Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and Britney's angry at me
Speaker 1: because we've literally done this.
Speaker 2: Intro five times now.
Speaker 1: But the first one sucked, and then the second one sarched,
Speaker 1: and then the third one sarched, and then britt made
Speaker 1: a mistake on the fourth.
Speaker 2: One, and so I didn't think they were that bad.
Speaker 2: To be fair, I was like, that was pretty good.
Speaker 2: But here we are. It's irrelevant. Five times is a charm.
Speaker 2: That's what they made up. You made that up because
Speaker 2: you're making me do it five times five times.
Speaker 1: It is a sweet spot. I remember when I used
Speaker 1: to do it five times a day.
Speaker 2: It's been a long time. I do not remember that. No, No,
Speaker 2: it was before we were friends. How was your week, Marie?
Speaker 2: Here was good.
Speaker 1: Matt's mum came and stayed with us for the weekend.
Speaker 1: Finally borders have reopened and so she came down from
Speaker 1: Queensland and it was the first time that we'd seen
Speaker 1: her since January. So it was like, really nice to
Speaker 1: kind of had that normalcy of last year in twenty twenty.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's what your face looks like not
Speaker 1: on FaceTime.
Speaker 2: How weird that we don't see our family for you,
Speaker 2: I'm flying to the Gold Coast tomorrow morning to see
Speaker 2: my brother who I haven't seen in a year.
Speaker 1: Well, speaking of Britney leaving tomorrow, guys, that does mean
Speaker 1: that we have a little bit of a switcheroo happening
Speaker 1: for you later this week. I'm just going to tease
Speaker 1: this into the episode.
Speaker 2: Now, oh you big teas, you big teas.
Speaker 1: Okay, So we've done it once, We've done it twice
Speaker 1: before where Mattie Jay has filled in for me and
Speaker 1: Britt and matt have done this like weird couple swap
Speaker 1: episode asked uncut w swap wife swap. While I had
Speaker 1: to sit in the corner and watch them, it was
Speaker 1: like you know when you hear about those like people
Speaker 1: have sex fetishes and they like watch their partner doing
Speaker 1: it with their friend.
Speaker 2: I mean it was normal for me. This is all weird,
Speaker 2: f Laura.
Speaker 1: Basically that's what's happened in the past. But this Thursday,
Speaker 1: our ask guncut episode is going to be a very
Speaker 1: special episode because it's going.
Speaker 2: To be me and Mattie Jay.
Speaker 1: So you guys can all listen to us bicker like
Speaker 1: we do live on.
Speaker 2: The podcasts can listen to what I hear all the time,
Speaker 2: but you can hear it live. No, I'm very appreciative,
Speaker 2: and I hope you guys understand because the borders have
Speaker 2: been closed. Obviously, my nephew, my niece, and my brother
Speaker 2: I have not seen them in a year, so this, obviously,
Speaker 2: I feel like this was. If there's ever gonna be
Speaker 2: a reason for me to miss an uncut, it was
Speaker 2: this one. My sister and I are going up to
Speaker 2: see him. We're so excited my nephew. Last time I
Speaker 2: saw him, he wasn't even talking. Now he's like running
Speaker 2: around like a maniac. He speaks two languages. I'm like,
Speaker 2: well that happened quickly.
Speaker 1: I mean, the more that we have Matt on the podcast,
Speaker 1: the more he's gonna start thinking he's a permanent fixture.
Speaker 2: So like, don't get used to it, Matt. This is
Speaker 2: my very first episode I've missed, and it will be
Speaker 2: my well, I don't want to say it's my lastest
Speaker 2: in case, but like I expect it to be my last.
Speaker 1: Anyway, guys, that's a treat for you for Thursdays. So like,
Speaker 1: I know we're just pre warning you about this, but
Speaker 1: that's your trigger warning.
Speaker 2: That's your trigger warning for Thursday's episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this weekend, do you know what I do
Speaker 1: want to say something that happened to me this weekend,
Speaker 1: just really quickly. It's not a funny story. It's actually
Speaker 1: like a little bit.
Speaker 2: Of a parental warning story. I learned my lesson, I guess.
Speaker 1: So we bought a blow up pool over the weekend,
Speaker 1: like a big massive It cost thirty six bucks from Kmart.
Speaker 2: It was a very very like boogie. Yeah, that's that word.
Speaker 2: I can't say. OOOHI no. I was like very impressed.
Speaker 1: I was like, we're gonna have a real Australian barbecue
Speaker 1: day with our blowout pool and all the kids and anyway,
Speaker 1: we had a barbie on Sunday. Loads of kids were around,
Speaker 1: like all the nieces and nephews and put the pool.
Speaker 2: In the backyard. And we have like a bit of
Speaker 2: a weird backyard.
Speaker 1: We've got two separate sections, so if you're in one section,
Speaker 1: you can't see around to the other section. And you know,
Speaker 1: there was lots of adults there. So the good thing
Speaker 1: about having lots of adults is that there's always someone
Speaker 1: watching the kids. And like Matt and I were kind
Speaker 1: of taking in turns while one of us was cooking
Speaker 1: or one of us was getting drinks, et cetera. So
Speaker 1: I was inside getting drinks and Matt was outside with
Speaker 1: the family, and I assumed he had Marley, which is
Speaker 1: the biggest mistake. I never assume that somebody else is
Speaker 1: watching the kids. I assumed he had Marley. He assumed
Speaker 1: his mom had Marley. His mum had no fucking idea
Speaker 1: what was going on, and.
Speaker 2: Everyone thought someone else had Marley. Yeah, And I walked
Speaker 2: outside and I realized.
Speaker 1: And then I walked around to where the swimming pool was,
Speaker 1: and there's Marley by herself, zero adults. She'd climbed into
Speaker 1: the swimming pool all by herself and was just standing
Speaker 1: in the waiting pool playing and like nothing bad happened.
Speaker 2: That there was very little water in the pool.
Speaker 1: We only put about maybe ten fifteen centimeters of water
Speaker 1: in the pool. But it just made me realize how
Speaker 1: quickly something can go wrong, and like if she had
Speaker 1: slipped over when she'd gotten in, because the sides are
Speaker 1: really high, like she's one and a half. It made
Speaker 1: me sick, like this moment of fear of like how
Speaker 1: quickly shit can go wrong, and how you just cannot
Speaker 1: assume that somebody else is watching your kids. Ever.
Speaker 2: Well, that's the thing I think a lot of people
Speaker 2: forget too, is like when you say there wasn't even
Speaker 2: a lot of water in there, and there doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be. You can drown in two centimes of water.
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that to scare you or anyone else.
Speaker 2: I'm literally it's just I think it's important to say
Speaker 2: that now, if we're going to have this conversation, it's
Speaker 2: that you only need the tiniest, tiniest little bit. So
Speaker 2: I'm so glad obviously nothing happened to her, but yeah,
Speaker 2: definitely a warning to people to keep that in mind,
Speaker 2: especially coming to somewhere in Australia.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was one of those things as well, Like
Speaker 1: we went to bed last night and like it it
Speaker 1: just stuck with me, like the fear that I felt
Speaker 1: when I saw her in there by herself. Matt and
Speaker 1: I went to bed and we lay in bed last night.
Speaker 1: We had a big conversation around it because like obviously
Speaker 1: it's no one's fault, Like, no, I'm not gonna blame him.
Speaker 1: He wasn't gonna blame me. Like, we didn't have a
Speaker 1: fight about it, but we will. Almost something that I'm
Speaker 1: grateful happened because it's made me so aware of how
Speaker 1: quickly that can that situation can happen, and it's made
Speaker 1: me have a much greater, i guess, like understanding of
Speaker 1: when these things have happened.
Speaker 2: To other parents or other people.
Speaker 1: There's a little bit of you that judges that's like, well,
Speaker 1: why weren't you watching your kids?
Speaker 2: You know, you think that there's that when they're going
Speaker 2: to think the same thing to you.
Speaker 1: There's going to be so many people listening to this
Speaker 1: who's like, well, I can't believe you.
Speaker 2: Took your eyes off her, But it's so easy.
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to I know, that's not a
Speaker 1: fun or funny story, and usually we come here with
Speaker 1: the lolls for this start of the episode, but I
Speaker 1: just thought it was such an important thing to happen,
Speaker 1: and it was such a life lesson for me that
Speaker 1: I haven't been able to shake over the last twenty
Speaker 1: four hours.
Speaker 2: So I really wanted to share that with everyone. Well,
Speaker 2: thank you for sharing that and bringing that to the podcast.
Speaker 2: So well, it is an very important message. That's my
Speaker 2: public service announcement for today. Anyway, weekend, I'm like, I
Speaker 2: don't know. Can I tell funny stories? Now? I don't know?
Speaker 1: No, No, Like, okay, We've got to actually a really
Speaker 1: solemn episode for you, So I feel like we need
Speaker 1: to bring the lolls before we take it to the
Speaker 1: real serious part.
Speaker 2: Look, I'll quickly touch on my weekend before we get
Speaker 2: into my accidently unfiltered. I had a great weekend. I'm
Speaker 2: sorry to say that, Laura when after your story, but
Speaker 2: I snuck away, nothing really funny happened. I actually know
Speaker 2: something did have funny happen, but that's going to be
Speaker 2: my accidentally unfiltered in a second, So sit tight. No.
Speaker 2: I snuck away up to up the coast and I
Speaker 2: went hot air ballooning, and I had some wine, and
Speaker 2: I had my family Christmas party, which is like exhausting
Speaker 2: because like fifty people get in this beach house with
Speaker 2: fifty kids, and it's mannic, like we're sleeping on floors.
Speaker 2: It's not. This is not a luxury retreat, kids. This
Speaker 2: is like kids jumping on you at three am in
Speaker 2: the morning.
Speaker 1: But I rock up at the recording today but it's like,
Speaker 1: I'm so tired, and then they because she got up
Speaker 1: at three am this morning to go hot air ballooning.
Speaker 2: I got up at three am this.
Speaker 1: Morning to deal with an explosive diary of shit that
Speaker 1: was all through a cot and I was like, do
Speaker 1: you know what.
Speaker 2: Yeah too, babe, me too. But we're both We both
Speaker 2: got up at three am, and that is the consistency here.
Speaker 2: We are both fatigued. It's irrelevant. Why no. I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm lucky that I did get to go up hot
Speaker 2: air ballooning. I did take Sherry and Jay hot air ballooning,
Speaker 2: and unfortunately the only time that they do it is sunrise.
Speaker 1: Oh, it must be so awful, What a horrible thing
Speaker 1: to have to do. Must be so horrible to go
Speaker 1: to winery without children and drink wine and going on
Speaker 1: a hot air balloon.
Speaker 2: At three am. I mean, it's funny stay in like
Speaker 2: luxury accommodation. I was on the floor of a pool
Speaker 2: table in a lounge room with like twenty kids on
Speaker 2: this mattress with springs in my back, Like this was
Speaker 2: not a luxury. I am glad that you did spend
Speaker 2: the weekend with children. How annoying are they so annoying?
Speaker 2: Now it's on my nieces and nephews and I love them.
Speaker 2: It's at a time where Christmas. It makes Christmas magical
Speaker 2: again because I don't do anything for Christmas. I live alone.
Speaker 2: I throw some tinsel maybe if I'm feeling luxurious on
Speaker 2: my palm tree, but that's it. So it was really
Speaker 2: nice to sort of up the ante and you have
Speaker 2: all the decorations, and we had presents, and you know
Speaker 2: Santa was coming early for them and all of the above.
Speaker 2: So that was really really nice. But I did go
Speaker 2: hold air boon in this morning, and just like fifteen
Speaker 2: minutes ago, as we were recording this episode, I get
Speaker 2: a message in my DMS from this girl that I
Speaker 2: don't know. She's like, I thought that was you this morning.
Speaker 2: I was on your hot air balloon. And then she
Speaker 2: sends me all these like horrific footage of me trying
Speaker 2: to roll up the hot air balloon. At the end,
Speaker 2: I fully got in there, like it was the amazing race.
Speaker 2: He's like, we need some volunteers, and I was like,
Speaker 2: volunteers tribute. So I jump in there and I'm trying
Speaker 2: to roll this hot air blown up. It was actually
Speaker 2: really hard work. She's like, I knew it was you,
Speaker 2: and then she proceeds to send me all these here
Speaker 2: it is footage of me. I was like, thank you that.
Speaker 2: She was like paparazzi. She goes, she goes, I wasn't
Speaker 2: sure it was you. I don't know if you saw,
Speaker 2: but I put it. I put a story up today saying, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: got up at three am with no makeup and dressed
Speaker 2: like a boy. Because I did, I looked like a boy.
Speaker 2: I looked like a twelve year old boy. And that's
Speaker 2: why she obviously didn't recognize me. She's like, I thought
Speaker 2: you looked familiar. She's like, I'm actually a huge fan,
Speaker 2: but I didn't recognize you.
Speaker 1: She's like, what do you wait? Is that what you
Speaker 1: look like with our makeup and Instagram for yeah?
Speaker 3: Is that you?
Speaker 2: It wasn't great, guys, but other than that, it was
Speaker 2: just chill man. It was just nice to get out
Speaker 2: of Sydney.
Speaker 1: Why did I just sound like I don't know, but
Speaker 1: I was just about to do It was chill man.
Speaker 1: And then we like some slifs and just had a
Speaker 1: really turbular term.
Speaker 2: Anyway, the Bonda is really getting to you. Bonda Yeam
Speaker 2: Bond Girl.
Speaker 1: Well, anyways, guys, we really don't want to spend too
Speaker 1: long on this intro this morning, and that is because
Speaker 1: this is a really massive, massive episode that we have
Speaker 1: coming up. We're interviewing doctor Angela Jay and now I'm
Speaker 1: sure that some of you guys will actually know this
Speaker 1: story or would have read it in the news or
Speaker 1: seen it in the papers. I mean, that's also reading
Speaker 1: it in the news, So I'll just stop saying the
Speaker 1: same thing in different ways you guys might know about it.
Speaker 1: Angela is a doctor who at the time was living
Speaker 1: in Port Macquary and she met a guy on online
Speaker 1: dating on Tinder. It's a story about how the man
Speaker 1: that she dated, Paul, ended up jumping out of a
Speaker 1: closet and stabbing her eleven times. It is an incredibly
Speaker 1: harrowing story, but it's also a really really empowering story.
Speaker 1: And the reason why we wanted to get Angela on
Speaker 1: the podcast is because we Britt and I we've talked
Speaker 1: about this loads and we think it's really important for
Speaker 1: people to really understand the fact that like this sort
Speaker 1: of thing can happen to anyone. Violence against women, domestic violence,
Speaker 1: it doesn't just happen to people who are paul, or
Speaker 1: who are uneducated, or who make bad decisions. Angela is
Speaker 1: an incredibly intelligent woman who who has all the education
Speaker 1: in the world. She is a doctor, and she was
Speaker 1: the victim of such an incredibly abusive and frightening attack,
Speaker 1: and so we really wanted to share this with you.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: This is a trigger warning for anyone who doesn't want
Speaker 1: to listen to an episode on domestic violence. But for
Speaker 1: the rest of you who can, there are some really
Speaker 1: really important take homes from this interview, I think, and
Speaker 1: you know, we aren't going to jump into it just yeah,
Speaker 1: we're going to talk about it accidentally unfiltered story, So
Speaker 1: we have some.
