WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - IT'S THERAPY THURSDAY! 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:22.160 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:22.200 --> 0:00:26.120 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and today he's ask gun 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:28.080 cut Day, where we answer your deep. 0:00:27.920 --> 0:00:29.400 Done and bearing the questions. 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:32.559 Also means it's Thursday, which means it's almost the weekend, 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:35.159 which makes it a tea day, which makes it a 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.519 Life Uncut day, A Tuesday and a Thursday. What other 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.480 day could it be? Who knows? I have probably mercury retrograde. 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.160 I haven't seen you in how many days? Four days? 0:00:44.240 --> 0:00:46.440 Four days? It's the longest we've ever gone. So we 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:48.640 were having a breakup. I thought you ghasted me? 0:00:49.040 --> 0:00:52.040 Oh my god, speaking of this, So I learned a 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:55.080 new dating phrase over the weekend, which I have held 0:00:55.120 --> 0:00:56.400 on to to tell you about. 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:58.920 Can I try and guess it? Sure? But this might 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:04.440 be a long, dame. What's in regards to so kind 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:05.080 of behavior? 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:09.240 I genuinely thought I knew every single like Monika for 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:10.360 online dating. 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:12.480 No, because so many made up every few months. I 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:14.000 hear a new one and I'm like, what is that? 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:15.760 But I thought, like, you know, we're doing what we 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:18.440 do doing this podcast. I thought, you know, nothing was 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:21.039 news to me. Any professionals in the industry, you would 0:01:21.040 --> 0:01:21.560 think we know. 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.120 It all with all the experience. So I had never 0:01:24.160 --> 0:01:27.600 heard of this one before. It is the label that's 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:32.840 given when a person that you're dating ghosts you, but 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:34.880 then all of a sudden comes back like they've been 0:01:34.920 --> 0:01:35.959 resurrected from the dead. 0:01:36.360 --> 0:01:40.959 Oh they're haunting you. Well you I we thought that, 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:44.560 but no, don't. I want to get it. I love 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:47.960 guessing games. It's got a real nauty cool theme to it. 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:51.240 Does that help you? Like Sailor because they emerge and 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:55.320 then they disappeared? Submarine? Yeah, Oh no, that's so made up. 0:01:55.720 --> 0:01:58.600 Well it's not. No, it's cool on the internet. Haunting 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:00.680 because they die and come back like a ghost, but 0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:03.720 they're sticking around, fucking gaspar. I actually don't know if 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:06.200 it's called haunting, but I'm saying that haunting is way 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.840 better than submarine. Have you been? Are you being haunted 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.920 by anyone? At the moment? Brett, My whole life is 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:15.760 like a horror movie. My love life is like the 0:02:15.840 --> 0:02:18.200 ultimate horror movie. Where did you read that? I was 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.519 laying in bed this morning. It came up on some 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:25.080 really unnecessary article that I decided to click into. There 0:02:25.120 --> 0:02:27.640 we go. We do read a lot of weird and 0:02:27.720 --> 0:02:30.000 unusual love articles. I follow a lot of people on 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:32.760 Instagram that are in like the relationship industry, and I'm 0:02:32.840 --> 0:02:35.840 always hearing new things I didn't even know. Actually, I 0:02:35.840 --> 0:02:37.720 don't want to admit this, but not that long ago, 0:02:37.720 --> 0:02:40.240 I didn't even really know what bread crumbing was. I 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:41.959 just thought it was what you did to your snitzel. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:46.160 And then you were like, ah, I recognized this behavior. 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:48.440 Maybe we should do an episode just unpacking what all 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:49.840 of the different terminologies are. 0:02:49.960 --> 0:02:51.720 Okay, that's a brilliant ie. It's probably the best undy 0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.320 you've had a week. That's probably the only. 0:02:54.919 --> 0:02:57.519 Anyway, guys, you know that this is our short, sharp 0:02:57.680 --> 0:02:59.359 and sexy episode. 0:02:59.360 --> 0:02:59.639 I don't know. 0:02:59.639 --> 0:03:02.200 I was trying to think of another thing where you 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.800 guys write in your questions to all of your life dilemmas. 0:03:05.120 --> 0:03:07.200 We pick out a couple and we answer them with 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:09.320 all of our life experience. 0:03:09.160 --> 0:03:10.519 And we love it and we do. 0:03:10.880 --> 0:03:13.359 But this this episode is not sexy. These questions aren't 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:13.760 very sexy. 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:15.760 No, We've got a lot of relationship questions for you again. 