Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. Hi, guys, and
Speaker 2: a welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and.
Speaker 1: It's therapy Thursday, Therapy for whoy Thursday, and Laura is
Speaker 1: still on drugs.
Speaker 3: You are high as a kite.
Speaker 1: Do you want to explain yourself turning up to this
Speaker 1: podcast record on drugs?
Speaker 2: I feel like that means a little bit of context,
Speaker 2: And by context, I mean context if you listen to
Speaker 2: Tuesday's episode, if you listened to last week's episode, I
Speaker 2: had a colonoscopy, But it means that I've literally done
Speaker 2: the three days of prep the cleanut, and then today
Speaker 2: I was on anesthetics and I was off my face,
Speaker 2: completely gone on another world, in another planet. I still
Speaker 2: feel like I'm there.
Speaker 3: How do you feel?
Speaker 1: Because it has been a long time coming, and I've
Speaker 1: been on your mind and we've all known it's coming,
Speaker 1: But what was it like for you to.
Speaker 3: Actually go in, pull your pants down, know you're about
Speaker 3: to get nude? Have them drugged, Like, what was the team? Like,
Speaker 3: what was your experience?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: I was surprised by how much of a medical procedure
Speaker 2: it was. I was like, oh, yeah, they're just just
Speaker 2: gonna whip a little camera up there to we all done,
Speaker 2: and we find it was a proper hospital.
Speaker 3: Now you're in like an operating theater.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was not prepared. But also, let me just
Speaker 2: tell you this, I had the best five hours sleep
Speaker 2: of my entire life. I came home from that colonoscopy.
Speaker 2: I went back to bed, and I don't think i've
Speaker 2: for three years since having children, I don't think I've
Speaker 2: ever slept like that. I woke up and I didn't
Speaker 2: know where I was. I didn't know what was going on.
Speaker 2: I just felt really heavy, and the nurse was kind
Speaker 2: of like lightly shaking me to wake me up, and
Speaker 2: I rolled over and I kind of put my arm
Speaker 2: on her face and I was like, honey, get me
Speaker 2: a blanket. I'm cold, because I thought it was mad.
Speaker 1: Oh god, it was eighteen months, two years ago now
Speaker 1: when I froze my eggs. But I have the funniest
Speaker 1: videos from that, and I remember when I was coming
Speaker 1: out of the anesthetic, I thought in my head that
Speaker 1: I was completely fine, So I thought I was normal,
Speaker 1: and so I was like, I'll do an update.
Speaker 3: I'll send some updates to the family.
Speaker 1: So I was recording this update to my family group
Speaker 1: chat about how the procedure went and how many eggs
Speaker 1: I got, and when you play that back, it is
Speaker 1: wild that they were in hysterics, and I was like,
Speaker 1: why is everyone laughing? I genuinely thought I was giving
Speaker 1: a Ted talk to like a thousand people, but I
Speaker 1: was like.
Speaker 3: I have thean eggs guys.
Speaker 1: I was like, that's how I was talking. But in
Speaker 1: my head, I was like, that was a great Ted talk.
Speaker 2: I actually remember you doing stories shortly afterwards, and I
Speaker 2: was like, I'm pretty sure Britt is still she's offer
Speaker 2: she said about a seven right now. There are still
Speaker 2: a few brain cells missing. Yeah, So look at the
Speaker 2: end of the day, to the people who wrote in
Speaker 2: questions for this ask on cut, I'm very sorry. I
Speaker 2: do feel like I have a little bit more cognitive
Speaker 2: ability than what I did say five hours ago. But Britt,
Speaker 2: you were doing the heavy lifting. And if I say
Speaker 2: anything wildly out of tone or out of touch, let's
Speaker 2: just blame it on the fact that I have not
Speaker 2: eaten in three days and my colon is completely empty.
Speaker 1: If you've turned up, you committed to the content, the project,
Speaker 1: the Lifers.
Speaker 3: You hear, you're ready, you're roaring well.
Speaker 2: Speaking of the Lifers, we had possibly the most beautiful
Speaker 2: story that was in our Facebook group this week and
Speaker 2: we wanted to share it with you guys because we
Speaker 2: know that you are a very special breed. We know
Speaker 2: that we have such an incredible lifelun Cup community around us,
Speaker 2: and this is one of the things that since this
Speaker 2: podcast started we've been genuinely the most proud of. It's
Speaker 2: just separate to the podcast. There's been this incredible community
Speaker 2: of people that's formed, like obviously in support of the podcast,
Speaker 2: but it's also just you guys have your own little
Speaker 2: communities as well.
Speaker 1: So if you're part of the discussion group, you may
Speaker 1: have seen that there was a post. There was a
Speaker 1: woman kell Dre and she posted on behalf of her friend.
Speaker 1: This is what she said. I have a friend taking
Speaker 1: her daughter to Germany for medical treatment. They are flying
Speaker 1: into Dussoldoff. Now this is a long short but are
Speaker 1: there any Life on Cup members who are in dussledoff
Speaker 1: or have family or friends there, just so I can
Speaker 1: tell her there is someone we can call on if
Speaker 1: she gets lost, lost, confused, scared, oh needs help. So
Speaker 1: this is what this woman posted on behalf of her
Speaker 1: friend and then one of our top contributors, her name
Speaker 1: is Julia, she commented, and she said, I live in Dusoldoff.
Speaker 1: Now from this one comment, they've gone on to privately
Speaker 1: DM like this wasn't a big thing happening in the group,
Speaker 1: but they contact each other privately. They landed in Dusseldorff
Speaker 1: and the little girl has a brain tumor, so she's
Speaker 1: gone over to get this treatment over there, and they
Speaker 1: don't speak The language was very, very confronting and confusing,
Speaker 1: and Julia was on the ground this life and has
Speaker 1: completely gone above and beyond out.
Speaker 3: Of her way to help this family.
Speaker 1: She's been translating, she's taken them out, she's gone to
Speaker 1: dinner with them. She got an emergency call saying, they
Speaker 1: want to give my daughter medication, but I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is. I don't want to let them give
Speaker 1: my daughter medication without knowing. And within fifteen minutes, Julia
Speaker 1: was on a train. She went to the hospital. She
Speaker 1: was translating for her. And I just think it's a
Speaker 1: really really beautiful example of how you guys are going
Speaker 1: above and beyond for each other. And it's not for praise,
Speaker 1: and it's not to tell everyone that you've done it.
Speaker 1: It's this was all a very private but these things
Speaker 1: do not go unnoticed by us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they also don't go unnoticed by the Life
Speaker 2: hung Cut community. If you're not part of the Facebook group,
Speaker 2: it's a Life Uncut discussion group. There have been over
Speaker 2: the years so many beautiful moments of connection that have
Speaker 2: come out of that group. One of the things that
Speaker 2: I think is so special and it's something that we
Speaker 2: don't see enough of that it's something that absolutely exists
Speaker 2: in the Life un Cut community is that sense of community.
Speaker 2: And so to Julia for everything that you've done to
Speaker 2: help out this family, just doing it out of the
Speaker 2: kindness of your own heart. We are so grateful that
Speaker 2: you are a Lifer and we love that you are
Speaker 2: a part of the Facebook group and have been contributing
Speaker 2: and just being an absolute ten out of ten five
Speaker 2: star human.
Speaker 1: This is like, by far, not the first time that
Speaker 1: you guys as a group of Lifers have gone above
Speaker 1: beyond for someone. I remember one of the big stories
Speaker 1: was Dennis the Man, the elderly man last year that
Speaker 1: was about to be kicked out of his home.
