WEBVTT - John Aiken: Married At First Sight Australia - Relationship Expert 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:01.760 It's in the news today, but it was actually on 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:04.840 TV Reload the podcast last week that line Welcome to 0:00:04.920 --> 0:00:07.720 TV Reload. My name is Benjamin Norris, and this is 0:00:07.800 --> 0:00:10.639 your podcast to get all the inside goss on the 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:13.600 popular TV shows that you may be watching from around 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:16.720 the world. Undeniably, our TV sets are a major part 0:00:16.720 --> 0:00:19.400 of our home entertainment, and very little is known about 0:00:19.400 --> 0:00:22.400 how our favorite shows get made. Each episode, I find 0:00:22.440 --> 0:00:24.880 guests that want to dive just that little bit deeper 0:00:25.079 --> 0:00:27.520 into the shows they're currently making, so that you can 0:00:27.560 --> 0:00:30.600 hear all the exclusive stories and gain access to the 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.000 biggest names in television. I want to thank you for 0:00:33.040 --> 0:00:37.000 downloading or subscribing to this podcast. I love hearing your feedback, 0:00:37.159 --> 0:00:39.200 so make sure you leave a comment on your chosen 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:42.559 podcast platform and I'll make sure you feel is included 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:44.920 in the production of this show as I possibly can. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:47.960 This episode, I was lucky enough to organize a special 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:51.240 guest from Married at First Sight, someone who has been 0:00:51.400 --> 0:00:54.640 with the show for quite some time. It is relationship 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:57.800 expert John Aiken. John Aikin is trained in the field 0:00:57.880 --> 0:01:00.920 of relationships and has worked in private practices for over 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:04.640 twenty years. He focuses on giving out practical advice to 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:07.600 singles and couples. And this is his tenth season on 0:01:07.720 --> 0:01:10.520 MAVs and it's exciting to hear what we have installed 0:01:10.560 --> 0:01:12.120 for the twenty twenty three season. 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:15.360 The experts this year go much harder than before. 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:20.240 We will get some insights into his relationships with former contestants. 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:23.120 But generally speaking, I don't stay in touch with too 0:01:23.120 --> 0:01:23.920 many of them. 0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.959 I will find out what common mistakes people make when 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:28.160 watching the show. 0:01:28.080 --> 0:01:31.080 And they're going, we don't understand this, this must be 0:01:31.120 --> 0:01:31.560 set up. 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:34.959 John talks about the experiment and why he thinks audiences 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:36.080 can't stop watching. 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.840 Singles watch it and say I got avoid that type 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.840 of person, and couples watch it and go, you know what, 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:43.080 we can't act like that. 0:01:43.520 --> 0:01:46.240 We will also find out how he has improved during 0:01:46.240 --> 0:01:49.360 the ten seasons working with countless couples on a mission 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:50.880 to find their forever partner. 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:54.800 I'm much more direct with holding that mirror up to 0:01:54.920 --> 0:01:57.440 the participants in calling out bad behavior. 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.560 And of course we will also get plenty of exclusive 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.920 stories from John Aiken and I feel like this is 0:02:02.960 --> 0:02:05.520 the perfect way to kick off the tenth season of 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.400 Marret at First Site, which debuts on Channel nine this 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:12.440 Monday at seven thirty, the thirtieth of January. However, we 0:02:12.560 --> 0:02:15.400 probably should bring John into the podcast. This is the 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.600 first maths chat I've had ever on the podcast. So guys, 0:02:18.840 --> 0:02:22.679 I really hope you enjoyed this episode. Hi John, thank 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:25.160 you for coming onto the podcast TV Reload. 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:29.320 Well, look, it's a pleasure. I'm so excited about season 0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:32.840 ten have Married at First Sight, and you know, we're 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:35.360 at that point of the year where it gets launched 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:38.040 and then you just sit back and watch how the 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:42.639 audience respond. It's always unpredictable and I love it. 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:46.760 How are you going? Are you mentally prepared for another 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:48.480 season of Married at First Site? 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:52.360 Well, it takes. It takes a lot to do the show, 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:56.560 particularly the filming part of it. You really immerse yourself 0:02:56.639 --> 0:02:59.120 in three or four months of intense filming. So when 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.280 it gets to the stage where it's going out to 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:03.160 the public, you're sort of at a point where you 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.400 want to watch it like everyone else. I've lived it, 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:10.800 but I haven't seen the final product. So I'm going 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.000 to be sitting there on the couch like you watching 0:03:13.040 --> 0:03:16.120 it every episode. You know, there'll be times when I'll 0:03:16.160 --> 0:03:19.160 be shocked and times when I'll be deeply moved and 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:21.080 it's a wonderful ride. 