Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Welcome back to another episode of Life one Cut.
Speaker 1: It is Thirsty Thursday.
Speaker 2: I just made that up.
Speaker 1: It's actually therapy Thursday, but thirsty Therapy Thursday. Also, does
Speaker 1: this mean you're gonna be dropping some half news on
Speaker 1: your Instagram?
Speaker 3: Brit you got it?
Speaker 2: That's my intro to only fans.
Speaker 1: I say this, but I'm not even really joking. There's
Speaker 1: a nice mix of first traps on your Instagram from
Speaker 1: time to time.
Speaker 2: Well, God, don't think they're first traps.
Speaker 1: I think they are beautifully curated, divertent photos of my
Speaker 1: fashion experiences. Because I create content and I don't influence people.
Speaker 1: It's actually showing my versatility in a bikini.
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 4: Actually I think I told you, I don't remember. I'm
Speaker 4: not gonna name names, but when we have to.
Speaker 1: Byron Bay two weeks ago, you know in Byron Bay
Speaker 1: put a bikini photo up.
Speaker 2: Wasn't even sexy.
Speaker 4: Bikini, had denim shorts on, had a hat on, sunglasses.
Speaker 4: It was just literally like, look at me, I'm having
Speaker 4: a great time. And this one guy that I'd been
Speaker 4: talking to on and off for a long time, but
Speaker 4: literally just talking to had the audacity okay. So he
Speaker 4: called me like fifteen minutes after I put this photo
Speaker 4: up that was not even sexy. You could go back
Speaker 4: on my Instagram and have a look, you'll know the one.
Speaker 4: And I'm like, hey, it was actually a FaceTime and
Speaker 4: he's like, well, I just saw the photo you.
Speaker 2: Put up and I was so confused.
Speaker 1: I was like and and he's like, well, obviously that
Speaker 1: was so i'd call you so here.
Speaker 3: I am like he thought you were first trapping him.
Speaker 4: He actually thought it was. I was in hysterics and
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, babe.
Speaker 1: This guy just sounds like he's super horny and like
Speaker 1: he's the kind of guy that you're nice to at
Speaker 1: a party and instantly thinks that because you're nice to
Speaker 1: him that you must want to fuck him, like he's
Speaker 1: that guy. I was like, hey, that's not a first trap.
Speaker 1: B I'm sorry to disappoint you, but you were the
Speaker 1: last thing on my mind, Like you were not on
Speaker 1: my mind when I posted that photo. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1: And he was like, don't believe him. I'm like, whoa,
Speaker 1: you have to get out of your own butt. So
Speaker 1: I just remember something that I can't believe. I didn't
Speaker 1: text you on the spot and tell you that happened
Speaker 1: to me last night. Do you know who I saw
Speaker 1: in Bondi Like one, I'm gonna stand by this guy's like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna describe this to you. There's this little restaurant
Speaker 1: that is on Bondi Road and this guy, he's very famous,
Speaker 1: he currently lives in Australia, was sitting facing the window.
Speaker 1: If you say zac Efron, fucking Efron, and I'm not joking,
Speaker 1: I'm okay, oh my god, Okay, So how.
Speaker 2: Did this slip your mind?
Speaker 1: Not to message me when I leave across the road
Speaker 1: or I called Matt like three times. So what I
Speaker 1: did was I walked in combat the man that's married
Speaker 1: to you.
Speaker 3: He didn't care.
Speaker 1: But so what Hammen was is I walked past and
Speaker 1: I saw this guy in the window and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: he's good looking, and I looked at his face and
Speaker 1: I was like, holy shit, that's zac Efron. And he
Speaker 1: saw that I saw him, and he saw that I
Speaker 1: recognized him. Does that you know when you have that
Speaker 1: moment where like you see someone who's famous and you
Speaker 1: kind of like had that shocked face and then you
Speaker 1: know that they know that they're kind of sprung right.
Speaker 3: So he was sitting with another guy and he was
Speaker 3: facing the window.
Speaker 1: I walked past, and then I obviously like had that
Speaker 1: moment where I was like, holy shit. So then I
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just going to casually walk past again.
Speaker 1: And this is like quite late at night, so there
Speaker 1: was a dawk.
Speaker 3: There was no one on the street.
Speaker 1: So I walked back past again and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: holy shit, it's one hundred percent zac Efron. And then
Speaker 1: he stands up and swaps seats with the guy who's
Speaker 1: he's sitting with, so that his back is now facing
Speaker 1: the window, which I'm like, if you're not a famous person,
Speaker 1: you're not doing that. You don't care if someone walks
Speaker 1: past and looks at you. Yes, but the restaurant was
Speaker 1: quite busy, but the street was dead, so I think
Speaker 1: the reason why he faced the street was because there
Speaker 1: was hardly anyone on the street, and he'd obviously been
Speaker 1: in the restaurant long enough. Anyway, it was one hundred
Speaker 1: percent zach Efron. He's in BONDI all you sing the
Speaker 1: ladies get down here snare, okay. I I wish you
Speaker 1: guys could see my face right now. I just I've
Speaker 1: just seen this belief at how it slipped your mind
Speaker 1: not to message your only single friend that literally.
Speaker 3: Talks about Zach for a whole time.
Speaker 1: How did that slip your mind? I feel like you're
Speaker 1: actually trying to keep me single. Speaking of thirst straps,
Speaker 1: Brittany just walks down the street in a bikini at
Speaker 1: nine pm exactly.
Speaker 3: Taking my clothes off and now here that.
Speaker 1: Sits off the highs and the lows. I do have
Speaker 1: another question for you. Actually, I feel.
Speaker 2: Very sprung today. I feel like you've really dumped that
Speaker 2: on me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry starting to add that to
Speaker 3: your to your morning.
