WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT: "I think I've found The One...  but  he has a girlfriend"

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<v Speaker 1>Hi Heart podcasts, heem More Kiss podcast playlist and listen

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<v Speaker 1>live on the free iHeart app. It is time for

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<v Speaker 1>something we do every Thursday, and that is ask Guncut.

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<v Speaker 1>It has become a staple of our podcast life on

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<v Speaker 1>Cut and it's where you guys call in with your deep,

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<v Speaker 1>you're dark and you're burning questions and even though we

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<v Speaker 1>are completely unqualified, we do our best answer them.

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<v Speaker 2>We have Emily on the phone.

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<v Speaker 3>Hey Emily, Hi Emily, what's the problem?

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<v Speaker 4>Hi guys. Okay, So basically, there was a guy I dated,

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<v Speaker 4>maybe like three or four years ago. Yeah, we were

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<v Speaker 4>quite serious, but like we never like were boyfriend and girlfriend,

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<v Speaker 4>and due to like careers and stuff in the sense

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<v Speaker 4>that like I work a normal job and he would

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<v Speaker 4>work weird hours, it just never eventuated and my work

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<v Speaker 4>took me other places. Anyways, I just have never been

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<v Speaker 4>able to stop thinking about him, like you think.

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<v Speaker 3>Easy kind of the one that got away.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And the worst bit about it is I'm never

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<v Speaker 4>one to like, I'm such a girl's girl, right, Like

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<v Speaker 4>I would never do anything. But he has a girlfriend

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<v Speaker 4>now and they've been together for a year, and I

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<v Speaker 4>thought it would just go away.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's not have you dated other people and then

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<v Speaker 2>it just doesn't feel right? Are you in a relationship

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<v Speaker 2>now doesn't feel right?

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<v Speaker 4>I have dated other people in the past, I have

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<v Speaker 4>had a relationship in those three to four years, and yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>I was still thinking about him.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you have any contact with him?

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<v Speaker 4>This is so bad. I do swear. I swear such

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<v Speaker 4>a girl's girl, like I would never move in on him.

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<v Speaker 4>But we still chat. Yeah, here and there about like

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<v Speaker 4>whatever's happening in the world, and like things I know

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<v Speaker 4>he likes.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so does he I know he likes Does he

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<v Speaker 1>ever give you the indication like, does he ever overstep

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<v Speaker 1>the mark? Or is he giving you the indication that like,

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<v Speaker 1>had it been different, he would have wanted it.

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<v Speaker 3>To work out.

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<v Speaker 4>So basically, back in October, we had like a drunk

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<v Speaker 4>phone call and he was in a relationship at this time,

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<v Speaker 4>and he said, oh, like we just didn't work out

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<v Speaker 4>because our life paths didn't go that way. And he

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<v Speaker 4>still thinks of me nicely. But he tells his partner

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<v Speaker 4>everything and he's completely open with her and trusting with her.

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<v Speaker 4>And I would never do anything to hurt a relationship

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<v Speaker 4>or I wouldn't even like let him do something to

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<v Speaker 4>affect that, because I know what that could mean if

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<v Speaker 4>I were to get in a relationship with him and

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<v Speaker 4>stuff by.

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<v Speaker 1>That, Emily, I know what I mean, Yes I do,

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<v Speaker 1>But I also just think that sometimes the fantasy is

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<v Speaker 1>better than the real life. Like I think that you

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<v Speaker 1>can build it up in your head and be like,

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<v Speaker 1>he's the one that's got away if we had another chance,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe he's my person, but sometimes they do get away.

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<v Speaker 3>But he's not your person.

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<v Speaker 1>He's got a girlfriend, so if he wanted to be

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<v Speaker 1>your person, he would free up. He's a calendar that

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<v Speaker 1>he hasn't done that, and he's definitely stayed committed in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of think there isn't much that you can do,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't know if I would be putting myself

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<v Speaker 1>in the firing line of telling him how I feel

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<v Speaker 1>when he's in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>But it doesn't agree with me, for it's looking at.

