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Speaker 1: Get A I'm Laala Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter,

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Speaker 1: and professional oversharer. This podcast is all about celebrating failure

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Speaker 1: because I believe it's a chance for us to learn,

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Speaker 1: grow and face our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview

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Speaker 1: a different guest about their highs as well as they're lows,

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Speaker 1: all in a bid to.

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Speaker 2: Inspire us to fearlessly fail. Get A There, Welcome to

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Speaker 2: the pod.

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Speaker 1: Today, we have Pala Nagara. She's a fashion model. She's

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Speaker 1: a mamma of two. She's also been very recently on

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Speaker 1: the binge worthy show X on the Beach.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: We recorded this episode literally, I think only two or

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Speaker 1: three episodes of X on a Beach had been at

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Speaker 1: But then I signed an NDA, which meant that we

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Speaker 1: would talk about all the juicy stuff that had happened

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Speaker 1: on the whole show, and then.

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Speaker 2: We release the episode after the show, so.

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Speaker 1: Everything you hear will be all the behind the scenes

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Speaker 1: from the show from Parlor's experience, and.

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Speaker 2: Can I tell you she does not hold back. We

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Speaker 2: also talk about her being a mom and home birthing

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Speaker 2: and being a model and initially being a curve model

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Speaker 2: and now that being not even a thing, and she's

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Speaker 2: just like I am a model.

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Speaker 1: She talks about walking Australian Fashion Week. Anyway, it's a

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Speaker 1: great chat. We cover loads of stuff and if you

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Speaker 1: haven't already watched X on the Beach Couples, it is

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Speaker 1: every Thursday at ten pm on MTV Australia. You can

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Speaker 1: watch it via foxtail binge or catch up on Paramount Plus.

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Speaker 1: Hope you love this chat, Thanks for jumping.

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Speaker 3: On, Parla.

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Speaker 2: Do you know what, It's been so nice getting to

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Speaker 2: know you before this, poet. I know, it's so funny

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Speaker 2: because I've actually, you know, respected you for such a

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Speaker 2: long time. Really, I am. I became friends with your

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Speaker 2: boyfriend and when he said he was going out with you,

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Speaker 2: I was like, Jesus, he's batting. And then you know,

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Speaker 2: I got to know him and you two are the

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Speaker 2: most special people in Manor circle.

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Speaker 1: So ah, well, I'm I'm so glad we're sneaking this

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Speaker 1: chat in because you live a very busy life.

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Speaker 3: Mama bear of two little.

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Speaker 1: Legends, Tiger Lily and taj Ocean.

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Speaker 2: They actually couldn't be more opposite in their own little way.

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Speaker 2: Hey oh, they are like energetic twins. They are. They

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Speaker 2: compliment each other. They egg each other on, but I

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Speaker 2: can't imagine them being alive without each other either. So

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Speaker 2: it's like Taj had to come into the world to really,

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Speaker 2: you know, help Tiger Lily's.

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Speaker 1: They're quite different in their own way though, I feel like,

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Speaker 1: you know, like ones like let's get to the water.

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Speaker 1: Some one's like I'm playing in the sand, mate, Like

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Speaker 1: they're quite different, kido, but then like a little team,

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Speaker 1: like you just said.

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Speaker 2: Like a little and yeah, I just I mean, I

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Speaker 2: was so shocked when I found out I was pregnant

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Speaker 2: with the TAJ, and I just now I get it,

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Speaker 2: you know, I really get it. They came into the

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Speaker 2: world to be with her and to help her on

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Speaker 2: this journey. So it's beautiful. Oh I love I love that. Okay,

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Speaker 2: So obviously you've been on X on the Beach, oh mate,

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, got to watch the a screening like

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Speaker 2: preview thing for a few of us, of your mate.

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Speaker 2: We had twenty five of my closest friends. Do you

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Speaker 2: know my favorite bit about it? Not closest, Okay, I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't say that. Yeah, twenty five of my Byron fam.

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Speaker 3: Good good Eggs in a room.

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Speaker 1: The bit that I love most about that night was

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Speaker 1: literally parlor would get so passionate about and be like, pause, pause,

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Speaker 1: can we stop it.

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Speaker 3: I need to explain this.

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Speaker 1: I need to explain this, and you would like break

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Speaker 1: down the not the necessarily the drum, but yeah, the drama,

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Speaker 1: but the bit of the behind the scenes what was

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Speaker 1: going on. So I'm really excited to do a little

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Speaker 1: bit of deep diving with you. But first I want

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Speaker 1: to start at a little not necessarily the start, but

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Speaker 1: I want to unpack your modeling career because i've heard

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Speaker 1: you so you're Moub's based right, yeah, based in Melbourne,

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Speaker 1: and I've heard you describe that you used to be

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Speaker 1: a curve model, but now diversity is like, oh here,

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Speaker 1: and now you're just straight up model.

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Speaker 2: It's such a proud moment to live in, I feel,

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Speaker 2: because now a model that is of any size is

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Speaker 2: considered a model. I mean, we've still got a long

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Speaker 2: way to go, however, It's I don't call myself a

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Speaker 2: curve model anymore, and I know a lot of my

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Speaker 2: peers in my agency don't call themselves plus size models anymore,

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Speaker 2: and clients don't call them plus size models. It's we're

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Speaker 2: models and also healthy, healthy can we just throw that

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Speaker 2: in there. You're like a beacon of health and so

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Speaker 2: connected to your health as well. Like, Yeah, can I

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Speaker 2: just say that some of the most diverse plus size

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Speaker 2: models I've ever met in my life are the healthiest

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Speaker 2: people I've ever met in my life. Yes, I mean

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Speaker 2: they we work out every day, we're like most of

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Speaker 2: them are vegan. You know, it takes a lot to

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Speaker 2: be a model. It's really hard work. It's very tolling

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Speaker 2: on the body. A lot of things that you don't

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Speaker 2: hear and talk about, and you have to be healthy,

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Speaker 2: and I think energy's got to be clear, especially to

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Speaker 2: be on set.

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Speaker 1: You've got to keep the client happy. You've got to

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Speaker 1: work well with photographer here and makeup, and it's quite

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Speaker 1: a big production.

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Speaker 2: It's a big production. And so for people that think

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Speaker 2: that plus size models aren't healthy, it's just you've got

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Speaker 2: no idea. Some of the healthiest people I ever met.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I bet it doesn't even make sense that that

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Speaker 1: was a thing to me, Like, it doesn't the way

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Speaker 1: you're saying.

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Speaker 3: It's got a long way to go.

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Speaker 2: I fully see that, but it is really cool to see, Like,

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Speaker 2: even when I'm in LA and doing auditions, it'll say

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Speaker 2: what shape they want in a and often they'll be like,

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Speaker 2: they'll say the sizes that they're looking for, and it's diverse.

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Speaker 3: It's it's not you need to be an America.

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Speaker 1: It's weed size like one, twos and threes, it's not

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Speaker 1: that tiny size. It's I think people want to see

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Speaker 1: themselves and so there's like real representation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I mean that's been the beauty of Instagram

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Speaker 2: for example. You know, on social media, it's that many

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Speaker 2: people who wouldn't have had a chance in a modeling

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Speaker 2: agency have had the chance to showcase themselves and showcase

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Speaker 2: brands and really be an ambassador for people who just

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Speaker 2: want to see themselves, you know, and so they've created

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Speaker 2: large followings. People have finally seen themselves, and then agencies

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Speaker 2: have woken up and being like, well now it's time

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Speaker 2: to you know, make jump, jump on board and represent.

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Speaker 2: So that's definitely had a big impact. I think social media.

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Speaker 1: What can you talk to me about walking fashion Ussie

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Speaker 1: Fashion Week? Were you just like, holy smokes?

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Speaker 2: Can I just say that was on my vision board?

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Speaker 2: It was on my vision board and I never imagined

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Speaker 2: I mean most of the things on my vision board

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Speaker 2: I never imagined would come true. But I would just

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Speaker 2: envision it every day and see myself walking on that catwalk.

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Speaker 2: And then I got a call one day for my

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Speaker 2: agent and they were like, do you want to walk

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Speaker 2: in Australian Fashion Week? And I was like, what are

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Speaker 2: you kidding me? And she said yeah, We're going to

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Speaker 2: be doing the first ever curve runway in Australia. And

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Speaker 2: my heart just, you know, my whole body was in

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Speaker 2: shivers and I cried and I'm going to cry now.

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Speaker 1: It's so but it'd be so different because you're used

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Speaker 1: to being on like a set and working with fash

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Speaker 1: different fashion labels, different brands, but then being walking a runway.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that'd be a whole different skill set.

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Speaker 1: And also you've got a live audience, presumably like we

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Speaker 1: scared I was.

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Speaker 2: I practiced for a long time, and I think that

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Speaker 2: I put my whole heart and soul into it. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I was walking with peers that I'd looked up to

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Speaker 2: before I was even a model, like Robin Lawley. She

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Speaker 2: led the runway, and so I just was pinching myself, going,

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Speaker 2: this is everything that I have, you know, envisioned for

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Speaker 2: before my career started and to see that come alive

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Speaker 2: was just something truly magical and a really great example

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Speaker 2: of that you and create anything that you want to create.

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Speaker 2: I love a manifesto, I love a manifesto board.

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Speaker 3: So I'm fully I have like five.

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Speaker 1: Different manifesto books going at any one time. It probably

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Speaker 1: doesn't surprise you now that, oh, you're.

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Speaker 2: One of the most powerful manifestos that I've met. Actually

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Speaker 2: you're a bell House. Yeah, you know.

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Speaker 1: I just believe in, like, if you've got a goal,

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Speaker 1: I always think, and this might sound really morbid, but

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be on my deathbed and be like,

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Speaker 1: h wish I tried that thing, or wish I gave

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Speaker 1: that a crack, And so I think if you can

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Speaker 1: write it down and literally take it in each day,

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Speaker 1: and the way you were saying you were thinking about it,

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Speaker 1: you're almost like you almost breathe it into.

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Speaker 2: Existence, you fail it and you get you know. I

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Speaker 2: was working with this lady who really coached me through

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Speaker 2: frequency work and that everything is energy, and she was

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Speaker 2: saying that if you can for twenty seconds, hold that

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Speaker 2: feeling of what it feels like to have whatever you're

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Speaker 2: writing down, whatever you want to create, that in itself

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Speaker 2: is powerful.

