Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on gadigal Land.
Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and someone in
Speaker 1: this room is gonna be an auntie again.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Laura, Okay me surprising me Brendant.
Speaker 1: My sister Sherry, who most of you know. She's my
Speaker 1: best friend. We've spent like literally our whole lives living
Speaker 1: in the same bedroom. We shared the same bedroom. We
Speaker 1: traveled the world together. We've been in sixty countries together.
Speaker 1: We work together in a hospital like we are the
Speaker 1: same human. We've been attached at the hip our entire life.
Speaker 2: Also, Sherry has been part of the OG Life, a
Speaker 2: team in our Facebook group.
Speaker 3: So you never got patrio for a bit, didn't we go?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, Sherry, I'm so sick. Remember we didn't
Speaker 3: earn anything for like a very long time. So she
Speaker 3: just used to help. She's like, oh, do some admin
Speaker 3: because she loved it. I always thought that we paid
Speaker 3: her but we didn't. That's terrible. It's really bad. Sorry Sherry.
Speaker 1: Anyway, she really needs that money now she's having a baby. Yes,
Speaker 1: So my sister Sherry is having a baby, which is
Speaker 1: really exciting.
Speaker 3: So she is already over halfway.
Speaker 1: So she just didn't for whatever reason, she didn't want
Speaker 1: to jump on and announce it straight away. She just
Speaker 1: wanted to sit in it for a little while. I
Speaker 1: don't know her reason for that. But she's over halfway.
Speaker 1: She's due at the end of September. And you might remember,
Speaker 1: only a week or two ago, my suck was that
Speaker 1: my sister's not coming home anymore. And I got a
Speaker 1: lot of messages yesterday because I put Sherry's pregnancy announcement
Speaker 1: on my Instagram and a lot of people wrote to
Speaker 1: me saying, oh, I get why you were so upset
Speaker 1: that your sister's not coming back now.
Speaker 2: So Sherry's made the decision that she's going to have
Speaker 2: the baby over in Scotland and stay there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sherry's having the baby in Scotland, so it's going
Speaker 1: to have a Scottish passport straight away.
Speaker 3: Great, that's really tactical. I love that. Yeah, and I
Speaker 3: guess the reason is so Sherry and Jay. So Jay's Scottish.
Speaker 1: They've been living in Australia for six years their whole relationship.
Speaker 1: So they recently went back to Scotland just for a
Speaker 1: year or two so that he could spend some time
Speaker 1: with his family before they spend the rest of their
Speaker 1: life in Australia. Because it's a really like and this
Speaker 1: is something that I'm going to have to face too.
Speaker 1: When you're in a relationship with someone foreign, one of
Speaker 1: you has to make a huge sacrifice. One of you
Speaker 1: is going to be away from your family and your
Speaker 1: friends potentially for the rest of their life. And that
Speaker 1: was always going to be day in that situation.
Speaker 3: So they've decided to just.
Speaker 1: Spend a little bit more time when they have the
Speaker 1: baby with his family and his friends, and maybe when
Speaker 1: it's like a year come back.
Speaker 3: So I just and I I was actually crime because
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: Supposed to be there for the birth, like she wants
Speaker 1: me to be in the room. So I was going
Speaker 1: to be in the Gold Coast here when she had
Speaker 1: the baby. And now, yeah, we both had a cry
Speaker 1: on the phone the other day because she's like, oh
Speaker 1: I am.
Speaker 3: Oh, now I'm going to cry. She's like I just
Speaker 3: wanted you to be in the room with me. Yeah,
Speaker 3: can't you go over and do it? Well, I have
Speaker 3: to ask radio off work. Some things are more important,
Speaker 3: That's what I thought.
Speaker 1: I was like, surely, like, you know, she doesn't have
Speaker 1: any family or friends over there, so I was like,
Speaker 1: surely I can go over for a week and just
Speaker 1: help her.
Speaker 3: You know that first.
Speaker 2: Week, just tell everyone you have COVID and you have
Speaker 2: to go. And I won't, I won't tell the truth.
Speaker 2: Just get on a plane and go. And I'm going
Speaker 2: to get Britney's so sick. I saw her. She's got COVID.
Speaker 1: But it's got to really isolate. Well, here's the crazy
Speaker 1: thing again. Ben, My Ben is gonna see it, be
Speaker 1: with it.
Speaker 3: He'll probably be in there watching next slide out of
Speaker 3: the vatch Or is that too much?
Speaker 1: Do you know?
Speaker 3: Is that too much? I think I think it's fine.
Speaker 2: I feel differently about birth to the way I think
Speaker 2: a lot of people do. I think a lot of
Speaker 2: people And this is not I don't say this is
Speaker 2: a criticism, like I just think.
Speaker 3: I don't know why, but I felt very differently about it.
Speaker 2: A lot of people have a really clear idea of
Speaker 2: how they want their birth to be, like the people
Speaker 2: that they want in the room, like the setting of it,
Speaker 2: the ambience, the sounds, the smells, like people really plan
Speaker 2: out that birth experience and get it out of me. Honestly,
Speaker 2: when I gave birth to Maley, Matt's mum was in
Speaker 2: the room. Matt was in the room eating a chicken sandwich,
Speaker 2: and I reckon there was about twenty doctors. One doctor
Speaker 2: came in, he goes, oh, do you mind if a
Speaker 2: few students come in. They're doing some training, And all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, I looked up and there were twenty
Speaker 2: students just standing in the room, and I had this
Speaker 2: moment where I was like, oh my god, I wonder
Speaker 2: if any of these people have clocked it that they're
Speaker 2: standing here watching like one of the people from The
Speaker 2: Bachelor having a baby. I was like, this is way
Speaker 2: more confronting than I ever expected it to be twenty
Speaker 2: five people in that room.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fine to me. There's a football team in
Speaker 3: my room.
Speaker 1: The thing that bothers me the most in that situation
Speaker 1: is the chicken sandwich. I was like, that didn't need
Speaker 1: to be in the room.
Speaker 3: Twenty people.
Speaker 1: They're allowed, They're training. There's only one way for them
Speaker 1: to learn, and that is to watch, So I'm okay
Speaker 1: with that. But it's something different about like your sister's
Speaker 1: husband being in there, Like I don't know if I
Speaker 1: would want Jamie down there when my baby's coming out,
Speaker 1: so I don't know if Ben should be there.
Speaker 2: I like that you just described Ben as your husband.
Speaker 2: But yeah, yeah, dream, I.
Speaker 3: Hate the word bye bye yeah, I girl, I can
Speaker 3: fucking dream. Don't squish my dream. I'm trying to manifest,
Speaker 3: all right, look it up manifestation. To be fair, Matt
Speaker 3: almost missed the birth of Marley.
Speaker 2: I was ten centimeters dilated and he went out for
Speaker 2: a fucking chicken sandwich and the cafe was running really
Speaker 2: slow and they they literally were talking about me needing
Speaker 2: to start pushing, and Matt's mum then ran out of
Speaker 2: the room to go and find him at the cafe
Speaker 2: and wait, no one's here.
Speaker 3: I was like, just this football team, twenty strangers.
Speaker 2: But honestly I know Sherry listens and Sherry, we're so
Speaker 2: so excited for you. It's the best thing ever. Come
Speaker 2: back to Australia so that we can have more babies here.
Speaker 2: Why are you in Scotland. It's cold, terrible place to
Speaker 2: be when you just want to be so cute, so cute.
Speaker 1: And I do also want to say that I do
Speaker 1: have like six other nieces and nephews, so it's not
Speaker 1: the first one, and I love them all. But Sherry
Speaker 1: and I, I guess we're different because we're like absolute
Speaker 1: best is.
Speaker 3: It does make me think, though, and.
Speaker 1: I know it's not the reason to think you want
Speaker 1: a baby, but Sherry and I always grew up thinking
Speaker 1: that we would have kids at the same time. And
Speaker 1: I'm three years older than her, but I still knew
Speaker 1: that she would probably have a child before me, because
Speaker 1: we all know I've been on the fence and not knowing.
Speaker 3: What ways up.
Speaker 2: I mean, Sherry's had a shit together for a bit
Speaker 2: longer than she's.
Speaker 1: Got a husband, a real one, not one that she
Speaker 1: manifested out years ago, not one that she Oh that's
Speaker 1: the other thing that you O g s will know this,
Speaker 1: POGs will know, but some new people might not. But
Speaker 1: Sherry and I are so close, then, don't take this
Speaker 1: the wrong way. I picked Jay for Sherry. I picked
Speaker 1: her husband in a not a creepy way, like I
Speaker 1: found him for her and said, Wow, I have a
Speaker 1: feeling this guy and you were something's there.
Speaker 3: She didn't even see his picture. This is like on
Speaker 3: Tinder back in the day. Can you tell for anyone
Speaker 3: who doesn't know this story, can tell?
Speaker 1: Yesuse I like that you're just alluding to a story
Speaker 1: that people don't know.
Speaker 3: I thought if some people knew, But I guess it
Speaker 3: was probably five years ago. We told this story all right.
Speaker 1: Strap in So, Sherry and I were on this huge
Speaker 1: three year trip that we'd said we'll both single at
Speaker 1: the same time. We both hated our jobs at the
Speaker 1: time in a hospital, so we quit one day and
Speaker 1: we were like, let's go travel the world with no plans,
Speaker 1: because we'd saved up so much money to travel and
Speaker 1: we knew would work overseas as well.
Speaker 3: So off we went, and we're in South America.
Speaker 1: We've been in South America for probably six or seven months,
Speaker 1: and we knew that the next stop was going to
Speaker 1: be Scotland. We knew we were going to the UK.
Speaker 1: So one day after hiking much Epicchu, so we hiked
Speaker 1: for four days, were exhausted. We were like, we just
Speaker 1: want to lay in bed for twenty four hours straight.
Speaker 1: So we're in a shared bed, and.
Speaker 2: What do you do when you're just laying in bed
Speaker 2: on your phone and you're single.
Speaker 1: In the same bed, mind you. We were like right
Speaker 1: next to each other, so no, we didn't masturbate. Laura,
Speaker 1: get I know who's masturbating with their sister in the bed?
