1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,560
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

2
00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:09,159
Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

3
00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:10,440
Speaker 2: wants answers Now.

4
00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,880
Speaker 3: Hello, this stops Justin coilson on, the founder of Happy

5
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 3: Families dot Com. Kylie had a big night last night.

6
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,000
Speaker 3: I'm here with Kylie, my wife and mum to have

7
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,960
Speaker 3: six kids. She's not doing so well.

8
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:27,440
Speaker 4: It was such a big night. I watched about a

9
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:32,600
Speaker 4: bajillion high schools sing and dance for way too long.

10
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:34,760
Speaker 3: They do this stuff late, don't they.

11
00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:40,599
Speaker 4: I don't know how they stay hud I couldn't today.

12
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:43,559
Speaker 3: You were going to get through this. You are going

13
00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:47,560
Speaker 3: to be strong. I believe in you. Our conversation today

14
00:00:47,760 --> 00:00:49,800
Speaker 3: is this week in parenting.

15
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 4: I am a little bit concerned and.

16
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:55,920
Speaker 3: What are you concerned about?

17
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,800
Speaker 4: Justin about where you're getting your parenting advice from lately?

18
00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,800
Speaker 4: Because why walked in the other day to the office

19
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:07,120
Speaker 4: and I heard you listening to Kim Kardashian give parenting advice.

20
00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:10,080
Speaker 1: Parenting is the thing that has taught me the most

21
00:01:10,120 --> 00:01:14,880
Speaker 1: about myself. It has been the most challenging thing. There

22
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:19,120
Speaker 1: are nights I cry myself to sleep, like what just happened?

23
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 1: You know, with all the moods and the personalities and

24
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,720
Speaker 1: sometimes they're fighting and there's no one there, Like it's

25
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:29,560
Speaker 1: me to play good cop and bad cops. So like

26
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:33,440
Speaker 1: that is definitely a challenge when you know, something I'm

27
00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,479
Speaker 1: working on is being a little bit firmer. You know,

28
00:01:36,280 --> 00:01:40,520
Speaker 1: there's nothing that can prepare you anyone, any person that says,

29
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,440
Speaker 1: oh we're waiting to have x amount of money in

30
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,039
Speaker 1: the bank, Oh we're waiting to have a home before

31
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,760
Speaker 1: we have kids. Oh I'm waiting for this job to

32
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,080
Speaker 1: come in before we have kids. I don't care how

33
00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:52,120
Speaker 1: long you wait. I don't care what you're waiting for.

34
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,240
Speaker 1: You are never prepared.

35
00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 3: Ah, the wisdom, the wisdom of the Guru. Kim Kardashian.

36
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,400
Speaker 4: I just want to know, right, you don't even like

37
00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,720
Speaker 4: the Kardashians. What were you doing listening to her?

38
00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,480
Speaker 3: I was just looking around at what was in the

39
00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:13,120
Speaker 3: news about parenting. I mean, okay, she's not exactly telling

40
00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:16,640
Speaker 3: us anything fascinating or deep or incredible. I just wanted

41
00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:18,920
Speaker 3: to hear what she was going to say. And I thought, hmm,

42
00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,440
Speaker 3: you can never be prepared. And the emotions, and so

43
00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,120
Speaker 3: I love the line. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep

44
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,760
Speaker 3: and I'm thinking, is it about parenting or is this

45
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,720
Speaker 3: just you because she lives such a hard life. I

46
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,840
Speaker 3: just I have a think about the Kardashians, right, I mean,

47
00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:35,480
Speaker 3: I just can't stand any of it. But I don't know.

48
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,400
Speaker 3: I saw a little bit of humanity in KK as

49
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,480
Speaker 3: I listened to what she had to say about raising kids.

50
00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:45,320
Speaker 4: I just I think what stands out to me. I

51
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,600
Speaker 4: don't believe I'm saying that.

52
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,960
Speaker 3: Believe you're doing commentary on Kim Kardashian.

53
00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:53,880
Speaker 4: Neither parenting is just the perfect level? Yes, like it

54
00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,640
Speaker 4: just it doesn't matter how much money you have. It

55
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,160
Speaker 4: doesn't matter how much experience you have. It doesn't matter

56
00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,960
Speaker 4: what your job is, it doesn't matter how old you are.

57
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,240
Speaker 4: Parenting is just hard.