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:23.760 John, do you put the phone away? Because I can 0:03:23.800 --> 0:03:27.760 only imagine having the amount of people watching this around 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:31.560 Australia all would love to have a way of texting 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:33.680 you to find out what you think about what's being 0:03:33.720 --> 0:03:36.400 shown on screen. So do your friends and family start 0:03:36.440 --> 0:03:38.520 texting you and you have to go and hide the phone? Like, 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:40.720 what's the process like for you when you're watching it? 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:44.320 Well, it begins with a good glass of wine. I'm 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:47.320 sitting there on the couch, usually with my wife, and 0:03:47.480 --> 0:03:51.440 we will essentially turn the phones off or at least 0:03:51.440 --> 0:03:54.160 onto silent, and I just hone in for ninety minutes. 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.280 I escape. I watch it. Sometimes I cringe at how 0:03:57.320 --> 0:03:59.080 I look on screen, but that's a part of it. 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:00.480 I don't think you ever get you used to that, 0:04:01.440 --> 0:04:04.960 and you know, you just sort of get taken away 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.640 with it all. You know, you keep reminding yourself that 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:11.240 this is real, that they do and say these things, 0:04:11.760 --> 0:04:18.320 and that sometimes it's unbelievable where certain storylines end up. 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:20.880 I can imagine my partner and I've been together for 0:04:20.920 --> 0:04:24.520 a long time, over ten years, and you know, he has. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.119 He's a very opinionated person, so he's willing to say 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:30.680 what he thinks he's watching of my content. Does your 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:33.960 wife sit there and critique how you're coming across on 0:04:34.040 --> 0:04:34.760 the show, And. 0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:39.920 Yeah, absolutely, not just me, but all the participants as well. Yeah. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:43.599 And you know, sometimes Kelly, my wife, she'll have friends 0:04:43.640 --> 0:04:45.919 over and it'll be a maths night, usually on a 0:04:45.960 --> 0:04:49.599 Sunday because that's when a commitment ceremonies on, and you know, 0:04:49.680 --> 0:04:52.080 the champagne will come out and I'll just sit there 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.679 and listen to them, you know, give their opinions on things. 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:58.120 And that's one of the great aspects of merrit at 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:00.919 first sight is that everyone has sort of opinion. You 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:03.480 love it, you hate it, you love this couple, you 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:08.880 can't stand that couple. But it really promotes reactions. And 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:11.360 I think that's one of the things I realized when 0:05:11.400 --> 0:05:14.080 it first started to get big. I saw people around 0:05:14.200 --> 0:05:15.920 me becoming really moved by it. 0:05:16.080 --> 0:05:19.279 I mean, the show can really polarize its audience. Why 0:05:19.320 --> 0:05:22.839 do you think that so many people are fascinated with 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:23.640 this concept? 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.480 Well, it certainly wasn't like that when we set out. 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:29.039 We didn't think that it go past one season, so 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:32.160 ten seasons. In the fact is it reaches a lot 0:05:32.200 --> 0:05:35.360 of people, both here and overseas. Why that is, I 0:05:35.400 --> 0:05:37.720 think is be well a number of things. I think 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:39.760 there's a number of ingredients. The first thing is that 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:42.880 it appeals to both singles and couples. Singles watch it 0:05:42.880 --> 0:05:45.200 and say, I got to avoid that type of person, 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.120 and couples watch it and go, you know what, we 0:05:48.160 --> 0:05:52.040 can't act like that, So it reaches both sorts of camps, 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.280 if you like. I think also people like the experts 0:05:55.320 --> 0:05:58.320 on it because we get hold, we get held to account, 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:01.640 they push back on us, we call out bad behavior. 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:05.880 So that's very compelling and tense and riveting when that happens. 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:08.680 I think also people believe in the fairy tale, so 0:06:08.680 --> 0:06:12.080 they want to see strangers really fall in love, you know, 0:06:12.160 --> 0:06:16.600 at first sight, and that always drags people in, you know. 0:06:16.640 --> 0:06:19.720 And I think also I would say, sometimes people watch 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:22.560 it and it takes them back to high school. You know, 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.880 they're looking at it thinking, oh, I remember people like that, 0:06:26.600 --> 0:06:29.279 or you know, I wasn't part of the cool group, 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.200 or I was kind of a shy person, or I 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:33.960 went out with a guy back in the day that 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:37.160 was like that, so it reminds them a lot of 0:06:37.640 --> 0:06:40.520 some of the things they may have experienced at high 0:06:40.560 --> 0:06:42.240 school or later on. 