Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Live
Speaker 1: Fun Part This is us gun Cut. It is out
Speaker 1: Thursday edition Out Down and Dirnie Quick Edition where we
Speaker 1: answer your deepest, darkest secrets. I'm Brittany and I have
Speaker 1: a very special co host on the episode today because
Speaker 1: Laura has an arm hanging out of a vagina and
Speaker 1: she couldn't quite be here with us today. Maddie Day
Speaker 1: will welcome to the pod.
Speaker 2: Look, it's good to be here. I have to start
Speaker 2: off by apologizing, because is.
Speaker 1: This a mutual apology.
Speaker 2: Well, look, I'll put my hand up and say that
Speaker 2: I was at fault here. Obviously, this episode coming out
Speaker 2: is a little bit late. When we recorded this a
Speaker 2: couple of days ago, I looked at my microphone. It
Speaker 2: was plugged. I kind of handed it to you. I
Speaker 2: didn't say plug it in. I think you grabbed it.
Speaker 2: We started talking next thing the episode's finished.
Speaker 1: Let me explain this a little bit better, guys. Mattie,
Speaker 1: Jay and I did record this a few days ago.
Speaker 1: It was always planned. We had three microphones sitting on
Speaker 1: the desk because we always have an extra microphone for
Speaker 1: when we interview people. Matt handed me his cord and
Speaker 1: somehow in the kerfuffle, I have plugged in the third
Speaker 1: microphone into his port and I left his unplugged. We
Speaker 1: then proceeded to record an entire episode that was quality
Speaker 1: without Matt even it was pretty good.
Speaker 2: It's pretty good.
Speaker 1: It was solid.
Speaker 2: And when I say pretty good, we walked away being like,
Speaker 2: nailed it. That was absolute golden Like we.
Speaker 1: Mic dropped and it was so easy to mic drop
Speaker 1: because it wasn't plugged.
Speaker 2: So I want to apologize. Obviously, we take this very serious.
Speaker 2: This says, you know, it's a little hobby, but at
Speaker 2: the same time, oh, it's not a hobby.
Speaker 1: Well, Laura, it's like, well, squeeze me.
Speaker 2: This is like, okay, I say it's a hobby because well,
Speaker 2: we record this in the bedroom. You know, I feel
Speaker 2: like a lot of people out there.
Speaker 1: I mean, Laura and I still take that seriously. It
Speaker 1: doesn't matter where we are. We take this seriously.
Speaker 2: This is a very serious job. And I hate to
Speaker 2: come in here and not treat this and at the
Speaker 2: level that it deserves.
Speaker 1: I love and I appreciate that you're trying to take
Speaker 1: responsibility for this, but it would be very unprofessional of me,
Speaker 1: and I wouldn't be a very good friend if I
Speaker 1: didn't say. I was literally the one that didn't plug
Speaker 1: it in. So I feel like we're equal. I think
Speaker 1: we can meet halfway.
Speaker 2: Will you make mistakes, It'll never happen again. I apologize,
Speaker 2: but I've been making a lot of mistakes lately.
Speaker 1: Oh God, what have you done?
Speaker 2: Now? I've had a bad run. You know, Sometimes you
Speaker 2: just just some weeks are worse than others.
Speaker 1: Literally that's me this week. And the microphone was to
Speaker 1: stop it off. So yes, I feel you.
Speaker 2: I don't know what is going on, but I had
Speaker 2: an accident at Icebergs as in the pool, the pool,
Speaker 2: not the restaurant. I've been really trying to get into
Speaker 2: my swimming.
Speaker 1: Lately, okay, like a new fitness venture.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like just something different. I'm mixing it up. Laura
Speaker 2: is a really good swimmer. I've never been a great swimmer.
Speaker 2: Running was more so my sport of choice. And at
Speaker 2: thirty three, I'm like, do you know what? It's time
Speaker 2: to swim?
Speaker 1: Okay, what have you done?
Speaker 2: Except but anyone doesn't know Iceberg's pool. It's an ocean pool,
Speaker 2: so they clean it out once a week. Sometimes it
Speaker 2: gets like a bit of a build up of sand
Speaker 2: at the bottom of the pool, right, sure, Yeah, in
Speaker 2: your lane you have two black lanes marked on the
Speaker 2: bottom of the pool, so you always have to hug
Speaker 2: the left. Yeah, you just swim straight exactly. Swimming straight.
Speaker 2: It's very simple, not hard to do. Accept. At one
Speaker 2: point I touched the wall, turned around and I got
Speaker 2: lost because the black mark was all hidden by the sand.
Speaker 1: Oh, you got lost. It wasmod got lost going straight.
Speaker 2: It was well, yeah, because I couldn't I couldn't see
Speaker 2: the black line. And then only when I kind of
Speaker 2: realized that maybe I had drifted over, and then I
Speaker 2: did my stroke and I ended up punching this old
Speaker 2: man right in the forehead, like between the eyes, and
Speaker 2: because you know, I was really trying to swim with
Speaker 2: a bit of pace here and I've just clocked him
Speaker 2: hit him in fourth I'm like, yeah, I've dropped this
Speaker 2: old guy. And I was worried for a second because
Speaker 2: I thought maybe this guy's gonna.
