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Speaker 1: Online bullying might be one of the most challenging and

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Speaker 1: difficult realities that so many parents are dealing with on

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Speaker 1: an all too regular basis. Research certainly indicates that Australia

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Speaker 1: is one of the world leaders in this area, and

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Speaker 1: not in the way that you want to find us leading.

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Speaker 1: Only children in the United States report being bullied more

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Speaker 1: online than Australian children. Hello and welcome to the Happy

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Speaker 1: Families Podcast, Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's

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Speaker 1: most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Coulson

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Speaker 1: and all this week we've been recapping, reviewing, and talking

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Speaker 1: about what happened on Monday night in episode one of

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Speaker 1: our third season of Parental Guidance on Channel nine. You

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Speaker 1: can catch up on nine now, Kylie. Perhaps the most

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Speaker 1: difficult conversation of all the conversation about cyber bullying.

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Speaker 2: We're in the middle of a challenge about online bullying

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Speaker 2: to see how our children respond when confronted with a

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Speaker 2: bullying scenario.

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Speaker 3: If I felt like yesterday's conversation left me a little

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Speaker 3: bit harrowed, today I'm feeling actually really raw.

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Speaker 4: This has actually been really confronting to me and it

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Speaker 4: actually breaks my heart that there is just so much

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Speaker 4: pain out there, and that our kids, in an effort

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Speaker 4: to understand their world, are inflicting that pain, that internal

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Speaker 4: pain they're feeling on others in just really just devastating

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Speaker 4: ways and the impact that it has on everybody.

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Speaker 1: So we're going to share some of what happened in

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Speaker 1: these challenges that we did with the families on printal

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Speaker 1: guidance in just a moment before we do that, just

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Speaker 1: a reminder of how extraordinarily pervasive and how breathtakingly dangerous

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Speaker 1: cyber bullying can be for our children. This is an

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Speaker 1: area that is I was going to say complex. I

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Speaker 1: think complex is really the issue. There's something about the

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Speaker 1: anonymity of the screen, the ability to hide behind a

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Speaker 1: fake name in a fake environment, that seems to bring out,

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Speaker 1: at least for some, the very worst in human nature.

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Speaker 1: So let's have a conversation Kylie about what happened in

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Speaker 1: In fact, rather than you and I talking about it,

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Speaker 1: let's just go straight to some audio which will explain

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Speaker 1: how this challenge works and will also share some of

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Speaker 1: those confronting audio clips of what these kids were saying

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Speaker 1: in this game.

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Speaker 2: We've created a private gaming room with four child actors

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Speaker 2: playing the role of the other game. It's the child

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Speaker 2: actors are following a script. It is based on actual

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Speaker 2: reported online bullying incidences. Your child will be playing under

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Speaker 2: the name Pineapple when they're confronted with the bullying, I

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Speaker 2: know what to do, Rothie Rose gets thirty minutes to

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Speaker 2: play an online game with new paid exciting, very exciting.

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Speaker 2: In this challenge, there are four child actors. Three are

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Speaker 2: playing the bullies. Hi Basic Taco is the victim, and

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Speaker 2: Rose has joined the game as Pineapple. They can all

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Speaker 2: chat to each other in a private game setting.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Pineapple, I like the house.

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Speaker 2: You suck at this game, Basic Targo.

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Speaker 5: I'm just learning the drink dish washing liquid and dye Taco.

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Speaker 6: Jesus, it's my children knows that a game is different

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Speaker 6: from the real world In real life, people don't say

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Speaker 6: that to you in a school setting. It's happened right

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Speaker 6: in front of my eyes.

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Speaker 7: I felt like he looked rattled. I think I felt

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Speaker 7: like he looked like especially the go and die comment.

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Speaker 7: I felt like after that he was.

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Speaker 6: Like shook, yeah, but he didn't want to share that

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Speaker 6: as well.

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Speaker 3: We didn't know all the yeah.

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Speaker 7: I feel like he was like, what is going on?