Speaker 3: It's legal, is it not? If it's your step But
Speaker 3: she's my real one. So anyway, sidetrack, so we're both
Speaker 3: We were like, hey, this.
Speaker 1: Is when Tinder brought the geo swipe in, like geolocation,
Speaker 1: which meant you could set your location to any country
Speaker 1: and would show you those people. So we set it
Speaker 1: to Scotland. We were like, hey, we'll be in Scotland
Speaker 1: a month or two. Let's see what the men are like.
Speaker 1: Because we had these ideas of what the men were like,
Speaker 1: which was Jamie from Outlander, like Sam Hwan, so we're
Speaker 1: just not everyone was going to be like these big
Speaker 1: Scottish hunks.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they literally highlanders high.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So we swiped in and we're both in bed
Speaker 1: next to each other on our respective Tinders. Now I
Speaker 1: am older than Sherry, so I had a larger bracket.
Speaker 3: So you're like, I am older than Sherry.
Speaker 2: So Obviously, my bracket was much younger than hers, and
Speaker 2: also much older than hers. I had a twenty year
Speaker 2: bracket and she had a five year bracket.
Speaker 3: My bracket was, Yeah, I cast my net wide, Laura,
Speaker 3: I know you do, so ain't nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1: So I was swiping along. Now, this only happened one time.
Speaker 1: The whole time, and I'm talking hundreds of swipes. I
Speaker 1: came across this photo of thousands yeap of somebody that
Speaker 1: must have just snuck into my age bracket because it
Speaker 1: was I think at the time he was twenty five
Speaker 1: twenty four.
Speaker 3: He was really cute.
Speaker 1: His profile was very funny, very satirical, very take the pierce.
Speaker 1: And you know how you can link your Instagram, so
Speaker 1: he and his Instagram linked. I went to that he
Speaker 1: was way too young for me, believe it or not.
Speaker 1: I didn't think i'd say those words.
Speaker 3: He was too young for me.
Speaker 1: And I said to Sherry, have you seen this guy yet?
Speaker 1: And I showed her my Tinder and she was like,
Speaker 1: Jay pre No, She's like, I haven't come across in
Speaker 1: why And I said I don't know why. I was like,
Speaker 1: but you need to find him and swipe yes and
Speaker 1: She's like why, and I said, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was like something about this profile. I just think you
Speaker 1: need to match him. So hours later she turns around
Speaker 1: and she's like, oh, is this him?
Speaker 3: He was on her phone. I said, yes, that's the guy.
Speaker 3: I was like, swipe right.
Speaker 1: She was like random, Okay, I don't think she was
Speaker 1: that impressed with the profile, so she's wiped right. They
Speaker 1: matched and from that day I lost Sherry. Like I
Speaker 1: am talking like rip you know, when you just meet
Speaker 1: someone and you're infatuated. And because he worked from home
Speaker 1: and she wasn't working, she was traveling, I reckon one
Speaker 1: hundred plus messages a day, like you know, when you
Speaker 1: just can't stop talking back.
Speaker 2: Some people might call that love bombing, but in this instance,
Speaker 2: it really worked out for them.
Speaker 3: It wasn't. They just hit it off.
Speaker 1: And when I say that many messages, they were talking
Speaker 1: in like real time conversation, so you know, just one
Speaker 1: line at a time. They just fell in love. They
Speaker 1: didn't meet for six seven weeks, they just talked NonStop.
Speaker 1: Then they met, and from that day forth they've been together.
Speaker 1: The thing I like the most, and you've missed out
Speaker 1: this part of the story. Well, it's just they went
Speaker 1: on their first date and it kind of was a
Speaker 1: bit shit, and Sherry was like, oh my god, I've
Speaker 1: just spent all this time talking to this guy. I
Speaker 1: went on it with them, and then in real life
Speaker 1: he didn't really have much to say, and then gave
Speaker 1: it another chance, and then it just you know, he
Speaker 1: was nerves.
Speaker 3: So I went on their first day. We loved Jay. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I went on the first date, and.
Speaker 1: So it was well because at the end of the
Speaker 1: day we didn't know him right like, and her and
Speaker 1: I had just gotten to a foreign country. I wasn't
Speaker 1: gonna let her go to some random online in a
Speaker 1: foreign country alone.
Speaker 3: We didn't know anyone. I don't think we even had
Speaker 3: phones that worked there at the time.
Speaker 2: To be fair, it's only fair. You've been there since
Speaker 2: the start. You should be looking down the canal at
Speaker 2: her vagina when that baby comes into the world.
Speaker 1: You created that baby as well. Yeah, so that's what
Speaker 1: I got sidetracks. I just told you my sister's love story.
Speaker 1: But it's an amazing story.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, we love Jay and Sherry, we love you, and
Speaker 2: also thank you so much for working for us for
Speaker 2: free for so long.
Speaker 3: She's still that this is.
Speaker 1: Not okay, this is no longer okay, so please don't
Speaker 1: take us to HR. We don't have one HR. So
Speaker 1: we said it's fine, No, we'll slip or something.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, guys, we do say that we're going to
Speaker 2: keep the intros to ask gun Cuts short.
Speaker 3: We've been saying this for well the better half.
Speaker 2: Of this year, and unfortunately sometimes the intros really blow out,
Speaker 2: but today's one was an important one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we are going to moving forward just be
Speaker 1: doing as gun cut.
Speaker 2: Like a little high just a little promise, things that
Speaker 2: we don't plan on going through with.
Speaker 3: I do want to say one thing before we get
Speaker 3: into our vibes, and i'd watch that come out. Did
Speaker 3: you want to be there for the next one? If
Speaker 3: I have a third?
Speaker 2: If I have a third no, Well Matt says no,
Speaker 2: but like you know, he also says, I always get
Speaker 2: my way.
Speaker 3: If I do get my way, do you want to
Speaker 3: be in the room? I mean we could podcast live
Speaker 3: from birth? Want to do it? It's the third one.
Speaker 2: I don't care the first one and second one I
Speaker 2: probably wouldn't have, but like third, like all bets are off,
Speaker 2: I'll do anything.
Speaker 1: I am going to say, yes, yeap, but I think
Speaker 1: it's something you run past, Matt. Will you be at
Speaker 1: the business end or the top end business? Okay, I
Speaker 1: could do the ladyectomy at the same time. A little
Speaker 1: snipstip pump down there it after the third one.
Speaker 2: No, what I wanted to say is before we get
Speaker 2: intovised on subscribes, is I wanted to say a very
Speaker 2: big thank you to so many of you reached out
Speaker 2: to me after Tuesday's episode. I can't tell you how
Speaker 2: many private messages I received. I haven't written back to
Speaker 2: everyone yet because there was just so many of you
Speaker 2: who wrote such kind messages. And also to those of
Speaker 2: you who wrote in and if you didn't listen to
Speaker 2: Tuesday's episode, I was speaking about my stepdad, who is
Speaker 2: going through palliative care at the moment with his prostate
Speaker 2: cancer diagnosis, and it was just your messages were so heartfelt.
Speaker 2: I appreciated them so much, And if I don't get
Speaker 2: the chance to get back to all of you, just
Speaker 2: know that I've read them and also like how much
Speaker 2: I appreciate you guys, and I hope that you did
Speaker 2: take on that message and I would love to know
Speaker 2: if you did go home and have a conversation with
Speaker 2: your dad around getting his prostate checked. Like, please send
Speaker 2: us those messages because I think that that, for me
Speaker 2: was the most important thing to get across in that episode,
Speaker 2: and so I hope that it really did spark some
Speaker 2: conversations in your households, with your parents and with the
Speaker 2: men in your life who you love.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys are literally the best, and Laurie, you've
Speaker 1: also had We also had like an anonymous card turn
Speaker 1: up to Tony.
Speaker 3: May I know, and then we had a card at
Speaker 3: my office.
Speaker 2: One of my staff who I do pay brought me
Speaker 2: and brought me an envelope and JPC you are one
Speaker 2: of our listeners and you wrote the most incredible card
Speaker 2: and you didn't leave a return address because you're very naughty,
Speaker 2: but just talked about the things that you've been going
Speaker 2: through and how much these conversations and the pod have
Speaker 2: brought you comfort in what's been a really incredibly challenging
Speaker 2: time for you. And we got to experience this when
Speaker 2: we did the live shows last year. So many of
Speaker 2: you guys gave us cards or letters or we got
Speaker 2: to speak to you.
Speaker 3: Well, we got to speak to you.
Speaker 2: About your stories and the reasons why you've connected with
Speaker 2: the conversations we've had here, and it means so much
Speaker 2: to Britain I because you know, when we started this,
Speaker 2: it was pre COVID. We were just two friends in
Speaker 2: a bedroom having a conversation around the things that were
Speaker 2: important to us.
Speaker 3: And the fact is that so many of you have resonated.
Speaker 2: With those conversations over the years, and that in itself
Speaker 2: is just such a privilege.
Speaker 3: But JPC, we adore you.
Speaker 2: We're so sorry for all of the challenging things that
Speaker 2: you've been going through, but we're so so grateful to
Speaker 2: hear that you're on the other side of it and
Speaker 2: that the podcast played even just the smallest part in
Speaker 2: bringing some happiness to your day.
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe. I have a
Speaker 1: vibe in an unsubscribe. I'm gonna start with my vibe.
Speaker 1: We never have unsubscribed.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 2: I think the reason for that is is because we
Speaker 2: don't want to appear as though we're complaining. But I
Speaker 2: have a lot of things that I hate in life.
Speaker 2: I can get on board with this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but this one, and you're here in a minute,
Speaker 1: but this one isn't complaining, complaining, and the unsubscribed is
Speaker 1: also a default vibe. Okay, I'm going to start with
Speaker 1: my vibe. My vibe this week is something that I
Speaker 1: came across accidentally on the news, like a news article,
Speaker 1: and I clicked on the links and I watched the
Speaker 1: videos and then I saw that it was a whole
Speaker 1: TV show. It's a TV series and it's called Body Parts.
Speaker 1: You can watch it on nine now. So I got
Speaker 1: the app It's an annaplastologist.
