Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land.
Speaker 2: Sea and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respect to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait
Speaker 1: islander peoples today.
Speaker 3: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 3: Hi guys and all, welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 3: Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our
Speaker 3: down and dirty, sexy, fun little Thursday episode where we.
Speaker 2: Answer all your deep, dark and burning questions. Do you
Speaker 2: still feel random?
Speaker 1: But do you still feel even though we've been back
Speaker 1: a few days from our Barley trip, Actually we've.
Speaker 2: Been back a while. I feel like this weird jet lag,
Speaker 2: but the time difference is only two hours? Like what
Speaker 2: is is that actually jet lag? Or am I having
Speaker 2: holiday withdrawls? I think it's a bit of both.
Speaker 3: But also I'm like with you on the jet lag thing,
Speaker 3: because like, Okay, if you normally wake up at six am,
Speaker 3: you're now waking up at what is bally four am?
Speaker 3: Like that's jet lag. That's fine, you can have it
Speaker 3: with two hours. I think sometimes when the travel is
Speaker 3: less time, the jet lag is more severe.
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's a fact. No one quotas
Speaker 2: on that. I've certainly done zero research.
Speaker 3: But I do have two kids that are also jet
Speaker 3: lagged because their sleep patterns since getting home is fucked
Speaker 3: and it is not enjoyable for anyone, especially in my household.
Speaker 1: And that is why I've had to just make you
Speaker 1: your third cup of coffee for the day. I would
Speaker 1: like to say it is five PM and that's why
Speaker 1: I've had three, but it's three and it's probably like
Speaker 1: ten am.
Speaker 3: And that's like two my eyeballs, but it's keeping me
Speaker 3: feeling I'm feeling great.
Speaker 2: This is exactly what I need in my life.
Speaker 1: But this is very convenient because Starbucks at Home are
Speaker 1: our sponsor for today's episode. They are a long term
Speaker 1: partner of ours and one.
Speaker 2: We absolutely love.
Speaker 1: Now. Starbucks at Home have three different roasts. They have
Speaker 1: the blonde, the medium, of the dark, so there really
Speaker 1: is something for everyone.
Speaker 3: And Starbucks at Home can help you be more confident
Speaker 3: and created with your coffee making at home also, and
Speaker 3: let me just say, Brittany Hockley, you have gotten very
Speaker 3: good at milk crothing very good, so many coffee. You
Speaker 3: can put this on your resume as one of your
Speaker 3: true skills. But let's get into what today's episode is
Speaker 3: all about, and that is answering all of your questions.
Speaker 2: We have been on break.
Speaker 3: We have had so many questions come in, like hundreds
Speaker 3: and thousands, and I'm sorry that we don't get a
Speaker 3: chance to get back to or answer every single question.
Speaker 3: We do have an amazing person who works in admin
Speaker 3: now who goes through and actually replies to everyone, So
Speaker 3: we guarantee that your messages have all been seen, but
Speaker 3: we have picked out a few for today.
Speaker 1: Before we do get into this, I want to just
Speaker 1: talk about something I just read. So obviously, we've just
Speaker 1: come home from holidays from overseas.
Speaker 2: We've come back.
Speaker 3: How long do you think we can talk about holidays
Speaker 3: for before people people to start reviewing us and saying,
Speaker 3: Laura and Brittany only ever talk about fucking holidays.
Speaker 4: It's still.
Speaker 2: All right three months later.
Speaker 1: No, I just thought this was just for me, this
Speaker 1: timing from the universe. I was like, maybe I need
Speaker 1: to move somewhere else. Don't hate me, Laura, but this
Speaker 1: is what I felt.
Speaker 2: I read this article by.
Speaker 1: Time Out magazine and I thought, great, I need to
Speaker 1: pack up and move countries. Time Out magazine just did
Speaker 1: a survey with about twenty thousand different people from all.
Speaker 2: Over the world. That's fair few people. It's a lot
Speaker 2: of people.
Speaker 3: If you've got twenty thousand people in a room, you
Speaker 3: would be a big wedding.
Speaker 2: Put it that way.
Speaker 1: Well, the results that came back about Sydney do not
Speaker 1: instill a lot of confidence in me. It came back
Speaker 1: that three quarters of people said Sydney was pretty much
Speaker 1: the number one city in the world, like the worst
Speaker 1: city in the world to make friends, like to meet
Speaker 1: anybody new. They were saying that we weren't very nice
Speaker 1: people and it wasn't easy. And I guess people all
Speaker 1: in their clicks maybe like maybe it's hard to break
Speaker 1: that barrier, but that many people have said it's not
Speaker 1: a friendly city. On top of that, they've come back
Speaker 1: as a loveless city.
Speaker 2: They've said it is so hard to be single here.
Speaker 1: Now, this is people that have traveled from all over
Speaker 1: the world and spend time here and spent times in
Speaker 1: other countries. So they've said being single is fucking cooked,
Speaker 1: Like don't go there, but you know.
Speaker 3: Why I think Sydney is so hard for meeting new people.
Speaker 3: It's also because we have no night life anymore.
Speaker 2: That is a third thing. There's no night life. That
Speaker 2: was it. It was the second worst place in the
Speaker 2: world for nightlife. So the first worst place in the world.
Speaker 2: It doesn't say which one is first, probably.