Speaker 1: It's too early in pre coffee. If you'd have to
Speaker 1: deal with that sort of disappointment in your life. Honestly,
Speaker 1: have you ever had an orgasm while you've been asleep
Speaker 1: and woken up to an orgasm? Okay, this is funny
Speaker 1: that you have asked me this because not because I've
Speaker 1: done it, because I've had this exact conversation with friends
Speaker 1: like four days ago. Hands down, No, it has never
Speaker 1: happened to me. But my friends that I was speaking
Speaker 1: to I'm not gonna name the names, they say it
Speaker 1: happens to them.
Speaker 2: All the time. And I'm like, what, I thought this
Speaker 2: was a normal thing.
Speaker 3: So don't you.
Speaker 1: Just orgasm and you sleep, yeah, and don't have to
Speaker 1: do anything, just having like a sexy dream, have an
Speaker 1: orgasm like a fourteen year old boy, and then go
Speaker 1: back to sleep. There's gonna be a weird little section
Speaker 1: of our listeners who have had this happen to them,
Speaker 1: And then there's gonna be a whole lot of people
Speaker 1: listening to this.
Speaker 3: Thinking that we have issues.
Speaker 2: I feel like.
Speaker 4: Life betrayed me. I feel like, if why can't I
Speaker 4: orgasm asleep? It want to be bed without doing anything.
Speaker 4: I actually didn't know it was a thing.
Speaker 1: I thought that was a thing for guys when they
Speaker 1: were twelve and also women when they're thirty four.
Speaker 4: Is it just a pregnancy thing when your hormones are up?
Speaker 4: Or is this for you all the time?
Speaker 1: Well? I mean, okay, so well this is way too
Speaker 1: much overshare, but I'm gonna tell you anyway. So I'm
Speaker 1: guessing for me, it's definitely more so during pregnancy because
Speaker 1: I think like everything is I think like everything is
Speaker 1: kind of heightened. You've got more hormones, there's more blood circulating,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of stuff going on.
Speaker 3: I've told you all about it. You don't need me
Speaker 3: to go into detail.
Speaker 1: So, like, this happened to me the other day, and
Speaker 1: I then obviously told my girlfriends. I was like, ah,
Speaker 1: I hadn't agasted me in my sleep the other night,
Speaker 1: thinking it was really funny, and she looked at me
Speaker 1: like I had just shat in her bed. That's exactly
Speaker 1: what it is to someone that's never done it. That's
Speaker 1: like telling them you just saw Santa.
Speaker 2: I'm cutting up a pole.
Speaker 1: Guys, I want to know who of you have just
Speaker 1: had a totally rogue Like I'm talking like you're not
Speaker 1: touching yourself, you're not like doing You're literally asleep and
Speaker 1: you wake up going oh oh that was all right,
Speaker 1: go back to sleep, like yes, it didn't even ever
Speaker 1: been doing me. I think that's annoyed by the whole dream,
Speaker 1: isn't it. And once again I can't wait for Daily
Speaker 1: Mail's article on this.
Speaker 2: I mean, perfect, you threw yourself into that one. I
Speaker 2: really did.
Speaker 1: But also I mean I think that these things are relatable. Okay,
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm going to put up a pole.
Speaker 1: I want to know what percentage of people have actually experienced.
Speaker 3: This or not. It's anonymous, guys, no one's gonna know
Speaker 3: if you tell.
Speaker 2: Me absolutely everything.
Speaker 4: Everything you guys, ever write to us in relation to
Speaker 4: anything is anonymous unless you say feel.
Speaker 2: Free to post it.
Speaker 1: Speaking of anonymous, thank you to every single person who
Speaker 1: has written in a question for today's ask un Kat.
Speaker 3: We have picked out a couple of doozies. You guys know.
Speaker 1: This is our short, sharp and real sexy episode for
Speaker 1: you where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 1: So we have three and we're gonna get right into
Speaker 1: it all.
Speaker 2: Right, jumping straight on in. Please help.
Speaker 4: I'm feeling so lost. I was just dumped and I
Speaker 4: don't know what went wrong. My boyfriend of two years
Speaker 4: has just dumped me out of nowhere, and I was
Speaker 4: absolutely blindsided. We're about to move in together and had
Speaker 4: just applied for apartments. We were planning trips together. He
Speaker 4: just convinced me to join his Spotify account. I thought
Speaker 4: we were happy and in a loving and strong relationship.
Speaker 4: We met up for a walk lass week and he
Speaker 4: suddenly told me that he couldn't move in with me,
Speaker 4: he can't imagine marrying me, and that recently he has
Speaker 4: had a gut feeling that I'm not the one. However,
Speaker 4: he also told me that he thinks I am the
Speaker 4: perfect girl, confirmed he was in love with me, and
Speaker 4: agreed we would be happy together if we got married
Speaker 4: one day. He also confirmed that he he doesn't know
Speaker 4: what his type of girl actually is. He even agreed
Speaker 4: with me when I said that he would regret this
Speaker 4: breakup one day, and he told me that he thinks
Speaker 4: we would happily date and live together for two more years,
Speaker 4: but he knows he would eventually break up with me.
Speaker 4: I am so confused looking back. He's been a little
Speaker 4: bit withdrawn the past few weeks, calling and texting less
Speaker 4: and wanting to spend more time with his friends. We
Speaker 4: had some small arguments about it for nothing major. I
Speaker 4: don't know how I missed any sign that the relationship
Speaker 4: was going downhill, and I don't want to make the
Speaker 4: same mistake again. What did I do wrong that pushed
Speaker 4: him away? How can I trust future partners and trust
Speaker 4: that I won't do the same thing and that they
Speaker 4: suddenly won't decide that I'm not the one tell me
Speaker 4: what I've done wrong.
Speaker 1: It sounds like your partner has unnecessarily pushed the whole
Speaker 1: moving in together, you know, joining accounts, doing big life
Speaker 1: things that would indicate that he was really ready to
Speaker 1: make those commitments and make that move. Maybe things started
Speaker 1: to steamroll in the relationship and progress and he didn't
Speaker 1: know how to put the brakes on it. Really, he
Speaker 1: was quite fearful of that commitment and moving the relationship
Speaker 1: to the next stage, and so instead of being able
Speaker 1: to communicate, which clearly he hasn't done, which is why
Speaker 1: you feel like this has completely blindsided you.
