Speaker 1: Hello, my name's Santasha Nabananga Bamblet. I'm a proud yr
Speaker 1: the Order Kerni Whoalbury and a waddery woman. And before
Speaker 1: we get started on She's on the Money podcast, I
Speaker 1: would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land
Speaker 1: of which this podcast is recorded on a wondery country,
Speaker 1: acknowledging the elders, the ancestors and the next generation coming
Speaker 1: through as this podcast is about connecting, empowering, knowledge sharing
Speaker 1: and the storytelling of you to make a difference for
Speaker 1: today and lasting impact for tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Let's get into it.
Speaker 3: She's on the Money. She's on the Money.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to She's on them the podcast Millennials
Speaker 2: who Want Financial Freedom. Today is Friday, which means it
Speaker 2: is time to get the team together and celebrate you
Speaker 2: our incredible She's on the Money community Today, Miss Jess
Speaker 2: Garrici is going to be sharing some of the community's
Speaker 2: favorite money wins. We have a new segment starting which
Speaker 2: I am so excited about. Miss Beck say ed you
Speaker 2: have asked for your own segment. You said, Jess gets one,
Speaker 2: I want one. I did, and we are going to
Speaker 2: accommodate that. So stick around and we will get to
Speaker 2: it very quickly. As always, we're going to be helping
Speaker 2: to answer juicy money dilemma, which this week, guys, a
Speaker 2: little bit spicy, is all about the cost of getting
Speaker 2: your eggs frozen, which is a little bit topical at
Speaker 2: the moment, and we're going to be unpacking something you
Speaker 2: slid into our DMS about which this week we're discussing
Speaker 2: splitting wedding costs with your partner. How have your weeks been?
Speaker 2: My loves very good, very good, very good. Yes, Why
Speaker 2: what happened?
Speaker 4: Well, I'm home now. I don't know if you remember,
Speaker 4: but last week I was house sitting.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is ill. It's mister Jean Parmesan.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so while I do enjoy living by myself,
Speaker 4: I'm happy to be back home with my housemates and
Speaker 4: sleeping my own bed.
Speaker 2: Are you going to get a cat?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 2: Maybe you should?
Speaker 6: Are you?
Speaker 2: You're sold on the cat?
Speaker 4: I'm kinda in love with the cats, and I never
Speaker 4: thought this would happen, but no.
Speaker 2: No, it's a slippery slope. I didn't think I was
Speaker 2: a cat person. Then I was a cat person. Then
Speaker 2: I had one cat. Now I have two cats. Honestly,
Speaker 2: it just keeps going on. It's just Gricci. Before she
Speaker 2: joined She's on the money. How many cats did you have?
Speaker 5: No cat?
Speaker 2: How many cats do you now have?
Speaker 5: Two cats?
Speaker 2: Exactly? The money effects exactly put on our producer and Alisa,
Speaker 2: you're not on Mike. Why did you get the job
Speaker 2: at She's on the money?
Speaker 1: Cat?
Speaker 2: Yeah, she had a cat and we talked about the
Speaker 2: cat in the interview. So Beck, it's actually timing stepped up.
Speaker 5: Yeah, what the hell have I've been waiting for?
Speaker 2: I really need to get a cat.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's really disappointing. I'll talk you about this or fair later.
Speaker 2: It's just grechy. How has your week been?
Speaker 5: It was good, nothing particularly exciting.
Speaker 2: We had a staycation this week.
Speaker 5: That back, we had a staycation. It was very fun.
Speaker 5: We did some planning, We had some sticky notes. It
Speaker 5: was all happening.
Speaker 2: We are probably a kilo bag of Alan slowlies.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I got sent to office works for stick notes
Speaker 5: and I walked out with a one point three kilo
Speaker 5: back of Allen's. I was like, this seems like an
Speaker 5: office essential.
Speaker 2: Yes, it was business expense obviously, So we were very
Speaker 2: high on sugar. But you know what we've done. We've
Speaker 2: planned a lot of content for Shehees on the Money,
Speaker 2: and I am super excited. I was feeling a little
Speaker 2: bit overwhelmed with how much I was biting off, and
Speaker 2: I said, Jess, we need to lock ourselves in a
Speaker 2: room and get this planning stuff done. So we did,
Speaker 2: and now I'm super excited. So that was a good week.
Speaker 2: It's been a good week, guys, good week for a round,
Speaker 2: but it's also been a good week for the community. So,
Speaker 2: Miss Jess Garucci, what are your favorite money wins from
Speaker 2: this week's thread.
Speaker 5: My first money win this week comes from Teresa, who said,
Speaker 5: my girlfriends and I have been entering lots of insta
Speaker 5: competitions and we just won one hundred and fifty dollars
Speaker 5: bar tab at King's Cross Distillery and their full premale
Speaker 5: cocktail range, and I was just like money. You never
Speaker 5: hear about people winning Instagram competitions. You'd love to see it.
Speaker 2: We do throw a few Instagram competitions on our socials
Speaker 2: and people literally win, So it's money win for everybody involved.
Speaker 5: One hundred percent. At She's on the my aus if
Speaker 5: you want to four us the next My money in
Speaker 5: comes from Page, who said, my colleagues and I just
Speaker 5: voted to endorse our union log of claims for new
Speaker 5: Enterprise Agreement, and the pay rise for the first year
Speaker 5: we're looking for is seven point five percent. Heck, yes,
Speaker 5: this doesn't necessarily mean we'll achieve that, but it's a
Speaker 5: good start.
