1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,080
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,880
Speaker 2: Now, having twins can be a bit of a carnival,

4
00:00:13,960 --> 00:00:16,440
Speaker 2: and there's actually often a lot of pressure on twins

5
00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:17,280
Speaker 2: to be the same.

6
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:18,239
Speaker 3: And so as.

7
00:00:18,280 --> 00:00:23,400
Speaker 2: Parents, our work really is to help our children to

8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,760
Speaker 2: have their own identity, regardless of whether they're twins or siblings.

9
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:31,200
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

10
00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:31,760
Speaker 1: and dad.

11
00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:34,720
Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson. Welcome to the Happy

12
00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:36,960
Speaker 2: Families Podcast. I'm here with Kylie, my wife and mum

13
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:41,120
Speaker 2: to our six children, and today a listener question. Somebody

14
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,040
Speaker 2: has gotten in touch and said, hey, Justin, longtime daily

15
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,680
Speaker 2: podcast listener, member of Happy Families, and I've also had

16
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,600
Speaker 2: the pleasure of reading some of your books and I

17
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,839
Speaker 2: first saw you deliver a wonderful presentation in twenty nineteen,

18
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:56,160
Speaker 2: back in the day to before COVID. Anyway, this emailer

19
00:00:56,320 --> 00:01:00,279
Speaker 2: via podcasts at happyfamilies dot com dot Jenna has said,

20
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:03,520
Speaker 2: I'm a school teacher. I'm teaching you too, and I

21
00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:08,600
Speaker 2: use your strategies, advice and knowledge both personally and professionally.

22
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,399
Speaker 2: But this year I have a number of twins in

23
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:16,000
Speaker 2: my class and parents are coming to me needing help.

24
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,759
Speaker 2: Parents are trying not to compare their kids, they understand

25
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:20,520
Speaker 2: and are trying to raise their kids to know that

26
00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,320
Speaker 2: they have different strengths and interests. Do you have any

27
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,240
Speaker 2: advice for our twin parents who are struggling in these areas?

28
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,320
Speaker 2: Please do an episode on raising twins. I thought we

29
00:01:32,080 --> 00:01:33,920
Speaker 2: have not covered this off at all, Kylie. We've never

30
00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:38,360
Speaker 2: talked about twins, So rather than me talking about this,

31
00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:41,760
Speaker 2: I thought we would call in an expert, somebody who

32
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:46,600
Speaker 2: doesn't just know about raising twins, but has done it twice.

33
00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:49,640
Speaker 4: Let's tell the number then give a call.

34
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:56,200
Speaker 3: Hey, oh hello, mum. Hello, it's Justin and Kylie.

35
00:01:56,840 --> 00:02:00,320
Speaker 2: Yes, we're calling to ask us some advice from you,

36
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:05,920
Speaker 2: right because you're the expert. Yes, Mum, We've had a

37
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,480
Speaker 2: request from somebody who wants to know about raising twins,

38
00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,160
Speaker 2: and we were talking and decided that we didn't know

39
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,160
Speaker 2: anyone who knew more about it than you because you've

40
00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:19,440
Speaker 2: done it twice. So you had me and then you

41
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:21,680
Speaker 2: had twin girls. Then you had my little brother, and

42
00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:23,840
Speaker 2: then you had twin girls again, two sets of twin

43
00:02:23,880 --> 00:02:26,040
Speaker 2: girls in a period of I don't know. You had

44
00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:27,240
Speaker 2: six kids over what was.

45
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,040
Speaker 3: It, fifteen years eleven?

46
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,040
Speaker 2: Well, whatever it was, it was really really short and tight.

47
00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,120
Speaker 2: And now we've got all these siblings and two sets

48
00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:35,600
Speaker 2: of twins.

49
00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,160
Speaker 5: So you were fifteen when the younger sit were born.

50
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah.

51
00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,239
Speaker 2: So we thought we would ask you a handful of

52
00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:46,440
Speaker 2: questions mum about raising twins to help this person who

53
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,840
Speaker 2: has been in touch with us, Jenna, to work out

54
00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:52,480
Speaker 2: what she can do to help parents with twins.

