Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on gaddigal Land. Hi guys, and welcome back to
Speaker 2: another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 1: And I'm still so excited to be back. It feels
Speaker 1: so weird.
Speaker 3: I know, I mean, it's my.
Speaker 1: Second episode back, but I can't believe how much I
Speaker 1: missed you guys, Like shop was it when you said, hey,
Speaker 1: do we do our vibes first?
Speaker 3: All the questions like it's my first day of school.
Speaker 1: My brain has actually switched off. Oh my god.
Speaker 3: I felt like it was my first day of school today.
Speaker 1: Because we're in the new studios in the city and
Speaker 1: I had to drive myself to work alone. So I
Speaker 1: did a trial run with Laura on Monday.
Speaker 3: I chauffeured both Brita and produce a Keisha into work
Speaker 3: because I get lost in the city.
Speaker 1: It was a new studio in the city, and I
Speaker 1: was like, do you know what, pick up on our
Speaker 1: first day.
Speaker 3: It's easier. We'll catch up in the car, I'll follow
Speaker 3: where to go.
Speaker 1: So today I had like my lunchbox ready, I packed
Speaker 1: some stuff, I packed my oats in the car, got
Speaker 1: a coffee and I drove here and I felt like
Speaker 1: it was my first day of school. And then when
Speaker 1: I parked and made it, I messaged the girl straight
Speaker 1: away and I was like, I'm here, I made it,
Speaker 1: I'm safe, and.
Speaker 3: I beat you bitches. Do you know why you beat us? Bitches?
Speaker 3: We don't need to talk about it. We do need
Speaker 3: to do about it. It's fine. We got to work
Speaker 3: nicely in peacefully. Today, Produce a Keisha, why wouldn't we
Speaker 3: talk about it?
Speaker 1: Well, I got a message and I heard that Produce
Speaker 1: a Keisha had a bit of a hurricane moment.
Speaker 2: So we were running very early today, like I'm talking
Speaker 2: like twenty minutes early. I was thought I would get
Speaker 2: in here, I'll do a bit of prep, I'll just relax,
Speaker 2: I'll get another coffee. Anyway, it's been raining in Sydney.
Speaker 2: It's been torrentially raining in Sydney the last two days.
Speaker 3: And I drove up to pick Kesha up. I pick
Speaker 3: her up every morning.
Speaker 2: Very grateful for I am Akeisha's personal Uber service. I
Speaker 2: pick her up every morning. I drive into like there's
Speaker 2: a little pull in zone, and in exchange for me
Speaker 2: picking her up, she pops inside and gets me a coffee.
Speaker 3: Right, I mean, you know, on the business car. But
Speaker 3: still she.
Speaker 1: Does the actual she does the walking in to.
Speaker 3: Get the coffee. It's still money, but she gets I
Speaker 3: pay for it.
Speaker 2: So anyway, so Kisha goes in and she gets the coffee,
Speaker 2: and then I have never seen someone move with such
Speaker 2: like furiosity.
Speaker 3: It was like a hurricane was trying to enter the car.
Speaker 2: In one movement, there was a bag an umbrella that
Speaker 2: was still half up the right cup of coffee.
Speaker 1: Did you say you said something around like swing dozer.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2: You called yourself a bulldozer, which was moments before I'm
Speaker 2: talking about five seconds before bulldozed her entire handbag straight
Speaker 2: into the cup of coffee that she bought, and it
Speaker 2: just evacuated all over the car. It wasn't like one
Speaker 2: of these little spills that you could like it just
Speaker 2: fell on the floor.
Speaker 4: It got into you know the heavy brake where it's
Speaker 4: got the stitching of the leather that goes into the plastic,
Speaker 4: and it's like got so many crevices and then everywhere
Speaker 4: I white, it.
Speaker 3: Just came out like that.
Speaker 2: So this is the sun that doesn't it's it goes
Speaker 2: on and every time we wipe, more fucking coffee came
Speaker 2: out of the car.
Speaker 4: I realized that I got it in the center console,
Speaker 4: like on the top and in the handle, and then
Speaker 4: in the Senate console as where it was.
Speaker 3: It was a freaking disaster. I didn't do it.
Speaker 1: You do it well right, like I spilled the whole
Speaker 1: cup and you spill it everywhere.
Speaker 2: I did put on Instagram and everyone keeps messaging me
Speaker 2: being like, that's your spout.
Speaker 3: We're not using a keep caup, and I'm like, I know,
Speaker 3: to be fair, I would have spilled that justice.
Speaker 1: I brought my oats to work today since the jungle,
Speaker 1: I have oats. Are you're not traumatized by oaths? No,
Speaker 1: I've on this new bandwagon. I'm just wanting them all
Speaker 1: the time.
Speaker 3: So I brought it to work.
Speaker 1: But I have been bringing my oaths in a keip
Speaker 1: cup just so you know. It's a brilliant idea. Since
Speaker 1: the middle console, I must be pedestal.
Speaker 3: I'm just a pestal.
Speaker 1: I just did spill my coffee, but you're saving graces.
Speaker 1: Laura has two kids, so I'm sure spill a lot worse.
Speaker 3: In that this is true.
Speaker 2: After we finished cleaning up the mess, I did say
Speaker 2: to Keisha, I don't think that that part of the
Speaker 2: car has ever been so clean.
Speaker 4: We did joke about this because this applies to anything
Speaker 4: in life.
Speaker 1: It has to be bad enough that you make a change, right, Like.
Speaker 4: The cleanup process had to be bad enough that we
Speaker 4: gave it a nice little wipe down.
Speaker 3: It's good.
Speaker 1: But anyway, have you guys seen the new straw that's
Speaker 1: going around. I don't think this trend's going to take off,
Speaker 1: but this is how far women have gone to like
Speaker 1: preserve their face. There is a new straw that you
Speaker 1: don't suck the end anymore, because if you think of
Speaker 1: when you suck a straw, you cigarette smokeslines, Yeah, your purse,
Speaker 1: your lips over it all right, So people are saying
Speaker 1: now that that constant position of your lips is going
Speaker 1: to cause like, yeah, what the equivalent of smoke a lines?
Speaker 1: Like there's little wrinkles. So now there's a straw that
Speaker 1: goes up like a straw, then goes on a right
Speaker 1: angle and goes horizontal and the hole for the straw
Speaker 1: is in the horizontal part and you just gently put
Speaker 1: your lips over and.
Speaker 3: Suck like that.
Speaker 1: Like if you guys, I know this is not a
Speaker 1: visual medium, but if you can google it, it is
Speaker 1: the funniest shit. There is no way I'm ever walking
Speaker 1: around drinking from a horizontal straw.
Speaker 2: I thought you were about to say that you'd started,
Speaker 2: you'd gotten one. You're like, it's the new thing. It's
Speaker 2: my vibe for this week. Horizontal straw sucking.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I do you know what. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: try it. I'll try the trend, but I I think
Speaker 1: it's the dumbest thing I've ever couldn't have a lip flip,
Speaker 1: that's for sure.
Speaker 3: He should tell us about that.
Speaker 4: I went through a process a couple of months ago
Speaker 4: where I had a fresh little bit of botox put
Speaker 4: For anyone who doesn't know what a lip flip is it.
Speaker 4: I got it instead of getting filler because my lips
Speaker 4: used to be a little too big, and.
Speaker 3: So I was like, okay, this is a nice happy medium. Anyway.
Speaker 4: It paralyzes the muscle just above your lips, so it
Speaker 4: kind of turned your lip outward. Anyone who's had this
Speaker 4: will know when you drink the muscles don't work properly
Speaker 4: and it just falls out of your mouth.
Speaker 1: Even when you like brush your teeth, it kind of dribbles.
Speaker 3: What about when you're sucking? I love that you. This
Speaker 3: is a sex podcast. And Laura's like, what about when.
Speaker 2: You well, if you can't suck a straw, you can't stop.
Speaker 3: Oh, poor toddleron, poor toddler.
Speaker 4: The sucking is the problem, right, Yeah, yeah, no, I've
Speaker 4: decided lip flips not for me, one and done for me.
Speaker 4: It's so hard to keep any type of ten in
Speaker 4: your mouth. So wow, you can't suck spaghetti up. You
Speaker 4: can't suck. Honestly, it really was how you consume food,
Speaker 4: liquid and other things.
Speaker 1: If you wish, can you reverse it, like you know,
Speaker 1: if you get filler, you can have it dissolved or
Speaker 1: is it?
Speaker 3: Because it's just the.
Speaker 1: Same as botoks, right, So you just gotta let it.
Speaker 3: You just gotta let it. You gotta let it wear
Speaker 3: out essentially.
Speaker 4: So yeah, I'm a couple months in now and it
Speaker 4: has decreased.
Speaker 3: I think it's gone away now.
Speaker 2: It was when you very first got it done because
Speaker 2: Keisha didn't come to work and say, hey, guys, got
Speaker 2: a lip flip done? You just tried to let it
Speaker 2: fly under the radar, and straight away I was like, Keisha, did.