Speaker 3: He had no family and friends and he was going
Speaker 3: to be homeless.
Speaker 1: And again purely because of you lot, you changed his life.
Speaker 1: You found housing for him, you helped him move, he
Speaker 1: had free removalists. You guys raise money for him.
Speaker 3: You're on the news with him like it genuinely blows
Speaker 3: our mind.
Speaker 2: We love you, guys, and we appreciate everything that you
Speaker 2: do for each other and also for the life on
Speaker 2: cut community. Now, before we get into answering and giving
Speaker 2: you out pearls of wisdom, there was something that happened
Speaker 2: in the news recently and Britt, I wanted to talk
Speaker 2: to you about it because I'm not sure how i
Speaker 2: feel part of me, part of me again, I'm like
Speaker 2: straddling this fence hard with this one. So in Perth,
Speaker 2: there is a woman, her name is Savannah. She has
Speaker 2: an OnlyFans account and she has decided to take out
Speaker 2: She's commissioned because she is a savvy businesswoman, she has
Speaker 2: commissioned a fuck off billboard ad that is promoting her
Speaker 2: only fans account. Now it is a pitch sure of
Speaker 2: her in a very seductive pose. She's wearing a little
Speaker 2: black bikini. She's kind of like, what do you call
Speaker 2: it when you're you've got your legs apart, Like you're
Speaker 2: not kneeling, you're kind of leaning forward, but you're straddled.
Speaker 2: She's straddling the beach. It's outside.
Speaker 3: I'm finding the picture.
Speaker 2: It's a very sensual and sexy photo. Although she has
Speaker 2: a bikini on, so like you would see as much
Speaker 2: flesh going down to Bono Beach on the weekend.
Speaker 3: Okay, I've got it.
Speaker 2: Yes, Okay, we'll put a picture of it on our
Speaker 2: install on Stories.
Speaker 3: Let's provide her more.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's definitely working. There's a huge QR code on
Speaker 2: the billboard, so you can scan the QR code from
Speaker 2: your phone when you're walking down the street and it
Speaker 2: will take you straight to her only Fans account. There's
Speaker 2: also her Instagram, it's linked to her Twitter. Every type
Speaker 2: of social media platform where this OnlyFans model is available
Speaker 2: and you can find her is linked on this billboard. Massive.
Speaker 2: The thing is, there has been such uproar about this
Speaker 2: from many concerned Perth citizens are upset by the fact
Speaker 2: that there is this billboard and she has taken to
Speaker 2: her saying, well, look, I'm promoting my business. I'm in
Speaker 2: a bikini. Nobody's naked. People can use only fans for
Speaker 2: all different things, like for cooking recipes. As much as
Speaker 2: you could use it for hardcore porn, you could be
Speaker 2: using it to, I don't know, teach someone how to
Speaker 2: serve as a car. You can use it for a
Speaker 2: whole spectrum of things. My question to you is, Britt,
Speaker 2: what are your thoughts? Because I don't know how I feel.
Speaker 2: Because the empowered feminist in me wants to say, you go, girl,
Speaker 2: live your best life. But on the other side, the
Speaker 2: mother in me thinks, won't somebody think of the children.
Speaker 1: It's a hard one. I'm actually just on her Instagram
Speaker 1: right now. As you were talking, I went on she
Speaker 1: I looked at the promotion the billboard and I got
Speaker 1: a handle and I'm on her Instagram.
Speaker 3: There's a post from four minutes ago. Actually great, what
Speaker 3: is that?
Speaker 1: That says it's a picture of the billboard literally four
Speaker 1: minutes ago, and it basically she's collabed posted with someone
Speaker 1: and it says Savannah has been warned that the billboard
Speaker 1: company will likely be issued a cease notice tomorrow from
Speaker 1: local council. It then goes on to say, explain to me,
Speaker 1: how now this is any different from an ad with
Speaker 1: a huge naked man with his bulge in a pair
Speaker 1: of undias for Calvin Klein or Kate Moss laying erotically
Speaker 1: over Justin Bieber without his top on.
Speaker 3: That's a pretty good point.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think the problem here is I don't think
Speaker 1: it's so much her and the picture as it is
Speaker 1: the push to the only fans where obviously erotic videos
Speaker 1: and photos are posted.
Speaker 3: I think that might be the issue for a lot
Speaker 3: of parents.
Speaker 1: It's not so much just the photo, but it's like
Speaker 1: there's a huge QR code that any kid could go
Speaker 1: I guess could go and take a photo of.
Speaker 2: And I think that it's incredibly black and white to say, well,
Speaker 2: you know, Justin Bieber or whoever it is has a
Speaker 2: bulge in their Calvin clients and then compare that to
Speaker 2: an only fans ad, because at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: if you click on the link for Calvin Clients, you're
Speaker 2: going to go to an underwear site and you're gonna
Speaker 2: buy some Nickers, which everybody needs. Very important product. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but at the end of the day, only Fans is
Speaker 2: a very different type of site. And I understand that,
Speaker 2: you know, people have and use it for many, many
Speaker 2: different things, but we can't ignore the fact that a
Speaker 2: lot of people do use it for very sexually explicit
Speaker 2: stuff as well. And is that an issue, Absolutely not,
Speaker 2: But there needs to be some protection from children. And
Speaker 2: I guess I read this article that it's been reported
Speaker 2: now and seven News has done an article on it.
Speaker 2: BBC is covering it because it does bring up a
Speaker 2: lot of questions like why is one acceptable? Why is
Speaker 2: it okay to have a woman in lingerie but then
Speaker 2: not have savvy business woman who's trying to promote her
Speaker 2: only fans, who's also simply just in launderie. And I
Speaker 2: guess for me as a parent, the thing that where
Speaker 2: my brain goes to is as a parent, it's your
Speaker 2: responsibility to try and limit your children from what they
Speaker 2: can and can't see, right Like you try and protect
Speaker 2: your children from pawn sites, You try and protect your
Speaker 2: children from knowing that only fans exist up until a
Speaker 2: certain age. You try and protect your children from so
Speaker 2: many different types of things. And when it comes to
Speaker 2: a phone, you're responsible for that. When it comes to
Speaker 2: what they're consuming in magazines, you're responsible for that. But
Speaker 2: when it comes to them walking out of their house,
Speaker 2: walking down their street, what are you going to do?
Speaker 2: Blindfold them? You can't protect somebody from that. And I
Speaker 2: guess ultimately, even though there is many because like if
Speaker 2: you scan that QR code, you have to I think
Speaker 2: with only fans you have to submit like a license
Speaker 2: to be able to actually prove that you're eighteen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't scan it and go straight to the
Speaker 1: nudes or whatever, Like you don't get straight in from scanning.
Speaker 2: No, there's definitely layers of having to prove that you're
Speaker 2: over eighteen in order to be able to create a
Speaker 2: subscription to be able to view content. But I mean,
Speaker 2: we'd be silly to think that some kids aren't savvy
Speaker 2: enough to be able to do that. Now, is this
Speaker 2: Savannah woman, like, is she the reason why children are
Speaker 2: going to get on and look at OnlyFans? No. I
Speaker 2: would say a lot of kids already know what exists,
Speaker 2: and if they really want to look at someone, they're
Speaker 2: going to do it. But I do think that promoting
Speaker 2: it so publicly could be more of initial it's like
Speaker 2: bringing it front of mine.