Speaker 2: Funny things to tell you first.
Speaker 1: However, I just wanted to put that out there because
Speaker 1: it's a really great episode that we're both super proud of.
Speaker 1: But it is a very big one, and it's definitely
Speaker 1: probably the most heavy one that we've ever done.
Speaker 2: It's a very very surreal story. And I remember being
Speaker 2: from Port McQuary. I remember when it happened. It just like,
Speaker 2: I mean, blew up all of Australia. It was everywhere,
Speaker 2: but it was all anyone talked about in Port McQuary,
Speaker 2: But there is so much that we talk about with Angela,
Speaker 2: and she's so brave and so open to share her
Speaker 2: story with us, and I'm so appreciative. But she is
Speaker 2: going to go into quite a lot of detail about
Speaker 2: every aspect from the beginning, from how she met him,
Speaker 2: why where she met him, the beginning of that relationship,
Speaker 2: what appeared to be red flags in hindsight, but she
Speaker 2: didn't really notice at the start the things that started
Speaker 2: to go downhill, and how soon they started to go downhill,
Speaker 2: to the way the police dealt with the situation, to
Speaker 2: the fact that she spoke to people about it and
Speaker 2: told friends about it and a neighbor about it, and
Speaker 2: that is what ended up actually saving her life. She
Speaker 2: speaks about what you can do after the fact if
Speaker 2: you were experiencing domestic violence, if you're in any sort
Speaker 2: of a situation that you are uncomfortable with. She's going
Speaker 2: to go into a lot of detail about that as well.
Speaker 2: So she literally touches on every single aspect of this story.
Speaker 2: And I was just I had goose bombs, I had tears,
Speaker 2: I was on the edge of my seat, and I
Speaker 2: just can't wait for you all to listen to this
Speaker 2: because I think it's such such an important message.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And one of the big thing that like, I mean,
Speaker 1: I know that you just touch touched on every single
Speaker 1: thing that she talked about, but one of the things
Speaker 1: that she did speak about in this episode, and something
Speaker 1: that I think is like one of the biggest take
Speaker 1: homes about the whole EPP, is this idea that you know,
Speaker 1: when somebody is in an abusive relationship or they're in
Speaker 1: a toxic relationship, we still think, well, why don't they
Speaker 1: just leave? Like, oh, well, if things are bad, or
Speaker 1: if someone's displaying these characteristics, like why don't you just leave?
Speaker 1: And there is this onus on the person who is
Speaker 1: the victim, that they've made some bad decisions or that
Speaker 1: they have gotten themselves into the situation. And I think
Speaker 1: by listening to Angela's story, this could literally happen to anybody,
Speaker 1: and it's not as easy as just leaving, because sometimes
Speaker 1: it's a slow boil. Sometimes you don't know that you're
Speaker 1: in a toxic relationship. Sometimes you don't know that things
Speaker 1: are being manipulated around you. And that's something that listening
Speaker 1: to her talk about I think was really, really, really empowering,
Speaker 1: and I do think that if you listen to our
Speaker 1: narcissistic episode, you will get a lot out of this
Speaker 1: one as well if you did get something out of that,
Speaker 1: so please stick around for it. But before we do
Speaker 1: get into the episode, it's our favorite part of every
Speaker 1: episode which we just can't miss, and that is accidentally Unfiltered. However,
Speaker 1: we've kind of gone rogue on this because we both
Speaker 1: had our own semi accidentally unfiltered that happened to us
Speaker 1: this week.
Speaker 2: My mom is actually gonna kill me. My accidentally unfiltered
Speaker 2: is coming from my mom.
Speaker 1: At least, like you don't have to bear your soul
Speaker 1: for the podcast throwing somebody else in the ring.
Speaker 2: Maybe this is the episode she doesn't listen to, but
Speaker 2: I just died for it, and it's not it's actually
Speaker 2: I don't I want to say it's like a cute one,
Speaker 2: you know how we say it's those innocent ones. It's
Speaker 2: those innocent mistakes. That's what this was. But she was mortified.
Speaker 2: Long so sure, my mom was at her jay job
Speaker 2: on a weekend, just like the day that she drove
Speaker 2: down to see us for the Christmas party, and she's like,
Speaker 2: it was really busy cramming into Christmas. I knew I
Speaker 2: had to get away, you know, to come up the
Speaker 2: coast and see you guys. And she goes like, I
Speaker 2: just wasn't thinking. So she's serving the customer. This customer,
Speaker 2: this customer. This woman comes up to her. She's in
Speaker 2: her fifties and she has a glass eye. Obviously she's
Speaker 2: lost her eye and so she has a glass prosthetic eye.
Speaker 2: And Mum said, it wasn't a great one. But she's like,
Speaker 2: I was doing my very best to maintain eye contact
Speaker 2: with her good eye, not make it feel uncomfortable at all,
Speaker 2: because it was very standout ish. So they're going about
Speaker 2: their business, and which is like an.
Speaker 1: Interesting thing because like when you look at someone in
Speaker 1: the eyes, you kind of just look at both eyes
Speaker 1: simultaneously exactly, so you never just.
Speaker 2: Look at one person singular eye. That's what Mum said.
Speaker 2: She's like, usually you dart between eyes. She's like, but
Speaker 2: I was making the conscious effort to like look at
Speaker 2: this one eye and then she's like, every couple of
Speaker 2: seconds it would glance over. She's like, but it was fine.
Speaker 2: The lady was asking about a sale that they had
Speaker 2: on the lady was like, I will take this. I
Speaker 2: saw that it was on the fifteen percent off rack
Speaker 2: and my mom said, oh, no, sorry, like that's only
Speaker 2: on the ten percent off rack. And she's like, oh,
Speaker 2: but it was on the fifteen She's like, I know.
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. She's like, but you still get ten
Speaker 2: percent off. It's better than a poking the eye with
Speaker 2: a blunt stick. Oh my, Actually she said to her,
Speaker 2: it's better than a poke because that's the saying I
Speaker 2: say too from my mom. My mom has always said
Speaker 2: that saying. And she said as soon as it came
Speaker 2: out of her mouth, she was like, what the fuck, Nikki, Like,
Speaker 2: what have you done? She's like, you can't. You cannot
Speaker 2: escape from that. This is like an over the counter exchange.
Speaker 2: She didn't even say anything. She didn't even apologize to
Speaker 2: the same thing. She just pretend like it was a
Speaker 2: normal comment, got away with it. Solder woman a thing
Speaker 2: and got out of there. Okay, I have another accidentally
Speaker 2: unfiltered that I did this weekend myself. Well, I blame
Speaker 2: my sister. Actually I was really mortified though, So I
Speaker 2: just said, my whole family get together. There's like thirty
Speaker 2: of us and we do a Chris Kringle. So everyone
Speaker 2: gets one person's name that they have to go one
Speaker 2: by the present for we have a price limit. So
Speaker 2: we all sit around in this huge like circle in
Speaker 2: the lounde room and it's all very much. You focus
Speaker 2: on the one person and we make the joke when
Speaker 2: there when it's their time to unwrap it, it's like
Speaker 2: focus on Laura ooh, and everyone looks at Laura and
Speaker 2: then you over the present. So it's like our tradition. Anyway,
Speaker 2: My sister Sherry had gotten there the day before me,
Speaker 2: and then she messages me and she goes, shit, I
Speaker 2: forgot half of the present for my Chris Kringle person.
Speaker 2: The Chris Kringle that she got was my cousin's girlfriend.
Speaker 2: So she's twenty odd, really girly girl. So she goes,
Speaker 2: I forgot the present. Can you do you have anything
Speaker 2: at your house that you might have just had left
Speaker 2: over or I had sent to you that you can
Speaker 2: just bring and I can add it, you know, like
Speaker 2: lip gloss or something as then like something that a
Speaker 2: brand has sent you. Can I regive this?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: She literally goes, just like because she had half the present,
Speaker 2: but she she left half and you've got to make
Speaker 2: the dollar value up for the present. So she's like,
Speaker 2: just something else to add in and I was running
Speaker 2: out the door literally, and I was like, you know what, Yes,
Speaker 2: I have a lip gloss and a compact mirror. Great
Speaker 2: who like beautiful? I find uses that grabs them. Went
Speaker 2: out the door and Shard's like, you're a life saver.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I'll add that to the present. We're all
Speaker 2: sitting around my cousin's girlfriend. She's quite shy. She's new
Speaker 2: to the family. She's only been in the family a year,
Speaker 2: and my family's pretty intense. And I'm sure you can
Speaker 2: imagine she's opening a prison arm. Everything is silent.
Speaker 1: I'm just imagining they're still being like a like an
Speaker 1: envelope a letter inside that's like, Hi, Brittany, we really
Speaker 1: hope that you like this lip compact.
Speaker 2: Please have this tag on Instagram. She opens the present
Speaker 2: and she looks up and everyone looks at me, and
Speaker 2: I'm like what because no one knows it's a secret Santa.
Speaker 2: And they go, Brittany, was this you? And I'm like no,
Speaker 2: and they hold up the mirror compact and it has
Speaker 2: been embroidered with my name, Brittany, and I was like
Speaker 2: I nearly died. And she looked at me and she's like,
Speaker 2: was this from you? And I was like I panicked
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh my god, that's so weird. No,
Speaker 2: that was absolutely I did not get you a present.
Speaker 2: They're like, but it's got your name on it, and
Speaker 2: I was I was like, she thinks I fucking that
Speaker 2: I've got her regifted her a gift. Anyway, at the end,
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't take this anymore. We did
Speaker 2: a big announcement and I was like, I need to
Speaker 2: explain what happened, because I can't have you thinking that
Speaker 2: I'm such a povo that I got you and gave
Speaker 2: you a gift that I've already been given. I was like,
Speaker 2: and I explained the situation anyway. Everyone thought it was funny.
Speaker 2: She's like, do you want it back?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, no, You're like, I didn't want it
Speaker 1: in the first place. Some brown sent this to me,
Speaker 1: and that's why I gave it to you.
Speaker 2: I just thought I was saving my sister. And I
Speaker 2: said to Sharan, why didn't you look in the present
Speaker 2: to see what it was? And she's like, why didn't you?
Speaker 2: And I we're just trying to blame each other.
Speaker 1: I also love that this is like this could only
Speaker 1: happen to an influencer.
Speaker 2: It was like my worst nightmare. Anyway, she laughed, it
Speaker 2: was funny. Well, I haven't accidentally unfiltered as well. This
Speaker 2: is really escalating. We went from having like nothing.
Speaker 1: So no, this was actually the accidently unfiltered I was
Speaker 1: bringing to the story today.
Speaker 2: So, okay, I spend a lot of time naked these days,
Speaker 2: just so you know.
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I'm hot, I'm wide, everything is swollen, everything
Speaker 1: is swollen, and I just can't be bothered to wear clothes.
Speaker 2: So fine, Yeah, look, it's fine. I do that and
Speaker 2: I'm not pregnant.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, but you look better naked than I do, right, continue, Okay,
Speaker 1: So basically, like our our apartment is very cavernous. We're
Speaker 1: on the we're on the bottom floor, which is like
Speaker 1: it's a little bit down from like road level at
Speaker 1: the front, but it is road level at the back,
Speaker 1: if that makes sense. So if you're gonna come to
Speaker 1: the front of our apartment, you if you're going to
Speaker 1: buzz the buzzer, there's a window right there that you're
Speaker 1: looking directly.
Speaker 2: Into right in our hallway.
Speaker 1: We always leave that window blind closed because it's just
Speaker 1: a bit intrusive, right, I would never open it anyway.
Speaker 1: So I'm walking around the house in my liberated naked
Speaker 1: self wandering around the house anyway. I just said I'd
Speaker 1: been doing laps from the bedroom to the lungdroom whatever
Speaker 1: to do. Got this one hallway cupboard which is right
Speaker 1: next to the entrance of our apartment, which is also
Speaker 1: right next to this window. So I walk over to
Speaker 1: the cupboard. I'm getting some stuff out. I bend over,
Speaker 1: I get the stuff out, and bend over again to
Speaker 1: get some more stuff out. This process is going on
Speaker 1: for about three minutes, and then I closed the cupboard
Speaker 1: and realized that there's a DHL delivery man staring making
Speaker 1: eye contact with me with your buttthole.
Speaker 2: Well, he would have been.
Speaker 4: Making eye contact in my bowl, with my swollen vagina
Speaker 4: and the whole thing, as I had been bending over
Speaker 4: multiple times and he was just standing there staring like
Speaker 4: in shock.
Speaker 2: I think I don't think he was being a cra
Speaker 2: was it in shock? I wouldn't be staring at me
Speaker 2: right now. Look, unless the man's got a pregnancy fetish.
Speaker 1: I think he literally must have just been in absolute
Speaker 1: like he'd just been raped in the face by this
Speaker 1: woman and what happened.
Speaker 2: We stood there and made contact, and then I was like,
Speaker 2: you've already seen it, come on in. I just buzz
Speaker 2: you in. I just kind of like ran out of you.
Speaker 2: And then Matt wasn't home, so then I had to
Speaker 2: kind of stay. I was stuck. I couldn't go back
Speaker 2: down the hallway because I was a nude and the
Speaker 2: window was blind with you just literally made his Christmas.
Speaker 2: You think that, but I really don't think he did.
Speaker 2: I pregnant him in a hot naked and I've seen
Speaker 2: you everything.
Speaker 1: I'm not even joking, guys. I talked about this at
Speaker 1: the beginning of the podcast. I was like, eventually, I'm
Speaker 1: going to get to the point where things are real swollen.
Speaker 1: We hit that about two weeks ago, and I haven't
Speaker 1: seen it for a long time, and it's very badly shaped.
Speaker 1: Like we've talked about it, it's not a sight to behold.
Speaker 2: It's a bit of a dream. I'm so glad that
Speaker 2: this happened to you.
Speaker 1: Anyway, So that happened to me on Saturday, and I'm
Speaker 1: still recovering and the DHL men's still outside my window.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, guys, it is time to get the episode.
