WEBVTT - MY EX TRIED TO KILL ME - Talking coercive control with Dr Angela Jay 0:00:20.160 --> 0:00:23.320 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:26.159 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and Britney's angry at me 0:00:26.239 --> 0:00:27.480 because we've literally done this. 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:28.880 Intro five times now. 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:31.560 But the first one sucked, and then the second one sarched, 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:33.000 and then the third one sarched, and then britt made 0:00:33.000 --> 0:00:34.080 a mistake on the fourth. 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:36.080 One, and so I didn't think they were that bad. 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:38.680 To be fair, I was like, that was pretty good. 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.520 But here we are. It's irrelevant. Five times is a charm. 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:45.000 That's what they made up. You made that up because 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:47.080 you're making me do it five times five times. 0:00:47.159 --> 0:00:49.919 It is a sweet spot. I remember when I used 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:51.000 to do it five times a day. 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:55.000 It's been a long time. I do not remember that. No, No, 0:00:55.080 --> 0:01:01.560 it was before we were friends. How was your week, Marie? 0:01:01.640 --> 0:01:02.200 Here was good. 0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:04.480 Matt's mum came and stayed with us for the weekend. 0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:07.319 Finally borders have reopened and so she came down from 0:01:07.360 --> 0:01:09.240 Queensland and it was the first time that we'd seen 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:12.360 her since January. So it was like, really nice to 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:15.840 kind of had that normalcy of last year in twenty twenty. 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:17.840 I was like, that's what your face looks like not 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:18.760 on FaceTime. 0:01:19.280 --> 0:01:20.840 How weird that we don't see our family for you, 0:01:20.959 --> 0:01:23.080 I'm flying to the Gold Coast tomorrow morning to see 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:24.600 my brother who I haven't seen in a year. 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:27.880 Well, speaking of Britney leaving tomorrow, guys, that does mean 0:01:27.880 --> 0:01:30.200 that we have a little bit of a switcheroo happening 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:32.400 for you later this week. I'm just going to tease 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:33.400 this into the episode. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.760 Now, oh you big teas, you big teas. 0:01:35.880 --> 0:01:38.240 Okay, So we've done it once, We've done it twice 0:01:38.240 --> 0:01:40.959 before where Mattie Jay has filled in for me and 0:01:41.040 --> 0:01:43.559 Britt and matt have done this like weird couple swap 0:01:43.640 --> 0:01:47.360 episode asked uncut w swap wife swap. While I had 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:49.080 to sit in the corner and watch them, it was 0:01:49.120 --> 0:01:51.120 like you know when you hear about those like people 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:54.080 have sex fetishes and they like watch their partner doing 0:01:54.080 --> 0:01:54.800 it with their friend. 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:56.640 I mean it was normal for me. This is all weird, 0:01:56.640 --> 0:01:57.040 f Laura. 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.400 Basically that's what's happened in the past. But this Thursday, 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:03.200 our ask guncut episode is going to be a very 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:04.520 special episode because it's going. 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:05.520 To be me and Mattie Jay. 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:08.480 So you guys can all listen to us bicker like 0:02:08.520 --> 0:02:10.000 we do live on. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.679 The podcasts can listen to what I hear all the time, 0:02:12.680 --> 0:02:15.639 but you can hear it live. No, I'm very appreciative, 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:18.320 and I hope you guys understand because the borders have 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:21.560 been closed. Obviously, my nephew, my niece, and my brother 0:02:22.200 --> 0:02:25.000 I have not seen them in a year, so this, obviously, 0:02:25.720 --> 0:02:27.560 I feel like this was. If there's ever gonna be 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.240 a reason for me to miss an uncut, it was 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:31.679 this one. My sister and I are going up to 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:34.560 see him. We're so excited my nephew. Last time I 0:02:34.560 --> 0:02:36.520 saw him, he wasn't even talking. Now he's like running 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.560 around like a maniac. He speaks two languages. I'm like, 0:02:38.560 --> 0:02:39.480 well that happened quickly. 0:02:39.639 --> 0:02:41.320 I mean, the more that we have Matt on the podcast, 0:02:41.360 --> 0:02:43.320 the more he's gonna start thinking he's a permanent fixture. 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.240 So like, don't get used to it, Matt. This is 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:47.200 my very first episode I've missed, and it will be 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:48.960 my well, I don't want to say it's my lastest 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.240 in case, but like I expect it to be my last. 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.040 Anyway, guys, that's a treat for you for Thursdays. So like, 0:02:54.160 --> 0:02:56.160 I know we're just pre warning you about this, but 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:57.160 that's your trigger warning. 0:02:57.280 --> 0:02:59.600 That's your trigger warning for Thursday's episode. 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:02.400 Yeah, so this weekend, do you know what I do 0:03:02.480 --> 0:03:04.440 want to say something that happened to me this weekend, 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:07.480 just really quickly. It's not a funny story. It's actually 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:08.200 like a little bit. 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:12.560 Of a parental warning story. I learned my lesson, I guess. 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.359 So we bought a blow up pool over the weekend, 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:19.000 like a big massive It cost thirty six bucks from Kmart. 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:22.600 It was a very very like boogie. Yeah, that's that word. 0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:26.520 I can't say. OOOHI no. I was like very impressed. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:28.400 I was like, we're gonna have a real Australian barbecue 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.440 day with our blowout pool and all the kids and anyway, 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:34.280 we had a barbie on Sunday. Loads of kids were around, 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:38.160 like all the nieces and nephews and put the pool. 0:03:37.920 --> 0:03:39.200 In the backyard. And we have like a bit of 0:03:39.240 --> 0:03:39.960 a weird backyard. 0:03:39.960 --> 0:03:42.440 We've got two separate sections, so if you're in one section, 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.800 you can't see around to the other section. And you know, 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:46.600 there was lots of adults there. So the good thing 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:49.200 about having lots of adults is that there's always someone 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.680 watching the kids. And like Matt and I were kind 0:03:51.720 --> 0:03:53.520 of taking in turns while one of us was cooking 0:03:53.600 --> 0:03:55.880 or one of us was getting drinks, et cetera. So 0:03:55.960 --> 0:04:00.560 I was inside getting drinks and Matt was outside with 0:04:00.760 --> 0:04:04.200 the family, and I assumed he had Marley, which is 0:04:04.680 --> 0:04:08.560 the biggest mistake. I never assume that somebody else is 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.600 watching the kids. I assumed he had Marley. He assumed 0:04:11.600 --> 0:04:14.080 his mom had Marley. His mum had no fucking idea 0:04:14.120 --> 0:04:16.240 what was going on, and. 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.640 Everyone thought someone else had Marley. Yeah, And I walked 0:04:19.640 --> 0:04:21.000 outside and I realized. 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:23.520 And then I walked around to where the swimming pool was, 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:28.159 and there's Marley by herself, zero adults. She'd climbed into 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:30.640 the swimming pool all by herself and was just standing 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:34.120 in the waiting pool playing and like nothing bad happened. 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:35.880 That there was very little water in the pool. 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.159 We only put about maybe ten fifteen centimeters of water 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:40.920 in the pool. But it just made me realize how 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:43.160 quickly something can go wrong, and like if she had 0:04:43.200 --> 0:04:45.320 slipped over when she'd gotten in, because the sides are 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:48.159 really high, like she's one and a half. It made 0:04:48.240 --> 0:04:51.119 me sick, like this moment of fear of like how 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:54.120 quickly shit can go wrong, and how you just cannot 0:04:54.160 --> 0:04:56.080 assume that somebody else is watching your kids. Ever. 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.039 Well, that's the thing I think a lot of people 0:04:58.040 --> 0:05:01.680 forget too, is like when you say there wasn't even 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:03.080 a lot of water in there, and there doesn't have 0:05:03.160 --> 0:05:04.920 to be. You can drown in two centimes of water. 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.039 And I'm not saying that to scare you or anyone else. 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.960 I'm literally it's just I think it's important to say 0:05:10.000 --> 0:05:11.960 that now, if we're going to have this conversation, it's 0:05:12.000 --> 0:05:15.240 that you only need the tiniest, tiniest little bit. So 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:18.719 I'm so glad obviously nothing happened to her, but yeah, 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:21.400 definitely a warning to people to keep that in mind, 0:05:21.480 --> 0:05:23.200 especially coming to somewhere in Australia. 0:05:23.279 --> 0:05:24.720 Yeah, it was one of those things as well, Like 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:26.960 we went to bed last night and like it it 0:05:27.560 --> 0:05:29.720 just stuck with me, like the fear that I felt 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:32.000 when I saw her in there by herself. Matt and 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:33.840 I went to bed and we lay in bed last night. 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.240 We had a big conversation around it because like obviously 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.920 it's no one's fault, Like, no, I'm not gonna blame him. 0:05:38.960 --> 0:05:40.839 He wasn't gonna blame me. Like, we didn't have a 0:05:40.839 --> 0:05:43.000 fight about it, but we will. Almost something that I'm 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.960 grateful happened because it's made me so aware of how 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:49.280 quickly that can that situation can happen, and it's made 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:52.520 me have a much greater, i guess, like understanding of 0:05:52.560 --> 0:05:53.960 when these things have happened. 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.120 To other parents or other people. 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:57.160 There's a little bit of you that judges that's like, well, 0:05:57.160 --> 0:05:58.479 why weren't you watching your kids? 0:05:58.520 --> 0:06:00.520 You know, you think that there's that when they're going 0:06:00.560 --> 0:06:01.440 to think the same thing to you. 0:06:02.320 --> 0:06:04.000 There's going to be so many people listening to this 0:06:04.040 --> 0:06:05.320 who's like, well, I can't believe you. 0:06:05.320 --> 0:06:07.679 Took your eyes off her, But it's so easy. 0:06:07.760 --> 0:06:09.560 So I just wanted to I know, that's not a 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:11.520 fun or funny story, and usually we come here with 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:13.279 the lolls for this start of the episode, but I 0:06:13.320 --> 0:06:14.880 just thought it was such an important thing to happen, 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.320 and it was such a life lesson for me that 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:19.919 I haven't been able to shake over the last twenty 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:20.479 four hours. 0:06:20.680 --> 0:06:22.600 So I really wanted to share that with everyone. Well, 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:24.799 thank you for sharing that and bringing that to the podcast. 0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:28.120 So well, it is an very important message. That's my 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:33.320 public service announcement for today. Anyway, weekend, I'm like, I 0:06:33.360 --> 0:06:36.159 don't know. Can I tell funny stories? Now? I don't know? 0:06:36.600 --> 0:06:38.560 No, No, Like, okay, We've got to actually a really 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.880 solemn episode for you, So I feel like we need 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:42.400 to bring the lolls before we take it to the 0:06:42.400 --> 0:06:43.200 real serious part. 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:45.560 Look, I'll quickly touch on my weekend before we get 0:06:45.560 --> 0:06:48.800 into my accidently unfiltered. I had a great weekend. I'm 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:52.000 sorry to say that, Laura when after your story, but 0:06:52.520 --> 0:06:55.479 I snuck away, nothing really funny happened. I actually know 0:06:55.520 --> 0:06:57.400 something did have funny happen, but that's going to be 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.320 my accidentally unfiltered in a second, So sit tight. No. 0:07:01.520 --> 0:07:03.159 I snuck away up to up the coast and I 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:05.640 went hot air ballooning, and I had some wine, and 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:09.280 I had my family Christmas party, which is like exhausting 0:07:09.440 --> 0:07:11.600 because like fifty people get in this beach house with 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:14.320 fifty kids, and it's mannic, like we're sleeping on floors. 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.080 It's not. This is not a luxury retreat, kids. This 0:07:17.200 --> 0:07:19.040 is like kids jumping on you at three am in 0:07:19.080 --> 0:07:19.480 the morning. 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:21.840 But I rock up at the recording today but it's like, 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.920 I'm so tired, and then they because she got up 0:07:24.920 --> 0:07:27.120 at three am this morning to go hot air ballooning. 0:07:27.360 --> 0:07:28.840 I got up at three am this. 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.280 Morning to deal with an explosive diary of shit that 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:33.360 was all through a cot and I was like, do 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:34.160 you know what. 0:07:34.280 --> 0:07:39.080 Yeah too, babe, me too. But we're both We both 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.920 got up at three am, and that is the consistency here. 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:46.200 We are both fatigued. It's irrelevant. Why no. I mean, 0:07:46.200 --> 0:07:47.800 I'm lucky that I did get to go up hot 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:51.200 air ballooning. I did take Sherry and Jay hot air ballooning, 0:07:51.240 --> 0:07:54.840 and unfortunately the only time that they do it is sunrise. 0:07:55.040 --> 0:07:57.520 Oh, it must be so awful, What a horrible thing 0:07:57.600 --> 0:07:59.800 to have to do. Must be so horrible to go 0:07:59.840 --> 0:08:02.800 to winery without children and drink wine and going on 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:03.960 a hot air balloon. 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:06.160 At three am. I mean, it's funny stay in like 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:09.080 luxury accommodation. I was on the floor of a pool 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:12.320 table in a lounge room with like twenty kids on 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:14.240 this mattress with springs in my back, Like this was 0:08:14.360 --> 0:08:16.600 not a luxury. I am glad that you did spend 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:19.080 the weekend with children. How annoying are they so annoying? 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:21.920 Now it's on my nieces and nephews and I love them. 0:08:21.920 --> 0:08:24.520 It's at a time where Christmas. It makes Christmas magical 0:08:24.520 --> 0:08:27.160 again because I don't do anything for Christmas. I live alone. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:30.240 I throw some tinsel maybe if I'm feeling luxurious on 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.560 my palm tree, but that's it. So it was really 0:08:32.640 --> 0:08:34.599 nice to sort of up the ante and you have 0:08:35.080 --> 0:08:37.120 all the decorations, and we had presents, and you know 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.800 Santa was coming early for them and all of the above. 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:41.960 So that was really really nice. But I did go 0:08:42.000 --> 0:08:44.480 hold air boon in this morning, and just like fifteen 0:08:44.520 --> 0:08:47.240 minutes ago, as we were recording this episode, I get 0:08:47.240 --> 0:08:50.000 a message in my DMS from this girl that I 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.960 don't know. She's like, I thought that was you this morning. 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:54.520 I was on your hot air balloon. And then she 0:08:54.559 --> 0:08:57.199 sends me all these like horrific footage of me trying 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:58.520 to roll up the hot air balloon. At the end, 0:08:58.520 --> 0:09:00.280 I fully got in there, like it was the amazing race. 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:01.880 He's like, we need some volunteers, and I was like, 0:09:02.080 --> 0:09:04.680 volunteers tribute. So I jump in there and I'm trying 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:06.319 to roll this hot air blown up. It was actually 0:09:06.360 --> 0:09:08.120 really hard work. She's like, I knew it was you, 0:09:08.160 --> 0:09:09.760 and then she proceeds to send me all these here 0:09:10.200 --> 0:09:12.720 it is footage of me. I was like, thank you that. 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:15.360 She was like paparazzi. She goes, she goes, I wasn't 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:16.679 sure it was you. I don't know if you saw, 0:09:16.720 --> 0:09:20.280 but I put it. I put a story up today saying, hey, guys, 0:09:20.280 --> 0:09:22.160 got up at three am with no makeup and dressed 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.520 like a boy. Because I did, I looked like a boy. 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:26.160 I looked like a twelve year old boy. And that's 0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:27.959 why she obviously didn't recognize me. She's like, I thought 0:09:28.000 --> 0:09:29.679 you looked familiar. She's like, I'm actually a huge fan, 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:30.599 but I didn't recognize you. 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:32.800 She's like, what do you wait? Is that what you 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:34.679 look like with our makeup and Instagram for yeah? 0:09:35.160 --> 0:09:35.560 Is that you? 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:38.080 It wasn't great, guys, but other than that, it was 0:09:38.120 --> 0:09:39.800 just chill man. It was just nice to get out 0:09:39.840 --> 0:09:40.200 of Sydney. 