Speaker 3: Do you know what that is? No, okay, this.
Speaker 2: Is someone who reconstructs body parts. Oh yeah, okay, wait,
Speaker 2: wait wit, it's like playing charades. It's someone who makes prosthetics. Yes,
Speaker 2: so she's an American woman. Her job is exactly that.
Speaker 2: Her job is to recreate prosthetics, but not a prosthetic like.
Speaker 3: We saw for Ellie Cole. You know, it's not a.
Speaker 1: Leg prosthetic, but their life like they genuinely look like
Speaker 1: a body part.
Speaker 3: It is an art form. I have never seen anything
Speaker 3: like it.
Speaker 1: And each episode I'm gonna recommend one particular episode, but
Speaker 1: each episode is a few different people with different you know,
Speaker 1: someone's had cancer and they had mystectomies and wants new nipples.
Speaker 3: Some people have lost ears.
Speaker 1: Someone men's lost his nose to cancer, like his entire
Speaker 1: nose is gone. And it talks about their story, what
Speaker 1: happened to them, how they feel, and how they've lived
Speaker 1: their life.
Speaker 3: And then she recreates the.
Speaker 1: Most lifelike one woman got two new arms, entire arms
Speaker 1: because she had no arms at their elbows and the
Speaker 1: arms like it is matched to a t to the person,
Speaker 1: measured to the person, so it looks the same length
Speaker 1: out it would look the coloring and it just changes
Speaker 1: their life. And I want an episode. So it's called
Speaker 1: body Parts. I watched it on nine now it's a
Speaker 1: free app episode three if you just want to pick one.
Speaker 1: It's about centers around this little boy who lost both
Speaker 1: of his ears and a bit of his face in
Speaker 1: a dog attack when he was really young.
Speaker 3: Baby yeah, and it is.
Speaker 1: Like strapping for some emotions, but he's the most beautiful
Speaker 1: little boy and just watching when they get the new
Speaker 1: prosthesis and it changes their life because especially for the kids,
Speaker 1: kids are so unassuming.
Speaker 2: This reminds me of I don't know if anyone's ever
Speaker 2: done it. I went down a rabbit hole a really
Speaker 2: long time ago on Instagram, just watching kids have their
Speaker 2: cochlear implants.
Speaker 3: Turned on the for the very first time. That another
Speaker 3: it's the same, it's that it's the same feeling. And
Speaker 3: just like him told us it's good to have a cry,
Speaker 3: like you know, you know, why do you?
Speaker 1: Because you know when you talk about to the man,
Speaker 1: the grown man in his sixties that once in new nose,
Speaker 1: even that is emotional because they're like, why do you?
Speaker 3: How's this going to change your life?
Speaker 1: And he's like, I don't want my grandkid to look
Speaker 1: at me and think I'm scary, and you know, I
Speaker 1: want to not wear glasses and feel comfortable, just the
Speaker 1: little things. But the little boy, he was just like,
Speaker 1: I hear people talking. I hear my friends talk about me.
Speaker 1: It's hard to find, like it's hard to have friends.
Speaker 1: He's like seven years old, and I'm like, well baby,
Speaker 1: so it's just Laura.
Speaker 3: You will love it.
Speaker 1: You guys will cry, but you'll cry beautiful tears. So
Speaker 1: that is my beautifully wholesome vibe. Well you could have
Speaker 1: just left it at a really nice vibe and now
Speaker 1: you're unsubscribing from stuff. Well I was just gonna unsubscribe
Speaker 1: from series, dropping only four episodes and then you have
Speaker 1: to wait two months for the next four Bridgeton. It's
Speaker 1: Bridgeton because I love Bridgeton. Bridgeton's amazing.
Speaker 3: I would Yeah.
Speaker 1: I watched it sat in one night and I didn't
Speaker 1: know they only dropped four. And then I got to
Speaker 1: the end and I was like, where's the rest of
Speaker 1: the series. They were like, come in in twenty eight years.
Speaker 3: It's like coming in a month's time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, look, who has time to watch full series?
Speaker 3: Anyway? Maybe it's good means that you can get some
Speaker 3: more in the middle done.
Speaker 2: I just don't think it's fair to end it on
Speaker 2: a cliff Hangarys and expect people to wait for a month.
Speaker 1: It's like you do over the end of a series.
Speaker 1: Don't do that mid series. It was a really crucial moment.
Speaker 1: It's like a sexy moment, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: spoil it for people that haven't seen it.
Speaker 3: You're gonna be horny for a month now I am.
Speaker 3: I'm locked into the horn dog if I have the.
Speaker 5: Self control, and I know because I knew that this
Speaker 5: was going to happen, so I didn't feel as annoyed
Speaker 5: like I knew going in that it was only four episodes.
Speaker 5: But if I have the self control and I know this,
Speaker 5: I actually wait until the week that the second lot
Speaker 5: is going to be released so that I can watch
Speaker 5: it kind of as one.
Speaker 3: It's tactic. But I didn't have the self controls I.
Speaker 1: Would have done that. I would have done that. I
Speaker 1: have great regret. Producisha, What is your vibe for the week?
Speaker 3: Mine is also on Netflix.
Speaker 5: It's actually something that came out in twenty eighteen, but
Speaker 5: I kind of missed it at the time. It's called
Speaker 5: Three Identical Strangers. It is about three identical triplets that
Speaker 5: were all adopted by separate families. They didn't know that
Speaker 5: each other existed until two of them ended up going
Speaker 5: to the same college and friends were like calling him
Speaker 5: the name of the other person. As it turns out,
Speaker 5: that story went quite viral and viral in the old
Speaker 5: school way because this was like, you know, they were
Speaker 5: in the eighties.
Speaker 3: It was like in the papers and stuff.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And then it turns out that there was a
Speaker 5: third one, and so they all became friends because they
Speaker 5: had this biological connection as brothers, and the start of
Speaker 5: it was this real global sensation. And then later in
Speaker 5: the documentary and kind of the story that ended up
Speaker 5: playing out in their life took this extremely dark turn,
Speaker 5: and they found out that they had actually been unknowing
Speaker 5: participants in a research study that was being conducted at
Speaker 5: the time.
Speaker 3: This to me just seems like terrific. I understand.
Speaker 5: See, I don't feel as though it's horrific, even though
Speaker 5: on the surface it seems it, because it's this whole
Speaker 5: debate around nature versus nurture, and in any type of
Speaker 5: genetic study, basically the only information that we're able to
Speaker 5: reduce about nurture versus nature comes from twin studies that
Speaker 5: have been separated. Beare because they've grown up in different environments.
Speaker 1: But don't you think that's horrific that they chose to
Speaker 1: rip them apart as towldren just to study them?
Speaker 3: Absolutely?
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I just think that, like what we've gained from
Speaker 5: it is potentially a lot, even though it's incredibly unethical
Speaker 5: to do that. And also to have them be participants
Speaker 5: in a study when they didn't know the parents that
Speaker 5: they had no idea as well, it was utterly fascinating
Speaker 5: and it really took this turn, and it turns out
Speaker 5: that there were more twins that were separated through adoption
Speaker 5: as well. The one part about the story, and I
Speaker 5: kind of want to preface this just in case you're
Speaker 5: going to watch it, there is a really really dark
Speaker 5: conversation that comes out about mental health and whether that
Speaker 5: is a heritable.
Speaker 3: Condition or not.
Speaker 5: I just found this documentary so layered and yeah, beyond fascinating.
Speaker 3: That's the main word that I have for it. I
Speaker 3: can back that up.
Speaker 2: It's really really good, but I think it really makes
Speaker 2: you question the ethics behind how you can conduct experiments
Speaker 2: like that on children who are non consenting and denying
Speaker 2: them the right to know about their biological heritage and
Speaker 2: to know about like where they've come from. The thing
Speaker 2: for me is, and what I thought was so fascinating
Speaker 2: is like, how can you be sure that that doesn't
Speaker 2: then contribute to the mental health? But how can you
Speaker 2: be sure that the experiment in itself, not having those
Speaker 2: strong ties to knowing who you are and where you've
Speaker 2: come from as a person, didn't actually cause the root
Speaker 2: of those mental health concerns, I think is a big
Speaker 2: question mark.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So it examines a whole lot of different things
Speaker 5: and also importantly, these were psychological studies from the fifties
Speaker 5: and the sixties, so very very different lens to what
Speaker 5: we now have in terms of ethics. It's available on Netflix.
Speaker 5: It is called Three Identical Strangers.
Speaker 1: Man, I'd be pissed if I was a triplet, and
Speaker 1: then I found out as an adult that I would
Speaker 1: from my states.
Speaker 3: You're like, can I sue people for this?
Speaker 5: Hondy?
Speaker 3: I reckon it all right.
Speaker 2: My recommendation is a No Filter episode No Filter with
Speaker 2: Mere Friedman, and this podcast episode is interviewing a woman
Speaker 2: named Patrick Gagney, which stands for Patricia Gagney now it
Speaker 2: is called Patricia Gagney is a sociopath.
Speaker 3: We speak about sociopaths a lot.
Speaker 2: We usually think of them as murderers, or as criminals,
Speaker 2: or as you know, people who live very dark and
Speaker 2: unempathetic lives. And I think the reason why this is
Speaker 2: so fascinating is because Patrick is a diagnosed sociopath, but
Speaker 2: she's someone who has the cognitive awareness to be able
Speaker 2: to know that that's what she is, and she is
Speaker 2: actively working on not being that in the ways that
Speaker 2: she can. So she's married, she has children, and probably
Speaker 2: doesn't present in any of the ways that we have
Speaker 2: been conditioned to think that a sociopath would or should behave.
Speaker 3: But I also think the.
Speaker 2: Other thing that's really interesting about this is like what
Speaker 2: it's like being a child to a sociopath, What it's
Speaker 2: like having friends when you're a sociopath, what it's like
Speaker 2: navigating romantic relationships when you're a sociopath. And also because
Speaker 2: like so much of the recommendations when you have someone
Speaker 2: who is on their NPD narcissity personality disorder spectrum, or
Speaker 2: even somebody who is the very far end of that,
Speaker 2: and as a sociopath, we always recommend just getting as
Speaker 2: far fucking away from them as possible, like get away
Speaker 2: from them, don't have them in your life. They're incapable
Speaker 2: of having normal human interactions. And so Patrick kind of
Speaker 2: goes through and describes what that is like from her side.
