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Speaker 1: Welcome back to two Dotting Dads in his Mardy j

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Speaker 1: here and this is a podcast that is all about parenting.

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Speaker 2: It is good, it is the bad and the relatable.

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Speaker 1: This may surprise you, but we do not give advice.

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Speaker 1: But what we do do is give best of episodes

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Speaker 1: for your delight.

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Speaker 3: Yes, and those guests may or may not give you advice.

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Speaker 3: And in this episode we have Taylor Montoya who is hilarious.

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Speaker 1: Along You've Got Twins the Twinsies she does, married to

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Speaker 1: the NRL player Marcelo. Marcelo Toya. Great, that's a That's

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Speaker 1: an outstanding name, isn't it. Compare that to Matt Johnson

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Speaker 1: as Wicks. It's got no o. I don't mind ash

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Speaker 1: Wicks got no, that's like a point.

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Speaker 2: It's actually my stage name Ashually Ashwicks.

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Speaker 1: No one knows my real name, Ashwicks.

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Speaker 3: Jes said, let's make these short.

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Speaker 1: We also have Sarah Pound. You may know her as

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Speaker 1: Wholesome Sarah. She gives amazing recipes on social media, has

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Speaker 1: like millions, trillions, billions followers, but she in addition to

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Speaker 1: being a very good chef, she also opens up about

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Speaker 1: her breastfeiting struggles and.

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Speaker 2: My favorite Reggie, your little jungle mate, Reggie. If she

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Speaker 2: was a laugh I love how she got run over

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Speaker 2: by someone on a mobility scooter.

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Speaker 4: Dare you.

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Speaker 2: It's a great story.

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Speaker 1: Laugh at someone else's paying.

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Speaker 3: She laughed.

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Speaker 5: I know.

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Speaker 1: I mean she's laughing, so we're like, we're allowed to.

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Speaker 1: She's got a fit whenever I see someone in a

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Speaker 1: mobility scooter. I sent it to Red and this guy, he.

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Speaker 3: Looks kilty if you ask me. We finished this episode

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Speaker 3: off with Jesse Stevens. We talk about postpartum depression. So

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Speaker 3: if you or anyone you know us struggling, we'll leave

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Speaker 3: some useful resources in the show notes of this episode.

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Speaker 2: Matt, let's get into it.

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Speaker 4: I told my mom I was pregnant.

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Speaker 6: I was like, well, I'm going for the first scan

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Speaker 6: at six weeks because my HGG is really high. So

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Speaker 6: they're kind of worried. And she was like, okay, cool.

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Speaker 6: Didn't say anything. The day before the skin some people

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Speaker 6: knock at my door, and I'm like, I don't answer doors,

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Speaker 6: especially when my husband's not home. I just no one

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Speaker 6: come see me. So I'm like sitting like watching the

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Speaker 6: Telly for ten minutes, and these people are knocking knocking, knocking,

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Speaker 6: and I'm.

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Speaker 4: Like, oh my god, they're persistent. And I opened the

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Speaker 4: door literally a phone.

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Speaker 3: Call with someone knocks on our door and I'm not home, Ido,

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Speaker 3: someone at the door.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's exactly like me. So yeah, finally over the

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Speaker 6: dawns and my mom, my mom and dad. So they

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Speaker 6: had surprised me to be with me door. So they

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Speaker 6: had surprised me to come to the scin with me

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Speaker 6: just in case.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: And then so we went to the scan and my

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Speaker 4: dad was like, oh wait. I was like, that's a

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Speaker 4: great idea because this early on, they'll go internal.

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Speaker 6: So you went outside and so me and mom in

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Speaker 6: the chair and they went over the stomach at first,

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Speaker 6: and she's like, oh, great news, Like there's the heartbeat.

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Speaker 4: I was like, oh my god, i'mreal because I never

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Speaker 4: got to experience that the first time. So I was like, amazing.

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Speaker 4: I'm on like cloud nine. My mom's crying. She's like, wow,

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Speaker 4: a miracle. It's amazing.

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Speaker 6: It is. Yeah, and so early on too, because that's

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Speaker 6: six weeks. I was not I thought it would just

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Speaker 6: be like adult like the first time. And then so

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Speaker 6: she was like, but I just want to take a

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Speaker 6: closer look, you know, given your history, so yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 6: literally said, she's like, go, I'm to your bladder and

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Speaker 6: come back in. And then immediately, like my mom's body

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Speaker 6: language sunk, I sunk, and then I come back and

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Speaker 6: then get on the table and then she like goes

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Speaker 6: internally and she's like, okay, yep, so I just want

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Speaker 6: to confirm there's the heartbeat. So we're all good then,

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Speaker 6: and I was like unreal, and she's like, but I

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Speaker 6: just want to draw your attention.