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:42.080 Why did I just sound like I don't know, but 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:45.160 I was just about to do It was chill man. 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.440 And then we like some slifs and just had a 0:09:48.480 --> 0:09:50.000 really turbular term. 0:09:50.720 --> 0:09:53.199 Anyway, the Bonda is really getting to you. Bonda Yeam 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:53.800 Bond Girl. 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.120 Well, anyways, guys, we really don't want to spend too 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.400 long on this intro this morning, and that is because 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:01.920 this is a really massive, massive episode that we have 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:06.160 coming up. We're interviewing doctor Angela Jay and now I'm 0:10:06.240 --> 0:10:07.960 sure that some of you guys will actually know this 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:09.840 story or would have read it in the news or 0:10:09.960 --> 0:10:11.880 seen it in the papers. I mean, that's also reading 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:13.320 it in the news, So I'll just stop saying the 0:10:13.320 --> 0:10:16.719 same thing in different ways you guys might know about it. 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.280 Angela is a doctor who at the time was living 0:10:19.320 --> 0:10:23.079 in Port Macquary and she met a guy on online 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:26.520 dating on Tinder. It's a story about how the man 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:29.040 that she dated, Paul, ended up jumping out of a 0:10:29.120 --> 0:10:33.080 closet and stabbing her eleven times. It is an incredibly 0:10:33.120 --> 0:10:36.439 harrowing story, but it's also a really really empowering story. 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:38.560 And the reason why we wanted to get Angela on 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:42.280 the podcast is because we Britt and I we've talked 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:44.640 about this loads and we think it's really important for 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.840 people to really understand the fact that like this sort 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:51.440 of thing can happen to anyone. Violence against women, domestic violence, 0:10:51.679 --> 0:10:53.920 it doesn't just happen to people who are paul, or 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:58.199 who are uneducated, or who make bad decisions. Angela is 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:01.120 an incredibly intelligent woman who who has all the education 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:03.840 in the world. She is a doctor, and she was 0:11:03.840 --> 0:11:09.120 the victim of such an incredibly abusive and frightening attack, 0:11:09.320 --> 0:11:11.080 and so we really wanted to share this with you. 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:11.440 Guys. 0:11:12.160 --> 0:11:14.920 This is a trigger warning for anyone who doesn't want 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.280 to listen to an episode on domestic violence. But for 0:11:17.320 --> 0:11:19.520 the rest of you who can, there are some really 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.280 really important take homes from this interview, I think, and 0:11:22.800 --> 0:11:24.520 you know, we aren't going to jump into it just yeah, 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:26.680 we're going to talk about it accidentally unfiltered story, So 0:11:26.679 --> 0:11:27.120 we have some. 0:11:27.200 --> 0:11:29.040 Funny things to tell you first. 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:31.679 However, I just wanted to put that out there because 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.720 it's a really great episode that we're both super proud of. 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.600 But it is a very big one, and it's definitely 0:11:37.600 --> 0:11:39.560 probably the most heavy one that we've ever done. 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:43.440 It's a very very surreal story. And I remember being 0:11:43.440 --> 0:11:45.760 from Port McQuary. I remember when it happened. It just like, 0:11:45.840 --> 0:11:48.479 I mean, blew up all of Australia. It was everywhere, 0:11:48.520 --> 0:11:50.679 but it was all anyone talked about in Port McQuary, 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.600 But there is so much that we talk about with Angela, 0:11:53.720 --> 0:11:56.360 and she's so brave and so open to share her 0:11:56.400 --> 0:11:58.960 story with us, and I'm so appreciative. But she is 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:01.439 going to go into quite a lot of detail about 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:05.520 every aspect from the beginning, from how she met him, 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:09.440 why where she met him, the beginning of that relationship, 0:12:10.800 --> 0:12:13.560 what appeared to be red flags in hindsight, but she 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:16.400 didn't really notice at the start the things that started 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.360 to go downhill, and how soon they started to go downhill, 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.800 to the way the police dealt with the situation, to 0:12:23.880 --> 0:12:26.960 the fact that she spoke to people about it and 0:12:27.000 --> 0:12:28.920 told friends about it and a neighbor about it, and 0:12:28.960 --> 0:12:32.640 that is what ended up actually saving her life. She 0:12:32.760 --> 0:12:36.520 speaks about what you can do after the fact if 0:12:36.559 --> 0:12:39.440 you were experiencing domestic violence, if you're in any sort 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:42.080 of a situation that you are uncomfortable with. She's going 0:12:42.120 --> 0:12:44.000 to go into a lot of detail about that as well. 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:48.559 So she literally touches on every single aspect of this story. 0:12:48.640 --> 0:12:52.079 And I was just I had goose bombs, I had tears, 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.280 I was on the edge of my seat, and I 0:12:54.440 --> 0:12:56.280 just can't wait for you all to listen to this 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.800 because I think it's such such an important message. 0:12:58.920 --> 0:13:00.840 Yeah, And one of the big thing that like, I mean, 0:13:00.840 --> 0:13:02.520 I know that you just touch touched on every single 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:04.520 thing that she talked about, but one of the things 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:07.559 that she did speak about in this episode, and something 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:09.120 that I think is like one of the biggest take 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:13.680 homes about the whole EPP, is this idea that you know, 0:13:13.679 --> 0:13:16.240 when somebody is in an abusive relationship or they're in 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.240 a toxic relationship, we still think, well, why don't they 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.480 just leave? Like, oh, well, if things are bad, or 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:25.559 if someone's displaying these characteristics, like why don't you just leave? 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.719 And there is this onus on the person who is 0:13:27.760 --> 0:13:30.520 the victim, that they've made some bad decisions or that 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:33.760 they have gotten themselves into the situation. And I think 0:13:33.800 --> 0:13:37.719 by listening to Angela's story, this could literally happen to anybody, 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.679 and it's not as easy as just leaving, because sometimes 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:43.920 it's a slow boil. Sometimes you don't know that you're 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:46.720 in a toxic relationship. Sometimes you don't know that things 0:13:46.800 --> 0:13:50.760 are being manipulated around you. And that's something that listening 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:53.840 to her talk about I think was really, really, really empowering, 0:13:53.880 --> 0:13:56.080 and I do think that if you listen to our 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:58.280 narcissistic episode, you will get a lot out of this 0:13:58.320 --> 0:13:59.880 one as well if you did get something out of that, 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.760 so please stick around for it. But before we do 0:14:02.880 --> 0:14:06.200 get into the episode, it's our favorite part of every 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:10.440 episode which we just can't miss, and that is accidentally Unfiltered. However, 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:12.520 we've kind of gone rogue on this because we both 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:16.200 had our own semi accidentally unfiltered that happened to us 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:16.640 this week. 0:14:16.720 --> 0:14:22.400 My mom is actually gonna kill me. My accidentally unfiltered 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:23.760 is coming from my mom. 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:25.640 At least, like you don't have to bear your soul 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:28.120 for the podcast throwing somebody else in the ring. 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.840 Maybe this is the episode she doesn't listen to, but 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:33.880 I just died for it, and it's not it's actually 0:14:33.920 --> 0:14:35.880 I don't I want to say it's like a cute one, 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:37.560 you know how we say it's those innocent ones. It's 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:41.560 those innocent mistakes. That's what this was. But she was mortified. 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:47.080 Long so sure, my mom was at her jay job 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.600 on a weekend, just like the day that she drove 0:14:49.640 --> 0:14:51.600 down to see us for the Christmas party, and she's like, 0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:54.320 it was really busy cramming into Christmas. I knew I 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:56.280 had to get away, you know, to come up the 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:57.840 coast and see you guys. And she goes like, I 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:02.360 just wasn't thinking. So she's serving the customer. This customer, 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.320 this customer. This woman comes up to her. She's in 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.240 her fifties and she has a glass eye. Obviously she's 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:14.160 lost her eye and so she has a glass prosthetic eye. 0:15:14.360 --> 0:15:16.680 And Mum said, it wasn't a great one. But she's like, 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:20.960 I was doing my very best to maintain eye contact 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.280 with her good eye, not make it feel uncomfortable at all, 0:15:23.520 --> 0:15:26.600 because it was very standout ish. So they're going about 0:15:26.600 --> 0:15:28.320 their business, and which is like an. 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:29.920 Interesting thing because like when you look at someone in 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:31.440 the eyes, you kind of just look at both eyes 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:33.320 simultaneously exactly, so you never just. 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:35.920 Look at one person singular eye. That's what Mum said. 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.960 She's like, usually you dart between eyes. She's like, but 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.120 I was making the conscious effort to like look at 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:42.720 this one eye and then she's like, every couple of 0:15:42.720 --> 0:15:45.720 seconds it would glance over. She's like, but it was fine. 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:48.680 The lady was asking about a sale that they had 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:51.000 on the lady was like, I will take this. I 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:52.680 saw that it was on the fifteen percent off rack 0:15:52.720 --> 0:15:55.880 and my mom said, oh, no, sorry, like that's only 0:15:55.960 --> 0:15:58.200 on the ten percent off rack. And she's like, oh, 0:15:58.240 --> 0:15:59.560 but it was on the fifteen She's like, I know. 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:01.960 I'm so sorry. She's like, but you still get ten 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:04.560 percent off. It's better than a poking the eye with 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:14.280 a blunt stick. Oh my, Actually she said to her, 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.800 it's better than a poke because that's the saying I 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:20.000 say too from my mom. My mom has always said 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.080 that saying. And she said as soon as it came 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:24.560 out of her mouth, she was like, what the fuck, Nikki, Like, 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:27.400 what have you done? She's like, you can't. You cannot 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:30.440 escape from that. This is like an over the counter exchange. 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.600 She didn't even say anything. She didn't even apologize to 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:33.920 the same thing. She just pretend like it was a 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:36.240 normal comment, got away with it. Solder woman a thing 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:39.560 and got out of there. Okay, I have another accidentally 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:42.640 unfiltered that I did this weekend myself. Well, I blame 0:16:42.720 --> 0:16:45.560 my sister. Actually I was really mortified though, So I 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.600 just said, my whole family get together. There's like thirty 0:16:47.640 --> 0:16:50.720 of us and we do a Chris Kringle. So everyone 0:16:50.800 --> 0:16:53.440 gets one person's name that they have to go one 0:16:53.440 --> 0:16:55.200 by the present for we have a price limit. So 0:16:55.240 --> 0:16:58.160 we all sit around in this huge like circle in 0:16:58.200 --> 0:17:00.520 the lounde room and it's all very much. You focus 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.160 on the one person and we make the joke when 0:17:03.320 --> 0:17:05.000 there when it's their time to unwrap it, it's like 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.720 focus on Laura ooh, and everyone looks at Laura and 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:11.480 then you over the present. So it's like our tradition. Anyway, 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:17.000 My sister Sherry had gotten there the day before me, 0:17:17.680 --> 0:17:20.520 and then she messages me and she goes, shit, I 0:17:20.640 --> 0:17:23.639 forgot half of the present for my Chris Kringle person. 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:27.600 The Chris Kringle that she got was my cousin's girlfriend. 0:17:27.680 --> 0:17:32.560 So she's twenty odd, really girly girl. So she goes, 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.640 I forgot the present. Can you do you have anything 0:17:35.800 --> 0:17:38.040 at your house that you might have just had left 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:39.320 over or I had sent to you that you can 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:40.720 just bring and I can add it, you know, like 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.159 lip gloss or something as then like something that a 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:47.200 brand has sent you. Can I regive this? 0:17:48.400 --> 0:17:48.600 Yeah? 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:51.760 She literally goes, just like because she had half the present, 0:17:51.800 --> 0:17:54.040 but she she left half and you've got to make 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:55.760 the dollar value up for the present. So she's like, 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:57.840 just something else to add in and I was running 0:17:57.880 --> 0:18:00.879 out the door literally, and I was like, you know what, Yes, 0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:05.800 I have a lip gloss and a compact mirror. Great 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:09.520 who like beautiful? I find uses that grabs them. Went 0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.240 out the door and Shard's like, you're a life saver. 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:13.119 Thank you. I'll add that to the present. We're all 0:18:13.160 --> 0:18:18.320 sitting around my cousin's girlfriend. She's quite shy. She's new 0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.000 to the family. She's only been in the family a year, 0:18:20.000 --> 0:18:22.320 and my family's pretty intense. And I'm sure you can 0:18:22.359 --> 0:18:26.520 imagine she's opening a prison arm. Everything is silent. 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:28.439 I'm just imagining they're still being like a like an 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:30.840 envelope a letter inside that's like, Hi, Brittany, we really 0:18:30.840 --> 0:18:32.480 hope that you like this lip compact. 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:40.879 Please have this tag on Instagram. She opens the present 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.000 and she looks up and everyone looks at me, and 0:18:44.040 --> 0:18:47.520 I'm like what because no one knows it's a secret Santa. 0:18:48.200 --> 0:18:50.040 And they go, Brittany, was this you? And I'm like no, 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:53.240 and they hold up the mirror compact and it has 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:57.399 been embroidered with my name, Brittany, and I was like 0:18:58.080 --> 0:18:59.960 I nearly died. And she looked at me and she's like, 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:02.640 was this from you? And I was like I panicked 0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:04.960 and I was like, oh my god, that's so weird. No, 0:19:05.560 --> 0:19:07.560 that was absolutely I did not get you a present. 0:19:07.560 --> 0:19:09.240 They're like, but it's got your name on it, and 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:11.199 I was I was like, she thinks I fucking that 0:19:11.240 --> 0:19:13.879 I've got her regifted her a gift. Anyway, at the end, 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:15.320 I was like, I can't take this anymore. We did 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:16.879 a big announcement and I was like, I need to 0:19:16.960 --> 0:19:19.320 explain what happened, because I can't have you thinking that 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:22.000 I'm such a povo that I got you and gave 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:23.920 you a gift that I've already been given. I was like, 0:19:23.960 --> 0:19:26.600 and I explained the situation anyway. Everyone thought it was funny. 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:27.520 She's like, do you want it back? 0:19:27.560 --> 0:19:30.000 And I'm like, no, You're like, I didn't want it 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:32.119 in the first place. Some brown sent this to me, 0:19:32.200 --> 0:19:33.359 and that's why I gave it to you. 0:19:33.560 --> 0:19:35.199 I just thought I was saving my sister. And I 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:37.280 said to Sharan, why didn't you look in the present 0:19:37.320 --> 0:19:39.080 to see what it was? And she's like, why didn't you? 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:40.600 And I we're just trying to blame each other. 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:42.760 I also love that this is like this could only 0:19:42.800 --> 0:19:43.959 happen to an influencer. 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:48.959 It was like my worst nightmare. Anyway, she laughed, it 0:19:49.000 --> 0:19:52.760 was funny. Well, I haven't accidentally unfiltered as well. This 0:19:52.840 --> 0:19:55.240 is really escalating. We went from having like nothing. 0:19:56.240 --> 0:19:58.560 So no, this was actually the accidently unfiltered I was 0:19:58.600 --> 0:19:59.680 bringing to the story today. 