WEBVTT - From potty disasters to potty mouths

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<v Speaker 1>I had a question for you before we got started

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<v Speaker 1>to please do you have a picture of your children

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<v Speaker 1>or child as your lock screen?

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<v Speaker 2>No, it's a photo of me and Laura Lucky.

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<v Speaker 1>Why there's nothing worse than finishing a wank locking your

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<v Speaker 1>phone and the first thing you see is those disappointed eyes.

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<v Speaker 2>Back daddy, Why? Welcome back to two Doting Dads. I

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<v Speaker 2>am Mattie Jay.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm Ash.

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<v Speaker 2>This is a podcast all about parenting, the good, the bad,

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<v Speaker 2>and the relatable and as always, just going to breakfast

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<v Speaker 2>this podcast episode and say that if you are coming

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<v Speaker 2>for any type of advice.

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<v Speaker 1>Dear clear, you are in the wrong way.

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<v Speaker 2>Turn around, wrong way. GPS has gotten your last you

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<v Speaker 2>turn baby. But if you want to listen to two

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<v Speaker 2>dad's talk about how absolutely hellish parenting really is.

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<v Speaker 1>You've definitely come to the right and sit down and strap. Especially.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey, before we get started, Ash, we have to give

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<v Speaker 2>thanks to Lord and Savior keeping us afloat, putting food

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<v Speaker 2>on the table and getting my rent paid. Big thanks

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<v Speaker 2>to Then we've gone for.

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<v Speaker 1>Your rent on the studio that we're in.

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<v Speaker 2>We've gone for the original Yeah, the og we have

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<v Speaker 2>the first beer they released. Let me just.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, yeah, that's the stuff, cheers.

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<v Speaker 2>My good friend.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, oh yes.

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<v Speaker 2>Something I like about this beer ash is the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that it's zero carbs.

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<v Speaker 1>What's that supposed to mean? I'm directly at me, then zero.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't mean to no, no, no. This is for

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<v Speaker 2>anyone who likes to drink beer and is, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>being a little bit more conscious. It's eighty seven. You

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<v Speaker 2>do look great, do you agree? Hey, for anyone who

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<v Speaker 2>is trying to watch the waistline but still wants a delicious,

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<v Speaker 2>crisp beer.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, it's only eighty one calories.

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<v Speaker 2>Isn't it? Eighty seven?

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<v Speaker 1>Eighty seven?

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry? Yeah, which is I guess if anyone doesn't need

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<v Speaker 2>any more encouragement to have more tins, monster, it's the tin.

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<v Speaker 2>Has anyone called you that before? If you had a

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<v Speaker 2>look at our Instagram, you may have seen me run

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<v Speaker 2>a little competition. We hit eleven thousand followers.

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<v Speaker 1>Thank you for that.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, big shout out to I didn't think that would

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<v Speaker 2>grow that many so quickly. But we were going to

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<v Speaker 2>do ten thousand followers and ten cases of better beer,

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<v Speaker 2>but then you guys ruined it.

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<v Speaker 1>By the time we've got a shit together, and by

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<v Speaker 1>the time this comes out. It might even be at twelve.

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<v Speaker 1>So look, if there's an extra case laying around its

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<v Speaker 1>home for it.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't have the same ring to it eleven for eleven,

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<v Speaker 2>but we gave away. We're giving away eleven cases of beer.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm very excited to announce that the winner, Ash,

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<v Speaker 2>of my very first inaugural competition.

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<v Speaker 1>You just picked it without me.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh it's my friend, it's me, But without further ado,

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<v Speaker 2>the winner is Stacy Martin. Well done, my.

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<v Speaker 1>Friend, understanding, and you know what, low carb, no carb,

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<v Speaker 1>low calorie. Hey, summer's coming, delicious.

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<v Speaker 2>Eleven of the best headed your way right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Congratulations and thank you everyone that entered, thank you everyone

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<v Speaker 1>that tagged, and thank you everyone that's followed to get

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<v Speaker 1>us here. Maybe twenty twenty twenty cases.

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<v Speaker 2>I know it's going to be dangerous the more followers

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<v Speaker 2>we get, Like you've just won a hundred cases of

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<v Speaker 2>better beer, People like, oh God, putting better take them Ash.

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<v Speaker 2>I had my race on the weekend.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes I missed it. I'm sorry I couldn't come and watch, but.

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<v Speaker 2>It was very very early.

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<v Speaker 1>Also, I wouldn't want to come and watch because that

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<v Speaker 1>sounds fucking boring.

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<v Speaker 2>It was I mean, Laura for a second was like,

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<v Speaker 2>what time is it? Could I bring the kids? And

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<v Speaker 2>I was like it starts at six thirty road closures,

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<v Speaker 2>Like do you really? It was fucking freezing. Sydney is

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<v Speaker 2>Baltic right now, it's so cold. So no one came,

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<v Speaker 2>which was a good thing because you know the result, Ash.

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<v Speaker 2>But for those who are listening, loser, I lost.

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<v Speaker 1>I lost someone up trumps.

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<v Speaker 2>It was an awful race, so.

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<v Speaker 1>Bittersweet for me because I wanted to see you win,

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<v Speaker 1>but also I'm so fucking sick of this race, Like

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<v Speaker 1>I hate it when we both go to some sort

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<v Speaker 1>of I don't know anyway, if we stand next to

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<v Speaker 1>each other, it's very obvious who's working out and who's not.

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<v Speaker 2>We did that photo shoot back in the day in

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<v Speaker 2>our budget smugglers, and I was pumping out like eighty

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<v Speaker 2>kilometers a week.

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<v Speaker 1>At the time, I was doing negative eighty.

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<v Speaker 2>So with a tinny in hand and going just take the.

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<v Speaker 1>Photo and I just get it over anyway. So now

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<v Speaker 1>you can blow out like me like a normal dad.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Oh, actually there's another ten k on the twenty

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<v Speaker 2>third of July, which I may I've been bitten by

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<v Speaker 2>the running bug, and because I wanted to fucking crack

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<v Speaker 2>forty minutes. Really, I gave it a note.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just not an athletes podcast. It is dad Lee.

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<v Speaker 2>So this is Oh, actually I'll give it a two

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<v Speaker 2>week break, but then I'm going to come back on

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<v Speaker 2>the twenty third. But ten k's you just redlining the

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<v Speaker 2>whole way. My heart rate was at like one hundred

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<v Speaker 2>and eighty two after the third k.

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<v Speaker 1>That's crazy talk.

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<v Speaker 2>It was disgusting.

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<v Speaker 1>Look, I like to run too. I have a small

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<v Speaker 1>little running community online.

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<v Speaker 2>But what's yours scoring in the Legless is that I

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<v Speaker 2>might change it.

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<v Speaker 1>That actually sounds it's the Restless League because I run

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<v Speaker 1>a lot for my mental health because I'm mental, but

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<v Speaker 1>also I get restless legs when I try and sleep

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<v Speaker 1>unless I do like a decent amount of running. And

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<v Speaker 1>I thought, there's got to be people that do that

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<v Speaker 1>as well. Twitchy Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, as you already know.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's something very small.

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<v Speaker 2>So if I was say.

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<v Speaker 1>We wouldn't let you in because you harp on about

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<v Speaker 1>it too much. It's all about those people that want

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<v Speaker 1>to go undercover, just run for their mental health, get

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<v Speaker 1>out there, enjoy the fresh air, not brag about it

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<v Speaker 1>to everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not bragging about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Ash Oh, Laura rang me that, and she's like, he won't.