Speaker 2: And we did touch on before what were you talking
Speaker 2: about today, and that is that we do have doctor
Speaker 2: Angela Jay in and she is telling us her very
Speaker 2: traumatic story with domestic violence. So we just thought before
Speaker 2: we introduce you to Angela, we just wanted to tell
Speaker 2: you some pretty rattling statistics. Mission Australia states that sixteen
Speaker 2: percent of women, which is one point five million, and
Speaker 2: five point nine percent of men which is five hundred
Speaker 2: and twenty eight thousand, have experienced physical violence from a
Speaker 2: partner since they were fifteen years old. So on average,
Speaker 2: one woman a week is killed by a current or
Speaker 2: former partner and one male per month is killed by
Speaker 2: a current or former partner. And these statistics are all
Speaker 2: Australian based as well, all Australian based, and these statistics
Speaker 2: are so concerning, and when I was reading them, I
Speaker 2: knew they were high, But when you really delve into
Speaker 2: this and you stop and take a second to actually
Speaker 2: think about it, that is insane. And I don't know
Speaker 2: what we can do as nation or as an individual
Speaker 2: to help with that. But this is why we wanted
Speaker 2: to speak to someone like Angela, because one infom will
Speaker 2: experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner, and
Speaker 2: the most dangerous place for a woman is in the house.
Speaker 2: This statistic, unfortunately, ran very true for doctor Angela j
Speaker 2: when she was attacked in her own home by her
Speaker 2: very recent ex partner, somebody she did meet on Tinder,
Speaker 2: a very tall, charismatic, intelligent, handsome man that she thought
Speaker 2: she had won the jackpot with, who ended up breaking
Speaker 2: into her house, hiding in her cupboard and covering her
Speaker 2: in petrol, and stabbing her eleven times. He literally tried
Speaker 2: to take her life because she no longer wanted to
Speaker 2: be with him before. So we do have Angela in
Speaker 2: to tell her story, and it's such an incredible story,
Speaker 2: and we are so grateful that Angela has taken the
Speaker 2: time and is brave enough to share what happened to
Speaker 2: her with all of you.
Speaker 1: Angela, thank you so much for making time today to
Speaker 1: come on the podcast and to tell us your story. Now,
Speaker 1: Guys like this is a very different story to what
Speaker 1: we would normally have on the podcast, and so it's
Speaker 1: a very harrowing story, but we think it's a really
Speaker 1: really important conversation to be had, so Before we get
Speaker 1: into all of the details, Angela, please tell us a
Speaker 1: little bit about yourself and your background and who you are.
Speaker 5: Thanks so much for having me. My name's Angela. As
Speaker 5: you said, I'm a doctor working in obstetrics and gynecology,
Speaker 5: which is all things pregnancy, birth and women's business.
Speaker 2: Well aware, don't worry. I've been speaking to a few
Speaker 2: of you recently. Last week we thought Laura's going into labor,
Speaker 2: so we're happy to have you. All right, guys, it
Speaker 2: turned out it just was gas.
Speaker 5: It's like a common mistake. I grew up in the US.
Speaker 5: I have Ozzie, Mum and dad, and moved to Australia
Speaker 5: permanently when I was in high school. Finished did all
Speaker 5: of my medicine and training here in Austraia and since
Speaker 5: then I've gone on to have a romance and young
Speaker 5: marriage when I was.
Speaker 6: Twenty three to a navy boy.
Speaker 5: So we met through mutual friends when I was still
Speaker 5: at UNI, and yeah, like we just kind of clicked
Speaker 5: straight away. And because at the time he was moving
Speaker 5: down to Melbourne to do his initial navy training, we
Speaker 5: did long distance for a while and then due to
Speaker 5: the kind of the technicalities with the military. It seemed
Speaker 5: easier at the time to get married so that we'd
Speaker 5: be recognized in relationships. So we actually knew each other
Speaker 5: for like we were dating for six months or something.
Speaker 2: And got married.
Speaker 6: It was like very quick.
Speaker 5: And yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but you know,
Speaker 5: as some things do, didn't work out in the end,
Speaker 5: and in twenty sixteen we separated for the final time.
Speaker 5: And at the time, I was working in Port McCrory
Speaker 5: on Rules to Conment and that's when I started dating again.
Speaker 5: And at the time I had never used online dating,
Speaker 5: but I thought i'd give it a crack because heaps
Speaker 5: of my friends had used it successfully and met really
Speaker 5: nice guys. And that's when I met my ex Paul,
Speaker 5: who went on to try to kill me.
Speaker 2: I just have so many questions, but it's just even
Speaker 2: that the most powerful statement, you don't even know what
Speaker 2: to do with that you know my ex you tried
Speaker 2: to kill me.
Speaker 1: Every time I've read your story, i've heard you tell
Speaker 1: your story. It's just it doesn't get any easier to
Speaker 1: listen to. And I know that there's going to be
Speaker 1: a lot of people listening to this who find this
Speaker 1: really difficult. But like we said, I do think it's
Speaker 1: a really important conversation to be had before you did
Speaker 1: meet Paul, and knowing that you've just come out of
Speaker 1: a relationship and you were online dating, what was it
Speaker 1: like for you online dating after just finishing a relationship,
Speaker 1: like after being divorced and going, okay'm and to put
Speaker 1: myself out there again, because I know that that is
Speaker 1: probably a very common thing that you know, people feel like, okay,
Speaker 1: going through such a big life shift where I thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna spend my life with this person and
Speaker 1: now that's not happened.
Speaker 2: Well, online dating itself is daunting, especially if you haven't
Speaker 2: done it, if you were young, and I'm going to
Speaker 2: assume it was your first ever time you were young,
Speaker 2: you were married, then you've gone. I mean, I'm a
Speaker 2: veteran right now and on my weld, but it's really
Speaker 2: really daunting. So was all the first person you met?
Speaker 2: Or did you meet other people before him?
Speaker 5: I went on a few dates, and yeah, I kind
Speaker 5: of just felt lost and didn't really know what I
Speaker 5: was doing because all of my previous relationships had been
Speaker 5: people i'd kind of met through friends of friends or
Speaker 5: kind of through social networks. I guess at the time,
Speaker 5: because I was away from my usual social circles. Being
Speaker 5: on rurals to convent, I wasn't meeting people other than
Speaker 5: a few people at work, so it kind of was
Speaker 5: the time that I was feeling really lonely, and that's
Speaker 5: when I turned to it. It was like, well, how
Speaker 5: are some I going to meet people? And so I'm
Speaker 5: told this is how you meet.
Speaker 6: People these days.
Speaker 5: I think, I mean, I don't know how people do
Speaker 5: it over and over again because I found it so exhausting.
Speaker 6: But I think, oh, yeah, I.
Speaker 2: Get minimal sleep. I'm really putting in the hard yard
Speaker 2: out there.
Speaker 6: But I found that I was having a.
Speaker 5: Lot of the same conversations over and over again, and
Speaker 5: everything was quite superficial. And I met a few, like
Speaker 5: really nice guys that I went on dates with, but
Speaker 5: there wasn't really any spark. And then when I met Paul,
Speaker 5: for one, he seemed a bit more mature and it
Speaker 5: was actually just really easy to talk to him straight away.
Speaker 5: So when we started chatting over the phone, you know,
Speaker 5: we could just talk for hours on end and he
Speaker 5: would make me laugh and he seemed very intelligent and
Speaker 5: kind of ready for the type of relationship I was
Speaker 5: looking for, which was something serious and I had obviously
Speaker 5: had my trust hurt before, but he seemed really genuine
Speaker 5: and caring and that's what really kind of attracted me
Speaker 5: to him initially.
Speaker 1: Did you feel that there was this overwhelming sense of
Speaker 1: chemistry when you first met him? And we've spoken a
Speaker 1: little bit on this podcast before about how misleading chemistry
Speaker 1: can be and how sometimes when you meet someone and
Speaker 1: you have that overwhelming bowls you over feeling of like.
Speaker 2: Oh this is this is it, this might be made perfect.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that you can then almost become blinded by chemistry
Speaker 1: because you're blinded to all those red flags that otherwise
Speaker 1: you would see in someone.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, the conversations that we had, we had a lot
Speaker 5: of things in common, and it was, yeah, really that
Speaker 5: strong chemistry. And he then wanted to come up to
Speaker 5: port to meet me, which was, you know, this grand
Speaker 5: gesture that I was like, oh my gosh, like someone
Speaker 5: is interested enough in me when I felt like I
Speaker 5: was at a time in my life that I've really
Speaker 5: felt like I was unlovable in a way, having been
Speaker 5: through a recent separation, So that kind of gesture was
Speaker 5: really really took me aback and I felt very smitten
Speaker 5: at the time, and when we didn't meet in person,
Speaker 5: we got along really well and he was very charismatic,
Speaker 5: took me out to dinner and yeah, like had those
Speaker 5: you know, early relationship butterflies, and was very excited and
Speaker 5: very happy.
Speaker 2: Did you meet him when he was in Sydney and
Speaker 2: you were in Port Macquarry? Yeah, and so did you
Speaker 2: match because you had crossed paths with your radies when
Speaker 2: you were in Sydney or had you just said opened
Speaker 2: your radies up to looking different cities kind of thing.
Speaker 5: I think it was when I had been down in
Speaker 5: Sydney for a weekend and he actually super liked me.
Speaker 2: Oh oh okay, so really boosting the confidence too, because
Speaker 2: you've got a super like and now he's making the
Speaker 2: effort to come five hours to meet.
Speaker 6: You for the first time.
Speaker 5: Okay, yeah, yeah, So I think that's why he actually
Speaker 5: came up because of the superlike. So even though I'd
Speaker 5: been in Sydney like the day before or whatever, So
Speaker 5: that in itself was kind of like, oh, like, even
Speaker 5: if it's someone you wouldn't really think about usually, I
Speaker 5: think it really kind of sparked my interest.
Speaker 2: Well because you only if for those of you listening
Speaker 2: that don't know you only Laurie, you wouldn't know you always.
Speaker 2: Superke was around when I was online dating. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: I had like five hundred. You only get like one
Speaker 2: super like a day or so? Is that right?
Speaker 1: Unless you pay for the premium package guys, and then
Speaker 1: you can super like your asshole.
Speaker 2: But I mean, like, I know when you do get
Speaker 2: a super like, the whole point is them saying you're
Speaker 2: the person that I've chosen because I get with this
Speaker 2: one shot. Unless I paid one hundred dollars a month,
Speaker 2: I get one shot and I'm paying you for the So, okay,
Speaker 2: you've matched. How long did you talk for before he
Speaker 2: came to meet you?
Speaker 5: So?
Speaker 2: How long were you talking on the phone or messaging
Speaker 2: or skyping? Do you what are you vity calling?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: What did that look like? Yeah?
Speaker 6: So I think we it was it was really quick.
Speaker 5: It was about like maybe two weeks that we were
Speaker 5: talking and talking pretty regularly that he was like, look, I.
Speaker 6: Just want to meet you.
Speaker 5: I don't want to wait until you're not working a
Speaker 5: weekend and you're down in Sydney, Like I'm just gonna
Speaker 5: fly up and see you. And I was like okay,
Speaker 5: Like yeah, So that was in itself very exciting, but
Speaker 5: also I guess from a relationship point of view, good
Speaker 5: to kind of move things forward, because there's only so
Speaker 5: much you can do over the phone. You just kind
Speaker 5: of need to physically to know if there is actually
Speaker 5: a connection there.
Speaker 2: And was there an expectation straight away that he would
Speaker 2: come and stay with you or was it more he's
Speaker 2: going to get his own place and you were going
Speaker 2: to date properly.
Speaker 5: Or yeah, he was going to get his own place
Speaker 5: for the week, just like a weekend trip, and then
Speaker 5: we were going out to dinner, which we did, and
Speaker 5: then because he was staying the weekend, then we caught
Speaker 5: up for breakfast the next day. So I think that
Speaker 5: in itself made it a very intense first date, that
Speaker 5: it was kind of a few dates in one, and
Speaker 5: the fact that he had come all that way to
Speaker 5: see me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But I guess as well, like the fact that
Speaker 1: he had come all that way but booked accommodation. I
Speaker 1: think that that sometimes when someone makes that effort, there's
Speaker 1: this instant expectation that like, oh, well, I'll stay with you,
Speaker 1: and that and itself is a red flag because you
Speaker 1: can be like oh no, power, like, yeah, sort yourself out.
Speaker 1: But it kind of seems like he was doing all
Speaker 1: the right things to really win you over at that
Speaker 1: point in time. So talk me through what the beginning
Speaker 1: of your relationship was like before things really started to
Speaker 1: change for you.
Speaker 5: The first few dates were really lovely, Like we opened
Speaker 5: up to each other and although you don't like to
Speaker 5: talk about your big baggage, like the fact that you
Speaker 5: ever you're technically still married and are separated.
Speaker 6: Yeah, usually you try to gloss over that for a while, but.
Speaker 2: That's like a date three conversation on two failed reality
Speaker 2: TV dating shows. But yeah, I feel you on the baggage.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but yes, I think it was like even towards
Speaker 5: the end of our first date when we had dinner
Speaker 5: that it came up and he also disclosed that he
Speaker 5: had been married before.
Speaker 6: So it's like it was kind of this huge relief.
Speaker 5: That was like, oh, like the one thing I kind
Speaker 5: of didn't want you to know about, you do know about,
Speaker 5: And actually that's connected us further that we both have
Speaker 5: a shared experience that we've gone down the marriage route
Speaker 5: like may have looked differently for each of us, but
Speaker 5: ended and now we were like kind of learning from
Speaker 5: our mistakes and trying to move forward from that. From
Speaker 5: that point on, like he came to see me a
Speaker 5: few more times in port. When I was down in Sydney,
Speaker 5: I'd see him and it just was the kind of
Speaker 5: usual early dating thing where he's butterflies, you're texting all
Speaker 5: the time, speaking on the phone. He also did things
Speaker 5: like would send flowers to my work, which I had
Speaker 5: never had an ex that had done that before, So it.
Speaker 2: Was really courting you. Yeah, yeah, and like in a
Speaker 2: way that I'm already imagining if someone was doing it
Speaker 2: to me, it's in a way that doesn't happen anymore.
Speaker 2: So when you think that you found someone that's like, no,
Speaker 2: who sends flowers anymore, who makes all this effort, who
Speaker 2: flies up to see me, of course you're like, this
Speaker 2: is the real deal, Like this is a really special
Speaker 2: person that, yeah, I'm lucky enough to have found.
Speaker 1: We talked about this a little bit when we did
Speaker 1: the Narcissist episode. For anyone who hasn't listened to it,
Speaker 1: go back and listen to it. I highly recommend. I mean,
Speaker 1: this conversation and story obviously goes way beyond just someone
Speaker 1: who has narcissistic personality disorder, but this idea of love
Speaker 1: bombing which really gets you sucked into a relationship, which
Speaker 1: when it's happening, it's sometimes hard to see that that's
Speaker 1: what it is. It's hard to see all those warning
Speaker 1: signs as warning signs because it just is so amazing
Speaker 1: and so too good to be true.
Speaker 2: When was it that things started to turn for you?
