Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on gadigal Land. Hi, guys, and welcome back to
Speaker 2: another episode of Life. I'm can't, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany,
Speaker 2: and this is our Thursday episode in case you've forgotten
Speaker 2: what day of the week it is, but it's where
Speaker 2: we answer or You're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1: I had a really cute moment this week, guys, and
Speaker 1: I want to share it because I think it's people
Speaker 1: are going to be like cringing in their shoes here,
Speaker 1: but I want to talk about kindness.
Speaker 3: And I'm just I paused for dramatic effect. Kindness is important.
Speaker 3: I love it. This is a really pivotal, pointant moment
Speaker 3: in your life.
Speaker 1: Actually, like, somebody did something really kind for me this week,
Speaker 1: and the fact that it has happened so rarely, I
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, it really stopped me in my tracks.
Speaker 1: And of course people are kind all the time, but
Speaker 1: let me just tell you the story. I went on Facebook,
Speaker 1: Marketplace now. Facebook Marketplace is a deep dark.
Speaker 3: I fucking loved it. I love it.
Speaker 2: I've bought so much shit on Facebook Marketplace recently. The
Speaker 2: amount of plants I have bought off Facebook Marketplace is
Speaker 2: that where you get your plans from.
Speaker 3: I got a.
Speaker 2: Variegated monsterra from Facebook Marketplace, and like, they are expensive,
Speaker 2: but this anyway, I don't need to get into that
Speaker 2: they're expensive, but I got a really good price and
Speaker 2: the woman even dropped it off at my house.
Speaker 3: I was like, the service paid a bit extra for that.
Speaker 1: How awkward can marketplace be? You know, when like you're
Speaker 1: trying to sell some or pick it up. I hate it.
Speaker 1: It's that awkward exchange of like you've paid thirty dollars
Speaker 1: for a toaster, You've had to drive four hours to
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 3: It's like, why am I doing this?
Speaker 4: Okay, It's that like you're meeting a stranger to swap goods.
Speaker 3: It's weird.
Speaker 2: So we had a coffee table in our house that
Speaker 2: I was like, Matt was away and I was like
Speaker 2: that fucking coffee table has to go, and today is
Speaker 2: the day that I'm going to get rid of it.
Speaker 2: So I put it up on Facebook Marketplace. I was like,
Speaker 2: free to good home, just come and take take it.
Speaker 2: And this English guy who was around the corner. In
Speaker 2: no way was I like, Oh, I don't want this
Speaker 2: in my house. I'm worried about my safety. He was
Speaker 2: just like very normal dude who had his wife was
Speaker 2: like living around the corner, and she wanted she wanted
Speaker 2: the coffee table. But I couldn't get rid of the guy.
Speaker 2: He came into my house and instead of just helping
Speaker 2: me lift it up and walk out the door, he
Speaker 2: just stood there having a chat. Twenty five minutes later,
Speaker 2: I was like, mate, let's go, Like this.
Speaker 1: Is meant to be a quick transaction, but then this
Speaker 1: is weird, right, Like you have a strange man in
Speaker 1: your house essentially, Yeah, why do we still feel like
Speaker 1: we need to be polite enough to like have that conversation,
Speaker 1: like offer him a tea, sit down and chat.
Speaker 3: Why can't we just say, hey, mate, take the table.
Speaker 3: I'm never gonna see you again in my entire life.
Speaker 3: I'm I'm never going to see you again. We don't
Speaker 3: do it. We like fluff around and we feel guilty
Speaker 3: and we want to know their whole less story. I know,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: He was like telling me about why I was here,
Speaker 2: and like his wife's having a bad and it was lovely,
Speaker 2: Like I'm happy for him.
Speaker 3: But you're like I don't care.
Speaker 1: But I was like, if I knew this was going
Speaker 1: to take so long, I wouldn't have said it was free, okay,
Speaker 1: I would have made you pay for it.
Speaker 3: Iime was money. I also find it really awkward.
Speaker 4: I remember once I was felling a table that's right
Speaker 4: being away for free.
Speaker 3: And I got an Englishman to go pick it up with.
Speaker 1: I was selling table and I remember, because I was
Speaker 1: living alone, I always felt awkward and it was a
Speaker 1: guy that came in.
Speaker 4: But that awkwardness of like when someone tries to barter
Speaker 4: with me.
Speaker 1: In person, if it's my worst and it's you're a
Speaker 1: keyboard warrior, like I will go you. But when it's
Speaker 1: in person and it's like four hundred dollars he's like
Speaker 1: i'll give you fifty, I'm like okay, sure, he's like
Speaker 1: there's a scratch fifty. I'm like, nowherries because I feel guilty.
Speaker 1: So you took you no, I I dam much less.
Speaker 1: I didn't, but I did take less because I felt
Speaker 1: bad because I just can't have that interaction. I don't
Speaker 1: know what the confrontation like, I can't do it. I
Speaker 1: often I did this the other day actually in person.
Speaker 1: I'll agree to it, and then I'll go home and
Speaker 1: send a text and I'll say, hey, I think we misunderstood,
Speaker 1: and I go back on. Anyway, talk to me about kindness.
Speaker 3: Bread.
Speaker 1: So I was picking up some boogie boards, like some bodyboards.
Speaker 3: Not for myself. I'm not taking up bodyboarding. It's really
Speaker 3: into a boogie body No.
Speaker 1: My niece and nephew are starting to surf like bodyboard.
Speaker 1: And there were these body boards for fifty bucks.
Speaker 3: They were really good.
Speaker 1: They came with a whole set with like fins and
Speaker 1: flippers and like leashes, and it was probably worth like
Speaker 1: five hundred bucks and sale for fifty dollars. So I
Speaker 1: went to pick it up, and when I got there,
Speaker 1: he was like, oh, I wasn't expecting you to be
Speaker 1: the one that wants to bodyboard, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3: I wasn't sit you to want a kid's bodyboard. That's
Speaker 3: so weird.
Speaker 5: They're not kids.
Speaker 1: They were pretty big, okay, right, but so the kids
Speaker 1: are gonna have to grow into them. They're not kids' bodyboards.
Speaker 1: They were proper, which is why they were so expensive.
Speaker 1: And he's like, oh, I just wasn't expecting you. I
Speaker 1: just thought that'd be like a bodyboard. And I was like, mane,
Speaker 1: you don't even know. Asus didn't say that, but I
Speaker 1: wanted to internal monologue. So I was like, oh, no,
Speaker 1: that's actually for my niece and nephew, like they're really
Speaker 1: trying to get into bodyboarding, and you know, I told
Speaker 1: them I was going to pick them up and they're
Speaker 1: going to be so excited.
Speaker 3: And he was like no way.
Speaker 1: He's like, I love kids that want to get out
Speaker 1: there and just give it a go.
Speaker 4: And I was like right, and he's like, do you
Speaker 4: know what, I'm going to give this to.
Speaker 3: You for free? And I was like what, No, you
Speaker 3: don't have to do that, Like I'll pay fifty bucks.
Speaker 1: He's like no, if it's going to encourage a kid
Speaker 1: to get out there, and you're encouraging the kids to
Speaker 1: get out there, I'm give them you for free.
Speaker 4: Took the whole thing and I got all the bodyboards
Speaker 4: for free.