0:03:15.840 --> 0:03:18.000 But also, guys, if you haven't joined up to the 0:03:18.000 --> 0:03:21.240 Facebook page, jump on life on cut podcast, a lot 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:23.400 of people, if it's not something that's super private and 0:03:23.440 --> 0:03:25.679 super personal, a lot of people would just share their 0:03:25.720 --> 0:03:28.760 own questions in the group and then with the community, 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:30.800 everyone jumps on board and answers them. If you do 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:32.919 have something that's super personal that you want us to 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:35.160 kind of mediate and put in there anonymously for you, 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.200 we can also do that as well, So you just 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:38.880 have to hit us up on Instagram and send it 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:40.720 to us in a DM. But anyway, we are going 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:42.040 to get straight into this. 0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:44.760 I've got a good one, should we. 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:46.680 I'm gonna well, I was gonna say, like, there's been 0:03:46.680 --> 0:03:47.320 lot's happening in the. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.280 Bachelor the world. There's just so much. Well, we don't 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:51.600 have to get into it. We talk about our stuff. 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.080 The Batch world has gone nuts. Tim and Anna the 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:58.200 original from the Bachelor franchise, there were the very beginning, 0:03:58.240 --> 0:04:00.880 there were the ogs and they've just had a little 0:04:00.920 --> 0:04:04.040 baby girl that they called Elle. So that's pretty exciting news. 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:05.520 Love is not dead, guys. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:09.280 Also Lisa who was from my season and also Elise 0:04:09.320 --> 0:04:11.080 who was the runner up from my season. Both of 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:14.640 them just got engaged the other day, which is really beautiful. 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:16.880 I'm happy that everyone's happy. I want to know as 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:18.800 well that ends well. I want to know what water 0:04:18.880 --> 0:04:21.880 bean drinking? And where do I find that? You were 0:04:21.880 --> 0:04:22.599 just on the wrong season. 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:24.160 You need to wait one more year and then everyone 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:25.919 starts procreating you're getting married? 0:04:26.000 --> 0:04:29.000 Yes, absolutely, I'll sit tight. Okay, anything else you want 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:30.640 to touch on before we jump in? No? I feel 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:32.279 good now I got that off my chest. You great. 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.800 I'm an international student and I have been in Australia 0:04:34.839 --> 0:04:37.520 for four years. Currently, I've been with my boyfriend for 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.640 two years. My student visa ends in six months, and 0:04:40.680 --> 0:04:44.880 the idea was always little partner visa together. However, after 0:04:44.920 --> 0:04:47.120 approaching a topic the other day, I found out he 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:49.000 doesn't want to do a visa with me anymore, and 0:04:49.040 --> 0:04:51.159 he says we need more time as just a couple. 0:04:51.360 --> 0:04:53.359 What do I do? Am I wasting my time with 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:55.920 someone who doesn't want to commit to me. I could 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:58.880 study again, yes, but it will make me unhappy. I 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:01.640 don't want to, but things I should just suck it up. 0:05:02.200 --> 0:05:04.720 The backstory, We've had a couple of massive fights a 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:06.880 few months back, and I thought things were fine now, 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:09.560 but he's still holding onto the arguments and he's brought 0:05:09.600 --> 0:05:12.960 it up during the visa chat. Also, I mean my thirties, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:16.000 so I'm ready for the commitment. Thanks in advance. 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:18.960 So Britt and I actually had to like troubleshoot this 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:21.760 one beforehand because both of us were like, oh good, 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:24.479 this is a rare Peckel deck or I have a 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:27.039 few feelings about a couple of different parts of this, 0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:30.400 Like my first question is I think if you're here 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:33.320 and you're in Australia, the reason is the reason that 0:05:33.360 --> 0:05:35.400 you want to stay for the relationship or do you 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:37.599 really want to stay in the country regardless, Like would 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.440 you if everything broke up and you guys weren't together, 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:42.839 would you find a way to stay here because this 0:05:42.920 --> 0:05:44.919 is where you want to live? And that's a really 0:05:44.960 --> 0:05:47.919 important question because then I think it doesn't really matter 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.680 about the partner visa so much. You can make those 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:55.120 decisions and you can make those actions for yourself. However, 0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:57.240 if the reason that you're here is because you're only 0:05:57.279 --> 0:05:59.600 here for the relationship, then this is a really really 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:01.039 shitty situation and there's. 