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Speaker 4: To this area and I was like yeah, and like

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Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm looking at it.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, and then she's like, so heartbeat one and

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Speaker 6: then you'll just see there's another heartbeat here.

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Speaker 4: And literally before I could say anything, my mom's like,

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Speaker 4: I'm like, holy shit, so come down here. And I

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Speaker 4: was like what do you mean?

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Speaker 6: And she's like, you're having twins, honey, And I was like,

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Speaker 6: oh man, what And the lady doing the skin was

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Speaker 6: a twin mom herself.

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Speaker 4: So I was like, that is like destiny.

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Speaker 6: Because I said to her without thinking, I'm gonna need

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Speaker 6: a bigger fucking card. She's like, no, honey, I had

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Speaker 6: twins in a yarrison. And then so like from that

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Speaker 6: moment on she was able to tell me they were

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Speaker 6: identical twins. I don't know how, but she could see

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Speaker 6: there was only one placenta, so that confirms it's identical.

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Speaker 4: That's the question I had about the twins. So one placenta,

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Speaker 4: but you can have is there not identical? Yes?

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Speaker 6: So fraternal is two placenta, like each baby gets their

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Speaker 6: own placenta, which is a luxury. And then in my

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Speaker 6: case there was one placenta, two sacks. So the way

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Speaker 6: she said to me was they're in the same house,

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Speaker 6: own bedroom.

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Speaker 4: Same bathroom.

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Speaker 1: I was like, okay.

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Speaker 6: So from that point on, like my mom's just a mess,

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Speaker 6: like a combination of happy tears and like what the fuck.

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Speaker 6: And then we walk out of the room and my

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Speaker 6: dad looks at me and he sees my mom's face.

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Speaker 6: He's like a ghost bawling her eyes down. So he's like,

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Speaker 6: oh my god, like what's happened. I was like, I'm

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Speaker 6: having twins and he's like, fuck.

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Speaker 4: You, Taylor, you never serious, Like we have a very

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Speaker 4: dark humor.

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Speaker 6: Now fairly. I was like, Dad, I'm having twins, and

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Speaker 6: he's like I can't take you seriously.

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Speaker 4: He's such a bullshit. And then he looks at my

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Speaker 4: mom and she's like she had.

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Speaker 6: And he's like.

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Speaker 4: Yes, and e Yrhun's look get me in a New

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Speaker 4: Zealand as well, people are very.

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Speaker 2: New Zealand medical practice going off there.

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Speaker 6: Literally everyone's like okay, so yeah, and then like the

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Speaker 6: ride home, I was like to mom, we're gonna have

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Speaker 6: to FaceTime Marcelo, like I can't keep this from him.

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Speaker 6: They had just lost, so he was in a really

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Speaker 6: crazy meeting like with the coach and all that, and

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Speaker 6: they were kind of I think, getting.

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Speaker 8: Like the review.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and then so he ran out and he.

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Speaker 6: Didn't look very happy and I was like he was like,

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Speaker 6: how did it all go? And I was like yeah, fine,

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Speaker 6: and he's like, oh cool, and I was like yes,

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Speaker 6: so we're having twins and he was like you're fucking

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Speaker 6: kidding and I was like, no, we're having twins.

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Speaker 4: He's like, I'm gonna have to start playing Origin any mask.

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Speaker 4: We're going to need some forward.

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Speaker 6: But then so yeah, kind of just from that point on,

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Speaker 6: because they were identical twins, I got the rundown straight away.

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Speaker 6: Fortnightly scans from pretty much six weeks to full term.

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Speaker 1: I'm conscious of the fact that you should never like

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Speaker 1: want to rush through any phase of parenting because I

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Speaker 1: once its fucking gone, it's.

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Speaker 2: Gone forever, shout out.

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Speaker 1: But I do recall someone holding a newborn and being like,

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Speaker 1: you can just just stare at them for hours, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, what are you looking at? What did

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Speaker 1: you find the hardest thing about the newborn phase?

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Speaker 7: Ah, definitely breastfeeding with all three hated it, felt the pressure,

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Speaker 7: wasn't good at it.

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Speaker 2: Just hated it.