Speaker 3: You get a lip flip? Because your lip is doing
Speaker 3: all sorts.
Speaker 4: Of also causes you to get like a little bit
Speaker 4: of a like your speech changes.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yours, dear.
Speaker 4: I didn't realize how much you use the top lip
Speaker 4: to kind of pronounce things, probably, And now it's really funny. Actually,
Speaker 4: now I feel like I can spot it when I'm
Speaker 4: on social media.
Speaker 1: I can see and I'm like.
Speaker 3: Oh, you've had a lip flip. That's why you're talking.
Speaker 2: Like it's surprising because I have seen a few people
Speaker 2: with lip flips, and I don't think I have to
Speaker 2: see a lip flip on someone where I think it
Speaker 2: looks better than their normal lips, and not when it's static,
Speaker 2: like when you're not moving, great, looks fantastic.
Speaker 3: It's the talking.
Speaker 2: The talking just doesn't look quite natural, and so it's
Speaker 2: a bit distracting.
Speaker 1: Because it paralyzes your lips, so only one lip is
Speaker 1: moving all of a sudden, so when you're talking, your
Speaker 1: top lip stays stationary and only the bottom lip like
Speaker 1: a grope ye is doing the work. Yeah, you know
Speaker 1: what we're criticized for.
Speaker 4: And I'm putting this in quotation marks promoting cosmetic procedures
Speaker 4: before because I'm very open about anything I've had done.
Speaker 3: This is the opposite.
Speaker 1: Don't get it done.
Speaker 3: It's not worth it.
Speaker 4: You can't drink shit, you can't eat properly, and you
Speaker 4: cannot give decent.
Speaker 1: Trenck and tomplarritors marked the diary for how long your
Speaker 1: both He's like, so, what's your metabolism? Like, how long
Speaker 1: does botox take to wear off?
Speaker 3: I've marked the diary.
Speaker 1: He's like, no, it's fine, babe, I'm tired.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: This is I mean for you guys playing at home.
Speaker 1: You've been a life on cut family for a long time.
Speaker 1: You'll know that Laura and I have very different stances
Speaker 1: on what we do in front of our partners in
Speaker 1: terms of farting and right ah yeah, yeah yeah, Laura
Speaker 1: will take.
Speaker 3: A dumb no I won well, I won't. I will not.
Speaker 2: I will not do a pool in front of my parta.
Speaker 2: That is absolutely not true. But you're accept do you
Speaker 2: know what? Okay, I'm hijacking this for one second, and
Speaker 2: I was on the toilet doing a pooh yesterday morning,
Speaker 2: like in the middle, and he walked in and said,
Speaker 2: I'm having a shower.
Speaker 3: I'm running late. And I was like, no, you are not.
Speaker 3: You will wait.
Speaker 2: There are two other showers in this house. And he
Speaker 2: was like, I'm having a shower, why that shower.
Speaker 3: Pick another shower, Go into another shower.
Speaker 2: And then I just had to sit there because I
Speaker 2: was too humiliated to white whilst he was in the shower.
Speaker 2: So I just sat there waiting for him to finish.
Speaker 2: If you a made evacuation, I was at the studio.
Speaker 3: I had to have continued the evacuation, I know. And
Speaker 3: I was sitting on Instagram.
Speaker 2: I was enjoying my one minute of peace after my
Speaker 2: poo This was he got in the shower.
Speaker 4: I have a follow up question, Yeah, while you were
Speaker 4: sitting there, did you flush or did you just leave
Speaker 4: it floating?
Speaker 2: I just left it floating. The whole thing was the
Speaker 2: most bizarre ten minutes of my life. He came in,
Speaker 2: he said, I'm running late. I have to have a shower.
Speaker 2: I was like, there's a bathroom downstairs, and he said,
Speaker 2: were your dad's downstairs?
Speaker 3: So I don't want to have a shower.
Speaker 2: So then he got in the shower, but had a
Speaker 2: completely freezing cold shower, so he was like the whole time,
Speaker 2: it's very Gary Bracker healthier, and then towed off and left,
Speaker 2: and I was left sitting on the toilet, confused about
Speaker 2: my life decisions.
Speaker 1: I don't know what to say, because there's no worse
Speaker 1: part in a relationship for me than taking a dump
Speaker 1: in front of your partner. I don't get it, Like
Speaker 1: I want to look at my partner, and this is
Speaker 1: why it goes to farting for me. I get that
Speaker 1: everyone loves to fart. I get that everyone far it's fine,
Speaker 1: whatever is my opinion. For me, I want to look
Speaker 1: at my partner for as long as physically possible and
Speaker 1: want to rip their clothes off. And the more farts
Speaker 1: that they drop around me on me, the more I
Speaker 1: smell them, the quicker that's going to deteriorate.
Speaker 3: Why don't you tell everyone what you did? This is
Speaker 3: what I'm getting to.
Speaker 1: I've come out of the jungle, and I'm still a
Speaker 1: bit of a jungle beast, and like, I forget that
Speaker 1: I'm not in the middle of South Africa anymore, and
Speaker 1: no one's around me. And I was on the phone
Speaker 1: to Ben. We're on FaceTime, and I was in the
Speaker 1: bathroom getting ready, the bathroom, of all places, the acoustics
Speaker 1: in a bathroom. So Ben was on FaceTime, on against
Speaker 1: the mirror, and I was just going about my stuff,
Speaker 1: getting ready whatever, and it was silent, and I.
Speaker 3: Don't know what came over me. I didn't think.
Speaker 1: About it, but I just let one rip, like I
Speaker 1: just dropped a bomb. I know, I just forgot. I
Speaker 1: forgot he was on the phone. I forgot I wasn't
Speaker 1: in a jungle anymore. I forgot that I don't fight
Speaker 1: in front of bend. Anyway, I let this fat rip
Speaker 1: and I just stopped and I was like, did I
Speaker 1: just do that? And I was like maybe he didn't
Speaker 1: hear through the FaceTime. And he burst into laughter and
Speaker 1: he goes, did you did you?
Speaker 3: I was like, know what?
Speaker 1: And he goes, did you just I was like, that
Speaker 1: was obviously Delilah, Ben, and he was like, that was
Speaker 1: not Delilah.
Speaker 3: You just the one rip?
Speaker 1: Anyway, I burst into laughter. But then I had to
Speaker 1: pretend because I was embarrassed. I pretended that I meant
Speaker 1: to do it.
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, babe. I'm like, obviously we're there now,
Speaker 3: and he.
Speaker 1: Was like, oh we ha. I was like, what's the
Speaker 1: big deal? He's like, are we there?
Speaker 3: Are we? There?
Speaker 1: Are we farting now? And I'm like, if you don't
Speaker 1: want to, let's not time one time?
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Anyway, he just thought it was the
Speaker 3: best thing.
Speaker 1: Now I'm in this tricky place of well, he's going
Speaker 1: to listen to this, I guess. But I'm in this
Speaker 1: tricky place of do I own that was a slip
Speaker 1: and an accent? And I don't want to go back.
Speaker 2: There unless you want to open the floodgates. You want
Speaker 2: to go down the slippery spiral of him walking in
Speaker 2: whilst we're in the middle of a poop.
Speaker 1: But also I think I don't actually don't know what
Speaker 1: came over me, and the bathroom makes it echo just human,
Speaker 1: everyone doesn't.
Speaker 3: Do you remember what.
Speaker 4: The catalyst was for you opening the flood gates? Was
Speaker 4: it just it happened one day and you were like, okay,
Speaker 4: well here.
Speaker 2: Now, No, it would have been Matt. Matt's disgusting. He
Speaker 2: has no problems with He'll fight anywhere. He's like, well,
Speaker 2: if you get to do it, equality. Whatever's good for
Speaker 2: him is good for me. So now I'm just waiting
Speaker 2: for the next time he's doing a poop and I'm
Speaker 2: going to go and have a shower, just.
Speaker 3: To get one up on him. But you'll never peel
Speaker 3: in front of him. I already did that's I was
Speaker 3: in the middle.
Speaker 1: But no.
Speaker 3: But yeah, but you didn't have a choice. That choice
Speaker 3: was taken. That's what I'm saying. I'm going to do
Speaker 3: the same to him. I'm going to go and have
Speaker 3: a shower. I don't think it'll have the same effect.
Speaker 1: I don't think he'll care.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to enjoy the shower, but I need
Speaker 2: to at least feel as though I did what he did.
Speaker 4: You know, I think this is a double punishment for
Speaker 4: you guys. Let's move on from poop. Let's talk about
Speaker 4: our vibes and unsubscribes.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kick up my vibe because it's fresh off
Speaker 3: my travel back.
Speaker 1: It's literally from Amazon or from have you seen the
Speaker 1: new It's not new, but you know the TMU website
Speaker 1: where everything's like a dollar, so like that Chinese website. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not recommending that because I have bought something from here,
Speaker 1: before when it break. But you can get anything from
Speaker 1: there very ethically.