Speaker 3: Because the guy clearly has the.
Speaker 1: S most stocking communication skills in the world, he hasn't
Speaker 1: communicated with you that he's not happy with that, and
Speaker 1: so instead it's all in and then it's all out.
Speaker 1: And I think that that when that happens to you
Speaker 1: in a relationship, it makes it so much harder to
Speaker 1: deal with the fact that you're going through a breakup
Speaker 1: to actually rationalize what the fuck We were happy yesterday
Speaker 1: and you were fine yesterday, and all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you've changed your mind. But the thing is is that
Speaker 1: he probably has been feeling like this for a long time.
Speaker 1: He's probably been thinking this for a long time and
Speaker 1: has been too frightened to actually verbalize that, but that
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you did something wrong. That doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that you created this. This is him and this is
Speaker 1: his issue.
Speaker 4: I think it's really important to remember in these situations
Speaker 4: that there is such a thing as really really loving someone,
Speaker 4: being genuinely in love with someone, loving spending time with someone,
Speaker 4: but they're not the one. I've been in that situation.
Speaker 4: That's a thing. I remember being with someone he strung
Speaker 4: me along for years because he genuinely He's like, I
Speaker 4: just love being around you, I love everything about you.
Speaker 4: But then he was like, but I know you're not
Speaker 4: the one for me. And I think that's what's happened here.
Speaker 4: I have no doubt that he loves you. I think
Speaker 4: that's really obvious.
Speaker 1: You don't spend time with someone like this and you
Speaker 1: don't have these level of commitments.
Speaker 4: So I think that him wanting to take the next
Speaker 4: steps in terms of moving in, he probably felt like, Okay, well,
Speaker 4: it's the next thing because I do love, you know,
Speaker 4: spending time with you. And then when pushes come to shove,
Speaker 4: and he's actually thought, hang on, if we move in together,
Speaker 4: this probably means that you're going to be my final relationship.
Speaker 4: And once he started to sit down and analyze that
Speaker 4: and realize that he doesn't think you're the one for him.
Speaker 4: He's brought it up so sure, I think he's brought
Speaker 4: it up too late, but I think it's I don't
Speaker 4: think it's anything that you've done. I don't think you've
Speaker 4: done anything wrong. There's nothing you should be changing about
Speaker 4: yourself to suit him, and that that's the part of
Speaker 4: the question that really struck a chord with me, is
Speaker 4: where you wrapped up your question and you said, what
Speaker 4: did I do wrong? What mistakes did I make? I
Speaker 4: don't want to make these mistakes again. The thing is,
Speaker 4: you haven't done anything wrong. It's literally coming down to
Speaker 4: two souls that love each other, but they're not meant
Speaker 4: to be. You can't go changing yourself drastically for a relationship,
Speaker 4: fixing things that aren't wrong with you, because it doesn't
Speaker 4: suit someone else to fix the relationship, because it'll never work.
Speaker 4: It'll prolong it for another year, and then ultimately you're
Speaker 4: gonna end up being your authentic self again and it's
Speaker 4: not gonna work. So I don't think there's anything wrong
Speaker 4: with you. Absolutely isn't. It's just that you're not a
Speaker 4: perfect match for this human and that's okay.
Speaker 1: See I'm gonna jump in here, or one thing that
Speaker 1: you said earlier and how you said that it like,
Speaker 1: you know, you can be in love with someone, you
Speaker 1: can love them, you can be with them for multiple years,
Speaker 1: but no, they're not the one.
Speaker 3: See, I personally think that that's a really jerk move.
Speaker 1: I think if you don't think that person's the one,
Speaker 1: you don't really want to spend your life with them,
Speaker 1: and your goals aren't aligned, and you know that your
Speaker 1: goals aren't aligned, then I think it's a conversation that respectfully,
Speaker 1: if you actually love someone, you need to have because
Speaker 1: if you're gonna if you're gonna waste someone's time for
Speaker 1: four years because you love them and you love spending
Speaker 1: time with them, but they're not the one, then.
Speaker 3: I think you're a selfish prick. Like I'm going to
Speaker 3: put that out there.
Speaker 4: I agree, but I'm not saying that in this sense.
Speaker 4: That's exactly what he's done.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 4: I'm saying, I think he loves her, he's realized he's
Speaker 4: not the one. So I'm saying to this poor girl,
Speaker 4: don't think he doesn't love you because.
Speaker 2: He said he doesn't want to marry you.
Speaker 4: I think he's just realized you're not the one, But
Speaker 4: it doesn't mean he's not in love with you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, yeah, I get that, and I do
Speaker 1: think that there is love there, But I do, Like
Speaker 1: we talked about this, and I'm not gonna keep referring
Speaker 1: back to The Bachelor because not everything has to do
Speaker 1: with that, but I'm going to say that, you know,
Speaker 1: there are things that you do with your words and
Speaker 1: with your actions that create a whole lot more hurt
Speaker 1: down the line. And I think when we're very reckless
Speaker 1: with the way that we use our words, we're very
Speaker 1: reckless with the things that we commit to, and then
Speaker 1: we take that back because we've changed our minds, or
Speaker 1: maybe we haven't even changed our minds. Maybe it's because
Speaker 1: we never really wanted it anyway, but we got caught
Speaker 1: up and the emotion and the love and the excitement
Speaker 1: and that feeling of you know, intensity when you're around someone.