Speaker 2: So moral of the story is be super hot and
Speaker 2: rock up to pick ups on me. So a guy
Speaker 2: on basement, it was if you, if you were an
Speaker 2: unattractive middle aged man who went to pick it up,
Speaker 2: and we're like, I'm getting this for my kids.
Speaker 3: Nods the kids, Laura, Mate, it's okay.
Speaker 6: The gender gap exists, so we need to take it
Speaker 6: where we can win. Like we're losing in the financial
Speaker 6: circumstances usually.
Speaker 1: No. I think the moral of the story is anything
Speaker 1: you buy, say it's for the kids.
Speaker 2: I mean I say it a lot because it actually
Speaker 2: is for the kids. Ain't no one giving shit to
Speaker 2: me for free. They look at me and they're like,
Speaker 2: wedding ring. You look like you've had two kids out
Speaker 2: of you. Not giving you anything. I'm gonna get nothing
Speaker 2: at it. They looked at you and they were like,
Speaker 2: no ring.
Speaker 3: Nephew, I see where you're going. Yeah, he was married,
Speaker 3: though it doesn't matter a lot of people.
Speaker 6: Did you see that thing that went viral last week
Speaker 6: from Florida? Of course, all of the craziest things in
Speaker 6: the entire world come out of Florida. There were that's
Speaker 6: an exchange about Facebook marketplace where there was a couple
Speaker 6: of leg This went on TikTok and it was a
Speaker 6: screenshot of a conversation and they were kind of bartering
Speaker 6: back and forth at the start, and then the message
Speaker 6: from the person who was selling the item said available
Speaker 6: when question mark. The next message said I work m
Speaker 6: dash F and get home around nine ish. And then
Speaker 6: the person who was responding to this, the person who
Speaker 6: was purchasing the item, sent a voice note in response,
Speaker 6: and this is what they said.
Speaker 5: I don't know if you met the motherfucker in a
Speaker 5: good way or a bad way, but if you met
Speaker 5: it in a good way, fuck you, okay, because I
Speaker 5: send you a fucking answer for something you told me yesterday.
Speaker 5: So let's get a little fucking respect going, because I
Speaker 5: can be just as big as an asshole. Your stupid fuck.
Speaker 5: All I'm trying to fucking do is by some piece
Speaker 5: of shit that you're selling. What the hell? But let's
Speaker 5: start fucking respecting people.
Speaker 1: Man, Well that escalator, Can I pick up a when
Speaker 1: you made Monday to Friday?
Speaker 5: Mo fuck up?
Speaker 3: So quickly?
Speaker 2: Like imagine the time when you realize, like when that
Speaker 2: person who was selling it rights back and says, oh, no,
Speaker 2: I met Monday to Friday. Imagine that thought process, the
Speaker 2: realization that actually you got it wrong. Do you need
Speaker 2: tomorrow or do you just ghost? That would be a
Speaker 2: ghosting situation. No, I think you'd right back in hysterics.
Speaker 3: You'd be like, I'm so sorry, I thought you called
Speaker 3: me a motherfucker? Is the person who took someone's Calamario
Speaker 3: play last week? That's different calls on a motherfucker? That
Speaker 3: was Yeah, I own that. I stand by that decision.
Speaker 2: I think he would have just been like, do you
Speaker 2: know what, I don't need that boogie board for fifty
Speaker 2: bucks that bad?
Speaker 3: And he would have just left it.
Speaker 1: Now because market plays fines their little gold mines, and
Speaker 1: they're hard.
Speaker 4: When you come across the thing you really want, he's
Speaker 4: going to have to apologize.
Speaker 3: I mean, I get was there a resolution? We don't know.
Speaker 6: I mean people on TikTok are asking for what happened next.
Speaker 6: But I understand where it comes from because it sounds
Speaker 6: as though if you read it as I work, motherfucker
Speaker 6: and get home at nine ish, it's like he's.
Speaker 3: Trying to say, like, I've got shit to.
Speaker 1: Do, unlike you, I'm not just fucking driving around picking
Speaker 1: up things from marketplace all day.
Speaker 3: It goes. I took that as I work Monday to Friday. Totally.
Speaker 2: We're saying that if you had interpreted it as motherfucker.
Speaker 3: That's what it sounds like.
Speaker 5: Yes, but why why.
Speaker 1: Would you interpret it when you're having a beautiful exchange
Speaker 1: on like you're literally working out of time, so you're like, hey,
Speaker 1: I work, motherfucker.
Speaker 3: Why would you say Well?
Speaker 4: I think because they've been bartering about the price.
Speaker 6: If that makes he's thinking that he's responding to him
Speaker 6: saying I want it for less, you know.
Speaker 3: Like hilarious, fucking hilarious.
Speaker 6: Anyway, I'm glad your market Plaice experience was a lot better.
Speaker 3: Full of kindness.
Speaker 1: Well, I thought mine was full of kindness and then
Speaker 1: you shot me in the foot, Laura. I just think
Speaker 1: it was full of kindness and hotness. I just think
Speaker 1: the hotness counts for something. I think that every time
Speaker 1: people can be kind as well without wanting to bang.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I am skeptical.
Speaker 2: People are really kind to people they want to fuck.
Speaker 2: Let's get into vibes, all right, what is your vibe
Speaker 2: for the week? Speaking this week about Donald Trump? I
Speaker 2: feel like this is going to be something that some
Speaker 2: people might be interested in. It's a podcast series that
Speaker 2: I was listening to to better understand what is happening,
Speaker 2: because it can be quite confusing.
Speaker 1: You get a lot of headlines. It's called Trump's trial.
Speaker 1: That's literally the podcast is dedicated to this. It's hosted
Speaker 1: by a political editor.
Speaker 3: But every week.
Speaker 1: They have like a different legal expert come on, or
Speaker 1: multiple different people. So like in the last episode that
Speaker 1: I had that I listened to, there were three different
Speaker 1: people's opinions.
Speaker 3: That came on.
Speaker 4: They're quite bite sized, they're quite small.
Speaker 1: The last one that was actually on, the conviction was
Speaker 1: like half an hour. And it's just in a way
Speaker 1: that's really palatable.
Speaker 3: You understand what.
Speaker 1: It doesn't go into anything, it doesn't need to go into,
Speaker 1: and I just found it a really nice way to understand.
Speaker 3: And educate yourself on what's happening.
Speaker 2: Well. Also, American politics can be so convoluted and sometimes
Speaker 2: it is a system that functions fundamentally different to how
Speaker 2: it does here in Australia. Is it just around Trump?
Speaker 2: Is it this podcast just around his criminal cases? Just
Speaker 2: this okay, just around Trump's and the trial. Let me
Speaker 2: read you some of the headlines so you understand, has
Speaker 2: the prosecution proved its case against Trump? Testimony in hush
Speaker 2: money trial concludes.
Speaker 1: These are all like half an hour twenty minutes, eight minutes,
Speaker 1: sixteen minutes.
Speaker 3: They're very much as you go, what is happening?
Speaker 2: Imagine listening to all this and then being that person
Speaker 2: at any sort of party or dinner party where you're like,
Speaker 2: let me update you on what's happening in Trump's life.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 4: Here are the three possible outcomes in the Trump hush
Speaker 4: money trial.
Speaker 3: So your son so educated and smart.
Speaker 1: If you behold, I am shock her not you listening
Speaker 1: to this and then using it as information at a
Speaker 1: dinner party.
Speaker 3: I thought you just said to me so smart.