Speaker 2: But also the other part of this is like how
Speaker 2: she discovered that she was so different in how she
Speaker 2: felt empathy to those around her as well. Fatati.
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's also written a book called Sociopath.
Speaker 1: And I think the point is, Laura and when you said,
Speaker 1: usually hear the word sociopath and we're like run. But
Speaker 1: that's because most sociopaths don't know they're a sociopath or
Speaker 1: won't admit they're a sociopath. And this is the difference
Speaker 1: with her. She owns it, she knows that it she is,
Speaker 1: and she's working.
Speaker 2: Actively every day, but she still talks about all the
Speaker 2: feelings that she knows she doesn't feel.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I was about to say, like, it would be
Speaker 5: so interesting to talk to someone like that because I
Speaker 5: want to unpack how they feel shame.
Speaker 3: They don't, that's so interesting. But also they're married.
Speaker 2: Imagine being married to that and having always having a
Speaker 2: wife who's like, I know, I don't feel the things
Speaker 2: you feel, but still being so in love with them,
Speaker 2: Like she's got friends, she lives a normal functioning life.
Speaker 2: Like it is such a unique look at someone who
Speaker 2: sits within that spectrum.
Speaker 5: It's so like the reason I mean this shame thing
Speaker 5: is because we want to have empathy for that, because
Speaker 5: we're like, oh, it's not your fault that you can't
Speaker 5: process emotions in the same way that we can. But
Speaker 5: if they don't feel shame about it, then it's kind
Speaker 5: of like, well why do.
Speaker 3: We feel empathy?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 3: Totally? All right, Well let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: Yeah, question number one should I attend the funeral. I
Speaker 1: was with my ex for twelve years. During the last
Speaker 1: three of those years, my ex mother in law lived
Speaker 1: with us. I knew her very well. I'm now happily
Speaker 1: married with two kids, and I haven't spoken to anyone
Speaker 1: from that family for six years. Recently, I found out
Speaker 1: my ex mother in law had gotten very sick, and
Speaker 1: it got me thinking about when she passes away. I
Speaker 1: would want to pay my respects to her, given she
Speaker 1: was a huge part of my past life, but I
Speaker 1: don't know if attending her funeral and seen my ex
Speaker 1: and his family for the first time since leaving him
Speaker 1: would only.
Speaker 3: Add to their pain.
Speaker 1: My question is, who do you attend a funeral fall
Speaker 1: Is it the person who has passed away or their
Speaker 1: loved ones left behind? Or are you going for you.
Speaker 3: Fun The woman's not dead yet, she's still alive, but
Speaker 3: she's clearly dying. I mean, she got sick. She's probably
Speaker 3: the flu. Let's wait till she dies. No, Okay, let's
Speaker 3: take it seriously. I am I do have opinions.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have opinions, one because I've been in this
Speaker 2: exact situation, but more as an observer, and I'll explain that,
Speaker 2: So my ex boyfriend, his father passed away.
Speaker 3: It was horrifically sad.
Speaker 2: I was his girlfriend, very new girlfriend at the time,
Speaker 2: mind you, like, we've only been dating for a few
Speaker 2: weeks passed when dad passed away.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: His ex wife, who he had been with for I
Speaker 2: mean they met in Uni, they've been with for like
Speaker 2: over a decade, was very very close to his dad.
Speaker 2: So the funeral came and his ex wife came to
Speaker 2: the funeral. Now, from his perspective, I think it was
Speaker 2: incredibly hard because the funeral turned into it just being
Speaker 2: a time for him to be able to warn his dad.
Speaker 2: But it turned into like I mean, like you know
Speaker 2: when your ex is in a room and then you
Speaker 2: feel that feeling of like, fuck, they're here.
Speaker 3: Do I talk to them? Do I not talk to them?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 3: How long have they been split up? For years?
Speaker 2: They've been separated for years, and they weren't they went
Speaker 2: on good terms, they weren't speaking.
Speaker 3: It ended very badly.
Speaker 2: So it was a really highly anxious time for him
Speaker 2: during a time when I think he should have just
Speaker 2: been able to focus on grieving, but he was very
Speaker 2: focused on this whole drama of his ex wife being there,
Speaker 2: and also on the day of the funeral. It was
Speaker 2: even more exacerbated by the fact that as we were
Speaker 2: entering the funeral, he went to give her a hug
Speaker 2: and she was like, don't touch me.
Speaker 3: I'm not here for you. So it was very it
Speaker 3: was that's to me, that's selfish.
Speaker 2: He treated her very bad in their relationship, mind you,
Speaker 2: so like it ended because of his behaviors. So I
Speaker 2: understand why she has animosity, and I understand why she
Speaker 2: would feel I'm here for my relationship with your father
Speaker 2: and I don't really care about you right now, and
Speaker 2: they were really close. So on one hand, I absolutely
Speaker 2: respect her decision to want to go to the funeral
Speaker 2: because she had a relationship with the person who passed away.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I think it caused more
Speaker 2: unnecessary hurt to someone who is already grieving, even if
Speaker 2: they were the person who was in the wrong in
Speaker 2: the relationship. So I guess my big question to you
Speaker 2: is you haven't had contact with them now for six years.
Speaker 2: You haven't had any contact with her for six years.
Speaker 2: You have lost that connection. I think, if anything, you
Speaker 2: should reach out now and say I've heard that your
Speaker 2: mom's really unwell. I hope you are okay. I hope
Speaker 2: your mom is okay, and you see how that's received
Speaker 2: rather than just rocking up at a funeral, because I
Speaker 2: think that then that funeral becomes about you in some ways,
Speaker 2: not about the person who's grieving, and not about the
Speaker 2: person who passed away.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just feel like it can create a lot of
Speaker 2: drama for people who are already really really really hurting.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if people will agree with that,
Speaker 2: but it's a tricky, tricky thing to navigate.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's any black and white answer here.
Speaker 1: This is so dependent on each situation. How long were
Speaker 1: you together, what was your situation, how close were you
Speaker 1: did you live together? Why did you end? How long
Speaker 1: ago did you end? What's their situationship? Like now, there
Speaker 1: are so many factors of this. There's no like, yes,
Speaker 1: you can go to an excess funeral, No you can't
Speaker 1: because you don't know what happened.
Speaker 3: In this specific situation.
Speaker 1: I feel like saying don't go, and you're asking a
Speaker 1: question like who are you going for? She's passed away
Speaker 1: at this point and you haven't spoken to her for
Speaker 1: six years, so you didn't reach out when she was sick. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So what I'm thinking here is it is only probably
Speaker 1: going to, like you said yourself, and you probably know
Speaker 1: deep down, it's probably only going to add to the
Speaker 1: pain of him. He's dealing with enough there at that time.
Speaker 1: He's just lost his mum. I don't think he needs
Speaker 1: to see someone from the past, from that long ago.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean you can't pay your respects to her,
Speaker 1: Like you don't have to physically go and stand in
Speaker 1: a crowd with everybody else to mourn someone and think
Speaker 1: about someone and grieve someone.
Speaker 3: But I think if you're at the.
Speaker 1: Point now where you're like I would want to pay
Speaker 1: my respects, then why don't you want to speak to
Speaker 1: her now when she's still alive?
Speaker 3: So this is what I think. Can you call her
Speaker 3: and say I've heard your un well. I wanted to
Speaker 3: check in and see and see how you are. Is
Speaker 3: there anything I can do for you?
Speaker 1: Like, if you haven't spoken to her now and you
Speaker 1: can't or don't want to reach out when she's unwell,
Speaker 1: then I don't think you should be putting everyone else
Speaker 1: in the position at the funeral.
Speaker 2: Also, I think think sometimes put yourself in the position
Speaker 2: like flip it, reverse it is.
Speaker 3: Is that I would yes do that, flip it and
Speaker 3: reverse it.
Speaker 2: If this was your mum or your dad and you
Speaker 2: hadn't spoken to your ex in six years, they hadn't
Speaker 2: spoken to your mum and dad in six years, and
Speaker 2: they came to the funeral unannounced. You didn't know they
Speaker 2: were going to be there. Would it take something away
Speaker 2: from the funeral, from your.
Speaker 3: Ability to grieve?
Speaker 2: Would it make it a bit awkward for you? You
Speaker 2: would you be thinking, oh my god, fuck my exes
Speaker 2: in the room. Oh just don't really have the capacity
Speaker 2: to talk to him right now? Like how would you feel?
Speaker 2: And I think if your response to that is that
Speaker 2: there's any reservations or it would really impact your ability
Speaker 2: to grieve, Like I would say, had the same respect
Speaker 2: for him.
Speaker 3: But I totally agree with you, Britt.
Speaker 2: I think that there's no point showing your respects after
Speaker 2: someone's passed away when you could literally call them when
Speaker 2: they're alive.
Speaker 1: That had been y Yeah, my ex, Like my I
Speaker 1: always say my main X because I always in my
Speaker 1: head I feel like I had this. You know, I
Speaker 1: was with him for eight years, so a huge time
Speaker 1: of our life and we lived with his dad for
Speaker 1: a while, like such an integral part of each other's
Speaker 1: life and from like you know, from sixteen to twenty four,
Speaker 1: so that huge part where you come.
Speaker 3: Out of age.
Speaker 1: We ended on really amicable terms just because we were
Speaker 1: going different directions. And his dad passed away after a
Speaker 1: few years, like a few years later, and I did
Speaker 1: not go to the funeral, but I could have because
Speaker 1: he was a huge part of my life. But I
Speaker 1: didn't speak to my ex anymore, but I did message him.
Speaker 1: I reached out and I just said, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I get emotional thinking about it. I'm like, I'm I heard,
Speaker 1: and I'm really sorry, and I'm just wanting you know,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about you, and I hope you get through
Speaker 1: this okay, And that's it, because I imagine the last
Speaker 1: thing he would have wanted was for me to turn up.
