WEBVTT - Is Therapy Speak Just Excusing Bad Behaviour? 😯

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<v Speaker 1>On Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Question of the day is therapy speak making us selfish?

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<v Speaker 2>There was an article that came out on Bustle recently

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<v Speaker 2>discussing this phenomena in which we've developed this ability to

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<v Speaker 2>articulate like stuff in complex language. So you know, it's

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<v Speaker 2>not like, oh, I feel like this person is making

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<v Speaker 2>me feel like I am making things up.

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<v Speaker 1>They gas lit me. Yeah, I need to set a boundary.

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<v Speaker 2>Unfortunately, after doing a body skin and checking in with myself,

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<v Speaker 2>I've come to the conclusion that in order to maintain

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<v Speaker 2>the health and wealth of my mind, that we need

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<v Speaker 2>to take some space and consciously a couple. It all

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<v Speaker 2>becomes too much and we just can't say what we feel,

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<v Speaker 2>and the way that actually lands in the way that

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<v Speaker 2>it is intended. We end up trying to use this

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<v Speaker 2>language to a few situations. We just make them worse

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<v Speaker 2>because we sound like robots and it's not sexy. I

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<v Speaker 2>want to read you a bit of this article because

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<v Speaker 2>you should go and google it, but I know that

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<v Speaker 2>you won't, so I've.

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<v Speaker 3>Sacked in not you Okay, okay, okay, so you read it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but listen to this first couple of paragraphs. Last summer,

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<v Speaker 2>Anna twenty four, was dumped by a longtime friend over

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<v Speaker 2>text while making plans to meet up. The friend pivoted

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<v Speaker 2>and told Anna she wanted to end their five year friendship.

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<v Speaker 2>When Anna asked if it was something she did, her

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<v Speaker 2>friend told her she wasn't comfortable answering and that there

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't any room for discussion. And I quote, I'm in

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<v Speaker 2>a place where I'm trying to honor my needs and

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<v Speaker 2>act in alignment with what feels right within the scope

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<v Speaker 2>of my life, and I'm afraid our friendship doesn't seem

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<v Speaker 2>to fit in that framework. I can no longer hold

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<v Speaker 2>the emotional space you've wanted me to, and I think

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<v Speaker 2>the support you need is beyond the scope of what

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<v Speaker 2>I can offer. We've all sent a message like that

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<v Speaker 2>in our time, maybe because we were told that it

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<v Speaker 2>was the better approach. Don't ghost people, tell them how

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<v Speaker 2>you feel. When we used to do that, we would

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<v Speaker 2>go into our iPhone notes app and write this really

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<v Speaker 2>long winded self referential piece. I feel like this, and

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<v Speaker 2>you made me feel this, and I don't feel safe, and.

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<v Speaker 1>It's the I'm speechless.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but but I don't have anything to say to this. However,

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<v Speaker 2>six paragraphs later and then becomes really scathing. So we've

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<v Speaker 2>overcorrected from word vomiting with no real consideration for how

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<v Speaker 2>it's landing to curating such a soulless script that it

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<v Speaker 2>also doesn't do what it's intended to do. Reminded me

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<v Speaker 2>of this quote. Oh okay, craty girl, sorry, coat girls back.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the therapy speaker is making us better at being worse.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're finding the language to cushion who we are

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<v Speaker 2>or what we're saying. So instead of saying that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm being a flaky friend, I'm saying I'm holding.

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<v Speaker 1>Space for myself.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh shut up, instead of saying that I feel insecure.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm creating hierarchies in my inter personal relationships so

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I'm always on top. I just say

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<v Speaker 2>I've got avoiding tendencies. You know, what does that even mean?

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<v Speaker 1>Rummy? Do you think that therapy speakers making us worse? Yes?

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<v Speaker 3>I think it definitely is. Okay, So I was reading

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<v Speaker 3>this the other day. I can't remember what the term

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<v Speaker 3>is for the philosophical kind of concept. He wrote nineteen

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<v Speaker 3>eighty four, George or George it was all Wellian situation

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<v Speaker 3>where there's this world. I'm pretty sure it's in nineteen

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<v Speaker 3>eighty four.

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<v Speaker 1>It's called double speak.

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<v Speaker 3>Michaela's nodding, okay, she's said in philosophy you wanted.

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<v Speaker 1>In year twelve. Yeah, belonging in the era stop. So

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<v Speaker 1>double speak. So you could never say anything negative.

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<v Speaker 3>So so you say good, like that's good instead of

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<v Speaker 3>saying bad, you say that's un good.

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<v Speaker 2>Double Speak is a language that deliberately obscures, disguises, distorughts,

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<v Speaker 2>or reverses the meaning of words. Double Speak may take

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<v Speaker 2>the form of euphemisms, example, downsizing for layoffs or servicing

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<v Speaker 2>the target for when you're bombing, in which case it

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<v Speaker 2>is primarily meant to make the truth sound more palatable.

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<v Speaker 2>So's some examples are saying something's a bit shaky instead

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<v Speaker 2>of it being very poor quality, saying good effort instead

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<v Speaker 2>of saying that's not right, saying ill advised instead of

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<v Speaker 2>that's a terrible idea, saying something is not the best

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<v Speaker 2>driver instead of saying he's a terrible.

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<v Speaker 3>Driver, which I think is what is happening with therapy speak.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like people who use big words when you can

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<v Speaker 3>just say the simple word, and especially with writing, you

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<v Speaker 3>start off as a creative writer using oh brave synonym cool, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>we all do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'll do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Explain it to a five year old vibe. If you

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<v Speaker 2>can't explain what you're trying to say to a five

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<v Speaker 2>year old, then do you really understand it like you

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<v Speaker 2>think you do?

