Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys and all, welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 2: Life Uncut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our
Speaker 2: Thursday episode, our down and dirty little number where we
Speaker 2: answer or you and you're burning questions.
Speaker 1: Now, Laura, you've been wanting to try something out.
Speaker 2: Something you read meditation to relax, try to orgasm, relax
Speaker 2: my body.
Speaker 1: You're like, how can I come without touching myself, my
Speaker 1: mind and my spirit.
Speaker 2: No, I haven't been trying to try something out, but
Speaker 2: it's something you got to. But I will. I absolutely will,
Speaker 2: because you all know how fucking lazy I am. So
Speaker 2: if I can orgasm with just my mind, that sounds
Speaker 2: like a great time.
Speaker 1: So start of the start, because you pretty much came
Speaker 1: in hot being like I'm gonna come without doing anything.
Speaker 2: Okay. I found this article. It was in the deep
Speaker 2: dark corners of the web. It's a Vice article that's
Speaker 2: written by a woman named Genatnic, and it says I
Speaker 2: tried to orgasm using only my mind. So apparently there
Speaker 2: are these different techniques that you can use, which are
Speaker 2: like erotic hypnosis and orgasmic breathing techniques, which mean that
Speaker 2: you can just lay on your bed in a meditative state.
Speaker 1: Oh, I think, think.
Speaker 2: Erotic thoughts, think about being touched, and your body will
Speaker 2: have an orgasm for you without having to do anything.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I guess is that the idea behind
Speaker 1: a wet dream? Right? You go to sleep at night,
Speaker 1: you dream something. You don't necessarily have to touch yourself.
Speaker 1: But people can orgasm in their.
Speaker 2: Sleep, right, Well, I mean you know I haven't, Okay,
Speaker 2: I I yes, this is a fact, because I can
Speaker 2: orgasm in my sleep, not like whenever I want to.
Speaker 2: I don't go to bed and go all tonight's the night.
Speaker 1: Do you wake up like touching yourself? No, No, it's
Speaker 1: your dream.
Speaker 2: I've told you this before.
Speaker 1: If I'm just trying to get the details, I don't
Speaker 1: know if we went into detail.
Speaker 2: Okay, No, you just wake up mid orgasm and you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: well that was good, and then you go back to sleep.
Speaker 2: But you're not touching yourself. It just it happens. I'm
Speaker 2: like a fourteen year old boy sometimes.
Speaker 1: So it's a thing. So what does one have to do?
Speaker 1: And can anyone do it? Okay? No?
Speaker 2: So I put it out to the mind. Trust, I
Speaker 2: put it out to you, guys. I asked the question
Speaker 2: on our socials has anybody orgasm just from thinking about
Speaker 2: an orgasm? So so many people wrote in saying that
Speaker 2: they've had, like, you know, your stereotypical orgasm in your sleep.
Speaker 1: That's stereotypical. It is not stereotypical. Some of us cannot
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 2: That's boring news. But what we wanted to know is
Speaker 2: who has had an organ just from thinking. There was
Speaker 2: one girl who had an orgasm in a sauna. She
Speaker 2: didn't go into detail. She just said she was sitting in.
Speaker 1: A sauna alone. I think she was a lot happens
Speaker 1: in the old sauna.
Speaker 2: I think she was alone and it was warm, and
Speaker 2: she was thinking nice thoughts. It was warm, it was moist,
Speaker 2: it was a great environment. Why do we hate the
Speaker 2: word moist so much? But like people have an aversion
Speaker 2: to the word moist. I think it's like one of
Speaker 2: those things that people tell you that you're supposed to hate.
Speaker 2: So then when someone says it, you're like, oh, moist
Speaker 2: best word.
Speaker 1: It's not the best word. I don't know why.
Speaker 2: A moist cake.
Speaker 1: Okay, So she came in the sauna just by thinking.
Speaker 2: There is another girl who had an orgasm on a
Speaker 2: bus in Vietnam, very specific while she was thinking about
Speaker 2: her crush and they were going over bumps. So I
Speaker 2: feel like there was a little bit of turbulence.
Speaker 1: It was the bumpy road turbulence.
Speaker 2: But also she wasn't touching herself. She was just thinking
Speaker 2: about her crush and then she had an orgasm.
Speaker 1: Well that's also okay. So here's the thing, right, That's
Speaker 1: not like you're just laying in bed thinking. That's still
Speaker 1: a vibration. She's masturbating. It's not intentional, but the vibration
Speaker 1: of the bumps is what's doing it, right.
Speaker 2: Okay. Also this person, I mean, yeah, look, this is
Speaker 2: also she's not touching herself, but she's using an apparatus.
Speaker 2: She said. She said that she was having some good
Speaker 2: thoughts and then she was doing a foam roll and
Speaker 2: she had an orgasm.
Speaker 1: Poam roller got the hips and stuff.
Speaker 2: Well it doesn't say I don't think she pham rolled
Speaker 2: her clitorists, but she was just she was just pham
Speaker 2: rolling and then she had an orgasm. Okay, So jealous
Speaker 2: of these people. One person watched porn, didn't touch themselves,
Speaker 2: just came from watching porn.
Speaker 1: Okay, but here's my thing, right, this is all incredible,
Speaker 1: and I'm very jealous, But this isn't laying in bed
Speaker 1: meditating thinking of an orgasm like this. People still using
Speaker 1: external apparatuses.
Speaker 2: You said, yeah, but you're just laying on your bed
Speaker 2: watching porn and you have an orgasm about touching. That's amazing.
Speaker 1: That's amazing, it's incredible. You're a superhuman. That is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're doing God's work. Peeling this back to basics. We
Speaker 1: have been told by professionals that not all women can orgasm.