Speaker 1: When was it when you were like, there's something not
Speaker 1: quite right about this, and even if all of those
Speaker 1: beautiful grand gestures were still happening, when did you start
Speaker 1: to feel different towards him?
Speaker 5: So it was many weeks in little things like he
Speaker 5: picked up on what the password was to my phone.
Speaker 5: He seemed to like always know when I was online
Speaker 5: on social media. He would do things like sometimes when
Speaker 5: I was in Sydney and I was staying at a hotel,
Speaker 5: he would kind of call ahead and get me my
Speaker 5: room upgraded. A lot of it would be under the
Speaker 5: provisor of.
Speaker 6: Taking care of me. Like very early in our relationship it.
Speaker 5: Was very much about you are a doctor, you take
Speaker 5: care of people for your work. I can tell that
Speaker 5: you put a lot of your energy into that and
Speaker 5: you have never had someone just take care of you,
Speaker 5: and I am wanting to do that for you. So
Speaker 5: he would do things like the room upgrades, or if
Speaker 5: I was in Sydney at the time, I was a
Speaker 5: bit lazy to organize an e tag for tolls, for instance,
Speaker 5: and he like called up and would organize that for me,
Speaker 5: just like little things here and there. The time, I
Speaker 5: was like, Oh, he's taking really good care of me.
Speaker 5: But then over time it started to At the time
Speaker 5: I didn't really recognize it as control, but in retrospect
Speaker 5: that's what it was.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 5: He would start he started to get really jealous, jealous
Speaker 5: of other men in my life and would say like,
Speaker 5: I don't want you to hang out with that person
Speaker 5: anymore or talk to that person. Like the intensity was
Speaker 5: really ramping up. I guess for me, the initial thing
Speaker 5: was actually not even feeling like his behavior was uncomfortable
Speaker 5: or even feeling like there was any red flags per se,
Speaker 5: But it was more so because he was so he
Speaker 5: seemed so smitten and told me that he loved me
Speaker 5: that I started feeling like, oh, once I think the
Speaker 5: kind of new relationship butterflies or off, I started to think, well,
Speaker 5: I don't know if I'm quite feeling as strongly as
Speaker 5: he is and wanted to really pump the brakes. So
Speaker 5: it was more so when I tried to end it
Speaker 5: the first time, just a matter of look, I actually
Speaker 5: don't think I'm feeling as strongly and I think that
Speaker 5: we should probably just actually see other people. That that's
Speaker 5: when things really started to change.
Speaker 1: You said that, when you tried to call it off
Speaker 1: and you said that, you know, let's see other people,
Speaker 1: that that's when the intensity and that's when things started
Speaker 1: to change.
Speaker 2: What changed? What was he doing? What was that behavior like?
Speaker 2: And at what point were you really startled by it?
Speaker 5: Yeah, so initially it was just being very upset when
Speaker 5: I knew that it wasn't really for me anymore. I
Speaker 5: waited till we were together in person to have a
Speaker 5: conversation about it, and he started crying, became really upset,
Speaker 5: started saying things like, you know, you're the only good
Speaker 5: thing in my life.
Speaker 6: You're just scared you haven't given me a chance.
Speaker 5: And it made me feel really, I guess guilty, and
Speaker 5: I started to think, well, maybe you know, he is
Speaker 5: a really good guy and he's done all these lovely
Speaker 5: things for me, Maybe I haven't given it a chance,
Speaker 5: and I am, you know, just recently out of a
Speaker 5: serious relationship. Maybe I am just scared about the commitment
Speaker 5: that initially then kind of was like, okay, well, let's
Speaker 5: give it another chance. And it kind of happened a
Speaker 5: few times and that, you know, particularly because we were
Speaker 5: doing mostly long distance, I'd be like, okay, we'll give
Speaker 5: it another chance, and then I would be then like
Speaker 5: we'd be on our own, like he'd be in Sydney,
Speaker 5: I'd be in Port, and I would think, well, no,
Speaker 5: I don't want to be in this relationship. I just
Speaker 5: need to be firm and end it. Like yes, you'll
Speaker 5: feel bad, and it's never nice to hurt someone else,
Speaker 5: but you just have to do it's right for you.
Speaker 5: But then it did turn into threats of suicide, so
Speaker 5: then he got upset, but then to the point that
Speaker 5: he disclosed that he had had issues with his mental
Speaker 5: health and that he had nothing good in his life.
Speaker 5: And the one time that things got really intense for
Speaker 5: me was I was at his place and kind of said,
Speaker 5: look it's over, and I drove off and I was
Speaker 5: planning just it was like late at.
Speaker 6: Night and I was just planning to drive back to Port.
Speaker 5: And he called me saying that he was like wandering
Speaker 5: the streets and he was going to jump in front.
Speaker 6: Of a truck.
Speaker 5: So I drove back to his place and stayed at
Speaker 5: his place. I slept to them that night, and I
Speaker 5: just felt disgusted with myself. I just felt really trapped
Speaker 5: and I didn't know what to do.
Speaker 6: From that point, there.
Speaker 5: Was kind of multiple attempts on my behalf to try
Speaker 5: to get away from him, but then was really kind
Speaker 5: of drawn back by these threats of suicide. And it
Speaker 5: got to a point that I wasn't sleeping well and
Speaker 5: he was kind of calling me constantly, and we had
Speaker 5: previously planned to go to an event that I agreed, okay,
Speaker 5: you can come with me because we had previously planned
Speaker 5: to attend together, but we'll go as friends. And it
Speaker 5: was at that event, because a few of my friends
Speaker 5: were there, that I had a few drinks and then
Speaker 5: I kind of just really opened up my friends and
Speaker 5: I was like, look, I just really want to get
Speaker 5: away from this guy.
Speaker 2: But I don't know how.
Speaker 5: So they helped me get away from him that night,
Speaker 5: and I went to my sister's place, and that night
Speaker 5: he kept calling me and actually showed up my sister's house,
Speaker 5: which he'd only been to once before, and started to
Speaker 5: say things like that he had previously been in trouble
Speaker 5: for being violent in relationships and that he didn't know
Speaker 5: what he was capable of. And obviously, from that point,
Speaker 5: because my sister could tell her was so upset, she
Speaker 5: encouraged me the next day to go to the local
Speaker 5: police to just ask for advice.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: And when you went to the police station the next
Speaker 1: day and you sat down and said, like, this has happened.
Speaker 1: I guess the thing that we hear so much when
Speaker 1: people say, oh, they went to the police to talk
Speaker 1: to them, like nothing has happened yet, you know, And
Speaker 1: there's often this feeling with going to the police. We're like, well,
Speaker 1: unless something's actually physically happened, we can't really do anything.
Speaker 1: So what was their advice And what did they say
Speaker 1: to you? If you were sitting there and you're like,
Speaker 1: I'm scared and I need to make you aware of
Speaker 1: this situation. What do the police say, what do they do?
Speaker 1: What can they do?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So at the time, I mean, I just felt like
Speaker 5: I was really going crazy at that point because I
Speaker 5: didn't know what was really going on, and I felt like,
Speaker 5: you know, I was trying to get my like basically
Speaker 5: dig myself out of this hole because I felt like
Speaker 5: this was my own problem, my own fault, like I
Speaker 5: started dating this guy, and you know, I've obviously really
Speaker 5: led him on or done something wrong.
Speaker 6: To make him act this way.
Speaker 5: And I honestly would not have ever gone to police
Speaker 5: if my sister hadn't really encouraged me, because I was
Speaker 5: kind of like, well, what are they going to do?
Speaker 5: Like he hasn't like it's just like a bad breakup.
Speaker 1: And I guess it probably was intensified by the fact
Speaker 1: that you probably had a little bit of guilt before
Speaker 1: because you went back and forth, and every time you
Speaker 1: go back and forth, it magnifies it a little bit
Speaker 1: more and a little bit more, and almost like you
Speaker 1: take a bit of responsibility because you're like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I've made him behave like this, because I've given him
Speaker 1: a little bit of hope and then taken it away again, Yeah,
Speaker 1: and exacerbated the situation.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the thing with women too is we don't
Speaker 2: want to cause a fuss over nothing, and we think
Speaker 2: that like I'm not going to say he hasn't done
Speaker 2: anything because he has. But in your mind, I can
Speaker 2: see why you're like, well, he hasn't actually done anything yet.
Speaker 2: He hasn't actually come and said I'm going to hurt you.
Speaker 2: He hasn't actually, so I guess it's really easy to
Speaker 2: talk yourself out of the fact that, oh, they'll probably laugh.
Speaker 2: What are they going to do? They're gonna laugh me out? Like,
Speaker 2: it's not like he's actually physically hurt me yet.
Speaker 5: But yeah, absolutely, I felt like I felt Yeah, I
Speaker 5: just felt like really like I was going crazy, and
Speaker 5: I was. But I also was like, well, what are
Speaker 5: police going to do? Like he is, you know, this
Speaker 5: is a bad breakup. He sounds like he might have
Speaker 5: a bit of a trouble past or whatever. But at
Speaker 5: that point, the main reason I went to police was
Speaker 5: that because he was threatening to kill himself and I
Speaker 5: was going to be returning to port where I lived alone,
Speaker 5: I was just a.
Speaker 6: Bit worried about, like, oh.
Speaker 5: And like because he had mentioned things from his past,
Speaker 5: I was like, well, maybe I should just check that
Speaker 5: there's no kind of like huge red flags on the
Speaker 5: system about him and just get some advice as to
Speaker 5: what I should do if he does continue to say
Speaker 5: that he's going to kill himself.
Speaker 6: So there are The police officer.
Speaker 5: That I met with was actually really lovely and really
Speaker 5: validated my feelings and had to look on the system
Speaker 5: and said like, look, you know, it sounds like he's
Speaker 5: more danger to himself than anyone else. If he does
Speaker 5: call you and threatens to hurt himself, just call us,
Speaker 5: and then we have technology we can track mobiles and
Speaker 5: check in on him and stuff, so to kind of
Speaker 5: say like, look, he's he's not responsibility anymore, Like that's fine.
Speaker 5: And he also recommended that I when I got back
Speaker 5: to Port, because I was worried about going home, that
Speaker 5: I kind of let my neighbors know that I was
Speaker 5: kind of going through a breakup, and like, at the time,
Speaker 5: I felt really reassured by it that I wasn't just
Speaker 5: laughed out because I thought I was like, like, what
Speaker 5: are they going to do, and like they have real
Speaker 5: problems to deal with, not just someone going through a
Speaker 5: bad breakup or a guy's acting a bit erratic. Yeah,
Speaker 5: so I felt empowered by that. But then unfortunately, when
Speaker 5: I did get home to Port, he was already waiting
Speaker 5: for me there.
Speaker 2: So what happened when you got back to Port and
Speaker 2: he was at your house.
Speaker 5: Yeah, So I told him that he had to leave,
Speaker 5: and he said that he was there just to collect
Speaker 5: some of his things he had left at my house.
Speaker 5: So I, when I'd got god his things, said to
Speaker 5: never contact me again. And that's when he told me
Speaker 5: more that he couldn't control himself in that he had
Speaker 5: previously stocked women. And basically it was like kind of
Speaker 5: like he was trying to caution me that he didn't
Speaker 5: know what he would do, and so I kind of
Speaker 5: yelled at him to leave and.
Speaker 6: Locked my doors.
Speaker 5: And at that point, because when I had met with
Speaker 5: the officer earlier in the day, he kind of said,
Speaker 5: if you have any issues, just call your local police.
Speaker 5: So I called the police in Port and said, look,
Speaker 5: he shut up in my house. And unfortunately I didn't
Speaker 5: get quite a great response that time. When I called,
Speaker 5: the officer was like, well, what do you want me
Speaker 5: to do about it? And I was like, oh, I
Speaker 5: don't really know. I just guess I thought I wanted
Speaker 5: to give you the heads up. Yeah, So then I
Speaker 5: tried to kind of just go on with my night,
Speaker 5: but then he started like calling and texting me saying
Speaker 5: that like I should call the police and that he
Speaker 5: was telling me at you that you're not safe in
Speaker 5: your house. So that obviously freaked me out. So then
Speaker 5: I ran to my neighbor's house and called police again,
Speaker 5: and then they came because then he had sent me
Speaker 5: like texts actually kind of you know, menacing texts and
Speaker 5: threatening me. Then they took me to the station and
Speaker 5: helped me file for an av OH, And luckily I
Speaker 5: had a cousin in town that I got in contact
Speaker 5: with and stayed with for the next few days because
Speaker 5: I alwaysly didn't feel safe at my place anymore, and
Speaker 5: my mum came then and stayed with me for a
Speaker 5: few days as well.
Speaker 2: At this point in time, did you actually think he
Speaker 2: was capable of hurting you? I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think I was really afraid, But then I also
Speaker 5: was kind of telling myself that you're being paranoid like now,
Speaker 5: particularly because he had called my phone while I was
Speaker 5: at the police station, and they kind of said to
Speaker 5: him like, look, mate, he's were filing an av OH,
Speaker 5: like you need to just leave her alone. And they
Speaker 5: recommended that I block his number and block him from
Speaker 5: social media, which I did, so in my mind, I
Speaker 5: was like kind of in two minds. On one mind,
Speaker 5: I was really unsettled and like really afraid, but then
Speaker 5: also thinking, oh, like come on, like he's gonna he'll
Speaker 5: get over it. He knows there's an av oh that
Speaker 5: I've contacted police, And because I had blocked him, I
Speaker 5: wasn't receiving anymore calls or anything from him. So I
Speaker 5: started to kind of later that week, start feeling a
Speaker 5: little bit more safe and kind of like, come on, Ange,
Speaker 5: like you're not that great. He's not like, you know,
Speaker 5: crazy in love with you, Like just like get over yourself,
Speaker 5: and tried to kind of just like push that aside.
Speaker 5: And when my mum had to go back to work,
Speaker 5: so I head back home, and I was still staying
Speaker 5: at my cousin's place, but I wanted to duck home
Speaker 5: to feed my cat and get some like clean undies
Speaker 5: and stuff. And it was after work and it was
Speaker 5: daylight outside, so I decided i'd just stuck home quickly,
Speaker 5: and that's when I went into my room and he
Speaker 5: had broken into my home and was waiting for me.
Speaker 2: Was there anything in your house that let you know
Speaker 2: that someone was in there or any signs? Did you
Speaker 2: get a feeling or No. It was really weird.
Speaker 5: Actually, I think because I was on call at the
Speaker 5: hospital the night before, so I hadn't actually slept very
Speaker 5: much because I'd been in and out of the hospital
Speaker 5: with berths and seeing patients. So I just then finished
Speaker 5: a clinic and it was daylight and I felt like
Speaker 5: strangely calm that day compared to how i'd been the
Speaker 5: week before. And I can't really explain it. And every
Speaker 5: time I'd been at my place prior to that.
Speaker 6: That week, I had done a full sweep of the house.
