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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, on average, a lot of people can actually work

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Speaker 2: through these challenges by just having a couple of safe

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Speaker 2: people that they can talk with.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Hello.

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Speaker 4: This is doctor Justin Coulson.

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Speaker 3: I'm the author of six books about raising families to

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Speaker 3: be happy, and have a PhD in psychology. I'm the

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Speaker 3: founder of Happy Families dot com.

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Speaker 2: You're putting your psychologist voice on.

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Speaker 4: A I'm not trying to. Am I sounding serious? Am

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Speaker 4: I very serious?

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Speaker 2: Today?

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Speaker 4: I'm sounding clinical? How does that make you feel?

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Speaker 2: Oh?

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Speaker 3: This is happy fanis the couch but to sleep on

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Speaker 3: to talk to me on? So I'm obviously a very

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Speaker 3: serious person by the sounds of things. I've got a

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Speaker 3: PhD in psychology, and I've written some books. You're the

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Speaker 3: mom to our six daughters and my podcast co host

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Speaker 3: and wife.

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Speaker 4: I should put that in there as well.

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Speaker 3: There's a bit of a problem happening around the world

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Speaker 3: at the moment. Most people are fully aware of it.

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Speaker 3: It's called a global pandemic, and today, in fact, all

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Speaker 3: of this week We're going to be addressing the mental

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Speaker 3: health issues and talking about solutions when it comes to

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Speaker 3: what the extended lockdowns are doing to our nation's children

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Speaker 3: and youth and also parents. I can't wait for this week.

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Speaker 3: We're having a really important conversation on Wednesday with Professor

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Speaker 3: Lee Waters from the University of Melbourne, the Center for

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Speaker 3: Well Being Research in the Graduate School of Education. We're

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Speaker 3: also going to be answering listener questions and today we're

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Speaker 3: talking about what to do when you can't get help.

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Speaker 3: I want to share something with you, Kylie that I

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Speaker 3: think is really important. This came from a news article.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately I don't actually have the resource. Somebody sent it

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Speaker 3: to me and all I can do is quote what

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Speaker 3: it says. But have a listen to this. There is

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Speaker 3: no availability of psychologists for children under twelve in the West.

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Speaker 3: Now we're talking about western New South Wales. Here there

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Speaker 3: is limited mental health support. Let's not pretend we're able

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Speaker 3: to mitigate the effects of lockdown by our existing absolutely

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Speaker 3: overburdened mental health care system. Somebody says, as a psychologist

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Speaker 3: working long hours in direct client service and hours in

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Speaker 3: indirect reports and letter writing, etc. Every day for the

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Speaker 3: last eighteen months, the task feels insurmountable. The pain and

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Speaker 3: suffering of broken lives has not been seen on this

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Speaker 3: scale for decades. There's a cognitive neuropsychologists and Swinburne University

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Speaker 3: of Technology researcher by the name of Susan Rossell. She

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Speaker 3: says that demand for mental health services has grown as

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Speaker 3: the pandemic has entered the second year of challenges. She

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Speaker 3: said in early twenty twenty, people were about three to

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Speaker 3: four times more anxious, depressed and stressed than before the pandemic.

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Speaker 3: That's now surged to about six to seven times based

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Speaker 3: on data from both April and August this year, and

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Speaker 3: a GP in Melbourne in Bundura says avenues for mental

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Speaker 3: health support are capacity. She told nine news dot com

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Speaker 3: dot Au. Many child and adolescent psychologists across Victoria have

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Speaker 3: closed their books and are not taking any more patients

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Speaker 3: because of the huge demand on their services. There are

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Speaker 3: children on waitlists for months and months and months. So

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Speaker 3: what we're really doing here is we're witnessing firsthand this

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Speaker 3: collective mental breakdown among children. Because of the state of

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Speaker 3: perpetual lockdown across New South Wales, the ACT and Victoria

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Speaker 3: Victoria in particular, where it has been over the top

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Speaker 3: unhealthy and while not making a political statement, the Andrews

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Speaker 3: fixation on COVID zero is leading to decisions that don't

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Speaker 3: have any empirical basis but are absolutely locking people in

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Speaker 3: in unhealthy ways. That's the situation we're up against, and

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Speaker 3: that's what we're talking about today.

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Speaker 2: So we actually had a conversation recently with Tony Fitzgerald.

