1 00:00:05,120 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: This is a Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,280 Speaker 2: We are Luke and Susie and this is the podcast 3 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,640 Speaker 2: for time poor parents who just want answers now. 4 00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 3: Melissa sent us this message. She said, my child, who 5 00:00:18,560 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 3: is five, was punched in the face by another boy 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,239 Speaker 3: same age at school. I've said that I'll step in 7 00:00:23,280 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 3: if something is not done, but how far should we go? 8 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:28,720 Speaker 3: When should we step in by not doing something? I 9 00:00:28,760 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 3: feel like I'm telling my child that it's okay to 10 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:33,280 Speaker 3: have people walk all over you. I don't know whether 11 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 3: the mother knows or not. It is a five year old, 12 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 3: for goodness sake, How and when should I step in? 13 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:42,520 Speaker 3: Doctor Justin Coulson, This is not a happy family situation. 14 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 3: This is a This is a mum who doesn't know 15 00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 3: the right thing to do. And you know what I 16 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:50,000 Speaker 3: reckon this four or five six years old is where 17 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 3: we as parents learn so much about this very question. 18 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 3: When do we step in? And when do we let 19 00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,200 Speaker 3: our children figure stuff out? 20 00:00:57,440 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 4: I think it's a sign of the very best parents. 21 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,240 Speaker 5: Ones who know when to step in and the ones 22 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 5: who know when to step back, the ones who know 23 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 5: when to talk, and the ones who know when to 24 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 5: just be quiet. 25 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:12,920 Speaker 1: This is sounding like Kenny Rodgers. To hold him, when 26 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,960 Speaker 1: to walk away? No, when to run the parenting skills. 27 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,720 Speaker 3: I've learned in my time as parenting that there is 28 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 3: some value to the kids law, letting children figure some 29 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:23,760 Speaker 3: things out by themselves. 30 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:26,120 Speaker 5: And ye, but says I've got to say when when 31 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 5: a five year old punching another five year old on 32 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:29,399 Speaker 5: the face, its time. 33 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 4: It's time to step in. Years have got to be 34 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:33,080 Speaker 4: involved in this. 35 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 1: Ye, well, we say, we say so. 36 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 2: The question is about when, when and how she should 37 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,760 Speaker 2: step in? What does stepping in look like? Because I 38 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,479 Speaker 2: guess on impulse, if your five year olds been punched 39 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 2: in the face. 40 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 4: You can find that five years old, you hold them 41 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 4: against the wall. 42 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, too far, it's usually susie. But what does stepping 43 00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 1: in actually look like? 44 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:01,280 Speaker 4: I think that it depends so much on the situation. 45 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 5: I mean, if it happens in the backyard, then you 46 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 5: step in and then you deal with it right there 47 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 5: with the child, or perhaps the parents are there and 48 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 5: you talk to the parents and say, we need to 49 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,760 Speaker 5: interact and we need to figure this out together. We've 50 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,919 Speaker 5: got to know this is not okay. If you're in 51 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:17,480 Speaker 5: a public place like a park, the situation's different. Perhaps 52 00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:20,519 Speaker 5: their parents look far too scary, and when you walk 53 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 5: towards them to talk about it, they grimace at you menacingly, 54 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,200 Speaker 5: and you get your child, get your keys, and you 55 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 5: get in the car. 56 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:29,320 Speaker 4: Or maybe they'll actually come running as. 57 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 5: Well and say, oh my goodness, and they won't be 58 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 5: able to believe that their child's done that. 59 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think in that scenario where we're there 60 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:38,800 Speaker 3: and we see exactly what happens, it's almost easier to 61 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 3: determine when to step in and when not. But what 62 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 3: if it happens at school. You didn't see what happened 63 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 3: around the event. You only heard from your child that 64 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 3: they got punched in the face from another child. You 65 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 3: don't know in Melissa's case, whether the other mum even 66 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,080 Speaker 3: knows that their child did this. What do you do? 67 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 4: This is where it gets really tricky. The school's got 68 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:56,119 Speaker 4: to be involved. 69 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 5: But I think one of the other challenges that we 70 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 5: face here before we go jumping to conclusion. And I'm 71 00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,440 Speaker 5: sure that Melissa and her family are wonderful, but we 72 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:06,480 Speaker 5: don't know. And this is not about blaming the victim. 