1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:10,639 Speaker 1: The subtle art of not going to fast. That is 2 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:13,400 Speaker 1: what we're talking about today. Welcome to the Happy Families Podcast, 3 00:00:13,480 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded 4 00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:20,640 Speaker 1: parenting podcast, where Justin and Kylie Coulson and every Friday, 5 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 1: so I'll do Better Tomorrow, we analyze the week that was. 6 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:26,080 Speaker 1: We have a look at what's working and what isn't 7 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:31,479 Speaker 1: and how we can be better parents. Kylie, a couple 8 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: of things that I'm going to share today before we 9 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,479 Speaker 1: step into you and your insights and the way that 10 00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:38,839 Speaker 1: you want to be better tomorrow. First one that I 11 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: want to share is just the delight, the joy that 12 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 1: I get from traveling around the country and giving talks. 13 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: Over the last few weeks, I have been literally NonStop. 14 00:00:47,400 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: I've been in almost every single state of the country 15 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,280 Speaker 1: giving talks and it has just been such a joy, 16 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 1: such a delight. You and I went out on Friday 17 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: night last week. We were in Melbourne for a foster 18 00:01:01,160 --> 00:01:05,119 Speaker 1: care group called Key Assets. They were having their gala dinner. 19 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 1: We got dressed up. You were wearing your ballfrock. You 20 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:12,200 Speaker 1: looked fabulous. I was wearing my suit and tie and 21 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,120 Speaker 1: being able to stand in front of a room of 22 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: foster care as people who have not only raised their 23 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:20,679 Speaker 1: own children, but they're stepping in and supporting, they're giving 24 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:24,399 Speaker 1: their hearts and their homes to kids who don't have 25 00:01:24,440 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: a safe place to be. 26 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a gift of stability, connection, oh my goodness, 27 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 2: and safety that they in most cases haven't experienced before. 28 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 1: And the extraordinary privilege that it is for me to 29 00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 1: stand up in front of that audience and given after 30 00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:43,080 Speaker 1: dinner a keynote for twenty or thirty minutes. It's one 31 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,440 Speaker 1: of those things where I stand up I think I 32 00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 1: don't have anything to tell you. Your people are incredible. 33 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 1: You're amazing for what you do. Like, truly, genuinely, in 34 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 1: my heart of hearts, I'm astonished at what they do. 35 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 1: And yet when I give my talk and they come 36 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,720 Speaker 1: up and say that was incredible. We needed that. The 37 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,800 Speaker 1: chair of the board literally leaned over and said, that 38 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,560 Speaker 1: was such a gift. You're a gifted speaker. Thank you 39 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 1: for giving us what you gave us. And you sit 40 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: there and go, oh my goodness, this is I'm the 41 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 1: one that should be thanking them. I walk out of 42 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,520 Speaker 1: a night like that and think I want to be 43 00:02:14,520 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 1: better because of the great job that you guys do. 44 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 2: They interviewed a couple of the parents in the room. 45 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 2: There was one woman who has been doing foster care 46 00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: now for twenty two years, with one hundred and three 47 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 2: children who've come through her doors. 48 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: I can what an impact. 49 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 2: Just crazy. She was diagnosed with cancer three years ago 50 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,880 Speaker 2: and thankfully at this point she's in remission and she's 51 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: doing fine. But just understanding their stories. I looked in 52 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:47,560 Speaker 2: that room and so many of those families would be 53 00:02:47,639 --> 00:02:51,639 Speaker 2: doing life tough, like it's not like it's easy street 54 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,480 Speaker 2: for them, and yet they're opening their doors and their 55 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:59,840 Speaker 2: hearts to bless a less fortunate child. Like it just 56 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:00,720 Speaker 2: blows my mind. 57 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely amazing. Hey, I just want to also mention 58 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,000 Speaker 1: so much travel and so many talks. This week. I 59 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:10,519 Speaker 1: was at Padua and Mount Albernier Colleges in the north 60 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: of Brisbane on Monday night and Tuesday night I was 61 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 1: at Nambor Christian College and on Wednesday I hung out 62 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: at King's Christian Last couple of days I've been working 63 00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:19,800 Speaker 1: on my book. I had a little bit of a 64 00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:22,720 Speaker 1: space in my diary. But next week I take off 65 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: on Sunday and next week I'm in Western Australia all week. 66 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: I'm going to be at christ Church Grammar on Monday, 67 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:32,280 Speaker 1: at Cottislow Primary on Tuesday. On Wednesday I'm at PLC 68 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,960 Speaker 1: and Perth, and on Thursday I'm doing a whole lot 69 00:03:34,960 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: of stuff with Catholic school parents. W Way, what a 70 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,600 Speaker 1: privilege again to be able to do it. I just