58
00:03:04,520 --> 00:03:06,600
Speaker 3: There's emotions, and you cry yourself to sleep, and you

59
00:03:06,680 --> 00:03:10,200
Speaker 3: learn about yourself and you can never be prepared. Look

60
00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:14,680
Speaker 3: at me, I've just become Kim Kardashian. Can we talk

61
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:15,560
Speaker 3: about some real parenting?

62
00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:18,440
Speaker 4: I was gonna ask, is there anything anything of substance

63
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,120
Speaker 4: in today's episode?

64
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,440
Speaker 3: Yes, we need to talk once more about parental guidance.

65
00:03:24,639 --> 00:03:28,600
Speaker 4: Gentle parenting is about letting children be children and respecting

66
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,400
Speaker 4: them as people.

67
00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:33,720
Speaker 3: Oh, it seems that the Gentle Parents Larissa Remarcus have

68
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:36,600
Speaker 3: been under fire on social media, and Kelly Scott has

69
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:40,640
Speaker 3: written a really nice article on the ABC website ABC

70
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:45,000
Speaker 3: Everyday Perspective from Kelly Scott parental guidance. Viewers are slamming

71
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:48,040
Speaker 3: gentle parenting, she says, and I'm confused, Kylie, as you

72
00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,400
Speaker 3: watched Larissa Remarcus our gentle parents, what was your experience

73
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,120
Speaker 3: as you consider what challenges they went through and the

74
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,520
Speaker 3: experience that they had on the show.

75
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,600
Speaker 4: Well, I've seen some of they're not so nice comments

76
00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,839
Speaker 4: on social media, and I can imagine that what we're

77
00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:09,920
Speaker 4: dealing with is people who feel like they're probably quite

78
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:13,200
Speaker 4: permissive in the way they interact with their kids. I

79
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,599
Speaker 4: saw comments about the kids, you know, not acting their age,

80
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:20,479
Speaker 4: they were quite immature, and things like that. And for

81
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:24,000
Speaker 4: me watching the show and even last season with their

82
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:27,320
Speaker 4: attachment parents, I felt the same way that in some

83
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,760
Speaker 4: ways it's such a disadvantage to the rest of the

84
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:33,680
Speaker 4: other parenting styles because it is based on dealing with

85
00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:37,159
Speaker 4: our children's emotions as they come and being supportive of

86
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:39,320
Speaker 4: their needs as they arise.

87
00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,359
Speaker 3: Right, And so what you're seeing is a lot of

88
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,400
Speaker 3: parenting styles are about getting a quick, fixed response, instant compliance,

89
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:48,320
Speaker 3: whereas the Gentle Parents, the attachment style that we saw

90
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,640
Speaker 3: in season one as well, is more about saying, you're

91
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,279
Speaker 3: having an emotional moment and we're just going to allow

92
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:54,800
Speaker 3: you to experience the emotion. And it doesn't look pretty,

93
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,360
Speaker 3: does it.

94
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:58,120
Speaker 4: It doesn't, and especially with young kids, it doesn't look

95
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,600
Speaker 4: at all very messy and looks like the children at

96
00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:03,000
Speaker 4: times are ruling the roost.

97
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,440
Speaker 3: This is what Kelly Scott had to say in her

98
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:08,599
Speaker 3: perspective piece in ABC every Day. She said, I've seen

99
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,360
Speaker 3: commenters accusing the parents of raising quote, self centered snowflakes,

100
00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:16,160
Speaker 3: close quote or admonishing children for needing to be disciplined,

101
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:19,000
Speaker 3: to be prepared for the real world. And that's just

102
00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,840
Speaker 3: the tip of the iceberg. She has actually just shared

103
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,640
Speaker 3: the plant ones because there were some pretty horrible stuff

104
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,200
Speaker 3: that was said out there. And here's what she adds

105
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,719
Speaker 3: in this piece, and we will link to this in

106
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,320
Speaker 3: the show notes. It's so important. She says, some of

107
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:31,560
Speaker 3: the participants on the show, along with the viewers, have

108
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:34,080
Speaker 3: slammed the gentle parents for their softer techniques, making statements

109
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,200
Speaker 3: like the children have no respect for their mum, or dad,

110
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,880
Speaker 3: I get a quick quote here, co host Justin Coilson

111
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,080
Speaker 3: and Australian Parenting XP but responded to the flat they've received.

