1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,080 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time 2 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,719 Speaker 1: poor parent who just once answers now, please hurry, Why 3 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:12,200 Speaker 1: haven't you give me the answer already? I'm doctor Justin 4 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: Coulson and I'm joined by Luke and Susie, husband and 5 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: wife radio team. They have three young boys. Today we're 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,520 Speaker 1: answering a listener question about temperamental eight year olds. 7 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 2: When we get questions like this, I always think, I 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 2: wonder if this is something that Justin's faced or if 9 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:31,160 Speaker 2: he avoided it, because he's been amazing all along. Because 10 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 2: I feel like we're heading towards this. But let me 11 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,760 Speaker 2: tell you first for Sephena's question. By the way, Hi, 12 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:36,440 Speaker 2: oh good. 13 00:00:36,479 --> 00:00:38,239 Speaker 1: It's great to be with you. Yeah, And I'm sure 14 00:00:38,240 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 1: that whatever the question is, I probably dealt with it 15 00:00:40,080 --> 00:00:41,280 Speaker 1: last night with my own kids. 16 00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 2: Oh great, Okay, this is a judgment for his zone. 17 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 2: We don't know this person who names Sephena. She said, 18 00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:49,520 Speaker 2: how do your parent an eight year old who used 19 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 2: to be loving and caring but now is the opposite. 20 00:00:54,080 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 2: So it sounds like there has been this extreme character change. 21 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 2: We see it in our children generally going more into teenagers. 22 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:02,160 Speaker 2: Eight very young to see that change, what are your 23 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 2: thoughts justin. 24 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 1: Every now and again we see this sort of temperament change, 25 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: this emotional change during mid childhood. It's not altogether unusual, 26 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: and so, I mean, some parents are expecting these middle 27 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: childhood years to be so calm and comfortable because that's 28 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:18,760 Speaker 1: what everybody else says. But it's not the way it 29 00:01:18,840 --> 00:01:21,880 Speaker 1: is at all. Sometimes it's just such hard work. So 30 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,240 Speaker 1: there's a couple of things that we probably need to consider. 31 00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:28,080 Speaker 1: The first is is there anything that's changed recently for 32 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: your child that might have made life feel a bit insecure, 33 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 1: a little bit unpredictable, anything that might have riled them 34 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 1: up emotionally and sort of stuck in their craw And 35 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: we obviously don't have Sphina here to talk to her, 36 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: but I can think of a couple of things. There's 37 00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: just been that what do you call it, that's right, 38 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:48,680 Speaker 1: COVID nineteen a global pandemic. So there's been school started 39 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: just starting in stoppages, and there's been interrupted relationships and friendships. 40 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,400 Speaker 1: There's been timetables and schedules that have been turned upside down. 41 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: There's been all sorts of shifts in what would normally 42 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,800 Speaker 1: be a fairly stable and predictable childhood experience. On top 43 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:05,240 Speaker 1: of that, there may be things that have been happening 44 00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,280 Speaker 1: in the family. Maybe there's been things going on in 45 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 1: relation to parenting, in relation to the couple who were, 46 00:02:11,960 --> 00:02:14,919 Speaker 1: you know, the mum and dad looking after the children. 47 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,320 Speaker 1: There's you know, maybe when new babies come into the home. 48 00:02:17,360 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: So all of these kinds of things can cause a 49 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 1: sense of interruption and the randomness and the volatility and 50 00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 1: the unpredictability of these things. While ultimately will be good 51 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:32,359 Speaker 1: for children to develop resilience and more, in the moment, 52 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: they can be quite challenging as our children try to navigate. 53 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 3: It's interesting because not at the age of eight, but 54 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 3: a little bit older than that, I was a kid 55 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 3: who turned angry from a happy, go lucky young guy. 56 00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:45,519 Speaker 3: And when I looked back at it an adult years 57 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 3: and I say I turned angry, I was noted for 58 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 3: the anger in my eyes. And it was when I 59 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 3: came to faith that people without me saying a single thing, 60 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 3: I never told anybody what had happened, and I had 61 00:02:55,320 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 3: a gode encounter and they went, what's happened to lout 62 00:02:57,360 --> 00:03:00,360 Speaker 3: because the anger had fallen from the eyes. And it 63 00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 3: was when I looked back, and I went, well, what 64 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 3: is that angry? Because I didn't particularly think of myself 65 00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,760 Speaker 3: as angry, But I realized when I backtracked, when I 66 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 3: had Mum who was having nervous breakdowns and going into hospital, 67 00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 3: and Dad who was away on work, and my sister 68 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 3: who left, my brother who went to prison, everybody who 69 00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 3: was meaningful to me was leaving for some reason or another. 