1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the. 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers now. 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 1: And I think that the issue really with TikTok comes 4 00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,720 Speaker 1: out of this. You're swimming in the sewer. That's really 5 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:17,840 Speaker 1: what it comes down to. Until you've got the algorithm 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 1: well trained, you're swimming in the sewer. 7 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:23,840 Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 8 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 2: and dad. 9 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy 10 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 1: Families dot com dot I you. I'm having eyes made 11 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: at me by my wife and podcast partner, missus Happy Families, 12 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: Kylie I roll. Is it because because of my dashing 13 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:39,000 Speaker 1: good looks and the smile I had when I said 14 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: hello and welcome to the podcast? Was at it? 15 00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 3: No, it was because you said tell me when you're ready. 16 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,720 Speaker 1: Then I started talking. You didn't give me a chance. 17 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,600 Speaker 1: Here I am with tickets on myself, and it was 18 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 1: just because I was being annoying. We need to give 19 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: you a warning, mums and dads, as we dive into 20 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:57,639 Speaker 1: this podcast. Today's content may well, we're not actually sure 21 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,400 Speaker 1: where this is going to go precisely, but there is 22 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: a possibility that there may be some content that is 23 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:05,960 Speaker 1: not suitable for young ears. We may delve into some areas, 24 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,720 Speaker 1: some conversations that you may prefer to only be heard 25 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: by mature adults. Of course we may be wrong, but 26 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:15,959 Speaker 1: that's where I think this is going, because our conversation 27 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: today is about TikTok. 28 00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:18,959 Speaker 3: What's wrong with TikTok? 29 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: But TikTok gets a pretty bad rap families. 30 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,120 Speaker 3: Well, I know that you've put a post up recently 31 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,319 Speaker 3: and it kind of went nuts on social media. 32 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,480 Speaker 1: Well, and my one wasn't the big one. Two of 33 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,920 Speaker 1: my friends Rebecca Sparrow and Michelle Mitchell, who were both 34 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: posting about the same thing, and their ones really went 35 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,319 Speaker 1: crazy because they were They were pretty much saying, get 36 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:41,200 Speaker 1: your kids off TikTok. It's horrendous, it's awful, it's horrible, 37 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 1: it's no good, it's very bad, and your children will 38 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:46,759 Speaker 1: not have their lives improved by TikTok. 39 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 3: I think you could say that about most social media. 40 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,720 Speaker 2: Absolutely you could. You can kind of improve any of 41 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 2: our lives. Really don't think TikTok is an island there. 42 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 2: But my post was about Channel ten a news report 43 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 2: that they had last week. Chanla ten reports that TikTok 44 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 2: could soon be used for school assessments. 45 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: Now that's a headline. 46 00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 3: I was going to say. It sounds like a headline. 47 00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,280 Speaker 1: They're not going to bring TikTok into the classroom, Well, 48 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 1: at least I don't believe that's what's going to happen. 49 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: What they've basically said is that TikTok and Instagram posts 50 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: could make their way into the classroom, replacing the old 51 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: fashioned way of teaching. Deacon Uni has been given nearly 52 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:26,240 Speaker 1: half a million bucks by the FEDS to discover a 53 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: new way of implementing digital writing into high school classrooms 54 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 1: across the nation. So while kids are learning to write 55 00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: a thousand or two thousand or three thousand word essays, 56 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: which is great, what the English curriculum may be updated 57 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: to include is how to develop social media content, how 58 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:49,120 Speaker 1: to get complicated concepts across on social media platforms in 59 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:51,280 Speaker 1: sixty seconds or less. How to put together a video 60 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 1: or how to put together a meme or a blog 61 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:56,000 Speaker 1: post or a podcast so that you can communicate a 62 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,640 Speaker 1: complex idea in a simple way. And TikTok is one 63 00:02:58,680 --> 00:03:02,040 Speaker 1: of those different forms of media, one of those social 64 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: media platforms where people do precisely that, so it turned 65 00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:08,839 Speaker 1: into a big blow up, a big storm, people saying 66 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: I'm not going to send my kids to school, our 67 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:13,280 Speaker 1: homeschool if TikTok becomes part of the curriculum. I don't 68 00:03:13,280 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: think TikTok will become part of the curriculum, and I 69 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: don't think any parent needs to worry about it. 70 00:03:17,040 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 3: Hopefully it won't be your famous last words. Yeah, Okay, 71 00:03:21,480 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 3: So I'm going to sound really really naive here because 72 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 3: I actually have never used TikTok. 