Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Urora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to a very special little
Speaker 2: bonus episode of Life on CUD. I don't know why
Speaker 2: I'm talking as though I'm holding your hand.
Speaker 1: You're talking as if you're on the car map. And
Speaker 1: now if you take a deep breath and close your
Speaker 1: eyes you can go to sleep.
Speaker 2: And hold for one two, not even sponsored exhale. Do
Speaker 2: you know what I can't get into? Meta?
Speaker 3: Oh? I love it. I listen, no joke.
Speaker 1: Probably five nights out of seven I listen to a
Speaker 1: meditation to go to sleep.
Speaker 2: I also have something against because anytime I say I
Speaker 2: can't get into meditation, people are into meditation. Always like
Speaker 2: you're the person who needs meditation. You probably are not
Speaker 2: anybody who thinks it's not for them. People who love
Speaker 2: it always try and convince you that it is for you.
Speaker 1: Okay, so do you know what? Let me explain it
Speaker 1: to you. The way did I go to sleep? I mean,
Speaker 1: it's not a meditation as such, but I will put
Speaker 1: something on that will be a sleep story or because
Speaker 1: they're things, they're people with amazing voices. I guess it's
Speaker 1: like listening to an audiobook, but the idea is the
Speaker 1: content and the person is made to relax you. So
Speaker 1: the voice is made to relax you.
Speaker 4: Do they talk like this?
Speaker 3: Yeah? God, So I will.
Speaker 1: Put that on or I will literally type into YouTube,
Speaker 1: no joke, I'll just say twenty minute sleep meditation. That's
Speaker 1: what I'll put on, and you just listen to somebody
Speaker 1: talk and it just without even knowing it takes. Because
Speaker 1: my problem is right, I often will work till two
Speaker 1: am because my brain starts at night and I don't
Speaker 1: know why it starts, and I can't switch it off.
Speaker 2: So I'm definitely a nocturnal person. Whereas like during the daytime,
Speaker 2: I'm running at about half speed and then it gets
Speaker 2: to nine pm and my brain's like, let's get some
Speaker 2: work done.
Speaker 1: It's time to do your tax I am so productive
Speaker 1: from eleven pm until two am.
Speaker 2: It is insanity, which also sometimes I look at that,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, it's not that I didn't have the
Speaker 2: hours in the middle of the day to do the work.
Speaker 4: I just chose to do other things.
Speaker 3: But my brain won't for.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's I would love to look
Speaker 1: into that, if it's like a creativity thing or what
Speaker 1: it is. Because I still work in the day, but
Speaker 1: I'm less productive. I get distracted easier. But nighttime, I'm
Speaker 1: just like bank, my man Bank. So when I get
Speaker 1: to bed and my brain is going with all these
Speaker 1: things I've got to do, I put this other voice
Speaker 1: on and it takes your mind off what you're thinking about.
Speaker 1: It makes you think about something else, and then it
Speaker 1: helps you relax. It's actually incredible. So if anyone has
Speaker 1: any problem sleeping, I do this all the time.
Speaker 2: I don't need anything to help me get to sleep.
Speaker 2: I get to sleep just fine. But then I wake
Speaker 2: up at three o'clock in the morning with a small,
Speaker 2: tiny little foot stuck into my spine because every night
Speaker 2: Marley now climbs into my bed and we we never
Speaker 2: intentionally started co sleeping, but we now co sleep without
Speaker 2: almost three year old.
Speaker 1: Is that because she comes in like she gets night
Speaker 1: terrors or she's just like she's scared.
Speaker 2: She just like we are a party ac she comes
Speaker 2: in one of me from my dad. So she climbs
Speaker 2: out of her big bed, and then she opens the door,
Speaker 2: walks out of her bedroom, and then she'll literally drag
Speaker 2: her little stool.
Speaker 4: Over so she can open her own door.
Speaker 2: Comes out, climbs down in the dark, and sometimes she
Speaker 2: just stands next to the bed like Chucky and just
Speaker 2: strokes you.
Speaker 4: On the face. I'm not about it.
Speaker 2: There's nothing more terrifying than having a three year old
Speaker 2: staring into your soul, just stroking your head. After that,
Speaker 2: I need the calming app So she sleeps with us
Speaker 2: every night, now.
Speaker 4: Okay, I love it for you.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I wake up in the morning so Delilah's not
Speaker 1: allowed in my bed.
Speaker 4: I love that. I love that. Few let's talk, my
Speaker 4: mo Well.
Speaker 3: The only thing I've got to compare to now is Delilah.
Speaker 3: But I wake up in the morning, she's not allowed
Speaker 3: in the bed.
Speaker 1: She's done it a few times where she's snuck up
Speaker 1: if I haven't gotten up early enough and shell like
Speaker 1: creep up behind me. But I can you know when
Speaker 1: you in the morning, I imagine you do this with
Speaker 1: the kids. So the kids, you know, you can feel
Speaker 1: their presence, that they're right next to your bed and
Speaker 1: they're looking at you, and you squint through your eyes
Speaker 1: and you can see them. Delilah will put her face
Speaker 1: like centimeters from mine, but she knows not to wake
Speaker 1: me up, so she just stares at me and I
Speaker 1: can see it through my squinty eyes. But I know
Speaker 1: the second I open my eyes it's on. She'll go
Speaker 1: from zero to one hundred. So I just have to
Speaker 1: lay there pretending I don't know she's there.
