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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, life is short, Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Book the trip,

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Speaker 2: have the adventure, take the risk, eat the dessert. Okay,

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Speaker 2: so we'll cross off the the dessert bit, but the

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Speaker 2: rest of it. Do what makes you happy?

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad.

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Speaker 2: Well, the weeks are just flying by. It's like six weeks,

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Speaker 2: five weeks away from Christmas. Have you done the count?

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Speaker 2: Do you know how many weeks it actually is?

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Speaker 3: I don't really want to know.

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Speaker 2: Let me tell you.

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Speaker 1: So.

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Speaker 2: Next Friday it's the twenty fifth. That's one week. Then

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Speaker 2: the following week it's the second. It's two weeks, then

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Speaker 2: the ninth, and the sixteenth. That's four weeks in five

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Speaker 2: weeks time. It's the twenty third of December, two days

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Speaker 2: before Christmas, five weeks, five weeks until Christmas. Today's I'll

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Speaker 2: do better tomorrow, Kylie.

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Speaker 3: Are you ready for Christmas?

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Speaker 2: Oh? Yes, I'm so ready. I know exactly what we're

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Speaker 2: going to buy the kids this year. I've been thinking

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Speaker 2: about it, I've been talking with you about it. Can

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Speaker 2: you believe it? This might be the most involved I've

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Speaker 2: been in Christmas for years, primarily because I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: stop a spending money. Ye watching what's happening with the

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Speaker 2: cost of fuel and food. Went to the supermarket the

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Speaker 2: other day and I just about collapsed with number one

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Speaker 2: the poor quality of the fruit and vegies that were

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Speaker 2: on off, but number two the prices. I was just thinking, this,

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Speaker 2: this is not normal, like, this is crazy, and all

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Speaker 2: of the forecasts look out, it's looking kind of nerve

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Speaker 2: wracking for the rest of this year and next year. Yikes.

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Speaker 2: So that's why I've been involved with Christmas. How do

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Speaker 2: we make sure that we I mean, we've been talking

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Speaker 2: literally about doing a no gifts Christmas, but we can't

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Speaker 2: quite agree on how many gifts. No gifts actually means

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Speaker 2: because I kep on saying, oh, but we've got to

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Speaker 2: buy at least something for this person or this kid

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Speaker 2: really needs it. So then we were talking about doing

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Speaker 2: an essentials Christmas, just the socks and undies kind as

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Speaker 2: a thing.

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Speaker 3: A bike is not essential with socks and undies. You

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Speaker 3: can't put that in with osin ety.

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Speaker 2: Our kids listen to this podcast, so don't say anything

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Speaker 2: to reveal it.

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Speaker 3: Did you say, who's getting it?

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Speaker 2: I can't believe that you just admitted that. Oh boy, okay,

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Speaker 2: So Kylie, The Older Better Tomorrow podcast is what we

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Speaker 2: do every Friday today. It's the day where we reflect

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Speaker 2: on the week that was, how things went, what we

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Speaker 2: could have done better, what we're struggling with our parenting,

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Speaker 2: or maybe what we've done well with an intention to

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Speaker 2: do better tomorrow based on our learning from our parenting

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Speaker 2: this week. So do you want to go first today,

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Speaker 2: ladies before gentlemen, or do you want me to dive

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Speaker 2: into it and share my one?

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Speaker 3: You're so kind letting me go first.

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Speaker 2: I do what I can.

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Speaker 3: So I was just thinking. On Monday, we talked about

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Speaker 3: this idea of burnout, and we talked about the things

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Speaker 3: that we have control of versus those things that we don't. Yes,

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Speaker 3: and over the weekend we had an opportunity to go away.

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Speaker 3: But when I looked at the calendar, there was activities

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Speaker 3: on Friday nights, Saturday morning, Saturday night, Sunday, Sunday evening,

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Speaker 3: and it really didn't make sense, Like it was like,

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Speaker 3: how can we do this? We've got kids going to work,

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Speaker 3: We've got activities to be at. We've got responsibilities, and

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Speaker 3: then I kind of just looked at it and I went,

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Speaker 3: you know what, we actually need this, We actually need

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Speaker 3: to stop. And I have complete control over what I

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Speaker 3: put in my basket.

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Speaker 2: YEP.

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Speaker 3: I actually get to say yes, we can do this

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Speaker 3: or no. And sometimes I think we get caught up

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Speaker 3: in just the running of life and we say yes, yes, yes, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: without taking much stock of what it's actually doing to us.

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Speaker 3: And so we just kind of threw caution to the wind.