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:03.320 A lot more to unpack there. I also have multiple 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:06.800 feelings on multiple paragraphs of this discussion of this question. 0:06:07.279 --> 0:06:08.920 I don't like that. You guys have had a discussion 0:06:08.960 --> 0:06:11.360 that you know, once you finish your study you will 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.200 go on to the partner visa so you can stay. 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.479 And I don't like that he's backtracked on that, having 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:18.760 said that, he's totally allowed to. His feelings have changed. 0:06:18.800 --> 0:06:23.000 Obviously something's happened. He's unsure. What upsets me a little 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.600 bit is that there's not really any meeting halfway. It's 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:27.800 pretty bad for him to say, just keep studying for 0:06:27.839 --> 0:06:29.760 another four years or something until I'm ready, Like, you 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:31.960 don't want to study, You've done your degree, And I 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.479 get that, and I understand that you don't want to 0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.520 continue down the studying path, and I don't think you 0:06:36.520 --> 0:06:39.320 should have to. If you just want to stay in 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:41.680 the country, maybe you need to look at other options. 0:06:41.760 --> 0:06:43.720 And Laura and I did have a hot Google search. 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:46.640 There are other options other than continuing to study, and 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:49.640 other than getting a partner visa. So Laura, what are they? 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.279 Yeah, so okay, we both won one hundred percent on this, 0:06:52.400 --> 0:06:54.360 and so we were like, okay, what other option. Surely 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:56.919 there has to be another option after studying, and so 0:06:57.000 --> 0:06:59.640 there is also a post study work visa, which is 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:02.080 a sub class four eight five. The Post Study Work 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.800 Visa is normally a two year visa which has unrestricted 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:07.560 work rights. It's available to applicants who have completed two 0:07:07.640 --> 0:07:09.880 years of full time study in Australia for the award 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.680 of a certain qualification. And this goes on to say 0:07:12.680 --> 0:07:15.000 like maybe a bachelor degree or a higher For some 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:17.480 people who have completed a trade qualification, they might be 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:18.720 eligible for this as well. 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:21.120 Now look, I know that that is not the plan 0:07:21.240 --> 0:07:24.120 and that's not where you thought this trajectory was going 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:27.000 to go. But there's so many other parts of this 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:29.240 question to unpack, like the fact that you said you 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.680 had some massive fight six months ago, Like, we don't 0:07:32.680 --> 0:07:34.440 know what those fights are about. We have no idea 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:36.640 what those fights are about. Maybe that was a bit 0:07:36.640 --> 0:07:38.200 of a trigger in a warning to him that he 0:07:38.280 --> 0:07:40.200 was like, there are some red flags here that I 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:43.440 don't feel one hundred percent comfortable and confident in. So yeah, 0:07:43.480 --> 0:07:45.360 it's unfair for him to turn around and say, well, 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:48.440 you just have to keep studying and suck it up. However, 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:51.160 you can't make someone do something that they don't want 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:53.160 to do. And if he's not ready to commit to you, 0:07:53.200 --> 0:07:55.480 if he's not ready to go on a spousal visa 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:58.440 or a partner visa or whatever it is, you can't 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:00.640 force him into that, and you should want to force 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:01.400 him into that. Either. 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:04.280 You need to take control of this situation for yourself, 0:08:04.400 --> 0:08:06.680 make decisions that are going to make you happy in 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.680 the long run, and really figure out what it is 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.840 that you want from this. And I think sit down 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.320 and have a really honest conversation with your partner and 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.920 ask him if he wants to be with you, Like, 0:08:16.120 --> 0:08:18.680 is this because you know he needs more time to 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:21.000 decide on it, and in which case, put parameters around 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.600 what that extra time might look like. And if it's 0:08:24.640 --> 0:08:28.160 because he's not sure about the relationship, or if you, 0:08:28.240 --> 0:08:30.880 for example, said I'm not going to study and that 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:33.679 might mean I leave the country, what's his reaction going 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:35.000 to be to that? You know, I think that there 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:37.839 are lots of different avenues that you can have conversations 0:08:37.880 --> 0:08:40.080 around to really get to the bottom of what the 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.439 problem is. Not just him saying, oh, you need to 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:44.240 go on another study visa so that we can just 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.080 stay in this limbo forever. 