WEBVTT - From attitude to gratitude and resilience with Hugh van Cuylenburg 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.240 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:25.400 Underpart I'm Laura and I am joined by my lovely 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:27.280 co host Brittany, who is on the other side of 0:00:27.280 --> 0:00:29.800 the pond at the moment. Britt where are you coming from? 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:33.680 I am on the other side of the pond, Laura. Firstly, Hello, Secondly, 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:37.520 I am coming. That was a weird intro. Hello, something new. 0:00:37.920 --> 0:00:40.080 I like, okay, wait, wait wait. Every time you tell 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:41.960 me to try something new and then I do try 0:00:41.960 --> 0:00:45.120 something new, it completely throws you, like you don't know 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:47.120 how to respond. Yeah, but I love it because this 0:00:47.200 --> 0:00:49.560 is like me living on the edge. What intro is 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:51.159 She's gonna do what she gonna throw at me. Am 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:52.400 I going to be able to roll with it? You're 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:54.520 a real risk taker, baby, I am. I was born 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:57.880 this way. I am coming to you from just outside 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.560 of New York. I'm in a place called Greenwich, Connecticut, 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:02.520 and it's on the outskirts of New York. I am 0:01:02.560 --> 0:01:04.760 here for the US Open. Jordan was playing in the 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:07.240 US Open last week. It sounds shit, babe. I'm just 0:01:07.280 --> 0:01:09.759 gonna tell you, New York sounds like a really shit place. 0:01:09.800 --> 0:01:12.520 Do you know what sounds great? Staying in your bedroom 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:14.640 and your lounge room for nine weeks. That sounds better, 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:16.119 But do you want to know, Okay, do you want 0:01:16.120 --> 0:01:17.960 to know something that might feel you like, it might 0:01:17.959 --> 0:01:19.360 make you feel a little better. I think you're gonna 0:01:19.400 --> 0:01:21.280 have a little bit of a laugh at my expense. 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:24.160 Something happened to me at the tennis and it's the 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:27.000 first time in a while I've been slightly mortified or 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:30.520 slightly embarrassed. Now, I want to pre empt this story 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.080 with I know I shouldn't have been embarrassed, because I 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:36.360 know it's normal. I know it's natural, but there was 0:01:36.400 --> 0:01:38.319 a bar to me that wanted to die just a 0:01:38.360 --> 0:01:40.520 little bit. At the US Open. It's the first time 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:42.280 I've been, so I didn't know what to expect. But 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:46.880 the security was high. I'm talking security everywhere, metal detectors, 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.440 you gotta line up forever. It was sardines. It was 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:52.640 full capacity. They do all these bag checks. You pull 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.760 everything out of your bag, I'll frisk you and then 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:56.880 you do this multiple times. And they're doing this obviously 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:59.800 because it's the US Open. For security. Now, there's people everywhere, 0:02:00.160 --> 0:02:03.160 lines everywhere. Now, as I was running out the door 0:02:03.200 --> 0:02:05.920 that day, I got this feeling of like, you know 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.560 that feeling that all women get when your period is coming, 0:02:08.639 --> 0:02:10.480 and you know that it's going to be on its way, 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:12.760 but it could be in like two or three days. 0:02:12.800 --> 0:02:14.960 You know. You just get that early heavy feeling. But 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:16.639 I ran back inside and I was like, oh, I 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:18.520 don't want to go, because I actually was wearing white. 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:20.680 I was like, oh, I don't want to go and 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:23.400 get stuck with my period somewhere. So I ran back 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.280 inside quickly. I said to Jordan, just quickly, let me 0:02:25.280 --> 0:02:26.760 get something. He was like, we're late. So I ran 0:02:26.800 --> 0:02:28.720 back in and I was like, two seconds. Now, I 0:02:28.840 --> 0:02:31.560 use a moon cup? Do you use a moon cup? Laura? 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:33.240 And you know what a moon cup is, right, surely? 