Speaker 1: There are some women in the world that can't orgasm.
Speaker 1: So I think it's pretty wild to think that anyone
Speaker 1: can go and lay down and meditate an orgasm, Like,
Speaker 1: surely you've got to be one of those people that
Speaker 1: orgasm very freely.
Speaker 2: There are I'm not exaggerating this, there are hundreds of
Speaker 2: people who have written back saying that they do orgasm
Speaker 2: in their sleep. And then we've got another person who
Speaker 2: had an orgasm. They were very much awake and they
Speaker 2: imagined having sex with their pa.
Speaker 1: Well, the pair is in the room.
Speaker 2: No, I shouldn't have an orgasm in front of her pa.
Speaker 2: She just hadn't.
Speaker 1: You can't control it.
Speaker 2: She had a fantasy about her PA and it made
Speaker 2: her have an orgasm.
Speaker 1: Wow. So are these people trying to do it or
Speaker 1: is it just happening? Are they consciously laying down thinking
Speaker 1: I'm going to meditate to orgasm or is it like
Speaker 1: this one sounds like she just slipped on into it accidentally.
Speaker 2: I don't think you can. I mean, can you ever
Speaker 2: go into something like even going into sex, Being like
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have an orgasm usually makes the orgasm feel
Speaker 2: a lot further away. So I feel like if you're
Speaker 2: laying down just to have a rest and you think
Speaker 2: I'm kind of orgasm, it probably isn't going to come.
Speaker 2: I feel like it just is something that you know
Speaker 2: washes over you.
Speaker 1: Did they tell you what you have to do to
Speaker 1: do it? Are there some rules and stipulations?
Speaker 2: Okay, so I did do a little bit of a
Speaker 2: deep dive into this, and apparently it's all about using
Speaker 2: your mind. Obviously, Yes, it is rooted mind the pun
Speaker 2: in thousands of years of Taoistic and tantric practices, and
Speaker 2: it is very popular. This is what it says. It's
Speaker 2: a very popular exercise among plenty of fetish communities, using
Speaker 2: non physical stimulation like breathing exercises, hypnosis, and meditation. So
Speaker 2: the writer of this article, Gina Tonic, she actually to
Speaker 2: try and get the end goal of having an orgasm.
Speaker 2: She didn't just lay down and then use her erotic thoughts.
Speaker 2: There was four different steps and she kind of went
Speaker 2: through this like four day phase. So on day one
Speaker 2: she did erotic hypnosis, which she went to a licensed
Speaker 2: hypnotist to go and do that part of it.
Speaker 1: That's obviously something you can just learn.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know, but I don't think that that
Speaker 2: actually gave her an orgasm. I think it was just
Speaker 2: to try and like unlock her sexual needs and desires. Now,
Speaker 2: the second part of this was orgasmic breathing. So apparently
Speaker 2: if you concentrate on your breathing, not that that's going
Speaker 2: to get you to an orgasm, but concentrating on your
Speaker 2: breathing apparently unlocks a deeper, bigger, more exciting orgasm than
Speaker 2: shallow breathing. I mean, yeah, there's a lot to be
Speaker 2: said for breathing.
Speaker 1: People do whole breathing courses.
Speaker 2: So breath work. Yeah, breath work didn't make getter to otown,
Speaker 2: but you know, apparently it helps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: Number three is a thing called coorgasm. So this is
Speaker 2: kind of like a combination of doing core exercises and
Speaker 2: pelvic floor exercises and it's like a fitness work. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but apparently doing these specific coorgasm type exercises can bring
Speaker 2: on an orgasm of itself, so you're actually instead of
Speaker 2: like stimulating yourself with your hands, you're kind of internally
Speaker 2: stimulating yourself. So like public floor exercises, like do it now,
Speaker 2: do a bit of a pelp. It's a bit of rousey.
Speaker 1: You actually you can, yeah, kick.
Speaker 2: To a few more, wear some time jeans and do it. Okay.
Speaker 2: And then number four was another thing called lucid dreaming,
Speaker 2: which I think very much links into this idea, which
Speaker 2: is what so many of you wrote in saying, is
Speaker 2: that you'll have an orgasm when you're dreaming. So lucid
Speaker 2: dreaming is that space when I think you would think
Speaker 2: that you're asleep, but you're not quite asleep and you're
Speaker 2: not quite awake, but you have yeah, you're aware that
Speaker 2: you're dreaming that really and like you have those really
Speaker 2: weird rapid thoughts and it will take you like you know,
Speaker 2: you'll be doing some crazy shit and it kind of
Speaker 2: feels like you're in a dream. But that apparently is
Speaker 2: a really remarkable space to have orgasms in.
Speaker 1: It's like the only lucid dream because I feel like
Speaker 1: I've had them before, but the only ones I've had
Speaker 1: because it's when you know you're in the dream but
Speaker 1: you can't get out of it and you can manipulate it.
Speaker 1: I've had it before where I'm just like a scary dream,
Speaker 1: you know, like a murder dream, and someone's chasing me
Speaker 1: and I know it's like I'm telling myself, this is
Speaker 1: a dream, don't be scared. But I still can't get
Speaker 1: out of it, and I still have to manipulate the dream,
Speaker 1: like I know where I have to go to hide
Speaker 1: to get away. Have you ever had those?
Speaker 2: Okay, well but no, but next time you can manipulate
Speaker 2: the dream so you can run away hard and masturbate
Speaker 2: and maybe you will have an orgasm without having to
Speaker 2: touch yourself.
Speaker 1: Well maybe I'll try and yeah, divert it from a
Speaker 1: scary dream to a sex dream next time I have
Speaker 1: a lucid dream.
Speaker 2: I mean, in theory, it would be very nice to
Speaker 2: be able to just lay there and get yourself to otown.
