this like almost like expectation

1250
00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:36,240
Speaker 2: that's attached on it now that you're going to share

1251
00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 2: that with the world. But for the people that know

1252
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 2: you well enough, we don't. You don't need to share

1253
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:44,840
Speaker 2: it because I already know. I didn't ask you what

1254
00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:50,160
Speaker 2: your word was going to be, but like, right, right,

1255
00:59:50,360 --> 00:59:53,920
Speaker 2: but I'll tell you what wasn't cowardly saying that you

1256
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:55,000
Speaker 2: were cowardly.

1257
00:59:55,120 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 7: Sharing is not these guysbody else that was awesome.

1258
01:00:02,120 --> 01:00:05,080
Speaker 3: Well, thank you for being providing the space for me

1259
01:00:05,160 --> 01:00:08,560
Speaker 3: to feel comfortable to do that provided the space.

1260
01:00:12,960 --> 01:00:22,640
Speaker 2: Your word, God, oh god, I have a lot of words.

1261
01:00:22,640 --> 01:00:27,160
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I have a I.

1262
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 5: Find it in yours hard because.

1263
01:00:30,960 --> 01:00:38,280
Speaker 7: Because I didn't feel like there's like two three two one.

1264
01:00:39,680 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: So much to run.

1265
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:42,760
Speaker 5: Anyone.

1266
01:00:43,760 --> 01:00:44,800
Speaker 1: You don't you don't.

1267
01:00:46,320 --> 01:00:53,320
Speaker 4: Powder finger, No.

1268
01:00:51,800 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 7: I said, the owning people see me as superficial.

1269
01:00:55,840 --> 01:00:56,840
Speaker 5: That was my word.

1270
01:00:58,680 --> 01:01:02,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, a lot of sense. But what you were

1271
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:04,760
Speaker 1: saying before about.

1272
01:01:04,520 --> 01:01:06,800
Speaker 7: Yourself, Yeah, that's just why I think that how the

1273
01:01:06,840 --> 01:01:08,040
Speaker 7: outside world perceives me.

1274
01:01:08,160 --> 01:01:15,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, why so, can I ask why?

1275
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:19,480
Speaker 7: I don't know, I think in this weird maybe my

1276
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:21,400
Speaker 7: social media presence, Maybe.

1277
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:23,960
Speaker 5: I think it, and I've.

1278
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:26,080
Speaker 7: Had people say this to me, and maybe you guys

1279
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,439
Speaker 7: might feel this now as.

1280
01:01:27,360 --> 01:01:28,000
Speaker 5: Well that you know me.

1281
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:30,960
Speaker 7: I always have people say, oh, you're so different to

1282
01:01:31,000 --> 01:01:34,920
Speaker 7: your social media because you don't like you're actually a

1283
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,360
Speaker 7: real cook, like you're a real nerd, you're real, You're

1284
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:39,560
Speaker 7: really silly. I don't care about the things I think

1285
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,320
Speaker 7: people think I care about. Yeah, I don't own design

1286
01:01:42,360 --> 01:01:44,960
Speaker 7: a close but I think from an outside perspective, people

1287
01:01:45,040 --> 01:01:48,880
Speaker 7: think that is what I'm like, and I think I

1288
01:01:48,880 --> 01:01:51,320
Speaker 7: have trouble portraying that because this makes me sound like

1289
01:01:51,360 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 7: the biggest loser. I don't have a lot of friends

1290
01:01:54,600 --> 01:01:56,000
Speaker 7: or people in my life, and if you look, I

1291
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:57,040
Speaker 7: don't really do anything.

1292
01:01:57,120 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 5: I work.

1293
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 7: We work from seven am to midnight. At home, I

1294
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:03,400
Speaker 7: don't have my family around me anymore. I don't really

1295
01:02:03,400 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 7: do much, so like my social media presence or what

1296
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:09,640
Speaker 7: goes out to the world is often very boring and

1297
01:02:09,800 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 7: very just. Here's here's the picture of me again, because

1298
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:13,680
Speaker 7: I probably should pot something.

1299
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,600
Speaker 5: He's my dog. I don't have any other way.

1300
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:18,880
Speaker 7: To portray who I am when you spend all your

1301
01:02:18,880 --> 01:02:21,840
Speaker 7: time by yourself. I'm a real loaner and I don't

1302
01:02:21,880 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 7: think people know that. Yeah, I'm actually quite an introvert

1303
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:28,920
Speaker 7: bit of Yeah, and I think that my the way

1304
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 7: I look isn't who I am.

1305
01:02:31,440 --> 01:02:34,040
Speaker 3: No, I was just better to say, like the looks thing, yes,

1306
01:02:34,520 --> 01:02:37,200
Speaker 3: is because you're obviously very attractive.