Speaker 4: It's exactly what I do with my children.
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly.
Speaker 2: But also, do you know what, Okay, we have a
Speaker 2: great episode for you. We have a great bonus episode.
Speaker 2: I also realized that we didn't even introduce ourselves for
Speaker 2: anyone who's new.
Speaker 4: I'm Britt. I mean I'm Laura. That's Britt.
Speaker 3: I haven't sleep the bride. I hope you're still here.
Speaker 2: But there is okay, just on this sleep thing with
Speaker 2: kids and stuff and co sleeping with you and guys.
Speaker 3: This is not a kid's podcast. We will get into
Speaker 3: some juicy stuff soon.
Speaker 2: And like I said, it's a sexy little bonus episode.
Speaker 2: There is so much judgment that comes with when you
Speaker 2: have a toddler and you sleep in your bed with
Speaker 2: your todd lot like, it's not intentional, but we let
Speaker 2: them sleep in the bed because there are some parents
Speaker 2: who are soon strict as soon as their kids get
Speaker 2: to the age where they try and climb in bed,
Speaker 2: they just march them straight back to their bed and
Speaker 2: then they reinforce that behavior and the kids never climb in.
Speaker 2: And we haven't been those parents. So now Marley sleeps
Speaker 2: with us every night, But there is so much judgment
Speaker 2: from other parents who cannot believe that you would sleep
Speaker 2: with your toddler in your bed. And I just want
Speaker 2: to say to anyone out there who's sleeping with a
Speaker 2: toddler and a foot in their back, that's fine.
Speaker 4: There's no judgment here.
Speaker 1: But that's the thing I think with parenting, and we've
Speaker 1: spoken about it before. I'm obviously not a parent, guys,
Speaker 1: anyone knew I do not have kids, but I have
Speaker 1: a lot of kids around me, and all my friends
Speaker 1: have kids. But there's never ever a time with anything
Speaker 1: that there is not a level of judgment because everybody
Speaker 1: does things differently. Everyone believes that something should be done
Speaker 1: a certain way, so any decision you make throughout the
Speaker 1: rest of your entire life with your children, someone is
Speaker 1: going to have a different opinion and someone's going to
Speaker 1: judge for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's just crazy that something that doesn't affect
Speaker 2: anybody else except for matt Night and our lack of sleep,
Speaker 2: how much it can upset someone else. When we say, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: we sleep with Marley, she gets in bed every night,
Speaker 2: people are like.
Speaker 4: Offended for us. They're like, I can't.
Speaker 2: Believe you do that, Like I'm tired on your Like
Speaker 2: they're angry for us.
Speaker 4: But anyway, Okay.
Speaker 2: The reason why we wanted to do this special little
Speaker 2: bonus episode in the middle of our holiday Easter break
Speaker 2: is because for three years now we have been doing
Speaker 2: Ask gun Cut, and for three years we give our
Speaker 2: advice to all the big, hard hitting questions that you
Speaker 2: guys have, but we've never done a follow up on
Speaker 2: that advice. We've never sat down and actually kind of
Speaker 2: gone through all the replies, all of the either thank
Speaker 2: you or hey that didn't work out for me, all
Speaker 2: the things that you in the feedback that you guys
Speaker 2: have given us on our ask gun Cut questions. We
Speaker 2: wanted to start to do these little bonus episodes where
Speaker 2: we do a bit of a follow up and an
Speaker 2: aftermath of our ask gun Cut questions to see where
Speaker 2: are they now.
Speaker 1: So we're calling this the ask gun Cut Aftermath.
Speaker 2: All right, I'm going to kick it off with the
Speaker 2: very first one, and I think the best way of
Speaker 2: us doing this is to.
Speaker 3: Read out the negative ones.
Speaker 2: That was a joke, Okay, is to reread the question
Speaker 2: because some of these questions going back like two years ago,
Speaker 2: so to reread it.
Speaker 3: Kind of like thirty six months.
Speaker 2: But if you then therefore missa ask Guncut episode. If
Speaker 2: you didn't hear the question being asked in the first place,
Speaker 2: you kind of get a bit of a feel for
Speaker 2: what the question was, and then this is going to
Speaker 2: be the follow up of what that person or what
Speaker 2: that listener has experienced. Okay, So the question number one was,
Speaker 2: and this is going back to the twenty second of
Speaker 2: August at twenty twenty one, quite.
Speaker 4: A while away.
Speaker 2: I have a dilemma. I've been with my current partner
Speaker 2: for about six months now. We've been connected on every level,
Speaker 2: and we're both deeply in love with each other.
Speaker 4: I am fulfilled in almost.
Speaker 2: Every aspect of my relationship, but there is an aspect
Speaker 2: I still struggle with, so our sex life is pretty grey.