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Speaker 3: We picked the kids up at twelve o'clock on Friday afternoon,

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Speaker 3: jumped in the car, raced down the highway, and spent

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Speaker 3: a weekend not completely in bed, but we pretty much stopped,

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Speaker 3: didn't we.

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Speaker 2: I slept more while we were away than I can

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Speaker 2: remember sleeping for like two decades during the daytime. In fact,

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Speaker 2: I don't want to be boring here, but normally I'm

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Speaker 2: sort of like a seven to eight hours a night

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Speaker 2: and then just living life one hundred kilometers an hour.

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Speaker 2: Whatever night it was, I got about ten hours sleep,

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Speaker 2: and then that afternoon I fell asleep again about four thirty,

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Speaker 2: and you woke me up at six thirty, and I

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Speaker 2: was in la la Land like I hadn't.

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Speaker 3: And then you literally went to sleep again.

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Speaker 2: At nine o'clock.

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Speaker 3: I was gone without any houseles at all.

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Speaker 2: But that just highlights to me how full on life

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Speaker 2: is and how much we are sleep deprived and how

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Speaker 2: much we're not looking after ourselves. And as we move

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Speaker 2: into the silly season, it's so important that we're actually

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Speaker 2: getting the rest that we need and that we're on

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Speaker 2: our game.

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Speaker 3: Well literally, we have never done anything like this before. No,

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Speaker 3: not really ever, and so the reason I kind of

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Speaker 3: wanted to share it was just that acknowledgement as we

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Speaker 3: go back to Monday's episode and the conversation around what

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Speaker 3: things do I have control of? What can I what

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Speaker 3: am I welcoming into my life, and what can I

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Speaker 3: actually get rid of? Yeah, last weekend just a chance

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Speaker 3: to just get rid of all of the excess and

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Speaker 3: just stop.

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Speaker 2: I know you've mentioned this already, but I can't stress

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Speaker 2: it was not convenient for us to do it.

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Speaker 3: It really was.

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Speaker 2: We had to cancel so many things. We put a

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Speaker 2: couple of people out because we had already committed to

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Speaker 2: some things that mattered to us and to them. But

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Speaker 2: you were hesitating. You're on the fence, and I was

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Speaker 2: the one that actually made the call. I said, let's

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Speaker 2: just we're going to pull the pin and go and

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Speaker 2: oh my, it was so great. I feel like we

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Speaker 2: should do it every weekend. It was so good.

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Speaker 3: I did say to you when we drove in the

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Speaker 3: driveway and I realized that we were going to be

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Speaker 3: hitting the ground running. This is why we needed to

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Speaker 3: go away.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because how full on has this week been?

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Speaker 3: It's pink crazy.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. What's your take home message in relation to doing that?

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Speaker 3: I think it's just about being intentional about what we

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Speaker 3: say yes to. And especially as we go into December,

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Speaker 3: life gets so hectic and we take on more and

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Speaker 3: more because there's a bit of fomo going on. We

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Speaker 3: don't want to miss out on all of the celebrations

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Speaker 3: and the exit man, but we also get to a

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Speaker 3: point where we just we actually end up missing out

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Speaker 3: because we're not able to be fully present in any

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Speaker 3: one of the things that we're doing because we've just

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Speaker 3: jam packed our schedule so much. It's not always going

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Speaker 3: to be convenient. You're gonna feel like you're letting people down.

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Speaker 3: But when your family needs to stop, your family needs

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Speaker 3: to stop.

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Speaker 2: So funny that you say that. I've just jumped onto

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Speaker 2: Facebook right before we began recording this podcast, and one

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Speaker 2: of my friends, Amanda Stevens, she's a globally recognized keynote speaker,

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Speaker 2: very very much in demand, and she's written with a

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Speaker 2: picture of herself hanging out on Green Island. Life is short,

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Speaker 2: Tomorrow isn't guaranteed. Book the trip, have the adventure, take

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Speaker 2: the risk, eat the dessert. Okay, so we'll cross off

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Speaker 2: the the dessert bit, but the rest of it. Do

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Speaker 2: what makes you happy, just go into it. And sometimes

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Speaker 2: you've just got to pack up and get away for

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Speaker 2: the weekend, even if it does mean that you're going

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Speaker 2: to be staying in the in laws rumper's room because

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Speaker 2: they live close to the beach, closer to the mountains,

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Speaker 2: or closer that thing that lights you up. Great, great

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Speaker 2: take home message, and I'm so glad that you shared that.

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Speaker 3: What's your about it tomorrow?