Speaker 1: I'm like, thanks, losing to take the kindness wherever she
Speaker 1: can get Trump's trial.
Speaker 3: Do you have any interest whatsoever?
Speaker 1: And you enjoyed the episode that we did on Tuesday,
Speaker 1: This is few perfect.
Speaker 6: My vibe for this week. It's on Netflix and it's
Speaker 6: probably the number one trending show. It only came out
Speaker 6: last Wednesday. We were sent a lot of messages about
Speaker 6: it because it is definitely something that all three of
Speaker 6: us would be really into.
Speaker 3: It's called Dancing for the Devil the Seven m TikTok Cult.
Speaker 3: So it's a three part docu series.
Speaker 6: The episodes are about forty five minutes each from memory
Speaker 6: something around there, and it starts off with the story
Speaker 6: of these two sisters. You may actually know them because
Speaker 6: they were really Instagram famous and TikTok famous, the Wilking Sisters,
Speaker 6: they were the dancing sisters.
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I've seen parts of this story. It's so interesting. Yeah,
Speaker 3: so Melanie and Miranda.
Speaker 6: There are other episodes and it kind of goes into
Speaker 6: quite a few different people's stories and it gets a
Speaker 6: little bit darker as it progresses.
Speaker 3: But basically, there's this church. It's run by a guy
Speaker 3: called Robert.
Speaker 6: Shin and they turn it into this kind of like
Speaker 6: talent management agency. It's quite strange. Essentially, there are all
Speaker 6: of these dance influences. There's quite a few of them.
Speaker 6: They were really famous on social media. They also went
Speaker 6: on things like So You Think You Can Dance and
Speaker 6: all the American talent shows. They got signed by this agency.
Speaker 6: And as it turns out, as the story unravels, it
Speaker 6: becomes very increasingly clear that they're a part of this
Speaker 6: cult and a part of the teachings of the church
Speaker 6: kind of link into what the percentage of what they've
Speaker 6: got to give of what they earn back to this
Speaker 6: guy Robert and the church organization. It's quite convoluted, but
Speaker 6: they make it really really clear. And the main kind
Speaker 6: of story at the start has.
Speaker 3: To do with these sisters, because.
Speaker 6: All of her family are on this documentary being like,
Speaker 6: we love her, she's completely changed, we have next to
Speaker 6: no contact with her now. We just want her back,
Speaker 6: but she's really brainwashed by this cult leader and she
Speaker 6: is still a part of the cult. It's so I mean,
Speaker 6: I haven't seen this, but I've seen a lot of
Speaker 6: the information around it. It would be so jarring as
Speaker 6: well for people who have followed them and who know
Speaker 6: of these sisters to think that one of them has
Speaker 6: just been sucked up in a world that she's now
Speaker 6: inaccessible to her own family.
Speaker 1: It's also classic cult storyline, isn't it like every cult
Speaker 1: docuseries that you has a family member saying they're a
Speaker 1: completely different person. They've gone off the rails. I can't
Speaker 1: contact them, and it's because they've been groomed and brainwashed
Speaker 1: and shut out.
Speaker 6: And I think that that is I actually do that
Speaker 6: really really well in this because they'd get the stories
Speaker 6: of quite a few different people, and some of them
Speaker 6: were these famous dances, but others were like normal people,
Speaker 6: and you guys have spoken to a lot of people
Speaker 6: who have been a part of cults. India Oxenburg comes
Speaker 6: to mind, and she spoke about how the people who
Speaker 6: run these cults often look for the broken bird, They
Speaker 6: look for the person who is quite easy to manipulate.
Speaker 6: I really think this docuseries did a good job of
Speaker 6: showing just how easily anyone can be conditioned and anyone
Speaker 6: can be brainwashed. And I think it's quite interesting that
Speaker 6: this is not yet like there are multiple lawsuits out
Speaker 6: against this guy, Robert and quite a few of the
Speaker 6: other people who are involved in the church, but this
Speaker 6: is happening almost in real time.
Speaker 3: Like they recorded the last part of this at the
Speaker 3: end of twenty twenty three. So this is available on Netflix. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: it came out last Wednesday. Dancing for the Devil, the
Speaker 3: seven m TikTok Cult. Okay, I have a very functional
Speaker 3: vibe today.
Speaker 2: And as you guys know from Tuesday's episode, we currently
Speaker 2: have a house that is leaking everywhere, and currently that
Speaker 2: we are, you know, across the country heading into winter
Speaker 2: or are we in winter?
Speaker 3: We're officially in winter. It's winter now.
Speaker 2: First week it is wet, and I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people during these months deal with having increased moisture
Speaker 2: in the house. Now it is a product, it is
Speaker 2: very easily accessible. It is called the Hippo Moisture Absorber.
Speaker 2: You can get them from woolies or coals, but they're
Speaker 2: basically that little plastic box that you put them into
Speaker 2: your wardrobe or into a cupboard space. We currently have
Speaker 2: them all around the front room and they are so
Speaker 2: effective if you don't have a dehumidifire in actually trying
Speaker 2: to take the moisture out of the room. Highly recommend
Speaker 2: they have come in as little God send to us.
Speaker 2: And because they're so cheap, I would say that if
Speaker 2: you're someone who gets their jackets and things out of
Speaker 2: the wardrobe at the end of winter or like you know,
Speaker 2: halfway through summer and realize that you've got mill draw
Speaker 2: or mole growing on them, this is something you need
Speaker 2: to have in your wardrobe.
Speaker 1: I've had them for using my wardrobe because I live
Speaker 1: in Bondai and in Bondai everything well, everything's down, but
Speaker 1: everything's dark, and so I've had them for years.
Speaker 2: They're great. Yes, yeah, so good. Anyway, that's it from us, guys.
Speaker 2: Let's get into the Questions, Question number one.
Speaker 1: Okay, I have a problem. I have been friends with
Speaker 1: my bestie since primary school. We're in our early twenties now,
Speaker 1: and about six months ago, I was staying at her
Speaker 1: house and I accidentally slept with her brother.
Speaker 3: You don't accidentally sleep with someone. She fell away, but.
Speaker 1: They fell and tripped. We'd had a few drinks. I
Speaker 1: honestly don't know how it happened, but it just did.
Speaker 1: I didn't say anything to her because I felt bad
Speaker 1: and thought that it would never happen again.
Speaker 4: But oh, you fucked you slept again. That she's clumsy, slippery,
Speaker 4: She's slippery, It's super slippery.
Speaker 5: Bye.
Speaker 1: We have started sort of sleeping together now, and I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure I have feelings.
Speaker 3: Oh no, you have to tell her. Ah, I'm in
Speaker 3: so deep. What do I do?
Speaker 1: How do I know if it's worth seeing him seriously
Speaker 1: and risking the awkwardness with this whole family that I've
Speaker 1: known my entire life. And if I don't decide that
Speaker 1: it's serious, do I still tell my friend regardless? Oh,
Speaker 1: you can't be that clumsy around your best friend's brother.
Speaker 3: Oh can you me?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: Because I'm because I'm putting myself in this situation, and
Speaker 1: it's it's tough because I know people who they didn't
Speaker 1: slip and fall, but I know people that ended up
Speaker 1: marrying their friend's brother.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think they did that the right way.
Speaker 3: Like I think that they there was a conversation first,
Speaker 3: Like I have feelings. I think it was.
