WEBVTT - When the Unimaginable Happens 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.960 My name is Aatasha Bamblet. I'm a proud First Nations 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:07.280 woman and I'm here to acknowledge country t Glenn Young 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:11.400 Ganya Nianar kaka ya Ya bin Ahaka nian Ar gay 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:16.920 In Nimbina, yakarum jar Dominyamka Domaga Ithawakaman damon Imlan bomber 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:19.800 bang Gadabomba in and now in wakah ghana on yak 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:24.560 rum jar Watnadaa. Hello, beautiful friends, we gather on the 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.960 lands of the Aboriginal people. We thank acknowledge and respect 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.880 the Aberiginal people's land that we're gathering on today. Take 0:00:30.920 --> 0:00:33.839 pleasure in all the land and respect all that you see. 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:40.240 She's on the Money podcast acknowledges culture, country, community and connections, 0:00:40.960 --> 0:00:44.600 bringing you the tools, knowledge and resources for you to thrive. 0:00:44.880 --> 0:00:46.600 She's on the Money. 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:58.000 She's on the Money. 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:10.800 Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:13.720 that lets you be pervy about other people's money habits 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:17.440 for educational purposes, of course. Welcome back to another one 0:01:17.480 --> 0:01:19.959 of our money Darius, where I get the absolute pleasure 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.280 of sitting down and talking to one of our beautiful 0:01:22.319 --> 0:01:25.520 She's on the Money community members, all about their journey. 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:28.040 Let's jump straight into it, because this week I got 0:01:28.040 --> 0:01:31.800 a message and it sounded exactly like this dear, she's 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.399 on the money after going through one of the hardest 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:36.600 things you can go through. I wanted to share my 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:40.280 story in the hope it helps other mums navigating similar challenges. 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.319 I always thought I was doing okay with money. My 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.040 husband and I saved forty grand in six months and 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:48.320 moved five hours out of the city to buy our 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:52.480 first home. I thought we were on track, but after 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:56.360 the still birth of our daughter, everything changed. The banks 0:01:56.400 --> 0:01:58.480 want to help, and my workplace didn't know how to 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:02.080 support me. I had no idea how many financial hurdles 0:02:02.120 --> 0:02:05.560 I'd face while also grieving. Now, I want to raise 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:09.480 awareness of what financial systems look like in moments like this. 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:13.040 Money Diarist, welcome to the show. 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:14.480 Thank you for having me. 0:02:14.760 --> 0:02:17.560 Oh my god, I feel so privileged that you want 0:02:17.560 --> 0:02:19.760 to share your child's story with us and you want 0:02:19.800 --> 0:02:22.639 to talk to me. Oh, I just I know that 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:25.000 that's probably not how but like, thank you for wanting 0:02:25.040 --> 0:02:25.959 to chat to us. 0:02:26.320 --> 0:02:29.480 No, that's okay. I'm very happy to share my story 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.480 and my journey now that I've been through what I've 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:36.600 been through and hopefully educate a bit more to everybody. 0:02:36.680 --> 0:02:41.160 Well, before I jump into the deeper questions, what great 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:43.240 would you give you? Money? Habits from A three to F. 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:45.519 If I asked right now, I'm a C. 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:49.519 You're a C. All right, let's see what that's about. 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.960 I need to be canceled, honestly. But money diarist, can 0:02:53.000 --> 0:02:54.920 you tell me a little bit more about your journey? 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:58.840 So I grew up feeling, you know, not ever worried 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:01.880 about money. Both parents. It's worked in local government, so 0:03:02.240 --> 0:03:05.120 it was always a safe money environment. There was never 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:08.480 any issues. I grew up always watching my mom do 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:10.440 a budget on a spreadsheet, and to this day she 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:12.360 still does it. She still calls me once a month 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:15.919 says I'm doing my budget today. So I grew up, 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:17.920 you know, watching mom did that, and I have a 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.920 memory of we won five thousand dollars once in the 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.239 early two thousands, and that was a huge deal. 0:03:23.360 --> 0:03:26.320 Well in the early twent thousands, that's like twenty grand oh. 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:28.680 So my parents like paid a heap off the mortgage, 0:03:28.680 --> 0:03:30.720 but we got one hundred dollars each meet my brother 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:31.040 and I. 0:03:31.080 --> 0:03:33.360 That would have felt like a thousand at that point, I. 0:03:33.400 --> 0:03:35.760 Went and bought a Pokemon Gold Gain for my game 0:03:35.800 --> 0:03:38.400 Boy Color and I thought it was the best thing ever. 0:03:39.120 --> 0:03:43.720 So yeah, good journey of money growing up, always felt safe. 