Speaker 1: I'm on the fans Because there's a big part that's like, fuck,
Speaker 1: she's just nailed the marketing for her business, because it's business, So.
Speaker 3: You're like, go off, queen. Yes, it's like that. No
Speaker 3: one in Australia's ever done that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone around the world has put
Speaker 1: their only fans on a billboard.
Speaker 3: So there's part of you that's like, fucking get a queen.
Speaker 1: Then there's the other part that like, if I were
Speaker 1: a mum and my four year old is driving along
Speaker 1: and says, what's only fans? I don't want to have
Speaker 1: that conversation yet. So there's a part of me that's like,
Speaker 1: is it the right place to do the marketing? It's
Speaker 1: a tough one.
Speaker 2: There is nothing wrong with it as a business and
Speaker 2: as a site, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to
Speaker 2: promote it, but I do think that there needs to
Speaker 2: be appropriate places in which you're promote it. And I
Speaker 2: also think it's important to know, like none of us
Speaker 2: have seen what is inside this only Fans account? Is
Speaker 2: it just photos in a bikini? Is it something that's
Speaker 2: more sexually explicit? Like what are you subscribing.
Speaker 1: To I mean, her Instagram's very sexy and the link
Speaker 1: says go here for the good stuff. I'm going to
Speaker 1: assume that there's some pretty sexy stuff on there.
Speaker 3: That's an assumption. I haven't been on there.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, yeah, I'm not
Speaker 1: convinced the school run is the place to put.
Speaker 3: The billboard on.
Speaker 2: If dad is doing the school run, he might be
Speaker 2: okay with it.
Speaker 3: Oh fucking clever, man. I don't know how.
Speaker 1: No one else has thought of this, And like she's
Speaker 1: on every article ever, lad Bible News, Perth News, Astrailing,
Speaker 1: Everyone's currently talking about it, so she's nailed it.
Speaker 2: I just can't believe that the Billboard company actually let
Speaker 2: this fly because there are so many rules around advertising,
Speaker 2: say like porn sites or porn harb or any of
Speaker 2: those sorts of sites that require you to be over
Speaker 2: eighteen to view. There is so much legislation about publicly
Speaker 2: advertising them. You can't so I wonder how this slips
Speaker 2: through the cracks, And I think it is because it
Speaker 2: flirts with that very blurred line between what is too
Speaker 2: sexual for the school run.
Speaker 3: Literally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, well, I'm gonna give you an update
Speaker 1: on my life.
Speaker 3: I'm still best friends with the gay guys next.
Speaker 1: Door, Alex and Eugene. They're amazing. I went for a
Speaker 1: dinner party last night and they bought me a present.
Speaker 1: Let me show you the present, Laura. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: get it.
Speaker 2: I've lost Brittany to a sixty year old psychic.
Speaker 1: Okay, they were so excited to give me this present,
Speaker 1: and now I need to tell you. Alex and Eugene
Speaker 1: the couple, right So Alex, he walks around the head
Speaker 1: us now and sporadically we'll go lifos.
Speaker 3: He's calls himself a lifer. He listens to the podcast now.
Speaker 1: He knows everything he knows about you, Laura, Matty, j Keisha.
Speaker 1: He's so involved in the podcast and he's absolutely loving it.
Speaker 1: Eugene not so much. He's like, I get what Alex
Speaker 1: tells me. He's like, Alex made me listen to some episodes,
Speaker 1: but he's not that tech.
Speaker 2: Sabby, Eugene, I'm not your target market.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean Alex had to download a podcas he
Speaker 1: didn't even know how download the podcast app. But he's
Speaker 1: our main subscriber now. But they were so excited to
Speaker 1: give me this present.
Speaker 3: Have a lot. It's a pair of socks and this says.
Speaker 1: Bitch, I am reality TV. This is the present they
Speaker 1: gave me. I'm gonna put on life on cut stories.
Speaker 1: But it's really cute.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I had my psychic reading.
Speaker 1: I've only just had it, so I need time to
Speaker 1: go through that and process that and we'll talk about
Speaker 1: it well, unpacking a bit more on Tuesday's big episode,
Speaker 1: because he did mention like you Laura make Jay mentioned
Speaker 1: Mitch like. There was a lot of stuff that was mentioned.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go through all of it. Some
Speaker 1: of it was pretty personal, but I'll give you my
Speaker 1: thoughts about that one once I've unpacked it a bit
Speaker 1: more myself.
Speaker 2: And I mean, we all know how much of an
Speaker 2: absolute skeptic I am for it, So I can't wait
Speaker 2: to sit there and be like, I'm sure that he
Speaker 2: read this on the internet. Before we get into answering
Speaker 2: asking cut questions, what are you vibing this week?
Speaker 3: Oh? Okay, I am. It's no secret that I love
Speaker 3: Lewis Capaldi.
Speaker 1: My vibe this week is Lewis Capaldi's Netflix documentary, which
Speaker 1: is literally titled Lewis Capaldi How I'm Feeling Now? I mean,
Speaker 1: I love him as an artist, I love him as
Speaker 1: just so raw and authentic on his Instagram, But it
Speaker 1: was really around his mental health.
Speaker 3: And I don't know if a lot of people have
Speaker 3: seen this, but Lewis.
Speaker 1: Has really really severe Tourette's no way severe, and there
Speaker 1: was a really beautiful video that went around not that
Speaker 1: long ago, Laura, I don't know if you mustn't have
Speaker 1: seen it. His threats has been getting really bad the
Speaker 1: last year, and he was on stage performing and his
Speaker 1: ticks were going off and he couldn't sing any more
Speaker 1: because his convulsions. It takes his whole back. He's got
Speaker 1: extreme back pain. It's so severe and you don't realize
Speaker 1: until you see this documentary.
Speaker 3: But he had to stop.
Speaker 1: Singing in front of like thousands and thousands of people,
Speaker 1: and he felt like, you know, you could see that
Speaker 1: he was a bit embarrassed and upset, and the whole
Speaker 1: audience started to sing the song for him when he
Speaker 1: couldn't sing because of the ticks, and it was just
Speaker 1: like the most beautiful, heartfelt moment. But it's just a
Speaker 1: really honest look into this whole Like it doesn't matter
Speaker 1: how famous you are or how much money you have
Speaker 1: or you know, you never really know what someone's life
Speaker 1: is going through, and no one is safe.
Speaker 3: From mental health.
Speaker 1: Mental health doesn't care, it doesn't discriminate who you are,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a really beautiful insight into that.
Speaker 2: Also with Lewis Capaldi, I think because he's actually so
Speaker 2: funny as well, and I think that funny people are
Speaker 2: very good at masking when they're going through challenging times
Speaker 2: because they use it as a mask as a buffer.
Speaker 2: But he's so fucking hilarious, not only just an amazing singer.
Speaker 2: I haven't seen this documentary, so I will definitely watch it.
Speaker 1: So he literally lives about sixty seconds from me here
Speaker 1: in Glasgow from Ben Like, I walk past his house
Speaker 1: every day, but I didn't know which one it was,
Speaker 1: but I think now I know. So what I'm trying
Speaker 1: to say is I'm going to start.
Speaker 3: To store Lewis Capaldi.