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to combine two really quickly because they

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Speaker 2: both sent her around challenging behavior from kids. The first

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Speaker 2: one is just a quick story about our school refuser,

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Speaker 2: our eight year old miss Emily, who I mean, gosh,

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Speaker 2: she just hates going to school and when I've talked

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Speaker 2: to her about it, as I did on this particular

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Speaker 2: morning where she lost the plot didn't want to go

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Speaker 2: to school. It was back on Tuesday. We're sitting in

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Speaker 2: the car and I'm driving into school, and I said, so,

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Speaker 2: what's what's going on? Like, what's the deal? Why do

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Speaker 2: you I mean, once you're at school, you're fine. You

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Speaker 2: don't win when you're in the car, it's just getting

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Speaker 2: ready for school. What is it about getting ready for

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Speaker 2: school that you hate? And she said, Dad, I hate school?

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Speaker 2: And I said, why this answer? I keep on hearing it.

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Speaker 2: It's boring. What is it about what It's a waste

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Speaker 2: of time? Yeah, what is it about school that's boring? School? Like,

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Speaker 2: it's all boring. But I mean she.

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Speaker 3: Once she gets there, like I said, I've seen her,

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Speaker 3: she was fine.

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Speaker 2: She enjoys into it, gets on with it. Just cannot

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Speaker 2: get her out the door. It's so done hard. And

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Speaker 2: so during that morning on Tuesday morning, I was a

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Speaker 2: little bit firm with her and said you need to

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Speaker 2: get ready. And I can't remember what she was doing,

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Speaker 2: but I took it out of her hands. I think

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Speaker 2: she was. Was she on a screen? No, she wouldn't

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Speaker 2: have been on a screen, we wouldn't have let her.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she was painting, and I took the paint rush

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Speaker 2: offer and said, you can paint again once you're ready

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Speaker 2: for school, but you've got to get ready for school.

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Speaker 2: And she lost it.

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Speaker 1: I hate you.

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Speaker 2: You're the worst. I mean, really volatile, really hostile sort

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Speaker 2: of stuff. Ran into the room, and after about ten seconds,

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Speaker 2: I just took a couple of breaths and thought, my

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Speaker 2: job is to not add to her suffering right now,

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Speaker 2: but I need to draw a line in the sand,

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Speaker 2: and she's got to get ready for school. And I

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Speaker 2: went in there and I picked her up and held

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Speaker 2: her at eye level, and she was screaming at me,

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Speaker 2: and I just said, I know you're mad, but we've

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Speaker 2: got to get ready for school. And I know you

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Speaker 2: hate me, but I still love you. But we've got

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Speaker 2: to get ready for school. And I put her on

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Speaker 2: the ground and I was just so I so badly

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Speaker 2: didn't want to do and say what I did. I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be really mad at her, But I feel

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Speaker 2: like the more we do this podcast, the more we

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Speaker 2: do these I'd do better tomorrow conversations, And the more

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Speaker 2: books I write, the better I get at holding it

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Speaker 2: together and not because that's really what it's all about, right,

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Speaker 2: Don't escalate so much that you end up out of control.

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Speaker 2: Don't join them in their chaos. And that ties in

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Speaker 2: with the other story from while we were away on

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Speaker 2: the weekend. There was a Mars bar in the fridge

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Speaker 2: or a milky way or whatever it was, and it

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Speaker 2: were missing. There are only you, me and our two

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Speaker 2: youngest kids there, and one of the kids was well,

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Speaker 2: both saying they didn't need it. You and I didn't

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Speaker 2: need it, and we knew that obviously the Mars bar

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Speaker 2: fairy hadn't snuck into the refrigerator and then thrown the

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Speaker 2: rubbish in the bin, And it took about half an

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Speaker 2: hour to get there. And when our daughter, who was responsible,

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Speaker 2: finally confessed to it, I so badly wanted to be

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Speaker 2: mad at her. I so badly wanted to just lose

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Speaker 2: it with her, and instead there was just that I

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Speaker 2: need to regulate. I need to be in the adult here.

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Speaker 2: I needed not join her in the chaos that's going

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Speaker 2: on inside her. And I've got to recognize it if

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Speaker 2: she's lying, there's something underpinning that that we've got to

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Speaker 2: get to. And in the end as we sat together,

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Speaker 2: and I told her that I absolutely loved it. No

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Speaker 2: matter what she could say, whatever she wanted, I would

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Speaker 2: absolutely love her no matter what those three words, no

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Speaker 2: matter what the unconditionality that's there. But I just said,

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Speaker 2: if we don't have honesty in our relationship, then we

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Speaker 2: don't have a relationship. We've got to be honest with

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Speaker 2: each other. And Kylie, I mean, you were there, you

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Speaker 2: saw what happened. About two minutes later, she burst into tears.