Speaker 2: I feel like it is so important. I got canceled
Speaker 2: this week on the internet. Well, not really canceled. I
Speaker 2: just had a lot of people in my DMS very
Speaker 2: angry because I made a little piece of video content
Speaker 2: that said, if you're not getting a seven percent pay
Speaker 2: rise this year, you're actually financially going backwards. Where is
Speaker 2: the lie?
Speaker 5: There is none.
Speaker 2: Where is the lie?
Speaker 5: It's the line the room with us right now. No,
Speaker 5: it's not, because it doesn't exist.
Speaker 2: Literally, all right, you got?
Speaker 5: My next money in came from Chavon, who said, I
Speaker 5: learned a great tip from a friend this week. We
Speaker 5: went to the farm's market, which I am notorious for
Speaker 5: impulse buying from. She went around and collected business cards
Speaker 5: from each store that she saw things she liked that
Speaker 5: so that she could purchase from them.
Speaker 2: Lada, Oh, that's actually so smart and a good way
Speaker 2: of like supporting a small business so that there's a
Speaker 2: little bit more longevity. So like instead of just impulse
Speaker 2: purchasing something and being like, I don't know, I just
Speaker 2: got it at a market, you could like follow them
Speaker 2: on socials or like, I don't know, share it with
Speaker 2: a friend.
Speaker 5: Yeah, how good, pass it along you love to see it.
Speaker 5: Next money min it is from Dana who said money win.
Speaker 5: Our city's zoo has free entry for kids for the
Speaker 5: month of May, so we did a family day out
Speaker 5: for Mother's Day yesterday, glorious sunshine, free kids entry, free
Speaker 5: parking on a Sunday, and the mothers were given a
Speaker 5: free gift of beautiful smelling candles.
Speaker 2: Oh how cute awesome.
Speaker 5: As my next money mining from Alisha, who said money win.
Speaker 5: I moved my emergency fund from an account only earning
Speaker 5: one point nine to five percent to one earning four
Speaker 5: point five percent interest genius.
Speaker 2: I feel like, as much as the cost of living
Speaker 2: has been increasing and everybody is talking about how the
Speaker 2: cash rate is so high and our mortgages are costing more,
Speaker 2: do you know what this actually means? Fuss little savvy savers.
Speaker 2: The interest rate on high interest savings accounts. It's coming back, baby,
Speaker 2: you love it. We love to see it in incredible.
Speaker 5: My last one for this week comes from Alissa, and
Speaker 5: I felt this in my soul. She said, money win,
Speaker 5: emotional loss not getting picked for the Australian Taylor Swift
Speaker 5: pre sale, and I just I'm right there with you
Speaker 5: best So sad, It's okay, Okay, I'm on Taylor Swift.
Speaker 5: TikTok and I keep seeing girls making their cute outfits
Speaker 5: and ryan stoning their boots and I'm like, I just
Speaker 5: want that to be me.
Speaker 2: We will be going to Taylor Swift. I don't even care,
Speaker 2: like it's gonna be a thing. Becky, you're gonna come.
Speaker 2: Do you want to come to Taylor Swift?
Speaker 4: I will come. If there are free tickets, go.
Speaker 2: You all buy your ticket. You have to make your costume. Okay,
Speaker 2: that's the trade off. So I'm just gonna make everybody
Speaker 2: in the team come to Taylor Swift. Nobody else in
Speaker 2: the team cares about Taylor Swift like Jess does. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm probably secondary to that, but like Jess og, we're
Speaker 2: going to Taylor Swift, going to care. Yeah, I want
Speaker 2: to go to Taylor Swift and watch Jess cry.
Speaker 5: Probably she'll just.
Speaker 2: Cry like jess is the type of girl that, like,
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is correct or not, because
Speaker 2: I'm just hypothesizing her dream proposals to be proposed to
Speaker 2: add a Taylor Swift concept. Oh that's Jessica, that's really
Speaker 2: coo oh that too. She would absolutely say yes. If
Speaker 2: Taylor Swift was supposed, I would be there. I'd be like,
Speaker 2: can I be the bridesmaid?
Speaker 6: Can?
Speaker 2: I don't care what you say, jess I know you
Speaker 2: would thrive on that energy like Taylor Swift live singing
Speaker 2: or you've got proposed to She's for the girlies. She's
Speaker 2: for the girlies.
Speaker 6: All right.
Speaker 2: Usually we go to a break right here, but this
Speaker 2: week and every week that is coming in the future,
Speaker 2: we will not be going to a break here because Beck,
Speaker 2: what are we introducing to the show?
Speaker 4: Okay, so what I've thought about doing now is and
Speaker 4: also you know, this may change. It's not going to
Speaker 4: be a very strict sort of format.
Speaker 2: But I started thinking.
Speaker 4: This week it was the week before paid month pay cycle,
Speaker 4: and I had eight dollars and fifty six cents, and
Speaker 4: I thought, God, I wish there was some where for
Speaker 4: me to find like super cheap foods or some sort
Speaker 4: of access to like maybe some tips and tricks and
Speaker 4: how the hell to get buy on eight dollars fifty six.
Speaker 4: And you know, in my travels, I find really cheap
Speaker 4: foods and I find ways to you know, money, is it? Yeah,
Speaker 4: like instead of buying like a frank green drink bottle,
Speaker 4: I'll find ways like do things cheaper. So absolutely, I'm
Speaker 4: thinking of just every week telling you guys what I
Speaker 4: did in the week to save a buck.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Sweet, what do you want to call this segment? Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, you pitched it to us and it was
Speaker 2: as unhinged as that explanation, and we're like, you know what,
Speaker 2: if you want to do that, you can do that.