Speaker 3: Questions. Yeahs terrible.
Speaker 1: It's oh yeah, it's terrible and it's low quality. That's
Speaker 1: what I'm gonna say. But I'm just saying you can
Speaker 1: get on any website. It's not specific, but I got
Speaker 1: mine from Amazon. It's just like a travel plane phone
Speaker 1: and iPad holder, and it's amazing.
Speaker 3: It's like this little holder that.
Speaker 1: Will go over the top of your food you know,
Speaker 1: your food tray. How it flaps down, so it like
Speaker 1: hooks over that and it comes down and you can
Speaker 1: screw it open, put your phone in.
Speaker 3: It can turn.
Speaker 1: Landscape or portrait, and it sits in front of you
Speaker 1: and you can play your movies or shows or whatever
Speaker 1: you want to do if you're reading on there, so
Speaker 1: just sits in front of your hands free. And then
Speaker 1: they have a bigger one that if you travel with
Speaker 1: an iPad, you can put your iPad in there too,
Speaker 1: because you know how sometimes on planes they don't have screens.
Speaker 2: Well, sometimes they have those straps that you can put
Speaker 2: your iPad into. That's few and far between me.
Speaker 4: I've got a budget version and used a face mask
Speaker 4: and tried to like create a sling to hold my foot.
Speaker 3: Well, that's what I used to do.
Speaker 1: I have done some creative shit in the past. And
Speaker 1: then I saw this somewhere floating around the line, and I.
Speaker 3: Was like, that seems too good to be true.
Speaker 1: Ordered them.
Speaker 3: They're brilliant, they're perfect.
Speaker 1: So I'll put a link to an Amazon one that
Speaker 1: I got that was I mean, hasn't broken yet, So
Speaker 1: so far.
Speaker 3: So good.
Speaker 2: My recommendation for this week is a It's a series.
Speaker 2: It's on Apple TV. It's called Severance.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: I think there's nine episodes in the first season and
Speaker 2: I watched it all in three days.
Speaker 3: I've like been binging my series recently.
Speaker 2: So it's got Adam Scott in it and also Patricia Arquett.
Speaker 3: Do you know who Putricatte is?
Speaker 2: Okaat Like I was going to school you on who
Speaker 2: she is, but you can school meet. Yeah, she's an
Speaker 2: Allien actress. She is from that TV series where she's
Speaker 2: like a medium and helps to solve crimes. Anyway, So
Speaker 2: basically the storyline behind this, and I don't want to
Speaker 2: give too much away, but it's this moral concept of
Speaker 2: imagine if you had your your life outside of work
Speaker 2: and your work life and your brain was completely severed,
Speaker 2: so your memories at work were completely severed to your
Speaker 2: memories outside of work. So basically, you go to work,
Speaker 2: you get in the lift, and as you're going up
Speaker 2: the lift, anything that happens at work, anything you do
Speaker 2: at work, you cannot remember and you're not supposed to remember.
Speaker 2: And then you get in the lift, you come back
Speaker 2: down and you get to live your life as though
Speaker 2: that part of your life never existed. And so it's
Speaker 2: this concept where it splits you in two, and so
Speaker 2: you have what's called an inny and an auti because
Speaker 2: you're two completely different people living two completely different lives.
Speaker 3: I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 2: It's quite this like, like I said, it's not a thriller,
Speaker 2: it's quite a psychological drama. I guess, not even a drama.
Speaker 2: I don't know what category would sit in. It's very
Speaker 2: thought provoking.
Speaker 1: And I say that because I've watched half of it
Speaker 1: on your recommendation, Laura, and it's very one of those
Speaker 1: things where you're like, you put yourself in it, imagine
Speaker 1: this world.
Speaker 3: Would I want to do that?
Speaker 1: If I had the choice, would I want to separate
Speaker 1: and not know what happened at work? And not know
Speaker 1: what happened in my private life. It's like very yeah, insular,
Speaker 1: thought provoking.
Speaker 3: I think it's brilliant.
Speaker 2: I really really enjoyed it, and I really enjoyed Sometimes
Speaker 2: you watch these types of series and you're like, who
Speaker 2: was it that thought of this? Like how did someone
Speaker 2: have the creative ability to come up with this concept?
Speaker 2: And that's what I really liked about it. So Severn's
Speaker 2: Apple TV Big recommendation.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a bit of a lighter black mirror.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's a very black mirror of vart.
Speaker 4: I had to stop watching it it got too fucked up.
Speaker 4: Speaking of thought provoking, my vibe of the Week is
Speaker 4: kind of similar. It's the entire program of Insight that's
Speaker 4: on SBS. It's hosted by Kumi Tagucci, and essentially Insight.
Speaker 4: They're usually about a fifty minute like forty five to
Speaker 4: an hour episode, and they all focus on a different topic.
Speaker 4: So they will often get a lot of people in
Speaker 4: a room that are somehow related to the topic, and
Speaker 4: they will get.
Speaker 3: All of the different perspectives.
Speaker 4: From the people. There was one episode that I recently watched.
Speaker 4: It came out I think maybe two or three weeks ago.
Speaker 4: It's called convenient relationships. And so they got all of
Speaker 4: these different people. They got people that were like sugar daddy,
Speaker 4: sugar babies, they got escorts, they got these two mums
Speaker 4: who were single mums that moved in together the mummune, Yeah,
Speaker 4: to create this household where they because they were like,
Speaker 4: you know, the cost of living and it's really hard,
Speaker 4: and we've kind of provided each other this really good
Speaker 4: dynamic to raise our children in. It was just very
Speaker 4: very interesting and it kind of investigated transactional relationships.
Speaker 3: I really like that.
Speaker 4: Anytime I watch an episode, it seems very respectful and
Speaker 4: it seems quite inquisitive, but not in a judgmental tone.
Speaker 3: So I really like that.
Speaker 4: It gives you, I was about to say, it gives
Speaker 4: you insight into how these people live.
Speaker 1: That's why the show's called insights, yeah, actly named.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So there's all these different ones. There's one on guilt,
Speaker 4: there's one on stalking. Like, there's quite a lot, and
Speaker 4: there's a lot. This is episode seven of season twenty
Speaker 4: twenty four. So there's heaps of different episodes, lots of
Speaker 4: different topics that I personally find very very interesting and
Speaker 4: I'm just enjoying, like watching one a week because often
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, that's something I never would have thought about.
Speaker 1: Yeah, otherwise, just that a little hit that you need.
Speaker 3: Where can you watch it? SBS so you can get it.
Speaker 1: It's for free.
Speaker 4: You can get the SPS app if you don't watch
Speaker 4: I don't know when it actually goes live on the
Speaker 4: TV because I don't have live TV. I just have
Speaker 4: the apps and that kind of thing. So yeah, SPS
Speaker 4: on demand app and you can just stream it to wherever.
Speaker 3: A Right, well, let's get into your questions.
Speaker 1: Question number one.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, this is actually this is fucked up.
Speaker 1: This is it.
Speaker 3: It's fucked up. It's it is many levels of fact up.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of people sometimes when we get some
Speaker 1: questions that are super left field, people think that we
Speaker 1: make them up.
Speaker 3: We have never made a question up in the history
Speaker 3: of life. Uncut it like swear hand on heart. Every
Speaker 3: question is.
Speaker 1: Written in and it's always anonymous, but it's always from
Speaker 1: you guys and from the listener.
Speaker 2: We receive hundreds and hundreds of messages every single week
Speaker 2: all around different questions, like from everything from cheating to
Speaker 2: relationship breakdowns to friendship breakdowns, like literally everything and every
Speaker 2: so often there are somewhere where like we can't even
Speaker 2: believe this is real life, And this is one of those.
Speaker 1: Okay, my cousin has come to me absolutely distraught. She
Speaker 1: confided to me that at a family wedding about two
Speaker 1: months ago, she got very, very very drunk and had
Speaker 1: sex with our second cousin. Keep in mind, she's newly
Speaker 1: married and her husband couldn't make it to this wedding,
Speaker 1: she was flying solo. She also told me that she
Speaker 1: is pregnant and not one hundred percent sure who the
Speaker 1: dad is, either her husband or her second cousin. Hell, sorry,
Speaker 1: that has a pause dramatic effect. And also I'm shocked
Speaker 1: she has decided just to assume that it's her husband's
Speaker 1: That is a big assumption.
Speaker 3: He's not looking into.
Speaker 1: A paternity test, even though we are so close. It
Speaker 1: took her all this time to tell me. She is
Speaker 1: ashamed about it, and I think the only reason she
Speaker 1: has opened up to me is because of the pregnancy.
Speaker 1: My question is is it my place to tell the husband,
Speaker 1: who I am very close with too for his sake
Speaker 1: and the baby's sake, it could have serious health complications,
Speaker 1: or do I just pretend I know nothing. Any advice
Speaker 1: would be appreciated, as I have no one else to
Speaker 1: talk about.