55
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,440
Speaker 4: So Jenna is actually a Grade two teacher and she

56
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:59,880
Speaker 4: has a number of twins in her class, and she

57
00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:03,280
Speaker 4: suggested that she only has one of each of the

58
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:07,639
Speaker 4: sets in her class. But she's really curious as parents

59
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,480
Speaker 4: have come to her and talked to her about some

60
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,440
Speaker 4: of the concerns they're having. They're trying to work out

61
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 4: how they can expand their social circles because there's such

62
00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:18,560
Speaker 4: a strong bond with these twins. They just want to

63
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,320
Speaker 4: hang out together. So, how did you help with your

64
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,560
Speaker 4: sets of twins, you had two of them, how did

65
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,760
Speaker 4: you help to expand their social networks or did you

66
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,560
Speaker 4: find that they actually did that all on their own.

67
00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,960
Speaker 5: My twins were fraternal, which meant that they were two

68
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:39,839
Speaker 5: separate genetic backgrounds. You know, they were obviously separate genomes,

69
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:44,520
Speaker 5: and so they were like a natural natural sisters. I

70
00:03:44,560 --> 00:03:46,560
Speaker 5: had two sets of twin girls, and they were like

71
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,800
Speaker 5: they just happened to be born at the same time,

72
00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:55,280
Speaker 5: genetically coded very differently, so you know, one was from

73
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,760
Speaker 5: just looking at them, though different physically, and from their

74
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,560
Speaker 5: emotional side, their very different, and they had different sets

75
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:06,080
Speaker 5: of friends. They were friends because that's what happened when

76
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,800
Speaker 5: they were growing up as two year olds and three

77
00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:09,840
Speaker 5: year olds and four year olds, so were just naturally

78
00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,760
Speaker 5: together because that's just how it was. But once they

79
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 5: started school, they formed their own friendships with others who

80
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:21,240
Speaker 5: had similar interests or that they felt that they connected

81
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:24,120
Speaker 5: with better. So I never had the problem of them

82
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,640
Speaker 5: being clingy or just wanting to be with each other.

83
00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:32,720
Speaker 3: Great told you this would work. Great expert, not an

84
00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:33,640
Speaker 3: expert on that one.

85
00:04:33,760 --> 00:04:37,320
Speaker 2: No, no, okay, what was it like raising the kids, Mum?

86
00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 2: Raising all these twin girls in terms of the extent

87
00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:45,640
Speaker 2: which they compared themselves with one another and competed against

88
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:50,520
Speaker 2: one another for attention from you or for admiration and

89
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,400
Speaker 2: adulation when they're doing something well, How did you deal

90
00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:59,320
Speaker 2: with the ongoing challenges of competition between twins, which it

91
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,320
Speaker 2: has to be different competition between siblings generally, simply because

92
00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,600
Speaker 2: they're the same age, they're going through the same things together.

93
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:10,720
Speaker 5: I watched what they were naturally gifted at and what

94
00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,560
Speaker 5: they enjoyed doing. So to begin with, because I'm time

95
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,360
Speaker 5: poor and wanted to be more efficient, I had them

96
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:21,280
Speaker 5: in the same thing. So they'd go ballet together, dancing together, trampoline,

97
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,640
Speaker 5: singing together, piano together, all of the different things they

98
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:28,920
Speaker 5: did together. But it became pretty obvious over a few

99
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,279
Speaker 5: months that one loved it and one didn't want to go,

100
00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:37,080
Speaker 5: And so they ended up excelling in their own areas

101
00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:41,200
Speaker 5: because I let them follow what they wanted to do,

102
00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,080
Speaker 5: and they were different and they chose different things, so

103
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 5: the competition in that area wasn't that great.

104
00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,400
Speaker 2: I just to remember growing up, though Mum and the

105
00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,359
Speaker 2: kids would be like there was always that sense of

106
00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,400
Speaker 2: it's unfair you let her do stuff that I'm not

107
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,560
Speaker 2: allowed to do, or why does she get to do that?

108
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,360
Speaker 3: In ni heart, even though they were twins.

109
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:02,719
Speaker 2: How do you how do you recall managing and dealing

110
00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,800
Speaker 2: with that and how long has that persisted through their lives.

111
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:10,599
Speaker 5: I think the competitive they can't help but compare. I

112
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,240
Speaker 5: don't know. I just thought because there are individuals, because

113
00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:18,599
Speaker 5: they were fraternal twins, there wasn't what one might have

114
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:22,200
Speaker 5: with identical twins, which would be a very real comparison

115
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:26,080
Speaker 5: when they've got very similar backgrounds. But because they chose

116
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,520
Speaker 5: different friends, chose different hobbies, chose different things to do,

117
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:34,719
Speaker 5: had different interests, the comparison and that wasn't as great.