73 00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's talk about TikTok because the news story 74 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: is kind of like a peg for this conversation. But 75 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: a lot of parents are up in arms about TikTok, 76 00:03:33,120 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: including Michelle Mitchell, who was wonderful and I respect and 77 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: love her, and beck Sparrow, who is just the best. 78 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 1: But they're both saying, let's get away from it, and 79 00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,960 Speaker 1: that's your concern. Why is everyone so up in arms. 80 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:47,080 Speaker 3: Because in my day it was VCRs my day. 81 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,240 Speaker 1: I love how you said that. 82 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 3: And DVDs and magazines, and now we've just got a 83 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 3: whole new level of concern for our children. And I 84 00:03:56,160 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 3: recognize that social media and you know, technology in general, 85 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:05,600 Speaker 3: is a live stream twenty four to seven. I get that, 86 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,440 Speaker 3: But the reality is our parents had things to worry 87 00:04:08,520 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 3: about that were silacious. 88 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: Silacious is a good word to describe it. Do you 89 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:14,440 Speaker 1: know what was silacious when I was in high school? 90 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: When I was just about finished high school. I don't 91 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,000 Speaker 1: know if you remember this song here. This is one 92 00:04:19,040 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 1: of the big things that parents were worried about in 93 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,440 Speaker 1: the early nineteen nineties. It was rage video hits. It 94 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: was music like this from Columi Bad that was really 95 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,560 Speaker 1: getting parents worried about it. I'm kind of reliving my 96 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: DJ days right now, But do you remember this song 97 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:39,160 Speaker 1: and how upset our parents got about this one? Come then, 98 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: scientific you're good, I'll make it fear. Do you remember 99 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 1: where this goes? Do you remember the words this? 100 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:51,359 Speaker 3: Let's just say that all video music videos were banned 101 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 3: in my house. 102 00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: I was not. 103 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:53,800 Speaker 3: Allowed to watch them. 104 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's right because they had they had song 105 00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 1: lyrics like this. 106 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 3: Young I don't think my mum was so worried about 107 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,600 Speaker 3: the lyrics. She was very worried about that. I think 108 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,200 Speaker 3: she was worried about the pictures. 109 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, that's right. I mean that was so, like 110 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: you said, so salacious because they said things like this. 111 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,280 Speaker 1: I can't believe I played that. Do you remember that? 112 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:18,719 Speaker 3: Yes, I do remember that. 113 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:23,800 Speaker 1: So, Kyli, your point is exactly right. For decades, there's 114 00:05:23,839 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 1: been something in fact before that. I mean, in the 115 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 1: nineteen sixties it was rock and roll, and in the 116 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,200 Speaker 1: nineteen twenties there were I'm. 117 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 3: Sure there were beetles for goodness. 118 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: Now, that was yeah, the nineteen sixties, nineteen twenties. Yeah, 119 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: but back in the eighteen hundreds, I've read some historical 120 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: stuff about what happened in novels, and novels were the 121 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 1: and there was so much stuff that people have been 122 00:05:42,279 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 1: worried about that our youth are going to be corrupted 123 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,600 Speaker 1: by and there's evidence that our youth have been corrupted 124 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 1: by it in anyways. Right, So we're rights to be 125 00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,560 Speaker 1: concerned about many of these things. 