Speaker 3: Probably somewhere like Antarctica. I would say that that probably
Speaker 3: has a fucking bad night life.
Speaker 2: It's the North Pole.
Speaker 3: What else is a terrible no, But I mean like
Speaker 3: it makes sense, right, Like not that you need to
Speaker 3: be drinking to make friends or anything like that, but
Speaker 3: like going out being able to like have a bit
Speaker 3: of a boogie, have a party like that is where
Speaker 3: so many best friends are made in bathrooms, or like
Speaker 3: you meet new people, you change numbers whatever. Like think
Speaker 3: about the amount of friends that you made when you're
Speaker 3: in your twenties and you're going out and you're being
Speaker 3: social versus the way that Sydney is set up down now,
Speaker 3: it's like you arranged to go for dinner with people
Speaker 3: who you already have a foundation of friendship with.
Speaker 1: Absolutely So now you can't go out, you can't make friends,
Speaker 1: you can't fall in love.
Speaker 2: So it's it's not ideal. But speaking of love, actually
Speaker 2: I am going on to Day to Night with someone
Speaker 2: from Sydney. Actually no, it's from England, but he lives
Speaker 2: Sydney now.
Speaker 1: But I am going on to Day to Night wish
Speaker 1: we like, he's not from Australia. So this could be
Speaker 1: a positive thing after hearing those results, because no Sydney
Speaker 1: person will date you because they're already that I want
Speaker 1: to open up their circle.
Speaker 2: I mean, I wasn't gonna go that. Foller it keep
Speaker 2: me one down.
Speaker 3: I want to say one thing because I think, like
Speaker 3: on this like little report that's been done, I think
Speaker 3: that people who live in Sydney and like we obviously
Speaker 3: are from Sydney, right, so this is this is definitely
Speaker 3: not a Sydney based podcast in terms of like we
Speaker 3: are open to all areas. It goes out all across
Speaker 3: Australia and the world, but mostly you guys are from Australia.
Speaker 3: So I think that people who live in Sydney think
Speaker 3: that Sydney is the best place to live, whereas like
Speaker 3: if you ask people in Melbourne, they will say that
Speaker 3: Melbourne is the best place to live if.
Speaker 2: You are there.
Speaker 3: It is like a fucking rivalry. And every time I
Speaker 3: have been to Melbourne or I have been to other
Speaker 3: metropolitan cities in Australia, I'm always like, Wow, I think
Speaker 3: they're a bit better than Sydney. Like, Melbourne is better.
Speaker 3: It has so much culture, There is so much nice
Speaker 3: stuff to do. It's just that it's so often raining
Speaker 3: and cult not to like stereotype, but it is better.
Speaker 1: No, But also it's not just Melbourneians. I think Melbourne's better.
Speaker 2: The rest of the world also, I think we can
Speaker 2: give that one to this. Also.
Speaker 3: Adelaide freaking great, very underplated, small, its own country great,
Speaker 3: wouldn't even let people in during COVID because it was
Speaker 3: so good they didn't want to. It has its own microclimate,
Speaker 3: do you know. Okay, going back to this whole thing
Speaker 3: that you're doing tonight, which is going on a date.
Speaker 2: It's a whole weird thing that no one knows what
Speaker 2: a date. Yeah, this very foreign concept that is called
Speaker 2: a date.
Speaker 3: I read something that I want to share with you
Speaker 3: before we get into answering questions.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 3: It is trending on TikTok. It is TikTok also trending
Speaker 3: across all news websites.
Speaker 2: At the moment.
Speaker 3: So not only if you're not on TikTok, Like, if
Speaker 3: you google this word, you will find it. You may
Speaker 3: have even heard other people talking about it.
Speaker 2: But we could collectively say it's trendy. It's a fucking thing.
Speaker 2: It is a thing.
Speaker 3: And I heard it thrown around a few times whilst
Speaker 3: we were on holidays, and I put it into my
Speaker 3: notes because I was like, I need to talk to
Speaker 3: you about this bread and that is vabbing?
Speaker 2: Is are you saying vaping with an accent fort hey man, babing? No?
Speaker 2: Is it like dabbing with a vape?
Speaker 3: No, it is dabbing something though, dabbing your vagina the vaping, well,
Speaker 3: dabbing or what you vagina?
Speaker 2: I mean dabbing a vagina? How or you would do it?
Speaker 2: You do anything else?
Speaker 1: Do it?
Speaker 3: This is.
Speaker 2: This is really great. I feel like we're playing a
Speaker 2: game of charades now. Okay.
Speaker 3: So for anyone who doesn't know, babbing is something that
Speaker 3: has taken the world by storm. It currently has thirty
Speaker 3: five point seven million views on TikTok, you need to
Speaker 3: get out more because there.
Speaker 2: Is a lot of conversations happening about babbing.
Speaker 3: Vabbing is when you take your vaginal juices, knew it
Speaker 3: was the vagina, and you dab it on your erogenous zone,
Speaker 3: so like under your arms, you dab it on your neck,
Speaker 3: you dab it on your wrists, and you use your
Speaker 3: vaginal discharge as perfume.
Speaker 2: Should I do this on my date tonight? See what happens?
Speaker 3: So apparently it is like how you use your pheromones
Speaker 3: to be able to attract the opposite sex. And there
Speaker 3: are so many people doing it, and there are so
Speaker 3: many people documenting their experiences with vabbing.
