Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: people's today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 3: on Card.
Speaker 2: This is our radio show.
Speaker 1: We package this bad boy up all the best bits
Speaker 1: of the radio from the week, and we had a
Speaker 1: really good week.
Speaker 4: Actually we did what happened to the roll call? We
Speaker 4: norm we do a roll ca.
Speaker 2: Here's Misterie, He's Laura Ben. Something happened to me recently
Speaker 2: and I'm still recovering from it. I think. Also my darling,
Speaker 2: little Molly May, who's four years old, is also recovering
Speaker 2: from the same experience. Oh that's not a good opener
Speaker 2: to a story. No, no, And look, Matt and I
Speaker 2: I'm not really sure what the best way to approach
Speaker 2: this is, but look I might get your opinions on it.
Speaker 2: So the other night Matt and I were doing the
Speaker 2: Horizontal Dance of Love. It was very late at night.
Speaker 2: It was like eleven thirty Yeah, eleven thirty pm. You know,
Speaker 2: the guy got lucky not to give you guys too
Speaker 2: many details. But anyway, we're in the middle of it.
Speaker 2: And how do I describe this at a very appropriate time?
Speaker 2: You were two minutes deep, You're in the middle. We
Speaker 2: got there, yeah, yeah, we were halfway through, two minutes gone.
Speaker 2: And I hear this pat and then literally instantly I
Speaker 2: looked to my left and there's Mary standing about twenty
Speaker 2: centimeters from my face, like face to face. I rolled
Speaker 2: over to make face to face eye contact with my daughter.
Speaker 4: Hang on, what was where were you?
Speaker 2: Missionary?
Speaker 4: Okay, with the blankets off.
Speaker 2: Off, off off, socks on or off, irrelevant, but I
Speaker 2: need to know zero. So there was nothing, There was
Speaker 2: nothing between. There's no blankets. There was nowhere to hide,
Speaker 2: there was nowhere to go. It was full exposure.
Speaker 4: We were you quiet?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Oh, I think we woke her up?
Speaker 4: What was it like?
Speaker 2: No, we don't need we don't need.
Speaker 4: Vocals on that.
Speaker 2: That'll get us canceled. Anyway. So I and Molly gets
Speaker 2: into bed with us every night, so we should have
Speaker 2: known better. But she always hops into bed, has a
Speaker 2: little cuddle usually, but usually she gets in bed with
Speaker 2: us around two o'clock in the morning, so we kind
Speaker 2: of had a bit of time to spare.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I roll over and I look at it, and
Speaker 2: I go, oh, my god, Hi. Actually no, I swore
Speaker 2: it was my first reaction because I was absolutely startled.
Speaker 2: I swore at her by accident, and then I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, my little darling, Ah, I think you
Speaker 2: should go back to your own bed tonight. And she
Speaker 2: just looked at us, looked us up and down, and went, okay, mummy, Oh,
Speaker 2: I'll go back to my bed.
Speaker 3: He knew something was up, and it wasn't just you
Speaker 3: know what, It's.
Speaker 2: The first time in her entire four years of life
Speaker 2: that halfway like that she's ever come into bed and
Speaker 2: then voluntarily left and gone back to her own bed.
Speaker 4: Didn't Matt know what was going on because you just
Speaker 4: made contact?
Speaker 2: Yes, he stopped as well. He figured out what.
Speaker 4: I just wanted to know.
Speaker 6: If maybe he didn't know because you saw it, then
Speaker 6: if you said, my little darling, it was a whole thing.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we stopped like it was like it was
Speaker 1: a real freeze moment. You mean, was Matt confused if
Speaker 1: in the heat of the moment.
Speaker 4: Laura called him, that's what I was worried about.
Speaker 2: Some questions there. I'm just worried about all the therapy
Speaker 2: I'm going to have to pay for for my child.
Speaker 2: Like four, she might remember. Four is old enough to
Speaker 2: almost remember. I mean she's almost four, four and two weeks.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, that's the best
Speaker 1: position to be caught in by your child because it
Speaker 1: could just be a cuddle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is a cuddle. We told her we were wrestling.
Speaker 2: He was giving me. Just say, we'll cuddling. You don't
Speaker 2: have to go w w S. No, daddy's just giving
Speaker 2: mommy a tickle.
Speaker 7: W w E.
Speaker 3: What's w w W is the Wildlife Foundation?
Speaker 2: It could also be the Wildlife very easily? Did you
Speaker 2: look a little bit like a Dave Attenborough documentary.
Speaker 6: She's going to go to school, the man mounts the
Speaker 6: woman in the mist.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Look, I don't I got no advice from you.
Speaker 2: Thanks for that.
Speaker 4: You're on the wrong show. You think we're gonna give
Speaker 4: me advice.
Speaker 6: We're all having an argument in the studio because listen,
Speaker 6: Laura and I and I'm not afraid to say it
Speaker 6: are free range farterers.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not in front of each other, but in front
Speaker 2: of our partners. I wouldn't fart in front of you, Mitch, Well,
Speaker 2: why is that any different? Okay, hang on, let's just
Speaker 2: set this up.