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Speaker 1: So I love this said feeling because that's what most

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Speaker 1: energy workers say that like, it's not even about the

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Speaker 1: thinking it. It's literally about the feeling that you're going

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Speaker 1: to get when you do that thing that you oh.

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Speaker 2: So cool, almost to the point of it brings you

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Speaker 2: tears or it makes you laugh out loud. Ah, Can

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Speaker 2: we talk a bit about being a mama bear and

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Speaker 2: a single mama bear and the journey of bringing these

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Speaker 2: two awesome bambinos into the world. I know, I don't

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Speaker 2: know if you remember the first time I properly met you,

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Speaker 2: the two bambinos. We came over at Christmas time to

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Speaker 2: drop a pressie off, and the two bambinos were out

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Speaker 2: on the couch asleep, conked out. I said to I

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Speaker 2: really wanted to meet the kids, and it was just

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Speaker 2: I know, there's something really nice about your ende, that

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Speaker 2: there's a real maternal nurturing energy that you've got, which

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Speaker 2: it fits Byron perfectly as well. Let's be real, it's

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Speaker 2: the coolest place to bring the kiddos up.

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Speaker 1: But I guess I want to know about like if

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Speaker 1: you're comfortable sharing, like finding out you're pregnant with each

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Speaker 1: one and then, you know, because it sounds like you're

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Speaker 1: quite connected.

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Speaker 2: To your spirituality. Was there any element where you're like,

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Speaker 2: was any of but a surprise kind of thing. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So with Tiger Lily, I so I always wanted a family.

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Speaker 2: I was at the peak of my modeling career where

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Speaker 2: I was about to go to New York and that

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Speaker 2: was my goal. And then I met the father my children,

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Speaker 2: and we decided to have a family. It was a

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Speaker 2: conscious decision, and we decided to plan to have a family,

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Speaker 2: and I felt pregnant with Tiger Lily, and I just

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Speaker 2: I'd always wanted to have a family, and I think

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Speaker 2: that stemmed from, you know, not having the perfect family

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Speaker 2: growing up and then wanting to have that you know.

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Speaker 3: Now as well, like to build a family full of love.

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Speaker 2: And so.

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Speaker 1: I know you have home birthed both bambinos. What was

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Speaker 1: part of the decision making process of that.

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Speaker 2: I'm really into the fertility stuff at the moment after

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Speaker 2: the IVF and I just find it so fascinating hearing

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Speaker 2: different because I think that especially birthing, it is a

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Speaker 2: journey mate from what I can understand, and there are

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Speaker 2: so many things that have to line.

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Speaker 3: Up for you.

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Speaker 2: I'm telling you now, But the journey of pregnancy is

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Speaker 2: really rebirthing yourself. Really all of the things that can't

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Speaker 2: come up, like with Tiger Lily, what came up for

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Speaker 2: me was all of my past relationships. But we'll get

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Speaker 2: into that. Yeah, but really when I gave when I

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Speaker 2: was pread it with Tiger Lily, you know, I went

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Speaker 2: to all of the private hospitals that money could buy

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Speaker 2: to have a viewing, and there was one theme in

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Speaker 2: all of those visits. There were always a code blue

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Speaker 2: And I was like, what's code blue? Yeah, what is that?

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Speaker 2: And that's babies not breathing or the needs to be

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Speaker 2: resuscitated or put on the machine. And so I was

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Speaker 2: just thinking, oh, oh my god, that's so many code blues.

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Speaker 2: But now what I realize is that there's a lot

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Speaker 2: more interventions in births in hospital system and so you know,

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Speaker 2: their protocols are to put them on a breathing machine

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Speaker 2: or god, so you heard them say code blue blue.

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Speaker 2: There was about five co blues at each hospital. I

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Speaker 2: think that was a little bit too much of a

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Speaker 2: coincidence for me. Wow, you know, scary, Yeah, it was.

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Speaker 2: But also my journey in home birthing was I was

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Speaker 2: with this hospital, and at twenty eight weeks they told

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Speaker 2: me that Tiger Lily was most likely going to die.

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Speaker 2: And that was from a termination that I had when

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Speaker 2: I was twenty one. Really scar tissue. Yeah, I had

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Speaker 2: scar tissue from a termination that that was in itself

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Speaker 2: very wrong. I had a lot of hemorrhaging and bleeding

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Speaker 2: after that. It was done by a professional place. However,

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Speaker 2: there was an nethesis that later went to jail. I mean,

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Speaker 2: it was a huge, huge thing in the media that

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Speaker 2: he was giving women HIV through bit of anesthetic for him,

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Speaker 2: a bit for me. So the whole thing was just

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Speaker 2: a disaster. And anyway, I was pretty sick after that,

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Speaker 2: and I was just shocked, and I thought, well, twenty

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Speaker 2: eight weeks if any woman that's been pregnant, that's a

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Speaker 2: long time to be pregnant. Your whole body's changed. You

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Speaker 2: feel the baby moving, the baby's quite big. And so

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Speaker 2: I just said, look, I'd rather risk it. I'm young,

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Speaker 2: and if my baby's going to die, then that was

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Speaker 2: my journey. Oh wow. And then four weeks later I

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Speaker 2: went to my hospital visit and they said, look, the

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Speaker 2: head surgeon came out and they said, we just sorry.

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Speaker 2: The head doctor, and they said that they are really

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Speaker 2: sorry on behalf of the hospital. They wanted to issue

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Speaker 2: me with an apology because they made a mistake. No,

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Speaker 2: oh my.

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Speaker 1: God, imagine if you terminated that would have affected your life.

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Speaker 2: For it at my heart and knowing how Tigerly has

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Speaker 2: grown up to be this such a special soul, I

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Speaker 2: just fete, you know, like what I just that and

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Speaker 2: I just think my heart just sank for all of

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Speaker 2: the women who maybe listened, if that ever happened to them,

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Speaker 2: and then their whole lives have been changed forever. Oh wow,

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Speaker 2: So did that make you go I'm out of here.

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Speaker 2: I'm out. Basically, I went to my partner and I said,

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Speaker 2: that's it, and I told him and he said, we

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Speaker 2: can do this ourselves. And he really encouraged the home birth,

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Speaker 2: because that was initially my greatest wish, but he was

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Speaker 2: like no, no, no, he was for the hospital. But

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Speaker 2: after that he said, no, we can do this ourselves,

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Speaker 2: and he was so supportive, and together we looked up

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Speaker 2: a home birthing midwife who was local to the Bayside

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Speaker 2: region and she was one of she's actually a really

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Speaker 2: great friend to this day. Yeah, you'd have such an

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Speaker 2: intimate relationship, wouldn't you from that? Yeah, she basically empowers

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Speaker 2: women to come into their bodies and to help rebirth

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Speaker 2: themselves as well. It's a really incredible journey.

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Speaker 1: Can you taught me through a home birth? Is that

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Speaker 1: where there's a water, where there's a pool or not always?

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Speaker 2: Well not always, but for me, I had a pool

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Speaker 2: because I'm a water baby. And of course it does

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Speaker 2: take the pain away, like when the water's really hot,

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Speaker 2: it just does something to your lower region and yeah,

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Speaker 2: fort that I've heard that the warm water is like yeah,

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Speaker 2: and it just opens you up. And for me, you know,

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Speaker 2: like it was just everything. She actually Tiger Lily. I

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Speaker 2: had a birth with Tiger Lily. I did hypno birthing

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Speaker 2: from Hypno Birthing Australia and I had a birth without

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Speaker 2: any noise. I was in deep meditation at the time

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Speaker 2: I had all of this. I had so much motivation

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Speaker 2: because I was, you know, my relationship wasn't in the

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Speaker 2: best place. I knew that I needed to stay focused

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Speaker 2: and so I did the hypno Birthing Australia course and

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Speaker 2: I really went into the deepest meditation and my midwife

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Speaker 2: didn't even know that I was going to have the baby,

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Speaker 2: she said, until she's crawling the walls call me. So

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Speaker 2: she missed the birth because Tiger Lily just literally like

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Speaker 2: three knocks on the door, boom, boom, boom, and then

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Speaker 2: my head just came out. I was in shock. I

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Speaker 2: didn't pick her up for about a minute. I was like,

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Speaker 2: what is that? So then, yeah, so how long was

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Speaker 2: that labor? Then? Was it quite quick? It was quite long?

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Speaker 2: It was actually forty something hours.

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Speaker 1: So so I've only just learned through deep diving and

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Speaker 1: podcast guests that often when labor kicks in, likes when

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Speaker 1: the contraction start, you can kind of manage that at home,

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Speaker 1: usually for a little like a day even sometimes absolutely.

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Speaker 2: I had no idea. I thought, contraction one straight straight there,

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Speaker 2: I thought the water breaking. I mean for me, I

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Speaker 2: was actually at an influencing event at the Peninsula Hot

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Speaker 2: Springs with your maid, Steph frem No, our mutual friends

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Speaker 2: Stephie Prem and a few girls, and they've witnessed my

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Speaker 2: whole no, the beginning labor, labor. They witnessed my whole labor. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I know. So I was I was

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Speaker 2: just having little squirts of water, yeah, and like a

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Speaker 2: kind of very pink fluid coming out, and I didn't

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Speaker 2: know what that was. I just thought, what have that

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Speaker 2: mean there?

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Speaker 3: And like what that was?

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Speaker 2: The amniotic fluid? But like you see on the movies,

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Speaker 2: it's big gush and I just had squirts? Really did you?

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Speaker 2: And after Tigerli came out, did then a placenta come out?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 2: Probs? Straight after? Yeah? Well, I think I pushed the

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Speaker 2: placenta too early and a little bit of it stayed in.

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Speaker 2: So I ended up having to go to hospital a

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Speaker 2: few days later with a hemorrhage. But that's very rare

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Speaker 2: and that doesn't usually happen. But I was just so eager.

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Speaker 2: I was so excited. You get this kind of endorphin

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Speaker 2: rush when you give birth naturally, and it's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: you have so much excitement and you just want to

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Speaker 2: get everything done. So I was like, yeah, here we go,

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Speaker 2: let's get the placenter. Oh wow, what is she's called Tiger?

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Speaker 2: You've got to you had Tiger in you mate? Like

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Speaker 2: yeah she was, Yeah, she's crawling. That's amazing. Okay, so

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Speaker 2: can you taught me through a little taji in come back?