Speaker 2: I firstly just I mean, we can all cost a
Speaker 2: lot of judgment in this, and I know that that's
Speaker 2: we probably will at some point. I'm so sorry that
Speaker 2: you're in the situation now where you have to decide
Speaker 2: what's the moral right thing to do, like it is
Speaker 2: so unfair. And I understand why your cousin needed someone
Speaker 2: to confide in, and I'm sure that this is a lot
Speaker 2: for her to process as well, but it is a
Speaker 2: very unfair situation to be And when someone comes to
Speaker 2: you with their secret and says, I need you to
Speaker 2: keep this, and sometimes you know, this happens to us
Speaker 2: where people say I need to tell you something, but
Speaker 2: please don't tell anyone, and you make that commitment before
Speaker 2: you know what the thing is. And that's so unfair
Speaker 2: to put that at dumping. It's completely trauma dumping. But
Speaker 2: I also get it too, if you've done something that's
Speaker 2: so like immoral in some ways, you know, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to say, I mean, maybe immoral is not
Speaker 2: the right word, but it's so scandalous it's gonna rip
Speaker 2: families apart. Don't confide in someone who that's going to
Speaker 2: have a massive emotional toll on as well. Go and
Speaker 2: speak to a therapist, or go and speak to a
Speaker 2: third party. That would be my first advice. And I
Speaker 2: know that's not the question you ask, no, but.
Speaker 1: Taking while we're there, taking away from the fact that
Speaker 1: this is like a cousin thing. Away from that, it
Speaker 1: just goes into all We've had this conversation so many
Speaker 1: times around cheating when people have written in in this
Speaker 1: exact instance, my friend has been cheating on her husband,
Speaker 1: she told me. But I'm so far it close to
Speaker 1: the husband. Do I tell them, Yeah, my friend's been
Speaker 1: cheating on his wife.
Speaker 3: Should she know?
Speaker 1: Like being put in that position is a really awful
Speaker 1: place to be put in, but it happens so frequently,
Speaker 1: and I guess in this particular situation, there's a little
Speaker 1: sprinkle of spice on top because it's the cousin and
Speaker 1: the pregnancy. It's not just cheating, it's a cousin and
Speaker 1: a pregnancy.
Speaker 2: Firstly, I just want to rule something out because you said,
Speaker 2: you know it could have serious health implications. I think
Speaker 2: that there's a lot of rumors around, not rumors, but
Speaker 2: like there's a lot of kind of like urban legend
Speaker 2: that if you have a kid with your cousin that
Speaker 2: they're going to have three fingers and seven toes. You know.
Speaker 2: I think that we definitely have been brought up to
Speaker 2: think that people are going to have a lot of
Speaker 2: genetic mutations. If that happens legally within Australia, you can
Speaker 2: marry your cousin. The risk or the increased risk of
Speaker 2: genetic mutation because of that is only three to six
Speaker 2: percent increase on what that genetic mutation risk already is,
Speaker 2: which is a very small increase overall.
Speaker 1: So it goes from three percent to six percent. Oh sorry,
Speaker 1: it increases from three percent to six percent, and that's
Speaker 1: just from our research.
Speaker 2: Yes, so I would say that the risk to the
Speaker 2: child is minimal. So I don't think make your decisions
Speaker 2: off the fact that you think that there's this genetic
Speaker 2: your fear around the child's physical or genetic their normalities,
Speaker 2: I don't think should be what propels you to make
Speaker 2: a decision.
Speaker 3: So like, let's just rule that one out.
Speaker 1: Did you know this has nothing to do with the question,
Speaker 1: But you can also marry your aunt, uncle and nieces
Speaker 1: and nephews which I think is fucked, but you can
Speaker 1: legally that's worse. Okay, all right, yeah, Britt you start.
Speaker 1: I I do want to be careful with this one
Speaker 1: because I feel very grateful that we have done this
Speaker 1: podcast for so long. If I had this question five
Speaker 1: years ago when we started, I would have been shook
Speaker 1: to the core and I would have said, there is
Speaker 1: so much wrong with this. You need to tell them,
Speaker 1: you need to have a conversation with her about the
Speaker 1: baby's health, all of this stuff, right, But we have
Speaker 1: had so many crazy questions and done so much research
Speaker 1: over the years that this shocks me less now. It
Speaker 1: really does. And I know somebody that has married their cousin.
Speaker 1: I don't think they had kids, but I know they
Speaker 1: got married. So I feel like I've been a bit
Speaker 1: desensitized over the years from how much exposure I've had
Speaker 1: to it. People listening to this and going to be like,
Speaker 1: what the fuck you guys talking about this is nomazy,
Speaker 1: But morally, my head will never get around this. Even
Speaker 1: knowing that three percent chance of there being complications with
Speaker 1: a baby normally can go to six percent when it's
Speaker 1: a cousin or second cousin, So it does increase. Foresuore
Speaker 1: doubles for the problem for me isn't that the baby
Speaker 1: could be from the second cousin. The problem here just
Speaker 1: comes back to a standard cheating problem. Now you know
Speaker 1: you're friends with him, right, your friends with the husband
Speaker 1: and your clothes, and now you know that his child
Speaker 1: might not actually be his. That's a really really big
Speaker 1: issue and it's a.
Speaker 3: Big weight on your shoulders to hold two. I feel
Speaker 3: differently to you, Brett.
Speaker 2: I think that the cousin thing does play a massive impact,
Speaker 2: and the reason for that is because there is so
Speaker 2: much humiliation and shame loaded into this. Obviously, she is
Speaker 2: completely distraught. She sounds like she's distraught. She's humiliated. She
Speaker 2: got super super drunk and had sex with someone who she,
Speaker 2: if she was of sound mind, absolutely would never have
Speaker 2: had sex with.
Speaker 3: And that's really, really really upsetting for her.
Speaker 2: Like, I feel terrible your cousin that she managed to
Speaker 2: get to a place where she thought that that was
Speaker 2: normal or okay. She's woken up with so much regret
Speaker 2: around this, and I.
Speaker 3: Think that that is an awful situation.
Speaker 2: Let's now unpack the fact that the question that you're
Speaker 2: asking isn't around the morality of your cousin sleeping with
Speaker 2: her cousin, like you know that's not around that. The
Speaker 2: question is is do you tell her husband? Would I tell? No,
Speaker 2: I wouldn't tell. That doesn't mean that that is the
Speaker 2: right decision, because this is completely completely subjective, whatever you
Speaker 2: feel comfortable with doing, whether you morally feel like you
Speaker 2: can live with the decision that you make. I don't
Speaker 2: feel like I would want to take on the massive
Speaker 2: amount of responsibility that having that secret and giving that
Speaker 2: secret up would have. And what I mean by that
Speaker 2: is it will definitely ruin their marriage, which is not
Speaker 2: your fault. She has done that herself, it's not your responsibility.
Speaker 2: But it would also ruin family dynamics and the drama
Speaker 2: and the stress that that would bring. I don't think
Speaker 2: I personally have it in me, and maybe that's the
Speaker 2: wrong thing to take that on board. Conflicting those feelings, however,
Speaker 2: is that I do believe that that child has the
Speaker 2: right to grow up knowing who their biological father is.
Speaker 2: I do believe that there is Like so, there's so
Speaker 2: much lying and deceit that is loaded into this, and
Speaker 2: I don't condone any of the behavior.
Speaker 3: I don't condone the lying.
Speaker 2: I don't condone the but I'm saying I wouldn't have
Speaker 2: the emotional capacity to take on the truth telling, and
Speaker 2: that maybe is maybe that's a poor reflection of who
Speaker 2: I am as personal. But I think that this will
Speaker 2: come with so much stress for you, and the question
Speaker 2: is is how do you feel? What can you manage
Speaker 2: and what can you handle?
Speaker 1: I think for me what I would do, and I
Speaker 1: did think about what I'm do in this situation, and
Speaker 1: I agree Laura as I said, it's like it's got
Speaker 1: nothing to do with well, I don't think it has
Speaker 1: anything to do with the cousin situation here.
Speaker 3: I just think it has to do with the fact
Speaker 3: of it's cheating.
Speaker 1: Should they know.
Speaker 2: When you say it has nothing to the cousin, don't
Speaker 2: you think like, well, it's going to be like the
Speaker 2: auntie and uncles are going to be fighting. That's going
Speaker 2: to trickle down, like it's going to affect everyone in
Speaker 2: that family, not just the person who's cheated.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess it's more like for this person that's
Speaker 1: written in her question, is she's pregnant with possibly someone
Speaker 1: else's child, Do I tell him or not? So for me,
Speaker 1: in my head Right now, I've taken away the cousin
Speaker 1: thing because I know it's not going to have the complications.