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<v Speaker 2>Stop talking about it. Is this an invite only club

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<v Speaker 2>or can you No?

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<v Speaker 1>No, anyone can join, can join a big deal?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes you can join me anyway, dads right now, what's

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<v Speaker 2>gonna happen. It is going to be influx of.

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<v Speaker 1>Dads all running the same page, like an eight minute case. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I got little legs. Okay, I've got trotters.

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<v Speaker 2>You've got great legs. They look perfect.

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<v Speaker 1>Anyway, you're lost, and you've got to get a tattoo.

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<v Speaker 2>How do have a turtle? Fucking nightmare? But so I

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<v Speaker 2>lost the rays.

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<v Speaker 1>Worse for him because he's just clean skin unless he

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<v Speaker 1>makes you get on your face. I need to get

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<v Speaker 1>this guy's numbers. I can be like, dude, just do it.

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<v Speaker 1>Get telling to get it on his face. He's getting that.

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<v Speaker 2>It's been a rough week because lost the race. At

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<v Speaker 2>the moment, Lola, she's in this weird phase. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>know if you remember, because Macey's not quite there yet.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't if Oscar did this. But she's trying to be

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<v Speaker 2>like so independent, and she has this saying that. She

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<v Speaker 2>always says a week, I do it.

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<v Speaker 1>I do its like a small Batalian lady.

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<v Speaker 2>I do And it's cute, but then at the same

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<v Speaker 2>time it's also really annoying because like having dinner time

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<v Speaker 2>eating pasta, She's like, I do it, and then it

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<v Speaker 2>just ends up the floor.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you have to say past and I just said Italian?

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<v Speaker 1>Was just cycle on a Nona.

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<v Speaker 2>She does kind of look like Laura is half Italian,

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<v Speaker 2>so it makes a lot of sense. But even when

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<v Speaker 2>it comes to like now she's potty training again. This

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<v Speaker 2>is very cute, but she wants me to sit down

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<v Speaker 2>and hold her hands when she goes to do number

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<v Speaker 2>two and it takes a long while, like we're not

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<v Speaker 2>just there for a minute or two. She's like her

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<v Speaker 2>dad when she goes.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not good for you to sit there that long.

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<v Speaker 1>It can't be good for your bows, is it not.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not good for your your piles.

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<v Speaker 2>I try and rush. I'm like, come on, push it out.

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<v Speaker 2>And even when it's she's like and she does like

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<v Speaker 2>a two round poo, So she does it first time

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<v Speaker 2>it's a solid size.

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<v Speaker 1>And then I'm the plug poo.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I'm there for ten minutes. And so what

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<v Speaker 2>I sometimes do now is I'm like, i'll be back

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<v Speaker 2>on one second, and I give her some privacy, and

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<v Speaker 2>I keep an ear out because she's like daddy white bottom,

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<v Speaker 2>white bottom. But she stops saying that now because she's

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<v Speaker 2>now I do it. And one time she was in

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<v Speaker 2>the toilet, I left her and I kind of got distracted,

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<v Speaker 2>and I thought, shit, it's been a little while. Wonder

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<v Speaker 2>if she's still in there. I wonder if she's still

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<v Speaker 2>in there.

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<v Speaker 1>She's falling in and.

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<v Speaker 2>I wish she had she had done this monster sized poo.

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<v Speaker 1>And pictures of your kids, you saw they are.

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<v Speaker 2>She's tried to it's a little potty that's you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's not the toilet. It's just this little like plastic

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<v Speaker 2>scoopy scoopy thing, and she's tried to put that into

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<v Speaker 2>the toilet, and you know, she's so clumsy, and she's

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<v Speaker 2>just like there's shit everywhere. She's imagine a two year

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<v Speaker 2>old with like a little plastic bucket that's like full

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<v Speaker 2>to the brim of shit and piers and she's like

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<v Speaker 2>a little wobbling non her just on the floor. And

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<v Speaker 2>then she's just like looking at me, like I do it.

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<v Speaker 2>I did it. Oh, I mean it serves me right

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<v Speaker 2>for bloody leaving her in there?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah, Look you can't. When they go quiet,

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<v Speaker 1>you're like, where are they?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh? Doing?

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<v Speaker 1>Like not quite whatsoever. So he's just like, I'm done. Well, look,

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<v Speaker 1>you've had a rough week obviously, I, on the other hand,

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<v Speaker 1>have been on holidays. And also, before I get into this,

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<v Speaker 1>when did a relaxing holiday become so fucking stressful when

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<v Speaker 1>you had kids? Two kids? I've got somehow we need

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<v Speaker 1>ten bags of clothes, porter coots?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you bring the classy? You bring the portercot with you?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah? Well where she got to sleep on the floor?

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<v Speaker 2>Why don't you just leave one at your mom's house.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm not made of money, Matthew. You can't buy two.

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<v Speaker 2>Sorry. Car seat? Do you bring the car seat? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>One we took this time one.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, well you're traveling with the bags and the car set.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't get me fucking started. No, actually, get me started.

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<v Speaker 1>They fucking go. So anyway, two kids, ten bags. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>We had a seven am flight out of Sydney.

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<v Speaker 2>Was it the cheapest one or no?

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<v Speaker 1>We just wanted to get the hell out of here.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't you know, just.

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<v Speaker 2>His dad's man, you've got to be out the door.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, thankfully. We'll go in to my parents. We weren't

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<v Speaker 1>staying at my parents, but we're going to see my parents.

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<v Speaker 1>And like the quicker we get there are quick, I

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<v Speaker 1>can be like they're yours, you'd think anyway. So we're

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<v Speaker 1>up at four point thirty kids out of bed in

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<v Speaker 1>their jarmy's in the car and their army.

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<v Speaker 2>I did seem I saw on you.

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<v Speaker 1>He didn't get out of his army until after midday,

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<v Speaker 1>but him and April.

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<v Speaker 2>Did anyone say anything about because he.

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<v Speaker 1>Had like his Nike Air Force ones on as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So it was just like people were just like, fucking wish.

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<v Speaker 1>A couple of people were like, wish I could go

0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:11.200
<v Speaker 1>to the jums, Like no one's stopping your freak. Yeah,

0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:13.600
<v Speaker 1>in the car in their j armis to the airport

0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:19.160
<v Speaker 1>April's book, the parking, the furthest away from the terminal,

0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:21.720
<v Speaker 1>which I was like, like the P three or is

0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:25.199
<v Speaker 1>it three exactly? Yeah, mostly no Sydney Airport or any

0:12:25.240 --> 0:12:28.560
<v Speaker 1>airport if it's not P one, it's a waste of

0:12:28.600 --> 0:12:30.960
<v Speaker 1>fucking time. But P one's under construction at the moment.

0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.040
<v Speaker 2>Which makes it a little bit more stress. Yeah, but

0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.920
<v Speaker 2>it's also man, I've had many times where I've sat

0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:38.560
<v Speaker 2>there looking at P two P three. P two is closer,

0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:40.760
<v Speaker 2>more expensive, and you're like, do I spend the extra

0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 2>fifty bucks for P two or do I save the

0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:46.200
<v Speaker 2>money and go P three. But it's an asshole of

0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:49.880
<v Speaker 2>a walk with the ten bags. I'm not drumming with

0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.280
<v Speaker 2>a portcot and a fucking car seat.