Speaker 1: I do not want to walk around smelling people's vaginas
Speaker 1: down the street like.
Speaker 3: This, or you might be imagine if someone was doing
Speaker 3: it and then they just gave you a hug and
Speaker 3: you didn't know that they'd babb that morning.
Speaker 2: I mean, there's no consent there, where's the line?
Speaker 3: Okay, but it's like okay, So apparently, and you're to
Speaker 3: think about it. Scientists have been trying to manufacture like
Speaker 3: artificial chemical based pheromones for the better part of the
Speaker 3: last three decades, right, Like I.
Speaker 2: Mean, Gwyneth Poultry did it with her candle, didn't she.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, no, I think they're actually smelled more like
Speaker 3: petula oil or petula oil or whatever it whatever. Her
Speaker 3: vagina smell like literally smell like dried flowers. No, so
Speaker 3: like this is something that scientists have been trying to
Speaker 3: do for a long time because there is so much
Speaker 3: money to be made if you could create a bottled
Speaker 3: version of what pheromones are.
Speaker 2: And I guess the thing is is that it happens
Speaker 2: in the animal kingdom. Like dogs do it, I don't,
Speaker 2: but cats do it. Who what other animals do it?
Speaker 3: Well, it's about I'm sure loads monkeys. And I think
Speaker 3: that we kind of do it to some level. Like
Speaker 3: I mean, you know, you might like your the smell
Speaker 3: of your partner's bo, but not like the smell of
Speaker 3: anyone else's bo.
Speaker 2: That's a thing, right, Like I don't know that's a thing.
Speaker 3: Matt's bio doesn't smell bad to me, but I'm sure
Speaker 3: it smells bad to other people.
Speaker 1: I remember, and you've just made me think of this,
Speaker 1: But I remember my very first boyfriend. He was a builder,
Speaker 1: Like he's a stink at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like ten hours in the sun sweaming. But I remember
Speaker 1: I used to love it, like it used to do
Speaker 1: things to me. But if you just walk past someone
Speaker 1: that you don't know with the gym and you smell them,
Speaker 1: you're like, bro, go put some doughter on.
Speaker 2: So apparently this is a thing.
Speaker 3: There are hordes of women out there who are dabbing
Speaker 3: their vaginal discharge onto their bodies in the hopes of
Speaker 3: attracting men, and I might be I just.
Speaker 2: Realize what the smell is in here?
Speaker 4: You have tested this on me, having you absolutely not
Speaker 4: there is nothing that I'm going to gain from doing
Speaker 4: that in this environment whatsoever.
Speaker 2: I know what you're up to, Okay, but let me
Speaker 2: just this is how I feel about this.
Speaker 3: We already have to go to so much effort on dates,
Speaker 3: Like you've gotta shave your legs, you've got to like
Speaker 3: fix opening downstairs, you gotta like shave your under arms,
Speaker 3: you gotta do your hair, you gotta put makeup on.
Speaker 3: There's so much effort that women have to go to
Speaker 3: when they're going on dates, right, so this is just
Speaker 3: one extra step. And then do you put your dab
Speaker 3: on and then put perfume on or do you just
Speaker 3: dab and go? You dab and go, You don't dab
Speaker 3: spray and go. Because it covers up the dab. But
Speaker 3: then what if you get there and you smell like
Speaker 3: a vagina? Well, it's the point, that's the bat, that's
Speaker 3: the whole point. What if you get there and you
Speaker 3: smell like a vagina and your date looks at you
Speaker 3: and goes you smell only like a vagina?
Speaker 2: Do you think I should try it tonight? I will.
Speaker 3: I will pay you money to go on a date
Speaker 3: and report back for the podcast. If I had to
Speaker 3: go and get a vagina osonizer for content, you are
Speaker 3: gonna dab and come back and report?
Speaker 2: Can I just say?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: One, you go and get the vagina osenizer. You were
Speaker 2: like frothing at the bits to go and get that done.
Speaker 2: You kept a segaret. You're like, this is gonna be good.
Speaker 3: Great. No, I did it purely for content, guys. I
Speaker 3: did it for the greater good of this podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, well, look.
Speaker 1: My date just message me right now, do you want
Speaker 1: to see him and just tell me if you think
Speaker 1: I should dab?
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, here Brittany is showing me a photo.
Speaker 3: This is what's happening. I'm getting a live viewing of
Speaker 3: tonight's date.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I really like.
Speaker 1: Okay, he can zoom in there, he's done with the dog.
Speaker 1: I really like when somebody uses your name.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Should lab Dabby Brittany is vabbing tonight. That is, you
Speaker 3: need to go calling a dabbing. You need to go
Speaker 3: and dab some bab That is one boy. Hello, what
Speaker 3: is his name?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Cue, I thought you cute.
Speaker 1: Hmmmm, Anyway, I'm not I don't think he's the right
Speaker 1: person to trial the dam.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 3: I think if anyone was gonna have a little hello.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh, I approve of this one. I don't
Speaker 3: really approve of many. She never approves of many. Okay, well,
Speaker 3: I'm looking forward to a live update.
Speaker 2: Will be're in twenty fourteen. Now on his instagra, so
Speaker 2: I like what. Alright, let's get into the questions for today.