126 00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm not suggesting for a second we turn a 127 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 3: blind eye to it, but I am suggesting that we're 128 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:57,480 Speaker 3: there has always been concerns. So, yes, why is there 129 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 3: so much concern about TikTok right now? Because what I 130 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,120 Speaker 3: see of TikTok is my friends with their kids doing 131 00:06:03,120 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 3: a whole HYPERCUTSI dance moves. 132 00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 1: Yes, well, well, there's a lot more on TikTok than 133 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,920 Speaker 1: just that, okay, but in the same way that everybody 134 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 1: lost the plot when MySpace came out. 135 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: Well they lost the plot when Facebook. 136 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,800 Speaker 1: Well that came out after MySpace and we said all 137 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,479 Speaker 1: my Space was bad and up, and now we've got Facebook. 138 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,440 Speaker 1: This thing's terrible. And then everyone lost it when Instagram 139 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 1: came out, and then everyone was up in arms about Snapchat. 140 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,279 Speaker 1: I mean, Snapchat was the devil for such a long time. 141 00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 3: So is it just that each time something new comes 142 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:33,360 Speaker 3: on that the old devil just kind of goes pales 143 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 3: into insignificance because. 144 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 1: We're familiar with it, and what we're familiar with doesn't 145 00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: scare us nearly as much. And there's Tumbler, and there's Twitter. 146 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: How much damage has been done by those websites, and 147 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 1: there's read It And now we're dealing with TikTok, and 148 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,599 Speaker 1: there will be another one in another few years. 149 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 3: Becausetok's been around for a long time. 150 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,920 Speaker 1: It has. It used to be music dot ly or musically, 151 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: but it's just sort of expanded and changed. It changed completely. 152 00:06:57,279 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: So there's a whole lot of things to be worried 153 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:01,040 Speaker 1: about with TikTok, But those things are the same with 154 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 1: any other platform. When I did that Facebook post about 155 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 1: the Channel ten thing, I threw in a quick little 156 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 1: aside about TikTok, and I just said, this, TikTok is 157 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 1: absolutely not for everyone, just like Instagram or Facebook or 158 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,120 Speaker 1: Twitter or tumble or Snapchat or Instagram or Reddit or 159 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: any of the other ones are not for everyone, and 160 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: I would advise a healthy amount of caution in its use, 161 00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:25,240 Speaker 1: especially for kids and younger teens. In other words, what 162 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 1: I'm saying is they shouldn't be on there, but they 163 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,640 Speaker 1: shouldn't be on any social media platforms. But saying that 164 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,280 Speaker 1: a social media platform is outright bad is kind of 165 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: like saying that visiting a particular country is bad. It 166 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: really depends on where you stay, who you hang out with, 167 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: and what you get up to while you're there. All 168 00:07:38,400 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 1: the TV is bad, then that's exactly right. And visiting 169 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 1: the local public library can be bad as well. Do 170 00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:46,880 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? You can pick anything and 171 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: you can find the bad in it. Way to school 172 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 1: to school is bad. 173 00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 3: My kids come home the thinks they come home from 174 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 3: the playground, Yeah, just conversations. They don't even have to 175 00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:56,400 Speaker 3: look at a screen. 176 00:07:56,640 --> 00:07:59,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, the Internet's bad. Everything is bad if you want 177 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: to look at that way. TikTok has its fair share 178 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: of difficulties. There's a whole lot of TikTok challenges, but 179 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,120 Speaker 1: there's always been social media challenges. Facebook us to have them. 180 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: A whole lot of other people have had them as well, 181 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:11,840 Speaker 1: and this is what we need to deal with. So 182 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: after the break, let's talk about what parents can do 183 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:21,400 Speaker 1: to make the TikTok experience safer. Imagine a relationship where 184 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:25,240 Speaker 1: you felt seen, heard and valued. One where as your 185 00:08:25,280 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: partner enters the front door, they see you and their 186 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: eyes light up. A relationship like that is a gift. 187 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 1: If you don't have it now you can. The Happy 188 00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: Family's webinar Better Together gives you the insight, tools and 189 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: support you need to have a happier relationship, Available now 190 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: at the Happy Famili's webshop. 