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:46.400 Left school, took a little while to get to my 0:03:46.560 --> 0:03:50.680 career and finally settled in that in about twenty seventeen, 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.880 and slowly worked my way up and just kept working, 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:56.880 taking a few holidays here and there, and then when 0:03:56.880 --> 0:03:59.200 the pandemic kit, I was very lucky kept my job, 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:03.360 worked from home, actually got promoted during that time. In 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.480 between some lockdowns is when I met my now husband. 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:08.160 For you'd how did you guys meet? 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:09.400 We met in real life? 0:04:09.640 --> 0:04:13.240 Oh? What the hell? Yeah, so through a lockdown you 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.840 met in real life. That just feels like almost fake, 0:04:15.960 --> 0:04:16.360 my love. 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.000 It was in between some lockdowns, but it was still 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:21.800 in the rules where you couldn't stand. You had to 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:24.040 be sitting at bars and clubs and all that kind 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:27.080 of stuff. So we met like we weren't both planning 0:04:27.080 --> 0:04:30.039 to go to that establishment that night, but things went 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.400 that way, and he came and sat at my table 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:33.320 because I looked bored. 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:38.320 So whoever you were with wasn't entertainment as much as good. 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:43.200 So we got chatting, swapped Instagrams, and then had our 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:44.480 first date a week later. 0:04:44.640 --> 0:04:46.640 Kids, these days, you don't swap numbers. 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.120 No, we swapped Instagram so he felt a number was 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:52.480 too forward and the snapchat was too seedy. So Instagram 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:53.200 is where we went. 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.719 I like that there's a middle ground for us now. 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:59.360 We very quickly met and spoke about how we didn't 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:03.440 really want to live in the big city anymore. And 0:05:03.880 --> 0:05:06.320 after knowing each other for six months, my lease was 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.320 running up where I was living in a sharehouse, and 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:11.800 he said, well, let's do this. So I moved in 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:17.040 with his parents and we knuckled down and saved forty grand. 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:20.599 That's how you saved the forty grand. That's a lot 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.120 of money to save in a short period of time. Like, yeah, okay, 0:05:24.160 --> 0:05:27.480 moving in with the brand new in laws. Was that 0:05:27.680 --> 0:05:30.520 challenging because I feel like I would have been so anxious, 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:32.600 like girl, I don't know. I feel like it took 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:35.240 literal years for me to go, Oh, I don't have 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:37.800 to be so highly strung around my husband's sperience. 0:05:38.080 --> 0:05:40.800 It was definitely experience. It's also like moving from a 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:44.239 sharehouse to like a bedroom and all that kind of stuff. 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:47.000 So putting stuff in storage and downsizing a little bit, 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:48.760 but we knew it was going to be worth it 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:52.880 to get out and move. So in early twenty twenty two, 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:56.200 we bought our house remotely. We didn't actually see it 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.240 in person. We had to just do a FaceTime because 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:02.080 things were moving so quickly that when we saw it 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.920 pop up online, we called them that afternoon. They said, 0:06:04.920 --> 0:06:06.720 come look at it tomorrow, and we said we live 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:10.320 five hours away, so we got a FaceTime the next day. 0:06:10.440 --> 0:06:13.360 Oh my goodness. Property can be so hard, and that 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.680 just puts even more pressure on you, Like you just go, 0:06:15.760 --> 0:06:17.600 oh goodness, Like we're gonna have to do this FaceTime, 0:06:17.640 --> 0:06:19.360 make a decision really quickly. And I'm sure that they 0:06:19.360 --> 0:06:22.200 were like there are lots of interested parties, weren't they. 0:06:22.400 --> 0:06:24.720 Yeah, there was someone else at the house when they 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.640 were walking us through virtually. Oh so we very quickly 0:06:29.040 --> 0:06:32.120 put in an offer twenty grand over asking, but we 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.440 still bought our first house for four hundred thousand dollars. 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:35.560 Hey that's good. 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:39.800 Yeah. So it was a four bedroom, reasonably like rashly painted, 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:43.040 had a pool, had a little shed, had a big yard. 