Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch up podcast.
Speaker 2: Hellolol, welcome to the Flex and From show.
Speaker 1: It's Tuesday.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, do you know what that is? And
Speaker 2: I say it, yes, you actually do TikTok? Oh my god? Okay,
Speaker 2: what do we do with friends who cancel plans? And
Speaker 2: I know what you're thinking. I've already seen Barbie and
Speaker 2: I also thought it was redacted. There's an Ai Barbie
Speaker 2: BuzzFeed debarkol necessarily related to the movie, but it's a promotional.
Speaker 1: It is definitely related. Here's a podcast related. This is
Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms.
Speaker 2: I'm cat what happens flex when men want to date
Speaker 2: younger women.
Speaker 1: That's a rhetorical question. Okay.
Speaker 2: I was on TikTok the other day, ob VI, and
Speaker 2: I came across a creator. He was standing in a forest,
Speaker 2: actually quite perfectly discussing how older men like younger women
Speaker 2: not only damages younger women and older women, but also
Speaker 2: the men who choose to play out this stereo type.
Speaker 2: I'm going to play a grab. It's a bit long,
Speaker 2: so take a date. Breathin Mickey places.
Speaker 1: By the type.
Speaker 3: Men have this idea that very young women. Basically, children
Speaker 3: are the epitome of attractiveness, shove down our throats so
Speaker 3: hard that most guys never learn to see past it,
Speaker 3: and that's obviously super harmful to women in tons of ways.
Speaker 3: In the same way that I am less mature than
Speaker 3: a seventy year old as a thirty eight year old man,
Speaker 3: a twenty three year old is just a lot less
Speaker 3: mature than I am. That's no critique of them. They're
Speaker 3: doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing. When we
Speaker 3: as men continue to romantically and sexually idealize women who
Speaker 3: are not fully grown or mature by the standards of
Speaker 3: our own age, that becomes very dangerous. We're now trying
Speaker 3: to attract partners who are at a totally different life stage,
Speaker 3: one which is inherently selfish, often insecure, and kind of performative.
Speaker 3: And because we've idealized people in those life stages as partners,
Speaker 3: we become much more likely to behave and try to
Speaker 3: behave like teenagers or men in our early twenties.
Speaker 2: When it's said like that does the same that revolutionary,
Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but it did have me hit for
Speaker 2: six as having been put on quite a younger woman
Speaker 2: there is a phenomenon if you've not been in my position,
Speaker 2: where you assume that you are just really mature, and
Speaker 2: it's only when you.
Speaker 4: We could poll every woman in this building and we
Speaker 4: get one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I've lived that. I've lived that life.
Speaker 2: It only has been since me growing into the ages
Speaker 2: that are above the age of the men that I
Speaker 2: was dating. I've finally just clocked one of them that
Speaker 2: I dated, and now I'm older than him, that I realize
Speaker 2: the absurdity of wanting to date someone so much younger
Speaker 2: than me. It's easy when you're like in the future to.
Speaker 1: Be like, why did I do that? That's so random.
Speaker 2: I understand now that I do really believe that women
Speaker 2: mature earlier than men. I don't know, however, and especially
Speaker 2: after watching this video, how much of that is like
Speaker 2: learned helplessness on the behalf of men, or if it
Speaker 2: really is like a developmental thing. I'm not sure, but.
Speaker 4: Any neuroscientists in the building.
Speaker 2: Yeah, please human get him on speed dial. It is
Speaker 2: interesting because I always think the people that cop the
Speaker 2: biggest fall out of this is women who are a
Speaker 2: bit older. I imagine, oh, you're in your thirties, like
Speaker 2: it's actually the time you want to meet someone, But
Speaker 2: all the guys your age that are appropriate are going
Speaker 2: for younger women.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that does happen, but.
Speaker 2: The idea that it is negative towards men, as we know,
Speaker 2: I like to think about men quite a bit, how
Speaker 2: they're feeling. I never thought that this would be something
Speaker 2: that would actually adversely affect them.