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:35.119 I mean I know what a moon cup is, yes, 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:37.880 but I've never used one. I was going to use 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.480 one now that I have my period again after having 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.600 like the kids, but I've I've realized and I didn't 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.639 know this. They come in different sizes, so the one 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.120 I have from before no longer is the one that's 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.320 appropriate for after birth. And I was like, that makes 0:02:50.360 --> 0:02:53.600 me feel really self conscious, so I need a fucking 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.280 bigger one. So I did, Laura, I did the reverse. 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:58.000 I didn't know they came in the sizes either. And 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:59.840 when I first started to go, I went to the shop, 0:03:00.040 --> 0:03:01.680 the health shop, went in and bought one, and I 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:03.680 was and my sister's been telling me to use them 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.080 for years, right, She's like, they're so good, they're so comfortable, 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:07.800 you don't know they're in there. I couldn't get this 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.079 thing in. I was like, why can't I get this 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:11.960 thing inside of me? When I finally got it in, 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:13.680 it was in so much pain the whole day. Then 0:03:13.680 --> 0:03:15.880 I couldn't get it out. Turns out i'd bought one 0:03:15.880 --> 0:03:20.880 that was like just after birth. Couldn't I couldn't get 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:22.760 it in, and I was like, I called my sister. 0:03:22.760 --> 0:03:24.359 I called Sheridan, and I was like, I can't get 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:26.800 this moon cup out. It is literally stuck inside me. 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:28.600 She's like, just pull it and push it in, like 0:03:28.639 --> 0:03:30.959 squeeze it. And I was like, it is not fucking working. 0:03:31.160 --> 0:03:33.760 This is the biggest, most uncomfortable thing. Anyway, i'd bought 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.480 a post birth moon cup. I learned my lesson quickly, 0:03:36.800 --> 0:03:39.680 but flashing back, well, I met the US open, so 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:41.480 I've run inside. I've got my moon cup. Now, if 0:03:41.480 --> 0:03:43.040 you guys use a moon caup or if you don't, 0:03:43.080 --> 0:03:45.160 I'm going to explain it. But it's like a little 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:49.400 bowl of plastic and it has a little centimeter flappy 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:50.760 thing at the end that you used to put in 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:53.600 and out. But it also comes in a little like 0:03:54.000 --> 0:03:55.840 usually they come in a satin case, and that's what 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:57.680 you keep them in, like a beautiful little case so 0:03:57.720 --> 0:03:59.720 you don't see them. I was in such a rush 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:01.560 that I just grabbed the moon cup and put it 0:04:01.560 --> 0:04:03.360 in my bag. I didn't have the case in it, 0:04:03.400 --> 0:04:06.120 so it was just this big plastic thing that I 0:04:06.160 --> 0:04:08.720 trust me, i'd use its scene better days. Well we 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:10.320 know that it wasn't a big one because you haven't 0:04:10.360 --> 0:04:12.560 had kids, so it was the smaller size of the plastic. 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:14.840 And just so everyone does know, they're like silicone, So 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:17.440 they're kind of like they're obviously like they're like collapsible 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.560 and soft. They're not like a it's not like top 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:22.440 aware container that you're shoving off your vagina. It's not 0:04:22.480 --> 0:04:27.159 a top. So I'm in the line and at the 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.040 US Open there's people everywhere, and there this big burly 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:34.479 security guard. He's got guns strapped to him. He's really intimidating. Anyway, 0:04:34.560 --> 0:04:37.839 I go through the security and he's like, open your 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.200 bag for me, and I was like sure, people everywhere. 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:42.840 He pulls out my bag. He starts to pull these 0:04:42.880 --> 0:04:45.359 little things out of it. He pulls out the moon cup, 0:04:46.040 --> 0:04:48.680 holds it up in the air and he's like he's 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.000 like looking at it in the light and he's twiddling 0:04:51.000 --> 0:04:53.040 it between his fingers and I'm like, I'm like, what 0:04:53.080 --> 0:04:55.320 are you doing? And he was like everyone was looking 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.799 at me, and I was like, put that down. He goes, ma'am, 0:04:57.800 --> 0:05:01.240 what is Please explain what this is? And I was like, 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:06.320 that goes in my vagina. But when I have my period. 