112
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,480
Speaker 3: Doctor Coulson wrote on Facebook that critics don't understand that

113
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,559
Speaker 3: it's a long game of building a relationship of trust

114
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:50,320
Speaker 3: that invests in the child's future. He also writes the

115
00:05:50,440 --> 00:05:53,200
Speaker 3: very few parenting styles like those featured on the show

116
00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:55,359
Speaker 3: are backed by science, but we know that aspects of

117
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:58,760
Speaker 3: gentle parenting are, and then she shares this research have

118
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,919
Speaker 3: listened to this eat up. I studied more than a

119
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,599
Speaker 3: thousand pairs of children and mothers. Found children whose mothers

120
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,360
Speaker 3: responded with sensitivity in the first three years of life

121
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,279
Speaker 3: had better social skills at age fifteen and also perform

122
00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,200
Speaker 3: better academically.

123
00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:13,839
Speaker 4: I have two thoughts on this. The first, why are

124
00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,000
Speaker 4: we in such a hurry for our kids to grow up?

125
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,520
Speaker 3: Yeah? And what are we so worried about this snowflaked anyway? Sorry?

126
00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,400
Speaker 3: What's your other thing?

127
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,320
Speaker 4: Why do we have to introduce our kids to the

128
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,280
Speaker 4: coldness of the world in our own homes in an

129
00:06:27,279 --> 00:06:30,000
Speaker 4: effort to prepare them for what might happen. I had

130
00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,200
Speaker 4: this really cool experience and it feels like it's a

131
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,640
Speaker 4: little bit of a tangent, but it's not. I teach

132
00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:37,839
Speaker 4: a class for sixteen and seventeen year olds at church

133
00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,960
Speaker 4: on a Sunday, and I introduce them to devilish dilemmas.

134
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,760
Speaker 4: It's a little card game, and it just gives them

135
00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:46,560
Speaker 4: this or that would you do this or that? The

136
00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:50,680
Speaker 4: question was, if you had a complete facial muscular malfunction,

137
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:54,920
Speaker 4: would you choose to smile for the rest of your

138
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,880
Speaker 4: life you could not not smile, or would you choose

139
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,640
Speaker 4: to not smile forever? What would you choose?

140
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,400
Speaker 3: You know me well enough to know exactly what I

141
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:06,440
Speaker 3: would choose. What did you What do you think the

142
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,920
Speaker 3: kids chose. I would imagine you're talking about sixteen and

143
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,040
Speaker 3: seventeen year olds. I reckon there'd be a fifty to

144
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 3: fifty split. I think some would be very happy to smile,

145
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,880
Speaker 3: but I can imagine that there would be some stick

146
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:19,040
Speaker 3: in the mud to be like, yeah, I'm not going

147
00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,680
Speaker 3: to smile. I'm just going to tough it out.

148
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,800
Speaker 4: The entire class, literally, I had nine kids in the class,

149
00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,280
Speaker 4: and every single one of them chose to not smile.

150
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:28,680
Speaker 3: Wow. Wow.

151
00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:31,400
Speaker 4: They asked me for the rest of their lives, they

152
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,360
Speaker 4: would choose not to smile. Now, if I had it

153
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,480
Speaker 4: been doctor Justin Colson, I would have given them all

154
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,200
Speaker 4: the psychological research, yes, that would tell them why choosing

155
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,320
Speaker 4: that would have made them absolutely miserable.

156
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,560
Speaker 3: I've just had a thought. Your name is Kylie. You

157
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,200
Speaker 3: had to choose to be smiling. Smiley, Kylie? Is that

158
00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,680
Speaker 3: what you said? Did you say you'd be smiling?

159
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,080
Speaker 4: I did say, Kyle.

160
00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:50,840
Speaker 3: Has anyone ever called you smiley? Kylie?

161
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:51,360
Speaker 2: Yes?

162
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:51,720
Speaker 3: Still?

163
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,280
Speaker 4: My nan and Pop actually had a dog and he

164
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:57,720
Speaker 4: had two teeth that stuck up so it made him

165
00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:01,400
Speaker 4: look like he had a smile, and they called him smiley. Right,

166
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,800
Speaker 4: And so yes, I've been called smiley, Kylie Lantz.

