WEBVTT - 65. Thirsty Thursday - ASK UNCUT 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:22.959 Hi, guys, Welcome back to another episode of Life one Cut. 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.120 It is Thirsty Thursday. 0:00:25.239 --> 0:00:25.960 I just made that up. 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:28.960 It's actually therapy Thursday, but thirsty Therapy Thursday. Also, does 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:30.560 this mean you're gonna be dropping some half news on 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:31.160 your Instagram? 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:31.920 Brit you got it? 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:34.120 That's my intro to only fans. 0:00:34.120 --> 0:00:36.920 I say this, but I'm not even really joking. There's 0:00:36.960 --> 0:00:39.239 a nice mix of first traps on your Instagram from 0:00:39.240 --> 0:00:39.800 time to time. 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:41.440 Well, God, don't think they're first traps. 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:45.519 I think they are beautifully curated, divertent photos of my 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:50.720 fashion experiences. Because I create content and I don't influence people. 0:00:50.760 --> 0:00:54.440 It's actually showing my versatility in a bikini. 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:56.800 Do you know what? 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.200 Actually I think I told you, I don't remember. I'm 0:00:59.240 --> 0:01:01.440 not gonna name names, but when we have to. 0:01:01.480 --> 0:01:03.760 Byron Bay two weeks ago, you know in Byron Bay 0:01:03.800 --> 0:01:04.880 put a bikini photo up. 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:06.120 Wasn't even sexy. 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:08.760 Bikini, had denim shorts on, had a hat on, sunglasses. 0:01:08.800 --> 0:01:10.560 It was just literally like, look at me, I'm having 0:01:10.600 --> 0:01:13.160 a great time. And this one guy that I'd been 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:15.560 talking to on and off for a long time, but 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:19.000 literally just talking to had the audacity okay. So he 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.559 called me like fifteen minutes after I put this photo 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.200 up that was not even sexy. You could go back 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:24.959 on my Instagram and have a look, you'll know the one. 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:27.400 And I'm like, hey, it was actually a FaceTime and 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:30.160 he's like, well, I just saw the photo you. 0:01:30.080 --> 0:01:33.080 Put up and I was so confused. 0:01:33.120 --> 0:01:36.319 I was like and and he's like, well, obviously that 0:01:36.480 --> 0:01:38.080 was so i'd call you so here. 0:01:38.120 --> 0:01:40.920 I am like he thought you were first trapping him. 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:43.680 He actually thought it was. I was in hysterics and 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:45.720 I was like, oh, babe. 0:01:45.360 --> 0:01:48.200 This guy just sounds like he's super horny and like 0:01:48.240 --> 0:01:50.360 he's the kind of guy that you're nice to at 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:53.400 a party and instantly thinks that because you're nice to 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:55.560 him that you must want to fuck him, like he's 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:58.520 that guy. I was like, hey, that's not a first trap. 0:01:58.720 --> 0:02:01.280 B I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you were the 0:02:01.320 --> 0:02:02.720 last thing on my mind, Like you were not on 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:04.760 my mind when I posted that photo. I'm really sorry. 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:07.000 And he was like, don't believe him. I'm like, whoa, 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:12.200 you have to get out of your own butt. So 0:02:12.360 --> 0:02:14.840 I just remember something that I can't believe. I didn't 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:16.600 text you on the spot and tell you that happened 0:02:16.600 --> 0:02:18.480 to me last night. Do you know who I saw 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:24.000 in Bondi Like one, I'm gonna stand by this guy's like, okay, 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:26.679 I'm gonna describe this to you. There's this little restaurant 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:29.880 that is on Bondi Road and this guy, he's very famous, 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:33.600 he currently lives in Australia, was sitting facing the window. 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:37.040 If you say zac Efron, fucking Efron, and I'm not joking, 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:40.639 I'm okay, oh my god, Okay, So how. 0:02:40.400 --> 0:02:41.720 Did this slip your mind? 0:02:42.000 --> 0:02:43.880 Not to message me when I leave across the road 0:02:44.080 --> 0:02:46.440 or I called Matt like three times. So what I 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.000 did was I walked in combat the man that's married 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:49.399 to you. 0:02:49.480 --> 0:02:50.119 He didn't care. 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:52.480 But so what Hammen was is I walked past and 0:02:52.520 --> 0:02:54.720 I saw this guy in the window and I was like, oh, 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:56.680 he's good looking, and I looked at his face and 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.919 I was like, holy shit, that's zac Efron. And he 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.800 saw that I saw him, and he saw that I 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:04.560 recognized him. Does that you know when you have that 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:07.239 moment where like you see someone who's famous and you 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:10.120 kind of like had that shocked face and then you 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:12.560 know that they know that they're kind of sprung right. 