118
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:38,279
Speaker 5: But there was definitely still that she's better than me

119
00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,080
Speaker 5: at this, and you know you favor this on her.

120
00:06:41,320 --> 00:06:43,160
Speaker 5: But I think that was more to do with just

121
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,000
Speaker 5: being children rather than twins.

122
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,000
Speaker 4: It's interesting you say that, Mum, because coming into the family,

123
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:51,000
Speaker 4: the younger set of twins were six when I joined

124
00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:59,040
Speaker 4: the family, and I just I remember how individually you

125
00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:03,880
Speaker 4: treated them. They weren't, you know, kind of two peas

126
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,160
Speaker 4: in a pod. And I've loved watching how you both

127
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 4: you and Dad have worked with each of them individually

128
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,360
Speaker 4: to you know, support them in the choices that they've

129
00:07:14,360 --> 00:07:15,440
Speaker 4: made throughout their lives.

130
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:18,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, so that was really it. I mean, I saw

131
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,960
Speaker 5: them as individuals. It was an exciting thing to have twins.

132
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,080
Speaker 5: I think I learned a lot with the first set

133
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:25,040
Speaker 5: of twins. The first set of twins, I just tried

134
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:29,280
Speaker 5: to get them to do everything together. And with the

135
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,800
Speaker 5: second set, I learned that I was better off letting

136
00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:35,320
Speaker 5: go of the fact that I was time poor with

137
00:07:35,360 --> 00:07:38,400
Speaker 5: six children and the two sets of twins and trying

138
00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:40,640
Speaker 5: to get two of them to the one event, rather

139
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,160
Speaker 5: than splitting myself again and getting two children as well

140
00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,960
Speaker 5: as the other four to different things. But I just

141
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 5: knew that it wasn't going to work to have Rachel

142
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:53,320
Speaker 5: do piano and Leah du ballet. It just didn't work.

143
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,920
Speaker 5: So I just had to work within that and let

144
00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:01,480
Speaker 5: them follow their passions and do that rather than try

145
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,960
Speaker 5: and you know, put a square pig in a round hole,

146
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,120
Speaker 5: just trying to force them into things that worked for me.

147
00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,320
Speaker 2: Listening to you say that, it reminds me of just

148
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:11,280
Speaker 2: the absolute chaos that we lived through with.

149
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,040
Speaker 5: The It wasn't chaos. It was organized with all of

150
00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:17,760
Speaker 5: the activities, very organized.

151
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,920
Speaker 2: Kids going left, right and center and NonStop all day

152
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:20,400
Speaker 2: every day.

153
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,240
Speaker 5: It was that's right, very organized.

154
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,040
Speaker 2: Thanks mum, thanks for the memories, Thanks for the advice.

155
00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,560
Speaker 2: I think I think there's some useful things that some

156
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:29,560
Speaker 2: parents can take from that.

157
00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:30,000
Speaker 3: That's great.

158
00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,200
Speaker 5: Can I just say the best thing is to leach

159
00:08:32,240 --> 00:08:36,520
Speaker 5: child be themselves, love regardless of who they are, follow

160
00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:38,840
Speaker 5: what they love and what they're good at, and let

161
00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:45,000
Speaker 5: them develop who they are. Thanks grammar with individuals, Bye.

162
00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:47,520
Speaker 2: Love, chatting with mum, and maybe some useful bits and

163
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,199
Speaker 2: pieces that could be helpful for parents of twins. I

164
00:08:49,240 --> 00:08:51,040
Speaker 2: think that's really the crux of it, isn't it. Hey,

165
00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,079
Speaker 2: after the break, we're going to talk about what science

166
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,839
Speaker 2: says will help parents of twins to navigate the challenges

167
00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:01,319
Speaker 2: of social life and comparison as they grow up and

168
00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:01,800
Speaker 2: go through.

169
00:09:01,679 --> 00:09:02,600
Speaker 3: The schooling experience.

170
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,680
Speaker 2: Starting school is an exciting time, but it can also

171
00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,760
Speaker 2: be a little worrying. The Starting School Activity Book is

172
00:09:12,800 --> 00:09:15,600
Speaker 2: a printable workbook that will help prepare your little one

173
00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:18,880
Speaker 2: for the first thrilling school days and give you tips

174
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:21,280
Speaker 2: on the best ways to talk about all the new

175
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:25,160
Speaker 2: things they're going to experience. Perfect for KINDI, preschool or

176
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:29,000
Speaker 2: big school, and absolutely free online at happy families dot com.