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:08.800 You're like, it's not a shot glass. I haven't brought 0:05:08.800 --> 0:05:11.000 a little hip flask and smurt off black like what 0:05:11.040 --> 0:05:13.400 are you talking about. I was like he was like 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:14.839 twirling it because it's so soft. 0:05:14.839 --> 0:05:16.800 He was like twirling it in between his fingers and 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:20.200 I was like, sad, please put the vagina cup down immediately. 0:05:20.560 --> 0:05:23.880 Anyway, he he was mortified. I turn around and I'm 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:25.480 trying to make it. I'm mortified, but I'm trying to 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:27.080 make a joke of it. Like I turn back around 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.279 and there are people laughing, but they're not laughing at me. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.320 Like there were girls just going what the fuck? Oh 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.120 my god, But there were so many guys around me 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:35.159 that obviously knew what it was that were dying on 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:37.720 my behalf. Anyway, I was like, I was like, I'm 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:39.760 really sorry, that's a vagina cup. He nearly dropped it, 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:41.200 he nearly threw it back at me. He's like, man, 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:42.720 you just go straight through on. I need to check 0:05:42.760 --> 0:05:45.960 anything else. Like I really care about the environment, and 0:05:46.000 --> 0:05:48.240 so that's what that is. But you know what, I'm 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:50.320 glad that you've nawls and things. It's really important that 0:05:50.360 --> 0:05:52.240 men know about these things. And I feel like he's 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:54.839 just had an educational lesson at the tennis one that 0:05:54.880 --> 0:05:57.440 he probably didn't want to hear. But why is it though, 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:00.680 Like I it's kind of still got that stigma around it, 0:06:00.720 --> 0:06:04.080 doesn't it? Like we shouldn't be embarrassed. You should be 0:06:04.120 --> 0:06:06.360 able to go to the chemist and buy your tampons 0:06:06.400 --> 0:06:08.840 or your pads or your whatever sanitary items you use 0:06:09.160 --> 0:06:10.960 and not feel like they need to be put into 0:06:10.960 --> 0:06:13.160 a paper bag, like it's this sinful thing that you're 0:06:13.160 --> 0:06:15.560 walking away from the chemists with a tampon how dare 0:06:15.600 --> 0:06:18.359 you menstruate? How dare you bleed once a month? So 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.159 you know what you get out there at the tennis 0:06:20.200 --> 0:06:22.480 you cheer Jordan on with that moon coup of yours. 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:25.480 You just embrace it, wave the red flag for everyone 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:27.840 to see. So that's why I was like, it's one 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.600 of those things where you shouldn't be embarrassed. And I 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:33.200 wasn't embarrassed because I was like, Oh, that's my period. 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.960 I was more embarrassed because it wasn't that's what goes 0:06:36.040 --> 0:06:38.200 in my vagina and this man is holding it and 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:40.160 didn't have a ca and just like seeing his look, 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.640 seeing my look, seeing him hold it up to the light, 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:44.279 to the sunlight to look through it, because it was 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:45.960 like a clean one. I was like, what are you 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:48.800 doing with this thing? I could have gone home and 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:51.880 told his daughters. For sure. We have such a great 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.440 episode for you guys today, and it's something that we 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:56.440 really wanted to bring you some content that was a 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.880 little bit more uplifting and that would leave you feeling 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.440 just like you have some tools in your toolkit to 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:04.320 be able to deal with the current situation in the 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.080 world at the moment, and you know a little bit 0:07:06.080 --> 0:07:08.240 better about life. Yeah, you know what, we wanted to 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:10.040 leave you better than we found you put it that way. 