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:14.320 So he was sitting with another guy and he was 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:15.120 facing the window. 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:18.520 I walked past, and then I obviously like had that 0:03:18.560 --> 0:03:20.320 moment where I was like, holy shit. So then I 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:22.880 was like, I'm just going to casually walk past again. 0:03:22.960 --> 0:03:24.799 And this is like quite late at night, so there 0:03:24.800 --> 0:03:25.360 was a dawk. 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:27.400 There was no one on the street. 0:03:27.560 --> 0:03:30.920 So I walked back past again and I was like, oh, 0:03:31.120 --> 0:03:33.720 holy shit, it's one hundred percent zac Efron. And then 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:36.960 he stands up and swaps seats with the guy who's 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:39.360 he's sitting with, so that his back is now facing 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:42.000 the window, which I'm like, if you're not a famous person, 0:03:42.040 --> 0:03:44.000 you're not doing that. You don't care if someone walks 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:46.000 past and looks at you. Yes, but the restaurant was 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:48.320 quite busy, but the street was dead, so I think 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.760 the reason why he faced the street was because there 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:53.080 was hardly anyone on the street, and he'd obviously been 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:54.840 in the restaurant long enough. Anyway, it was one hundred 0:03:54.840 --> 0:03:56.880 percent zach Efron. He's in BONDI all you sing the 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.760 ladies get down here snare, okay. I I wish you 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:02.920 guys could see my face right now. I just I've 0:04:02.960 --> 0:04:05.200 just seen this belief at how it slipped your mind 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:11.560 not to message your only single friend that literally. 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:13.120 Talks about Zach for a whole time. 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:14.960 How did that slip your mind? I feel like you're 0:04:15.000 --> 0:04:18.760 actually trying to keep me single. Speaking of thirst straps, 0:04:18.760 --> 0:04:20.719 Brittany just walks down the street in a bikini at 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:23.160 nine pm exactly. 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.080 Taking my clothes off and now here that. 0:04:24.400 --> 0:04:27.599 Sits off the highs and the lows. I do have 0:04:27.680 --> 0:04:30.400 another question for you. Actually, I feel. 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:33.039 Very sprung today. I feel like you've really dumped that 0:04:33.120 --> 0:04:33.359 on me. 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.400 Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry starting to add that to 0:04:35.920 --> 0:04:36.920 your to your morning. 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:38.839 It's too early in pre coffee. If you'd have to 0:04:38.880 --> 0:04:41.200 deal with that sort of disappointment in your life. Honestly, 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:45.160 have you ever had an orgasm while you've been asleep 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:49.920 and woken up to an orgasm? Okay, this is funny 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:52.400 that you have asked me this because not because I've 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.880 done it, because I've had this exact conversation with friends 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:58.800 like four days ago. Hands down, No, it has never 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.919 happened to me. But my friends that I was speaking 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:03.240 to I'm not gonna name the names, they say it 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:03.840 happens to them. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.520 All the time. And I'm like, what, I thought this 0:05:06.640 --> 0:05:07.599 was a normal thing. 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:09.240 So don't you. 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:14.440 Just orgasm and you sleep, yeah, and don't have to 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:16.760 do anything, just having like a sexy dream, have an 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:19.240 orgasm like a fourteen year old boy, and then go 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:21.760 back to sleep. There's gonna be a weird little section 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.000 of our listeners who have had this happen to them, 0:05:24.000 --> 0:05:25.440 And then there's gonna be a whole lot of people 0:05:25.480 --> 0:05:26.320 listening to this. 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:28.760 Thinking that we have issues. 0:05:28.920 --> 0:05:30.080 I feel like. 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.800 Life betrayed me. I feel like, if why can't I 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:36.680 orgasm asleep? It want to be bed without doing anything. 0:05:36.839 --> 0:05:37.880 I actually didn't know it was a thing. 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:39.280 I thought that was a thing for guys when they 0:05:39.279 --> 0:05:41.640 were twelve and also women when they're thirty four. 0:05:42.040 --> 0:05:44.200 Is it just a pregnancy thing when your hormones are up? 