Speaker 1: Yes, it was very obvious, like hey, I think there's
Speaker 1: something there, blah blah blah blah.
Speaker 3: It was a consensual between Bessie's families, partners. Everything was consensual.
Speaker 2: But like if it was one time, I would say,
Speaker 2: just don't bother, like take it to the grave.
Speaker 3: If you accidentally slept with my brother, would you never
Speaker 3: tell me?
Speaker 1: Nah?
Speaker 3: Ever?
Speaker 2: Nah if I tell you if I had sex to
Speaker 2: your brother, and I thought you were going to be
Speaker 2: mad because some people don't care, right, Some people are
Speaker 2: like whatever, that's weird, but sure, And then some people
Speaker 2: are weirdly protective of their siblings and their immediate family,
Speaker 2: Like I wouldn't care, Like if you wanted to have
Speaker 2: my brother is t he's I think he's twenty nine.
Speaker 2: Now come, actually I should know your brother's gay, but
Speaker 2: he's very gay and he's married to a man, So
Speaker 2: I don't think he would want to have sex with you,
Speaker 2: so I can't. I would be more confused if you
Speaker 2: guys had sex with each other, but like I wouldn't
Speaker 2: be mad.
Speaker 3: I don't care, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I don't think she's going to be upset because of
Speaker 1: friends with a brother. I might be reading between the lines.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's going to be the problem. I
Speaker 1: think the problem is more that you've been doing it
Speaker 1: for six months behind her back.
Speaker 2: It's gone too far now. But now you have to
Speaker 2: be honest now. I think you regardless of whether it
Speaker 2: happens or it doesn't happen, I think you do have
Speaker 2: to talk to your friend about it.
Speaker 4: I had a friend that hooked up with my brother
Speaker 4: and my brothers once.
Speaker 1: Actually think it happened a few times when we're younger,
Speaker 1: because my brothers I have two brothers that are older them.
Speaker 1: Of course it's found to happen. And I also hooked
Speaker 1: up with their friends too. Can't blame you, guys.
Speaker 3: But it was it was awkward.
Speaker 1: When I knew my friend had hooked up with my brother,
Speaker 1: I was like cool, I hated it.
Speaker 3: I was like, it's so.
Speaker 1: Awkward to me because you know, your siblings on a
Speaker 1: different and I guess as an adult, it sounds amazing.
Speaker 1: Like the ideal situation is if like your best friend
Speaker 1: or forever was with your brother and it became your
Speaker 1: family forever.
Speaker 3: That sounds like an epic situation.
Speaker 2: But you also don't want to hear about the intricacies
Speaker 2: of their sex life. Yeah, you don't want to hear
Speaker 2: about the fights they have. The things that you share
Speaker 2: with your girlfriends about their boyfriends or about their partners,
Speaker 2: you can't share the same level of that when they're
Speaker 2: dating your brother.
Speaker 3: It does change things.
Speaker 1: And also, yeah, you can't be like you put in
Speaker 1: my mud lessner You're like, oh, Bro.
Speaker 3: I don't want to hear I don't hear about that
Speaker 3: about bro.
Speaker 1: Literally.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But I think the other part of this is,
Speaker 2: and I maybe it's where most people when I say that,
Speaker 2: there are some people who really get upset by this.
Speaker 3: What it is that makes them upset.
Speaker 2: It's not so much like this feeling of betrayal, but
Speaker 2: it's almost like, and I'm not going to it's not jealousy.
Speaker 3: Jealousy is not the right description for it.
Speaker 2: But it's like, you're my friend, our relationship is so
Speaker 2: close and now you're going to have a even closer,
Speaker 2: slash different relationship with my brother. There's this feeling of
Speaker 2: being the person that's triangulated from the relationship, which you
Speaker 2: kind of this is what happens. But you were my
Speaker 2: best friend, and I guess, like that is step mine.
Speaker 2: You were mine, like you were my friend, and now
Speaker 2: you're going to be best friends with my brother, Like what?
Speaker 2: And then what if you guys break up? Then you're
Speaker 2: going to ruin our friendship because you guys break up.
Speaker 2: Like I guess, there's many layers, and so I do
Speaker 2: want to say I understand why for some people it's
Speaker 2: a no go zone. But okay, let's just peel this
Speaker 2: back and start from the beginning. You did it once.
Speaker 2: You didn't think you're going to tell it because you
Speaker 2: thought it was an accident. You didn't want to make
Speaker 2: a big deal about it. It's clearly not an accident anymore.
Speaker 2: It's clearly something that you're voluntarily to do, me to do,
Speaker 2: and you're sneaking behind her backs that she doesn't know,
Speaker 2: and so is he when she finds out, which she
Speaker 2: probably will. These things always have a way of coming
Speaker 2: out at some point in time. She's going to be
Speaker 2: more mad that you lied to her about it than
Speaker 2: what she will be about the fact that you've had
Speaker 2: sex with her brother. I think so the way I
Speaker 2: would approach this is I would speak to him first.
Speaker 2: I would have a conversation of like, look, this could
Speaker 2: end very badly for us. I love your sister, you
Speaker 2: love your sister. We need to have a conversation around
Speaker 2: what is this. Is this just a casual thing and
Speaker 2: we're both super sexually attracted to each other, or is
Speaker 2: something more here? Because I think that it will need
Speaker 2: to be approached differently depending on whether there are real
Speaker 2: feelings involved.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you one hundred percent need to know where you're going,
Speaker 1: because he could just think it's just sex and not
Speaker 1: what anything else and might not have the feelings that
Speaker 1: you have. Or maybe he does have the feelings and
Speaker 1: he's the love of your life and you're going to
Speaker 1: get married and live happily ever after.
Speaker 2: But also I think you need to remember if you've
Speaker 2: been friends with him for this long and you've never
Speaker 2: ever ever thought of him romantically, like you've known him
Speaker 2: since you were a kid, you've never thought of it,
Speaker 2: like when.
Speaker 1: You can't have those feelings in primary school totally.
Speaker 2: But when you catch the D sometimes you also catch
Speaker 2: the feelings. He might not be real. Well, you call
Speaker 2: the hormones.
Speaker 3: You caught the B, then you caught the D.
Speaker 1: Then you caught the F. Like he's the B bestie's first,
Speaker 1: Oh than the dick. Best is dick feelings, feelings word.
Speaker 1: That is the foundation ladies and gentlemen for a really
Speaker 1: solid relationship.
Speaker 3: I would have gone with FDF friends dick feelings. What
Speaker 3: did I say? Best is? You said BB? It best is? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Anyway it continue.
Speaker 1: So look, I think, but I genuinely think, regardless, you
Speaker 1: need to tell her. It's just what you're telling her,
Speaker 1: because if you've been hooking up for six months, that
Speaker 1: is going to come out at some point, whether it's
Speaker 1: years down the tracks, someone's going to say something. The
Speaker 1: brother's going to be like, you know, I fucked Betty once, right,
Speaker 1: you know, hooked up or whatever.
Speaker 3: It's going to slip out. It it's going to table
Speaker 3: like it slipped into you. It's going to sleep out.
Speaker 3: Accidents happen.