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Speaker 7: It didn't come easy to me.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be really stupid here. Okay, when you

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Speaker 1: say you weren't good at it, what do you mean

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Speaker 1: by that?

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Speaker 7: Well, my I got block ducks really easily. So it

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Speaker 7: just it didn't I always thought, and again this was

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Speaker 7: you know, nine years ago, before I had my first baby.

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Speaker 7: I was like, oh, I will be so like, I'll

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Speaker 7: just be fine breastfeeding. I'm a chill person. It would

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Speaker 7: just come naturally to me. I know what, I'm like,

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Speaker 7: I don't get too anxious over things.

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Speaker 2: It'll be fine. And it just was the total opposite.

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Speaker 7: And it was also lack of information that you know,

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Speaker 7: now I've got three younger sisters and so I'll sort

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Speaker 7: of say to them, just do which I used to

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Speaker 7: be like, Ah, don't need to know a thing, I'll

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Speaker 7: just roll into it. But I think with Lil, if

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Speaker 7: I had have known more about breastfeeding, I got very sick,

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Speaker 7: so had mas statist three or four times, which is

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Speaker 7: quite common, but then the fourth that's it's pretty much

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Speaker 7: it's an infection that eat it get it can get

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Speaker 7: really bad, which for me it did. But it can

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Speaker 7: either just be a local sort of infection that you

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Speaker 7: get a really sore boob and it's inflamed and whatever.

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Speaker 7: You have antibiotics and it calms down, or you can

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Speaker 7: get full fever and whatever. But in my case it

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Speaker 7: went a bit beyond that and it turned into an abscess,

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Speaker 7: so which is just like.

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Speaker 2: A big infection.

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Speaker 7: And so yeah, which I just didn't know any of this,

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Speaker 7: and I feel like if I had have known anyway,

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Speaker 7: went to the GP because I had this very red boob,

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Speaker 7: like was I didn't feel well. I was in bed

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Speaker 7: and so that like she was five weeks old, wow,

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Speaker 7: so really little. And then went to the GP and

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Speaker 7: they were like, oh, that's not great. But then they

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Speaker 7: told me, which was just odd.

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Speaker 2: They told me to go to a physio to get

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Speaker 2: ultrasound to break down anyway.

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Speaker 7: So when I did that and at this point dentist totally,

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Speaker 7: it was just really, when I look back on.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, that was so screwed up.

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Speaker 7: How they told me to do that. It was bright

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Speaker 7: red inflamed big, and they've said, you know, and even

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Speaker 7: the woman who ultrasounded it was like, it looks quite infected,

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Speaker 7: so go home and rest. Anyway, that night, went to emergency,

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Speaker 7: so they drained it and just locally, you know, stuck

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Speaker 7: some needles in and then took out this whole lot

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Speaker 7: of infected pass and then they said you should feel relief.

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Speaker 7: They were great, you should feel relief, go home tonight

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Speaker 7: and rest. Anyway, that night it.

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Speaker 4: Got worse and was like a golf ball.

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Speaker 7: Went back into emergency and then had to have breast

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Speaker 7: surgery the next morning.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, And so.

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Speaker 7: All of this was just a bit of like a okay,

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Speaker 7: all right, I'll just go with it. And you know,

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Speaker 7: litl was five weeks old, and when they're that little,

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Speaker 7: they're still feeding every two to three hours.

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Speaker 2: So dependent. So then yeah, had the had the surgery.

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Speaker 2: It was so funny.

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Speaker 7: I remember because tom My husband stayed home with Lil

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Speaker 7: that night, and I think that's probably I can't remember

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Speaker 7: if we'd introduced formula for feed already. But anyway, I

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Speaker 7: went to the emergency with my sister and were which

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Speaker 7: is fine, but we had to stay in the emergency

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Speaker 7: section the whole night, and we just had this Nona

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Speaker 7: who was next to us in a shared bed that

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Speaker 7: was farting all night, and so Larsa and I was

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Speaker 7: sharing this tiny my sister and I was sharing this

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Speaker 7: tiny single.

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Speaker 2: Bed, and I was just like, fuck, like I have

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Speaker 2: to have this bres surgery in the morning, but we're

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Speaker 2: laughing out.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Woman, that was just like coughing and splattering and fine.

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Speaker 7: So that was actually kind of nice because it kind of,

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Speaker 7: you know, made it a bit humorous.

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Speaker 2: Could be a really dumb question. Yeah, no dumb questions.