191 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time 192 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now and I'm wondering, 193 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:54,319 Speaker 3: let's just answers. I'd really like some answers right now. 194 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 3: I don't actually understand what all the fuss is about. 195 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 1: It's about people being paranoid because the don't unders something, 196 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: and it's the reality is when you get onto TikTok, 197 00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:06,040 Speaker 1: it puts content in front of you that is popular, 198 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: and a lot of the popular content is coarse and 199 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:12,119 Speaker 1: vulgar and explicit and hard to take. And the algorithm 200 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,719 Speaker 1: is sophisticated in that what you like and what you dismiss, 201 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,080 Speaker 1: it will learn what your tastes and preferences are and 202 00:09:18,120 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 1: it will bring that stuff in and exclude the other stuff. 203 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 1: So within a couple of weeks of using TikTok, Kylie, 204 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 1: your feed would probably be full of rainbows and unicorns and. 205 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 3: No, it would be full of interiors. 206 00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:32,560 Speaker 1: Interiors and flowers and all of the beautiful things that 207 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:34,959 Speaker 1: like to. I mean, I jumped onto TikTok. Just the 208 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,200 Speaker 1: other week, I was doing a presentation for five hundred 209 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 1: and fifty year eleven students at Mansfield State High School. 210 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: We were talking about anxiety. Now, the reality is that 211 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,319 Speaker 1: probably about one hundred of those kids in that room 212 00:09:45,040 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: would have found what I was talking about specific to 213 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,000 Speaker 1: them and their needs. Most kids at that age and 214 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,520 Speaker 1: not dealing with any major anxiety issues. But that was 215 00:09:52,559 --> 00:09:54,120 Speaker 1: the topic I was given, and that's what they wanted 216 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,520 Speaker 1: to hear about. So when I did that presentation, I 217 00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,360 Speaker 1: needed to find a way to make it relevant, and 218 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,840 Speaker 1: I got on a tick and I found some amazingly 219 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 1: great content around mental health, wellbeing, anxiety. And as soon 220 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:10,240 Speaker 1: as I played those tiktoks, great content communicated concisely in 221 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,440 Speaker 1: a fun and creative way by the content creators, And 222 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,000 Speaker 1: those year eleven students loved what I was sharing because 223 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: it came from TikTok. Like they were just so in know, 224 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,760 Speaker 1: they really really enjoyed it. TikTok's full of amazing content, 225 00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:23,480 Speaker 1: but I'm not going to be a defender of it. 226 00:10:23,480 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: It's also full of filth, like literally stuff not just 227 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,360 Speaker 1: it's not just not for kids, it's not for human 228 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,240 Speaker 1: consumption some of the stuff. And I can't believe that 229 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: people really create it. So if you're a parent and 230 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 1: your kids want to be on TikTok, here are my 231 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: main ideas. 232 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:42,560 Speaker 3: Did these ideas flow over into any social media platform? 233 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: They do? Yeah, they're not TikTok specific, because TikTok isn't 234 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:51,360 Speaker 1: really anything particularly new or particularly different. It's just a 235 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: new way of doing social media. 236 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 3: So obviously having children for quite some time now and 237 00:10:57,200 --> 00:11:00,840 Speaker 3: having them go through different stages. Yes, there has different 238 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 3: social media platforms available and popular at different stages of 239 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:09,200 Speaker 3: each of our children's lives. And we've had to go 240 00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 3: through this process and number of times. 241 00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: It's exhausting. 242 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 3: It is so exhausting. So how do we as parents 243 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 3: help our children to navigate this safely because the reality 244 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 3: is we are not going to be looking over their 245 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,480 Speaker 3: shoulder twenty four to seven. 