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Speaker 5: Yeh, it's a.

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Speaker 3: Different world for him, But I think he was he

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Speaker 3: was striking to figure out how to use the computer,

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Speaker 3: which was a learning code for us. I didn't realize

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Speaker 3: he didn't know how to type something and.

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Speaker 6: Then push it into like basics.

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Speaker 3: So so many thoughts going through my mind right now.

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Speaker 3: I think about Amy and Mark's son, the active parents,

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Speaker 3: and his absolute inability to navigate that space. And while

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Speaker 3: there is definitely some challenges in a high tech world

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Speaker 3: that we live in that he doesn't have the capacity

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Speaker 3: to navigate a keyboard or a laptop, I just was

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Speaker 3: so grateful that he had no idea what was going on, and.

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Speaker 1: He's got plenty of time to learn. It's not like

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Speaker 1: he needs to know now.

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Speaker 3: That's right. But then you've got the other extreme with

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Speaker 3: Tammy and Mark's son Eddie, who he saw it was

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Speaker 3: going on and he knew that he did not want

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Speaker 3: to be a part of it, but his response was

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Speaker 3: to eliminate the other team players, wiped them out, Like

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Speaker 3: how does that work? And then the conversation that was

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Speaker 3: had by Sean and Ilvie. We haven't actually been introduced

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Speaker 3: to them yet. But they're the authoritative parents in the room.

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Speaker 3: And Sean actually acknowledged that, you know, it's really easy

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Speaker 3: for kids to have these kinds of conversations when they're

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Speaker 3: hiding behind a screen and for all intents purposes, not

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Speaker 3: a real name. But his comment that people don't talk

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Speaker 3: like that when they're in your face actually hit me

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Speaker 3: really hard, because we have one of our children who

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Speaker 3: is literally dealing with this on a regular basis. Not

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Speaker 3: that those words are being said to her specifically, but

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Speaker 3: that's the kind of language that one of her friends

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Speaker 3: uses on a daily basis in just about any situation.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, Amanda and Hassan pointed out, this stuff is

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Speaker 1: being said in real life. I mean not in all circles,

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Speaker 1: but certainly there's a lot of kids who they say

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Speaker 1: some really brutal things to one.

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Speaker 3: Another and have no concept.

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Speaker 8: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if they have no concept at all.

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Speaker 1: I think that's hard for us to judge. But let

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Speaker 1: me respond to a couple of things that you've said.

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Speaker 1: First off, in terms of not having any tech savvy

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Speaker 1: when you're young, it may be to your disadvantage in

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Speaker 1: certain areas of life as you get older, but I

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Speaker 1: think it's unlikely. Pretty much, once you get to high school,

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Speaker 1: you're going to be on a computer. Know what's fascinating

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Speaker 1: the Silicon Valley tech gurus. They send their kids to

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Speaker 1: schools where there are wooden toys and no screens. I

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Speaker 1: think they're going to be okay, right like our kids,

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Speaker 1: if they have lower levels of screen time, will be fine.

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Speaker 1: And I like that Mark and Amy's family is where

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Speaker 1: they are. As for the killing, I'm in two minds, right.

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Speaker 1: So here's Eddie, Mark and Tammy the upfront parents son,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't like what you're doing, and

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Speaker 1: he just goes and removes them from the game. And

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Speaker 1: I like that, Like, this is not real life. These

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Speaker 1: are complete strangers. They're not following any kinds of rules

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Speaker 1: of civility. They're being really toxic. And in that context,

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Speaker 1: I don't really have a problem with him shutting them down.