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:45.480 Or is this for you all the time? 0:05:45.560 --> 0:05:48.440 Well? I mean, okay, so well this is way too 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:51.120 much overshare, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I'm 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:53.600 guessing for me, it's definitely more so during pregnancy because 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.160 I think like everything is I think like everything is 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:59.080 kind of heightened. You've got more hormones, there's more blood circulating, 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:00.240 there's a lot of stuff going on. 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:01.680 I've told you all about it. You don't need me 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:02.520 to go into detail. 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:04.520 So, like, this happened to me the other day, and 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:06.680 I then obviously told my girlfriends. I was like, ah, 0:06:06.760 --> 0:06:08.599 I hadn't agasted me in my sleep the other night, 0:06:09.000 --> 0:06:11.000 thinking it was really funny, and she looked at me 0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:15.200 like I had just shat in her bed. That's exactly 0:06:15.200 --> 0:06:17.760 what it is to someone that's never done it. That's 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:19.200 like telling them you just saw Santa. 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:20.440 I'm cutting up a pole. 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:22.320 Guys, I want to know who of you have just 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.840 had a totally rogue Like I'm talking like you're not 0:06:25.880 --> 0:06:29.360 touching yourself, you're not like doing You're literally asleep and 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.120 you wake up going oh oh that was all right, 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:34.320 go back to sleep, like yes, it didn't even ever 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:39.359 been doing me. I think that's annoyed by the whole dream, 0:06:39.480 --> 0:06:42.320 isn't it. And once again I can't wait for Daily 0:06:42.320 --> 0:06:43.280 Mail's article on this. 0:06:43.400 --> 0:06:45.680 I mean, perfect, you threw yourself into that one. I 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:46.200 really did. 0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.000 But also I mean I think that these things are relatable. Okay, 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:50.560 like I said, I'm going to put up a pole. 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:54.159 I want to know what percentage of people have actually experienced. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:55.919 This or not. It's anonymous, guys, no one's gonna know 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:56.640 if you tell. 0:06:56.480 --> 0:06:58.120 Me absolutely everything. 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.039 Everything you guys, ever write to us in relation to 0:07:01.160 --> 0:07:03.840 anything is anonymous unless you say feel. 0:07:03.600 --> 0:07:04.320 Free to post it. 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:07.040 Speaking of anonymous, thank you to every single person who 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.520 has written in a question for today's ask un Kat. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:12.280 We have picked out a couple of doozies. You guys know. 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.760 This is our short, sharp and real sexy episode for 0:07:14.920 --> 0:07:17.720 you where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. 0:07:17.840 --> 0:07:20.360 So we have three and we're gonna get right into 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:21.080 it all. 0:07:21.040 --> 0:07:23.640 Right, jumping straight on in. Please help. 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.320 I'm feeling so lost. I was just dumped and I 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:28.800 don't know what went wrong. My boyfriend of two years 0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:30.720 has just dumped me out of nowhere, and I was 0:07:30.760 --> 0:07:33.720 absolutely blindsided. We're about to move in together and had 0:07:33.840 --> 0:07:36.640 just applied for apartments. We were planning trips together. He 0:07:36.800 --> 0:07:39.880 just convinced me to join his Spotify account. I thought 0:07:39.960 --> 0:07:42.240 we were happy and in a loving and strong relationship. 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:43.960 We met up for a walk lass week and he 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:45.680 suddenly told me that he couldn't move in with me, 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:48.160 he can't imagine marrying me, and that recently he has 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.679 had a gut feeling that I'm not the one. However, 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:52.920 he also told me that he thinks I am the 0:07:52.920 --> 0:07:55.120 perfect girl, confirmed he was in love with me, and 0:07:55.160 --> 0:07:57.360 agreed we would be happy together if we got married 0:07:57.400 --> 0:08:00.880 one day. He also confirmed that he he doesn't know 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.440 what his type of girl actually is. He even agreed 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:06.080 with me when I said that he would regret this 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:08.320 breakup one day, and he told me that he thinks 0:08:08.400 --> 0:08:11.000 we would happily date and live together for two more years, 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:13.480 but he knows he would eventually break up with me. 0:08:14.320 --> 0:08:17.720 I am so confused looking back. He's been a little 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:20.360 bit withdrawn the past few weeks, calling and texting less 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.720 and wanting to spend more time with his friends. We 0:08:22.800 --> 0:08:25.320 had some small arguments about it for nothing major. I 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:27.360 don't know how I missed any sign that the relationship 0:08:27.400 --> 0:08:28.920 was going downhill, and I don't want to make the 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:32.280 same mistake again. What did I do wrong that pushed 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:36.200 him away? How can I trust future partners and trust 0:08:36.240 --> 0:08:38.160 that I won't do the same thing and that they 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:41.400 suddenly won't decide that I'm not the one tell me 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:42.600 what I've done wrong. 