Speaker 1: We've been in a heated discussion basically every break that
Speaker 1: we've had for the last two weeks. I reckon this
Speaker 1: has come up a few times, this farting conversation. It's
Speaker 1: not the first time it's happened. You both think it
Speaker 1: is wildly okay to let one rip in front of
Speaker 1: your loved ones, and I totally fine, of course, if
Speaker 1: that ever happens to me, I'm very ill and it's.
Speaker 2: Popped out on its own, or or I'm possibly dying.
Speaker 2: You're asleep sometimes sometimes when a little wiz pop will
Speaker 2: fall out in your sleep, it's a free for all.
Speaker 3: But conversely too, I don't want my partner to fud
Speaker 3: in front of me ill.
Speaker 1: If my partner drops one, I'm like, I wanna think
Speaker 1: you're sexy, and when you're walking around dropping bombs that
Speaker 1: could knock someone out, I don't find it attractive. I'm
Speaker 1: pretty sure Maddie Jay saves them up and walks into
Speaker 1: whatever room I'm in.
Speaker 2: He does it that often. I'm pretty sure he brings
Speaker 2: them over like a present.
Speaker 4: I'm pretty sure you're wedding. He cropped us to down
Speaker 4: the aisle.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was like, I'm so glad that all my
Speaker 2: loved ones are here.
Speaker 4: They farted.
Speaker 6: I would not marry someone and this is this is
Speaker 6: genuine truth. I'm not embellishing. If I hadn't heard them fart,
Speaker 6: I would not.
Speaker 4: I'm not jacking. I wouldn't.
Speaker 2: Why because what does that mean if I haven't farted?
Speaker 6: Because they have no inhibitions around me and I love
Speaker 6: He's pure and it's real, and it's not an.
Speaker 3: Act, puran real We need to put it out.
Speaker 1: If you're a fartherer or not farther in front of
Speaker 1: your partner, please call in because I'm feeling very attacked.
Speaker 1: It's two versus one here. They've backed me into a corner.
Speaker 1: They're fining me into the corner. We're in a tiny studio.
Speaker 1: That's not that's sound effects.
Speaker 4: No, Laura, I could not be like that. Laura would
Speaker 4: be No, would not. I gat what would my heart be?
Speaker 4: And I'm going to be offended because I know what
Speaker 4: you want to do. My fart.
Speaker 2: This is Mitch.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's what I.
Speaker 2: Cannot believe that this is where this show has fallen.
Speaker 6: Ste is called it's support and the anti fartist. Perhaps
Speaker 6: High Stepp to fart or not to fart? That is
Speaker 6: a question?
Speaker 7: Absolutely not yes day?
Speaker 2: Sorry? How long have you been in a relationship for.
Speaker 7: I'm not currently in a relationship, but my longest relationship
Speaker 7: has been about four years.
Speaker 2: So you've spent four years of no farting. God, you
Speaker 2: must have had some stomach cramps.
Speaker 7: I just don't feel the need. And if I did,
Speaker 7: then I would go to the bathroom. I just that
Speaker 7: is a line I will never cross.
Speaker 4: Okay.
Speaker 6: So you're lying in bed with your beautiful partner and
Speaker 6: you feel it. It travels from your tummy down the small
Speaker 6: intestine into the butt cavity.
Speaker 4: What do you do? You suck it back up? Like
Speaker 4: that's ridiculous. You get up and what you to walk
Speaker 4: in pantry step?
Speaker 1: You don't have to go and do it on the
Speaker 1: food mits. Why are we in the pantry steph?
Speaker 2: What would you do? You're in bed?
Speaker 3: You need to whiz pop.
Speaker 7: If they were asleep, I probably would. If they were awake,
Speaker 7: I would go to the bathroom.
Speaker 2: Okay, So what I'm understanding is that is that you
Speaker 2: guys have no issue with your partner actually breathing in
Speaker 2: the smell. You just don't want them to hear the sound.
Speaker 2: That's what it is. If you'll do it when they're asleep,
Speaker 2: then you're like whatever, min, I don't really smell.
Speaker 3: I'm mind not like super cute.
Speaker 4: And oh I have been in a room when you fared.
Speaker 4: I went home, but I was out in.
Speaker 2: The car talking. You heard me. I have actually bridged
Speaker 2: it in front of me on purpose, and it was
Speaker 2: not as far.
Speaker 6: Hi, Toby to fart or not to fart? Toabs What
Speaker 6: do you do in the relationship? What Toby, Toby, do
Speaker 6: you far or do you not far in front of
Speaker 6: your partner?
Speaker 8: Oh?
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course, Toby.
Speaker 1: I knew you were going to say that from as
Speaker 1: soon as you said hello. I was like, this kind
Speaker 1: of far you could just tell.
Speaker 4: And let me tell you. Are you in the happiest
Speaker 4: relationship you've ever been in? Toby? Of course he is,
Speaker 4: because he farts.
Speaker 2: I can crows in the back. He's the aussiest guy
Speaker 2: that's ever been on the show.