Speaker 2: Like absolutely, And similarly was the situation with my grandfather.
Speaker 2: So my papa, who was like such a father figure
Speaker 2: in my life when he passed away, my ex of
Speaker 2: six years, who you know, who was like my big
Speaker 2: big love who he was at that point of my life,
Speaker 2: my big big love. Sorry about no, but like genuinely,
Speaker 2: you know, I think we both had thought life would
Speaker 2: turn out differently. He was that person for me. He
Speaker 2: messaged me. He did not show up the funeral, and
Speaker 2: it was a small funeral. You also don't know the
Speaker 2: size of it. Some people have big funerals. My papa's funeral,
Speaker 2: there was only like forty people there. It would have
Speaker 2: stood out like a sore fucking thumb if my ex
Speaker 2: boyfriend was sitting there in the back row.
Speaker 1: But this is also how much I can't stress that
Speaker 1: it depends on the situation.
Speaker 3: If something happened to my dad, and.
Speaker 1: I'm putting myself in the situation and my exes plural
Speaker 1: turned up, but specifically this one of eight years, if
Speaker 1: he turned.
Speaker 3: Up, I would welcome that. That wouldn't bother me.
Speaker 1: And I don't think if I actually turned up to
Speaker 1: his dad's I don't I think he would have thought
Speaker 1: that was nice, because we probably wouldn't have spoken or
Speaker 1: been together, but I think we had that sort of
Speaker 1: relationship that he probably would have been like, thanks for coming.
Speaker 3: And that's here.
Speaker 1: But that's how much it depends on what you had
Speaker 1: with that person and what you have now. And but
Speaker 1: I guess I can't stress the point enough it's so
Speaker 1: important to note that she's not dead yet if you
Speaker 1: want to pay respects to the point that you're getting
Speaker 1: anxiety about it, like you're pre thinking about what.
Speaker 3: You're going to do when she passes. Do it now? Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's what I think.
Speaker 1: And if you don't feel like you're close enough to
Speaker 1: do it now, then I don't think you should be
Speaker 1: going to the funeral when he's grieving.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally Agreeve all right, question muff two, and
Speaker 2: this is a very dumb one.
Speaker 3: No question is a dumb one.
Speaker 1: Sorry to what is the etiquette when using someone else's
Speaker 1: shower when you're staying with that?
Speaker 3: Some questions? Okay, not one question? Don't wait?
Speaker 2: Do you bring your own shampoo, conditioner, and body wash?
Speaker 2: Or is it exctble to just use theirs? What?
Speaker 3: It's so hard.
Speaker 1: To answer no, because I'm actually don't know. My immediate
Speaker 1: thought was this is so stupid.
Speaker 3: Of course you can use theirs. But now I'm thinking
Speaker 3: I have some pretty I.
Speaker 1: Have, like a sign up membership to my shampoo and conditioner,
Speaker 1: Like it's expensive and it's if.
Speaker 3: Someone was gone willy neely with it, throwing it around.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: It depends on the Okay, it depends, but no, I
Speaker 2: would say, if you're staying at someone's house, if you
Speaker 2: knew you were going to be staying at the house,
Speaker 2: if you're having an overnight stay, bring your own shit
Speaker 2: because it's planned. If you're having a sleepover that wasn't
Speaker 2: as planned, then yeah, of course you can use whatever's
Speaker 2: in their house. But I think, like, don't just rock
Speaker 2: up to someone's house and not bring a single thing
Speaker 2: and expect to use every single one of their toiletry items,
Speaker 2: Like that's.
Speaker 3: A bit random. Yeah, I think body wash though free
Speaker 3: for all. Anyone can use body wash. Yeah, okay, here's
Speaker 3: what I think.
Speaker 1: If it's one night, if you're going one or two nights,
Speaker 1: I think it's fine. You can you know, you're a guest,
Speaker 1: you can use their stuff. I wouldn't care if someone
Speaker 1: use my stuff. But if you're coming for a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks stay, like, if you're settling in you're probably
Speaker 1: gonna be there, then you've got to bring your own stuff.
Speaker 3: You have to.
Speaker 1: It's not a hotel. It's not on them to provide
Speaker 1: what you need. But also like n a night's fine, Yes,
Speaker 1: of course, the night's fine. And if you walk into
Speaker 1: their shower and the only things that they have is
Speaker 1: like Chanelle products for everything. I would say that there
Speaker 1: is like a scale. If it's Dove body wash, that's
Speaker 1: a free for all. If it's Chanell body wash, I
Speaker 1: would say, use that shit sparingly. I have, and probably
Speaker 1: put it back in the exact position of which you
Speaker 1: used it from so that they don't know for sure
Speaker 1: whether you used it or not. So I have two bathrooms.
Speaker 1: I have two bedrooms, two bathrooms in my flat. And
Speaker 1: my bathroom that's my en suite, is like all my
Speaker 1: expensive stuff, like the skin can that I like to use,
Speaker 1: and my really nice hair conditioner and my treatment and
Speaker 1: everything like that really good face washes. But then the
Speaker 1: other bathroom is like the backup bathroom. If someone comes
Speaker 1: to stay and it's like and it's full of palmolive,
Speaker 1: it's the two in one.
Speaker 3: It's like the it's like the one anti dandru no.
Speaker 1: But it's the stuff where I'm like, this is if
Speaker 1: somebody needed a shower in there, it's set with everything
Speaker 1: that they need, but it's not the high end stuff.
Speaker 3: That's what I've done to separate it.
Speaker 2: I mean, look, I don't think that this is a
Speaker 2: big problem, But I do think it's weird if you
Speaker 2: were not planning on staying at their house and you
Speaker 2: brought your things, so like, there's nothing worse than when
Speaker 2: you go on like a one like you've got a
Speaker 2: date with someone, for example. And actually this is funny
Speaker 2: because Johno, who is our video editor, he always has
Speaker 2: like an overnight bag in his bag.
Speaker 1: He's the guy that you can be like, hey, I
Speaker 1: need deodorant. He's like, here's some deodorant.
Speaker 2: But if you rocked up on a date with me
Speaker 2: and you'd brought an overnight bag to a date, I
Speaker 2: would think that creepy as fuck.
Speaker 3: I went on a date once and the guy rocked
Speaker 3: up with like shampoo, conditioner, and a tried a whole
Speaker 3: overnight bag. It's not okay, And well.
Speaker 1: He stayed, but I'm angry that he presumed that was
Speaker 1: gonna happen.
Speaker 3: Okay, in his defense.
Speaker 1: Nah, there is none okay anyway, Okay, what if.
Speaker 3: They bring like spare underwear and he put a toothbrush. Yeah,
Speaker 3: this is what happened, right, And I get it.
Speaker 1: He turned it with the backpack and I was I
Speaker 1: was like, what's in the backpack because we'd never met.
Speaker 1: We'd been talking though for like a week online and
Speaker 1: I was in the backpack and he's like, to be honest,
Speaker 1: he's like, just stuff in case. I yes, He's like,
Speaker 1: because he was staying at a family member's house across Sydney,
Speaker 1: like Western Sydney. It would have been hours on public
Speaker 1: transport that night. He's like, look in case, better to
Speaker 1: be prepared in case it went well. I just thought,
Speaker 1: I'll bring him backpack. If it doesn't, I'll just go
Speaker 1: home in my backpack. It's no bigg It was great.
Speaker 1: That would have been a challenge to send him home.
Speaker 1: I would have been like, oh, okay, you came prepared,
Speaker 1: well you can you can leave prepared. You know. The
Speaker 1: funniest thing. I said that he could stay because I
Speaker 1: felt bad for him. But I was like, nothing's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: You can stay, you can stay on the lounge.
Speaker 3: And then you pity fucked him. We all knew how
Speaker 3: that was gonna end. And I tried. We went home
Speaker 3: and I was I made the lounge for him and
Speaker 3: it was so hot.
Speaker 1: You know him, you know who's the one, the American
Speaker 1: one that went over to America.
Speaker 3: I don't know it, did?
Speaker 1: I mean it?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Remember the guy that I accidentally stalked his girlfriend and
Speaker 1: liked her and followed her on Facebook and then she
Speaker 1: was like, why is that random girl following me on Facebook?
Speaker 1: It's a whole another segue anyway, when I do remember
Speaker 1: when I first went to Ben's house, and I feel
Speaker 1: like this is indicative of men first went over to
Speaker 1: stay there, got into the shower. We didn't really know
Speaker 1: each other yet. It was just the most cliche men's shower.
Speaker 1: There was nothing, not one thing, No face wash, no soap,
Speaker 1: no shampoo condisher. There was like one five in one. Ah, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a five in one. There was just like
Speaker 1: one little body washy thing. And I was like, baby,
Speaker 1: what do you use for soap? And he's like body wash?
Speaker 1: And I'm like what about face wash? He's like body wash.
Speaker 1: I was like, what about your shampign conditioner? He's like
Speaker 1: body wassh.
Speaker 3: That's it. That's all he used the whole thing. And
Speaker 3: I was like, you are not prepared to have a girlfriends. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, at least I know you're not
Speaker 1: hooking up with people. Because he's coming over there. No
Speaker 1: woman has been here. For a while, there is no evidence,
Speaker 1: there's nothing. Yeah, look, I mean I think it's fine.
Speaker 1: I think you can if you're staying at someone's house
Speaker 1: and just don't take a dump in their bath and
Speaker 1: you're doing fine.
Speaker 3: Who the fuck is shitting in someone's bar? Someone probably
Speaker 3: is talking about shower eediqutt. I'm just saying, to be clear.
Speaker 2: We're not talking about We're not talking about bath etiquette,
Speaker 2: all right?
Speaker 3: Question three?
Speaker 2: How do I let a work colleague know that I
Speaker 2: have no interest in being friends with them outside of work?
Speaker 3: Kisha? Did you write this in or even at work?