Speaker 1: But then do you think you'd get lazier? Yes?
Speaker 2: But also I mean, how lazy is it to just
Speaker 2: whip out a vibrator and use that instead? I feel
Speaker 2: like that is lazier. It's a faster way to get
Speaker 2: yourself to where you want to be rather than laying
Speaker 2: down doing orgasms and breath work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then would you do you
Speaker 1: think if you could just lay down and come without
Speaker 1: doing anything that like you wouldn't put the effort in
Speaker 1: with your partners.
Speaker 2: Anymore, and like, hey, honey, I'm just gonna go for
Speaker 2: a laid down all right.
Speaker 1: Well, maybe we all need to go start up with
Speaker 1: this forte corps.
Speaker 2: I want to know though, if anybody else has just
Speaker 2: and I know that the dreaming thing is a big thing,
Speaker 2: So like, if you've had an orgasm dreaming like you know,
Speaker 2: good for you, good for me. We've all done it.
Speaker 2: Actually we haven't all done it, but a lot of
Speaker 2: us have done it. But if you have managed to
Speaker 2: get yourself to being able to have an orgasm just
Speaker 2: from like, you know, the use of your own erotic thoughts,
Speaker 2: I want to hear more about this, because this, to
Speaker 2: me is absolutely fucking wild. Slide into the dms. Give
Speaker 2: us a little bit of a rundown on how you
Speaker 2: get there, on what you do, how you get yourself
Speaker 2: in the mood. Is this like a whole self love
Speaker 2: thing where it's.
Speaker 1: Something you had to learn and train and study. I
Speaker 1: want to know at all? And where send the links
Speaker 1: to a four.
Speaker 2: Day course for any wants to sign up. All right,
Speaker 2: let's get into answering you deep. You're dark and you're
Speaker 2: burning questions. So I met this guy at a bar
Speaker 2: a few weeks ago and we went home together later
Speaker 2: that night. After stalking him on socials, I figured out
Speaker 2: that he has a fiance and a baby. Oh it
Speaker 2: gets really weird. I confronted him about it, and he
Speaker 2: says that they were engaged, but he decided to call
Speaker 2: it off and just be friends just before the baby
Speaker 2: was born. However, they haven't told anyone this as her
Speaker 2: family is super religious and they are trying to navigate
Speaker 2: the situation together. They still live together. I told him
Speaker 2: I can't continue to see him unless he can prove
Speaker 2: to me he isn't in a relationship, or unless he
Speaker 2: tells her about me. He said he doesn't really know
Speaker 2: how he would be able to prove it and isn't
Speaker 2: ready to tell her unless he knows if we are
Speaker 2: going somewhere. I really like this guy. The sex was
Speaker 2: amazing and there is definitely something there between us, But
Speaker 2: my gut says that maybe he's lying. Should I cut
Speaker 2: it off now before I get any more invested.
Speaker 1: I'm straight out of the gateway.
Speaker 2: I think he's telling the truth. I think he's being
Speaker 2: a really nice, upstanding guy. I think you should give
Speaker 2: him the benefit of the doubt. And you know's not
Speaker 2: telling the truth. He lives with his partner, they are
Speaker 2: having a baby. He's cheating on his partner.
Speaker 1: This is what every part of my gut instinct tells
Speaker 1: me in this situation. I think every part of you
Speaker 1: wants to believe him for sure, because you obviously had
Speaker 1: an attraction to him, and there was maybe a crush there,
Speaker 1: or there was some sort of feelings there. So you
Speaker 1: always want to see the best in people. But every
Speaker 1: single flag here is pointing to red.
Speaker 2: I just think when you were writing this out, were
Speaker 2: you just like, oh, yeah, he's definitely fucking lying to me.
Speaker 2: I feel like, as soon as you write this question
Speaker 2: out and you can see it for point blank for
Speaker 2: what it is, my thing is he says, Oh, there's
Speaker 2: no way for me to prove it that we've broken up.
Speaker 2: If he really wanted to prove it, there would be
Speaker 2: a way for him to prove it. There would be
Speaker 2: text messages between him and his partner being like, you know,
Speaker 2: we've broken up whatever. It's not like you walk in
Speaker 2: one day and say, hey, honey, I think we should
Speaker 2: separate and still live together and raise this baby together
Speaker 2: and pretend to everybody else that we're still together and
Speaker 2: never text about it. There are ways for him to
Speaker 2: prove it to you if he could prove it. The
Speaker 2: reason why he says he doesn't know how he could
Speaker 2: prove it and he wants to keep you a secret
Speaker 2: is because he is fucking lying.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's got a whole other lie, and.
Speaker 2: He has a whole other life. And also, I mean,
Speaker 2: it just sounds like to me, even if he isn't lying,
Speaker 2: even if let's just say, for some amazing, remarkable reason
Speaker 2: that he is telling the truth, benefit of the doubt,
Speaker 2: this is so much baggage. Do you want to be
Speaker 2: in a relationship with someone where they're going to keep
Speaker 2: you alie.
Speaker 1: And someone that has well, I'm assuming he's quite a
Speaker 1: new baby, a newborn baby, I don't know, but he's
Speaker 1: got a baby with somebody recently that he still lives with.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if it's the relationship you want to
Speaker 1: be jumping into.
Speaker 2: No, should you cut it off with him now before
Speaker 2: you get more invested. The answer to this, in I
Speaker 2: think this is the most black and white question we've
Speaker 2: ever received, is absolutely yes. And do I think he's
Speaker 2: lying to Yes, you said, my gut tells me he's lying.