Speaker 1: There are people out there who aren't really in check
Speaker 1: with the way they're feeling and the things they're saying,
Speaker 1: and that's a really important thing to keep perspective on
Speaker 1: because it creates so much more hurt and this guy
Speaker 1: was obviously never at the point where he felt like
Speaker 1: he could actually move out because he would have gotten
Speaker 1: further down that rabbit hole. But they've been having those conversations,
Speaker 1: they've been making those commitments, and so the fall for
Speaker 1: the person who's written the question in and the heartbreak
Speaker 1: is just so much greater because she feels so blindsided.
Speaker 1: And so I genuinely just want to reiterate what brit said, like,
Speaker 1: nothing you have done is your fault. Nothing that you
Speaker 1: did created the breakup, you know, unless you know that
Speaker 1: you behaved badly in the relationship, but if you were
Speaker 1: just being you and loving someone and hoping that this
Speaker 1: relationship was going to progress, there's nothing that you can change.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, you just have to take time, block this
Speaker 1: guy for a little while, go no contact, heal, and
Speaker 1: and then there has to be some part of you
Speaker 1: that learns to trust again in order for you to
Speaker 1: be able to have that relationship that will be your
Speaker 1: happy ending.
Speaker 3: That was really long.
Speaker 2: I think we got that in the bag.
Speaker 1: I do feel for it, but it fucking sucks.
Speaker 4: But this is one of those ones where you have
Speaker 4: to let it go and you have to just start
Speaker 4: to heal yourself and accept that as hard as it is,
Speaker 4: this one's not for you and this guy's not your penguin.
Speaker 1: But also, don't you think it's such a cop out
Speaker 1: when you're going through a breakup and a guy goes,
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to regret this in three months.
Speaker 1: You're like, oh, like, yes you are, but don't say
Speaker 1: that to me. So I sit around waiting for three
Speaker 1: months for you to come back to me.
Speaker 3: I just hate it. All this brings up some for
Speaker 3: pressed trauma. She just gets so aggressive question them and
Speaker 3: two hear me.
Speaker 4: This is a really hard one, actually, but I wanted
Speaker 4: to address it. I didn't want to scoot around the
Speaker 4: fact that it's hard to answer, just because it's hard
Speaker 4: to answer.
Speaker 2: Because I think a lot.
Speaker 4: Of women and a lot of young girls would be
Speaker 4: in this situation and don't know what to do about it.
Speaker 2: And that's that's why we hear Laura to help you
Speaker 2: all out.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get you with the hard hitting questions skills.
Speaker 3: I don't know what accent that was.
Speaker 4: I don't want to get you're fired.
Speaker 1: I recently got a very casual cash job. A friend
Speaker 1: of mine recommended me for this job.
Speaker 4: Because he knows the boss. I was desperate for this
Speaker 4: job because I'm a UNI student and the pay and hours.
Speaker 3: Are quite good.
Speaker 1: So I called the boss, got the job, and the
Speaker 1: only people that work for this boss are my friend
Speaker 1: and myself.
Speaker 2: Now everything was all good and wealth.
Speaker 4: I enjoyed the work and I was quite good at it,
Speaker 4: no complaints with the work side of things. As I
Speaker 4: started working there, the boss just started calling me nicknames
Speaker 4: like darling sweetheart instead of my name, which made me
Speaker 4: quite uncomfortable as I was the only female there. Later on,
Speaker 4: he just did a few other things, like a few
Speaker 4: little phrases here and there, and a few little gestures
Speaker 4: that made me uncomfortable. I'm not really sure what to
Speaker 4: do about it, as it was never enough to say
Speaker 4: anything about it, but I still just didn't feel okay
Speaker 4: about it. My friend, who also works with a guy,
Speaker 4: asked me if I felt comfortable with what he was doing,
Speaker 4: so it must have been pretty obvious.
Speaker 2: That he was doing it.
Speaker 4: The catch is that I will likely see this boss
Speaker 4: around as he's in my close community. So I don't
Speaker 4: know what to say because I don't want to make
Speaker 4: anything awkward or weird, but I do want to stay
Speaker 4: in the job. I can't really find a good excuse
Speaker 4: to quit because the money is good and I need
Speaker 4: the hours. He knows I need the hours to any suggestions,
Speaker 4: Have either of you ever been in this similar situation?
Speaker 4: And how do I deal with something like this?
Speaker 1: I think that this is such a common thing that
Speaker 1: so many women have to deal with in the workplace.
Speaker 1: And it's twenty twenty and mentioned no better. And you know,
Speaker 1: call us by our names, don't call us sweetie or
Speaker 1: whatever other term of endearment you're having to put up
Speaker 1: with at work. I'm going to make a generalization, and
Speaker 1: maybe this might not sit with everyone. I think we
Speaker 1: can all agree that if you find it inappropriate, like
Speaker 1: I mean, it's inappropriate full stop. But if it's an
Speaker 1: issue for you, then it is something that you should
Speaker 1: attend to. So I think that there's two camps of people.
Speaker 1: There are men who genuinely don't say it with any
Speaker 1: malicious intent. They you know, it's for them, it's a
Speaker 1: term of endearment. It might even be more like a
Speaker 1: father daughter relationship that in itself, though, can be pretty patronizing.
Speaker 1: I think so on the other side, there is this
Speaker 1: very patronizing or also a bit of a creepy thing
Speaker 1: that could be happening, and by the sounds here, it's
Speaker 1: like a bit more of a creepy thing. And I
Speaker 1: think either way both of them, you can call them out,
Speaker 1: but you can call them out in very different ways.
Speaker 1: I think for the one where you know the person's
Speaker 1: not meaning it with an intent and you know their character,
Speaker 1: you know that they're not a bad person, you know
Speaker 1: they're not hitting on you, you can approach that one
Speaker 1: by the next time they do it, you can say, look,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna call you boss Dave, Dave like you know,
Speaker 1: I love working for you. I think you're a great guy.
Speaker 1: I just want to say I really don't like it
Speaker 1: when you call me sweety. So if you could just
Speaker 1: call me beck, that would be great. He would probably
Speaker 1: feel embarrassed and would it would be like, no hard feelings.