Speaker 2: He focuses on me, however, it takes me ages to
Speaker 2: get off, and sometimes I just fake orgasms because I
Speaker 2: get too tired and I don't want things to keep
Speaker 2: going after so long of having to wait to try
Speaker 2: and achieve an orgasm, I struggle heats with getting off
Speaker 2: due to medication that I take, and although his techniques
Speaker 2: are immaculate, my question is should I tell him that
Speaker 2: I fake a lot of orgasms. I know it will
Speaker 2: hurt his feelings and he may not trust me as
Speaker 2: much afterwards. But I feel like I've dug myself into
Speaker 2: a massive hole because he thinks I come every time.
Speaker 1: And this is a common one, isn't it the old
Speaker 1: fake orgasms?
Speaker 4: What I do?
Speaker 2: Do I tell us, especially if you've already gone down
Speaker 2: the path of faking it for so long that you're
Speaker 2: like funk.
Speaker 4: He thinks that I get off in seven minutes, She's
Speaker 4: take it?
Speaker 3: Wait now fifteen years deep? Do I tell him there?
Speaker 3: He's never made me calm.
Speaker 2: So the reply to the situation was this high Lovely Ladies.
Speaker 2: Since listening to the most recent EP, I decided it
Speaker 2: was time that I wrote in my response to how
Speaker 2: you answer my question over a year ago to follow up. Yes,
Speaker 2: I talked to him about it, but I was too
Speaker 2: scared to bring it up as its own conversation because
Speaker 2: I know that he'd be so disappointed and upset that
Speaker 2: I wasn't honest.
Speaker 4: Our advice was that she told.
Speaker 2: Him that she was faking some of these orgasms because
Speaker 2: it had gone on for so long that she couldn't
Speaker 2: get away with just like changing things without kind of
Speaker 2: being honest and having some transparency. Essentially, I just asked
Speaker 2: to use toys more frequently when we'd engage in sexy time.
Speaker 2: It just ended up at the point that he would
Speaker 2: just grab it out of the cupboard without me even asking.
Speaker 4: Now, so goal achieve because now I do get off.
Speaker 2: I honestly wish I could have been a big enough
Speaker 2: person to bring up with him that I'd been faking
Speaker 2: orgasms and fully communicate my needs despite whether it may
Speaker 2: have hurt his feelings or perhaps his ego. But turns
Speaker 2: out I'm a bit avoidant, so that in itself is
Speaker 2: something to reflect on.
Speaker 1: But I guess at the end of the day, Okay,
Speaker 1: so you didn't sit down, I mean, end of the
Speaker 1: day problem, solve your orgasming now in your sex with
Speaker 1: your relationship.
Speaker 3: With your partner at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: Just because you didn't sit down and say, hey, I've
Speaker 1: been faking it, we need to do things differently, you
Speaker 1: still found a way to get there at the end,
Speaker 1: and you're like, let's bring some sex toys in and
Speaker 1: now you know your relationship. You know that would have
Speaker 1: hurt his feelings too much. So I think if you
Speaker 1: found a way around it, that's okay, but I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be lying from here on ins I actually.
Speaker 2: Think that this is the perfect outcome for this situation.
Speaker 2: And I also just want to acknowledge, like it is
Speaker 2: so easy for Britain and I to sit here and
Speaker 2: say this is how you need to approach your relationship,
Speaker 2: this is how you need to communicate, or this would
Speaker 2: be the moral high ground to take in every situation.
Speaker 3: Guys take our advice loosely. It's so godline.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so fucking easy to give advice. And we
Speaker 2: know this in all our friendship groups. It's so easy
Speaker 2: to give advice and it's so hard sometimes to actually
Speaker 2: implement it and do something when you know it's going
Speaker 2: to hurt somebody else's feelings. So if there's a way
Speaker 2: I do it all the time, well you give advice
Speaker 2: and then don't I can't do it.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I was like, I know what I
Speaker 1: would say, I've told someone else to do this, but
Speaker 1: I can't do it. It's like sometimes when you look inwards,
Speaker 1: it's really fucking difficult.
Speaker 2: It's easy for somebody to say, hey, that's toxic behavior,
Speaker 2: or that's not healthy, or you shouldn't be lying in
Speaker 2: your relationship. But we have all done different things that
Speaker 2: we are not proud of in relationships because there's fear involved,
Speaker 2: there's trauma involved, there's attachment involved. So like with this
Speaker 2: question specifically, when you say, you know, I didn't communicate
Speaker 2: that I was faking my orgasms, but I did find
Speaker 2: a solution by bringing toys into the bedroom. I don't
Speaker 2: think that's a problem. I think, well, bloody done. This
Speaker 2: is a slow clap for me or for her, for everyone.
Speaker 2: I think it's a bad clap. All right, let's get
Speaker 2: into question number two.
Speaker 1: Okay, now I remember this one well, Laura, this is
Speaker 1: one about a big age gap. The question I was
Speaker 1: wondering what you think about age gaps. My friend is
Speaker 1: twenty two and has developed feelings for her male coworker
Speaker 1: who is forty.
Speaker 2: You do the math, Lauren, eighteen years that's a big
Speaker 2: app age gap.
Speaker 3: Okay, put the calculator away. They both work in the
Speaker 3: same position.