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Speaker 2: He was the virtual services manager at your Town. They

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Speaker 2: take care of both parent Line and Kids help Line,

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Speaker 2: and that conversation was really eye opening. He talked about

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Speaker 2: the fact that numbers going through the call center had

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Speaker 2: skyrocketed like twelve to eighteen months.

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Speaker 3: And every day they're basically setting new records because of

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Speaker 3: the distress of kids and parents people. John Brogden, who

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Speaker 3: runs Lifeline, he was on Twitter saying every other day

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Speaker 3: the numbers are all new records. It's staggering how many

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Speaker 3: people are struggling.

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Speaker 2: So today's podcast is about helping you when you can't

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Speaker 2: actually access the help that you need.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, If you tried to get into the GP so

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Speaker 3: that you can get an appointment with a psychologist, it's

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Speaker 3: going to be really challenging.

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Speaker 4: I think that's really it.

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Speaker 3: And Kylie, you were listened to a podcast we were

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Speaker 3: talking about this earlier, and you had a couple of

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Speaker 3: really useful insights that I think are worth sharing.

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Speaker 2: This particular podcast was interviewed a therapist and just the

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Speaker 2: acknowledgment that on the whole therapy is frowned upon or

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Speaker 2: doesn't necessarily have a good connotation to it as a

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Speaker 2: society in general. But his acknowledgment was that there are

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Speaker 2: so many different forms of therapy. We often think about,

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Speaker 2: you know, sitting on the couch, as we joked about

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Speaker 2: at the beginning of the podcast, and you know, talking

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Speaker 2: to a psychologist, but the realization that for some people

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Speaker 2: that's not what they need. And his acknowledgement was that

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Speaker 2: a good therapist will actually help you to tap into

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Speaker 2: your own authentic self is what he called it, authentic self,

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Speaker 2: to find your own answers. A therapist isn't going to

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Speaker 2: give you the answers. A therapist is going to guide

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Speaker 2: you through a process to help you get those answers.

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Speaker 3: In other words, it's about doing inner work. It's about

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Speaker 3: self discovery, it's about growth and development. It's not about

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Speaker 3: sitting down on the couch and being given a prescription

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Speaker 3: for this is what you need to do to be happy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And he acknowledged that if you have a village,

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Speaker 2: which I talk about all but if you have a village,

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Speaker 2: if you have a good friend or a good family

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Speaker 2: member who you feel that you can be completely open

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Speaker 2: and vulnerable with that, more times than not, you actually

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Speaker 2: don't need therapy. You just need to be able to

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Speaker 2: talk through and work through challenges. Now, he also obviously

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Speaker 2: acknowledge that there are some extremely challenging experiences that people

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Speaker 2: go through and they do need therapy, and there's all

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Speaker 2: kinds of therapy available for them. But on average, a

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Speaker 2: lot of people can actually work through these challenges by

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Speaker 2: just having a couple of safe people that they can

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Speaker 2: talk with.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: So we're not discouraging people from receiving professional help, because

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Speaker 3: professional help is absolutely necessary in many many cases. However,

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Speaker 3: there are many cases as well where we if we

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Speaker 3: can get circumstances in environment, people and processes right in

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Speaker 3: our lives, we can negate or dramatically reduce our need

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Speaker 3: for therapeutic help. And that's I think where we can

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Speaker 3: be most helpful in this podcast because it's hard to

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Speaker 3: get in to get therapeutic help. And if you can't

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Speaker 3: get that help with somebody who is a professional who's

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Speaker 3: paid to help you to get through these hard times,

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Speaker 3: what options have you got given that waiting lists months

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Speaker 3: and months long. I mean I talked to somebody the

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Speaker 3: other day who is trying to get into a psychology

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Speaker 3: clinic for their child who has really really big challenges autistic,

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Speaker 3: and the wait list that they've just closed their books.

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Speaker 3: They've said, we don't know when we're going to open

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Speaker 3: our books again, because we are that busy. They've got

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Speaker 3: that much going on. It's such a big challenge.

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Speaker 4: I really like what you've said, though.

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Speaker 3: If we can get the environment right, if we can

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Speaker 3: get our processes right in our lives, sometimes we can

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Speaker 3: negate the need for therapy. So let's talk about what

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Speaker 3: we could do if we're in that situation where.

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Speaker 4: We know we need help.

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Speaker 3: Help's not available other than via the helplines, which of

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Speaker 3: course we recommend that you call because they'll at least

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Speaker 3: give you something. Let's talk about what you can do

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Speaker 3: right after break.

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Speaker 1: It's their Happy Famili's podcast.