Speaker 1: He would absolutely change. The other guy, the creepy guy,
Speaker 1: the guy that's not appropriate. I think you do need
Speaker 1: to be a little bit more firm with that, and
Speaker 1: you can still say in a way that's not super confrontational.
Speaker 1: But the next time that he's saying hey, darling, hey sweetie,
Speaker 1: you just say my name's Beck, and that's it. It
Speaker 1: can be a sentence that just cuts the paragraph in
Speaker 1: half or cuts his speech in half, and then the
Speaker 1: next time he calls you sweeter, you go, my name's Beck.
Speaker 1: And I think that like that in itself really starts
Speaker 1: to set the tone for what's appropriate and inappropriate.
Speaker 3: I think when you play along with it.
Speaker 1: Or if you like you know, haha, or try not
Speaker 1: to make him feel uncomfortable, then he could take that
Speaker 1: as that being it's okay to call you that. And
Speaker 1: the more that you are trying to make him feel comfortable,
Speaker 1: the more uncomfortable you're going to be calm. And isn't
Speaker 1: it crazy that we are okay with ourselves being in
Speaker 1: environment as women where we feel completely uncomfortable and we
Speaker 1: hate it, but we don't want to offend the other
Speaker 1: person who's making us feel like that because we don't
Speaker 1: want to make them feel like that. So I think,
Speaker 1: you know, you really do have to actually nip this
Speaker 1: one in the butt, because it's only going to get worse.
Speaker 3: It's definitely not going to get better.
Speaker 2: It's such a hard one.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to put myself in a situation and now
Speaker 4: it would be a lot easier for me because I'm older, wiser, lull,
Speaker 4: but I'm more experienced. But I know I've been in
Speaker 4: the situation before I'm younger where I definitely have been
Speaker 4: the person that's like, I'll just put up with this
Speaker 4: semi uncomfortable situation because I don't want to draw any
Speaker 4: more attention to it. I don't like confrontation. I don't
Speaker 4: want to make him feel uncomfortable. Ultimately, you don't have
Speaker 4: to ever be in a position that you're not comfortable with.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 4: I know that it's easy for us to sit here
Speaker 4: and say, just say something, tell him you don't like it,
Speaker 4: But it's a very different situation to actually do that,
Speaker 4: to approach someone and say, in your workplace, when there's
Speaker 4: three of you that work there, I don't like it
Speaker 4: when you call me this.
Speaker 2: I get that. That's a whole lot harder. But you're
Speaker 2: entitled to it.
Speaker 4: Like Laura said, you can say it in a way
Speaker 4: that is a little bit softer. Doesn't have to be
Speaker 4: it doesn't have to be a big deal. It can
Speaker 4: literally be like Laura said, Hey, it's actually brit that's it.
Speaker 1: At least that plants the seed, and if it continues,
Speaker 1: then you can kind of you know, be more firm.
Speaker 2: I have another thing that I want to say.
Speaker 4: If this is just a little side job and a
Speaker 4: cash job and you're that uncomfortable and you don't know
Speaker 4: what to do, I am sure there are other jobs
Speaker 4: out there. Like if you actually don't want to go
Speaker 4: to work because you're so comfortable and the thought of
Speaker 4: confronting makes you so uncomfortable, it is always the option
Speaker 4: to be like, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I was, look for another job. I'll get
Speaker 2: another job.
Speaker 4: If you're not in any immediate danger at the workplace,
Speaker 4: like you don't actually think that he's threatening or a
Speaker 4: predator or anything like that, and you can just start
Speaker 4: to look for another job. Why don't you do that?
Speaker 4: And that will leave the whole situation. But you don't
Speaker 4: have to be in a situation like you shouldn't be
Speaker 4: the one that has to quick because you're uncomfortable. I'm
Speaker 4: just saying it's always an option, and I'm just trying
Speaker 4: to put myself like I'm trying to think of my dad.
Speaker 4: For example, my dad would call my friends if my
Speaker 4: friends come over.
Speaker 2: He'd be like, hey, sweetheart, give him a kiss. Hello.
Speaker 4: So he would use that term, but he would use
Speaker 4: it in a term that's like, you know, it's not creepy,
Speaker 4: you know, it's comfortable. And he's never made any of
Speaker 4: my friends comfortable feel uncomfortable, So there is that as well.
Speaker 4: Maybe he's just looking at you like a bit of
Speaker 4: a If you're young and he's an older man, he
Speaker 4: might be looking at you like it's a term of endearment,
Speaker 4: like you'd call like your daughter.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I do think that there's a
Speaker 1: very big difference between speaking to someone your daughter's friend
Speaker 1: or speaking to your employee, like I mean, as an employer,
Speaker 1: I think that there are very very different codes of
Speaker 1: conduct as to how you can speak to someone that
Speaker 1: you work with and work for. Also, secondly, I and
Speaker 1: I'm going to disagree with you on a point, brit
Speaker 1: but you know it's okay that we.
Speaker 3: Have different opinions on things. Hit me only because.
Speaker 1: I actually I actually experienced sexual assault at my workplace
Speaker 1: when I was twenty two. My CEO he at our
Speaker 1: Christmas work party, he was a sixty year old German Man,
Speaker 1: stuck his hand up my dress and into my underwear.
Speaker 2: Oh kidding, well, I mean that's fucking next level, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and at the time I was so upset and
Speaker 1: so embarrassed that I ended up quitting my job. He
Speaker 1: told me it'd always found me attractive, and then he
Speaker 1: you know, went way too far, and I knit. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, I can't even I can't even tell you
Speaker 1: how infuriating it makes me now as a thirty four
Speaker 1: year old woman that I didn't stand up for myself.