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.599 It is relatable. I mean, it stirs up something in 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:47.120 all of us as we watch this show. And you know, 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:49.400 even the naysayers that are out there, Oh, I can't 0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:53.160 watch that show. I so often ask a few more questions, 0:06:53.240 --> 0:06:55.719 and it turns out they have watched the show, because 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:59.640 what they're revealing to me is that they know specifics. 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.280 And I think that as much as people might find 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:05.159 the show polarizing, I think we're all very drawn to 0:07:05.960 --> 0:07:10.240 I guess, the reality of love and the need to 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:12.760 be in love, the need to find somebody. I think 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.840 the biggest mistake of all time is we all think 0:07:15.880 --> 0:07:18.360 we are deserving of love and we can find it. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:21.080 It's very hard to attain, you know. It's very hard 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:24.520 to find someone you know that is the right match. 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:30.040 It is very very hard to match these big personalities. 0:07:30.440 --> 0:07:33.480 And one of the biggest obstacles I think that you 0:07:33.600 --> 0:07:36.760 see when you're watching it is that they are not 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:40.400 aware of why they're single or what their problem patterns are. 0:07:40.640 --> 0:07:43.280 So you'll watch it and you'll realize, oh, I know 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:46.360 why that guy's single. I know why she's not found anyone, 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.200 but they don't necessarily understand that or see that. And 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:52.520 so when you put them in an experiment with another 0:07:52.520 --> 0:07:56.320 big personality, they really resort to type and old patents 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.520 and it holds them back. And the ones that make 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:00.360 it are the ones that actually go, oh well, I 0:08:00.400 --> 0:08:03.000 actually could do this differently. No one's ever told me 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:06.559 that I'm going to change it up and do better. 0:08:06.920 --> 0:08:10.520 That's not always the case, of course, but when it is, 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.000 you do get love stories like Cam and Jules, like 0:08:13.120 --> 0:08:17.120 Martha and Michael, you know, like Melissa and Bryce, Johnny 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:19.640 and Kerry got married the other day. So it happens. 0:08:19.640 --> 0:08:21.200 It can work, but it's not easy. 0:08:21.680 --> 0:08:24.520 I mean, it is just amazing to watch these as 0:08:24.560 --> 0:08:27.360 to who are the ones that are going to stay together? 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:31.240 Everything that you say and do is very much scrutinized over. 0:08:31.440 --> 0:08:34.720 Do you ever worry about how the audiences will interpret 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:38.079 what you say? Are you in the moment thinking about 0:08:38.440 --> 0:08:40.880 what Australia is going to say? Or do you just 0:08:40.920 --> 0:08:42.080 have to give yourself up to it. 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:44.720 I don't think about what I'm going to say, and 0:08:44.720 --> 0:08:47.720 I don't think about how it's going to land. I 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.280 think if I was worried about that, then I wouldn't 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:56.439 be authentic and I would be scared to really get 0:08:56.840 --> 0:09:00.280 off my chest what needs to be said. So look, 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.640 I go in and I'm very clear with them I'm 0:09:02.640 --> 0:09:05.440 not there to be their friend. I'm not going to 0:09:05.440 --> 0:09:08.800 take sides. I'm going to be objective and I'm going 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:12.000 to call out poor behavior. I also say to them, 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:15.440 this is not about personality. It's about patents. So when 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:17.920 something's going wrong, you don't need to take it personally. 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:19.600 I'm just going to hold a mirror up to you, 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:21.640 and I want you to listen and look at that 0:09:21.720 --> 0:09:25.000 pattern and do it different. And so I'm very much 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:28.800 in the moment. I don't at any stage think about 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:33.839 Twitter or media scrutiny, or how it's going to have 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:36.920 a ripple effect outside for me, my family or the 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:40.400 other participants. It's just in the moment at the participants. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:43.920 How did you originally get approached to do something like this? 0:09:44.120 --> 0:09:47.559 I mean that's a very interesting question. I mean it's 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:50.600 a very unique and very specific role that you play 0:09:50.920 --> 0:09:54.360 and not something I think it would work for everybody. 0:09:54.480 --> 0:09:56.880 Like you know, this is a very niche skill set, 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.679 so did you hear about the show being made and 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:01.920 then put yourself forward for it. 