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:46.559 It sounds like your partner has unnecessarily pushed the whole 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:50.760 moving in together, you know, joining accounts, doing big life 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.040 things that would indicate that he was really ready to 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:55.959 make those commitments and make that move. Maybe things started 0:08:55.960 --> 0:08:58.400 to steamroll in the relationship and progress and he didn't 0:08:58.400 --> 0:09:00.240 know how to put the brakes on it. Really, he 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.559 was quite fearful of that commitment and moving the relationship 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:05.000 to the next stage, and so instead of being able 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:07.360 to communicate, which clearly he hasn't done, which is why 0:09:07.440 --> 0:09:09.360 you feel like this has completely blindsided you. 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:11.040 Because the guy clearly has the. 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:13.920 S most stocking communication skills in the world, he hasn't 0:09:13.920 --> 0:09:16.560 communicated with you that he's not happy with that, and 0:09:16.640 --> 0:09:20.040 so instead it's all in and then it's all out. 0:09:20.080 --> 0:09:21.520 And I think that that when that happens to you 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:24.440 in a relationship, it makes it so much harder to 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:26.199 deal with the fact that you're going through a breakup 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:30.000 to actually rationalize what the fuck We were happy yesterday 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.080 and you were fine yesterday, and all of a sudden, 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:34.360 you've changed your mind. But the thing is is that 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:36.920 he probably has been feeling like this for a long time. 0:09:37.000 --> 0:09:39.720 He's probably been thinking this for a long time and 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:43.080 has been too frightened to actually verbalize that, but that 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:45.480 doesn't mean that you did something wrong. That doesn't mean 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.800 that you created this. This is him and this is 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:49.679 his issue. 0:09:50.000 --> 0:09:52.719 I think it's really important to remember in these situations 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:56.880 that there is such a thing as really really loving someone, 0:09:57.000 --> 0:10:00.560 being genuinely in love with someone, loving spending time with someone, 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:03.679 but they're not the one. I've been in that situation. 0:10:03.840 --> 0:10:07.160 That's a thing. I remember being with someone he strung 0:10:07.200 --> 0:10:10.000 me along for years because he genuinely He's like, I 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:13.080 just love being around you, I love everything about you. 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:15.200 But then he was like, but I know you're not 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.480 the one for me. And I think that's what's happened here. 0:10:17.679 --> 0:10:20.120 I have no doubt that he loves you. I think 0:10:20.120 --> 0:10:20.840 that's really obvious. 0:10:20.920 --> 0:10:22.720 You don't spend time with someone like this and you 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.720 don't have these level of commitments. 0:10:24.920 --> 0:10:27.880 So I think that him wanting to take the next 0:10:27.880 --> 0:10:30.839 steps in terms of moving in, he probably felt like, Okay, well, 0:10:30.840 --> 0:10:33.160 it's the next thing because I do love, you know, 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:36.079 spending time with you. And then when pushes come to shove, 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:39.920 and he's actually thought, hang on, if we move in together, 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.120 this probably means that you're going to be my final relationship. 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:45.760 And once he started to sit down and analyze that 0:10:45.880 --> 0:10:48.000 and realize that he doesn't think you're the one for him. 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.280 He's brought it up so sure, I think he's brought 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:53.040 it up too late, but I think it's I don't 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:54.640 think it's anything that you've done. I don't think you've 0:10:54.640 --> 0:10:58.160 done anything wrong. There's nothing you should be changing about 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.480 yourself to suit him, and that that's the part of 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.839 the question that really struck a chord with me, is 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.000 where you wrapped up your question and you said, what 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.480 did I do wrong? What mistakes did I make? I 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:09.920 don't want to make these mistakes again. The thing is, 0:11:10.760 --> 0:11:13.440 you haven't done anything wrong. It's literally