Speaker 1: Out a restaurant and apparently get on really well and
Speaker 1: they flirt a lot. He has asked her to grab
Speaker 1: a drink a couple of times, and she asked me
Speaker 1: for advice on whether or not to say yes. So
Speaker 1: of course you came to ask for the advice. This
Speaker 1: is like a three way advice. My overwhelming instinct was
Speaker 1: to discourage her from pursuing anything, But the more I
Speaker 1: thought about it, I didn't really have any justifiable reasons
Speaker 1: as to why besides the fact there's an age gap.
Speaker 1: Am I unfairly prejudiced against age gaps? Do you guys
Speaker 1: think an age gap like this one can be okay
Speaker 1: for casual dating? In this case, she leaves the country
Speaker 1: in six months, so she wasn't looking for anything long
Speaker 1: term anyway, so that was the question. Her friends come
Speaker 1: to her and said, can I date someone eighteen years
Speaker 1: older than me?
Speaker 3: What do you think?
Speaker 2: And our I remember our advice on this one. So
Speaker 2: the advice that we gave on this question was more
Speaker 2: so like one, it's not really your place.
Speaker 4: To tell your friends what they can and can't do,
Speaker 4: like you know you can.
Speaker 2: We can obviously give our feelings and thoughts, but like,
Speaker 2: if someone's just having a casual relationship, I don't think
Speaker 2: age necessarily needs to be indicating factor.
Speaker 3: I said, go for the drink.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: We were liked, there's nothing bad's going to come from it.
Speaker 2: There's not an abuse of power. It's not like he's
Speaker 2: her boss. He's just her colleague and it's going to
Speaker 2: be just some fun times. Because she was intending on
Speaker 2: going overseas anyway. So we were like, whatever, live your
Speaker 2: best life, girlfriend, go and get some good old daddy dick.
Speaker 4: That's having so bad.
Speaker 3: Wow, I mean he's not a dad.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: We were just like I remember saying, because I've dated
Speaker 1: people older than me, I've dated, as we know, people
Speaker 1: younger than me.
Speaker 3: For me, age is a number at the.
Speaker 4: End of the day, it literally is.
Speaker 3: I mean, like that was deep Brittany. Age is just
Speaker 3: a number physically. But I think and I think if.
Speaker 1: Two people this is consensual she was floating back, she
Speaker 1: had the interest back. She was just Also it seems
Speaker 1: like she was more worried about what other people would
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day too, because that
Speaker 1: is something we take into account Anyway, the follow up
Speaker 1: to the agist, thanks for answering my question. Last year,
Speaker 1: I checked myself and my age gap prejudice lolls. They
Speaker 1: ended up going for that drink, which led to a kiss,
Speaker 1: which led to them properly getting together and falling head
Speaker 1: over heels. So this is actually wow, wow, this is
Speaker 1: actually great.
Speaker 3: This goes to show you. But there's more.
Speaker 1: She's now leaving as it was only ever going to
Speaker 1: be six months, so now there's the trauma of leaving
Speaker 1: him behind moving overseas in three weeks. Inadvertently, I have
Speaker 1: signed myself up now for break up support role because
Speaker 1: I encouraged this at the beginning.
Speaker 3: But it was fun while it lasted.
Speaker 1: So they did actually fall head over heels, so maybe maybe.
Speaker 3: They can work it out.
Speaker 4: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I would love a follow up.
Speaker 2: Follow up, Okay, I do want to say something though,
Speaker 2: And they think this comes down to the whole age question, right,
Speaker 2: So when we said like, yeah, go for it, it's
Speaker 2: only going to be fun because you had this you know,
Speaker 2: six month huge like in six months you have this
Speaker 2: huge overseas trip, you're moving overseas. This is the big
Speaker 2: thing about age gaps, right, is that you're usually in
Speaker 2: different life stages. So he's obviously in his forties, maybe
Speaker 2: he already has kids, maybe he has commitments. Here, there's
Speaker 2: reasons why he can't just up and live the life
Speaker 2: of a twenty two year old and she's moving overseas
Speaker 2: and living her best goddamn free, twenty two year old life.
Speaker 4: It's the imbalance.
Speaker 2: Between all the being at different life stages that creates
Speaker 2: the biggest problem in age gaps in relationships, and that
Speaker 2: is what we're seeing here.
Speaker 1: Well, so I have an example of this as happening now,
Speaker 1: like with a really good friend of mine. I have
Speaker 1: friends that I met from England, so she's English. She
Speaker 1: moved to Australia. Now she was twenty six and her
Speaker 1: partner was forty forty one or something. So there's a
Speaker 1: bit of an age gap, probably a tiny bit less
Speaker 1: than this one. But they were super love. They had
Speaker 1: been together for a very long time. I mean like
Speaker 1: just say eighteen months or something. Because she was always
Speaker 1: coming for a little holiday here and then she was
Speaker 1: going to go back to England. But she came here
Speaker 1: and she loved she fell in love with Australia. She
Speaker 1: didn't want to go he doesn't have kids or anything.
Speaker 1: She's like, come here, let's have our life here.
Speaker 3: It's amazing.