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Speaker 2: Because that was my birth as well. So Taj was

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Speaker 2: a different journey. When I conceived Taj, TAJA's dad, the

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Speaker 2: father my children, and I were not in a very

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Speaker 2: good place at all, and the last thing we wanted

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Speaker 2: was to have a baby. We had a wild night

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Speaker 2: on the boat, you know, gin.

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Speaker 3: I was a little surprised.

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Speaker 2: He was a surprise, and then I love that.

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Speaker 3: You were like a wild night with a gin.

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Speaker 2: Well like it was, you know, but we laugh now

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Speaker 2: because it's so Tarj, you know. And I believe everything

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Speaker 2: happens for a reason. And he came into our family

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Speaker 2: and he's he's been the making of me definitely. Ah

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Speaker 2: And he was a longer label. So yeah, So my

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Speaker 2: pregnancy with Taj was different. I didn't actually I was

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Speaker 2: so grateful to be pregnant with Taj and had to

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Speaker 2: have him, but I'm I was very in trauma, and

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Speaker 2: I didn't really want to be pregnant with someone that

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Speaker 2: I knew I probably wasn't going to stay with forever.

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Speaker 2: I think that I was. I had the you know,

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Speaker 2: awakening that this wasn't going to be a long term relationship.

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Speaker 2: So that's for anyone not you know, you don't feel

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Speaker 2: grounded safe to give birth. And so when I gave

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Speaker 2: birth to Taj. He took a long time, like nearly

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Speaker 2: sixty hours, and anyone who who is a nurse or

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Speaker 2: a doctor would say that you have to go to

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Speaker 2: hospital and that would be considered a cesarean. And I

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Speaker 2: knew that, and I didn't want to go to hospital

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Speaker 2: because I knew that I was capable of giving birth

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Speaker 2: and I know that I trust my body, and I

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Speaker 2: knew that I trusted my body, and I know that

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Speaker 2: all babies take their own individual times, like all of

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Speaker 2: our bodies are different, and there's no time for every person.

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Speaker 2: So I just trusted. I could feel him moving and

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Speaker 2: it was very hard. I was screaming, and I think

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Speaker 2: that that was a real release of, you know, letting

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Speaker 2: go of my relationship, letting go of the trauma, and yeah,

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Speaker 2: really coming into my power as a single woman. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And then so you're nailing single mama bear life. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I mean I didn't. I never planned to be a

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Speaker 2: single mom, but I did choose to be a single mom.

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Speaker 2: You know, I chose to leave my relationship, and I

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Speaker 2: think it was the greatest decision I ever made because

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Speaker 2: I put my children first. And you know, it's hard.

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Speaker 2: My hat goes off to all of the single parents

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Speaker 2: out there, because it is the hardest, most loneliest journey.

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Speaker 2: You know, you don't always reach out to people and

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Speaker 2: ask for help. Well.

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Speaker 1: Also, I think this is the thing that is hard

401
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Speaker 1: about parenting. You don't know it till you're in it.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: You're learning on the guys.

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00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,760
Speaker 2: You're learning their learning. You're actually their guide, and you're

405
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:47,240
Speaker 2: learning as much as they're learning. You're learning patience. They pray,

406
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 2: children trigger you. Children are your greatest triggers, and so

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Speaker 2: that's really hard to when you're in it to understand.

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Speaker 2: But once you're in it, you kind of it does

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Speaker 2: help when you understand that.

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Speaker 1: But I also think it's really cool that you're sharing

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Speaker 1: a single MoMA because I think the way that we're

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Speaker 1: talking about, the modeling and things are changing, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: need it. Like I think parenting doesn't need to look

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Speaker 1: like the white picket.

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Speaker 3: Fans the marriage that might be safe, you know what

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Speaker 3: I mean.

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Speaker 1: I think it's it's about like when I say saf

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Speaker 1: I mean like the norm, you know, like what we

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Speaker 1: grow up thinking I'm going to get married by this age,

420
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Speaker 1: I'm going to have two kids by this ad like

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Speaker 1: I think we're right now.

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Speaker 3: It's like you do.

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Speaker 2: You and you do what serves your family, and that's

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Speaker 2: what it sounds like. You're doing so well.

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Speaker 1: And obviously it's a moving beast, and I'm sure some

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Speaker 1: days are awesome and some days are hard.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. Yeah, I just wanted to become the role

428
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Speaker 2: model I didn't have, you know, when I gave birth

429
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Speaker 2: to Tiger Lily, I had to start working again after

430
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Speaker 2: two weeks of giving modeling no. Yeah, so my first

431
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 2: modeling job was two weeks after I gave birth, and

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Speaker 2: I just jumped into it and I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 2: I want to be my own role model. Yeah, and

434
00:21:57,320 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 2: I wish that I had someone that I could look

435
00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:03,560
Speaker 2: up to who was doing it all, you know, still

436
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 2: wearing cool clothes and you know, like not and showing

437
00:22:06,560 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 2: other mums that you don't have to you know, you

438
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,679
Speaker 2: can come back into your feminine self. You don't have

439
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 2: to be you know what we see as the mother.

440
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:19,719
Speaker 2: And I think that's been my biggest thing is that

441
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,840
Speaker 2: I you know, love talking to women about coming back

442
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,680
Speaker 2: into your woman and you're not just a mother, you're

443
00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:27,840
Speaker 2: a woman as well, and to remember who you were

444
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:29,840
Speaker 2: before you gave birth.

445
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,600
Speaker 3: Mate, Will you nail that? You nail that?

446
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,520
Speaker 1: Like, you've got the coolest style as well, Like as

447
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: I'm sitting opposite here, you've got like cool little cap on.

448
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:41,119
Speaker 1: We've got sick blank nice little boob tube.

449
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 2: Called jet like you've got a little vibe going on,

450
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 2: and you've always got the parlor vibe wherever you are.

451
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:48,320
Speaker 2: But you know, I haven't had a shower, so you're me.

452
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,120
Speaker 3: Both you and me both do not worry.

453
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 2: And I don't have kids, so I can't even You

454
00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:53,439
Speaker 2: just check it on. You just check it on and

455
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:54,760
Speaker 2: hope for the best.

456
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,480
Speaker 1: What would you say to any if if there is

457
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,120
Speaker 1: anyone that's listening right now, maybe like a single mom

458
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:04,720
Speaker 1: that's feeling a little bit lonely. I know you're all

459
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:08,200
Speaker 1: about like spirituality and like tuning into your heart and

460
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:08,920
Speaker 1: your calling what not.

461
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 3: Is there anything you would say if.

462
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: A single mom is listening to this right now and

463
00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:15,840
Speaker 2: feeling a little bit lonely. Yeah. I have a lot

464
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,159
Speaker 2: of single moms that message me actually on my social media.

465
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 2: And I actually just bumped into a single a local

466
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:25,479
Speaker 2: single mom yesterday who was struggling so badly. She's like,

467
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,160
Speaker 2: I just need a break and she's got a little

468
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:32,080
Speaker 2: two year old, and I just said to her, you

469
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 2: know what, the best thing that you can do for

470
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:38,720
Speaker 2: yourself is to just take a breath, deep, breathe, and

471
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 2: go and have a cold shower and put on an

472
00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 2: outfit that you really love. If makeup's your thing, put

473
00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 2: on some makeup, make yourself feel really good, and then

474
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 2: see how you feel. I mean, we can't always call

475
00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,199
Speaker 2: a babysitter, we can't always call a family member. I

476
00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 2: mean yes, I mean a lot of people here in

477
00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 2: Byron don't have their families, and a lot of single

478
00:23:59,560 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 2: moms don't have the money to spend on a babysitter

479
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,920
Speaker 2: or nanny. So you know, we do what we can.

480
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 2: And and you know, for me, just putting on having

481
00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:10,040
Speaker 2: a cold shower.

482
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,800
Speaker 1: So I've heard the cold shower thing. I've had Jade

483
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,560
Speaker 1: on the podcast from be on the Bump. I know

484
00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:20,840
Speaker 1: you loved it, and she said with her anxiety, the

485
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 1: cold shower is such a great hack because it just

486
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: does some kind of reset to you where it's it's instant.

487
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:32,640
Speaker 2: Obviously, it's in the person hack for everyone.

488
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:35,919
Speaker 1: So just jump in the cold shower, reset yourself and

489
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:36,320
Speaker 1: get out.

490
00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:41,440
Speaker 2: Reset it's basically an endorphed booster, so you will feel

491
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,720
Speaker 2: really good regardless, and you just stay under there. And

492
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,240
Speaker 2: I like to just look at myself as under the

493
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 2: shower and watching all of the things I'm stressing about,

494
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,360
Speaker 2: just melting down the plug hole. Oh that's really cool.

495
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:56,280
Speaker 2: That's a good visualization, you know, and just just do

496
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:02,959
Speaker 2: it and look, it'll shift about yeah, wow, thirty fifty.

497
00:25:03,119 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 2: I mean for me, it's about eighty's and it's free.

498
00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 2: It's not going to cost you. You can just yeah, okay,

499
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 2: well I love it.

500
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to put that into my mind when I'm

501
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: having a stressful.

502
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 3: LA day regime.

503
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:17,800
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing so much about the motherhood stuff.

504
00:25:17,800 --> 00:25:19,359
Speaker 2: I didn't give you too much of a heads up

505
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,600
Speaker 2: before that, I but I was so excited to talk,

506
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,000
Speaker 2: especially about the births and the kiddos, and I could

507
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 2: talk all day. I mean, like, there's so much that

508
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 2: I've been through. But you know, I got a small

509
00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 2: labbro no that was perfect, And it's been really cool

510
00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 2: to see the bambinos and spend time with them.

511
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,200
Speaker 3: And you know, I love you.

512
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:40,600
Speaker 2: You're you're a child whisperer. Actually we were in the

513
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,160
Speaker 2: water together.

514
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:44,600
Speaker 1: We found that fish and title is just picking up

515
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,960
Speaker 1: pretty much this beautiful and the fish just chilled with it.

516
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,280
Speaker 2: She didn't pick it up for listening. She's made little likes. Yeah,

517
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: she just made like a.

518
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 1: Little pool with her hands in the ocean. This fish

519
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 1: just slowed down for her, like I don't know.