Speaker 2: To be honest, I really struggle working with this particular person,
Speaker 2: but that's clearly unbeknownst to her. As she continuously asked
Speaker 2: me to do things outside of work. I always come
Speaker 2: up with excuses not to go, but it's getting harder
Speaker 2: and harder. Also, these are not big group activities where
Speaker 2: everyone is invited. It's literally just the two of us
Speaker 2: and maybe one or two other people. Do I need
Speaker 2: to be more direct with her or just say yes
Speaker 2: and make it really bad time, then get a really
Speaker 2: bad time because she doesn't want to hang out anymore,
Speaker 2: or just keep putting up with it and coming up
Speaker 2: with more excuses.
Speaker 3: Sorry, I know this is a super same question, but
Speaker 3: I'm really desperate.
Speaker 1: This reminds me of that movie How to Lose a
Speaker 1: Gun Ten Days, you know how She's like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to be the worst person on a.
Speaker 2: Day, the worst friend. Yeah, this makes me feel sad.
Speaker 2: Who for the friend, for the girl who wants a friend?
Speaker 3: The work colleague? Yeah, I feel she clearly I feel
Speaker 3: sad for her. I think she's not reading the room.
Speaker 3: She's not reading the room.
Speaker 2: But she obviously isn't someone who has close friends, because
Speaker 2: why is she trying to push a friendship so hard
Speaker 2: with someone who clearly doesn't like her.
Speaker 3: She's difficult to work with us, Probably why she doesn't
Speaker 3: have close friends. I think, oh, look, I get this.
Speaker 1: I have always been this person that hasn't and I
Speaker 1: think that's more of a personality trait as opposed to
Speaker 1: like not wanting friends. But I've always tried to keep
Speaker 1: my work life separate to my personal life, which is
Speaker 1: hard because sometimes unless you really froth the person, like
Speaker 1: I have made some best Yeah, I've made some best
Speaker 1: friends through the hospit Because hospitals that I've worked in,
Speaker 1: hundreds of people work at the hospital, so you're always
Speaker 1: going to meet someone in some department that you click with.
Speaker 3: But when it's a smaller.
Speaker 1: Office, which I'm assuming this is right, like you see
Speaker 1: her every day, I'm assuming it's a small office, she
Speaker 1: wants to hang out. You don't really get along with her,
Speaker 1: by the sounds of it, or you don't really like
Speaker 1: spending time with her, and you don't want to spend
Speaker 1: time with her. I do feel a little bit sorry
Speaker 1: for a Laura in all seriousness, because she's trying to
Speaker 1: have a friend. But we don't have to things we
Speaker 1: don't want to do, and you don't have to spend
Speaker 1: your time with someone that you don't want to And
Speaker 1: I know that sounds mean, But the older we get
Speaker 1: and the more responsibilities we have, and when you start
Speaker 1: to have kids and you've got you're so stressed, you're
Speaker 1: so busy with work and just trying to survive and
Speaker 1: trying to fucking live in this economy, that time is
Speaker 1: such a precious commodity. You don't want to be spending
Speaker 1: it with people you genuinely don't have an interest in
Speaker 1: or don't like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the easy bit.
Speaker 1: You don't have to go and it's worse for you
Speaker 1: to go and be a mole so that she hates you.
Speaker 1: Like that is way worse. The part I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do is I don't know how you say
Speaker 1: it to her. I don't know if you just have
Speaker 1: that conversation and say, look, I really try and keep
Speaker 1: my work and my personal life separate. I hope that
Speaker 1: that's okay with you, but like that's just how I
Speaker 1: like to operate, or maybe.
Speaker 3: It's just easier to consistently say you're busy. I agree
Speaker 3: with you, Britt.
Speaker 2: I don't think that you should force yourself to be
Speaker 2: friends with people who you don't feel as though that
Speaker 2: you're getting anything out of the frendship either, Like if
Speaker 2: you're just doing it to be nice because this person
Speaker 2: keeps asking you, that's not the foundations of what a
Speaker 2: friendship is based on.
Speaker 3: And that's okay.
Speaker 2: You know, you will really vibe with some people and
Speaker 2: you won't vibe with others. It does make me sad
Speaker 2: for her that maybe she doesn't have friends and she
Speaker 2: is really trying. Yeah, but it's also not worth her
Speaker 2: putting her energy into someone who maybe she thinks could
Speaker 2: be her friend, and that you are just busy and
Speaker 2: you're not able to do something instead of being able to, like,
Speaker 2: you know, try and actually make other friends who might
Speaker 2: actually be invest in her. I don't think it's necessary
Speaker 2: to have a sit down conversation with her around placing boundaries.
Speaker 3: Sometimes.
Speaker 2: I think we can really overshoot it with this sort
Speaker 2: of stuff. I also don't think you need to come
Speaker 2: up with constant excuses. You just have to say, I'm
Speaker 2: not able to I'm busy. You don't have to explain
Speaker 2: why you're busy. Sometimes when we give people a know,
Speaker 2: we often feel as though we need to explain why
Speaker 2: the no is a no. It's because it is that
Speaker 2: easy and give context. Yeah, I know, it's not.
Speaker 1: Because I think of this conversation ready, like, hey, do
Speaker 1: you want to hang out tonight?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so sorry I can't. I'm actually
Speaker 3: so busy at the moment. Oh what are you got
Speaker 3: going on?
Speaker 2: Look, A life has been hectic, a lot of personal stuff.
Speaker 2: I don't really want to get into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just I totally get it, and I agree
Speaker 1: with you. It's like you don't you don't know anyone anything.
Speaker 1: We've done episodes on that before, But I get that
Speaker 1: sometimes you're in a position where it's it's hard to
Speaker 1: make excuses totally.
Speaker 3: But I think that's the problem.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we force ourselves to make excuses and
Speaker 2: then we get caught in lies.
Speaker 3: I think keep it.
Speaker 1: As simple, have kids, I'm not even married.
Speaker 3: I then keep it as simple as you can.
Speaker 2: When you do decline an invitation to something, you don't
Speaker 2: have to explain the know all the time. And that's
Speaker 2: where you can get yourself caught up because you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I've run out of excuses, and it's like, well, you
Speaker 2: shouldn't be having to say, oh, tomorrow, I've got dinner
Speaker 2: with my mom, and on Tuesday, I'm going to get
Speaker 2: my nails done, and on Wednesday I'm just going to
Speaker 2: be really busy on the phone because the telemarket is
Speaker 2: going to call me.
Speaker 3: You just don't have to give that level of detailed
Speaker 3: do you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: So I think if you consistently keep saying I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I can't this week, I'm really busy. You know, I've
Speaker 2: got a lot on with family stuff, or my friends
Speaker 2: are in town, whatever you want to and keep a
Speaker 2: top line as possible, those invitations will start to decrease
Speaker 2: and I think in time, they will get a picture
Speaker 2: that you know, not that you're not interested, but that
Speaker 2: you're not available. Your friendship is not available to them
Speaker 2: because you're not someone who's worthy investing time in, because
Speaker 2: you're never free.
Speaker 3: And that's okay. And I know you probably.
Speaker 2: Feel bad and it's probably an annoying thing because you
Speaker 2: feel like or she hasn't she can't read the room.
Speaker 2: But unfortunately it's it's just it's something that's uncomfortable, but
Speaker 2: it's not something that's just avoidable.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's hard because you've even said you don't
Speaker 1: even want to be friends with her at work. Not
Speaker 1: only do not have interest outside of work, but you
Speaker 1: don't want to be friends at work.
Speaker 3: So maybe you need to put up a bit more
Speaker 3: of a vibe at work.
Speaker 4: No, no, I think so you've got to put up
Speaker 4: a vibe at work that like, we are not going
Speaker 4: to be best here, so like we're not going to
Speaker 4: have those laughs in those gossips, we're not because that's
Speaker 4: what leads someone to wanting to hang out with you
Speaker 4: after work.
Speaker 1: So when you're at work, you're just going to work mode.
Speaker 1: There's a difference with the energy you give people. If
Speaker 1: you want to be their friend, and you don't want
Speaker 1: to be their friend. And this is a tricky situation
Speaker 1: because you work with her all day. She wants to
Speaker 1: hang out with you all the time. You don't want
Speaker 1: to hang out with her at all.
Speaker 2: I feel differently to you, Britt, And the reason for
Speaker 2: that is is because I think you don't treat people
Speaker 2: at all in a way where the vibe is like
Speaker 2: I just worry that that sort of recommendation changes the
Speaker 2: culture in a workplace, Like you don't want her to
Speaker 2: think that she's done something wrong.
Speaker 3: You don't want her to think that you're angry at her.
Speaker 1: But there's a difference with a work vibe and a
Speaker 1: friend vibe one hundred percent. Like friends that are like base,
Speaker 1: let's go grab a coffee at lunch, Let's go get
Speaker 1: a coffee and have a gossip and have a laugh
Speaker 1: and have a chat. And there's a very big difference
Speaker 1: with that and like, hey guys, I'm just gonna go
Speaker 1: take my lunch break.
Speaker 3: I'll come back.
Speaker 1: Like that's the kind of thing I mean that you
Speaker 1: you don't treat it differently, Like you don't be mean
Speaker 1: to her, but you put out different energy when you
Speaker 1: want to be friends with someone, and you see someone
Speaker 1: as a work colleague, and I'm even thinking of people
Speaker 1: you know in our work environment.
Speaker 2: I think also it also depends on how chatty you
Speaker 2: are as a person, Like are you someone who shares
Speaker 2: a lot of about your personal life at work?
Speaker 3: Are you sharing with her in a friend.
Speaker 2: Way that would give her the thought that maybe this
Speaker 2: is a friendship, you know, because like maybe she's part
Speaker 2: of like a group at work, and so you're all
Speaker 2: sharing different stories and stuff about yourself, and so she
Speaker 2: feels as though there's a closeness there because it's been
Speaker 2: manufactured through just spending a lot of time together and
Speaker 2: sharing a lot about each other. Whereas to you, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I would have told that to my hairdresser. That to
Speaker 2: me didn't mean anything. I think like assessing how you
Speaker 2: interact with her definitely when you say it in that way.