Speaker 1: And he just like, I'm done with travel, you know,
Speaker 1: because he's in the next stage of his life. He's like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to do that. I don't want to
Speaker 1: pack up my house again. I don't want to move
Speaker 1: another country totally. Where she's at the point where she's like, huck,
Speaker 1: I want to travel the entire world. And they broke
Speaker 1: up because love, as we have said, sometimes love is
Speaker 1: not enough on its own. And there are at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, going into your forties and not
Speaker 1: being in your mid twenties, you really are at two
Speaker 1: different places my mid twenties to now going into my
Speaker 1: early thirties to mid thirties, that's different just to the
Speaker 1: twenties to thirties. So twenties to forties is a huge
Speaker 1: step in what you want and what you value.
Speaker 2: Totally, and I think that for so many people who
Speaker 2: are in their forties or in their late thirties, there
Speaker 2: is a sense and a need for stability. I crave
Speaker 2: now consistency, whereas I thrived on lack of consistency in
Speaker 2: my twenties, like probably too much in different ways.
Speaker 3: But like relationships in my day, my housing, my.
Speaker 2: Trauma, toxicity, lack of kids, my drinking. But no, literally right,
Speaker 2: like everything was I was like really into experiencing life
Speaker 2: and I wanted to as you do. Like twenties is
Speaker 2: a time of huge personal like let's go to India
Speaker 2: tomorrow and forty your forties. Yeah, sure there are some
Speaker 2: people that still live with that sort of care free ability,
Speaker 2: but there are a lot more responsibilities that come with age,
Speaker 2: that come with investment of time, that come with you know,
Speaker 2: wanting to be Also, like when you're in your forties
Speaker 2: your parents are freagin old.
Speaker 4: Do you want to be around your parents?
Speaker 2: Maybe you know, so that you're spending the last years
Speaker 2: of their life in their company. There's just your priorities
Speaker 2: hugely shift when you're in your forties to verse twenties,
Speaker 2: and that's where age gaps become an issue.
Speaker 1: But I love at the end of the day, she
Speaker 1: took the chance. She had a great six months. This
Speaker 1: has shown us that the age means nothing in terms
Speaker 1: of compatibility and having a good time. But at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, she's decided to go and with
Speaker 1: her dreams are going overseas and now they're going through
Speaker 1: a breakup. But that's okay.
Speaker 4: We all go through.
Speaker 3: Breakups and heartaching life.
Speaker 1: It defines us, it helps us get to where we're
Speaker 1: supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Well, speaking of breakups, I've got one right here. But
Speaker 2: this was the next question. My partner and I just
Speaker 2: split up. I found out that the girl that I
Speaker 2: always had a weird feeling about had been hanging out
Speaker 2: with him at our house when I was at work
Speaker 2: and he never told me. Do I message her husband
Speaker 2: and see if he knew that they were hanging out,
Speaker 2: or do I leave it now.
Speaker 4: We had some pretty strong feelings about.
Speaker 2: This, and we said just leave it, Like, don't bring
Speaker 2: more drama into your life when you're already going through
Speaker 2: so much. It's just could add an unnecessary layer, especially
Speaker 2: if you don't know if they were really cheating. So
Speaker 2: this is what the listener had to say. The day
Speaker 2: I found out that he had been having a girl
Speaker 2: over to our house, I called my ex partner and
Speaker 2: asked him.
Speaker 4: Flat out if he'd been cheating. He said no.
Speaker 2: I then proceeded to say that you were lying about
Speaker 2: hanging out with her withholding the truth. If you weren't cheating,
Speaker 2: then you were emotionally cheating. He didn't say anything, and
Speaker 2: I hung up the phone. A couple of days later,
Speaker 2: he sent me a message saying he didn't realize at
Speaker 2: the time that he was emotionally cheating on me, that
Speaker 2: he had betrayed my trust. Blah blah blah, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.
Speaker 2: I have yet to say anything to the girl's husband because,
Speaker 2: as you both said on the podcast, I have gone
Speaker 2: through enough and I don't have the energy to get
Speaker 2: dragged into more drama. I'm onto bigger and better things
Speaker 2: in my life. Thank you for the help. We are
Speaker 2: no longer together.
Speaker 1: Yes, girl, I'm really glad that you are moving on too,
Speaker 1: bigger and better things. That's the sentence that stood out
Speaker 1: to me there. I don't have the energy, and I'm
Speaker 1: onto bigger and better things. You are, one hundred percent
Speaker 1: are into bigger and better things. It sucks to hear
Speaker 1: that from your partner or your ex partner, or anyone
Speaker 1: that you had feelings for to know that they wandered
Speaker 1: in any capacity, whether that's physically or emotionally.
Speaker 3: But you've done the right thing.
