WEBVTT - The Ask Uncut Aftermath 0:00:00.880 --> 0:00:05.280 Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:09.080 Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We 0:00:09.160 --> 0:00:11.920 pay our respect to their elders past and present and 0:00:12.039 --> 0:00:15.280 extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:16.120 peoples today. 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:19.560 This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Urora Nation. 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:42.720 Hi guys, and welcome back to a very special little 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:44.919 bonus episode of Life on CUD. I don't know why 0:00:44.960 --> 0:00:47.640 I'm talking as though I'm holding your hand. 0:00:47.920 --> 0:00:49.680 You're talking as if you're on the car map. And 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:52.000 now if you take a deep breath and close your 0:00:52.000 --> 0:00:53.480 eyes you can go to sleep. 0:00:53.280 --> 0:00:58.160 And hold for one two, not even sponsored exhale. Do 0:00:58.240 --> 0:01:00.200 you know what I can't get into? Meta? 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:04.720 Oh? I love it. I listen, no joke. 0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.480 Probably five nights out of seven I listen to a 0:01:07.520 --> 0:01:08.720 meditation to go to sleep. 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:11.319 I also have something against because anytime I say I 0:01:11.319 --> 0:01:14.520 can't get into meditation, people are into meditation. Always like 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:17.560 you're the person who needs meditation. You probably are not 0:01:18.880 --> 0:01:22.319 anybody who thinks it's not for them. People who love 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:24.640 it always try and convince you that it is for you. 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:26.760 Okay, so do you know what? Let me explain it 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:28.680 to you. The way did I go to sleep? I mean, 0:01:28.840 --> 0:01:30.759 it's not a meditation as such, but I will put 0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:33.880 something on that will be a sleep story or because 0:01:33.880 --> 0:01:36.679 they're things, they're people with amazing voices. I guess it's 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:39.320 like listening to an audiobook, but the idea is the 0:01:39.360 --> 0:01:42.399 content and the person is made to relax you. So 0:01:42.480 --> 0:01:43.760 the voice is made to relax you. 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:44.800 Do they talk like this? 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:47.200 Yeah? God, So I will. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:49.880 Put that on or I will literally type into YouTube, 0:01:49.920 --> 0:01:52.480 no joke, I'll just say twenty minute sleep meditation. That's 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:54.120 what I'll put on, and you just listen to somebody 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:56.840 talk and it just without even knowing it takes. Because 0:01:56.880 --> 0:01:59.680 my problem is right, I often will work till two 0:01:59.680 --> 0:02:02.400 am because my brain starts at night and I don't 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:05.120 know why it starts, and I can't switch it off. 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:08.960 So I'm definitely a nocturnal person. Whereas like during the daytime, 0:02:09.000 --> 0:02:11.200 I'm running at about half speed and then it gets 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:13.240 to nine pm and my brain's like, let's get some 0:02:13.280 --> 0:02:13.720 work done. 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:16.280 It's time to do your tax I am so productive 0:02:16.360 --> 0:02:18.520 from eleven pm until two am. 0:02:18.680 --> 0:02:21.520 It is insanity, which also sometimes I look at that, 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:24.079 and I'm like, it's not that I didn't have the 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.240 hours in the middle of the day to do the work. 0:02:26.280 --> 0:02:27.840 I just chose to do other things. 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:29.040 But my brain won't for. 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:31.120 I don't know if it's I would love to look 0:02:31.160 --> 0:02:33.919 into that, if it's like a creativity thing or what 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:36.160 it is. Because I still work in the day, but 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:40.400 I'm less productive. I get distracted easier. But nighttime, I'm 0:02:40.440 --> 0:02:42.320 just like bank, my man Bank. So when I get 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:43.880 to bed and my brain is going with all these 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:46.760 things I've got to do, I put this other voice 0:02:46.760 --> 0:02:49.120 on and it takes your mind off what you're thinking about. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:50.680 It makes you think about something else, and then it 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:53.000 helps you relax. It's actually incredible. So if anyone has 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:55.000 any problem sleeping, I do this all the time. 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:57.200 I don't need anything to help me get to sleep. 0:02:57.240 --> 0:02:58.919 I get to sleep just fine. But then I wake 0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.120 up at three o'clock in the morning with a small, 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:04.359 tiny little foot stuck into my spine because every night 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:07.079 Marley now climbs into my bed and we we never 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:10.360 intentionally started co sleeping, but we now co sleep without 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:11.200 almost three year old. 