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<v Speaker 3>Then add a bit the splice if you want, Oh yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>I also think it's manipulative. I just find it very

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<v Speaker 3>like selfish, self indulgent.

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<v Speaker 2>But also think about where it started, because we went

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<v Speaker 2>from just existing as regular people to suddenly people saying

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<v Speaker 2>you should get therapy as an insult.

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<v Speaker 1>So people did.

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<v Speaker 2>They went to the internet and googled what can I

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<v Speaker 2>say or do to make me seem as though I've

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<v Speaker 2>done quote unquote the work, And there was pressure and

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<v Speaker 2>this immense consequence of not appearing as someone who's well adjusted.

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<v Speaker 2>So I feel like it is a bit like mean

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<v Speaker 2>and pointed to be like, oh it's manipulative, yeah, by design,

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<v Speaker 2>because they were manipulated into looking self aware. And now

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<v Speaker 2>the consequence of that is like you've forced all these

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<v Speaker 2>people into performative self awareness and they've drunk their own

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<v Speaker 2>call aid. They learned the speak that we told them

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<v Speaker 2>to learn. They presented themselves in the way that society

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<v Speaker 2>said is the best thing to do. So what's happened

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<v Speaker 2>is we've all isolated ourselves and been like, you know what,

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<v Speaker 2>I've read enough headlines to know that if I have

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<v Speaker 2>a friend who is stressing me out, I just need

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<v Speaker 2>to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm currently not in a position to hold space for

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<v Speaker 2>you currently as supposed to be, Like no, I need

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<v Speaker 2>to get in the pit with my friends and zipper yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>or be like hey, I don't know what I'm feeling,

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<v Speaker 2>but let's talk it out. It's kind of like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>similar but not similar. It's like when everybody decided that

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<v Speaker 2>like saying like someone's ethnicity is inappropriate, right, So you

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<v Speaker 2>can't say that someone's Indian, you can't say they're African,

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<v Speaker 2>you can't even say they're black.

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<v Speaker 1>You have to say they're a person of color.

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<v Speaker 2>But then what happened is that now you're gripping in

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<v Speaker 2>all these people with very contradicting experiences and your homogeizing them,

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<v Speaker 2>and now people are like, well, don't call me a

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<v Speaker 2>personal color. I am an Asian person. I am, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And so that's what ends up happening. It's like you

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<v Speaker 2>get forced into learning the language to assimilate and be

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<v Speaker 2>part of a group. What's your alternative to that then

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<v Speaker 2>calling things what it is? Not doing double speak? So

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<v Speaker 2>it's like, let's say, for example, you can say flex

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<v Speaker 2>is a woman of color, but if I'm talking about

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<v Speaker 2>if I'm saying I'm speaking on behalf of women of color,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm really not. I don't know that broader experience. Even

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<v Speaker 2>like you know, when people use or identify as a

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<v Speaker 2>feminist to signore that they believe that all people should

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<v Speaker 2>have rights.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like, well, your feminism isn't my feminism.

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<v Speaker 2>And now we're getting confused because you're talking about armpit

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<v Speaker 2>hair and I'm talking about like emancipating black women.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not the same conversation, you know, And like I'm

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<v Speaker 1>wearing a bra right now, I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think in this instance it gets really tricky

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<v Speaker 2>because it's almost like we gave everybody the tool with

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<v Speaker 2>no handbook, and we're saying, why do you use a

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<v Speaker 2>hammer that? And they're like, how else do you use

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<v Speaker 2>a hammer? I'm just trying to make it work. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I was like, well, you're doing damage.

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<v Speaker 3>Actually, this negative feedback, yeah, is hurtful.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you think there's a line between looking at for

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<v Speaker 2>ourselves and being selfish? I think it is, do you

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<v Speaker 2>know what? Also, the big thing is I feel like,

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<v Speaker 2>in conjunction with like this therapy speaks stuff, I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like people get into this habit of thinking that they

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<v Speaker 2>can become really like their best version of themselves on

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<v Speaker 2>their own, not recognizing that in order to be like

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<v Speaker 2>this evolved person, you have to do it with other people.

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<v Speaker 1>You gotta practice in real time.

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<v Speaker 2>You got to problem solve with the people that you

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<v Speaker 2>have problems with, not just go on Twitter and do

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<v Speaker 2>a little subtweet and then say that you were choosing

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<v Speaker 2>to hold space, you know what I mean. So what's

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<v Speaker 2>happened is we've all isolated ourselves and been like you

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<v Speaker 2>know what. I've read enough headlines to know that if

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<v Speaker 2>I have a friend who is stressing me out, I

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<v Speaker 2>just need to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm currently not in a position to hold space for

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<v Speaker 2>you currently as supposed to being, Like, no, I need

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<v Speaker 2>to get in the pit with my friends or Zipper

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<v Speaker 2>I'll be like, hey, I don't know what I'm feeling,

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<v Speaker 2>but let's talk it out.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, as we do so well, we do it fantastics.

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<v Speaker 3>We're in the pit, except for when I'm distracted by

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<v Speaker 3>my phone. Yeah, okay, but I called you out and

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<v Speaker 3>you called me out, and it took me about two

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<v Speaker 3>more minutes to get back into the fine.

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<v Speaker 1>But I'll see you for this a second. Yeah, expectfully.

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<v Speaker 1>You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

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