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Speaker 1: He wanted them to be quiet in nice ways. They

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Speaker 1: weren't quite in nice ways. They're gone in real life.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine that he's going to do anything terribly drastic,

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Speaker 1: but he's going to be able to confront people in

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Speaker 1: a different way and get a different result. I just

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Speaker 1: I don't think that it's a problem in the online world,

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Speaker 1: and I like the way that they dealt with it

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Speaker 1: since there was no there was no sense that the

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Speaker 1: bullies were going to back down. As for what kids

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Speaker 1: say in real life, I mean, we've just got to

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Speaker 1: raise our kids to be sensitive and considerate and think

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Speaker 1: about what they're saying. Overall, though, this is a fascinating challenge,

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Speaker 1: fascinating challenge and the impacts are significant. You know what

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Speaker 1: stood out to me was the incredible conversation we've got

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Speaker 1: to have with the Safety Commissioner Julian man Grant going

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Speaker 1: to replace some of that right after the break, plus

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Speaker 1: talk about what you can do to keep your kids

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Speaker 1: safe from online bullies. We had a guest on this

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Speaker 1: week's episode, one of the leading experts in the field

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Speaker 1: of everything online.

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Speaker 2: To help us navigate this tough conversation. We have gone

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Speaker 2: all the way to the ultimate Australian authority, Julie in

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Speaker 2: Mangrant is Australia's e Safety Commissioner. Julie is joining us

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Speaker 2: now in the parent Lounge. How bad can cyber bullying get?

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Speaker 5: Unfortunately, one in five Australian children will experience cyber bullying.

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Speaker 5: Girls tend to be bullied more than boys. There's an

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Speaker 5: acronym called kys go kill yourself. We've been seeing that

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Speaker 5: be used a lot. It's almost always pure to peer,

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Speaker 5: so it's tied to conflict that's happening within the school gets.

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Speaker 5: So when schools or principles say not our problem, even

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Speaker 5: if it's not happening during school hours, it's often within

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Speaker 5: the school community.

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Speaker 2: What comparents do if they know or feel their child

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Speaker 2: as being cyber bullied? Where can they go?

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Speaker 5: You come to ear safety report a cyber bullying if

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Speaker 5: it's threatening, intimidating, harassing, or humiliating. We have a ninety

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Speaker 5: percent success rate in terms of getting that homeful content down.

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Speaker 7: We're all very shocked and it's actually discussing that teenagers

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Speaker 7: are using that kind of words onlines actually unbelievable.

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Speaker 5: I don't want the.

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Speaker 3: Kids to do on too much online where they can get.

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Speaker 8: Bullied, but it was interesting also to hear that a

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Speaker 8: lot of the time it's within the own community or

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Speaker 8: within the school grounds, it's actually the friend groups that

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Speaker 8: are doing the bullying.

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Speaker 2: We need to give some sort of technology to our

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Speaker 2: kids to let them learn around computers, and stuff like that.

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Speaker 1: Because we are changing world.

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Speaker 5: I don't think we can underestimate the kind of impact

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Speaker 5: bullying can have on a child's identity, their personal development,

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Speaker 5: their psychology. Of course, the worst case scenarios we've seen

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Speaker 5: younger and younger, often young girls take their lives.

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Speaker 7: You can see from the challenges that the boys are

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Speaker 7: definitely confident in that.

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Speaker 6: World, very skillful management of online bullying, which shows to

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Speaker 6: me that's just very lot of experience dealing with that situation.

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Speaker 8: They're spending way too much time on screen.

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Speaker 3: But how we are on it for sixteen hours.

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Speaker 8: When they get older, what else can they do that

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Speaker 8: top of world is very limited?

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Speaker 5: I would disagree with you.

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Speaker 7: I think that technology opens up a lot of opportunities.

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Speaker 7: We need to be more open minded to things, because

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Speaker 7: otherwise you could then limit yourself and your children.

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Speaker 3: This is such a huge topic. It would be great

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Speaker 3: if we could talk about some helps for parents to

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Speaker 3: navigate this space.