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:06.439 I had done some previous TV work on an ABC 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:11.400 documentary series called Making Couples Happy and then Making Families Happy, 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:15.280 so I think that's what put me out there. But 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.640 ultimately what happened was like everyone that auditioned, and there 0:10:18.679 --> 0:10:22.280 was plenty of just plenty of different people actually, whether 0:10:22.320 --> 0:10:27.000 it were psychologists, clairvoyance, matchmakers that are all in this room, counselors, 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.920 you name it, relationship experts. And I just got an 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:33.200 email in twenty fourteen from the production company saying would 0:10:33.200 --> 0:10:37.400 you like to audition for this relationship show called Married 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:39.480 at First Sight which came out of Denmark. It was 0:10:39.559 --> 0:10:44.600 very small, observational documentary. I remember reading it that email. 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.880 I showed it to my wife and she was like me, thinking, 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:51.120 this is very weird, this concept and probably pretty noisy, 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:55.199 and I thought, well, you know, I don't know exactly 0:10:55.640 --> 0:10:57.760 what's going to happen with it, but I think it 0:10:57.760 --> 0:11:00.880 would be fun. So I thought, I think I'll just 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:04.079 go into the audition see what happens. And well, there 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:07.200 were four auditions over a month long process, and they 0:11:07.240 --> 0:11:10.880 were lengthy ones, and I managed to get it. So 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:13.559 it was really right place, right time. They were looking 0:11:13.600 --> 0:11:18.200 for a relationship expert, and I wanted you know, I've 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.280 been working private practice for a while, so I just 0:11:20.320 --> 0:11:23.920 wanted a new challenge. Well, I think you're right, Benjamin 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.840 when you talk about a distinct skill set, because it 0:11:27.920 --> 0:11:30.080 is very niche. There's a lot of the things that 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:32.679 you do in this show that you never really thought 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.760 about before being in the media. You know, just doing 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.479 this with you now over a podcast or radio interviews, 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:44.679 doing you know, TV with twenty cameras on you. You know, 0:11:45.320 --> 0:11:47.560 sometimes it can go to four in the morning, you know, 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.160 doing all the promotional stuff, even a photo shoot. There's 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.800 so many things outside of just being a relationship expert, 0:11:53.840 --> 0:11:58.480 which I think, thankfully I enjoyed doing and I found 0:11:58.559 --> 0:12:01.520 it comes easily. So it reminds me that I'm doing 0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:03.080 the I'm in the right job. 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:05.680 If you like, when you are doing something that you're 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:10.840 genuinely passionate about that it feels differently, It lands differently, 0:12:10.960 --> 0:12:11.559 do you know what I mean? 0:12:12.280 --> 0:12:16.439 Look, I do, yeah, And interestingly, I never thought about 0:12:16.480 --> 0:12:19.480 going into the media when I first started working in 0:12:19.559 --> 0:12:23.800 private practice as a relationship expert and a couple of singles. 0:12:23.840 --> 0:12:26.000 I enjoyed it. I did that for twenty five years 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.320 and then this out of the blue email came in 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:30.760 and I went from there. 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:32.840 Your life was never the same again. 0:12:33.040 --> 0:12:35.640 You know that is true, and I do tell people 0:12:35.679 --> 0:12:38.440 that my life is so different now. You know. I 0:12:38.440 --> 0:12:41.640 don't do any private practice. I just focus solely on 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:43.520 the show. There's a lot of promotion, there's a lot 0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:46.160 of filming, there's a lot of matching that goes on 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:50.080 before we press play in the experiment. So it's a 0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:53.839 really intense show to be on. And then you've got 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.679 the other side of it, which is also the notoriety 0:12:56.720 --> 0:12:59.280 that comes from it, whether you're in a supermarket or 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:03.880 an airport or at a mare, and the social media 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:06.280 aspect to it as well, which is now very intense 0:13:06.360 --> 0:13:08.720 that it's a lot of change in my life that 0:13:08.800 --> 0:13:09.600 wasn't there before. 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:12.439 What's it like interacting with the general public? I mean, 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:16.480 this role is seen by so many people, you know, 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.960 and you are having to have opinions, you are putting 0:13:19.960 --> 0:13:22.800 your opinion forward, you know, is the interaction from the 0:13:22.800 --> 0:13:25.880 general public warm or what's it like walking around the 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:27.920 street and what is it the people that are asking 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:29.640 what's the most common question. 