Speaker 1: It's still someone possibly someone else's baby. But I think
Speaker 1: what I would do is I would go to her
Speaker 1: and say to her, I think you need to be
Speaker 1: really honest and have that conversation, and if you don't
Speaker 1: want to tell him, you need to do a paternity
Speaker 1: test for your knowledge, because if something happens to that
Speaker 1: child when it's born and it needs something, or it
Speaker 1: has medical problems where it needs to know it's biological history,
Speaker 1: like it's medical history. If you don't actually know who
Speaker 1: the father is, you can't give accurate health care to
Speaker 1: that child, like you absolutely cannot if it needs transplants,
Speaker 1: if it needs to know blood, if it needs blood donations.
Speaker 1: I mean, like this is extreme here, but kidney is
Speaker 1: a predisposed to something because of what the parents have.
Speaker 1: If you don't know biologically who its dad is, but
Speaker 1: you could know, I think that's a selfish choice.
Speaker 3: Do you know what as well?
Speaker 2: We live in a day and age where so many
Speaker 2: people do their ancestry chest like it's the fear your
Speaker 2: cousin is going to live her life in absolute dread
Speaker 2: that maybe that child is not biologically her husband's child,
Speaker 2: and that this will come out. This kid is gonna
Speaker 2: find out at some point in time, and then what
Speaker 2: does that then look like? Yeah, it's a secret that
Speaker 2: you are gonna have to carry. I for your restue,
Speaker 2: I do agree with you, Britt, But I just I
Speaker 2: don't know whether I would be the one to be
Speaker 2: holding the moral compass here and being like I'm the
Speaker 2: one who's gonna tell everyone.
Speaker 3: I just don't know.
Speaker 2: I don't know if I have it in me to
Speaker 2: do that. But I literally cannot believe. I'm so surprised,
Speaker 2: and this is a probably a horrible thing to say,
Speaker 2: but I'm so surprised that she's choosing to go ahead
Speaker 2: and have the baby with the uncertainty around it. And
Speaker 2: maybe that's because of her own beliefs around abortion, or
Speaker 2: maybe that's because she is married and she can't justify
Speaker 2: to her husband why she would want to have an abortion.
Speaker 2: Maybe there's more loaded into this.
Speaker 1: We also don't know what I for tis history is
Speaker 1: like you totally totally child she thinks she could have
Speaker 1: You don't know, And I agree, I agree where the
Speaker 1: cousin part for me comes back into it right now
Speaker 1: that I'm bringing it back in because it is you know,
Speaker 1: we can't deny that she had sex with a cousin.
Speaker 1: If you go to your partner and you say, I
Speaker 1: need to tell you something. I messed up and I
Speaker 1: cheated on you, like I slept with someone else and
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant and whatever you want to do with that, right,
Speaker 1: there is a chance that you will work through that.
Speaker 1: There is a chance for me. It's different when you say,
Speaker 1: and it was my cousin, You're never going to work
Speaker 1: through that.
Speaker 3: You don't.
Speaker 1: I don't think you work through an affair is one thing,
Speaker 1: you know, Esa Perel many other people have told us
Speaker 1: many times that an affair doesn't have to be the end.
Speaker 1: It is for a lot of people, and that's okay.
Speaker 1: It's also not for a lot of people, which is okay.
Speaker 1: Many people work through it depending on the situation. But
Speaker 1: when you throw in the fact that the affair was
Speaker 1: your cousin, it hits different. I understand why she doesn't
Speaker 1: want to tell him. I don't think it's the right thing,
Speaker 1: and I think at a minimum, she needs to go
Speaker 1: and get a paternity test.
Speaker 3: I just can't believe she told you. You couldn't torture
Speaker 3: this shit out of me.
Speaker 1: You couldn't you tell me if you'd sex with your cousin,
Speaker 1: for sure you could water board me. And I wouldn't
Speaker 1: tell you this, Like, there is nothing you could do
Speaker 1: to me that would make me tell someone this information?
Speaker 1: Would you really not tell me if I fucked my
Speaker 1: cousin and I was pregnant and I was unsure nothing.
Speaker 3: I'm so offended. I told you I will die with
Speaker 3: that secret. Wow, some people need to loose lip.
Speaker 2: Sally over here, fucking shut up. I worry about how
Speaker 2: we've answered this question, purely from the fact that because
Speaker 2: we don't want to create a pylon, but we've been
Speaker 2: so like, it doesn't matter that it's the cousin.
Speaker 1: Oh what matters.
Speaker 2: It's so it's so effing weird. The whole thing is
Speaker 2: so effing weird. It is so on many levels of
Speaker 2: like the trying to hide, the paternity, the hiding, the cheating,
Speaker 2: all of this. But the question you've asked is should
Speaker 2: you be the one to tell? And I would be
Speaker 2: doing what you recommended, brit. I would be trying to
Speaker 2: encourage her to I have some truth to this and
Speaker 2: to be as transparent with her husband as she can.
Speaker 2: Maybe she doesn't want to tell the husband that it
Speaker 2: was with a cousin. Maybe she can just give fifty
Speaker 2: percent of the truth.
Speaker 1: Not because if you've told your husband that you cheated
Speaker 1: on him, they're going to want to know who when
Speaker 1: to say it.
Speaker 2: I don't know, and maybe you make up a lie
Speaker 2: because I don't know. Part of me is like, is
Speaker 2: there any benefit of the whole family knowing that you
Speaker 2: fucked your cousin?
Speaker 3: I don't think so. No, there's no benefit at all.
Speaker 1: It will ruin you. It will ruin you.
Speaker 3: It'll ruin you. Yeah, But imagine if Matt came to
Speaker 3: you and said, I need to talk to you. I
Speaker 3: cheated on you.
Speaker 1: Do you think you're going to accept the fact that
Speaker 1: he said, but I'm not telling you who or where.
Speaker 1: You would want every detail, which is normal, it's normal
Speaker 1: to want. I feel like the reason we're tiptoeing around
Speaker 1: this is I think we've been pretty We've been pretty
Speaker 1: open with how we feel. Don't fuck your cousin. That's
Speaker 1: how I feel. I feel that that in my core.
Speaker 1: But you can't fight the law on this, Like, legally,
Speaker 1: you're allowed to, and we've seen that it doesn't have
Speaker 1: that much of a consequence for your children.
Speaker 3: So that's why I think we're stepping on. We can
Speaker 3: say how we feel. I ain't.
Speaker 1: I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'm not. But don't you know someone Laura that married
Speaker 3: their cousin. Yeah? I do. Through friends of friends.
Speaker 2: I know people they're like our parents' age, and they
Speaker 2: have children who are our age, and they've been married
Speaker 2: since they were like just out of beauty, and that's
Speaker 2: their first cousin. So I mean, and don't get me wrong, like,
Speaker 2: of course, everyone is kind of like, wow, that's spicy
Speaker 2: and very very strange. The kids know their parents, The
Speaker 2: kids know their parents and cousins. The kids make jokes
Speaker 2: about it. They're very very aware.
Speaker 3: How else, what else do you do? You have to
Speaker 3: make a joke about it.
Speaker 2: You've grown up your whole life knowing that your parents
Speaker 2: are also cousins. It is very, very very odd. I'm
Speaker 2: not discrediting that their relationship didn't hurt anyone.
Speaker 3: There was not an imbalance of power, there was not
Speaker 3: any abuse.
Speaker 2: They fell in love in Uni their cousins, they got together,
Speaker 2: they have kids.
Speaker 1: The end.
Speaker 3: This is different.
Speaker 2: There is an abuse of power, and there is so
Speaker 2: many levels of lying that have happened here, and that's
Speaker 2: why this is so much more problematic. And that's why
Speaker 2: I have way more of an issue with this situation
Speaker 2: than what I do with like two people who consensually
Speaker 2: decided they wanted to marry their cousins, no matter how
Speaker 2: much we look at that and might think it's weird.
Speaker 1: And at the end of the day, everyone listening is
Speaker 1: going to have a judgment on this. But the question
Speaker 1: isn't about that. The question is about does she just
Speaker 1: tell the husband that's where we're going to come back to,
Speaker 1: And I think it is. I would be going and
Speaker 1: dissing all this information onto her about why I think
Speaker 1: she needs to tell him the reasons I believe, But
Speaker 1: then I'm not taking that on board for myself. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna go and be the one that tells the husband.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think that this woman probably needs a
Speaker 2: lot of support at the moment. I think that there
Speaker 2: is no good outcome in this situation. There is no
Speaker 2: good outcome for anyone involved, And yeah, I think it's
Speaker 2: just really fucking sad. Question number two, I truly believe
Speaker 2: that my ex from ten years ago is who I
Speaker 2: am meant to be with. We were really young and
Speaker 2: it just wasn't the right time back then. However, over
Speaker 2: the years there has been multiple times when we have
Speaker 2: talked about getting back together. There has just always been
Speaker 2: something that's gotten in the way. For example, work commitments,
Speaker 2: personal reasons, or one of us has been in a
Speaker 2: relationship when the other wasn't. Only a few months ago,
Speaker 2: when I was in a short term relationship, I found
Speaker 2: out that he was interested again. I'm not in that
Speaker 2: relationship anymore, but he has just started seeing someone.