Speaker 3: First off the ranks, we have a very important one,
Speaker 3: all right, question number one. Hi, guys, I've been in
Speaker 3: a relationship with my partner for two years and we
Speaker 3: have an amazing relationship. He's the first person I've ever
Speaker 3: had sex with, and it's been great, at least I think.
Speaker 2: So now, I don't know.
Speaker 3: What it's like to orgasm, and there has been a
Speaker 3: few times when I've spasmed, but I'm not sure if
Speaker 3: this means I've come What is it like for you?
Speaker 3: And do you know if it's happened this? You can
Speaker 3: take this one first bridge.
Speaker 2: I can see you giggling away over.
Speaker 1: This is actually a very very good question and a
Speaker 1: very fair question, and I think pretty common because maybe
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know, but not everyone can
Speaker 1: orgasm like that is a thing. Even the people that
Speaker 1: do orgasm orgasm very differently. Some do a literal like
Speaker 1: external orgasm, some are an internal orgasm, and some people
Speaker 1: and I believe Laura from our conversations, we both know
Speaker 1: people in life that have an orgasm and not for
Speaker 1: not want of trying, but they haven't got there. And
Speaker 1: this is actually brilliant because we are going to do
Speaker 1: a whole episode on orgasms very very soon. But in
Speaker 1: answer to your question on on how do you know
Speaker 1: if you've done it? I mean, and I can only
Speaker 1: speak for myself because I've only orgasmed for myself, but
Speaker 1: you know, it feels so good, like you know that
Speaker 1: that is happening at the time.
Speaker 2: So okay, I don't know.
Speaker 3: This is why I think the question is an interesting
Speaker 3: one because for me, the sensation of having an orgasm
Speaker 3: is so unmistakable that I one percent, no, I've had
Speaker 3: an orgasm, and that is from the very first time
Speaker 3: I ever had one, you know, I was.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, this is an orgasm. Well, and some of
Speaker 2: them get way.
Speaker 1: Better, especially from the first time to the last time.
Speaker 1: They get better. But like, yeah, you can't not when
Speaker 1: it's happening. You can't not know what's happening.
Speaker 3: But then I think when she says, no, I've definitely spasmed,
Speaker 3: But I don't know if that's an orgasm, what could
Speaker 3: that be? Like maybe maybe this person who's writing in
Speaker 3: is having orgasms or they're having a really heightened sense
Speaker 3: of arousal. But maybe in their mind they think that
Speaker 3: an orgasm is supposed to be this like transcending, toe curling, euphoric,
Speaker 3: like I go, I fucking astral plane to another planet moment,
Speaker 3: And maybe they can be, but maybe that's not what
Speaker 3: their orgasms are because obviously every single person is going
Speaker 3: to be different, and even though I think people experience
Speaker 3: orgasms in a similar way, they definitely don't experience it
Speaker 3: in the same way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is exactly right, And one thing I want
Speaker 1: to add here is and all I'm gonna say is
Speaker 1: definitely tune into the episode we're going to do because
Speaker 1: we will ask all these questions and we will really
Speaker 1: draw this out. But we've spoken to sa sologists in
Speaker 1: the past that have said orgasms can be learned. They
Speaker 1: can be something that you can teach yourself and your
Speaker 1: partner and your body to improve or experience differently or
Speaker 1: on different levels. So what Laurie just said could very
Speaker 1: much be true. You could be having one, but you
Speaker 1: could be very much stuck in your own mind thinking
Speaker 1: is it happening?
Speaker 2: Is this it? And my having it? Like what am
Speaker 2: I experiencing?
Speaker 1: So maybe you're not in that moment enough to enjoy
Speaker 1: it and experience it and let go like this is
Speaker 1: just I mean, we don't know. This is just a
Speaker 1: thought process that if you find yourself thinking that at
Speaker 1: that time, maybe try and just be really present in
Speaker 1: that moment and really enjoy what is happening as opposed
Speaker 1: to like worrying if it's happening.
Speaker 3: Also, I think, like on this and what you said
Speaker 3: earlier brit about how there is clatorial orgasms and how
Speaker 3: there is an internal orgasm, the type of intensity that
Speaker 3: you can get from different types of orgasms, is like,
Speaker 3: that's something that plays and factors in like a lot
Speaker 3: of people will only orgasm if there's external stimulation.
Speaker 1: Way you are waving those two fingers around, Laura, you
Speaker 1: are waving two things.
Speaker 3: External stimulations.
Speaker 2: A lot going on.
Speaker 3: I talk with my hands, but I guess the thing
Speaker 3: is that from what we've learned from the interviews we've
Speaker 3: done in the past with sex ologists Chantleotten and also
Speaker 3: sex ologists Juliet Allen, internal orgasms that are achieved from
Speaker 3: internal stimulation can be far, like far more intense than
Speaker 3: an external one.
Speaker 2: But I also and also on top.
Speaker 1: Of that, Laura, before you go on, is that they
Speaker 1: can literally on top of it, jumping on top of
Speaker 1: you as you wave those things around to.
Speaker 2: Whoa babbing this morning? I don't wait, No.
Speaker 1: But the other thing is like, yes, internal can be
Speaker 1: different to external, but also when they're combined, they can
Speaker 1: be different as well. So if they're happening at the
Speaker 1: same time you're having penetrative sex, something's going on with
Speaker 1: a clitters simultaneously and they're together, that can be different. Again,
Speaker 1: So there are just so many there's not a one
Speaker 1: size fits all well.