Speaker 2: I think that this is such an important thing because
Speaker 2: sometimes we want to disbelieve our intuition. We try so
Speaker 2: hard to ignore what our intuition is telling us because
Speaker 2: we want something so much, we want the reality to
Speaker 2: be different, and so we just kind of we will
Speaker 2: ignore what our gut's telling us because the fantasy of
Speaker 2: what we want is so much greater. And I think
Speaker 2: in this instance, your warning internal warning systems are saying,
Speaker 2: like meee, this is a fucking bad idea, but you're
Speaker 2: trying to ignore it because you want him.
Speaker 1: Always go with your gut instinct. Trust your gut instinct.
Speaker 1: That's what we're going to drive home here. This is
Speaker 1: alarm bells all over. From the second the first word
Speaker 1: I read, which was I, to the end was invested.
Speaker 1: The whole thing is aginal alarm all right, Save your soul,
Speaker 1: save your heart, save your emotions, and just don't even
Speaker 1: go any deeper.
Speaker 2: Question number two. I'm getting married next year and I
Speaker 2: don't know if I want my dad to walk me
Speaker 2: down the aisle. One. I don't feel totally comfortable with
Speaker 2: the concept of the father giving the bride away. I
Speaker 2: feel like it's a little bit outdated and low key
Speaker 2: gives me the ick. Number two. My dad and I
Speaker 2: have a good relationship, but we aren't super close. What
Speaker 2: are your thoughts on the bride walking down the aisle
Speaker 2: solo and how I should approach this conversation with my dad?
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, I guess this is one I haven't
Speaker 1: overly thought of before because I haven't been in a
Speaker 1: position where you know, I'm getting married and thinking about it,
Speaker 1: and I haven't had the conversation with my dad. My
Speaker 1: first thought before we throw to you, Laura, is that
Speaker 1: at this day and age, I think you can do
Speaker 1: anything you want to do at a wedding, whatever you're
Speaker 1: comfortable with. I think a lot of people think it's
Speaker 1: really nice to have this tradition, and I think there's
Speaker 1: no wrong and right with a wedding anymore. I think
Speaker 1: you do whatever you're comfortable with in maybe you want
Speaker 1: to include your out in a different in the ceremony
Speaker 1: if you don't feel comfortable with him physically walking you
Speaker 1: down and giving you away. There are so many other
Speaker 1: ways that you can include someone in a ceremony, but
Speaker 1: first and foremost, you have to be comfortable.
Speaker 2: On your day totally. And I think, like just on
Speaker 2: what you said, Britt, like this idea of it can
Speaker 2: be a really beautiful thing. I think it's only a
Speaker 2: really beautiful thing if the relationship you have with your
Speaker 2: dad is a really beautiful thing. If like it's a
Speaker 2: special moment to you because it signifies something that's important
Speaker 2: to you, you know, I think that then it's a
Speaker 2: really beautiful thing for me. I found this really tricky
Speaker 2: because my parents got divorced when I was really little.
Speaker 2: They got divorced when I was three, and my dad
Speaker 2: was an army major. I mean, we had a good relationship,
Speaker 2: but he wasn't around a lot like he spent a
Speaker 2: lot of time away. He moved to Townsville, so he
Speaker 2: wasn't even in the same state as me, So we
Speaker 2: had a pretty disjointed connection for a lot of years.
Speaker 2: And so it didn't feel right to me to just
Speaker 2: have my dad walk me down the aisle and not
Speaker 2: my mom. So I had my dad and my mom
Speaker 2: walked me down the aisle. I now, I have a
Speaker 2: great relationship with both of them, but trying to preference
Speaker 2: one of them having divorce parents seemed like a really
Speaker 2: cruel thing to do. So I wasn't going to kind
Speaker 2: of lean into that just because that's what tradition said.
Speaker 1: No, you had the kids and the dog, you had
Speaker 1: your mom, you had your dad, like you had whatever
Speaker 1: made you feel comfortable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my dog walked me down the out. But also,
Speaker 2: like in the opposite to that, when my sister got married,
Speaker 2: she had me and my brother walk her down the aisle.
Speaker 2: She didn't have either of my parents walk her down
Speaker 2: the aisle because for her, she was like, look, you know,
Speaker 2: it means something different to me, and I want my
Speaker 2: siblings to be there because they've been my support as
Speaker 2: well through my whole life. I do think that, yeah,
Speaker 2: maybe your dad may take it to some offense. He
Speaker 2: may be upset by it, but I think having a
Speaker 2: conversation with him around you don't have to make it
Speaker 2: a big big deal. But just saying, oh, Dad, we
Speaker 2: aren't doing things really traditionally, I'm not actually going to
Speaker 2: have anyone walk me down the aisle. You know, we
Speaker 2: kind of aren't having a supertrauditional wedding, and just managing
Speaker 2: his expectations a little bit can go a really long
Speaker 2: way as opposed to saying like, oh Dad, I don't
Speaker 2: want you to walk me down the aisle because I
Speaker 2: think that feels very pointed. That might turn it into
Speaker 2: something that you don't want it to be. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I do ultimately think that weddings are at one situation
Speaker 2: in life where you have to kind of like juggle, right,
Speaker 2: is this going to bring more drama to my life
Speaker 2: than it's worth? And if the answer is no, and
Speaker 2: it means you're going to have the wedding that you want.
Speaker 2: Then whatever it is that you want is how the
Speaker 2: day is going to be. And there is no tradition
Speaker 2: that you have to lean into if you don't want.
Speaker 1: To absolutely agree.
Speaker 2: Okay, question number three, Brittany.
Speaker 1: Okay, question number three. I'm just gonna hitchhike on the
Speaker 1: back of your wedding question with another way in question.
Speaker 1: Because it's wedding season, it is summer.
Speaker 2: I how long does wedding season go for?