Speaker 1: I'm kinda set out the frapp That's like my wildest
Speaker 1: dream is to get Lewis Capaldi on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Ah okay, well my five for the week is it's
Speaker 2: something very simple. I want to recommend an app which
Speaker 2: is saving my life at the moment. It's one that
Speaker 2: we use all the time when we're trying to schedule
Speaker 2: our lives. It's called time Tree. It is a very
Speaker 2: basic calendar app. I know some of you are going
Speaker 2: to be like, why the fuck don't you just use
Speaker 2: Google Calendars. It's because I find Google Calendar so annoying,
Speaker 2: so annoying I do too.
Speaker 3: I don't know how to use it properly.
Speaker 2: I hate it.
Speaker 3: Yes, And people are like, did you get my invite?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, oh, I don't want your stinking calendar.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, what do I do with that invite?
Speaker 3: I'm like, do I click? Yes? Maybe? Do I schedule it?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: I'm not about it.
Speaker 2: Yes. Look, I mean I know that for a lot
Speaker 2: of people it's very convenient, and I know that if
Speaker 2: I ever checked my emails and actually said yes to
Speaker 2: any of the calendar invites people sent me, then maybe
Speaker 2: I would find it convenient too. But time Tree is
Speaker 2: something that Britt and Keisha and I all share. We're
Speaker 2: on it together, so we can kind of share each
Speaker 2: other's calendars. And then I have another project that I'm
Speaker 2: working on at the moment, so I have a really
Speaker 2: conflicting calendar. So I've set up a calendar with them.
Speaker 2: I have one with Tony May. It runs my life
Speaker 2: without it. If you don't go in the calendar, I
Speaker 2: forget you exist. That's literally where my life is at
Speaker 2: at the moment.
Speaker 3: You know, you might forget. But time chair is my idea.
Speaker 3: I introduced us to that, so you're welcome.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well that's my vibe. I'm vibing. Thank you so
Speaker 2: much for that.
Speaker 1: She kept doing calendar, Google Calendar, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't do it. I was like, here, everyone download
Speaker 1: this new ridiculous app.
Speaker 3: And we'll use that.
Speaker 2: It's free and it's freaking great. Okay, I'm pretty sure
Speaker 2: it's free, or maybe I paid for it. I can't remember.
Speaker 2: This isn't sponsored. It's great.
Speaker 1: I think it's just the free one. I don't think
Speaker 1: we pay for it. It probably gets better if you
Speaker 1: pay for it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but let's not do that. Let's get into answering
Speaker 2: some questions.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm going to kickstart us with one. Here we go.
Speaker 1: Is it rude to tell a guy in person that
Speaker 1: you don't want to see him for a second date
Speaker 1: at the end of the first date?
Speaker 3: Backstory. I went on a first date the other day.
Speaker 1: It was okay, but I just felt absolutely nothing for
Speaker 1: the guy. So at the end, when we're saying our goodbyes,
Speaker 1: I slipped in that although it was nice to meet him,
Speaker 1: I wasn't interested in hanging out again.
Speaker 3: Each friend I have said this too was shocked.
Speaker 1: They said it was very savage of me, and they asked,
Speaker 1: how could I possibly do this to him?
Speaker 3: I want to know who your friends are.
Speaker 1: I felt great driving home from the day because I
Speaker 1: knew I wasn't gonna have to contact him again.
Speaker 3: But now I'm wondering if this was in fact rude,
Speaker 3: and a little text when I got home was probably
Speaker 3: the way to go.
Speaker 1: Now, I did think this is obviously, I mean, I
Speaker 1: have my opinion on it, but I sent this to Mattie,
Speaker 1: Jay and Ben to get a male's perspective because I
Speaker 1: would love to know how the male would have felt
Speaker 1: in this situation. So go get Mad, bring Mad in
Speaker 1: and we can discuss what we think.
Speaker 2: Okay, I firstly think it's fine. I think it is
Speaker 2: completely fine. It can be delivered in a polite way.
Speaker 2: If you were feeling that, there's a good chance he
Speaker 2: was also feeling the same thing that, like, you know,
Speaker 2: it was nice you were pleasant, but like he didn't
Speaker 2: feel that spark either. I think it's fine. Do I
Speaker 2: think it's ballsy and that most people wouldn't have the
Speaker 2: confidence to do it. Yes, I think most people are
Speaker 2: so scared about offending somebody that they would hate to
Speaker 2: say something like that that's so direct, for fear that
Speaker 2: it would shatter the other person's self confidence. But if
Speaker 2: you've delivered it in like a pleasant way, if you've said,
Speaker 2: you know, had a really nice time. But I think
Speaker 2: we're not each other's person, and I hope you have
Speaker 2: a great life. I think it's fine. I think it
Speaker 2: is so fine. Would I have ever done that? No,
Speaker 2: because I'm a fucking coward, But I'm so glad you're not.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, I think the same thing.
Speaker 1: And I think the problem here is the real underlying
Speaker 1: problem is your friends saying.
Speaker 3: I can't believe you did that.
Speaker 1: I think it's saying more about your friends than it
Speaker 1: is about you. They're viscerally uncomfortable by the fact that
Speaker 1: you had this confrontation and you actually voice your opinion,
Speaker 1: because it does make people uncomfortable. No one wants to
Speaker 1: like shut someone down, or no one wants to hurt
Speaker 1: someone's feelings or in case they had a date.
Speaker 3: You don't want to be the one that was like, ill.
Speaker 1: Gross, I have done this before. I don't ever choose
Speaker 1: to do it, like, I don't want to have that
Speaker 1: moment of letting someone down or in case they did
Speaker 1: have a great date, or the awkwardness. The only times
Speaker 1: I've ever done it when someone has put me on
Speaker 1: the spot and said I had a really great time,
Speaker 1: we'd love to see you again, because I'd rather in
Speaker 1: that moment lie, I mean, I'd rather in that moment
Speaker 1: tell the truth.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'd rather fucking lie.
Speaker 2: I would rather lie I would never see you again.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would hope to say yeah, had a great
Speaker 1: time too, and then never see you again. No, but
Speaker 1: i'd rather in that moment when I'm put on the spot,
Speaker 1: I'd rather tell the truth than say yes, can't wait
Speaker 1: to see you and then get home and say psych,
Speaker 1: I was joking.
Speaker 2: Don't you think that's harder though? If someone's like, hey,
Speaker 2: I just had it such a great time, I can't
Speaker 2: wait to see you again, responding to that with yes, same,
Speaker 2: but I'm not interested in you. So hard terrifying.
Speaker 3: Oh, it's terrible, worst day of my life and I've
Speaker 3: had some pretty bad days. That's pretty bad. I don't
Speaker 3: think there's.
Speaker 1: A better way or a right or a wrong way.
Speaker 1: If you want to wait to get home send the mess,
Speaker 1: that's also fine, like absolutely fine. If you want to
Speaker 1: say it on the spot because you feel better, which
Speaker 1: you did.
Speaker 3: Fine for you.
Speaker 1: You didn't want to get in the car and have
Speaker 1: to think of what you're going to say in a text,
Speaker 1: and obviously the moment came, you did it. I think
Speaker 1: that your friends are reflecting their feelings onto you about
Speaker 1: how uncomfortable they would feel.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. And I think it also comes down
Speaker 2: to exactly like you said, Britt, this idea of like
Speaker 2: personality types, some people are inherently conflict avoidant, and the
Speaker 2: idea of the thought of doing what you did almost sickening,
Speaker 2: Like it's just like it's petrifying to them, whereas for you,
Speaker 2: it was an empowering moment. Nobody likes to leave a
Speaker 2: first date knowing that you're not going to see them again,
Speaker 2: knowing that you don't want to see them again, and
Speaker 2: then having to do that follow up text because it's
Speaker 2: almost like having more admin work when you've gotten home
Speaker 2: from your date. It's nice sometimes just package it up,
Speaker 2: say what you want to say, and not have to
Speaker 2: then go home and think about fuck. I got all
Speaker 2: right back to the good morning text that this guy
Speaker 2: has just sent me that I don't want to talk to.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's more awkward to if like if he's
Speaker 1: takee like Michelin Star restaurant paid for and then at
Speaker 1: the end, I'm going to take my lobster in it
Speaker 1: to go back, and I never want to see you again.