Speaker 5: I checked behind every door, like under my bed, checked
Speaker 5: like it was quite a big property.
Speaker 6: Like I literally did like a full sweep of the
Speaker 6: house with like a.
Speaker 5: Knife in my hand. But that day I just felt calm.
Speaker 5: I was like, uh, like it's okay, Like I feel
Speaker 5: like we're turning the corner. And I actually initially when
Speaker 5: I got home, I had dinner, I watched him Telly.
Speaker 5: I was just kind of like chilling out, and then
Speaker 5: it was starting to get towards like dusks. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 5: you should probably head over to your cousin's place. So
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go do
Speaker 5: a wee grab my things and go. And that's when
Speaker 5: I walked into my room.
Speaker 6: And he was there, So I was not.
Speaker 5: I was like basically just hanging out in my house.
Speaker 5: I did not expect that he was there the whole time.
Speaker 2: He was waiting. From what I know, he jumped out
Speaker 2: of the cupboard where he was waiting. Yeah, what did
Speaker 2: you do? What happened in that moment?
Speaker 5: He was in kind of a walk in linen closet
Speaker 5: when I started walking into my bedroom, and the first
Speaker 5: thing I thought was just like, oh my god, he's
Speaker 5: actually come for me.
Speaker 2: Like I'm not crazy.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like yeah, like this was what I was worried about,
Speaker 5: and here he is, and it was like, literally like
Speaker 5: he's come for me.
Speaker 2: Was it like I'm just trying to I'm just trying
Speaker 2: to play it out. Did he just come out and
Speaker 2: present himself and sort of start to talk to you
Speaker 2: and be like plead's case or I love you? Or
Speaker 2: was it just like a jump straight into an attack
Speaker 2: like you didn't even have time to think about what
Speaker 2: was happening.
Speaker 5: No, he jumped out and then I screamed, and then
Speaker 5: he wrapped his arm around me and put his hand
Speaker 5: over my mouth to like muffle, muffle me or muffle
Speaker 5: my scream and just said like you need to be
Speaker 5: quiet and if I take my hand away, like I
Speaker 5: won't hurry you if you re quiet, I obviously like
Speaker 5: nodded like okay, and he I could see he wasn't
Speaker 5: wearing a shirt. He was just wearing some shorts and
Speaker 5: looked very like I want to say craze, but that's
Speaker 5: not the right word. He just looked very intense and
Speaker 5: he had a knife in his pocket.
Speaker 1: So had you seen the knife at this point? Did
Speaker 1: you know he had a knife at this point.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like when he was when he was had his
Speaker 5: hand up against my mouth, I kind of was like
Speaker 5: looking at him and I saw it quite quickly because
Speaker 5: it was a big knife.
Speaker 2: Were you trying to do this thing where you're like,
Speaker 2: I'm in this situation, let me look at my surroundings,
Speaker 2: let me assess what he is. Were you in a
Speaker 2: state of mind that you could actually acknowledge the situation
Speaker 2: and start to think of a way out or were
Speaker 2: you just panicking?
Speaker 6: No, I think I don't know.
Speaker 5: I think it's just flight or fight response that like
Speaker 5: it was only kind of very small moments that were passing,
Speaker 5: but like when I think back in it, like I'm
Speaker 5: actually surprised by like little details I remember how vividly.
Speaker 6: Things are in my mind.
Speaker 5: At that point, I was actually busting to use the loo,
Speaker 5: and I like the first thing I thought was like
Speaker 5: I need to I need to go to the toilet,
Speaker 5: which sounds really weird.
Speaker 1: But it's one of these situations but like you never
Speaker 1: know what your mind is going to do, right, Like
Speaker 1: you never and like it's such like nobody listening to
Speaker 1: this unless they've experienced something similar, could even remotely relate
Speaker 1: to how they would react in this situation. Yeah, And
Speaker 1: when he said to you, I'm going to take my
Speaker 1: hand off your mouth, but you don't scream, don't make
Speaker 1: any noise, what did you do?
Speaker 2: Did you make noise or did you obey him? No?
Speaker 5: I did what he said, and he was just saying,
Speaker 5: like I just want to talk. And I can't remember
Speaker 5: exactly what I said to him, but I think, you know,
Speaker 5: I was saying, like you make me really worried, and
Speaker 5: that's when I said, like, well, can I go to
Speaker 5: the loo?
Speaker 6: So then he followed me.
Speaker 5: Into my bathroom and like watched me as I did
Speaker 5: aw and like I couldn't at that point like control
Speaker 5: my legs, like just everything was obviously trembling. And I
Speaker 5: was like, at that point, like it was kind of
Speaker 5: nice to have a moment just to even though he
Speaker 5: was watching me, to kind of think like like oh
Speaker 5: my gosh, like collect you, like how like what's happening?
Speaker 6: Like how am I going to get out of this?
Speaker 5: And then after that he told me to get on
Speaker 5: my bed and was like, I just want to talk,
Speaker 5: and he started kind of interrogating me about where I
Speaker 5: had been and who I'd been staying with and what
Speaker 5: was I staying with another man? And I was just
Speaker 5: trying to kind of answer his questions to the best
Speaker 5: I could, because obviously didn't want to upset.
Speaker 6: Him at that point.
Speaker 5: And earlier in the week, I'd actually put some a
Speaker 5: few knives in my bedside table because I was really worried,
Speaker 5: and I think he could see me, like I must
Speaker 5: have glanced at the bedside table, and yeah, so I
Speaker 5: think he saw me glance at the bedside table and
Speaker 5: said I've already taken the knives away.
Speaker 2: Oh, which is like in your mind is like that
Speaker 2: was your safety net, wasn't it?
Speaker 5: And I was kind of like thinking, well, okay, how
Speaker 5: do I get help? But obviously he's like there watching me.
Speaker 5: I can't like really scream or do anything because he's
Speaker 5: just gonna, you know, he's got a weapon and he's
Speaker 5: just gonna hurt me. And I think at some point
Speaker 5: I kind of like I knew that he wasn't just
Speaker 5: gonna we weren't just gonna like have a nice chat,
Speaker 5: and then he was just gonna let me go. I like,
Speaker 5: I don't even know, like some people say, like I've
Speaker 5: basically made a decision to run, and I don't know
Speaker 5: whether it was like an active, brave decision or if
Speaker 5: it was just like my instincts. But I just made
Speaker 5: a run for it, and that's when he caught me
Speaker 5: straight away and started stabbing me.
Speaker 1: Angela, you were stabbed eleven times, and then Paul then
Speaker 1: proceeded to pour petrol on you.
Speaker 2: How the hell did you get away?
Speaker 6: I still don't really know.
Speaker 5: I think most of it is luck, because things could
Speaker 5: have gone very slightly differently, and obviously things would have ended.
Speaker 6: Very badly.
Speaker 5: But I think, honestly, the petrol was kind of my
Speaker 5: saving grace because it made me slippery and I managed
Speaker 5: to just get out of his grip for a moment
Speaker 5: and just made a run for it, and luckily he
Speaker 5: didn't catch me before I got out my front door.
Speaker 2: And then you got to your neighbors. Yeah, did you
Speaker 2: This might sound like a strange question, but did you
Speaker 2: feel like were you aware that he was stabbing you
Speaker 2: over and over or was there just so much adrenaline
Speaker 2: and so much going on Because you hear a lot
Speaker 2: of things when people are in a situation like that
Speaker 2: that they say they're not even aware of what's happening
Speaker 2: or how severe their injuries are because the adrenaline and
Speaker 2: this fight off flight and this SAVI trying just just
Speaker 2: trying to save yourself is so all consuming that you
Speaker 2: don't even know the damage has been done. Did you
Speaker 2: find that or were you aware of every single thing
Speaker 2: that was happening.
Speaker 5: No, it was very much slow motion and I didn't
Speaker 5: really feel anything. It was kind of the best way
Speaker 5: I can describe it is when you movies and they
Speaker 5: have a slow mo scene and they've got some sort
Speaker 5: of like music playing, like classical music playing. It was
Speaker 5: kind of like that things were just really slow and
Speaker 5: if anything, I was just kind of like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 5: he's actually stabbing me, and it would have just been
Speaker 5: happening very quickly, but in my mind, it was very slow,
Speaker 5: and I certainly didn't know that he had stabbed me
Speaker 5: eleven times until much later. Like I knew it was
Speaker 5: a couple of times, but I could only see a
Speaker 5: few wounds that I noticed straight away. It wasn't until
Speaker 5: much later that I started to feel pain and actually
Speaker 5: started to notice some of my injuries.
Speaker 2: And where did he stab you?
Speaker 5: So he stabbed me a bunch of times in my
Speaker 5: legs and thighs, in my left forearm, in my he
Speaker 5: like almost chopped off one of my fingers, my left hand,
Speaker 5: one of my kind of back, kind of rib cage area,
Speaker 5: and yeah, the rest were basically affecting my legs and thighs.
Speaker 1: It's crazy how you describe it as big, but when
Speaker 1: you actually think about it, like the physical action of
Speaker 1: trying to stab someone eleven times is not a quick process.
Speaker 1: So I feel like it does happen in slow motion,
Speaker 1: even if it's manic and rapid. But that's so much
Speaker 1: action that's happening that of course it would have felt
Speaker 1: like of this prolonged period.
Speaker 2: Because it's like I just can't. I cannot even imagine.
Speaker 1: I also the fact that you got away, like it's
Speaker 1: I mean, it's a fucking miracle. Really, yeah, it absolutely
Speaker 1: is a fucking miracle. And I mean I know that
Speaker 1: you then got out and your neighbors were there to
Speaker 1: help you. What happened then, so you're safe from the situation.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you didn't feel safe, but there were people
Speaker 1: there to help you.
Speaker 5: What happened, Yeah, So, I mean I was just relieved
Speaker 5: when I opened my door and I saw my neighbor
Speaker 5: Steve there, and I was just like, help me, like.
Speaker 6: I've been stabbed.
Speaker 2: Who was at your door?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I think he had heard me screaming, so it was
Speaker 5: not far outside my door, and then there was He
Speaker 5: helped me up to his garage, and there was other
Speaker 5: neighbors around. And in my mind, I was still just
Speaker 5: so panicked, and I was just thinking, oh my gosh,
Speaker 5: I'm just going to bleed to death. And I was
Speaker 5: still convinced I was going to die. So I was
Speaker 5: very panicked. But luckily, I guess I'm quite used to
Speaker 5: I wouldn't say ordering around, but I guess directing.
Speaker 2: The pressure on my leg here ambulance.
Speaker 6: This is me used to having a leadership role.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I was just basically ordering everyone around to say,
Speaker 5: to put pressure on wounds. And I asked one of
Speaker 5: the guys to get some water to help wash petro
Speaker 5: off my face because it was burning my eyes. And
Speaker 5: I was asking people to, you know, call for an ambulance.
Speaker 5: And I remember even when, as as you can imagine,
Speaker 5: as protocol in those kind of situations, the police environment
Speaker 5: got there first to make sure it was safe for everyone.
Speaker 5: But I just remember feeling really annoy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was like, where's the ambulance? And I remember
Speaker 6: even being a.
Speaker 5: Little brat because I knew how long it took to
Speaker 5: the to get to the hospitals, Like it takes exactly, like,
Speaker 5: you know, eleven minutes to drive here to the hospital,
Speaker 5: because I was constantly driving to work and just.
Speaker 2: Stop you there. I don't think that makes you a brat,
Speaker 2: like you are bleeding out. I think you are completely
Speaker 2: entitled to say I know how long it's gonna take
Speaker 2: me to get there.
Speaker 5: That's what I remember mostly is being just really I think,
Speaker 5: just a bit crazy. Like I was panicked, so I
Speaker 5: was convinced I was going to die, and I was
Speaker 5: ordering people around. But then also once things were a
Speaker 5: bit calmer and like the head pressure on my wounds
Speaker 5: and we were just waiting for the ambulance. I remember
Speaker 5: just having some like really bizarre conversations with the neighbors.
Speaker 5: Like I remember saying to one of the guys like,
Speaker 5: oh shit, I'm supposed to be working this weekend. I
Speaker 5: wonder like, oh maybe if they like stitch these up,
Speaker 5: I could work, And he's just like, like, what the
Speaker 5: f Like, don't worry about that.
Speaker 1: Like I guess it's because as well, like this is
Speaker 1: something that's so far out of the world of normal, right,
Speaker 1: like your brain can't comprehend, it can't wrap its mind
Speaker 1: around what has just happened or what is happening to
Speaker 1: you that it's like, of course you're going to go
Speaker 1: back to a normal preset and kind of try and
Speaker 1: make rhyme and reason of what exists in your life.
Speaker 1: That is your your baseline of normal. So for you
Speaker 1: to be talking about work, and obviously, like when you're
Speaker 1: a doctor and you work in such high pressure situations,
Speaker 1: like you don't get to take many sick days, you
Speaker 1: don't take many days off, so you're thinking like, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: I've got to figure out the rest of the week,
Speaker 1: but probably just your mind and your body trying to
Speaker 1: cope with actually, what's just happened.
Speaker 2: You can't take on all that trauma in one go. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: your body's stress response is you literally cannot put a
Speaker 2: finger on what how someone will react in a situation
Speaker 2: as stressful as that.
Speaker 5: In retrospect, I think I was a bit like out
Speaker 5: of it from maybe the blood loss and the adrenaline
Speaker 5: and just and then eventually at the hospital because I
Speaker 5: eventually said yes to some pain killers. I was probably
Speaker 5: a bit off my face and saying weird things. But
Speaker 5: I think also I was kind of I guess anyone
Speaker 5: who works in healthcare, can you tend to have a
Speaker 5: bit of a dark sense of humor. So I remember
Speaker 5: kind of like cracking jokes and things as well when
Speaker 5: I was in the recess bay and with the ambos,
Speaker 5: and I think that was just me trying to cope,
Speaker 5: but also just being a bit like, oh, what's just happened?
Speaker 2: Well, also, I mean I told you and for everyone listening,
Speaker 2: Angela and I worked at the same hospital. I grew
Speaker 2: up in Port McCrory. I worked at that hospital for
Speaker 2: five six years. The people there are all so friendly
Speaker 2: and family, so everyone knows everyone like the back of
Speaker 2: the hand, and the way that the emergency is set
Speaker 2: up is like you couldn't have snuck in, like you
Speaker 2: were coming in and everyone that's in there wouldn't know
Speaker 2: that you were there.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I felt I mean.
Speaker 5: I felt so safe because it was like my work family,
Speaker 5: and I knew they would take care of me. And yeah,
Speaker 5: it was even though like my actual family was far away,
Speaker 5: it was very comforting to know that once I was there.
Speaker 6: That was I think the first time I like properly
Speaker 6: calmed down.