0:20:00.040 --> 0:20:03.800 So, okay, I spend a lot of time naked these days, 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:04.639 just so you know. 0:20:04.640 --> 0:20:10.080 Okay, yeah, I'm hot, I'm wide, everything is swollen, everything 0:20:10.160 --> 0:20:13.640 is swollen, and I just can't be bothered to wear clothes. 0:20:13.760 --> 0:20:16.159 So fine, Yeah, look, it's fine. I do that and 0:20:16.200 --> 0:20:17.000 I'm not pregnant. 0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:21.879 Well yeah, but you look better naked than I do, right, continue, Okay, 0:20:21.960 --> 0:20:25.440 So basically, like our our apartment is very cavernous. We're 0:20:25.480 --> 0:20:27.840 on the we're on the bottom floor, which is like 0:20:28.080 --> 0:20:30.160 it's a little bit down from like road level at 0:20:30.160 --> 0:20:31.960 the front, but it is road level at the back, 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:33.720 if that makes sense. So if you're gonna come to 0:20:33.760 --> 0:20:36.320 the front of our apartment, you if you're going to 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:39.160 buzz the buzzer, there's a window right there that you're 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:40.480 looking directly. 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:41.400 Into right in our hallway. 0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.879 We always leave that window blind closed because it's just 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:48.080 a bit intrusive, right, I would never open it anyway. 0:20:48.280 --> 0:20:53.919 So I'm walking around the house in my liberated naked 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:57.080 self wandering around the house anyway. I just said I'd 0:20:57.600 --> 0:20:59.840 been doing laps from the bedroom to the lungdroom whatever 0:21:00.200 --> 0:21:02.760 to do. Got this one hallway cupboard which is right 0:21:02.800 --> 0:21:05.040 next to the entrance of our apartment, which is also 0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:07.800 right next to this window. So I walk over to 0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:09.800 the cupboard. I'm getting some stuff out. I bend over, 0:21:09.840 --> 0:21:12.359 I get the stuff out, and bend over again to 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:15.320 get some more stuff out. This process is going on 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:18.520 for about three minutes, and then I closed the cupboard 0:21:18.880 --> 0:21:23.680 and realized that there's a DHL delivery man staring making 0:21:23.880 --> 0:21:26.640 eye contact with me with your buttthole. 0:21:26.880 --> 0:21:27.760 Well, he would have been. 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:33.400 Making eye contact in my bowl, with my swollen vagina 0:21:33.480 --> 0:21:36.120 and the whole thing, as I had been bending over 0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:40.199 multiple times and he was just standing there staring like 0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:40.960 in shock. 0:21:41.080 --> 0:21:42.719 I think I don't think he was being a cra 0:21:43.000 --> 0:21:45.679 was it in shock? I wouldn't be staring at me 0:21:45.800 --> 0:21:47.960 right now. Look, unless the man's got a pregnancy fetish. 0:21:48.000 --> 0:21:51.160 I think he literally must have just been in absolute 0:21:51.400 --> 0:21:53.479 like he'd just been raped in the face by this 0:21:53.680 --> 0:21:55.080 woman and what happened. 0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:59.280 We stood there and made contact, and then I was like, 0:22:01.359 --> 0:22:05.480 you've already seen it, come on in. I just buzz 0:22:05.600 --> 0:22:07.760 you in. I just kind of like ran out of you. 0:22:08.119 --> 0:22:10.240 And then Matt wasn't home, so then I had to 0:22:10.280 --> 0:22:12.159 kind of stay. I was stuck. I couldn't go back 0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:13.679 down the hallway because I was a nude and the 0:22:13.720 --> 0:22:18.240 window was blind with you just literally made his Christmas. 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:20.560 You think that, but I really don't think he did. 0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:23.080 I pregnant him in a hot naked and I've seen 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:24.320 you everything. 0:22:24.440 --> 0:22:26.320 I'm not even joking, guys. I talked about this at 0:22:26.359 --> 0:22:28.600 the beginning of the podcast. I was like, eventually, I'm 0:22:28.600 --> 0:22:30.480 going to get to the point where things are real swollen. 0:22:30.880 --> 0:22:32.840 We hit that about two weeks ago, and I haven't 0:22:32.880 --> 0:22:35.439 seen it for a long time, and it's very badly shaped. 0:22:35.480 --> 0:22:38.200 Like we've talked about it, it's not a sight to behold. 0:22:38.640 --> 0:22:42.439 It's a bit of a dream. I'm so glad that 0:22:42.520 --> 0:22:43.440 this happened to you. 0:22:45.800 --> 0:22:48.560 Anyway, So that happened to me on Saturday, and I'm 0:22:48.600 --> 0:22:51.960 still recovering and the DHL men's still outside my window. 0:22:52.119 --> 0:23:00.760 Yeah, all right, guys, it is time to get the episode. 0:23:00.760 --> 0:23:03.400 And we did touch on before what were you talking 0:23:03.400 --> 0:23:05.480 about today, and that is that we do have doctor 0:23:05.520 --> 0:23:08.800 Angela Jay in and she is telling us her very 0:23:08.840 --> 0:23:14.000 traumatic story with domestic violence. So we just thought before 0:23:14.240 --> 0:23:16.600 we introduce you to Angela, we just wanted to tell 0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:21.440 you some pretty rattling statistics. Mission Australia states that sixteen 0:23:21.440 --> 0:23:23.719 percent of women, which is one point five million, and 0:23:23.880 --> 0:23:26.240 five point nine percent of men which is five hundred 0:23:26.280 --> 0:23:29.480 and twenty eight thousand, have experienced physical violence from a 0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:32.760 partner since they were fifteen years old. So on average, 0:23:32.800 --> 0:23:36.199 one woman a week is killed by a current or 0:23:36.320 --> 0:23:39.440 former partner and one male per month is killed by 0:23:39.440 --> 0:23:42.080 a current or former partner. And these statistics are all 0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:45.679 Australian based as well, all Australian based, and these statistics 0:23:46.240 --> 0:23:49.520 are so concerning, and when I was reading them, I 0:23:49.600 --> 0:23:53.200 knew they were high, But when you really delve into 0:23:53.200 --> 0:23:55.199 this and you stop and take a second to actually 0:23:55.200 --> 0:23:58.639 think about it, that is insane. And I don't know 0:23:58.680 --> 0:24:02.000 what we can do as nation or as an individual 0:24:02.200 --> 0:24:04.160 to help with that. But this is why we wanted 0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:06.960 to speak to someone like Angela, because one infom will 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:09.879 experience violence at the hands of an intimate partner, and 0:24:09.920 --> 0:24:13.240 the most dangerous place for a woman is in the house. 0:24:13.480 --> 0:24:16.399 This statistic, unfortunately, ran very true for doctor Angela j 0:24:16.880 --> 0:24:19.840 when she was attacked in her own home by her 0:24:20.160 --> 0:24:23.760 very recent ex partner, somebody she did meet on Tinder, 0:24:24.160 --> 0:24:29.200 a very tall, charismatic, intelligent, handsome man that she thought 0:24:29.240 --> 0:24:33.560 she had won the jackpot with, who ended up breaking 0:24:33.600 --> 0:24:37.439 into her house, hiding in her cupboard and covering her 0:24:37.440 --> 0:24:41.639 in petrol, and stabbing her eleven times. He literally tried 0:24:41.720 --> 0:24:44.800 to take her life because she no longer wanted to 0:24:44.840 --> 0:24:47.200 be with him before. So we do have Angela in 0:24:47.240 --> 0:24:50.240 to tell her story, and it's such an incredible story, 0:24:50.240 --> 0:24:53.240 and we are so grateful that Angela has taken the 0:24:53.280 --> 0:24:57.159 time and is brave enough to share what happened to 0:24:57.200 --> 0:24:58.119 her with all of you. 0:24:58.840 --> 0:25:01.080 Angela, thank you so much for making time today to 0:25:01.400 --> 0:25:04.360 come on the podcast and to tell us your story. Now, 0:25:04.400 --> 0:25:06.679 Guys like this is a very different story to what 0:25:06.680 --> 0:25:09.440 we would normally have on the podcast, and so it's 0:25:09.480 --> 0:25:11.480 a very harrowing story, but we think it's a really 0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:14.640 really important conversation to be had, so Before we get 0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:17.800 into all of the details, Angela, please tell us a 0:25:17.840 --> 0:25:20.560 little bit about yourself and your background and who you are. 0:25:21.440 --> 0:25:25.200 Thanks so much for having me. My name's Angela. As 0:25:25.200 --> 0:25:28.640 you said, I'm a doctor working in obstetrics and gynecology, 0:25:28.680 --> 0:25:32.439 which is all things pregnancy, birth and women's business. 0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:34.600 Well aware, don't worry. I've been speaking to a few 0:25:34.560 --> 0:25:37.159 of you recently. Last week we thought Laura's going into labor, 0:25:37.240 --> 0:25:38.960 so we're happy to have you. All right, guys, it 0:25:39.000 --> 0:25:40.200 turned out it just was gas. 0:25:42.040 --> 0:25:48.320 It's like a common mistake. I grew up in the US. 0:25:48.640 --> 0:25:52.920 I have Ozzie, Mum and dad, and moved to Australia 0:25:52.960 --> 0:25:56.760 permanently when I was in high school. Finished did all 0:25:56.800 --> 0:26:03.040 of my medicine and training here in Austraia and since 0:26:03.080 --> 0:26:08.200 then I've gone on to have a romance and young 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:09.240 marriage when I was. 0:26:09.400 --> 0:26:11.359 Twenty three to a navy boy. 0:26:11.800 --> 0:26:15.480 So we met through mutual friends when I was still 0:26:15.520 --> 0:26:19.080 at UNI, and yeah, like we just kind of clicked 0:26:19.080 --> 0:26:23.560 straight away. And because at the time he was moving 0:26:23.600 --> 0:26:27.439 down to Melbourne to do his initial navy training, we 0:26:27.440 --> 0:26:30.639 did long distance for a while and then due to 0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:35.200 the kind of the technicalities with the military. It seemed 0:26:35.480 --> 0:26:37.200 easier at the time to get married so that we'd 0:26:37.240 --> 0:26:40.480 be recognized in relationships. So we actually knew each other 0:26:40.520 --> 0:26:45.480 for like we were dating for six months or something. 0:26:45.359 --> 0:26:46.080 And got married. 0:26:46.119 --> 0:26:47.600 It was like very quick. 0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:52.600 And yeah, it was fun while it lasted, but you know, 0:26:53.400 --> 0:26:56.200 as some things do, didn't work out in the end, 0:26:56.359 --> 0:27:00.480 and in twenty sixteen we separated for the final time. 0:27:01.320 --> 0:27:04.120 And at the time, I was working in Port McCrory 0:27:04.160 --> 0:27:07.639 on Rules to Conment and that's when I started dating again. 0:27:07.840 --> 0:27:10.480 And at the time I had never used online dating, 0:27:10.480 --> 0:27:12.480 but I thought i'd give it a crack because heaps 0:27:12.520 --> 0:27:15.120 of my friends had used it successfully and met really 0:27:15.200 --> 0:27:19.520 nice guys. And that's when I met my ex Paul, 0:27:19.960 --> 0:27:23.280 who went on to try to kill me. 0:27:23.720 --> 0:27:25.560 I just have so many questions, but it's just even 0:27:25.640 --> 0:27:27.520 that the most powerful statement, you don't even know what 0:27:27.560 --> 0:27:29.200 to do with that you know my ex you tried 0:27:29.200 --> 0:27:29.600 to kill me. 0:27:30.240 --> 0:27:32.720 Every time I've read your story, i've heard you tell 0:27:32.760 --> 0:27:35.359 your story. It's just it doesn't get any easier to 0:27:35.400 --> 0:27:36.600 listen to. And I know that there's going to be 0:27:36.600 --> 0:27:38.399 a lot of people listening to this who find this 0:27:38.520 --> 0:27:41.000 really difficult. But like we said, I do think it's 0:27:41.040 --> 0:27:44.280 a really important conversation to be had before you did 0:27:44.320 --> 0:27:46.159 meet Paul, and knowing that you've just come out of 0:27:46.160 --> 0:27:49.919 a relationship and you were online dating, what was it 0:27:50.000 --> 0:27:53.040 like for you online dating after just finishing a relationship, 0:27:53.040 --> 0:27:55.160 like after being divorced and going, okay'm and to put 0:27:55.160 --> 0:27:57.000 myself out there again, because I know that that is 0:27:57.000 --> 0:27:59.920 probably a very common thing that you know, people feel like, okay, 0:28:00.119 --> 0:28:02.000 going through such a big life shift where I thought 0:28:02.000 --> 0:28:04.120 I was gonna spend my life with this person and 0:28:04.160 --> 0:28:05.280 now that's not happened. 0:28:05.320 --> 0:28:09.600 Well, online dating itself is daunting, especially if you haven't 0:28:09.640 --> 0:28:11.080 done it, if you were young, and I'm going to 0:28:11.119 --> 0:28:12.760 assume it was your first ever time you were young, 0:28:12.840 --> 0:28:14.359 you were married, then you've gone. I mean, I'm a 0:28:14.440 --> 0:28:18.840 veteran right now and on my weld, but it's really 0:28:18.920 --> 0:28:21.080 really daunting. So was all the first person you met? 0:28:21.160 --> 0:28:22.800 Or did you meet other people before him? 0:28:23.119 --> 0:28:26.320 I went on a few dates, and yeah, I kind 0:28:26.320 --> 0:28:28.119 of just felt lost and didn't really know what I 0:28:28.160 --> 0:28:32.440 was doing because all of my previous relationships had been 0:28:32.560 --> 0:28:35.600 people i'd kind of met through friends of friends or 0:28:36.440 --> 0:28:39.480 kind of through social networks. I guess at the time, 0:28:39.560 --> 0:28:42.360 because I was away from my usual social circles. Being 0:28:42.560 --> 0:28:46.200 on rurals to convent, I wasn't meeting people other than 0:28:46.320 --> 0:28:50.560 a few people at work, so it kind of was 0:28:50.560 --> 0:28:52.520 the time that I was feeling really lonely, and that's 0:28:52.560 --> 0:28:54.880 when I turned to it. It was like, well, how 0:28:54.880 --> 0:28:56.680 are some I going to meet people? And so I'm 0:28:56.720 --> 0:28:58.320 told this is how you meet. 0:28:58.120 --> 0:28:59.000 People these days. 0:28:59.480 --> 0:29:02.160 I think, I mean, I don't know how people do 0:29:02.200 --> 0:29:04.440 it over and over again because I found it so exhausting. 0:29:04.920 --> 0:29:07.560 But I think, oh, yeah, I. 0:29:07.520 --> 0:29:09.600 Get minimal sleep. I'm really putting in the hard yard 0:29:09.680 --> 0:29:10.160 out there. 0:29:10.920 --> 0:29:12.120 But I found that I was having a. 0:29:12.120 --> 0:29:14.560 Lot of the same conversations over and over again, and 0:29:14.600 --> 0:29:17.320 everything was quite superficial. And I met a few, like 0:29:17.320 --> 0:29:19.280 really nice guys that I went on dates with, but 0:29:19.800 --> 0:29:23.200 there wasn't really any spark. And then when I met Paul, 0:29:23.280 --> 0:29:25.920 for one, he seemed a bit more mature and it 0:29:25.960 --> 0:29:28.280 was actually just really easy to talk to him straight away. 0:29:28.360 --> 0:29:31.600 So when we started chatting over the phone, you know, 0:29:31.680 --> 0:29:34.000 we could just talk for hours on end and he 0:29:34.040 --> 0:29:39.680 would make me laugh and he seemed very intelligent and 0:29:40.840 --> 0:29:42.880 kind of ready for the type of relationship I was 0:29:42.920 --> 0:29:47.120 looking for, which was something serious and I had obviously 0:29:47.160 --> 0:29:51.040 had my trust hurt before, but he seemed really genuine 0:29:51.040 --> 0:29:53.160 and caring and that's what really kind of attracted me 0:29:53.200 --> 0:29:53.880 to him initially. 0:29:54.200 --> 0:29:56.440 Did you feel that there was this overwhelming sense of 0:29:56.520 --> 0:29:59.200 chemistry when you first met him? And we've spoken a 0:29:59.200 --> 0:30:02.800 little bit on this podcast before about how misleading chemistry 0:30:02.840 --> 0:30:05.440 can be and how sometimes when you meet someone and 0:30:05.440 --> 0:30:09.400 you have that overwhelming bowls you over feeling of like. 0:30:09.520 --> 0:30:12.480 Oh this is this is it, this might be made perfect. 0:30:12.680 --> 0:30:15.520 Yeah, that you can then almost become blinded by chemistry 0:30:15.560 --> 0:30:18.760 because you're blinded to all those red flags that otherwise 0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:19.800 you would see in someone. 0:30:19.960 --> 0:30:20.200 Yeah. 0:30:20.240 --> 0:30:24.680 Absolutely, the conversations that we had, we had a lot 0:30:24.680 --> 0:30:29.120 of things in common, and it was, yeah, really that 0:30:29.240 --> 0:30:32.640 strong chemistry. And he then wanted to come up to 0:30:32.680 --> 0:30:35.680 port to meet me, which was, you know, this grand 0:30:35.720 --> 0:30:37.760 gesture that I was like, oh my gosh, like someone 0:30:38.280 --> 0:30:40.719 is interested enough in me when I felt like I 0:30:40.720 --> 0:30:42.600 was at a time in my life that I've really 0:30:42.600 --> 0:30:45.680 felt like I was unlovable in a way, having been 0:30:45.680 --> 0:30:49.880 through a recent separation, So that kind of gesture was 0:30:50.120 --> 0:30:53.040 really really took me aback and I felt very smitten 0:30:53.040 --> 0:30:55.479 at the time, and when we didn't meet in person, 0:30:56.600 --> 0:30:59.240 we got along really well and he was very charismatic, 0:30:59.520 --> 0:31:02.000 took me out to dinner and yeah, like had those 0:31:02.280 --> 0:31:05.320 you know, early relationship butterflies, and was very excited and 0:31:05.440 --> 0:31:06.040 very happy. 0:31:06.480 --> 0:31:08.240 Did you meet him when he was in Sydney and 0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:10.320 you were in Port Macquarry? Yeah, and so did you 0:31:10.400 --> 0:31:13.600 match because you had crossed paths with your radies when 0:31:13.600 --> 0:31:15.680 you were in Sydney or had you just said opened 0:31:15.720 --> 0:31:17.800 your radies up to looking different cities kind of thing. 0:31:18.000 --> 0:31:20.720 I think it was when I had been down in 0:31:20.760 --> 0:31:24.600 Sydney for a weekend and he actually super liked me. 0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:29.000 Oh oh okay, so really boosting the confidence too, because 0:31:29.040 --> 0:31:30.960 you've got a super like and now he's making the 0:31:30.960 --> 0:31:33.680 effort to come five hours to meet. 0:31:33.480 --> 0:31:34.440 You for the first time. 0:31:34.520 --> 0:31:37.320 Okay, yeah, yeah, So I think that's why he actually 0:31:37.320 --> 0:31:40.440 came up because of the superlike. So even though I'd 0:31:40.440 --> 0:31:43.960 been in Sydney like the day before or whatever, So 0:31:44.040 --> 0:31:46.560 that in itself was kind of like, oh, like, even 0:31:46.600 --> 0:31:49.200 if it's someone you wouldn't really think about usually, I 0:31:49.240 --> 0:31:50.840 think it really kind of sparked my interest. 0:31:51.040 --> 0:31:53.360 Well because you only if for those of you listening 0:31:53.360 --> 0:31:56.120 that don't know you only Laurie, you wouldn't know you always. 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:59.040 Superke was around when I was online dating. Yeah, I 0:31:59.040 --> 0:32:01.400 I had like five hundred. You only get like one 0:32:01.600 --> 0:32:03.560 super like a day or so? Is that right? 0:32:03.880 --> 0:32:05.920 Unless you pay for the premium package guys, and then 0:32:05.960 --> 0:32:07.120 you can super like your asshole. 0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:09.960 But I mean, like, I know when you do get 0:32:09.960 --> 0:32:14.120 a super like, the whole point is them saying you're 0:32:14.160 --> 0:32:16.400 the person that I've chosen because I get with this 0:32:16.520 --> 0:32:18.480 one shot. Unless I paid one hundred dollars a month, 0:32:18.480 --> 0:32:21.200 I get one shot and I'm paying you for the So, okay, 0:32:21.440 --> 0:32:23.880 you've matched. How long did you talk for before he 0:32:23.960 --> 0:32:24.560 came to meet you? 0:32:24.600 --> 0:32:24.680 So? 0:32:24.680 --> 0:32:26.880 How long were you talking on the phone or messaging 0:32:26.960 --> 0:32:28.560 or skyping? Do you what are you vity calling? 0:32:28.640 --> 0:32:28.680 Like? 0:32:28.720 --> 0:32:29.920 What did that look like? Yeah? 0:32:30.400 --> 0:32:32.720 So I think we it was it was really quick. 0:32:32.760 --> 0:32:34.480 It was about like maybe two weeks that we were 0:32:34.520 --> 0:32:38.440 talking and talking pretty regularly that he was like, look, I. 0:32:38.360 --> 0:32:39.080 Just want to meet you. 0:32:39.880 --> 0:32:41.520 I don't want to wait until you're not working a 0:32:41.560 --> 0:32:45.040 weekend and you're down in Sydney, Like I'm just gonna 0:32:45.080 --> 0:32:47.120 fly up and see you. And I was like okay, 0:32:47.400 --> 0:32:51.640 Like yeah, So that was in itself very exciting, but 0:32:52.160 --> 0:32:55.120 also I guess from a relationship point of view, good 0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:57.040 to kind of move things forward, because there's only so 0:32:57.160 --> 0:32:59.200 much you can do over the phone. You just kind 0:32:59.200 --> 0:33:01.960 of need to physically to know if there is actually 0:33:02.000 --> 0:33:02.840 a connection there. 