Speaker 6: I know, absolutely, And with crows final call this will
Speaker 6: make or break it?
Speaker 4: Kylie to fart or not to fart in front of
Speaker 4: your partner? What be the question?
Speaker 8: Well, for me, yes, but my mom she has spent
Speaker 8: thirty years with my dad and never has in front
Speaker 8: of him at all.
Speaker 1: My parents, my parents have been married for forty six
Speaker 1: years and neither of them have ever intentionally let one
Speaker 1: go in front of each other.
Speaker 2: And I applaud that my dad does.
Speaker 8: He is a little good time, and then my mom doesn't.
Speaker 2: And does your mom not think it's gross? She always
Speaker 2: like ew, yeah, she tells him off.
Speaker 8: Yeah, And he still believes that she can't. He physically
Speaker 8: can't do it.
Speaker 2: But I think it's an imbalance of power in that relationship.
Speaker 1: In my relationship, Ben respects, I'm sure he wants to
Speaker 1: let them rip, but he respects that I don't like it,
Speaker 1: and he will always leave the room and I know
Speaker 1: he's going to do it because he's like ducks out
Speaker 1: for no reason.
Speaker 2: I was like, did you just go and let one?
Speaker 2: He's like, yeah, had to, couldn't. Your poor partner had
Speaker 2: the worst time.
Speaker 4: Ben wants to do it in front of you. He's
Speaker 4: just terrified. Sorry, that's true.
Speaker 2: Now, it's called respect. I'm terrified at Britain.
Speaker 4: Not dating it.
Speaker 2: All right, that's enough.
Speaker 6: Wow, this is this debate could go on forever and ever,
Speaker 6: but like a fart, it was over, just like that.
Speaker 6: Now our next guest you two.
Speaker 4: Know very intimately from his days.
Speaker 6: Hosting The Bachelor, maybe the Mast Singer, or maybe he's
Speaker 6: Sydney Comedy Festival show this Friday.
Speaker 4: Osha Gunsberg is here. Hih hi body, nice to.
Speaker 5: See Nice to see you all, and it's nice to
Speaker 5: see you in happier circumstances today, Laura. The last time
Speaker 5: we were together it was it was a playdate. I
Speaker 5: don't know if you guys heard about this. No, last
Speaker 5: time we were there was a play that we got
Speaker 5: the kids together. It was super fun. We were down
Speaker 5: at the park and who did I take for a ride?
Speaker 2: I took you took Matt on the back of your
Speaker 2: electric bike, scoot it out of there, And it was
Speaker 2: we were there with our two little girls, and Osh
Speaker 2: was there with Wolfe boy, and we saw so Matt
Speaker 2: and Osher off they went on the electric bike off
Speaker 2: into the distance and they were just going very slow
Speaker 2: and Wolfe was run along side.
Speaker 5: Cargo bike and still that I take the kids down
Speaker 5: the beach and it's really fine, okay, riding through a park,
Speaker 5: Matt and Osher tandem going through Brondie Park.
Speaker 4: He was really cute and did it Trigg you lost
Speaker 4: a kid, Laura.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So about fifteen minutes later, Osha comes down.
Speaker 5: O my god, my heart's breaking.
Speaker 2: It was horrific. Fifteen minutes later, Osha comes back and
Speaker 2: there was no Wolfy and we're like, oh, Wolf's with you,
Speaker 2: and he was like, no, he's with you.
Speaker 4: Oh no.
Speaker 2: And he had been gone, just gone for fifteen minutes.
Speaker 2: And this was the very first time that I think, Osher,
Speaker 2: you had ever lost a child. And I was like,
Speaker 2: don't worry. I lose them all the time.
Speaker 4: I was like, no problem, they'll come.
Speaker 2: They always popped back up. And we found him.
Speaker 5: Just because he saw us going. He saw us going
Speaker 5: and he ran after us. But I didn't realize he
Speaker 5: was running after us because he wanted to be a
Speaker 5: part of it. And then he ran and he couldn't
Speaker 5: keep Oh.
Speaker 4: I mean, you.
Speaker 5: Can laugh at my heart actually breaking. But any parent
Speaker 5: who's had this happen to them knows how much that
Speaker 5: heart hurts. Right now, because everyone listening who's everyone's everyone
Speaker 5: I've told this to They go, oh, yeah, I've done that.
Speaker 5: Like good. Then here's the little legend, the bloody legend.
Speaker 5: He went and found someone. He found a lifeguard. He's
Speaker 5: been watching a lot of Bond By Rescue. He found
Speaker 5: the lifeguard.
Speaker 2: Do you think he found the lifeguard?
Speaker 4: Do you think the lifeguard's like this.
Speaker 2: Little child he's wandering around on his own and they
Speaker 2: found here. No, he didn't.
Speaker 5: He knew, he knew to go and find the lifeguard.
Speaker 5: And he said, I'm lost. And then I'm riding around
Speaker 5: like nothing on earth on this bike. I'm in full
Speaker 5: turbo mode now, burning around the park. And I see
Speaker 5: the lifeguard bending down, and I see him chatting to
Speaker 5: Wolfeet and there was a reunification, and by God.