Speaker 1: I still think you've really done the right thing in
Speaker 1: terms of not going and spending your energy. And god
Speaker 1: knows what would have unfolded if you went and told
Speaker 1: the ex partner like that could have just been a
Speaker 1: whole explosion.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And also I think the cheating on top of that,
Speaker 2: like cheating, whether it's physical or emotional, like you said,
Speaker 2: as much as it can be an incredibly painful revelation
Speaker 2: at the end of a relationship, it can also it
Speaker 2: would be a real definitive line in the sand, which
Speaker 2: doesn't it means that you're not left wondering what if
Speaker 2: you're like, well, I know what if I know that
Speaker 2: that relationship wasn't good for me, I know that it
Speaker 2: didn't serve me anymore, and I know that it wasn't
Speaker 2: what I thought that it was at the time, So
Speaker 2: it kind of can be a very powerful tool to
Speaker 2: allow you to detach from that relationship. And it seems
Speaker 2: like in acknowledging what he has done, maybe even getting
Speaker 2: that apology out of him a little bit made you
Speaker 2: feel at least you were validated in that, and now
Speaker 2: you can start putting all your efforts and your energy
Speaker 2: into healing and moving on, because relationship breakdowns are the
Speaker 2: most transformative time in someone's life.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: I remember, I only said this a few weeks ago,
Speaker 1: when I spoke about my breakoup with Jordan. I was
Speaker 1: just saying, I wish one of us cheated on each
Speaker 1: other or something, and I mean, like, that's a throwaway comment,
Speaker 1: but it's I was like, I wish I could hate
Speaker 1: him because I thought it would be easier to move
Speaker 1: on when there had been something like that in the relationship.
Speaker 1: It's easier to look back and say, well, they're not
Speaker 1: for me because they did this wrong for us. When
Speaker 1: you just break up because you just can't work it out,
Speaker 1: you still love each other, that's when it's so much harder.
Speaker 1: That's when I want to keep going back and things
Speaker 1: like that. But I think, I mean, and it's all subjective.
Speaker 1: I can't speak for you, but I hope there's a
Speaker 1: part of you that can look back at that relationship
Speaker 1: now and it's a bit more accepting because you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I know in myself and my boundaries that I don't
Speaker 1: want someone that's going to cheat in any capacity. So
Speaker 1: I hope that you can look back and take something
Speaker 1: from it. You can still take that you had a
Speaker 1: beautiful relationship and you had fun together and all of
Speaker 1: those things, but at least that might really drive into
Speaker 1: you that well, it's not for me, so I can
Speaker 1: happily move on now. Okay, So this one is pretty
Speaker 1: fucking saucy. This is about an affair at work.
Speaker 3: Dun du dum.
Speaker 4: Don't shoot where you eat people or.
Speaker 1: Do but like, no, you'll probably get fined. My boss
Speaker 1: was having an affair with my coworker and it was
Speaker 1: negatively affecting everyone, but we weren't sure what to do
Speaker 1: because we didn't have the proof.
Speaker 2: Now, so that was a summary. That's a very fucking
Speaker 2: long question that was asked.
Speaker 1: Was essentially like people knew that this affair was happening
Speaker 1: and it was making everyone uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: They didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: They didn't know if they should front the guy their
Speaker 1: friend both of them talked to them because the guy
Speaker 1: was also married. Like, there were so many moving parts
Speaker 1: and they.
Speaker 2: Were not making this affair very discreet in the office.
Speaker 2: It was like very obvious to everybody else who worked
Speaker 2: there who were employed that this affair was taking place.
Speaker 2: But yet, of course they denied it because they were
Speaker 2: both in relationships and he, being the boss, was married.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was. This was bad.
Speaker 4: It was saucy.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 1: Firstly, you both gave great advice, so thank you.
Speaker 3: You're welcome.
Speaker 1: A fair bit has happened afterwards, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: sum up the main parts. Firstly, the higher ups ended
Speaker 1: up hearing about it and started questioning people about it.
Speaker 1: Our boss fully denied it and lied to his boss's face.
Speaker 1: The coworker he was sleeping with resigned suddenly to save
Speaker 1: his job. Given that she left, the higher ups decided
Speaker 1: not to investigate any further, despite multiple staff speaking up
Speaker 1: about how uncomfortable they were with a situation, particularly given
Speaker 1: it had happened in the workplace.
Speaker 2: Wait, so the girl that was having the affair left
Speaker 2: to save the the boss's chop.
Speaker 3: Can you believe her?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 1: So she quit because of this to save him?
Speaker 4: Wow?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder, I wonder what that was. I wonder
Speaker 1: if there was any pushing that direction from him. He
Speaker 1: sounds like a bit of a master manipulator.
Speaker 4: Well, there's more to the answer.
Speaker 1: Well, there's more. So this had happened in the workplace.
Speaker 1: Eyon had said. They felt uncomfortable, but they decided the
Speaker 1: best way to handle it was by denying it and
Speaker 1: sweeping it under the rug. I continued to have an
Speaker 1: incredibly awkward and hostile relationship with my boss, and I
Speaker 1: think he eventually worked out that we all knew exactly
Speaker 1: what happened. Despite this, he continued the affair. One day,
Speaker 1: I physically caught him leaving her house in the middle
Speaker 1: of a work day when he said he was working
Speaker 1: from home. It was the most terrifying moment of my
Speaker 1: life when we locked eyes and he walked out of
Speaker 1: her driveway. He a whited me for the next week
Speaker 1: or two, and then he resigned.
Speaker 2: Could you imagine having your side piece, your mistress at work,
Speaker 2: quit her job so that you can continue the affair.