Speaker 3: But I asked Ben and he.
Speaker 1: Was like, firstly, if the guy has any awareness, he
Speaker 1: would probably feel that there was nothing there from your side,
Speaker 1: like unless you were completely faking it. But like you said, Laura,
Speaker 1: like most people, you get the vibe if it's there
Speaker 1: or not. So he's like, hey, the guy should have
Speaker 1: had some awareness. I said, if this happened to you,
Speaker 1: how would you feel? Would you have been offended? Would
Speaker 1: you think the girl was being rude? And he said,
Speaker 1: it's absolutely fine. Of course it's not nice to hear,
Speaker 1: I suppose, but it's part of dating. Rejection happens. He's
Speaker 1: not gonna lose any sleep about it, and I think
Speaker 1: that that's accurate. I don't think this guy, I don't
Speaker 1: think you have to worry. He's not giving you another thought.
Speaker 1: To be honest, that's what I think. I was like,
Speaker 1: this guy that you let down is not fucking crying
Speaker 1: to his friends, being like.
Speaker 3: Can you believe she said you didn't want to see
Speaker 3: me again? I think you're good.
Speaker 2: I am gonna ask Matt because I feel like he
Speaker 2: might have maybe his fragile male ego has a different
Speaker 2: sense of it, or maybe he's fine, Matt, Matt is fragile,
Speaker 2: He's not fragile. I was teaching I reckon he is. No,
Speaker 2: let's see what he says. He's sensitive, he's not fragile.
Speaker 2: Very different.
Speaker 3: Yeah, potato potato all right.
Speaker 2: So, Matt, if you were on a first date with
Speaker 2: someone and you you know, who knows, maybe you thought
Speaker 2: it went great, maybe you didn't. But at the end
Speaker 2: of the day she said to you that she didn't
Speaker 2: want to see.
Speaker 3: You again in a nicer way.
Speaker 2: Would you prefer it to your face or would you
Speaker 2: prefer it in a text message? Afterwards?
Speaker 4: I did ghost me? Are you kidding? Okay? For some people,
Speaker 4: they may like the news to be delivered honestly and direct,
Speaker 4: but for me, that would fucking destroy me.
Speaker 1: Just when you walked in. We tried to guess what
Speaker 1: you'd say. Laura's like, I think he'll be fine. I'm like, nice,
Speaker 1: pre fragile.
Speaker 3: She's like, MAT's not. And then you're like and You're like,
Speaker 3: I would cry.
Speaker 2: I said, Matt's not fragile, he's sensitive.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't date for five years if someone delivered that
Speaker 4: news to me at the end of the day. I
Speaker 4: guess it depends on the person. I'm talking from personal
Speaker 4: experience here, like to be let down very gently into
Speaker 4: a nice, like cushiony cloud with a blanket.
Speaker 1: So you would rather she get home. So what if
Speaker 1: you said, okay, picture this, Matt. You've had the date
Speaker 1: and you're leaving to say goodbye, and you say, hey,
Speaker 1: I had a really nice time. I'd love to see
Speaker 1: you again, but she doesn't want to see you. What
Speaker 1: would you prefer that she lies to your face and
Speaker 1: lets you down on a text later, or would you
Speaker 1: prefer she says, oh, like, I had a nice time too,
Speaker 1: but I don't want to see you again.
Speaker 4: I think that's one of the very few situations in
Speaker 4: life where lying directly to someone's face is absolutely acceptable. Okay.
Speaker 4: The only awkward thing would be if the person you're
Speaker 4: going on the date, we've tried to kiss you, oh yeah,
Speaker 4: and I went in for the kissing, and then you
Speaker 4: might have to say, hey, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2: But you suck.
Speaker 1: No, that's where you have to just suck it up,
Speaker 1: fake kiss like you can't not like, let's take one
Speaker 1: for the team's too awkward.
Speaker 4: And you're just got to date them for like six months.
Speaker 4: And then Laura actually didn't want to be with me
Speaker 4: when I proposed, but she's just like, I know how
Speaker 4: fucking sensitive he is.
Speaker 3: I just she's like, it'll just break him.
Speaker 4: I'll have one kid, and then she's like, shit, he
Speaker 4: gotta be pregnant again. I'll have two of them. We'll
Speaker 4: call it.
Speaker 3: And now it's been for six years and it's been
Speaker 3: a slow and steady race.
Speaker 2: Be right, honey, Yeah, forever, forever and ever.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know if we've come to a conclusion, because.
Speaker 2: Do you think we've got a conclusion on that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well no, I'm saying it's okay to be honest.
Speaker 1: I think you're saying the same Laura. And Matt's just like,
Speaker 1: fuck no, don't break the man.
Speaker 4: Down, Rick, Can I ask you if you've ever had
Speaker 4: a really bad date and you've texted a friend and say, hey,
Speaker 4: can you call me and pretend like there's an emergency and.
Speaker 3: Then yes, I have.
Speaker 4: It gives me a and gives me a reason to
Speaker 4: leave the date early.
Speaker 3: Yes, I did.
Speaker 1: That's fat I've done that one right. But I don't
Speaker 1: think you should do that either. I don't think you
Speaker 1: need to. I think you can see a dinner date
Speaker 1: out and then just say and you don't have to
Speaker 1: elongate it. Actually Ben has said that he's done that.
Speaker 1: Ben's like, I'll just not get dessert, you know, like
Speaker 1: if the date's not gone, well, I'll just be like,
Speaker 1: let's just call, you know, like we don't need to
Speaker 1: dessert in the extras.
Speaker 3: But I don't think you need an out. I think
Speaker 3: people just need to be a bit more honest.
Speaker 1: But maybe that's because I'm getting old and like now
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't care, Like, just be honest.
Speaker 2: So many people are so scared of hurting other people's feelings,
Speaker 2: which is understandable because we want to be kind, like
Speaker 2: inherently most people don't want to be assholes to other people.
Speaker 2: And so I think the majority of people listening to
Speaker 2: this would do the text afterwards. I think that that's
Speaker 2: probably a very standard approach. But if you want to
Speaker 2: be someone who is confident and takes the balls by
Speaker 2: the bull by the bulls, the ball by the bulls, yeah,
Speaker 2: then I think you can tell them to their face,
Speaker 2: but just know that you might crush someone like Naddy
Speaker 2: Jay and his fragile little heart.
Speaker 1: But the question is, was I rude to tell him
Speaker 1: fuck no, like you don't want to see the guy again?
Speaker 1: Like you didn't tell him hey, like I think you're ugly,
Speaker 1: or you didn't say anything to be rude and offensive.
Speaker 1: You just said I we're not jelling. You're not my penguin.
Speaker 1: There's a billion people in the world.
Speaker 3: You're not it.
Speaker 4: It's not rude. It's just an action that lacked a
Speaker 4: little bit of empathy. I think. I think it's not rude,
Speaker 4: not wrong, it's just softer ways of doing things.