Speaker 1: Well, I think probably like six months.
Speaker 2: I feel like wedding season is all year round because
Speaker 2: some people have some weddings and some people have winter weddings.
Speaker 2: It's just always a wedding season.
Speaker 1: It's also like a backlog of COVID weddings now, so
Speaker 1: it's forever. Okay. I am getting married next year in Fiji,
Speaker 1: and my fiance and I have invited our closest friends
Speaker 1: and family to come and celebrate our day with us.
Speaker 1: I have a group of girls I see on the
Speaker 1: odd occasion, four of which I am personally close with
Speaker 1: and have invited to my wedding. The other girls are
Speaker 1: more friends of friends who I don't really have a
Speaker 1: lot to do with the group of girlfriends who are
Speaker 1: invited were organizing accommodation for themselves when another girl in
Speaker 1: the group, who I don't really know or particularly like,
Speaker 1: invited herself on the holiday. Now. I know it's a
Speaker 1: public place, but just makes me uncomfortable as I am
Speaker 1: in Fiji to celebrate my wedding with my friends and
Speaker 1: family and she's not somebody who I would want around
Speaker 1: my new in laws, as she can be a bit
Speaker 1: of a troublemaker and I don't agree with her morals.
Speaker 1: Am I in my right to politely ask that she
Speaker 1: does not come or is she entitled to come if
Speaker 1: she pleases. I just find it weird and awkward.
Speaker 2: It is awkward. I did this to my friend, did you.
Speaker 2: I'm a fucking bad friend. I was so young and
Speaker 2: I didn't understand the etiquette of weddings, like I really
Speaker 2: didn't if my girlfriend got married in the Philippines, I
Speaker 2: was in my twenties. I was supposed to be going
Speaker 2: with my boyfriend at the time, and then we broke off.
Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, just bring by my friend.
Speaker 2: I just my friend can come with me, and she
Speaker 2: was so I know, I now know how bad.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I'll just replace him with someone else
Speaker 1: that you don't know.
Speaker 2: So I was like, look, I'll bring my friend. She'll
Speaker 2: just stay with me, because I had we were only
Speaker 2: going to the wedding for a little while, for a
Speaker 2: couple of days, and then my girlfriend Gallina was going
Speaker 2: off and she was having her own holiday in the
Speaker 2: Philippines and so were we, so and it wasn't together.
Speaker 2: It was just a couple of days over the wedding
Speaker 2: that was together. And I was like, well, he's not
Speaker 2: going to come with me now, I'm not going to
Speaker 2: cancel the whole trip. I've booked all this accommodation, So
Speaker 2: why doesn't my girlfriend just come? I was like, she
Speaker 2: doesn't have to come to the wedding, but why doesn't
Speaker 2: she just come with me? And then Galina, because she's
Speaker 2: an absolute angel, superstar, she was like, just bring her
Speaker 2: to the wedding. It's fine, Like bring your friend. And
Speaker 2: now I understand, as someone who's now gotten married myself,
Speaker 2: I'm so cooked. How presumptuous to just invite anyone.
Speaker 1: Oh, Keisha's here saying it's fine. Oh, because you think
Speaker 1: it's fine to bring a random to someone else's wedding
Speaker 1: that they don't know. What else are you supposed to
Speaker 1: do travel around by yourself in the Philippines for two weeks.
Speaker 2: Hey, I think in my instance, she was very understanding
Speaker 2: of my situation, right, Like, she didn't have to invite
Speaker 2: Kai or my girlfriend. She didn't have to invite her
Speaker 2: to the wedding. That wasn't my expectation. However, it would
Speaker 2: have been weird to exclude her because all the wedding
Speaker 2: people were staying at the same accommodation, so it was
Speaker 2: a week fault in. Yeah, it was like a lose
Speaker 2: lose situation for her. I just think if it's not
Speaker 2: your wedding, it's rude to assume that you should just
Speaker 2: invite extra people. However, I guess the thing that is
Speaker 2: a big thing is when you're having a destination wedding,
Speaker 2: when it's a you're going overseas, Destination weddings end up
Speaker 2: becoming holidays as well. So for me, yeah, I went
Speaker 2: to a destination wedding in the Philippines, but that was
Speaker 2: also my holiday for the year that I took in
Speaker 2: the Philippines for two weeks, So the wedding is only
Speaker 2: a couple of days of what was my also two
Speaker 2: week holidays. So I think you have to kind of
Speaker 2: be a little bit flexible when you've got every single
Speaker 2: person traveling to be at your wedding by a different
Speaker 2: country to a different country.
Speaker 1: I I'm on the fence with this one. Not on
Speaker 1: the fence. I understand what you're saying, and I agree
Speaker 1: with it. Right, if it's a destination whening, specifically you
Speaker 1: are going to another place to travel, people probably would
Speaker 1: make it there one holiday of the year. So yes,
Speaker 1: you do want to make it a holiday. Maybe you
Speaker 1: do want to travel with friends after. But it's a
Speaker 1: tricky situation because of what you'd just said, Laura. If
Speaker 1: you can't really just say my friend will come, but
Speaker 1: sure to stay in the room and won't do anything,
Speaker 1: because that's not how it works, right. There's always these
Speaker 1: big get togethers for the weddings for usually days before,
Speaker 1: days after, especially if it's a destination wedding, so it
Speaker 1: can get a little bit tricky. I think the best bet,
Speaker 1: if possible, is to still do the two fly over
Speaker 1: for the wedding and then maybe ask your friend to
Speaker 1: come and meet you on the day after the wedding
Speaker 1: so that you know you can focus on your friends
Speaker 1: and the family and you're a part of that, and
Speaker 1: then your friend can come over the next day, you
Speaker 1: can continue on your holiday. I think that would probably
Speaker 1: be the best way to navigate it, if possible, But
Speaker 1: I understand that you still need to like live out
Speaker 1: your life and go on your holiday. And it's a
Speaker 1: very very tricky one. But I don't think you can
Speaker 1: expect you have a random at someone else's wedding.
