Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Drug Wallamata Land.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Brittany and I'm producer Keisha feeling in for Laura. Okay,
Speaker 1: hold alone one second. I think I've left the stove on.
Speaker 1: My past is cookie.
Speaker 2: Hang on.
Speaker 3: Well, al redes that I will tell you what we
Speaker 3: are doing in this episode.
Speaker 2: This was such an incredible chat.
Speaker 3: We are chatting with Taya Heartless and Alisha Rogers. Now
Speaker 3: Taya and Alisha are ever in America and they are
Speaker 3: in a closed quad polyamorous relationship and is the pastor
Speaker 3: boiling over the stove?
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm back, I'm turned the stove box. Yes, today's
Speaker 2: episode is absolutely incredible.
Speaker 1: I saw this online and I had to reach out
Speaker 1: and contact the women because I was so intrigued by
Speaker 1: how it worked and listening to them talk about how
Speaker 1: the relationship work really.
Speaker 2: Opened my eyes to a whole nother perspective.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so the way it works is that Taya is
Speaker 3: married to Sean and Alicia is married to Tyler, or
Speaker 3: at least they were individually married couples. Okay, so they
Speaker 3: came together. They are now a part of the One family.
Speaker 3: They've got four kids, they've got a fifth one on
Speaker 3: the way. The biological origin of those kids is not
Speaker 3: known because it's not important to them, and they live
Speaker 3: their whole life as the one family under the one roof.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a very modern day Brady Bunge with a
Speaker 1: sexy twist. I think you're kind of gonna love listening
Speaker 1: to it as much as we loved recording it. My
Speaker 1: little gold medalist over here for the one hundred meters
Speaker 1: athletics hurdles.
Speaker 3: Pretty ukily out of big weekend and you took home
Speaker 3: a gold trophy I did.
Speaker 1: It wasn't in hurdles, wasn't in one hundred meters sprint. No,
Speaker 1: it was the Media week they called the next of
Speaker 1: the Best awards, and I.
Speaker 2: Hate even saying that out loud.
Speaker 1: So Mediawig had like Industry Award, which is really nice,
Speaker 1: and it's for like radio, TV, like all the front
Speaker 1: of house kind of things, but then all the back
Speaker 1: of house kind of stuff as well, production and sales
Speaker 1: and literally everyone that's involved in media, which I think
Speaker 1: is really nice, A really big celebration with everyone that
Speaker 1: works in the industry.
Speaker 2: So it was pretty cool.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was nominated, so you get nominated, like
Speaker 1: I was nominated a couple of months ago for Next
Speaker 1: to the Best Radio.
Speaker 2: I was stoked and got nomination.
Speaker 1: To be honest, I was like, there's no fucking way
Speaker 1: I would ever win, and long story short, I want.
Speaker 2: So that's what I'm gonna say. But I'm really bad.
Speaker 2: I absolutely no.
Speaker 1: I just I definitely didn't expect to win, and yeah,
Speaker 1: it was really nice. It was also really nice because
Speaker 1: Mitch Drury, who you guys all know and love as well.
Speaker 1: He's our radio co host and he won bronze, so
Speaker 1: he was there as well for an award, but he
Speaker 1: also presented me my award, so that was really nice.
Speaker 1: It was really nice to win an award and be
Speaker 1: recognized for something that you love and you work really
Speaker 1: hard for and you're passionate about. But then also to
Speaker 1: be given the award by like one of your closest friends.
Speaker 2: Is really cool as well. Yeah, this is all like
Speaker 2: this is very lovey and very anything I couldn't even
Speaker 2: win the Bachelor.
Speaker 1: The last thing I won was the Easter hat parade
Speaker 1: when I was four years old, and all I got was.
Speaker 2: Like extra streggs. This is a real moment. It really
Speaker 2: is in making up for it. No, it's really care
Speaker 2: that's definitely.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely gonna put my award front sender next to
Speaker 1: my Easter hat.
Speaker 2: We're very proud of you, and I'm not surprised you won.
Speaker 3: But even if you are well done, thanking big round
Speaker 3: of appause.
Speaker 2: The reason that I am sitting.
Speaker 3: Here again today, apologies if you're getting sick of me,
Speaker 3: is because our wonderful Laura ben She's a little busy
Speaker 3: knocking people out on.
Speaker 2: The ants floor.
Speaker 1: So Laura, our lovely Laura Burnie is still on Dancing
Speaker 1: with the Stars. Did you see the video she posted
Speaker 1: where she chaoed her dance partner Daniel.
Speaker 2: It was like a behind the scenes video. Do you know?
Speaker 2: It wasn't the footage that made me so alarmed?
Speaker 3: It was the sound. It was because you know when
Speaker 3: you slow down a video and it's.
Speaker 2: Like they did like it.
Speaker 1: For anyone playing at home, go on to Laura's Instagram
Speaker 1: if you haven't seen her. She posted her behind the
Speaker 1: scenes of her getting chaoed. Well, no, she chaoto her
Speaker 1: dance partner. So they're they're practicing in the studio. She's
Speaker 1: in this little black outfit and they're doing some I
Speaker 1: don't know what the charter.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they're practicing the charter.
Speaker 1: And she did like a toil out and she went
Speaker 1: to rapid fire toil in and a full on like
Speaker 1: hook with elbow to have dance partner's cheekbone. He dropped
Speaker 1: to the floor. He went flying like two minion dropped
Speaker 1: the floor and you heard. I was like, surely she's
Speaker 1: just broken this guy's face.
Speaker 2: Anyway, dance stas is going really well for Laura.
Speaker 3: Was like, I wouldn't fuck with Laura Hey after that video.
Speaker 3: I think I used to think that you'd be the badass.
Speaker 3: If ever I was in trouble and I needed someone
Speaker 3: to like take someone out on the street, I really
Speaker 3: would have put my money on you, but I'm revoting.
Speaker 1: I'd like to put Laura forward. No, I would still
Speaker 1: put your money on me because she's so gangly. She
Speaker 1: can't control the limbs. Her limbs go flying like.
Speaker 2: But Laura is still on dancement stars, so we're all
Speaker 2: rooting for her.
Speaker 1: We actually do not know when it's airing, but I
Speaker 1: know I can say it's soon.
Speaker 2: I know it's soon. It's probably we got to be
Speaker 2: with the next month.
Speaker 1: I can't get in trouble for saying that because I
Speaker 1: genuinely don't know, and I haven't signed an NBA yet.
Speaker 2: But we're really rooting for our girl over here. So
Speaker 2: Keisha's on board. On the podcast, Kisha, you're actually lucky.
Speaker 2: I was about to say the exact same. I'm surprised,
Speaker 2: and I'm sitting here today, you are lucky.
Speaker 1: Did I let you back in that hot seat after
Speaker 1: the things that you did to me last week?
Speaker 3: I think you're lucky because I have experienced some of
Speaker 3: the most intense, hurtful trolling.
Speaker 2: I had to deal with in my entire life.
Speaker 3: And I'm of course talking about your stupid wallgate photos.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm calling this scenario. Now, it's a scandal.
Speaker 3: This is a three weeks sagon. Now we've talked about
Speaker 3: this for three weeks. It's the issue that will not
Speaker 3: go away because.
Speaker 2: You don't let it.
Speaker 1: It's the issue of the photographs that I put on
Speaker 1: my wall. We have mentioned the last three weeks in
Speaker 1: the podcast so Yes. I printed out some photos of
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and Ben and I and put them on
Speaker 1: my wall, and Keisha had a problem with it. Laura
Speaker 1: Burn had a problem with it. My friend Kim a
Speaker 1: problem with a lot of people in my life seemed
Speaker 1: to have had a problem with the fact that I
Speaker 1: am in love and put some photos.
Speaker 2: On my wall. We did a video and it sort
Speaker 2: of went viral. It went pretty big, got picked up
Speaker 2: by some pretty big people. I think Vogue gonna talk
Speaker 2: about it.
Speaker 1: Want to Vogue wanna Passion, not style, the merry condo
Speaker 1: of not get what is it not sparking joy that's
Speaker 1: coming next on Netflix. Vogue reached out to me and
Speaker 1: they said, we saw the interior of your home and
Speaker 1: we want to feature it.
Speaker 2: Okay, how believable was that?
Speaker 3: So we put up a video, right, I reckon over
Speaker 3: ninety percent of the comments and or messages that I
Speaker 3: got that were not in the hate category. And by
Speaker 3: the way, I know that some of the messages I
Speaker 3: got were like tongue in cheek taking the piss.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Jasha wasn't actually trouble you life, as were
Speaker 2: just fun trolling They were like, this is so mean.
Speaker 2: Leave Brittany alone stuff believing Brittish she's newly in love.
Speaker 3: And I was like, mate, I know that, but the
Speaker 3: photos are too small, and this is what everyone kept
Speaker 3: on bringing up with me.
Speaker 2: But I agree with that, but don't you try and
Speaker 2: bend the truth.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 1: That was not your problem, and we have video evidence.
Speaker 1: Your problem was that I shouldn't have printed photos out
Speaker 1: at all. Now, when I got the photos, I agree
Speaker 1: they're too small for the space.
Speaker 2: I agree that is not the problem. But imagine, imagine
Speaker 2: if I had made them bigger. What you would have done.
Speaker 2: Is not just the size, as all of the.
Speaker 3: People who messaged me mentioned, it is the problem.
Speaker 2: What's the Okay, So I didn't notice this at first,
Speaker 2: only news comment on one day. I believe what I
Speaker 2: said was it just looks weird.
Speaker 3: It's weird, and I've now got more evidence as to
Speaker 3: why it's weird.
Speaker 2: I'm five foot two, right, so I'm sure. And I was.
Speaker 3: Looking at the photos kind of being like, they're really
Speaker 3: high up on the wall, but maybe they're not high
Speaker 3: up on the wall for someone who's a bit taller.
Speaker 2: They're too high.
Speaker 3: It's the size, it's the composition of the fact that
Speaker 3: not all the one it goes like portrait, landscape portrait.
Speaker 2: I did that on purpose. I thought it would be cute. Also,
Speaker 2: I picked my three favorite photos and one of them
Speaker 2: was taken in landscape, so I worked with it. Okay,
Speaker 2: my rebuttal fucking court. Proceeding my rebuttal to the shrine
Speaker 2: on the wall is I live in a rental. Believe
Speaker 2: it or not.
Speaker 1: I do not own a house in Bondi Beach. I
Speaker 1: will never own a house in Bondi Beach, I'm sure.
Speaker 2: But there were already holes in the wall. So I
Speaker 2: worked with what I had, and.
Speaker 1: I have tried to do the best I can with
Speaker 1: the amount of love that I have left in this room.
Speaker 1: And that is what I came up with, the wall
Speaker 1: shrine of the semi professional photoshit that we didn't actually
Speaker 1: book at the Louver, And I'm happy with it and
Speaker 1: I love it. And a lot of people wrote to me.
Speaker 1: Actually ninety percent of people in the poll said having
Speaker 1: photos of yourself and your partner is fine. They only
Speaker 1: said it was gonna be a problem if I had
Speaker 1: three giant photos of myself on my wall.
Speaker 2: Which I do not. I did not have one photo
Speaker 2: of myself on the wall.
Speaker 1: I also asked Ben who is the subject of the
Speaker 1: photo shoot?
Speaker 2: And Ben thought it was very lovely. Of course he did.
Speaker 3: He's the one who's in the pictures.
Speaker 2: Get laid. He's like, it was amazing, he just laid.
Speaker 2: Let's be real. Anyway, Wargate saga, look faite.
Speaker 3: The people came to defend you, okay, they they came
Speaker 3: with their pitchforks fierce.
Speaker 2: The one hashtag I wish took off was hashtag live
Speaker 2: laugh Leave Brinillo, Like that.
Speaker 1: Was such a missed opportunity. Like years, I'm here for
Speaker 1: the people. The people have spoken to Shrine.
Speaker 2: He's okay. My most valued comment was just Shrine in
Speaker 2: capital letters.
Speaker 1: We actually even had if you were listened to the
Speaker 1: podcast a few months ago.
Speaker 2: Comedian Joanne McNally. She's the irishmedia we had on.