Speaker 3: To round out this question, I did do a bit
Speaker 3: of research on this, not physical research.
Speaker 1: Ah, I do just once, can you make me orgasm
Speaker 1: so I can see what it's like to tell me
Speaker 1: I needs to explain to people what my orgasms feel like.
Speaker 3: No, this has got nothing to do with my personal experience,
Speaker 3: but this is a bit of information around and it's
Speaker 3: a very common question, like how do I know if
Speaker 3: I've had an orgasm? Okay, so the idea of an
Speaker 3: orgasm is supposed to be the relief of pressure. So
Speaker 3: if you've gotten to a point where you're so sexually
Speaker 3: aroused that you have this intense feeling and then the
Speaker 3: orgasm is like a feeling of completeness, like something has
Speaker 3: been done, do you know what I mean? So, if
Speaker 3: you have had this spasm, as you describe it, and
Speaker 3: then afterwards you're like, ah, I feel satisfied now, like
Speaker 3: I'm kind of I'm kind of done. I need not
Speaker 3: necessarily a break, but like there's a calmness that comes afterwards.
Speaker 3: Like that is an orgasm. And I think that for
Speaker 3: a lot of people, especially if you don't feel it
Speaker 3: to the same level of intensity as what a lot
Speaker 3: of people do so like for you r Eyebrit, we
Speaker 3: undeniably know when it's happened, like we're like, yes, that's
Speaker 3: what that was cool, I'm done now, or if you
Speaker 3: I mean, i'mlike you breath. You like to go for multiples,
Speaker 3: but if I've had one, I'm wham bam, thank you, ma'am,
Speaker 3: I'm finished. But I think if you have a level
Speaker 3: of satisfaction that comes after you've had this spasm or
Speaker 3: however you describe it could be like this is how
Speaker 3: it's described in this I'm going to read this for you.
Speaker 3: There is no one way or one size fits all
Speaker 3: when it comes to orgasms. So the dumbness, like this
Speaker 3: feeling of being done may be associated with vigorous muscle
Speaker 3: jerking or very quiet shivers or just a funny tiredness
Speaker 3: after sex. Also, so this could range from anything like
Speaker 3: the full on, all intense body experience of like yes,
Speaker 3: that was levitating, levitat astro plained, or it could be
Speaker 3: something that is like a far more subtile experience. And
Speaker 3: that is simply because everybody is so incredibly different.
Speaker 2: Question number two. Tune into our episode for the Sexologist.
Speaker 3: I feel like we have someone on who's way better
Speaker 3: equipped to on orgasms and also what we're trying. The
Speaker 3: reason why we haven't got that episode completely finished yet
Speaker 3: is that we're really wanting to speak to someone who
Speaker 3: has never experienced an orgasm as well. So somebody who
Speaker 3: has had an active, healthy sex life, has had multiple
Speaker 3: sexual partners, but just hasn't experienced an orgasm, and how
Speaker 3: that impacts their like, how that impacts their relationships, how
Speaker 3: it impacts their sex life, how it impacts the way
Speaker 3: that they communicate with their partners, so that we can
Speaker 3: give a really sort of full rounded context to that episode.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm coming in with question them A two. I
Speaker 1: don't like my engagement ring. Okay, guys, my penguin partner
Speaker 1: of ten plus years recently finally surprised me with the proposal.
Speaker 1: I mean, ten years you've put in the effort, girl,
Speaker 1: Ten years is a long time. I was at a
Speaker 1: point where I thought this would never happen, as we
Speaker 1: always prioritize other things over the years, example holidays, house maybes,
Speaker 1: we have a toddler and another on the way. But
Speaker 1: he recently went out by himself and chose a ring
Speaker 1: design sourced a diamond with the jeweler and surprised me.
Speaker 1: The thoughtfulness behind this I am so grateful for and
Speaker 1: it really demonstrates his personality traits that I love so much. However,
Speaker 1: I was slightly underwhelmed by his choice. Having been interested
Speaker 1: in fine jewelry for a while now, I know a
Speaker 1: bit about diamonds, and let's just say I would have
Speaker 1: put a bit more priority on carrot size rather than
Speaker 1: the best colored diamond within the budget that he spent.
Speaker 1: I sat on this for a few weeks and finally
Speaker 1: told him and asked him how he would feel if
Speaker 1: I investigated a different diamond choice. I love the design,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to see what options there were for
Speaker 1: a bigger center stone within his budget. Curiosity just got
Speaker 1: the better of me and I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Speaker 1: So I felt the need to be honest with him,
Speaker 1: especially since I will be wearing this ring for the
Speaker 1: rest of my life. But he has been really hurt
Speaker 1: by this comment ever since, which has made me feel
Speaker 1: terrible and ungrateful.
Speaker 2: Have I done the wrong.
Speaker 1: Thing by being honest with him on his engagement ring choice. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's a really hard one, and I see why he's
Speaker 1: hurt for sure.
Speaker 2: I absolutely see why he's hurt.
Speaker 3: But as someone okay, as someone who is a jeweler
Speaker 3: like that, that's my job for anyone who doesn't know
Speaker 3: hashtag Tony may. So if anyone who wants to get
Speaker 3: an engage ring designed, I'm here, I'm waiting, I'm available.