Speaker 1: Be playing on the bottom of the pool.
Speaker 2: Knocked out. And he got up and he was fine,
Speaker 2: but he was furious and he was blowing up and
Speaker 2: he was.
Speaker 1: Like, what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Like you're an idiot. And it was on a Saturday morning,
Speaker 2: and it was in the lane that was closest to
Speaker 2: where all the seats are, so everyone is there on
Speaker 2: a Saturday. You can imagine how busy Icebergs is if you.
Speaker 1: Don't know Iceberg's guys. It's always packed, and it's packed
Speaker 1: with the really serious swimmers. There's the squad training.
Speaker 2: Did they squad training?
Speaker 1: Squad training? There's the VIP members that have been there
Speaker 1: every weekend for their entire existence. That's probably the man
Speaker 1: you punched out. He was probably the vice president of
Speaker 1: the Icebergs.
Speaker 2: I'm now banned from Icebergs. I literally I had to
Speaker 2: like get out of the pool after that lab and
Speaker 2: with the tail between you. I came home and Laura
Speaker 2: was like, well you're home quick, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm never swimming.
Speaker 3: Again, are you actually band though, Well, I'm going to
Speaker 3: take a break.
Speaker 2: I'm going to take a week off and maybe I'll
Speaker 2: just stick to swimming in the ocean, not in the.
Speaker 1: Pool, or maybe just go to like a normal mainstream pool,
Speaker 1: but not like the busiest, most popular pool in Australia.
Speaker 2: I thought I was I thought I was up for it.
Speaker 2: I thought I could do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I love that. Well, guys, we do have some
Speaker 1: questions today for you. Matt put some questions out on
Speaker 1: his story and you guys wrote in hundreds of questions.
Speaker 1: Well that's what you've told me anyway.
Speaker 2: Matte had a really great response. Lots of questions. There
Speaker 2: were things like why do guys sit down and pee?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, that's that's an aim thing, isn't it?
Speaker 1: Like that's a mess thing.
Speaker 2: Well, sometimes it's just nice to relax. So lots of
Speaker 2: questions like that I answered actually on my stories.
Speaker 1: So is that a lazy thing when guys sit down
Speaker 1: to pee?
Speaker 2: I think so?
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You know, I just want to sit on your phone soon.
Speaker 1: Most about audience of females, we probably don't need to
Speaker 1: go into that one. No, I am going to kick
Speaker 1: start with a question of my own. This was something
Speaker 1: that I sort of just came in and mentioned to
Speaker 1: Laura and Matt and they were like, this is actually
Speaker 1: good question. This happens a lot. This is really common.
Speaker 1: We get it a lot. So I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I'm just going to put it out there.
Speaker 1: You guys know that I have been seeing someone lately
Speaker 1: and that is not a secret. The Daily Mail picked
Speaker 1: up on some stuff. It's like I've put some stuff
Speaker 1: on my story. It's not a lot. I'm not shouting
Speaker 1: it from the rooftop, but it's out there that I'm
Speaker 1: seeing someone.
Speaker 3: You're off the market, Yes, you couldn't getting stuff out.
Speaker 1: What my question is is that this.
Speaker 2: Week how I say so, you're you're very happy right
Speaker 2: now with how things are progressing. You're not looking elsewhere,
Speaker 2: so to speak.
Speaker 1: I am very happy, and I am not on the
Speaker 1: dating apps anymore. I am very focused on this. One
Speaker 1: human that is providing me with a lot of happiness.
Speaker 2: Is a human. Thanks for confirming you, guys.
Speaker 1: I don't want to give too much away. Here's a human. No,
Speaker 1: I'm very happy. But my question was right, okay, now
Speaker 1: I am one hundred happy. This is just something I
Speaker 1: thought was really fascinating. I was seeing someone at the
Speaker 1: start of last year and it was like this weird
Speaker 1: on and off, a lot of texting, a lot of
Speaker 1: face timing all the time, a couple of dates here
Speaker 1: and there. He was like, never very casual, but I
Speaker 1: quite liked him. And he was like, I really like
Speaker 1: you too, And he used the excuse of I think
Speaker 1: you were so perfect, that if we actually started dating,
Speaker 1: you could be it for me and I'm not ready
Speaker 1: for that. That was his excuse. Now I know better
Speaker 1: than anyone that that's just an excuse. You just don't
Speaker 1: want to date me whatever. But he didn't ever want
Speaker 1: to not have me around. It was a very weird time,
Speaker 1: but it was never like I don't want to be
Speaker 1: in a relationship at all. It's not you, it's no
Speaker 1: one don't want it. So I was like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: Like so fine, let's move on, not going to talk anymore,
Speaker 1: but like, also stop calling me incesantly and stop messaging me.
Speaker 1: And you know, as soon as he knew that I
Speaker 1: was seeing someone now because he has found out because
Speaker 1: we we're still friends, we're not not friends at all,
Speaker 1: but he's found out.
Speaker 3: He's seen some stuff and he's come crawling back.