0:33:03.160 --> 0:33:05.520 And was there an expectation straight away that he would 0:33:05.520 --> 0:33:07.280 come and stay with you or was it more he's 0:33:07.280 --> 0:33:08.560 going to get his own place and you were going 0:33:08.600 --> 0:33:10.040 to date properly. 0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:11.560 Or yeah, he was going to get his own place 0:33:11.720 --> 0:33:13.680 for the week, just like a weekend trip, and then 0:33:13.720 --> 0:33:16.800 we were going out to dinner, which we did, and 0:33:16.840 --> 0:33:18.520 then because he was staying the weekend, then we caught 0:33:18.560 --> 0:33:21.080 up for breakfast the next day. So I think that 0:33:21.320 --> 0:33:23.800 in itself made it a very intense first date, that 0:33:23.840 --> 0:33:26.880 it was kind of a few dates in one, and 0:33:27.840 --> 0:33:29.240 the fact that he had come all that way to 0:33:29.280 --> 0:33:29.600 see me. 0:33:29.960 --> 0:33:31.400 Yeah, But I guess as well, like the fact that 0:33:31.400 --> 0:33:33.440 he had come all that way but booked accommodation. I 0:33:33.480 --> 0:33:35.680 think that that sometimes when someone makes that effort, there's 0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:38.200 this instant expectation that like, oh, well, I'll stay with you, 0:33:38.720 --> 0:33:40.400 and that and itself is a red flag because you 0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:43.200 can be like oh no, power, like, yeah, sort yourself out. 0:33:43.240 --> 0:33:45.440 But it kind of seems like he was doing all 0:33:45.440 --> 0:33:48.440 the right things to really win you over at that 0:33:48.480 --> 0:33:50.600 point in time. So talk me through what the beginning 0:33:50.640 --> 0:33:53.000 of your relationship was like before things really started to 0:33:53.080 --> 0:33:53.600 change for you. 0:33:54.040 --> 0:33:57.360 The first few dates were really lovely, Like we opened 0:33:57.440 --> 0:33:59.680 up to each other and although you don't like to 0:33:59.720 --> 0:34:02.560 talk about your big baggage, like the fact that you 0:34:02.560 --> 0:34:06.840 ever you're technically still married and are separated. 0:34:06.920 --> 0:34:09.120 Yeah, usually you try to gloss over that for a while, but. 0:34:09.000 --> 0:34:12.200 That's like a date three conversation on two failed reality 0:34:12.200 --> 0:34:15.080 TV dating shows. But yeah, I feel you on the baggage. 0:34:15.280 --> 0:34:20.640 Yeah, but yes, I think it was like even towards 0:34:20.680 --> 0:34:23.480 the end of our first date when we had dinner 0:34:23.520 --> 0:34:27.080 that it came up and he also disclosed that he 0:34:27.120 --> 0:34:28.040 had been married before. 0:34:28.320 --> 0:34:30.719 So it's like it was kind of this huge relief. 0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:32.359 That was like, oh, like the one thing I kind 0:34:32.400 --> 0:34:34.759 of didn't want you to know about, you do know about, 0:34:34.800 --> 0:34:36.960 And actually that's connected us further that we both have 0:34:37.000 --> 0:34:40.919 a shared experience that we've gone down the marriage route 0:34:40.960 --> 0:34:43.160 like may have looked differently for each of us, but 0:34:43.920 --> 0:34:46.160 ended and now we were like kind of learning from 0:34:46.200 --> 0:34:49.000 our mistakes and trying to move forward from that. From 0:34:49.000 --> 0:34:50.799 that point on, like he came to see me a 0:34:50.800 --> 0:34:52.720 few more times in port. When I was down in Sydney, 0:34:52.760 --> 0:34:57.440 I'd see him and it just was the kind of 0:34:57.600 --> 0:35:02.239 usual early dating thing where he's butterflies, you're texting all 0:35:02.280 --> 0:35:06.480 the time, speaking on the phone. He also did things 0:35:06.480 --> 0:35:09.120 like would send flowers to my work, which I had 0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:12.440 never had an ex that had done that before, So it. 0:35:12.560 --> 0:35:16.040 Was really courting you. Yeah, yeah, and like in a 0:35:16.080 --> 0:35:19.400 way that I'm already imagining if someone was doing it 0:35:19.440 --> 0:35:21.400 to me, it's in a way that doesn't happen anymore. 0:35:21.440 --> 0:35:24.440 So when you think that you found someone that's like, no, 0:35:24.440 --> 0:35:27.040 who sends flowers anymore, who makes all this effort, who 0:35:27.040 --> 0:35:29.120 flies up to see me, of course you're like, this 0:35:29.200 --> 0:35:31.960 is the real deal, Like this is a really special 0:35:32.040 --> 0:35:34.360 person that, yeah, I'm lucky enough to have found. 0:35:34.560 --> 0:35:36.600 We talked about this a little bit when we did 0:35:36.840 --> 0:35:39.200 the Narcissist episode. For anyone who hasn't listened to it, 0:35:39.239 --> 0:35:41.040 go back and listen to it. I highly recommend. I mean, 0:35:41.080 --> 0:35:43.640 this conversation and story obviously goes way beyond just someone 0:35:43.640 --> 0:35:47.839 who has narcissistic personality disorder, but this idea of love 0:35:47.880 --> 0:35:50.839 bombing which really gets you sucked into a relationship, which 0:35:50.880 --> 0:35:53.319 when it's happening, it's sometimes hard to see that that's 0:35:53.320 --> 0:35:55.280 what it is. It's hard to see all those warning 0:35:55.280 --> 0:35:57.720 signs as warning signs because it just is so amazing 0:35:57.760 --> 0:35:59.200 and so too good to be true. 0:36:00.000 --> 0:36:01.600 When was it that things started to turn for you? 0:36:01.640 --> 0:36:04.000 When was it when you were like, there's something not 0:36:04.080 --> 0:36:06.759 quite right about this, and even if all of those 0:36:06.760 --> 0:36:09.960 beautiful grand gestures were still happening, when did you start 0:36:10.000 --> 0:36:11.480 to feel different towards him? 0:36:12.560 --> 0:36:17.319 So it was many weeks in little things like he 0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:20.360 picked up on what the password was to my phone. 0:36:21.040 --> 0:36:24.520 He seemed to like always know when I was online 0:36:24.560 --> 0:36:30.160 on social media. He would do things like sometimes when 0:36:30.160 --> 0:36:31.600 I was in Sydney and I was staying at a hotel, 0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:33.560 he would kind of call ahead and get me my 0:36:33.680 --> 0:36:36.920 room upgraded. A lot of it would be under the 0:36:37.000 --> 0:36:37.600 provisor of. 0:36:37.560 --> 0:36:40.719 Taking care of me. Like very early in our relationship it. 0:36:40.680 --> 0:36:43.719 Was very much about you are a doctor, you take 0:36:43.719 --> 0:36:46.719 care of people for your work. I can tell that 0:36:46.800 --> 0:36:48.839 you put a lot of your energy into that and 0:36:49.440 --> 0:36:52.000 you have never had someone just take care of you, 0:36:52.160 --> 0:36:54.120 and I am wanting to do that for you. So 0:36:54.160 --> 0:36:57.239 he would do things like the room upgrades, or if 0:36:57.280 --> 0:36:59.719 I was in Sydney at the time, I was a 0:36:59.719 --> 0:37:02.440 bit lazy to organize an e tag for tolls, for instance, 0:37:02.480 --> 0:37:05.120 and he like called up and would organize that for me, 0:37:05.960 --> 0:37:07.680 just like little things here and there. The time, I 0:37:07.719 --> 0:37:09.319 was like, Oh, he's taking really good care of me. 0:37:09.920 --> 0:37:12.759 But then over time it started to At the time 0:37:12.800 --> 0:37:15.600 I didn't really recognize it as control, but in retrospect 0:37:16.040 --> 0:37:16.839 that's what it was. 0:37:17.000 --> 0:37:17.200 You know. 0:37:17.280 --> 0:37:20.880 He would start he started to get really jealous, jealous 0:37:20.880 --> 0:37:22.719 of other men in my life and would say like, 0:37:22.760 --> 0:37:24.560 I don't want you to hang out with that person 0:37:24.560 --> 0:37:27.360 anymore or talk to that person. Like the intensity was 0:37:27.360 --> 0:37:30.839 really ramping up. I guess for me, the initial thing 0:37:31.160 --> 0:37:34.719 was actually not even feeling like his behavior was uncomfortable 0:37:34.840 --> 0:37:37.439 or even feeling like there was any red flags per se, 0:37:37.560 --> 0:37:41.680 But it was more so because he was so he 0:37:41.760 --> 0:37:44.200 seemed so smitten and told me that he loved me 0:37:44.960 --> 0:37:48.440 that I started feeling like, oh, once I think the 0:37:48.560 --> 0:37:52.480 kind of new relationship butterflies or off, I started to think, well, 0:37:52.480 --> 0:37:54.680 I don't know if I'm quite feeling as strongly as 0:37:54.680 --> 0:37:57.960 he is and wanted to really pump the brakes. So 0:37:58.000 --> 0:37:59.400 it was more so when I tried to end it 0:37:59.440 --> 0:38:01.960 the first time, just a matter of look, I actually 0:38:02.400 --> 0:38:04.880 don't think I'm feeling as strongly and I think that 0:38:04.920 --> 0:38:08.239 we should probably just actually see other people. That that's 0:38:08.280 --> 0:38:11.799 when things really started to change. 0:38:11.920 --> 0:38:13.759 You said that, when you tried to call it off 0:38:13.760 --> 0:38:15.239 and you said that, you know, let's see other people, 0:38:15.320 --> 0:38:17.720 that that's when the intensity and that's when things started 0:38:17.760 --> 0:38:18.680 to change. 0:38:19.239 --> 0:38:22.000 What changed? What was he doing? What was that behavior like? 0:38:22.360 --> 0:38:25.600 And at what point were you really startled by it? 0:38:25.960 --> 0:38:32.120 Yeah, so initially it was just being very upset when 0:38:32.160 --> 0:38:35.239 I knew that it wasn't really for me anymore. I 0:38:35.280 --> 0:38:37.920 waited till we were together in person to have a 0:38:37.920 --> 0:38:43.280 conversation about it, and he started crying, became really upset, 0:38:43.840 --> 0:38:45.759 started saying things like, you know, you're the only good 0:38:45.840 --> 0:38:46.720 thing in my life. 0:38:47.520 --> 0:38:49.680 You're just scared you haven't given me a chance. 0:38:50.200 --> 0:38:53.400 And it made me feel really, I guess guilty, and 0:38:53.440 --> 0:38:55.319 I started to think, well, maybe you know, he is 0:38:55.400 --> 0:38:57.400 a really good guy and he's done all these lovely 0:38:57.440 --> 0:38:59.360 things for me, Maybe I haven't given it a chance, 0:38:59.360 --> 0:39:01.880 and I am, you know, just recently out of a 0:39:01.920 --> 0:39:05.719 serious relationship. Maybe I am just scared about the commitment 0:39:06.040 --> 0:39:07.920 that initially then kind of was like, okay, well, let's 0:39:07.960 --> 0:39:12.759 give it another chance. And it kind of happened a 0:39:12.800 --> 0:39:15.279 few times and that, you know, particularly because we were 0:39:15.280 --> 0:39:17.400 doing mostly long distance, I'd be like, okay, we'll give 0:39:17.400 --> 0:39:20.400 it another chance, and then I would be then like 0:39:20.440 --> 0:39:22.400 we'd be on our own, like he'd be in Sydney, 0:39:22.400 --> 0:39:25.200 I'd be in Port, and I would think, well, no, 0:39:25.520 --> 0:39:27.200 I don't want to be in this relationship. I just 0:39:27.239 --> 0:39:29.560 need to be firm and end it. Like yes, you'll 0:39:29.560 --> 0:39:32.040 feel bad, and it's never nice to hurt someone else, 0:39:32.080 --> 0:39:34.000 but you just have to do it's right for you. 0:39:35.120 --> 0:39:38.160 But then it did turn into threats of suicide, so 0:39:38.239 --> 0:39:41.480 then he got upset, but then to the point that 0:39:42.080 --> 0:39:45.000 he disclosed that he had had issues with his mental 0:39:45.040 --> 0:39:47.160 health and that he had nothing good in his life. 0:39:47.239 --> 0:39:50.239 And the one time that things got really intense for 0:39:50.360 --> 0:39:53.040 me was I was at his place and kind of said, 0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:56.080 look it's over, and I drove off and I was 0:39:56.120 --> 0:39:57.399 planning just it was like late at. 0:39:57.360 --> 0:39:59.480 Night and I was just planning to drive back to Port. 0:40:00.000 --> 0:40:03.120 And he called me saying that he was like wandering 0:40:03.160 --> 0:40:05.320 the streets and he was going to jump in front. 0:40:05.120 --> 0:40:05.640 Of a truck. 0:40:06.880 --> 0:40:10.560 So I drove back to his place and stayed at 0:40:10.560 --> 0:40:12.200 his place. I slept to them that night, and I 0:40:12.239 --> 0:40:15.520 just felt disgusted with myself. I just felt really trapped 0:40:15.520 --> 0:40:16.600 and I didn't know what to do. 0:40:17.080 --> 0:40:18.640 From that point, there. 0:40:18.560 --> 0:40:20.439 Was kind of multiple attempts on my behalf to try 0:40:20.440 --> 0:40:22.200 to get away from him, but then was really kind 0:40:22.200 --> 0:40:26.360 of drawn back by these threats of suicide. And it 0:40:26.400 --> 0:40:29.040 got to a point that I wasn't sleeping well and 0:40:29.040 --> 0:40:31.520 he was kind of calling me constantly, and we had 0:40:31.520 --> 0:40:34.480 previously planned to go to an event that I agreed, okay, 0:40:34.560 --> 0:40:36.479 you can come with me because we had previously planned 0:40:36.520 --> 0:40:40.360 to attend together, but we'll go as friends. And it 0:40:40.400 --> 0:40:42.080 was at that event, because a few of my friends 0:40:42.120 --> 0:40:43.960 were there, that I had a few drinks and then 0:40:44.320 --> 0:40:45.920 I kind of just really opened up my friends and 0:40:45.960 --> 0:40:48.160 I was like, look, I just really want to get 0:40:48.200 --> 0:40:49.080 away from this guy. 0:40:49.000 --> 0:40:50.120 But I don't know how. 0:40:50.440 --> 0:40:52.839 So they helped me get away from him that night, 0:40:52.880 --> 0:40:56.319 and I went to my sister's place, and that night 0:40:56.360 --> 0:40:59.960 he kept calling me and actually showed up my sister's house, 0:41:00.280 --> 0:41:04.440 which he'd only been to once before, and started to 0:41:05.160 --> 0:41:08.680 say things like that he had previously been in trouble 0:41:08.719 --> 0:41:12.000 for being violent in relationships and that he didn't know 0:41:12.040 --> 0:41:16.160 what he was capable of. And obviously, from that point, 0:41:16.360 --> 0:41:18.640 because my sister could tell her was so upset, she 0:41:18.760 --> 0:41:20.800 encouraged me the next day to go to the local 0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:22.400 police to just ask for advice. 0:41:23.360 --> 0:41:24.400 Oh my god. 0:41:24.560 --> 0:41:26.839 And when you went to the police station the next 0:41:26.920 --> 0:41:29.360 day and you sat down and said, like, this has happened. 0:41:29.960 --> 0:41:32.239 I guess the thing that we hear so much when 0:41:32.239 --> 0:41:33.719 people say, oh, they went to the police to talk 0:41:33.760 --> 0:41:36.080 to them, like nothing has happened yet, you know, And 0:41:36.120 --> 0:41:38.640 there's often this feeling with going to the police. We're like, well, 0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:41.800 unless something's actually physically happened, we can't really do anything. 0:41:42.400 --> 0:41:44.319 So what was their advice And what did they say 0:41:44.360 --> 0:41:46.000 to you? If you were sitting there and you're like, 0:41:46.080 --> 0:41:48.200 I'm scared and I need to make you aware of 0:41:48.200 --> 0:41:51.719 this situation. What do the police say, what do they do? 0:41:51.800 --> 0:41:52.640 What can they do? 0:41:53.000 --> 0:41:53.320 Yeah? 0:41:53.360 --> 0:41:55.279 So at the time, I mean, I just felt like 0:41:55.280 --> 0:41:57.360 I was really going crazy at that point because I 0:41:57.400 --> 0:42:01.719 didn't know what was really going on, and I felt like, 0:42:02.080 --> 0:42:04.120 you know, I was trying to get my like basically 0:42:04.120 --> 0:42:05.799 dig myself out of this hole because I felt like 0:42:05.840 --> 0:42:08.360 this was my own problem, my own fault, like I 0:42:08.400 --> 0:42:11.719 started dating this guy, and you know, I've obviously really 0:42:11.800 --> 0:42:13.840 led him on or done something wrong. 0:42:13.760 --> 0:42:14.960 To make him act this way. 0:42:15.560 --> 0:42:18.920 And I honestly would not have ever gone to police 0:42:18.920 --> 0:42:20.759 if my sister hadn't really encouraged me, because I was 0:42:20.800 --> 0:42:22.080 kind of like, well, what are they going to do? 0:42:22.160 --> 0:42:25.200 Like he hasn't like it's just like a bad breakup. 0:42:25.320 --> 0:42:27.480 And I guess it probably was intensified by the fact 0:42:27.520 --> 0:42:29.640 that you probably had a little bit of guilt before 0:42:29.640 --> 0:42:31.960 because you went back and forth, and every time you 0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:34.120 go back and forth, it magnifies it a little bit 0:42:34.120 --> 0:42:36.160 more and a little bit more, and almost like you 0:42:36.200 --> 0:42:38.279 take a bit of responsibility because you're like, oh, well, 0:42:38.360 --> 0:42:43.520 I've made him behave like this, because I've given him 0:42:43.520 --> 0:42:45.840 a little bit of hope and then taken it away again, Yeah, 0:42:45.880 --> 0:42:47.440 and exacerbated the situation. 0:42:47.719 --> 0:42:48.040 Yeah. 0:42:48.160 --> 0:42:50.280 I think the thing with women too is we don't 0:42:50.440 --> 0:42:54.240 want to cause a fuss over nothing, and we think 0:42:54.280 --> 0:42:56.879 that like I'm not going to say he hasn't done 0:42:56.880 --> 0:42:59.239 anything because he has. But in your mind, I can 0:42:59.239 --> 0:43:01.600 see why you're like, well, he hasn't actually done anything yet. 0:43:01.600 --> 0:43:03.719 He hasn't actually come and said I'm going to hurt you. 0:43:03.760 --> 0:43:06.560 He hasn't actually, so I guess it's really easy to 0:43:06.680 --> 0:43:09.520 talk yourself out of the fact that, oh, they'll probably laugh. 0:43:09.520 --> 0:43:11.120 What are they going to do? They're gonna laugh me out? Like, 0:43:11.160 --> 0:43:13.160 it's not like he's actually physically hurt me yet. 0:43:13.200 --> 0:43:17.440 But yeah, absolutely, I felt like I felt Yeah, I 0:43:17.480 --> 0:43:19.200 just felt like really like I was going crazy, and 0:43:19.239 --> 0:43:21.279 I was. But I also was like, well, what are 0:43:21.280 --> 0:43:24.279 police going to do? Like he is, you know, this 0:43:24.360 --> 0:43:26.840 is a bad breakup. He sounds like he might have 0:43:26.880 --> 0:43:30.319 a bit of a trouble past or whatever. But at 0:43:30.320 --> 0:43:32.279 that point, the main reason I went to police was 0:43:32.280 --> 0:43:35.920 that because he was threatening to kill himself and I 0:43:36.120 --> 0:43:38.560 was going to be returning to port where I lived alone, 0:43:38.719 --> 0:43:39.359 I was just a. 0:43:39.320 --> 0:43:41.040 Bit worried about, like, oh. 0:43:40.800 --> 0:43:43.840 And like because he had mentioned things from his past, 0:43:43.880 --> 0:43:45.279 I was like, well, maybe I should just check that 0:43:45.280 --> 0:43:46.920 there's no kind of like huge red flags on the 0:43:46.920 --> 0:43:49.400 system about him and just get some advice as to 0:43:49.440 --> 0:43:51.520 what I should do if he does continue to say 0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:52.720 that he's going to kill himself. 0:43:53.960 --> 0:43:55.960 So there are The police officer. 0:43:55.719 --> 0:43:58.040 That I met with was actually really lovely and really 0:43:58.120 --> 0:44:01.720 validated my feelings and had to look on the system 0:44:01.760 --> 0:44:03.799 and said like, look, you know, it sounds like he's 0:44:03.840 --> 0:44:06.440 more danger to himself than anyone else. If he does 0:44:06.600 --> 0:44:08.719 call you and threatens to hurt himself, just call us, 0:44:08.719 --> 0:44:11.319 and then we have technology we can track mobiles and 0:44:11.960 --> 0:44:13.560 check in on him and stuff, so to kind of 0:44:13.600 --> 0:44:16.480 say like, look, he's he's not responsibility anymore, Like that's fine. 0:44:16.520 --> 0:44:19.359 And he also recommended that I when I got back 0:44:19.400 --> 0:44:21.520 to Port, because I was worried about going home, that 0:44:21.600 --> 0:44:23.880 I kind of let my neighbors know that I was 0:44:23.960 --> 0:44:26.359 kind of going through a breakup, and like, at the time, 0:44:26.600 --> 0:44:28.840 I felt really reassured by it that I wasn't just 0:44:28.920 --> 0:44:30.680 laughed out because I thought I was like, like, what 0:44:30.719 --> 0:44:32.359 are they going to do, and like they have real 0:44:32.400 --> 0:44:34.440 problems to deal with, not just someone going through a 0:44:34.440 --> 0:44:37.600 bad breakup or a guy's acting a bit erratic. Yeah, 0:44:37.640 --> 0:44:41.000 so I felt empowered by that. But then unfortunately, when 0:44:41.000 --> 0:44:42.960 I did get home to Port, he was already waiting 0:44:42.960 --> 0:44:43.439 for me there. 0:44:44.000 --> 0:44:45.680 So what happened when you got back to Port and 0:44:45.719 --> 0:44:46.560 he was at your house. 0:44:46.760 --> 0:44:48.600 Yeah, So I told him that he had to leave, 0:44:48.640 --> 0:44:50.200 and he said that he was there just to collect 0:44:50.239 --> 0:44:51.680 some of his things he had left at my house. 0:44:51.719 --> 0:44:55.880 So I, when I'd got god his things, said to 0:44:55.920 --> 0:44:58.759 never contact me again. And that's when he told me 0:44:59.200 --> 0:45:03.000 more that he couldn't control himself in that he had 0:45:03.120 --> 0:45:06.520 previously stocked women. And basically it was like kind of 0:45:06.520 --> 0:45:08.160 like he was trying to caution me that he didn't 0:45:08.160 --> 0:45:10.600 know what he would do, and so I kind of 0:45:10.840 --> 0:45:12.520 yelled at him to leave and. 0:45:12.520 --> 0:45:13.360 Locked my doors. 0:45:13.400 --> 0:45:16.400 And at that point, because when I had met with 0:45:16.440 --> 0:45:18.080 the officer earlier in the day, he kind of said, 0:45:18.080 --> 0:45:20.240 if you have any issues, just call your local police. 