Speaker 3: What do I do?
Speaker 2: No matter how much I try to convince myself I'm wrong,
Speaker 2: my gut keeps telling me that it's him and it
Speaker 2: will always be him who I am meant to be with.
Speaker 2: Should I try and talk to him about this? If so,
Speaker 2: what the hell do I say? Or just wait and
Speaker 2: see if time brings us back together again. We didn't
Speaker 2: end things on bad terms and have always stayed friends
Speaker 2: over the years, and I've always felt that there has
Speaker 2: been a connection between us. Is it just the one
Speaker 2: that got away and it's time to let that go?
Speaker 1: Oh? Okay, I have strong feelings about this, so do I?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 1: I wonder if I was the same my feelings, I yes,
Speaker 1: tell him my feelings are one hundred percent. Give it
Speaker 1: a go, because what have you got to lose. You
Speaker 1: either go back and it works and it's amazing and
Speaker 1: it's the right time, or you go back and you're.
Speaker 3: Like, whoa, what were we thinking? Thinking? Not for us?
Speaker 3: But I can go you one thing.
Speaker 1: If you don't have that conversation and you don't try,
Speaker 1: you've been thinking about this for ten years, you were
Speaker 1: going to think about it for another ten years, twenty years.
Speaker 1: If you meet someone else, it's always going to be
Speaker 1: in the back of your mind, whether you've romanticized the idea,
Speaker 1: Like there's a huge possibility that you have. You've forgotten
Speaker 1: why you broke up and you've just remembered the amazing things.
Speaker 1: We're all guilty of romanticizing in past relationships. But maybe
Speaker 1: you haven't, and maybe there is something really amazing there
Speaker 1: and it was the wrong time. Because I do think
Speaker 1: timing can play a lot into situations and relationships.
Speaker 2: I totally I know we could not be on the
Speaker 2: more same page with this. I do think there's probably
Speaker 2: a very good chance that you have romanticized how perfect
Speaker 2: this person is for you over the past ten years,
Speaker 2: how they're the one that got away. But you have
Speaker 2: to have a conversation about it. You have to lay
Speaker 2: your cards on the table, say exactly how you feel
Speaker 2: and explain to him that you want to have another
Speaker 2: shot at the relationship and see if that is reciprocated.
Speaker 2: And if it's not reciprocated, then you need to mentally
Speaker 2: close that door because if you keep it open indefinitely
Speaker 2: hoping that one time timing is going to align for
Speaker 2: the two of you, you will never ever ever allow
Speaker 2: yourself to be invested in another relationship because no relationship
Speaker 2: is ever going to live up to the fantasy of
Speaker 2: what you have created, also to the time in which
Speaker 2: you had with your ex. Because sometimes we compare new
Speaker 2: relationships with old relationships. You're comparing someone who you've never
Speaker 2: met before to someone who you've had now a decade
Speaker 2: of relationship with because he's also been your friend. So
Speaker 2: no one's ever going to live up to that. And
Speaker 2: so I think, even though he's just started seeing someone,
Speaker 2: it's time and he will make the decision. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: well I'm going to give this a shot or I'm not.
Speaker 2: And I really want to say and I say this
Speaker 2: from personal experience. Sometimes what you think a relationship could
Speaker 2: be the second time around is actually just the nail
Speaker 2: in the coffin, the reaffirmation that you needed that the
Speaker 2: relationship doesn't work as a romantic relationship. And I say
Speaker 2: this because in my twenties, I dated someone for almost
Speaker 2: six years and I was convinced that they were the
Speaker 2: person I was supposed to marry. The first night I
Speaker 2: met him, I came home to my mom and I said, Mum,
Speaker 2: I met the man I'm gonna marry tonight. And we
Speaker 2: persevered through so much in that relationship to try and
Speaker 2: make it work.
Speaker 3: We broke up and for.
Speaker 2: Another six years, like I held onto this idea that
Speaker 2: he was the man I was going to be with.
Speaker 2: Right And I'm talking like I had another long term
Speaker 2: relationship in there. I lived with him like it wasn't
Speaker 2: like I didn't date, like I was like very committed,
Speaker 2: but he was always there in the back of my
Speaker 2: head that we were going to end up together. And
Speaker 2: maybe a year before I did The Bachelor, we actually
Speaker 2: gave it another shot and it just wasn't. It just
Speaker 2: wasn't all the things that I had kind of tried
Speaker 2: to forget that were happening in our relationship. You know,
Speaker 2: when we very first were together for that six years,
Speaker 2: they kind of was still there. And like all the
Speaker 2: things that I thought he was so incredible about, he
Speaker 2: is incredible. He's a great guy, but he just wasn't
Speaker 2: the great guy for me and our life. I'd moved on.
Speaker 2: The things I thought I wanted were different to what
Speaker 2: I wanted back then, and it just didn't work.
Speaker 3: But I'm so grateful.
Speaker 2: I am so grateful that we gave it that shot,
Speaker 2: because if we hadn't, I think I would still have
Speaker 2: a bit of a pin for him.
Speaker 3: And this is what I want to say.
Speaker 1: You need a definitive answer, because I genuinely feel sorry
Speaker 1: for you, because I've been in a situation too, Laura,
Speaker 1: for that long where you've thought, maybe we're supposed to
Speaker 1: be together, it wasn't the right time. There is nothing
Speaker 1: worse than that being in the back of your head.
Speaker 1: You don't ever fully move on, you don't ever fully
Speaker 1: immerse yourself in your current relationship. And if you think
Speaker 1: in your gut, which you said, I think in my
Speaker 1: gut we're meant to be together, well that's not fair
Speaker 1: to whether you're with then, and you're never going to
Speaker 1: make that work if your mind is with someone else,
Speaker 1: Go figure that shit out. Ten years is a long
Speaker 1: time of back and forth, actually long. You said that
Speaker 1: you've gone back and forth multiple times talking about getting
Speaker 1: back together, But then you've said, what do I say
Speaker 1: to him?
Speaker 3: Just own it? Just say do you feel what I feel?
Speaker 1: Because for ten years I have tried to move on,
Speaker 1: but I always come back to you, is something here
Speaker 1: or not? Because I just want to know, because it's
Speaker 1: the uncertainty that does your head in life, the not knowing,
Speaker 1: and I personally think life is too short. Don't get
Speaker 1: your answer so you can close the chapter or move on.
Speaker 1: And the only other thing that interests me here is
Speaker 1: you've said recently, I found out he was interested. Again.
Speaker 1: I'm wondering what that means, because that doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: he has come to you and said, let's give it
Speaker 1: a shot.
Speaker 3: I found out he's interested.
Speaker 1: I'm almost wondering if someone, a mutual friend, has said
Speaker 1: something like, you know, I think that there could be
Speaker 1: something there still, it just didn't sound very convincing.
Speaker 3: But you have literally nothing to lose. You don't have him.
Speaker 3: What it does she does.
Speaker 2: The thing that she has to lose is the friendship
Speaker 2: because she's migrated this like romantic relationship into a ten
Speaker 2: year friendship. But the thing I really want to reiterate
Speaker 2: to you is that you are kidding yourself because you're
Speaker 2: not friends, because you don't romantically pine over your friends.
Speaker 2: So either have the conversation and then sever the relationship
Speaker 2: if it doesn't work out, like if he says, I'm
Speaker 2: actually not into you, I just want to stay friends. Sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm really invested in my new or whatever it is.
Speaker 2: You have to put on your big girl panties and say, Okay,
Speaker 2: I think it's probably best for us if we don't
Speaker 2: speak for quite a while, you know, and you need
Speaker 2: to go no contact because it's the only way that
Speaker 2: you're going to break those neurons in your brain that
Speaker 2: tells you that you're connected to him.
Speaker 3: You're wired to him.
Speaker 2: I remember this quote like when I was back in
Speaker 2: my Instagram hashtag quote era, and.
Speaker 1: It was I wish I knew you in that time.
Speaker 2: The right relationship at the wrong time is simply the
Speaker 2: wrong relationship. And it is so true because you can
Speaker 2: keep hoping that the right relationship is going to align
Speaker 2: and it just if it never does, it's never the
Speaker 2: right relationship.
Speaker 1: Okay, kids, sit down, Mama has a story. So my friend,
Speaker 1: a very good friend. She is my age, so thirty six,
Speaker 1: thirty seven, thirty four, thirty five, whatever, No, thirty.
Speaker 3: Six ety seven.
Speaker 1: She was married really young. She got married eighteen nineteen
Speaker 1: to her high school sweetheart, and you know, they felt
Speaker 1: meant to be. That's why they got married. And they
Speaker 1: spent a couple of years together living not in a city,
Speaker 1: like a little bit inland. I don't want to give
Speaker 1: anything away, but anyway, so nothing wrong with their life,
Speaker 1: great life, everything that they wanted to do. And then
Speaker 1: they just realized, and I think she realized more so,
Speaker 1: oh gosh, there's nothing wrong with this relationship. I love
Speaker 1: you so much, but my mind and my thoughts are elsewhere.