Speaker 2: But I just think, like you don't need to give
Speaker 2: off a vibe at work that's I don't want to
Speaker 2: be your friend vibe because that could really affect your
Speaker 2: ability to work together in a way that's like harmonious.
Speaker 3: I don't know, this is such a tough one.
Speaker 1: There's just not really, it's not really an answer that's
Speaker 1: like do this, say this.
Speaker 2: My definitive answer is do not sit this person down
Speaker 2: and tell them that you don't want to have a
Speaker 2: friendship outside of work. We don't always need to communicate
Speaker 2: our boundaries to people. It just makes you sound like
Speaker 2: an absolute asshole. If you're like, hey, I really enjoy
Speaker 2: working with you, but actually, like we are not people
Speaker 2: who are going to be friends outside of work, you
Speaker 2: will come across as such a dick.
Speaker 3: I think it is purely just a situation where you just.
Speaker 2: Politely decline her invitations and she will at some point
Speaker 2: understand that this is a friendship that's not going to
Speaker 2: be beyond a work environment.
Speaker 3: Oh, I know what you do? What quit?
Speaker 1: Get a new job, floring you get her fired? Okay,
Speaker 1: last question, this is I think a good one for
Speaker 1: you to answer, Laura, Laurie. Laurie, I said it weird, Hey, Laurie,
Speaker 1: I think it's a good one for you to answer.
Speaker 3: Laura. It's a jewelry based question. Hashtag Tony May Tony
Speaker 3: May No, but twenty percent discount life on cut twenty
Speaker 3: do I is that actually a discount? Otherwise you can
Speaker 3: cut that out n people. I can whatever.
Speaker 1: Guys, you want a discount on Tony May Life on
Speaker 1: cut twenty, I'll put it up.
Speaker 3: I don't care a you paint for a spot jokes
Speaker 3: do I? But am I everyone?
Speaker 2: In case you won't aware, I own a jury business.
Speaker 2: It's called Tony May and you can have a disc
Speaker 2: our code of lifeblunk.
Speaker 3: What was the question?
Speaker 1: Last week, my husband asked me to pick up a
Speaker 1: parcel for him from the post office and said it
Speaker 1: was a tool for work. When I picked up the parcel,
Speaker 1: I noticed it was from a silversmith, so I obviously
Speaker 1: googled them. I didn't look any further as Mother's Day
Speaker 1: was approaching and I didn't want to ruin my big surprise.
Speaker 1: Now I didn't get any jewelry from Mother's Day. I
Speaker 1: looked on the website and I saw that it could
Speaker 1: be fingerprint jewelry, but that's way out of our budget.
Speaker 1: I mentioned it to my best friend to see what
Speaker 1: to do. After naming the jeweler, she said, hey, look,
Speaker 1: our mutual friend is mates with a jeweler. Maybe our
Speaker 1: friend is going to propose and he's just using the
Speaker 1: husband as an address for the secret delivery. You know,
Speaker 1: how like people are like, oh, I don't want the
Speaker 1: ring to come to my house.
Speaker 3: I'll send it to a friend.
Speaker 1: My three possible situations are one, my husband bought jewelry
Speaker 1: for someone else. Two fingerprint jewelry that will be back,
Speaker 1: hopefully in a few weeks. Three my husband is in
Speaker 1: on our friends proposal and he is keeping this a secret.
Speaker 1: My question is do I ask my husband about the
Speaker 1: parcel to see if he's buying jelry for someone else,
Speaker 1: or do I.
Speaker 3: Wait and see if something is coming in the next
Speaker 3: few months. And then she finished with clearly is bothering me?
Speaker 2: Okay, so fingerprint jury. I have a few feelings about this. Firstly, yes,
Speaker 2: you should just speak to your husband about it, because
Speaker 2: if your thought is when you see a parcel that
Speaker 2: maybe your husband's buying jewelry for if your brain goes there,
Speaker 2: that's a problem.
Speaker 3: The right thing is like, who's this f You've also
Speaker 3: been watching way too much of Love.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's probably like the first thing, like I would say,
Speaker 2: speak to your husband, ask him the question.
Speaker 3: You can be direct about it.
Speaker 2: The thing with fingerprint jewely though, especially around Mother's Day
Speaker 2: and for anyone who's ever wanted or gotten a custom
Speaker 2: piece of jelry made jewelry labels who do anything that's
Speaker 2: customizable during Mother's Day have such long lead times. So
Speaker 2: it's very very possible that he has seen this maybe
Speaker 2: two weeks or a week before Mother's Day and like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, that's a great idea.
Speaker 3: I'll organize that.
Speaker 2: But you've got to actually put your fingerprints in the wax,
Speaker 2: send the wax off. That's then got to go through
Speaker 2: the lost wax casting method, that's got to be set
Speaker 2: in the silver, and like, it's a process, and most
Speaker 2: jewelers take more than six weeks to do that process.
Speaker 3: And it's probably assuming your husband didn't realize how long
Speaker 3: it could.
Speaker 2: Take totally so this was like mother Day, it was
Speaker 2: only a couple weeks ago. There is a very very
Speaker 2: very good chance that it is for you, and it's
Speaker 2: just the process of this is actually like two months
Speaker 2: and he was not organized enough, which I think is
Speaker 2: totally fair. The reason why I don't think your husband's
Speaker 2: having an affair. I don't think it's for someone else
Speaker 2: is because if it was, if it was if he
Speaker 2: was doing the dirty, if he bought someone a really
Speaker 2: expensive piece of jely and didn't want you to know
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 3: He's not getting you to pick it up.
Speaker 2: He's not getting you to go to the post office
Speaker 2: to pick up the piece of jewelry. He's this is
Speaker 2: so innocent to him that he didn't think it was
Speaker 2: a big deal.
Speaker 3: Well, then also pretty shit surprised.
Speaker 1: Then, in the same thing, like, if he's gotten your surprise,
Speaker 1: you also shouldn't.
Speaker 3: Be going to get your wife to go pick up
Speaker 3: her own surprise.
Speaker 2: So that's a whole other thing. If this was me,
Speaker 2: I mean I would my very first point of care
Speaker 2: would be to sit down and ask my husband. Maybe
Speaker 2: he is on a secret proposal for his friend. That's
Speaker 2: totally fine. You're you're his wife, and you're allowed to
Speaker 2: know that. You're allowed to be in on those secrets too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm gone bullshit on that one.
Speaker 2: But I just think I always find it so fascinating
Speaker 2: because I think, for me, when I read that question,
Speaker 2: it's actually not so much about jewelry, it's around communication
Speaker 2: and what's your communication like with your husband? Why do
Speaker 2: you not feel as though you can go to him
Speaker 2: straight away when you have these sorts of like queries
Speaker 2: or questions or things that make you feel a little
Speaker 2: bit unsafe or uncertain.
Speaker 1: And I get that because if she thinks it could
Speaker 1: be really a surprise, you don't want to blow the surprise,
Speaker 1: like you don't want your husband to know that the
Speaker 1: surprise is ruined.
Speaker 2: But I think the surprise so like she didn't she
Speaker 2: waited for Mother's Day, it didn't come. So yes, you
Speaker 2: don't want to blow the surprise. But if it's leading
Speaker 2: your brain to a place where maybe you're thinking that
Speaker 2: he's doing something for someone else, like that is so
Speaker 2: far on the other end of the spectrum that like
Speaker 2: the fact that your brain has gone there makes me think, like,
Speaker 2: you have to have these conversations.
Speaker 1: Here's what I think. Here's your husband, right, let's give
Speaker 1: him the benefit of the doubt. He has gone and
Speaker 1: done an amazing surprise for you.
Speaker 3: You have you.
Speaker 1: Deserve that you have multiple fingerprint jewelry that is probably
Speaker 1: going to be in the mail. What I would do
Speaker 1: is ask, you know what, Okay, put your detective hat on.
Speaker 1: Call the jeweler, inquire, ask hey, how long out of
Speaker 1: curiosity does it take generally speaking for a fingerprint jewelry.
Speaker 1: He'll say, oh, probably like four to six weeks. Whatever,
Speaker 1: do the math, sit it out, wait another four weeks,
Speaker 1: and if eight weeks has gone past from Mother's Day
Speaker 1: and you haven't got any jewelry at all from that jeweler,
Speaker 1: then ask the question.
Speaker 3: Spoiler, it's probably gone to someone else.
Speaker 1: I would then ask the question, because then you've given
Speaker 1: enough buffer, you've given enough lead time, and then he's
Speaker 1: your husband.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: My only worry is that I love that we keep
Speaker 2: outlining this as though she's forgotten.
Speaker 3: But it's so important because we said it earlier.
Speaker 1: But if your first thought here is that, like, holy shit,
Speaker 1: he's bought jeury for someone else, there's got to be
Speaker 1: more happening in that relationship. Like it's not your first
Speaker 1: thought when you see a jewelry box from your partner
Speaker 1: that it's going to someone else, unless there are other
Speaker 1: things that are like leaning into that.
Speaker 2: Also, wait, I just want to unpack this one bit,
Speaker 2: because you said these are we're exact words. After naming
Speaker 2: the jeweler, she said, our mutual friend is mates with
Speaker 2: the jeweler, so maybe our friend is going to propose.
Speaker 3: Well, this is just too many degrees of separation.
Speaker 1: If your friend is mates with the jeweler, you just
Speaker 1: keep the ring of the jewelers.
Speaker 3: Then wouldn't the jeweler just keep the ring to your friends?
Speaker 3: Why is the jeweler sending it to your house. It's
Speaker 3: so obvious, like cheating. He's not cheating. Shut up.
Speaker 1: It's so obvious that it's for you and just fingerprint
Speaker 1: Julie takes a fucking long time to make.
Speaker 3: It's actually yeah.
Speaker 1: But if Christmas comes and you haven't got your jewelry yet,
Speaker 1: that's the question.
Speaker 2: But I do I think people, especially when it comes
Speaker 2: to customized anything customized in the jewelry space, it takes
Speaker 2: so long. Listen to this men, Yeah, I miss in
Speaker 2: case free times. But I honestly can't tell you the
Speaker 2: amount of people, the amount of men who have come
Speaker 2: to Tony May emailed me and been like, Hey, I
Speaker 2: really want to propose to my wife. I'm going away
Speaker 2: on this trip. We're going to Europe next week. I
Speaker 2: need to get a ring. And I'm like great, and
Speaker 2: they're like, they want this ring, they want this stone,
Speaker 2: blah blah blahs.