0:13:29.679 --> 0:13:32.280 To answer the first part of your question. Some people 0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:34.440 will come up to you tell you that they love 0:13:34.480 --> 0:13:36.760 the show or they love what you've said on the show, 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:42.040 and frankly, others will be very outspoken and angry, and 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.880 sometimes abuse comes in my direction because they're so polarized 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:50.360 by it that they want to tell me exactly what 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.960 they think. So there's that aspect. You never quite know 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:55.520 when you're in public whether it's going to be a 0:13:55.559 --> 0:13:58.280 positive or negative interaction. I tend to just smile and 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.560 say thank you and move on. Probably off the top 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:05.000 of my head, is this show scripted or not? We 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:10.120 think that this must be staged because we can't believe 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:11.960 that there are people out there that do and say 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:15.199 these things. Is at stage, John, So I think that's 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:18.160 one of the most common questions I get, which the 0:14:18.240 --> 0:14:21.280 answer is very clear, No, it's not, and that the 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:24.960 people on this experiment are very real and they do 0:14:25.080 --> 0:14:30.520 these things and it's a good representation of what they like. Also, 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:34.440 when the camera's not on them and you know it is. 0:14:35.200 --> 0:14:37.120 That's one of the reason why it's so compelling, because 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:41.240 I think people don't come across reality participants in their 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:44.080 day to day world, so they see it and kind 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:46.920 of confused by it and think, maybe this isn't real, 0:14:47.040 --> 0:14:47.520 but it is. 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:51.160 I often hear people saying this, and I, you know, 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.560 covered the show when I did radio, you know, years ago, 0:14:54.800 --> 0:14:57.440 so I wasn't watching it. I'd watched the clip. I'd 0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:00.280 see like packages that the network would send out, like 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:05.680 the cheat sheet. Yeah, And the people that would listen 0:15:05.760 --> 0:15:08.200 to the radio show would always call up and say, 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.960 don't you think that they match them? Don't you think 0:15:11.000 --> 0:15:13.360 they find the perfect people, and then sort of spin 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:16.440 all of their names around so that they're matched with 0:15:16.480 --> 0:15:18.840 the wrong person and that that means that they're going 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:21.280 to jump ship from this marriage and go on to 0:15:21.360 --> 0:15:23.280 the next one. You know, that seemed to be the 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:26.240 most popular question. But my question to you with that 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:28.920 is does that feel a little bit offensive at times? 0:15:28.960 --> 0:15:31.240 Because you have put in the work to make sure 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:33.960 in your mind that you are finding people that are 0:15:33.960 --> 0:15:35.360 going to find forever match. 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.680 I don't get offended by it. I understand why people 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:43.920 ask that because they're frustrated with the way in which 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:48.160 the match is unraveling, essentially, and they're going, we don't 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:51.480 understand this, This must be set up. But ultimately what 0:15:51.560 --> 0:15:54.320 people don't realize is that, you know, it is a 0:15:54.320 --> 0:15:57.360 good couple of months of intense scrutiny and matching that 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.800 goes into it, and testing and getting them to meet 0:16:00.800 --> 0:16:03.640 you meeting them, and that when you do put them together, 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:06.720 you just simply don't know what they're going to be 0:16:06.960 --> 0:16:12.200 like when the cameras roll. Now, some big personalities shrink some. 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:16.400 You know, if you like people that you think will 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:22.200 probably be relatively quiet in the experiment or level headed, 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.320 they may explode. A great example of that was last 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.400 year with Olivia and dom and their arch rivalry that 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:32.000 blew up on our screens, none of which we all 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.200 saw coming. So it means that essentially the match is well, 0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.360 we know why they're put together, and our fingerprints are 0:16:38.400 --> 0:16:41.760 all over it. At the same time, it can unravel 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.440 in a dramatic way and makes it all look you know, 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:49.000 like you know, it just doesn't make sense. But what 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.280 I can say is that we do take a lot 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:54.720 of time when you think about putting them together, and 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:57.680 you know, whenever they ask us, you know, why did 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.080 you put us together? We're very clear about the main reasons. 