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.720 Is that because she comes in like she gets night 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:16.240 terrors or she's just like she's scared. 0:03:16.240 --> 0:03:17.519 She just like we are a party ac she comes 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:19.320 in one of me from my dad. So she climbs 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:22.680 out of her big bed, and then she opens the door, 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.040 walks out of her bedroom, and then she'll literally drag 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:26.119 her little stool. 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:27.720 Over so she can open her own door. 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:30.240 Comes out, climbs down in the dark, and sometimes she 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:32.720 just stands next to the bed like Chucky and just 0:03:32.760 --> 0:03:33.320 strokes you. 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:34.480 On the face. I'm not about it. 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:36.920 There's nothing more terrifying than having a three year old 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:40.400 staring into your soul, just stroking your head. After that, 0:03:40.480 --> 0:03:42.800 I need the calming app So she sleeps with us 0:03:42.840 --> 0:03:43.600 every night, now. 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:44.520 Okay, I love it for you. 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:46.440 Sometimes I wake up in the morning so Delilah's not 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:47.120 allowed in my bed. 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:49.320 I love that. I love that. Few let's talk, my 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:49.920 mo Well. 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:51.840 The only thing I've got to compare to now is Delilah. 0:03:51.960 --> 0:03:53.640 But I wake up in the morning, she's not allowed 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:53.920 in the bed. 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:55.760 She's done it a few times where she's snuck up 0:03:55.760 --> 0:03:57.560 if I haven't gotten up early enough and shell like 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:59.560 creep up behind me. But I can you know when 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:01.000 you in the morning, I imagine you do this with 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.200 the kids. So the kids, you know, you can feel 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:05.000 their presence, that they're right next to your bed and 0:04:05.040 --> 0:04:06.720 they're looking at you, and you squint through your eyes 0:04:06.760 --> 0:04:09.600 and you can see them. Delilah will put her face 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:12.360 like centimeters from mine, but she knows not to wake 0:04:12.400 --> 0:04:13.800 me up, so she just stares at me and I 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:15.600 can see it through my squinty eyes. But I know 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:17.640 the second I open my eyes it's on. She'll go 0:04:17.680 --> 0:04:19.159 from zero to one hundred. So I just have to 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:20.640 lay there pretending I don't know she's there. 0:04:20.839 --> 0:04:22.119 It's exactly what I do with my children. 0:04:22.200 --> 0:04:22.880 Yes, exactly. 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:26.320 But also, do you know what, Okay, we have a 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:28.200 great episode for you. We have a great bonus episode. 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.359 I also realized that we didn't even introduce ourselves for 0:04:30.400 --> 0:04:31.159 anyone who's new. 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:33.760 I'm Britt. I mean I'm Laura. That's Britt. 0:04:33.800 --> 0:04:36.240 I haven't sleep the bride. I hope you're still here. 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.479 But there is okay, just on this sleep thing with 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.080 kids and stuff and co sleeping with you and guys. 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:43.800 This is not a kid's podcast. We will get into 0:04:43.800 --> 0:04:44.760 some juicy stuff soon. 0:04:45.040 --> 0:04:47.960 And like I said, it's a sexy little bonus episode. 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:52.040 There is so much judgment that comes with when you 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:54.839 have a toddler and you sleep in your bed with 0:04:54.839 --> 0:04:56.839 your todd lot like, it's not intentional, but we let 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:59.040 them sleep in the bed because there are some parents 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:01.480 who are soon strict as soon as their kids get 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:02.840 to the age where they try and climb in bed, 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:04.680 they just march them straight back to their bed and 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:07.680 then they reinforce that behavior and the kids never climb in. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:11.320 And we haven't been those parents. So now Marley sleeps 0:05:11.320 --> 0:05:13.800 with us every night, But there is so much judgment 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:17.880 from other parents who cannot believe that you would sleep 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:19.600 with your toddler in your bed. And I just want 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:21.040 to say to anyone out there who's sleeping with a 0:05:21.080 --> 0:05:23.320 toddler and a foot in their back, that's fine. 0:05:23.360 --> 0:05:24.280 There's no judgment here. 