0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:54.959
<v Speaker 1>It was a fucking g up. So we pull into

0:12:55.000 --> 0:12:58.720
<v Speaker 1>the P three. There's no parking until like level fucking

0:12:59.080 --> 0:13:01.719
<v Speaker 1>eighty pretty much in the sky. I might as well

0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.720
<v Speaker 1>get on the airplane up it's taken off, and I

0:13:05.800 --> 0:13:08.360
<v Speaker 1>was like, all right, let's get this show on the road.

0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.439
<v Speaker 1>I'll go to the trolley bay, get one of those trolleys. Great,

0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:13.400
<v Speaker 1>they're so good, those trolle except you've got to hold

0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:15.000
<v Speaker 1>the handle down to move them. If you let go

0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:17.480
<v Speaker 1>of the handler stops abruptly and all your bags come off.

0:13:17.480 --> 0:13:20.000
<v Speaker 1>That's another fucking nightmare on its own. I've learned my

0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.719
<v Speaker 1>lesson with that. But go to get a trolley, some

0:13:23.080 --> 0:13:26.120
<v Speaker 1>dickhead has parked in front of the trolley base, so

0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:28.600
<v Speaker 1>I can't get a trolley. So here I am from

0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:32.240
<v Speaker 1>level seven. April's got the kids. I'm like, you take

0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:36.480
<v Speaker 1>these kids and you go, you go leave me here.

0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:40.800
<v Speaker 1>I'll deal with this marrying ten bags like one of

0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:45.080
<v Speaker 1>those troops or movie like a spar like a sherpark

0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:49.640
<v Speaker 1>up and you picked you even like you're seeing with

0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.480
<v Speaker 1>the do if I had a donkey out of it.

0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:57.120
<v Speaker 3>I've got a backpack, I've got two shoulder bags, I've

0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:02.160
<v Speaker 3>got two suitcases, I've got a port and I've got

0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:02.959
<v Speaker 3>a car seat.

0:14:03.120 --> 0:14:04.200
<v Speaker 2>Jesus Christ.

0:14:04.679 --> 0:14:07.880
<v Speaker 1>And it's six o'clock in the morning. Anyway, we're late

0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:08.360
<v Speaker 1>for this flight.

0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:10.840
<v Speaker 2>And I mean like not to not to paint you

0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.600
<v Speaker 2>as someone who gets a little bit grumpy sometimes.

0:14:13.080 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 1>But you know I was grumpy. There's no doubt. I

0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.560
<v Speaker 1>haven't eaten, haven't had a coffee. Just we couldn't stop

0:14:20.560 --> 0:14:23.200
<v Speaker 1>because we're running behind, even though I thought we were

0:14:23.240 --> 0:14:26.360
<v Speaker 1>ahead of time. At what point did time catch up

0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:29.520
<v Speaker 1>to me? On that drive? There was no one on

0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:32.680
<v Speaker 1>the road anyway, So get there, Go to buy one

0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:34.320
<v Speaker 1>of those trolleys, because you've got to buy them now.

0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:36.000
<v Speaker 2>You don't have to tell this story if you don't

0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:38.000
<v Speaker 2>want to wash I feel like it's got to get

0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:38.240
<v Speaker 2>it off.

0:14:38.600 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 1>Please sorry continue, Okay, go to buy a trolley tap

0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.480
<v Speaker 1>my card cost me four dollars. Trolley wouldn't come out.

0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:48.760
<v Speaker 1>Then it cost me another four dollars. Trolley came out.

0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Oh shit.

0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:51.840
<v Speaker 1>Anyway, I'm in a fucking feral mood at this point

0:14:52.040 --> 0:14:54.520
<v Speaker 1>on the plane with two kids. We're on the plane. Great,

0:14:54.960 --> 0:14:58.200
<v Speaker 1>we were the last people on the plane and we're

0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:00.520
<v Speaker 1>bloody walking on the plane like people like carry out.

0:15:00.760 --> 0:15:02.120
<v Speaker 1>Does that not shitty parents?

0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Does that not give you anxiety? Because right now everyone's

0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.120
<v Speaker 2>always trying to cram in as much as they can

0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.720
<v Speaker 2>on the plane. And when you got kids, you got

0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:12.560
<v Speaker 2>double the bag, so you got no space above your

0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.920
<v Speaker 2>seat and your overhead locker. Like oh and there's nothing

0:15:14.920 --> 0:15:17.600
<v Speaker 2>worse than having to put like one bag near seat

0:15:17.680 --> 0:15:18.400
<v Speaker 2>for the other.

0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:21.800
<v Speaker 1>Happened, Oh shit. And the thing is we were literally

0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:23.720
<v Speaker 1>like in the middle of the plane, so it was

0:15:23.760 --> 0:15:25.680
<v Speaker 1>like either way we got on the front or the back.

0:15:25.840 --> 0:15:28.120
<v Speaker 1>It was going to be a fifteen to twenty row

0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:33.840
<v Speaker 1>hike with these kids and all these bags anyway, got there,

0:15:34.000 --> 0:15:36.480
<v Speaker 1>got there in the end. And it's funny when you

0:15:36.520 --> 0:15:38.400
<v Speaker 1>get on a holiday with your kids and you get

0:15:38.400 --> 0:15:42.040
<v Speaker 1>there and you just you're so happy that you've made

0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.000
<v Speaker 1>the destination without either losing a kid or purpose of

0:15:45.120 --> 0:15:47.720
<v Speaker 1>leaving one behind. You just get shit faced as like

0:15:47.760 --> 0:15:50.800
<v Speaker 1>a celebration that we made it to the destination. That's

0:15:50.800 --> 0:15:53.880
<v Speaker 1>pretty much what it was like. But I borrowed my

0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:56.400
<v Speaker 1>mum's card. When we're up there, Yep, car full of

0:15:56.400 --> 0:16:03.040
<v Speaker 1>shit full of kids got a flat tire. And I'm like, fuck.

0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.880
<v Speaker 2>Your blood pressure, that's really rude.

0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.560
<v Speaker 3>You should not be taking holiday day.

0:16:12.640 --> 0:16:14.280
<v Speaker 1>I saw you was in the airport. I was like, no,

0:16:14.360 --> 0:16:17.040
<v Speaker 1>you can't. He saw a version of me that was

0:16:17.080 --> 0:16:20.320
<v Speaker 1>not me anyway. So flat tire. First of all, I'm like,

0:16:20.880 --> 0:16:21.800
<v Speaker 1>of course.

0:16:22.040 --> 0:16:23.480
<v Speaker 2>How did you know it was flat? Like was it

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.320
<v Speaker 2>like yeah.

0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:28.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I was on rim.

0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:29.720
<v Speaker 2>For people like driving next to you being.

0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:33.520
<v Speaker 1>Like I think I was too angry to see anyone

0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:38.680
<v Speaker 1>else other than the destination anyway. So changed tire. That's

0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:41.520
<v Speaker 1>a nightmare in itself. Change time covered in grease, fucking

0:16:41.600 --> 0:16:45.760
<v Speaker 1>pain in the ass, and reorganize the kids back in

0:16:45.800 --> 0:16:49.200
<v Speaker 1>the car and whatever. Blah blah blah. Got the spare tyron,

0:16:49.240 --> 0:16:53.120
<v Speaker 1>that little yellow piece of shit, dinky bit tire that.