167
00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:06,040
Speaker 3: I've never We've been married for twenty five and a

168
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,440
Speaker 3: half years. I've never called you smiley.

169
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:08,520
Speaker 4: I'm glad.

170
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,920
Speaker 3: Okay, well I certainly won't start now. But you chose

171
00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,920
Speaker 3: to be smiling? And what was your rationale? And what

172
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,240
Speaker 3: say got to do with gentle parenting? And Larissa Remarcus.

173
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,360
Speaker 4: I chose to smile. And the comment was, so if

174
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:23,360
Speaker 4: your mom died, you would choose to smile, And I

175
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,040
Speaker 4: just said, you know what, if it's the choice between

176
00:08:26,240 --> 00:08:29,720
Speaker 4: smiling or not. I'm going to pick smiling every time

177
00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:33,520
Speaker 4: because I know that I feel better when I smile. Yes,

178
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:37,200
Speaker 4: but other people feel better. And So if we go

179
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:40,000
Speaker 4: back to what we were talking about, why is it

180
00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:43,160
Speaker 4: that I have to make my kids world miserable so

181
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,640
Speaker 4: that they can accept and understand what's going to be

182
00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:49,600
Speaker 4: out there. Why would I not do everything I can

183
00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,199
Speaker 4: to provide them with an environment that is loving, supportive,

184
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:58,800
Speaker 4: and compassionate and help them be the same to the world,

185
00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:01,640
Speaker 4: to the world. Why would I not want that for

186
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:02,240
Speaker 4: my kids?

187
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,840
Speaker 3: Well, I just I love what you're saying. And what

188
00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,080
Speaker 3: I also love is that Parental Guidance is still creating

189
00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:09,520
Speaker 3: conversations even a month after a month and a half

190
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,240
Speaker 3: after it was on TV. The stuff that happened there

191
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,800
Speaker 3: is so good. You can still see it on nine now.

192
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,120
Speaker 3: By the way, the show is still available Parental Guidance

193
00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 3: Season two on nine now, Kylie. The last thing that

194
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,360
Speaker 3: I want to talk about today is something that came

195
00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:28,120
Speaker 3: off TikTok that has blown up, but jillions of people

196
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,959
Speaker 3: have watched it and it involves a little bit of

197
00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,880
Speaker 3: mum shaming, but it is big news. It's incredible how

198
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,720
Speaker 3: TikTok and social media have actually started to make news.

199
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:40,720
Speaker 3: Like social media is so impactful. But there's this incident

200
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:43,840
Speaker 3: that occurred. I'm going to play a fifty eight second

201
00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:47,320
Speaker 3: piece that comes from cat Stickler on TikTok. This piece

202
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:52,560
Speaker 3: has generated fifty seven thousand comments fifty seven thousand comments

203
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,440
Speaker 3: on TikTok. It has gone absolutely viral, and it has

204
00:09:56,559 --> 00:09:59,360
Speaker 3: made news headlines all over the place. One of the

205
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,480
Speaker 3: things that I hated social media and TikTok is that

206
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:03,200
Speaker 3: some people don't use their own voice. They use that

207
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,920
Speaker 3: robot voice. And that's what she's done. She's recorded it

208
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,800
Speaker 3: but then had the robot voice to it instead. But

209
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:12,480
Speaker 3: let me play what happened if you can deal with

210
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:15,839
Speaker 3: the robot voice. And I'm just gonna say this, No cake,

211
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,240
Speaker 3: That's all I'm gonna say. No cake.

212
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,880
Speaker 2: I'm going to mom shamed. Only people I've ever mom

213
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:24,080
Speaker 2: shamed are myself and my own mother, but one other

214
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,959
Speaker 2: mom is going to be added to the list. Actually,

215
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,960
Speaker 2: I'm not even this is a question, am I entitled?

216
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:30,920
Speaker 2: Or was this messed up? Two hours ago? Literally right now,

217
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,480
Speaker 2: MK and I were at the park in my neighborhood

218
00:10:32,480 --> 00:10:34,520
Speaker 2: and it was us in this birthday group. Right, so

219
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,560
Speaker 2: literally just us and this birthday group. These kids are

220
00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:38,280
Speaker 2: having their birthday party.

221
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:38,440
Speaker 3: MP.

222
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:40,439
Speaker 2: He's playing them for like what half an hour. They're

223
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:41,160
Speaker 2: making friends.