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Speaker 1: So pretty generic response from me, because the simple answers

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Speaker 1: and solutions are usually the best. First up, you've got

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Speaker 1: a monitor in supervised know what your kids are doing,

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Speaker 1: just know what games they're playing, Know what the parental

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Speaker 1: controls are that have been set up and be across

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Speaker 1: what's happening in their online worlds. As they get older

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Speaker 1: that becomes more difficult, but certainly while they're younger this

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Speaker 1: is not hard at all. I'd say from the age

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Speaker 1: of fifteen to sixteen it gets tricky, but prior to that,

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Speaker 1: no worries usually in most homes. My second really strong

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Speaker 1: advice is keep screens in living areas, no screens in bathrooms,

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Speaker 1: no screens in bedrooms. Why when you talk to people

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Speaker 1: from the Australian Senate account of Child Exploitation, the Australian

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Speaker 1: Federal Police, Julian mcgrant, the Safety Commissioner, they all say

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Speaker 1: the same thing, and that is that when children are

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Speaker 1: being exploited, it doesn't happen in the living area. It

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Speaker 1: happens in the bedroom, in the bathroom. That's where all

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Speaker 1: the photos, that's wherell the video is, that's where all

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Speaker 1: child exploitation material comes from. This this is such an

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Speaker 1: easy one. It's such an easy one. Just keep them

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Speaker 1: out of bedrooms and bathrooms. Third one, in her own words,

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Speaker 1: Julian mc grant talk early and talk often. Got to

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Speaker 1: have these conversations. That's why we're doing this on the

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Speaker 1: TV show. Use the block and report button as much

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Speaker 1: as you need to use it. Freely teach the children

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Speaker 1: how to block and report. Last two ideas escalate things

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Speaker 1: if necessary. You can go to the well. I was

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Speaker 1: going to say, you can go to the platform, but

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Speaker 1: usually they're not helpful. But you can go to schools,

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Speaker 1: school boards, You can go to the police. You can

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Speaker 1: certainly go to the e Safety Commissioner e safety dot

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Speaker 1: gov dot au. There are so many different places that

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Speaker 1: you can escalate and it's important to do that. Why

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Speaker 1: let me share a story that my mum shared with

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Speaker 1: me from when she was a kid, and it's always

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Speaker 1: stuck with me. Her dad had a friend over. The

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Speaker 1: friend did and said a couple of things that were

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Speaker 1: completely inappropriate, nonconsensual, and made my mum feel extremely uncomfortab.

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Speaker 1: They were things of an inappropriate nature. When that man

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Speaker 1: left my mum and well my grandparents' house, my mom

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Speaker 1: commented to her dad, my grandpa, what had happened. And

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Speaker 1: my grandfather said, he'll never come to our home again.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad you told me, and he kept his word.

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Speaker 1: That person was never invited into their home again. He

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Speaker 1: made the call I'll protect my child.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: I know that many parents will try and sometimes it

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Speaker 1: feels like everything is stacked against you when you're trying

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Speaker 1: to protect your child. But these are the steps that

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Speaker 1: we take to protect our children from online bullies and

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Speaker 1: from bad actors online. It's been a heavy week. Has

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Speaker 1: been a heavy week. This is why this is such

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Speaker 1: a big topic.

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Speaker 3: This is why I love this show so much. It

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Speaker 3: really packs a punch and hits to the core of

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Speaker 3: the really tough topics. If you're struggling to have conversations

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Speaker 3: with your kids around this, watching the show opens up

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Speaker 3: a floodgate of conversation starters. It's powerful.

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Speaker 1: We're going to take a break from Parential Guidance content tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: We're back with Old Who Better Tomorrow, just a regular

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Speaker 1: old Here's how things are going in our family this week,

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Speaker 1: which would be a nice release, because, let's be honest,

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Speaker 1: some of the discussions have been pretty heavy. Parential Guidance

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Speaker 1: returns again on Monday. We'll have another preview episode for

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Speaker 1: you on Monday ahead of that. In the meantime, though,

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. We hope that you're

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Speaker 1: getting heaps out of both the show, Parental Guidance Season three,

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Speaker 1: available to stream on nine Now and watch live on

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Speaker 1: Monday nights at seven point thirty on nine. If you'd

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Speaker 1: like more information and resources to make your family happier,

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Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot a you