coming down to 0:11:13.480 --> 0:11:16.080 two souls that love each other, but they're not meant 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:20.480 to be. You can't go changing yourself drastically for a relationship, 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:23.760 fixing things that aren't wrong with you, because it doesn't 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:26.560 suit someone else to fix the relationship, because it'll never work. 0:11:26.600 --> 0:11:29.640 It'll prolong it for another year, and then ultimately you're 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:31.800 gonna end up being your authentic self again and it's 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.400 not gonna work. So I don't think there's anything wrong 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.680 with you. Absolutely isn't. It's just that you're not a 0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:38.800 perfect match for this human and that's okay. 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:41.520 See I'm gonna jump in here, or one thing that 0:11:41.559 --> 0:11:43.679 you said earlier and how you said that it like, 0:11:44.000 --> 0:11:45.520 you know, you can be in love with someone, you 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:47.480 can love them, you can be with them for multiple years, 0:11:47.520 --> 0:11:48.520 but no, they're not the one. 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:51.120 See, I personally think that that's a really jerk move. 0:11:51.280 --> 0:11:53.920 I think if you don't think that person's the one, 0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:56.240 you don't really want to spend your life with them, 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.320 and your goals aren't aligned, and you know that your 0:11:58.360 --> 0:12:01.760 goals aren't aligned, then I think it's a conversation that respectfully, 0:12:01.800 --> 0:12:04.720 if you actually love someone, you need to have because 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.720 if you're gonna if you're gonna waste someone's time for 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:11.120 four years because you love them and you love spending 0:12:11.160 --> 0:12:13.040 time with them, but they're not the one, then. 0:12:13.000 --> 0:12:14.679 I think you're a selfish prick. Like I'm going to 0:12:14.720 --> 0:12:15.400 put that out there. 0:12:15.520 --> 0:12:17.480 I agree, but I'm not saying that in this sense. 0:12:17.640 --> 0:12:18.760 That's exactly what he's done. 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:19.120 I know. 0:12:19.120 --> 0:12:21.320 I'm saying, I think he loves her, he's realized he's 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:23.600 not the one. So I'm saying to this poor girl, 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:25.240 don't think he doesn't love you because. 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:26.079 He said he doesn't want to marry you. 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:28.600 I think he's just realized you're not the one, But 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:29.880 it doesn't mean he's not in love with you. 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:32.240 Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get that, and I do 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.679 think that there is love there, But I do, Like 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.760 we talked about this, and I'm not gonna keep referring 0:12:37.760 --> 0:12:39.440 back to The Bachelor because not everything has to do 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.320 with that, but I'm going to say that, you know, 0:12:41.360 --> 0:12:43.320 there are things that you do with your words and 0:12:43.360 --> 0:12:46.320 with your actions that create a whole lot more hurt 0:12:46.360 --> 0:12:48.440 down the line. And I think when we're very reckless 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:50.440 with the way that we use our words, we're very 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:52.839 reckless with the things that we commit to, and then 0:12:52.880 --> 0:12:55.319 we take that back because we've changed our minds, or 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.600 maybe we haven't even changed our minds. Maybe it's because 0:12:57.800 --> 0:13:00.400 we never really wanted it anyway, but we got caught 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:03.000 up and the emotion and the love and the excitement 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:06.160 and that feeling of you know, intensity when you're around someone. 0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.400 There are people out there who aren't really in check 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.600 with the way they're feeling and the things they're saying, 0:13:11.960 --> 0:13:14.440 and that's a really important thing to keep perspective on 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:18.880 because it creates so much more hurt and this guy 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.080 was obviously never at the point where he felt like 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:23.720 he could actually move out because he would have gotten 0:13:23.720 --> 0:13:26.600 further down that rabbit hole. But they've been having those conversations, 0:13:26.840 --> 0:13:29.640 they've been making those commitments, and so the fall for 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.560 the person who's written the question in and the heartbreak 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:35.319 is just so much greater because she feels so blindsided. 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:38.200 And so I genuinely just want to reiterate what brit said, like, 0:13:38.559 --> 0:13:41.440 nothing you have done is your fault. Nothing that you 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:44.280 did created the breakup, you know, unless you know that 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:46.959 you behaved badly in the relationship, but if you were 0:13:47.040 --> 0:13:50.000 just being you and loving someone and hoping that this 0:13:50.040 --> 0:13:53.080 relationship was going to progress, there's nothing that you can change. 