1307
01:02:37,960 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 4: You think that.

1308
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:46,160
Speaker 9: But does that go the other way though, Like, is

1309
01:02:46,160 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 9: it like a deep concern of your Is it because

1310
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:50,240
Speaker 9: of the way you look people will assume certain things

1311
01:02:50,240 --> 01:02:50,680
Speaker 9: about it?

1312
01:02:51,080 --> 01:02:53,200
Speaker 5: Yeah? I think there's definitely assumptions. And I guess the

1313
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:53,920
Speaker 5: world we're.

1314
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:55,440
Speaker 7: Into, there's a lot of people in the world that

1315
01:02:56,680 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 7: different things matter to them.

1316
01:02:57,800 --> 01:02:58,800
Speaker 5: But I grew up.

1317
01:02:59,280 --> 01:03:02,600
Speaker 7: I've been working to ifs thirteen, I was allowed like

1318
01:03:02,640 --> 01:03:03,680
Speaker 7: the things money.

1319
01:03:04,800 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 5: I value money, and I.

1320
01:03:06,800 --> 01:03:09,320
Speaker 7: Have a hard time spending money on anything that I

1321
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:13,080
Speaker 7: that isn't it's I think, yep, I have a real

1322
01:03:13,120 --> 01:03:13,520
Speaker 7: hard time.

1323
01:03:13,600 --> 01:03:14,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, because every.

1324
01:03:14,840 --> 01:03:16,920
Speaker 1: Time like that that i'm.

1325
01:03:17,080 --> 01:03:19,160
Speaker 5: That could be four weeks. Yeah, I just have a

1326
01:03:19,160 --> 01:03:20,360
Speaker 5: different look at Yeah, and.

1327
01:03:22,040 --> 01:03:23,200
Speaker 1: It's actually hysterical.

1328
01:03:25,240 --> 01:03:27,840
Speaker 7: Yeah, And I think, yeah, a lot of people write meself,

1329
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,280
Speaker 7: it must be nice that Daddy gave you all this stuff.

1330
01:03:30,280 --> 01:03:30,680
Speaker 1: Wow.

1331
01:03:30,880 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 7: And I've never had a dollar from anyone, so I

1332
01:03:33,480 --> 01:03:37,440
Speaker 7: think that my Yeah, that bothers me a lot that

1333
01:03:37,480 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 7: people think and the people meet me and they're like, oh,

1334
01:03:40,040 --> 01:03:45,200
Speaker 7: you're actually quite nice, and I'm like, exqueeze me, what

1335
01:03:45,240 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 7: do you mean?

1336
01:03:45,720 --> 01:03:46,160
Speaker 1: Actually?

1337
01:03:46,280 --> 01:03:48,520
Speaker 7: Like, so that bothers me, but I don't know what

1338
01:03:48,560 --> 01:03:50,800
Speaker 7: to do with that because it's just me.

1339
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:51,760
Speaker 5: My life's just made.

1340
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:55,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, Okay, well let's see what other people actually think

1341
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:58,320
Speaker 2: about you. Because why was that with Laura because she's

1342
01:03:58,400 --> 01:03:58,960
Speaker 2: on the inside.

1343
01:03:59,000 --> 01:04:01,320
Speaker 5: Okay, we got three minutes. Okay, I didn't do it.

1344
01:04:01,360 --> 01:04:05,280
Speaker 6: I said sensitive and kind. I think that you like

1345
01:04:05,360 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 6: to portray that you're hard ass and like you're fucking bad.

1346
01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 5: Ass and you're like fine, everything's fine.

1347
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 6: But I actually know that you're very sensitive. You just

1348
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:18,400
Speaker 6: don't like talking about being things affecting you, But I

1349
01:04:18,440 --> 01:04:19,800
Speaker 6: know that things do.

1350
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:22,080
Speaker 5: I know that you are a very sensitive.

1351
01:04:21,680 --> 01:04:25,320
Speaker 6: Person and you're like a hugely kind person. You always

1352
01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:27,760
Speaker 6: put other people first. You are ays thinking of other people,

1353
01:04:29,000 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 6: and that's like one of your best qualities is how

1354
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:32,120
Speaker 6: kind you are.

1355
01:04:32,760 --> 01:04:34,680
Speaker 1: Hmm. I love that.

1356
01:04:35,080 --> 01:04:38,800
Speaker 4: I said pumper Uppera.

1357
01:04:39,880 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 5: Let me expect exactly what she is as well.

1358
01:04:41,560 --> 01:04:45,000
Speaker 3: Yes, has a total pumper uppera, like I was getting

1359
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:47,680
Speaker 3: nervous about today, like I was feeling nervous about million

1360
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 3: years to I get like that, and obviously I knew

1361
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 3: that we were going to get a bit vulnerable today.