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<v Speaker 2>Me like she's NOSSA, this doesn't happen. No, I'm not

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<v Speaker 2>saying that doesn't happen. Often, I genuinely don't know what

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<v Speaker 2>to tell you because I am like a quite a

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<v Speaker 2>romantic and I like the idea of like I do

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<v Speaker 2>believe that there can be right people for each other

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<v Speaker 2>at wrong times, Like I know people where that's happened.

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<v Speaker 3>I believe in that.

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<v Speaker 2>I do believe in going after what she want, but

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<v Speaker 2>obviously within reason. I don't mean that about like being

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<v Speaker 2>a homewreck and breaking up relationships. But it's if you

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<v Speaker 2>genuinely believe someone is the one that makes me be

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<v Speaker 2>Like if he was in a relationship, I'd be like,

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<v Speaker 2>turn up to his house, like tell him. If he

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<v Speaker 2>says he's not interested, it's fine, move on. At least

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<v Speaker 2>you know that and you can put it to bed.

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<v Speaker 2>This is what I think he can do. It's wrong

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<v Speaker 2>to try and break up a relationship is wrong to

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<v Speaker 2>do the wrong thing and emotionally cheat and cheat and

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<v Speaker 2>things like that.

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<v Speaker 3>You are well.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just saying she has not stopped thinking about him.

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<v Speaker 2>She loves him, she thinks he's the one.

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<v Speaker 3>This is what I say, get a dog, no therapy.

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<v Speaker 2>I would say, Hey, really, honestly, I don't think we

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<v Speaker 2>can maintain this friendship anymore. I still have feelings for you,

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<v Speaker 2>so I don't think it's right, and I'm going to

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<v Speaker 2>do the right thing by your relationship and me that way,

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<v Speaker 2>you are being a good person and pulling back. As

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<v Speaker 2>long as you commit to pulling back, you've also let

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<v Speaker 2>him know why, which is like, my feelings are still there.

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<v Speaker 3>Then he can go and do with it what he will.

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<v Speaker 2>He'll either feel nothing for you and say like I

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<v Speaker 2>understand and get on with your life, or he'll be like, wow,

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<v Speaker 2>I've always felt the same way and didn't think she did,

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<v Speaker 2>and then something problem.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 1>The problem I have with it is that no matter

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<v Speaker 1>what you do, even if you do throw that out

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<v Speaker 1>there and he goes and turns around and says like,

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<v Speaker 1>oh now I have confused feelings. The amount of like

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<v Speaker 1>back and forth because no one's going to receive that

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<v Speaker 1>information and then instantly go, you know what, I have

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<v Speaker 1>those feelings for you too. I'm going to break up

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<v Speaker 1>with my girlfriend, move out of the house, and then

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<v Speaker 1>we can start a consensual relationship together.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not gonna cheat. I'm gonna be a stand up guy.

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<v Speaker 1>There's nowhere in between except for it to either be

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<v Speaker 1>he agrees, and then there's cheating for him to get

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<v Speaker 1>the validation that he needs in order to leave the relationship.

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<v Speaker 1>He's not going to from a one line of you

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<v Speaker 1>saying he's still got feelings, break up with his current

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<v Speaker 1>girlfriend and move out of the house they live in.

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<v Speaker 1>He's going to need way more validation, which just means

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<v Speaker 1>you're putting yourself in a drama field unnecessary relationship with

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<v Speaker 1>someone who has got a relationship and I just think

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<v Speaker 1>you don't need this in your life.

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<v Speaker 2>Well she does need him in his life when he's

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<v Speaker 2>a penguin.

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<v Speaker 1>No, there's more than one person for everyone you meet

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<v Speaker 1>someone else, Emily.

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<v Speaker 3>What are you going to do? Whose advice you're taking?

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<v Speaker 3>Lores on mine?

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<v Speaker 4>Part of me is still like do I just suffer

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<v Speaker 4>in silence?

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<v Speaker 1>Just keep waiting, don't keep waiting, Just don't wait.

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<v Speaker 3>D'en Emily date other people I have?

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<v Speaker 4>I have none of them.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, Emily, I do not envy you.

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<v Speaker 1>Good luck with this and make sure you us a

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<v Speaker 1>call back and tell us how it all goes.

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<v Speaker 4>I will, Thanks girls, Thanks Emily,