246 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,240 Speaker 1: No, No, that's right. And by the way, there are 247 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 1: a lot of parents who say, oh, I'm just not 248 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: going to let to use it, and with kindness, my 249 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: response is, good luck with that, because you might not 250 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: let them use it, but they'll still find a way 251 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: to download it onto their device and then they'll delete 252 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 1: it before they come home, and then they'll download it 253 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,400 Speaker 1: again to morrow and delete it. That that's the daily 254 00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,080 Speaker 1: thing that they'll do. And if you've got a way 255 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,120 Speaker 1: of getting around that, they'll watch it on their friend's device, 256 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 1: or they'll have an account somewhere else, or they'll have 257 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: the account that you see and then the account that 258 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:51,120 Speaker 1: they've really got. These are not high tech, sophisticated ways 259 00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: of getting around it. That's just what they do. So 260 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 1: here's what we need to do. Number One, no social 261 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,719 Speaker 1: media for kids that are underage now, and I've just 262 00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: said that they'll find a way and if they really 263 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 1: want to, they will. But the good news is while 264 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: your kids are under about twelve or thirteen, they usually 265 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,319 Speaker 1: tend to be pretty compliant. They're usually pretty willing to 266 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: go along with what you say as a parent. They're 267 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:11,679 Speaker 1: usually willing, reasonably willing to toe the line. They are 268 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: still scared of mum or dad or parent or caregivers 269 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:17,640 Speaker 1: saying that's it. I've had enough, that's not allowed and 270 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,960 Speaker 1: I won't accept it. They kind of toe the line. 271 00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,160 Speaker 1: But once they get into their early teens high school, 272 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,840 Speaker 1: you lose that leverage. So second thing is be involved, 273 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 1: actively involved, have the conversations, monitor converse. The other day, 274 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,080 Speaker 1: I did this thing with our sorry, our fourteen year 275 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 1: old and our eighteen year old. I invited them into 276 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: the bedroom one at a time and said, hey, next 277 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: thirty minutes, ask me anything. Like on Instagram they do 278 00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,920 Speaker 1: a lot of people will do and ask me anything, 279 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 1: or on Facebook they just say hey, I'm here, I'm 280 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: doing a live ask me anything, and then they reply 281 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 1: to all the comments or they do a story or 282 00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,560 Speaker 1: whatever it is. As a result, of it, but I 283 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: decided to do a face to face ask me anything 284 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,679 Speaker 1: with the kids one on one, And this is an 285 00:12:57,679 --> 00:12:59,839 Speaker 1: opportunity because they ask me anything about social media, ask 286 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,719 Speaker 1: me anything about morality or alcohol and other drugs, or 287 00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:05,520 Speaker 1: ask me anything about this or that, and it was great. 288 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: Just haven't asked me anything with them and let them 289 00:13:08,120 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: ask those questions. Be involved though, by monitoring, by looking 290 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: over their shoulder, by having the conversations and saying, hey, 291 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:18,680 Speaker 1: guess what. I know that you're fifteen, but TikTok is 292 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: a place that has real concerns for me, and so 293 00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:24,079 Speaker 1: as a result, what can I do to make sure 294 00:13:24,080 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 1: that you're safe? How are we going to work out 295 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: a way that I can be actively involved in the 296 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,960 Speaker 1: monitoring of your account from time to time so that 297 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: I know that you're not listening to song lyrics that 298 00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 1: talk about I'm not going to directly quote this, but 299 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 1: for parents who do not know these soundtracks that people 300 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,120 Speaker 1: put over their tiktoks and over their Instagram reels and 301 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:45,280 Speaker 1: over their Facebook reels, there are songs about oral sex. 302 00:13:45,320 --> 00:13:48,880 Speaker 1: There are songs about all kinds of explicit intimate penetration 303 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:52,320 Speaker 1: that just don't belong in the minds of children, full stop. 304 00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,079 Speaker 1: End of story. And so as parents we've got to 305 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 1: be monitoring and be involved and me having the conversations 306 00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,280 Speaker 1: and going over that. My third thing is that set 307 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:03,319 Speaker 1: the set the settings to private. TikTok is known as 308 00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 1: soon as you open up an account to have a 309 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,920 Speaker 1: default that everything is public, everything goes out to the public. 