Speaker 1: She's one of the hosts of My Therapist Ghosted Me,
Speaker 1: a great podcast. She's so fucking funny. Anyway, she slipped
Speaker 1: my damns and she's like, I am dead. I cannot
Speaker 1: stop laughing at this whole Shrine Wallgate and.
Speaker 2: Made it to Ireland. The Shrine made it to Island.
Speaker 3: Made you know girl Joanne mcnaly anyway, Man Island.
Speaker 2: But speaking of shrines, this got me thinking I had
Speaker 2: a friend. This wasn't not that long ago. I had
Speaker 2: some friends. They live in the UK. They're guys.
Speaker 1: What they did to their flatmates so their flatmate that
Speaker 1: a bunch of guys that live together, three guys. One
Speaker 1: of their flatmates had this date that he was so
Speaker 1: fucking chuffed about, like he was over the moon about this.
Speaker 1: Cheek was a ten. He was like, I'm vibing, I'm connecting.
Speaker 1: I think this could be it.
Speaker 2: I'm so serious about her.
Speaker 1: It was the second date and he knew that he
Speaker 1: was going to I shouldn't say kne was going to
Speaker 1: sleep with it, but they were.
Speaker 2: They were there.
Speaker 1: He's like he had said to the boys, if you
Speaker 1: can clear out tonight, you know, like we're going to dinner.
Speaker 1: I got this lovely date. I reckon you know, I
Speaker 1: would love to spend good night with her in the
Speaker 1: apartment alone.
Speaker 2: Things could get a little hot. And also that's what
Speaker 2: you do right when your flatmates and you live with people. Anyway, boys,
Speaker 2: you need to clear out tonight. I got this hot date.
Speaker 1: They agree, all yours mate, we're here for you. We're
Speaker 1: going to support you in your quest for love. So
Speaker 1: he goes out on the date when his future wife.
Speaker 2: Where do they go? Did they go to? What pub?
Speaker 2: Do they? They went to dinner? No? They oh? The boys, Oh,
Speaker 2: I don't know. You just gotta leave. It's just the
Speaker 2: rule of the flats, like and somewhere else to say
Speaker 2: tonight party or whatever you want to do. Those walls
Speaker 2: are paper Thin's true, but.
Speaker 1: I think it's more like, of course they can come
Speaker 1: back later in the night, but it's like to sleep
Speaker 1: like it is their house. But it's more like, you know,
Speaker 1: give us the majority of the night and come back
Speaker 1: and sleep when we're done.
Speaker 2: And does it? So they agree.
Speaker 1: So anyway, all Mat goes out in his date with
Speaker 1: his ten future wife. The boys inadverted Commas go out
Speaker 1: to the pub. But what they decided to do was
Speaker 1: they printed off, like thirty photos of Princess.
Speaker 2: Diana a shrine.
Speaker 1: They printed off thirty photos of Princess Diana, got heaps
Speaker 1: of candles and they put them in his room. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so they put a shrine of Princess Diana with candles
Speaker 1: and notes and like prints print offs of like magazines
Speaker 1: and stuff, and they put it all through his room.
Speaker 2: Then they left.
Speaker 1: Now when he comes back from his date, it's getting
Speaker 1: frisky and he's like, I'm going to lock this down.
Speaker 2: Goes into his bedroom and she turns on the light
Speaker 2: and there's a shrine of what would you do if
Speaker 2: you were the girl? Would you imagine? You imagine what
Speaker 2: I mean? Like, she's the people's princess. Okay, we all
Speaker 2: love princess blocking on another level, like from the grave,
Speaker 2: she's cock blocking. She's like, this ain't going down. Also,
Speaker 2: like the more.
Speaker 3: That you know in any of those scenarios when something
Speaker 3: like that happens, the more you defend and try to justify, like,
Speaker 3: oh this wasn't me, Like oh sorry, you know, like
Speaker 3: I promise, the more guilty you've seen, Like then you're like,
Speaker 3: I don't even like her.
Speaker 2: And then she's like I love princess. I like her,
Speaker 2: but not enough to print off, not to have thirty
Speaker 2: photos of her in my bed. Oh my god, that's
Speaker 2: what I do. I'd probably think I'd gone to the
Speaker 2: effort together.
Speaker 1: I'd probably want to get laid, But then I don't
Speaker 1: think i'd call him back, Like I think i'd commit
Speaker 1: and go through with the deed, because you don't. You
Speaker 1: reckon the second day, you're lying her you had a
Speaker 1: nice dinner, probably some wine, and always says you're already there.
Speaker 4: Do you know what.
Speaker 3: I've had a housemate stitch me up in a bit
Speaker 3: of a similar way to.
Speaker 2: This, explain what you've got such a problem with. Try
Speaker 2: the alarm bells are ringing.
Speaker 3: No, it's a similar kind of embarrassing moment, but they
Speaker 3: fucking got me really good.
Speaker 2: So I had started.
Speaker 3: Dating this musician and this is I'm talking like, oh,
Speaker 3: this must be seven eight years ago.
Speaker 2: It's like a long time ago.
Speaker 3: And I was living in this apartment in Newcastle with
Speaker 3: hilarious housemates. Right. So I'd started dating this musician and
Speaker 3: I had told them, hey, just so you know, he's
Speaker 3: coming around tonight, just getting their heads up. I didn't
Speaker 3: even ask them. I definitely didn't ask them to leave
Speaker 3: the apartment. And maybe maybe that was my number one
Speaker 3: mistake because just before he got there, one of my
Speaker 3: housemates started playing their music through.
Speaker 2: The speakers, right, the musicians music. Yes, So you know
Speaker 2: they were kind of like, well does this get you
Speaker 2: in the mood?
Speaker 3: You know, And they were taking the piss, which was
Speaker 3: all well and good until he I can't remember what
Speaker 3: speaker it was. It must have been one attached to
Speaker 3: like something in the lounge room or that kind of thing.
Speaker 3: And we're talking seven or eight years ago, so I
Speaker 3: don't remember them.
Speaker 2: I was a giant binbox six pe.
Speaker 3: I don't remember how it was played anyway, So music
Speaker 3: goes off, he comes over. It's all you know, It's
Speaker 3: gone great until like I was having a drink of
Speaker 3: wine on the couch. We were just catching up and
Speaker 3: I went to put some music on and I just
Speaker 3: hit on and out plays his music.
Speaker 2: So like, so the music was off when he got there.
Speaker 3: He was off, but it was like loaded in when
Speaker 3: you press it on it It's like kind of when
Speaker 3: you get back in your car and whatever was playing
Speaker 3: most recently starts starts playing. You're like, I would have
Speaker 3: preferred porn had to start playing, because I just looked
Speaker 3: like such a fucking fangirl. I was like, I'm seriously
Speaker 3: over Housebaates like they just you know, they were listening.
Speaker 2: He probably turned him on.
Speaker 1: Most musicians are so godlike complex, they won't people would
Speaker 1: be listening to.
Speaker 2: I would hope that that didn't turn him on. You
Speaker 2: probably get you paid for dinner. Every time his truck
Speaker 2: gets played, he gets money from it, just getting his streams. Babe,
Speaker 2: I supporting the cause I had this other friend.
Speaker 1: Now this was years ago, but it's just make him
Speaker 1: you think back another friend that did a similar thing.
Speaker 2: Guys. Again, it's always guys.
Speaker 1: I don't think I know any girls has cooked their
Speaker 1: friends same thing. Hot date was coming back to the apartment,
Speaker 1: so they went and bought. They must have just gone
Speaker 1: to like Kmart or something. They went bought fifty stuffed
Speaker 1: small toys and put them on his bed.
Speaker 2: So that when he comes home on the date, like
Speaker 2: you're getting freaky, legs arerapped around the waist.
Speaker 1: You know, your barge in to plunk on the bed
Speaker 1: and you can't lay down, and you sit down, all
Speaker 1: these teddies jump up like it's on a trampoline. They
Speaker 1: go everywhere, fifty stuffed teddies of all everything, all Australian animals,
Speaker 1: native animals.
Speaker 3: They would it be worse if it was all of
Speaker 3: the one type, all different?
Speaker 1: No, And so she thought he had a stuffed toy collection,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I don't know how to say.
Speaker 3: Not heat a yucky, yum, I have stuff toy one one.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: If there is a guy in his thirties that has
Speaker 1: a bedroom of stuff toys.
Speaker 2: Not yucky and yum, but there's alarm bells for me,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, I have did a guy that has
Speaker 2: those you know.
Speaker 3: Those like figurines with the big bubble head things.
Speaker 2: I don't know what they're.
Speaker 3: Actually called, but I went into his room and they
Speaker 3: were like, I'm not exaggerating more than fifty and put
Speaker 3: them in air bondies as collectibles, and it was a
Speaker 3: bit weird.
Speaker 2: You still slept with tast more than that, but I
Speaker 2: did find it a little a little strange. What would
Speaker 2: you do?
Speaker 1: Or like, seriously, you've gone back to your guy's house.
Speaker 1: Let's say it was the shrine or fifty stuff toys.
Speaker 2: What would you do? Am I the age that I'm
Speaker 2: at now? This weekend's Friday night. When you're in your.
Speaker 3: Early twenties, you like, they breathe in the wrong direction,
Speaker 3: and you're like, nope, that's an equal.
Speaker 2: When you get into your third a lot more slides right.
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm pretty sure he's a stalker and showing
Speaker 3: eighteen red flags on the first meeting.
Speaker 2: He just really cares about it, like it depends on
Speaker 2: how hot they are. If it does, if he's an eleven.
Speaker 3: If it's Zac Efron, I'm probably gonna say you play on.
Speaker 2: I don't really care how many stuff toys, zach Efron.
Speaker 2: I will role play as a stuff point with a
Speaker 2: cut off this dress. Zack. All do it.
Speaker 1: If you guys have a story like this writing, if
Speaker 1: you have stitched somebody up like this, or like a
Speaker 1: flat mate or some or a friend, or they've stitched
Speaker 1: you up, please write in because I reckon this will
Speaker 1: be brilliant.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would absolutely love to read your prank stories.
Speaker 1: Speaking of love, I met I'm not saying you're in love,
Speaker 1: but I met Keisha's boyfriend Tom Blarone.
Speaker 2: I met Todd Blaroon. That's a bit of a stretch
Speaker 2: in real life. What did you think?
Speaker 1: He's exactly what I thought he'd be. I mean, it's
Speaker 1: hard because I feel like I already knew him because
Speaker 1: I've face timed him quite a few times. So Kisha
Speaker 1: and I have this relationship with each other's partners where
Speaker 1: we just all facetimed. No one knows each other, no
Speaker 1: one's real we're all just facetiming from a distance.
Speaker 3: So we're talking to a closed quad polyamorous family today
Speaker 3: on the podcast brilliantly maybe early stages. I'm not saying
Speaker 3: that I'm sexually attracted to Ben. I find him attractive
Speaker 3: in the sense that I'm like, I can recognize he
Speaker 3: is hot, and I know you're listening to this, so like,
Speaker 3: you're a great looking guy. Do I find you sexually attractive? No,
Speaker 3: because you're my best friend slash boss's partner.
Speaker 2: I also wonder like, should I be offended by.
Speaker 4: That?
Speaker 2: I don't want to root you?
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you want your friends to want to bang your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: not actually do it, but just like to recognize it
Speaker 1: they're hold Or do you want them to not find
Speaker 1: his attractive?
Speaker 2: Because I'm sort of like, what's wrong with him? Then, Keisha,
Speaker 2: why don't you want to.
Speaker 1: Make I feel confident enough want to bang my boyfriend?
Speaker 3: I feel confident enough to say that if I were
Speaker 3: to meet Ben none of us knew who he was,
Speaker 3: and I met him at a bar down the street,
Speaker 3: I'd find him very hot.
Speaker 2: I'd be like, you're a ride.
Speaker 3: But now because I know him and I also know
Speaker 3: him as your partner. Nothing could be more repulsive. Like
Speaker 3: I'm clenching right now, I'm clenching all of my orifices.
Speaker 2: Right now, you're clenching your vagina close in case he
Speaker 2: actually walks into You've never got to be worried about it.