Speaker 2: We are here for it. Do we have a name
Speaker 2: for this segment? Like is there a jingle? Is there?
Speaker 2: Like how we introducing the sure so jingle is in
Speaker 2: the works. I'm thinking of calling it broke tips bex
Speaker 2: broke tip, bex broke tips BBT BBT if there is
Speaker 2: anyone listening who has a really really good broke tip.
Speaker 2: Sounds similar to a money win, but it is not.
Speaker 2: It is in fact, it's not a money win. It's
Speaker 2: just a really good broke tip, really good broke tip.
Speaker 2: So you had two dollars to last year a month
Speaker 2: and you made a work let me know, send it
Speaker 2: to either myself bechsyed on Instagram or she's on the
Speaker 2: money at us. And in the spirit of brokeness, if
Speaker 2: you want to make me a jingle because I'm obviously
Speaker 2: broke to having zero budget, send it to me. You
Speaker 2: can send it me on Instagram at bechsayed that's BC
Speaker 2: s y Ed. I would love to use that jingle
Speaker 2: if you want to put your own jingle. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: like I have a production team. You don't want to
Speaker 2: use them? No, no, you're not kidding to use them.
Speaker 2: It would be way better if it came from the community.
Speaker 2: It'd be nice, amazing. So we're going to do bex
Speaker 2: broke Tips or BBT every single week. Beck, are you
Speaker 2: going to kick us off with like a pearler? Like,
Speaker 2: is there something that you're going to tell us that's
Speaker 2: a good broke tip? Or you're just like eating us
Speaker 2: nearly it's coming, it's coming. Yeah, I'm just actually I'm
Speaker 2: going to beat you guys till the end of time.
Speaker 2: And okay, you any tips, but no, I do have
Speaker 2: a really quick one. So this week I literally did
Speaker 2: have eight dollars and fifty six cents to last the
Speaker 2: entire week plus the weekend. So what I did was
Speaker 2: I went to Woolies. You can go to our you
Speaker 2: can go to Woolies, you can go to cheaper by miles.
Speaker 2: Why I didn't you go to Audi? It's obviously the
Speaker 2: more cost efficient option.
Speaker 4: This is why because I was on foot, I couldn't
Speaker 4: buy petrol and literally had on foot.
Speaker 5: I'm on foot. Yeah, closest place.
Speaker 2: With a I'll allow it this time.
Speaker 4: Okay, So a really cheap two dollar loaf of bread,
Speaker 4: really cheap home brand butter or margarine, and a really
Speaker 4: cheap home brand sort of vegimile or some sort of condiment.
Speaker 4: You're not trying to be healthy this week. You're trying
Speaker 4: to not die.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a good tip. You're trying to do't be healthy,
Speaker 2: just don't die.
Speaker 4: Yes, Sorry, Unfortunately you're gonna have to throw all that
Speaker 4: out of the window. I would love it frozen veggie
Speaker 4: if I could, but I couldn't. They're expenditually lived off
Speaker 4: of bread for the week. That's my broke tip of
Speaker 4: the week. If you can't afford food, loaf of bread
Speaker 4: will get you a long way.
Speaker 2: That's true. How much is the cheapest loaf of bread?
Speaker 2: Is it still like a dollars?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Well I think I can't remember.
Speaker 5: I think it was like a dollar fifty nine.
Speaker 2: You see, that's a good deal. You could make toast
Speaker 2: from that. You could make sandwiches from that. Elie, absolutely
Speaker 2: good broke tip.
Speaker 3: Beck.
Speaker 2: I am hoping that the quality of the broke tips
Speaker 2: does increase over time. If you have a broke tip
Speaker 2: that you want to share with Beck, slide into her
Speaker 2: DMS and you might find it on the show. But
Speaker 2: now we are going to a really quick break and
Speaker 2: we are going to be covering the cost of getting
Speaker 2: your eggs frozen and splitting wedding costs with your partner.
Speaker 2: Up next, Welcome back, everybody.
Speaker 5: Let's listen to this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: There, have you got a money you just can't solve?
Speaker 2: The She's on the Money team is here to help.
Speaker 2: Every week, we tackle your dilemmas, both big and small,
Speaker 2: to answer your most burning money, career and life questions.
Speaker 2: To get involved, simply head to our website and leave
Speaker 2: us a short voice recording and you might just find
Speaker 2: yourself on the show. Now, let's take a listen to
Speaker 2: this week's money dilemma.
Speaker 6: Hi, she's on the money. My money dilemma is I
Speaker 6: am looking to get my eggs frozen next month, and
Speaker 6: I'm wondering whether that would be better for me to
Speaker 6: put the cost onto my credit card as I don't
Speaker 6: currently have enough money saved at the moment, or if
Speaker 6: I should take up the option that the provider has,
Speaker 6: which is using zip pay, would I end up paying
Speaker 6: more over zip pay or on my credit card? Thank you?
Speaker 2: This is such a good conversation to be having because
Speaker 2: I feel like so many people in our community, Jess,
Speaker 2: like we've had this conversation before. Like, if I wasn't
Speaker 2: in a position where I was actively talking about having kids,
Speaker 2: I think I'd go down the root of egg freezing.
Speaker 2: Have you guys done any research into it?