0:45:20.520 --> 0:45:23.160 So I called the police in Port and said, look, 0:45:23.960 --> 0:45:27.160 he shut up in my house. And unfortunately I didn't 0:45:27.160 --> 0:45:29.640 get quite a great response that time. When I called, 0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:31.319 the officer was like, well, what do you want me 0:45:31.360 --> 0:45:33.920 to do about it? And I was like, oh, I 0:45:33.960 --> 0:45:36.399 don't really know. I just guess I thought I wanted 0:45:36.440 --> 0:45:38.239 to give you the heads up. Yeah, So then I 0:45:38.280 --> 0:45:40.239 tried to kind of just go on with my night, 0:45:40.320 --> 0:45:44.959 but then he started like calling and texting me saying 0:45:45.000 --> 0:45:46.960 that like I should call the police and that he 0:45:47.000 --> 0:45:48.360 was telling me at you that you're not safe in 0:45:48.400 --> 0:45:51.480 your house. So that obviously freaked me out. So then 0:45:51.520 --> 0:45:55.560 I ran to my neighbor's house and called police again, 0:45:55.920 --> 0:45:58.120 and then they came because then he had sent me 0:45:58.200 --> 0:46:01.279 like texts actually kind of you know, menacing texts and 0:46:01.320 --> 0:46:03.880 threatening me. Then they took me to the station and 0:46:04.880 --> 0:46:08.319 helped me file for an av OH, And luckily I 0:46:08.360 --> 0:46:11.440 had a cousin in town that I got in contact 0:46:11.520 --> 0:46:14.160 with and stayed with for the next few days because 0:46:14.160 --> 0:46:17.480 I alwaysly didn't feel safe at my place anymore, and 0:46:17.960 --> 0:46:19.759 my mum came then and stayed with me for a 0:46:19.800 --> 0:46:20.720 few days as well. 0:46:21.400 --> 0:46:23.200 At this point in time, did you actually think he 0:46:23.239 --> 0:46:25.200 was capable of hurting you? I don't know. 0:46:25.280 --> 0:46:29.840 I think I was really afraid, But then I also 0:46:29.920 --> 0:46:32.640 was kind of telling myself that you're being paranoid like now, 0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:36.400 particularly because he had called my phone while I was 0:46:36.400 --> 0:46:37.920 at the police station, and they kind of said to 0:46:38.000 --> 0:46:40.480 him like, look, mate, he's were filing an av OH, 0:46:40.600 --> 0:46:42.600 like you need to just leave her alone. And they 0:46:42.640 --> 0:46:45.640 recommended that I block his number and block him from 0:46:45.680 --> 0:46:48.880 social media, which I did, so in my mind, I 0:46:48.920 --> 0:46:50.759 was like kind of in two minds. On one mind, 0:46:50.760 --> 0:46:53.680 I was really unsettled and like really afraid, but then 0:46:53.880 --> 0:46:57.319 also thinking, oh, like come on, like he's gonna he'll 0:46:57.360 --> 0:46:59.680 get over it. He knows there's an av oh that 0:46:59.719 --> 0:47:03.200 I've contacted police, And because I had blocked him, I 0:47:03.239 --> 0:47:06.880 wasn't receiving anymore calls or anything from him. So I 0:47:06.920 --> 0:47:09.920 started to kind of later that week, start feeling a 0:47:09.920 --> 0:47:11.839 little bit more safe and kind of like, come on, Ange, 0:47:11.880 --> 0:47:14.200 like you're not that great. He's not like, you know, 0:47:14.360 --> 0:47:17.880 crazy in love with you, Like just like get over yourself, 0:47:17.960 --> 0:47:21.480 and tried to kind of just like push that aside. 0:47:21.840 --> 0:47:25.239 And when my mum had to go back to work, 0:47:25.280 --> 0:47:28.279 so I head back home, and I was still staying 0:47:28.280 --> 0:47:30.480 at my cousin's place, but I wanted to duck home 0:47:30.520 --> 0:47:33.240 to feed my cat and get some like clean undies 0:47:33.239 --> 0:47:35.560 and stuff. And it was after work and it was 0:47:35.640 --> 0:47:38.480 daylight outside, so I decided i'd just stuck home quickly, 0:47:38.560 --> 0:47:42.400 and that's when I went into my room and he 0:47:42.440 --> 0:47:44.520 had broken into my home and was waiting for me. 0:47:45.360 --> 0:47:47.319 Was there anything in your house that let you know 0:47:47.400 --> 0:47:50.759 that someone was in there or any signs? Did you 0:47:50.800 --> 0:47:53.239 get a feeling or No. It was really weird. 0:47:53.280 --> 0:47:55.560 Actually, I think because I was on call at the 0:47:55.560 --> 0:47:57.799 hospital the night before, so I hadn't actually slept very 0:47:57.840 --> 0:47:59.560 much because I'd been in and out of the hospital 0:48:00.520 --> 0:48:04.680 with berths and seeing patients. So I just then finished 0:48:04.680 --> 0:48:07.799 a clinic and it was daylight and I felt like 0:48:08.120 --> 0:48:10.480 strangely calm that day compared to how i'd been the 0:48:10.520 --> 0:48:14.640 week before. And I can't really explain it. And every 0:48:14.640 --> 0:48:17.760 time I'd been at my place prior to that. 0:48:17.360 --> 0:48:20.000 That week, I had done a full sweep of the house. 0:48:20.040 --> 0:48:23.640 I checked behind every door, like under my bed, checked 0:48:23.680 --> 0:48:24.960 like it was quite a big property. 0:48:25.000 --> 0:48:26.719 Like I literally did like a full sweep of the 0:48:26.760 --> 0:48:27.440 house with like a. 0:48:27.480 --> 0:48:29.439 Knife in my hand. But that day I just felt calm. 0:48:29.440 --> 0:48:31.880 I was like, uh, like it's okay, Like I feel 0:48:31.880 --> 0:48:36.239 like we're turning the corner. And I actually initially when 0:48:36.239 --> 0:48:40.000 I got home, I had dinner, I watched him Telly. 0:48:40.040 --> 0:48:42.280 I was just kind of like chilling out, and then 0:48:42.520 --> 0:48:45.479 it was starting to get towards like dusks. I was like, Okay, 0:48:45.480 --> 0:48:49.279 you should probably head over to your cousin's place. So 0:48:49.320 --> 0:48:50.840 I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go do 0:48:50.880 --> 0:48:52.919 a wee grab my things and go. And that's when 0:48:53.280 --> 0:48:54.320 I walked into my room. 0:48:54.160 --> 0:48:55.759 And he was there, So I was not. 0:48:55.880 --> 0:48:57.839 I was like basically just hanging out in my house. 0:48:57.840 --> 0:48:59.760 I did not expect that he was there the whole time. 0:48:59.680 --> 0:49:01.879 He was waiting. From what I know, he jumped out 0:49:01.880 --> 0:49:04.839 of the cupboard where he was waiting. Yeah, what did 0:49:04.840 --> 0:49:06.520 you do? What happened in that moment? 0:49:07.160 --> 0:49:10.400 He was in kind of a walk in linen closet 0:49:10.760 --> 0:49:15.040 when I started walking into my bedroom, and the first 0:49:15.080 --> 0:49:17.799 thing I thought was just like, oh my god, he's 0:49:17.800 --> 0:49:18.799 actually come for me. 0:49:19.040 --> 0:49:20.440 Like I'm not crazy. 0:49:20.760 --> 0:49:24.120 Yeah, like yeah, like this was what I was worried about, 0:49:24.239 --> 0:49:27.840 and here he is, and it was like, literally like 0:49:27.880 --> 0:49:28.560 he's come for me. 0:49:29.120 --> 0:49:32.160 Was it like I'm just trying to I'm just trying 0:49:32.200 --> 0:49:35.040 to play it out. Did he just come out and 0:49:35.040 --> 0:49:37.319 present himself and sort of start to talk to you 0:49:37.360 --> 0:49:39.759 and be like plead's case or I love you? Or 0:49:39.800 --> 0:49:41.880 was it just like a jump straight into an attack 0:49:41.920 --> 0:49:43.480 like you didn't even have time to think about what 0:49:43.520 --> 0:49:43.960 was happening. 0:49:44.080 --> 0:49:48.080 No, he jumped out and then I screamed, and then 0:49:48.120 --> 0:49:51.839 he wrapped his arm around me and put his hand 0:49:51.880 --> 0:49:56.040 over my mouth to like muffle, muffle me or muffle 0:49:56.080 --> 0:49:58.719 my scream and just said like you need to be 0:49:58.800 --> 0:50:02.200 quiet and if I take my hand away, like I 0:50:02.200 --> 0:50:05.560 won't hurry you if you re quiet, I obviously like 0:50:05.640 --> 0:50:10.319 nodded like okay, and he I could see he wasn't 0:50:10.360 --> 0:50:12.920 wearing a shirt. He was just wearing some shorts and 0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:17.200 looked very like I want to say craze, but that's 0:50:17.200 --> 0:50:19.399 not the right word. He just looked very intense and 0:50:19.960 --> 0:50:21.480 he had a knife in his pocket. 0:50:21.920 --> 0:50:24.040 So had you seen the knife at this point? Did 0:50:24.080 --> 0:50:25.479 you know he had a knife at this point. 0:50:25.600 --> 0:50:28.160 Yeah, Like when he was when he was had his 0:50:28.239 --> 0:50:31.000 hand up against my mouth, I kind of was like 0:50:31.080 --> 0:50:33.919 looking at him and I saw it quite quickly because 0:50:33.960 --> 0:50:34.840 it was a big knife. 0:50:35.239 --> 0:50:36.840 Were you trying to do this thing where you're like, 0:50:36.960 --> 0:50:39.160 I'm in this situation, let me look at my surroundings, 0:50:39.200 --> 0:50:42.440 let me assess what he is. Were you in a 0:50:42.480 --> 0:50:45.920 state of mind that you could actually acknowledge the situation 0:50:46.160 --> 0:50:47.680 and start to think of a way out or were 0:50:47.680 --> 0:50:48.560 you just panicking? 0:50:48.880 --> 0:50:50.279 No, I think I don't know. 0:50:50.320 --> 0:50:54.279 I think it's just flight or fight response that like 0:50:54.360 --> 0:50:56.960 it was only kind of very small moments that were passing, 0:50:57.000 --> 0:50:58.480 but like when I think back in it, like I'm 0:50:58.480 --> 0:51:02.320 actually surprised by like little details I remember how vividly. 0:51:02.560 --> 0:51:03.600 Things are in my mind. 0:51:04.080 --> 0:51:07.480 At that point, I was actually busting to use the loo, 0:51:07.520 --> 0:51:09.080 and I like the first thing I thought was like 0:51:09.120 --> 0:51:10.840 I need to I need to go to the toilet, 0:51:10.880 --> 0:51:12.040 which sounds really weird. 0:51:11.840 --> 0:51:16.040 But it's one of these situations but like you never 0:51:16.120 --> 0:51:17.719 know what your mind is going to do, right, Like 0:51:17.760 --> 0:51:21.239 you never and like it's such like nobody listening to 0:51:21.239 --> 0:51:24.480 this unless they've experienced something similar, could even remotely relate 0:51:24.880 --> 0:51:27.920 to how they would react in this situation. Yeah, And 0:51:27.960 --> 0:51:30.640 when he said to you, I'm going to take my 0:51:30.640 --> 0:51:32.680 hand off your mouth, but you don't scream, don't make 0:51:32.719 --> 0:51:34.560 any noise, what did you do? 0:51:34.719 --> 0:51:37.640 Did you make noise or did you obey him? No? 0:51:37.960 --> 0:51:41.040 I did what he said, and he was just saying, 0:51:41.040 --> 0:51:44.000 like I just want to talk. And I can't remember 0:51:44.120 --> 0:51:47.120 exactly what I said to him, but I think, you know, 0:51:47.160 --> 0:51:49.040 I was saying, like you make me really worried, and 0:51:49.400 --> 0:51:50.920 that's when I said, like, well, can I go to 0:51:50.960 --> 0:51:51.279 the loo? 0:51:51.360 --> 0:51:52.480 So then he followed me. 0:51:52.480 --> 0:51:55.560 Into my bathroom and like watched me as I did 0:51:55.560 --> 0:51:58.480 aw and like I couldn't at that point like control 0:51:58.520 --> 0:52:02.319 my legs, like just everything was obviously trembling. And I 0:52:02.480 --> 0:52:04.640 was like, at that point, like it was kind of 0:52:04.760 --> 0:52:06.759 nice to have a moment just to even though he 0:52:06.800 --> 0:52:08.480 was watching me, to kind of think like like oh 0:52:08.520 --> 0:52:12.280 my gosh, like collect you, like how like what's happening? 0:52:12.360 --> 0:52:14.160 Like how am I going to get out of this? 0:52:15.640 --> 0:52:17.360 And then after that he told me to get on 0:52:17.400 --> 0:52:20.480 my bed and was like, I just want to talk, 0:52:20.680 --> 0:52:23.640 and he started kind of interrogating me about where I 0:52:23.640 --> 0:52:26.480 had been and who I'd been staying with and what 0:52:26.719 --> 0:52:29.040 was I staying with another man? And I was just 0:52:29.080 --> 0:52:32.120 trying to kind of answer his questions to the best 0:52:32.120 --> 0:52:34.799 I could, because obviously didn't want to upset. 0:52:34.600 --> 0:52:35.960 Him at that point. 0:52:36.239 --> 0:52:39.000 And earlier in the week, I'd actually put some a 0:52:39.040 --> 0:52:42.440 few knives in my bedside table because I was really worried, 0:52:42.520 --> 0:52:44.640 and I think he could see me, like I must 0:52:44.680 --> 0:52:47.040 have glanced at the bedside table, and yeah, so I 0:52:47.080 --> 0:52:49.520 think he saw me glance at the bedside table and 0:52:49.680 --> 0:52:52.400 said I've already taken the knives away. 0:52:52.960 --> 0:52:56.080 Oh, which is like in your mind is like that 0:52:56.239 --> 0:52:58.160 was your safety net, wasn't it? 0:52:58.880 --> 0:53:01.080 And I was kind of like thinking, well, okay, how 0:53:01.080 --> 0:53:04.239 do I get help? But obviously he's like there watching me. 0:53:04.280 --> 0:53:07.399 I can't like really scream or do anything because he's 0:53:07.600 --> 0:53:09.359 just gonna, you know, he's got a weapon and he's 0:53:09.400 --> 0:53:13.799 just gonna hurt me. And I think at some point 0:53:13.880 --> 0:53:16.360 I kind of like I knew that he wasn't just 0:53:16.400 --> 0:53:18.440 gonna we weren't just gonna like have a nice chat, 0:53:18.560 --> 0:53:21.680 and then he was just gonna let me go. I like, 0:53:21.719 --> 0:53:23.640 I don't even know, like some people say, like I've 0:53:23.880 --> 0:53:25.920 basically made a decision to run, and I don't know 0:53:25.960 --> 0:53:29.359 whether it was like an active, brave decision or if 0:53:29.400 --> 0:53:32.279 it was just like my instincts. But I just made 0:53:32.320 --> 0:53:35.279 a run for it, and that's when he caught me 0:53:35.320 --> 0:53:37.080 straight away and started stabbing me. 0:53:37.400 --> 0:53:42.120 Angela, you were stabbed eleven times, and then Paul then 0:53:42.160 --> 0:53:43.680 proceeded to pour petrol on you. 0:53:44.760 --> 0:53:46.040 How the hell did you get away? 0:53:46.520 --> 0:53:47.480 I still don't really know. 0:53:47.840 --> 0:53:52.480 I think most of it is luck, because things could 0:53:52.480 --> 0:53:56.280 have gone very slightly differently, and obviously things would have ended. 0:53:57.600 --> 0:53:58.200 Very badly. 0:53:58.480 --> 0:54:02.040 But I think, honestly, the petrol was kind of my 0:54:02.160 --> 0:54:06.600 saving grace because it made me slippery and I managed 0:54:06.640 --> 0:54:09.440 to just get out of his grip for a moment 0:54:09.520 --> 0:54:12.640 and just made a run for it, and luckily he 0:54:12.680 --> 0:54:15.120 didn't catch me before I got out my front door. 0:54:15.600 --> 0:54:18.080 And then you got to your neighbors. Yeah, did you 0:54:19.120 --> 0:54:21.560 This might sound like a strange question, but did you 0:54:21.719 --> 0:54:25.000 feel like were you aware that he was stabbing you 0:54:25.040 --> 0:54:27.400 over and over or was there just so much adrenaline 0:54:27.440 --> 0:54:29.799 and so much going on Because you hear a lot 0:54:29.840 --> 0:54:31.919 of things when people are in a situation like that 0:54:31.920 --> 0:54:34.840 that they say they're not even aware of what's happening 0:54:35.160 --> 0:54:38.480 or how severe their injuries are because the adrenaline and 0:54:38.560 --> 0:54:41.080 this fight off flight and this SAVI trying just just 0:54:41.120 --> 0:54:43.360 trying to save yourself is so all consuming that you 0:54:43.400 --> 0:54:45.480 don't even know the damage has been done. Did you 0:54:45.520 --> 0:54:48.080 find that or were you aware of every single thing 0:54:48.120 --> 0:54:48.800 that was happening. 0:54:49.040 --> 0:54:53.840 No, it was very much slow motion and I didn't 0:54:53.880 --> 0:54:57.279 really feel anything. It was kind of the best way 0:54:57.280 --> 0:55:00.839 I can describe it is when you movies and they 0:55:00.880 --> 0:55:02.960 have a slow mo scene and they've got some sort 0:55:02.960 --> 0:55:06.480 of like music playing, like classical music playing. It was 0:55:06.560 --> 0:55:09.200 kind of like that things were just really slow and 0:55:09.239 --> 0:55:12.440 if anything, I was just kind of like, oh my gosh, 0:55:12.440 --> 0:55:15.640 he's actually stabbing me, and it would have just been 0:55:15.680 --> 0:55:18.000 happening very quickly, but in my mind, it was very slow, 0:55:18.600 --> 0:55:23.320 and I certainly didn't know that he had stabbed me 0:55:23.360 --> 0:55:26.480 eleven times until much later. Like I knew it was 0:55:26.480 --> 0:55:28.840 a couple of times, but I could only see a 0:55:28.840 --> 0:55:32.000 few wounds that I noticed straight away. It wasn't until 0:55:32.080 --> 0:55:34.760 much later that I started to feel pain and actually 0:55:34.800 --> 0:55:36.360 started to notice some of my injuries. 0:55:36.440 --> 0:55:37.960 And where did he stab you? 0:55:38.640 --> 0:55:40.920 So he stabbed me a bunch of times in my 0:55:41.200 --> 0:55:45.920 legs and thighs, in my left forearm, in my he 0:55:46.040 --> 0:55:48.800 like almost chopped off one of my fingers, my left hand, 0:55:49.480 --> 0:55:53.840 one of my kind of back, kind of rib cage area, 0:55:54.080 --> 0:55:57.920 and yeah, the rest were basically affecting my legs and thighs. 0:55:58.120 --> 0:56:00.839 It's crazy how you describe it as big, but when 0:56:00.840 --> 0:56:03.360 you actually think about it, like the physical action of 0:56:03.400 --> 0:56:06.400 trying to stab someone eleven times is not a quick process. 0:56:06.960 --> 0:56:09.520 So I feel like it does happen in slow motion, 0:56:09.640 --> 0:56:12.480 even if it's manic and rapid. But that's so much 0:56:12.600 --> 0:56:16.280 action that's happening that of course it would have felt 0:56:16.320 --> 0:56:17.719 like of this prolonged period. 0:56:17.520 --> 0:56:20.160 Because it's like I just can't. I cannot even imagine. 0:56:20.200 --> 0:56:23.200 I also the fact that you got away, like it's 0:56:24.000 --> 0:56:27.120 I mean, it's a fucking miracle. Really, yeah, it absolutely 0:56:27.160 --> 0:56:29.600 is a fucking miracle. And I mean I know that 0:56:29.640 --> 0:56:31.239 you then got out and your neighbors were there to 0:56:31.280 --> 0:56:34.920 help you. What happened then, so you're safe from the situation. 0:56:35.000 --> 0:56:37.560 I'm sure you didn't feel safe, but there were people 0:56:37.600 --> 0:56:38.319 there to help you. 0:56:38.960 --> 0:56:43.280 What happened, Yeah, So, I mean I was just relieved 0:56:43.320 --> 0:56:46.320 when I opened my door and I saw my neighbor 0:56:46.360 --> 0:56:50.080 Steve there, and I was just like, help me, like. 0:56:50.040 --> 0:56:50.880 I've been stabbed. 0:56:51.239 --> 0:56:52.320 Who was at your door? 0:56:52.760 --> 0:56:52.920 Yeah? 0:56:52.960 --> 0:56:54.840 I think he had heard me screaming, so it was 0:56:55.239 --> 0:56:59.400 not far outside my door, and then there was He 0:56:59.400 --> 0:57:01.319 helped me up to his garage, and there was other 0:57:01.560 --> 0:57:05.400 neighbors around. And in my mind, I was still just 0:57:05.400 --> 0:57:08.240 so panicked, and I was just thinking, oh my gosh, 0:57:08.239 --> 0:57:10.640 I'm just going to bleed to death. And I was 0:57:10.640 --> 0:57:12.560 still convinced I was going to die. So I was 0:57:12.719 --> 0:57:17.320 very panicked. But luckily, I guess I'm quite used to 0:57:17.640 --> 0:57:21.360 I wouldn't say ordering around, but I guess directing. 0:57:22.480 --> 0:57:25.600 The pressure on my leg here ambulance. 0:57:25.680 --> 0:57:28.600 This is me used to having a leadership role. 0:57:28.880 --> 0:57:32.919 Yeah, so I was just basically ordering everyone around to say, 0:57:34.000 --> 0:57:37.840 to put pressure on wounds. And I asked one of 0:57:37.840 --> 0:57:39.760 the guys to get some water to help wash petro 0:57:39.840 --> 0:57:42.760 off my face because it was burning my eyes. And 0:57:44.200 --> 0:57:47.680 I was asking people to, you know, call for an ambulance. 0:57:47.840 --> 0:57:51.120 And I remember even when, as as you can imagine, 0:57:51.160 --> 0:57:55.160 as protocol in those kind of situations, the police environment 0:57:55.200 --> 0:57:57.840 got there first to make sure it was safe for everyone. 0:57:58.440 --> 0:58:00.280 But I just remember feeling really annoy. 0:58:00.520 --> 0:58:04.240 Yeah, I was like, where's the ambulance? And I remember 0:58:04.400 --> 0:58:04.960 even being a. 0:58:05.280 --> 0:58:07.200 Little brat because I knew how long it took to 0:58:07.200 --> 0:58:09.200 the to get to the hospitals, Like it takes exactly, like, 0:58:09.280 --> 0:58:11.280 you know, eleven minutes to drive here to the hospital, 0:58:11.280 --> 0:58:13.200 because I was constantly driving to work and just. 0:58:13.160 --> 0:58:15.240 Stop you there. I don't think that makes you a brat, 0:58:15.320 --> 0:58:17.320 like you are bleeding out. I think you are completely 0:58:17.440 --> 0:58:19.640 entitled to say I know how long it's gonna take 0:58:19.640 --> 0:58:20.240 me to get there. 0:58:21.560 --> 0:58:25.919 That's what I remember mostly is being just really I think, 0:58:25.960 --> 0:58:28.280 just a bit crazy. Like I was panicked, so I 0:58:28.320 --> 0:58:30.720 was convinced I was going to die, and I was 0:58:30.880 --> 0:58:34.800 ordering people around. But then also once things were a 0:58:34.800 --> 0:58:36.680 bit calmer and like the head pressure on my wounds 0:58:36.720 --> 0:58:38.880 and we were just waiting for the ambulance. I remember 0:58:38.880 --> 0:58:41.800 just having some like really bizarre conversations with the neighbors. 