Speaker 4: Which I think is the problem with a lot of
Speaker 4: cultural conversations that position men the same men who made capitalism,
Speaker 4: the same men who made communism, the same men who
Speaker 4: made socialism, the same men who made racism. They don't
Speaker 4: have the wherewithal to comprehend basic life stuff. The way
Speaker 4: that society encourages us to infantilize men and their understanding
Speaker 4: of their place in the world is exactly this.
Speaker 1: We're all getting infantalized.
Speaker 4: We're all getting infantalized, but we have to be both
Speaker 4: baby and mum at the same time.
Speaker 1: And this brings us back to what Freud.
Speaker 4: Was saying to real woman's work, talking about menstrual cycles
Speaker 4: and not in a crass way. Okay, in the same
Speaker 4: way you understand hay fever during springtime.
Speaker 1: And also testosterone.
Speaker 4: Yep, you understand chemicals, neurotransmitters. You should understand a little
Speaker 4: bit more about the mentual cycles. So what we talked
Speaker 4: about briefly a couple of months ago is referring to
Speaker 4: our cycles in binaries. We've got the flop and we've
Speaker 4: got the sleigh. The flop is always when you're menstruating.
Speaker 4: And mind you, if this does not resonate, this is
Speaker 4: someone with a very average cycle twenty eight days, like clockwork,
Speaker 4: we've got endometriosis. Pcos. It's not for you, but everyone
Speaker 4: can listen, tune in, please, So mensuation generally a flop ovulation,
Speaker 4: generally a sleigh for loquila.
Speaker 1: Slag, sleigh, premntal, prelop. Yeah, flop.
Speaker 4: Now it's good to know because I think for a
Speaker 4: lot of people they regard the arrival of their flop
Speaker 4: era as a bit of a surprise. Oh that's why
Speaker 4: I was in a bad mood. Oh that's why I
Speaker 4: was cramping. Oh that's why my nip pulls a tender
Speaker 4: or whatever it might be.
Speaker 1: I could easily go number two.
Speaker 4: Literally, that's why I was coming out of me. Like
Speaker 4: I said, it wasn't gonna be crashed. It's not crass, Okay, Okay,
Speaker 4: I've never been crass in my life. The thing about
Speaker 4: this is understanding your cycle should be bare minimum. I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna shame you, but I do think that this
Speaker 4: bare minimum knowledge would change your life and improve it
Speaker 4: in ways that you are not ready to truly understand.
Speaker 4: And so what I've been trying to incorporate into my
Speaker 4: life is cycle sinking, and so the practice of tracking
Speaker 4: your menstrual cycle and structuring certain elements of your life
Speaker 4: around it. I referenced this book by Lucy Peach called
Speaker 4: Period Queen, and it's all about your menstrual cycle and
Speaker 4: everything you need to know. Instead of using the flop
Speaker 4: era of slagh era terminology, she talks about how you
Speaker 4: should navigate your life during your cycle. So, when you
Speaker 4: are menstruating, that's a good time to just like dream,
Speaker 4: she says, So it's a good time to think ID eight, brainstorm,
Speaker 4: don't push yourself to do stuff. It's really when you
Speaker 4: should be winding down, babes. Your uterine lining is shedding,
Speaker 4: like there's bloodshed happening in your homb This is not
Speaker 4: the time to be hind That's exactly it. And then ovulation, obviously,
Speaker 4: it's when you're feeling the best. It's when you're looking
Speaker 4: your best. It's when you really should be getting up
Speaker 4: and at them today. Everyone happy, Ovulation. I feel as
Speaker 4: though where I've been integrating cycles, where it's been really
Speaker 4: helping is professionally. This might not work for everyone, but
Speaker 4: it's where I find it most reasonable because it's the
Speaker 4: only part of my life that's actually structured. So what
Speaker 4: I'm trying to do is like in Flop era menstruating.
Speaker 1: No photo shoots.
Speaker 4: Why are we doing that? No photo shoots. Let's not
Speaker 4: do the big hosting gigs. Let's not do the dejaying things.