Speaker 2: And you never give him wolf to Laura burn again.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it is weird because I Wash has never asked
Speaker 2: us back to the park for another playdate since that
Speaker 2: was last the first and only that I.
Speaker 5: Would really love to go back to the park another
Speaker 5: play date. It was really fun, It was really, really
Speaker 5: really fun. But yeah, it's it's it's a right of passage,
Speaker 5: I think because I remember being lost as little kid too.
Speaker 5: You know, it comes with being more adventurous as a
Speaker 5: kid that you start going and seeing what's over there,
Speaker 5: and you're also you know, you're very inquisitive when you're young,
Speaker 5: and and certainly when it's a big sunny day and
Speaker 5: there's lots of people everywhere and everyone's knees look the same,
Speaker 5: because that's the line.
Speaker 6: Yes, yes, maybe that's what turned me gay. Maybe I
Speaker 6: was lost at the day that I was crutch hit.
Speaker 6: Maybe that's maybe that's my trauma stuff.
Speaker 2: Female genitalia at crutch height as well.
Speaker 4: Oh, I was.
Speaker 5: Just the thing like having There's been people in my
Speaker 5: life that I have watched grow and Mitch, I'm telling you,
Speaker 5: like real early on, it's got nothing to do with sexuality. Okay,
Speaker 5: all right, it's got nothing to do with sexual attraction.
Speaker 5: I should say it's nothing to do with it's just
Speaker 5: oh yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2: We always get philosophical with I mean, well, speaking of
Speaker 2: sexual attraction the Bachelor, that's one thing that does happen
Speaker 2: on that show. The Batch is going to be filmed
Speaker 2: in Melbourne this year. But I want to know how
Speaker 2: on earth are the girls going to get around in
Speaker 2: their you know, skimpy little dresses. How are you going
Speaker 2: to do the red carpet when everyone's going to be
Speaker 2: wearing skivvy's and cargo pants.
Speaker 5: The only thing that is important in any kind of
Speaker 5: television and in any kind of radio is the reveal.
Speaker 2: All Right, it's minus two degrees.
Speaker 5: What better a reveal than Oh, what's sord of that coat?
Speaker 2: Oh? Frozen nipples?
Speaker 5: Look me in the eye and tell me you've never
Speaker 5: gone on someone's front door, and then it's been an overcoat.
Speaker 5: Not much else. Come on, it's like the greatest thing
Speaker 5: in the world.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's fine. The allure of its.
Speaker 5: Sort of thing happened. These things happen.
Speaker 2: It is going to be filmed in the middle of winter,
Speaker 2: though in Melbourne, so it will be particularly cold because
Speaker 2: I remember when our season was filmed. It was the
Speaker 2: middle of winter in Glenory and even that was really
Speaker 2: cold trying to do the cocktail parties. I can't imagine
Speaker 2: what this season.
Speaker 1: They go back with the three bachelors again or are
Speaker 1: we doing something different?
Speaker 2: What's happening?
Speaker 5: This is this is a conversation above my pray grade.
Speaker 5: I turned up. No, I don't you know me? And
Speaker 5: you can ask any of the people that you've worked
Speaker 5: with on this, like, they will tell you no, no. The
Speaker 5: first time I met him was on camera, So I
Speaker 5: don't know.
Speaker 2: I really know some people that have been asked to
Speaker 2: be a Bachelor.
Speaker 1: Actually I do have some inside goss, but I'm I
Speaker 1: think they turned it down. So but I know that
Speaker 1: the Yeah, the car sing has been out there and
Speaker 1: the nets have been wide.
Speaker 4: They're still hunting, you think, Britt.
Speaker 2: I think they're still hunting. I like the new format
Speaker 2: of the Three Bachelors. The only thing though, is that
Speaker 2: it was very fast. I felt like we didn't get
Speaker 2: a chance to meet all the girls as much as
Speaker 2: what you do in past seasons because they have to
Speaker 2: fit so many people and so many love stories into
Speaker 2: the same length of time.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I like the gold Coast of it all.
Speaker 6: USHER like the fact that it was filmed on the
Speaker 6: GC and they could like sleep together. There was an
Speaker 6: open door policy. Is that going to continue in Melbourne
Speaker 6: or is it going to be like an open coffee
Speaker 6: like you're going to go get picked.
Speaker 5: I for one, will miss not taking a jet ski
Speaker 5: to work. That was a good chat about being on
Speaker 5: the goal and you know, avoiding a neck tattoo as
Speaker 5: I scooted through certain paradise so much lucky I had
Speaker 5: my motorbike with me so I could go extra quick
Speaker 5: past Wheeland Street. Because I don't know if you've ever
Speaker 5: spent I grew up in queenslanda like I was living
Speaker 5: and where the match was. What was on the you
Speaker 5: know surface, paradise. I don't know who put paradise in it,
Speaker 5: but it ain't I'll tell you that. What was the
Speaker 5: I'm really looking forward.