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:46.680 So we were like, yeah, compared to you know Sydney 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.080 to out here. We were like dawn, you. 0:06:49.279 --> 0:06:52.160 Like six seven months from a sharehouse to buying a 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:53.960 house with a pool. I love this for you. 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:56.480 We were pretty proud of ourselves. A lot of people 0:06:56.520 --> 0:06:59.200 were still like, what are you doing? But that's what 0:06:59.240 --> 0:07:00.920 we wanted to do. We didn't want to be in 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.160 the big city anymore. We want a different lifestyle, and 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:05.520 we up and moved up here. 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.200 So early twenty twenty two, you bought how long was 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:10.880 your settlement was at like normal standard three months? 0:07:10.960 --> 0:07:13.360 It was standard, but we had early access so we 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:16.680 could every weekend we literally on the Friday night, we'd 0:07:16.640 --> 0:07:19.840 pack up cars. We'd leave at like four am Saturday mornings, 0:07:20.520 --> 0:07:23.400 come up, do stuff in the house, see our friends, 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.400 and then drive back to Sydney on the Sunday. 0:07:25.520 --> 0:07:27.840 Hey, not bad, but also you do what you've got 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:30.560 to do right or you don't miss those days though. 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:33.360 Exciting but also a long slog. 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.600 Yeah. So well, I moved up in July twenty twenty two, 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:39.000 but my partner was a truck driver at the time, 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.280 so he kept working in Sydney, so I was by 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:45.080 myself at home in a new job too. I got 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:48.000 a new job at that time, and I lived up 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:51.280 here by myself during the week for the first six 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:52.800 months of us moved up here. 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:54.960 So you've been together six months, you buy a house, 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.480 you live together for another six months. At what point 0:07:57.560 --> 0:08:00.760 does this man that asked for your Instagram come your husband? 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:05.000 So he then proposed in September of twenty twenty three, 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.120 and at this point we were pregnant with our first child. 0:08:08.280 --> 0:08:10.720 So we fell pregnant in the May of twenty twenty three, 0:08:11.000 --> 0:08:15.360 and he proposed over breakfast, and he organized the whole 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:19.440 thing from his truck while he was driving. He got 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:23.360 his mum to go by get the ring. He asked 0:08:23.360 --> 0:08:25.960 for permission with a ten pack of Jack Daniels to 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:28.440 my dad's place, all that kind of stuff. 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:29.840 That's so sweet. 0:08:30.280 --> 0:08:32.000 Organized it all remotely, and. 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.440 Is that like a proposal that you were like, this 0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:37.120 is so me Yes, oh I love that. 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.000 And it was such a random restaurant. He's like, where 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:40.280 do you want to go for breakfast? And I chose 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:43.520 when he went are you sure? And I was like, yeah, it's. 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:45.839 Just breakfast to do. It's not like we're getting engaged. 0:08:46.040 --> 0:08:47.760 But it actually ended up being nice because I was 0:08:47.800 --> 0:08:50.080 like overlooking a park and all that kind of stuff. 0:08:50.200 --> 0:08:51.760 So it's so cute. 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:54.720 So yeah, so that's September of twenty twenty three, and 0:08:54.760 --> 0:08:57.320 he said, let's get married quickly. I want us to 0:08:57.400 --> 0:08:59.680 have the same last name, all that stuff before the 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:01.280 baby come. So the baby was due. 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:03.599 Because you got you were pregnant in May, right, and 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:04.160 then you go. 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:06.960 Yeah, so the baby was due on Valentine's Day of 0:09:07.000 --> 0:09:07.760 twenty twenty four. 0:09:07.960 --> 0:09:10.520 How was your pregnancy because I feel like sometimes. 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:13.160 I was really crook, so and then you know, when 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:16.800 you look back and find out why I was really crook. 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:20.559 And we got to mid November, so we were getting 0:09:20.559 --> 0:09:23.480 married mid November, organized it all. We did full DIY 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:24.559 on a friend's farm. 0:09:24.720 --> 0:09:27.520 Oh my god, girl, you were pregnant and planning a wedding, 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.280 and you would have been like heavily pregnant. 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:32.120 I was. We got married, I was twenty seven weeks. 0:09:32.280 --> 0:09:34.680 That's a lot of weeks, especially if you're feeling a 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:35.880 bit trashy. 0:09:35.679 --> 0:09:39.760 Like, yeah, so we're in November, I'm feeling a bit crook. 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:42.120 Getting follow ups and all that kind of stuff. Went 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:45.079 to have a scan on a different part of my stomach, 0:09:45.640 --> 0:09:49.319 and that part was near where the baby lives, and unfortunately, 0:09:49.320 --> 0:09:51.680 that's when we found out the baby had passed away. No, 0:09:52.679 --> 0:09:54.560 I was twenty six weeks. 