520
00:25:55,560 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 2: It was like, well, that's what I've loved about growing

521
00:25:57,359 --> 00:25:59,399
Speaker 2: up in Byron for the kids, you know, having the

522
00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:03,959
Speaker 2: kids grow up Barron, is that they're free rangers. You know,

523
00:26:04,000 --> 00:26:09,440
Speaker 2: they see wildlife, they see fishes, marine life, they've seen snakes. Yeah,

524
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,280
Speaker 2: they've seen it. We had a python on our doorstep

525
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:13,320
Speaker 2: one day, had the kids take it. It was just

526
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:17,399
Speaker 2: kind of looking at us and they were they loved it,

527
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 2: like they there's no fear because it's so it's that

528
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,800
Speaker 2: there's so much peace within nature and our life. And

529
00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 2: I think that the way that children grow up here

530
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 2: is really special.

531
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,800
Speaker 1: And you said like they're free rangers. That's what I

532
00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:33,800
Speaker 1: said to Bosco Matt. I was like, the kids here

533
00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:36,000
Speaker 1: are free range, and I mean in the best way.

534
00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:39,479
Speaker 1: And it's because access to nature, fresh air, grow up

535
00:26:39,480 --> 00:26:42,239
Speaker 1: with no fear of swimming and water, like you're in

536
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,879
Speaker 1: the water, you know, like all your kids are like

537
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 1: down at the beach every two.

538
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:46,439
Speaker 2: Seconds, you know.

539
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,920
Speaker 1: I like it's being in nature is like a way

540
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,199
Speaker 1: of life here, and I think it is out of

541
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: everywhere I've lived.

542
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 3: I feel like this is the best place for kiddos.

543
00:26:55,760 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 2: It is. The connection between nature and us as human

544
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,640
Speaker 2: beings is so strong and it's a very special connection.

545
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,400
Speaker 2: Do you want me to teach you a word about it? Biophilia?

546
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:12,119
Speaker 1: So biophilia is the healing power of Mother Nature on

547
00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:12,879
Speaker 1: human beings.

548
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:14,119
Speaker 2: Wow, I feel like.

549
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 3: You're going to like that one that.

550
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 2: Watch me use that in my next Yeah, go for it, mate.

551
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: Not to change a channel too much, but we're really

552
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,119
Speaker 1: going to change a channel with X on the beach.

553
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,440
Speaker 1: So I know that you had been through your own

554
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:32,239
Speaker 1: healing journey and you have been like, listen, I've got

555
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,199
Speaker 1: this not unfinished business. But you had had this calling

556
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,240
Speaker 1: where you wanted to kind of like you're a very.

557
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 2: Not what you see is I want to say it right,

558
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,439
Speaker 2: I was going to say what you see is what

559
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,920
Speaker 2: you get kind of best. But you're actually just a

560
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 2: very honest communicator. Right now I describe you. Yeah, you know,

561
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 2: if i'm your friend, I'm your friend. If I'm not,

562
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 2: you know that I'm not, and I'd like that too

563
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,120
Speaker 2: if you If I have a problem with you, even

564
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,000
Speaker 2: though you're my friend, I'd love to talk about it. Yes, yeah,

565
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 2: because communications everything, and true friends will still be around

566
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:05,520
Speaker 2: to hear it.

567
00:28:05,880 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: Big time, big time, And so talk to me about

568
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 1: what you wanted, because it was It's Jake right.

569
00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 2: Basically, Jake and I were together nearly eleven years ago

570
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 2: in two thousand and nine. Wow, I was studying journalism

571
00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 2: in Sydney. I could see you studying journalism. Tracks. Yeah.

572
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 2: I got into this college that was for basically a

573
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,920
Speaker 2: specialist journalism degree, and you could only get in with

574
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 2: someone in the industry already. And so I was at

575
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 2: the Logis one time with my mom and we at

576
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:51,880
Speaker 2: the after party and I found the executive producer Getaway

577
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:55,440
Speaker 2: and my mom was like, you should send him your

578
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 2: show real and so I did, and he said he

579
00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:01,160
Speaker 2: emailed me back and he said I'd love to help

580
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 2: you get into this college, and so he wrote me

581
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:05,280
Speaker 2: this huge letter and then I got into this college.

582
00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:07,640
Speaker 2: And yeah, how did you end up at the Logies?

583
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,080
Speaker 3: I've never been mate.

584
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: You love this, So do you remember summer heights high. Yes,

585
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 2: I sure. Do you remember that little dog? Yes? So

586
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: that dog was my mum's best friend's dog. No, it's

587
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 2: actually a boy called Plugger, but on the show it's

588
00:29:22,320 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 2: called Selene. And Selene was doing a performance at the

589
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:31,320
Speaker 2: Logies and in the wheelchair. So you're so your mate

590
00:29:31,440 --> 00:29:33,560
Speaker 2: was allowed to bring well, no, she couldn't go. She

591
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,280
Speaker 2: was sick, and so she said carry can you go

592
00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 2: for me? And mom was like, can I go for you? Well?

593
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:38,800
Speaker 2: Can I bring my daughter?

594
00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 3: His?

595
00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,479
Speaker 2: Mum really wanted to. I don't know, mom, We've had

596
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 2: some great adventures my mom and I. But yeah, my

597
00:29:44,880 --> 00:29:47,719
Speaker 2: mum's in the film industry as well. And so she

598
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 2: she said, look, we're going to take Plugger down the

599
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: red carpet. Pal And okay, so we took Plugger down

600
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,720
Speaker 2: the red carpet in his wheelchair and we got to

601
00:29:57,760 --> 00:29:59,400
Speaker 2: go to the logis does that mean did you get

602
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 2: to meet Chris Lily? Then? Like? Lovely, lovely?

603
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: I stress him. When I worked in fashion, he used

604
00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:08,440
Speaker 1: to come into a shop, but he was really shy,

605
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: like quite much quieter and softly spoken than on the show.

606
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: Now he's like got the most incredible outlandish characters that

607
00:30:15,240 --> 00:30:19,440
Speaker 1: just are insane, Like what brain comes up with that?

608
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:20,120
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

609
00:30:20,480 --> 00:30:24,360
Speaker 1: But he was kind of like really really gentle and

610
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 1: like his energy was quite like soft. When I met

611
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 1: him in real life, I was like, oh wow, I

612
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,040
Speaker 1: didn't expect that.

613
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 2: Very soft and shy.

614
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:32,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, did you feel out?

615
00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:35,000
Speaker 2: Aa? And I mean a lot of creatives are shy. Yeah,

616
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,160
Speaker 2: it's like that. We think that creatives extroverts, but really

617
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:43,080
Speaker 2: often they're introverts. Okay, so we've told about so many people.

618
00:30:43,120 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: But yeah, so after that, you're in journalism school because

619
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,680
Speaker 1: you've got this great letter from the EP of Getaway.

620
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 2: So studying journalism. I've broken up with my boyfriend. At

621
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,960
Speaker 2: the time, I was living within Invour Clues. Oh nice,

622
00:30:57,240 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 2: nice area. Moved to Paddington. I lived in How good

623
00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 2: is Pado?

624
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:03,360
Speaker 3: You can walk everywhere?

625
00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can walk everywhere. He's got dinner, You've got

626
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 2: the shopping per beautiful night. Yeah it's coffee. Yeah, Okay,

627
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 2: I digress. So how did you guys? So you guys

628
00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 2: met at a nightclub? So anyway, there was this hotel

629
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 2: that turned into like a night spot in avalon every

630
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 2: Friday night. Yeah, and I see this really really tall guy,

631
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 2: and he's like probably the oddest guy I've ever seen

632
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 2: in my life.

633
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:30,800
Speaker 1: I after seeing the show, he's very handsome. You guys

634
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: make a very handsome couple.

635
00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 2: Oh even don't even start me, but he's he's absolutely beautiful.

636
00:31:36,040 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 2: And we ended up pashing and then that it was

637
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: pretty much on from that moment and we fell deeply

638
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 2: in love. We had a very passionate romantic relationship. But

639
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,360
Speaker 2: he was eighteen and I was twenty one, so we

640
00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:54,560
Speaker 2: were too young, way too young, and you know, we

641
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 2: went through we were like brother we're like two twins.

642
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,840
Speaker 2: We're both geminis, two peas in a pod, best friends,

643
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 2: absolutely madly in love with each other. But my pattern

644
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 2: in relationships back then was to sabotage because and I

645
00:32:12,680 --> 00:32:14,680
Speaker 2: only know that now because I've done so much work

646
00:32:14,720 --> 00:32:20,080
Speaker 2: on myself, and so anytime that I would fall madly

647
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 2: in love and someone would fall madly in love with me,

648
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 2: I would eventually sabotage the relationship. And I now know

649
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:27,200
Speaker 2: that that was because I didn't believe I was worthy

650
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:29,880
Speaker 2: of being loved. And I also think when you're that

651
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 2: young as well, and I also think when you're that

652
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:35,680
Speaker 2: young as well, like it's scared, so scary, and so

653
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,200
Speaker 2: sometimes you're like, it's going to be easier if I

654
00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:41,960
Speaker 2: stuff this up, as opposed to like sitting in the

655
00:32:42,000 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 2: fear of love. Like love can be scaredy, especially at

656
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,680
Speaker 2: that age when you haven't had, you.

657
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: Know, loads of it.

658
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I feel like I didn't actually

659
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 2: know I was aware of this at all. Wow. I

660
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:57,840
Speaker 2: only really understood why we broke up. And it was

661
00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 2: a similar pattern with a lot of my early relationship ships,

662
00:33:01,680 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 2: was that I sabotaged them. And Jake was such a

663
00:33:04,520 --> 00:33:06,959
Speaker 2: beautiful boyfriend. I mean, he was completely different to how

664
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:10,200
Speaker 2: he is now. He was just you know, he absolutely

665
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 2: adored me, and I adored him. And it's a really

666
00:33:13,520 --> 00:33:15,959
Speaker 2: sad story. You know. We were together for two years

667
00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:21,280
Speaker 2: and then we would fight a lot. That's that twin

668
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 2: flame thing, though, isn't it very felt like twin flame? Yeah,

669
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:27,080
Speaker 2: because you can be like so intense love but also

670
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 2: like everything else is also intense. Yeah, there was a

671
00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 2: lot of push Paul. We lived together, you know, we

672
00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:36,920
Speaker 2: ended up living together with his mum in the Northern Beaches,

673
00:33:37,120 --> 00:33:40,240
Speaker 2: and one night we just had a fight that broke

674
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:42,760
Speaker 2: everything and we were coming off the bus and we

675
00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:44,680
Speaker 2: had a huge fight. We were rolling around on the ground,

676
00:33:45,280 --> 00:33:49,200
Speaker 2: you know, just like teenagers, and he was just like,

677
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: you need to pack up all your stuff and you

678
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:53,640
Speaker 2: need to go back to Melbourne. And I knew that

679
00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 2: he was so serious, and I begged him and I said, please, please,

680
00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,280
Speaker 2: please forgive me. You know, I love you the whole

681
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 2: old path and stuff. And he was like, no, you

682
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,920
Speaker 2: need to leave. And so we both packed up my

683
00:34:03,920 --> 00:34:07,200
Speaker 2: things together that night, and he had a lot of

684
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 2: stuff in his garage that I still don't have, but yeah,

685
00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,279
Speaker 2: he basically just said go and I did. And I

686
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:17,359
Speaker 2: was a broken woman. I was a lost, broken girl.