0:58:41.840 --> 0:58:43.400 Like I remember saying to one of the guys like, 0:58:43.440 --> 0:58:48.360 oh shit, I'm supposed to be working this weekend. I 0:58:48.400 --> 0:58:51.200 wonder like, oh maybe if they like stitch these up, 0:58:51.240 --> 0:58:53.520 I could work, And he's just like, like, what the 0:58:53.680 --> 0:58:55.200 f Like, don't worry about that. 0:58:55.280 --> 0:58:58.040 Like I guess it's because as well, like this is 0:58:58.040 --> 0:59:00.680 something that's so far out of the world of normal, right, 0:59:00.760 --> 0:59:03.479 like your brain can't comprehend, it can't wrap its mind 0:59:03.480 --> 0:59:05.640 around what has just happened or what is happening to 0:59:05.680 --> 0:59:07.720 you that it's like, of course you're going to go 0:59:07.760 --> 0:59:09.680 back to a normal preset and kind of try and 0:59:09.720 --> 0:59:12.400 make rhyme and reason of what exists in your life. 0:59:12.440 --> 0:59:15.080 That is your your baseline of normal. So for you 0:59:15.160 --> 0:59:17.200 to be talking about work, and obviously, like when you're 0:59:17.200 --> 0:59:19.320 a doctor and you work in such high pressure situations, 0:59:19.360 --> 0:59:20.920 like you don't get to take many sick days, you 0:59:20.920 --> 0:59:24.320 don't take many days off, so you're thinking like, oh, okay, 0:59:24.320 --> 0:59:25.760 I've got to figure out the rest of the week, 0:59:25.920 --> 0:59:28.560 but probably just your mind and your body trying to 0:59:28.600 --> 0:59:30.440 cope with actually, what's just happened. 0:59:30.480 --> 0:59:33.160 You can't take on all that trauma in one go. Yeah, yeah, 0:59:33.200 --> 0:59:36.400 your body's stress response is you literally cannot put a 0:59:36.400 --> 0:59:39.240 finger on what how someone will react in a situation 0:59:39.280 --> 0:59:40.160 as stressful as that. 0:59:40.680 --> 0:59:43.520 In retrospect, I think I was a bit like out 0:59:43.560 --> 0:59:45.680 of it from maybe the blood loss and the adrenaline 0:59:45.720 --> 0:59:48.960 and just and then eventually at the hospital because I 0:59:49.000 --> 0:59:51.360 eventually said yes to some pain killers. I was probably 0:59:51.400 --> 0:59:54.880 a bit off my face and saying weird things. But 0:59:55.320 --> 0:59:58.919 I think also I was kind of I guess anyone 0:59:58.960 --> 1:00:00.760 who works in healthcare, can you tend to have a 1:00:00.760 --> 1:00:02.480 bit of a dark sense of humor. So I remember 1:00:02.560 --> 1:00:04.880 kind of like cracking jokes and things as well when 1:00:04.880 --> 1:00:07.120 I was in the recess bay and with the ambos, 1:00:07.120 --> 1:00:09.280 and I think that was just me trying to cope, 1:00:09.280 --> 1:00:12.480 but also just being a bit like, oh, what's just happened? 1:00:12.640 --> 1:00:15.880 Well, also, I mean I told you and for everyone listening, 1:00:16.240 --> 1:00:18.240 Angela and I worked at the same hospital. I grew 1:00:18.320 --> 1:00:20.440 up in Port McCrory. I worked at that hospital for 1:00:20.680 --> 1:00:24.520 five six years. The people there are all so friendly 1:00:24.520 --> 1:00:27.560 and family, so everyone knows everyone like the back of 1:00:27.600 --> 1:00:29.480 the hand, and the way that the emergency is set 1:00:29.520 --> 1:00:31.440 up is like you couldn't have snuck in, like you 1:00:31.480 --> 1:00:33.360 were coming in and everyone that's in there wouldn't know 1:00:33.400 --> 1:00:33.960 that you were there. 1:00:34.320 --> 1:00:36.320 Yeah, and I felt I mean. 1:00:36.200 --> 1:00:39.200 I felt so safe because it was like my work family, 1:00:39.440 --> 1:00:42.240 and I knew they would take care of me. And yeah, 1:00:42.280 --> 1:00:45.080 it was even though like my actual family was far away, 1:00:45.120 --> 1:00:47.560 it was very comforting to know that once I was there. 1:00:48.040 --> 1:00:49.800 That was I think the first time I like properly 1:00:49.840 --> 1:00:50.360 calmed down. 1:00:50.480 --> 1:00:52.120 At this point in time, you didn't know what was 1:00:52.160 --> 1:00:54.120 happening with Paul. You didn't know where he was at, 1:00:54.200 --> 1:00:56.680 You didn't know how he had gotten away or what 1:00:56.760 --> 1:01:00.320 had happened. Yeah, can you tell everybody what happened into 1:01:00.360 --> 1:01:02.960 Paul and where the rest of this story goes. 1:01:03.320 --> 1:01:03.680 Yeah. 1:01:03.760 --> 1:01:06.200 So, I mean at that point, I was so fixated 1:01:06.920 --> 1:01:09.320 on my own survival and worried that I was going 1:01:09.400 --> 1:01:12.840 to die that I kind of like immediately put him 1:01:12.880 --> 1:01:14.919 out of my mind, like he was literally the last 1:01:14.920 --> 1:01:17.760 thing I thought about. But when I was in the 1:01:17.760 --> 1:01:21.240 recess bay, once the doctors and nurses were happy that 1:01:21.280 --> 1:01:24.880 I was stable. They let the detectives come and speak 1:01:24.920 --> 1:01:29.160 to me, and I did it, went through a statement 1:01:29.200 --> 1:01:32.960 with them, and then at some point during that time, 1:01:33.040 --> 1:01:35.960 they got news, and I could tell they were a 1:01:36.000 --> 1:01:37.280 bit hesitant to tell me something. 1:01:37.320 --> 1:01:39.000 I was like, I just tell me, like, what's up? 1:01:39.080 --> 1:01:41.680 And they told me that he had been pursued and 1:01:41.920 --> 1:01:44.720 shot by police and that they had just confirmed that 1:01:44.760 --> 1:01:45.320 he was dead. 1:01:45.600 --> 1:01:48.000 How did that make you feel finding that out? Was 1:01:48.000 --> 1:01:50.040 there a sense of I mean, it sounds horrible to 1:01:50.040 --> 1:01:51.760 say this, but was there a sense of relief? 1:01:52.240 --> 1:01:55.400 Yeah? I mean I just literally burst into tears and 1:01:55.600 --> 1:01:59.080 was like, oh my gosh, thank goodness, like it was. 1:01:59.120 --> 1:02:01.280 I mean, at this point I hadn't even really thought 1:02:01.280 --> 1:02:02.880 about the fact that he was still out there. But 1:02:02.920 --> 1:02:06.800 it wasn't until afterwards that I kind of actually like, 1:02:06.880 --> 1:02:09.240 I was just so lucky that that was kind of immediate, 1:02:10.200 --> 1:02:13.560 immediate closure, not complete closure, but that I didn't have 1:02:13.640 --> 1:02:16.840 to worry that he was still out there, and knowing 1:02:17.000 --> 1:02:20.520 how my recovery was thereafter if he was still around, 1:02:20.720 --> 1:02:21.720 like how much worse it. 1:02:21.640 --> 1:02:22.360 Would have been for me. 1:02:22.440 --> 1:02:26.000 So I was immediately relieved and continue to feel. 1:02:25.760 --> 1:02:28.200 So, but I think on the flip side of that 1:02:28.240 --> 1:02:30.920 conversation is that there's so many women out there who 1:02:31.320 --> 1:02:35.600 have experienced horrendous violence and they do have to get 1:02:35.600 --> 1:02:38.360 on with life and try and move past the fact 1:02:38.360 --> 1:02:40.200 that this has happened to them. Knowing that the person 1:02:40.200 --> 1:02:42.920 who did this is still alive, and I can only 1:02:42.960 --> 1:02:46.800 imagine that there is this sense of relief that you have, 1:02:47.000 --> 1:02:49.760 but also it would aid in your ability to be 1:02:49.840 --> 1:02:53.880 able to heal that trauma knowing that that very real 1:02:53.920 --> 1:02:57.080 presence of danger is no longer around. 1:02:57.240 --> 1:02:57.600 Yeah. 1:02:57.640 --> 1:02:58.520 Absolutely so. 1:02:58.560 --> 1:03:02.000 I mean for me not so much now, but particularly 1:03:02.000 --> 1:03:04.520 in the first few months, I did sometimes think, like 1:03:04.600 --> 1:03:06.680 I had thoughts like, oh, is he really dead? Like 1:03:06.760 --> 1:03:09.400 and it was kind of my conspiracy theorist in my 1:03:09.440 --> 1:03:11.200 mind was kind of thinking like, oh, maybe he's not 1:03:11.240 --> 1:03:14.040 actually dead. But after that, like it was more than 1:03:14.200 --> 1:03:18.480 just like nightmares that I would have about him. Or 1:03:18.520 --> 1:03:20.280 even now, if I see someone that kind of looks 1:03:20.320 --> 1:03:22.160 like him in the street, I sometimes freeze and I 1:03:22.200 --> 1:03:23.480 can't look at them, and then I have to kind 1:03:23.520 --> 1:03:25.480 of tell myself, like Angela, he's dead, it's not him. 1:03:26.040 --> 1:03:27.680 It's okay, you can look at that person. 1:03:27.760 --> 1:03:31.800 So but then I think about people that their perpetrator 1:03:31.840 --> 1:03:33.480 is still out there, and I'm like, if I am 1:03:33.480 --> 1:03:36.440 so still affected by my perpetrator who's been dead for 1:03:36.480 --> 1:03:38.960 like four years, I'm like, how do people. 1:03:39.360 --> 1:03:40.200 Continue on their lives? 1:03:40.240 --> 1:03:42.680 And I think it's one of the things that even 1:03:42.720 --> 1:03:44.840 when I do find it difficult to talk about what's 1:03:44.840 --> 1:03:48.760 happened to me, or you know, find that my PTSD 1:03:48.840 --> 1:03:51.400 is flared afterwards, like, I still keep doing it because 1:03:51.440 --> 1:03:53.680 I know that I'm so privileged to be able to 1:03:54.400 --> 1:03:57.520 share my story so freely knowing that my perpetrator isn't 1:03:57.560 --> 1:03:58.080 out there. 1:03:57.960 --> 1:04:02.720 Anymore, and how many women don't have that luxury. 1:04:03.160 --> 1:04:05.280 How do you begin to heal from something like this? 1:04:05.440 --> 1:04:07.600 How do you put that trauma behind you? 1:04:07.720 --> 1:04:08.520 If you even can? 1:04:09.920 --> 1:04:13.200 With lots and lots of help and support. Obviously, I 1:04:13.240 --> 1:04:18.400 also had a psychologist who was specifically trained in trauma, 1:04:18.640 --> 1:04:21.960 so went through a lot of sessions with her and 1:04:23.280 --> 1:04:26.800 ended up doing something called rapid eye movement therapy as 1:04:26.840 --> 1:04:30.520 part of that. I have a great gp that I 1:04:30.520 --> 1:04:33.280 saw during particularly the first couple of years as well, 1:04:33.400 --> 1:04:38.360 and am now feeling good on medication which I've gone 1:04:38.600 --> 1:04:40.720 off of and then back on, and now I'm just 1:04:40.760 --> 1:04:42.800 like you know what, it helps me feel good and 1:04:43.480 --> 1:04:46.400 I'm just going to keep on it and just having 1:04:46.560 --> 1:04:50.480 really fantastic family and friends who are really supportive, and 1:04:50.680 --> 1:04:54.200 it's an ongoing process. So for me, it's been a 1:04:54.240 --> 1:04:56.800 long journey of being gentle on myself and knowing that 1:04:57.760 --> 1:04:59.880 things aren't going to just progressive. Things will get better 1:05:00.040 --> 1:05:02.400 better over time, but sometimes you'll be feeling good and 1:05:02.440 --> 1:05:05.640 then things will get bad again and you just have 1:05:05.720 --> 1:05:08.120 to allow yourself that time to heal, and knowing that 1:05:08.400 --> 1:05:11.400 certain parts of you may never be the same, but 1:05:11.960 --> 1:05:13.760 you know, maybe it's made change. 1:05:14.200 --> 1:05:14.320 You know. 1:05:14.440 --> 1:05:15.880 I think I tried to try to focus on the 1:05:15.880 --> 1:05:19.400 positives that, you know, while I struggle with my mental health, 1:05:19.440 --> 1:05:22.320 that it's hopefully made me more empathetic as a as 1:05:22.360 --> 1:05:24.320 a doctor and more understanding in. 1:05:24.280 --> 1:05:26.240 Terms of you saying you got so much amazing help. 1:05:27.360 --> 1:05:29.920 Was that something that was presented to you and through 1:05:30.000 --> 1:05:33.560 the hospital system, Like when you have an incident like this, 1:05:33.720 --> 1:05:35.040 did they come to you and say this is what 1:05:35.080 --> 1:05:36.960 we can offer you, these are some roads you can 1:05:37.000 --> 1:05:39.600 go down. Or were you sort of left your own devices? 1:05:40.880 --> 1:05:41.440 Yes or no? 1:05:41.560 --> 1:05:42.360 So I had. 1:05:44.600 --> 1:05:47.760 Initially I was really just suspicious of everyone, I think, 1:05:47.800 --> 1:05:50.480 because while I now I am very thankful for all 1:05:50.480 --> 1:05:52.320 that police did, at the time I did feel a 1:05:52.320 --> 1:05:58.600 bit let down by them. And because the media coverage 1:05:58.640 --> 1:06:00.400 was so intense and I had so many people from 1:06:00.400 --> 1:06:03.479 the media trying to contact me, I was really worried 1:06:03.480 --> 1:06:05.480 about my privacy and at the time I was just 1:06:05.560 --> 1:06:08.560 still really crippled by shame and embarrassment about what had happened, 1:06:08.680 --> 1:06:12.800 so I really just didn't have trust. So I was 1:06:12.840 --> 1:06:16.360 told about Victim Services, which is a run by Department 1:06:16.400 --> 1:06:20.120 of Justice in Australia, and they can point you towards 1:06:20.160 --> 1:06:22.960 psychologists that are funded by Victim Services. But I actually 1:06:22.960 --> 1:06:25.280 didn't want to go down that road because I was 1:06:25.320 --> 1:06:29.360 worried that somehow they they as in I don't know, 1:06:29.400 --> 1:06:32.960 police or media would get hold of my records. So 1:06:33.000 --> 1:06:39.000 I actually instead got recommendations from colleagues about who I could. 1:06:38.840 --> 1:06:39.600 Go to and port. 1:06:39.640 --> 1:06:43.440 But it wasn't until I returned to the Central Coast 1:06:43.640 --> 1:06:45.840 where I went to high school and did a lot 1:06:45.880 --> 1:06:48.480 of my medical training that I actually clicked with a 1:06:48.520 --> 1:06:50.880 GP who was actually an ex colleague that I kind 1:06:50.880 --> 1:06:52.680 of contacted her. I was like, Hey, I know that 1:06:52.720 --> 1:06:54.920 we're kind of mates, but would you feel comfortable treating 1:06:54.920 --> 1:06:55.560 me as a patient. 1:06:55.840 --> 1:06:57.320 One of the things that you just said, like this 1:06:57.400 --> 1:07:01.400 feeling of shame and embarras that you felt after this 1:07:01.480 --> 1:07:03.840 had happened to you. And one of the reasons why 1:07:03.880 --> 1:07:05.760 I really wanted to get you on to speak to 1:07:05.800 --> 1:07:08.280 you is because I think it's so important for people 1:07:08.360 --> 1:07:12.360 to know that this isn't something that happens to other women, 1:07:12.480 --> 1:07:14.720 you know, to people who have less education, or who 1:07:14.760 --> 1:07:17.600 have less money, or who have made bad decisions in 1:07:17.640 --> 1:07:21.480 their dating, Like, this isn't somebody else's problem always, and 1:07:21.520 --> 1:07:23.880 that you know, you are a doctor, you are successful, 1:07:23.920 --> 1:07:26.280 you are very well educated, you know how to make 1:07:26.320 --> 1:07:28.800 good decisions, and that this what has happened to you 1:07:28.880 --> 1:07:30.520 is not a reflection of that, and it really is 1:07:30.560 --> 1:07:33.560 something that can happen to anyone. And I think that 1:07:33.560 --> 1:07:35.920 that is just such a really important take home from 1:07:35.960 --> 1:07:36.640 this conversation. 1:07:36.920 --> 1:07:37.120 Yeah. 1:07:37.160 --> 1:07:40.200 Absolutely, I think it's so drilled into us that when 1:07:40.240 --> 1:07:43.240 you hear stories of violence and relationships that it's like, oh, 1:07:43.400 --> 1:07:45.320 that person was really silly, Like whether it's a man 1:07:45.400 --> 1:07:47.320 or a woman, it's like that person was really silly 1:07:47.680 --> 1:07:50.760 to you know, get into a relationship with them. 1:07:50.760 --> 1:07:52.360 And oh, why don't they leave, And. 1:07:52.480 --> 1:07:55.640 There's just all this onus, put on the victim and 1:07:55.720 --> 1:07:58.280 the survivor that it's like, well, it's their own fault. 1:07:58.360 --> 1:08:00.680 So I think initially for me it was like that's 1:08:00.760 --> 1:08:02.240 just how I felt that, I'm like, I brought this 1:08:02.320 --> 1:08:05.800 upon myself. I made a silly decision, I treated him 1:08:05.800 --> 1:08:10.240 in some way that led to this behavior. And I 1:08:10.280 --> 1:08:13.960 think also there's a sense that when you're in a 1:08:14.040 --> 1:08:18.760 violent relationship, whether we're talking about coerceve control or emotional 1:08:19.120 --> 1:08:24.320 psychological abuse or physical violence, that the person on the 1:08:24.360 --> 1:08:26.519 receiving end is aware of it and then they can 1:08:26.600 --> 1:08:29.440 just walk out. But for one, as I found out firsthand, 1:08:29.640 --> 1:08:35.680 is a lot of these subtle manipulations and ways that 1:08:35.720 --> 1:08:38.439 they're kind of grinding down at your own self esteem. 1:08:39.120 --> 1:08:41.880 You don't recognize it at the time as you're a 1:08:41.960 --> 1:08:47.720 victim of abuse or coerceive control. So for one, you 1:08:47.760 --> 1:08:50.280 may not even identify it at the time, let alone 1:08:50.280 --> 1:08:51.160 if you do want to leave. 1:08:51.160 --> 1:08:52.000 It's not that simple. 1:08:52.439 --> 1:08:54.560 And it's that metaphor as well, where it's like the 1:08:55.439 --> 1:08:57.400 frog and the boiling pot of water. You know, if 1:08:57.439 --> 1:08:59.240 you throw a frog into a boiling pot of water, 1:08:59.280 --> 1:09:00.960 it's going to jump out. But if you just turn 1:09:01.000 --> 1:09:03.519 the heat up really slowly and boil them over a 1:09:03.560 --> 1:09:05.960 period of time, people don't even know that that's what's 1:09:05.960 --> 1:09:09.400 happening to them. You know, you become people become accustomed 1:09:09.400 --> 1:09:12.240 to that level of manipulation, They become accustomed to the abuse, 1:09:12.360 --> 1:09:14.840 and they start to think it's normal. And that's what 1:09:14.880 --> 1:09:17.200 we see all the time. And we have received I 1:09:17.200 --> 1:09:19.280 can't even tell you how many messages we've received from 1:09:19.320 --> 1:09:21.719 women who have listened to the episode that we did 1:09:21.760 --> 1:09:25.960 on being in a narcissistic relationship and they've listened to 1:09:26.000 --> 1:09:28.519 the episode and they've gone, holy shit, that's what happened 1:09:28.520 --> 1:09:28.680 to me. 1:09:28.800 --> 1:09:29.960 That's what I was dealing with. 1:09:30.040 --> 1:09:32.280 They knew at some point that they were going crazy, 1:09:32.320 --> 1:09:35.960 that there was something wrong, but couldn't really identify what 1:09:36.080 --> 1:09:38.960 those red flags were, basically because they were just too 1:09:39.040 --> 1:09:40.280 in it and too surrounded by it. 1:09:40.360 --> 1:09:43.280 Well, I think because I mean, now we're getting too 1:09:43.280 --> 1:09:44.920 a place where we speak about it more openly, and 1:09:44.920 --> 1:09:46.720 that's half the reason Laura and I started this whole 1:09:46.720 --> 1:09:49.840 podcast was to speak about things that women don't speak 1:09:49.840 --> 1:09:52.280 about and to make it more okay to talk about 1:09:52.360 --> 1:09:54.280 and make people realize that they're not the only ones 1:09:54.280 --> 1:09:55.880 going through this and there is a way out and 1:09:55.880 --> 1:09:58.920 then people do survive. And another thing I did want 1:09:58.960 --> 1:10:01.880 to ask you, well, I mean there's still a few things, but. 1:10:02.040 --> 1:10:04.120 Yeah, I'm not wrapping up. 1:10:04.760 --> 1:10:07.760 I've got some questions that, like, I just genuinely really 1:10:07.760 --> 1:10:10.320 want to know. It did come out, correct me if 1:10:10.320 --> 1:10:12.920 I'm wrong. It did come out that he had, in fact, 1:10:13.000 --> 1:10:15.559 quite a few AVOs out against him in I think 1:10:15.600 --> 1:10:18.519 America as well as here, and this had been flagged. 1:10:19.680 --> 1:10:21.559 Was this made aware to you when you went in 1:10:21.680 --> 1:10:24.559 to make your initial complaint against Paul, Like, did they say, look, 1:10:24.680 --> 1:10:27.920 just so you know, four other people putting avoing or 1:10:27.960 --> 1:10:29.800 was it just completely left out? 1:10:30.000 --> 1:10:31.920 The only inkling I had that he had a past 1:10:32.080 --> 1:10:35.640 was when he started telling me things himself. And I 1:10:35.680 --> 1:10:38.360 think some of the laws have now changed because a 1:10:38.400 --> 1:10:41.040 lot of his prior convictions, from what I understand, were 1:10:41.040 --> 1:10:45.639 in Queensland and they're still you know, in certain aspects. 1:10:45.720 --> 1:10:48.800 It is a you know, difficulty and sharing information between 1:10:48.840 --> 1:10:52.600 state borders. But I think but I think since that 1:10:52.760 --> 1:10:54.439 happened to me, I think in the last few years, 1:10:54.439 --> 1:10:56.679 the laws have changed slightly to hopefully allow more freedom 1:10:56.680 --> 1:11:00.800 of information, but unfortunately there is there is. I mean, 1:11:00.840 --> 1:11:04.000 I don't really understand the privacy laws in Australia and 1:11:04.400 --> 1:11:06.720 I mean obviously don't have a law degree. But you know, 1:11:06.800 --> 1:11:08.720 at the time, because so much stuff was released to 1:11:08.760 --> 1:11:10.800 the media about me, I kind of was like, oh, like, 1:11:11.360 --> 1:11:13.160 I guess I talked to me about these privacy Yeah, 1:11:13.200 --> 1:11:15.799 it's like, so apparently privacy doesn't really exist. But then 1:11:16.160 --> 1:11:19.280 they like kind of, you know, his past was kind 1:11:19.280 --> 1:11:21.639 of hidden from view because of privacy, Like, I don't 1:11:21.680 --> 1:11:22.400 really understand it. 1:11:22.439 --> 1:11:24.200 Did you feel like that system failed you in a 1:11:24.240 --> 1:11:26.000 way then if you were like, well, if it's so 1:11:26.160 --> 1:11:28.200 fine for my privacy to put out and display when 1:11:28.200 --> 1:11:30.240 I'm the one who's the complete victim in this, but 1:11:30.320 --> 1:11:35.120 the perpetrator, who's not even here anymore, his privacy is 1:11:35.120 --> 1:11:36.120 more important than mine. 1:11:36.360 --> 1:11:39.880 Yeah, I did feel a bit let down that he 1:11:39.920 --> 1:11:43.120 was still able to hurt me and that you know 1:11:43.240 --> 1:11:45.000 that he like I don't know. In my mind, I 1:11:45.080 --> 1:11:47.240 kind of think, you know, if people are violent or 1:11:47.400 --> 1:11:49.720 have some sort of I know that an av O 1:11:49.760 --> 1:11:52.920 isn't necessarily a criminal conviction if they follow the rules, 1:11:52.920 --> 1:11:55.599 but that there'll be some sort of limitations on your 1:11:55.640 --> 1:11:58.960 freedom if you break the law or don't treat others 1:11:58.960 --> 1:12:01.479 with respect. So I think I was a bit surprised 1:12:01.479 --> 1:12:03.320 that he's just kind of out, you know, doing his 1:12:03.360 --> 1:12:06.320 thing and living his life, and here's me, unaware of 1:12:06.920 --> 1:12:10.200 his past. The statement I made for the AVIA was 1:12:10.280 --> 1:12:14.200 essentially released to the media, so I felt really violated 1:12:14.240 --> 1:12:16.599 that that was kind of a moment of my biggest 1:12:16.600 --> 1:12:18.559 fear that I opened up about what was going on. 1:12:18.640 --> 1:12:20.720 And then you know, it was just this whirlwind of 1:12:20.840 --> 1:12:23.600 like things escalated really quickly. He tried to kill me. 1:12:23.720 --> 1:12:26.200 I'm still in hospital, and suddenly like my face is 1:12:26.240 --> 1:12:28.160 on the news and there's all these details about how 1:12:28.160 --> 1:12:29.840 he met on Tinder and stuff. Then I was like, 1:12:29.960 --> 1:12:31.680 how does how does the whole world know that? 1:12:31.760 --> 1:12:34.000 Like I remember, I remember reading this, I remember where 1:12:34.040 --> 1:12:37.639 I was. I was driving on McLauchlin Avenue through Rushfurda's 1:12:37.640 --> 1:12:39.400 Bay when it came on the news on the radio, 1:12:39.800 --> 1:12:43.400 and I was like, holy fucking shit, because I mean 1:12:43.439 --> 1:12:45.519 I was online dating at the time, like this was 1:12:45.520 --> 1:12:47.559 you know, this is pre me meeting my partner, and 1:12:48.439 --> 1:12:51.439 and I guess I had never really thought about the 1:12:51.560 --> 1:12:54.400 status of like being safe on online dating. Like I 1:12:54.479 --> 1:12:56.040 kind of just thought, well, it's the same as meeting 1:12:56.080 --> 1:12:58.480 someone in the bar, which I guess, in essence. 