1362
01:04:51,280 --> 01:04:53,840
Speaker 3: And you sit down with you for thirty seconds and

1363
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:56,400
Speaker 3: you just make people feel good. You make me feel

1364
01:04:56,440 --> 01:04:59,880
Speaker 3: great because you just live pumper uppera And whether that's

1365
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:04,240
Speaker 3: through compliments or taking the absolute piece out of yourself,

1366
01:05:04,480 --> 01:05:05,360
Speaker 3: it's just such a.

1367
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:06,800
Speaker 4: Beautiful thank you.

1368
01:05:06,960 --> 01:05:09,920
Speaker 7: That's yeah, that's a great word.

1369
01:05:10,400 --> 01:05:12,480
Speaker 5: What was your word again, superficial?

1370
01:05:12,920 --> 01:05:16,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so mine is pretty like the opposite from that.

1371
01:05:17,080 --> 01:05:20,840
Speaker 1: My word was captivating because I don't think you're superficient

1372
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:21,160
Speaker 1: at all.

1373
01:05:21,240 --> 01:05:23,240
Speaker 2: I think the most captivating part about you, brit is

1374
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:28,320
Speaker 2: that you're like so authentic, and I know that like there,

1375
01:05:28,720 --> 01:05:31,120
Speaker 2: as Woody said, you're obviously a beautiful woman, so like

1376
01:05:31,600 --> 01:05:33,960
Speaker 2: that's going to get attached to you. But like I'm

1377
01:05:33,960 --> 01:05:35,760
Speaker 2: sure if I saw a photo of you online, I

1378
01:05:35,800 --> 01:05:37,360
Speaker 2: hate the fact that I would make a whole bunch

1379
01:05:37,400 --> 01:05:39,960
Speaker 2: of assumptions about you. But like, as soon as I've

1380
01:05:40,440 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 2: spent a scaic of time with you, you've been totally

1381
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:46,840
Speaker 2: captivating because of all those other things that would he said,

1382
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 2: you take the piss.

1383
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:50,040
Speaker 1: Out of yourself. You're so open, you're so.

1384
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:55,480
Speaker 2: Generous, You're like, you're fucking hilarious as well. You're completely

1385
01:05:55,520 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 2: captivating to be around. So your word is so different.

1386
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:08,600
Speaker 16: This is such an ego boost walls. You know, I

1387
01:06:08,600 --> 01:06:11,440
Speaker 16: appreciate all of those because there if there's one thing

1388
01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:14,560
Speaker 16: that I want to do, it's to leave people feeling better.

1389
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:16,240
Speaker 5: So for you to say that like I.

1390
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:19,560
Speaker 7: Made you feel relaxed and that you've left feeling better,

1391
01:06:19,680 --> 01:06:21,480
Speaker 7: just like I feel like my job.

1392
01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:23,240
Speaker 4: Done so well.

1393
01:06:23,320 --> 01:06:26,360
Speaker 2: I hope that we've left you guys feeling the same way.

1394
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:27,240
Speaker 1: It's been really good.

1395
01:06:27,400 --> 01:06:30,240
Speaker 7: We're just going to cry the whole way home and

1396
01:06:30,280 --> 01:06:31,480
Speaker 7: thank you for choosing us to do this.

1397
01:06:32,200 --> 01:06:34,560
Speaker 6: This is not we thought that you were doing multiple

1398
01:06:34,560 --> 01:06:36,920
Speaker 6: of this. I didn't realize that we.

1399
01:06:36,880 --> 01:06:37,760
Speaker 5: Didn't know we were the chosen.

1400
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:40,600
Speaker 1: Nicole Kibban is still going to.

1401
01:06:43,520 --> 01:06:45,120
Speaker 6: I know we've talked to your ears off today and

1402
01:06:45,160 --> 01:06:47,800
Speaker 6: it's gone for longer than expected, but like, thanks for

1403
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 6: creating the space.

1404
01:06:48,560 --> 01:06:54,920
Speaker 4: For Its not what we can do it.

1405
01:06:54,960 --> 01:06:58,080
Speaker 1: So what Laura said to her friends, my friends to

1406
01:06:58,080 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 1: hang out.

1407
01:06:58,440 --> 01:06:59,000
Speaker 16: His round.

1408
01:07:04,960 --> 01:07:05,960
Speaker 5: Like great.

1409
01:07:07,000 --> 01:07:09,439
Speaker 7: Anyway, I feel like it was by four we wanted

1410
01:07:09,440 --> 01:07:11,800
Speaker 7: to get good place