Speaker 2: Not officially sponsored. So I got nothing from that, okay.
Speaker 3: So there is so much even if it might seem thoughtless.
Speaker 3: So even if to you you're like, this is not
Speaker 3: my style, I don't like this normally, and typically when
Speaker 3: someone proposes, there is still a lot of thought that
Speaker 3: and a lot of like a lot of time and
Speaker 3: a lot of pressure and a lot of emotion that's
Speaker 3: gone into that choice or the choice of that ring
Speaker 3: by your partner. Sometimes people get it wrong, like they
Speaker 3: just do. Sometimes they're not attuned with the clues or
Speaker 3: with your style.
Speaker 1: He's only had ten years to think about.
Speaker 3: It totally, and they purchase something that they like, but
Speaker 3: they're not really necessarily thinking like what is it that
Speaker 3: you like? You know, but at the end of the day,
Speaker 3: ninety nine point nine percent of the time they have
Speaker 3: put so much effort into finding that ring. So there
Speaker 3: is a bit of an ego bruise that comes with
Speaker 3: finding out that your partner didn't like it because intentionally
Speaker 3: they've tried to do the best thing by you. So
Speaker 3: I any time that I've ever had it's only happened twice.
Speaker 3: So in all the engagement rings I've ever designed created,
Speaker 3: I've had two people come to me and say, my
Speaker 3: partner doesn't like it. Or even better, I once had
Speaker 3: had a guy halfway through the process the ring was
Speaker 3: almost finished. He said, fuck, my girlfriend has just sent
Speaker 3: me some photos of rings that she likes and it's
Speaker 3: completely different to the ring that we're making.
Speaker 2: Like, what can we do? Like, sometimes people get it wrong.
Speaker 3: You haven't done anything wrong by voicing the way that
Speaker 3: you feel, but you do have to have the sensitivity
Speaker 3: that of course his feelings are hurt, and that's also okay,
Speaker 3: and probably for him he probably feels like, oh, it's
Speaker 3: ruined the proposal a little bit because your reaction wasn't
Speaker 3: just like, I'm so happy, I love the ring, I
Speaker 3: want to marry you. Your reaction was I want to
Speaker 3: marry you and I hate this.
Speaker 1: Well, I think no, I think her reaction was I
Speaker 1: want to marry I'm so happy, And it was a
Speaker 1: few weeks later that she was like, Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: want to put this on my hand and look at
Speaker 1: it for the rest of eternity.
Speaker 2: So I'm going to say something.
Speaker 1: I think I'm trying to put myself in a situation
Speaker 1: which I've never really come close to, and I probably
Speaker 1: won't get a long time. So it's a look like
Speaker 1: I act, So I'm just gonna try and imagine it.
Speaker 1: I think that I would also say something if I
Speaker 1: detested the ring that much, but I would have to
Speaker 1: really dislike it. I think he's just at the end
Speaker 1: of the day. Of course, he's going to be a
Speaker 1: bit hurt that he didn't just nail it like one
Speaker 1: hundred percent. He didn't come in with the goods and
Speaker 1: it was just like this beautiful, happy ending. Obviously, the
Speaker 1: part of them is like, well, I just feel like
Speaker 1: I wasn't fun good enough in this moment. But I
Speaker 1: think if you explain it and just say exactly that,
Speaker 1: just say I am so over the moon that I
Speaker 1: get to to marry you and spend my life with you,
Speaker 1: is like there is no doubt about that. I think
Speaker 1: it's just this isn't one hundred percent my style, and
Speaker 1: I have to wear it forever. So if we could
Speaker 1: just maybe tweak it a little bit, this would be brilliant.
Speaker 1: But let's do it together, So like take him on
Speaker 1: the journey with you, so you can go and source
Speaker 1: the new style together. You can pick it together, so
Speaker 1: he still feels like he has an input and a choice.
Speaker 1: That would be my suggestion in this. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: absolutely agree.
Speaker 3: I do think that he has to have an input
Speaker 3: and it has to be something that's done collaboratively. The
Speaker 3: only thing that I I mean, I have definitely seen
Speaker 3: this and experience this before. But like if he says, no,
Speaker 3: I don't want you to change the ring because that's
Speaker 3: the ring I propose to you with, I do feel
Speaker 3: that there comes a point where you kind of just
Speaker 3: have to accept that, like that is that is how
Speaker 3: he feels about it. You can't you can't make him
Speaker 3: be okay with it right now, I'd be.
Speaker 2: Drawing up the divorce papers. But you can't.
Speaker 3: You can't make someone so like if he was like, no,
Speaker 3: I designed that, and I really want that to be
Speaker 3: the wedding ring, like that to be your engagement ring.
Speaker 2: Which would be weird. It would be a weird, way weird.
Speaker 3: Fle but I've definitely seen it happen really yes, like
Speaker 3: my ring or nothing like well like this is it
Speaker 3: as in like I don't want you to change it,
Speaker 3: because then it loses the sentiment from the fact that
Speaker 3: that's the ring I propose with it's no longer that ring,
Speaker 3: and so like, people become really attached to objects, and
Speaker 3: I understand that that is something that a lot of
Speaker 3: people feel, even if it's not my style. They become
Speaker 3: attached to the meaning that it represents. So they don't
Speaker 3: want to fuck with that because then they think it's gonna,
Speaker 3: you know, tarnish whatever it was that the proposal was.