Speaker 5: Not a lot, enough to know that it's expensive because
Speaker 5: I'm hurshling towards thirty and everyone knows the saying it's
Speaker 5: downhill from there in terms of your egg health, not
Speaker 5: everything else. But it makes you think about it because
Speaker 5: I go, I always thought I wanted kids, and now
Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't want kids right now. But then
Speaker 5: you go, oh, but what if I do later on?
Speaker 5: And Yeah, all of a sudden, things are really complicated.
Speaker 2: You need to keep your options open.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I remember I haven't done anything like extensive research,
Speaker 5: but I did enough curseory googling to be like, that's expensive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is so expensive. Beck, if you is this
Speaker 2: something that you're interested in or something you're like, BEHM,
Speaker 2: I think I'd consider it.
Speaker 4: But I guess I do have a friend that froze
Speaker 4: or eggs and she said it was very expensive. So
Speaker 4: I just know realistically I'll probably never be able.
Speaker 5: To afford it.
Speaker 4: But I also don't mind too much whether I do
Speaker 4: or do not have children.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's fair. I'm not too fussed. That's fair. So
Speaker 2: if we look into it, it's an elective surgery, right,
Speaker 2: It's an elective process, which means there are going to
Speaker 2: be lots of out of pocket costs. The average cost
Speaker 2: for egg freezing is between four and five thousand dollars
Speaker 2: for an initial cycle, before medication and storage fees and
Speaker 2: a whole heap of other stuff. And the thing about
Speaker 2: that is going into that process. I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people assume that one round will be enough. I
Speaker 2: actually have a few friends who have gone through this
Speaker 2: process and they actually had to do two or three
Speaker 2: rounds because what they didn't realize is they had low
Speaker 2: egg count or like the quality wasn't good and they
Speaker 2: needed to do it again. The process is actually very
Speaker 2: very similar to an IVF process, where you have the
Speaker 2: same drugs and you go through the same process to
Speaker 2: kind of harvest an egg. And if you're going through IVF,
Speaker 2: it would be fertilized and you go down that route.
Speaker 2: But if you're going to freeze your eggs, the process
Speaker 2: stops there and they freeze it. Right. So between four
Speaker 2: and five thousand dollars I think in major cities it's
Speaker 2: closer to ten thousand dollars on average, just from conversation
Speaker 2: and doing some research. But then there's also storage fees.
Speaker 2: So storage fees could be between four six eight hundred
Speaker 2: dollars a year depending on where and when you're doing this.
Speaker 2: So it's really important to have these conversations. So it
Speaker 2: makes sense that our friend who has a money dilemma
Speaker 2: has written into us and is like, how am I
Speaker 2: going to pay for this? Should I be putting it
Speaker 2: on my credit card. Should I be putting it on
Speaker 2: zip pay because it's such a big cost. And the
Speaker 2: unfortunate part about this big cost, it's not like a
Speaker 2: car from my perspective, where oh, Jess, Well, if you
Speaker 2: want a new car, save up for it because the
Speaker 2: longer you're saving, the lower your egg quality. So the
Speaker 2: sooner you get this the better. If you've decided it's
Speaker 2: for you, So should you be putting it on your
Speaker 2: credit card? Ideally?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 2: Should you be putting it on zip pay? It's not
Speaker 2: the worst decision. As I've said before, I'm not against
Speaker 2: by now paid later platforms. I'm against them letting you
Speaker 2: get out of control. But if that's a platform that
Speaker 2: enables you to have the freedom that you desire with
Speaker 2: no interest chargeable, then that might be a good payment
Speaker 2: plan option. Discussing payment plans with your provider could also
Speaker 2: be really important. But what you might not know is
Speaker 2: that under compassionate grounds, you might be able to access
Speaker 2: your superanuation to pay for this. And now a lot
Speaker 2: of you might go but the I don't want to
Speaker 2: compromise my super. Yes, I get that. I do not
Speaker 2: want you to compromise your super either. But if we
Speaker 2: went and had a compassionate release of superannuation to help
Speaker 2: fund IVF costs because you meet the release criteria, which
Speaker 2: is very probable if you sit down with your GP
Speaker 2: and have that conversation. Even a fertility specialist would be
Speaker 2: able to help you with this because they promise you, guys,
Speaker 2: it's not their first rodeo. But what we're going to
Speaker 2: do is treat that like a payment plan. We don't
Speaker 2: look at it and go all right, well I'm going
Speaker 2: to pull ten ground out of my super hahaha and
Speaker 2: worse off. Absolutely not. But you've just given me a
Speaker 2: credit card or zip pay. And what might be better
Speaker 2: is if you then just sacrifice a bit more super
Speaker 2: and talk to your employer about, you know, doing a
Speaker 2: couple of one hundred dollars in addition each pay to
Speaker 2: get back up to that amount that you had before,
Speaker 2: so you're not worse off, but you don't have to
Speaker 2: rely on a different payment method. I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people just all i'madically assume that early super access
Speaker 2: isn't possible for egg freezing because they think, well, it's
Speaker 2: not for IVF, like it's just like completely choice. No,
Speaker 2: that's not the case at all. It is completely possible
Speaker 2: to access super funds early for any type of fertility treatment.
Speaker 2: You just need to have a good conversation with your doctor.
Speaker 2: So given the circumstances, I don't have a lot of
Speaker 2: other context I don't have a lot of other circumstances
Speaker 2: to consider. But if you're saying my options are is
Speaker 2: it pay or credit card? I would be saying, hey, Beck,
Speaker 2: go down and see if the superranuation route might work
Speaker 2: for you. I don't want to compromise your retirement at all.
Speaker 2: I don't think that that's smart at all, because who knows.