70 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,240 Speaker 3: And so I took a philosophy, if I get rough 71 00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 3: and push everybody away, no one has a chance to 72 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 3: hurt me anymore. 73 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: Right, And sometimes it could be a protective mechanism. The 74 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 1: other thing that it could be is it could just 75 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 1: be a child growing up and starting to have opinions, 76 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:36,000 Speaker 1: starting to want to push back. Sometimes kids really do 77 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: want to watch this TV show. It has become their 78 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,640 Speaker 1: favorite show, and we keep on interrupting them. Right then, 79 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:43,520 Speaker 1: they've got preferences, there are things that matter to them, 80 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:46,000 Speaker 1: and sometimes we get in the way. So there's one 81 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,520 Speaker 1: other thing that's probably worth mentioning, and that is that 82 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: when our children are being challenging, the quality of our 83 00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: interactions with them usually deteriorates. That samdoitizing with what Luke's saying, 84 00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: because as the quality of our relationship deteriorates, the quality 85 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 1: of our interaction drops off. They don't think less of 86 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: us because we're getting them in trouble all the time. 87 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,760 Speaker 1: They don't think less of us because we've called them 88 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:12,000 Speaker 1: a name, or because we're criticizing them. They don't think 89 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 1: less of us at all. What they do as we 90 00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: criticize them and tell them that they're not living up 91 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:18,720 Speaker 1: to our expectations, and as we tell them all of 92 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,320 Speaker 1: the things that they should be doing and why haven't 93 00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: they done them? Is they think less of themselves. When 94 00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 1: you think less of yourself, then you actually start to 95 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: behave in ways that are perhaps less pro social, You 96 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: start to behave in ways that are perhaps a little 97 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:35,599 Speaker 1: bit more aggressive. And so I would say to this mum, 98 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: who obviously cares deeply for her little girl, what can 99 00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 1: you do to be softer, to be more compassionate, to 100 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:45,600 Speaker 1: explore her world and see things from her perspective a 101 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 1: little more that might help her to open up, feel safe, 102 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 1: and actually lead to some improvements in her behavior. 103 00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,600 Speaker 2: Can I ask you, then, for some tips for her 104 00:04:55,279 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 2: on Some conversations start as how do you start this 105 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 2: conversation with someone who's eight years old. 106 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, let me share a vulnerable moment, something that 107 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: I don't like to share. But you know, I've never 108 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 1: made a claim to be a perfect parent, and one 109 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: of the reasons that I got into this gig was 110 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,599 Speaker 1: because I struggle as a parent from time to time, 111 00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,280 Speaker 1: and not too long ago, one of my children was 112 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,599 Speaker 1: beyond obnoxious. We'd had day after day after day. In fact, 113 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,600 Speaker 1: I counted a couple of days prior to an incident 114 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,440 Speaker 1: that we had that I'm about to share. I counted 115 00:05:22,680 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 1: a request to her to do something very simple that 116 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 1: was well within the realms of reasonable requests at a 117 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,719 Speaker 1: time that was reasonable to request it. I think I 118 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:36,040 Speaker 1: asked her to do something seventeen times before I raised 119 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,920 Speaker 1: my voice. I do you know what I mean? I 120 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: just k yeah. And about two days later, I found 121 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 1: myself in exactly the same situation, And after the sixth request, 122 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 1: I raised my voice again and I said to her, 123 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: this is really frustrating that after what just happened a 124 00:05:53,160 --> 00:05:55,159 Speaker 1: couple of days ago where I got really cranky at you, 125 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 1: I'm now finding myself in the same situation where I 126 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 1: want to be unkind. And she looked at me and shouted, see, 127 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 1: this is what really bothers me about you, Dad, and 128 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 1: started to tell me why I was wrong for asking 129 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: her to do something six times that was perfectly reasonable, 130 00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:12,720 Speaker 1: At which point I was not doctor Justin Colson at 131 00:06:12,720 --> 00:06:15,320 Speaker 1: his best, and I really I let her have it. 132 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:17,159 Speaker 1: I told her all of the things that she was 133 00:06:17,240 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 1: doing that were driving me up the wall. Let me 134 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: suggest something based on my experience with this daughter this 135 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:29,040 Speaker 1: particular day. At no point during or after that conversation 136 00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,000 Speaker 1: did she look at me and say, well, Dad, now 137 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:32,680 Speaker 1: that you've explained to me all of the ways that 138 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: I'm failing, I'm much more motivated to be a better human. 