0:13:53.080 --> 0:13:56.440 And unfortunately, you just have to take time, block this 0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.040 guy for a little while, go no contact, heal, and 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:02.520 and then there has to be some part of you 0:14:02.600 --> 0:14:04.840 that learns to trust again in order for you to 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:06.760 be able to have that relationship that will be your 0:14:06.760 --> 0:14:07.360 happy ending. 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:08.520 That was really long. 0:14:11.280 --> 0:14:12.559 I think we got that in the bag. 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:16.480 I do feel for it, but it fucking sucks. 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.400 But this is one of those ones where you have 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:20.760 to let it go and you have to just start 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:23.880 to heal yourself and accept that as hard as it is, 0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:26.280 this one's not for you and this guy's not your penguin. 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:28.200 But also, don't you think it's such a cop out 0:14:28.200 --> 0:14:30.040 when you're going through a breakup and a guy goes, 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:32.120 I know I'm going to regret this in three months. 0:14:32.200 --> 0:14:34.400 You're like, oh, like, yes you are, but don't say 0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:36.280 that to me. So I sit around waiting for three 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:37.920 months for you to come back to me. 0:14:38.040 --> 0:14:40.360 I just hate it. All this brings up some for 0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:45.480 pressed trauma. She just gets so aggressive question them and 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:46.160 two hear me. 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:48.800 This is a really hard one, actually, but I wanted 0:14:48.840 --> 0:14:50.640 to address it. I didn't want to scoot around the 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:52.360 fact that it's hard to answer, just because it's hard 0:14:52.360 --> 0:14:52.800 to answer. 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.440 Because I think a lot. 0:14:55.200 --> 0:14:57.200 Of women and a lot of young girls would be 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.480 in this situation and don't know what to do about it. 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:01.600 And that's that's why we hear Laura to help you 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:02.040 all out. 0:15:02.160 --> 0:15:04.680 We're gonna get you with the hard hitting questions skills. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:06.240 I don't know what accent that was. 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:09.320 I don't want to get you're fired. 0:15:09.600 --> 0:15:11.880 I recently got a very casual cash job. A friend 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:13.520 of mine recommended me for this job. 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:16.880 Because he knows the boss. I was desperate for this 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:19.760 job because I'm a UNI student and the pay and hours. 0:15:19.440 --> 0:15:20.080 Are quite good. 0:15:20.480 --> 0:15:22.440 So I called the boss, got the job, and the 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.640 only people that work for this boss are my friend 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:25.400 and myself. 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:27.240 Now everything was all good and wealth. 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.400 I enjoyed the work and I was quite good at it, 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.840 no complaints with the work side of things. As I 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:34.960 started working there, the boss just started calling me nicknames 0:15:35.000 --> 0:15:38.640 like darling sweetheart instead of my name, which made me 0:15:38.720 --> 0:15:42.200 quite uncomfortable as I was the only female there. Later on, 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:44.680 he just did a few other things, like a few 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.000 little phrases here and there, and a few little gestures 0:15:47.000 --> 0:15:49.680 that made me uncomfortable. I'm not really sure what to 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:51.600 do about it, as it was never enough to say 0:15:51.600 --> 0:15:53.960 anything about it, but I still just didn't feel okay 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.680 about it. My friend, who also works with a guy, 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.200 asked me if I felt comfortable with what he was doing, 0:15:59.480 --> 0:16:02.080 so it must have been pretty obvious. 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:02.440 That he was doing it. 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.000 The catch is that I will likely see this boss 0:16:06.040 --> 0:16:08.360 around as he's in my close community. So I don't 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:10.640 know what to say because I don't want to make 0:16:10.680 --> 0:16:13.200 anything awkward or weird, but I do want to stay 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.760 in the job. I can't really find a good excuse 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:17.480 to quit because the money is good and I need 0:16:17.480 --> 0:16:21.160 the hours. He knows I need the hours to any suggestions, 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:23.240 Have either of you ever been in this similar situation? 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:25.120 And how do I deal with something like this? 0:16:25.880 --> 0:16:28.800 I think that this is such a common thing that 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:30.840 so many women have to deal with in the workplace. 0:16:30.880 --> 0:16:33.320