Speaker 1: This week, I got and I quote you up. I
Speaker 1: got a you up message? Yeah, And then I proceeded
Speaker 1: to say, well, like yes, I am up, but also
Speaker 1: I'm busy. Then he wrote want a visitor.
Speaker 2: It's so typical, though, isn't it so typical?
Speaker 1: I said no. I was really honest, guys, because I
Speaker 1: believe in that. I was like, hey, like, ah, that
Speaker 1: ship sort of have sailed. I'm seeing someone. I'm happy.
Speaker 1: Then he started to FaceTime me. I was I literally said,
Speaker 1: I'm happy, I'm seeing someone. Take care. And then he
Speaker 1: started face timing me and he wanted he was like
Speaker 1: really trying to see me.
Speaker 2: You know, it's so typical that as soon as you
Speaker 2: say no, they then come on even stronger, and then
Speaker 2: the more you pull away, the more they then try
Speaker 2: more and more and more.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the question, why not just for me,
Speaker 1: but for all these women, because I have so many
Speaker 1: women that write to us saying like, as soon as
Speaker 1: I don't show interest anymore, they want me. Are they
Speaker 1: actually interested or is it just the fact that they're
Speaker 1: not getting attention anymore and they feel like something is
Speaker 1: slipping between their fingers? What do you think it is?
Speaker 1: Is it more of a like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: didn't realize what I could have had now that they're gone.
Speaker 1: Or is it just like, hey, give me some more attention.
Speaker 2: I think it's as simple as guys just guys want
Speaker 2: what they can't have. You know, sometimes you're at a
Speaker 2: restaurant and you go, oh, I have the special, and
Speaker 2: they go, oh, so the specials just run out my.
Speaker 1: Damn, that's all I want it.
Speaker 2: And then you're like that, yeah, I don't want anything
Speaker 2: else right now. I just want that special? Is it
Speaker 2: any way you can whip up a special? No, I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry it's gone, and you're like shit, yeah right,
Speaker 2: I stop thinking about the special.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So you think it's just fake news.
Speaker 2: It's just it's really shit. It is so shit. It's
Speaker 2: so shit because it's just messing you about. But I
Speaker 2: think it's wanting to know that they can still get
Speaker 2: something they once had.
Speaker 1: I tell you what, though it felt so great, would
Speaker 1: be the one that's saying no. And I know that
Speaker 1: he would have been like sorry, what, like, what do
Speaker 1: you mean no? Not answering his calls because we were
Speaker 1: fairly I'm always answering it. So anyway, there's power in that. Ladies,
Speaker 1: if that happens to you, be the one that shuts
Speaker 1: him down. It feels really good.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's a nice segue into this question Britt that
Speaker 2: we had. This person wrote in and said, I'm curious
Speaker 2: to whether guys are legitimate when they say that they're
Speaker 2: not ready and timing isn't right for our relationship. Are
Speaker 2: they being genuine? Or is that just a cop out?
Speaker 3: Ah?
Speaker 1: Do you know I hate that sentence. I hate that
Speaker 1: so much because personally and I have come full circle.
Speaker 1: I used to back in the day, I used to
Speaker 1: be a big believer that timing is everything. I was
Speaker 1: a big believer on I thought I had met my human,
Speaker 1: my penguin a long long time ago, and he used
Speaker 1: to always say to me, you're the right person, but
Speaker 1: the timing's wrong, like maybe down the track, the timing's wrong.
Speaker 1: And I used to believe that. Then I waited three
Speaker 1: years and we met up again because he was like,
Speaker 1: I think the timing is right now, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's right, and many beginning he was like, it's still wrong.
Speaker 1: And that's when I was like, do you know what,
Speaker 1: fuck you, the timing's not wrong, you're wrong. The fact is,
Speaker 1: if two people, or a job, or an opportunity, if
Speaker 1: any of these present themselves to you, you can make
Speaker 1: the timing right. I don't believe, and I genuinely don't
Speaker 1: believe from the bottom of my heart, that there is
Speaker 1: a perfect time for everything. I think there are obviously
Speaker 1: going to be more suited times and things like that,
Speaker 1: but I think you need to grab opportunities, and you
Speaker 1: need to make things right for you, and you need
Speaker 1: to put the effort in to make something work if
Speaker 1: you really really like someone.
Speaker 2: Look, I agree, I think there's never going to be
Speaker 2: like that perfect time. But I know that from my
Speaker 2: own personal experience when I moved to London. When I
Speaker 2: first arrived there, I definitely wasn't looking for a relationship.
Speaker 2: My priorities were work first and foremost. I got a
Speaker 2: brand new job and that's what I wanted to excel at.
Speaker 2: I wanted to meet new mates, I wanted to travel
Speaker 2: as well. I didn't want to spend time investing my
Speaker 2: energy into a relationship. Like I met some people who
Speaker 2: I thought were really great at the time, but I
Speaker 2: was pretty open and saying I'm just not looking for
Speaker 2: anything serious right now. So for me, timing wasn't right.
Speaker 2: But I know that when I met Laura, timing was great.