310 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: So change that default setting to private. Contact from strangers 311 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,640 Speaker 1: is common on TikTok, and you've got to change those 312 00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,080 Speaker 1: settings there. Like I said, talk to your kids about 313 00:14:18,120 --> 00:14:20,960 Speaker 1: explicit content, talk to them about taking risks. So there's 314 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,320 Speaker 1: a lot of challenges that happen on TikTok. Challenges are 315 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 1: all the go you talked about the dances. The dancers 316 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:27,640 Speaker 1: are kind of a challenge. There are other challenges as well, 317 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: some recent ones that I have either seen or heard of. 318 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: There was one that was called the back cracking challenge, 319 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: where they just film each other cracking the back of 320 00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: their friend like they've got no training, they've got no 321 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 1: way of knowing if they're going to do any kind 322 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: of significant harm, but they just grab their friend and 323 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,240 Speaker 1: crack their back just because they're so strong, because it's 324 00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 1: so funny. Not a great idea of there's the nutmeg challenge. 325 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,040 Speaker 3: I'm guessing they've got to eat a spoonful of nutmeat. 326 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, you stick a whole lot of nutmeke down 327 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,600 Speaker 1: your gobs, swallow it. I mean it's been shown to 328 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 1: affect the nervous system, cause hallucinations, It can cause dizziness 329 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:06,560 Speaker 1: and nausea and dry mouth obviously. Can you imagine eating 330 00:15:06,560 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: all that nutmeg? And it can even cause seizures and confusion. 331 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:11,600 Speaker 1: So it's a really dangerous thing. But it was a 332 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 1: challenge that was done on TikTok and so there are 333 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,960 Speaker 1: real safety issues. There was the full wax I got 334 00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: that wrong, the full face wax. It's the word, the 335 00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,200 Speaker 1: full face wax challenge. 336 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 3: Oh I did see that one. Yes, was that actually 337 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:23,480 Speaker 3: a thing? Yeah? 338 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:25,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, that was a challenge. So they put it on 339 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,880 Speaker 1: there as a skincare routine where they cover their entire 340 00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:34,440 Speaker 1: face with wax, and I mean there's real risks associated 341 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,400 Speaker 1: with that, not to mention the pain that it can inflict. 342 00:15:36,440 --> 00:15:38,000 Speaker 1: Can you imagine waxing your off now? 343 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:39,400 Speaker 3: I watched this guy who had. 344 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,320 Speaker 1: That's nut and there's a whole lot of other challenges 345 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: as well that happened as well, So you want to 346 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: talk to your kids about risk taking and reporting. They 347 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 1: need to know how to report stuff that's unsafe, bullying, harassment, 348 00:15:52,880 --> 00:15:55,360 Speaker 1: sexual explicit, all that sort of stuff, and most people don't. 349 00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: Most people think that it's par for the course. And 350 00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 1: I think that the issue really with TikTok comes out 351 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,080 Speaker 1: of this. You're swimming in the sewer. That's really what 352 00:16:03,160 --> 00:16:05,760 Speaker 1: it comes down to. Until you've got the algorithm well trained, 353 00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 1: you're swimming in the sewer. And it takes a couple 354 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:11,280 Speaker 1: of weeks to train the algorithm, a couple of weeks 355 00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,520 Speaker 1: of an hour a day using it. There are some 356 00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: people who use it more than that and still don't 357 00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 1: get the algorithm trained completely because the algorithm always throws 358 00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 1: something up as a curveball, just to check are you 359 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:23,240 Speaker 1: interested in this? This is hot, This is popular right now, 360 00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,920 Speaker 1: and sometimes the most hot, most popular stuff is really coarse, 361 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,480 Speaker 1: really explicit, really vulgar, and yet it still pops up 362 00:16:28,520 --> 00:16:31,240 Speaker 1: because even if you don't have anything like that in 363 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,560 Speaker 1: your feed, it's hot and popular. So we just wanted 364 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:33,960 Speaker 1: to check. 