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.040 So on today's podcast, we're interviewing Hugh Van Kylenberg, who 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.880 is from the Resilience Project, and the Resilience Project is 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:20.840 all around mindfulness, empathy and being able to like make 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.520 the best of these really difficult situations. And I think 0:07:23.800 --> 0:07:25.880 one thing that Britain and I have always advocated for 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:27.840 on this podcast, one thing that we have spoken about 0:07:27.880 --> 0:07:31.320 since the very beginning, is this idea that through breakups, 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.640 through some of life's like most challenging hurdles, some of 0:07:34.680 --> 0:07:37.280 the best and like most unique growth can come from it. 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.760 And you know, we've spoken a lot about the hardships 0:07:39.760 --> 0:07:42.640 of breakups and relationship breakdowns and how as much as 0:07:42.680 --> 0:07:44.680 it can be a really painful time in life, that 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:47.040 you can come out of these experience as a better person. 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.040 And I also think with what we're all going through 0:07:49.080 --> 0:07:51.120 at the moment in the world and the current situation, 0:07:51.360 --> 0:07:53.560 it is really monotonous and it can be really challenging, 0:07:53.600 --> 0:07:56.120 but I do think that there may be some ability 0:07:56.120 --> 0:07:58.120 for growth, and there may be the possibility that will 0:07:58.160 --> 0:07:59.840 come out of this and be able to use some 0:07:59.880 --> 0:08:02.040 of these tools and this really challenging time that a 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:04.200 lot of us are going through in a really positive 0:08:04.200 --> 0:08:06.600 way as well. This is what the interview is about. 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:08.680 I'm really excited to get into it because I think 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:11.600 it's so perfectly timed with what is happening at the moment. 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.720 But before we do, brit, I have a question for you. 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:18.320 Is it personal or Look, it's not personal to your 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:22.120 situation right now, but it's definitely very relatable and I 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.800 think our single audience is going to appreciate this one. 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:26.640 So I was having a conversation with one of my 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:29.360 girlfriends just the other day who is single, and she's 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.840 been dating this guy on and off. They've been texting 0:08:32.000 --> 0:08:35.720 quite a bit, and the conversation came up around ghosting, 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:38.280 which I know we've covered ghosting plenty of times in 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.520 the past, but I don't think we've ever actually answered 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:45.440 this question. So he has been taking progressively longer and 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:48.160 longer to reply to her text messages, and you know 0:08:48.240 --> 0:08:50.240 the soft fade out, which I know everyone's heard of 0:08:50.280 --> 0:08:52.640 that term. Instead of just doing like the cold hard ghost, 0:08:52.960 --> 0:08:55.280 the soft fade of like taking a little bit longer 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:57.320 to reply to a message each day, or saying like 0:08:57.480 --> 0:09:00.480 I'm too busy to reply at the moment. How long 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.199 on a normal spectrum, in a normal relationship, when you 0:09:03.280 --> 0:09:07.080 first started dating, how long is an acceptable time frame 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.559 to not hear from a person and to not get 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:12.760 a reply? I remember those days. There are so many 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:15.480 variables to this question, like so many things. I want 0:09:15.520 --> 0:09:18.720 to know. Were they talking a lot at the start 0:09:18.840 --> 0:09:21.840 and it's faded off? Has it always been as consistency? 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:24.160 Do you know the answers to that? I think like 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.040 the standard like texting all the time at the very beginning, 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:29.400 and then now getting the oh, I'm sorry, I'm super 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:31.360 busy with work, I'm like a little bit crazy at 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.240 the moment, and then the messaging has gone from being 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:37.360 like throughout the day to being once in the morning 0:09:37.440 --> 0:09:40.640 or once at nighttime, So like eight hours between text backs? 