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Speaker 2: Although there you're infected on this side, can you still

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Speaker 2: feet on this?

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Speaker 5: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Totally great question.

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Speaker 7: And do you know what's even go one step further?

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Speaker 7: Which I hate, still hate the arrogant surgeon that did

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Speaker 7: my breast. I have an issue with surgeons anywayholes. They

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Speaker 7: are assholes generally generally attack the medical professor.

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Speaker 4: I say, generally, are they rural? Are the rural surgeons

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Speaker 4: because if this was in a city, but he no.

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Speaker 7: I just sometimes I'm like, oh, you just don't. You

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Speaker 7: haven't put yourself in the woman's shoes of five week

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Speaker 7: old baby, first time mum, the stress that this would have.

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Speaker 2: So I had the surgery, which was quite full on.

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Speaker 7: I had this packing that went really deep because the

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Speaker 7: infection was like deep behind my nipple. So he came

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Speaker 7: in to do like his check you know, a day

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Speaker 7: or two l I can't remember, and he was like, yeah.

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Speaker 2: So it all went well.

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Speaker 7: You know, you should be fine better and you should

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Speaker 7: be able to keep feeding out of that boob.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, okay, yep.

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Speaker 7: So here's me, this hormonal like new mum. It's just

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Speaker 7: wanting to do the best for a child. So I

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Speaker 7: keep trying to feed. I had milk coming out the

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Speaker 7: wound at the top of my dress.

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Speaker 2: And yes, I was this conversation just like, you'll be five,

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Speaker 2: keep feeding breast is best.

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Speaker 7: I know.

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Speaker 2: So I persisted until it nearly broke me. And then

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Speaker 2: my husband, my.

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Speaker 7: Mom, my mother in law, and my maternal nurse, which

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Speaker 7: God lover, were.

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Speaker 4: All like stop an intervention.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you need to stop.

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Speaker 7: And I'm like like this nutcase of But you know,

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Speaker 7: I think a lot of women out there will under

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Speaker 7: will understand.

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Speaker 2: The pressure that you feel to breastfeed. It's it's really

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Speaker 2: messed up, Like what.

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Speaker 1: What do you when you're not able to do something

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Speaker 1: that you think would have been so natural? What does

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Speaker 1: that do to your mindset? What kind of place you win?

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Speaker 7: I just think again, it was so long ago now,

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Speaker 7: but at the time, I just felt really like it

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Speaker 7: wasn't like because I'm not usually a person that's like

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Speaker 7: I failed as a mother, but like it's sort of

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Speaker 7: it really did sort of play with your mindset of well,

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Speaker 7: this isn't how it's meant to be, Like why can't

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Speaker 7: I do a simple thing like feeding my own baby?

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Speaker 7: Like I just don't understand.

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Speaker 3: Was it like a sense of failure?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: And then also you know, to try and persist.

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Speaker 7: And this happened with both because I had mass statists

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Speaker 7: with my second it didn't go to an abscess, thank god,

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Speaker 7: But then with my with my thirty year ago, I

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Speaker 7: didn't have any masst artists, but I hated breastfeeding anyway,

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Speaker 7: so I made the just my own.

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Speaker 2: Choice to stop breastfeeding.

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Speaker 7: But even in that, so you know, having children over

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Speaker 7: eight years, I'm thirty seven or whatever.

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Speaker 2: And even when, like I said to my husband, I

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Speaker 2: can't do this anymore. Work so stressful, Like the breastfeeding.

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Speaker 7: I don't enjoy it.

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Speaker 2: It takes so long.

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Speaker 7: And he was like, well, you know what, why don't

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Speaker 7: you change over to formula? And I was like, oh,

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Speaker 7: I just I can't like And anyway, we made the decision.

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Speaker 7: Why I made the decision to do it, so he

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Speaker 7: was helping me wean off it. Even when my body

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Speaker 7: could still make the milk. Even though I'd made the decision,

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Speaker 7: I'd be like, maybe I should just go back to feeding.

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Speaker 7: Maybe I should start pumping again to get my supply up.

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Speaker 7: And he was like, says, you know that our babies

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Speaker 7: are fine. Our previous to have been fine. I know,

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Speaker 7: but I just it's and then as soon as your

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Speaker 7: body can't make it fine, like love formula.

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Speaker 4: It's the best.

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Speaker 2: It's really screwed up how it just plays with your mind.

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Speaker 3: And do you think, like there was do you think

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Speaker 3: there's external pressure for mums to have to breastfeed?