0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:54.960
<v Speaker 2>You can only go sixty k on or fifty k.

0:16:55.360 --> 0:16:57.640
<v Speaker 1>It said eighty. I'm like, there's no way anyone's going

0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:02.920
<v Speaker 1>to eighty k's on that tires, driving that tires flat.

0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:09.240
<v Speaker 1>Oh shit, Oh my god, I'm just furious. I'm fucking

0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.760
<v Speaker 1>swear and left, right and center. Anyway, my old man

0:17:12.800 --> 0:17:15.440
<v Speaker 1>came and he's taken the tire to a tire place

0:17:15.560 --> 0:17:18.000
<v Speaker 1>to get repaired, come back with fix the tire. All good,

0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:19.959
<v Speaker 1>but all this time, and this is going to lead

0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:21.800
<v Speaker 1>me into something else I want to talk about really quickly.

0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:26.680
<v Speaker 1>I've just been swearing my head off and I get

0:17:26.720 --> 0:17:29.480
<v Speaker 1>in the car. We're all sorted, ready to go to

0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:30.280
<v Speaker 1>the destination.

0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:32.520
<v Speaker 2>What happened?

0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:38.200
<v Speaker 1>And I sat down and Oscar goes, fuck, that was ship. Anyway,

0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:41.640
<v Speaker 1>That instantly reminded me of something else I wanted to about.

0:17:47.400 --> 0:17:49.800
<v Speaker 2>You are such a bad and I.

0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:52.719
<v Speaker 1>Swear so much in front of them, so does April.

0:17:52.760 --> 0:17:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Those it was not all me, and this is what happened.

0:17:56.359 --> 0:17:58.639
<v Speaker 1>It reminded me of this time we went to Fiji

0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:03.760
<v Speaker 1>with the kids and April, of course, and we do

0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:06.440
<v Speaker 1>swear in front of the kids a lot. We've tried

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.440
<v Speaker 1>to be better at it, because Oscar now points it out,

0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:10.560
<v Speaker 1>so trying to be better. I'm just not used to

0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:15.640
<v Speaker 1>having kids. I don't really know him that well. So

0:18:15.680 --> 0:18:19.080
<v Speaker 1>we went to Fiji, right, and we're at this beautiful resort,

0:18:19.200 --> 0:18:21.720
<v Speaker 1>all inclusive resort as it is over there, with the kids.

0:18:21.760 --> 0:18:24.720
<v Speaker 1>And we're at the pool bar, which is like slash

0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:27.160
<v Speaker 1>where all the parents take their kids, because why wouldn't

0:18:27.160 --> 0:18:30.320
<v Speaker 1>you go to the pool bar the dream? So there's kids,

0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:35.400
<v Speaker 1>it's packed everywhere. Oscar grabs a pool noodle noodle, puts

0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.600
<v Speaker 1>it over his mouth, plants it up on side of

0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:38.960
<v Speaker 1>the pool and just goes.

0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:46.120
<v Speaker 2>Fucked sake, that's my boy.

0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:53.639
<v Speaker 1>And I just looked at April, that's your anyway, that

0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:57.399
<v Speaker 1>was my stress freehold. They just pick up me.

0:18:57.440 --> 0:18:59.080
<v Speaker 2>They latch onto swear words.

0:18:59.320 --> 0:19:02.600
<v Speaker 1>I know because they know the velocity and tone that

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:05.000
<v Speaker 1>you say it in. I reckon if you were like.

0:19:05.280 --> 0:19:09.320
<v Speaker 2>They're like sponge and you're like, oh, bubble gum, they'd be.

0:19:09.200 --> 0:19:11.840
<v Speaker 1>Like, oh, they'd be like, oh bubblegum.

0:19:11.960 --> 0:19:14.840
<v Speaker 2>My biggest fear is that I drop Marley off at

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.280
<v Speaker 2>daycare and she just starts dropping the F word.

0:19:18.400 --> 0:19:20.960
<v Speaker 1>I don't mind. I don't care. Look, I don't really

0:19:21.040 --> 0:19:23.800
<v Speaker 1>don't care if he starts saying fuck you to people,

0:19:23.840 --> 0:19:26.720
<v Speaker 1>then I care. Yeah, it's different if he stubs his

0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:29.960
<v Speaker 1>tone says fuck, that's just a general reaction, and look,

0:19:29.960 --> 0:19:31.720
<v Speaker 1>there'd be so many people out there and there listening

0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:33.840
<v Speaker 1>going fu. My kids swear so much, and I know

0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:37.399
<v Speaker 1>why because it's I couldn't be asked trying to manage

0:19:37.400 --> 0:19:40.200
<v Speaker 1>my language. It's like when we're on the Today Show.

0:19:40.200 --> 0:19:43.480
<v Speaker 1>Ape was like, just don't swear, which he didn't, and

0:19:43.520 --> 0:19:44.399
<v Speaker 1>I was like, fuck you.

0:19:46.480 --> 0:19:48.600
<v Speaker 2>Do you know what I love most about Oscar though,

0:19:49.119 --> 0:19:51.280
<v Speaker 2>is that he used it in the right context.

0:19:51.960 --> 0:19:53.840
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, it's all about context.

0:19:53.880 --> 0:19:56.919
<v Speaker 2>Off the back of that being an absolute ordeal, he's like, Dad,

0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:01.320
<v Speaker 2>fuck shit fucked up. And You're like, I should be angry,

0:20:01.320 --> 0:20:12.199
<v Speaker 2>but good use of the word perfect. I wasn't going

0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:15.399
<v Speaker 2>to tell the story Mash. It's one that's on the

0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:20.240
<v Speaker 2>cusp of being too much. And whenever I'm unsure of

0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:23.800
<v Speaker 2>a decision, my sounding board is always Laura and she'll

0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:28.560
<v Speaker 2>point me in the right direction and makes But you

0:20:28.560 --> 0:20:30.080
<v Speaker 2>know how annoying it is when you go to someone

0:20:30.080 --> 0:20:32.440
<v Speaker 2>for advice and you want them to give you the answer.

0:20:32.560 --> 0:20:35.000
<v Speaker 1>That you want, not what they actually Yeah, I.

0:20:34.960 --> 0:20:36.359
<v Speaker 2>Went to Laura, and I told her the story and

0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:37.040
<v Speaker 2>I was like.

0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:39.159
<v Speaker 1>That's why I tell no one anything.

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.800
<v Speaker 2>To make your second guess. And I was thinking, in Laura,

0:20:43.880 --> 0:20:45.879
<v Speaker 2>is that is that too much hoping? She goes, no,

0:20:45.960 --> 0:20:48.960
<v Speaker 2>it's fine, and she goes, it's quite crass.

0:20:50.080 --> 0:20:52.200
<v Speaker 1>But you know what, actually even know what that word means.

0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:52.800
<v Speaker 1>So let's go.

0:20:54.160 --> 0:20:56.680
<v Speaker 2>I should have come to you for advice. So my

0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.280
<v Speaker 2>mum is here at the moment you met her again this.

0:20:59.320 --> 0:21:01.440
<v Speaker 1>Morning, lady, get out of the shower.

0:21:04.240 --> 0:21:06.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, for anyone who's wondering why they.