Speaker 4: Let's not do things to Let's not do things we
Speaker 4: have to show up and pretend like I feel good,
Speaker 4: like I'm not like literally cramping and in fetal position
Speaker 4: if I was at home right Ovulation. When I'm looking
Speaker 4: and feeling my best, Hello, that's when we can do
Speaker 4: these gigs. The issues fact about get out. I got
Speaker 4: energy pre flop take it seriously. When you feel your
Speaker 4: energy going down, don't try and find it. This is
Speaker 4: when you start preparing for the reality that I'm be
Speaker 4: out and not out physically but out mentally. So let's
Speaker 4: start getting the brainstorming in now. Yep, let's get the
Speaker 4: coach please, yes, get the meal prep stuff, get the
Speaker 4: snacks in, a bit of ice cream, that whatever you
Speaker 4: need to be doing. But what I would recommend is
Speaker 4: if you are someone who menstruates and you're someone who
Speaker 4: wants to take a bit more control of their life,
Speaker 4: definitely google cycle sinking. We haven't even scratched the surface,
Speaker 4: and I can already tell it's gonna be life changing
Speaker 4: for the girlies. And then next step is well domination,
Speaker 4: when we start to change the corporate industry by operating
Speaker 4: on woman's cycle, because we all know the eight hour
Speaker 4: day is based on a man's hormonal cycle, and it
Speaker 4: does not work for me.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work for me. Am I, am I the asshole?
Speaker 2: We have an m id asshole. I know what you're thinking.
Speaker 2: Every single media publication in Australia and all the world
Speaker 2: does am I the asseholes. But the difference with Flex
Speaker 2: and Friends is we did it first May twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: Let's say we were at the forefront. And also we bring.
Speaker 2: To it a certain jennes SECOI oh that is never
Speaker 2: before seen. This was sent in by a woman called Caroline. Hello,
Speaker 2: I haven't am I the usehole question to submit. I
Speaker 2: have a close friend who has formed a habit over
Speaker 2: the years of canceling on plans on the day of them,
Speaker 2: always starting anxiety as the reason. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 2: always so understanding and supportive, even when the cancelation tends
Speaker 2: to ruin my night and I end up missing out
Speaker 2: on alternative arrangements.
Speaker 1: My blood pressure is arising right now.
Speaker 3: Flex.
Speaker 2: I'm skeptical of this person's excuses for anxiety because whenever
Speaker 2: I have messaged her offering her something in brackets, giving
Speaker 2: her some furniture, or offering something she can benefit from,
Speaker 2: she has no anxiety and will be.
Speaker 1: At my door immediately.
Speaker 2: However, when it comes to sticking to plans, she pulls
Speaker 2: a mental health card. Oh she really got put a
Speaker 2: whole books into this one. I've had enough. Last week
Speaker 2: we were meant to catch up after many failed attempts,
Speaker 2: and her boyfriend ended up messaging me canceling on her behalf.
Speaker 4: That is something else.
Speaker 2: I said, absolutely no. I messaged her directly telling her
Speaker 2: that her consistent canceling is actually selfish and poor form,
Speaker 2: and I said, look, I've been patient to understanding with
Speaker 2: your needs and anxieties for a very long time. Now,
Speaker 2: what about my needs? I really like how this chick writes.
Speaker 2: It sounds like she's having a combo. Good inn it
Speaker 2: for further context. I've been going through a hard time
Speaker 2: myself and a heartbreak. Oh I really you need my
Speaker 2: loved ones to show up for me, girl, I've been here.
Speaker 2: My message her was quite direct, which we love her
Speaker 2: at the Flex and Firm show, and I told her
Speaker 2: that sometimes even if you have a bit of anxiety,
Speaker 2: you just need to show up for your loved ones preach.
Speaker 2: It's been a week and she hasn't replied to me
Speaker 2: at all. WHOA am I the asshole for casting doubt
Speaker 2: over her anxiety forward slash telling her that she's not
Speaker 2: being a good friend.