Speaker 1: So I think, have the conversation with him and decide
Speaker 1: what you want, like if you don't, and I genuinely
Speaker 1: mean this if you don't think you want a relationship
Speaker 1: with him, I would stop sleeping with him because your
Speaker 1: best friend is going to be really upset. And if
Speaker 1: it's not going anywhere, you're not gaining anything other than
Speaker 1: a good couple of minutes, and that's probably accurate, a
Speaker 1: good couple of minutes that you could get elsewhere. Like
Speaker 1: if it's just sex, even if it's not going somewhere,
Speaker 1: I think I would tell her maybe you can wind
Speaker 1: it down how much or how frequently or how often,
Speaker 1: because that might hurt. But it's important that you know
Speaker 1: there's something's been going on, because she's going to feel
Speaker 1: very like you've been sneaking around behind her back because
Speaker 1: you have.
Speaker 2: And I also think it's a different conversation if you
Speaker 2: went to your friend and you said, hey, look, this
Speaker 2: is going to be weird for you, but I want
Speaker 2: to be honest with you because I love you.
Speaker 3: I have feelings for your brother.
Speaker 2: As I was putting myself in this situation saying it
Speaker 2: to you, and I certainly don't have feelings for your brothers,
Speaker 2: but like if you know, if you did, yes, I know,
Speaker 2: like it would just be it's such an awkward chat,
Speaker 2: like I have feelings for your brother.
Speaker 3: You know this has happened.
Speaker 1: I know that this maybe will upset you, but like,
Speaker 1: I want you to know that the reason why I'm
Speaker 1: talking to you about it is because it's something that
Speaker 1: I feel seriously about.
Speaker 4: I think, Okay, if I DAMMN, I.
Speaker 2: Think that she will feel differently about that than if
Speaker 2: you were to go to her and say, hey, I
Speaker 2: don't really have feelings with your brother, but he's my
Speaker 2: fuck buddy and we're going to con and we're going
Speaker 2: to continue doing that. Because as a friend, I would
Speaker 2: be like, Okay, cool, I get that this means nothing
Speaker 2: to you, but our friendship means a lot to me,
Speaker 2: and you're risking our friendship by potentially creating drama with
Speaker 2: my brother. So which when drama, which means that like
Speaker 2: when it all finishes, and if it finishes messally, you're
Speaker 2: not able to come around to the house anymore, or
Speaker 2: you avoid things, or you just you've created a situation
Speaker 2: where it could have a negative impact on your friendship,
Speaker 2: I guess, And so I understand why she would respond
Speaker 2: differently depending on what the scenario is. So figure out
Speaker 2: how you actually feel.
Speaker 1: And it's like we say this same thing when people
Speaker 1: are write in about like and I remember this one
Speaker 1: particular ask gun cut this one woman that I'm thinking of.
Speaker 1: She wrote in like she was the other woman. She
Speaker 1: was having an affair with a married band. She wasn't
Speaker 1: in a relationship he was. And I remember her saying,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't feel bad, it's fun.
Speaker 3: I enjoy it.
Speaker 1: I don't want anything with him, he doesn't want anything
Speaker 1: with me. And I remember my advice then because I
Speaker 1: feel the same way about it.
Speaker 3: She was like, I'm not doing anything wrong.
Speaker 1: If it doesn't mean anything to you, go fuck someone else.
Speaker 1: That's what I wanted to say to that woman. I
Speaker 1: was like, you've said you don't have feelings, you've said
Speaker 1: it's nothing, it's never going to be anything else. Then
Speaker 1: there's a hundred other people you could go and have
Speaker 1: sex with where you're not breaking down their whole marriage totally.
Speaker 1: I feel the same way in this situation, in the
Speaker 1: sense of if it's just sex, then you could probably
Speaker 1: get it somewhere else.
Speaker 3: But I do think your friend needs to know.
Speaker 2: Okay, here's a question though, Like let's move beyond this
Speaker 2: exact situation. Do you think it is reasonable for someone
Speaker 2: to be angry at their friend for having sex with
Speaker 2: a sibling.
Speaker 4: I had sex with my brother's friend, so we date it.
Speaker 2: I can handle my heart say, I've never had sex
Speaker 2: with any of my and a brother had sex friends
Speaker 2: my friend. Okay, and so were you annoyed? Just were
Speaker 2: you just weird a out, just weird? But did it
Speaker 2: change your friendship at all?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: Did it change his friendship at all?
Speaker 1: Now, it was weird at the time because I remember
Speaker 1: it was my brother's friend that had been It was weird.
Speaker 1: It didn't last because I felt like he was like
Speaker 1: my brother. He'd been in you know, the brothers that
Speaker 1: you've grown up with him the whole life.
Speaker 3: That's exactly like this situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, since I was five years old, right, this guy
Speaker 1: was in my life as my older brother's best friend.
Speaker 3: So I always just thought it was he was just
Speaker 3: part of our family all time. He comes to Christmases
Speaker 3: and then came over one day and you were like.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, no, one day we had a house
Speaker 1: party and we hooked up, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe this is the FDF like friends dick fuck.
Speaker 3: But we walked up.
Speaker 1: We didn't sleep together that night, which we just kissed
Speaker 1: and I was like, wow, and then he asked me
Speaker 1: on a date. He's like, I've got feelings for you.
Speaker 1: And I don't know to this day how he went
Speaker 1: about that. I don't know if he went to my
Speaker 1: brother and asked him more, but he must have. But
Speaker 1: I'll never forget. It just completely changed. He used to
Speaker 1: just come over and walk in the house, but the
Speaker 1: second he was taking me on a date, he came
Speaker 1: and knocked on the door. Dane answered and he was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm actually here to see Britt, Like.
Speaker 3: So that's so funny. And we went out for like
Speaker 3: a week and I was We both looked at each
Speaker 3: other one night, We're like, this is so weird. I
Speaker 3: was like, we can't do it, and we.
Speaker 2: Just called It does change things, and I think that's
Speaker 2: the other thing. You can't fool yourself into thinking that
Speaker 2: everything's just going to be the same. So that's why
Speaker 2: she's probably gonna have some reactions. She's probably going to
Speaker 2: be weired out by it a bit because it will
Speaker 2: change a dynamic within your friendship slightly, even if it shouldn't.
Speaker 2: The only thing is is that the thing she's going
Speaker 2: to be the most upset about is the being lied to.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Question number two, is it okay to ghost old friends
Speaker 2: that you've outgrown? I can say no after the first
Speaker 2: question for the first line, but I'll give you the
Speaker 2: rest of it. First context, I'm in a group chat
Speaker 2: with the few girls that I went to high school
Speaker 2: with ten years ago. I am close with one, used
Speaker 2: to be close with two of them, and then the
Speaker 2: other I just haven't really ever connected with. Every now
Speaker 2: and again, the chat pops up about making plans, and
Speaker 2: I never really feel interested in being involved with them.
Speaker 2: I feel like I have to respond and make up
Speaker 2: a reason for not joining.
Speaker 3: I am asking is it okay to just ghost the chat?
Speaker 2: It feels harsh, but I can't say, oh, sorry, guys,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of just outgrowing this group. The hard bit
Speaker 2: is that one of the girls I want to preserve
Speaker 2: my friendship with, and of course I don't want to
Speaker 2: see mean to the other.
Speaker 3: How do I approach this? Okay, We've had.
Speaker 1: This like friendship chat, like the basis of the chat,
Speaker 1: in so many different ways over the years, because this
Speaker 1: is a reoccurring theme. And I get why it's a
Speaker 1: recurring theme because at some point all of us go
Speaker 1: through it, like at some point grow a friendship totally.