687
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:18,959
Speaker 2: I wasn't a woman back then. I was a girl.

688
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 2: And I was so depressed. I was so I was

689
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,759
Speaker 2: so unwell. I couldn't even sleep on my own, you know.

690
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 2: I would curl up next to my sister and she

691
00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,960
Speaker 2: would be like, you've got to get out of it, Like

692
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,040
Speaker 2: you've got to stop holding me at night, you know.

693
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 2: And I think that really impacted my life, that end

694
00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,720
Speaker 2: of that relationship, because it spurred me into the biggest

695
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:45,279
Speaker 2: healing journey of my life. So I really I have

696
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 2: Jake to think for that, because I decided to really

697
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,479
Speaker 2: see myself and to be with myself and understand why

698
00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,360
Speaker 2: I've done this, why I did this to other relationships,

699
00:34:55,680 --> 00:34:57,440
Speaker 2: and to really change.

700
00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,879
Speaker 1: How cool that you can look back now though and go, yeah,

701
00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 1: I fucked up. Yeah, that was that was on me,

702
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 1: Like I self sabotaged there. I hurt somebody, and I

703
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 1: regret doing that.

704
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:11,120
Speaker 2: I think it's the hardest thing for anyone to do.

705
00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 2: It's really hard. You really have to drop your ego

706
00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,760
Speaker 2: and just that want to change.

707
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,080
Speaker 1: It is really nice when you come out the other

708
00:35:20,120 --> 00:35:21,919
Speaker 1: side of that though, because I remember I was living

709
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:26,240
Speaker 1: in Sydney. I heard from an X had harp broke

710
00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,200
Speaker 1: my heart like and it came all out of the blue.

711
00:35:28,320 --> 00:35:30,520
Speaker 3: Didn't see it coming and it really hurt me. And

712
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:31,240
Speaker 3: I hadn't.

713
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:32,919
Speaker 2: Discovered therapy by that stage.

714
00:35:33,080 --> 00:35:35,440
Speaker 1: And then I was in Sydney like three years later

715
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,320
Speaker 1: and I get this random call. Didn't know the number

716
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,160
Speaker 1: and he was like, hey, your voice sounds the same

717
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,000
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, who is this? I had

718
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 1: no clue. He goes, can we go for a walk

719
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:48,480
Speaker 1: and I was this exit.

720
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:49,440
Speaker 2: It fully broke like.

721
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:51,239
Speaker 1: ID always think about it always like it was that

722
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 1: X that you just like that got no closure from

723
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:56,600
Speaker 1: and we walked and I said, you know, really, you know,

724
00:35:56,760 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 1: I said, I really battled with an eating disorder after that,

725
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,439
Speaker 1: like is all my self worth?

726
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:02,920
Speaker 2: Stuff? And he looked at me and he was like,

727
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

728
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,440
Speaker 1: And the moment he did that, it was just like

729
00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 1: this like beautiful healing.

730
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 3: And then he was asking me about like.

731
00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:12,680
Speaker 2: Girl or advice. That was really nice, and it was

732
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,799
Speaker 2: just so I will say, the other side of it

733
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:17,400
Speaker 2: is really nice because it's like you get to set

734
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 2: free a bit of pain that was serving neither of you. Resentment, yeah,

735
00:36:22,800 --> 00:36:24,520
Speaker 2: and a little bit of like I had no idea,

736
00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:26,440
Speaker 2: but he didn't neither, do you know what I mean?

737
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:28,480
Speaker 2: It was young and no, but it was And I

738
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 2: remember walking he goes my mom told me to reach

739
00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:33,960
Speaker 2: out to you, and it was this like real nice

740
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,959
Speaker 2: bit of closure that I never got, never thought i'd get,

741
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 2: and then it was so freeing. So that's why I'm

742
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:43,359
Speaker 2: excited to hear about I'm guessing that's why you went

743
00:36:43,400 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 2: on the show because you wanted this a bit of closure.

744
00:36:46,360 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 2: Well no, so I did not apply for this show

745
00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:51,359
Speaker 2: at all, and neither did Jake and Holly. We all

746
00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:56,560
Speaker 2: got reached out to by casting directors. But what had

747
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 2: happened was I when I was pregnant with Tiger Lily,

748
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 2: I basically went on a healing journey of all of

749
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 2: my relationships. I dreamt of every single person I'd ever

750
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,879
Speaker 2: been with in my entire life, and I dreamt of them.

751
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: They were in my dreams, and I basically had this

752
00:37:15,840 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 2: realization that I needed to speak to Jake, And in

753
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,360
Speaker 2: my dream, Jake said to me, you changed my life forever.

754
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,000
Speaker 2: I'm not the man I was, and I need your help.

755
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 2: I got so emotional, really, and I didn't even tell

756
00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 2: Jake that actually because it's so personal. And so I

757
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 2: had this meditation and I'd asked in my meditation to

758
00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:44,920
Speaker 2: please connect me with Jake because I need to give

759
00:37:45,000 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 2: him closure on why our relationship ended. Even though he

760
00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:50,239
Speaker 2: broke up with me. I needed to explain to him

761
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 2: why I was the way I was, because I'm not

762
00:37:51,840 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 2: that person now, and it just all with all of

763
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:57,520
Speaker 2: my heart it felt like what I needed to do.

764
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:03,000
Speaker 2: And so that was in twenty twenty, and then last

765
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 2: year in June, I was at our snowhouse with the

766
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: father of my children and we're on a skiing holiday

767
00:38:08,719 --> 00:38:12,040
Speaker 2: and I get this phone call and it was this

768
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,799
Speaker 2: woman and she said, we want you to go on

769
00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 2: this dating show and I just hung up and I said, no,

770
00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 2: I don't think so. With all of my mind, I

771
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 2: did not want to go on this show. And the

772
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 2: last thing I think I would want to do at

773
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 2: my age with two children is to go on a show.

774
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 2: And then she called back and she was like, if

775
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:34,680
Speaker 2: I told you who it is that wants you to

776
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:36,840
Speaker 2: go on this show, would you change your mind? And

777
00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 2: I just thought about it, and I thought there was

778
00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:40,640
Speaker 2: no boyfriend that came to my mind that would want

779
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,839
Speaker 2: to go on a dating show, on a reality TV show.

780
00:38:43,880 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 2: And then she anyway, she got special permission to give

781
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:50,359
Speaker 2: me this information and she ended up coming back and

782
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,920
Speaker 2: I just I went through all these boyfriends and she's like, no, no, no, no,

783
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 2: and then she said it's Jake, and my whole heart

784
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:02,600
Speaker 2: stopped and I said yes, I said, I have been

785
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:05,799
Speaker 2: wanting to talk to Jake for over ten years, and

786
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 2: my whole I started crying and I just said, what

787
00:39:09,360 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 2: do you mean, Like, why is Jake on a TV show?

788
00:39:11,880 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 2: And she said, I mean they tell you all these

789
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 2: things at the time. To lure you Inah, but I

790
00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 2: had no idea. I mean, at the time I was single.

791
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,600
Speaker 2: You know, I had not had sex in over three years.

792
00:39:23,920 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 2: I'd not been on a date in over two years.

793
00:39:26,360 --> 00:39:28,960
Speaker 2: I'd really just spent so much time working on myself.

794
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:34,040
Speaker 2: And anyway, the father my children said, that's my favorite show.

795
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,120
Speaker 2: You've got to go on. That's pretty good being there,

796
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 2: little like come on, no, a little push by the

797
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,919
Speaker 2: you know, it was nice. I mean, I'd never watched

798
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:44,799
Speaker 2: X on the Beach, but it was his favorite show

799
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,840
Speaker 2: and I remember watching him watch it, and so look,

800
00:39:50,040 --> 00:39:55,399
Speaker 2: it was just absolutely blows my mind thinking of how

801
00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,760
Speaker 2: powerful it is when you really said an intention. But anyway,

802
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 2: it was meant to be. And we went on this,

803
00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,640
Speaker 2: you know, through the whole casting process, and you know,

804
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 2: with the producers in New York and they do mental

805
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:11,799
Speaker 2: health jets. Yeah. Yeah, so there's a there's a psychiatrist

806
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:16,200
Speaker 2: psychologist on the team, so you know, you get completely

807
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:22,040
Speaker 2: vetted before, you know, in the casting process, and you know,

808
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:25,480
Speaker 2: during and after and before the show releases and after

809
00:40:25,520 --> 00:40:28,440
Speaker 2: the show releases. It's quite strict because you do go

810
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,280
Speaker 2: through a lot of trauma and you do revisit trauma,

811
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:35,080
Speaker 2: and I mean, what no one really talks about before

812
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 2: entering a reality TV show is that the sequestic quarantine.

813
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 2: So they basically rewire your brain through putting you through

814
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 2: this process where you're you're in a hotel room with

815
00:40:48,560 --> 00:40:53,600
Speaker 2: no access to anything. No, you're not allowed to go outside,

816
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,080
Speaker 2: you're not allowed you have to ask permission to eat

817
00:40:56,120 --> 00:40:59,319
Speaker 2: and drink and someone you have a wrangler and they

818
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:03,520
Speaker 2: bring your food, dude, your drink. How long? Well they

819
00:41:03,600 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 2: kept me in the longest, I found out, and I

820
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 2: think it was because they wanted me to be in

821
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:11,080
Speaker 2: this emotional state of really kind of and it works.

822
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 2: I mean I was in there for eight nights and

823
00:41:13,280 --> 00:41:15,759
Speaker 2: nine days, which was too long. By that stage, I

824
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,600
Speaker 2: was crying. I was wanting to go home. I missed

825
00:41:18,640 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 2: my babies, and I was like, this is not worth it.