Speaker 1: I am so sick of people using anxiety.
Speaker 2: It is kind of like me getting sick of people
Speaker 2: using partners yea, as I get out of y your
Speaker 2: free card, I am understanding, but at some point I
Speaker 2: have to draw a line in the sand. She has
Speaker 2: canceled on me four times in the last month. Oh,
Speaker 2: I also think they're getting a boyfriend to cancel for her.
Speaker 2: Was particularly pathetic. Am I being too hush? Fle see
Speaker 2: me with your thoughts.
Speaker 4: As someone who spent a few of my formative years
Speaker 4: being the friend to always broach the tough conversation. The
Speaker 4: thing they don't tell you is you're often told that
Speaker 4: if you do the hard thing right, like if you
Speaker 4: leave with the hard conversation, if you be the bigger person,
Speaker 4: you'll get the outcome you want. Often that is not
Speaker 4: the case, and so the first thing that I caution
Speaker 4: people not to do is to assume that you doing
Speaker 4: the mature thing or the open thing is going to
Speaker 4: get you the outcome that you want, because you're already
Speaker 4: dealing with someone who has showing you that they don't
Speaker 4: have the capacity to be there for you when it's
Speaker 4: quite easy, So when it's hard, you're almost asking for
Speaker 4: too much.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 4: Another thing that I've been practicing recently is trying to
Speaker 4: measure people's behavior relative to them and not to me.
Speaker 4: So if you're operating with someone who's already flaky, who
Speaker 4: isn't too considerate of your needs and your emotions and how.
Speaker 1: You feel, somebody who doesn't plan things un till the
Speaker 1: day before.
Speaker 4: You know, then are you really going to be Is
Speaker 4: this someone that you can negotiate with in your time
Speaker 4: of need.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure.
Speaker 4: I don't think you were the asshole, and I think
Speaker 4: it's good to share the responsibility. A friendship is a partnership.
Speaker 4: It requires both of you to put in. And it
Speaker 4: seems like for a little while that you're putting in
Speaker 4: the ingredients. You've brought, the pot, you've brought the stove,
Speaker 4: you paid the gas bill, and they're like, hey, do
Speaker 4: you mind stirring, And she's like, my boyfriend said, I can't.
Speaker 1: Shielded, shielded.
Speaker 2: I think you did the right thing, Caroline. I think
Speaker 2: you really did. I agree with you so wholeheartedly. Flex
Speaker 2: about kind of this person is at their capacity. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they cannot change. So I think Caroline, your message wasn't futile.
Speaker 2: It had to be said because you need to get
Speaker 2: your side of the story out there. And sometimes I think,
Speaker 2: particularly if you have anxiety. In my experience with anxiety,
Speaker 2: your focus becomes very narrow.
Speaker 1: You're focusing on you how you feel.
Speaker 2: You don't really in my experience, I don't think about
Speaker 2: other people when I'm in that zone. And sometimes, unfortunately,
Speaker 2: you need a wake up call because if I got
Speaker 2: this message and I was this chick, I might not
Speaker 2: change my behavior because, as you said, I might be
Speaker 2: at capacity, but it is a wake up call to think.
Speaker 1: Other people do have feelings.
Speaker 2: They may not be diagnosed with anxiety, but I think
Speaker 2: you did the right thing. Don't expect her to change.
Speaker 2: Maybe you guys need a little bit of time apart,
Speaker 2: and I'm glad you broach this topic. If you want
Speaker 2: to not broach it and then you just disappear out
Speaker 2: of her life, she's gonna take your shit with that
Speaker 2: as well, so you may as well say your peace
Speaker 2: because you deserve it, and then wait until she's in
Speaker 2: a better headspace because obviously you guys have had fun
Speaker 2: before she's a madirs.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I do agree that the boyfriend reach out is
Speaker 4: a bit pathetic in your own words, only because it
Speaker 4: puts you in this weird position where you now have
Speaker 4: to plead your case yes to uh what do you
Speaker 4: call it, somebody figure? An intermediary mediator.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we're not to leave it alone.