0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:08.639
<v Speaker 1>Know your mom's not but it's like, I shouldn't just

0:21:08.640 --> 0:21:09.600
<v Speaker 1>see your mom in the shower.

0:21:09.800 --> 0:21:11.919
<v Speaker 2>No, it's me. It's whatever we needed to make this

0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:15.200
<v Speaker 2>relationship even stronger. The fact that you're now sleeping.

0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 1>With my mum, you start calling me daddy.

0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:18.440
<v Speaker 2>Did not expect this to happen.

0:21:18.480 --> 0:21:19.840
<v Speaker 1>Actually, I don't want to be called daddy, want to

0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:20.240
<v Speaker 1>be called.

0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:25.159
<v Speaker 2>Papa, Papa, Papa. God, it'd be fucking awkward if you

0:21:25.240 --> 0:21:26.240
<v Speaker 2>ended up poking up my mum.

0:21:27.080 --> 0:21:31.719
<v Speaker 1>But be careful what you so.

0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:34.800
<v Speaker 2>My mom is here, Laura. I've said it before Dancing

0:21:34.800 --> 0:21:37.800
<v Speaker 2>with the Stars. She's in the thick of it. She's

0:21:38.280 --> 0:21:40.920
<v Speaker 2>working her butt off, and it's been such an enormous

0:21:40.920 --> 0:21:43.800
<v Speaker 2>help having my mom here. She leaves in a couple

0:21:43.840 --> 0:21:46.560
<v Speaker 2>of days, which is very distressing, but during the day

0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:49.520
<v Speaker 2>she'll cook a couple of meals, she does the washing,

0:21:49.600 --> 0:21:52.879
<v Speaker 2>she does a quick cleanup. It's just the absolute dream

0:21:53.160 --> 0:21:55.280
<v Speaker 2>as a parent. There's nothing more that you could ask

0:21:55.280 --> 0:21:58.600
<v Speaker 2>for to have someone do those awful jobs. There's tedious jobs.

0:21:58.960 --> 0:21:59.960
<v Speaker 1>Give her all the shit work.

0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:04.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm not ordering her to do this work. She just mums,

0:22:04.480 --> 0:22:07.880
<v Speaker 2>raised five kids. She gets it. She comes in, don't

0:22:07.920 --> 0:22:09.919
<v Speaker 2>have to give it any instruction. She just gets straight

0:22:09.920 --> 0:22:14.080
<v Speaker 2>into it, knuckles down, love it. Although we've had one

0:22:14.080 --> 0:22:23.200
<v Speaker 2>issue so ash. No, Laura and I we had.

0:22:24.359 --> 0:22:28.880
<v Speaker 1>You've been fucking.

0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:31.040
<v Speaker 2>We had where this is going.

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:33.120
<v Speaker 1>We had sexy time, some action.

0:22:33.280 --> 0:22:37.640
<v Speaker 2>Oh yeah, come on, come on, let's not go. Let's

0:22:37.680 --> 0:22:38.320
<v Speaker 2>not go yet.

0:22:39.040 --> 0:22:41.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm better than that. You are better than that.

0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:45.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm glad you acknowledged it. Sorry, don't you dare take

0:22:45.080 --> 0:22:47.720
<v Speaker 2>my mother's name and rub it through the mud. So

0:22:47.960 --> 0:22:52.959
<v Speaker 2>Laura and I we had, as you call the horizontal tango.

0:22:53.720 --> 0:22:55.040
<v Speaker 1>You did dancing with this duff.

0:22:55.280 --> 0:22:59.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, let me teach you a thing or two. And

0:23:00.040 --> 0:23:02.720
<v Speaker 2>to clean up the mess. Afterwards, we use a towel,

0:23:03.160 --> 0:23:04.119
<v Speaker 2>a full towel.

0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Well sometimes because it's sort of messy. You're making well,

0:23:07.240 --> 0:23:08.640
<v Speaker 1>the thing is, I don't want to.

0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:13.840
<v Speaker 2>Know the thing thing is because our house is quite damp,

0:23:14.160 --> 0:23:16.560
<v Speaker 2>so the towels don't really dry. So when the towel's

0:23:16.680 --> 0:23:18.400
<v Speaker 2>like on its way out and it's due to go.

0:23:18.359 --> 0:23:20.960
<v Speaker 1>In the wash, these r dicking balls on it.

0:23:21.040 --> 0:23:23.879
<v Speaker 2>For one of a better phrase. Yeah, and also because

0:23:24.840 --> 0:23:30.280
<v Speaker 2>to clean up. You get what I'm saying. The bath

0:23:30.359 --> 0:23:32.960
<v Speaker 2>tower was used to clean up the mess. And then

0:23:33.359 --> 0:23:36.440
<v Speaker 2>late at night. You know, I don't want to walk

0:23:36.520 --> 0:23:38.879
<v Speaker 2>naked all the way then to the bathroom where the

0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:41.520
<v Speaker 2>laundry is. So I've got the en suite in my bedroom.

0:23:41.760 --> 0:23:43.880
<v Speaker 2>I'll just drop the towel on the floor and I'll

0:23:43.920 --> 0:23:49.640
<v Speaker 2>deal with that tomorrow, right, So then I forget about it.

0:23:49.760 --> 0:23:51.240
<v Speaker 2>The next day I wake up, you know, I'm a

0:23:51.240 --> 0:23:53.760
<v Speaker 2>busy guy, ash I get straight inedo work, forget about

0:23:53.800 --> 0:23:55.280
<v Speaker 2>the towel and.

0:23:57.560 --> 0:23:59.440
<v Speaker 1>That I don't want to actually go.

0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:04.080
<v Speaker 2>That night, I'm brushing my teeth as I normally do

0:24:04.200 --> 0:24:07.840
<v Speaker 2>before I go to bed, and I then turn around

0:24:08.240 --> 0:24:10.560
<v Speaker 2>to wipe my face to get rid of the water.

0:24:10.600 --> 0:24:12.440
<v Speaker 2>And you know I've got a bit of toothpaste my mouth.

0:24:12.560 --> 0:24:15.000
<v Speaker 2>So I grab the towel that's hung up in the

0:24:15.040 --> 0:24:18.199
<v Speaker 2>bathroom in my en suite. I didn't wipe my face

0:24:18.880 --> 0:24:20.800
<v Speaker 2>and more specifically like my mouth.

0:24:24.119 --> 0:24:26.720
<v Speaker 1>That would took a completely different turn than I thought

0:24:26.840 --> 0:24:27.320
<v Speaker 1>was going to go.

0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:29.800
<v Speaker 2>And I think to myself, that's a.

0:24:29.840 --> 0:24:31.560
<v Speaker 1>Work, that's a funky town.

0:24:31.680 --> 0:24:33.159
<v Speaker 2>That is a weird towel.

0:24:34.040 --> 0:24:36.120
<v Speaker 1>You do have dirty in your back.

0:24:39.480 --> 0:24:43.639
<v Speaker 2>And I realize I've used that dirty. I mused the

0:24:44.240 --> 0:24:48.040
<v Speaker 2>calmtaw to wipe my face. And do you know what, Ash,

0:24:49.000 --> 0:24:59.080
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what wo come Ash. As always, we've

0:24:59.119 --> 0:25:01.639
<v Speaker 2>had a few listen questions come through that we always

0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:02.840
<v Speaker 2>try and tackle each week.