Speaker 4: Look Melt.
Speaker 5: What's beautiful about Melt? Melbourne's amazing. It's it's it's people
Speaker 5: out on the street. It's it's there's lots of things
Speaker 5: to see. There's lots of things to do. There's there's
Speaker 5: cozy firesides, there's you know, there's there's thick shag rugs.
Speaker 5: There's all kinds of lovely, warm, cozy things to be
Speaker 5: done in Normourn. Come it's romantic.
Speaker 4: I'm down for it.
Speaker 1: While we're on the love train, I mean this huge
Speaker 1: news in the US has just dropped about the Golden Bachelor,
Speaker 1: that they're going to run a Bachelor for senior senior citizens.
Speaker 2: They haven't released an.
Speaker 1: Age gap yet because I just tried to google it. Then,
Speaker 1: but there's no age out. What do you think about this,
Speaker 1: because I'm I'm all for it. I think this is
Speaker 1: going to be killer, not hopefully actually killer they're all.
Speaker 2: Going to have.
Speaker 5: Is it made by the same people or is it
Speaker 5: a dating just a dating show for older people.
Speaker 1: Dating show, but it'll be on ABC apparently in the
Speaker 1: I was on Network. Yeah, yeah, on a Monday night.
Speaker 5: Well, nobody wants to think about their you know, their
Speaker 5: grandparents having sex. But it does happen, you know it really, Yeah,
Speaker 5: and that's fine. Everyone wants intimacy through their life. But yeah,
Speaker 5: I guess you know what you want changes. It's not
Speaker 5: just kind of pants a hoy and genitals smashing into
Speaker 5: each other at one hundred miles an hour like in
Speaker 5: your twenties. It's more kind of you know, let's you know,
Speaker 5: kind of kiss and cuddle and I'll suddenly dominate you
Speaker 5: and scrabble and later on the dominational flip. It depends
Speaker 5: on how it worked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of a I could safely say
Speaker 2: that there were no genitals smashing into each other on
Speaker 2: my season of Batch either. That didn't happen at all. No, really,
Speaker 2: it was very I mean considering that you spend three
Speaker 2: months dating someone. In my instance, it was mad, but
Speaker 2: like there's very little that you do. You can just kiss,
Speaker 2: that's it and then talk about your feelings a lot.
Speaker 6: Did you genital smash at all during filming, even.
Speaker 2: Just finale night?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, that's a great exp and.
Speaker 2: It was no longer being filmed. Then we genital smashed
Speaker 2: too much.
Speaker 5: There was a wow, look it was to it. I
Speaker 5: don't know does it count for double If the consummation
Speaker 5: happens overseas.
Speaker 2: You have to come back and do it on Australian soil.
Speaker 5: Otherwise it gets like a marriage, right, it doesn't count.
Speaker 6: I should tell us about the comedy show you're doing
Speaker 6: this Friday night. If you're in Sydney, you can get
Speaker 6: tickets Sydney Comedyfest dot com dot you it's empty n
Speaker 6: N N N and it's your own little news show
Speaker 6: you're in.
Speaker 2: You need to it's empty n N N N N empty.
Speaker 2: Got it? You dropped an DS.
Speaker 4: I normally nail that kind of thing. I'm not going
Speaker 4: to sleep tonight.
Speaker 5: Sorry, Nighttime News Network Nationally News. I've always wanted to
Speaker 5: host the news show. I've always wanted to host a
Speaker 5: late night show, and I realized quite rapidly that no
Speaker 5: television network in Australia is going to give me one.
Speaker 5: So I just made one and we started doing it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: it's really great. This is the thing you got to
Speaker 5: you know, work makes work. So I just created this
Speaker 5: thing and I'm working with some incredibly funny, talented, talented
Speaker 5: talent with people who are the news team. And it's
Speaker 5: the news of the day. So I don't know. I
Speaker 5: haven't watched the news on the Telly for a decade
Speaker 5: because it doesn't speak to me anymore. It's a product
Speaker 5: like anything else. But it's still really important to know
Speaker 5: what's happening in the world and know what the news
Speaker 5: is doing. So we don't I don't know, we can
Speaker 5: make good decisions for ourselves, for our kids, and so
Speaker 5: we don't get taken advantage of my governments and things
Speaker 5: like this. It's important, but the news is told in
Speaker 5: such a way that it's like, oh, and it's important
Speaker 5: if you laugh at stuff. So it's the news of
Speaker 5: the day. It'll be the news of Friday. This Friday.
Speaker 5: So I'll get up in the morning and I'll sit
Speaker 5: here at my desk and I'll write the whole thing,
Speaker 5: and then come eight o'clock at the Factory Theater, the
Speaker 5: news theme will role it to pretend TV show and
Speaker 5: I will start reading the headlines, and then the news team,
Speaker 5: who have no idea what the headlines are, will tell
Speaker 5: you the story. And most of the time it's the
Speaker 5: story you would have seen anyway, or a very interesting
Speaker 5: take on it. And it is super super funny. It's bananas,
Speaker 5: it's off chops, it's nuts. It's if you've never been
Speaker 5: to a comedy show, this is for you because I've
Speaker 5: designed it particularly for people who've never gone to a
Speaker 5: stand up show or never been to a comedy show.