224
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:41,720
Speaker 4: It was nice.

225
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:44,640
Speaker 2: It was actually very cute time to seeing happy birthday. Okay,

226
00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,560
Speaker 2: goes over. She's one of the group right now, all right,

227
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:49,040
Speaker 2: they're welcoming her with open arms or so, I thought

228
00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:52,559
Speaker 2: I was wrong. Time to eat cake. I see MK,

229
00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,839
Speaker 2: I see her intention of grabbing a piece of cake,

230
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,120
Speaker 2: so I like walk over to make sure it's okay.

231
00:10:57,360 --> 00:11:00,000
Speaker 2: As a formality. Honestly, I was like, obviously it's okay.

232
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:01,000
Speaker 3: It's cake.

233
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,959
Speaker 2: It's a massive cake. There's lots of back job in pieces.

234
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:06,240
Speaker 2: The mother kicks the plate away from m can gets

235
00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,520
Speaker 2: down to her level, says, you cannot eat this cake. Okay,

236
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:13,040
Speaker 2: this is not your birthday party. These are not your friends.

237
00:11:13,320 --> 00:11:14,080
Speaker 2: Where's your mother?

238
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:18,160
Speaker 3: And that's the piece. So, in case that didn't quite

239
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:21,080
Speaker 3: make sense because of the weird accent and the robotic voice,

240
00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:24,640
Speaker 3: you're at the park with your kiddo toddler and there's

241
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,640
Speaker 3: a birthday party happening, and your toddler starts hanging out

242
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,880
Speaker 3: with all the other toddlers and then they sing Happy birthday,

243
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,320
Speaker 3: and the cake gets cut and your toddler's still there,

244
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 3: and then the mumm nails down in front of your

245
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 3: toppler and says, you can't have this cake. This is

246
00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:37,600
Speaker 3: not your cake, These are not your friends, It is

247
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,680
Speaker 3: not your party. Where's your mum? Blows up on social media?

248
00:11:41,679 --> 00:11:45,520
Speaker 3: It makes the news. It's in national headlines everywhere. And

249
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,559
Speaker 3: yet as much as I wanted to shake my head

250
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,240
Speaker 3: and say this Cake Gates story is not news, it

251
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:53,400
Speaker 3: kind of is. It's definitely paring news. It's one of

252
00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:57,280
Speaker 3: those parenting dilemmas that just goes nuts, and it's been

253
00:11:57,280 --> 00:12:00,120
Speaker 3: in parenting chat groups all over the place. So I

254
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,960
Speaker 3: want to ask you, do you have an opinion on this?

255
00:12:02,080 --> 00:12:04,640
Speaker 3: Like when you hear that story, do you want to

256
00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:06,719
Speaker 3: get involved? Do you just roll your eyes and say, oh,

257
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,640
Speaker 3: social media? Doing social media again? What's your response? And

258
00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,319
Speaker 3: in fairness to you, you have not heard this until

259
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 3: right now, So I'm really just as a mum who's

260
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:17,800
Speaker 3: raised six kids and been in the park in plenty

261
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,560
Speaker 3: of odd situations. I know I'm kind of putting you

262
00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,640
Speaker 3: on the spot with this, but what's your response?

263
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:27,160
Speaker 4: I'm torn because I actually really hate how social media

264
00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:32,160
Speaker 4: blows things up and takes things out of context sometimes

265
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,520
Speaker 4: and it creates I want to say hate, Like there's

266
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:39,360
Speaker 4: just there is so much negativity that comes from this,

267
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,760
Speaker 4: but there's also some really important conversations to be had.

268
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,400
Speaker 4: So that's where I'm torn because I have watched this

269
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:50,559
Speaker 4: play out in different ways over the years, sometimes with

270
00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,920
Speaker 4: our kids, sometimes just as a bystander, and it's heartbreaking

271
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:56,800
Speaker 4: and it kind of goes back to that conversation would

272
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,880
Speaker 4: you rather smile or not smile? It's the same pre

273
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:03,240
Speaker 4: Do I want to be kind to the world and

274
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:06,400
Speaker 4: the way I project myself into the world, or do

275
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:08,560
Speaker 4: I want to teach kids that they can't always have

276
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:09,080
Speaker 4: what they want?

277
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:10,800
Speaker 3: Why?