826
00:41:20,520 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 2: Were you allowed to at least get out and get

827
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 2: fresh air. Yeah, they took me around a few times,

828
00:41:26,120 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 2: but it's not. It's really like being in prison and

829
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 2: no phone, right, I got no phoney. The moment that

830
00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:35,399
Speaker 2: you land, someone picks you up, They go through all

831
00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:38,640
Speaker 2: of your luggage, they take things out that they don't

832
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:42,080
Speaker 2: want in there, or brand names things get masking taped.

833
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 2: I mean, everything's a mess, and then they take your phone,

834
00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:50,080
Speaker 2: so really no one can hear from you for over

835
00:41:50,080 --> 00:41:54,439
Speaker 2: a month. Oh wow, it's crazy, but it does work

836
00:41:54,480 --> 00:41:57,839
Speaker 2: because I was starting to dream of Jake and go

837
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:01,800
Speaker 2: back to those moments that remember things that I didn't remember,

838
00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 2: and so it does work. Oh wow.

839
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,799
Speaker 1: So then because I got to see because seeing that

840
00:42:08,840 --> 00:42:11,600
Speaker 1: first episode and then they show these clips of like

841
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,759
Speaker 1: you and Jake embracing for the first time in was

842
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 1: it ten years, yeah.

843
00:42:16,560 --> 00:42:19,120
Speaker 2: Nearly eleven years. I mean, Jake and I were the

844
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,440
Speaker 2: most authentic story on there. And I think that Jake

845
00:42:22,480 --> 00:42:25,319
Speaker 2: didn't actually ask for me to go on. I think

846
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:30,680
Speaker 2: that the casting people had analyzed him and Holly and

847
00:42:30,920 --> 00:42:34,080
Speaker 2: gone through all of their past relationships and they said

848
00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 2: that ours was like, the story of me and Jake

849
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 2: was the most, you know, the biggest. I think they

850
00:42:41,280 --> 00:42:44,160
Speaker 2: had literally discovered a gold mine because we both didn't

851
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:46,280
Speaker 2: apply for the show, but we had the biggest story

852
00:42:46,320 --> 00:42:50,040
Speaker 2: and the biggest healing to overcome, and so much trauma

853
00:42:50,120 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: to go back and revisit with each other. So I mean,

854
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 2: the first moment that I saw Jake was actually a

855
00:42:57,320 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 2: little bit sneaky A wrangler came into my room with

856
00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,800
Speaker 2: an iPad and you know, you haven't seen an electronic

857
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 2: device for like, you know, a week, And what do

858
00:43:04,480 --> 00:43:06,200
Speaker 2: you do when you see one? You want to go

859
00:43:06,239 --> 00:43:08,759
Speaker 2: through it? Right? Yeah? Of course, of course, yeah. I

860
00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 2: think she left it on purpose. But of course I

861
00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,879
Speaker 2: went through the photos and it was Jake, and I

862
00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:16,479
Speaker 2: saw him and I was just like, oh my god,

863
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 2: all these feelings rushed back, and I had so much

864
00:43:20,120 --> 00:43:22,319
Speaker 2: love for him, and I was like, oh my god,

865
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 2: this is like what am I doing? You know, I mean,

866
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:27,680
Speaker 2: he as far as I knew he was in a relationship,

867
00:43:27,719 --> 00:43:30,600
Speaker 2: and my value system is so strong. I went in

868
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:32,560
Speaker 2: there and I told the producers and I made sure

869
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 2: Holly News as soon as I got in there that

870
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,279
Speaker 2: I'm not here to take your man. I'm here to

871
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 2: be honest and really revisit all of our past traumas

872
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:44,040
Speaker 2: together and bring healing to him, bring healing to your relationship,

873
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 2: because he definitely was impacted. Was he actually was impacted

874
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:53,359
Speaker 2: by the breakup and he became a fuck boy. And

875
00:43:53,560 --> 00:43:55,600
Speaker 2: well she says that in her package she thought he

876
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:59,760
Speaker 2: was a fuck boy when they there. I mean, he's

877
00:43:59,840 --> 00:44:02,480
Speaker 2: the real Jake is not, but I think that he definitely,

878
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,440
Speaker 2: you know, masked his pain and he couldn't commit to

879
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 2: anyone after me.

880
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,560
Speaker 1: You know, the show makes it look very dramatic, like

881
00:44:10,640 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 1: Collie's like I can throw a drink like and their

882
00:44:13,719 --> 00:44:17,680
Speaker 1: intry scene is like you guys, embracing and her running

883
00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:18,400
Speaker 1: off crying.

884
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,640
Speaker 3: Was it as dramatic as they're making it?

885
00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:23,439
Speaker 2: Well, it was more dramatic really, I mean, I think

886
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 2: because my situation with Holly and Jake was so real.

887
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 2: It was probably the most real out of all of

888
00:44:29,960 --> 00:44:33,440
Speaker 2: the couples. And Holly had no idea who I was,

889
00:44:33,520 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 2: but she hated me because he hated me, and was

890
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,680
Speaker 2: he forever was changed because of me in his mind.

891
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:46,879
Speaker 2: And even though I don't believe I my actions don't

892
00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:50,760
Speaker 2: warrant that, I can understand, you know, he had resentment

893
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,600
Speaker 2: and he hasn't done the healing on that level of

894
00:44:54,280 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 2: you know, He's been through a lot of things in

895
00:44:55,560 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 2: his life, but I don't think he's really looked at

896
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,040
Speaker 2: his relationships. And I think it was a really big

897
00:45:01,080 --> 00:45:02,640
Speaker 2: shock for him to see me. I don't think he

898
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:06,880
Speaker 2: felt very comfortable. I don't think Holly felt very comfortable,

899
00:45:07,200 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: But I knew that Jake and I will always have

900
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,920
Speaker 2: a connection, and so I knew that the moment that

901
00:45:12,000 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 2: we would see each other, it would bring back a lot.

902
00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,600
Speaker 2: And the moment that I looked into Jake's eyes, it

903
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,880
Speaker 2: was like yesterday. Really it was. It was there was

904
00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 2: a very very clear connection, and I think that Holly

905
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 2: could definitely see that. And Jake is a very dedicated person,

906
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 2: so he really dedicated his time to you know, doing

907
00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:34,680
Speaker 2: the work with me, and I think that that, you know,

908
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:37,640
Speaker 2: kudos to him. If my boyfriend was doing that, I'd

909
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:41,400
Speaker 2: be really proud. And I think it just it was

910
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 2: a lot, I think, but yeah, it was a lot.

911
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:47,000
Speaker 2: When I walked in, Holly, you know, was crying straight away.

912
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

913
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,520
Speaker 1: Well, the cool thing about this pod is it's not

914
00:45:50,560 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: going to come out until the show's out.

915
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,360
Speaker 2: So you're in.

916
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 1: I've signed an NDA mate, you're a free reign. You

917
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,919
Speaker 1: can say. So, did you get to do so much

918
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,200
Speaker 1: healing together? Obviously I haven't seen more than because we're

919
00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 1: recording this a little in advance, but did you get

920
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 1: to do all.

921
00:46:05,960 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 2: The so the thing about this show that was different

922
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:10,239
Speaker 2: to all of the other X on the Beaches was

923
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:13,000
Speaker 2: that they did change up their producers. They went with

924
00:46:13,040 --> 00:46:16,640
Speaker 2: a completely different angle. And I'm telling you now, they

925
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:19,080
Speaker 2: really wanted couples to do the work, and they really

926
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,320
Speaker 2: wanted x'es to do the work together.

927
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:21,959
Speaker 3: How good.

928
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 2: And I mean they limited our drinks we were here.

929
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,280
Speaker 2: I was thinking that we'd be allowed to have drinks

930
00:46:27,320 --> 00:46:30,239
Speaker 2: and we had a party and it would but no, no,

931
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:34,120
Speaker 2: they would limit us to like one drink per person

932
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 2: sometimes you know drink, Oh yeah, a lot of it.

933
00:46:39,760 --> 00:46:42,840
Speaker 2: I mean, as I got more into the show, I

934
00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 2: definitely didn't want to drink as much. I was really

935
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:48,960
Speaker 2: glad so so so yeah, Jake and I did do

936
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,120
Speaker 2: the feeling we would be put through activities together. I

937
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,320
Speaker 2: think one of the most dramatic was when Holly was

938
00:46:54,360 --> 00:46:57,480
Speaker 2: sent to a hotel. So all of the couples were separated,

939
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:02,319
Speaker 2: sent to a hotel. So really she was did she

940
00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:06,080
Speaker 2: warm up to you? I think when we found common

941
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 2: ground that we actually had a lot in common. We

942
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:11,480
Speaker 2: both studied journalism, We've both been through abusive relationships, we

943
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,920
Speaker 2: both had you know, self love and self worth issues.

944
00:47:15,440 --> 00:47:20,000
Speaker 2: I actually saw myself in Holly when I was her age.

945
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 2: Really yeah, So Holly's twenty three and oh yeah, I

946
00:47:24,440 --> 00:47:25,200
Speaker 2: saw myself.

947
00:47:25,440 --> 00:47:28,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and all the packages. It's like she wants to

948
00:47:28,120 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 1: settle down, she wants to have Bambino. She's like ready

949
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 1: to And that's the premise of the show, right because

950
00:47:34,160 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 1: you can get engaged.

951
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 2: At the very end, Tolly really wanted to be married

952
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,480
Speaker 2: with children with Jake. That was what she really wanted.

953
00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:44,000
Speaker 2: And there was definitely something stopping Jake from committing. And

954
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,439
Speaker 2: I do believe that it was me. I really do,

955
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,960
Speaker 2: because that was so traumatic and I think that Jake

956
00:47:51,120 --> 00:47:55,399
Speaker 2: definitely protected himself ever since. So we did work through

957
00:47:55,440 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 2: a lot, We went through all of our past history together.

958
00:48:00,280 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 2: Jake was actually quite resentful. I think at the start,

959
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 2: Jake was At the start, Jake was really I think,

960
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:12,319
Speaker 2: very I think he was really happy to see me.