Speaker 5: I've never even been to the theater. That's fine, just come.
Speaker 5: It's a pretend TV show. I'm pitching it as a
Speaker 5: TV show. It's pretty much that. Actually, I'll tell you
Speaker 5: completely on Friday night. The people who I want to
Speaker 5: order like twenty five episodes of it are coming, so.
Speaker 4: I really want you to.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, do you think this is where people should
Speaker 2: be getting their news from? Though? In terms of absolutely okay? Right,
Speaker 2: So it's you're gonna learn something as well as have
Speaker 2: a laugh.
Speaker 5: Oh, it's the news of the day. And there's a
Speaker 5: special guest every every time, like we have a special
Speaker 5: guest weather reporter. A bloke called Mattie Johnson did it once.
Speaker 2: I know him, I'm familiar, very talent.
Speaker 4: He did a great job.
Speaker 5: And so we have like actual TV people, actually broadcast
Speaker 5: people come and talk to us and they're part of
Speaker 5: the show. So they're a special guest weather presenter. So
Speaker 5: we've had Danny Minou, We've had Larry m When Larry
Speaker 5: Emda did the weather, you're probably too young for this.
Speaker 5: He used to do a show called Price Is Right,
Speaker 5: and when he did the weather, I say, Larry, is
Speaker 5: the temperature tomorrow twenty seven? And he went higher. He's amazing.
Speaker 1: How do you navigate the I guess because it's a
Speaker 1: comedy show, But how do you navigate the more serious stuff,
Speaker 1: the more serious side of the news or do you
Speaker 1: just sort of try and bypass those ones?
Speaker 5: No, not at all. You absolutely go for it. Like
Speaker 5: I think the gag we did on the day was
Speaker 5: Peter Dutton's not the voice. Try and understand it, he says, No,
Speaker 5: you know, it's it's serious stuff, but you've got it.
Speaker 5: You've got to laugh at laughter. Monky's things that are
Speaker 5: going on and actual special guest on Friday Night. You
Speaker 5: may know him. He's the man standing in front of you.
Speaker 5: Mitch is going to come and join us.
Speaker 4: Hey, I didn't want to tell the girls. Mitch's gonna be.
Speaker 5: He's going to be our weather presenter. Basically, what he'll
Speaker 5: tell us the story of behind the scenes story we dad,
Speaker 5: even I, who told us about being on airt the
Speaker 5: moment Queen Elizabeth died and it was amazing. She was
Speaker 5: so good. So Mitch is going to come and tell
Speaker 5: us the story and who all be a part of
Speaker 5: the show. At the end of the night, we are
Speaker 5: going to absolutely, you know, throw him to the wolves
Speaker 5: while he tries to bring a weather report on stage.
Speaker 6: I haven't told you wash my story, but all I'll
Speaker 6: say for those people thinking about getting tickets it involves
Speaker 6: two things. One of those is do Alipa and the
Speaker 6: other is North Korea. I'm going to leave that with
Speaker 6: you and what you were Maybe Osha and I need
Speaker 6: to have a planning chat off off the air, but.
Speaker 2: We know this story and it's terrific. I was last night,
Speaker 2: I was listening to the mid Sury Show, The Night Show,
Speaker 2: and now you are you were a guest on the
Speaker 2: night show last night, and I didn't realize that you
Speaker 2: and I had a bit of beef. I heard something.
Speaker 2: This is what it is?
Speaker 3: Can you get You've got your happy ending, Laura, let
Speaker 3: me have the beef.
Speaker 6: Hold on, this was on the air last night, as
Speaker 6: long as it involved another bachelor getting married and not
Speaker 6: inviting me to their wedding.
Speaker 5: Oh it feels very point, did Laura, There's no there's
Speaker 5: no beef here. I don't know if you realize, but
Speaker 5: I'm vegan like every other vegan, I haven't had any beef.
Speaker 5: But I've also you know, my Saturday nights have had
Speaker 5: not a lot going on in them significantly, just scrolling
Speaker 5: I think six times now, I've been scrolling through my
Speaker 5: phone and go, oh, I know that person and that
Speaker 5: person they got married on most one, Sam, have.
Speaker 2: You not been invited to a single.
Speaker 5: Bache Laurie, Laura, Maddie Lockey, No, have you not been?
Speaker 6: I have?
Speaker 4: I did?
Speaker 5: This is I did get invited to one. It was
Speaker 5: Alisha and Glenn. But I had done a bachelor podcast
Speaker 5: with Alisha for three years in a row, so we
Speaker 5: worked quite closely. Friendship.
Speaker 2: Do you know why I still remember you're trying to
Speaker 2: convince Matt to pick Florence.
Speaker 5: That's why joking, I've never done such.
Speaker 2: No, I'm joking. I'm joking, you know.