73 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:10,440 Speaker 5: Getting punched in the face is not acceptable end of story. Ever, 74 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 5: but it's also important for us to understand what's going 75 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 5: on in the relationship, what's going on with that child, 76 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 5: what's going on with our child. 77 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:18,040 Speaker 4: So I would want. 78 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,799 Speaker 5: To be sitting down or having the school sit down 79 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 5: to really get what's going on. Has my child been 80 00:03:24,760 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 5: unknowingly upsetting the other child and is there something that 81 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,359 Speaker 5: my child can learn from this. I just want to 82 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 5: make sure that my child's doing the right thing. Again, 83 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,000 Speaker 5: not blaming the victim here, but just making sure that 84 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 5: my child's doing the right thing. 85 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 4: Second thing that we want to do is the school's got. 86 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:41,360 Speaker 5: To have some sort of a plan for responding to 87 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 5: a child who is violent and aggressive. Now, this is 88 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:47,520 Speaker 5: the domain of schools, not the domain of parents. 89 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 4: It's happened at school. The school needs to be able 90 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,000 Speaker 4: to deal with it, and this should especially at the 91 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 4: age of five. 92 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 5: This should usually involve the school letting the other parent 93 00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:58,320 Speaker 5: know that this is what's gone on. It's so important though, 94 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 5: that when that child goes home that mum or dad 95 00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 5: you know, of the perpetrator, don't say right, that's it. 96 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 4: I'm going to put you through the world. You don't 97 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 4: behave like this because I wonder where the kid's learning 98 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 4: it from. If that's the case. 99 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 5: As parents, if our child's are the boy, if our 100 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 5: child's the aggressive one, we need to be able to 101 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 5: sit down with that child and find out, well, where 102 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,080 Speaker 5: did this come from? 103 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 4: Who showed you this? 104 00:04:16,920 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 5: Have you been Have you been watching too many superhero movies? 105 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 5: Research shows that boys in particular, are much more likely 106 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:25,480 Speaker 5: to be who exposed to those movies are much more 107 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,159 Speaker 5: likely to be violent. They don't pick up the pro 108 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,760 Speaker 5: social cues from the superheroes. They just get the violence. 109 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,160 Speaker 5: Or have they got a big brother or sister who's 110 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,120 Speaker 5: been beating them up? Or are they seeing some sort 111 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 5: of violence in the home. Where has this come from? 112 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 5: Maybe maybe they have some sort of a psycho pathology, 113 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 5: some sort of psychological challenge that is impacting on their behavior. 114 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 5: We need to understand what's going on in the background 115 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 5: before we jump to conclusions and say this kid's are 116 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:50,440 Speaker 5: bad kid. 117 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, And before even all of those there's this assumption 118 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 2: that they've picked it up from somewhere. I can talk 119 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,000 Speaker 2: from my perspective, not as a five year old, but 120 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,960 Speaker 2: as older I never saw violence in my home whatsoever. 121 00:05:01,360 --> 00:05:03,159 Speaker 2: And did I watch some movies, Yes, but I was. 122 00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 2: I was a violent young teen. But I don't know 123 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 2: that I can actually put it down to what I 124 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:10,719 Speaker 2: witnessed or saw as much as just an almost human 125 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 2: instinct to someone who was scared. What I did was 126 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 2: I actually tried to attack before I felt like I was. 127 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 2: In hindsight, I can look at that now. There was 128 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 2: fear going on in my life. There was instability. There 129 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 2: was this relational stuff that made me act out in 130 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 2: a certain way that wasn't It wasn't because I was 131 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,480 Speaker 2: a bad kid, or wasn't because I was naturally a 132 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,080 Speaker 2: violent kid or picked. 133 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: Up habits per se. I was just trying. 134 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 2: It was almost a self defense mechanism that was kicking 135 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 2: in for me teenager. 136 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 5: Developmentally, there's a big difference between a five year old 137 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,680 Speaker 5: and a teenager. And while it's still not acceptable even 138 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 5: in a teenager, we have some fairly sound developmental understanding 139 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,040 Speaker 5: as to why that might be occurring. 140 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 4: But for a five year old, it's not really. 