Speaker 2: No, you absolutely can't. And I think we're answering this
Speaker 2: question around the wrong way though, because the person who
Speaker 2: wrote this in is the bride and she's saying I
Speaker 2: don't want a random to be at my web we're
Speaker 2: coming for stat And I guess what I want to
Speaker 2: say to you, as the bride who has had a
Speaker 2: destination wedding and your friend has invited her friend to
Speaker 2: also come on what will be her holiday. What I
Speaker 2: think you can do is I don't think you can say, oh,
Speaker 2: I don't want you to invite your friend at all
Speaker 2: to the destination because, like you know, you don't own Fiji.
Speaker 2: Fiji's not yours.
Speaker 1: Believe it or not, phijist on your iselands.
Speaker 2: Yeah, her friend can come to Fiji, right, But you
Speaker 2: do not have an obligation to invite that friend to
Speaker 2: any of the wedding things. So if the wedding goes
Speaker 2: for three days and there's a lunch and a dinner
Speaker 2: and I get together whatever it looks like, you don't
Speaker 2: have an obligation to invite the person that you don't
Speaker 2: want there. And if they feel left out, well that's
Speaker 2: really on them because they've come away on a holiday
Speaker 2: where the person that they've chosen to come away with
Speaker 2: is at a wedding. So I think you can as
Speaker 2: inclusive or as non inclusive as you want to be.
Speaker 2: And in my instance, Galena, my girlfriend, she was incredibly
Speaker 2: inclusive with my friend. But I now understand what a
Speaker 2: massive offering that is to have someone who you don't
Speaker 2: know what your wedding it's yea, it's looking by now
Speaker 2: after you've had your wedding wild wild, I would probably
Speaker 2: not be as good a person.
Speaker 1: I actually remember, I mean different, but I remember, Oh god,
Speaker 1: it must have been pretty old. Must have been ten twelve,
Speaker 1: Pretty old. Must have been ten years ago at least
Speaker 1: one of my friends got married and I was dating
Speaker 1: someone at the time, but it was pretty new and
Speaker 1: I was part of the Brighter party and I had said, hey,
Speaker 1: do you mind if they come, like, you know, we're dating,
Speaker 1: And she was really honest. She was like, well, actually,
Speaker 1: like I don't want them to. She's not a bad way,
Speaker 1: but she was like, I don't really know them, and
Speaker 1: you know, I don't might not know what's gonna happen
Speaker 1: with you guys in the future, and you know, like
Speaker 1: we've sort of already got the tables settings and all
Speaker 1: this kind of stuff. And I was I was like, yeah, cool,
Speaker 1: totally fine. Like I hadn't even mentioned it to the
Speaker 1: person I was dating. I just thought I would ask.
Speaker 1: But there was a part of that was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I thought you probably would have let him. Like there's
Speaker 1: a little part there was like, oh, I thought, you
Speaker 1: know it was my partner would have let him. But
Speaker 1: I completely understood it, like when I went home and
Speaker 1: thought about it, and I understand it way more now,
Speaker 1: Like you just said, when you were older and you
Speaker 1: look back, you're like, oh, it was wildly inappropriate. I
Speaker 1: should never have even asked.
Speaker 2: How long were you with the guy? Because I think
Speaker 2: that this is a real point of contention for a
Speaker 2: lot of people. I think a lot of people get
Speaker 2: into new relationships and then they think that because they're
Speaker 2: in a new relationship that their partner, even if the
Speaker 2: bride and groom has never met them, should be an
Speaker 2: eligible plus one.
Speaker 1: We had the.
Speaker 2: Rule at our wedding that unless your plus one is
Speaker 2: something like if we haven't met your plus one, then
Speaker 2: they're not coming unless you've been dating them for more
Speaker 2: than a year.
Speaker 1: She'd met him like once, but it was a new relationship,
Speaker 1: pretty new couple of months. And also she'd known me
Speaker 1: for a long time. I think she was looking at
Speaker 1: this for what it was. She knew what it was.
Speaker 1: She knew I was a rebound, she knew that it
Speaker 1: was not going anywhere like she wouldn't tell me that,
Speaker 1: but she was wise beyond her years. She one hundred
Speaker 1: percent could see what I was doing. But I couldn't
Speaker 1: see what I was doing.
Speaker 2: Did you? I think you asked me for a plus
Speaker 2: one as a joe to my wedding.
Speaker 1: I could have been a joke because I'm never gonna
Speaker 1: have one.
Speaker 2: Lucky you didn't bring up plus one because didn't you
Speaker 2: have a great night. I was actually all, really.
Speaker 1: I can have a plus one. But it was more
Speaker 1: that was a bit like because I'm sure Tony Cheek,
Speaker 1: it was never gonna I was never gonna get a
Speaker 1: plus one.
Speaker 2: All right, let's go one more question. Question number. I
Speaker 2: think it's four, but who's counting? Okay. I have two
Speaker 2: guys on my radar. One I met online a while ago.
Speaker 2: We clicked crazy chemistry. Then he went traveling for a
Speaker 2: few months and we kept in contact regularly, calling, et cetera.
Speaker 2: I was looking forward to when he came back in
Speaker 2: two weeks, and we were intending on giving it a
Speaker 2: bit of a shot. However, in the meantime, my longtime
Speaker 2: friend from high school, who we've been back and forth
Speaker 2: liking each other, expressed he has strong feelings for me.