Speaker 3: But what I think you can also do is be
Speaker 3: like cool, when it's our one year anniversary or when
Speaker 3: it's out whatever whatever big milestone that you have, or
Speaker 3: when it comes to the engagement ring, then you get
Speaker 3: all the same. You clearly like I need I need
Speaker 3: a ten year ring, and that's going to then turn
Speaker 3: into my.
Speaker 1: Web where else Again, Now when you're anniversary, let's melt
Speaker 1: that bad boy down and redesign something else.
Speaker 3: But also like, at the end of the day, he's
Speaker 3: going to be hurt, but he's gonna want you to
Speaker 3: wear something that you love.
Speaker 1: He's not going to flex and say it's the ring
Speaker 1: or nothing, or I'm leaving like he's and yes, okay,
Speaker 1: he's gonna be hurt. Normal, you can design it together.
Speaker 1: You can create something you love together. I think that
Speaker 1: that will be a very normal progression. But this is
Speaker 1: going to be an ask on cut aftermath. Please please
Speaker 1: write back in and tell us what happens with this,
Speaker 1: because I'm not going to sleep until I find out.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well here's the other thing, though, What is more
Speaker 3: important wearing a ring that you don't love or his feelings?
Speaker 2: The rings?
Speaker 3: Just a trick question, but it's serious, Like, if he's
Speaker 3: going to be that hurt by it, keep it also,
Speaker 3: I mean, come on, growing, you're right, all right?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: Question number three. My husband and our two little girls,
Speaker 3: who are three and five, and I were recently on
Speaker 3: holidays in Thailand. We were on a boat trip and
Speaker 3: some young backpackers boarded the boat. I'm talking maybe seventeen
Speaker 3: eighteen years old, living their best lives in bikinis. Amazing
Speaker 3: for them. I love that for them where going Unfortunately,
Speaker 3: insta yeah, but this is a bit more okay. Unfortunately,
Speaker 3: my husband loved it.
Speaker 2: For them too.
Speaker 3: I know everyone looks and that's fine, but what I
Speaker 3: saw him do really feels absolutely not fine with me.
Speaker 3: When the girls walked past, I saw him staring right
Speaker 3: at their crotch, and the look on his face gave
Speaker 3: me the absolute fucking dick. He zeroed in on all
Speaker 3: of their crotches as they walked past. It was unmistakable,
Speaker 3: and I can't get past it. I already had a
Speaker 3: bad feeling about him, to be honest, and now I
Speaker 3: feel even more like I don't trust him. I guess
Speaker 3: my question is how common do you think this is?
Speaker 2: Do all men do this? Or is my husband a
Speaker 2: complete creep? What I can say is this is a
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't pre read that question, so this
Speaker 2: is point coming in. Brittany did a research, she really prepped,
Speaker 2: not this one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm pulling the mine drew up off the ground
Speaker 1: right now. The first thing that jumps out at me,
Speaker 1: and that is that you said and I don't think
Speaker 1: this is ever a sentence that should be said. I
Speaker 1: don't have a good feeling about my husband. I never
Speaker 1: have like that to me, I feel like when you
Speaker 1: are choosing a life partner, you have a good.
Speaker 2: Feeling about them.
Speaker 1: So there's definitely an underlying alarm bell theear for me
Speaker 1: that where there's something has happened with you guys in
Speaker 1: the past that obviously we don't know that, but maybe
Speaker 1: something has set you on that track.
Speaker 2: Or maybe this is.
Speaker 1: Just that guttural, deep instinct that as women is built
Speaker 1: into us, that sometimes you just feel like something isn't right.
Speaker 1: But I think that I think that that sentence I
Speaker 1: always got a bad feeling kind of a thing. I
Speaker 1: don't think that sentiment belongs in a sentence with your husband.
Speaker 3: Oh, I'm jumping in hot on this one. And this
Speaker 3: to me is a fucking huge red flag.
Speaker 1: Ye.
Speaker 3: And yes, sure, people, Look, it's okay to appreciate beautiful people,
Speaker 3: that is fine. Is it okay to predatory stare at
Speaker 3: another woman's crotch, especially like no woman, I was gonna say,
Speaker 3: especially a young girl, literally, no woman, like no one,
Speaker 3: no one. There is a appreciating beauty. There's a oh,
Speaker 3: that girl's really attractive. There's a hey, I'd like to
Speaker 3: tap that, and then there's a I'm not even taking
Speaker 3: into account the person's face, but I'm like staring at
Speaker 3: them in a way that is like wildly predatory. And
Speaker 3: that's what I got from this question. And there is
Speaker 3: a reason why you feel the way that you feel,
Speaker 3: and there is a reason why it's made you as
Speaker 3: uncomfortable as it's made you. I think think that there's
Speaker 3: something about this question that gave me the instant dick.
Speaker 3: I can telp a your physical reaction.
Speaker 2: Brit that it gave you the ick.
Speaker 3: And I think it's really important to draw aligned in
Speaker 3: the sand with this. It's not normal for men to
Speaker 3: perv like that. Matt he checks out other hot chicks.
Speaker 3: I'm so fine with it. He will appreciate beauty.
Speaker 2: Usually he'll be like, oh, that girl's really beautiful.