Speaker 2: You know, I was at a point in my life
Speaker 2: where I was really ready to prioritize somebody else, And
Speaker 2: I think it was the same for Laura as well.
Speaker 2: She definitely had her timeline very in line with mine.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, the timing was right for both of
Speaker 1: you because you were on a dating show, like that's
Speaker 1: what made it right.
Speaker 2: So I think timing does come into play. But I
Speaker 2: think when someone says I'm just not ready for a relationship,
Speaker 2: I think it doesn't really matter if they're trying to
Speaker 2: be genuine or that maybe they just don't want to
Speaker 2: hurt your feelings. I think what they're saying is that
Speaker 2: they don't want to be with you. So when someone's
Speaker 2: trying to show their true colors, take it for what
Speaker 2: it is.
Speaker 1: I really really agree with that. I think what you
Speaker 1: just say is really important. And this is my biggest
Speaker 1: piece of advice that I always give on all of
Speaker 1: our episodes. If someone does want to be with you,
Speaker 1: if someone has feelings for you, if they want to
Speaker 1: see you, if they want to contact you or talk
Speaker 1: to you, they one hundred percent absolutely will And I
Speaker 1: know you will agree with that, Matt. If a guy
Speaker 1: wants to message you, he will find time. He won't
Speaker 1: be like I've had a really busy week. He probably
Speaker 1: has had a busy week, but he will still find
Speaker 1: the time to contact you. If someone is saying to
Speaker 1: you like I'm not looking for a relationship right now,
Speaker 1: the time is just not right, like Matt, just said.
Speaker 1: The reasons irrelevant. The underlying message here is I don't
Speaker 1: want to be with you. I don't have the time
Speaker 1: for you. It's tough love, one hundred percent. And I've
Speaker 1: been on the receiving end of it. Everyone's been on
Speaker 1: the receiving end of it, and sucks like no one
Speaker 1: wants this unrequited love. But totally, the best thing you
Speaker 1: can do is be really honest with yourself, and that's
Speaker 1: what I do now. I'm just like, hey, brute, guess
Speaker 1: what the guy doesn't like you? Move on? Move on?
Speaker 2: Because I think the right person at the wrong time,
Speaker 2: it's still the wrong person.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Ultimately, if the right person comes into your life,
Speaker 1: you're both going to make the time to make it work.
Speaker 2: Absolutely.
Speaker 1: All right, let's move on to the next question.
Speaker 2: Question number two. You go, Brett, you go this one.
Speaker 1: I've got this one. It's really important question. Actually, I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people probably find themselves in this
Speaker 1: sticky situation. I can't answer this, so it's purely for you.
Speaker 1: I'm pregnant and that's not me. That's the question. I'm
Speaker 1: daily mail. Don't run with that. I'm pregnant. I'm twenty
Speaker 1: five weeks and my boyfriend is not feeling comfortable being
Speaker 1: romantic in the bedroom, aka, he doesn't want to get
Speaker 1: down and dirty and he doesn't want to go to poundtown.
Speaker 1: Should I be offended by this? And how can I
Speaker 1: make him want to be intimate with me?
Speaker 2: Gosh, it's tricky, isn't it. I fell into the category
Speaker 2: of someone who found their partner really attractive when they
Speaker 2: were pregnant. Grow up having like a pregnancy fetish.
Speaker 1: You didn't like google pregnant women on porn.
Speaker 2: Hub, never like you once before.
Speaker 3: But anyway, curiosity killed the cat.
Speaker 2: But when Laura was pregnant with Marley, I remember, I
Speaker 2: just thought she was so beautiful, Like, if anything, I
Speaker 2: wanted to have sex with them more, you know, right.
Speaker 2: But I know that for other guys, I think they
Speaker 2: really struggle with the concept of having sex knowing that
Speaker 2: there's a little human in there, because I think psychologically
Speaker 2: it can really impact, you know, trying to get into
Speaker 2: the mood.
Speaker 1: So do you think that they don't want to have
Speaker 1: sex because they think they're going to spear the baby
Speaker 1: in the head or cause some sort of traumatic injury,
Speaker 1: or is it just because I disturbed that there's a
Speaker 1: human life in there already.
Speaker 2: I think it's just the psychology behind it, because obviously,
Speaker 2: you know sex is very physical. But then I remember
Speaker 2: there was one time, Britt, when Marley was just born,
Speaker 2: she was asleep in the cop that was next to
Speaker 2: our bed. We were having sex. We heard this little noise.
Speaker 2: I looked across and she was awake, and she was
Speaker 2: kind of standing up, holding onto the edge of the cot.
Speaker 1: She's looking at you, and instantly, you know, I lost
Speaker 1: my mojo. Yes, it's like when a dog poohs and
Speaker 1: they look at you. They still lay the look eyes
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: There's nothing worse.
Speaker 3: I've you've got to walk away, nothing worse.
Speaker 2: I think for some people it can be a little
Speaker 2: bit off putting, knowing that there's somebody else in the room.
Speaker 1: So you think it's pretty normal. I guess there's probably
Speaker 1: two categories, as the people that are just so hyper
Speaker 1: attracted to pregnancy and they think it's beautiful and they
Speaker 1: think it's sexy, because I have friends that have said
Speaker 1: that too, that they just find their partner so attractive
Speaker 1: when they're pregnant.