0:17:01.800 --> 0:17:05.240 And typically when we do that they are okay about 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:08.520 moving forward because they realize, all right, we're not set 0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:11.520 up to fail here, We're set up to succeed. But 0:17:11.600 --> 0:17:14.200 we're also making mistakes here that we have to look at. 0:17:14.520 --> 0:17:18.359 So that's what I know to be true, but it 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:21.159 is for the viewer sometimes very confusing. 0:17:21.520 --> 0:17:24.920 How have you improved as the show's gone on. I mean, 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.800 I would expect that this has been quite the learning 0:17:27.880 --> 0:17:31.560 experience for you, and we are here, we are ready 0:17:31.640 --> 0:17:34.800 for our tenth season of the show. How have you improved? 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:36.800 I mean, is there anything off the top of your 0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:37.800 head that you think? 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:41.359 Yeah, I think there are. These are great questions, Benjamin. 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:47.480 I would say for me, the way in which I 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:51.920 address the couples of the commitment ceremonies has become more direct, 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:58.200 blunt at times, but very much. It's now an approach 0:17:58.200 --> 0:18:00.480 where I'm holding their feet to the fire. I have 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.159 very little time with them, so I want them to stop, 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.880 look at themselves and say, Okay, this is a reality check. 0:18:07.200 --> 0:18:09.639 I've got to I've got to change this up if 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.520 I'm going to make this work. And I don't think 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.200 I probably was like that when the show started ten 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.760 years ago. It was more reflective and I was more 0:18:17.800 --> 0:18:22.080 of a mediator role, whereas now I'm much more direct 0:18:22.160 --> 0:18:25.800 with holding that mirror up to the participants and calling 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:29.040 out bad behavior. So I think definitely that has been 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:33.720 a big change. And also I think when I'm watching 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:37.800 dinner parties and I see behaviors and I see the 0:18:37.840 --> 0:18:41.840 different fight styles, because I've been doing it a while now, 0:18:42.480 --> 0:18:45.960 I see certain themes that I can jump on quickly. 0:18:46.080 --> 0:18:47.919 I don't need to watch it that long now to 0:18:48.040 --> 0:18:52.520 know where they're coming from, what's happening there, what this 0:18:52.640 --> 0:18:57.159 means about their relationship. You become very very efficient at 0:18:57.200 --> 0:18:59.280 analyzing what's going on on the screen. 0:18:59.480 --> 0:19:01.800 Absolutely, I mean, do you know what was interesting for 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:04.880 me was that watching last year with Dom and Olivia 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:08.520 who you just mentioned before, two girls both married to 0:19:08.720 --> 0:19:11.600 these different men and navigating their own way through that 0:19:12.600 --> 0:19:15.919 series and their life. I mean, this is their life. 0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:18.960 They then came off the show and you know, arn't 0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:22.000 with these men that they married, and then there's been 0:19:22.040 --> 0:19:24.399 so much media scrutiny over the two of them, and 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:28.360 they're thrusting themselves into the spotlight still wanting to continue 0:19:28.359 --> 0:19:30.640 that story. What are your thoughts on that? I mean, 0:19:30.640 --> 0:19:34.320 do you think that they if the marriage hasn't worked out, 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:37.680 that they should probably put a line under it and 0:19:37.720 --> 0:19:41.040 move on. I mean, how do you feel about the 0:19:41.119 --> 0:19:43.040 tooing and throwing that we see online. 0:19:43.320 --> 0:19:48.000 Well, it's definitely become a part of the post Maths experiment, 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:52.000 not just for those two, but for a number of them. 0:19:52.200 --> 0:19:54.680 You know, really, once the show got big, maybe four 0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:58.959 seasons ago, you know, you see these rivalries going on 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.840 in the media after the show, and it actually is 0:20:01.960 --> 0:20:04.520 very similar and has a similar field to what you saw, 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:06.920 but it's just now playing out in real life rather 0:20:06.960 --> 0:20:11.040 than on the experiment. And I mean, I've got used 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:14.800 to it. I don't tend to react too much to 0:20:14.840 --> 0:20:18.439 it at all, other than to think that in some 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:24.359 way it keeps the storylines going, you know, they and 0:20:24.400 --> 0:20:26.240 to be fair, after the show, some of them have 0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:31.040 made real careers for themselves in the media, so they 0:20:32.240 --> 0:20:35.119 are kind of creating a larger brand, if you like, 0:20:35.240 --> 0:20:40.040 by doing this. Anyone that goes from Maths into the media, 0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:42.840 you know, they're pretty vocal, you know, so it carries 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:45.400 on their brand, if you like. And I think that's 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:46.920 just a part of it now. 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:49.320 I don't know, like for these people to come off, 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:52.400 and then they sort of push the narrative and continue 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:54.920 these fights that have existed on that show. I think 0:20:54.960 --> 0:20:56.919 some of them, especially Dom, I thought, you know, she 0:20:57.000 --> 0:20:59.520