Speaker 3: I feel included in that he doesn't do it in
Speaker 3: a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. And the fact
Speaker 3: that your husband around your two children and you felt
Speaker 3: like it was okay to view somebody else but in
Speaker 3: a way that was actually just like so explicit, I
Speaker 3: think is quite problematic and not something that is normal.
Speaker 3: So I don't want anyone to think like, oh, it's fine,
Speaker 3: my boyfriend was totally starring at that chicks.
Speaker 2: Boobs, Like I'm okay with it. Yeah, And also I'm
Speaker 2: gonna hone in on this one too. It is very,
Speaker 2: very normal to check.
Speaker 1: Out other people, like at any point in a relationship,
Speaker 1: not in a relationship.
Speaker 2: It's human nature.
Speaker 1: You're always going to look at someone and appreciate them
Speaker 1: or be like, damn, they look really cute, they're really beautiful,
Speaker 1: they're hot, whatever it is in your vocabulary. But this
Speaker 1: should be something that there's no more thought to it.
Speaker 1: It's an appreciation from afar. It's a respectful appreciation, and
Speaker 1: it's not an appreciation that happens in front of your partner.
Speaker 1: Like in a relationship, if I see a hot guy
Speaker 1: down the beach, I'm gonna in my head, I'm like,
Speaker 1: he's cute.
Speaker 2: Then I don't think anything of it.
Speaker 1: It's a subconscious thought because it is literally in building us.
Speaker 1: We've spoken to psychologists about it. We've spoken to sex therapist.
Speaker 1: This is something that is built into humans to see
Speaker 1: something and without even thinking it. Like if you've just
Speaker 1: looked at something without even thinking it, you're like, well,
Speaker 1: she's really pretty, he's really beautiful. It shouldn't be to
Speaker 1: the detriment of your relationship. It shouldn't be to you
Speaker 1: shouldn't be feeling bad in a relationship that your partner's
Speaker 1: doing that, and like you said, Laura, if they are
Speaker 1: going to do it, Jordan and I used to do
Speaker 1: it for sure, but we would also everyone would know,
Speaker 1: like you just said, would be inclusive. Wouldn't be like,
Speaker 1: look how hot that guy is, but I'd be like, oh,
Speaker 1: that dance player is really attractive. Like I would say
Speaker 1: that to him and he'd be like, yeah, Rue loves him.
Speaker 1: You know, there were comments like, there'd be comments like that,
Speaker 1: but it's a very inclusive like you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but even I mean you also of course you know,
Speaker 3: and I'm not saying like that it's normal to be
Speaker 3: like that guy's really hot, Like if Matt, if we
Speaker 3: were walking down the street and Matt was like that
Speaker 3: chick's really hot and said it, I would be like, mate,
Speaker 3: pretty fucking head in likelock no, But like you know,
Speaker 3: it's more I guess, Like what I'm trying to say
Speaker 3: is is that there's a reason why you feel the
Speaker 3: level of insecurity and the feeling of like something isn't
Speaker 3: right here, and that's because this behavior truly isn't right.
Speaker 3: If this was me and I was in this situation,
Speaker 3: what's my advice, Like, what do you do when you're
Speaker 3: married and you have two children.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I would absolutely be raising it with him, be saying like,
Speaker 3: this happened, this is what I saw, and this made
Speaker 3: me feel really really uncomfortable, and explaining why give your
Speaker 3: partner the benefit of the doubt, which I don't think
Speaker 3: that he deserves it in this instance, but like, maybe
Speaker 3: he didn't realize how overt or what he was doing,
Speaker 3: and maybe he needs to be pulled up on his
Speaker 3: behavior and hopefully he himself feels a bit mortified and
Speaker 3: disgusted in himself if he's made aware of it and
Speaker 3: how obvious it was as well. Now, like I said,
Speaker 3: I don't really feel like it's something that somebody needs
Speaker 3: the benefit of the doubt on.
Speaker 2: I just think it's really terrible behavior.
Speaker 3: But I do think some sort of conversation needs to
Speaker 3: happen here, because we're not going to sit here and
Speaker 3: tell you to just throw away your marriage and your
Speaker 3: husband and.
Speaker 2: Your happy life together.
Speaker 3: But if there's something that's made you feel this level
Speaker 3: of insecure, this level of the ick, and it is
Speaker 3: completely related to his behavior and the things that he
Speaker 3: does that make you feel like he's not trustworthy, you
Speaker 3: have to communicate this with him.
Speaker 2: I agree, good Luck.
Speaker 1: Also, you can't like this can't be avoided because you've
Speaker 1: got the ick. And once you've got the ick in
Speaker 1: a relationship like you need to confront that or deal
Speaker 1: with it in some capacity because you can't live forever
Speaker 1: with the ick.
Speaker 2: It just will fester and only get worse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, consume good Luck's all back conversation.
Speaker 2: Report back for aftermath, but also for anybody.
Speaker 3: If you guys have written in and asked uncut, if
Speaker 3: we have answered any of your questions and you have
Speaker 3: an ask uncut aftermath for us, please slide into the
Speaker 3: DMS and tell us what happened in your life? What
Speaker 3: was the aftermath for the question that you asked? But
Speaker 3: that is it from us, guys. We'll be back on
Speaker 3: Saturday with our radio show all packaged up for you.
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