1:12:58.240 --> 1:12:58.920 Maybe it is. 1:12:58.960 --> 1:13:03.160 But I never once had I really ever thought my 1:13:03.320 --> 1:13:06.040 own safety. I'd never even told people I'm going on 1:13:06.040 --> 1:13:07.800 a Tinder date tonight. I just would go, you know, 1:13:08.439 --> 1:13:11.400 And it really made me think. So as much as 1:13:11.400 --> 1:13:14.559 I think your personal story was put out there for 1:13:14.640 --> 1:13:17.639 everybody to hear, and I'm not saying, like by any 1:13:17.680 --> 1:13:19.559 means that that was like a good thing for you, 1:13:19.640 --> 1:13:22.240 but for me personally hearing that it really changed the 1:13:22.280 --> 1:13:24.240 way that I was online dating at that point in time, 1:13:24.280 --> 1:13:25.840 Like it made a difference to my life at that 1:13:25.880 --> 1:13:26.559 point in time. 1:13:26.800 --> 1:13:28.960 And I think for me it was more in those 1:13:28.960 --> 1:13:31.760 initial stages because I was still i mean still just 1:13:31.800 --> 1:13:35.800 coming to terms with what had happened, but also you know, 1:13:35.880 --> 1:13:38.640 dealing with so much shame myself. It was just I 1:13:38.640 --> 1:13:41.479 think just added to the intensity of the situation that 1:13:41.960 --> 1:13:45.960 I was trying to recover physically, mentally come to terms 1:13:45.960 --> 1:13:48.240 with what had happened. But also like the whole world 1:13:48.320 --> 1:13:51.000 kind of knew what had happened, and I mean obviously 1:13:51.040 --> 1:13:53.559 from that point then it has led me to I 1:13:53.560 --> 1:13:56.800 guess at some stage because I've been hassled by media 1:13:56.840 --> 1:13:59.880 for so long, and I found myself kind of in 1:13:59.880 --> 1:14:03.160 the months after feeling a bit lost, and that's when 1:14:03.200 --> 1:14:05.960 I started wanting. I signed up to do the Trek 1:14:06.000 --> 1:14:09.519 for Respect with White Ribbon and do some fundraising to 1:14:09.680 --> 1:14:13.560 and raise awareness for family violence. And that's when I 1:14:13.640 --> 1:14:14.960 was like, well, you know what, like, if they're going 1:14:15.000 --> 1:14:17.040 to make all these assumptions and talk about me and 1:14:17.080 --> 1:14:19.320 our relationship and what happened, then I may as well 1:14:19.360 --> 1:14:21.240 actually get out there and tell my side of the story. 1:14:21.280 --> 1:14:23.719 And that it was kind of a blessing in disguise, 1:14:23.760 --> 1:14:26.759 because while I felt really violated at first and upset, 1:14:26.920 --> 1:14:29.600 it then did give me a platform to reach so 1:14:29.680 --> 1:14:32.599 many others and did give me a voice, which not 1:14:32.800 --> 1:14:34.439 many are privileged enough to have. 1:14:35.080 --> 1:14:37.000 But and like, I don't think that you'd be laying 1:14:37.000 --> 1:14:38.360 in bed being like, oh, well, I hope this helps 1:14:38.360 --> 1:14:39.960 another girl out there. I'm sure at that point in time, 1:14:39.960 --> 1:14:42.160 you're like, I don't really fucking care. This has happened 1:14:42.160 --> 1:14:43.680 to me, and I don't want my story out there, 1:14:43.680 --> 1:14:46.720 but I just remember it so vividly, and that's why 1:14:46.720 --> 1:14:48.519 when Britain and I were having this conversation about having 1:14:48.520 --> 1:14:49.920 you on the podcast. I was like, you know, this 1:14:49.960 --> 1:14:53.840 conversation around online safety is so important, which is I mean, 1:14:53.880 --> 1:14:56.360 the next question I wanted to ask you was, is 1:14:56.400 --> 1:14:59.759 there anything about online dating that you think should change, 1:15:00.080 --> 1:15:02.519 could change to make it a safer space for people 1:15:02.560 --> 1:15:02.920 to date? 1:15:04.560 --> 1:15:09.040 I mean, I think it's a difficult one because for 1:15:09.160 --> 1:15:12.599 any real changes to come into place, there usually needs 1:15:12.640 --> 1:15:14.800 to be some form of legislation, and we do know 1:15:14.880 --> 1:15:18.160 that the law often lags behind technology and science. But 1:15:19.360 --> 1:15:24.280 I think if the online dating platforms did, you know, 1:15:24.640 --> 1:15:27.439 just at least brainstorm about what they could do as 1:15:27.800 --> 1:15:33.120 a business and enterprise to make the platforms safer for 1:15:33.160 --> 1:15:35.839 their consumers would be a step in the right direction. 1:15:37.320 --> 1:15:40.679 I've kind of suggested before, which I don't think anyone's 1:15:40.760 --> 1:15:42.880 keen to do, but even just a thing like when 1:15:43.439 --> 1:15:45.200 they're taking your basic details, like. 1:15:45.160 --> 1:15:46.880 You know, have you ever had an AVO against you? 1:15:47.200 --> 1:15:49.840 Or you know which, yes, people can lie, but it 1:15:50.040 --> 1:15:52.400 just is even kind of I think for me, like 1:15:53.080 --> 1:15:54.960 if I was signing up to a service and that 1:15:55.120 --> 1:15:56.800 was asked, I'd be like, oh gosh, like of course, 1:15:56.920 --> 1:15:59.320 like I think it just sends a message that it's like, well, 1:15:59.400 --> 1:16:01.360 if you do that, you're not welcome here, but also 1:16:01.479 --> 1:16:04.400 kind of I guess for me it was always you know, 1:16:04.479 --> 1:16:07.439 that would never happen to me, And I think having 1:16:07.479 --> 1:16:11.600 more awareness as to how you don't necessarily like, you know, 1:16:11.640 --> 1:16:15.760 there's a fine line between romance and control, but there 1:16:15.840 --> 1:16:18.960 is still a sense that you'll if you meet an 1:16:18.960 --> 1:16:21.640 abuse apartment partner, you'll know because there'll be an asshole. 1:16:21.320 --> 1:16:22.160 Which isn't the case. 1:16:22.240 --> 1:16:24.000 So I think if you kind of had some sort 1:16:24.000 --> 1:16:26.440 of alert that it's like, oh, people with prior convictions 1:16:26.520 --> 1:16:27.400 could be online. 1:16:27.800 --> 1:16:30.280 Look, we are big advocates here and we talk about 1:16:30.280 --> 1:16:32.599 it all the time, just the fact that you should 1:16:32.680 --> 1:16:36.439 never go on a date online without telling someone where 1:16:36.479 --> 1:16:39.519 you're going, or who you're with, or what time you're 1:16:39.520 --> 1:16:42.479 expecting to go back be home. I share my location 1:16:42.600 --> 1:16:44.439 with my sister now at all times. She knows where 1:16:44.439 --> 1:16:47.799 I am all the time. That I haven't actually spoken 1:16:47.840 --> 1:16:49.560 about this on the podcast yet, and I won't go 1:16:49.600 --> 1:16:52.040 into depth now, but I'll touch on it, but just 1:16:52.160 --> 1:16:55.120 so the listeners know, not that long ago I went 1:16:55.240 --> 1:16:58.200 on an online date and was drugged on the date 1:16:58.680 --> 1:17:02.519 here in Bondi and Laura and I have been meaning 1:17:02.960 --> 1:17:04.640 to get to this and really delve into it, and 1:17:04.640 --> 1:17:06.000 I think this is probably a good time while we're 1:17:06.040 --> 1:17:08.000 talking about the safety of online dating and the fact 1:17:08.040 --> 1:17:11.120 that it can happen to anyone. I am a veteran 1:17:11.200 --> 1:17:14.439 data like I've been dating for so long, all around 1:17:14.479 --> 1:17:17.439 the world, all walks of life, and I like to 1:17:17.520 --> 1:17:20.280 think I'm still relatively safe, Like I'm still very safe. 1:17:20.640 --> 1:17:25.360 This was in my home suburb of Bondi, only in 1:17:25.400 --> 1:17:28.160 the last six months, with someone that I thought was 1:17:28.320 --> 1:17:32.840 completely normal, completely okay, completely safe, and it was at 1:17:33.000 --> 1:17:37.360 dinner and drinks after it. So I'll talk about it 1:17:37.439 --> 1:17:39.599 in depth on another episode, but just so you guys 1:17:39.680 --> 1:17:42.720 know this, like, it really can happen anywhere, at any time, 1:17:43.479 --> 1:17:46.439 under whatever precautions you want to take. So it's just 1:17:46.479 --> 1:17:48.800 something to be hyper aware of. But my point of 1:17:48.880 --> 1:17:51.559 this story is you can never ever be too careful. 1:17:52.600 --> 1:17:56.200 Always always tell someone what your plan is, who you're 1:17:56.200 --> 1:17:59.920 going on a date with, share their profile. I mean, 1:18:00.000 --> 1:18:01.400 what else can you think to do? Right? 1:18:01.680 --> 1:18:05.719 The owners shouldn't be on someone to protect themselves from harm. 1:18:06.120 --> 1:18:09.720 But having said that, you know, cultural change will take 1:18:09.800 --> 1:18:12.280 time and so I think it's that fine line of 1:18:12.880 --> 1:18:14.760 you know, not being scared to go out and live 1:18:14.760 --> 1:18:17.200 your life, but then also just taking small steps to 1:18:17.560 --> 1:18:19.280 you know, keep things as safe as possible. 1:18:19.320 --> 1:18:21.640 So I think, you know, educating. 1:18:21.240 --> 1:18:25.679 Yourself and your loved ones on red flags for abusive 1:18:25.760 --> 1:18:29.280 or controlling relationships, which are only apparent to me now 1:18:29.320 --> 1:18:31.800 after my experience with things like you know, threatening to 1:18:31.920 --> 1:18:35.920 hurt yourself if you're wanting to leave, or you know, 1:18:36.080 --> 1:18:39.439 being really critical of who you can see, who you 1:18:39.560 --> 1:18:41.640 can talk to. Like a lot of these things I 1:18:41.720 --> 1:18:44.240 think we pass off as oh, they're being romantic and 1:18:44.840 --> 1:18:47.120 it's normal for guys to feel a bit jealous, or 1:18:47.240 --> 1:18:50.639 they're just you know, really passionate, but actually those can 1:18:50.760 --> 1:18:55.880 be signs of a controlling and abusive relationship. So for one, 1:18:55.960 --> 1:18:58.640 being aware of those red flags, but then also just 1:18:58.720 --> 1:19:01.920 taking whatever little steps you can to keep yourself safe, 1:19:01.960 --> 1:19:04.800 whether it's sharing your location, telling others that you're going 1:19:05.280 --> 1:19:07.920 out on a date. I think for me, I was 1:19:07.960 --> 1:19:10.720 a bit embarrassed when I started dating again because it 1:19:10.800 --> 1:19:12.840 had been a while. But now if I was in 1:19:12.880 --> 1:19:15.320 that situation, I think I would be more forthright with 1:19:15.400 --> 1:19:16.640 my friends and be like, oh, what do you think 1:19:16.640 --> 1:19:19.280 about this guy? Like, and kind of get others opinions 1:19:19.439 --> 1:19:22.360 on who I was dating as well, just because I've 1:19:22.400 --> 1:19:27.320 realized that maybe when you do have those new relationship butterflies, 1:19:27.320 --> 1:19:28.360 you do have your blinders on. 1:19:28.560 --> 1:19:30.679 So I do that all the time. And Laura's always 1:19:30.680 --> 1:19:31.120 been knowing me. 1:19:31.200 --> 1:19:34.439 She's like Brittany, red flag, red flag, red flad, red flag, 1:19:34.800 --> 1:19:35.200 I am the. 1:19:35.240 --> 1:19:37.800 Voice of reason and this relationship. I often listen to 1:19:37.920 --> 1:19:39.240 them too, like you listen to your friend. 1:19:39.280 --> 1:19:40.040 Yeah, but I. 1:19:40.160 --> 1:19:41.760 Wasn't say you absolutely nailed it. 1:19:41.920 --> 1:19:46.040 This idea that sometimes a toxic relationship and manipulating and 1:19:46.120 --> 1:19:49.360 controlling relationship can masquerade itself as care and love. 1:19:49.680 --> 1:19:51.360 And I think that that is something that you know, 1:19:51.479 --> 1:19:52.639 we've spoken about loads. 1:19:52.720 --> 1:19:55.040 We have both learned this from our experiences in our 1:19:55.120 --> 1:19:56.080 past relationships. 1:19:56.560 --> 1:19:58.960 That you can feel this feeling. 1:19:58.760 --> 1:20:01.559 Of like, oh, they love me so much and that's 1:20:01.600 --> 1:20:05.360 why they're behaving like this, and not realize that actually, 1:20:05.439 --> 1:20:06.360 that's not what love is like. 1:20:06.439 --> 1:20:07.080 That's a very. 1:20:07.040 --> 1:20:09.479 Different thing, and that's someone trying to take control of 1:20:09.560 --> 1:20:12.160 you and control of your agency and your ability to 1:20:12.200 --> 1:20:14.759 make choice. And that's such an important take home message 1:20:14.760 --> 1:20:17.599 from this for people who are in relationships where they 1:20:17.640 --> 1:20:20.960 are very dysfunctional, and you know that it's dysfunctional, but 1:20:21.240 --> 1:20:24.799 you can you put off that intensity because that chemistry, 1:20:24.880 --> 1:20:28.360 that intensity, that like toxicity, it's it's what you've become 1:20:28.360 --> 1:20:31.840 addicted to and what you consider to be love. I 1:20:31.920 --> 1:20:33.360 think that that's when you need to step back from 1:20:33.360 --> 1:20:35.519 the relationship a little bit and realize, actually, this is 1:20:35.680 --> 1:20:37.080 really fucking something you might need. 1:20:37.000 --> 1:20:40.800 To walk away from. Yeah. Absolutely, and just to like 1:20:40.920 --> 1:20:42.560 flip this for a minute and talk about something a 1:20:42.640 --> 1:20:46.840 little bit happier. You have gone on to find love 1:20:46.880 --> 1:20:50.480 again and you're in like a loving relationship. So that's amazing. Congrats, 1:20:50.800 --> 1:20:54.760 thank you tell me what it's like. No, but I guess, 1:20:54.840 --> 1:20:56.720 like I mean, it's really nice to see that you 1:20:56.760 --> 1:20:59.320 can go through something like this and you can't overcome it. Obviously, 1:20:59.400 --> 1:21:02.120 that's come with its challenges. Did you find it hard 1:21:02.400 --> 1:21:05.280 when you met your now partner? Do you let someone 1:21:05.360 --> 1:21:07.560 in and trust them and move on and just be 1:21:07.680 --> 1:21:08.400 vulnerable again. 1:21:08.560 --> 1:21:11.600 It's something that I really struggled with and for a 1:21:11.680 --> 1:21:15.400 while I was feeling lonely, and I guess because when 1:21:15.600 --> 1:21:17.240 I met Paul, I was starting to try to put 1:21:17.280 --> 1:21:20.160 myself out there and find a happy relationship. 1:21:20.240 --> 1:21:23.519 So it was a big step back. I was lucky 1:21:23.600 --> 1:21:26.920 that I was kind of getting to the stage that. 1:21:26.960 --> 1:21:28.519 I was like maybe going to try to take a 1:21:28.600 --> 1:21:31.120 leap of faith again and start dating, but was a 1:21:31.200 --> 1:21:33.920 bit busy with work. And then I just I met 1:21:34.000 --> 1:21:36.760 Ben when we were working together in Crofts Harbor. So 1:21:36.880 --> 1:21:38.640 it's just convenient that I met someone at work, but 1:21:38.760 --> 1:21:42.080 also working in a country town, like you do, tend 1:21:42.200 --> 1:21:45.439 to hang out with your colleagues from work a bit socially. 1:21:45.640 --> 1:21:49.400 So he became a friend before we started dating, and also, 1:21:50.200 --> 1:21:52.280 you know, got to know some of my mutual friends 1:21:52.280 --> 1:21:54.479 that I had known prior, so I kind of got, 1:21:54.560 --> 1:21:54.840 you know, the. 1:21:54.880 --> 1:21:55.559 Tick of approval. 1:21:57.800 --> 1:22:01.080 Well, yeah, absolutely, and there may or may not have 1:22:01.200 --> 1:22:05.360 been some illegal checks by police. 1:22:05.439 --> 1:22:08.360 Friends. Definitely was. 1:22:12.000 --> 1:22:13.880 And if anything, I felt really bad for him, was like, 1:22:13.960 --> 1:22:16.280 oh my god, like poor thing, Like imagine being the 1:22:16.360 --> 1:22:19.040 first guy to date me after like this shit show 1:22:19.080 --> 1:22:22.200 that my life has been. So now he's he's very lovely, 1:22:22.400 --> 1:22:26.880 and you know, I feel very blessed that he's you know, 1:22:27.000 --> 1:22:29.800 been very gentle and kind and understanding of me. And 1:22:30.120 --> 1:22:32.360 certainly that was I mean, he at least kind of 1:22:32.439 --> 1:22:35.360 knew some of what had happened in my past through friends. 1:22:35.520 --> 1:22:38.479 But also it was kind of like we touched on 1:22:38.600 --> 1:22:40.760 earlier that you don't want to, you know, reveal all 1:22:40.800 --> 1:22:42.559 of your baggage too soon, but that was kind of. 1:22:44.439 --> 1:22:49.040 But also I was like, so, I'm so happy that 1:22:49.080 --> 1:22:52.160 you're happy, But you have gone on to become a 1:22:52.240 --> 1:22:56.000 vocal advocate for domestic violence awareness and women's safety, which 1:22:56.040 --> 1:22:58.320 you're doing so many amazing things for that. So good 1:22:58.400 --> 1:23:00.479 on you for sharing your story and being enough to 1:23:00.479 --> 1:23:03.160 share your story, and you, without doubt are helping so 1:23:03.280 --> 1:23:06.080 many women, and I know how many women you will 1:23:06.160 --> 1:23:10.960 help on this podcast. Where can people that might be 1:23:11.040 --> 1:23:14.599 going through something now listening to this saying I need help? 1:23:14.920 --> 1:23:16.000 Where would they go? 1:23:16.479 --> 1:23:19.439 First of all, it's really hard to open up to anyone, 1:23:19.479 --> 1:23:22.000 I guess if you're in a relationship that you don't 1:23:22.000 --> 1:23:24.400 feel quite right about. So even if it's as simple 1:23:24.439 --> 1:23:27.479 as opening up to a friend you trust, or you 1:23:27.560 --> 1:23:30.519 know your hairdresser, GP like anyone, if feel comfortable, just 1:23:30.720 --> 1:23:33.920 open up to If you're looking for more professional help 1:23:34.080 --> 1:23:37.600 in an emergency, anytime, please Cultriple zero and one of 1:23:37.680 --> 1:23:41.639 my particularly with my you know some good some bad 1:23:41.720 --> 1:23:44.160 experiences with police. Since then, I have learned that if 1:23:44.200 --> 1:23:47.120 you cultriple zero, it's going to be recorded, So don't 1:23:47.200 --> 1:23:50.479 call your local police station directly culturpal zero because it'll 1:23:50.520 --> 1:23:52.880 be recorded and you will be more likely to get 1:23:53.400 --> 1:23:54.640 a response. 1:23:54.520 --> 1:23:56.240 That you feel happy with. 1:23:57.600 --> 1:24:02.120 Also, there's lots of really good organizations out there providing support. 1:24:02.240 --> 1:24:04.880 So in Australia we have one eight hundred Respect, which 1:24:04.960 --> 1:24:07.040 is a twenty four to seven hotline that you can call. 1:24:07.439 --> 1:24:11.799 They also have a website that offers support and counseling 1:24:11.840 --> 1:24:15.240 for anyone going through family violence. For men who might 1:24:15.280 --> 1:24:18.599 be in crisis out there, Men's Line is a great resource, 1:24:19.120 --> 1:24:22.880 and for anyone who has a history of childhood abuse 1:24:22.960 --> 1:24:25.920 or trauma, The Blue Knot Foundation is a really great 1:24:26.000 --> 1:24:30.559 resource for both women and men who are recovering from trauma. 1:24:31.280 --> 1:24:35.200 And as always being a doctor myself, like you know, 1:24:35.320 --> 1:24:38.320 please feel free to also open up to your GP 1:24:38.760 --> 1:24:41.479 or a healthcare provider that you trust. And again, if 1:24:41.520 --> 1:24:44.439 you don't get a response that you're happy with, sometimes 1:24:44.520 --> 1:24:47.479 you need to find the right person. But more and 1:24:47.600 --> 1:24:51.000 more we are being trained on how to appropriately deal 1:24:51.080 --> 1:24:55.719 with disclosures of violence and certainly help can be provided 1:24:55.880 --> 1:24:59.960 onto as to how to safely leave a relation share 1:25:00.360 --> 1:25:04.360 and also how to access appropriate mental health support for 1:25:04.439 --> 1:25:05.120 those recovering. 