Speaker 2: What I will say is I really like him. I've
Speaker 2: given him the tick of approval. Do you want to
Speaker 2: bang him? That was the next question. Do you no?
Speaker 2: But it's like we already share, Delilah, we're kind of
Speaker 2: halfway into this polyamory. Yeah, we are almost closed quad.
Speaker 2: I can't wait for the Daily Mail headline pretty ugly.
Speaker 1: And you do want your friends, it's always nice. You
Speaker 1: want your friends to be with good people and you
Speaker 1: want them to be happy.
Speaker 2: And there's nothing worse. I mean, there is a lot
Speaker 2: of things worse, but it's up there. Nothing worse than
Speaker 2: like when your friend he's like, hey, I want you
Speaker 2: to meet when your boyfriend and there just like a
Speaker 2: dick and they're they're rude and they don't treat people nicely, and.
Speaker 1: You don't vibe it. There's nothing worse because you're always
Speaker 1: gonna pretend to vibe it. But I don't pretend to
Speaker 1: vibe to blown.
Speaker 2: He's a great guy. Yeah, I'm tim to blow.
Speaker 1: That's a big thing because I used to like crunches,
Speaker 1: but now I'm too tu blowing do blow.
Speaker 2: I'm taking over.
Speaker 3: We have got a really funny accidentally unfiltered that came
Speaker 3: in that I would love.
Speaker 2: To share with you. Hit me.
Speaker 3: I feel like I am missing accidentally unfiltered. If you
Speaker 3: guys have any really good ones, can you please send
Speaker 3: them in. We've decided to only do them every now
Speaker 3: and then now because we didn't want to overcook the
Speaker 3: good stuff. Okay, so here it goes it reads. So
Speaker 3: when I was eighteen, I decided to go on a kentikie.
Speaker 3: My parents, especially my mom, and I are very open
Speaker 3: to talking about sex and everything like that, which is
Speaker 3: great most of the time. As I finished packing, my
Speaker 3: mum gave me the debrief that went something like, you know,
Speaker 3: just do whatever you want on your holiday, but make
Speaker 3: sure that you're safe. I'll buy you a pack of
Speaker 3: condoms just in case you get into that situation. The
Speaker 3: mom supportive. I like this, she's making sure that a
Speaker 3: daughter thing, you know, safe. My dad overhears the conversation
Speaker 3: decides he wants to be helpful, goes to his room,
Speaker 3: comes out and says, here, I have three left.
Speaker 2: Take these. Oh my god, I'm not sure what.
Speaker 3: Is worth your dad giving you the condoms or saying
Speaker 3: that he has only three lefts?
Speaker 2: So is it equal time? No dad going, dad support
Speaker 2: to go? No mom, I'll go and get my own condoms.
Speaker 2: Like I get this a support.
Speaker 1: But if you're old enough to you're having sex, you're
Speaker 1: old enough to get your own condoms. You don't need
Speaker 1: to get your frang off from your dad.
Speaker 3: Oh they're pretty expensive. I wouldn't mind a couple of
Speaker 3: freebies from your dad.
Speaker 2: And when he's like, oh i'm a bit short, I've
Speaker 2: only got this one left. I've only got three left.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think the minimum they come in is like packs
Speaker 2: of ten extra lance. You know, if they were like
Speaker 2: the rib Yeah, the ribbed condoms make a difference. Have
Speaker 2: you ever felt one?
Speaker 1: They don't make a difference. I don't even imagine that
Speaker 1: he knew them anymore. I think they're out of action.
Speaker 3: Yeah right, I've never experienced any of the like you know,
Speaker 3: this is meant to be better for her pleasure on
Speaker 3: although the looped ones are better.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think the ribbed ones. The problem was
Speaker 1: it was giving men like a false sense of security.
Speaker 2: What do you mean by that?
Speaker 1: Well, they put the condom on and they thought half
Speaker 1: the job was done. They're like, oh yeah, better, Thank
Speaker 1: You's some so much confidence. You're like, no, bro, doesn't
Speaker 1: work like that. All right, Well that's enough of that.
Speaker 2: Let's get into the chat with Taya and Alicia. So
Speaker 2: we are lucky enough to have Taya and Alicia with
Speaker 2: us today. Guys, welcome to Life on CAD.
Speaker 4: Thanks for having us.
Speaker 2: Where are you both coming to us from?
Speaker 5: We're in Oregon, Lemanon, Oregon. We're about two hours outside
Speaker 5: of Portland.
Speaker 1: I stumbled across your story online because you guys are
Speaker 1: pretty viral at the moment. You've got a big TikTok
Speaker 1: account and I've seen quite a few interviews going around,
Speaker 1: and I was just so intrigued by your story. So
Speaker 1: I'm really looking forward to getting into today. But let's
Speaker 1: start with who you both were before you met, So
Speaker 1: who you were in your couple. So, Taya, did you
Speaker 1: want to go first? What was your situation?
Speaker 5: Like? Sure, I am married to Sean and we got
Speaker 5: married in twenty seventeen, so we'd been married for two
Speaker 5: years before we met Tyler and Alisha and had been
Speaker 5: together since twenty fifteen, and we were living closer to
Speaker 5: the Portland area, so about two hours side of where
Speaker 5: we are now, which is where Tyler and Alisha are from.
Speaker 2: What was your relationship like we've shown at that time?
Speaker 2: He were you guys as a couple.
Speaker 5: We didn't have any kids previous to meeting Tyler and Alisha,
Speaker 5: and we met through work, so we were kind of
Speaker 5: both workaholics at the time. We spent most of our
Speaker 5: time together through work, and life had kind of started.
Speaker 5: We both got new jobs separately, and life had kind
Speaker 5: of started to slow down for us. We were working security,
Speaker 5: so we worked a lot of nights and weekends and
Speaker 5: life started to slow down a little bit, and so
Speaker 5: it kind of changed our ability to spend more time
Speaker 5: together doing other things outside of work, and that changed
Speaker 5: our dynamic a little bit and allowed us to go
Speaker 5: out and have a little bit more fun overall. So
Speaker 5: that was really nice.
Speaker 2: And how about you and Tyler Alisha?
Speaker 4: So, Tyler and I have been together since two thousand
Speaker 4: and seven. We got married twenty twelve. So when we
Speaker 4: met Sean Taya, we were just about seven years married,
Speaker 4: and we have two kids prior to meeting them, and
Speaker 4: at the time, let me think if if I can
Speaker 4: remember their ages, right, I think they were four.
Speaker 2: You say, I want my kids' names again.
Speaker 4: And Tyler and I had been kind of into the
Speaker 4: swinger community before we had kids, so like seven years
Speaker 4: prior to that, before we got married, and then we
Speaker 4: kind of settled down and did life for a little bit,
Speaker 4: you know, got a house and had kids, and we
Speaker 4: were at the point where we didn't want to have
Speaker 4: any more kids and we're just like, yeah, let's explore again.
Speaker 4: And we ended up matching with Shan and Taya on
Speaker 4: an app and they were the first couple that we
Speaker 4: matched with and then ended up going on a date
Speaker 4: with and falling in love.
Speaker 1: So, so what were the reasons for you, both individually
Speaker 1: and your relationships that you decided to start swinging? So, Alicia,
Speaker 1: you had said that you guys had done it for
Speaker 1: quite a long time and it was obviously just for
Speaker 1: some excitement in your life. Yeah, what was it for
Speaker 1: you guys, tare because it was your first time swinging.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we had gone to like a local club in
Speaker 5: Portland and we had been on apps, probably about six
Speaker 5: months before we met Tayler and Alisha, And for us,
Speaker 5: it was just I'm quite a bit younger than Sean,
Speaker 5: so it was just about life experiences and I wanted
Speaker 5: to experience all of life with him and the place
Speaker 5: that we had gotten to in our relationship. We had
Speaker 5: built a lot of trust up and it was fun
Speaker 5: to talk about other people and flirt with other people,
Speaker 5: and it's just a unique experience to have those conversations
Speaker 5: with your partner. And so those kind of conversations quickly
Speaker 5: turned into exploring apps and going out and meeting new people,
Speaker 5: and so it was quick where our conversations turned into actions,
Speaker 5: I suppose. And we didn't meet a whole lot of
Speaker 5: people before meeting Tyler Alicia, but we had kind of
Speaker 5: just dipped a toe into the community.
Speaker 2: When you met each other.
Speaker 3: So when your two couples met, was this something that
Speaker 3: you identified as like particularly special about that connection.
Speaker 4: I don't think it was necessarily like when we met,
Speaker 4: but it was more we started talking and then five
Speaker 4: days later we actually met up in Portland at a
Speaker 4: really cool event that they were holding up there, and
Speaker 4: the talking leading up to that. It was really interesting
Speaker 4: because Sean and I are really similar in our personality styles,
Speaker 4: and Taya and Tyler are really similar their personality styles.
Speaker 4: So it was kind of weird, just like this guy's
Speaker 4: like in my head, like I feel like he is me,
Speaker 4: And there was just a very very different dynamic than
Speaker 4: what I was used to, and so it was just
Speaker 4: really intriguing to like want to know more about them.
Speaker 2: So I have never I mean, do we say swung? Yeah,
Speaker 2: telling me I've never.
Speaker 1: Been to any swinging event, mainly because I can't get
Speaker 1: a relationship to then go to swing.
Speaker 5: I've got a.
Speaker 1: Relationship now, it's fine, But can you go to a
Speaker 1: swinger's event and just swing with one person? Or is
Speaker 1: it always a couple going and meeting another couple? Like,
Speaker 1: are there these sort of rules at these events?
Speaker 4: No, there's tons of different dynamics and it's really up
Speaker 4: to every individual couple and what their boundaries are, what
Speaker 4: their hopes are and desires, And of course, when you
Speaker 4: go to an event, it's not necessarily guaranteed that you're
Speaker 4: gonna connect or hook up with anyone, honestly, And Tyler
Speaker 4: and I when we did it seven years ago, it
Speaker 4: was for like maybe six months, so I think that
Speaker 4: our experiences are pretty equal in the amount of time
Speaker 4: we've actually spent in that community, because then again, seven
Speaker 4: years later, when we met Shaanaya, they were literally the
Speaker 4: only people that we talked to and connected with. But yeah,
Speaker 4: it just depends on your own dynamics and what you're
Speaker 4: looking for to go to those events. But there's also
Speaker 4: apps and stuff too, So it's like we didn't go
Speaker 4: to a swinger's event, we matched with them and decided
Speaker 4: to go on like a date.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I think there's two things about that. So one,
Speaker 5: Sehn and I originally were just looking for another female.
Speaker 5: There's part of like just my sexuality exploring that and
Speaker 5: exploring that with my partner in like a safe space
Speaker 5: that was a huge positive for me in this situation.
Speaker 5: We quickly learned that they're called unicorns for a reason.
Speaker 5: Single females are not really I mean, they exist obviously,
Speaker 5: because triads exist, and they are out there, but they
Speaker 5: are called unicorns for a reason. They're hard to find.
Speaker 5: So we quickly learned that there are a lot more
Speaker 5: couples out there that are looking for similar situations, and
Speaker 5: it's unique in the sense that like there's people who
Speaker 5: are looking to stay together with all four of them,
Speaker 5: and there's people who are looking to be in separate
Speaker 5: rooms and kind of like swap for the night. So
Speaker 5: there's different dynamics across the board. And the good thing
Speaker 5: about the community is everybody is really whether it's swinging
Speaker 5: or polyamory, everybody's really open and communicative and honest and
Speaker 5: really just honestly. You have to be really straightforward about
Speaker 5: what you're looking for, so that kind of helps narrow
Speaker 5: things down.
Speaker 1: So you go to these swingers events and I know
Speaker 1: you guys said you met on an app, but when
Speaker 1: you do go to a swingers event, does it turn
Speaker 1: into a form of sex club? So do you go
Speaker 1: to the event and there are rooms at the event
Speaker 1: and you hook up there or is it more of
Speaker 1: an event that you go to that's a bar or
Speaker 1: somewhere to just make the meeting and then you guys
Speaker 1: go away separately and do your thing.