Speaker 1: But at the time I was twenty three, I think,
Speaker 1: and I quit. I quit, and I went to another job,
Speaker 1: and he never ever, ever had to deal with his
Speaker 1: workplace conduct. He ended up moving to another career in
Speaker 1: the States. And I look back on that and I
Speaker 1: think because I was too young to actually verbalize how
Speaker 1: I felt, and I told my people who I worked with,
Speaker 1: but I didn't ever tell any of my superiors because
Speaker 1: I was too worried about me being fired. That I think,
Speaker 1: you know, you really have the right to feel comfortable
Speaker 1: in your workplace, and you never ever, ever should have
Speaker 1: to quit a job because somebody in your workplace makes
Speaker 1: you feel uncomfortable because they're the one that's behaving inappropriately.
Speaker 1: And I really, like, now, as an adult, feel very
Speaker 1: passionately about that. So I know that age can make
Speaker 1: it very difficult to express how you feel. But I
Speaker 1: think that with that comes experience, and with that comes
Speaker 1: a newfound confidence for you to just stick up for
Speaker 1: yourself a little bit. And as women, we really need
Speaker 1: to do that. We really need to set boundaries for
Speaker 1: the way that we want to be treated. And if
Speaker 1: you're not setting any boundaries at all, and you're not
Speaker 1: calling someone out, even if it is in a polite
Speaker 1: way saying like, hey, I don't like that, can you
Speaker 1: please not call me this name? Then what that ends
Speaker 1: up doing is it gives that person validation and justification
Speaker 1: that it's okay and they can continue to do it.
Speaker 1: So I think be really mindful of that and don't
Speaker 1: feel too embarrassed to just say, hey, I.
Speaker 2: Don't really like that.
Speaker 1: I want to make it very, very very clear that
Speaker 1: I would never, ever, ever, ever tell you to quit
Speaker 1: a job if you had been sexually assaulted, like, you
Speaker 1: report that shit, you go to the police, you go
Speaker 1: to his superiors, you do everything you have to.
Speaker 2: That's not what I meant.
Speaker 4: I just meant if it's to the point where she
Speaker 4: just doesn't want to confront it, which I think you
Speaker 4: should because you're entitled to it one hundred percent. But
Speaker 4: if this is your side cash job and you're like,
Speaker 4: I just don't want to deal with it the stress
Speaker 4: in my life and don't want to bring it on.
Speaker 4: I don't want to confront him, whilst I think you
Speaker 4: should and you're entitled to it. You can always just
Speaker 4: take yourself away from the environment, like that is an
Speaker 4: option if if the thought of confrontation is too much,
Speaker 4: which for a lot of people it is, that is
Speaker 4: an option as well. But ultimately, I think you could
Speaker 4: have the simple conversation, hey, it's actually Beck, don't love
Speaker 4: it when you call me that, and then just sort
Speaker 4: of not make a big deal about it, get on
Speaker 4: with your day and see if it continues. If it continues,
Speaker 4: you're going to.
Speaker 1: Have to take more drastic measures, you know what. Just
Speaker 1: like I'm going to tell you the last of that story.
Speaker 1: So after I quit, so I told a couple of
Speaker 1: people from work, and I ended up staying for a
Speaker 1: while because he had never been inappropriate to me during
Speaker 1: actual work, Like during our day to day work, I
Speaker 1: barely ever passed him like he was a CEO of
Speaker 1: a very big company, so I never actually had to
Speaker 1: experience him really in the office, and then a couple
Speaker 1: of weeks, a couple of months passed and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I guess we'll just pretend like that never happened and
Speaker 1: we'll let that go. Anyway, the next time we had
Speaker 1: a big like it wasn't a Christmas party, but the
Speaker 1: next time we had like a big work event, but
Speaker 1: there was lots of drinks. He tried it on again
Speaker 1: and did the same speel and was all over me,
Speaker 1: and actually the general manager ended up stepping in and
Speaker 1: getting me into a taxi to get me away from him,
Speaker 1: and then I quit. The next day I came to
Speaker 1: work and I was like, Okay, I can't do this.
Speaker 3: I'm done.
Speaker 1: And then I got given a pair of diamond earrings
Speaker 1: when I left my tiny shitty sales job that I
Speaker 1: got paid thirty thousand dollars a year at the time
Speaker 1: for I got given a pair of fucking baller sparkling
Speaker 1: diamond earrings. And I was like, how did this happen?
Speaker 1: Pre Me too movement, because at least I just wish
Speaker 1: I'd been a bit older, a bit wiser, a bit
Speaker 1: more confident. I wish I'd understip stood that even if
Speaker 1: you're in a very junior role. You still have power
Speaker 1: that you never need to be treated like that. But
Speaker 1: I just left because I couldn't deal with it, and
Speaker 1: I didn't know how to respond to it, and I
Speaker 1: didn't know what to do or say.
Speaker 4: It's like that was like hush money, like it was
Speaker 4: a hospital, that fucking starks Man, and I just can't
Speaker 4: believe it's still happening. Obviously, we've had this whole me
Speaker 4: too movement. It's so infuriating that women have to go
Speaker 4: through this at all at any level, whether it's just
Speaker 4: being uncomfortable with the name that they call in you
Speaker 4: or like you Laura, like I.
Speaker 2: Just it makes me so mad.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry that happened to you, but being physically touched
Speaker 4: in the workplace, it's so inappropriate and you're absolutely you're
Speaker 4: not fuck it. Just tell him straight up, just be like,
Speaker 4: don't call me that, and.
Speaker 3: How many I'm so bad?
Speaker 1: Now, don't call me sweetie, patronizing piece of shit? All right, guys,
Speaker 1: question number three, let's get into it. That was a
Speaker 1: really big one that took a dark turn, and I
Speaker 1: have never shared that story publicly, so I'm sure that
Speaker 1: all a few eyebrows, but it happened a really long
Speaker 1: time ago. It happened a decade ago, so it's not
Speaker 1: something I ever think about. But when I talk about
Speaker 1: workplace conduct and when people talk about being harassed at work,
Speaker 1: it really triggers me. And you know it happens. So
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna I'm not going to keep that a secret.