love, 71 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 1: love what I get to do. And today, instead of 72 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: talking about all the usual stuff, just a really quick 73 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,440 Speaker 1: i'll do better tomorrow. For me, it's a really simple one. 74 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: On Sunday night, we had our family together. We had 75 00:03:53,720 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: a lovely barbecue. You made an incredible salad. I cooked 76 00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,280 Speaker 1: some meat on the grill, and then after dinner, we 77 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: just jumped in the car and drove down to the 78 00:04:01,720 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: beach and walked along the esplanade and I don't know 79 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: how long we were there, maybe forty minutes, maybe an hour, 80 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: and I completely fell in love with my family and 81 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:15,640 Speaker 1: being outdoors and just that it's something that we don't 82 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 1: do that often, slowing down, dropping the agenda, the dishes 83 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:23,560 Speaker 1: can wait, Let's just go for a walk. And it 84 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: felt so good. That's literally my i'lder be it tomorrow, 85 00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:29,680 Speaker 1: Like I said, the subtle art of taking everything off 86 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: the schedule and just spending time with the kids, meaningful conversations, connections, insights, questions, 87 00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:39,360 Speaker 1: What a delight. 88 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:42,920 Speaker 2: It's pretty magical when you just get the temperature right 89 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,919 Speaker 2: and the atmosphere and the kids are all happy and 90 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,279 Speaker 2: you get to enjoy that time together. 91 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:54,279 Speaker 1: Take her message, Sometimes it's really nice to let go 92 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,719 Speaker 1: of the schedule, let go of the agenda, and just 93 00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,520 Speaker 1: be outside in one another's company. That's kind of all 94 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 1: you're really need and want. Kylie, what about you? What's 95 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,760 Speaker 1: your older bedit tomorrow? For today's podcast. 96 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 2: Episode, Mine's probably an extension of your Sunday night walk 97 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 2: along the Beach. I was having a chat with our 98 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:24,920 Speaker 2: eldest daughter and we were just discussing some of the 99 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,000 Speaker 2: challenges in both of our lives right now, and she 100 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:33,880 Speaker 2: just shared the most beautiful thought with me, and she said, 101 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:36,600 Speaker 2: I can have a falling out with my sisters, I 102 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,479 Speaker 2: can have a falling out with my friends, but the 103 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,839 Speaker 2: idea that I would lose the relationship that I have 104 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 2: with you as my mom, and she got really emotional 105 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 2: and she just said, I couldn't live without you. 106 00:05:48,200 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 1: Well, and I've that's better than a birthday and a 107 00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 1: Thursday and the Christmas present all at Lin's, isn't it. 108 00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,719 Speaker 2: What was so beautiful about that is our shared journey 109 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 2: together has not been perfect. We've had some really really 110 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,320 Speaker 2: challenging times and moments where I actually wondered whether I 111 00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,040 Speaker 2: would ever get her back. And to be able to 112 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 2: sit together on the grass overlooking the water and for 113 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,919 Speaker 2: her to share how deeply she feels grateful for the 114 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 2: relationship that we share was just so profoundly touching and moving, 115 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 2: and I feel so privileged. I feel so privileged to 116 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,719 Speaker 2: have her in my life, but not only her five sisters, 117 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 2: and for the amazing human beings that each of these 118 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:43,479 Speaker 2: girls are growing into, and the lessons that they teach me, 119 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 2: and the way in which they elevate me and my 120 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 2: thinking and my desire to be a better person for them. 121 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 1: It reminds me of the thing that I've said all 122 00:06:56,279 --> 00:06:59,160 Speaker 1: the way along, and that is our children biologically wired 123 00:06:59,279 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: to connect with us. They just they want to have happy, healthy, 124 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,680 Speaker 1: strong relationships with us. We've just got to make sure 125 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,320 Speaker 1: we don't get in the way of that. We've got 126 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: to support them to be who they are so that 127 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: they can savor being with us. 128 00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:15,559 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it goes a little bit deeper, though. 