Speaker 5: But it's both. The club that's in Portland, which I
Speaker 5: think they had previously gone to, it just was owned
Speaker 5: by somebody else, so they had rolled over and a
Speaker 5: little bit different of an experience with the same concept
Speaker 5: where the first floor is like a club, there's dance
Speaker 5: floor and food and a bar and all that, and
Speaker 5: then later in the night the upstairs opens and that's
Speaker 5: where there's closed rooms or open spaces on the third floor,
Speaker 5: so each floor kind of has a different experience and
Speaker 5: you can stay on the club level all night long.
Speaker 5: And honestly, like since we've been together, we've gone just
Speaker 5: the four of us just for fun, because the atmosphere
Speaker 5: is a blast. It's lots of open minded people. It's
Speaker 5: positive just in general, like body positive and sex positive
Speaker 5: and whatever else. But it's just a really fun atmosphere
Speaker 5: you can go. I mean the times that Sean and
Speaker 5: I went when it was just us too, we never
Speaker 5: even hooked up with anybody else at the club, so
Speaker 5: it was usually somebody we'd met on an app. But
Speaker 5: the club in general was just a fun place to
Speaker 5: for like open minded people to kind of meet up.
Speaker 3: Okay, so you guys went on a date. How did
Speaker 3: things go from like this first initial date to moving
Speaker 3: in together?
Speaker 5: So how they went that fast?
Speaker 4: It's yeah, yeah, So we met up in Portland and
Speaker 4: we had gotten an airbnb so that we could spend
Speaker 4: the night together. And before we were leaving from that
Speaker 4: night that we spent together. We were already making plans
Speaker 4: for the next weekend and tell us my kids were
Speaker 4: going on camping with the grandparents. So we're like, hey,
Speaker 4: you know, we can save money if you guys want
Speaker 4: to come down the Lebanon and see what it's like
Speaker 4: in our small rural community. And they came down and
Speaker 4: again before they left, we were making plans again, and
Speaker 4: so it just kind of progressed in that very natural
Speaker 4: way of like we realized we weren't really wanting to
Speaker 4: look for anybody else, Like we deleted our apps and
Speaker 4: we're just like, we kind of like this that we
Speaker 4: have going on. And then it was Sean and I
Speaker 4: that actually kind of developed feelings or admitted our feelings
Speaker 4: for each other. First I was talking to him, and
Speaker 4: I think him or I one of us said that, like,
Speaker 4: I feel like you're my girlfriend or I feel like
Speaker 4: you're my boyfriend. And I'm like, yeah, I feel like
Speaker 4: that too. Is that weird? Because none of us knew
Speaker 4: what polyamory was. We didn't know what a quad was,
Speaker 4: we didn't know any of these terms, and that was
Speaker 4: not something that we were looking for. So the more
Speaker 4: we were kind of catching feelings for each other. Then
Speaker 4: we started looking into what that meant, and honestly, Tyler
Speaker 4: and Taya were a little bit more reserved in their
Speaker 4: feelings or admitting them. So Shawn and I kind of
Speaker 4: gave them a push and said, I remember talking with
Speaker 4: Tyler and saying, like, it's okay to like her more
Speaker 4: than a friend. It's okay that you have feelings for her,
Speaker 4: like if you love her like. It felt like one
Speaker 4: of those things where you shouldn't admit that you have
Speaker 4: those kind of feelings when you're in a monogamous, married relationship.
Speaker 2: Well, I actually think that has a lot to do
Speaker 2: with how we're being socially conditioned.
Speaker 3: Right, Like absolutely, we're kind of taught that if you
Speaker 3: fall in love with someone, you're not going to fall
Speaker 3: in love with someone else.
Speaker 2: But that's not necessarily the case.
Speaker 3: That's kind of just what has been drilled into us
Speaker 3: because it's kind of norm in society. So at that
Speaker 3: time that you realized that you had feelings for each other,
Speaker 3: was there a part of you that struggle with the
Speaker 3: idea of telling your partner, like, hey, just so you know, like,
Speaker 3: I do have these feelings of love for someone else,
Speaker 3: but it doesn't necessarily detract from the love that I
Speaker 3: have for you, Like, how did you kind of navigate that?
Speaker 4: I think Sean and I kind of talked about talking
Speaker 4: to Taya and Tyler about that situation and letting them
Speaker 4: know it's okay, so that they could admit their feelings
Speaker 4: to each other as well. Yeah, not giving them permission,
Speaker 4: but having that open conversation that like, this isn't wrong.
Speaker 5: Well, it's very obvious, Like we all were very on
Speaker 5: board with wanting to spend more and more time together.
Speaker 5: We were talking twenty four to seven when we weren't together,
Speaker 5: like Sean and I would drop everything and drive down
Speaker 5: just to spend a couple hours together in the evening,
Speaker 5: driving two hours there and then getting up early to
Speaker 5: drive home because we just wanted to spend all of
Speaker 5: our free time together. So it's very obvious. So we
Speaker 5: all had feelings for each other, but Tyler and I
Speaker 5: were like, no, no, that's not what I now.
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with you. I talk to you all the time,
Speaker 2: I want to see you, but nah, it was.
Speaker 5: Very middle school. I even remember Sean being like you
Speaker 5: like him, you love him.
Speaker 2: And I was like, uh no, I know when I
Speaker 2: listen to this I guess this is probably a worry
Speaker 2: that most monogamous couples that do want to try swinging
Speaker 2: or do you want to try a threesome, this is
Speaker 2: the worry that they have, what if my partner develops
Speaker 2: feelings for that person? And I guess for most people,
Speaker 2: I'm going to say.
Speaker 1: We all know that there's no relationship, right. I mean,
Speaker 1: that's why we want to speak to you, because we
Speaker 1: want to really highlight that. But you guys are definitely
Speaker 1: an anomaly. It's pretty unusual to swing or have a
Speaker 1: threesome and then all fall in love like that is
Speaker 1: definitely rare.
Speaker 2: Most couples would be like holy shit.
Speaker 1: But in your relationship it sort of was tenfold because
Speaker 1: Taya your I think you mentioned before you're bisexual. Alisha,
Speaker 1: are you or were you only looking more for males
Speaker 1: to have these.
Speaker 4: Experience with I am straight. There are times that I
Speaker 4: will interact with the woman and t and I have
Speaker 4: interacted and stuff in you know, more of an intimate way.
Speaker 4: But I think women are a beautiful, But I just
Speaker 4: I don't have that same sexual attraction towards women with.
Speaker 3: The sexual aspect of it, like in your experience, do
Speaker 3: you think that polyamorous relationships are more about sexual connection,
Speaker 3: or do you think that they're more about emotional connection.
Speaker 4: It can definitely be both. I mean ours started as
Speaker 4: a physical attraction and then it developed into the emotional attraction.
Speaker 4: But I don't think it needs to be one way
Speaker 4: or the other.
Speaker 3: Do you think that's a bit of a misconception that
Speaker 3: a lot of people have about polyamorous relationship.
Speaker 5: Yeah, absolutely absolutely. I think people assume that we were
Speaker 5: unhappy in our marriage. They assume that our spouse is
Speaker 5: weren't enough for us. There's all kinds of things. There's
Speaker 5: assume more sexual deviance and when really our relationship has
Speaker 5: no more to do with sex than a monogamous relationship does.
Speaker 5: Truly like it has nothing more other than we sleep
Speaker 5: with a different person every other night. But I think
Speaker 5: that polyamory in general is primarily about emotional connection, whereas
Speaker 5: swinging is more physical. I think that polyamory is it
Speaker 5: means quite literally many loves, So there's going to be
Speaker 5: a romantic side of things. But every relationship is and
Speaker 5: dynamic is so different. You could have a friends with
Speaker 5: benefits and it's a friend type of love. It could
Speaker 5: be a non romantic type of love and still be sexual,
Speaker 5: if that makes sense. So there's a lot of like
Speaker 5: kind of relationship anarchy in polyamory where they just don't
Speaker 5: follow the normal relationship escalator, and so you can see
Speaker 5: all kinds of dynamics that focus on all kinds of
Speaker 5: different things.
Speaker 3: When things got a little bit more serious between you guys,
Speaker 3: did you kind of openly tell the people in your
Speaker 3: life that that's where things were headed? Did you keep
Speaker 3: it a bit of a secret for a while, And
Speaker 3: I guess, like, how did they respond to that information?
Speaker 4: We definitely kept it quiet for quite a while. And
Speaker 4: there's so many rules and stuff that we thought we
Speaker 4: had in place when we first started back into that
Speaker 4: sort of lifestyle, and one of them was that, you know,
Speaker 4: these people are never going to meet our kids. And
Speaker 4: within a few weeks they were telling us how excited
Speaker 4: they were to meet our kids, and so that didn't
Speaker 4: take very long for us to introduce them to the kids.
Speaker 4: And then once we realized that this wasn't just a
Speaker 4: temporary hookup type of thing and that we were actually
Speaker 4: wanted to be in a relationship, and I was calling
Speaker 4: Seawn my boyfriend, Tay and Tyler had admitted their feelings.
Speaker 4: We kind of got to the point where we needed
Speaker 4: to start telling people. Sean had mentioned, you know, the
Speaker 4: idea of moving in together, since we did live two
Speaker 4: hours apart, and that was around four or five months
Speaker 4: into the relationship, and Tyler and I were looking to
Speaker 4: purchase another house and we decided maybe we should look
Speaker 4: for one that's going to be big enough for all
Speaker 4: of us, so the idea of us all living together,
Speaker 4: we had to tell people. It took me a long
Speaker 4: time to put myself out there, just because I really
Speaker 4: worry about what other people think of me and the
Speaker 4: acceptance and judgment and stuff, and just being a very
Speaker 4: public facing job that I'm in, Like, are people not
Speaker 4: going to want to work with me because of my
Speaker 4: lifestyle because it looks so different. And we definitely got
Speaker 4: some mixed reactions from family and friends, a lot of
Speaker 4: people that just didn't get it at all, a lot
Speaker 4: of people that were concerned about our children and wanting
Speaker 4: to make sure that they were treated right and not
Speaker 4: that they were neglected or anything like that. But they're
Speaker 4: just like, well, if you're bringing new people into your life,
Speaker 4: you better make sure that they're kind to the kids
Speaker 4: and the kids are treated right, and we're not going
Speaker 4: to bring people into our life that we don't think
Speaker 4: to treat our kids well. Well.
Speaker 1: It's also in a way, it's no different to a
Speaker 1: couple that have kids that break up and they start
Speaker 1: dating different partners. You're still bring someone else into that
Speaker 1: child's life.
Speaker 5: Yeah. Yeah. And for the people who were supportive of us,
Speaker 5: there was still a concern overall of like, we don't
Speaker 5: want anyone getting hurt. I know that that was the
Speaker 5: same thing with my family, like, yeah, this is great,
Speaker 5: I'm glad you're happy, but I'm scared for you because
Speaker 5: it's different and we've never seen it before and we
Speaker 5: don't really get it, you know. So I think that overall,
Speaker 5: like even the support the people who supported us before
Speaker 5: they had really seen it in action, they were worried.
Speaker 3: I think naturally as humans like we can be adverse
Speaker 3: to change, like we can. It can make us feel anxious,
Speaker 3: it can make us feel uncomfortable if we're in any
Speaker 3: situation that is a bit new to us. How did
Speaker 3: your kids respond to all of you moving in together, Like,
Speaker 3: did they adapt well to that?
Speaker 4: They did? They had gotten used to Shantaea being around
Speaker 4: quite a bit, and so when we talked about moving
Speaker 4: into this new house, we asked them, like, what do
Speaker 4: you guys think about Shawna Ta moving into And they're like, yeah,
Speaker 4: that's awesome, that sounds great. Like they just had gotten
Speaker 4: used to Shantea being a part of our life, and
Speaker 4: so to them there was not even a question about it.
Speaker 4: There's like, okay, cool more people.
Speaker 1: Well that's the thing with kids too, there's such a
Speaker 1: level of innocence that they say, this is how it is,
Speaker 1: like mom and mom and dad and dad, and we
Speaker 1: all love each other and this is what my family is.