Speaker 2: You might be like Jess and freezing your eggs because
Speaker 2: you just don't know if you want kids or not,
Speaker 2: and you might not rely on it later. Who knows.
Speaker 2: But if you're someone who wants the opportunity to do
Speaker 2: that and you don't have immediate access to those funds,
Speaker 2: maybe supranuation is a good idea. And I'm telling you
Speaker 2: this right now, Beck, Jess, you pay super fees. You
Speaker 2: pay super fees for a number of different reasons, but
Speaker 2: one of them is for advice. Pick up the phone,
Speaker 2: call your superfund high Australian super it's Jess. I would
Speaker 2: like to know what it means to get early access
Speaker 2: to my super under medical grounds. I want to understand
Speaker 2: if I'm freezing my eggs, what's this? What are the
Speaker 2: terms of release? Because there is going to be a
Speaker 2: certain criteria that you need to meet.
Speaker 1: I e.
Speaker 2: They might say, okay, Jess, to do this, you need
Speaker 2: two different doctors certificates saying the under compassionate grounds it
Speaker 2: needs to be released. Great, fantastic. You now have a
Speaker 2: plan that you can go to your GP and be like, hey,
Speaker 2: spoke to my superfund. This is this is this is
Speaker 2: I that makes sense. So it's going to put you
Speaker 2: more in control. I promise you your superannuation fund is
Speaker 2: going to know exactly how to do that and what
Speaker 2: that means. Because some super funds might have different processes
Speaker 2: than others, so you can't just rely on the government
Speaker 2: website to go, oh the process is this? Because like
Speaker 2: one super fund might have a different form that you
Speaker 2: need to fill in. Another super fund might be trying
Speaker 2: to be super compliant, needs you to get a secondary
Speaker 2: doctor's certificate, while someone else doesn't call you super fun
Speaker 2: and ask them for the advice that you are paying
Speaker 2: for my friends, So from my perspective, that is exactly
Speaker 2: what I would do. I think that's I hope comprehensive enough.
Speaker 2: I'd avoid a credit card unless for some reason you're
Speaker 2: able to pay that off within the interest free period,
Speaker 2: which is usually twenty eight to thirty days, which I
Speaker 2: really doubt is the case.
Speaker 5: Yeah, good advice?
Speaker 2: Is it good advice?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think it's just about education, right like in Australia.
Speaker 2: It's kind of cool that we can actually access that,
Speaker 2: but also we might have the funds we just didn't
Speaker 2: know we did.
Speaker 5: Maybe that's something we can look into for a FUGE episode.
Speaker 2: I would love to deep dive more into how egg
Speaker 2: freezing works, what it means, because there are just so
Speaker 2: many people in our community who feel overwhelmed by it,
Speaker 2: and it's not something that we openly talk about. I
Speaker 2: feel like fertility has this umbrella over it where it's
Speaker 2: still a little bit topicoal to talk about it, but
Speaker 2: also a little bit shady, like I don't know. I
Speaker 2: think we need to break down those barriers because I
Speaker 2: don't even know the actual process, like what happens. I
Speaker 2: go to an initial consult and then what Yeah, I
Speaker 2: really want to know what that looks like, so that
Speaker 2: if I was in that position, I wouldn't feel overwhelmed
Speaker 2: going through it. Anyway, Let's move on to the next
Speaker 2: segment because I can't wait because we all know I
Speaker 2: am low key obsessed with wedding content, like my wedding
Speaker 2: wash November, and I saw I bring it up weekly.
Speaker 2: I'm like, remember the time I had a wedding?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Do you want to see more pictures?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Do you know what we did at our wedding?
Speaker 5: Beck?
Speaker 2: Like, it's not even good content. Like, if you ask
Speaker 2: me about my wedding nine times out of ten, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm going to bring up? The chok tops
Speaker 2: at our after party.
Speaker 5: That was pretty elite.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, we had chop tops at our after party,
Speaker 2: elite content and popcorn rap for bed stunning. Yeah, we
Speaker 2: had popcorn and chop tops? Is that not your teeth?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But also like, is that not a really cheap way
Speaker 2: of feeding a crowd? I Hey, you guys are getting
Speaker 2: popcorn as a midnight.
Speaker 5: SAT and I was loving every minute of it.
Speaker 2: Look, we're not mad, but this week's community Dilemma spoke
Speaker 2: to me because I have some opinions and I think
Speaker 2: you guys will too, So let me read it to you. Hi, ladies,
Speaker 2: love heart emoji. My partner and I are currently planning
Speaker 2: our wedding. We are paying for it ourselves. However, we
Speaker 2: have different ideas on the budget and I'm finding it
Speaker 2: really hard to navigate this. I've found my dream venue,
Speaker 2: and whilst my partner also likes it, he is an
Speaker 2: overly fussed about the venue and would be happy to
Speaker 2: have a more casual wedding, he believes the venue I
Speaker 2: want is too expensive and not worth the price. I've
Speaker 2: suggested spending more on the venue and less on other
Speaker 2: aspects of the wedding, but he won't budge. Regardless of
Speaker 2: cutting costs in other areas, he refuses to pay for
Speaker 2: that venue. I really love this venue and no it
Speaker 2: would make me so happy to get married there. I'm
Speaker 2: considering contributing more of my own money towards this, and
Speaker 2: then in brackets it says we are paying for this
Speaker 2: wedding out of our combined funds, But then I feel
Speaker 2: like it's unfair that I've contributed more. Do you think
Speaker 2: weddings should be split evenly, especially when we have different
Speaker 2: money values on the wedding. Any advice over to you, guys.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I a bit of a tricky one,
Speaker 5: like it is.