Speaker 3: It's totally a custom piece.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, amazing, when are you thinking of proposing
Speaker 2: in ten days? And I'm like, mate, are you fucking
Speaker 2: kidding me? You need to buy something off the shelf.
Speaker 2: There is no jeweler who's going to make you a
Speaker 2: ring in ten days. And if they can make you
Speaker 2: a ring in ten days, they don't have any customers.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be buying a ring from them.
Speaker 1: Or you're paying bank they are, yeah, you're paying twice
Speaker 1: as much as you should.
Speaker 2: But I honestly like it happens all the time, and
Speaker 2: I don't think it's all men. Some men are so organized,
Speaker 2: they are so meticulous. They have photos and they have measurements,
Speaker 2: and they have like all of the qualities of the
Speaker 2: diamonds figured out.
Speaker 3: Like some men do the detailed work.
Speaker 2: And some guys are like, oh, I wanted to get
Speaker 2: this thing made in four days and I want to
Speaker 2: pay four hundred bucks for it. Yeah, I want this
Speaker 2: ring And I'm like that ring is nine thousand dollars
Speaker 2: and they're like, I'm like, what's your budget And they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's eight hundred bucks. And I'm like, how did you
Speaker 2: think that was going to happen? How did you I'm
Speaker 2: not joking guys being a jewelers wid I think.
Speaker 3: That's going to be Ben.
Speaker 1: I don't think Ben understands the process, but also at
Speaker 1: this point buy it.
Speaker 3: Off the shelf. Also, I don't care.
Speaker 1: No, then you also know who you can come to. Yeah,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. Brittany has a friend who's a joy.
Speaker 1: I think of Jay like my sister's partner. We spoke
Speaker 1: about the start. He was so the opposite end of
Speaker 1: the spectrum.
Speaker 3: It was meticulous. He was so organized.
Speaker 1: He got it from a jeweler that he knew Sheridan
Speaker 1: had liked over the years she was in Europe. He
Speaker 1: didn't think about the importation tax that was on him,
Speaker 1: but he designed it like months and months and months
Speaker 1: and months and months ahead.
Speaker 3: Sherry, on the other hand, was less organized.
Speaker 2: So Sherry got because Jay's Indian and Indian culture the
Speaker 2: men wear a bracelet, right, it's a silver Bracelet's a
Speaker 2: cuff that goes on to the wrist and once it's
Speaker 2: on has to be quite tight and then it doesn't
Speaker 2: get taken off. So not too long before the wedding,
Speaker 2: Sherry contacted me and was like, I'd like to get
Speaker 2: this cuff made for Jay, and I was like, totally fine,
Speaker 2: we can get it done.
Speaker 1: Got it done, and it was too small because she
Speaker 1: took the measurements wrong. It didn't even go over his knuckles.
Speaker 1: So we had to do the most speaking of like
Speaker 1: the most rush job to get it done.
Speaker 3: Again, you're doing for.
Speaker 1: The general public totally. And this is not me telling
Speaker 1: you guys. We can rush things, but we don't like
Speaker 1: to because there's an order to it. There's people in line.
Speaker 3: Yeah, one hundreds. And you also correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 3: Did you make Surey's wedding band?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 3: And I made Cherry's wedding band.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's like I know, it's all of the family. Sweet. Anyway,
Speaker 3: this is a lot of Sherry in this. We love Sherry.
Speaker 3: We're so happy she's having a baby.
Speaker 2: Anyway, just go and speak to your husband, guys. Just
Speaker 2: sometimes these questions come in and my answer is communicate
Speaker 2: with your partner, speak to them and listen.
Speaker 1: Okay, what about this though? Now, I think that he's
Speaker 1: very dedicated husband. I don't think's cheating. I think he
Speaker 1: loves you hypothetically.
Speaker 3: He's cheating.
Speaker 1: He's cheating hypothetically, And I'm just I'm just like being
Speaker 1: a detective here. If you go and say to him,
Speaker 1: which you're entitled to, Hey, baby, I've got a confession.
Speaker 1: When I picked up that package for you. I saw
Speaker 1: accidentally that it was from the jewelers. You know, I
Speaker 1: just wanted you to know, like, obviously I'm gonna love
Speaker 1: whatever it is. If you say that to him, he's
Speaker 1: going to go and he's cheating on you. He's going
Speaker 1: to go to the jeweler and buy something really quickly
Speaker 1: and then put it in the mail and say it
Speaker 1: arrived a couple of days later. Like, if you've given
Speaker 1: him the information that he needs to cover his cheating tracks,
Speaker 1: he's going to Well that's what i'd do if I
Speaker 1: was cheating anyway. If my partner came to me and
Speaker 1: said I saw the package, he'd be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you've ruined it.
Speaker 3: And then he'd get on the blower to his mate
Speaker 3: that's the jeweler, and he'd be like, I need So
Speaker 3: what do you think she does? I think you wait
Speaker 3: the time period I would this.
Speaker 2: Is give it a buffer, though, Give it a couple
Speaker 2: of extra weeks just in case, so you are.
Speaker 1: Sure that there is nothing coming from that jeweler. Like
Speaker 1: when that time period is gone. No, it's not much trapman,
Speaker 1: because if you've waited two three months, you've seen the box.
Speaker 3: You've seen it. Yeah, you know that there is something
Speaker 3: from a jeweler.
Speaker 1: If you don't get it in three months, he's not
Speaker 1: proposing because you're already married. There's jewelry somewhere for someone.
Speaker 1: So I think if you've waited long enough, there's no
Speaker 1: way I'd be sitting on that information because it'll eat
Speaker 1: you alive. Then you go to him and say, hey, confession.
Speaker 1: A couple of months ago, I saw I saw that
Speaker 1: there was a Jey package, and I just want to
Speaker 1: know what's up, Like, what was that CD that she
Speaker 1: got on Love? Actually, Norah Jones or what's her name?
Speaker 3: No, I don't know, Joonie Mitchell. That's it.
Speaker 2: She gets given a Yeah on Love Actually, she gets
Speaker 2: given a Joni Mitchell CD.
Speaker 3: And you know what's so offensive about that? You'll no
Speaker 3: tell me. I'll tell you if she's actually because.
Speaker 2: She's like it was her favorite artist, and he's like,
Speaker 2: I know that you love JOHNI Mitchell's your favorite artist. Well,
Speaker 2: if he knew that and Jonnie Mitchell really was her
Speaker 2: favorite artist, she'd already had that CD. That's why that's
Speaker 2: even more offensive. You're having an affair and you're giving
Speaker 2: me something I already.
Speaker 1: Have can I tell you a funny story and I
Speaker 1: can laugh about this now.
Speaker 3: So my Psycho X that I was with for two
Speaker 3: years had the double life that.
Speaker 1: Most of you we speak about him a lot, Yeah,
Speaker 1: most of you know about If you don't, I had
Speaker 1: a Psycho X that had a double life.
Speaker 2: So wish the sluthors. I mean, they can find Jordan
Speaker 2: with his sock tantrily.
Speaker 3: They can find this guy. Come on.
Speaker 1: He was overseas at the time, right for a work thing,
Speaker 1: and he was going through a really rough time, just
Speaker 1: like it was pull BI me.
Speaker 3: It was really hard.
Speaker 1: I decided to be the super romantic that I am
Speaker 1: and I sent him This cost me hundreds of dollars.
Speaker 1: I sent him this ginormous box of a hundred strawberries
Speaker 1: and berries that were beautifully dipped in different colored chocolates
Speaker 1: than they had nuts, and then they had you know,
Speaker 1: you know that over the top.
Speaker 3: Yeah. It wasn't necessary, yeah, but it was beautiful.
Speaker 1: And I sent him a really nice card, one of
Speaker 1: those things just to be like, I'm thinking of you,
Speaker 1: I love you, whatever.
Speaker 3: So I found this out later.
Speaker 1: The delivery knocked on the door and he opened the
Speaker 1: door and he saw this giant box of one hundred
Speaker 1: beautiful strawberries. And I don't know how he thought so quickly,
Speaker 1: how he acted so quickly. He just obviously thought it
Speaker 1: was from me, slid the card off, put it in
Speaker 1: his pocket, turned around to his other partner that happened
Speaker 1: to be there that I didn't know, looked at her
Speaker 1: and went surprise, and gave it to her.
Speaker 3: He gave her what I sent him.
Speaker 1: And I know this because she told me, like, when
Speaker 1: it all came out that he'd been cheating, we were
Speaker 1: like putting all this stuff together, and she said, hang on,
Speaker 1: did you ever send him one hundred covered strawberries?
Speaker 3: I was like, to America, and she was like yes,
Speaker 3: and I was like, yes I did.
Speaker 1: She's like, oh my gosh. She's like I was in
Speaker 1: the apartment when they arrived. She's like, I knew he
Speaker 1: would never have done that. He pretended that he fucking
Speaker 1: bought them for her. So she the other woman eight
Speaker 1: hundreds of dollars of my gift.
Speaker 3: It's so funny. Imagine imagine if it was fingerprint jewelry. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but then you could do the test thing singer print
Speaker 3: was anyway.
Speaker 1: I mean, mate, we've lived a life we said, we're
Speaker 1: not experts, but we have had some experience.
Speaker 3: Had that all right, Well, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 2: If you have a question for ask Gunkut, slide into
Speaker 2: the DMS, send it into us, and hopefully we can
Speaker 2: answer it on next week's episode. Keep them spicy, keep
Speaker 2: them light, keep them to whatever we don't care, and
Speaker 2: keep them coming.
Speaker 1: We are going to start keeping these shorter, because no,
Speaker 1: we're not. Every time I look down, I'm like, it's
Speaker 1: an hour and a half. Stop lying, all right, don't
Speaker 1: forget to you mum, tell dadte dog toy friends, and
Speaker 1: share the love because we are love