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Speaker 4: For a happier Family.

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Speaker 2: Try a Happy Families membership because a happy family doesn't

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Speaker 2: just happen. Details at happyfamilies dot com dot au. It's

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Speaker 2: the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor

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Speaker 2: parent who just wants answers now and today, we are

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Speaker 2: endeavoring to give you some help when you can't get

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Speaker 2: the help that you think or want.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we've framed the problem.

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Speaker 3: There's a lack of good professional help because psychologists are

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Speaker 3: closing their books and they're just saying we can't help

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Speaker 3: any more people. But there is a silent epidemic that

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Speaker 3: goes along with this global COVID pandemic, and the epidemic

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Speaker 3: is that we've got major problems with people getting mental

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Speaker 3: health help. So if that is you, or if you

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Speaker 3: know somebody who needs help but they can't get it,

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Speaker 3: there's a handful of things that science tells us we

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Speaker 3: can try that may at least alleviate those depression or

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Speaker 3: anxiety or stressed out symptoms and make family life and

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Speaker 3: personal life a little better.

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Speaker 2: So I think one of the biggest challenges that we're

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Speaker 2: experiencing seeing as a society in general with lockdown is

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Speaker 2: a lack of connection. And it's really easy when you're

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Speaker 2: not able to do the things that you'll do on

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Speaker 2: a day to day basis to make connections to kind

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Speaker 2: of sever connections in the process. And one of the

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Speaker 2: things that I have found so helpful. I hate those

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Speaker 2: video face time call things. I really really struggle with them.

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Speaker 2: But because of lockdown, I've actually had to put on

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Speaker 2: my big girl pants and deal with the fact that

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Speaker 2: I'm staring at my own face and my friend's face

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Speaker 2: at the same time. And the joy that it has

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Speaker 2: brought to me and the feeling of connection that I

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Speaker 2: have had surpasses any phone call that I've had with

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Speaker 2: my friends. But I think sometimes even though we know

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Speaker 2: it's there, we don't utilize it because we can't have

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Speaker 2: that coffee that we have with them every Tuesday morning

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Speaker 2: or whatever. And we recognize that we're all dealing with

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Speaker 2: homeschool and all of the challenges. So I think that

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Speaker 2: you know, tapping into some of those technology opportunities we

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Speaker 2: make decisions for other people. We assume that they're too

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Speaker 2: busy because they're dealing with their stuff and you're dealing

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Speaker 2: with your stuff. But I think it's really important for

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Speaker 2: us to actually be very conscious in our decisions to

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Speaker 2: make connections in spite of the fact that it's not

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Speaker 2: where we are. I've had the opportunity, through some of

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Speaker 2: our isolating periods of just reaching out to some older

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Speaker 2: ladies in our area who are extremely isolated and just

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Speaker 2: touching base with them, checking in, making sure they're doing okay,

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Speaker 2: and seeing the joy on their face that somebody actually

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Speaker 2: thought of them. You know, for those of us who

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Speaker 2: live in families and we have other people around us,

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Speaker 2: it still can be challenging, but at least we've got

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Speaker 2: other human contact. But these people who live on their

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Speaker 2: own really really struggle. One of the other things that

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Speaker 2: I've done too is just acknowledging that I recognize that

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Speaker 2: there are a few people in my circles who are

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Speaker 2: really really struggling, and I can see them spiraling down.

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Speaker 2: And so I created a little gratitude group with them

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Speaker 2: and just got them to send me three things that

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Speaker 2: were grateful for each day. And as they did that,

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Speaker 2: I could literally see the cogs turning as things started

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Speaker 2: to change because their focus was on things, and some

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Speaker 2: of them were tiny, tiny little things, you know, their

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Speaker 2: child laughed, but they could see something to be grateful

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Speaker 2: for and it made such a difference.

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Speaker 3: Okay, time's getting away from us. But really this is

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Speaker 3: about what do you do when you can't connect with

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Speaker 3: anyone you need that psychological help.

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Speaker 4: Connection is at the heart of it.

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Speaker 3: I've got a couple of other things that I think

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Speaker 3: are worth just mentioning for sort of ten or fifteen

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Speaker 3: seconds each. The first thing I'm going to emphasize is

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Speaker 3: you've got to look after your body. Like everybody knows

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Speaker 3: this and yet so I can't tell you how good

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Speaker 3: it feels. You know this, If you do this, if

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Speaker 3: you have physical activity in your life regularly, you just

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Speaker 3: feel better, full stop, end of story. I love I

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Speaker 3: just love getting out of my bike every morning and

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Speaker 3: going for that ride. It changes everything, and it's the

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Speaker 3: social part as well as the exercise part.