Speaker 5: No, I just wouldn't. Like a lot of people think
Speaker 5: that sort of stuff goes on, but no, it never
Speaker 5: does because even like way this goes way back to idle,
Speaker 5: Like you can never even tell a kid, what do
Speaker 5: you think I should see next week? You could never
Speaker 5: say anything because if you say you should see you
Speaker 5: know close to you by the carpenters, and they get
Speaker 5: voted out, they go either voted out because he told me,
Speaker 5: and then you know, it's like terms and condition stuff.
Speaker 5: You can't just surely you.
Speaker 1: Knew or you had an inklean on mine, that the
Speaker 1: honey badger was about to pick no one like that
Speaker 1: was a pretty big energy.
Speaker 3: I'm sure he was putting out because I remember going.
Speaker 1: And looking at you were eye to eye, we were
Speaker 1: looking had a moment, and I feel like your face
Speaker 1: said it all.
Speaker 2: Surely you had an inklean.
Speaker 5: I what I do to make sure in those moments,
Speaker 5: like I work. I've played poker for a long time,
Speaker 5: and I work really hard in those moments and Laura,
Speaker 5: you may test this because I did it to you
Speaker 5: as well. I hold in my head that you're the
Speaker 5: one going home every time.
Speaker 2: Oh betray that. But I walked away from Usher at
Speaker 2: Alfinale thinking I was going home?
Speaker 4: Why do you do that?
Speaker 2: And then I drank a bottle of wine.
Speaker 1: Well it's probably better to have the disappointment, I assume,
Speaker 1: than and like that.
Speaker 5: Why because I don't. Because the thing about reality television
Speaker 5: is the currency we trade, and as authentic emotional responses,
Speaker 5: then they can only happen once. And if I let
Speaker 5: the cat out of the bag before the you're it,
Speaker 5: you're not it, whatever it is, you win the record contract,
Speaker 5: you win the house, or whatever it is, then the
Speaker 5: show's over. There has to be. It's all about that
Speaker 5: final moment. And so it's massive part that I that
Speaker 5: I play there is to like really horribly lie to
Speaker 5: someone's face. I don't lie. I'm a terrible life accept
Speaker 5: in those moments.
Speaker 2: You are actually brilliant at what you do.
Speaker 6: Yes, And you should be paying for these girls therapy
Speaker 6: because they go once a week.
Speaker 4: And I think the moral of that story is you
Speaker 4: owe them a lot of money.
Speaker 5: Well, if you want, like if the only thing you
Speaker 5: know me for is shouting take it off, very very loudly,
Speaker 5: or whispering while counting flowers. You're going to be in
Speaker 5: for a hell of a shock on Friday night because
Speaker 5: I swear a like a lot. And yeah, if you've
Speaker 5: ever listened to my podcast, there's kind of more along
Speaker 5: the lines of that. It's pretty fun. It's very seditious.
Speaker 5: It's so dangerous. I mean, you work on you know,
Speaker 5: live broadcasts, so you've all done a thing. People don't
Speaker 5: realize that. We all do a thing called codes training,
Speaker 5: which is like, here's how to not to fame someone,
Speaker 5: and so we have to be really careful about that stuff.
Speaker 5: And there's really there's a lot of responsibility that comes
Speaker 5: to broadcasting. You can't just say whatever, because it can
Speaker 5: be quite irresponsible. Now, when I told my lawyer, hey,
Speaker 5: this is what I'm gonna do with it, you show,
Speaker 5: he said, you're fucking what And I was like, he goes, well,
Speaker 5: if you're going to do that, you better read it
Speaker 5: as claimer. So I have I have to read. It's
Speaker 5: so dangerous because we have politicians in power I won't
Speaker 5: say their names, who will ruin your lives over a
Speaker 5: twelve word tweet and that's happened. So I need to
Speaker 5: be really really careful and protect my cast. And so
Speaker 5: we I read a disclaimer before the show, like we
Speaker 5: would like to advise the following, I go, well, Robbie McGregor,
Speaker 5: the following contains sexual.
Speaker 4: Well you have to see the realher them, the real
Speaker 4: Osha guns Burger Wife.
Speaker 6: Sydney Comedy Fest dot com dot you go, get tickets.
Speaker 4: It was great to have you on bud. Thank you
Speaker 4: for back coming back on the pickup.
Speaker 2: We love you much.
Speaker 5: There's cheap tickets in my link, by my bio in
Speaker 5: my link and my thing if.
Speaker 2: Friday, see you at the Parkha.
Speaker 1: Let's do this ask, Ask and cutting, something we do
Speaker 1: on Life on Cut podcast and something we've been accustomed
Speaker 1: to doing every Thursday here at the Pickup, and we
Speaker 1: have a brilliant one today. We have a real pickle
Speaker 1: from a listener, Rachel.
Speaker 2: Let's cold in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're ready to give some advice unsolicited. Well, notice
Speaker 4: she's listeners it's inexperienced. Yeah, that's a problem. It might
Speaker 4: not be good advice.
Speaker 5: Rachel.
Speaker 4: Hi, what do you need?
Speaker 7: Hi?