Speaker 2: Yea, Laura's like beating me off with a stick right now.
Speaker 2: But then there's other friends of mine who you know.
Speaker 2: They were pretty open to me and said that they
Speaker 2: really struggled to stay sexually active whilst their partner was
Speaker 2: heavily pregnant. The thought of having sex in that period
Speaker 2: of time wasn't appealing to them. But I think what's
Speaker 2: really important is for this person to speak to her
Speaker 2: partner and to really find out, well, what is it
Speaker 2: about having sex that you're struggling with right now? Like
Speaker 2: is it you know the concept? Because I think you
Speaker 2: can have sex with the lights off, because sometimes out
Speaker 2: of sight, out of mind, it can help to start
Speaker 2: easing into being sexually active again. And there are some
Speaker 2: positions that don't highlight the fact that your partner's pregnant,
Speaker 2: Like Missionary is one where it's very obvious.
Speaker 1: You think, like Doggie or something.
Speaker 2: I think, so, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay, But then I think this is this is where
Speaker 1: my mind immediately goes that if he's saying like, okay, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll have sex with you, but let's turn the lights
Speaker 1: off and flip you over. Knowing that she's a woman,
Speaker 1: she's full holone, She's going to be like, excuse me,
Speaker 1: you can get the hell out. You're gonna have sex
Speaker 1: with the lights on a look at me, she will
Speaker 1: be I think she'd be offended by that. I get
Speaker 1: totally get what you're saying, but I just know is
Speaker 1: a hormonal, pregnant woman that's not gonna go down.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's a good point, Britt, So okay, let
Speaker 2: me rephrase that point if I may, you may. I
Speaker 2: think it's very normal that the amount of sex couples
Speaker 2: have may be reduced during pregnancy. But I think it's
Speaker 2: still important to still be intimate. Because you can still
Speaker 2: be intimate, you can still satisfy each other without actually
Speaker 2: having sex.
Speaker 1: I agree, and I think it's really important to keep
Speaker 1: that intimacy. It's really important for both people to feel
Speaker 1: loved and wanted and needed. You can still kiss and cuddle,
Speaker 1: and you can still have really nice dinners. You can
Speaker 1: still massage each other, you can still get the oils out,
Speaker 1: you can still surprise each other. You could introduce sex
Speaker 1: toys if it's the fact that you're still attracted to
Speaker 1: each other, but you don't want to actually cross that
Speaker 1: boundary because it is a psychological thing. The most important
Speaker 1: thing here is to have a really open conversation, and
Speaker 1: if you're feeling really neglected, and unloved and unwanted by
Speaker 1: your partner. The worst thing you can do is turn
Speaker 1: you back, roll over and go to bed quietly. You
Speaker 1: need to express that.
Speaker 2: Unless that's how you're going to start the doggie style.
Speaker 1: Well you're going to back up on it. No. I mean,
Speaker 1: like all jokes aside, I think it's really iportant just
Speaker 1: to have that conversation and move from there as long
Speaker 1: as you're both feeling understood, because otherwise it's going to escalate.
Speaker 1: We all know what happens. Then it manifests inside you,
Speaker 1: It gets toxic, and then it explodes.
Speaker 2: You don't want to have nine months of no sex.
Speaker 1: No or no action at all, like you need to
Speaker 1: meet halfway. That would be a nightmare aka in the
Speaker 1: middle of the bed halfway. Yes, okay, I think we
Speaker 1: got that one well said. Okay, this is a quick one.
Speaker 1: It reads Why does so many guys not reply on
Speaker 1: dating apps? I think this is really common. I don't
Speaker 1: actually think that this is just men involved. I know
Speaker 1: a lot of women that don't reply on dating apps either.
Speaker 1: I have been one of them in the past. I
Speaker 1: will raise my hand and say that I have been
Speaker 1: guilty of that.
Speaker 2: Okay, when you weren't replying. What was the reason for
Speaker 2: that is that because you already started talking to somebody
Speaker 2: else a little bit earlier and you're invested in them.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So personally, I do always try and be really
Speaker 1: open and honest with people because I know what it
Speaker 1: feels like to be on the receiving end. And I
Speaker 1: always encourage people not to ghost because that's just shit behavior.
Speaker 1: For the times that I have probably done it, I
Speaker 1: think what happens is I would match a lot of people,
Speaker 1: like you just say yes to whoever you start matching.
Speaker 1: Then you start to talk to some people. I personally
Speaker 1: like to talk to one or two people at a time.
Speaker 1: I don't like fifteen conversations at once because I physically
Speaker 1: don't have the time for it. So what I used
Speaker 1: to do is I used to start to talk to
Speaker 1: someone and get a little bit invested in that and
Speaker 1: feel something, and I was vibing with them, bantering with them,
Speaker 1: and I would just without really meaning to forget about
Speaker 1: the others because I didn't have enough brain space for them.