Speaker 2: Initially I was thinking no, but now I have strong
Speaker 2: feelings for him also, but I still have strong feelings
Speaker 2: for the other guy. I've been in decisive for ages
Speaker 2: and have no idea how to decide what is the
Speaker 2: right thing to do. Do I not date anyone because
Speaker 2: I can't give them my full attention or do I
Speaker 2: just simply flip a coin? So scared that I'm gonna
Speaker 2: make the wrong decision. Is there any advice you have here?
Speaker 1: Oh? This is hard do you know.
Speaker 2: I feel like so many people have been in this
Speaker 2: situation where they have really because, like you know, I
Speaker 2: noticed some people say, oh, it's not possible to be
Speaker 2: in love with two people at the same time. It
Speaker 2: is very, very possible to be in a lot of
Speaker 2: lust with two people at the same time. I actually
Speaker 2: think it's probably possible to be in love with two
Speaker 2: people as well.
Speaker 1: But I think you can be in love with two people.
Speaker 1: Different kinds of love, but I think you can. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do agree with that. I think that love is
Speaker 1: way more complex and conflicting than what we liked it.
Speaker 1: We like to package things up into perfect little boxes,
Speaker 1: black and white, and we know that life is not
Speaker 1: like that. I have been in a situation similar to
Speaker 1: this before, many many, many, many many moods Ago. I
Speaker 1: have spoken about this on the podcast many many many
Speaker 1: Moods Ago. But I didn't know what to do. I
Speaker 1: didn't know whether I could go back to someone that
Speaker 1: I had had something with before that I had very
Speaker 1: strong feelings for, or to go down the path of
Speaker 1: someone new that I had meant that I didn't know that.
Speaker 2: Well, did you toss a coin and call heads?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I went to a psychic high, because that is so funny. Okay.
Speaker 1: I remember being so confused because I was like, I
Speaker 1: have all these feelings for this person that I was with,
Speaker 1: and I did have this relationship with strong feelings and
Speaker 1: I had something comfortable with them, you know. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then I had this new person who I had so
Speaker 1: many feelings for, and I was so excited to see
Speaker 1: what happened. But I was like, if I go one way,
Speaker 1: am I going to lose the opportunity could be better?
Speaker 1: But if I go that way, do I lose opportunity
Speaker 1: of something that was amazing that I know was already great.
Speaker 1: I had never been so confused in my life. So
Speaker 1: I went to a psychick and I didn't say exactly.
Speaker 1: I just said, look, I'm a bit confused with wanting
Speaker 1: to go forward or back? And can I tell you
Speaker 1: what she said? It was wild. She literally said, she
Speaker 1: put me into this meditative state.
Speaker 2: Right she did your orgasm?
Speaker 1: No I didn't, I wish I did. She was like,
Speaker 1: closure eyes, and I closed my eyes. She said, I'm
Speaker 1: going to do it to you, right, Okay, close your eyes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, close everyone do it with me. Closure eyes.
Speaker 1: You're on the beach. You can hear the water lapping
Speaker 1: on sand, the sun shining, the birds are out, it's
Speaker 1: a beautiful day. You feel really good. You look out
Speaker 1: to see and there's a beautiful boat. And on that
Speaker 1: boat are two men. Oh I know where this is going,
Speaker 1: the two men that you love. Oh. No, there's a
Speaker 1: hole in the boat. The boat's sinking. Who do you say?
Speaker 2: This is the dumbest question.
Speaker 1: It was, so I said, burst into laugh How.
Speaker 2: Much money do you pay for this time?
Speaker 1: Too much money? But that was literally and I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm calling bullshit. You are not a psychic. That was
Speaker 1: the dumbest way to decide. And I said, I opened
Speaker 1: my eyes and I was like, are you kiddingnot save
Speaker 1: both of them? She's like, no, you can only say one.
Speaker 1: I said, no, I would save the boat.
Speaker 2: I think that this is so common. I think one.
Speaker 2: I think the situation you're in so common. But I
Speaker 2: also think people wanting an answer, like you're riding into
Speaker 2: us because you're wanting us to say, hey, go with
Speaker 2: this guy, or go with this guy. And I've been
Speaker 2: in the exact same situation as you, Like I had
Speaker 2: a guy that I had been seeing for a really
Speaker 2: long time. It was stable, he was great, Like I know,
Speaker 2: I should have really liked him. And then I also
Speaker 2: was in love with this other guy and I went
Speaker 2: to a sidekick because I wanted them to give me
Speaker 2: the answer, and they gave me absolutely nothing.
Speaker 1: And what did they do? Did they do what I mind?
Speaker 2: It? No? I ended up picking definitely the wrong one,
Speaker 2: So probably don't.
Speaker 1: They're probably both the wrong one.
Speaker 2: They were the wrong one. And that's the thing. Look,
Speaker 2: the reality is in life is that if you pick
Speaker 2: one guy and the other one falls through, I very
Speaker 2: much doubt in like five or six years time, you're
Speaker 2: going to be thinking, God, I picked the wrong option.
Speaker 2: You know, like you're going to pick the option that
Speaker 2: is the right option for you with all the tools
Speaker 2: that you have at the time. You're going to pick
Speaker 2: the person that your heart wants, and you know what,
Speaker 2: it might not be the one that's the best for
Speaker 2: you on paper. It may not be the one that
Speaker 2: works out to be the best for you in the
Speaker 2: long run. But if it's not the one that's the
Speaker 2: best for you, they're simply not the one, and you
Speaker 2: can't beat yourself up about it. I think the big
Speaker 2: thing in this is you don't have to instantly be
Speaker 2: committed to anybody. It's okay to keep your options open
Speaker 2: for a little while and to be transparent and say, like,
Speaker 2: I really like you, but I just want to date
Speaker 2: for a little while. Go on a couple of dates
Speaker 2: with this guy. When he comes back, go on a
Speaker 2: few dates with your friend and see if the chemistry's there.