Speaker 3: Yes, I do agree. I do agree.
Speaker 2: Well, I have a question which I'm going to keep
Speaker 2: you here for, Matt, now that you've joined this little threesome,
Speaker 2: so this.
Speaker 4: One this is nice, isn't it. Guys.
Speaker 3: It's been a while since we've done the threesome.
Speaker 4: I know, I know a bit rusty.
Speaker 2: I also have just had a colon cleanse.
Speaker 4: Yeah, perfect timing.
Speaker 3: It's not sexy.
Speaker 4: I don't know if Laura told this already, but last
Speaker 4: night the TV turned off and I was like scrolling
Speaker 4: on social media and the room, like the house is
Speaker 4: very quiet, obviously because the girls are sleeping, and all
Speaker 4: I could hear coming from the en suite from our
Speaker 4: bedroom was.
Speaker 3: In her defense. She's taken a laxity of like what
Speaker 3: we expect?
Speaker 2: You're so mean, and I.
Speaker 4: Was like, honey, isn't clear yet. She's like, it's still brown,
Speaker 4: it's rusty.
Speaker 3: She's like, don't come in here.
Speaker 2: This is so messed up. I did ask you to stay,
Speaker 2: but now I want you to go.
Speaker 3: No say that.
Speaker 1: Funnily enough, Laura hadn't mentioned that yet, so thank you
Speaker 1: for bringing that back.
Speaker 3: But Laura, keep going, keep going.
Speaker 2: We are forty minutes into this episode and we've answered
Speaker 2: one question.
Speaker 4: Good.
Speaker 3: It has been funny.
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, Question number two. I love my husband.
Speaker 2: I love my husband so much. However, I never feel
Speaker 2: like I get a good night's sleep. So I have
Speaker 2: decided that I would like to sleep in the spare bedroom.
Speaker 4: Now.
Speaker 2: I broached this conversation with my husband recently and he was,
Speaker 2: dare I say, very very offended by it. He thinks
Speaker 2: that it means that our relationships coming to an end,
Speaker 2: that I no longer want to be intimate with him,
Speaker 2: or I no longer find him attractive. But the truth is,
Speaker 2: I just can't stand the way he breathes at.
Speaker 4: Nightclas since it was soul, a man after my own heart.
Speaker 1: I can't stand the way he exists and literally lives
Speaker 1: by breathing.
Speaker 2: So the reason why I found this so funny is
Speaker 2: because he's not a snorer. Now, It's not the he's
Speaker 2: making an overt snoring noise. It's that he makes a
Speaker 2: very loud, breathy noise whilst he sleeps, which I can
Speaker 2: relate to this because this is the noise that Matt
Speaker 2: makes when Matt sleeps. And it's this.
Speaker 4: That's from my mouth, not my asshole.
Speaker 3: It's probably from both.
Speaker 1: I've heard you beatbox, and I've always wondered how you
Speaker 1: did it, Matt.
Speaker 2: It's how you do it?
Speaker 4: Is this about me? Is this about me?
Speaker 2: No? I love sleep.
Speaker 4: What's the right word codependent?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm codependent. I'm never going to sleep in another bed.
Speaker 3: I know the exact sound you're referring to.
Speaker 2: That that sound, Yeah, it's like someone's playing a game
Speaker 2: of tennis in the middle of the night.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's annoying as fuck across the course.
Speaker 3: So annoying. Like I think that's a tricky one.
Speaker 4: And it wakes you up.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, if you're a light sleeper, it's not that.
Speaker 1: It's just that, you know when there's okay, picture this,
Speaker 1: You're in bed, you're all relaxed, you're going to sleep,
Speaker 1: and then somebody brings your attention that outside your window
Speaker 1: there is a drip. Once it's brought to your attention,
Speaker 1: you cannot unhear it. So once this has been brought
Speaker 1: she's never going to switch off because that's all she's
Speaker 1: going to hear the whole time. Get the fuck out
Speaker 1: of there, get to the spare room, live your best life.
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: You guys need to suck it up to fucking drip.
Speaker 2: What would you do if I said to you, I
Speaker 2: wanted to sleep in the spare room because you're parking. No,
Speaker 2: it was too much for me.
Speaker 4: I'd be like, that's fucking part of marriage, that's what
Speaker 4: you signed up for.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but don't you think you can go to another
Speaker 1: room and just both ensure that you have a good
Speaker 1: night sleep, like maybe cuddle to almost sleep and then evacuate.
Speaker 4: Okay, Look, if you want to cuddle with me to
Speaker 4: fall asleep and then leave to another bedroom, that's totally.
Speaker 3: Fine, exactly that's the dream.
Speaker 4: But after I've gone to sleep, and then you can
Speaker 4: come check on me a couple hours later to make
Speaker 4: sure I'm still asleep, and then you can go back
Speaker 4: to Yeah, if there's a draft stuff.
Speaker 2: You are possibly the cutest grown man that's ever existed.
Speaker 4: If you honestly, if you said I want to sleep
Speaker 4: in another room as long as you still had sex,
Speaker 4: doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think answering this question properly. I mean, we
Speaker 2: can make a lot of jokes about it, but there
Speaker 2: are so many people. There are so many couples who
Speaker 2: sleep in separate rooms, who still love each other and
Speaker 2: are in great relationships, they just can't sleep. I also
Speaker 2: think that like once you've had kids, things change because
Speaker 2: you know, Marley, for example, gets into our bed every
Speaker 2: night time, and I usually get out of our bed
Speaker 2: and go and sleep in her bed at three o'clock
Speaker 2: every morning. So, like, I think that it doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be a symbol that something's wrong in the relationship.
Speaker 2: But I do think that you have to have all
Speaker 2: the intimacy that goes around it, you know, you have
Speaker 2: to still have the cuddles in bed before you decide
Speaker 2: to part ways.
Speaker 4: And god, I mean, let's be honest. We literally give
Speaker 4: each other a pet good night, and then we're at
Speaker 4: completely opposite ends of the bed. That's about it.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: Obviously we have sex, but on the nights that we're
Speaker 4: not having sex, it's like good night.
Speaker 1: Ninety seven percent of the time, we're just like good night,
Speaker 1: roll that's it.
Speaker 4: Well, brit when you fall asleep, like tonight, when you
Speaker 4: go to sleep, will you you spoon or will you
Speaker 4: Like how does that work as in a new relationship, Yeah, but.
Speaker 2: They're in a new relationship, we spoon for the first year.
Speaker 4: No, I know, but I just want to I want
Speaker 4: to live the life of a young, fresh relationship for
Speaker 4: just the second.
Speaker 1: No, we definitely, like we sex it up and then
Speaker 1: we cuddle and like spoon and stuff like that.
Speaker 3: But then all right, legend, No, but it's not the
Speaker 3: whole night.
Speaker 1: I don't think we actually cuddle most of the night
Speaker 1: because we both want a good night sleep, so we
Speaker 1: cud you know, for the first like ten or fifteen,
Speaker 1: you know, just they're dozing off, and then we roll
Speaker 1: on to the other side.
Speaker 3: But Ben, like I could probably sleep.
Speaker 1: In another bed one day, because Ben's he's a quiet sleeper,
Speaker 1: but he's so big. He takes up the entire bed.
Speaker 1: Like his feet are off the end, they're diagonally across
Speaker 1: the end. His arm span is like an albatross. There's
Speaker 1: no room for me in the bed.