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:42.960 Is that okay? Is there a time and a point 0:09:43.000 --> 0:09:46.319 in a relationship, especially at the beginning of relationship where 0:09:46.360 --> 0:09:49.920 someone is genuinely too busy and if they are genuinely 0:09:49.960 --> 0:09:53.520 too busy, how long can they be too busy for? Like, 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:55.400 like how long do we wait? How long do we 0:09:55.520 --> 0:09:59.480 accept tardy messages? I think it has to be I 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.200 think like if I'm gone, because people are people are 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:04.280 really busy. Obviously it might be different now with the 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:08.440 current climate, but people genuinely can be And you know this, Laura, like, 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:10.760 you could be flat out from the second you wake 0:10:10.880 --> 0:10:14.040 up until the second you get home to bed. For me, 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:17.720 I would say it has to be within the response 0:10:17.960 --> 0:10:20.040 has to be within that day. It has to be 0:10:20.080 --> 0:10:23.000 within a twenty four hour period. If you're letting it 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:26.040 roll over to the next day and she's getting a 0:10:26.040 --> 0:10:28.640 message back saying, hey, sorry, I couldn't get back to 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.920 your sales flat out and they're not giving you much, 0:10:31.320 --> 0:10:35.520 i'd can it. Honestly, I would, because we all know 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:37.880 and I really do believe this that if you want 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:39.880 to contact someone, it doesn't matter how busy you are, 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:42.640 you will within that day. So even if he has 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:44.760 been flat out, he might be doing heart surgery all day, 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.280 who knows. You might be flat out all day. But 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.000 when you get home to bed, you finally you've brushed 0:10:50.000 --> 0:10:52.640 your teeth, you've combed your hair back, you've put your 0:10:52.800 --> 0:10:57.000 moisturizer on, you've tucked yourself into bed. You're going to 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.000 text the person that you're thinking about, and you're going 0:10:59.040 --> 0:11:01.280 to text the person you're in in you because you're 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:02.880 gonna think, oh, I can finally get back to them. 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:04.520 I can't believe I haven't gone back to them. I 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:06.520 want to get back to them. So I think if 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:08.560 if it's going over the twenty four hours for me, 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:10.160 that's a bit of a red flag. I'd be like, 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:12.640 but I'm the kind of person that would probably call 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:14.920 them out, not a bad way. I'd be like, hey, look, 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.360 I'm getting the I would I'd beel like Fritz, like, 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:20.800 fucking text me back, you bitch, unless you doing heart surgery. 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:23.800 Text me back. No, I would just say, hey, getting him. 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:26.440 If she's actually feeling like he's not interested, I'm big 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.360 on just saying that, and don't be I don't think 0:11:28.400 --> 0:11:31.280 you should be pedantic and over dramatic, like over dramatic, 0:11:31.320 --> 0:11:34.240 don't make something into something that's not there. But if 0:11:34.280 --> 0:11:36.920 you genuinely are getting a feeling that the whole situation 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:39.520 has done a flip and it's changed, I'm the person 0:11:39.559 --> 0:11:41.880 that would say, hey, look in all honestly, I'm getting 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:44.199 feeling that you're not that interested, which is cool, like 0:11:44.480 --> 0:11:45.920 it is what it is kind of thing. And he's 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:48.000 either gonna say I'm so sorry I've made you feel 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:49.719 like that, Like I really just have been flat out 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:51.320 or he's gonna say, yeah, I just don't think the 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:53.439 timing is right. I just think life's too short. We 0:11:53.480 --> 0:11:56.000 all know, especially with what's going on. Life's too short 0:11:56.520 --> 0:11:58.800 to wonder what. Life's too short to not know. Life's 0:11:58.840 --> 0:12:01.000 too short to waste your time on someone that's not 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:02.920 interested in you. And I really think the big tech 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:04.840 caring from this, And this was the conversation that we had. 0:12:04.840 --> 0:12:07.239 It's like life is too short to not be a priority, 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:10.240 Like it's okay to have ebbs and flows around priority, 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.280 like you don't always have to be the other person's 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:15.280 main thing. And it's completely impractical to expect that someone's 0:12:15.320 --> 0:12:17.679 going to be texting you all day every day, like 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.360 it's it's unsustainable for starters. But