Speaker 1: At this point in time, you didn't know what was
Speaker 1: happening with Paul. You didn't know where he was at,
Speaker 1: You didn't know how he had gotten away or what
Speaker 1: had happened. Yeah, can you tell everybody what happened into
Speaker 1: Paul and where the rest of this story goes.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: So, I mean at that point, I was so fixated
Speaker 5: on my own survival and worried that I was going
Speaker 5: to die that I kind of like immediately put him
Speaker 5: out of my mind, like he was literally the last
Speaker 5: thing I thought about. But when I was in the
Speaker 5: recess bay, once the doctors and nurses were happy that
Speaker 5: I was stable. They let the detectives come and speak
Speaker 5: to me, and I did it, went through a statement
Speaker 5: with them, and then at some point during that time,
Speaker 5: they got news, and I could tell they were a
Speaker 5: bit hesitant to tell me something.
Speaker 6: I was like, I just tell me, like, what's up?
Speaker 5: And they told me that he had been pursued and
Speaker 5: shot by police and that they had just confirmed that
Speaker 5: he was dead.
Speaker 1: How did that make you feel finding that out? Was
Speaker 1: there a sense of I mean, it sounds horrible to
Speaker 1: say this, but was there a sense of relief?
Speaker 5: Yeah? I mean I just literally burst into tears and
Speaker 5: was like, oh my gosh, thank goodness, like it was.
Speaker 5: I mean, at this point I hadn't even really thought
Speaker 5: about the fact that he was still out there. But
Speaker 5: it wasn't until afterwards that I kind of actually like,
Speaker 5: I was just so lucky that that was kind of immediate,
Speaker 5: immediate closure, not complete closure, but that I didn't have
Speaker 5: to worry that he was still out there, and knowing
Speaker 5: how my recovery was thereafter if he was still around,
Speaker 5: like how much worse it.
Speaker 6: Would have been for me.
Speaker 5: So I was immediately relieved and continue to feel.
Speaker 1: So, but I think on the flip side of that
Speaker 1: conversation is that there's so many women out there who
Speaker 1: have experienced horrendous violence and they do have to get
Speaker 1: on with life and try and move past the fact
Speaker 1: that this has happened to them. Knowing that the person
Speaker 1: who did this is still alive, and I can only
Speaker 1: imagine that there is this sense of relief that you have,
Speaker 1: but also it would aid in your ability to be
Speaker 1: able to heal that trauma knowing that that very real
Speaker 1: presence of danger is no longer around.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Absolutely so.
Speaker 5: I mean for me not so much now, but particularly
Speaker 5: in the first few months, I did sometimes think, like
Speaker 5: I had thoughts like, oh, is he really dead? Like
Speaker 5: and it was kind of my conspiracy theorist in my
Speaker 5: mind was kind of thinking like, oh, maybe he's not
Speaker 5: actually dead. But after that, like it was more than
Speaker 5: just like nightmares that I would have about him. Or
Speaker 5: even now, if I see someone that kind of looks
Speaker 5: like him in the street, I sometimes freeze and I
Speaker 5: can't look at them, and then I have to kind
Speaker 5: of tell myself, like Angela, he's dead, it's not him.
Speaker 6: It's okay, you can look at that person.
Speaker 5: So but then I think about people that their perpetrator
Speaker 5: is still out there, and I'm like, if I am
Speaker 5: so still affected by my perpetrator who's been dead for
Speaker 5: like four years, I'm like, how do people.
Speaker 6: Continue on their lives?
Speaker 5: And I think it's one of the things that even
Speaker 5: when I do find it difficult to talk about what's
Speaker 5: happened to me, or you know, find that my PTSD
Speaker 5: is flared afterwards, like, I still keep doing it because
Speaker 5: I know that I'm so privileged to be able to
Speaker 5: share my story so freely knowing that my perpetrator isn't
Speaker 5: out there.
Speaker 6: Anymore, and how many women don't have that luxury.
Speaker 1: How do you begin to heal from something like this?
Speaker 1: How do you put that trauma behind you?
Speaker 2: If you even can?
Speaker 5: With lots and lots of help and support. Obviously, I
Speaker 5: also had a psychologist who was specifically trained in trauma,
Speaker 5: so went through a lot of sessions with her and
Speaker 5: ended up doing something called rapid eye movement therapy as
Speaker 5: part of that. I have a great gp that I
Speaker 5: saw during particularly the first couple of years as well,
Speaker 5: and am now feeling good on medication which I've gone
Speaker 5: off of and then back on, and now I'm just
Speaker 5: like you know what, it helps me feel good and
Speaker 5: I'm just going to keep on it and just having
Speaker 5: really fantastic family and friends who are really supportive, and
Speaker 5: it's an ongoing process. So for me, it's been a
Speaker 5: long journey of being gentle on myself and knowing that
Speaker 5: things aren't going to just progressive. Things will get better
Speaker 5: better over time, but sometimes you'll be feeling good and
Speaker 5: then things will get bad again and you just have
Speaker 5: to allow yourself that time to heal, and knowing that
Speaker 5: certain parts of you may never be the same, but
Speaker 5: you know, maybe it's made change.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 5: I think I tried to try to focus on the
Speaker 5: positives that, you know, while I struggle with my mental health,
Speaker 5: that it's hopefully made me more empathetic as a as
Speaker 5: a doctor and more understanding in.
Speaker 2: Terms of you saying you got so much amazing help.
Speaker 2: Was that something that was presented to you and through
Speaker 2: the hospital system, Like when you have an incident like this,
Speaker 2: did they come to you and say this is what
Speaker 2: we can offer you, these are some roads you can
Speaker 2: go down. Or were you sort of left your own devices?
Speaker 6: Yes or no?
Speaker 2: So I had.
Speaker 5: Initially I was really just suspicious of everyone, I think,
Speaker 5: because while I now I am very thankful for all
Speaker 5: that police did, at the time I did feel a
Speaker 5: bit let down by them. And because the media coverage
Speaker 5: was so intense and I had so many people from
Speaker 5: the media trying to contact me, I was really worried
Speaker 5: about my privacy and at the time I was just
Speaker 5: still really crippled by shame and embarrassment about what had happened,
Speaker 5: so I really just didn't have trust. So I was
Speaker 5: told about Victim Services, which is a run by Department
Speaker 5: of Justice in Australia, and they can point you towards
Speaker 5: psychologists that are funded by Victim Services. But I actually
Speaker 5: didn't want to go down that road because I was
Speaker 5: worried that somehow they they as in I don't know,
Speaker 5: police or media would get hold of my records. So
Speaker 5: I actually instead got recommendations from colleagues about who I could.
Speaker 6: Go to and port.
Speaker 5: But it wasn't until I returned to the Central Coast
Speaker 5: where I went to high school and did a lot
Speaker 5: of my medical training that I actually clicked with a
Speaker 5: GP who was actually an ex colleague that I kind
Speaker 5: of contacted her. I was like, Hey, I know that
Speaker 5: we're kind of mates, but would you feel comfortable treating
Speaker 5: me as a patient.
Speaker 1: One of the things that you just said, like this
Speaker 1: feeling of shame and embarras that you felt after this
Speaker 1: had happened to you. And one of the reasons why
Speaker 1: I really wanted to get you on to speak to
Speaker 1: you is because I think it's so important for people
Speaker 1: to know that this isn't something that happens to other women,
Speaker 1: you know, to people who have less education, or who
Speaker 1: have less money, or who have made bad decisions in
Speaker 1: their dating, Like, this isn't somebody else's problem always, and
Speaker 1: that you know, you are a doctor, you are successful,
Speaker 1: you are very well educated, you know how to make
Speaker 1: good decisions, and that this what has happened to you
Speaker 1: is not a reflection of that, and it really is
Speaker 1: something that can happen to anyone. And I think that
Speaker 1: that is just such a really important take home from
Speaker 1: this conversation.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, I think it's so drilled into us that when
Speaker 5: you hear stories of violence and relationships that it's like, oh,
Speaker 5: that person was really silly, Like whether it's a man
Speaker 5: or a woman, it's like that person was really silly
Speaker 5: to you know, get into a relationship with them.
Speaker 6: And oh, why don't they leave, And.
Speaker 5: There's just all this onus, put on the victim and
Speaker 5: the survivor that it's like, well, it's their own fault.
Speaker 5: So I think initially for me it was like that's
Speaker 5: just how I felt that, I'm like, I brought this
Speaker 5: upon myself. I made a silly decision, I treated him
Speaker 5: in some way that led to this behavior. And I
Speaker 5: think also there's a sense that when you're in a
Speaker 5: violent relationship, whether we're talking about coerceve control or emotional
Speaker 5: psychological abuse or physical violence, that the person on the
Speaker 5: receiving end is aware of it and then they can
Speaker 5: just walk out. But for one, as I found out firsthand,
Speaker 5: is a lot of these subtle manipulations and ways that
Speaker 5: they're kind of grinding down at your own self esteem.
Speaker 5: You don't recognize it at the time as you're a
Speaker 5: victim of abuse or coerceive control. So for one, you
Speaker 5: may not even identify it at the time, let alone
Speaker 5: if you do want to leave.
Speaker 6: It's not that simple.
Speaker 1: And it's that metaphor as well, where it's like the
Speaker 1: frog and the boiling pot of water. You know, if
Speaker 1: you throw a frog into a boiling pot of water,
Speaker 1: it's going to jump out. But if you just turn
Speaker 1: the heat up really slowly and boil them over a
Speaker 1: period of time, people don't even know that that's what's
Speaker 1: happening to them. You know, you become people become accustomed
Speaker 1: to that level of manipulation, They become accustomed to the abuse,
Speaker 1: and they start to think it's normal. And that's what
Speaker 1: we see all the time. And we have received I
Speaker 1: can't even tell you how many messages we've received from
Speaker 1: women who have listened to the episode that we did
Speaker 1: on being in a narcissistic relationship and they've listened to
Speaker 1: the episode and they've gone, holy shit, that's what happened
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 2: That's what I was dealing with.
Speaker 1: They knew at some point that they were going crazy,
Speaker 1: that there was something wrong, but couldn't really identify what
Speaker 1: those red flags were, basically because they were just too
Speaker 1: in it and too surrounded by it.
Speaker 2: Well, I think because I mean, now we're getting too
Speaker 2: a place where we speak about it more openly, and
Speaker 2: that's half the reason Laura and I started this whole
Speaker 2: podcast was to speak about things that women don't speak
Speaker 2: about and to make it more okay to talk about
Speaker 2: and make people realize that they're not the only ones
Speaker 2: going through this and there is a way out and
Speaker 2: then people do survive. And another thing I did want
Speaker 2: to ask you, well, I mean there's still a few things, but.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not wrapping up.
Speaker 2: I've got some questions that, like, I just genuinely really
Speaker 2: want to know. It did come out, correct me if
Speaker 2: I'm wrong. It did come out that he had, in fact,
Speaker 2: quite a few AVOs out against him in I think
Speaker 2: America as well as here, and this had been flagged.
Speaker 2: Was this made aware to you when you went in
Speaker 2: to make your initial complaint against Paul, Like, did they say, look,
Speaker 2: just so you know, four other people putting avoing or
Speaker 2: was it just completely left out?
Speaker 5: The only inkling I had that he had a past
Speaker 5: was when he started telling me things himself. And I
Speaker 5: think some of the laws have now changed because a
Speaker 5: lot of his prior convictions, from what I understand, were
Speaker 5: in Queensland and they're still you know, in certain aspects.
Speaker 5: It is a you know, difficulty and sharing information between
Speaker 5: state borders. But I think but I think since that
Speaker 5: happened to me, I think in the last few years,
Speaker 5: the laws have changed slightly to hopefully allow more freedom
Speaker 5: of information, but unfortunately there is there is. I mean,
Speaker 5: I don't really understand the privacy laws in Australia and
Speaker 5: I mean obviously don't have a law degree. But you know,
Speaker 5: at the time, because so much stuff was released to
Speaker 5: the media about me, I kind of was like, oh, like,
Speaker 5: I guess I talked to me about these privacy Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's like, so apparently privacy doesn't really exist. But then
Speaker 5: they like kind of, you know, his past was kind
Speaker 5: of hidden from view because of privacy, Like, I don't
Speaker 5: really understand it.
Speaker 1: Did you feel like that system failed you in a
Speaker 1: way then if you were like, well, if it's so
Speaker 1: fine for my privacy to put out and display when
Speaker 1: I'm the one who's the complete victim in this, but
Speaker 1: the perpetrator, who's not even here anymore, his privacy is
Speaker 1: more important than mine.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I did feel a bit let down that he
Speaker 5: was still able to hurt me and that you know
Speaker 5: that he like I don't know. In my mind, I
Speaker 5: kind of think, you know, if people are violent or
Speaker 5: have some sort of I know that an av O
Speaker 5: isn't necessarily a criminal conviction if they follow the rules,
Speaker 5: but that there'll be some sort of limitations on your
Speaker 5: freedom if you break the law or don't treat others
Speaker 5: with respect. So I think I was a bit surprised
Speaker 5: that he's just kind of out, you know, doing his
Speaker 5: thing and living his life, and here's me, unaware of
Speaker 5: his past. The statement I made for the AVIA was
Speaker 5: essentially released to the media, so I felt really violated
Speaker 5: that that was kind of a moment of my biggest
Speaker 5: fear that I opened up about what was going on.
Speaker 5: And then you know, it was just this whirlwind of
Speaker 5: like things escalated really quickly. He tried to kill me.
Speaker 5: I'm still in hospital, and suddenly like my face is
Speaker 5: on the news and there's all these details about how
Speaker 5: he met on Tinder and stuff. Then I was like,
Speaker 5: how does how does the whole world know that?
Speaker 1: Like I remember, I remember reading this, I remember where
Speaker 1: I was. I was driving on McLauchlin Avenue through Rushfurda's
Speaker 1: Bay when it came on the news on the radio,
Speaker 1: and I was like, holy fucking shit, because I mean
Speaker 1: I was online dating at the time, like this was
Speaker 1: you know, this is pre me meeting my partner, and
Speaker 1: and I guess I had never really thought about the
Speaker 1: status of like being safe on online dating. Like I
Speaker 1: kind of just thought, well, it's the same as meeting
Speaker 1: someone in the bar, which I guess, in essence.
Speaker 2: Maybe it is.
Speaker 1: But I never once had I really ever thought my
Speaker 1: own safety. I'd never even told people I'm going on
Speaker 1: a Tinder date tonight. I just would go, you know,
Speaker 1: And it really made me think. So as much as
Speaker 1: I think your personal story was put out there for
Speaker 1: everybody to hear, and I'm not saying, like by any
Speaker 1: means that that was like a good thing for you,
Speaker 1: but for me personally hearing that it really changed the
Speaker 1: way that I was online dating at that point in time,
Speaker 1: Like it made a difference to my life at that
Speaker 1: point in time.