0:25:03.080 --> 0:25:05.960
<v Speaker 1>Love it lay it on me? Do you I want

0:25:06.000 --> 0:25:08.359
<v Speaker 1>some shitty advice laid on me?

0:25:09.359 --> 0:25:12.040
<v Speaker 2>I never thought when I became a dad that I

0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:14.480
<v Speaker 2>would end up having a podcast where I would try

0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:16.880
<v Speaker 2>and help the good parents of Australia.

0:25:16.960 --> 0:25:19.520
<v Speaker 1>It's not help that we're providing. I get that word

0:25:19.560 --> 0:25:22.000
<v Speaker 1>out of there. It is not help.

0:25:22.440 --> 0:25:27.800
<v Speaker 2>Question number one. It is nothing but pure dribble. Question

0:25:27.880 --> 0:25:33.199
<v Speaker 2>number one, Ashton, Yes, do you as a dad judge

0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:34.000
<v Speaker 2>other dads?

0:25:34.119 --> 0:25:37.359
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely? I do see that I didn't even just point

0:25:37.400 --> 0:25:39.080
<v Speaker 1>blank shit.

0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:42.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you didn't even look. No, look I don't try

0:25:42.440 --> 0:25:44.280
<v Speaker 2>and go crawling back, you asshole.

0:25:44.840 --> 0:25:46.440
<v Speaker 1>Subconsciously don't and do.

0:25:46.600 --> 0:25:48.600
<v Speaker 2>You absolute prick of a blome.

0:25:48.400 --> 0:25:51.879
<v Speaker 1>You tell yourself that you don't. Yes, But there's also

0:25:51.920 --> 0:25:54.280
<v Speaker 1>a piece of you that you see a dad struggling

0:25:54.280 --> 0:25:57.160
<v Speaker 1>with their kid, whatever the circumstances, and you're like, oh,

0:25:57.160 --> 0:25:59.080
<v Speaker 1>I feel sorry for But at the same time, I'm

0:25:59.080 --> 0:26:03.520
<v Speaker 1>like sucked in mother. So like this trip, for example,

0:26:03.560 --> 0:26:07.520
<v Speaker 1>get on the plane, your eye secretly and just hoping

0:26:07.560 --> 0:26:10.640
<v Speaker 1>for a worse behave kid, Okay, so I can look

0:26:10.640 --> 0:26:12.879
<v Speaker 1>at that dad and be like, you don't know how

0:26:12.920 --> 0:26:13.680
<v Speaker 1>to fucking do it?

0:26:14.480 --> 0:26:16.360
<v Speaker 2>You know, was there one on there?

0:26:16.600 --> 0:26:21.600
<v Speaker 1>No, that was my kids. We're looking at me. You're

0:26:21.640 --> 0:26:26.080
<v Speaker 1>the shittest bro, and you look I think, yes we do,

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:30.879
<v Speaker 1>but we judge different things, Like I'm more like face

0:26:31.080 --> 0:26:34.719
<v Speaker 1>value judging, not their parenting style or stuff like that.

0:26:35.119 --> 0:26:37.120
<v Speaker 1>So I'm like, where the funk would you wear that?

0:26:39.720 --> 0:26:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Why would you dress a kid like that? You look

0:26:42.040 --> 0:26:45.560
<v Speaker 1>at him, comb his hair, shit like that. You are

0:26:46.560 --> 0:26:48.160
<v Speaker 1>so sassy bit.

0:26:50.280 --> 0:26:52.320
<v Speaker 2>Coming from the guy puts his kid in pajamas.

0:26:52.920 --> 0:26:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I know that's what I'm saying I was that dad. Okay,

0:26:57.320 --> 0:26:59.720
<v Speaker 1>in the world like you go in the world of surfing,

0:26:59.760 --> 0:27:03.199
<v Speaker 1>for example, it's a really good example. They call it

0:27:03.240 --> 0:27:05.280
<v Speaker 1>a kook. But it's not about what you do in

0:27:05.320 --> 0:27:08.560
<v Speaker 1>the water. It's what you do in and around the water, Okay,

0:27:08.680 --> 0:27:11.440
<v Speaker 1>what you do outside of the water. So it's kind

0:27:11.440 --> 0:27:15.040
<v Speaker 1>of like if me dressing my kids in pajamas, there's

0:27:15.080 --> 0:27:17.439
<v Speaker 1>two types of people that would view that. One is

0:27:17.520 --> 0:27:20.520
<v Speaker 1>just like, that's fucking genius because it's cold, it's still

0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:27.879
<v Speaker 1>need to find jump. Granted, Oscar was also wearing females pajamas. Okay, look,

0:27:28.040 --> 0:27:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I don't have any right to judge, so let's just

0:27:29.560 --> 0:27:31.439
<v Speaker 1>move on after that.

0:27:31.720 --> 0:27:34.119
<v Speaker 2>I think everyone does a little bit of judging, even

0:27:34.160 --> 0:27:37.040
<v Speaker 2>though I'm very much an advocate for we should never

0:27:37.119 --> 0:27:39.160
<v Speaker 2>judge other parents because we have no idea.

0:27:39.080 --> 0:27:41.240
<v Speaker 1>What they're going through. But that's not what I'm judging.

0:27:41.680 --> 0:27:43.280
<v Speaker 1>I'm judging face value.

0:27:43.400 --> 0:27:45.920
<v Speaker 2>I judge on like if I'm at the park, and

0:27:46.200 --> 0:27:49.760
<v Speaker 2>there's definitely been scenarios where I've seen like a child

0:27:50.000 --> 0:27:52.280
<v Speaker 2>who wants nothing more than their parent to just like

0:27:52.400 --> 0:27:54.240
<v Speaker 2>play with them, run around the park, push them on

0:27:54.240 --> 0:27:55.080
<v Speaker 2>the swing, and they're.

0:27:54.880 --> 0:27:55.880
<v Speaker 1>Like that's boring.

0:27:56.400 --> 0:27:58.399
<v Speaker 2>It is, it is. And you know what, though, do

0:27:58.440 --> 0:28:00.960
<v Speaker 2>you know what? I've had times the park where I'm like,

0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:04.320
<v Speaker 2>Lola Marley, run free and have a time of your life.

0:28:04.840 --> 0:28:05.720
<v Speaker 1>Don't come back.

0:28:06.240 --> 0:28:08.720
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, you know, drinking my coffee on my phone.

0:28:09.080 --> 0:28:11.680
<v Speaker 2>I've done that, like I'm guilty of it. But there's

0:28:11.680 --> 0:28:14.199
<v Speaker 2>been times where I'm in great form and I'm that

0:28:14.240 --> 0:28:15.280
<v Speaker 2>guy at the park He's.

0:28:15.160 --> 0:28:20.000
<v Speaker 1>Like, whoa, daddies.

0:28:18.200 --> 0:28:20.639
<v Speaker 2>And Monstone's coming for you. And then I look over

0:28:20.640 --> 0:28:22.040
<v Speaker 2>at the other dads on their phone and I'm like,

0:28:22.080 --> 0:28:23.200
<v Speaker 2>you're pieces of shit.

0:28:23.040 --> 0:28:30.000
<v Speaker 1>But they're looking at you, going look at this fucking loser. Yes,

0:28:30.119 --> 0:28:33.119
<v Speaker 1>the answer is yes, you can't help it. And you

0:28:33.160 --> 0:28:37.480
<v Speaker 1>know what, if I'm judging, I'm allowed to be judged, Matthew.