you still want to 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.440 feel like you're a priority to that person. And I 0:12:23.480 --> 0:12:25.559 know that there's variables to this, Like Rit said, maybe 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.360 if he's doing heart surgery, there's some exception. Well let 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:32.480 it slide, okay, write whatever, saving lives, you're too fucking busy, 0:12:32.720 --> 0:12:34.760 But no, it comes down to, like what does busy 0:12:34.800 --> 0:12:37.120 look like if he's studying if he's working like a 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:39.600 normal nine to five job, if he's just been out exercising, 0:12:39.640 --> 0:12:41.720 Like there are breaks throughout the day where you can 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:43.720 send a text message reply, or you can just touch 0:12:43.760 --> 0:12:45.960 base in some capacity. It doesn't have to be like 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.680 a big back and forth thing. But I also think 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:50.600 sometimes we need to check ourselves because I know, like 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.680 when I first start dating, I really love the constant 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.280 back and forth messaging. And then if I don't get that, 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.440 I'm not being satiated in that way, and so like 0:12:58.720 --> 0:13:05.440 I sometimes have to turn at their house. I sometimes 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:07.200 have to pull my own head in and be like 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:10.760 this is not practical, Like it's not sustainable for everyone 0:13:10.800 --> 0:13:13.640 to do so, like I understand that as well, but no, 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:15.640 I think the situation with her was that it had 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:18.199 become the norm to not hear back for sort of 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:20.760 eight hour days at a time, and that had happened 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:22.400 for four or five days in a row, and I 0:13:22.480 --> 0:13:24.319 was like, I think you should call it. I think 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:26.439 that this is like run its course. Now. Yeah, I'm 0:13:26.440 --> 0:13:28.120 going to say call it too. I'm going to I'm 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:29.960 not call it, but like just do what I said 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:32.160 and just be like, yo, is this going anywhere or 0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:34.400 not because I've got data restrictions and I don't want 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.000 to waste my text on you. And I also think 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:38.240 sometimes we're so scared to ask that question. We're so 0:13:38.320 --> 0:13:41.439 scared to be like, hey, what is happening, like are 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:43.040 you too busy or like and you don't have to 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:45.080 ask it in like a passive aggressive kind of way, 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:48.200 but just asking the question. I think the reason why 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:50.400 we sometimes are so hesitant to ask the question is 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:52.040 because we're so scared of what the answer is going 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:53.800 to be. You know, we don't want to hear that 0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.120 Actually maybe they're not that interested in us, and we're 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:58.800 opening the platform to get the response that we don't want, 0:13:59.040 --> 0:14:00.840 so we kind of stay away from it and we 0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.480 stick clear of it. But I honestly think you would 0:14:03.559 --> 0:14:05.680 rather know. You would rather know so you do not 0:14:05.760 --> 0:14:08.680 waste your fucking very precious and valuable time that you 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:11.720 could be investing in someone or something else or just masturbating. 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:13.599 There you go. I mean, you can still masturbate in 0:14:13.640 --> 0:14:15.800 text at the same time, could you I need to 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.680 concentrate on what's happening, meditate and masturbate baby if it 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:20.960 was sexting though you need them, What if you're getting 0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.080 no reply. That would be the most miserable sexting of 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:26.120 the world. Hey, I'm thinking of you, okay, eight hours later, 0:14:26.240 --> 0:14:30.000 thinking of you two. Okay, let's get into our favorite 0:14:30.040 --> 0:14:33.680 part of the episode, accidentally unfiltered Will. If we had 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:38.720 sound effects, I'd put something in there. That's where this 0:14:38.880 --> 0:14:42.280 is where you write in your embarrassing moments and we 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.720 read them out we love them. I am going to 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:48.440 kick start, all right, hit me. This was just this 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:52.200 was just so cute and innocent. Hey, ladies. It was 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:54.600 my first date in a really long time, the first 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.280 since my divorce after being married for five years with 0:14:57.400 --> 0:15:00.360 two kids, so you can imagine I'm talking. It had 0:15:00.400 --> 0:15:02.600 been years and this mama had forgotten how to flirt. 