Speaker 5: And I think for me it was more in those
Speaker 5: initial stages because I was still i mean still just
Speaker 5: coming to terms with what had happened, but also you know,
Speaker 5: dealing with so much shame myself. It was just I
Speaker 5: think just added to the intensity of the situation that
Speaker 5: I was trying to recover physically, mentally come to terms
Speaker 5: with what had happened. But also like the whole world
Speaker 5: kind of knew what had happened, and I mean obviously
Speaker 5: from that point then it has led me to I
Speaker 5: guess at some stage because I've been hassled by media
Speaker 5: for so long, and I found myself kind of in
Speaker 5: the months after feeling a bit lost, and that's when
Speaker 5: I started wanting. I signed up to do the Trek
Speaker 5: for Respect with White Ribbon and do some fundraising to
Speaker 5: and raise awareness for family violence. And that's when I
Speaker 5: was like, well, you know what, like, if they're going
Speaker 5: to make all these assumptions and talk about me and
Speaker 5: our relationship and what happened, then I may as well
Speaker 5: actually get out there and tell my side of the story.
Speaker 5: And that it was kind of a blessing in disguise,
Speaker 5: because while I felt really violated at first and upset,
Speaker 5: it then did give me a platform to reach so
Speaker 5: many others and did give me a voice, which not
Speaker 5: many are privileged enough to have.
Speaker 1: But and like, I don't think that you'd be laying
Speaker 1: in bed being like, oh, well, I hope this helps
Speaker 1: another girl out there. I'm sure at that point in time,
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't really fucking care. This has happened
Speaker 1: to me, and I don't want my story out there,
Speaker 1: but I just remember it so vividly, and that's why
Speaker 1: when Britain and I were having this conversation about having
Speaker 1: you on the podcast. I was like, you know, this
Speaker 1: conversation around online safety is so important, which is I mean,
Speaker 1: the next question I wanted to ask you was, is
Speaker 1: there anything about online dating that you think should change,
Speaker 1: could change to make it a safer space for people
Speaker 1: to date?
Speaker 5: I mean, I think it's a difficult one because for
Speaker 5: any real changes to come into place, there usually needs
Speaker 5: to be some form of legislation, and we do know
Speaker 5: that the law often lags behind technology and science. But
Speaker 5: I think if the online dating platforms did, you know,
Speaker 5: just at least brainstorm about what they could do as
Speaker 5: a business and enterprise to make the platforms safer for
Speaker 5: their consumers would be a step in the right direction.
Speaker 5: I've kind of suggested before, which I don't think anyone's
Speaker 5: keen to do, but even just a thing like when
Speaker 5: they're taking your basic details, like.
Speaker 6: You know, have you ever had an AVO against you?
Speaker 5: Or you know which, yes, people can lie, but it
Speaker 5: just is even kind of I think for me, like
Speaker 5: if I was signing up to a service and that
Speaker 5: was asked, I'd be like, oh gosh, like of course,
Speaker 5: like I think it just sends a message that it's like, well,
Speaker 5: if you do that, you're not welcome here, but also
Speaker 5: kind of I guess for me it was always you know,
Speaker 5: that would never happen to me, And I think having
Speaker 5: more awareness as to how you don't necessarily like, you know,
Speaker 5: there's a fine line between romance and control, but there
Speaker 5: is still a sense that you'll if you meet an
Speaker 5: abuse apartment partner, you'll know because there'll be an asshole.
Speaker 6: Which isn't the case.
Speaker 5: So I think if you kind of had some sort
Speaker 5: of alert that it's like, oh, people with prior convictions
Speaker 5: could be online.
Speaker 2: Look, we are big advocates here and we talk about
Speaker 2: it all the time, just the fact that you should
Speaker 2: never go on a date online without telling someone where
Speaker 2: you're going, or who you're with, or what time you're
Speaker 2: expecting to go back be home. I share my location
Speaker 2: with my sister now at all times. She knows where
Speaker 2: I am all the time. That I haven't actually spoken
Speaker 2: about this on the podcast yet, and I won't go
Speaker 2: into depth now, but I'll touch on it, but just
Speaker 2: so the listeners know, not that long ago I went
Speaker 2: on an online date and was drugged on the date
Speaker 2: here in Bondi and Laura and I have been meaning
Speaker 2: to get to this and really delve into it, and
Speaker 2: I think this is probably a good time while we're
Speaker 2: talking about the safety of online dating and the fact
Speaker 2: that it can happen to anyone. I am a veteran
Speaker 2: data like I've been dating for so long, all around
Speaker 2: the world, all walks of life, and I like to
Speaker 2: think I'm still relatively safe, Like I'm still very safe.
Speaker 2: This was in my home suburb of Bondi, only in
Speaker 2: the last six months, with someone that I thought was
Speaker 2: completely normal, completely okay, completely safe, and it was at
Speaker 2: dinner and drinks after it. So I'll talk about it
Speaker 2: in depth on another episode, but just so you guys
Speaker 2: know this, like, it really can happen anywhere, at any time,
Speaker 2: under whatever precautions you want to take. So it's just
Speaker 2: something to be hyper aware of. But my point of
Speaker 2: this story is you can never ever be too careful.
Speaker 2: Always always tell someone what your plan is, who you're
Speaker 2: going on a date with, share their profile. I mean,
Speaker 2: what else can you think to do? Right?
Speaker 5: The owners shouldn't be on someone to protect themselves from harm.
Speaker 5: But having said that, you know, cultural change will take
Speaker 5: time and so I think it's that fine line of
Speaker 5: you know, not being scared to go out and live
Speaker 5: your life, but then also just taking small steps to
Speaker 5: you know, keep things as safe as possible.
Speaker 6: So I think, you know, educating.
Speaker 5: Yourself and your loved ones on red flags for abusive
Speaker 5: or controlling relationships, which are only apparent to me now
Speaker 5: after my experience with things like you know, threatening to
Speaker 5: hurt yourself if you're wanting to leave, or you know,
Speaker 5: being really critical of who you can see, who you
Speaker 5: can talk to. Like a lot of these things I
Speaker 5: think we pass off as oh, they're being romantic and
Speaker 5: it's normal for guys to feel a bit jealous, or
Speaker 5: they're just you know, really passionate, but actually those can
Speaker 5: be signs of a controlling and abusive relationship. So for one,
Speaker 5: being aware of those red flags, but then also just
Speaker 5: taking whatever little steps you can to keep yourself safe,
Speaker 5: whether it's sharing your location, telling others that you're going
Speaker 5: out on a date. I think for me, I was
Speaker 5: a bit embarrassed when I started dating again because it
Speaker 5: had been a while. But now if I was in
Speaker 5: that situation, I think I would be more forthright with
Speaker 5: my friends and be like, oh, what do you think
Speaker 5: about this guy? Like, and kind of get others opinions
Speaker 5: on who I was dating as well, just because I've
Speaker 5: realized that maybe when you do have those new relationship butterflies,
Speaker 5: you do have your blinders on.
Speaker 2: So I do that all the time. And Laura's always
Speaker 2: been knowing me.
Speaker 4: She's like Brittany, red flag, red flag, red flad, red flag,
Speaker 4: I am the.
Speaker 2: Voice of reason and this relationship. I often listen to
Speaker 2: them too, like you listen to your friend.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I.
Speaker 2: Wasn't say you absolutely nailed it.
Speaker 1: This idea that sometimes a toxic relationship and manipulating and
Speaker 1: controlling relationship can masquerade itself as care and love.
Speaker 2: And I think that that is something that you know,
Speaker 2: we've spoken about loads.
Speaker 1: We have both learned this from our experiences in our
Speaker 1: past relationships.
Speaker 2: That you can feel this feeling.
Speaker 1: Of like, oh, they love me so much and that's
Speaker 1: why they're behaving like this, and not realize that actually,
Speaker 1: that's not what love is like.
Speaker 2: That's a very.
Speaker 1: Different thing, and that's someone trying to take control of
Speaker 1: you and control of your agency and your ability to
Speaker 1: make choice. And that's such an important take home message
Speaker 1: from this for people who are in relationships where they
Speaker 1: are very dysfunctional, and you know that it's dysfunctional, but
Speaker 1: you can you put off that intensity because that chemistry,
Speaker 1: that intensity, that like toxicity, it's it's what you've become
Speaker 1: addicted to and what you consider to be love. I
Speaker 1: think that that's when you need to step back from
Speaker 1: the relationship a little bit and realize, actually, this is
Speaker 1: really fucking something you might need.
Speaker 2: To walk away from. Yeah. Absolutely, and just to like
Speaker 2: flip this for a minute and talk about something a
Speaker 2: little bit happier. You have gone on to find love
Speaker 2: again and you're in like a loving relationship. So that's amazing. Congrats,
Speaker 2: thank you tell me what it's like. No, but I guess,
Speaker 2: like I mean, it's really nice to see that you
Speaker 2: can go through something like this and you can't overcome it. Obviously,
Speaker 2: that's come with its challenges. Did you find it hard
Speaker 2: when you met your now partner? Do you let someone
Speaker 2: in and trust them and move on and just be
Speaker 2: vulnerable again.
Speaker 5: It's something that I really struggled with and for a
Speaker 5: while I was feeling lonely, and I guess because when
Speaker 5: I met Paul, I was starting to try to put
Speaker 5: myself out there and find a happy relationship.
Speaker 6: So it was a big step back. I was lucky
Speaker 6: that I was kind of getting to the stage that.
Speaker 5: I was like maybe going to try to take a
Speaker 5: leap of faith again and start dating, but was a
Speaker 5: bit busy with work. And then I just I met
Speaker 5: Ben when we were working together in Crofts Harbor. So
Speaker 5: it's just convenient that I met someone at work, but
Speaker 5: also working in a country town, like you do, tend
Speaker 5: to hang out with your colleagues from work a bit socially.
Speaker 5: So he became a friend before we started dating, and also,
Speaker 5: you know, got to know some of my mutual friends
Speaker 5: that I had known prior, so I kind of got,
Speaker 5: you know, the.
Speaker 6: Tick of approval.
Speaker 5: Well, yeah, absolutely, and there may or may not have
Speaker 5: been some illegal checks by police.
Speaker 2: Friends. Definitely was.
Speaker 5: And if anything, I felt really bad for him, was like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, like poor thing, Like imagine being the
Speaker 5: first guy to date me after like this shit show
Speaker 5: that my life has been. So now he's he's very lovely,
Speaker 5: and you know, I feel very blessed that he's you know,
Speaker 5: been very gentle and kind and understanding of me. And
Speaker 5: certainly that was I mean, he at least kind of
Speaker 5: knew some of what had happened in my past through friends.
Speaker 5: But also it was kind of like we touched on
Speaker 5: earlier that you don't want to, you know, reveal all
Speaker 5: of your baggage too soon, but that was kind of.
Speaker 2: But also I was like, so, I'm so happy that
Speaker 2: you're happy, But you have gone on to become a
Speaker 2: vocal advocate for domestic violence awareness and women's safety, which
Speaker 2: you're doing so many amazing things for that. So good
Speaker 2: on you for sharing your story and being enough to
Speaker 2: share your story, and you, without doubt are helping so
Speaker 2: many women, and I know how many women you will
Speaker 2: help on this podcast. Where can people that might be
Speaker 2: going through something now listening to this saying I need help?
Speaker 2: Where would they go?
Speaker 5: First of all, it's really hard to open up to anyone,
Speaker 5: I guess if you're in a relationship that you don't
Speaker 5: feel quite right about. So even if it's as simple
Speaker 5: as opening up to a friend you trust, or you
Speaker 5: know your hairdresser, GP like anyone, if feel comfortable, just
Speaker 5: open up to If you're looking for more professional help
Speaker 5: in an emergency, anytime, please Cultriple zero and one of
Speaker 5: my particularly with my you know some good some bad
Speaker 5: experiences with police. Since then, I have learned that if
Speaker 5: you cultriple zero, it's going to be recorded, So don't
Speaker 5: call your local police station directly culturpal zero because it'll
Speaker 5: be recorded and you will be more likely to get
Speaker 5: a response.
Speaker 6: That you feel happy with.
Speaker 5: Also, there's lots of really good organizations out there providing support.
Speaker 5: So in Australia we have one eight hundred Respect, which
Speaker 5: is a twenty four to seven hotline that you can call.
Speaker 5: They also have a website that offers support and counseling
Speaker 5: for anyone going through family violence. For men who might
Speaker 5: be in crisis out there, Men's Line is a great resource,
Speaker 5: and for anyone who has a history of childhood abuse
Speaker 5: or trauma, The Blue Knot Foundation is a really great
Speaker 5: resource for both women and men who are recovering from trauma.
Speaker 5: And as always being a doctor myself, like you know,
Speaker 5: please feel free to also open up to your GP
Speaker 5: or a healthcare provider that you trust. And again, if
Speaker 5: you don't get a response that you're happy with, sometimes
Speaker 5: you need to find the right person. But more and
Speaker 5: more we are being trained on how to appropriately deal
Speaker 5: with disclosures of violence and certainly help can be provided
Speaker 5: onto as to how to safely leave a relation share
Speaker 5: and also how to access appropriate mental health support for
Speaker 5: those recovering.
Speaker 1: I did want to ask you one more question, which
Speaker 1: was just kind of touched on a tiny bit, but like,
Speaker 1: what advice do you have for someone who is at
Speaker 1: the end of that relationship where they're trying to leave
Speaker 1: but they just don't quite know how to do it.
Speaker 5: It's a tough one and it's one thing that is
Speaker 5: drilled into us that you know, why didn't she just
Speaker 5: leave or why didn't he just leave, and that it's
Speaker 5: on you to get out of that situation. But we
Speaker 5: also know that it is the most dangerous time for
Speaker 5: a person leaving a violent relationship, so I would recommend
Speaker 5: that you seek professional help, particularly if there are serious
Speaker 5: violence concerns or children involved. On some of those websites
Speaker 5: I've touched on, there is advice on how to safety plan.
Speaker 5: So that's what we call the process of putting everything
Speaker 5: into place of who am I going to call for advice,
Speaker 5: having a bag packed ready to go with important documents
Speaker 5: like your passport, driver's license, some cash.
Speaker 6: There's also.
Speaker 5: Information online about how to make technology safe. It's a
Speaker 5: process I'm sorry, I'm on night shift at the moment,
Speaker 5: so my brain's a bit hazy. But there's basically checklists
Speaker 5: online going through the whole safety planning process, which does
Speaker 5: involve basically preparing yourself and knowing where am I going
Speaker 5: to go, who am I going to call, having things
Speaker 5: ready to go, and making sure that you get the
Speaker 5: appropriate support if needed from friends, family, police, social work, etc.
Speaker 5: And on my Facebook page, I've got various links on
Speaker 5: there as to other websites that can provide support with
Speaker 5: safety planning and checking your technology safety as well.
Speaker 1: Anybody wants to jump on there and actually see that,
Speaker 1: you can jump onto the episode notes and you'll be
Speaker 1: able to find that information there too. We will also
Speaker 1: put all the other places that you mentioned, like the
Speaker 1: way one hundred respect, We'll put other numbers that you guys.