0:28:37.800 --> 0:28:40.840
<v Speaker 1>Question number two. Favorite song to sing when your kids

0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:42.720
<v Speaker 1>are having a tantrum?

0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:43.360
<v Speaker 2>H Do you do this?

0:28:44.520 --> 0:28:46.840
<v Speaker 1>I've more or less done this when the kids were

0:28:47.080 --> 0:28:49.680
<v Speaker 1>younger and just out of control in the car because

0:28:49.720 --> 0:28:52.640
<v Speaker 1>they hated the car, not the tantrum. Throw a someng

0:28:52.720 --> 0:28:55.720
<v Speaker 1>on and I was just like, I'm just gonna throw

0:28:55.800 --> 0:28:59.440
<v Speaker 1>something on to drown them out. But I wouldn't sing

0:28:59.760 --> 0:29:00.920
<v Speaker 1>like at the top of them.

0:29:01.040 --> 0:29:02.920
<v Speaker 2>Oh no, Like, hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not

0:29:03.080 --> 0:29:06.080
<v Speaker 2>belting out tunes and public to try and distract my kids.

0:29:06.360 --> 0:29:10.200
<v Speaker 2>I am singing yeah, I bet you fucking would. I

0:29:10.240 --> 0:29:15.400
<v Speaker 2>bet you standing there being like, oh, he's wearing those shoes.

0:29:15.400 --> 0:29:20.840
<v Speaker 1>In the golden buzzerment. That's great, Welcome to Australia.

0:29:20.960 --> 0:29:24.880
<v Speaker 2>No talent. But at the moment, the most common tantrum

0:29:24.880 --> 0:29:27.720
<v Speaker 2>that I have on a regular basis is the fact

0:29:27.760 --> 0:29:31.440
<v Speaker 2>that Lola hates being in the prem when we walk

0:29:31.440 --> 0:29:35.400
<v Speaker 2>home from daycare. She hates it. I do it, Yeah,

0:29:33.880 --> 0:29:38.400
<v Speaker 2>she literally says that. And You've got We've got so

0:29:38.440 --> 0:29:40.480
<v Speaker 2>many roads to cross, and it's so freaking busy, and

0:29:40.520 --> 0:29:43.120
<v Speaker 2>I can't trust her because she's a maniac. So I've

0:29:43.120 --> 0:29:46.560
<v Speaker 2>got a strap her in. She's losing it. Maley also

0:29:46.560 --> 0:29:48.200
<v Speaker 2>wants to walk, she needs to sit on the scooter,

0:29:49.040 --> 0:29:55.200
<v Speaker 2>And so then I start saying, oh, I start singing Lola, Lola, yes,

0:29:55.320 --> 0:30:01.520
<v Speaker 2>Dada eating cookies, no Dad, And it's it's a cocamelan song.

0:30:01.600 --> 0:30:01.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:30:02.200 --> 0:30:04.760
<v Speaker 2>And it doesn't matter how tan for me that she

0:30:04.960 --> 0:30:07.880
<v Speaker 2>is at that point in time. She'll always sing her

0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:09.760
<v Speaker 2>lines yeah, Like it doesn't.

0:30:09.480 --> 0:30:10.960
<v Speaker 1>Matter if she's like crack the code.

0:30:11.040 --> 0:30:13.360
<v Speaker 2>Essentially, it's okay, I'll play the song right now, So

0:30:13.360 --> 0:30:18.080
<v Speaker 2>in case anyone's not familiar, here's the song. Johnny Johnny.

0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:26.600
<v Speaker 1>Eating sugar, selling lies, open your.

0:30:26.360 --> 0:30:31.520
<v Speaker 2>Mouth and it works every time, works every time. And

0:30:31.680 --> 0:30:33.720
<v Speaker 2>even Marley as well, she like can't help it. It's

0:30:33.800 --> 0:30:36.360
<v Speaker 2>just like I thought i'd never like hypnotized by.

0:30:36.560 --> 0:30:39.040
<v Speaker 1>Is it like a call and respond sort of situation.

0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:41.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so there's like in the song, there's like the

0:30:41.160 --> 0:30:42.160
<v Speaker 2>parent and the child.

0:30:42.240 --> 0:30:45.280
<v Speaker 1>This is great parenting advice. Hey, Cocamina, have to cut

0:30:45.280 --> 0:30:45.840
<v Speaker 1>this bit out.

0:30:46.080 --> 0:30:47.840
<v Speaker 2>Cocamelon is crack for kids.

0:30:48.160 --> 0:30:49.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, yeah, you put that as soon as you

0:30:50.040 --> 0:30:55.520
<v Speaker 1>hear the Also Missus Appleberry, missus apple Bottom.

0:30:55.640 --> 0:30:58.080
<v Speaker 2>Yeah you I've seen you've posted about her.

0:30:58.440 --> 0:31:05.400
<v Speaker 1>That's good stuff. Mate. There's dad's out there listening to this.

0:31:05.640 --> 0:31:09.200
<v Speaker 1>You know, there's dads out there listening to this going

0:31:10.120 --> 0:31:12.840
<v Speaker 1>he is one hundred and fifty percent right.

0:31:13.000 --> 0:31:15.200
<v Speaker 2>It's cocon melon it's a kid's cartoon.

0:31:16.240 --> 0:31:19.600
<v Speaker 1>I'm looking for the porn parody. But Apple Bottom, it

0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:23.360
<v Speaker 1>is no, no enough, And I was not bad either.

0:31:24.360 --> 0:31:26.040
<v Speaker 1>You are an animal animal today.

0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:28.080
<v Speaker 2>All right, we put a call out there. We had

0:31:28.080 --> 0:31:28.720
<v Speaker 2>that little question.

0:31:28.960 --> 0:31:30.320
<v Speaker 1>Did put a call out there, what.

0:31:30.400 --> 0:31:33.160
<v Speaker 2>Is your child stolen? We had lots of responses. One

0:31:33.240 --> 0:31:33.880
<v Speaker 2>was a standout.

0:31:33.960 --> 0:31:36.440
<v Speaker 1>One was a standout, but I do want to There

0:31:36.520 --> 0:31:41.360
<v Speaker 1>was a trend, a heavy trend on parents marching their

0:31:41.480 --> 0:31:46.240
<v Speaker 1>kids back to whereever it is they stole something, from

0:31:46.520 --> 0:31:48.040
<v Speaker 1>returning it and returning it.

0:31:48.320 --> 0:31:49.680
<v Speaker 2>So honest, so honest.

0:31:49.720 --> 0:31:51.400
<v Speaker 1>But I guarantee the people the shop were like, we

0:31:51.400 --> 0:31:53.480
<v Speaker 1>don't want the fucking half chewed mentals back.

0:31:53.640 --> 0:31:55.600
<v Speaker 2>There was a lady who, like, I think their kid

0:31:55.640 --> 0:31:58.360
<v Speaker 2>took a scooter and they surely realized when they were

0:31:58.360 --> 0:32:00.600
<v Speaker 2>halfway home, and they still took it back nights.

0:32:00.880 --> 0:32:01.760
<v Speaker 1>That's a free scooter.

0:32:02.000 --> 0:32:03.479
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, let's play on.

0:32:03.560 --> 0:32:04.200
<v Speaker 1>Let's play on that.