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Speaker 2: Do you think?

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Speaker 9: I think so?

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Speaker 7: But it's so funny you say that because I've never

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Speaker 7: been one to give a shit about what other people

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Speaker 7: think in some senses.

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Speaker 2: But with that I was always I didn't think I cared.

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Speaker 7: But maybe, you know, just from societal norms and cultural

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Speaker 7: norms for so long, it's just sub conscious. Maybe I

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Speaker 7: do think that, you know, because I'd find myself justifying

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Speaker 7: it to people. If they're like, oh, you know, are

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Speaker 7: you feeding? Are you breastfeeding, I'd be like, oh, no,

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Speaker 7: formula feed, but I had an abscess.

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Speaker 10: It's like, yeah, hey, Rege, we know going to the

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Speaker 10: souf market is one of the hardest moments with young kids.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and it must be even harder when you've got

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Speaker 1: limited vision. With any scenarios in the souper market where

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Speaker 1: it was particularly challenging.

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Speaker 9: Oh yes, I got run over by this old man

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Speaker 9: on a big mobility skeeter. He made me down and

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Speaker 9: I'm sorry he the old he made me down.

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Speaker 6: You.

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Speaker 9: So I was walking to the twelve items or less

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Speaker 9: oile we missed our cream. And then next I was

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Speaker 9: walking with my cane. So I always use my cane

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Speaker 9: when I go into crowded places or the shops, just

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Speaker 9: to let people know, you know, I can't see very well.

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Speaker 9: And then he came down on my right hand side

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Speaker 9: and just rang me down. He ran me down, and

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Speaker 9: I then reversed back and ran over me again, yeah,

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Speaker 9: screaming at me. He's gone, You're as blind as I am,

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Speaker 9: yelling at me, and I'm laying on the floor yelling you,

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Speaker 9: and all I could see was my sour cream on

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Speaker 9: the floor. And then I looked up. All these people

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Speaker 9: were looking at me, and they were staring at me.

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Speaker 9: I was saying to bloody ring me, who said, hang up, ah, sorry, yes.

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Speaker 3: So he ran over, then reversed back over and then

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Speaker 3: yelled at you yes.

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Speaker 9: And then all these people were just staring at me.

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Speaker 9: And then this lady come and helped me, and all

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Speaker 9: I could see was her face. I was looking at

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Speaker 9: her face and she helped me up, and she helped

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Speaker 9: me go to the counter to pay for my sour cream.

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Speaker 9: And the lady who works and she said, you're okay, REGI,

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Speaker 9: because I'm a regular down at Woolies, and I said no,

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Speaker 9: this man just rang me down, and she goes, what

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Speaker 9: in here? And I said, yeah, in here, and I

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Speaker 9: went and sat outside. I rang me here because I

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Speaker 9: was just with me and we had lunch and Maya

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Speaker 9: come over to help me and tell her what happened.

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Speaker 9: And then she goes, mom, is that him? And she

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Speaker 9: saw him coming out of Woolli's and I said, chase him.

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Speaker 1: I said chasing it's a hit and run.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, So she took a photo of his number plate

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Speaker 9: on his scooter and then I after Woolies, they said,

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Speaker 9: after I sit outside and the Woollies lady she said,

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Speaker 9: you want to look at the footage red and I said, yes,

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Speaker 9: I do know. I said, look, I'll come back tomorrow.

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Speaker 9: And I went back the next day because I was

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Speaker 9: so shook up. And I went back the next day

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Speaker 9: to look at the footage and she said, sorry, it's

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Speaker 9: against our legal rights to show you the footage.

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Speaker 4: She's like, what footage?

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Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, so she said you need to see the

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Speaker 9: police if you want to get the footage. So then

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Speaker 9: I had to go to the police with Rosalind. She

380
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:56,159
Speaker 9: took me and we got the footage. And because I

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Speaker 9: just wanted to see what happened, you know, yeah, well

382
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Speaker 9: I've got the footage.

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Speaker 2: I'd love to be.

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Speaker 4: Sorry.

385
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Speaker 9: One day I will release the footage of me getting

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Speaker 9: mowed down and wallies.

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Speaker 2: Long story, let me.

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Speaker 9: Go into the supermarket. But yes, it is hard going

389
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Speaker 9: to the supermarket. I've now got a favor of bloody

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Speaker 9: mobility scooters.

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Speaker 1: I see them driving down the road sometimes and like

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Speaker 1: on the footpath little I don't know what's scary. The

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Speaker 1: kids on scooters are the old people on the on

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Speaker 1: the mobility school.