Speaker 1: If you need help, you can just jump on our
Speaker 1: bio that will be there as well. And Angela, we
Speaker 1: just want to say thank you so much for coming
Speaker 1: and taking time out today and doing this episode with
Speaker 1: us and sharing your story. It is by far the
Speaker 1: most harrowing story we've ever had shared on the podcast,
Speaker 1: but like we said, it's such an important one and yeah,
Speaker 1: we just you're You're absolute. It's a miracle, truly that
Speaker 1: you're still here to tell the story.
Speaker 5: Thank you so much for having me and everyone listening.
Speaker 5: Thanks for listening, and please take a moment for some
Speaker 5: self care for yourself now and just have a look
Speaker 5: outside at the sunshine and have a cup of tea
Speaker 5: and know that they're still love in the world, because
Speaker 5: I know it can be a bit tough with listening
Speaker 5: to this kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: You're a bloody legend. No, You're a legend. Hi got goosebums.
Speaker 2: I'm going to get my cup of tea and I'm
Speaker 2: getting outside.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Okay, guys, you know we never end an episode without
Speaker 2: our suck and our sweet our Highlightuight, now, lowlight the
Speaker 2: best and the worst of the week, and Laura, you're
Speaker 2: gonna kick this one off.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I've had lots of highlights week, Like I
Speaker 1: really enjoyed having Matt's family in town.
Speaker 2: I really needed to start with the lowlight. Oh shit,
Speaker 2: okay lowlight.
Speaker 1: Well, we've only been doing this podcast for a year
Speaker 1: and a half. Like, I don't know how these things work.
Speaker 1: Maybe we want to mix it up a bit.
Speaker 2: My lowlight for this week.
Speaker 1: My low light is that I have been very, very
Speaker 1: emotional this week, and I don't think I'm a particularly
Speaker 1: emotionally fragile person. I also don't think that I'm someone
Speaker 1: who who often gets down by small things that happen
Speaker 1: around me. I definitely think that my hormones are wreaking
Speaker 1: havoc at the moment. But yeah, I just have had
Speaker 1: a couple of times in the last few days where
Speaker 1: I have ended up in tears over relatively nothing situations
Speaker 1: or over things that like would not normally make me
Speaker 1: feel sad. We like, for example, the thing that I
Speaker 1: ended up getting upset about over the weekend was just
Speaker 1: that you know, when we had we had lots of
Speaker 1: family over, and that wasn't as attentive as he normally
Speaker 1: would be, right, Like, he wasn't as like holding my
Speaker 1: hand or like going and get just like purely out
Speaker 1: of being busy and having other people over, Like nothing
Speaker 1: has changed, but I would normally be able to rationalize that.
Speaker 1: And then at the moment because I am feeling really
Speaker 1: I'm actually feeling really insecure about myself, and that comes
Speaker 1: from like the changes that happened during pregnancy. Like I
Speaker 1: said about the whole poor DHL guy who had to
Speaker 1: see everything that's a bit swollen.
Speaker 2: But like, pregnancy is a hard period.
Speaker 1: Like you know, there's differentely times where you feel like
Speaker 1: you're like this glowy goddess and you feel like, oh,
Speaker 1: you know, all these magical changes and I'm having a baby.
Speaker 1: And then there's also times where you feel like you
Speaker 1: have no control over your body. You don't feel as
Speaker 1: attractive as what you used to be, you feel tired
Speaker 1: all the time, you feel sensitive, like and the changes,
Speaker 1: the physical changes that happen to your body are pretty
Speaker 1: hard to compartmentalize sometimes. So I think I've been feeling
Speaker 1: really down about that, and so then Matt not being
Speaker 1: as affectionate just is compounded by me feeling unattractive, and
Speaker 1: so that has been a real suck in this last week.
Speaker 2: Just for me.
Speaker 1: It's all in my own head and I'm dealing with it.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it's been probably one of the hardest parts
Speaker 1: of the pregnancy so far.
Speaker 2: So yeah, but I mean, your hormones are going nuts
Speaker 2: and you are going to feel that, and you're tired.
Speaker 2: As the end of the year, you're stressed, like you
Speaker 2: have a lot going on, So I feel like, you know,
Speaker 2: give yourself a break too.
Speaker 1: But I also don't want to blame it all on
Speaker 1: hormones either. I think it's an easy thing to say, Oh, like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just my hormones. I'm being crazy.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's necessarily hormones.
Speaker 1: I think it is hard to kind of deal with
Speaker 1: the fact that your body changes so significantly and to
Speaker 1: think that, like, well, ten months ago, I could go
Speaker 1: for a run, I felt really good about myself, I
Speaker 1: felt really fit, I felt.
Speaker 2: Like I was back in shape.
Speaker 1: And then to feel now like I don't have that
Speaker 1: agency over my own body is something that is really
Speaker 1: hard to get your head around. And there are definitely
Speaker 1: days where it makes me feel down. And I don't
Speaker 1: want to just fob that off as being hormones, because
Speaker 1: I don't think it is. I think it's funny your
Speaker 1: body's changing, yeah, me dealing with the physical changes that
Speaker 1: pregnancy has. And as much as I'm so excited to
Speaker 1: have another baby and I'm so excited for how our
Speaker 1: life is going to change, I definitely think that there
Speaker 1: are times when this pregnancy and dealing with the whole
Speaker 1: just being pregnant part of it has been a lot
Speaker 1: more difficult the last time.
Speaker 2: So that's my suck my sweet for the week. Like
Speaker 2: I said, I've had a lot of sweets. We had it.
Speaker 1: It was so beautiful having Matt's family over and being
Speaker 1: able to do something we'd had, Like the barbecue that
Speaker 1: we had was like a combined barbecue with my family
Speaker 1: and his.
Speaker 2: So cute, super cute, so cute.
Speaker 1: But my highlight for the week is that you guys
Speaker 1: know that we have talked about Benett Street Dairy the
Speaker 1: cookie dough so many times on this podcast. Isn't even
Speaker 1: a sponsored plug. I just am fucking obsessed. They sent
Speaker 1: me a box of cookie Yeah. Lord, I'm unimpressed by
Speaker 1: this story. They send me a box of cookie dough
Speaker 1: because they know how much I love it, and I
Speaker 1: you know what, sometimes there's perks of being someone who
Speaker 1: has the social media following you get cookie dough And
Speaker 1: I'm not even.
Speaker 2: Ashamed of that. Yeah, but can we talk about what
Speaker 2: happened with the cookie dough?
Speaker 1: Okay, So what actually happened was that they messaged me
Speaker 1: on Instagram and they were like, hey, Laura, did you
Speaker 1: get the cookie dough that we gave Brittany for you?
Speaker 1: And I was like, hah ha ha, No, I didn't
Speaker 1: get any cookie dough from Brittany because she's a bitch
Speaker 1: and she would have eaten it all. And then they
Speaker 1: were like, oh, that's so funny. Yeah, we gave her
Speaker 1: a cookie dough to give you, so we'll just send
Speaker 1: you some more. They're like it's irresistible. Who could blame her?
Speaker 1: She probably ate it raw.
Speaker 2: So then I get a message from Laura being like babe,
Speaker 2: did you eat all the cookie dough? And I was like,
Speaker 2: I said what. I was like so perplagued, like out
Speaker 2: of the blue, and I.
Speaker 1: Was like it was a little bit Accusa tree, but
Speaker 1: also like cute. I was like, yeah, cut echect nothing
Speaker 1: less of you.
Speaker 2: It's definitely Accusa tree, but like you tried to put
Speaker 2: a cute emoji on the end.
Speaker 1: And I was like, this bitch thinks I ate a
Speaker 1: cookie dough. And I was like, it's just like a
Speaker 1: break couple offense. The pcass was almost over guy.
Speaker 2: Literally right back, and I was like, babe, I have
Speaker 2: no idea we talking about it. She's like, yes, you do.
Speaker 2: The cookie dough. Bennett std Dairy told me they gave
Speaker 2: it to you to give to me and you never
Speaker 2: gave it to me, so I'm assuming you ate it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, what the fuck? I was like,
Speaker 2: I on my life, Benetry Dairy. There has been a
Speaker 2: big mix up because they did not give me any
Speaker 2: cookie dough. So now you we're still trying to figure
Speaker 2: out who's lying. Is it Benetry Dairy, is it Brittany?
Speaker 2: How are we ever going to know this? I can
Speaker 2: tell you how. It's one hundred pcent not me. Obviously,
Speaker 2: Benetry Dairy have got their wires cross, because you know
Speaker 2: they gave me some remember I told you about it. Yeah,
Speaker 2: some that was for me as well, it was not
Speaker 2: it was there was one for me to say, hey,
Speaker 2: this is our new flavor, give it a go. And
Speaker 2: I was like, thank you so much, and I reckon,
Speaker 2: they've just got their wires cross. They're thinking they've given
Speaker 2: me some logs. They're thinking they're thinking they've thought they've
Speaker 2: given me some logs for you or one of them.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I cannot explain it. It's an X file,
Speaker 2: but they did not give me anything for you. I
Speaker 2: would be imagine if I ate all your logs and
Speaker 2: then pretended I didn't. I'm mortified.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say that you are the girl that
Speaker 1: read gifts and mirror compact with your own name on
Speaker 1: it to your cousins, So like, I don't do anything
Speaker 1: past you right now, But I am.
Speaker 2: The girl that will go out on a limb to
Speaker 2: save my sister by giving her something of my own
Speaker 2: so she can give it as a present that she
Speaker 2: fucked up. That is the girl that I am. How
Speaker 2: you're a superhero, You really are? Okay? Bringing what is
Speaker 2: your suck and what is your sweet? My suck was
Speaker 2: being accused of seeing I actually have heaps. Now do
Speaker 2: you want some of mine? Oh? Wow, no my suck? Yeah,
Speaker 2: actually I don't have a suck. That was probably it.
Speaker 2: And my sweet was just spending the weekend with my family, cousins,
Speaker 2: annies and uncles that I literally haven't seen in a year.
Speaker 2: So it was really nice. And it's so easy just
Speaker 2: to be so busy and always have something on that
Speaker 2: you don't make time for the little things and the
Speaker 2: people that are important. And before I know it, I
Speaker 2: feel like this year, I know a lot of people,
Speaker 2: it was a crazy for everyone, and I know a
Speaker 2: lot of people. You did end up having a lot
Speaker 2: of time on your hands because we had all these
Speaker 2: insane lockdowns. But I think, I guess for me is
Speaker 2: like I worked double time in the hospital, and I
Speaker 2: I didn't make enough effort with my family this year,
Speaker 2: and I realized that at the end of the year. Now.
Speaker 2: I didn't even think about it until now, and I
Speaker 2: saw my dad turn up and I was like, I've
Speaker 2: missed you so much. I haven't seen you in so long.
Speaker 2: We don't even haven't even facetimed because he gets up early.
Speaker 2: And their cousins and annies and brothers that I haven't
Speaker 2: seen in a year, and I was like, I just
Speaker 2: can't let this happen again. So it was a really
Speaker 2: nice reminder for me to put in a bit more effort.
Speaker 1: No, I think that that's going to be super relateable
Speaker 1: to people who are listening to this. I think as
Speaker 1: much as like there has been some downtime for a
Speaker 1: lot of people, the fact that the separation and you
Speaker 1: know that you haven't been able to physically see your
Speaker 1: families often does just mean that like the level of
Speaker 1: contact and the level of conversation isn't there. And so
Speaker 1: I think there'll be a lot of people who will
Speaker 1: be having that sort of reunion in the next couple
Speaker 1: of months and over Christmas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it'd be so nice now the borders are
Speaker 2: open that all of you can actually go and see
Speaker 2: the family that matters to you that you haven't been
Speaker 2: able to see. Yeah, Like we had the same thing
Speaker 2: with Ellie.
Speaker 1: Like, even though Matt is so close to his mum,
Speaker 1: you know, and I'm really close to her as well,
Speaker 1: I'm not very good on the phone.
Speaker 2: I'm not very good on text.
Speaker 1: And I know that that's such a cop out and
Speaker 1: easy thing to say, but like, I don't do my
Speaker 1: best work via social media or via my phone, so
Speaker 1: I need to see someone face to face to give
Speaker 1: them my full attention. And I know that there's a
Speaker 1: lot of people that are like that. So I think
Speaker 1: that's a very very relative suite and suck. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know what, everyone loves cookie dough.
Speaker 2: Benetrate darre If you're listening, bring some more anyway, guys,
Speaker 2: that is it for us.
Speaker 1: We really hope that you got something out of this
Speaker 1: episode today. We're really proud of bringing you this episode.
Speaker 1: It was I know it's probably a hard one to
Speaker 1: listen to at different points in time. It was definitely
Speaker 1: a challenging one for us to record, but I'm really
Speaker 1: really glad that we finally got to do it because
Speaker 1: it's been something that's been in the works for a
Speaker 1: long time. And guys, if you haven't followed the Instagram
Speaker 1: page yet it's Life Uncut podcast, please go and do that. Also,
Speaker 1: the Facebook group is Life on Cut podcast as well.
Speaker 1: It's a great little community. We highly recommend. And if
Speaker 1: you have listened to this episode and you loved it,
Speaker 1: and you're one of those cheeky people who haven't gone
Speaker 1: and left us a review yet, then jump onto Apple
Speaker 1: and please leave us a review and tell us how
Speaker 1: much you love the podcast, because it helps us grow,
Speaker 1: it helps other people find us, it helps us spread
Speaker 1: the good Life on Cut.
Speaker 2: Word hellelujah. Also keep that's not That's not the life
Speaker 2: on covered hell Hellujah, and no hang on, oh do
Speaker 2: keep the accidentally unfielters coming and keep the questions coming
Speaker 2: in for Asking Cut. Remembering that this week is going
Speaker 2: to be Matt and Laura. So if you've got a
Speaker 2: question that's a little bit more specific for Matt Mabe,
Speaker 2: maybe you.
Speaker 1: Have like a very like specific relationship question. Maybe it's
Speaker 1: like sex after children. Maybe it's like, how do you
Speaker 1: keep the spice alive once you've had babies?
Speaker 2: The person.
Speaker 1: No, but like you know, Or maybe it's some pregnancy questions.
Speaker 1: Maybe you want to know what it's like from a
Speaker 1: man's perspective when their partner's pregnant. If you guys would
Speaker 1: ask us some very specific relationship questions or personal questions
Speaker 1: about our relationship, I should say, then yeah, hit us up.
Speaker 1: We will pick out some great ones and we will
Speaker 1: answer them for Thursday's episode.
Speaker 2: Please tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your brothers,
Speaker 2: to your friends, to your cat, tell your dog, and
Speaker 2: share a love because we love love.
Speaker 3: The cutting the body, the cutting the body, the cut
Speaker 3: of a bay