Speaker 2: Did did she say how much the venue was? No,
Speaker 2: she didn't say how much the venue was.
Speaker 4: No, So if we don't know how much is the
Speaker 4: venue cost? If it was like so out of their
Speaker 4: combined budget, then sure put in extra. But I mean,
Speaker 4: I'm not the best person to ask about this one
Speaker 4: because I obviously.
Speaker 2: But you have your opinion is so valid. Oh, I
Speaker 2: think like I know that you keep saying like, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't know. Well, just because you're not getting married
Speaker 2: doesn't mean you can't have an opinion on that you're
Speaker 2: not getting married.
Speaker 4: But also, if I were to get married, it would
Speaker 4: be with a female. So I'm assuming a I guess
Speaker 4: in like a I can't assume, but it sounds like
Speaker 4: they're in a maybe a heterosexual.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm assuming it's a relationship. Why does that make
Speaker 2: any difference?
Speaker 3: The reason why that makes a friend so confused?
Speaker 5: No, but this is what I'm thinking.
Speaker 4: The reason why it makes a difference is probably because
Speaker 4: maybe we assume that because men make more, they should
Speaker 4: be contributing more. But without that in mind, if we're
Speaker 4: not thinking about that, it should be split equally. I
Speaker 4: would say, but if you do want something that's completely
Speaker 4: out of budget, then put in the extra.
Speaker 2: It's what I would say. Yeah, that's fair. So yeah, Jess,
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts on this?
Speaker 5: I kin't want you to go first because I think
Speaker 5: we're going to have different opinions.
Speaker 2: We're going to have different opinions. Okay, So I think
Speaker 2: that everything in life is a compromise. When you're living
Speaker 2: your best single life, it is all about you, my friend,
Speaker 2: Like you are putting you first. If you have made
Speaker 2: the decision to be in a consensual adult relationship that
Speaker 2: you want to move forward for the rest of your
Speaker 2: lives so much so that you want this ceremony to
Speaker 2: legally bind you to one another, I would expect you
Speaker 2: to be on the same page financially. I am concerned
Speaker 2: when people say, oh, we're not on the same page
Speaker 2: when it comes to you know, money values in how
Speaker 2: this works, because I just go, well, what's it going
Speaker 2: to look like when you're buying a house, what's it
Speaker 2: going to look like when you have kids. What's it
Speaker 2: going to look like when they can't see your values
Speaker 2: in the same way that you do. I'm not saying
Speaker 2: that he should be spending more. I'm also not saying
Speaker 2: that you should adhere to the budget. What I'm saying
Speaker 2: is you should be on the same page about this.
Speaker 2: And I am in a very privileged position where I
Speaker 2: have an incredibly supportive partner. And if I say, oh, babe,
Speaker 2: this is really important to me, he goes, You're really
Speaker 2: important to me, So how do we make that happen?
Speaker 2: If that makes sense. So it's not necessarily about me going, oh, well,
Speaker 2: it's really expensive and him going it's not worth it.
Speaker 2: If I have said, look, this is one of the
Speaker 2: things about our wedding when we sat down and did
Speaker 2: our non negotiables, this one's the one that means the
Speaker 2: most to me. I know that Steve, my husband, would
Speaker 2: be like, all right, well, let's make it happen like
Speaker 2: for you, obviously within the realm of being reasonable. If
Speaker 2: it's completely unreasonable, he's going to be like, look, we
Speaker 2: can't really do that. But I'm the same with him,
Speaker 2: like I'm obsessed that he has his own hobbies and
Speaker 2: loves doing those things. It would be really unfair of
Speaker 2: me to say, oh, golf is such a waste of money.
Speaker 2: I don't know why he spends any money on that
Speaker 2: that makes it well, that's his values. Those are the
Speaker 2: things that he loves, and as a part of our
Speaker 2: you could say, family budget, we allocate to that because
Speaker 2: I know how important it is to him. So I
Speaker 2: think going back to regardless of what it costs, I
Speaker 2: would hope that by the time you're getting married, you're
Speaker 2: on the same page about we should spend this, we
Speaker 2: shouldn't spend this. This is where we are, and I
Speaker 2: think that it's a very big decision to make. I'm
Speaker 2: not saying, oh, you should get what you want, but
Speaker 2: there also should be some compromise from you might be
Speaker 2: your dream venue you wear my dream venue was jess
Speaker 2: Lake Como in Italy stole my dream venue, you know,
Speaker 2: But like we're on the same page with that, right,
Speaker 2: Like that is the og Like if I could have
Speaker 2: had Alake Como wet, oh my gosh, the vibe, the
Speaker 2: vibes would be insane, right, But for us, that just
Speaker 2: wasn't feasible. It wasn't going to happen. And so the
Speaker 2: compromise of let's pretend for a hot second that that
Speaker 2: was the only venue I ever wanted to consider. Compromise
Speaker 2: means that you know, Steve and I could have made
Speaker 2: that happen. We obviously would have had a very different
Speaker 2: wedding to the wedding that we have. It might have
Speaker 2: been a completely different guest least, it might have been
Speaker 2: a million different things. But when it comes to compromise,
Speaker 2: that just wasn't going to work out. So we kind
Speaker 2: of have to both compromise in a relationship, and I
Speaker 2: think that that's really important. So I guess from my perspective,
Speaker 2: i'd be asking not necessarily about the finances, I'd be
Speaker 2: asking about the value set, like did you actually sit
Speaker 2: down and say what are your non negotiables? Because I
Speaker 2: remember when I did this with my husband, he was
Speaker 2: like own a big party so far out. I would
Speaker 2: have been so happy to elope like I would have
Speaker 2: been happy with a really small lux affair. Don't get
Speaker 2: me wrong, don't regret my wedding for a second. I
Speaker 2: adored it. But a lot of the conversation that we
Speaker 2: had was about making sure he was happy and I
Speaker 2: was happy, and we're both getting out of the day
Speaker 2: what we wanted as a couple. I don't know how
Speaker 2: I feel about you contributing more. If it's your values,
Speaker 2: then maybe you can contribute more. But I don't in
Speaker 2: any way feel like if you say I really want
Speaker 2: to contribute more to get this item, that he should
Speaker 2: then have to do that too, if you had an
Speaker 2: agreed upon budget, Jessy, is that enough of me waffling
Speaker 2: for you?