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.120 But that's the thing I think with parenting, and we've 0:05:26.160 --> 0:05:29.080 spoken about it before. I'm obviously not a parent, guys, 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:31.080 anyone knew I do not have kids, but I have 0:05:31.120 --> 0:05:32.400 a lot of kids around me, and all my friends 0:05:32.480 --> 0:05:35.640 have kids. But there's never ever a time with anything 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:38.200 that there is not a level of judgment because everybody 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.720 does things differently. Everyone believes that something should be done 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:43.120 a certain way, so any decision you make throughout the 0:05:43.160 --> 0:05:45.800 rest of your entire life with your children, someone is 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:47.480 going to have a different opinion and someone's going to 0:05:47.560 --> 0:05:48.000 judge for it. 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:50.839 Yeah, but it's just crazy that something that doesn't affect 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.880 anybody else except for matt Night and our lack of sleep, 0:05:54.480 --> 0:05:57.039 how much it can upset someone else. When we say, oh, yeah, 0:05:57.200 --> 0:05:59.200 we sleep with Marley, she gets in bed every night, 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:00.000 people are like. 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:02.560 Offended for us. They're like, I can't. 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:04.800 Believe you do that, Like I'm tired on your Like 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:06.080 they're angry for us. 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:07.119 But anyway, Okay. 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:09.120 The reason why we wanted to do this special little 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:12.760 bonus episode in the middle of our holiday Easter break 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:16.640 is because for three years now we have been doing 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.840 Ask gun Cut, and for three years we give our 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:22.480 advice to all the big, hard hitting questions that you 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.880 guys have, but we've never done a follow up on 0:06:24.920 --> 0:06:27.640 that advice. We've never sat down and actually kind of 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:30.520 gone through all the replies, all of the either thank 0:06:30.560 --> 0:06:33.120 you or hey that didn't work out for me, all 0:06:33.160 --> 0:06:34.560 the things that you in the feedback that you guys 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:36.680 have given us on our ask gun Cut questions. We 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:39.800 wanted to start to do these little bonus episodes where 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:41.280 we do a bit of a follow up and an 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:44.320 aftermath of our ask gun Cut questions to see where 0:06:44.320 --> 0:06:44.880 are they now. 0:06:45.000 --> 0:06:48.000 So we're calling this the ask gun Cut Aftermath. 0:06:49.640 --> 0:06:51.080 All right, I'm going to kick it off with the 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:52.880 very first one, and I think the best way of 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:54.000 us doing this is to. 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:56.040 Read out the negative ones. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.560 That was a joke, Okay, is to reread the question 0:07:01.720 --> 0:07:05.240 because some of these questions going back like two years ago, 0:07:05.279 --> 0:07:06.000 so to reread it. 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:07.680 Kind of like thirty six months. 0:07:07.720 --> 0:07:10.720 But if you then therefore missa ask Guncut episode. If 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.000 you didn't hear the question being asked in the first place, 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:14.440 you kind of get a bit of a feel for 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:17.680 what the question was, and then this is going to 0:07:17.680 --> 0:07:19.680 be the follow up of what that person or what 0:07:19.720 --> 0:07:23.000 that listener has experienced. Okay, So the question number one was, 0:07:23.400 --> 0:07:25.320 and this is going back to the twenty second of 0:07:25.360 --> 0:07:27.360 August at twenty twenty one, quite. 0:07:27.160 --> 0:07:27.760 A while away. 0:07:28.040 --> 0:07:30.080 I have a dilemma. I've been with my current partner 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:32.880 for about six months now. We've been connected on every level, 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:34.600 and we're both deeply in love with each other. 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.200 I am fulfilled in almost. 0:07:36.000 --> 0:07:38.800 Every aspect of my relationship, but there is an aspect 0:07:38.880 --> 0:07:42.160 I still struggle with, so our sex life is pretty grey. 0:07:42.560 --> 0:07:45.560 He focuses on me, however, it takes me ages to 0:07:45.600 --> 0:07:49.280 get off, and sometimes I just fake orgasms because I 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:51.400 get too tired and I don't want things to keep 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:53.800 going after so long of having to wait to try 0:07:53.800 --> 0:07:56.480 and achieve an orgasm, I struggle heats with getting off 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:59.720 due to medication that I take, and although his techniques 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:02.600 are immaculate, my question is should I tell him that 0:08:02.640 --> 0:08:05.000 I fake a lot of orgasms. I know it will 0:08:05.040 --> 0:08:07.120 hurt his feelings and he may not trust me as 0:08:07.160 --> 0:08:09.720 much afterwards. But I feel like I've dug myself into 0:08:09.720 --> 0:08:12.560 a massive hole because he thinks I come every time. 