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:48.840 The fact is too I totally get it. You're in 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:51.319 your thirties, you're ready for something more, You're ready for 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:55.240 something serious. You've done your study. My advice just before 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:56.920 Laura would have said it was one hundred percent. I 0:08:56.960 --> 0:08:59.480 would say to him, I love you, I want to 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:01.520 be with you. I absolutely do not want to study. 0:09:01.520 --> 0:09:04.320 It will make me miserable, which in turn is going 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.400 to reflect on your relationship. If you're that happy in 0:09:06.440 --> 0:09:08.040 every other aspect of your life, you're going to take 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:09.959 that home. You're going to resent him, You're going to 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:11.840 hold onto a lot of anger. So it's not good 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:14.000 say to him, I love you, I want to be 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:15.720 with you, but I really really don't want to study. 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:17.800 If you don't want to commit to me with this 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.280 visa and means I go home, what do you want 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.200 to do? Have the conversation and you're not trying to 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:24.880 bend his arm and put him in a hard place, 0:09:24.920 --> 0:09:27.319 But it's worth just seeing what his reaction is and 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:29.400 if he's willing to talk about it and meet you halfway, 0:09:30.040 --> 0:09:31.840 because if he's not, like that's a bit of a 0:09:31.880 --> 0:09:34.880 red flag too. Yeah, And also, like the reality is 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:37.079 you are in your thirties, not that you don't just 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.320 want to put your relationship life on hold, but you 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:41.079 don't want to put your work life on hold either. 0:09:41.240 --> 0:09:43.800 You know, like you progressing your career, you progressing in 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:46.440 your aspirations, you being able to get that dream job 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:49.640 that you always wanted. You don't need to continue studying 0:09:49.640 --> 0:09:52.760 and continue racking up a student debt just because you 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.280 want to stay for a relationship that ends up costing 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:57.200 you a lot more than it costs him, and he 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.760 really doesn't have to contribute anything for that to work out. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.640 So I think you have to make decisions that are 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:06.240 for yourself. You have to put yourself first in this situation, 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:10.520 not what he wants, not even necessarily the relationship, because 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:12.920 he's not coming to the table at all. So I 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:16.720 really think, like, figure out your reasons for wanting to stay, 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:18.920 and then look at making the best decisions that are 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:22.079 for you and not necessarily for him, which is going 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:23.840 to be hard, especially when you're in love with him, 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:25.959 because sometimes it can feel like, oh, I don't want 0:10:25.960 --> 0:10:28.600 to start again. But if he's not giving you the 0:10:28.640 --> 0:10:30.520 commitment and the reassurance that you need and that you 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:33.199 want and what you expect at this point in your relationship, 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:38.480 then there's some big, big fucking decisions to make well. 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:42.240 Actually this is interesting too. So I have a friend 0:10:42.800 --> 0:10:43.959 and I was just only speaking to her in the 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:47.680 last two weeks. She is Australian and her partner is 0:10:47.679 --> 0:10:50.080 from England and they've been together a long time. He 0:10:50.240 --> 0:10:53.000 is here on a partner visa. They're not married, but 0:10:53.240 --> 0:10:55.200 they're on the visa. They've have house together, and like 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.120 it's very serious. She doesn't want to be with them anymore. 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:01.680 They're realtionship's run its course. She still loves him, but 0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:04.080 she's like, I don't I don't want the relationship anymore. 