139 00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,640 Speaker 1: At no point did she say, well, I'm really inspired 140 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 1: and motivated now, Dad, thanks for the pep talk and 141 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 1: the reminder that I need to do better. What I 142 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 1: did was I punched great, big holes in my relationship 143 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: with her. I want to be clear, in the relationship, 144 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,680 Speaker 1: not her. I was not physical with her at all. 145 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:54,800 Speaker 1: But I really ruptured this relationship. I undermined trust and 146 00:06:54,920 --> 00:06:58,040 Speaker 1: ultimately she spent the next half an hour screaming the 147 00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: house down from her bedroom as she, you know, whined 148 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: about how unfair the world was and it also caused 149 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,360 Speaker 1: a little bit of friction between my wife and myself 150 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,160 Speaker 1: because Kylie knows that that's not how we talk to children, 151 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:11,600 Speaker 1: and she's heard me lecture people for a decade about 152 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,160 Speaker 1: how that's not how we talked to children. I blew it, 153 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:18,800 Speaker 1: absolutely blew it. Fortunately, children are forgiving, and as a 154 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 1: dad who wants to be forgiven, I'm not too prideful 155 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 1: to go and ask for forgiveness. And we made things right. 156 00:07:25,520 --> 00:07:27,960 Speaker 1: But if I was this parent and I was not 157 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: doing what I did that day, what I would be 158 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: more likely to do is not in the moment, but 159 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:36,680 Speaker 1: at a different time, have a conversation that went like this. 160 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: I've noticed that every time I ask you to do 161 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: something lately, it's been met with resistance and eye rolls 162 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 1: and foot stomping. It seems like I'm bothering you a 163 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,280 Speaker 1: lot lately, and I seem to be a really big 164 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 1: challenge for you. Can you help me to understand what's 165 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,280 Speaker 1: going on? So I would spend time exploring the world 166 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 1: through their eyes. Does this mean that what I'm going 167 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: to let her just tell me how it's got to 168 00:07:58,080 --> 00:07:59,440 Speaker 1: be in the house from now on, Because at the 169 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: age of eight, this child now knows no, And it 170 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that at all. It just means that I'm 171 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:05,920 Speaker 1: going to explore what's going on. It might be that 172 00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: I'm interrupting in the middle of snack time or in 173 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: the middle of a favorite TV show or right when 174 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 1: X yo z is really important, or it might actually 175 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: be my tone. Perhaps there's something entitled and expectant in 176 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,120 Speaker 1: my tone that is just a little bit unfair to 177 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: a child who wants to have a sense of choice. 178 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,640 Speaker 1: But once I've explored, then I can simply step into 179 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: that nice, gentle explanation where I say, well, I understand 180 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,360 Speaker 1: where you're coming from, but I know and you know 181 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:34,280 Speaker 1: that there are still things that need to be done, 182 00:08:34,360 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: and it's appropriate that you're a contributor in our home. 183 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: And then I empower, what do you think we can 184 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,439 Speaker 1: do together as a team to make this better? Because 185 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:45,440 Speaker 1: it feels horrible, doesn't it. It feels horrible? Yeah, And 186 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,440 Speaker 1: I know that whenever we talk about it, we always 187 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 1: bring up the three e's. But that's ultimately where we're 188 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: going to try to go with this kind of conversation. 189 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:55,199 Speaker 3: With what we've explored so far, we've seen that maybe 190 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 3: and this is a generic response because we don't know 191 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 3: the specific child, but maybe it's anything from a bit 192 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 3: of stress through to some sort of significant fear response 193 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:08,080 Speaker 3: to trauma and anything. There's a whole lot of things 194 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 3: in between that we want to explore to try and 195 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:14,200 Speaker 3: discover that more. But how do we actually try and 196 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 3: just determine where it is on that scale? Because I 197 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,840 Speaker 3: hear this and I think, what if I get it wrong? 