Speaker 2: Like there is our judgment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, they were honestly just young enough I think, in
Speaker 5: my opinion to really start talking about relationship dynamics anyways,
Speaker 5: and what's out there. You know, you can be monogamous,
Speaker 5: you can be polyamorous, and some people love one person
Speaker 5: and some people love multiple people, and some people don't
Speaker 5: choose to be in romantic relationships at all. So the
Speaker 5: timing of being able to kind of like I live
Speaker 5: our truth along with having those conversations was I think
Speaker 5: it was a good time to be able to start
Speaker 5: those conversations with them, and like I remember the first
Speaker 5: time we did something as like a family and going
Speaker 5: out to the zoo together, and it just was really easy.
Speaker 5: And that's kind of how it always was in the
Speaker 5: beginning with all of us. It's the other people that
Speaker 5: made it difficult, right, Like, there are definitely speed bumps
Speaker 5: that we had to work through in our relationship, but
Speaker 5: it's definitely a society that tends to make these things difficult.
Speaker 1: Did the kids understand when you all moved in together?
Speaker 1: Did they understand and did you explain that you were
Speaker 1: moving eat together as a family or did they just
Speaker 1: think like mom and Dad's friends a movie?
Speaker 2: Nane, What was the sort of explanation then?
Speaker 4: I actually, like, for the longest time, didn't want to
Speaker 4: give Sean a kiss or like hold his hand or
Speaker 4: anything in front of the kids. It's like, oh, what
Speaker 4: are they going to think? And it really surprised me
Speaker 4: that they were just totally okay with whatever was happening
Speaker 4: and the like, they didn't really have much of a reaction.
Speaker 4: And it was actually after we were all living together,
Speaker 4: Sean had said to me, He's like, they know that
Speaker 4: you're my girlfriend, they know I'm your boyfriend. I'm like,
Speaker 4: do they And so I asked our oldest and I said,
Speaker 4: who is Sean to me? And he just turned around.
Speaker 4: He's like, Oh, that's your boyfriend, like he knew it.
Speaker 4: So I don't know if they quite got that when
Speaker 4: we moved in together, but we never really sat them
Speaker 4: down to have that conversation in the terms of like
Speaker 4: actual titles.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think we anticipated co parenting at the
Speaker 5: level that we are at now. Like obviously we anticipated
Speaker 5: being active participants in their lives and being parental figures,
Speaker 5: but I don't think we anticipated being as blended as
Speaker 5: we are now where we Like, we didn't initially play
Speaker 5: on having more kids together. We didn't plan, so these
Speaker 5: things we kind of work through as time went on,
Speaker 5: and the kids were just very adaptable in every situation
Speaker 5: that we've kind of come across, and there's just been
Speaker 5: a lot of love and fluidity throughout it.
Speaker 3: You know, it's so interesting to me what you say
Speaker 3: about kids being adaptable. I've got a friend who grew
Speaker 3: up with two moms and we're nearly thirty, so it
Speaker 3: wasn't as common back then to have two moms, and
Speaker 3: a lot of people as we've gotten older have asked him, like,
Speaker 3: were you bullied for it were you picked on? And
Speaker 3: he pretty often says like I was never bullied by kids,
Speaker 3: because like kids are like sponges, they just take on
Speaker 3: any information that you give them. You know, he would
Speaker 3: just be like I've got two moms and they go okay,
Speaker 3: like you know, that's cool, Like do you want to
Speaker 3: come and play on the playground. He would kind of
Speaker 3: say that it was more when kids got to the
Speaker 3: age that they would start taking on the opinions of
Speaker 3: their more conservative or potentially judgmental parents. That's when he
Speaker 3: experienced a little bit more judgment Has that been the
Speaker 3: case you, Has it been the people that you know
Speaker 3: a bit more of like society that maybe don't know
Speaker 3: you as well, that have experienced it, or have the
Speaker 3: kids experienced a form of bullying because of this?
Speaker 4: The kids have never said anything about any of their
Speaker 4: friends or peer groups bullying them, or honestly saying anything
Speaker 4: about our relationship. I love the story that involves Taya's
Speaker 4: cousin that we were at a birthday party for their
Speaker 4: grandpa and our daughter was explaining to her that She's like, yeah,
Speaker 4: I have two moms and two dads, and it's just
Speaker 4: was just a normal conversation for her, and there.
Speaker 5: Was this she was like, oh okay, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: And then they went and played the game together, like
Speaker 4: Who's who.
Speaker 5: Her father has not been a supporter of ours, So
Speaker 5: for us, it was like kind of validating to see her.
Speaker 5: They're close in age, and it was kind of validating
Speaker 5: to see our daughter go up to her and say, oh, yeah,
Speaker 5: I've got two moms and two dads and she was like,
Speaker 5: oh cool. Couldn't have cared less, you know, moved right
Speaker 5: on past it.
Speaker 4: I have heard her explain more to adult than it
Speaker 4: is to other kids that she has, Like she'll refer
Speaker 4: to Toy as her stepmom sometimes, and she'll refer to
Speaker 4: Sean as a stepdad, just because that's an easier term
Speaker 4: for people to understand. And the fact that our seven
Speaker 4: year old has to put it in those terms for
Speaker 4: the adults to understand what this relationship is really speaks volumes.
Speaker 1: And so you just said that your family member that
Speaker 1: wasn't a supporter of you, you know, the daughter was
Speaker 1: in that story. Who are the people in your family
Speaker 1: that you may have lost or had a bit of
Speaker 1: a conflict with over this situation.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, speaking of the other kids. We've had
Speaker 5: quite a few people in the beginning, a lot of
Speaker 5: their friends especially like what am I supposed to tell
Speaker 5: my kids? Like how am I supposed to explain this
Speaker 5: to them? And that's something that we actively speak a
Speaker 5: lot on our social media now because it's like the
Speaker 5: education about being able to speak about relationship dynamics and
Speaker 5: not sexualize them is so important because because there are
Speaker 5: so many different dynamics. There are people who have divorced
Speaker 5: parents or people whose parents are remarried and they do
Speaker 5: have two moms and two dads, they just don't live
Speaker 5: in the same household. And so the fact that that
Speaker 5: and in those dynamics where those people are co parenting
Speaker 5: together is praised, and ours is you know, said to
Speaker 5: be disgusting or confusing or whatever it may be. It's
Speaker 5: a hard pill to swallow. I guess sometimes it doesn't
Speaker 5: quite make sense to me. But I have a couple
Speaker 5: of uncles who just honestly, they haven't really given there
Speaker 5: was no conversation, there was no opportunity to kind of
Speaker 5: meet my partners. And see, I think that that's the
Speaker 5: problem when people aren't willing to give it a chance
Speaker 5: and kind of see what we're about, or even learn
Speaker 5: and educate themselves on what it is or what it
Speaker 5: could be. And the ignorance really kind of is what
Speaker 5: leads their decision making.
Speaker 2: In terms of finances, we get a lot of questions
Speaker 2: from people that write in and say, how do you
Speaker 2: share finances in a relationship?
Speaker 1: You know, do we pay fifty to fifty? Do we
Speaker 1: put x amount into a joint account? Do we keep
Speaker 1: our own account separate? Who pays for what they earn
Speaker 1: more than me?
Speaker 2: Am?
Speaker 1: I supposed to meet them halfway? All these sorts of questions,
Speaker 1: But you guys have got that double How do you
Speaker 1: manage your finances in a relationship with four of you
Speaker 1: that I'm making an assumption all four of you own
Speaker 1: different salaries.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's something that we actually struggled with for quite
Speaker 4: a while, and it was just in January of this
Speaker 4: year that we decided to all combine our finances and
Speaker 4: kind of come together. And it kind of stemmed from
Speaker 4: the idea that Taya's a stay at home mom. She
Speaker 4: doesn't have any income unless she, you know, makes extra
Speaker 4: on Instagram or TikTok or something, and like that's not
Speaker 4: fair to her that she can't save for something because
Speaker 4: she doesn't have that stream of income. So it made
Speaker 4: sense financially for all of us just to combine our
Speaker 4: funds and have conversations over what our household needs and
Speaker 4: if there's any big purchases, make sure that we're all
Speaker 4: on the same page about it. But then also, like, okay,
Speaker 4: what makes sense. After all said and done, all of
Speaker 4: our bills are paid, all of our fund stuff is paid,
Speaker 4: we should to like have a little bit of money
Speaker 4: that we can all decide to do what we want
Speaker 4: to on our own. And whether that be saving or
Speaker 4: doing something special for yourself, or going out and buying.
Speaker 2: Something and going to a spa or whatever.
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly. So it's like when all the needs are
Speaker 4: covered and then we each have like our own little
Speaker 4: allowance that we can choose to do what we want
Speaker 4: with that. You want to get an extra snack, you
Speaker 4: want to go get your Starbucks coffee or something, then
Speaker 4: that comes out of your allowance versus out of our
Speaker 4: joint account. And there's no secret to this is the
Speaker 4: way that you should do it or could do it.
Speaker 4: It's just something that we are trying and has worked
Speaker 4: for us so far.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's been a new endeavor for us, like she said,
Speaker 5: but allowing us all to have the same amount. It
Speaker 5: was working through like, Okay, obviously some of us make
Speaker 5: more than others, and how do we navigate like not
Speaker 5: pulling rank or I make this much choice, she'd be
Speaker 5: able to spend this much more so the allowances, having
Speaker 5: even allowances across the board. We all get so much
Speaker 5: money a month just kind of levels the playing field
Speaker 5: for us. And then we talk about big purchases as
Speaker 5: a group.
Speaker 3: I love that growing up for me in my situation,
Speaker 3: my dad was, you know, the dad that went.
Speaker 2: Off to work. Mom looked after the kids, Mom did
Speaker 2: all of the mental load of our schedules. She always
Speaker 2: knew where dad was, you know, when he was traveling
Speaker 2: for work, et cetera. How does it work with you guys?
Speaker 2: Do you have like a home manager?
Speaker 3: Like does that fall naturally in someone's camp where one
Speaker 3: person knows what everyone's work schedules are when you need
Speaker 3: to get groceries, those kinds of things.
Speaker 2: How does it work for you guys?
Speaker 4: Well, Sean and I are more of the planners. It
Speaker 4: depends on the thing when it comes to the mental load,
Speaker 4: like I had already had, Dylan and Rena coming into
Speaker 4: this relationship, so I kind of met that traditional mom
Speaker 4: role of the mental load of scheduling the doctor's appointments
Speaker 4: and this and that, and getting to share some of
Speaker 4: that with Taya has been awesome. But we have a
Speaker 4: shared calendar and so like if you have something that's
Speaker 4: coming up, she's making her baby appointments and stuff, and
Speaker 4: she you know, looks in the calendar and make sure like, Okay,
Speaker 4: nobody else has something else going on this time, I'm
Speaker 4: going to schedule it for this and then we all
Speaker 4: get a notification when it comes up. We have our
Speaker 4: shared grocery lists on there. Taya and Tyler like to
Speaker 4: go grocery shopping, so they're the ones that go and
Speaker 4: do that on Sundays. Like it has taken a long time,
Speaker 4: but we definitely have somewhat of a system now. But
Speaker 4: I definitely have a lot of schedule living rent free
Speaker 4: in my head about who is where and when and
Speaker 4: what needs to get done, and I make my lists.
Speaker 5: And then Sean has started We all have like a
Speaker 5: line on the calendar in the kitchen now and he
Speaker 5: fills out the calendar for the week of where everybody
Speaker 5: is at and the appointments and then the dinners because
Speaker 5: we make a menu for the week, and then we
Speaker 5: always grocery shop on Sundays, you know, as long as
Speaker 5: everything kind of goes to plan and we've gotten there.
Speaker 5: But the shared calendar is a lifesaver. I always say
Speaker 5: that I've never not parented with four people. I've never
Speaker 5: parented outside of this dynamic, and it's still hard. So
Speaker 5: I mean, if that explains it at all, like parenting
Speaker 5: gets hard.
Speaker 4: But you're starting to see a lot more people that
Speaker 4: even in non romantic relationships of just like moms, single
Speaker 4: moms that are living together and raising their kids together,
Speaker 4: or two sets of friends that are married, you know,
Speaker 4: just like our dynamic, but they don't have that other
Speaker 4: relationship in there that are all living together. One make
Speaker 4: your help hold more affordable, and two now you have
Speaker 4: each other there to help support kids.