Speaker 2: But I think be transparent in that conversation, and you
Speaker 2: know what, you might be in even more pickle thans
Speaker 2: three or four weeks time where you're like, oh, now
Speaker 2: I really really like both of them. But it might
Speaker 2: also give you a bit more information on each person
Speaker 2: to try and figure out what you really want, you know,
Speaker 2: and figure out whether not just what you want and
Speaker 2: not what chemistry is telling you what you want. But
Speaker 2: you know, what are the things that they're saying that
Speaker 2: they want in their life? Are they after a long
Speaker 2: term relationship? Do the things that you like actually match up?
Speaker 2: And you can make a decision that's not just based
Speaker 2: on like this pure want for someone, but it's also
Speaker 2: based on what is a good relationship decision too.
Speaker 1: The other thing you can do is and I'm not
Speaker 1: saying is the best thing. I'm not saying it's the
Speaker 1: worst thing. But you can write down a list of
Speaker 1: pros and cons. And I don't mean pros and cons
Speaker 1: is in one's taldark and handsome one's blonde? I don't
Speaker 1: mean that. I mean what do you both want?
Speaker 2: What do you want?
Speaker 1: Do you are looking for a long term relationship? Are
Speaker 1: they both looking for long term relationships? If that's the case,
Speaker 1: do you look ahead and you say, do they want kids?
Speaker 1: Are we going to live in the same place? Do
Speaker 1: we want the same things? You can write down parts
Speaker 1: of the situation to help you if you need to.
Speaker 1: But there is a thought, the thought that I'm sort
Speaker 1: of having here is and I looking back, I wish
Speaker 1: I had this thought to myself too. If you're that
Speaker 1: confused between two people, should you be picking someone now?
Speaker 1: Because it does mean you have feelings for someone else.
Speaker 1: I don't know if jumping into a relationship with one
Speaker 1: is the best idea when you know you have strong
Speaker 1: feelings for another person.
Speaker 2: Well, that's what I mean by taking some time, taking
Speaker 2: a bit of a step back from the relationships completely,
Speaker 2: like you know, whatever they are, just take a little
Speaker 2: bit of a step back date casually without there being
Speaker 2: any like you know, the love bombing or the overcommitment
Speaker 2: or any of that stuff that kind of can happen
Speaker 2: really quickly when you're excited about someone because they think
Speaker 2: you need to get to know them both a little
Speaker 2: bit better. Maybe not your friend, you obviously know him,
Speaker 2: but I think you kind of need to have the
Speaker 2: opportunity of dating a little bit before you make a decision,
Speaker 2: because ultimately, if you're so confused between two people, the
Speaker 2: answer could be that it's no one as well. You know,
Speaker 2: it doesn't have to be that you're you're not tossing
Speaker 2: up right now and being like, who am I choosing
Speaker 2: as my life partner? That doesn't have to be the
Speaker 2: question that you're asking. You're just saying, like, who is
Speaker 2: the person that I want to date? And you can
Speaker 2: kind of get to know both of them at the
Speaker 2: same time.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, this is the sort
Speaker 1: of thing where no one including us, can give you
Speaker 1: an answer. No one can know exactly how you feel,
Speaker 1: your situation and what they're like to you, what you want.
Speaker 1: This is all you. It's not a running race, right,
Speaker 1: there's no You've got to get to the finish line
Speaker 1: and make a decision. By this point, take a step
Speaker 1: back and just really evaluate it from the outside, think
Speaker 1: about what you want, and go from there. It's a
Speaker 1: tricky one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I okay, the only thing I want to
Speaker 2: add to this is that, and this is from my
Speaker 2: own experience, may be very different for you. You may
Speaker 2: have like, these two guys may both be just like
Speaker 2: truly awesome people who are like trustworthy and fantastic and
Speaker 2: are being consistent and wonderful, and like, wouldn't that be
Speaker 2: amazing to find two of them? Because most people can't
Speaker 2: find one. But what I have found in my experience
Speaker 2: is that normally there's one that the heart really wants,
Speaker 2: and there's one that the heart finds safe. That's the
Speaker 2: toss up. There's the unpredictable one, and there's the one
Speaker 2: that would be comfortable and a reassuring love. And that's
Speaker 2: why I think what you said, brit around like almost
Speaker 2: creating a list, which sounds so unromantic, but like if
Speaker 2: the unpredictable love is actually truly unpredictable, If it's unpredictable
Speaker 2: because you know, there's inconsistencies in the things that they
Speaker 2: say and do and how they behave, and actually you're
Speaker 2: just being attracted to maybe there's some toxicity there. I
Speaker 2: think writing it down can make things seem really clear,
Speaker 2: and you can kind of get an idea as to
Speaker 2: whether you're just attracted to the chemistry or you're attracted
Speaker 2: to the qualities that that person has. I think that's
Speaker 2: a really important thing. So kind of, like you know,
Speaker 2: psychoanalyze both of them to try and find an answer
Speaker 2: in this as well and not just be led by
Speaker 2: this like chemistry, gut a little. I'm in love can't
Speaker 2: make a good love. I do not want to be
Speaker 2: where you are right now, but you know what, it'll
Speaker 2: all work out, because however it works out is exactly
Speaker 2: how it's meant to be.
Speaker 1: Guys, we would love to hear your ask and cut aftermaths.
Speaker 1: Whatever happened to a question that you've reading or a
Speaker 1: friend reading, Was there an outcome? We want to know
Speaker 1: because sometimes it keeps up at night not knowing what happens.
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