177
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:29,319
Speaker 3: Do a you.

178
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,160
Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

179
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:36,560
Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants answers. Now The Science we're

180
00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:37,520
Speaker 4: going to get serious.

181
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:41,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, actually there's not. I struggled to find really

182
00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,360
Speaker 2: good science around this, and most of what Mum said

183
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,559
Speaker 2: was kind of check in harmony what the science says. So,

184
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,079
Speaker 2: having twins can be a bit of a carnival of sorts,

185
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,200
Speaker 2: like when you show up you're a curiosity. People want

186
00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,120
Speaker 2: to ask all the questions. They want to say, oh,

187
00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:57,600
Speaker 2: how much are.

188
00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:58,160
Speaker 3: They the same?

189
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,960
Speaker 2: And there's actually often a lot of on twins to

190
00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:04,120
Speaker 2: be the same. Parents will dress them the same way,

191
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 2: they'll have them in the same activities. If they're identical twins,

192
00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:10,440
Speaker 2: they might even have the similar kinds of proclivities, similar

193
00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:12,960
Speaker 2: kinds of preferences, priorities and interests.

194
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:16,559
Speaker 3: And so as parents, our work really.

195
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:21,280
Speaker 2: Is to help our children to have their own identity,

196
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:25,680
Speaker 2: regardless of whether they're twins or siblings. The idea is,

197
00:10:26,080 --> 00:10:29,400
Speaker 2: let's just work out who you are. Let's not treat

198
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:31,480
Speaker 2: them like they're some sort of a sociology experiment. And

199
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:33,280
Speaker 2: they're supposed to be exactly the same as one another,

200
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,560
Speaker 2: and we're going to raise them the same way. Probably

201
00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,520
Speaker 2: not fair, Probably not going to.

202
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:38,720
Speaker 3: Work out quite right.

203
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,880
Speaker 2: And for Jenna, as a school teacher, I would be

204
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,280
Speaker 2: inclined to emphasize, don't call the kids by their last name.

205
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:50,160
Speaker 2: Don't say, oh, it's the calls twins, call them by

206
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:53,640
Speaker 2: their names, and if they're identical, make sure that you

207
00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:57,800
Speaker 2: learn the differentiating factors because they are individuals. So for parents,

208
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,520
Speaker 2: that's probably not going to be quite the issue. You're

209
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:01,520
Speaker 2: not going to call you own children by their surnames,

210
00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,240
Speaker 2: but for teachers certainly would Yeah.

211
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:08,600
Speaker 4: It's interesting reading Brene Brown's work, and you know this

212
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:13,760
Speaker 4: idea that our most fundamental needs come down to being seen, heard,

213
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,880
Speaker 4: and valued. You can see how easily as twins you

214
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:21,160
Speaker 4: actually almost kind of blur into one, and how important

215
00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:25,199
Speaker 4: it would be to feel like you have your own identity.

216
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:28,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, very much, which I guess highlights this

217
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,960
Speaker 2: whole thing. As parents, we want to minimize the extent

218
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:38,360
Speaker 2: to which teachers, relatives, Grandma Artie's uncles, neighbors are comparing

219
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:41,360
Speaker 2: the twins and getting into those conversations about their abilities

220
00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,400
Speaker 2: and interests and their physical appearance and how much they're

221
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,440
Speaker 2: the same. We want to make sure that we can

222
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,040
Speaker 2: really allow them to be differentiated. The reality is a

223
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,280
Speaker 2: lot of kids are going to be drawn towards their siblings,

224
00:11:52,280 --> 00:11:54,840
Speaker 2: whether they're a twin or not. Like you go to

225
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,360
Speaker 2: people with whom you're familiar, we go to people with

226
00:11:57,440 --> 00:11:59,960
Speaker 2: whom you feel safe, and therefore kids are going to

227
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:00,760
Speaker 2: go in that direction.

228
00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:04,960
Speaker 3: But hopefully as parents we can.

229
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,240
Speaker 2: Help the kids to figure out who they are on

230
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,600
Speaker 2: their own and as part of the collective, as part

231
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,200
Speaker 2: of the family. I think the main thing Kylie, whether

232
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,560
Speaker 2: we've got identical or fraternal twins or triplets or whatever

233
00:12:15,559 --> 00:12:17,559
Speaker 2: it might be, is to let them be themselves. Let

234
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:19,760
Speaker 2: them have their own interests, let them have their own preferences,

235
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,800
Speaker 2: let them have their own friends.