961
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:15,839
Speaker 2: But then he started to get resentful. And it's like

962
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:20,200
Speaker 2: the longer that I was in there, he started to

963
00:48:20,239 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: be annoyed with me. And so then we started unpacking

964
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 2: all of our stuff just naturally, we're just talking by

965
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:29,440
Speaker 2: the spa, and he was angry with me. And I

966
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,359
Speaker 2: think that because I had done so well and really

967
00:48:32,400 --> 00:48:35,200
Speaker 2: focused on myself and created the life that I wanted

968
00:48:35,200 --> 00:48:38,000
Speaker 2: to live. I think that really angered him.

969
00:48:38,480 --> 00:48:41,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that track, especially the mental You've done so

970
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:44,719
Speaker 1: much mental health work and somebody potentially hasn't. It's hard

971
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,160
Speaker 1: to get your head around because you process stuff very well.

972
00:48:48,200 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 1: But that's also as a result of doing so much work.

973
00:48:51,080 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right.

974
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:55,080
Speaker 1: But I have to ask, though, how did you go

975
00:48:55,200 --> 00:48:58,919
Speaker 1: sleep literally sleeping on the bunk on top of them.

976
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:03,400
Speaker 2: Oh, it was so awkward. I mean, Jake did come

977
00:49:03,480 --> 00:49:05,560
Speaker 2: up to me and say and said, look, I won't

978
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: have sex with Holly while you're in the villa. I mean,

979
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 2: I don't know if they did or I don't really

980
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:11,799
Speaker 2: want to know, but I thought that was quite respectful. Yeah,

981
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:14,040
Speaker 2: you know, that's very respect But there were couples. I

982
00:49:14,080 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 2: did get knocked off the bed when Charlie and Kelly

983
00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 2: were having sex. He was going so hard like a dog,

984
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,040
Speaker 2: absolutely like through and it takes a lot to throw

985
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 2: me off a bed. Yeah, people were full hooking up

986
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 2: in my God, I don't think I've ever seen more

987
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 2: sex in my life. So someone that hadn't had sex

988
00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:34,880
Speaker 2: in three and a half years since my son was conceived,

989
00:49:35,040 --> 00:49:38,000
Speaker 2: for me to see that was like I was actually

990
00:49:38,000 --> 00:49:40,400
Speaker 2: relearning a lot of things, like oh, I bet. I

991
00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,359
Speaker 2: was like, is that how hard people go? How you're

992
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:49,760
Speaker 2: supposed to be that fast? Wow? Well boys? Wow? Yeah,

993
00:49:49,840 --> 00:49:53,640
Speaker 2: so that was really confronting. I learned a lot, you know,

994
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 2: from the girls about you know, blow jobs and things

995
00:49:57,120 --> 00:49:57,359
Speaker 2: like that.

996
00:49:57,680 --> 00:49:59,560
Speaker 3: Really just having a listen.

997
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 2: Having a listen. Oh wow, there was Yeah, there was

998
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,400
Speaker 2: a lot. I got asked to have a foursome with Laila,

999
00:50:07,640 --> 00:50:09,080
Speaker 2: Samuran and Liam.

1000
00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: And how do you take that? When you get off

1001
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 1: at it, You're like, oh, thank you so much, just

1002
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:14,560
Speaker 1: going to decline for today, but check back in a

1003
00:50:14,560 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 1: few days, Like how do you how did you handle that?

1004
00:50:16,600 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 2: Well? Part of me was like the you know, the

1005
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:23,560
Speaker 2: young twenty sorry ten years ago maybe, but I mean

1006
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 2: I just to not have been intimate for so long.

1007
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:29,879
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, that's not not on TV.

1008
00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:33,080
Speaker 3: And to rip the bandit off that as one very.

1009
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:35,759
Speaker 2: Too black Yeah wow.

1010
00:50:38,600 --> 00:50:40,280
Speaker 3: Forgot so okay.

1011
00:50:40,360 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 1: So and I know again, because the show by the

1012
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:45,919
Speaker 1: show will be fully out by the time this comes out.

1013
00:50:46,120 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 1: So can you say how it ended with you? Jake

1014
00:50:49,920 --> 00:50:50,440
Speaker 1: and Holly?

1015
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:56,640
Speaker 2: So Tolly and I end up becoming friends. This really

1016
00:50:56,800 --> 00:51:00,800
Speaker 2: actually quite beautiful, And Jake and I end up becoming

1017
00:51:00,840 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 2: friends as well. Amazing. I think that my journey in

1018
00:51:04,080 --> 00:51:06,840
Speaker 2: the villa with Jake was I it was really hard

1019
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,879
Speaker 2: for me to see him with Holly because I had

1020
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:11,799
Speaker 2: so much what if I was like this back then,

1021
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:14,600
Speaker 2: or what if I was what if? You know? It

1022
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 2: was really definitely the producers could see that I was

1023
00:51:18,120 --> 00:51:21,040
Speaker 2: still in love with him, and they had so much

1024
00:51:21,080 --> 00:51:24,120
Speaker 2: empathy for me because it was hard. You know, at

1025
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:27,279
Speaker 2: the we had a ceremony called the eulogy where we

1026
00:51:27,360 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 2: had to bury. They had to bury their exes on

1027
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,319
Speaker 2: my own. I had to. We had to write out

1028
00:51:33,360 --> 00:51:36,440
Speaker 2: a eulogy as if we had died. Oh my goodness,

1029
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,279
Speaker 2: and so my my eulogy to Jake was it was

1030
00:51:40,320 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 2: so real, so raw, and even Cammie, the presenter, said

1031
00:51:43,480 --> 00:51:46,160
Speaker 2: she's only ever cried twice in her career and this

1032
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 2: was the second time. Really, it was so emotional, and

1033
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:51,440
Speaker 2: I remember saying to the producers after, like please to

1034
00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:54,879
Speaker 2: send me home because I've done my work here. I've

1035
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,880
Speaker 2: completed my journey with Jake and Holly. I've come full circle.

1036
00:51:57,920 --> 00:51:59,920
Speaker 2: I don't want to see them, you know, get my

1037
00:52:00,040 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 2: married and get engaged. And I don't know why. I

1038
00:52:02,600 --> 00:52:05,360
Speaker 2: think I was just so I was just so upset

1039
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 2: with myself that you know, what if I just had

1040
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:10,760
Speaker 2: all these what ifs? And you know, I loved Holly

1041
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 2: so much, and you know, I love Holly so much

1042
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 2: and I love Jake so much too. I yeah, it

1043
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:20,880
Speaker 2: was hard. So that was really hard. This is going

1044
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:22,959
Speaker 2: to sound like a questionless for Phil, But what about

1045
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 2: your bambinos? Did you miss them so much? Gosh? Do

1046
00:52:26,320 --> 00:52:28,879
Speaker 2: you get any kind of updates back from back home?

1047
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:30,960
Speaker 2: This show was definitely one of the hardest things I've

1048
00:52:31,000 --> 00:52:32,560
Speaker 2: ever done in my life, and I think it was

1049
00:52:32,640 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 2: because of the no communication they had. The team definitely

1050
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 2: had compassion for me, being a mom, the only mom

1051
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 2: on there, two kids, and so they let me speak

1052
00:52:43,600 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 2: to my children a lot more. I did facetimes with

1053
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:50,040
Speaker 2: them and their dad and them my mom. I knew

1054
00:52:50,040 --> 00:52:53,239
Speaker 2: they were really looked after. Well, you know, they were

1055
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:56,200
Speaker 2: looked after well. I was safe. They had a full

1056
00:52:56,239 --> 00:52:59,000
Speaker 2: time nanny with my mom and their dad, and you know,

1057
00:52:59,040 --> 00:53:01,319
Speaker 2: I really went the ex mile to make sure they

1058
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:04,520
Speaker 2: were okay. But I was just every night, I definitely

1059
00:53:04,560 --> 00:53:09,560
Speaker 2: didn't sleep very well. I miss them so much. I

1060
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:13,400
Speaker 2: see guilty shag in the middle. I know I'm surrounded

1061
00:53:13,440 --> 00:53:16,279
Speaker 2: by sex. I'm surrounded by lovers and couples, and I

1062
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 2: was also. But what it did for me was that

1063
00:53:18,239 --> 00:53:21,799
Speaker 2: it made me really reflect and realize that I am ready. Yeah,

1064
00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 2: you know, I felt really ready to meet the one,

1065
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:30,760
Speaker 2: you know, and I opened my heart again And how good?

1066
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:31,319
Speaker 3: What a win?

1067
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:35,280
Speaker 2: Yeah. So, definitely the show was one of my greatest

1068
00:53:35,280 --> 00:53:37,879
Speaker 2: blessings because I learned so much. I got so much

1069
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:40,680
Speaker 2: out of it. I made beautiful friends and real family.

1070
00:53:40,719 --> 00:53:43,440
Speaker 2: We speak every day, really, yeah, we do. We speak

1071
00:53:43,440 --> 00:53:43,919
Speaker 2: every day.

1072
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:49,480
Speaker 1: And was there anything that happened on the show that

1073
00:53:49,480 --> 00:53:51,480
Speaker 1: felt like such a curve ball? Like you were like,

1074
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,960
Speaker 1: I did not see that happening. Was it like a

1075
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 1: couple that ended up like not even liking one another,

1076
00:53:57,280 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 1: or was there anything that you were like, Yeah, my.

1077
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 2: God, I didn't see that one coming. There was a

1078
00:54:02,520 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 2: couple that left the show, really Spari and Shayla left

1079
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:11,080
Speaker 2: the show no more. She ended the relationship and completely

1080
00:54:11,120 --> 00:54:13,640
Speaker 2: broke his heart, swept the rug under his feet, and

1081
00:54:13,880 --> 00:54:16,399
Speaker 2: I felt so sad for both of them because they

1082
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:18,840
Speaker 2: were one of my favorite couples in the house. Definitely,

1083
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,960
Speaker 2: they were beautiful and I think we were all so

1084
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 2: shocked and we realized how real this is, how real

1085
00:54:24,920 --> 00:54:27,200
Speaker 2: this is, that anything can happened at any moment, and

1086
00:54:28,320 --> 00:54:31,040
Speaker 2: it was really sad. And I think they're both still

1087
00:54:31,120 --> 00:54:32,960
Speaker 2: hurting from that actually.

1088
00:54:33,080 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: Oh understandably, and then with an audience as well, like

1089
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:37,800
Speaker 1: they're gonna have to relive it whenever.