Speaker 4: That's what he did.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, she lost her job, and then she still
Speaker 1: had to have a relationship in.
Speaker 4: Secret, and then he continued the affair.
Speaker 1: But then he was sprung fucking her at her house
Speaker 1: when he was supposed to be at work, and he
Speaker 1: got sprung by another colleague, so he quit. I mean, good, good,
Speaker 1: I'm guidy quit.
Speaker 2: Yes, there's somebody else's problem now no longer a problem
Speaker 2: in your workplace. But like, if you're going to have
Speaker 2: an affair, fine, it doesn't affect me.
Speaker 4: It's a morally really bad thing to.
Speaker 3: Let you have an affair with Maddy J.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, then.
Speaker 2: It affects me, right, I Like, I don't care, like
Speaker 2: you know, obviously it's not for me.
Speaker 4: It's not my cup of tea.
Speaker 2: I think it's a pretty crappy thing to do to
Speaker 2: a lot of people, and I don't think very highly
Speaker 2: of it. But if you're going to have an affair
Speaker 2: in your workplace and it affects so many other people
Speaker 2: around you, and I think that there is an expectation
Speaker 2: that you're going to be held to a standard or called.
Speaker 4: Out for it.
Speaker 2: And I'm surprised that when push came to shove in
Speaker 2: this situation that nobody when the big bosses, the overhead bosses,
Speaker 2: started pushing people for information, I am surprised that nobody
Speaker 2: in confidence said please don't let this get back to him,
Speaker 2: that it's come from me.
Speaker 4: But yeah, yes, they've been having an affair.
Speaker 2: It's been very obvious because it's just not an environment
Speaker 2: that you can continue to work for nor can you
Speaker 2: continue to respect your boss knowing that they're having an affair.
Speaker 1: Also classic Fewer example of how history always works. But
Speaker 1: how in this situation is the boss the man in
Speaker 1: power that has equal responsibility. He gets to keep his
Speaker 1: boss salary, He gets to keep his boss position. And
Speaker 1: the woman is the one that's victimized. The woman this
Speaker 1: one that has to leave. She's the one has to
Speaker 1: make all the sacrifices. I feel like this is obviously
Speaker 1: I can't say always, but always the case.
Speaker 2: Well, it's also the huge imbalance of power, like when
Speaker 2: you're the employee and you're sleeping with your boss like
Speaker 2: that is where as much as everybody has had playing
Speaker 2: a part in this, that is very negative, and everybody
Speaker 2: is playing a part in this, it's not morally correct.
Speaker 2: The person who I think is the most at fault
Speaker 2: here is the boss.
Speaker 1: Yes, have you ever hooked up with someone from work?
Speaker 1: Like any any workplace?
Speaker 2: I've never worked with anybody who I've even remotely wanted
Speaker 2: to hook up with from work?
Speaker 1: Thanks, No, I won't take that.
Speaker 4: Except for you, Brittany. I'll tell you about their dream
Speaker 4: my hat about you.
Speaker 3: I hooked.
Speaker 1: I mean like I have hooked up with people at
Speaker 1: work a lots of times. Really yeah, but from hospital
Speaker 1: or hospital big, no hospital, because the hospitals are so
Speaker 1: big obviously, So it's not like ever a direct boss
Speaker 1: or you direct environments.
Speaker 3: But it's different.
Speaker 1: But like two of my relationships were from work, but
Speaker 1: they were never in It wasn't shooting where you eat
Speaker 1: because it wasn't in my direct eatery like you know what.
Speaker 4: I wasn't from my bad.
Speaker 3: It wasn't in the cafeteria. It was from like the
Speaker 3: food court.
Speaker 4: Put it that way.
Speaker 3: It wasn't from the shop, it was from the food court.
Speaker 2: I have hooked up with the guys that I've worked with,
Speaker 2: but only in hospitality, like years and years and years ago,
Speaker 2: which is fine.
Speaker 4: Everyone hooked up with everyone.
Speaker 1: The hospitality is in like the safeyd direction of Wongonger
Speaker 1: is hospitality like.
Speaker 4: The club in the club.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, I've got one more for you guys,
Speaker 2: and then we're gonna call it a and we're gonna
Speaker 2: start doing these a little bit more regularly so we
Speaker 2: can give a bit of a summation. But this one,
Speaker 2: you guys might remember, it wasn't that long ago. I
Speaker 2: want botox, but my boyfriend won't let me. So I
Speaker 2: have a huge wrinkle on my forehead which I've noticed
Speaker 2: getting worse and worse. I really want botox, just one
Speaker 2: go so I can see how I feel about it.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend, however, is so against it. He thinks it's
Speaker 2: a gateway drug into getting the whole shebang lot it.
Speaker 2: I came home the other day and said I was
Speaker 2: going to do it. I had made my mind up,
Speaker 2: and he started crying. He said he doesn't want me
Speaker 2: to change my face. He loves everything about it and
Speaker 2: that I'm perfect cute. But also I still want to
Speaker 2: get botox, but I can't make myself go do it
Speaker 2: when he's so against it. Help What do I do?