365 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:38,280 Speaker 3: So what I'm really hearing from you is just the 366 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,920 Speaker 3: same conversation that we have over and over again, we 367 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 3: need to be in our children's lives. We need to 368 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 3: be having those conversations with them, and we need to 369 00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:47,160 Speaker 3: be kind of checking out. 370 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 1: Basically, it's the same conversation that we were having in 371 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,000 Speaker 1: the nineteen eighties and nineteen nineties about what the kids 372 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: were watching on their VCR yeah, or on video hits. 373 00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,360 Speaker 1: It's the same conversation we were having when Facebook was 374 00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: a thing and no parents were using it, only the 375 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,640 Speaker 1: kids were using it. It's the same conversation we were 376 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,679 Speaker 1: having when only children were using Snapchat and Instagram and 377 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,399 Speaker 1: adults weren't. And what happens is all of the adults 378 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,199 Speaker 1: get used to it and start to use it, and 379 00:17:10,240 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: the kids like, hey, we don't want to be here. 380 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: This were all the grownups, huh. So they go to 381 00:17:13,520 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 1: the next thing. That's all that's happening, and TikTok is 382 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,000 Speaker 1: the next thing, And of course the developers of these 383 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:21,200 Speaker 1: apps keep on coming up with something unique, something a 384 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,680 Speaker 1: little bit different, just a little bit of a tweak 385 00:17:23,920 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 1: on the last thing to make this new novel hot, cool, fun, interesting, 386 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:29,640 Speaker 1: And that's where the kids go, and all the grown 387 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 1: up sit here and say, oh, my goodness, is terrible 388 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 1: so this is that, and you know what, they're right 389 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:36,320 Speaker 1: every single time, Like those music clips, the song that 390 00:17:36,320 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 1: I played before, it's explicit, it's not content that's for kids. 391 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:42,640 Speaker 1: In fact, often it's not even content that's for teenagers. 392 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 1: And it's the same with MySpace and Facebook and Instagram, 393 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,600 Speaker 1: and we can go through the whole social media history. 394 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:50,160 Speaker 1: The stuff that's there is not for kids, and TikTok 395 00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:53,159 Speaker 1: is no different. Our job as parents therefore is to 396 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: work with our kids to keep them safe. That's the 397 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:57,360 Speaker 1: take home message, full stop. End of story. And by 398 00:17:57,359 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 1: the way, there'll be another new app just in time 399 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:01,639 Speaker 1: for our next daughter, who is currently eight, to enter 400 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,119 Speaker 1: her team, so that we can freak out about that 401 00:18:03,119 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: one as well. 402 00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 3: Well. I'm not sure if everyone's gonna have any warm 403 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 3: fuzzies after Today's not. 404 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,600 Speaker 1: A comforting conversation, Like I'm actually getting. 405 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 3: A little bit a little bit, I'm feeling your heat 406 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,119 Speaker 3: right now. 407 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: It's not a comfortable conversation. But I can't say this 408 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:22,640 Speaker 1: clearly enough. Banning it won't work. 409 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,640 Speaker 3: The kids will just get sacree the whole hard they will. 410 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:29,119 Speaker 1: Now, Now, we do ban our kids from it until 411 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: they get to a certain age, and once they get 412 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,560 Speaker 1: to that age, we say, you know what, We've asked 413 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,160 Speaker 1: you not to do it for this long. We now 414 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 1: know that you're at a point where you can do 415 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 1: whatever you want without us knowing, and therefore let's have 416 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: the conversation. We still want to discourage it. We don't 417 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,720 Speaker 1: want you to do it. We're going to keep you 418 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 1: away from it for as long as we can. But 419 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 1: if you're going to have it, we've got to have 420 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,159 Speaker 1: the conversation. And that's where parents ultimately have to get to. 421 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:54,160 Speaker 3: Well, hopefully you found something that's been helpful well out 422 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,200 Speaker 3: of today's conversation. 423 00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, helpful, probably discouraging, but helpful. That's the aim of 424 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 1: the conversation. Kyli. Thanks for asking the questions and thanks 425 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,840 Speaker 1: for admitting that you don't know much about it. I'm 426 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: kind of glad that you don't, because life's better than TikTok, 427 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 1: let's be honest. The Happy Families podcast is produced by 428 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 1: Justin rolland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive 429 00:19:12,720 --> 00:19:16,160 Speaker 1: producer and Tomorrow I'll do better Tomorrow. It's the podcast 430 00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:18,359 Speaker 1: where we dive into the week that was and find 431 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,760 Speaker 1: what worked and what didn't. We really look forward to 432 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:24,200 Speaker 1: your joining us tomorrow for that conversation on the Happy 433 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,000 Speaker 1: Families podcast.