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Speaker 2: We gave her a big hug, and then she said,

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Speaker 2: I need to tell you a few things. And then

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Speaker 2: she just started telling us all the things that she's

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Speaker 2: been carrying, the burdens, the weight, the challenge, the difficulties,

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Speaker 2: And I just thought, oh, my goodness, how important is it.

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Speaker 2: How important is it that we don't add to their burdens,

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Speaker 2: that we don't add to their suffering, that we don't

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Speaker 2: call them names, that we don't belittle them, that we

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Speaker 2: don't diminish their experience, but that we just let them

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Speaker 2: know that trust is essential and that we love them

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Speaker 2: no matter what. They can say anything and we will

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Speaker 2: still love them. And once she'd finished, and she had

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Speaker 2: a big cry about it all there was just a

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Speaker 2: lie in her For the next several days, it was

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Speaker 2: just this beautiful lightness in that she knew that she'd

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Speaker 2: let us know what was going on in her life,

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Speaker 2: and we understood, and we were there to work with

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Speaker 2: her and help her and make things as be as

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Speaker 2: supportive as we could be. I think it was just profound.

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Speaker 2: I know that's a long monologue, but the take home

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Speaker 2: message really is unconditionality, love you, no matter what. That's

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Speaker 2: to me at the heart of what is the very best.

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Speaker 3: Parenting When you talk to your children when they finally

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Speaker 3: come clean after being dishonest nine times out of ten,

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Speaker 3: their reason for their dishonesty was because they didn't want

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Speaker 3: to get in trouble. They didn't want to feel like

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Speaker 3: they were being judged, they didn't want to feel like

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Speaker 3: they were unloved. They were unlovable, and when we're able

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Speaker 3: to give them that security of knowing that no matter

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Speaker 3: what they say, no matter what they do, that will

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Speaker 3: always love them, there's this ability for them to just

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Speaker 3: open up. I couldn't believe that she was so candid

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Speaker 3: with us after that experience, because up until that point,

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Speaker 3: she didn't want to tell us the truth because she

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Speaker 3: knew she was going to get in trouble.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and then she just told us everything.

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Speaker 3: And then once she realized that she wasn't actually going

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Speaker 3: to get in trouble, that she was free to share

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Speaker 3: what was on her heart. It just the flood glades

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Speaker 3: opened and she was able to just be completely transparent.

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Speaker 2: So that's our older bed. It's worry for today. Number one.

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Speaker 2: Take the holiday, book the trip, have the adventure, eat

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Speaker 2: the dessert, get away for the weekend, do whatever you

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Speaker 2: can to be and.

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Speaker 3: Just bunk in at home. Yeah, shut the gate off,

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Speaker 3: the phone, don't let anybody know you didn't go away,

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Speaker 3: and just stay at home. It really isn't about what

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Speaker 3: you do for me. Because you work from home. The

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Speaker 3: idea of staying at home and not doing anything is

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Speaker 3: actually not really possible. If we're here, you're working, you're

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Speaker 3: doing something, even if it's not full time. You've got

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Speaker 3: that constant draw card to kind of you pick up

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Speaker 3: the laptop or whatever. So for us, it was so

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Speaker 3: important for us to just get out of the environment.

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to

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Speaker 3: be an expense. It's just about stopping.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. And the second take home message unconditionality, love you

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Speaker 2: no matter what. Make sure the kids here and understand

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Speaker 2: it regularly, both in good times and bad times, so

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Speaker 2: that you can get through all the times. Have a

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Speaker 2: great weekend. Hope that you get some quality time with

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Speaker 2: the family. I hope you get some downtime, and hope

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Speaker 2: that you get to make some plans to make the

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Speaker 2: upcoming Christmas season spectacular. The Happy Family's podcast is produced

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Speaker 2: by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as

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Speaker 2: our executive producer. If you'd like more information about making

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Speaker 2: your family happier, please visit us at Happy families dot

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Speaker 2: com dot and if you have not signed up for

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Speaker 2: our newsletter, you want to do it in a real

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Speaker 2: hurry because next week we launch our Black Friday sales,

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Speaker 2: and the Facebook algorithm doesn't always work in your favor,

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Speaker 2: so make sure you are a subscriber to the Happy

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Speaker 2: Families newsletter. We're going to let you know all about

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Speaker 2: the huge Black Friday sales via Happy families dot com

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Speaker 2: dot a