0:11:04.440 --> 0:11:06.680 She's like, but I have this immense pressure and I 0:11:06.679 --> 0:11:09.960 feel like I can't leave because if I do, he 0:11:10.000 --> 0:11:12.840 has to go home because he's on the visa for 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.280 the partner visa. And it's a whole nother ballgame when 0:11:16.320 --> 0:11:18.640 you leave a partner visa, you have to go and 0:11:18.640 --> 0:11:20.520 try and get a sponsorship or there's still ways you 0:11:20.559 --> 0:11:23.679 can stay. But it's not once you finish your relationship 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.280 and you make you notify the government and that's it 0:11:26.360 --> 0:11:28.360 unless you can find another way to stay that they're like, 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:31.079 your visa's ended. Easy to say, like, oh, well, he 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:32.959 should just go on a relationship visa. He should just 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.440 go on a spouse of visa if he's not sure 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.680 about the relationship. If he is having doubts, one, he 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:40.760 needs to be transparent about those doubts so that you're 0:11:40.800 --> 0:11:42.960 both across it and that nothing is, like, you know, 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.000 a surprise to you. But if he has some doubts 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:48.920 about the relationship, it would be unfair of him to 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:51.760 commit to a spouse of visa only for in a 0:11:51.760 --> 0:11:54.480 few months or a year's time to turn around and say, actually, 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:56.800 I knew this wasn't the right thing at all, and 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:58.839 I'm going to pack up now and you have to 0:11:58.920 --> 0:12:00.560 leave the country, because that's going to make it a 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:02.560 hell of a lot harder for you to take control 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:04.880 of this situation, at least at the moment. You have 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:08.000 other options. You can choose to study, you can choose 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:10.760 to like apply for permanent residency at some point in time. 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.320 There are other avenues that are available to you. But 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.040 going on a spouse of visa and then having that 0:12:15.080 --> 0:12:18.000 withdrawn because you guys break up could make your life 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.160 a hell of a lot more complicated in the long run. Well, 0:12:20.160 --> 0:12:22.280 I think it's better for you anyway. It's a it's 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.439 not gonna put pressure on him to stay in a relationship, 0:12:24.480 --> 0:12:26.800 but b it's not gonna put pressure on you to 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:28.800 stay in the relationship. Either you might change your mind 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:30.400 and not want to be with him, and then you're like, shit, 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:33.400 I'm stuck here in this relationship because I don't want 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:35.920 to go home. If there is another way for you 0:12:35.960 --> 0:12:37.920 to stay in the country that's not jumping into this 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:40.480 partner visa, which we've looked and there is, I would 0:12:40.600 --> 0:12:43.160 definitely one hundred percent go down that avenue, live your 0:12:43.240 --> 0:12:46.160 life for you, and whatever happens with your partner will happen. 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:47.800 I love that we just came full circle on this 0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.080 because at the start I was kind of like, this 0:12:49.080 --> 0:12:50.920 guy's a dick, and then I'm like, do you know what, 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.600 maybe it's a bit dickish, but like you. 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.240 Just do you go. It's a bit dickish, but it's 0:12:55.240 --> 0:12:57.520 like a bit of an entitled dickish. So I don't 0:12:57.520 --> 0:12:59.280 think he's handled it the right way, but he's entitled 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:02.360 to his feelings, his opinions. One hundred percent, we are 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:05.000 fully in agreed, so we are agreeing that it is 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.520 like it's not class A dick, it's class D dick. 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:11.040 It's like semi acceptable dick, like a semi dick. Okay, 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:15.800 we'll go sept he's a semi. It's just a semi Okay. Anyways, Okay, 0:13:15.840 --> 0:13:17.920 question number two, guys, I feel like we've covered that 0:13:17.960 --> 0:13:19.800 as well as we could possibly do it, especially for 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:22.000 two people who have never tried to apply to live 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:22.800 in another country. 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:25.360 Sounds like a fucking headache. Okay, this one is a 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:27.600 really really quick one, but I think it's a great 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:30.600 I think it's such an important question. We've all we've 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:32.560 all struggled with this at one point or another, or. 0:13:32.559 --> 0:13:33.000 Maybe just me. 0:13:33.600 --> 0:13:35.880 Here we go. So it's like, how soon is too 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:36.400 so fart? 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:40.000 Literally, it's pretty much that, except it's how soon is 0:13:40.000 --> 0:13:40.720 too soon to move on? 0:13:40.960 --> 0:13:41.240 Okay? 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:43.800 So how soon is too soon to move. 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:46.920 On after a breakup? Okay? This for me is super easy. 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.120 There's literally no time frame, there's no ride or wrong. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.439 Yeah, I'm gonna agree with you. 0:13:52.520 --> 0:13:55.360 People. People are like when people start dating again. I 0:13:55.440 --> 0:13:56.840 used to be like this when I was younger. I 0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:59.240 used to see people move on really quickly. Sometimes I 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:01.240 still do. When I myself, I have to check myself 0:14:01.240 --> 0:14:04.720 a little bit. Sometimes people move on and I catch 0:14:04.760 --> 0:14:06.760 myself being like, oh my god, she was only with 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:08.640 him like three weeks a three weeks. 