Speaker 6: Go?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've got my opinion. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Well, I reason to say, is her not paying more?
Speaker 5: That is a compromise. My thought on it is this.
Speaker 5: If we flip the narrative and I use a stereotypical
Speaker 5: example of this venue, right, let's say she wants to
Speaker 5: get rid on like current. If my partner said to me,
Speaker 5: I want to get married at the MCG because I
Speaker 5: love football, and it's going to cost us twenty thousand dollars,
Speaker 5: I'd be like, I'm not paying for that, like flat
Speaker 5: foot on the ground. Absolutely not Like if that's something
Speaker 5: that you are so like, I love you, I support you,
Speaker 5: that's not for me. Do I want you to have
Speaker 5: what makes you happy? Absolutely, I'm not willing to foot
Speaker 5: that bill.
Speaker 2: I want to understand though. Let's dive a little bit
Speaker 2: deeper into that. Let's hypothetically say that your football loving partner,
Speaker 2: which just as your partner even watch football, No, that's okay,
Speaker 2: stereotyally exactly, Okay, all right. I was like, I really
Speaker 2: don't think this is company.
Speaker 5: It's not a fives.
Speaker 2: So let's say that the MCG costs twenty thousand dollars
Speaker 2: and then another venue that you happen to like cost
Speaker 2: twenty thousand dollars. Are you saying that it's not really
Speaker 2: about the venue, it's about how you're allocating the funds
Speaker 2: in line with your personal values. Or are you saying
Speaker 2: that I assume that the MCG is going to be
Speaker 2: way more expensive than another venue.
Speaker 5: Yes, it's that. So I'm saying it's not so much
Speaker 5: about I like here versus there, it's I like here
Speaker 5: versus there, and within our budgetary constraints, it's putting in
Speaker 5: the same to use an example that might be.
Speaker 2: More relevant to me, get married at the MCG.
Speaker 5: No idea, man, you actually I don't know. Oh, I
Speaker 5: don't think if you have enough money.
Speaker 2: Reducer reminds us that when you have enough money, you
Speaker 2: can do anything. So back to very true.
Speaker 5: By the same strain of thought, if we had, you know,
Speaker 5: a wedding budget that we were adhering to, and I
Speaker 5: was like, I really want a fifteen thousand dollar wedding dress,
Speaker 5: and that's half our wedding budget. I would not be
Speaker 5: expecting my partner to give up everything that he also
Speaker 5: wants within that wedding one hundred percent so I can
Speaker 5: have that fifteen thousand dollar dress. I feel like, in
Speaker 5: this scenario, potentially and obviously without knowing all the facts,
Speaker 5: her paying or contributing more so that she can have
Speaker 5: exactly what she wants, that is a compromise. And that's
Speaker 5: what you're saying, find a compromise. If that was the case,
Speaker 5: If I really wanted that fifteen thousand dollars Rescient was
Speaker 5: in line with my values and I could afford it,
Speaker 5: that's the route that I would go down. Yeah, And
Speaker 5: I don't think that that is an example of them
Speaker 5: necessarily entirely not being on the same page. You need
Speaker 5: to be able to come to a compromise that you're
Speaker 5: both happy with, and it sounds like as of yet
Speaker 5: they have not. But her making that financial contribution is
Speaker 5: a compromise. That is an option, just as her deciding
Speaker 5: to choose a different venue or him deciding to give
Speaker 5: up something else within the wedding, those are all compromises
Speaker 5: that are options on the table. I really like that,
Speaker 5: but I think if you are dead set on your guns,
Speaker 5: I want this thing, and I'm assuming that this thing
Speaker 5: is significantly more expensive, and that's why it's blowing out
Speaker 5: their budget. If you are not willing to compromise on
Speaker 5: that thing, I don't think you should then expect them
Speaker 5: to have to give stuff up so you can have it.
Speaker 2: I agree, I think overlay, so I could not agree
Speaker 2: more with that. I agree that's the compromise. You spend more.
Speaker 2: I think the comment that's really sticking with me is
Speaker 2: and I'll quote it, but then I feel like it's
Speaker 2: unfair that I've contributed more. I think it's that level
Speaker 2: of I feel like it's a bit unfair that I
Speaker 2: would be, you know, engaging in this compromise. You don't
Speaker 2: have to engage in that compromise. You could like just
Speaker 2: be within the budget, right, But I think, you know,
Speaker 2: let's hypothetically say Steve and I sat down and we'll
Speaker 2: use the expensive dress, like what was it, fifteen thousand dollars?