Speaker 1: It was as simple as that. It wasn't rude, it
Speaker 1: wasn't for me. I wasn't matching for an ego boost
Speaker 1: one percent. Definitely not that. It's just I couldn't be
Speaker 1: bothered and I didn't have the time.
Speaker 2: Okay, because that's a very good explanation sometimes, and I
Speaker 2: still think some girls will do this as well many
Speaker 2: years ago, Britt, when I was on dating apps. Sometimes
Speaker 2: you just want a little ego pash and to know
Speaker 2: that you still got it, and it just feels good
Speaker 2: to get a match, and you're not really looking to
Speaker 2: start a really serious conversation, but you just want to
Speaker 2: know that people out there want to see you.
Speaker 1: And that is exactly right. I think ninety five percent
Speaker 1: of the time that men aren't responding to you on
Speaker 1: a dating app, it's because they have matched with you
Speaker 1: for an ego boost and they don't actually care. Again,
Speaker 1: I hate doing this tough love thing, but you can't
Speaker 1: take any of this personally because it's literally you don't
Speaker 1: know each other. It's or face value. You don't know
Speaker 1: that their friends haven't taken it.
Speaker 2: There see it work.
Speaker 1: But also, like I have had friends that have been
Speaker 1: out drinking with each other, they take each other's phone. Matt,
Speaker 1: you used to actually do that to mine. Sometimes you
Speaker 1: just like swipe crazy and make matches for me when
Speaker 1: I didn't even know about it.
Speaker 2: You used to do that quite a lot. That was like, hey,
Speaker 2: where's your phone?
Speaker 1: I would Matt was like can I just check this
Speaker 1: post of yours or something like that. I'd give you
Speaker 1: my phone. I'd get it back. And I had like
Speaker 1: fifty matches. Then I had people legend no because you
Speaker 1: would yeah, yeah, I get what that means down. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I had so many matches. But then there will be
Speaker 1: messages in my DMS like he would just start messaging
Speaker 1: people in my DMS, and I'm not kidding. He would
Speaker 1: do this to me all the time. So you don't
Speaker 1: know that things like that aren't happening as well. So
Speaker 1: I think the worst thing you can do is take
Speaker 1: this personally. If you have messaged them and they don't
Speaker 1: message back, cop that one on the chin and move on.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, do not take this personally because it's not a
Speaker 2: reflection of you as a person. It's just a guy
Speaker 2: who's probably wanting a little bit of a boost. He
Speaker 2: doesn't know you, you don't know him. So definitely don't
Speaker 2: dwell on the matches that don't respond back to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and think of how many people you have matched
Speaker 1: and not responded to as well. Works both ways. I'm
Speaker 1: going to ask you another question. This is one that
Speaker 1: happens all the time. This is a really common question
Speaker 1: that we get, and I think I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: unavoidable in really long term relationships. Me and my partner
Speaker 1: have been together for six years. How do we bring
Speaker 1: the spark back? Because I feel like it's really dulling.
Speaker 1: We still really love each other, we really care about
Speaker 1: each other. We want to stay in the relationship, but
Speaker 1: I feel like the spark has gone.
Speaker 2: That was definitely a question that we had the most
Speaker 2: on Instagram. So many people in the same boat. I
Speaker 2: think it's not an isolated case because it's so easy
Speaker 2: in a relationship when you do get past the three
Speaker 2: four five year mark, and especially after you have kids,
Speaker 2: for that spark to feel like it's starting to dwindle.
Speaker 2: And like when you start a relationship, there's passion, you
Speaker 2: have butterflies, that spark is at its strongest. Obviously you're
Speaker 2: going to come down from that at some point, but
Speaker 2: I think it comes down to making an effort, you know.
Speaker 2: I think it's so easy to fall into the routine
Speaker 2: of being in a relationship. You get home, you have dinner,
Speaker 2: you watch TV, you're on your phone, and all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, it feels like you're losing that connection with
Speaker 2: your partner.
Speaker 1: I think, don't be too hard on yourself. If you're
Speaker 1: in this situation and you're in a long term relationship
Speaker 1: and you are feeling like things have changed and the
Speaker 1: spark has gone, there is no way that after ten, twenty, thirty,
Speaker 1: forty fifty years, your spark is going to be the same.
Speaker 1: I think the spark will always be there, but it evolves,
Speaker 1: like when you start dating, like you said, you get
Speaker 1: the butterflies and you get the excitement and it's fireworks,
Speaker 1: and then after a couple of years it's a sparkler,
Speaker 1: like it drops down to a little spark lot. It's
Speaker 1: still there, but it needs some work.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, when you start a relationship and you
Speaker 2: know you'll have sex like every other day.
Speaker 1: Five times a day, like it's I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: my friend's told me.
Speaker 2: That's it's not sustainable long term. And I think it's
Speaker 2: easy to always look back at the early stages of
Speaker 2: a relationship and be like, gosh, I wish I was
Speaker 2: still back there. It's so frustrating, but I think it's
Speaker 2: so normal to have ebbs and flows in a relationship,
Speaker 2: but I think it's really important to realize that sometimes
Speaker 2: actions can procede feelings.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like when you come home from work, maybe you
Speaker 2: don't feel like being super romantic, but you need to
Speaker 2: take those first steps, you know. I think it's really
Speaker 2: important to still kiss passionately. I think it's still important
Speaker 2: to have that intimacy, not just when you go to
Speaker 2: bed and kiss each other good night. I think during
Speaker 2: the day, like in the morning, I think it's important
Speaker 2: to try and build up that momentum.