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:58.520 Twenty six No, Oh my goodness, Like, I don't know 0:09:58.840 --> 0:10:00.840 how that feels. And you know what, I'm not even 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:03.680 going to try and say that I do, because it 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:07.040 is so different to anything I've ever been through. But 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:10.200 just the idea that you weren't prepared for that like, 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.680 it's not as though I can't explain it. But having 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:17.920 been through unfortunately now me four miscarriages that were quite 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.080 late term for two of them, there were things that 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:22.000 I was like, oh, I'm just feeling as though this 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.600 maybe isn't right, but you were there for something else. 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:28.640 And then they were like, by the way, oh the 0:10:28.679 --> 0:10:31.200 fact that you didn't even go there is reduced movements 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.120 or I just I really feel like something's up. You 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:35.960 just got completely blindsided a girl. That is not fair. 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:38.400 I was told I had an interior placenter, so I 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:40.600 was told you won't feel much, So me not feeling 0:10:40.679 --> 0:10:44.440 much was normal. So on the Saturday afternoon, I went, oh, 0:10:44.480 --> 0:10:46.199 I felt a kick, And then the Sunday I went, 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:48.560 I haven't felt much. And you know, if you were 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.599 told not to don't worry, go in Monday afternoon for 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:54.480 a scan on my kidneys and my bladder because I 0:10:54.559 --> 0:10:57.160 was crooked and that's when they found out. So this 0:10:57.200 --> 0:10:58.160 is Monday afternoon. 0:10:58.520 --> 0:10:59.800 Oh far, I'm so. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:03.800 So we get up to the hospital this Monday afternoon. 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:07.640 My husband's just gotten back from thankfully driving back home 0:11:07.720 --> 0:11:11.480 not to Sydney. Tell him, jump in the car up 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:14.120 to the hospital, get up to the hospital, and they 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:17.160 say you have to give birth. No, and I just 0:11:17.200 --> 0:11:20.440 went okay. That's because I was not educated at all 0:11:20.679 --> 0:11:22.480 about what happens when this happens. 0:11:22.880 --> 0:11:24.800 But you don't know what you don't know, and in 0:11:24.840 --> 0:11:27.480 the nice way, ever, it's kind of nice that you've 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:29.360 not had any experience of this. 0:11:29.360 --> 0:11:32.760 Before, reflecting. All I got was a pamphlet sometime in 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.560 my pregnancy saying still birth might happen to you, and 0:11:35.600 --> 0:11:38.280 that was it. So I get up to the hospital 0:11:38.280 --> 0:11:40.760 and we're chatting through when I'm going to give birth, 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:44.480 and that's when I dropped that we get married that Saturday, yeap, 0:11:45.920 --> 0:11:49.800 So we very quickly had to put a plan into place. 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.280 So that was the Monday night. I went back to 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:56.760 hospital the Wednesday and I gave birth to my beautiful 0:11:56.760 --> 0:11:57.280 little girl. 0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:59.199 Did you get to spend much time with her? 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.280 Yes? Yeah, and she was the most beautiful little thing. 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.000 She's got a cutes little nose. So I spent some 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:08.199 time with her, and then I had to stay in 0:12:08.240 --> 0:12:11.640 hospital until Friday. Of course, so my husband went, I 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.360 need to be busy, so he left and did all 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:18.480 the wedding stuff, so the marquee, portoloo, the food, the alcohol, 0:12:18.520 --> 0:12:20.800 all that kind of stuff. So he went kept himself 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:21.280 busy with. 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:24.360 That, honestly, fair Like, I get wanting to be busy, 0:12:24.559 --> 0:12:27.360 but at the same time, I'm assuming every single person 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:29.240 going to your wedding knew that you were having a baby. 0:12:29.400 --> 0:12:33.200 Yes, we had kept the pregnancy quiet until twenty weeks. Yeah, 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:36.520 and then but everyone so that that's when all our 0:12:36.520 --> 0:12:39.079 family on what the Tuesday, said are we coming up now? 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:41.400 And we said, no, leave us. We'll do this by ourselves. 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:44.440 And so we did all the giving birth by ourselves. 0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:47.200 But friends popped around to the house to check on 0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.920 the dogs, for example, because you just we just dropped 0:12:49.960 --> 0:12:52.679 everything and ran and I just was told to rock 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:54.520 up to the wedding really in my dress, which is 0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:55.000 what I did. 