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:10.640 Ago, okay, Like there is some timeframe. Yeah, I mean 0:14:10.840 --> 0:14:12.320 the next day is probably not good. 0:14:12.360 --> 0:14:15.600 Like if his house and go into someone else's house, 0:14:15.880 --> 0:14:19.200 No I could. I mean when I say like I say, 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:20.680 there's no right or wrong as long as you can 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.160 get yourself into a place where you're doing it for 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.240 yourself and you're comfortable and you've moved on, not to 0:14:25.280 --> 0:14:27.680 fill a space, not to feel validated, not for any 0:14:27.720 --> 0:14:30.360 other reason other than you're ready. For some people, you 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.960 might walk out of a relationship and in a week 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.080 you're ready because unknowingly you had checked out of that 0:14:36.120 --> 0:14:40.440 relationship six months ago. So whilst to the wider community 0:14:40.720 --> 0:14:43.320 they look at you and think she was in love 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:46.280 and married a month ago and now she's with someone else, 0:14:46.280 --> 0:14:48.560 when really, in your mind you've been broken up for 0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:49.200 six months. 0:14:49.400 --> 0:14:51.800 Yeah, one hundred percent, Like Britt, you just completely nailed it, 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:55.000 I think for most in one like as I fucking did. 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:56.640 I felt good about that answer. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.760 The most important thing when you come out of relationship 0:14:59.760 --> 0:15:02.240 and before you get into a new relationship is to 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:05.640 really check in with yourself, do some damage. Control and 0:15:05.720 --> 0:15:08.360 make sure that you're okay and that you are recovered 0:15:08.360 --> 0:15:10.880 from that relationship. And like, you know, if you're still 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.800 working through your shit, if you're still hurting and you're 0:15:13.840 --> 0:15:15.880 just using someone to fill a space because you don't 0:15:15.920 --> 0:15:18.400 want to feel lonely, or if you're just using someone 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:20.800 because it makes you feel good about yourself, it makes 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.040 you feel pretty again, it makes you feel wanted, then 0:15:23.040 --> 0:15:24.960 there are all the wrong reasons to be in a relationship. 0:15:25.000 --> 0:15:27.680 But if you have genuinely come out of something, and like, 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:29.200 who knows, it could be that you came out of 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.480 a six month relationship that you're never really invested in 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.480 the first place, but it could be that you come 0:15:33.480 --> 0:15:36.080 out of a marriage very different. They did both take 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:39.520 such hugely different time spaces to get over. I do 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:42.240 think that there are times where you know that when 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.480 you're in a relationship, something clicks and you're like, this 0:15:44.640 --> 0:15:46.360 is not what I want in my life, and then 0:15:47.160 --> 0:15:51.080 crazy and optunistically, something else comes along and it just 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.360 works and it's just easy and you don't have to 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:55.320 think about it and you're like, ah, these are all 0:15:55.360 --> 0:15:57.360 the things that were missing in my past relationship, and 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.680 that's what makes it work so well, and you know 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:02.200 the time frame and timeline completely grows out the window. 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:05.720 My other thought as well is like, Okay, you might 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:07.600 need to think a little bit more about whether or 0:16:07.600 --> 0:16:09.800 not getting in a relationship straight away is a good idea, 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:12.360 and maybe you do need to do some healing. You're 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:16.840 welcome to fuck the pain away, That's what I think anyway, Like, 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:21.360 you are absolutely entitled to be intimate with someone, to 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.320 have casual sex, to have one night stands, so long 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:26.600 as you're once again not doing it as a damage 0:16:26.640 --> 0:16:28.280 control or you're not doing it as a way of 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.880 like feeling avoid If you're doing it because you're having fun, 0:16:30.920 --> 0:16:33.520 If you're doing it because you feel independent and liberated 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:36.240 and you're enjoying yourself and you're getting something out of it, 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.120 you are absolutely entitled to do that after breakup. 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:41.560 I think that you know, for a lot of. 0:16:41.520 --> 0:16:45.040 People being intimate and meeting new people and going dating 0:16:45.120 --> 0:16:47.320 that that's a great way of actually just getting yourself 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:49.720 back out there. But it doesn't work for everyone, and 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.600 you really need to be aware of who you are 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:54.600 as a person, how codependent you are as a person, 0:16:54.640 --> 0:16:57.200 and how independent you are, and figure that shit out 0:16:57.240 --> 0:16:59.640 for yourself, because every single person's tolerance is going to 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:01.640 be different. But also even these hook cups and one 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:03.480