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Speaker 4: I'll never be able to look at one the same.

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Speaker 2: Be careful, I will be.

397
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Speaker 3: I can't believe the audacity to run you over, reverse back,

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Speaker 3: over the top of you and then yell at you.

399
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Speaker 2: And then run the audacity, Yes, I'd say.

400
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Speaker 8: The second I felt pregnant, I just did not feel

401
00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,359
Speaker 8: like myself. I felt really weird. I felt foggy, I

402
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:58,480
Speaker 8: felt anxious. I couldn't see the future. And then it

403
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,920
Speaker 8: got it got worse and worse, and I think that

404
00:19:01,000 --> 00:19:04,880
Speaker 8: there were also environmental factors. I was working too hard

405
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,760
Speaker 8: in that I felt as though my life ended. When

406
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,520
Speaker 8: that baby came out. I thought, you'll never work again.

407
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:14,919
Speaker 8: You've got till that date to do everything you've ever

408
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 8: wanted to do in your career. So I was finishing

409
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Speaker 8: a book, I was writing an episode of a television show.

410
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Speaker 8: I was recording five podcasts, six podcasts a week. I

411
00:19:25,119 --> 00:19:26,840
Speaker 8: was going to Melbourne every week for the projects.

412
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Speaker 4: It was it was out of p.

413
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Speaker 8: I look back and go I was flying at thirty

414
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 8: weeks thirty six weeks pregnant to Melbourne for for a

415
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 8: day and wondering, yeah time and wondering why my body

416
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:51,040
Speaker 8: was just And I got married, moved house, all of

417
00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,639
Speaker 8: those things while pregnant, and I just tried to fit

418
00:19:53,720 --> 00:19:59,400
Speaker 8: too much in and it completely burnt out and I was, oh,

419
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Speaker 8: it was I was underwater.

420
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Speaker 2: I was in a dream.

421
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Speaker 8: I couldn't feel anything.

422
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Speaker 2: I was totally numb.

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Speaker 1: Were you communicating this to Luke or anybody else?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

425
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:12,159
Speaker 8: He ended up actually contacting my obstetrician and midwife and

426
00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:16,000
Speaker 8: just being like, we do something about this problem in

427
00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:19,560
Speaker 8: the house and they were fantastic and I saw like

428
00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:22,880
Speaker 8: a really good psychiatrist who that was. The other thing

429
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:25,960
Speaker 8: is that from about six months I didn't sleep, and

430
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Speaker 8: not like I had sore hips, like I didn't sleep.

431
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,680
Speaker 8: It would be four days and I'd be like, that's

432
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Speaker 8: a fourth night of no sleep.

433
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Speaker 4: What was it that was stopping you from sleeping? Do

434
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 4: you think it was pregnancy?

435
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:38,840
Speaker 8: And some near it was hormonal. So it was like

436
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 8: my brain could not switch off, and I started hallucinating.

437
00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:46,320
Speaker 8: I start, I would like get up and be like,

438
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Speaker 8: I can't drive to work. I'm it's like I've had

439
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:51,840
Speaker 8: I'm drunk, Like I can't even stand up right.

440
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Speaker 2: So that was awful. And the second the.

441
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Speaker 8: Baby came out, I could sleep like I slept better

442
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Speaker 8: in the postpartum period that I had in Wow, four

443
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 8: or five.

444
00:21:02,920 --> 00:21:06,680
Speaker 1: Months before we talk about birth. When you saw the psychologists,

445
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,240
Speaker 1: you're still pregnant. Yeah, was there any advice or was

446
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,760
Speaker 1: anything that you opened up about or.

447
00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:12,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, he said.

448
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 8: And I thought this was really helpful that the rates

449
00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:18,080
Speaker 8: of people acknowledging they're not feeling right in pregnancy and

450
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:22,000
Speaker 8: addressing it and then them avoiding postnatal depression are really high,

451
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:24,399
Speaker 8: like as in, it's the best thing you can do.

452
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:26,479
Speaker 8: Flag it as early as you can, even if from

453
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:29,680
Speaker 8: the first trimester you're like, oh, I'm not feeling like myself.

454
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 8: I'm feeling really anxious. And a lot of people say

455
00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:36,040
Speaker 8: I cried every day during pregnancy, Like, go and speak

456
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:36,280
Speaker 8: to someone.