Speaker 1: Like I think I want more in life, and I
Speaker 1: want to go different. I want to go travel, I
Speaker 1: want to do this and this and study and move
Speaker 1: different cities. And he was distraught because he's like, wow,
Speaker 1: I thought this was forever. Anyway, they divorced. They broke up,
Speaker 1: and they got a divorce, and she moved to the
Speaker 1: city and started do all these things she wanted to do,
Speaker 1: and years went past.
Speaker 3: They weren't in contact. Years.
Speaker 1: She had a baby with somebody else, and then that
Speaker 1: didn't work out, so she was doing single mum life.
Speaker 3: And then one.
Speaker 1: Day, this is like a movie, she was in a
Speaker 1: supermarket in the New Pound that she'd moved to again,
Speaker 1: so far away from wherever they lived.
Speaker 3: She was in a supermarket and she was walking down
Speaker 3: the aisland.
Speaker 1: She ran into her first husband, her high school sweetheart,
Speaker 1: and they hadn't spoken in year. Speaking of romanticize, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like ten years or something.
Speaker 3: Caught up because it was not. They didn't end badly.
Speaker 3: How I yep, this.
Speaker 1: Is my son, like you know, like crazy crazy catch up.
Speaker 1: And then they were like, well, you know, we should
Speaker 1: catch up sometimes. So they caught up. They are remarried
Speaker 1: now with another child. They fell back in love and
Speaker 1: realized that it was the perfect example of the right
Speaker 1: person at the wrong time, and that doesn't happen often,
Speaker 1: and they have everything they wanted now. They're back in
Speaker 1: the house they wanted with the kids, the family life,
Speaker 1: beautiful relationship, and it was just they refound each other
Speaker 1: at the right time. So I am a believer that
Speaker 1: you should go and chase this for sure, but not sorry,
Speaker 1: not chase it, investigate it, but you have to be
Speaker 1: ready to close the door if it because that's that
Speaker 1: is a fairy tale, you know, the story I just told.
Speaker 3: It totally is.
Speaker 2: But also the thing that I think is important to
Speaker 2: take from that is that they went and they lived
Speaker 2: their lives hundreds. They didn't sit in the you know,
Speaker 2: in relationships being like, oh my god, I wish I
Speaker 2: was still with my ex.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they lived their lives.
Speaker 2: She had a kid with someone else, she was in
Speaker 2: other relationships, and then they rekindled and then they made
Speaker 2: that decision. But it's the pining over a love that
Speaker 2: you can't have that means you're robbing yourself from a
Speaker 2: relationship that you deserve. So either have the conversation or
Speaker 2: if you can't have the conversation, you need to go
Speaker 2: cold turkey and sever the friendship then because it's simply
Speaker 2: just not a friendship.
Speaker 3: I agree. Okay, question number three.
Speaker 2: I'm planning on moving out with my boyfriend and our
Speaker 2: two mates in three months to Sydney. For reference, we've
Speaker 2: been dating for six years and I've been friends with
Speaker 2: his mates the whole time. I've been looking at places,
Speaker 2: and I'm just kind of confused as to how couples
Speaker 2: pay rent when they're sharing with friends. Are we expected
Speaker 2: to split the payment evenly by all four of us,
Speaker 2: even though my boyfriend and I are going to be
Speaker 2: sharing the same room. Obviously bills are paid per person,
Speaker 2: but I feel like it's kind of unfair that we
Speaker 2: only get half a room. I haven't moved out before,
Speaker 2: so I'm not sure what roommate etiquette is.
Speaker 3: Oh, I remember these days. This is a tricky one,
Speaker 3: and it's so dependent.
Speaker 1: There's no black and white. It's so dependent on the
Speaker 1: house you move it into rooms you're moving into and
Speaker 1: do you get non suite? Do you get parking? Is
Speaker 1: there any one parking spot? Who's getting that? These people
Speaker 1: are going to pay more, right, But from what I
Speaker 1: experienced and what I saw, if there's a three bedroom
Speaker 1: house and there's a single person and then a single
Speaker 1: person and then a double two people in one room,
Speaker 1: the two people don't pay the three hundred each, but
Speaker 1: they definitely do pay more. You don't split the three
Speaker 1: hundred to one point fifty each because that's not fair
Speaker 1: for everybody else. But you also aren't getting in an
Speaker 1: entire room. So what I used to see when I
Speaker 1: was looking for rentals, it was always, for example, someone
Speaker 1: would say, hey, if you're looking for this room and
Speaker 1: you're a.
Speaker 3: Single person, it's four hundred. If you are a couple that.
Speaker 1: Are moving in, it's six point fifty for example, or
Speaker 1: six hundred. So it's you're paying more, but you're not
Speaker 1: paying exactly double more. You still get a bit of
Speaker 1: a discount because you are only getting half a room,
Speaker 1: but it's not fair to everyone else in the house
Speaker 1: for you to pay half.
Speaker 3: Well, you're not getting half a room. You're still getting
Speaker 3: a whole house.
Speaker 2: You're getting half a room each, but you're getting the
Speaker 2: entire house to live in it to accommay.
Speaker 1: And then usually the person in a house that has
Speaker 1: the double room usually gets a better bathroom or an
Speaker 1: on suite. There's usually stuff attached with the bigger, better room,
Speaker 1: so you definitely have to pay more, just so you know.
Speaker 2: So I had this relatively recently. I mean I was
Speaker 2: pregnant with Matt living and sharing still. Yeah, well Matt,
Speaker 2: when I was pregnant with Marlee, Matt and I shared
Speaker 2: and we lived with housemates. I know when you say
Speaker 2: that was five years ago. When you say recently, I
Speaker 2: thought someone was moving in like a.
Speaker 3: Year ago, we still had recently.
Speaker 2: Well, I guess, like as in when you think about
Speaker 2: us having kids and stuff like that is still pretty recent.
Speaker 2: We are Not only was there two people in the room,
Speaker 2: there were three people in the room. I was pregnant
Speaker 2: living in that house. But we the way we did
Speaker 2: it is we had a three bedroom house and our
Speaker 2: room was the room that had the on suite, so
Speaker 2: it was already a slightly more expensive room, which meant
Speaker 2: that Matt was already paying a little bit more money.
Speaker 2: And then I paid an additional two hundred dollars when
Speaker 2: I moved in a week, so I was paying for
Speaker 2: the space that I was occupying, but I wasn't paying
Speaker 2: additional for the bedroom that he was already in. I
Speaker 2: was just paying to make everybody else's rent go down,
Speaker 2: so Matt's rent stayed the same. I paid an additional
Speaker 2: one hundred dollars of each of their rents, which I
Speaker 2: think was a fair additional payment, and it made their
Speaker 2: rent super affordable, so they were all for it. But
Speaker 2: I guess the big thing is is, don't look at
Speaker 2: this as though you're only getting half a room because
Speaker 2: it's actually a pain in the ask because I'm sure
Speaker 2: so many people have experienced this when you move into
Speaker 2: a house with a friend and then their boyfriend or
Speaker 2: their girlfriend starts coming over all the fucking time, and
Speaker 2: they're not paying anything. Yes, they're sleeping in their bedroom,
Speaker 2: but they are occupying your space. They are occupying the
Speaker 2: lounge room, the kitchen, the fridge, the electricity, all that stuff, so.
Speaker 1: The noise, the air pollution, and also just like you're
Speaker 1: there in a toilet pays and the toilet if they've
Speaker 1: got ibs more toilet paper, thank you, that's it.
Speaker 3: Maybe you buy your own toilet paper.
Speaker 2: But I do think, yeah, I think as a couple,
Speaker 2: you obviously have to pay more. Do I think that
Speaker 2: it's it's double what an individual person pays. No, but
Speaker 2: I do think it needs to be a considerable amount more.
Speaker 2: And I think just had that conversation with them of like, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: if we're putting in three hundred dollars each and there
Speaker 2: is a better bedroom, then I think it's pretty obvious
Speaker 2: that we would take that as the couple who is
Speaker 2: paying the extra additional money if all the bedrooms are
Speaker 2: the same or we're expected to take a bedroom that's
Speaker 2: not as good as, like, you know, the top bedroom,
Speaker 2: then we'll pay a little bit less and we'll work
Speaker 2: it out. But I think that that's just a very
Speaker 2: open conversation that you have to have now while you're looking.
Speaker 2: You definitely can't have it when you find the place
Speaker 2: that you love, because everybody in their head has the
Speaker 2: amount that they're okay to spend. But the problem is
Speaker 2: is that if you're going to spend a little bit more,
Speaker 2: so if you guys are both going to spend two
Speaker 2: fifty each, you're also expecting everybody else's rent to go up.