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:05.920 So I'm sitting there with this absolute dreamboat. We're hitting 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.400 it off, and I've probably had one too many VOD castas. 0:15:08.800 --> 0:15:11.840 I decided to try and give him the eyes, you know, 0:15:11.960 --> 0:15:14.520 the kind. It had been a really really long time 0:15:14.560 --> 0:15:16.480 since I'd had any actions, so I thought, why not 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.280 give it a go. We were seeing each other straight 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:21.760 in the eyes, so I thought, now's the time I 0:15:21.800 --> 0:15:24.600 go to seductively take a sip of my straw you know, 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:27.240 maybe making him think that that straw could be something 0:15:27.240 --> 0:15:30.680 else in my mouth later Lolo Coaster, how awkward. Anyway, 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.240 I go to sip it, but instead I leaned down 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.760 and I shoved the straw straight up my nose as 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:36.160 it was. 0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:40.360 As if it wasn't embarrassing enough. It went so far 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:42.880 up that it got stuck. I had to pull it out. 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.960 It was like getting a COVID test, and it came 0:15:45.960 --> 0:15:48.960 out with snot all over it. I sneezed, my eyes 0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:51.760 began to start streaming with tears. I've never been so 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:54.360 embarrassed in my life. No face went bright red. I 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:57.520 couldn't even look at him, and we started pissing ourselves laughing. 0:15:57.840 --> 0:16:01.520 But the best part is we've now been together for years. 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:06.120 He reminds me of it, of him, and it's so gold. 0:16:07.680 --> 0:16:09.560 It's so funny. This reminds me of the time where 0:16:09.600 --> 0:16:10.920 I tried to flirt and I was like trying to 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:12.760 apply lips too, but I was really applying a tamp 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:17.560 onto my lips because it was so funny. That was 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.680 the best story. Like you've ever told oh no, getting 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.080 stuck in it? Oh no, actually you've told some bang us. Yeah, 0:16:23.120 --> 0:16:24.760 looks a guy having sex with back my knee. Like 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:27.320 there's been a few, I've I've lived a well rounded 0:16:27.320 --> 0:16:30.120 and colorful life. Everybody the knee sex, unless you've got 0:16:30.120 --> 0:16:33.080 any other secret stories. Nothing for me will ever trump 0:16:33.080 --> 0:16:36.000 the knee sex. But anyway, moving on what you're accidentally unfiltered? 0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:37.800 Did I ever tell you the time about how I 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:40.680 broke my tooth in half after having like very very 0:16:40.760 --> 0:16:47.200 rough No? That, okay, I'm an acidently unfiltered for you. 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:49.760 My husband and I before we were married, we were 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:52.440 shopping in Westfields, browsing and JB high fight and for 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:55.480 some strange reason, all of a sudden we got really 0:16:55.480 --> 0:16:57.880 really horny, so we headed to the parents' bathroom for 0:16:57.920 --> 0:17:01.240 a sneaky shopping trip. Quickie knuck in the bathroom, people 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.120 locked the door, and we started going for it. Who 0:17:04.160 --> 0:17:06.720 are these people who have such exciting sex life? I 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.320 don't know. I'm so boring, like so boring. This makes 0:17:10.320 --> 0:17:12.639 me feel guilty that Matt doesn't get enough fun in 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:14.280 his life. It also makes me think I need to 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.879 start checking the mother's rooms at the min shops and 0:17:16.920 --> 0:17:19.239 people just going for it in there. Apparently so here 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.119 we are no most people are just breastfeeding in there. 0:17:21.160 --> 0:17:23.639 This makes me annoyed. Think of the breastfeeding mothers. Okay, 0:17:23.720 --> 0:17:26.000 we snuck into the bathroom and we locked the door 0:17:26.000 --> 0:17:28.640 and we started going for it. He was fully naked 0:17:28.840 --> 0:17:31.040