Speaker 4: Are you sick of talking about Barbie? Neither? So let's
Speaker 4: do it again controversy this time. We don't like to
Speaker 4: be contrarians for fun. We just find it really important
Speaker 4: to bring both sides with the argument. As they say,
Speaker 4: can I play Devil's Advocate?
Speaker 1: What's it called? Like real news?
Speaker 4: Like unfiltered depend So this time it's a story about BuzzFeed.
Speaker 4: Shout out to BuzzFeed. Can't believe they're still a live
Speaker 4: and kicking. Really impressed by that effort. And AI, what
Speaker 4: do you think happens when you ask an AI program
Speaker 4: to generate a barbie, like a physical manifestation of a
Speaker 4: barbie representative of every country in the whole wide world.
Speaker 4: So a barbie for Germany, a barbie for Ghana, a
Speaker 4: barbie for poland a barbie for Singapore using just aggregated
Speaker 4: data and information from the Internet. What do you think happens?
Speaker 4: You get generated images that are full of prejudices and
Speaker 4: stereotypes and like inherently racist imagery, also imagery that is
Speaker 4: incorrect and not exactly true. Many of the Hispanic and
Speaker 4: Latina barbies were whitewashed, so there were pictures being having
Speaker 4: orange chair or having really fair complexions, right, or the
Speaker 4: barbie from Russia was holding a gun.
Speaker 1: That's crazy.
Speaker 4: Yep, that'll do it. Also the barbie from South Sudan
Speaker 4: was also holding a gun. You can imagine.
Speaker 1: The more you go through.
Speaker 4: You start to pick out the inconsistencies in this But
Speaker 4: aside from the obvious issue with the content, about like
Speaker 4: creating these representative figures that are going to exist on
Speaker 4: the Internet for ages, considering how much press this movie
Speaker 4: is getting, and imagine in a decade from now when
Speaker 4: you look back and that is the representative of a
Speaker 4: whole country. It's not good stuff. And who's meant to
Speaker 4: challenge that narrative the people in the comments. So that's
Speaker 4: not going to hold up. But it sparked this conversation
Speaker 4: about bias in AI, which we talked a lot about.
Speaker 1: This idea.
Speaker 4: If AI is being programmed by humans, or at the
Speaker 4: very least it's aggregating data from the Internet that exists
Speaker 4: that humans built, then of course the information that it
Speaker 4: garners is going to be inherently racist, inherently sexist, or
Speaker 4: just built in the image of its creators, which is
Speaker 4: generally a specific type of person, a white man. I'm
Speaker 4: not to say the white men at racist, but it's
Speaker 4: through the lens of someone seeing the world in a
Speaker 4: very specific way. So when you get to the outcome
Speaker 4: of what this AI produces, people don't know who to blame.
Speaker 4: Is it the AI. Is it just society? Is it
Speaker 4: the creator of said AI program? Nobody knows. And also
Speaker 4: the conversation kind of reaches Aholt because people are kind
Speaker 4: of like, well, I mean, if it's getting the data
Speaker 4: from the internet, stereotypes are real, aren't they Like they
Speaker 4: got to come from somewhere. And so then the conversation
Speaker 4: gets to be quite like straw manny in the sense
Speaker 4: it's like, well, what if and what if and what
Speaker 4: if and what if?
Speaker 1: And I feel like people.
Speaker 4: Like, we's too soon to be having these discussions.
Speaker 1: It's too soon.
Speaker 4: It's like we're literally in it.
Speaker 1: It's hectic.
Speaker 4: If you want to see the actual images of what
Speaker 4: we're talking about, you can go the Instagram Impact Impact
Speaker 4: and there's like huge carousels of like all the different barbies,
Speaker 4: but also the commentary, which is really interesting. So go
Speaker 4: do that and use this information for your next water
Speaker 4: cooler chat.
Speaker 1: You've been listening to the Flex and Frooms Daily podcast.
Speaker 2: For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.