Speaker 1: Let's get into the juicy goodness. Let's get into the
Speaker 1: logistics of this situation.
Speaker 2: You've moved in together, you're two couples together. Who's sleeping
Speaker 2: with you? What rooms are we in? How do we
Speaker 2: decide the rules and swapping? And you know who gets
Speaker 2: what and when?
Speaker 5: That has changed over time, much like a lot of
Speaker 5: our relationship and a lot of our boundaries and things
Speaker 5: like that, and Likelysha said, we didn't know what polyamory
Speaker 5: was before and being able to identify it and then
Speaker 5: do research and kind of validate that was huge. I mean,
Speaker 5: even now we learn every day right how to kind
Speaker 5: of function in this relationship because there's no roadmap for it.
Speaker 5: So originally we would spend two nights with our married
Speaker 5: spouses and then one with our other partner and kind
Speaker 5: of rotate that way. Well, I was working nights at
Speaker 5: the time when we first started this rotation and it
Speaker 5: was really hard. I specifically wasn't seeing Tyler very much
Speaker 5: at all, and just because of the way our knights fell,
Speaker 5: and we just weren't getting enough time together. So we
Speaker 5: switched to every other night and we've just been doing
Speaker 5: that since. And since then we've moved towards a lot
Speaker 5: more non hierarchical relationship. We've worked through even down to
Speaker 5: sharing finances and splitting even time together and not to
Speaker 5: be equal, right, but to just set ourselves up for
Speaker 5: the ability to spend time together as much as we can.
Speaker 5: Like we switch spots on the couch every night, depending
Speaker 5: on whose night it is. We sit by that person.
Speaker 5: We switch seats in the car depending on whose night
Speaker 5: It is, just so that we have opportunities to sit
Speaker 5: next to that person and hold their hand if we
Speaker 5: so choose. For us, it just kind of is mostly
Speaker 5: happens naturally. Sometimes I PLoP down on the wrong spot
Speaker 5: and it's not a big deal. You know, It's not
Speaker 5: She's not like, get out of my spot.
Speaker 2: It's Friday night, get out of my spot.
Speaker 5: You're in the But it's not something that's like a
Speaker 5: hard rule where it's like, hey, you know, and it's
Speaker 5: like there's any hard feelings about it.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I used to be the tan. I would
Speaker 4: switch rooms, but once the babies started coming, just didn't
Speaker 4: make sense. And so the guys, Yeah, the guys switch
Speaker 4: rooms instead. But Tyler and I keep our stuff together
Speaker 4: in one room, and Taya and Sean keep their stuff
Speaker 4: together in one room, and then they just take their
Speaker 4: pillows and toothbrushes or whatever they need for that night.
Speaker 4: And then essentially it's once you leave that bedroom in
Speaker 4: the morning, it's your day with the opposite person. But
Speaker 4: it's not like I can't go and kiss Tyler even
Speaker 4: though it's my day with Sean. Like those are not
Speaker 4: rules in our household. It just happens to be. Like
Speaker 4: the only rule would be what happens in the bedroom.
Speaker 5: When it comes to like even flirting or hugging or
Speaker 5: kissing like that stuff, or even like cuddling on the couch,
Speaker 5: it's any of that stuff is free for all. If
Speaker 5: there's no boundaries about that doesn't matter whose night it is,
Speaker 5: especially if your partner is home, like say Sean and
Speaker 5: Leisha are home and she needs some physical emotional support
Speaker 5: and it's not her night with him, there's no there's
Speaker 5: no boundary that says you can't go give him a
Speaker 5: hug and cry on his shoulder. But when it comes
Speaker 5: to our different needs physically, we keep things strict to
Speaker 5: whoever is night it is. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Is it really quite free flowing in terms of being
Speaker 1: affectionate and open in front of each other, or have
Speaker 1: things like let's not I don't want to say, rubbing
Speaker 1: each other's face, but like, let's not overly be affectionate
Speaker 1: in front of the other couple, or you just like
Speaker 1: free for all, it doesn't matter. We're so loving with
Speaker 1: each other that it doesn't bother us.
Speaker 4: It's pretty much free for all, there might have been
Speaker 4: some feelings at the very beginning, and I think that
Speaker 4: part of it has to do with the fact of,
Speaker 4: you know, love languages and physical touched Both Taya and
Speaker 4: Tyler are very much physical touch oriented, Sean and I
Speaker 4: not so much. So they might be more touchy feely
Speaker 4: and cuddly and kissing more so than me or Tyler
Speaker 4: or Me and Sean. And at the beginning, I'm just like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 4: like are they not getting what they need from me?
Speaker 4: So they're getting it from Taya instead. And then I'm
Speaker 4: just like really realizing them, like I'm good. I don't
Speaker 4: need to have that much physical to you.
Speaker 2: Like, just buy me the presence I am. Gibbs.
Speaker 5: That's the beauty of this relationship though, And I think
Speaker 5: it's something that, especially and as jealousy comes up, that
Speaker 5: you have to let go of. Is like being okay
Speaker 5: with your partner getting something that like if I'm not
Speaker 5: so good at giving them something, and Alicia is being
Speaker 5: okay with her playing to her strengths and kind of
Speaker 5: picking up for my weaknesses and giving that to them
Speaker 5: and being happy about it, you know, and not being like, oh,
Speaker 5: I need to step my game up. Here. I mean
Speaker 5: that's not to say that we're not always striving for
Speaker 5: growth and to be what they need, but ultimately, if
Speaker 5: they can get it somewhere else too, then why would
Speaker 5: we want to take that away from them.
Speaker 2: I'm very curious about how you navigate conflict.
Speaker 3: I mean, in any relationship I've ever been in, if
Speaker 3: I've had a big blow up with, you know, my boyfriend,
Speaker 3: We'll have this big argument and I'll go and I'll
Speaker 3: talk to brit about it, and I'll say, this is
Speaker 3: what happened, blah blahlah, and.
Speaker 2: We'll hash it out and we'll talk it all through.
Speaker 3: How do you navigate conflict in your situation? Because I
Speaker 3: guess if you were to go and talk to another
Speaker 3: person in the quad, it could be a bit of
Speaker 3: a gang up situation, Like, how do you navigate that?
Speaker 5: We learned the hardware.
Speaker 2: We ended up having a mud wrestling five.
Speaker 5: We had all out rolls and ended up taking sides
Speaker 5: and putting ourselves in the situations that weren't our fights.
Speaker 4: So nothing to you at all.
Speaker 5: And yeah, so we learn the hard way, and that's
Speaker 5: exhausting and it doesn't do anybody any good. And that's
Speaker 5: not to say that we don't vent to each other.
Speaker 5: We absolutely do. Think in the beginning, it made things
Speaker 5: kind of difficult because when I'm not spending as much
Speaker 5: time just in general with Alicia because our schedules just
Speaker 5: aren't set up that way, and you know, being a
Speaker 5: safe space for my partners where they're having a hard
Speaker 5: time and that's all I'm hearing of her. That really
Speaker 5: challenged our relationship early in the beginning. So that's something
Speaker 5: we had to work through. But also like, if you're
Speaker 5: not in a place where you can listen to your
Speaker 5: partner and not react and not interject yourself in the situation,
Speaker 5: then you've got to speak up or ask permission beforehand, like, hey,
Speaker 5: are you in a place where I can vent and
Speaker 5: you can just listen rather than react, because it saves
Speaker 5: a lot of grief in the long run.
Speaker 1: And does the conflict come between all of you in
Speaker 1: terms of your husbands that you came into the relationship with,
Speaker 1: then your boyfriends and then you too as well friends
Speaker 1: and co parents, the conflicts between everyone, It.
Speaker 4: Just depends on the conflict. There have been conflicts in
Speaker 4: between all of us. There are conflicts, And like Taya
Speaker 4: was saying, like if Sean and I are in conflict.
Speaker 4: At the beginning, him and I could be having a
Speaker 4: problem and her and Tyler would be fine. But then
Speaker 4: Tyler only hears what I have to say about it,
Speaker 4: and he says something to Taya about like why Sean
Speaker 4: doing that, And Taya is only hearing Sean's side of it,
Speaker 4: and so then she's like, well, Alicia's doing this. Now
Speaker 4: they ended up.
Speaker 5: To follow the Seriously, Yeah, we end up taking sides
Speaker 5: with whoever the story we're hearing, and it just is
Speaker 5: wildly it gets out of control.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and there are times that, like you know, all
Speaker 4: four of us genuinely are in a conflict, and there
Speaker 4: are some sides that get taken or one person and
Speaker 4: there's three people that are on the opposite side of it,
Speaker 4: and you know, we have to have a conversation. And
Speaker 4: at times we have done kind of a majority rules
Speaker 4: type of thing, but it's that person who is in
Speaker 4: the minority. Their point is not invalidated, their point is
Speaker 4: not dismissed. They still need to be heard in a
Speaker 4: conversation needs to be had about it. But ultimately there
Speaker 4: has to be some sort of compromise, and that's what
Speaker 4: we really try and get to well.
Speaker 2: I mean it's the age I'd saying, right, there's three
Speaker 2: sides to a story, but in your case, there's full
Speaker 2: science full Yeah.
Speaker 1: Are there at times that or would you ever have
Speaker 1: threesomes with Tilett Sean and one of you and not
Speaker 1: the other? Or do you have any no go you
Speaker 1: know these are my boundaries or is it still like, hey,
Speaker 1: I want to go and you know, be with both
Speaker 1: men tonight. Are there those kind of options in the relationship.
Speaker 5: It's been a while, but it has happened, and it's
Speaker 5: been highly talked about and planned, so it's not something
Speaker 5: that just happens off the cut.
Speaker 4: Yeah. What we say is everything is a conversation. So
Speaker 4: if you have a need, if you have a desire
Speaker 4: or anything like that, let's have a conversation about it
Speaker 4: and so that we can all be on the same
Speaker 4: page and talk openly about it and establish boundaries if
Speaker 4: there needs to be, or plan our schedules because there's
Speaker 4: four of us and we have four kids, so there
Speaker 4: has to be some prior planning involved too.
Speaker 5: Don't get me wrong. Polyamory in general is a I mean,
Speaker 5: one relationship is hard, right, and we have multiple not
Speaker 5: just the two romantic relationships, but relationships between her and
Speaker 5: I and relationships between the guys, and so it's been
Speaker 5: a lot of trial and error, a lot of conversations.
Speaker 5: I mean, we were just joking the other night that
Speaker 5: us sitting down and talking about our schedule even for
Speaker 5: the next day, Like we have to make a whole
Speaker 5: list of things we need to talk about that have
Speaker 5: come up throughout the day, And we could end up
Speaker 5: sitting there and talking for an hour and a half
Speaker 5: just trying to situate the rest of our week and
Speaker 5: our schedule and things that we need to talk about
Speaker 5: with the kids and things that have come up over
Speaker 5: the you know. And so take your normal relationship conversations
Speaker 5: and check ins and multiply it by four. I mean,
Speaker 5: it's constant, and it can be exhausting, for sure.
Speaker 1: I'm exhausted trying to manage just mine and my dog's
Speaker 1: relationship along the four of you guys, be full key
Speaker 1: talking about communication. I know other relationships that might be open.
Speaker 1: Everyone has different rules with Okay, yes you can go
Speaker 1: and be with other people. I don't want to know
Speaker 1: about it. Yes you can go and be with other people.
Speaker 1: I need to know every single thing that happened in
Speaker 1: your relationship with the four of you. Do you openly
Speaker 1: talk to each other's partners about what you did with
Speaker 1: the other partner or is it a rule of Like,
Speaker 1: obviously you guys are open in terms of talking with
Speaker 1: each other about general life and swapping and how it's
Speaker 1: going to work, But are you allowed to share the
Speaker 1: intimate details with each partner?
Speaker 5: I think that depends who you're talking to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, if that person wants to know. I'm one of
Speaker 4: those people that at the beginning I would ask Tyler
Speaker 4: a lot of questions because I thought I wanted to know,
Speaker 4: And then over time I realized that it was not
Speaker 4: healthy for me, and I was experiencing a lot of
Speaker 4: jealousy and comparing myself.
Speaker 2: You're like, what she does reverse cowgirl. I can't do
Speaker 2: reverse cowgal. I don't want to know that.