Speaker 1: You have to think the difference. When you start a relationship,
Speaker 1: you're wanting to impress that person. You're really excited by them.
Speaker 1: You don't know anything about them, so you're wanting to
Speaker 1: learn about them. You're wanting them to fall in love
Speaker 1: with you the same way that you're falling in love
Speaker 1: with them. So you're always going to present your best self.
Speaker 1: You're always going to put in so much effort. There's
Speaker 1: going to be times where bere like, I'm so tired.
Speaker 1: I know he'll love this, so I do it. After
Speaker 1: a few years, it's purely a comfort thing. You get
Speaker 1: into a position where you're like, I'm so comfortable with you,
Speaker 1: I'm steel safe with you. I know I don't need
Speaker 1: to work as hard for you anymore. But I think
Speaker 1: that's where people go wrong. I think you should never
Speaker 1: stop dating. And I think that this is a really
Speaker 1: great piece of advice. It's a piece of advice that
Speaker 1: my parents gave to us. They've been married forty five years,
Speaker 1: really happily. They're still in love. My dad will still
Speaker 1: write love letters for my mom on the table. They
Speaker 1: still hold hands. That's beautiful, it is, and they make
Speaker 1: a lot of effort. But this is the key piece
Speaker 1: of advice here, is they make the effort. It doesn't
Speaker 1: just happen. My dad has to go and get a
Speaker 1: piece of paper and a pen and write it and
Speaker 1: leave it. My mom has to go and do something
Speaker 1: for my dad. They're actually taking their actions. And I
Speaker 1: think that's a really good point that you just made,
Speaker 1: where sometimes you're not going to want to feel it,
Speaker 1: but once you take the action and start, you might
Speaker 1: be exhausted. You're like, the last thing I want to
Speaker 1: do is have sex, Like, don't touch me, don't come
Speaker 1: near me, let me lay here. But when you feel
Speaker 1: it you're like, oh, hang on, maybe I do want that.
Speaker 2: I think it's the biggest myth that sex will always
Speaker 2: be spontaneous in a long term relationship. I think it's
Speaker 2: really important as well to still have those occasions. There's
Speaker 2: little dates where you have a rush of dopamine, you know.
Speaker 2: I think doing new experiences, things that you both really enjoy,
Speaker 2: things that will create memories, even as simple as Laura
Speaker 2: and I went to dinner the other night and it
Speaker 2: was I think like the first time we had a
Speaker 2: dinner in months without Maley, we had a babysitter and
Speaker 2: getting dressed up and having a really beautiful night like that,
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, you know, you reconnect, and it's
Speaker 2: so important to do that frequently throughout the relationship.
Speaker 1: I think to answer your question, like, let's come full
Speaker 1: circle and actually answer it, I think what you need
Speaker 1: to do is really make a committed, conscious effort to
Speaker 1: make the change. Because it's like the Agel's saying, if
Speaker 1: you do the same thing over and over, you're always
Speaker 1: going to get the same result. If you don't change anything,
Speaker 1: nothing is going to change. If you don't feel like
Speaker 1: there's any spark or romance or love or passion or
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you feel like you're lacking. If
Speaker 1: you don't do anything to change that, it's not just
Speaker 1: going to miraculously come back into the relationship. So this
Speaker 1: is where I think you need to start doing things
Speaker 1: like taking him on a spontaneous date or buying him
Speaker 1: something that might be something you haven't done, like something
Speaker 1: sexy in the bedroom. Maybe bring a toy into the bedroom,
Speaker 1: have really great date nights, maybe buy some new lingerie.
Speaker 1: And this isn't one sided. He needs to do this too,
Speaker 1: So you probably do need to have a conversation, but
Speaker 1: you definitely need to introduce these things into your life
Speaker 1: because not only is it going to create new passionate moments,
Speaker 1: it's going to create new memories that are then going
Speaker 1: to give you new things to talk about and move forward.
Speaker 1: So it's going to bring so many new aspects into
Speaker 1: your relationship.
Speaker 2: I think it's so easy to fall into that sexual routine,
Speaker 2: so having a bit of mystery in a relationship is
Speaker 2: really important to keeping things interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so there it is for this one. Guys, just
Speaker 1: know it is easy to get complacent and comfortable, and
Speaker 1: I mean quite frankly, it's easy to get lazy in
Speaker 1: a relationship and drop your expectations. Pick up your game, girl,
Speaker 1: pick up your game.
Speaker 2: All right, this has been a really long episode. But
Speaker 2: I do have a very quick question. Can I rett
Speaker 2: your mind if I asked this?
Speaker 1: Is it personal?
Speaker 2: It's not. But I was surprised by this one and
Speaker 2: I'd love to get your thoughts on it. This one reads,
Speaker 2: why does some males just pound you during sex? Does
Speaker 2: that actually feel good for you? Guys? I'm thinking, surely
Speaker 2: this just must must be like a one off, right,
Speaker 2: Like this.