457
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:39,560
Speaker 3: A lot of women, I assume, early on in their

458
00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 3: pregnancy would just think, Okay, this is just part of it, right,

459
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 3: instead of going okay, there's actually something not wrong.

460
00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:46,879
Speaker 8: Yes, and then what often happens is that they're actually

461
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:50,119
Speaker 8: signs that can then lead to post natal depression, and

462
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 8: if it's untreated, then you can wake up a year

463
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 8: later and go, I just lost a year with my

464
00:21:54,920 --> 00:21:57,680
Speaker 8: baby because I just felt like shit and none of

465
00:21:57,800 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 8: that that cloud, it was like a cloud and excite,

466
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,639
Speaker 8: like exciting, amazing things would happen, and it was like

467
00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,680
Speaker 8: I just couldn't. I couldn't touch it, I couldn't access

468
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 8: I could have won the lottery and I would have

469
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:12,399
Speaker 8: been like muster a feeling about that.

470
00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 3: You just feel like I couldn't connect with anything.

471
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, really like And I thought.

472
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: Did that help? Did you light in your workload? Did

473
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:20,239
Speaker 1: that help it all?

474
00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 6: No?

475
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:29,439
Speaker 8: I didn't it would have, though, psychologist. No, what helped

476
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:33,119
Speaker 8: was increasing the dosage of medication was definitely good. And

477
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:36,399
Speaker 8: he gave me sleeping aids because the issue is that

478
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 8: they are very reluctant to give you anything that will

479
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,840
Speaker 8: help you sleep in case it impacts the baby. But

480
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 8: good psychiatrists, you know, have all the research and they

481
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 8: know what's worth it, because yeah, it's not safe to

482
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:48,800
Speaker 8: have a breagnant.

483
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 2: Woman walking around who hasn't slept. It's not good for anyone.

484
00:22:51,119 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 5: So he was.

485
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 2: He was fantastic and really prepared me for that.

486
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:58,879
Speaker 1: What's it like growing up for yourself? Like what's your

487
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:02,360
Speaker 1: perception of being put up for adoption? Did that weigh

488
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:04,159
Speaker 1: on you in a heavy way or was it just

489
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: the norm?

490
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,359
Speaker 5: And it didn't really nah, because my birth mum wrote

491
00:23:07,359 --> 00:23:10,880
Speaker 5: a letter that was like, dear Ryan, when you're old

492
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,040
Speaker 5: enough to understand sort of thing. And she was from

493
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,280
Speaker 5: like a really rough area. It was one of eight kids,

494
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 5: and the eight kids shared like three single beds, Like

495
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:24,480
Speaker 5: it was a rough and rough area, drugs crime, and

496
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 5: she was like adamant that she wasn't going to like

497
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 5: pass that on to the next generation. So she was

498
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,399
Speaker 5: actually twenty eight when she gave birth to me, and

499
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,840
Speaker 5: I grew up just assuming probably like it's probably terrible

500
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 5: to say, but I just like assume she was like

501
00:23:37,320 --> 00:23:39,520
Speaker 5: seventeen or you know, yeah, yeah, But now she was

502
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 5: twenty eight and she was going to night school, and

503
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:42,679
Speaker 5: she was like, I'm going to better myself and if

504
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 5: I have a family, they're not going to be born

505
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 5: into this community. They're not going to have the childhood

506
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 5: I had. And she was just so adamant that like, no,

507
00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:51,119
Speaker 5: my child, I don't want the life that I had

508
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 5: for my child.

509
00:23:52,880 --> 00:23:53,879
Speaker 1: So she gets.

510
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 5: Accidentally pregnant, and she's just like, oh, this is the

511
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 5: kind of stuff people from here. They get accidentally pregnant

512
00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 5: and they were going to change the world, and well

513
00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:06,960
Speaker 5: now we just struggle on and that just happens again

514
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 5: and again. And she was just so determined that that

515
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 5: was not going to be the case. And so she

516
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,800
Speaker 5: was also living in a sharehouse and she was just

517
00:24:15,480 --> 00:24:18,919
Speaker 5: more than others, just like a child needs two parents.

518
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 5: And she didn't know my birth father and like they

519
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:25,400
Speaker 5: sort of that one time, and she was like, well,

520
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 5: this is not for me. And I think also by

521
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 5: the time she realized like when you're trying, you're kind

522
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 5: of checking. She didn't know she was pregnant until way

523
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,920
Speaker 5: into it, and I think it was like past the

524
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:39,360
Speaker 5: point of no return. Yeah, and so she was like, well,

525
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 5: this kid's gonna have to be born. I don't want

526
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 5: them growing up in there. And so I always go, oh,

527
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 5: you've done me this huge favor. So it wasn't like

528
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,200
Speaker 5: how could you do this to me? I was always like,

529
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 5: thank you for doing that for me, And so I

530
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,880
Speaker 5: was never like never once was like what the fuck?