236
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,560
Speaker 3: If they're sharing friends sharing preferences, that's great.

237
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,680
Speaker 2: But minimize the competition between them, minimize the comparisons between them,

238
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:28,439
Speaker 2: and let them do what they do because they want

239
00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:29,040
Speaker 2: to do it in.

240
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,240
Speaker 3: The same way that you would with regular siblings.

241
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:34,640
Speaker 2: That's kind of I mean, I don't want to sound

242
00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:36,400
Speaker 2: like I'm dumbing it down or over simplifying it. I

243
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:39,080
Speaker 2: don't want to be too reductionist or sound like I'm

244
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,400
Speaker 2: being inappropriate to parents who are raising twins. We always

245
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,480
Speaker 2: wanted twins, and then we had one and we were like, oh,

246
00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:46,320
Speaker 2: thank goodness, we didn't get two. But having been a

247
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:49,200
Speaker 2: big brother to two sets of twins and watching it happen,

248
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,040
Speaker 2: I kind of feel like mum worked out.

249
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:51,960
Speaker 3: I think that.

250
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:54,640
Speaker 4: Unlike a lot of parents who have twins, your mum

251
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:58,640
Speaker 4: actually had this wonderful opportunity to practice what she'd learnt

252
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:03,120
Speaker 4: with twin set number one. That's right, t set number two,

253
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,800
Speaker 4: and she, you know, at the end of our conversation

254
00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,280
Speaker 4: she acknowledged that there was so much that she'd learned.

255
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:12,559
Speaker 4: I think, you know, there's this romanticized, I guess version

256
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,640
Speaker 4: of events that take place when you have twins. You

257
00:13:15,640 --> 00:13:17,880
Speaker 4: want to dress them the same. You know, they have

258
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,360
Speaker 4: the same, their hair done the same, and their dresses

259
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:20,720
Speaker 4: the same.

260
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 3: Is unbelievably cute when you do, and it is. It's gorgeous.

261
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:27,160
Speaker 4: But and because we've never had twins, it's never really

262
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,680
Speaker 4: occurred to me to think outside of that. But as

263
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,120
Speaker 4: we've kind of gone down memory lane with your mum

264
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,880
Speaker 4: today and I've watched how she has parented. You've got

265
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:41,560
Speaker 4: two sets of twins, but they actually are just you

266
00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:42,840
Speaker 4: just have four sisters.

267
00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:44,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're very.

268
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:48,240
Speaker 4: Very different, and they've been parented in that way so

269
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,959
Speaker 4: that their individuality can shine through well, Jenna, we.

270
00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,040
Speaker 2: Hope that this has been a helpful conversation for you,

271
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,040
Speaker 2: and we really appreciate the question coming through via podcasts

272
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 2: that's podcasts with an s podcasts a Happy Families.

273
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:01,440
Speaker 3: Dot dot au.

274
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 2: Hey, if you've got any feedback on this particular episode,

275
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:05,920
Speaker 2: Given that Kylie and I are talking from a secondhand

276
00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,240
Speaker 2: experience and not first hand experience on this one, and

277
00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:10,319
Speaker 2: looking just a little bit a couple of.

278
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:13,000
Speaker 3: Bits and pieces of science and evidence that would support the.

279
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,920
Speaker 2: Ideas that we've shared, we would love for you to

280
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,160
Speaker 2: send us a voice memo let us know what you

281
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:20,320
Speaker 2: think has worked for you if you're raising twins, anything

282
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,440
Speaker 2: that we missed, anything that Jenna needs to know as

283
00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,880
Speaker 2: a teacher, or any parent of twins needs to know

284
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,120
Speaker 2: to minimize the comparison, the competition.

285
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,680
Speaker 3: And help the kids to be who they really are.

286
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,520
Speaker 2: Podcasts at Happy families dot com dot you send us

287
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:34,360
Speaker 2: your voice memos, we would love to share them on

288
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,320
Speaker 2: the podcast over the next couple of weeks. The Happy

289
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 2: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruwland from Bridge Media.

290
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,080
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer and for more ando

291
00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:44,600
Speaker 2: about making your family happier, You'll find it at happy families,

292
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:53,880
Speaker 2: dot com, dot a you