Speaker 2: But Matt, you lie because you say that we like
Speaker 2: part ways and we sleep on other sides of the bed.
Speaker 2: We fall asleep, and there's always one body path that's touching.
Speaker 2: Usually I have like my foot on your calf or something.
Speaker 2: There's always one thing that's touching somewhere that like signifies
Speaker 2: we're still in bed together. Yeah, correct, Yeah, there's always
Speaker 2: one touch point.
Speaker 1: I think the important part here is at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, she's not getting the sleep she needs.
Speaker 3: That's the question. She cannot sleep, She's awake all night.
Speaker 1: She might have kids, she might have a stressful job,
Speaker 1: she needs to get to she needs to get asleep
Speaker 1: so they can sleep in other rooms.
Speaker 2: I think it's okay, yeah, but I think to be
Speaker 2: able to answer it, I mean, like, if your partner's offended,
Speaker 2: if your partner's upset by it, what's the next steps.
Speaker 2: I think the reassurance is what it is, or maybe
Speaker 2: it is that you fall asleep in the bed together,
Speaker 2: and then you know, when you wake up or you
Speaker 2: are woken up, you get up and you go to
Speaker 2: the other room. But I think if you're dismissive in this,
Speaker 2: I think if you turn around, you're like, I'm going
Speaker 2: to go sleep in the other bedroom, that can make
Speaker 2: someone feel very shut out in the relationship. So as
Speaker 2: much as we can sit here and make jokes about it,
Speaker 2: I still think that this is something that a lot
Speaker 2: of people have to deal with in their relationships, especially
Speaker 2: when you've been in a really long term. And it's
Speaker 2: also when you can start to feel like the passion's
Speaker 2: gone a bit and the intimacy and the feelings of
Speaker 2: being wanted are starting to erode. So be careful with
Speaker 2: it too, because.
Speaker 4: I think, you know, if I was going to put
Speaker 4: myself in the shoes of the husband here and think
Speaker 4: about the insecurity. It would be the fact that this
Speaker 4: could be the beginning of further separation, Like you know,
Speaker 4: it begins when you go to bed, and then once
Speaker 4: you get used to that routine of not having that
Speaker 4: contact all the time, it may be harder to then
Speaker 4: be intimate because you're in separate bedrooms. So I think
Speaker 4: that would be my fear that it would be the
Speaker 4: beginning of the undoing of the relationship.
Speaker 3: Well, then the guy needs to go to a respiratory specialist.
Speaker 3: Guy needs to go and go to a sleep doctor,
Speaker 3: go to a breathing doctor, sort the shit out.
Speaker 1: But it's I don't know. I think I think you
Speaker 1: guys are overthinking it. I think, of course you're gonna
Speaker 1: reashore room. Of course you're gonna go.
Speaker 3: Baby. I love you so much, like you are my
Speaker 3: whole entire world.
Speaker 1: But I cannot sleep with you breathing so loudly all night,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna have to try and nap in the
Speaker 1: other room.
Speaker 3: I don't know. I don't think it's the end of
Speaker 3: the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, I know, I totally agree with you.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's the end of the world because
Speaker 2: I know so many couples who do it?
Speaker 3: God.
Speaker 2: I know couples who live together but they have separate bedrooms,
Speaker 2: which sounds like the fucking dreams. They've got wardrobes. They're
Speaker 2: a single couple. They live in a two bedroom house
Speaker 2: and they don't have kids, and they have their own
Speaker 2: own bedroom, so they sleep, they fall asleep with each other,
Speaker 2: and then they go to their own beds.
Speaker 4: Or they're gonna have a terrible time when they have kids.
Speaker 2: I know, how are they going to adjust.
Speaker 1: I know a couple that have been married for forty
Speaker 1: years happily, that live in the same street but in
Speaker 1: different houses. They have dinner together every night they're together,
Speaker 1: but then they go to their own house.
Speaker 2: That's my parents. Oh yeah, that's my mum and my stepdad. Yeah,
Speaker 2: they have different houses and they'd be married for fifteen.
Speaker 4: Years, but they're just constantly having sleepovers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they do. They sleep over each other's houses all
Speaker 2: the time. It's cute anyway. I feel like I don't
Speaker 2: know if we've answered it, but I feel like we've
Speaker 2: got close. I think ultimately it's not the silver bullet
Speaker 2: that killed the relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship's over,
Speaker 2: but I think that you have to be really sensitive
Speaker 2: with how you bring it up, and if it is
Speaker 2: building an insecurity in your partner, then you have to
Speaker 2: give a lot of reassurance that the only reason why
Speaker 2: you're doing it is because you're not getting a good
Speaker 2: night's sleep. Yes, correct, Okay, Matthew Johnson, that's enough from you.
Speaker 3: Thank you for contributing. Matthew johnsonh are you very welcome?
Speaker 2: You're a good man.
Speaker 1: Last question, My boyfriends a piece of jewelry that his
Speaker 1: ex got for him and he still wears it. I
Speaker 1: know he's completely over her, so that isn't the issue.
Speaker 1: But the question here is that is it weird if
Speaker 1: I were to get him a piece of jewelry as
Speaker 1: a gift now because it might bring up memories of.
Speaker 3: Her and the ex?
Speaker 1: Is it weird if he still wears that jewelry? Am
Speaker 1: I allowed to buy him a piece that replaces it.
Speaker 1: That's the kind of vibe here with this ex jewelry
Speaker 1: boyfriend thing. Hope you can get back to me. Keep
Speaker 1: me anonymous, of course, we keep you anonymous. So essentially
Speaker 1: it's in a new relationship, the partner still has jewelry
Speaker 1: from an ex.
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 2: I mean, I think we should start with what are
Speaker 2: your thoughts on it, Brittany, because I know a certain
Speaker 2: ring you've been wearing recently which is not from a
Speaker 2: recent ex boyfriend. It's from a very very old ex boyfriend.
Speaker 2: But you found it in your jewelry box and you
Speaker 2: were like, I'm gonna start wearing this again.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look, I might be an anomaly, but I'm sort
Speaker 1: of okay with this. I have jewelry from previous partners
Speaker 1: that I still wear because I like the jewelry. I
Speaker 1: don't put it on and think of the person and
Speaker 1: it doesn't bring those memories up. But that's right, Laura.
Speaker 1: My first ever boyfriend, like I reckon, he gave me
Speaker 1: this ring when I was eighteen.
Speaker 3: I'm thirty five now, so like a long time and.
Speaker 1: It's just this little silver, like small thin silver ring
Speaker 1: with a little diamondything in it. And I found it
Speaker 1: again recently and I was like, I was looking for
Speaker 1: some rings to lay out, and I was like.
Speaker 3: Oh, perfect.
Speaker 1: I didn't think, oh my god, that's from my first
Speaker 1: ever boyfriend.
Speaker 3: That's so cute. It didn't keep it in a box
Speaker 3: under my bed, but.
Speaker 1: I had been all the letters he wrote me, Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I think you know, it was a nice ring.
Speaker 1: It went with what I was wearing. It was a
Speaker 1: layer thing, and I was fine with it. But I
Speaker 1: did tell you, guys. I told Laura and Keisha, and
Speaker 1: they thought it was all a bit weird. No, I
Speaker 1: didn't think that was weird. I think as so much
Speaker 1: time had passed that it wasn't weird. I feel differently
Speaker 1: to you, brit about jewelry, and I think I feel
Speaker 1: differently about it because I mean, I have like a
Speaker 1: real affinity with jewelry.