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:14.240 And this is a common one, isn't it the old 0:08:14.280 --> 0:08:15.080 fake orgasms? 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:15.600 What I do? 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:17.600 Do I tell us, especially if you've already gone down 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:19.400 the path of faking it for so long that you're 0:08:19.440 --> 0:08:19.960 like funk. 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:22.200 He thinks that I get off in seven minutes, She's 0:08:22.320 --> 0:08:22.560 take it? 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:26.520 Wait now fifteen years deep? Do I tell him there? 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.240 He's never made me calm. 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:31.520 So the reply to the situation was this high Lovely Ladies. 0:08:31.600 --> 0:08:33.800 Since listening to the most recent EP, I decided it 0:08:33.840 --> 0:08:35.839 was time that I wrote in my response to how 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:38.880 you answer my question over a year ago to follow up. Yes, 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.200 I talked to him about it, but I was too 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:43.880 scared to bring it up as its own conversation because 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:46.720 I know that he'd be so disappointed and upset that 0:08:46.760 --> 0:08:47.560 I wasn't honest. 0:08:47.880 --> 0:08:49.760 Our advice was that she told. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.880 Him that she was faking some of these orgasms because 0:08:52.160 --> 0:08:53.840 it had gone on for so long that she couldn't 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:56.880 get away with just like changing things without kind of 0:08:56.880 --> 0:09:00.600 being honest and having some transparency. Essentially, I just asked 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:03.680 to use toys more frequently when we'd engage in sexy time. 0:09:03.920 --> 0:09:05.680 It just ended up at the point that he would 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.880 just grab it out of the cupboard without me even asking. 0:09:07.920 --> 0:09:10.680 Now, so goal achieve because now I do get off. 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:12.640 I honestly wish I could have been a big enough 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:14.600 person to bring up with him that I'd been faking 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.319 orgasms and fully communicate my needs despite whether it may 0:09:18.360 --> 0:09:21.600 have hurt his feelings or perhaps his ego. But turns 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:23.880 out I'm a bit avoidant, so that in itself is 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:24.920 something to reflect on. 0:09:26.080 --> 0:09:27.760 But I guess at the end of the day, Okay, 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:30.079 so you didn't sit down, I mean, end of the 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:33.480 day problem, solve your orgasming now in your sex with 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:34.600 your relationship. 0:09:34.160 --> 0:09:36.120 With your partner at the end of the day. 0:09:36.160 --> 0:09:38.440 Just because you didn't sit down and say, hey, I've 0:09:38.440 --> 0:09:40.640 been faking it, we need to do things differently, you 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:42.240 still found a way to get there at the end, 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:44.160 and you're like, let's bring some sex toys in and 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:46.559 now you know your relationship. You know that would have 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:48.760 hurt his feelings too much. So I think if you 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.439 found a way around it, that's okay, but I wouldn't 0:09:51.480 --> 0:09:53.520 be lying from here on ins I actually. 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:55.920 Think that this is the perfect outcome for this situation. 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:59.320 And I also just want to acknowledge, like it is 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:01.560 so easy for Britain and I to sit here and 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:04.280 say this is how you need to approach your relationship, 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.360 this is how you need to communicate, or this would 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.360 be the moral high ground to take in every situation. 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:12.320 Guys take our advice loosely. It's so godline. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:14.480 Yeah, it's so fucking easy to give advice. And we 0:10:14.520 --> 0:10:16.439 know this in all our friendship groups. It's so easy 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:18.920 to give advice and it's so hard sometimes to actually 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:21.080 implement it and do something when you know it's going 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:23.480 to hurt somebody else's feelings. So if there's a way 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:25.600 I do it all the time, well you give advice 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:26.600 and then don't I can't do it. 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:28.480 And I'm like, I was like, I know what I 0:10:28.480 --> 0:10:30.400 would say, I've told someone else to do this, but 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:34.439 I can't do it. It's like sometimes when you look inwards, 0:10:34.679 --> 0:10:36.280 it's really fucking difficult. 