198 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,360 Speaker 3: What if I think it's just a bit of stress 199 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,640 Speaker 3: over COVID and it's actually something deeper, Or what if 200 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,320 Speaker 3: I overplay it and it's actually something simple, And I 201 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,480 Speaker 3: feel like maybe I'm not equipped to fully understand why 202 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 3: such a transformation is. What would be your encouragement to me? 203 00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 1: Just really important question? And this is what I would say. 204 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: Context is everything. We don't have much context based on 205 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 1: the request that's come through to spark this conversation. So 206 00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: what I would say is, generally speaking, I go in 207 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,319 Speaker 1: and label the emotions that I'm seeing. I see every 208 00:09:46,360 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 1: time I talk to you. You seem to be really upset, 209 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: you seem to be really challenged, you seem to be 210 00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 1: having a really hard time. Can you tell me more 211 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:54,200 Speaker 1: about that? Why is that so upsetting? But there are 212 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,199 Speaker 1: sometimes going to be clues in the context. So perhaps 213 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 1: there's sibling conflict and you might say, you're really struggling 214 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 1: with your brother lately, aren't you. I mean, it's just 215 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 1: been for the last couple of weeks. It seems like 216 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,719 Speaker 1: as soon as you start breathing in the same room 217 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: as each other, there's going to be a fight. What's 218 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,439 Speaker 1: going on? Why are you too at each other so much? 219 00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:10,520 Speaker 1: Help me to understand. Or you might know that there's 220 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: been some medical issues, or perhaps there's been some tension 221 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:14,880 Speaker 1: in the home because parents are in the middle of 222 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,920 Speaker 1: a separation, or you know that your child is really 223 00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: missing the life that they had pre COVID. So you 224 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,600 Speaker 1: can tap into all of these things in your initial 225 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 1: here's what I'm seeing, and what will normally happen is 226 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:28,800 Speaker 1: that your child will say yeah, and they'll take that 227 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 1: and run with it, although say, no, that's not it, 228 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: I'm not this. It's because of blah blah blah, and 229 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 1: they'll open up when we go in with a gentle 230 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: I'm assuming it's this. Can you point me in the 231 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: right direction? Am I on the ball or am I missing? 232 00:10:40,679 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: They'll let us know quick smarter where we should be. 233 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of power in that humble space 234 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:47,680 Speaker 2: of not presuming you know everything isn't there. 235 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:50,760 Speaker 1: And parents know everything. I mean when you watch parents 236 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 1: in their in directions with their kids are like, I 237 00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: saw what happened? You started? Who cares? Who started? It? 238 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,800 Speaker 1: Just you seem to be a really challenged right now? 239 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:58,440 Speaker 1: What can I do to help is a much better 240 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 1: way to go. 241 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:01,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful, I love your advice. Thank you so much 242 00:11:01,679 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 2: for answering Sophina's question. We appreciate it. Dr Justin Culson 243 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 2: from Happy Families dot Com DoD are. 244 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,840 Speaker 1: You if you've enjoyed the podcast or you found it helpful, 245 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 1: please do something for me. Could you go to Apple 246 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,600 Speaker 1: Podcasts and leave a rating or a review. It's the 247 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,720 Speaker 1: reviews that help people to find the podcast and have 248 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: happier families. You could do what hashtag Queen me hashtag 249 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 1: did called it the four H Club. That's what she's 250 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 1: part of. Love the four hs. This was when we 251 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,960 Speaker 1: were talking about our children needing to be heard and 252 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: have humor in their lives and help others and all 253 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,600 Speaker 1: that kind of thing. Said. My kids and I had 254 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,520 Speaker 1: a really tough year last year, and we were looking 255 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: forward to moving on this year, but now we feel 256 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,720 Speaker 1: so stuck. I'm going to use the h to get 257 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:40,000 Speaker 1: us laughing every day. Thanks for the reminder, well, thank 258 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: you for the review, the five star review. Once again, 259 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:45,080 Speaker 1: this is how people find the podcast by you jumping 260 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: onto Apple Podcasts and leaving those ratings and reviews. So 261 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:50,000 Speaker 1: please do that. And if you'd like more info on 262 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: how I can help you, visit happy families dot com 263 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: dot you or visit my Facebook page doctor Justin Colson's 264 00:11:55,679 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 1: Happy Families, and make sure you click on the link 265 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 1: to the Happy Families membership where you can find out 266 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:03,640 Speaker 1: how to essentially have a parenting expert in your pocket.