531
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 5: It was actually the opposite, Like she felt a bit

532
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,480
Speaker 5: guilty afterwards, and a lot of birth mums feel guilt.

533
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 5: And the only reason I wanted to meet her really

534
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,080
Speaker 5: was just go like, you don't need to feel guilty,

535
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,560
Speaker 5: Like all good, I've like hit the jackpot over here

536
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 5: with my family, Like I hope you go and marry someone,

537
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:14,680
Speaker 5: have a family of your own and kind of forget

538
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,119
Speaker 5: about me and the nicest way possible.

539
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 3: Do you remember when you got that letter?

540
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,440
Speaker 5: Yeah, well again, I was in the drawer always, but

541
00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 5: I wasn't old enough to read it, and I'm not

542
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:30,960
Speaker 5: actually very good at reading still, so it actually a

543
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,200
Speaker 5: few more us the name, but I've still got it.

544
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,040
Speaker 5: It's like a yellow booklet and it's go a little

545
00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,399
Speaker 5: ribbon and it's like dear Ryan. It's called Ryan's Story.

546
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,359
Speaker 5: And they kind of said, yeah, you know, my brothers

547
00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 5: are this tall, and we back for Collingwood and all

548
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 5: this stuff and kind of yeah, and it was it

549
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,720
Speaker 5: was pretty nice. And then she kind of explained like

550
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 5: the circumstances, and I think when you kind of hear

551
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 5: that side of the story, you kind of go, oh,

552
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 5: like it's actually quite selfless. It's not like, yeah, she

553
00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 5: couldn't be bothered or she did the calling off period,

554
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:04,679
Speaker 5: but the final like not that we need any evidence,

555
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 5: but like in terms of being selfless. I actually had

556
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,520
Speaker 5: surgery when I was three days old on my hip.

557
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,720
Speaker 2: Hip's no good man, Yeah, he's no good I wonder.

558
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 5: Or something. Is that a hip hernia or I don't know,

559
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 5: but I came out of the surgery and they're like, oh,

560
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,720
Speaker 5: like the baby's gonna be fine, but like he's going

561
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 5: to be sore, and so he just like needs lots

562
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:26,160
Speaker 5: of hugs and cuddles from his family, and the nurse

563
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 5: is like, well, he doesn't have family yet. So she

564
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:31,440
Speaker 5: actually my birth mother, July came back to the hospital

565
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 5: like after doing the traumatic like believing she like came

566
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 5: back and just like sat in the chair for two

567
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:40,200
Speaker 5: days just to like kind of hold me while I

568
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 5: was a bit and tender. And so you're going to go, oh,

569
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 5: like she cared and she was doing the right thing

570
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,800
Speaker 5: and there's no like and I'm like, yeah, you can't

571
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 5: be angry.

572
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 3: Something amazing.

573
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:57,159
Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed this episode. And you know, I

574
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 1: go to bed at nighttime with one thought on my

575
00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 1: mind and thought is gosh, he's enough of God?

576
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:04,440
Speaker 2: Where's Ash?

577
00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 1: I hope his listeners enjoyed this episode and I just

578
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: don't know. There's no way of answering that question.

579
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:13,560
Speaker 2: Unless you leave a review on Spotify.

580
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 1: We get lots of reviews on Spotify. Actually we get

581
00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 1: a lot more on Spotify than we do have a podcasts.

582
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: But maybe, maybe, just maybe, if you haven't left us

583
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 1: a review, we would love just a couple.

584
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:26,679
Speaker 3: Of little words, what kind of words? Or you can

585
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 3: join us on socials, Instagram, Facebook, TikTok and YouTube.

586
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,119
Speaker 2: Shall we get out of here?

587
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 1: That's good out here because we need to go back

588
00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: to our holiday. We're currently in Jamaica.

589
00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:45,159
Speaker 2: Making me crazy, all right?

590
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: But Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of

591
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:58,920
Speaker 1: country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

592
00:27:59,200 --> 00:28:01,680
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

593
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander

594
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:08,520
Speaker 3: peoples today. This episode was recorded on gadagal Land