Speaker 2: Do I go anyway and upset him? Do I just
Speaker 2: forget about it? This wrinkle really gets to me. It's
Speaker 2: just one massive wrinkle on my forehead which is getting
Speaker 2: worse and worse.
Speaker 4: And I'd love to get some botox for it.
Speaker 3: So here gateway drum. I mean it can be a
Speaker 3: slippery slope.
Speaker 2: I mean I got botox and then I got lip filler,
Speaker 2: and like, who knows what's next?
Speaker 3: I bang got changed and I got a face left
Speaker 3: and I'm a big.
Speaker 2: Drug no, but do you know what I do think
Speaker 2: it can be a gateway drug because it.
Speaker 1: Is so effective, it can be a very slippery slope.
Speaker 2: But also so many women get botox and their boyfriends
Speaker 2: don't even know that they have it, So I mean
Speaker 2: on those two sides to the spectrum. But anyway, my
Speaker 2: boyfriend spoke to his doctor friend and got more information
Speaker 2: about botox, and now he's totally on board and knows
Speaker 2: that it's not forever and it only lasts for a
Speaker 2: couple of weeks.
Speaker 3: And he's probably like, damn you look as soon.
Speaker 4: As he said go for it, I freaked out and
Speaker 4: now I don't want to get it.
Speaker 2: So it turns out I'm the fickle one. Thanks so
Speaker 2: much for your advice. Love you girls, No questions here,
Speaker 2: just to follow up.
Speaker 1: So basically, so she didn't give it at the end,
Speaker 1: so she only wanted it so much because she couldn't.
Speaker 3: You know, when it's like you.
Speaker 1: Want something so much more you can't have it, and
Speaker 1: then someone's like, fine, open your Christmas present early, like
Speaker 1: I don't want it.
Speaker 4: I don't want I'll do it tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she hasn't gotten botox and she's still living with
Speaker 2: a wrinkles. And you know what, embrace it must be
Speaker 2: so true's I love that Just whatever makes you happy, botox,
Speaker 2: no botox, filler.
Speaker 1: No filler, It doesn't matter as long as you like,
Speaker 1: as long as you know you're doing it for you.
Speaker 1: But I remember, I'm so like that when I was
Speaker 1: a kid.
Speaker 3: I'm not even kid a teenager.
Speaker 1: I always want to know what my presents were early
Speaker 1: before my birthday and Christmas, and I would even my
Speaker 1: boyfriend used.
Speaker 3: To be like, just give it to me early. He's like, fine,
Speaker 3: take it. I beg and I don't want to know.
Speaker 3: I just wanted to know that I could have it
Speaker 3: if I wanted to.
Speaker 4: You just want to control the power.
Speaker 2: But you know, I think the big take home from
Speaker 2: this is and exactly what you said, Britt, regardless of
Speaker 2: whether you want to get any cosmetic tweaks or whatever
Speaker 2: you want to do to your face, do whatever you want,
Speaker 2: so long as you are doing it for you, not
Speaker 2: because somebody else makes you feel like you should do it,
Speaker 2: and not because somebody else is telling you that you can't.
Speaker 1: And also, guys spoiler having a wrinklers okay.
Speaker 4: Nte having a wrinkle is great.
Speaker 2: So just it's the lines of happiness everybody, That's what
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 1: Anyhow, we going to go back and enjoy the last
Speaker 1: few days our holiday and we're going to attempt to
Speaker 1: not put.
Speaker 3: Out any more points.
Speaker 2: We are not going to be bringing out any more
Speaker 2: episodes until Tuesday. Tuesday, we are back. We are ready
Speaker 2: wearing back to our normal format. We will have a
Speaker 2: cracking episode for you on the twenty six of April
Speaker 2: and then back to ask Gun Cuts on the Thursday.
Speaker 1: Keep your ask Gun cuts coming in and also you
Speaker 1: can send your ask gun cut after mats in as well,
Speaker 1: so just make sure you label those so we'd love
Speaker 1: those to start to come in more regularly instead of
Speaker 1: just a call out. So if you want to send
Speaker 1: them in regularly, that's fine. If we've done your question,
Speaker 1: please follow up because we're going to start to put
Speaker 1: them together and we'll drop these.
Speaker 3: Follow ups more often because I love them. I want
Speaker 3: to know.
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to know what happens to you guys
Speaker 1: and what the end result was, and I know a
Speaker 1: lot of our listeners want to know as well. Sometimes
Speaker 1: random listeners write in saying this question from like six
Speaker 1: months ago has been plaguing me.
Speaker 3: Did you get an answer?
Speaker 4: What are you?
Speaker 1: Guys are so invested in some of the stories too,
Speaker 1: so we want you ask them cuts. We want you
Speaker 1: ask them Cut aftermaths, your confessions, your accident on Fielter's,
Speaker 1: anything that's fucked up, that's happened.
Speaker 3: Do you write it into Life on Cut podcasts on.
Speaker 1: Instagram And join the Facebook discussion group Life on Cut
Speaker 1: Discussion Group on Facebook. And don't forget to tell your mum, tey, dad,
Speaker 1: tell you Doug, tell your friends and share the love
Speaker 1: because we love eight