Speaker 1: On Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the
Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms catch up podcast.
Speaker 2: Question of the day is therapy speak making us selfish?
Speaker 2: There was an article that came out on Bustle recently
Speaker 2: discussing this phenomena in which we've developed this ability to
Speaker 2: articulate like stuff in complex language. So you know, it's
Speaker 2: not like, oh, I feel like this person is making
Speaker 2: me feel like I am making things up.
Speaker 1: They gas lit me. Yeah, I need to set a boundary.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, after doing a body skin and checking in with myself,
Speaker 2: I've come to the conclusion that in order to maintain
Speaker 2: the health and wealth of my mind, that we need
Speaker 2: to take some space and consciously a couple. It all
Speaker 2: becomes too much and we just can't say what we feel,
Speaker 2: and the way that actually lands in the way that
Speaker 2: it is intended. We end up trying to use this
Speaker 2: language to a few situations. We just make them worse
Speaker 2: because we sound like robots and it's not sexy. I
Speaker 2: want to read you a bit of this article because
Speaker 2: you should go and google it, but I know that
Speaker 2: you won't, so I've.
Speaker 3: Sacked in not you Okay, okay, okay, so you read it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but listen to this first couple of paragraphs. Last summer,
Speaker 2: Anna twenty four, was dumped by a longtime friend over
Speaker 2: text while making plans to meet up. The friend pivoted
Speaker 2: and told Anna she wanted to end their five year friendship.
Speaker 2: When Anna asked if it was something she did, her
Speaker 2: friend told her she wasn't comfortable answering and that there
Speaker 2: wasn't any room for discussion. And I quote, I'm in
Speaker 2: a place where I'm trying to honor my needs and
Speaker 2: act in alignment with what feels right within the scope
Speaker 2: of my life, and I'm afraid our friendship doesn't seem
Speaker 2: to fit in that framework. I can no longer hold
Speaker 2: the emotional space you've wanted me to, and I think
Speaker 2: the support you need is beyond the scope of what
Speaker 2: I can offer. We've all sent a message like that
Speaker 2: in our time, maybe because we were told that it
Speaker 2: was the better approach. Don't ghost people, tell them how
Speaker 2: you feel. When we used to do that, we would
Speaker 2: go into our iPhone notes app and write this really
Speaker 2: long winded self referential piece. I feel like this, and
Speaker 2: you made me feel this, and I don't feel safe, and.
Speaker 1: It's the I'm speechless.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but but I don't have anything to say to this. However,
Speaker 2: six paragraphs later and then becomes really scathing. So we've
Speaker 2: overcorrected from word vomiting with no real consideration for how
Speaker 2: it's landing to curating such a soulless script that it
Speaker 2: also doesn't do what it's intended to do. Reminded me
Speaker 2: of this quote. Oh okay, craty girl, sorry, coat girls back.
Speaker 2: That's the therapy speaker is making us better at being worse.
Speaker 2: So we're finding the language to cushion who we are
Speaker 2: or what we're saying. So instead of saying that, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm being a flaky friend, I'm saying I'm holding.
Speaker 1: Space for myself.
Speaker 2: Oh shut up, instead of saying that I feel insecure.
Speaker 2: So I'm creating hierarchies in my inter personal relationships so
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm always on top. I just say
Speaker 2: I've got avoiding tendencies. You know, what does that even mean?
Speaker 1: Rummy? Do you think that therapy speakers making us worse? Yes?
Speaker 3: I think it definitely is. Okay, So I was reading
Speaker 3: this the other day. I can't remember what the term
Speaker 3: is for the philosophical kind of concept. He wrote nineteen
Speaker 3: eighty four, George or George it was all Wellian situation
Speaker 3: where there's this world. I'm pretty sure it's in nineteen
Speaker 3: eighty four.
Speaker 1: It's called double speak.
Speaker 3: Michaela's nodding, okay, she's said in philosophy you wanted.
Speaker 1: In year twelve. Yeah, belonging in the era stop. So
Speaker 1: double speak. So you could never say anything negative.
Speaker 3: So so you say good, like that's good instead of
Speaker 3: saying bad, you say that's un good.
Speaker 2: Double Speak is a language that deliberately obscures, disguises, distorughts,
Speaker 2: or reverses the meaning of words. Double Speak may take
Speaker 2: the form of euphemisms, example, downsizing for layoffs or servicing
Speaker 2: the target for when you're bombing, in which case it
Speaker 2: is primarily meant to make the truth sound more palatable.
Speaker 2: So's some examples are saying something's a bit shaky instead
Speaker 2: of it being very poor quality, saying good effort instead
Speaker 2: of saying that's not right, saying ill advised instead of
Speaker 2: that's a terrible idea, saying something is not the best
Speaker 2: driver instead of saying he's a terrible.
Speaker 3: Driver, which I think is what is happening with therapy speak.
Speaker 3: It's like people who use big words when you can
Speaker 3: just say the simple word, and especially with writing, you
Speaker 3: start off as a creative writer using oh brave synonym cool, yeah,
Speaker 3: we all do it.
Speaker 1: I'll do it.