Speaker 2: No, I think it's important to talk about it. So
Speaker 2: thank you for sharing.
Speaker 3: You're welcome.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is slightly different light a tone.
Speaker 1: Okay, question I'm a three. It was a really long one.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna summarize that. But long story short, this
Speaker 1: girl has been dating her partner for only about six months,
Speaker 1: so they're close enough to be, you know, pretty open
Speaker 1: with each other, and they're moving in the right direction.
Speaker 1: But it's not like it's long term and you can.
Speaker 3: Be like faring.
Speaker 1: You can't be like so open with him yet well
Speaker 1: you literally fart on each other. So long story short,
Speaker 1: he's starting to go bald. You can't laugh.
Speaker 3: A lot of men go bored.
Speaker 2: I know I'm laughing because of how different this question is.
Speaker 1: Okay, I was like, stop bald shaming this man.
Speaker 2: No, I'm not.
Speaker 1: He's starting to go bald. But her question is I
Speaker 1: don't really know how to approach it. I want to
Speaker 1: say something, because she's like, I don't actually know if
Speaker 1: he knows it's going bald, Like obviously this bits at
Speaker 1: the back. She thinks he should shave it because she
Speaker 1: thinks he'll look better, and she thinks he look good
Speaker 1: with it shaved, but it will also stop the patchy baldness.
Speaker 2: She's what do I do? She's like, can I tell him?
Speaker 2: How do I tell him?
Speaker 3: Do I just leave it?
Speaker 2: Is that too of fensive? Are we there yet? Like,
Speaker 2: there's so many aspects.
Speaker 1: To this question, dabe, I'm also going bald, and Matt
Speaker 1: tells me all the time. Matt constantly makes strokes of like, well,
Speaker 1: at least I'm going to have more hair than you
Speaker 1: were wearing our eighties, So maybe when you get to
Speaker 1: our point in the relationship, you'll be fine with making
Speaker 1: those comments. I'm going to say something obviously, like you've
Speaker 1: been with this guy for six months, you have strong
Speaker 1: feelings for him, blah blah blah, all that aside. This
Speaker 1: is going to sound cliche and dumb, but I'm going
Speaker 1: to say it anyway. You need to love him, and
Speaker 1: however he looks and be accepting of whatever he's comfortable with.
Speaker 1: And you never want to do something or make your
Speaker 1: partner feel uncomfortable because esthetically you want them to change
Speaker 1: something about themselves. Like you're obviously looking at him and
Speaker 1: it's triggering you that he's going bored. But maybe he's
Speaker 1: totally freaking fine with it. Maybe he realizes and he's
Speaker 1: just comfortable in his alopecia.
Speaker 4: I agree, like you fuck you just need to accept
Speaker 4: someone how they are and love them how they are.
Speaker 4: But what I do think you could do in this
Speaker 4: if he doesn't know his ball Like if I was.
Speaker 2: Going balld, if I had a ball patch, you know
Speaker 2: about a bat which I've got.
Speaker 4: No, I've got a double crown, guys. If you guys
Speaker 4: don't know what a double crown is, look it up.
Speaker 4: But if I don't hardcore brush my hair one specific way,
Speaker 4: I look black.
Speaker 1: I've got a ball patch because it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: like ro Adesian ridgebacks, you know on their back, how
Speaker 1: their hair spans out. I have that, and I look
Speaker 1: like I have this huge ball patch because my hair
Speaker 1: goes one way. If I was like probably going bald
Speaker 1: at the back and I didn't know I would want
Speaker 1: you to tell me, Laura, or I'd want someone to
Speaker 1: tell me. So what I think you could do is,
Speaker 1: in case he doesn't know, maybe next time you're like
Speaker 1: he's sitting down, or you're behind him or giving him
Speaker 1: a neck rub or whatever, be like like you've just noticed, babe,
Speaker 1: I think you've got a ball patch.
Speaker 2: Just make a joke about it, like it's lighthearted, and then.
Speaker 1: Imagine someone being like, no, baby, I was just noticed
Speaker 1: you've got sell your life.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 1: I mean it's different to sitting them down and being
Speaker 1: like we need to talk, you're going bored. I mean,
Speaker 1: just and then just be playful about it, be like okay, grampy,
Speaker 1: like whatever.
Speaker 4: That's what I would do. I would just make it
Speaker 4: a bit lighthearted. He's probably like, I know, don't give
Speaker 4: me a hard time.
Speaker 2: It's going to be a joke. But I think the
Speaker 2: way if.
Speaker 1: You really wanted to bring it up, would be like
Speaker 1: make it like you've just noticed something and be like, oh,
Speaker 1: I think you've got a board patch.
Speaker 2: See.
Speaker 1: I would worry that that would play into some insecurity
Speaker 1: that he already has. So I kind of like think
Speaker 1: a way of getting someone to do something that you
Speaker 1: want is like a compliment them.
Speaker 3: So maybe you could just say.
Speaker 1: I think you would look really, really freaking sexy with
Speaker 1: a shaved head. Have you ever shaved your head? I've
Speaker 1: been thinking about it, and I think you would look
Speaker 1: so fucking hot. Like I think that is like a
Speaker 1: nicer way of approaching something than being.
Speaker 3: Like, oh my god, oh my goodness, I've just noticed
Speaker 3: that this has happened to you. It's a disaster.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that's another option, Like I'm all about the compliments,
Speaker 1: but I think in a relationship like this, when you've
Speaker 1: spent six months with someone, this is and guys, this
Speaker 1: is just our opinions, Like, yes, heaps, if you're gonna
Speaker 1: be like I would never do that as wrong.
Speaker 4: I would be playful and be like, lo, I think
Speaker 4: you've got to barbatch. That's so funny, but you're still
Speaker 4: gonna be kissing him and loving him, being like, look
Speaker 4: the look your little ball patch.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 1: But also it also totally depends on the type of
Speaker 1: relationship you have, Like I mean, Matt and I we
Speaker 1: have a very joking, we make fun of each other
Speaker 1: kind of relationship, and so for us, like if I
Speaker 1: was to point something out like that of him, and
Speaker 1: I was like, Hey, they a nice ball patch, you've
Speaker 1: got happening. He would laugh and he wouldn't be offended.