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:58.320 Stop and what is that like? Because like, you're marrying 0:12:58.320 --> 0:13:01.040 the love of your life, right, you are the man, 0:13:01.120 --> 0:13:04.960 I'm assuming of your dreams and that was like something 0:13:05.000 --> 0:13:08.200 that you look forward to and I'm sure since you 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:09.760 were little, you're like, one day, I'm gonna have the 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.040 big light dress. I'm gonna have a wedding, and like 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.320 you guys were so excited to get married. It was 0:13:14.360 --> 0:13:16.079 like September to November. 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.319 It was an eight weeks that I planned a wedding. 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:21.439 Yeah, hustling to get married, and like there was probably 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:22.840 I don't know, I feel like it's a little bit 0:13:22.920 --> 0:13:25.480 romantic if you're pregnant and then getting married, because it's 0:13:25.520 --> 0:13:27.840 just it's a love bubble. Like you're in this bubble 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:29.679 of like we're having a baby, we're getting married, We're 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:33.200 doing literally everything all at once. What's that like? Like 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:34.560 I'm going to cry like I did. 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:38.280 Oh, it was a rollercoaster. I think I had not 0:13:38.360 --> 0:13:40.760 really been alone until I had an hour before I 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.320 had to get ready for the wedding, and I just 0:13:42.360 --> 0:13:46.000 sat there and I just went what has happened over 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:49.600 the last week? And one of my cats had come 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.760 up to me and crawled up and noticed that the 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:54.400 like she used to crawl up on my tummy and 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:57.880 now she noticed there was nothing there, and that like 0:13:58.000 --> 0:13:59.360 her look on her face and she's. 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:01.679 A cat, it's creepy. 0:14:01.720 --> 0:14:05.320 Hey. Yeah, So yeah, I just kind of I drove 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.280 myself to hair and makeup and drove myself up to 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:10.280 the wedding, got changed at a friend's house around the corner, 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:14.560 and then walked down the aisle and we spoke to 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:17.240 our celebrant the day I was giving birth and told 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:20.560 her what was going on, and she was amazing. She's like, Okay, 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:22.520 what are we doing here? What do you want mentioned? 0:14:22.560 --> 0:14:24.360 What do you don't want mentioned? So we kind of 0:14:24.360 --> 0:14:27.680 started the day like, you know, we reflect on what's happened, 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.840 and because of what's happened, it shows how strong these 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:35.160 two love each other. And we associate my daughter with butterflies, 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:37.840 so you know, we talked about the butterflies that were 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:39.800 circling all that day stop. 0:14:39.520 --> 0:14:41.440 And of course they were, and I bet they just 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:42.280 hung out the. 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.160 Whole day for no reall one hit me in the 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.360 face as I was getting photos done. Yeah. So then 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.800 we got married, and then then after that you then 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:52.160 sit down and go, Okay, what do you do. Now 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:55.960 we're married, and my husband had to go back into work. 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:57.960 You took a few more days off, it went straight 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.000 back into work. Was actually starting a new job as well, 0:15:01.480 --> 0:15:03.280 which meant you would be home all the time, which 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:06.720 was great. But I remember also having to call my 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:10.080 work and explaining. I said, my daughter's been born sleeping 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:12.400 and my workplace said, what does that mean? 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:14.880 How do you guys not know what that means? 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.120 So that was really that was something to navigate, and 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:24.960 they didn't know what the options were. So thankfully now 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:27.200 we've been through all the options, they have all the 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:31.440 detail because I'm very strong about educating that this is 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:35.200 going to happen and for people to be prepared in 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:36.560 all shapes of life. 