Speaker 2: Explain it to a five year old vibe. If you
Speaker 2: can't explain what you're trying to say to a five
Speaker 2: year old, then do you really understand it like you
Speaker 2: think you do?
Speaker 3: Then add a bit the splice if you want, Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I also think it's manipulative. I just find it very
Speaker 3: like selfish, self indulgent.
Speaker 2: But also think about where it started, because we went
Speaker 2: from just existing as regular people to suddenly people saying
Speaker 2: you should get therapy as an insult.
Speaker 1: So people did.
Speaker 2: They went to the internet and googled what can I
Speaker 2: say or do to make me seem as though I've
Speaker 2: done quote unquote the work, And there was pressure and
Speaker 2: this immense consequence of not appearing as someone who's well adjusted.
Speaker 2: So I feel like it is a bit like mean
Speaker 2: and pointed to be like, oh it's manipulative, yeah, by design,
Speaker 2: because they were manipulated into looking self aware. And now
Speaker 2: the consequence of that is like you've forced all these
Speaker 2: people into performative self awareness and they've drunk their own
Speaker 2: call aid. They learned the speak that we told them
Speaker 2: to learn. They presented themselves in the way that society
Speaker 2: said is the best thing to do. So what's happened
Speaker 2: is we've all isolated ourselves and been like, you know what,
Speaker 2: I've read enough headlines to know that if I have
Speaker 2: a friend who is stressing me out, I just need
Speaker 2: to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like,
Speaker 2: I'm currently not in a position to hold space for
Speaker 2: you currently as supposed to be, Like no, I need
Speaker 2: to get in the pit with my friends and zipper yeah,
Speaker 2: or be like hey, I don't know what I'm feeling,
Speaker 2: but let's talk it out. It's kind of like, you know,
Speaker 2: similar but not similar. It's like when everybody decided that
Speaker 2: like saying like someone's ethnicity is inappropriate, right, So you
Speaker 2: can't say that someone's Indian, you can't say they're African,
Speaker 2: you can't even say they're black.
Speaker 1: You have to say they're a person of color.
Speaker 2: But then what happened is that now you're gripping in
Speaker 2: all these people with very contradicting experiences and your homogeizing them,
Speaker 2: and now people are like, well, don't call me a
Speaker 2: personal color. I am an Asian person. I am, you know,
Speaker 2: And so that's what ends up happening. It's like you
Speaker 2: get forced into learning the language to assimilate and be
Speaker 2: part of a group. What's your alternative to that then
Speaker 2: calling things what it is? Not doing double speak? So
Speaker 2: it's like, let's say, for example, you can say flex
Speaker 2: is a woman of color, but if I'm talking about
Speaker 2: if I'm saying I'm speaking on behalf of women of color,
Speaker 2: I'm really not. I don't know that broader experience. Even
Speaker 2: like you know, when people use or identify as a
Speaker 2: feminist to signore that they believe that all people should
Speaker 2: have rights.
Speaker 1: It's like, well, your feminism isn't my feminism.
Speaker 2: And now we're getting confused because you're talking about armpit
Speaker 2: hair and I'm talking about like emancipating black women.
Speaker 1: It's not the same conversation, you know, And like I'm
Speaker 1: wearing a bra right now, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: So I think in this instance it gets really tricky
Speaker 2: because it's almost like we gave everybody the tool with
Speaker 2: no handbook, and we're saying, why do you use a
Speaker 2: hammer that? And they're like, how else do you use
Speaker 2: a hammer? I'm just trying to make it work. And
Speaker 2: then I was like, well, you're doing damage.
Speaker 3: Actually, this negative feedback, yeah, is hurtful.
Speaker 2: Do you think there's a line between looking at for
Speaker 2: ourselves and being selfish? I think it is, do you
Speaker 2: know what? Also, the big thing is I feel like,
Speaker 2: in conjunction with like this therapy speaks stuff, I feel
Speaker 2: like people get into this habit of thinking that they
Speaker 2: can become really like their best version of themselves on
Speaker 2: their own, not recognizing that in order to be like
Speaker 2: this evolved person, you have to do it with other people.
Speaker 1: You gotta practice in real time.
Speaker 2: You got to problem solve with the people that you
Speaker 2: have problems with, not just go on Twitter and do
Speaker 2: a little subtweet and then say that you were choosing
Speaker 2: to hold space, you know what I mean. So what's
Speaker 2: happened is we've all isolated ourselves and been like you
Speaker 2: know what. I've read enough headlines to know that if
Speaker 2: I have a friend who is stressing me out, I
Speaker 2: just need to send them a text message and say, hey, babe, like,
Speaker 2: I'm currently not in a position to hold space for
Speaker 2: you currently as supposed to being, Like, no, I need
Speaker 2: to get in the pit with my friends or Zipper
Speaker 2: I'll be like, hey, I don't know what I'm feeling,
Speaker 2: but let's talk it out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, as we do so well, we do it fantastics.
Speaker 3: We're in the pit, except for when I'm distracted by
Speaker 3: my phone. Yeah, okay, but I called you out and
Speaker 3: you called me out, and it took me about two
Speaker 3: more minutes to get back into the fine.
Speaker 1: But I'll see you for this a second. Yeah, expectfully.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
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