Speaker 1: It is a part of life, like without doubt, there
Speaker 1: is no one that goes through this life that doesn't
Speaker 1: ever outgrow a friendship in some capacity.
Speaker 3: You don't ghost the chat.
Speaker 1: First of all, they get an alert Brittany has left anymore.
Speaker 3: That's changed.
Speaker 5: So many group chats.
Speaker 2: When I get so WhatsApp has changed it, they no
Speaker 2: longer announce to everyone Britain has left. But you can
Speaker 2: still see members of the chat, like someone can still
Speaker 2: find if you've if you haven't been riding back.
Speaker 3: I'm still in it.
Speaker 2: So like the old street I used to live on,
Speaker 2: it has a group chat for the street. I'm still
Speaker 2: in the group the group chat, I'm still in the
Speaker 2: group chat for the street.
Speaker 3: You can leave that.
Speaker 1: I can leave that. You left the street, so I'm
Speaker 1: no longer in that street. I'm not on Rose Street.
Speaker 1: I don't need to be in the road street. How
Speaker 1: many people are in the chat like fifteen? Oh, but
Speaker 1: no one's noticing you go babe, some saucy shit goes
Speaker 1: down on that street.
Speaker 3: I do enjoy the GHSS.
Speaker 1: Why don't you mute it and stay in it and
Speaker 1: just go have a little deep dive every now and again.
Speaker 2: I reckon someone is going to listen to this podcast,
Speaker 2: so I'm going to get yeated. Laura has been blocked,
Speaker 2: just removed from the group chat. Guys, Laura for the
Speaker 2: goss I am, I really am. I like to know
Speaker 2: who left their car lights on of such a nerd.
Speaker 1: So I truly believe in this situation, it's okay that
Speaker 1: you feel more connected to one friend. I don't think
Speaker 1: you necessarily need to leave this chat. You could be
Speaker 1: like me, who is in a lot of chats and
Speaker 1: doesn't contribute. You know, there's different people in a group chat.
Speaker 1: There's the one that organizes everything, the one that's constantly
Speaker 1: sending memes. Then there's a person that doesn't contribute anything ever,
Speaker 1: but they're always there. They're lurking, and then every couple
Speaker 1: of weeks they throw in something that's me.
Speaker 3: It's okay to do that, and then it's okay to.
Speaker 1: Still have your friendship with the girl that you feel
Speaker 1: closer with on the side, like, you don't have to
Speaker 1: only do things as a group. You can constantly be
Speaker 1: hanging out with her and very sporadically once a month
Speaker 1: or whatever do.
Speaker 3: Something with the group.
Speaker 1: I think unless you like detest someone and something has
Speaker 1: happened and you never need to see them again.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 2: I mean, like, look, I definitely firstly just want to
Speaker 2: say it's never a good idea to just ghost people,
Speaker 2: whether it's a friend, whether it's a relationship. I think
Speaker 2: it leaves people feeling as though they have done something
Speaker 2: wrong and that they have done something to warrant you
Speaker 2: just removing your friendship from them, and that's really unfair,
Speaker 2: and it can be a really cruel I mean it is,
Speaker 2: it's not can be it's a really cruel way to
Speaker 2: treat people.
Speaker 3: Let's all just not ghost people. It's not appropriate. I
Speaker 3: think you can slow fade.
Speaker 2: I think you can slow fade, and that is I mean,
Speaker 2: that's ghosting in some way. But I think it is
Speaker 2: a little bit kinder, especially in terms of like some friendships,
Speaker 2: especially when it's a group friendship. If it was specifically
Speaker 2: targeted to one person from that group and you wanted
Speaker 2: to stay friends with everyone, and you were like, I
Speaker 2: just don't want that one person, I'd be like, that's
Speaker 2: actually really fucking mean. You don't have to be super
Speaker 2: close with everyone in a group of friends. You can
Speaker 2: you can have one person or three people that you're
Speaker 2: closer with and one person that you don't connect with
Speaker 2: as much. That's just the reality of having a group
Speaker 2: of friends. I do think that this is probably more
Speaker 2: something that becomes more prevalent after you leave school, because
Speaker 2: you might have your school friends, and then as you
Speaker 2: move through different phases of life, you realize, oh, actually,
Speaker 2: when we're not in an environment where we have to
Speaker 2: all be friends with each other, there are some people
Speaker 2: that connect with more than other people. And I guess
Speaker 2: the thing is is you just exactly like you said, Britt,
Speaker 2: you can still have those closer connections in a private chat,
Speaker 2: but just dip in, like, I'm sure this group chat
Speaker 2: is not causing you that much anguish that you never
Speaker 2: ever ever want to be of friends with any of
Speaker 2: them in there. And also, my thing is if you
Speaker 2: completely ghost this group chat, if you behave in a
Speaker 2: way that's quite mean. Really, they're gonna still do stuff together,
Speaker 2: and that one person who you do really want to
Speaker 2: still be friends with might not really do things with
Speaker 2: you because they're still friends with the other girls. I
Speaker 2: don't feel the way that you feel, So they're not
Speaker 2: going to triangulate themselves in that situation.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I just think if it's not causing your grief and
Speaker 2: it requires minimal effort, then I would maintain it myself
Speaker 2: and probably over time it would fade anyway in a
Speaker 2: way that probably doesn't quite feel so dramatic, but I
Speaker 2: definitely wouldn't be just going I've said my last message
Speaker 2: and I'm never going to message the group again and
Speaker 2: blocking it. I don't think we need to be that
Speaker 2: dramatic with our friends.
Speaker 1: No. I think it's like every three weeks you just
Speaker 1: throw a loll in, double tap something, throw a loll yeah,
Speaker 1: and then you can exit. You know, you just enter
Speaker 1: quick like hopefully there's gonna be something in there that
Speaker 1: you would have laughed at low hopefully no one's saying
Speaker 1: that their grandma passed away, and then you leave the chat.
Speaker 3: That happens.
Speaker 2: So if you're not an active member in a group
Speaker 2: chat and you haven't been in there for a while,
Speaker 2: you missed like terrible things and then you come in
Speaker 2: with like, hey, guys, how is everyone And someone's just
Speaker 2: said like their grandma died or something, and.
Speaker 1: You just you know, it didn't even look Yeah, on
Speaker 1: your street, someone's bins have been stolen.
Speaker 3: Like, if you don't know that you pop into the.
Speaker 1: Group, I'm a lurker. I never ever comment anymore. They
Speaker 1: don't know I'm in there, they know you're there. You
Speaker 1: just like Also, I think it's it's really important to
Speaker 1: establish your role in the group because, like, my friends
Speaker 1: now know what I'm like. They know that I I'm
Speaker 1: not an overly great communicator via text. They know that
Speaker 1: they might have to which is I'm not proud of.
Speaker 1: But they might follow up on something and then I'm like, oh, yep,
Speaker 1: sorry're sorry, sorry, But they know that I've established my
Speaker 1: role in the group.
Speaker 3: Text because that you're a bad friend. I'm a bad friend.
Speaker 3: My role is the bad friend role. But what I'm
Speaker 3: saying is they don't take it personally.
Speaker 1: If there's four or five people that are back and forth,
Speaker 1: back and forth, back and forth and I'm not in it,
Speaker 1: they don't think Brittany's not contributing. They just know what
Speaker 1: I'm like. They know I'm reading it and I'm around
Speaker 1: and I'm across it, and if it's anything important, of course,
Speaker 1: I'm going Alright.