Speaker 2: If I wanted that and Steve goes, that's ridiculous, yea.
Speaker 2: I know that I would still want that, So I
Speaker 2: think that I would then go all right, well, I'm
Speaker 2: just gonna buy that for myself. That's exactly what I would.
Speaker 2: I think that's the circumstance. I don't think it's unfair
Speaker 2: that after you've set a particular budget that now you
Speaker 2: want something above and beyond, they also have to go
Speaker 2: above and beyond. I think that you did the negotiating,
Speaker 2: you did the compromise. This isn't something that's actually outside
Speaker 2: of the realm of possibility for your wedding. There's a
Speaker 2: few things that we could do here. So first things first,
Speaker 2: you could talk to your partner about being like, is
Speaker 2: it unfair that I'm contributing more for my dream wedding venue.
Speaker 2: I can almost guarantee that your partner would be like, no,
Speaker 2: because I don't see any value in it. And if
Speaker 2: you want it, you can pay for it, and I'm
Speaker 2: happy for you to do that, but like, I don't
Speaker 2: see any value yep. On the flip side, your partner
Speaker 2: could go, yeah, okay, I'll contribute more, but then where's
Speaker 2: the value exchanged for them? Your partner could say, oh,
Speaker 2: I would love to, but like, this budget is already
Speaker 2: a lot. Maybe we need to push out the timeframe
Speaker 2: of the wedding so that the wedding budget can increase
Speaker 2: to meet the expectations that you have for this wedding day.
Speaker 2: But we also aren't under a lot of financial pressure
Speaker 2: for that to happen. Or we could just talk about
Speaker 2: well where could we cut back in other areas? And
Speaker 2: while they've mentioned in this message to us, you know
Speaker 2: he didn't want to do that. I think we actually
Speaker 2: need to go back to the drawing board and wipe
Speaker 2: budget off completely and sit down and go back what
Speaker 2: are your no negotiables? Like why are we getting married?
Speaker 2: What's your dream day look like? And you might go
Speaker 2: a B and s what's the most important thing to
Speaker 2: you on that day? Yeah, have that conversation first, because
Speaker 2: I feel like we all forget to have that.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I I around swept up in it too, and I
Speaker 2: had to kind of like reframe Steve and I back
Speaker 2: to the start and I went hold on, hold on,
Speaker 2: hold on, what do you actually want? Yeah? And that's
Speaker 2: when I was shocked. I was like, what do you
Speaker 2: mean you want a big soccer club party?
Speaker 6: What?
Speaker 2: That's not what I want?
Speaker 5: Yeah? And not everyone to be getting a level of
Speaker 5: what they want, Like I'm not saying that he should
Speaker 5: get exactly what she wants and she should have to compromise,
Speaker 5: or she should have to get exactly what he wants
Speaker 5: and he should have to compromise. There has to, as
Speaker 5: you said, be a quote unquote value exchange. You've got
Speaker 5: to meet in the middle. So it's like, how do
Speaker 5: you do that within budget, within timeframe, within all of
Speaker 5: these things. And if you're not willing to compromise, do
Speaker 5: you care enough to go above and beyond and put
Speaker 5: the money in yourself? Is where I kind of sit
Speaker 5: on it, and I think that that's reasonable.
Speaker 2: I agree. It goes back to a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 2: maybe even a couple of months ago. I don't even
Speaker 2: know if you guys remember this. We're talking about the
Speaker 2: concert tickets. Remember how two friends were negotiating about, like,
Speaker 2: let's call it Taylor Swift. They were going and the
Speaker 2: normal Taylor Swift tickets, let's say we're one hundred dollars,
Speaker 2: but the really good seat it's we're one hundred and fifty.
Speaker 2: And so the other friend wanted the expensive ones, and
Speaker 2: we said, well, the compromise is your friend wants to
Speaker 2: go with you their budgets one hundred if you want
Speaker 2: to do the one fifty ones, then you can either
Speaker 2: do that on your own or you can pay to
Speaker 2: upgrade your friends. But your friend shouldn't have to go
Speaker 2: above and beyond. No, I think if that's super in
Speaker 2: line with your values, that is your cost to bear.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I really think we need
Speaker 2: to talk more about values than where this is sitting,
Speaker 2: because I just feel like there's a lot not on
Speaker 2: the table. And as much as he doesn't see the
Speaker 2: value in the venue, what value does he see?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: What is he most excited about?
Speaker 5: Yeah, because you don't want to be going into a
Speaker 5: marriage with resentment either, and it's giving a tone of
Speaker 5: resentment to me like that. It feels unfair.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree to me.
Speaker 5: It's not even about the money. It's not even about
Speaker 5: who's spending more. It's about how you feel about these
Speaker 5: one hundred percent. It's probably something that you need to
Speaker 5: talk about, regardless of stunning compromise you make.
Speaker 2: That's exactly what I've been trying to get to with
Speaker 2: the last ten minutes of conversation. Sorry that she should
Speaker 2: have just gone first. Yeah, absolutely, next time, next time
Speaker 2: we'll know. All right, Well, I think that is unfortunately
Speaker 2: always have time for today. Guys. I'm glad you've had
Speaker 2: a good week, but now have a beautiful weekend. We'll
Speaker 2: see you bright nearly on Monday morning for a money darry.
Speaker 4: Do you then BUYE bye?
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Speaker 2: in nature and does not consider your individual circumstances. She's
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Speaker 2: not be relied upon to make an investment or financial decision.
Speaker 2: If you do choose to buy a financial product, read
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