Speaker 4: Guys.
Speaker 2: That might come as a surprise to you, but I
Speaker 2: understand and know very intimately how much meaning goes into jewelry,
Speaker 2: how much when somebody picks out a piece for someone
Speaker 2: to wear every day, what that meant to them in
Speaker 2: giving that piece to someone as well. Like jewelry is
Speaker 2: unlike any other clothing item, for example, like a pair
Speaker 2: of jeans or a shirt or whatever, it doesn't carry
Speaker 2: meaning like jewelry does. Jewelry can be like an engagement ring,
Speaker 2: which obviously symbolizes marriage. It could be a gift that
Speaker 2: symbolizes your affection for someone. It's a real memory piece
Speaker 2: and so therefore for me I find it very, very different.
Speaker 2: I think that there's different types. I think if it's
Speaker 2: costume jewelry, like just say it's an expensive necklace that
Speaker 2: you pull out once in a blue moon, are you
Speaker 2: allowed to still wear that? Absolutely? If it's like an
Speaker 2: inscribed ring that someone has given you, because if their
Speaker 2: undying love for you, it's fucking weird to still wear it.
Speaker 2: And I don't mean that if you choose to still
Speaker 2: wear it it's because you're still in love with your ex.
Speaker 2: But I do think that it's a little bit potentially
Speaker 2: insensitive to a new partner who might find that intimidating,
Speaker 2: and in this case exactly that like if you're like, well,
Speaker 2: now I can't buy you a ring because your ex
Speaker 2: girlfriend bought you a ring, and then it's like she
Speaker 2: did it first and I don't want to be compared
Speaker 2: to her. I don't know. I just think it makes
Speaker 2: life easier if you leave jewelry that has been brought
Speaker 2: for you by your ex in the past, especially if
Speaker 2: it's an everyday piece.
Speaker 3: Oh look, I agree with you on a lot, but
Speaker 3: I disagreed on a lot.
Speaker 1: I agree that it can be sentimental, and if it
Speaker 1: was an engagement ring, like you got engaged and then
Speaker 1: it went south and you broke up.
Speaker 3: Yes, you can't wear the ring like, that's pretty cooked.
Speaker 1: Wedding rings are same like if you divorce, I don't
Speaker 1: think you need to be keeping that. Maybe, I mean,
Speaker 1: maybe you can melt it down and make it into
Speaker 1: something else. I do know people that have done that,
Speaker 1: because obviously it's a nice, expensive jewelry and then they've
Speaker 1: recreated it into something else. I think that's okay. But
Speaker 1: for me, I mean, I have a necklace that I
Speaker 1: have from an X TOO that I wear sometimes. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I love it because I love the necklace. It was
Speaker 1: something I wanted.
Speaker 2: But that necklace is costume jewelry. When I say costume jwey,
Speaker 2: I mean it's occasion where jewelry. You're wearing it out
Speaker 2: for dinner, you're wearing it to an event. Yes, I
Speaker 2: feel very differently about it that I think that's fine.
Speaker 2: So what I'm saying is if it's occasion where jewelry,
Speaker 2: then I don't have an issue with it because you're
Speaker 2: wearing it because you're styling it with an outfit. But
Speaker 2: if it's jewelry that you wear every single day, that
Speaker 2: you never take off. It almost becomes part of your identity,
Speaker 2: Like that's that one thing that never ever comes off
Speaker 2: your body and it was given to you buy your ex.
Speaker 2: I find it weird.
Speaker 1: Well, I think in this case, there's no reason for
Speaker 1: this girl for you, the listener. I don't think there's
Speaker 1: a reason for you to feel uncomfortable about buying him
Speaker 1: a gift and buying him a piece of jewelry, a ring,
Speaker 1: buying whatever you want. He's your partner and it's going
Speaker 1: to be mean something to you, And if you low
Speaker 1: key want to.
Speaker 3: Be replacing what he's wearing, that's okay.
Speaker 1: You can also have a conversation about it and say,
Speaker 1: you know, I got you this ring, but I would
Speaker 1: love it if you would wear it, And how do
Speaker 1: you feel about, you know, swapping it out? You know,
Speaker 1: I sort of look at that ring and think of
Speaker 1: your X. You know, you could almost be just really
Speaker 1: honest that it makes you a bit uncomfortable, especially if
Speaker 1: it was something special between them and you know that.
Speaker 1: But I think go for it, buying whatever you want,
Speaker 1: buying a ring, and see what happened.
Speaker 2: I also think, on top of that, there is no
Speaker 2: shame in saying I know that it means nothing to you,
Speaker 2: but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable that you're
Speaker 2: wearing it. Totally, But go together and pick out something
Speaker 2: that he likes, because obviously he's got a style. Maybe
Speaker 2: he wants to replace it with something that's similar. The
Speaker 2: last thing you want to do is buy something and
Speaker 2: he doesn't like it as much and then he feels
Speaker 2: forced to wear it.
Speaker 1: That's all totally, and he's like, great, now I've got
Speaker 1: to wear this ugly thing that he doesn't like.
Speaker 3: I think going for it, that's a good idea. Or
Speaker 3: go do it together, but don't.
Speaker 1: Feel bad about buying something just because someone bought him
Speaker 1: something in the past.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I do get it though, Like I mean,
Speaker 2: if I've ever dated a guy and I've found out
Speaker 2: that his ex girlfriend has kind of done or bought
Speaker 2: something that's the same, Like, for example, if Matt's ex
Speaker 2: girlfriend had bought him a ring that was really sentimental
Speaker 2: to them and their relationship, I would feel weird about
Speaker 2: buying Mat a ring. I would feel like I was
Speaker 2: copying something that she did. I would feel like I
Speaker 2: was trying to compete or you know, take that memory.
Speaker 2: I don't know, I understand why. There's a bit of
Speaker 2: a feeling of like, I don't want to repeat the
Speaker 2: same gift. Yes, the gifts are limited. What are you
Speaker 2: going to get? A wallet? A ring?
Speaker 1: A wallet is such a sixteen year old first boyfriend
Speaker 1: gift where you go to the surf shop and get
Speaker 1: like a bill of Wong wallet for their birthday.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I bought Matt wallet for our first
Speaker 2: relationship milestone. I can't remember what it was, but I
Speaker 2: bought him a wallet.
Speaker 3: I almost bought Ben one the other day.
Speaker 2: And wait, to be fair, I bought Matta wallet and
Speaker 2: it was replacing the wallet that he had, which was
Speaker 2: bought for him by his ex girlfriend. So there you go,
Speaker 2: paul A move.
Speaker 3: So there you go. You did do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah I did, and he loves it and he still
Speaker 2: wears that wallet.
Speaker 3: Where's it uses it?
Speaker 2: And who knows where the ex girlfriend wallet is?
Speaker 3: Yeah, well we do know because you burnt it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's in the ground in your backyard, brit That's
Speaker 2: where it is. Anyway, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 2: We hope that you love the episode, enjoyed Matt making
Speaker 2: a little rendezvous on today's EPP Go and join the
Speaker 2: life on Cart discussion group. You can also find us
Speaker 2: on Instagram at life on Cart podcast.
Speaker 3: And you know the drill.
Speaker 1: So your mum tell you, Dad, tell you Doug, tell
Speaker 1: your friends and share the love because we will.
Speaker 3: Cut the boy, the cut of.
Speaker 4: The boy at
Speaker 3: That day, their day,