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:41.440 One hundred percent. So that happens, you obviously take some 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:44.880 time off work. Then what does life look like after that? 0:15:45.280 --> 0:15:49.560 So in Australia, after twenty weeks or if a baby 0:15:49.600 --> 0:15:52.240 is born over four hundred grands, it's classified as is 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:54.880 stillborn and therefore they get a birth certificate and you're 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:59.400 entitled to the government benefits. So I had two options, 0:15:59.440 --> 0:16:02.400 which was the normal paid print or leave that every 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.080 parent can take, or a still born payout, which is 0:16:05.120 --> 0:16:08.920 around four thousand dollars last time I checked, which is recently, 0:16:09.440 --> 0:16:12.480 which for me was about a month's salary. And I 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:13.960 looked at it and I went, I don't think I 0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:17.120 can just go back to work after Christmas. So I 0:16:17.360 --> 0:16:20.160 decided to do the paid print or leave option, but 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.200 that just wasn't enough, So I ended up going back 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:25.800 to work two months earlier then I had hoped. 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.040 But you also probably had a bit more freedom and 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:30.840 flexibility than the fore grand payout. Is that right? 0:16:31.160 --> 0:16:34.480 Yeah, I had the option. Like, my husband has made 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:37.800 me a very strong person, and he said, if you're 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:39.200 going to take time off, what are you going to do? 0:16:39.560 --> 0:16:42.520 So I did put in effort to like going to 0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:44.600 the gym and doing little bit for me, made sure 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:46.680 I did everything every day. I'm a very big tailor 0:16:46.680 --> 0:16:48.960 Swift fan, so I spent a lot of time making 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.640 friendship bracelets because I wasn't going to get to go 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.720 to the ears too, because I was due exactly when 0:16:55.760 --> 0:16:59.600 she was here. So when everything happened, my friends all 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:03.400 came to and I got to go thankfully six times. 0:17:04.359 --> 0:17:09.160 Actually yes, oh my goodness, your friend came in clutch. 0:17:09.640 --> 0:17:12.000 So I got to come down to Melbourne for three 0:17:12.000 --> 0:17:13.879 shows and I went to Sydney for three shows, and 0:17:14.000 --> 0:17:16.960 it's just the most it was the most healing thing 0:17:17.040 --> 0:17:20.560 because I'm very big, swifty, seen her multiple times and 0:17:20.720 --> 0:17:24.000 all my friends made me a bracelet with my daughter's name, 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:27.480 you stop. So this arm was full of bracelets with 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:32.040 her name, which was beautiful. So just it was a 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:36.440 very healing time. And then yeah, I actually fell pregnant 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:39.920 again just before I left for the ears to us stop, that's. 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:43.679 So special as well? What's that like? Like, what is 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:48.520 it like having gone through that and then finding out 0:17:48.560 --> 0:17:52.359 you're pregnant again because you know again And I'm not 0:17:52.400 --> 0:17:54.280 trying to make this about me. I think this is 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:57.679 definitely a completely different story. But like I am the 0:17:57.720 --> 0:18:00.359 most anxious pregnant person ever because I I'm just not 0:18:00.400 --> 0:18:05.159 good at staying pregnant, Like I've now lost four pregnancies, 0:18:05.680 --> 0:18:09.520 and so being pregnant means that I'm quite anxious the 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.160 whole time. I'm like, this isn't going to work out, 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:14.960 This isn't going to work. But your situation mine mine 0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:19.000 is nothing in comparison to yours, So like, how's that feel? 0:18:19.359 --> 0:18:21.760 With my first daughter's pregnancy, I was very much like 0:18:21.880 --> 0:18:24.080 testing every single day and had to see the line 0:18:24.080 --> 0:18:26.120 get darker, and it got darker and I got darker, 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:29.080 and I paid for extra blood tests to make sure 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:33.000 the numbers were rising. But with my second daughter's pregnancy, 0:18:33.720 --> 0:18:35.520 I don't know why, but I didn't. I kind of 0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:37.840 got the positive blood test, I went, Okay, we're just 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:41.680 gonna sit. Obviously my experience is going to be different. 0:18:41.840 --> 0:18:45.720 I had to start blood thinners immediately. I also was 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:47.760 up at the hospital at ten weeks, and where I 0:18:47.800 --> 0:18:50.679 am usually don't go till twelve and then twenty weeks, 0:18:51.040 --> 0:18:53.800 so I had continuity of care this pregnancy, which I 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:55.240 didn't have last pregnancy. 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:58.560 You're like, you just need that extra hand holding process. 0:18:58.720 --> 0:19:01.440 I literally saw my and I'm in the public system. 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:04.240 We don't have a private option really where I live. 0:19:04.080 --> 0:19:06.800 But the public system when you're a high risk pregnancy 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:11.400 is honestly like, I won't say flawless, but pretty flipping good. 0:19:11.520 --> 0:19:13.680 Well. I was high risked with my first pregnancy too, 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:18.399 so it was just very different experiences. So when I 0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.359 got to sixteen weeks and we did another skin they said, 0:19:21.440 --> 0:19:23.199 it's now your choice. What do you want to do? 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:28.160 I decided to come fortnightly. Yeah. So because my first 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.480 daughters was growth restricted pretty much. Is what she's passed 0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:35.200