1:25:05.560 --> 1:25:07.960 I did want to ask you one more question, which 1:25:08.080 --> 1:25:10.840 was just kind of touched on a tiny bit, but like, 1:25:11.479 --> 1:25:14.680 what advice do you have for someone who is at 1:25:14.720 --> 1:25:16.920 the end of that relationship where they're trying to leave 1:25:17.439 --> 1:25:19.439 but they just don't quite know how to do it. 1:25:21.200 --> 1:25:25.040 It's a tough one and it's one thing that is 1:25:25.160 --> 1:25:28.080 drilled into us that you know, why didn't she just 1:25:28.200 --> 1:25:30.160 leave or why didn't he just leave, and that it's 1:25:30.439 --> 1:25:32.840 on you to get out of that situation. But we 1:25:32.960 --> 1:25:35.720 also know that it is the most dangerous time for 1:25:35.840 --> 1:25:39.160 a person leaving a violent relationship, so I would recommend 1:25:39.200 --> 1:25:42.240 that you seek professional help, particularly if there are serious 1:25:42.560 --> 1:25:48.519 violence concerns or children involved. On some of those websites 1:25:48.520 --> 1:25:52.479 I've touched on, there is advice on how to safety plan. 1:25:52.920 --> 1:25:56.479 So that's what we call the process of putting everything 1:25:56.479 --> 1:26:00.440 into place of who am I going to call for advice, 1:26:00.920 --> 1:26:03.400 having a bag packed ready to go with important documents 1:26:03.479 --> 1:26:05.639 like your passport, driver's license, some cash. 1:26:07.200 --> 1:26:08.200 There's also. 1:26:09.880 --> 1:26:15.680 Information online about how to make technology safe. It's a 1:26:15.720 --> 1:26:19.120 process I'm sorry, I'm on night shift at the moment, 1:26:19.160 --> 1:26:21.879 so my brain's a bit hazy. But there's basically checklists 1:26:21.880 --> 1:26:24.880 online going through the whole safety planning process, which does 1:26:24.960 --> 1:26:27.760 involve basically preparing yourself and knowing where am I going 1:26:27.840 --> 1:26:29.519 to go, who am I going to call, having things 1:26:29.600 --> 1:26:33.120 ready to go, and making sure that you get the 1:26:33.160 --> 1:26:37.280 appropriate support if needed from friends, family, police, social work, etc. 1:26:38.680 --> 1:26:41.240 And on my Facebook page, I've got various links on 1:26:41.320 --> 1:26:44.280 there as to other websites that can provide support with 1:26:44.360 --> 1:26:47.479 safety planning and checking your technology safety as well. 1:26:47.600 --> 1:26:49.680 Anybody wants to jump on there and actually see that, 1:26:49.880 --> 1:26:52.120 you can jump onto the episode notes and you'll be 1:26:52.120 --> 1:26:54.240 able to find that information there too. We will also 1:26:54.360 --> 1:26:56.880 put all the other places that you mentioned, like the 1:26:56.920 --> 1:26:59.840 way one hundred respect, We'll put other numbers that you guys. 1:27:00.000 --> 1:27:01.400 If you need help, you can just jump on our 1:27:01.439 --> 1:27:03.560 bio that will be there as well. And Angela, we 1:27:03.640 --> 1:27:05.200 just want to say thank you so much for coming 1:27:05.240 --> 1:27:07.560 and taking time out today and doing this episode with 1:27:07.720 --> 1:27:10.800 us and sharing your story. It is by far the 1:27:10.920 --> 1:27:13.839 most harrowing story we've ever had shared on the podcast, 1:27:14.040 --> 1:27:17.040 but like we said, it's such an important one and yeah, 1:27:17.080 --> 1:27:20.320 we just you're You're absolute. It's a miracle, truly that 1:27:20.360 --> 1:27:21.719 you're still here to tell the story. 1:27:22.120 --> 1:27:24.000 Thank you so much for having me and everyone listening. 1:27:24.080 --> 1:27:26.160 Thanks for listening, and please take a moment for some 1:27:26.280 --> 1:27:28.760 self care for yourself now and just have a look 1:27:28.800 --> 1:27:31.360 outside at the sunshine and have a cup of tea 1:27:31.840 --> 1:27:33.800 and know that they're still love in the world, because 1:27:33.840 --> 1:27:35.599 I know it can be a bit tough with listening 1:27:35.640 --> 1:27:36.400 to this kind of stuff. 1:27:36.439 --> 1:27:39.679 You're a bloody legend. No, You're a legend. Hi got goosebums. 1:27:39.680 --> 1:27:40.800 I'm going to get my cup of tea and I'm 1:27:40.840 --> 1:27:41.559 getting outside. 1:27:43.680 --> 1:27:44.000 Thank you. 1:27:46.920 --> 1:27:50.519 Okay, guys, you know we never end an episode without 1:27:50.680 --> 1:27:53.400 our suck and our sweet our Highlightuight, now, lowlight the 1:27:53.479 --> 1:27:56.280 best and the worst of the week, and Laura, you're 1:27:56.280 --> 1:27:57.479 gonna kick this one off. 1:27:57.960 --> 1:28:00.479 Okay, So I've had lots of highlights week, Like I 1:28:00.600 --> 1:28:02.439 really enjoyed having Matt's family in town. 1:28:02.800 --> 1:28:05.360 I really needed to start with the lowlight. Oh shit, 1:28:05.600 --> 1:28:06.360 okay lowlight. 1:28:07.840 --> 1:28:10.080 Well, we've only been doing this podcast for a year 1:28:10.080 --> 1:28:11.960 and a half. Like, I don't know how these things work. 1:28:12.080 --> 1:28:13.360 Maybe we want to mix it up a bit. 1:28:14.520 --> 1:28:16.160 My lowlight for this week. 1:28:17.280 --> 1:28:19.439 My low light is that I have been very, very 1:28:19.560 --> 1:28:22.240 emotional this week, and I don't think I'm a particularly 1:28:22.479 --> 1:28:26.080 emotionally fragile person. I also don't think that I'm someone 1:28:26.160 --> 1:28:31.160 who who often gets down by small things that happen 1:28:31.200 --> 1:28:34.559 around me. I definitely think that my hormones are wreaking 1:28:34.720 --> 1:28:38.519 havoc at the moment. But yeah, I just have had 1:28:38.560 --> 1:28:41.240 a couple of times in the last few days where 1:28:42.120 --> 1:28:46.720 I have ended up in tears over relatively nothing situations 1:28:46.840 --> 1:28:49.800 or over things that like would not normally make me 1:28:49.920 --> 1:28:53.320 feel sad. We like, for example, the thing that I 1:28:53.400 --> 1:28:55.360 ended up getting upset about over the weekend was just 1:28:55.479 --> 1:28:57.760 that you know, when we had we had lots of 1:28:57.800 --> 1:29:02.559 family over, and that wasn't as attentive as he normally 1:29:02.600 --> 1:29:04.880 would be, right, Like, he wasn't as like holding my 1:29:05.000 --> 1:29:07.920 hand or like going and get just like purely out 1:29:07.920 --> 1:29:10.439 of being busy and having other people over, Like nothing 1:29:10.520 --> 1:29:14.240 has changed, but I would normally be able to rationalize that. 1:29:14.560 --> 1:29:17.280 And then at the moment because I am feeling really 1:29:17.360 --> 1:29:20.400 I'm actually feeling really insecure about myself, and that comes 1:29:20.439 --> 1:29:23.160 from like the changes that happened during pregnancy. Like I 1:29:23.200 --> 1:29:25.479 said about the whole poor DHL guy who had to 1:29:25.560 --> 1:29:27.320 see everything that's a bit swollen. 1:29:27.439 --> 1:29:30.400 But like, pregnancy is a hard period. 1:29:30.520 --> 1:29:33.240 Like you know, there's differentely times where you feel like 1:29:33.320 --> 1:29:35.640 you're like this glowy goddess and you feel like, oh, 1:29:35.720 --> 1:29:37.719 you know, all these magical changes and I'm having a baby. 1:29:37.760 --> 1:29:40.160 And then there's also times where you feel like you 1:29:40.240 --> 1:29:42.519 have no control over your body. You don't feel as 1:29:42.520 --> 1:29:45.479 attractive as what you used to be, you feel tired 1:29:45.520 --> 1:29:48.759 all the time, you feel sensitive, like and the changes, 1:29:48.800 --> 1:29:51.040 the physical changes that happen to your body are pretty 1:29:51.080 --> 1:29:54.400 hard to compartmentalize sometimes. So I think I've been feeling 1:29:54.439 --> 1:29:57.320 really down about that, and so then Matt not being 1:29:57.479 --> 1:30:01.280 as affectionate just is compounded by me feeling unattractive, and 1:30:01.439 --> 1:30:04.760 so that has been a real suck in this last week. 1:30:04.960 --> 1:30:05.400 Just for me. 1:30:05.880 --> 1:30:09.320 It's all in my own head and I'm dealing with it. 1:30:09.920 --> 1:30:13.040 But yeah, it's been probably one of the hardest parts 1:30:13.080 --> 1:30:13.960 of the pregnancy so far. 1:30:14.200 --> 1:30:17.240 So yeah, but I mean, your hormones are going nuts 1:30:17.640 --> 1:30:19.400 and you are going to feel that, and you're tired. 1:30:19.560 --> 1:30:22.080 As the end of the year, you're stressed, like you 1:30:22.240 --> 1:30:24.320 have a lot going on, So I feel like, you know, 1:30:24.439 --> 1:30:25.439 give yourself a break too. 1:30:25.560 --> 1:30:26.920 But I also don't want to blame it all on 1:30:27.000 --> 1:30:29.320 hormones either. I think it's an easy thing to say, Oh, like, 1:30:29.400 --> 1:30:31.479 you know, it's just my hormones. I'm being crazy. 1:30:31.880 --> 1:30:33.400 I don't think it's necessarily hormones. 1:30:33.439 --> 1:30:34.920 I think it is hard to kind of deal with 1:30:35.000 --> 1:30:38.040 the fact that your body changes so significantly and to 1:30:38.160 --> 1:30:40.920 think that, like, well, ten months ago, I could go 1:30:41.040 --> 1:30:42.880 for a run, I felt really good about myself, I 1:30:42.920 --> 1:30:44.160 felt really fit, I felt. 1:30:43.920 --> 1:30:45.040 Like I was back in shape. 1:30:45.640 --> 1:30:47.880 And then to feel now like I don't have that 1:30:48.040 --> 1:30:52.200 agency over my own body is something that is really 1:30:52.280 --> 1:30:54.000 hard to get your head around. And there are definitely 1:30:54.080 --> 1:30:56.519 days where it makes me feel down. And I don't 1:30:56.560 --> 1:30:58.400 want to just fob that off as being hormones, because 1:30:58.400 --> 1:31:00.200 I don't think it is. I think it's funny your 1:31:00.240 --> 1:31:03.720 body's changing, yeah, me dealing with the physical changes that 1:31:03.800 --> 1:31:06.760 pregnancy has. And as much as I'm so excited to 1:31:06.800 --> 1:31:08.640 have another baby and I'm so excited for how our 1:31:08.720 --> 1:31:11.599 life is going to change, I definitely think that there 1:31:11.640 --> 1:31:15.479 are times when this pregnancy and dealing with the whole 1:31:15.760 --> 1:31:17.920 just being pregnant part of it has been a lot 1:31:18.000 --> 1:31:19.040 more difficult the last time. 1:31:19.120 --> 1:31:23.519 So that's my suck my sweet for the week. Like 1:31:23.640 --> 1:31:25.040 I said, I've had a lot of sweets. We had it. 1:31:25.360 --> 1:31:27.519 It was so beautiful having Matt's family over and being 1:31:27.560 --> 1:31:29.640 able to do something we'd had, Like the barbecue that 1:31:29.680 --> 1:31:31.679 we had was like a combined barbecue with my family 1:31:31.720 --> 1:31:31.880 and his. 1:31:32.080 --> 1:31:34.679 So cute, super cute, so cute. 1:31:34.920 --> 1:31:37.559 But my highlight for the week is that you guys 1:31:37.720 --> 1:31:39.560 know that we have talked about Benett Street Dairy the 1:31:39.640 --> 1:31:42.280 cookie dough so many times on this podcast. Isn't even 1:31:42.439 --> 1:31:46.080 a sponsored plug. I just am fucking obsessed. They sent 1:31:46.200 --> 1:31:49.280 me a box of cookie Yeah. Lord, I'm unimpressed by 1:31:49.479 --> 1:31:51.960 this story. They send me a box of cookie dough 1:31:52.080 --> 1:31:55.400 because they know how much I love it, and I 1:31:55.840 --> 1:31:58.120 you know what, sometimes there's perks of being someone who 1:31:58.160 --> 1:32:00.160 has the social media following you get cookie dough And 1:32:00.240 --> 1:32:00.960 I'm not even. 1:32:00.800 --> 1:32:03.040 Ashamed of that. Yeah, but can we talk about what 1:32:03.120 --> 1:32:04.160 happened with the cookie dough? 1:32:04.439 --> 1:32:07.320 Okay, So what actually happened was that they messaged me 1:32:07.360 --> 1:32:09.600 on Instagram and they were like, hey, Laura, did you 1:32:09.640 --> 1:32:11.479 get the cookie dough that we gave Brittany for you? 1:32:11.560 --> 1:32:13.559 And I was like, hah ha ha, No, I didn't 1:32:13.600 --> 1:32:16.120 get any cookie dough from Brittany because she's a bitch 1:32:16.160 --> 1:32:17.920 and she would have eaten it all. And then they 1:32:17.960 --> 1:32:19.680 were like, oh, that's so funny. Yeah, we gave her 1:32:19.680 --> 1:32:21.400 a cookie dough to give you, so we'll just send 1:32:21.479 --> 1:32:24.800 you some more. They're like it's irresistible. Who could blame her? 1:32:24.920 --> 1:32:26.080 She probably ate it raw. 1:32:26.280 --> 1:32:29.040 So then I get a message from Laura being like babe, 1:32:29.720 --> 1:32:31.280 did you eat all the cookie dough? And I was like, 1:32:31.680 --> 1:32:34.800 I said what. I was like so perplagued, like out 1:32:34.840 --> 1:32:35.600 of the blue, and I. 1:32:35.680 --> 1:32:37.240 Was like it was a little bit Accusa tree, but 1:32:37.320 --> 1:32:40.479 also like cute. I was like, yeah, cut echect nothing 1:32:40.560 --> 1:32:40.920 less of you. 1:32:41.120 --> 1:32:43.080 It's definitely Accusa tree, but like you tried to put 1:32:43.080 --> 1:32:44.000 a cute emoji on the end. 1:32:44.000 --> 1:32:45.519 And I was like, this bitch thinks I ate a 1:32:45.600 --> 1:32:47.640 cookie dough. And I was like, it's just like a 1:32:47.720 --> 1:32:50.280 break couple offense. The pcass was almost over guy. 1:32:50.280 --> 1:32:52.080 Literally right back, and I was like, babe, I have 1:32:52.160 --> 1:32:53.880 no idea we talking about it. She's like, yes, you do. 1:32:54.000 --> 1:32:56.160 The cookie dough. Bennett std Dairy told me they gave 1:32:56.240 --> 1:32:58.000 it to you to give to me and you never 1:32:58.080 --> 1:32:59.479 gave it to me, so I'm assuming you ate it. 1:32:59.600 --> 1:33:02.160 And I was like, what the fuck? I was like, 1:33:02.640 --> 1:33:05.880 I on my life, Benetry Dairy. There has been a 1:33:05.920 --> 1:33:08.400 big mix up because they did not give me any 1:33:08.479 --> 1:33:11.160 cookie dough. So now you we're still trying to figure 1:33:11.160 --> 1:33:13.759 out who's lying. Is it Benetry Dairy, is it Brittany? 1:33:14.200 --> 1:33:16.960 How are we ever going to know this? I can 1:33:17.040 --> 1:33:20.519 tell you how. It's one hundred pcent not me. Obviously, 1:33:20.800 --> 1:33:22.960 Benetry Dairy have got their wires cross, because you know 1:33:23.120 --> 1:33:25.760 they gave me some remember I told you about it. Yeah, 1:33:25.840 --> 1:33:27.360 some that was for me as well, it was not 1:33:27.680 --> 1:33:30.240 it was there was one for me to say, hey, 1:33:30.320 --> 1:33:31.600 this is our new flavor, give it a go. And 1:33:31.640 --> 1:33:33.160 I was like, thank you so much, and I reckon, 1:33:33.240 --> 1:33:35.400 they've just got their wires cross. They're thinking they've given 1:33:35.439 --> 1:33:38.360 me some logs. They're thinking they're thinking they've thought they've 1:33:38.360 --> 1:33:40.360 given me some logs for you or one of them. 1:33:40.439 --> 1:33:42.840 I don't know. I cannot explain it. It's an X file, 1:33:43.120 --> 1:33:45.000 but they did not give me anything for you. I 1:33:45.040 --> 1:33:48.160 would be imagine if I ate all your logs and 1:33:48.160 --> 1:33:50.000 then pretended I didn't. I'm mortified. 1:33:50.120 --> 1:33:52.080 I'm just gonna say that you are the girl that 1:33:52.200 --> 1:33:54.160 read gifts and mirror compact with your own name on 1:33:54.240 --> 1:33:56.439 it to your cousins, So like, I don't do anything 1:33:56.479 --> 1:33:57.680 past you right now, But I am. 1:33:57.640 --> 1:33:59.120 The girl that will go out on a limb to 1:33:59.160 --> 1:34:01.760 save my sister by giving her something of my own 1:34:01.920 --> 1:34:03.320 so she can give it as a present that she 1:34:03.520 --> 1:34:05.559 fucked up. That is the girl that I am. How 1:34:05.600 --> 1:34:08.200 you're a superhero, You really are? Okay? Bringing what is 1:34:08.240 --> 1:34:10.240 your suck and what is your sweet? My suck was 1:34:10.280 --> 1:34:15.439 being accused of seeing I actually have heaps. Now do 1:34:15.479 --> 1:34:20.760 you want some of mine? Oh? Wow, no my suck? Yeah, 1:34:20.800 --> 1:34:22.439 actually I don't have a suck. That was probably it. 1:34:24.720 --> 1:34:28.679 And my sweet was just spending the weekend with my family, cousins, 1:34:29.320 --> 1:34:31.439 annies and uncles that I literally haven't seen in a year. 1:34:31.520 --> 1:34:34.439 So it was really nice. And it's so easy just 1:34:34.479 --> 1:34:36.680 to be so busy and always have something on that 1:34:36.760 --> 1:34:38.479 you don't make time for the little things and the 1:34:38.560 --> 1:34:40.640 people that are important. And before I know it, I 1:34:40.680 --> 1:34:43.080 feel like this year, I know a lot of people, 1:34:43.479 --> 1:34:45.040 it was a crazy for everyone, and I know a 1:34:45.080 --> 1:34:47.439 lot of people. You did end up having a lot 1:34:47.479 --> 1:34:49.320 of time on your hands because we had all these 1:34:49.520 --> 1:34:51.800 insane lockdowns. But I think, I guess for me is 1:34:51.880 --> 1:34:53.960 like I worked double time in the hospital, and I 1:34:55.520 --> 1:34:58.040 I didn't make enough effort with my family this year, 1:34:58.080 --> 1:35:00.880 and I realized that at the end of the year. Now. 1:35:01.000 --> 1:35:02.760 I didn't even think about it until now, and I 1:35:02.840 --> 1:35:04.360 saw my dad turn up and I was like, I've 1:35:04.400 --> 1:35:06.120 missed you so much. I haven't seen you in so long. 1:35:06.400 --> 1:35:08.920 We don't even haven't even facetimed because he gets up early. 1:35:09.000 --> 1:35:11.599 And their cousins and annies and brothers that I haven't 1:35:11.640 --> 1:35:12.800 seen in a year, and I was like, I just 1:35:12.880 --> 1:35:14.519 can't let this happen again. So it was a really 1:35:14.600 --> 1:35:17.799 nice reminder for me to put in a bit more effort. 1:35:17.920 --> 1:35:19.679 No, I think that that's going to be super relateable 1:35:19.680 --> 1:35:21.240 to people who are listening to this. I think as 1:35:21.320 --> 1:35:23.400 much as like there has been some downtime for a 1:35:23.439 --> 1:35:27.080 lot of people, the fact that the separation and you 1:35:27.160 --> 1:35:29.439 know that you haven't been able to physically see your 1:35:29.520 --> 1:35:32.560 families often does just mean that like the level of 1:35:32.680 --> 1:35:35.040 contact and the level of conversation isn't there. And so 1:35:35.520 --> 1:35:36.920 I think there'll be a lot of people who will 1:35:36.920 --> 1:35:38.840 be having that sort of reunion in the next couple 1:35:38.880 --> 1:35:39.920 of months and over Christmas. 1:35:40.160 --> 1:35:41.840 Yeah, and it'd be so nice now the borders are 1:35:41.880 --> 1:35:43.840 open that all of you can actually go and see 1:35:43.920 --> 1:35:45.720 the family that matters to you that you haven't been 1:35:45.760 --> 1:35:47.559 able to see. Yeah, Like we had the same thing 1:35:47.600 --> 1:35:48.040 with Ellie. 1:35:48.120 --> 1:35:50.040 Like, even though Matt is so close to his mum, 1:35:50.120 --> 1:35:51.760 you know, and I'm really close to her as well, 1:35:52.360 --> 1:35:53.760 I'm not very good on the phone. 1:35:53.800 --> 1:35:54.880 I'm not very good on text. 1:35:54.920 --> 1:35:56.200 And I know that that's such a cop out and 1:35:56.320 --> 1:35:58.400 easy thing to say, but like, I don't do my 1:35:58.479 --> 1:36:01.760 best work via social media or via my phone, so 1:36:02.000 --> 1:36:04.120 I need to see someone face to face to give 1:36:04.120 --> 1:36:05.920 them my full attention. And I know that there's a 1:36:05.920 --> 1:36:07.559 lot of people that are like that. So I think 1:36:07.680 --> 1:36:10.800 that's a very very relative suite and suck. I mean, 1:36:10.960 --> 1:36:12.639 you know what, everyone loves cookie dough. 1:36:14.120 --> 1:36:17.559 Benetrate darre If you're listening, bring some more anyway, guys, 1:36:17.680 --> 1:36:18.479 that is it for us. 1:36:18.600 --> 1:36:19.960 We really hope that you got something out of this 1:36:20.040 --> 1:36:22.479 episode today. We're really proud of bringing you this episode. 1:36:22.600 --> 1:36:24.840 It was I know it's probably a hard one to 1:36:24.880 --> 1:36:26.960 listen to at different points in time. It was definitely 1:36:27.040 --> 1:36:30.200 a challenging one for us to record, but I'm really 1:36:30.360 --> 1:36:32.120 really glad that we finally got to do it because 1:36:32.120 --> 1:36:33.400 it's been something that's been in the works for a 1:36:33.479 --> 1:36:36.759 long time. And guys, if you haven't followed the Instagram 1:36:36.800 --> 1:36:39.760 page yet it's Life Uncut podcast, please go and do that. Also, 1:36:39.840 --> 1:36:42.400 the Facebook group is Life on Cut podcast as well. 1:36:43.120 --> 1:36:45.760 It's a great little community. We highly recommend. And if 1:36:45.800 --> 1:36:47.880 you have listened to this episode and you loved it, 1:36:48.280 --> 1:36:50.320 and you're one of those cheeky people who haven't gone 1:36:50.360 --> 1:36:52.400 and left us a review yet, then jump onto Apple 1:36:52.479 --> 1:36:54.200 and please leave us a review and tell us how 1:36:54.280 --> 1:36:56.320 much you love the podcast, because it helps us grow, 1:36:56.760 --> 1:36:59.360 it helps other people find us, it helps us spread 1:36:59.479 --> 1:37:00.840 the good Life on Cut. 1:37:00.960 --> 1:37:04.840 Word hellelujah. Also keep that's not That's not the life 1:37:04.880 --> 1:37:09.439 on covered hell Hellujah, and no hang on, oh do 1:37:09.800 --> 1:37:12.320 keep the accidentally unfielters coming and keep the questions coming 1:37:12.320 --> 1:37:14.920 in for Asking Cut. Remembering that this week is going 1:37:15.000 --> 1:37:17.120 to be Matt and Laura. So if you've got a 1:37:17.400 --> 1:37:19.720 question that's a little bit more specific for Matt Mabe, 1:37:19.760 --> 1:37:20.160 maybe you. 1:37:20.200 --> 1:37:23.240 Have like a very like specific relationship question. Maybe it's 1:37:23.320 --> 1:37:26.040 like sex after children. Maybe it's like, how do you 1:37:26.160 --> 1:37:28.799 keep the spice alive once you've had babies? 1:37:29.120 --> 1:37:30.000 The person. 1:37:32.760 --> 1:37:35.000 No, but like you know, Or maybe it's some pregnancy questions. 1:37:35.040 --> 1:37:36.600 Maybe you want to know what it's like from a 1:37:36.680 --> 1:37:39.439 man's perspective when their partner's pregnant. If you guys would 1:37:39.479 --> 1:37:44.160 ask us some very specific relationship questions or personal questions 1:37:44.200 --> 1:37:47.479 about our relationship, I should say, then yeah, hit us up. 1:37:47.640 --> 1:37:49.519 We will pick out some great ones and we will 1:37:49.560 --> 1:37:51.400 answer them for Thursday's episode. 1:37:51.520 --> 1:37:53.400 Please tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your brothers, 1:37:53.439 --> 1:37:55.000 to your friends, to your cat, tell your dog, and 1:37:55.040 --> 1:37:57.240 share a love because we love love. 1:38:01.240 --> 1:38:11.559 The cutting the body, the cutting the body, the cut 1:38:11.680 --> 1:38:17.960 of a bay