Speaker 5: You have a tendency to compare or if it gives
Speaker 5: you negative feelings, why do it? Especially when way of
Speaker 5: established trusts and things like that.
Speaker 4: And I'm a little bit more closed when it comes
Speaker 4: to those types of conversations, and Taya's a lot more open,
Speaker 4: and I know that if I asked her, she would
Speaker 4: be more than willing to share those details and same
Speaker 4: with Tyler with me, but I've just for my own
Speaker 4: mental health. I'm just like you know what, I'm good.
Speaker 4: That doesn't affect my relationship with Tyler. It doesn't affect
Speaker 4: my relationship with Sean. So why am I putting myself
Speaker 4: through that?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Can we talk about the kids?
Speaker 3: So did you actively make the decision together we think
Speaker 3: would like to add to our family or was it
Speaker 3: something that you just got pregnant and because both of
Speaker 3: you got pregnant quite close together, is that correct?
Speaker 5: Yeah, both of the guys had had the secondmies previously
Speaker 5: and both of them had reversals, so it was a
Speaker 5: big decision. Yeah.
Speaker 4: So Sean had had his reversal before Tyler and I
Speaker 4: met them, and it was actually Teya took Sean to
Speaker 4: get his reversal and they met us. We talked about
Speaker 4: having more case the country. Yeah, over in Oklahoma because
Speaker 4: it was way cheaper to travel and go to this
Speaker 4: clinic in Oklahoma. So when we had made the decision
Speaker 4: and we talked about it more because I had always
Speaker 4: wanted a third kid, but Tyler and I were just
Speaker 4: so exhausted our first who are only seventeen months apart,
Speaker 4: and it was just so much work, and we're like,
Speaker 4: you know what, it's fine, We're just going to have two.
Speaker 4: And then we're like, well, I've always wanted to have
Speaker 4: a third, and we have partners now that are going
Speaker 4: to be here and support us in this endeavor, so
Speaker 4: why not you.
Speaker 2: Have additional support now? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So Tyler and Taya actually went to the same clinic.
Speaker 2: Back to Oklahoma frequent flyer. I needed two for one deal,
Speaker 2: but I ended.
Speaker 4: Up getting pregnant first, very fertile, so it happened with
Speaker 4: real dark quick for me.
Speaker 2: They just look at you and you're like, damn it.
Speaker 2: Yeah again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's why I'm like, I am on birth control
Speaker 4: until you.
Speaker 5: Guys are fast. Well, now they both have a second
Speaker 5: new schedule next month, so we're done.
Speaker 1: Don then yeah, so you do get that fourth step
Speaker 1: within a week.
Speaker 5: Of each other.
Speaker 4: Part they're going to get there.
Speaker 1: So at least you got pregnant first, and then what
Speaker 1: was the time difference? And too, you got pregnant Tya.
Speaker 4: The boys are seven months apart, so it was like
Speaker 4: six weeks before I had Barrett that you are pregnant
Speaker 4: pretty close to the end. We weren't pregnant at the
Speaker 4: same time for.
Speaker 2: Very long, and you're pregnant again, I am, I am not? Yes, okay,
Speaker 2: and so how far a long are you now?
Speaker 5: I'll be twenty one weeks on Tuesday?
Speaker 2: Okay, Well congrats, So that's number fine? Is that right?
Speaker 1: You had two together and then this is a fit okay?
Speaker 1: And the interesting part I guess about this. Maybe people
Speaker 1: don't know this yet, we haven't established it yet, but
Speaker 1: you as a quad have decided not to find out
Speaker 1: who the fathers are of the children that you've already
Speaker 1: had and this one that you're currently pregnant with.
Speaker 2: Is that correct?
Speaker 5: Right? We chose not to find out the biology between
Speaker 5: the two guys, or we didn't regulate biology, I should.
Speaker 3: Say, is that because you think that it could affect
Speaker 3: the paternal relationship between the dads and the boy, sorry,
Speaker 3: the dads and the kids.
Speaker 5: I don't think that that choice was made out of fear.
Speaker 5: I think that that choice was made out of just
Speaker 5: genuine like showing how much it didn't matter to us,
Speaker 5: Like not that we had something to prove, but it
Speaker 5: just didn't feel necessary for us. And although it may
Speaker 5: feel necessary to the boys, someday, and if it does,
Speaker 5: then we'll take that journey together. But us as their parents,
Speaker 5: you know, having especially parenting Dylan and Rena like and
Speaker 5: not being their biological parent, it just didn't matter to us.
Speaker 4: Both the guys are fantastic dads to the kids, and
Speaker 4: I don't think that finding out biology would change that.
Speaker 4: I honestly don't think that was part of the decision
Speaker 4: at all. It was just kind of one of those
Speaker 4: things where we didn't regulate and whatever happened happened because
Speaker 4: we knew we wanted to have more kids. Yeah, and
Speaker 4: it's exactly that if they ever want to find out,
Speaker 4: we will absolutely take that journey with them. But so
Speaker 4: many people are so concerned about, like what about health histories.
Speaker 4: We're like, well, it's one of two options. Yeah, they
Speaker 4: both live here.
Speaker 2: And we know their health history.
Speaker 5: Yeah, so yeah, we have as they talked to the counselors,
Speaker 5: they're okay, their doctors are okay. Like people get really
Speaker 5: concerned about that. But ultimately, yeah, we went through every
Speaker 5: scenario and said, like, how would I feel if Alicia
Speaker 5: ultimately got pregnant and Sean was the biological father or
Speaker 5: vice versa, and we all were just like, I just
Speaker 5: don't care, like that'd be kind of cool. You know.
Speaker 5: It's like for us, it just didn't matter, and so
Speaker 5: ultimately we just didn't regulate that at all.
Speaker 2: We all know that a family doesn't need to be blood.
Speaker 1: A parent, a sister, a brother, whoever it is, doesn't
Speaker 1: have to be blood related. There are far more people
Speaker 1: that have been brought up by people that are not
Speaker 1: related to them that are related anyway. So I one
Speaker 1: hundred percent agree, And I understand why you're saying it
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, because it genuinely doesn't this for of you
Speaker 1: that love them. So when the time comes that one
Speaker 1: of them, do you think that they're going to want
Speaker 1: to find out? Do you do you guys talk about that.
Speaker 1: Do you say, hey, I'm sure that when they hit ten, twelve, fifteen,
Speaker 1: they're going to want to know.
Speaker 5: I don't have any fears about that, about it changing
Speaker 5: a thing, you know, for our kids maybe, But ultimately,
Speaker 5: I think with how we've raised them, and because they
Speaker 5: have brothers and sisters of different biologies, are ready Because
Speaker 5: you know, Dylan and Reina are biologically Tyler and Alisha's
Speaker 5: and we know this, I don't see it mattering to
Speaker 5: them either. I think, you know, say they get to
Speaker 5: high school and end up talking about biology, and maybe
Speaker 5: they want to know because they want to be able
Speaker 5: to participate in their family lineage and whatever that looks like.
Speaker 5: I mean, I see that maybe as an intrigue, but
Speaker 5: I don't see it changing our family dynamic at all.
Speaker 1: We've spoken a lot about all the positives in a
Speaker 1: polyamorous relationship. What do you think some of the hurdles
Speaker 1: have been all the hardest parts have been about navigating
Speaker 1: a polyamorous relationship.
Speaker 4: I think when it comes to kids, there's a lot
Speaker 4: of hurdles about being able to be recognized as having
Speaker 4: four parents, Like having to fill out a form so
Speaker 4: that Taya or Sean can take one of my biological
Speaker 4: children to the doctor if something were to happen to
Speaker 4: one of our sets of couples. Legally, the state doesn't
Speaker 4: see the other kids as belonging to them, and so
Speaker 4: like making sure that you have a will in place
Speaker 4: or some sort of advance directive, because there's not any
Speaker 4: sort of legal way to show that you are four
Speaker 4: parents that are of equal rights for them still being
Speaker 4: married to your.
Speaker 5: Original there's nothing that protects us legally.
Speaker 1: Now that's actually something I didn't think of, A really
Speaker 1: good question. Who do you put down on the birth
Speaker 1: certificate as the father?
Speaker 5: So for our state, we were told originally for the
Speaker 5: two boys that we have had together, that it should
Speaker 5: be the legal spouse that goes down. If you're legally married,
Speaker 5: then the legal spouse automatically goes down as the father.
Speaker 5: I have since been told that there is an option
Speaker 5: to put a second father down. I have started to
Speaker 5: look into that, but ultimately I need to start getting
Speaker 5: on the phone and get some because online it's like
Speaker 5: there's so much information that isn't relevant to this, like
Speaker 5: very specific question that I have. But ultimately that's something
Speaker 5: i'd love to get to the bottom of before we
Speaker 5: have this baby. I asked Tyler actually a couple of
Speaker 5: days ago, like, is this something I should be looking into?
Speaker 5: Do you want to be listed if that's a possibility,
Speaker 5: And he said absolutely. But we've also talked about third
Speaker 5: party adoption, which also is legal in our state, which
Speaker 5: we've talked about both of us adopting our non biological
Speaker 5: children so that they would have a legal third parent
Speaker 5: in each couple. If that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Could you just put the the couple down as like
Speaker 1: guardians or the godparents or yeah, like you said, just
Speaker 1: make sure that in a will.
Speaker 3: In a will, Yeah, yeah, it's a lot of boops
Speaker 3: to jump through, isn't it.
Speaker 2: It just it seems like a lot of admin But
Speaker 2: it's the.
Speaker 4: Same sort of thing about like health insurance and things
Speaker 4: like that. You can't list another partner on any sort
Speaker 4: of health insurance or finances and stuff. So we just
Speaker 4: kind of have to try and work around what the
Speaker 4: system is. Because the system is built for monogamy, for
Speaker 4: not monogamy, but like a two person What.
Speaker 1: About when you give the children last names? Is it
Speaker 1: hyphen for both of you or do you pick the
Speaker 1: partnership that had the child, Because I assume you want
Speaker 1: to all feel like one family and you want all
Speaker 1: the kids to feel like they're immunity, and you know.
Speaker 2: All have the same last names, so you get a
Speaker 2: new one.
Speaker 5: We're talking about it making up a new last name today.
Speaker 5: The two boys that we've had together have hyphenated last names.
Speaker 5: At the time. We have talked about hyphenating all of
Speaker 5: our last names, but we've talked about doing it after
Speaker 5: we've had a commitment ceremony, it is fun for us
Speaker 5: to fill in the gaps of a traditional relationship escalator,
Speaker 5: if that makes sense. It's fun to talk about having
Speaker 5: a big party and celebrating. You know, we can't be
Speaker 5: legally married, but it's fun to talk about doing a
Speaker 5: commitment ceremony and celebrating each other and then looking into
Speaker 5: third party adoption and ultimately all hyphenating our last names
Speaker 5: so that we would all have I mean obviously and
Speaker 5: want our siblings to all have similar last names. That
Speaker 5: would be ideal, But we were talking today and throwing around. Unfortunately,
Speaker 5: our last name combinations are not great so far.
Speaker 3: Something that happens in our Facebook group. So there's seventy
Speaker 3: one thousand people in our Facebook group now, and I
Speaker 3: really common thing. People will ask for wedding hashtags, which
Speaker 3: basically amalgamates the last names into something funny. So maybe
Speaker 3: we can put a thread in there and see what
Speaker 3: we can come up with.
Speaker 2: You guys, maybe how group can come up that would
Speaker 2: be such an honus.
Speaker 5: Yes, because Haddres or rod Liss is just not it.
Speaker 2: If we could come up with something cool, Yeah, it
Speaker 2: can't be rodless.
Speaker 4: Rock.
Speaker 5: You have too many boys for that.
Speaker 2: Not too much you can do that. You cannot. You
Speaker 2: cannot do that. You cannot put your kid into run lesson.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: For a couple or an individual that was wants to, you.
Speaker 1: Know, go and have a little adventure, they want to
Speaker 1: dip their toes into polyamory, what would be your suggestions
Speaker 1: for them?
Speaker 2: What are some tips? Where do they start? What would
Speaker 2: you want them to know?