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Speaker 2: One of the things that I absolutely love when we

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Speaker 2: went down into first Lockdown last year was how busy

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Speaker 2: our neighborhood became with people walking. They don't do it,

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Speaker 2: they don't get out, but because it was their only

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Speaker 2: source of getting out and about, people were walking all

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Speaker 2: day every day.

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Speaker 4: It was awesome. For seeing people in the street was

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Speaker 4: like wow, and I have.

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Speaker 2: I've noticed everybody is so much more friendly.

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Speaker 4: That they want to say hello. Yeah. Secondly, sleep like

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Speaker 4: actually get enough sleep.

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Speaker 3: Stop binging on different series, on whatever streaming service you use.

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Speaker 4: Get enough sleep so important for well being.

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Speaker 3: It's associated with not enough sleep is associated with a

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Speaker 3: whole lot of medical issues.

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Speaker 4: Get enough sleep, I.

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Speaker 2: Think in line with that is just an acknowledgement that

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Speaker 2: keeping a routine yep. Even though you're not going to

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Speaker 2: work and you're not doing X, Y and Z, it's

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Speaker 2: so important for you to have that routine and structure

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Speaker 2: to your day so that you're not being idle yep.

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Speaker 3: And the last thing that I'm going to highlight is

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Speaker 3: digital devices. Like I'm not anti screen, and we've talked

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Speaker 3: about this quite a lot on the podcast, but I

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Speaker 3: do know that screens can if they're not serving a purpose,

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Speaker 3: if they're not doing something meaningful, if you're not using

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Speaker 3: them mindfully, if you're not able to moderate. These are

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Speaker 3: the three ms that Joscelyn Brewer talks about all the time.

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Speaker 3: You should check out Digital Nutrition with Joscelyn Brewer. She says,

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Speaker 3: use your screens mindfully, use them moderately, and use them

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Speaker 3: in ways where you can really maximize your life. If

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Speaker 3: they're detracting from your life, they're distracting from your connections.

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Speaker 3: If they're distracting from your ability to exercise and live large,

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Speaker 3: then ditch the device and folks on the stuff that works,

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Speaker 3: because all too often it will interfere.

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Speaker 2: And if you love reading, I'm going to suggest pick

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Speaker 2: up a few books Brene Brown. She has been brilliant

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Speaker 2: as I've started to work through some kind of just

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Speaker 2: my own little challenges. Not so much therapy, just an

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Speaker 2: acknowledgment that there's room to grow and room to learn.

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Speaker 2: And I think that if you're open to hearing new

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Speaker 2: ideas and new suggestions, that this can be a wonderful

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Speaker 2: way to kind of work through your own process.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so this isn't therapy. You do recommend it for

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Speaker 3: those who need it, but we also recognize that sometimes

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Speaker 3: therapy is not what you need.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes you just.

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Speaker 3: Need to move your body, be in nature, connect with others, volunteer,

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Speaker 3: make a difference in the world, get enough sleep, look

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Speaker 3: after yourself, read, do some inner work. These are the

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Speaker 3: kinds of things that may actually help you during these

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Speaker 3: extended lockdown periods. We really hope and pray that things

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Speaker 3: are going to get better for you. If you're in

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Speaker 3: a lockdown state at the moment and if things are

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Speaker 3: a struggle, we again recommend that you call out to

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Speaker 3: those lifelines, whether it's Lifeline itself or Kids help Line

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Speaker 3: or parent Line or wherever it might be that you

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Speaker 3: can get some help. The Happy Famili's podcast is produced

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Speaker 3: by Justin Rulan and he's from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce

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Speaker 3: is the guy that's our executive producer, and we appreciate

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Speaker 3: the work that both of those gentlemen do to help

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Speaker 3: the podcast sound as good as it does and to

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Speaker 3: have the impact that it has in so many lives.

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Speaker 3: If it's working for you, can you jump onto Apple

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Speaker 3: Podcasts and leave a rating and review. It's those ratings

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Speaker 3: and reviews that help other people to find out about

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Speaker 3: the podcast and get help that might be useful for

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Speaker 3: them and their family. And if you like premium help,

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Speaker 3: the very best help that we've got, please have a

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Speaker 3: look at our Happy Families memberships. Those memberships are available

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Speaker 3: at Happy Families dot com dot a