141 00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:51,600 Speaker 5: Normal behavior unless there's been some sort of modeling, or 142 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 5: unless the child is frightened, scared, or very very upset, sad, worried, 143 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 5: you know, and they're lashing out because of that. 144 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 2: And let's face it, we've had three boys go through 145 00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,719 Speaker 2: the five year old phase and just because they say 146 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 2: someone punched them in the face, because we've witnessed the 147 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 2: times where they said my brother punched me and he didn't. 148 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 2: He turned around in his shoulder brush their cheek accidentally, 149 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:15,760 Speaker 2: and it was a very different thing that we saw 150 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 2: to what they just said, such. 151 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 4: A boy thing. Because I've got girls right now. 152 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 5: I've had five of my six girls go through that 153 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 5: same age group, and I've actually witnessed this where one 154 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,800 Speaker 5: of the girls walks past the other one and she 155 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 5: goes because boys, boys punch right, boys are Boys are 156 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:30,760 Speaker 5: a lot more physical. Girls are a lot more verbal. 157 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:32,600 Speaker 5: And I've heard one of the girls say to the 158 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:36,080 Speaker 5: other one, but as soon as. 159 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 6: She says that, the other girl goes, Dad, she just 160 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,600 Speaker 6: called me an idiot. She didn't say anything like that, 161 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 6: she just said And they do they now. And again 162 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:47,919 Speaker 6: I'm not saying that Melissa's little boy is like punching 163 00:06:47,960 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 6: the face. He may very well have been, But it's 164 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,680 Speaker 6: so important that we understand what's going on. 165 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,520 Speaker 1: Ask some questions before we ask the. 166 00:06:53,440 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 5: Questions, get the school involved. If it's happened at school. 167 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 5: Trust the teachers to deal with it. But we want 168 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:01,919 Speaker 5: to make sure that that child last point really important. 169 00:07:01,960 --> 00:07:03,839 Speaker 5: We want to make sure that the school and the 170 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,440 Speaker 5: parents of that child are focused not on hurting him 171 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:07,840 Speaker 5: but on helping him. 172 00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, absolutely, And this is such a thing because 173 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 2: we don't want to make a big deal out of 174 00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 2: something that turns out to be nothing. And so we 175 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,400 Speaker 2: can almost feel like if we get the school involved 176 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 2: in the other kids parents involved, and it turns out 177 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: it actually wasn't that big a deal, Like we've made 178 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 2: an awkward situation for another kid because we've overreacted. But 179 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: what you're saying is like, if we ask some questions, 180 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,640 Speaker 2: if we have some conversations, and we have the focus 181 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: on let's just let's understand what's going on first and foremost, 182 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: then it's actually not a big deal. It's just it's 183 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 2: you know, sort of learning process for even the adults. 184 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 5: Yeah, look, being punched in the face, I still think 185 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 5: is a big deal, But we don't want to make 186 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 5: it huge and we don't want to turn this child 187 00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 5: into the into believing that he or she is. 188 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 4: A is a bully. 189 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 5: What we really want to move towards and the end 190 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 5: goal here is helping the aggressor and the victim to 191 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,160 Speaker 5: have a sense of empathy, yes, to be able to 192 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:01,880 Speaker 5: take the other person'serspective, not just in this scenario, but 193 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 5: in all scenarios moving forward, so that people can be 194 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 5: a little more compassionate, a little kinder. Even at the 195 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,200 Speaker 5: age of five, they can think, hmm, this person's feeling 196 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 5: like that, and this is a better way to behave Okay. 197 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 2: So we're getting the school involved, we're getting the other 198 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,640 Speaker 2: child's parents involved, and we're having this conversation. Let's say 199 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:25,000 Speaker 2: at the end of that, everybody else says or says 200 00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 2: the right things, and then nothing happens and there's no 201 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 2: ongoing and you feel like maybe it's not been taken 202 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,880 Speaker 2: as seriously as it should have been. 203 00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,560 Speaker 1: Then like how much do you escalate? 204 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:36,959 Speaker 2: And how you because this is the thing, Like it's 205 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 2: all okay while everybody else is doing what we think 206 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 2: is appropriate, but we don't. 207 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: Get to control other people's actions and responses. 