278
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,880
Speaker 4: Why some of my best friends I made at the

279
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,680
Speaker 4: park because my kid hung out with their kid for

280
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:20,760
Speaker 4: half an hour. Yeah, you know, you meet people, you

281
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,800
Speaker 4: make a difference in the world, and even if it's

282
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:26,120
Speaker 4: only for half an hour, I'd rather be that person.

283
00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,400
Speaker 3: So I've got a really quick hot take on this,

284
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,880
Speaker 3: and it's as follows. As a parent, when you're in

285
00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,920
Speaker 3: the park and your kids are playing, it's if they

286
00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:37,360
Speaker 3: start playing with other people's kids, it's usually nice just

287
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,200
Speaker 3: to say hi to the other parents, even if they're

288
00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:41,319
Speaker 3: in a group, just hey, my little one's playing with yours.

289
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,120
Speaker 3: Is that okay? I know you guys are having a party,

290
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,640
Speaker 3: So maybe mum might be a little bit more proactive

291
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,679
Speaker 3: rather than doing the mum shame on the other parent. Like,

292
00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,560
Speaker 3: there is a level of personal responsibility here, and I

293
00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,199
Speaker 3: know it's not always going to work out that way,

294
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,320
Speaker 3: but I'm I'm just saying it's nice to acknowledge the

295
00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:56,840
Speaker 3: other people when your kids are playing with their kids.

296
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,160
Speaker 3: But there's a second element to this as well from

297
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:02,719
Speaker 3: my point of view, and that is it's not that

298
00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:04,960
Speaker 3: hard to be nice to a three year old. And

299
00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:08,760
Speaker 3: even if even if she wanted to say, you can't

300
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,160
Speaker 3: have any of the cake, kiddo, because this is just

301
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,640
Speaker 3: for everyone who's at the party. The whole idea of

302
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,560
Speaker 3: these are not your friends. This is not your cake.

303
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:19,680
Speaker 3: Like you can reject somebody nicely or you can just

304
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:21,360
Speaker 3: slam them, And it sounds like this mum is just

305
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:22,840
Speaker 3: slammed this kid.

306
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:24,240
Speaker 4: At the end of the day, I don't think we're

307
00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 4: suggesting that you have to give someone cake if you

308
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,120
Speaker 4: don't want to give them cake.

309
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,760
Speaker 3: Oh, let the meat cake, Let the meat cake, come on.

310
00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:32,520
Speaker 4: But we can be kind in the way that we

311
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:37,240
Speaker 4: excl You can't, that's not what it be.

312
00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,200
Speaker 3: But you can. You can actually say to somebody, oh,

313
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:42,320
Speaker 3: let's just go and check with your mum. Let's take

314
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:43,600
Speaker 3: you back to your mum because we're going to do

315
00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:45,720
Speaker 3: the cake now for everyone who's at the party, Like,

316
00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,160
Speaker 3: there are coind time to go back to mum. That's right,

317
00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:50,840
Speaker 3: there are kind and gentle ways to do this. So

318
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:53,760
Speaker 3: I think, just give it a cake, let them let

319
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 3: me cake. Yeah, what's what's that hole that that saying?

320
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,080
Speaker 3: My dad just say to me all the time, you

321
00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,800
Speaker 3: can't have your cake and eat it too, And I'd

322
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:02,520
Speaker 3: be like, why not? Like I want my cake and

323
00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:03,880
Speaker 3: I want to eat it. What's the point of having

324
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,480
Speaker 3: a cake if you don't eat the cake? Anyway? That's

325
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 3: this Week in Parenting. The Happy Family's podcast is produced

326
00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:11,200
Speaker 3: by Justin Roland for Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our

327
00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,080
Speaker 3: executive producer. I think that the real solution to all

328
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,520
Speaker 3: of this Week in Parenting stuff is just be nice,

329
00:15:16,760 --> 00:15:19,840
Speaker 3: just be kind, and remember, as Kim Kardashian.

330
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:20,880
Speaker 1: Says, you are never prepared.

331
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:24,640
Speaker 3: Thank you, Guru, Kim. More information about making your family

332
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,120
Speaker 3: happy at Keeping Up with the Kardashians. No, I'm just kidding.

333
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,760
Speaker 3: At The Happy Family's website, Happy families dot com, dot you,

334
00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 3: or our Facebook page. Dr Justin Gilson's Happy Families