0:32:04.440 --> 0:32:05.360
<v Speaker 2>Do you read the story?

0:32:06.040 --> 0:32:06.360
<v Speaker 1>You should?

0:32:06.360 --> 0:32:07.120
<v Speaker 2>I read the story.

0:32:07.120 --> 0:32:07.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm no good at that.

0:32:07.880 --> 0:32:11.000
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So she says, daycare theft when the child's over

0:32:11.080 --> 0:32:14.200
<v Speaker 2>three years old is next level. My now four year

0:32:14.240 --> 0:32:18.600
<v Speaker 2>old son routinely whips out something and says, they said

0:32:18.640 --> 0:32:24.120
<v Speaker 2>I could take it. Cars, arts and crafts, shit, other kids, drawings,

0:32:25.520 --> 0:32:27.800
<v Speaker 2>a pair of girls, poor patrol undies.

0:32:27.840 --> 0:32:28.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, teach.

0:32:30.680 --> 0:32:36.560
<v Speaker 2>This. He peaked. He peaked when I opened his bag

0:32:37.000 --> 0:32:42.760
<v Speaker 2>and found two digital cameras, the ones they used to

0:32:42.800 --> 0:32:45.880
<v Speaker 2>take pics of the kids and update the app. Needless

0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:48.280
<v Speaker 2>to say, I had to sneak those bad boys back

0:32:48.320 --> 0:32:50.720
<v Speaker 2>the next day without making eye contact with any child

0:32:50.720 --> 0:32:53.960
<v Speaker 2>of staff members. Every afternoon is a lucky dip. They knew,

0:32:54.920 --> 0:32:55.920
<v Speaker 2>they knew one hundred.

0:32:56.880 --> 0:33:00.640
<v Speaker 1>Oh yeah, this kid got a criminal on your hand.

0:33:00.960 --> 0:33:02.960
<v Speaker 1>Lock that kid up right now.

0:33:03.120 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 2>Not just one, but two cameras.

0:33:04.800 --> 0:33:08.600
<v Speaker 1>Two cameras. What was gonna do with those two cameras, Ravo. Look,

0:33:08.640 --> 0:33:10.680
<v Speaker 1>he could have just taken one, but he thought, you

0:33:10.720 --> 0:33:13.640
<v Speaker 1>know what, I'm brady, I've taken two.

0:33:13.760 --> 0:33:14.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm going all in.

0:33:14.560 --> 0:33:18.360
<v Speaker 1>Also, the Shiites cameras, they have a kindie like you

0:33:18.360 --> 0:33:21.160
<v Speaker 1>get a photo of your kids. It's so fucking yeah,

0:33:21.240 --> 0:33:28.560
<v Speaker 1>this is twenty this is twenty twenty three. Okay, take

0:33:28.600 --> 0:33:32.000
<v Speaker 1>a picture on your iPhone with live field.

0:33:31.680 --> 0:33:33.600
<v Speaker 2>Hard says the influencer.

0:33:34.480 --> 0:33:37.920
<v Speaker 1>Lives on. Use a ring light, Use a ring light.

0:33:38.880 --> 0:33:41.360
<v Speaker 1>Poor girl's getting paid about sixteen dollars an hour to

0:33:41.400 --> 0:33:42.160
<v Speaker 1>look after my kids.

0:33:42.480 --> 0:33:44.640
<v Speaker 2>And you come and picking up busket being like, hey,

0:33:45.240 --> 0:33:48.440
<v Speaker 2>just shit quality, just a bit of advice, Rachel.

0:33:48.600 --> 0:33:51.920
<v Speaker 1>And stop posting that my kid ate all their food.

0:33:52.000 --> 0:33:54.360
<v Speaker 1>And then you post a blurry photo of them.

0:33:54.720 --> 0:33:57.200
<v Speaker 2>Shout out to anyone who works in early education. Yeah.

0:33:57.280 --> 0:33:59.160
<v Speaker 1>Look, I could never do that job obviously.

0:33:59.320 --> 0:34:02.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't try and come crawling back now, Ash, don't

0:34:02.240 --> 0:34:06.240
<v Speaker 2>try and redeem yourself. We all know how you feel

0:34:06.240 --> 0:34:11.600
<v Speaker 2>about people. We gotta get out of here.

0:34:11.680 --> 0:34:13.600
<v Speaker 1>We do have to thank you, guys, appreciate this.

0:34:13.520 --> 0:34:15.680
<v Speaker 2>This is the episode. I just want to say one

0:34:15.719 --> 0:34:19.160
<v Speaker 2>thing we have had. You're on the responsibility of replying

0:34:19.160 --> 0:34:22.840
<v Speaker 2>to people who message us on the Instagram. Ash loves it. Don't.

0:34:24.800 --> 0:34:26.600
<v Speaker 2>If you want to speak to Ash, the best way

0:34:26.680 --> 0:34:28.759
<v Speaker 2>is to write to us on our Instagram at two

0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:33.040
<v Speaker 2>doting dads. But also, whilst it's great to have those messages,

0:34:33.480 --> 0:34:37.280
<v Speaker 2>they're dead to me because they're not public. They're private

0:34:37.280 --> 0:34:41.120
<v Speaker 2>the dms, no one else has seen it. Leave a review, yeah,

0:34:41.200 --> 0:34:46.400
<v Speaker 2>make the message in Apple podcasts. Yeah that not a message,

0:34:46.480 --> 0:34:48.800
<v Speaker 2>But write a review. If you're thinking about sending a DM,

0:34:49.040 --> 0:34:51.719
<v Speaker 2>stop right there, put it on Apple podcasts. Make it

0:34:51.760 --> 0:34:57.959
<v Speaker 2>public otherwise it means nothing. Otherwise, Park, we got to stop.

0:34:58.680 --> 0:35:01.000
<v Speaker 2>You got to stop drinking beer some records because you're

0:35:01.040 --> 0:35:02.560
<v Speaker 2>getting very angry.

0:35:03.400 --> 0:35:06.279
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, look I love it. I love it

0:35:06.320 --> 0:35:08.279
<v Speaker 1>when you comment because it's weight. Then I don't have

0:35:08.320 --> 0:35:10.759
<v Speaker 1>to go to the d ms. But no, do send

0:35:10.800 --> 0:35:12.239
<v Speaker 1>us a dem if you want to send me a DM.

0:35:12.680 --> 0:35:14.359
<v Speaker 1>I have been trying to get to them.

0:35:14.560 --> 0:35:15.359
<v Speaker 2>You've done a great job.

0:35:15.400 --> 0:35:17.919
<v Speaker 1>I went back three weeks last night and those listening

0:35:18.080 --> 0:35:20.880
<v Speaker 1>me like I got the sorry message?

0:35:21.040 --> 0:35:23.319
<v Speaker 2>Did people when you responded, do they right back?

0:35:23.480 --> 0:35:26.359
<v Speaker 1>They're like, nice, try champ. Yeah, I got a lot

0:35:26.360 --> 0:35:28.399
<v Speaker 1>of people. I've got a lot of nice messages. Yeah.

0:35:28.480 --> 0:35:33.040
<v Speaker 2>Keep the coming, Yeah, follow, subscribe, review, share the episodes

0:35:33.080 --> 0:35:35.920
<v Speaker 2>with the friends. I love it. If you did until then.

0:35:36.680 --> 0:35:38.520
<v Speaker 1>That's us. See you later, see us