Speaker 5: For me, it's just immerse yourself in the community, because
Speaker 5: there is so much to learn, and there are so
Speaker 5: many feelings that come up, and being able to know
Speaker 5: like that those feelings are valid and the best ways
Speaker 5: to approach them, and the best ways to communicate your
Speaker 5: partner and things like that. Like just educate yourself, even
Speaker 5: if it's online, even if you don't have a community
Speaker 5: in your area, just joining as many groups and things
Speaker 5: as you can, you know, even if it's Instagram, videos
Speaker 5: or TikTok or whatever it may be, podcasts or books.
Speaker 5: Educate yourself as much as possible, because a lot of
Speaker 5: feelings come up, a lot of hard feelings come up,
Speaker 5: and the more that you can educate yourself and be
Speaker 5: able to validate those feelings, the easier they are to
Speaker 5: work through.
Speaker 2: Can I ask a step back from that. Did you
Speaker 2: have a bit of a curiosity. Was that the thing
Speaker 2: that you were like, well, maybe.
Speaker 3: I am actually considering something else, and then you had
Speaker 3: a conversation with your partner at the time.
Speaker 2: Was it just a curiosity about other people? Was there
Speaker 2: something a little bit more distinct.
Speaker 3: I guess that someone may recognize in themselves listening to
Speaker 3: this and go, oh, maybe that's what that is.
Speaker 5: I think that it's different for everybody. I remember telling
Speaker 5: Sean early on that when we were talking about swinging,
Speaker 5: because the whole idea of swinging came up watching a
Speaker 5: TV show that had a tryad in it. So it
Speaker 5: was a polyamorous relationship, but it didn't teach us much, right.
Speaker 5: But I remember saying, I see how people could do that,
Speaker 5: but I don't think that that's for me, right, Like,
Speaker 5: so at the time it was like, Okay, I can
Speaker 5: see how that would work. I just can't see myself
Speaker 5: in that situation. I didn't know that I was capable
Speaker 5: of that until I fell in love with somebody else.
Speaker 5: But I know for some people they find polyamory and
Speaker 5: they're like, holy crap, so many things make sense, right,
Speaker 5: Like that explains why I haven't been in a committed
Speaker 5: relationship long term because I get bored or my needs
Speaker 5: aren't met or whatever it may be. I can't settle
Speaker 5: on one person, And it can really make a lot
Speaker 5: of things make sense where they might have just thought
Speaker 5: I just can't find my person or I haven't found
Speaker 5: my person to maybe I want multiple people.
Speaker 4: And there is like a big community out there, and
Speaker 4: you know, there's Facebook groups. You can go on there
Speaker 4: and request to join and just read through people's stories
Speaker 4: and then when you feel comfortable enough being able to
Speaker 4: go and ask your own questions, because there's nothing better
Speaker 4: than asking somebody who's experienced that what their take is,
Speaker 4: and like, exactly what you're doing is asking, like what
Speaker 4: things should you talk about? Like how do you even
Speaker 4: start that conversation?
Speaker 5: I always tell people to, like, if you're interested in
Speaker 5: it and your partner is hesitant or they don't understand,
Speaker 5: or they have questions, find somebody who shares their life online,
Speaker 5: who it looks like kind of what you imagine, right, Like,
Speaker 5: if you're interested in a quad and dating another couple,
Speaker 5: share our videos with them, you know, share some real
Speaker 5: life stories with them so they can see how it works.
Speaker 5: Because if you're just talking about it, and it's so different.
Speaker 5: You've never seen it before. It can be really hard
Speaker 5: to imagine, but if you see people living it, it
Speaker 5: can be a lot easier to wrap your head around.
Speaker 1: We just want to say a huge thank you for
Speaker 1: coming and so openly sharing your story today. For anyone
Speaker 1: that does want to go and check you guys out,
Speaker 1: maybe learn some more about the dynamics, how it works.
Speaker 1: Where can people find you guys?
Speaker 5: Sure, we're on TikTok and Instagram. We do have a YouTube,
Speaker 5: but man I slack on posting there.
Speaker 2: That's because you have five kids.
Speaker 3: Yea.
Speaker 5: The goal is to get better at it, but all
Speaker 5: under the same user name Polyfamory.
Speaker 3: We'll put links for all of that in our show
Speaker 3: notes as well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's p l l y FA m O r Y,
Speaker 4: which is the combination of polyamory and family that Tyler created.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, we might have to try and help you
Speaker 2: come out with your last name. Anyway, we'll put it.
Speaker 2: We'll put it in our Facebook group. We'll see if
Speaker 2: the lifeers can come up with a new Last.
Speaker 5: Night, You're welcome. Thank you for having us.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, we never finished an episode without our
Speaker 1: sucking our suite, the highlight and the lo light of
Speaker 1: the Weekkisha, do you want to kick it off?
Speaker 2: Do I keep it off with my sweet or my suck?
Speaker 2: You are as bad as Laura. I know.
Speaker 1: We have done four hundred episodes over four years, and
Speaker 1: every week Laura gets it wrong.
Speaker 2: The suck goes first because we like to finish on
Speaker 2: the hut. Okay, suck the glued to this podcast.
Speaker 3: My suck for the week is that I am so
Speaker 3: newly invested in the vander Pump Rules scandal you.
Speaker 2: Are previous to last Thursday.
Speaker 3: I had never watched an episode of the show in
Speaker 3: my whole life. I recognize Lisa vander Pump because she's
Speaker 3: an og Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I know
Speaker 3: that she owns all the restaurants, and I understood the
Speaker 3: premise of the show. Had not watched one minute of it. Obviously,
Speaker 3: this scandal. If you haven't heard about the scandal, it's
Speaker 3: like it's gonna be the scandal of our generation.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is like.
Speaker 1: Hot Sweet recapped ten seasons of vand Pump Rules right
Speaker 1: now for your suck.
Speaker 3: I won't, but I'll give a really quick recap. There
Speaker 3: were a couple, they were life partners. They were together
Speaker 3: for nine years. Turns out he has been having an
Speaker 3: affair seven months with the best friend. Okay, they did
Speaker 3: a reunion, Yes there is. It's a three part reunion
Speaker 3: special and they're airing it once per week on Binge.
Speaker 2: Now, previous to this, I was like whatever, I've.
Speaker 3: Read all the articles and I listened to it on
Speaker 3: podcasts and blah blah blah, and I was relatively invested that.
Speaker 3: I was like, Wow, that's that's pretty heavy.
Speaker 2: That's a cheating scandal.
Speaker 3: Now I have watched the first episode and I have
Speaker 3: never craved the new episode of something more in my
Speaker 3: whole entire life.
Speaker 2: That's your suck.
Speaker 3: I've got to wait another six days and then I
Speaker 3: have to wait another week for the third episode.
Speaker 1: Wait, you only watch the first of the reunion, not
Speaker 1: the first of the season.
Speaker 3: So I watched the reunion episode, and then I went
Speaker 3: back and.
Speaker 1: Watched the previous episodes because I also Kisha and I
Speaker 1: stumbled across this together well with some other friends that
Speaker 1: were talking about band pont Raw scandal, so we were like,
Speaker 1: we feel out the loop. Yes, I also went to
Speaker 1: try and watch it, and I went from the first
Speaker 1: episode of the last season because I was like, I
Speaker 1: need some background and I'm not watching ten seasons. So
Speaker 1: I went to season ten, episode one, and I was
Speaker 1: gonna watch the whole season to really get a vibe
Speaker 1: for the Scandal, and then watch the Scandal series.
Speaker 2: I can't get into it. We'll just skip ahead because
Speaker 2: it so spicy, Like it's so unbelievable.
Speaker 1: I'm watching this shit and I'm like, maybe I needed
Speaker 1: to watch the ten seasons before, but I'm like, it's.
Speaker 2: Just not hitting home for me. And I know that's
Speaker 2: controversial because I know it's a huge show. It's huge.
Speaker 2: It's probably the most streamed thing this week.
Speaker 3: I reckon, Oh absolutely, but it may suck because now
Speaker 3: I'm so deeply invested and I have to wait.
Speaker 2: So long in betweens.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, what's your sweet My sweep for the week
Speaker 3: is that this year I am turning thirty. Our birthdays
Speaker 3: in August Britain, I have the same birthday for anyone
Speaker 3: playing at home.
Speaker 2: Twenty first of August birthday.
Speaker 3: I said that I wanted to go to Italy for
Speaker 3: my birthday. It's my favorite country to holiday in. And
Speaker 3: you know, I've said this before, but like, my life
Speaker 3: doesn't look like what I thought it would look like
Speaker 3: at thirty, and in most ways it's so much better
Speaker 3: than I ever could have imagined. But I was like, cool,
Speaker 3: all right, what's something that I really want to do
Speaker 3: to like kind of celebrate that.
Speaker 2: And I've said that I've wanted.
Speaker 3: To be in Italy for my thirtieth birthday, and so
Speaker 3: I finally booked flights to go, And turns out traveling
Speaker 3: to Europe at the moment is a lot more expensive
Speaker 3: than what it used to be all summer day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, summer in Europe now post pandemic crazy, it's very expensive. Actually,
Speaker 2: check out a small loan. It's kidney like that. She's
Speaker 2: for the flight people. Actually they need to do that.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so I booked the flights and I was
Speaker 3: kind of like, look the price of this.
Speaker 2: It is a big.
Speaker 3: Present to myself because your thirtyth is supposed to be
Speaker 3: a big celebration.
Speaker 2: And I love it. Yes, Italy is an incredible country.
Speaker 2: I'm very very jealous.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: So many aparol spreits are so much lemon trello. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm so excited. What is your suck for the week?
Speaker 2: My suck would be.
Speaker 1: This actually just happened this morning. I took to for
Speaker 1: our very standard morning walk. She did a really big ship.
Speaker 2: Sounds like I always picked my poos up like always. Anyway,
Speaker 2: I put my hand in the bag, pick it up.
Speaker 2: There was a huge hole in the bag.
Speaker 1: My hand went, my hand went straight in through it
Speaker 1: to the poop, straight into.
Speaker 2: It was like a warm, whippy ice cream. Yeah, so
Speaker 2: that was my that was my sock. That's nice, it's nice.
Speaker 2: Rank It was so I saw that, Oh my god,
Speaker 2: and I so I had to scrape around it with
Speaker 2: a hole in the bag. It was not a moment.
Speaker 3: It was not a moment which did you like wipe
Speaker 3: your hand on the.
Speaker 2: LICTI c no, I went to the bathroom and washed them.
Speaker 2: Lucky there was a public toilet.
Speaker 1: So my sweet this week, I guess I have to
Speaker 1: say it was winning the award.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's yeah.
Speaker 1: I should come up with something different, and I tried to,
Speaker 1: but that was definitely a highlight for me.
Speaker 2: It's not a week highlight. It's like a year highlight.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was actually so so stoked and so proud of
Speaker 3: you because I saw you, like in the lead up
Speaker 3: to it, and I was like, do you reckon?
Speaker 2: You're going to do a right, like, do you reckon?
Speaker 2: You could maybe go trophy and you were like no, no, no, no.
Speaker 3: No, Like you're kind of like no, no, I'm just kind
Speaker 3: of going along because I think it'll be a good
Speaker 3: like networking experience and it'd be cool to see it.
Speaker 2: And which was hosted totally support a friend or did
Speaker 2: we know our girls coming home with the gold? Yeah?
Speaker 2: So that was one hundred percent my sweet. That is
Speaker 2: it from us, guys. Please keep your accidental.
Speaker 1: Unfilters coming in confessionals, any funny stories. The call out
Speaker 1: this week for if you've stitched your friend up well
Speaker 1: and good, we want to hear about it right into
Speaker 1: Instagram Life Uncut podcast, Just slide to the DMS and
Speaker 1: just put a heading out the top. Also ask Uncut aftermaths.
Speaker 2: If we've ever answered your ask Guncut, send a little
Speaker 2: summarine of what the question was and then the outcome.
Speaker 2: So we want to hear everything Life on Cut podcast
Speaker 2: on Instagram and don't forget So you Mum, tell you, Dad,
Speaker 2: tell you dot, tell your friends, and share the love
Speaker 2: because we love love. Karabaoa