208 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:43,080 Speaker 4: No, we don't. 209 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,439 Speaker 5: And while many many schools will do this very well, 210 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:48,760 Speaker 5: I hear too many stories of schools who are still 211 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,319 Speaker 5: struggling with this and who are not dealing with aggression 212 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 5: or bullies and inappropriate behavior effectively enough that is it's 213 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,240 Speaker 5: still continuing. So my response to that would be, has 214 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 5: the behavior stopped or is my child still feeling scared 215 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 5: and anxious and being physically intimidated. If there's ongoing problems, 216 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 5: if the problem clearly has not been addressed so that 217 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 5: it is stopping, then you either go back to the 218 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 5: school and say things need to change, or if you're 219 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 5: and not everybody is, but if you're in a position 220 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,840 Speaker 5: where you have the resources or the freedom to choose, 221 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 5: find somewhere else, because clearly that particular school might not 222 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:28,440 Speaker 5: be doing the job that they need to. 223 00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 2: So we had a wonderful experience sort of in the 224 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:34,040 Speaker 2: realm of this with our eight year old school recently 225 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 2: where he got into. 226 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 4: A tussle, a tussle over football, an alter case. 227 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: Yes, child did not see idle, It. 228 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 3: Was an incident and it did get physical. Our son 229 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:47,800 Speaker 3: was actively involved in that, as was the other child. 230 00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:52,800 Speaker 3: School handled it absolutely beautifully, so very beautifully, and they 231 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,720 Speaker 3: have a time that basically if there is any physical 232 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 3: contact in our school, purple slips straight away, which means 233 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,120 Speaker 3: you go to the room where there's a teacher and 234 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 3: you have to talk it out. You were sat down 235 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:03,719 Speaker 3: with the child and you have to have a conversation, 236 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 3: and both parents us sent a note home that has 237 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,320 Speaker 3: to be signed and returned to the school in order 238 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,360 Speaker 3: for the incident report to be closed off. So we 239 00:10:12,440 --> 00:10:15,160 Speaker 3: only found out that this happened when the note came home. 240 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 2: Because because our child had forgotten to tell us through 241 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 2: the process. So they then followed it up to make 242 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:22,640 Speaker 2: sure that we knew and that we'd had the conversation. 243 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 2: And in the end, when we got to them, they said, look, 244 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 2: we believe the situation was sorted on the day, so 245 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 2: that's why we're not. 246 00:10:29,720 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 1: Panicked about it. 247 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 2: We spoke to them, They apologized to each other. We 248 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,240 Speaker 2: didn't feel like it went too far. 249 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 1: Everything was good. We just want you to know that 250 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: it happened and consequence. 251 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 4: Some things don't need to be turned into mountains. 252 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. 253 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 5: But when it keeps on going, that's when we've got 254 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,400 Speaker 5: to dive in. And it sounds like your school's doing 255 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 5: a great job. 256 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,520 Speaker 3: Yeah they all did, Yeah exactly, If only they all 257 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:52,719 Speaker 3: did like that, And that's and that's it is. It 258 00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 3: takes a village to raise a child, and our school 259 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,079 Speaker 3: community is a part of that village, and we do 260 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,800 Speaker 3: need them on side, both to help our children where 261 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 3: they're at the aggressor to learn a different way, and 262 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,440 Speaker 3: if our children, if our child is a victim, to 263 00:11:06,520 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 3: help them actually survive or cope in that kind of 264 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:11,000 Speaker 3: environment as well. 265 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 2: So the moral of the story is, if your five 266 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,840 Speaker 2: year old gets punched in the face, hunt down the 267 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 2: other child. 268 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:18,760 Speaker 1: That's not where we are. 269 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 3: Okay, doctor Justin Coulson, Happy families dot com, that are you. 270 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 3: Thanks for kind of talking this out with us. 271 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 1: We appreciate it. 272 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,719 Speaker 3: Great to be here, and there are loads of resources 273 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,800 Speaker 3: to help at happy families dot com dot au as 274 00:11:29,840 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 3: you seek to be the best parent you can. And 275 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,120 Speaker 3: if you think doctor Justin Coulson might be suitable to 276 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 3: speak at your school, event or organization, you can find 277 00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,599 Speaker 3: out more about how to book him in at Justinculson 278 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 3: dot com.