Speaker 2: The only thing I want to add to this, and
Speaker 2: it's something that we actually touched on last week's ask
Speaker 2: on caut You don't have to be friends with people
Speaker 2: you don't want to be friends with. You don't have
Speaker 2: to do things that you don't want to do. Right,
Speaker 2: You don't have to go on and go to these
Speaker 2: plans if they're doing a group activity. If you're not
Speaker 2: getting anything out of the friendship anymore, that's okay. We
Speaker 2: have phases of life for friendships. But there is a
Speaker 2: kind way to go about it. And like, you may
Speaker 2: not be as close friends with them, but they might
Speaker 2: consider you a really, really good friend. They might care
Speaker 2: about your friendship a lot more than you care about
Speaker 2: the friendship. So think about the impact that you have
Speaker 2: on people and how you leave them and how you
Speaker 2: manage a relationship. And I just really think ghosting is
Speaker 2: it's such a cruel way to be and it just
Speaker 2: shows and makes people feel as though the relationship never
Speaker 2: was significant to them or to you in the first place.
Speaker 4: Yeah, in this situation, you can definitely do both.
Speaker 1: You don't have to ghost anyone and you can maintain
Speaker 1: your individual friendships.
Speaker 3: Question number three.
Speaker 1: My ex fiance and I were together for a few
Speaker 1: years in our early twenties, and we were each other's
Speaker 1: very first love. After a few years of no contact,
Speaker 1: we have remained friendly and kept in touch very ad hoc.
Speaker 1: Just found the updates A happy birthday.
Speaker 3: Here and there. You get it. Not really. A couple
Speaker 3: of years ago, he.
Speaker 1: Messaged out of the blue after a few years and
Speaker 1: said he had had a daughter.
Speaker 4: His messages were friendly, and he didn't share the daughter's name,
Speaker 4: which seems like a bit of an odder mission. At
Speaker 4: the time, he and I had planned a family and
Speaker 4: we'd named our future kids, so I did wonder if
Speaker 4: he had used our name. He popped up again today
Speaker 4: and curiosity got the better of me, so I jumped
Speaker 4: on in and had a little look sie on Facebook.
Speaker 4: I discovered within ten minutes his daughter's name wasn't borrowed
Speaker 4: from the name that we wanted, but it was my name.
Speaker 4: He called his daughter my name.
Speaker 3: Is that weird?
Speaker 1: Many girls seem to be named after their father's ex girlfriends, crushes,
Speaker 1: and mistresses. This is something I've discovered since I've been
Speaker 1: doing a deep dive. Is this it actually a thing?
Speaker 3: I don't think this is a thing.
Speaker 2: Many girls seem to be named after their father's ex girlfriends, crushes,
Speaker 2: and mistresses.
Speaker 3: So she went and did a really Yeah, she went
Speaker 3: and did her own research.
Speaker 1: Right, she went and did She must have gone on
Speaker 1: read it or something imposed the question, and apparently she
Speaker 1: found out that a lot of women have been named
Speaker 1: after their father's exes or people in their lives, which
Speaker 1: I've never heard.
Speaker 2: That's like some sort of whack Freudian shit right where
Speaker 2: you're like, I still have attachment to this person, it's
Speaker 2: no longer in my life. So I'm gonna name my
Speaker 2: daughter after someone who I had a sexual relatelationship with,
Speaker 2: and I still maybe are weird?
Speaker 3: So many levels are weird? Well, I wonder, Okay, surely
Speaker 3: like the name I want need to know the name.
Speaker 1: I didn't copy paste that people are anonymous here, Laura,
Speaker 1: we take that very seriously. But what I think here
Speaker 1: is like, if you were together that long and you
Speaker 1: were such a big part of each other's life, he's
Speaker 1: now moved on and gotten married and had a kid,
Speaker 1: his new wife one hundred percent knows who you are,
Speaker 1: which means she's also agreed. Either she knows who you
Speaker 1: are and she's agreed to call her daughter after his ex,
Speaker 1: or she doesn't know you existed. I have two options.
Speaker 1: I think it has to be the later. There is
Speaker 1: no woman on this planet. I mean there probably is,
Speaker 1: but I doubt it they would want that on this planet.
Speaker 1: Who would want to name their child the name of
Speaker 1: their husband's ex fiance. Ye?
Speaker 2: None ex fiance, there's none. It doesn't exist. Like that's
Speaker 2: not a real thing. So she must not be aware
Speaker 2: or separately either what's happened is he's brought up the
Speaker 2: name and being like, hey, let's name the child this,
Speaker 2: which I think that is obviously real, fucking weird. Or
Speaker 2: she has brought up the name so maybe it's a
Speaker 2: common name. Just say your name, I don't know whatever.
Speaker 2: Maybe your name is Brittany and she okay, maybe your
Speaker 2: name's Laura four. So maybe she was one who was like,
Speaker 2: I really like the name Laura. But he's managed to
Speaker 2: get through this far into their relationship and never really
Speaker 2: talked about the fact that he has an ex fiance.
Speaker 1: You know, it's not this is what I don't get though,
Speaker 1: And this is a whole nother thing twan pack. It's
Speaker 1: not an ex girlfriend you had from high school. You
Speaker 1: were going to marry this person. Like, how do people
Speaker 1: get into a new relationship and not tell their partner
Speaker 1: that they were engaged or married before them.
Speaker 3: I think it happens.
Speaker 2: I think it's I mean, it's very difficult to not
Speaker 2: tell someone that you're married before them, because when you
Speaker 2: actually sign your marriage certificates, you have to outline whether
Speaker 2: you were or weren't married before it's you actually write
Speaker 2: what number marriage it is, and that's like part of
Speaker 2: your registration for your marriage certificates. But if it's just
Speaker 2: an extent, if it's just an ex fiance, you don't
Speaker 2: have to disclose that you were ever engaged.
Speaker 3: Like why would you?
Speaker 2: People could have been engaged. I mean, look at Jennifer Lopez.
Speaker 2: She's been engaged more times than to the same person.
Speaker 2: It's been Christmas.
Speaker 1: But would you if you found out now this many
Speaker 1: years later, that Matt was engaged and you never knew,
Speaker 1: would you understand that he didn't tell you?
Speaker 3: Would you be pissed off? Because I think I'd be like,
Speaker 3: why did you hide that?
Speaker 2: I would be like, I would be absolutely ropable to me.
Speaker 2: It would be so unfathomable that I would feel as
Speaker 2: though he had deceived me. Because there's a big difference, right,
Speaker 2: A lot of people will say, oh, I didn't lie,
Speaker 2: I just didn't tell you. If you emit details so
Speaker 2: that your story is the version of what is the truth,
Speaker 2: If you admit so much of the truth that the
Speaker 2: story is now different, that's a lie, right. Not telling
Speaker 2: all the details is a lie. Ah, I didn't I
Speaker 2: didn't cheat on you. I just didn't tell you. That's
Speaker 2: a lie.
Speaker 3: So I don't know.
Speaker 2: I would feel as though if I was this. I mean,
Speaker 2: we've kind of changed.
Speaker 3: The question now, but it's fascinating.
Speaker 2: I would feel betrayed if I found out that my
Speaker 2: husband was and had been engaged before and didn't tell me.