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.720 It's easy for somebody to say, hey, that's toxic behavior, 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.040 or that's not healthy, or you shouldn't be lying in 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:45.560 your relationship. But we have all done different things that 0:10:45.600 --> 0:10:48.880 we are not proud of in relationships because there's fear involved, 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:52.200 there's trauma involved, there's attachment involved. So like with this 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:54.880 question specifically, when you say, you know, I didn't communicate 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:57.480 that I was faking my orgasms, but I did find 0:10:57.520 --> 0:11:00.480 a solution by bringing toys into the bedroom. I don't 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:03.000 think that's a problem. I think, well, bloody done. This 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:05.960 is a slow clap for me or for her, for everyone. 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:08.120 I think it's a bad clap. All right, let's get 0:11:08.120 --> 0:11:09.120 into question number two. 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.520 Okay, now I remember this one well, Laura, this is 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:15.560 one about a big age gap. The question I was 0:11:15.600 --> 0:11:17.960 wondering what you think about age gaps. My friend is 0:11:17.960 --> 0:11:20.920 twenty two and has developed feelings for her male coworker 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:21.760 who is forty. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:27.680 You do the math, Lauren, eighteen years that's a big 0:11:27.720 --> 0:11:28.360 app age gap. 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.120 Okay, put the calculator away. They both work in the 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:32.200 same position. 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.199 Out a restaurant and apparently get on really well and 0:11:34.240 --> 0:11:36.680 they flirt a lot. He has asked her to grab 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:38.520 a drink a couple of times, and she asked me 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:40.880 for advice on whether or not to say yes. So 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:42.880 of course you came to ask for the advice. This 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:46.040 is like a three way advice. My overwhelming instinct was 0:11:46.040 --> 0:11:48.720 to discourage her from pursuing anything, But the more I 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:51.760 thought about it, I didn't really have any justifiable reasons 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:54.439 as to why besides the fact there's an age gap. 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:58.679 Am I unfairly prejudiced against age gaps? Do you guys 0:11:58.679 --> 0:12:01.520 think an age gap like this one can be okay 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:04.160 for casual dating? In this case, she leaves the country 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:06.760 in six months, so she wasn't looking for anything long 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.040 term anyway, so that was the question. Her friends come 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:11.640 to her and said, can I date someone eighteen years 0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:12.040 older than me? 0:12:12.080 --> 0:12:12.679 What do you think? 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:14.840 And our I remember our advice on this one. So 0:12:14.840 --> 0:12:16.640 the advice that we gave on this question was more 0:12:16.720 --> 0:12:19.679 so like one, it's not really your place. 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:20.920 To tell your friends what they can and can't do, 0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:21.480 like you know you can. 0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:23.920 We can obviously give our feelings and thoughts, but like, 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:26.880 if someone's just having a casual relationship, I don't think 0:12:26.920 --> 0:12:29.000 age necessarily needs to be indicating factor. 0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:30.200 I said, go for the drink. 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:30.439 Yeah. 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.240 We were liked, there's nothing bad's going to come from it. 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.280 There's not an abuse of power. It's not like he's 0:12:35.280 --> 0:12:37.520 her boss. He's just her colleague and it's going to 0:12:37.559 --> 0:12:40.120 be just some fun times. Because she was intending on 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.320 going overseas anyway. So we were like, whatever, live your 0:12:42.320 --> 0:12:45.920 best life, girlfriend, go and get some good old daddy dick. 0:12:45.960 --> 0:12:47.360 That's having so bad. 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:49.400 Wow, I mean he's not a dad. 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:50.920 No. 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:53.360 We were just like I remember saying, because I've dated 0:12:53.360 --> 0:12:55.360 people older than me, I've dated, as we know, people 0:12:55.400 --> 0:12:55.880 younger than me. 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.560 For me, age is a number at the. 0:12:58.600 --> 0:13:00.000 End of the day, it literally is. 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:02.440 I mean, like that was deep Brittany. Age is just 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:07.720 a number physically. But I think and I think if. 