Speaker 1: Is so common, Matt, This is like every woman. Yes,
Speaker 1: there are so many men out there that just think
Speaker 1: going straight to poundtown, no detours, no stopping at any servos,
Speaker 1: no stopping for lunch. They just go straight to poundtown.
Speaker 1: They think that that's normal.
Speaker 2: Zero to one hundred, zero to one.
Speaker 1: Hundred, real quick, This is really common. Every one of
Speaker 1: my friends has had this happen. I have had this happen.
Speaker 1: This is one percent not a one off experience. But
Speaker 1: I mean, I want to ask you this question. Do
Speaker 1: you actually think that feels good? When you?
Speaker 2: Oh, I know, I know it feels good. I mean
Speaker 2: obviously knowing that the person you're having sex with is
Speaker 2: not enjoying. It makes it less enjoyable.
Speaker 1: But but this is my question, do you, as a
Speaker 1: male species, do you know that when you are going
Speaker 1: straight to poundtown that it doesn't feel good for the woman?
Speaker 1: So does that mean you're doing it purely from a
Speaker 1: selfish point of view or are you mistaken that you
Speaker 1: think pounding a woman is what she wants.
Speaker 2: I mean, I really hope that there are guys out
Speaker 2: there who were just being extremely selfish and they're not
Speaker 2: living their life, their entire adult life, thinking that that's
Speaker 2: what a female wants during sex. Like, I really hope
Speaker 2: that these poor guys out there haven't had somebody previously
Speaker 2: say hey, by the way, just slow it down a
Speaker 2: little bit. At some point. You don't have to be
Speaker 2: running at like one hundred miles an hour the entire
Speaker 2: time because it really hurts.
Speaker 1: Well, it's pretty okay, Look, it's pretty common. I think
Speaker 1: if this is happening to you in a relationship, if
Speaker 1: you're seeing someone and dating so much.
Speaker 2: Going to hang on a second. Oh yeah, So when
Speaker 2: you were being jack hammered, Yeah, did you say anything
Speaker 2: to the guard at the time, No.
Speaker 1: Because it wasn't like a relationship and it wasn't going
Speaker 1: to be an ongoing thing, and that actually cemented the
Speaker 1: fact that it was like, yeah, I have signed out
Speaker 1: right now.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's just maybe it's the same guy. Maybe he's
Speaker 2: just like the serial Jackhammer just around Bondo. Yeah no,
Speaker 2: I mean this question came from Bondai. So maybe it's
Speaker 2: the same guy. It needs to be stopped. We need
Speaker 2: to stop him.
Speaker 1: Someone needs to stop me. Okay, So we're just going
Speaker 1: to put this out to the people. If this is
Speaker 1: you and you're seeing someone that's Jackhammer and you you
Speaker 1: need to do everyone a favor and let the guy know.
Speaker 2: Actually, if you are a guy right now, because there
Speaker 2: are a lot of guys who listen to the podcast,
Speaker 2: we know that they're they're not very active on social media.
Speaker 2: If you were listening and you were a jackhammer, stop it. Yes,
Speaker 2: but right now there's a.
Speaker 1: Lower place for jack Hammers in society.
Speaker 2: Stop getting your lessons of sex from porn hub because
Speaker 2: it's it's it's not what the women want, guys.
Speaker 1: And that is it for today. I hope you guys
Speaker 1: got something out of that. Matt, it was so great
Speaker 1: to have you on. Thank you for filling in for
Speaker 1: your better half.
Speaker 2: Sorry that we had to do it twice. Look, but
Speaker 2: it's just it's just nice to spend time with each other,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean, Britt, I feel.
Speaker 1: Like that's what you did. I think you did on purpose.
Speaker 1: I actually think you unplugged the mic so that.
Speaker 2: I don't know how it happened.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, guys, thank you so much. Please keep
Speaker 1: the questions coming in. If you do have more questions,
Speaker 1: send them into the Instagram on the interweb, which is
Speaker 1: at a Life Uncut podcast. Just make sure at the
Speaker 1: top you put ask guncut. Also keep sending us in
Speaker 1: your accidentally unfiltered and any other stories you think we
Speaker 1: want to know. If you haven't joined the discussion group
Speaker 1: on Facebook, that is where the magic happens. There are
Speaker 1: so many great conversations happening in there. You guys are
Speaker 1: so engaged and active with each other, and we really
Speaker 1: really love that. So that is Life Uncut podcast as
Speaker 1: well on Facebook.
Speaker 2: No, I do want to say, there's nothing nicer I
Speaker 2: think when I walk bust It in the afternoons. Almost
Speaker 2: every walk that I've been on recently, somebody has stopped
Speaker 2: me and said, hey, I'm listening to the podcast right
Speaker 2: now and it is so lovely to hear that. So
Speaker 2: if you are enjoying the podcast, let us know, Let
Speaker 2: Matt know.
Speaker 1: Guys telling mom to dadtot DOMTA, friends, and shared love
Speaker 1: because we love love