Speaker 2: He might say, Oh, it's because he felt like it
Speaker 2: was totally insignificant, And maybe it is insignificant to him now.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that he's kept it a secret because
Speaker 2: he's actually still holding onto this romance with his person,
Speaker 2: or he's pining for her. He might never want to
Speaker 2: talk about it or never want to like relive that
Speaker 2: moment in life. But I guess the thing is, when
Speaker 2: you do choose to spend your life with someone, you
Speaker 2: want to know their past to better understand the person
Speaker 2: that they are. Those are pretty critical parts of their
Speaker 2: story that I would want to know.
Speaker 1: I had a friend that was married. She got married
Speaker 1: quite young. A couple of years later they divorced and
Speaker 1: split up. Fast forward quite a long time, probably eight years.
Speaker 1: She met someone else and got engaged, and it came
Speaker 1: up in conversation one day that she hadn't told him
Speaker 1: that she was ever married. And I was like, and
Speaker 1: this was two years into relations, and I couldn't I
Speaker 1: was like, what do you mean you've never told him
Speaker 1: you're married. She's like, oh, just hasn't come up. I
Speaker 1: was like, that comes up like that, that is a
Speaker 1: that was a huge part of your life, Like you
Speaker 1: married someone like that means someone meant that much to
Speaker 1: you and you spend all these time together. I couldn't
Speaker 1: understand it, and I she ended up having to tell
Speaker 1: him because they got married, so for exactly the reasons
Speaker 1: you said.
Speaker 3: But it was a bit of a weird moment where
Speaker 3: he was like, well, how did you not tell me
Speaker 3: you were married?
Speaker 1: Because it does change something. It doesn't change that they
Speaker 1: want to be with you. It's not that it changes that,
Speaker 1: but it changes like, wow, you I didn't know that
Speaker 1: you had met someone in your life that you thought
Speaker 1: could have been forever, like you had that connection and that.
Speaker 2: I didn't know that you actually gone to the point
Speaker 2: of proposing to someone or saying I do to someone. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I feel exactly the same as you. I think it's
Speaker 2: very odd. People do odd things all the time though,
Speaker 2: so nothing surprises me. But in this, going back to
Speaker 2: your specific question around is it strange, Yes, it's very
Speaker 2: strange to me.
Speaker 3: Doesn't mean anything. Does it mean anything? Not?
Speaker 2: No, that's the bigger and more important thing. Doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that he's still pining over you, doesn't mean that he's
Speaker 2: still in love with you. I don't think he is
Speaker 2: trying to emulate you in his child, you know, Like
Speaker 2: it's a weird thing that he did. It's a weird
Speaker 2: thing that he chose that name. But I would guarantee
Speaker 2: that he doesn't look at his child and think of you.
Speaker 1: Also, you don't know that his new wife's mum's name's
Speaker 1: not Lauren. Total names not Lauren, or she has a
Speaker 1: grandma that was the most important thing during the world
Speaker 1: is called Lauren.
Speaker 4: Like, you just don't know the reasons, and I wouldn't be.
Speaker 1: Reading into this like it's obviously got you thinking, and
Speaker 1: I don't know if you're thinking, like what does this mean?
Speaker 1: But my overarching thought is I have three thoughts. One
Speaker 1: not normal, Two doesn't mean anything. Three controversial. I'd probably
Speaker 1: stop sporadically texting each other. Like if you've both moved
Speaker 1: on and you're married and it was that many years
Speaker 1: ago and you've had kids, I always wonder, like, what
Speaker 1: are you getting from that?
Speaker 3: What are you getting from every two years? Hey, how
Speaker 3: are you good?
Speaker 1: That'd be birthday back in Like, you don't need to
Speaker 1: hear from someone on their birthday both of your lives
Speaker 1: have moved on.
Speaker 2: I totally agree, I find and I don't know if
Speaker 2: everyone would agree with this.
Speaker 3: I'm sure some people don't.
Speaker 2: I find the happy birthday text when you have been
Speaker 2: broken up for years and don't speak to each other
Speaker 2: at all so unnecessary, Like you, you don't need to
Speaker 2: message me and say happy birthday to me if we
Speaker 2: haven't spoken for the rest of the year.
Speaker 1: It does nothing except ruin your day because it puts
Speaker 1: that person fuck in your brain, even if you don't
Speaker 1: have feelings for them. You're like, great, so my birthday now,
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking of fuck face, I'm thinking of you
Speaker 1: that messaged like, for no reason, you don't speak to
Speaker 1: me any other time totally. Do you think I'm gonna
Speaker 1: have a better day now because you said happy birthday?
Speaker 3: It's so shit.
Speaker 2: It is strange though, when you think about it, it's
Speaker 2: so strange that you can be like, you can mean
Speaker 2: so much to someone and they can mean so much
Speaker 2: to you, and you think you're gonna spend your life
Speaker 2: with them, you're engaged to them, you have the names
Speaker 2: of your children chosen, and then they're just completely not
Speaker 2: a part of your life anymore. And it's just so
Speaker 2: weird how you can go from that level of intensity
Speaker 2: to just like.
Speaker 1: But I get it. But I'm going to use this
Speaker 1: as an example. You guys all know Jordan, my ex.
Speaker 1: There have been moments where, like, he has won a
Speaker 1: huge tennis match, like he beat Rafael Nadal not that
Speaker 1: long ago.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was pre amazing, it's pre impressive. It was amazing.
Speaker 1: And there was a moment where I picked up my
Speaker 1: phone to message him to say amazing, well done. You
Speaker 1: should be proud. Then I was like, what's that going
Speaker 1: to do? Like I am proud of him and I
Speaker 1: am stoked for him, and I've had to stop myself
Speaker 1: from doing that. And that's not because I have obviously
Speaker 1: any feelings for him or anything like that, but it
Speaker 1: was someone that I thought I'd spend my life with
Speaker 1: that did something amazing and that made me feel happy.
Speaker 3: But you have to think, like, what's the point of
Speaker 3: that contact. It's not going to do anything.
Speaker 1: He'd be like cool, Britney's proud of me, and then
Speaker 1: he'll probably be pissed off that I'm back in his message.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then what do you do? You exchange a
Speaker 2: few pleasantries and then you go back to your life.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't it probably wouldn't even write that. Hey, how
Speaker 2: weird would it be if you had a baby though,
Speaker 2: and your name to Jordan.
Speaker 4: Imagine like you'd never.
Speaker 2: Do it, Maddie j I'd be okay with that.
Speaker 3: Little mini Maddie. No, that maybe feel awkward.
Speaker 2: If you've got any weird name situations, like I want
Speaker 2: to hear those because they think it interesting.
Speaker 3: Not even what are you named after?
Speaker 2: But like did you find out that, like you're named
Speaker 2: after your dad's mistress?
Speaker 3: Who knows?
Speaker 1: How would you feel if like you started dating someone
Speaker 1: like you're feel in love and the name was like
Speaker 1: the exact same name of person.
Speaker 2: Break out that has definitely happened to people, right, yeah,
Speaker 2: Or you're dating someone whose name is the same name
Speaker 2: as your brother that's also Dad Terry Byrne imagine that. Okay, anyways,
Speaker 2: moving run along.
Speaker 3: All right, guys, sending your ousgun cuts.
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Speaker 2: and do that because you can see us in the
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