Speaker 1: So I think I do agree with you. It completely
Speaker 1: depends on your relationship and where you're at and how
Speaker 1: open and how far you can push the envelope with
Speaker 1: how much you can kind of torment each other. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, if that's not what you're like
Speaker 1: in your relationship, and like maybe you're a bit more
Speaker 1: a personality type, maybe you are more respectful in the
Speaker 1: way that you speak to each other, I think that
Speaker 1: it can be done from an affirmation side of things then,
Speaker 1: and in which case, I really think that positive encouragement
Speaker 1: and positive reinforcement is a really great way of manipulating.
Speaker 3: People into what you want them to do.
Speaker 2: I'll remember that, Laura.
Speaker 4: This this situation is if the bull patch is at
Speaker 4: the back of the head, he can't see it, he
Speaker 4: doesn't know it's there. I don't think guys will at
Speaker 4: the back of the head. I'm not saying if he's
Speaker 4: got a really obvious ball patch of the front, then
Speaker 4: like the guy.
Speaker 2: Knows it's there.
Speaker 1: He knows, like he's not blind, he's just accepting it.
Speaker 1: And also, I mean, like, look, like brit said, if
Speaker 1: it's at the back of his head and he doesn't
Speaker 1: know about it, tell the poor guy he might want
Speaker 1: to know, and there are things he can do. Maybe
Speaker 1: you know, he can run in the whole footsteps of
Speaker 1: who's that cricketer who got a whole lot of hair
Speaker 1: plugs done?
Speaker 2: Warning?
Speaker 1: Yeah him, Maybe he can follow in the steps of
Speaker 1: all the warning ads and go and get some hair
Speaker 1: transplant whatever it is that they advertise on TV constantly.
Speaker 3: This is not an ad for them. We're not sponsored
Speaker 3: by hair transplant guys.
Speaker 4: I honestly just think, I one hundred percent think, and
Speaker 4: I think this is everything in life. It's in your delivery.
Speaker 4: It's in the delivery of how you give it to him.
Speaker 1: So I would make it a bit lighthearted, but I
Speaker 1: don't know your relationship.
Speaker 2: But if it's at the back of his head, tell
Speaker 2: the guy, just tell him, let him know. Done.
Speaker 3: I reckon, we've covered all bases.
Speaker 1: We really went from like the lows to the real lows,
Speaker 1: back to the highs, back.
Speaker 3: To the shining glory of the ball top of the
Speaker 3: high It was.
Speaker 4: Such a random assortment of questions all the coaster guys,
Speaker 4: I've got to run because apparently that get Roun's down
Speaker 4: the road, so I need to go take my clothes
Speaker 4: off and run.
Speaker 1: Down street people before you get nude and go into
Speaker 1: a first trap.
Speaker 3: I just want to say, guys, we.
Speaker 1: Are back to number one in the podcast chat. It
Speaker 1: means I'm sorry, they thank you all. It means that
Speaker 1: we're number one in the country at the moment thanks
Speaker 1: to every single one of you guys who listens to
Speaker 1: this podcast. And we are so freaking appreciative. We're so
Speaker 1: proud of like the community that you guys are growing.
Speaker 1: Like I mean, you know, I know that we put
Speaker 1: the podcast out that you are the ones who actually
Speaker 1: get involved in that community, who have started meetups, who
Speaker 1: continue the conversations on Facebook, who give us your opinions
Speaker 1: and your thoughts on episodes, and whether you agree or disagree,
Speaker 1: and like even in the times where you disagree with
Speaker 1: things that we say, we really appreciate that back as well,
Speaker 1: because we're human. We're having a human conversation here, and
Speaker 1: like we always say, we're not experts, We're just people
Speaker 1: who have lived.
Speaker 3: Very colorful lives.
Speaker 1: There will never be a day that I wake up
Speaker 1: see that we're number one and not be like an
Speaker 1: excited child on Christmas. Laura and I literally like screenshot it.
Speaker 1: We sent it to each other like we're kids.
Speaker 2: We're like, can you believe it?
Speaker 1: Like we can't because we genuinely can't believe it.
Speaker 4: We cannot believe that we are in a position where
Speaker 4: we get to do something we love. We get to
Speaker 4: talk shit, we get to laugh, we get to help
Speaker 4: you guys out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like, the big one and the reason why
Speaker 1: we started this in the first place is that we
Speaker 1: wanted to empower people to live better and happier lives
Speaker 1: and to have more fulfilling relationships. And we know that
Speaker 1: that is the case, and we know that there are
Speaker 1: people out there who this is touched because you guys
Speaker 1: let us know, and that means the absolute world to us.
Speaker 1: My biggest thing is we wanted you guys to feel
Speaker 1: like you're not alone in any situation.
Speaker 2: We wanted to bring awareness.
Speaker 4: To how crazy, hilarious, fucked up down so many people's
Speaker 4: situations can be, so that you can sit there and
Speaker 4: be like, Wow, I'm not the only one going through this.
Speaker 2: I'm not the only one feeling like this. This is normal.
Speaker 2: I don't feel so alone.
Speaker 1: And in some weird, crazy way we've managed to do
Speaker 1: that and we're just so chuffed to say thank you
Speaker 1: so much for keeping this at number one.
Speaker 2: And that's all. We'll stop talking now.
Speaker 3: So guys, if you.
Speaker 1: Haven't joined up to the Life Uncut Facebook group, it's
Speaker 1: a Life Uncut podcast. If you haven't jumped on the
Speaker 1: Life Uncut Instagram, you really need to do that because
Speaker 1: sometimes it's very funny. So that's Life Uncut Podcast as well.
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