129 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: There is going to come a time, I'm anticipating it 130 00:07:19,560 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 2: where she's going to remember a conversation that we had 131 00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 2: or an interaction that we had that really hurt, and 132 00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:29,440 Speaker 2: there's going to come a time when she's going to 133 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: want to reconcile the emotions around that or you know, 134 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:39,040 Speaker 2: kind of her feelings with it all. And it's so 135 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 2: easy in those moments as a parent to become really 136 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 2: defensive and to justify our actions or to tell her 137 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 2: that she got it wrong, that it wasn't like that, 138 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 2: or she has no idea what it's like to be 139 00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 2: a mum, or whatever it is. And yet what I've 140 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 2: learned throughout my life experience is that in those moments 141 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:01,720 Speaker 2: are the moments where not only do I need to 142 00:08:01,760 --> 00:08:05,200 Speaker 2: offer myself grace and recognize that I did the best 143 00:08:05,240 --> 00:08:08,600 Speaker 2: I could with what I had but it still wasn't enough, 144 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 2: but acknowledge that her experience is hers, and the only 145 00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: thing I have to offer her is not only an 146 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:24,200 Speaker 2: acknowledgment that I got it wrong, but a request for 147 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:28,520 Speaker 2: her forgiveness that she can recognize and know that in 148 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,680 Speaker 2: spite of my shortcomings that I love her. 149 00:08:32,559 --> 00:08:35,560 Speaker 1: Dearly, Yeah, more than any of those mistakes. Yeah. I 150 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:38,480 Speaker 1: don't remember who said it, but there's a very famous 151 00:08:38,559 --> 00:08:42,120 Speaker 1: quote that basically says, as a parent, it's guaranteed you're 152 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 1: going to stuff your kids totally. You can't not. So 153 00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,640 Speaker 1: what really matters is that that you recognize that you will, 154 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: and then you do the best that you can to 155 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:54,640 Speaker 1: make up for it and to develop the relationship in 156 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 1: spite of it, and to teach your children that it 157 00:08:56,760 --> 00:09:00,280 Speaker 1: is human to make those kinds of mistakes. Incidentally, know 158 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 1: about that daughter and the cherishing, the relishing, the delight 159 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,600 Speaker 1: that we find in the relationship that we have together. 160 00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 1: Got a text message from her the other day which 161 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: totally cracked me up. So my fiftieth birthday coming up 162 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 1: later this year, we're going to take the entire family 163 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: away for a couple of days and we're going to 164 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,640 Speaker 1: do a four day bike ride about one hundred and 165 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:22,600 Speaker 1: fifty hundred and sixty k's on a disused rail trail, 166 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,440 Speaker 1: Like lots of people go and ride bikes along these 167 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,440 Speaker 1: rail trails and there's accommodation and you can go camping 168 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,920 Speaker 1: or whatever, and we're going to do one of these 169 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,800 Speaker 1: rail trails for about one hundred and fifty k's the 170 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: whole family, and I've been saying to all of them, 171 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,560 Speaker 1: even though it's not until the end of the year, 172 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: you really need to get used to sitting on a bike, 173 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: because if you hadn't, haven't sat on a bike for 174 00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:42,560 Speaker 1: a while, and then you sit on a bike for 175 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,560 Speaker 1: an hour, hour and a half, two hours, four hours 176 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: in a day, the next day when you sit on 177 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: that saddle, you're not going to be able to touch it. 178 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: You're going to have to ride for two or three 179 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 1: or four hours standing up because your bum's going to 180 00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:58,079 Speaker 1: be so sore. She sent us a text on Monday 181 00:09:58,679 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: for those of you who have not sat on a bike, 182 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,600 Speaker 1: you might want to look at starting Indian. I just 183 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:07,440 Speaker 1: did about fifteen kilometers and my butt is very, very sore. 184 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: So four days on a bike. You want to make 185 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: sure that those relationships are okay and that whatever forgiveness 186 00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:16,880 Speaker 1: needed to be offered has been done, because otherwise there's 187 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:18,560 Speaker 1: going to be a whole lot of hate and a 188 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 1: whole lot of misery and complaining. Is that a good 189 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,400 Speaker 1: birthday present? I think it's a great birthday present. I'm 190 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: not sure if the family is going to have the 191 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:29,000 Speaker 1: fond memories that I'm hoping for. Have we made a mistake? 192 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,360 Speaker 1: We will find out, Yes, we will. That's going to 193 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,000 Speaker 1: be a fun I'll do better tomorrow. I can't wait 194 00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: to report on that one. That'll be right at the 195 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: end of the year. We'll fill you in anyway. Thanks 196 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 1: so much for listening. I hope that you've really enjoyed 197 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:42,760 Speaker 1: what we're doing on the Happy Families podcast and the 198 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,400 Speaker 1: way that it's designed to help your family to thrive. 199 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: Have a great weekend, and hopefully these ideas will help 200 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: you to do better tomorrow. The Happy Families podcast is 201 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. If you like 202 00:10:55,120 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: more info and more resources for supporting your family and 203 00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 1: helping your family to be happier, check out my book 204 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,439 Speaker 1: The Parenting Revolution, the most important parenting book that I 205 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,040 Speaker 1: can think of to recommend for you. You'll find that 206 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: and a whole lot of other resources at happy families 207 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:13,559 Speaker 1: dot com dot au.