Speaker 2: So that's why you have to be aware of what
Speaker 2: it is that you either three or four of your
Speaker 2: five you have a moving into this house.
Speaker 3: I'm mutually okay with spending.
Speaker 1: My number one piece of advice here, having lived all
Speaker 1: over the world with people I know, with strangers, like
Speaker 1: so many different kinds of roommates.
Speaker 3: Yeah, same with homeown.
Speaker 1: I've lived with the homeowner, when is it I would
Speaker 1: hate that, like so many different types, and I've lived
Speaker 1: with partners. The one thing that I will say is
Speaker 1: have every conversation done and everyone on the same page.
Speaker 1: And understood about finances completely, not just the rent, but
Speaker 1: how are you going to do the groceries, how you're
Speaker 1: going to do the bills? Everything needs to be sorted
Speaker 1: before you move in, because I guarantee you there will
Speaker 1: be big problems and uncomfortable situations if you don't have those,
Speaker 1: even with friends like you think that my best friend.
Speaker 3: Whatever.
Speaker 1: Money, Money is a crazy thing and does crazy thing
Speaker 1: to people.
Speaker 2: Yes, I think especially with housemates. I think like housemates
Speaker 2: can really be or they don't. Sometimes it doesn't end
Speaker 2: up in big conversations, but it ends up in like
Speaker 2: a lot of resentments and.
Speaker 3: The tension you can cut with.
Speaker 2: And I hate it all the fucking passive aggressive texts
Speaker 2: that you receive and you're like, fuck off, just say
Speaker 2: it to my face.
Speaker 3: Me home in five ou.
Speaker 1: Why eat my fucking NATCHO is the fridge that I
Speaker 1: left over? I was saving this for the last week.
Speaker 3: Britt.
Speaker 2: How did it go when you lived in the house
Speaker 2: with the homeowner?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 1: He was great, right, he was lovely, But I not
Speaker 1: once ever I felt comfortable. I never felt like I
Speaker 1: was in my own home. And I was paying a
Speaker 1: lot of money for that because it was a beautiful
Speaker 1: home in BONDI like that was when I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm going to live in I do know that.
Speaker 3: I was about to say, did you fuck him?
Speaker 2: Then I was like, no, I know you remember now,
Speaker 2: definitely did not. You never felt like it was your home.
Speaker 2: You Even when I came over, it was always a
Speaker 2: little bit like we were in Daddy's house.
Speaker 3: Don't go on, Daddy. I can't get that amage out
Speaker 3: of my head.
Speaker 1: Now. I can hear beer Daddy like in his relationship
Speaker 1: Daddy vibe Beard Daddy. No, but it was I never
Speaker 1: felt a home. I don't recommend living with the homeowner
Speaker 1: if you can avoid it, because even though they want
Speaker 1: to make you they're like being home, it's yours, it's
Speaker 1: not yours.
Speaker 2: They own it and they're there. Yeah, and they're there,
Speaker 2: and you just can't. You can't treat it like it's
Speaker 2: you're in space. Yeah, I agree. I've lived in every
Speaker 2: every variation of housemates I've lived with.
Speaker 3: Or you don't want to have sex in there too.
Speaker 1: I remember once I was having sex and that was
Speaker 1: really loud, and I was like, oh my god, Daddy's
Speaker 1: going to hear tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't recommend I've had every variation. I've lived
Speaker 2: with girlfriends, I've lived with strangers. I've lived with girlfriends
Speaker 2: and my boyfriend's moved in. I've lived with a boyfriend
Speaker 2: and friends. I've been pregnant living with housemates. Like, seriously,
Speaker 2: I could not have lived in more variations of like
Speaker 2: housemate living arrangements. And I would just say, like, I
Speaker 2: completely agree with you, Britt. Having all conversations about money
Speaker 2: now is the best way of going about it, and
Speaker 2: you can just gauge it. I think if you're worried
Speaker 2: about like overpaying, I think you can say, hey, guys,
Speaker 2: I've just been looking online at how most places seem
Speaker 2: to divvy up payments.
Speaker 3: This seems to be what is standard. How do you
Speaker 3: feel about this? How you cool with that? And then
Speaker 3: get their opinions.
Speaker 2: They might say, oh, actually, nah, we're all going to
Speaker 2: pitch in three hundred and we think it needs to
Speaker 2: be fair and even, and then you decide whether you're
Speaker 2: okay with that, And if you're not okay with it,
Speaker 2: then maybe you and your boyfriend just move out together.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And the food shit's a big one. I can't stress
Speaker 3: that enough.
Speaker 1: People are really funny about food I've lived with people
Speaker 1: that have written stuff like their name on stuff like
Speaker 1: the butter. Don't use the scrape of that butter because
Speaker 1: I'll know if there's any bread crumbs in the butter,
Speaker 1: they'll know you used it. That's, you know, speaking from experience.
Speaker 2: Also, what I do want to say is you're living
Speaker 2: with a whole heap of boys. And what I've discovered
Speaker 2: when I live with a lot of obviously live in
Speaker 2: house with my boyfriend and four of his mates, well
Speaker 2: they're gross, but also they eat so much more than
Speaker 2: you eat, and you end up bankrolling their appetite, and
Speaker 2: it is the most frustrating and also just financially depleting thing.
Speaker 3: I really struggled with it.
Speaker 2: And I would have to pitch in the same amount
Speaker 2: to groceries and they would fucking eat everything. So I
Speaker 2: would say consider that because maybe just you and your
Speaker 2: partner go for groceries and then you have some communal
Speaker 2: stuff like you know, the milk or the butter or whatever.
Speaker 2: But I think if you're all just doing like group groceries,
Speaker 2: you will find that you are paying twice as much
Speaker 2: because most of the time guys eat more than girls.
Speaker 3: They just do him to do a shelf, each shelf,
Speaker 3: each pantry each that's it. That's my shit. There's my milk.
Speaker 1: Whatever.
Speaker 3: You get your own butter, you get your own milk.
Speaker 3: I agree, I agree. I think it's time anyway. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that is it from us.
Speaker 1: Guys. Please, if you have your questions, keep them rolling
Speaker 1: into the Instagram. On the interweb lifeun Cut podcast, just
Speaker 1: put ask on cut the top. You'll always say anonymous.
Speaker 1: I promise, even if you haven't sex with your cousin,
Speaker 1: we don't look at who you are.
Speaker 2: We don't look. And also I need an aftermath of this.
Speaker 2: I have to know what you do if you tell
Speaker 2: the husband. If you don't tell the husband, I just oh,
Speaker 2: I won't be able to sleep ever again.
Speaker 1: You've done me over one hundred percent. I'm going to sleep,
Speaker 1: but I'm also gonna think about it. I'm going to
Speaker 1: think about you every day about it. That's worse about
Speaker 1: the cousins, say, sex with cousins, what do we dream
Speaker 1: about that?
Speaker 3: Now? I'm glad I don't.
Speaker 2: I'm not close to my cousins, so like I mean,
Speaker 2: I yeah, like they like them, they're lovely people, but
Speaker 2: like I don't see them enough to ever have to
Speaker 2: worry about these.
Speaker 1: I remember having a crush on my cousin when I
Speaker 1: was like six or seven years old. You know when
Speaker 1: you're with that now, yeah, I don't care. When you're
Speaker 1: six and seven, you've got no concept of who they are.
Speaker 1: And he was like, oh he was a girl. He
Speaker 1: was like ten years older than me, and you're like,
Speaker 1: he's a hotty. D's a teenager. You know, he's at
Speaker 1: high school. And for me, he was just like this
Speaker 1: person we used to hang out with. But I remember
Speaker 1: it wasn't a crush crush, like I liked him, you're
Speaker 1: six years old, But it was like, you know, when
Speaker 1: you're Marley likes to hang out with guys, you know
Speaker 1: what they like.
Speaker 3: I always I take it back.
Speaker 2: I had to crush my cousin too, but he was
Speaker 2: my stepdad's sister's son, so not technically related.
Speaker 3: No, you've got no idea I could have had sex
Speaker 3: with him.
Speaker 1: I reckon most people listening, or a lot of people
Speaker 1: would understand what we're talking about. Have that crush on
Speaker 1: someone in your family that you don't know, No, but
Speaker 1: when you've got no concept, you're young enough that you
Speaker 1: don't know who they are. But none of us are
Speaker 1: having sex with our cousins.
Speaker 2: I think you get over a certain age and that
Speaker 2: all kind of falls by the wayside.
Speaker 3: Kisha is horrified. Horrified.
Speaker 1: Imagine if your cousin was Chanting Taina, you would fuck
Speaker 1: your cousin.
Speaker 3: If your cousin was Jason, Mamo or Laurie, we would.
Speaker 3: You'd do it. You'd bend the rules, wouldn't you. All Right,
Speaker 3: that's it from us. I like and subscribe later.
Speaker 2: Review anyway, you.
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