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:10.520 Two people this is consensual she was floating back, she 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.280 had the interest back. She was just Also it seems 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:14.800 like she was more worried about what other people would 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.080 think at the end of the day too, because that 0:13:16.200 --> 0:13:19.240 is something we take into account Anyway, the follow up 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:22.080 to the agist, thanks for answering my question. Last year, 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:26.240 I checked myself and my age gap prejudice lolls. They 0:13:26.360 --> 0:13:29.000 ended up going for that drink, which led to a kiss, 0:13:29.160 --> 0:13:32.679 which led to them properly getting together and falling head 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:36.680 over heels. So this is actually wow, wow, this is 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:37.280 actually great. 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.800 This goes to show you. But there's more. 0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:42.600 She's now leaving as it was only ever going to 0:13:42.640 --> 0:13:45.360 be six months, so now there's the trauma of leaving 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:50.000 him behind moving overseas in three weeks. Inadvertently, I have 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:53.319 signed myself up now for break up support role because 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:54.840 I encouraged this at the beginning. 0:13:54.880 --> 0:13:56.520 But it was fun while it lasted. 0:13:56.640 --> 0:14:02.320 So they did actually fall head over heels, so maybe maybe. 0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:02.079 They can work it out. 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:02.440 I don't know. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:03.480 I would love a follow up. 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.319 Follow up, Okay, I do want to say something though, 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.840 And they think this comes down to the whole age question, right, 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:09.880 So when we said like, yeah, go for it, it's 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:11.680 only going to be fun because you had this you know, 0:14:11.800 --> 0:14:13.880 six month huge like in six months you have this 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:16.960 huge overseas trip, you're moving overseas. This is the big 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.040 thing about age gaps, right, is that you're usually in 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:22.440 different life stages. So he's obviously in his forties, maybe 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.000 he already has kids, maybe he has commitments. Here, there's 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:27.400 reasons why he can't just up and live the life 0:14:27.400 --> 0:14:29.920 of a twenty two year old and she's moving overseas 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.520 and living her best goddamn free, twenty two year old life. 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.280 It's the imbalance. 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:36.680 Between all the being at different life stages that creates 0:14:36.680 --> 0:14:39.600 the biggest problem in age gaps in relationships, and that 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:40.560 is what we're seeing here. 0:14:40.680 --> 0:14:43.240 Well, so I have an example of this as happening now, 0:14:43.560 --> 0:14:45.440 like with a really good friend of mine. I have 0:14:45.720 --> 0:14:48.320 friends that I met from England, so she's English. She 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:52.120 moved to Australia. Now she was twenty six and her 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:55.960 partner was forty forty one or something. So there's a 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:57.960 bit of an age gap, probably a tiny bit less 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:01.000 than this one. But they were super love. They had 0:15:01.000 --> 0:15:02.840 been together for a very long time. I mean like 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.480 just say eighteen months or something. Because she was always 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:06.920 coming for a little holiday here and then she was 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:08.720 going to go back to England. But she came here 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:10.640 and she loved she fell in love with Australia. She 0:15:10.640 --> 0:15:12.920 didn't want to go he doesn't have kids or anything. 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:15.280 She's like, come here, let's have our life here. 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:16.040 It's amazing. 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:17.760 And he just like, I'm done with travel, you know, 0:15:17.760 --> 0:15:19.640 because he's in the next stage of his life. He's like, 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:20.600 I don't want to do that. I don't want to 0:15:20.600 --> 0:15:21.840 pack up my house again. I don't want to move 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:24.600 another country totally. Where she's at the point where she's like, huck, 0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:27.360 I want to travel the entire world. And they broke 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.360 up because love, as we have said, sometimes love is 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:32.360 not enough on its own. And there are at the 0:15:32.440 --> 0:15:34.840 end of the day, going into your forties and not 0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:37.320 being in your mid twenties, you really are at two 0:15:37.320 --> 0:15:39.880 different places my mid twenties to now going into my 0:15:39.960 --> 0:15:43.320 early thirties to mid thirties, that's different just to the 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.440 twenties to thirties. So twenties to forties is a huge 0:15:46.440 --> 0:15:49.120 step in what you want and what you value. 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.640 Totally, and I think that for so many people who 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:52.960