1090
00:54:37,840 --> 00:54:39,600
Speaker 2: And I think that's the most painful thing is that,

1091
00:54:40,120 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 2: you know, we're all watching each episode and re experiencing

1092
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,440
Speaker 2: real emotions, and I know that's been really hard for them.

1093
00:54:47,800 --> 00:54:51,000
Speaker 2: Another thing was that Samura, Liam and Shayla got kicked

1094
00:54:51,000 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 2: off the show. What I know, I didn't think that

1095
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:55,920
Speaker 2: you could get kicked off a show, neither did I.

1096
00:54:56,000 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 2: It's like you've signed a contract. Well, they basically said

1097
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 2: that Laila wasn't taking it seriously because she wanted to

1098
00:55:03,160 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 2: have a threesome with both of them. Yeah, she said

1099
00:55:05,719 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 2: she loves the BBC. At the time, I thought that

1100
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 2: was a big black coffee. Oh yes, you and me

1101
00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:15,840
Speaker 2: both anyway, So I think that Cammi was really upset

1102
00:55:15,880 --> 00:55:20,160
Speaker 2: that they weren't taking it seriously and they When the

1103
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:24,359
Speaker 2: couples were separated, Layla hooked up with Samura and they

1104
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:27,600
Speaker 2: showed visions of her giving him a blowy sex and

1105
00:55:27,640 --> 00:55:29,960
Speaker 2: the shower, Oh my goodness, and I think that was

1106
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:33,160
Speaker 2: hit and the producers just said no more. We wish.

1107
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 2: That was so shocking because at that point we were like,

1108
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 2: anything can happen anything, whoa. So it was huge. That

1109
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:44,080
Speaker 2: was huge. And did you stay right till it? How

1110
00:55:44,120 --> 00:55:45,719
Speaker 2: does it work for you? Do you stay right to

1111
00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:48,200
Speaker 2: Everyone was supposed to stay till the end unless the

1112
00:55:48,320 --> 00:55:51,239
Speaker 2: engagement thing. Yes, unless a couple decided to break up,

1113
00:55:52,200 --> 00:55:54,320
Speaker 2: then the X would go to But yeah, I stayed

1114
00:55:54,320 --> 00:55:58,200
Speaker 2: till the very end. All of the girls who were

1115
00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 2: getting married stayed in the villa for last night. It

1116
00:56:02,520 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 2: wasn't actually a marriage ceremony, was a proposal, but they

1117
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:07,120
Speaker 2: were all getting It was like a wedding. It was

1118
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:10,160
Speaker 2: set up like a wedding. And then I left. The

1119
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:13,680
Speaker 2: exes left the villa and also the boys left the villa.

1120
00:56:13,800 --> 00:56:16,720
Speaker 2: So we all got taken back to a hotel. And

1121
00:56:16,840 --> 00:56:20,719
Speaker 2: that nice, wasn't it all? Yeah? It was? It was,

1122
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:24,359
Speaker 2: Actually it was. It was ecstatic feeling like, oh my god,

1123
00:56:24,440 --> 00:56:27,799
Speaker 2: we've come full circle. And so did he propose to her?

1124
00:56:28,120 --> 00:56:30,040
Speaker 2: And so he did. He ended up proposing, So we

1125
00:56:30,120 --> 00:56:33,759
Speaker 2: took on parlor's advice, take my advice. No, I mean, yeah,

1126
00:56:33,800 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 2: he did propose to her, not with a long engagement,

1127
00:56:36,040 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 2: and I was really happy for them both. Jake is

1128
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:41,920
Speaker 2: the great, one of the greatest loves of my life

1129
00:56:42,120 --> 00:56:43,839
Speaker 2: and I'll always love him, and I did tell him

1130
00:56:43,840 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 2: that in the villa, and part of me will always wonder,

1131
00:56:47,719 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 2: what if. You know, We've grown up to have similar careers,

1132
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 2: but I've got two children, and I definitely felt like

1133
00:56:56,680 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 2: I evolved beyond that relationship and I but part of

1134
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 2: me always will wonder, what if.

1135
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,759
Speaker 1: I think that's that's human nature, though I think to

1136
00:57:08,800 --> 00:57:12,320
Speaker 1: do that. But you're like, kudos to you, though, because

1137
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 1: not everybody in your situation, if they're in that hotel

1138
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 1: having some drinks with their ex, kudos.

1139
00:57:19,840 --> 00:57:23,280
Speaker 3: To you for really being like, no, honor what you've

1140
00:57:23,280 --> 00:57:23,720
Speaker 3: got here.

1141
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:27,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think my value system is so strong. You know,

1142
00:57:27,320 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 2: I've done so much work and my value system is

1143
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 2: really Girls stick together, you know you we don't hurt

1144
00:57:35,080 --> 00:57:38,120
Speaker 2: each other and we don't take each other's boyfriends or husband's.

1145
00:57:38,520 --> 00:57:42,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've learned hanging with you. You're You're amazing. You're like, no,

1146
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 1: if someone stuffs you over, they're gone. And I'm a

1147
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:49,600
Speaker 1: little bit very similar to you in that in that.

1148
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:52,640
Speaker 2: You are You're very powerful in that and you keep

1149
00:57:52,640 --> 00:57:54,320
Speaker 2: your in a circle tight and.

1150
00:57:54,320 --> 00:57:56,919
Speaker 1: Loyal, Like I think the loyal thing as well. Like

1151
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,520
Speaker 1: like you said, you'd built this friendship with Holly and

1152
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 1: you could that was important to you as well. Yeah,

1153
00:58:02,320 --> 00:58:03,680
Speaker 1: I felt like we'd become sisters.

1154
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:06,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, can I ask? And I could talk to you

1155
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 2: all day long. But just like to wrap up, what

1156
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:12,280
Speaker 2: would you say was the biggest takeaway for you? Like

1157
00:58:12,320 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 2: what did you want?

1158
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: Like you took time away from you like the loves

1159
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:18,760
Speaker 1: of your life, your bambins. You went into heal a

1160
00:58:18,800 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: part of yourself and to offer healing to another person.

1161
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:24,320
Speaker 1: What was the biggest thing that you took away from

1162
00:58:24,360 --> 00:58:25,120
Speaker 1: the experience.

1163
00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,760
Speaker 2: The biggest thing I took away from the experience was

1164
00:58:27,760 --> 00:58:31,320
Speaker 2: definitely opening my heart again. You know, I have been

1165
00:58:31,400 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 2: in survival mode the past five years, and I definitely

1166
00:58:35,680 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 2: have shut my heart off since my last relationship almost

1167
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:44,160
Speaker 2: three years ago and after Taj was conceived. You know,

1168
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 2: we didn't have sex and I didn't have sex with anyone,

1169
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:51,440
Speaker 2: you know, and I consciously decided not to date. When

1170
00:58:51,440 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 2: I became a single mum, and I think that you

1171
00:58:54,080 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 2: can get into this mode of I don't need anyone.

1172
00:58:56,400 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 2: I can do it on my own. I don't want

1173
00:58:59,160 --> 00:59:01,120
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship, I don't want to be

1174
00:59:01,160 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 2: intimate with anyone. And we keep telling ourselves these things,

1175
00:59:04,320 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 2: and I think I've kept telling myself that that three

1176
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 2: and a half years later, you know, I'm in a

1177
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 2: villa and I'm looking at all of these people just

1178
00:59:11,600 --> 00:59:15,400
Speaker 2: so free in their bodies, and so I realized that

1179
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 2: the biggest thing that I took away was being able

1180
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 2: to come back into my body feeling sexy again. You're

1181
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:24,680
Speaker 2: a very sexy person, might I say, Like the clip

1182
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:26,240
Speaker 2: of you walking into the house is you're doing a

1183
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 2: like water hair flick, looking sultry af right, But if

1184
00:59:32,240 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 2: you could actually know the reality of that, we're stepping

1185
00:59:34,440 --> 00:59:38,520
Speaker 2: on these things called these kind of spiky fish and

1186
00:59:38,560 --> 00:59:41,760
Speaker 2: there's really rocks and it's like not sexy at all.

1187
00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:44,040
Speaker 2: I mean, it was just behind the scenes, like the

1188
00:59:44,160 --> 00:59:46,720
Speaker 2: behind the scenes. But they're such a good team that

1189
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:50,600
Speaker 2: they couldn't make anything look bad. So but it's funny

1190
00:59:50,640 --> 00:59:52,560
Speaker 2: to think that you can see a woman like that

1191
00:59:52,640 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 2: coming out of the water and you think, God she's

1192
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:57,680
Speaker 2: probably banging heaps of gars, you know, but so yeah, no,

1193
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 2: that's definitely not the case. And I think, yeah, they

1194
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,760
Speaker 2: really stepped into my heart again. And I realized when

1195
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:05,920
Speaker 2: I left that real I'm ready for a relationship.

1196
01:00:05,520 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 1: And your femininity too, Like you've got this beautiful like

1197
01:00:08,840 --> 01:00:13,080
Speaker 1: guy mother energy, but not even just like feminine energy.

1198
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 1: Thank you, oh mate, I could talk to you all

1199
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,320
Speaker 1: day long. Thank you so much for sharing so honestly

1200
01:00:18,560 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 1: as well. I know, I know you haven't been able

1201
01:00:21,360 --> 01:00:23,080
Speaker 1: to talk much about X on the beat, so I

1202
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 1: really appreciate it.

1203
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:26,919
Speaker 2: We have been zipped up for so long and it's

1204
01:00:27,000 --> 01:00:29,960
Speaker 2: been you know, it actually has been really hard to

1205
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 2: be I am so silent about something that was so massive.

1206
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 1: Mate, Hats off to your management team for getting an

1207
01:00:36,360 --> 01:00:37,840
Speaker 1: NDA across so we could do that.

1208
01:00:37,960 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 2: I know. I'm so excited that you're the first person

1209
01:00:42,040 --> 01:00:43,800
Speaker 2: that knows all of the juicy deeps.

1210
01:00:43,800 --> 01:00:47,040
Speaker 3: Mate, Thank you, big love, my friend you.

1211
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:55,440
Speaker 2: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

1212
01:00:55,600 --> 01:00:58,960
Speaker 2: thank you to our guests, and let's continue the conversation

1213
01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 2: on Instagram. I'm at Yamo Lollaberry this potty my work

1214
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 2: for podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love

1215
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 2: it if you could subscribe, rape and comment, and of

1216
01:01:12,840 --> 01:01:14,360
Speaker 2: course spread the love.