Speaker 8: Guys, how are you going? Hi?
Speaker 2: A problem? O?
Speaker 8: Rachel Okay, So I'm getting married in six weeks time,
Speaker 8: and I've been with my partner for ten years, and
Speaker 8: I am starting to think that I've made a mistake
Speaker 8: and I don't think I love him anymore.
Speaker 3: Wait wait, wait, wait, keep going, keep Is there more
Speaker 3: to this or is that?
Speaker 8: No? Literally, it's just like we've been together for a decade,
Speaker 8: you know, we have the house, we have a dog,
Speaker 8: we have you know, I thought, I genuinely thought that
Speaker 8: this was going to be my forever guy, and I'm
Speaker 8: just currently I think I don't know whether it's cold feet,
Speaker 8: but yeah, I really just like I don't know if
Speaker 8: I should go through with it, and I would love
Speaker 8: some advice.
Speaker 2: Though maybe it's a different name, maybe she's using a okay, fair, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: no comment. How long have you been feeling like this for? Like,
Speaker 2: how for how long have you been kind of thinking
Speaker 2: that maybe there's just like that you don't not in
Speaker 2: love with him?
Speaker 8: I would say, like the last month, it's it's come
Speaker 8: on very very fast, and yeah, just now the countdown
Speaker 8: is on to the wedding, and I'm so yeah, I
Speaker 8: just I don't know what to do.
Speaker 2: I mean, I think it's kind of peculiar that you've
Speaker 2: only started to feel like this in the last month.
Speaker 2: I think if you've had a decade of strong feelings
Speaker 2: and like being in love and wanting to get married,
Speaker 2: there's part of me that thinks, like, are you sure
Speaker 2: that this isn't just cold feet, that it isn't the
Speaker 2: finality of getting married that's making you think, Oh God,
Speaker 2: is this too much? You know, is this too much commitment?
Speaker 2: Are we making the right decisions? I don't know. It's
Speaker 2: pretty odd to have such a severe flip after in
Speaker 2: a month, Rachel, I've got here.
Speaker 1: Our producer Flip has passed us some notes that she
Speaker 1: spoke to you before you've phoned through. You said that
Speaker 1: you just feel bored like an old married couple and
Speaker 1: you don't have much sex anymore, only once a month,
Speaker 1: do you think, But do you think that that is
Speaker 1: something I think that that's probably something pretty common in
Speaker 1: a long term relationship. But you do have sex less.
Speaker 1: I don't think it means that you're not soulmates or
Speaker 1: penguins or like, you know, relationships over time definitely do
Speaker 1: plata a little bit as you get more comfortable with
Speaker 1: each other and you know, think of how much you've
Speaker 1: done and spoken about and discussed over the last decade,
Speaker 1: how much sex you've had I hope over the last decade.
Speaker 2: I think that part's pretty normal.
Speaker 1: So I feel like there must be something a bit
Speaker 1: more deep seated in you because the things like only
Speaker 1: having sex once a month is something that you definitely
Speaker 1: can work on as a couple.
Speaker 8: Yeah, I definitely agree. I was talking to my friend
Speaker 8: about this because she recently got married and she didn't
Speaker 8: have any doubts whatsoever, which is I think why I'm
Speaker 8: now just maybe overthinking it. But yeah, you know, she
Speaker 8: just was so excited for her wedding and I just
Speaker 8: don't have that feeling, And I'm like, I feel like
Speaker 8: I should have that feeling.
Speaker 6: Well not everyone's comfortable admitting they have that feeling, so
Speaker 6: you never know if that's the truth that she's actually
Speaker 6: telling you. But Rachel, when you look at him, are
Speaker 6: the issues and the lack of love to do with
Speaker 6: personal things that he's doing, Like is he not chilling
Speaker 6: with his mouth closed? Or is it just because your stuff? Yeah,
Speaker 6: the big hard hitter is in a relationship. Or is
Speaker 6: it because you're so close to the actual wedding and
Speaker 6: you think it's maybe nerves there, like, well, where's where's
Speaker 6: that feeling coming from?
Speaker 7: I don't know.
Speaker 8: I just look at him and I don't feel the
Speaker 8: same as I once did. And it's just happened so fast,
Speaker 8: and I've personally been trying to work on, you know,
Speaker 8: me getting that connection back, because obviously I haven't told
Speaker 8: him anything. But yeah, like, no matter what I do personally,
Speaker 8: I just I can't seem to I hate the word,
Speaker 8: but like, get that spark.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know if you're ever going to
Speaker 2: get the same level of spark as what you maybe
Speaker 2: had at the beginning of a relationship, because we all
Speaker 2: know relationships have different ebbs and flows, and you know,
Speaker 2: you go through like immense desire at the start of
Speaker 2: a relationship, and then the longer you've been together, the
Speaker 2: harder it is to maintain that desire. I think that
Speaker 2: there is an element of normal being anxious heading towards
Speaker 2: your wedding. But should you be terrified or should you
Speaker 2: feel like it's a bad decision? I think that they
Speaker 2: are some pretty massive red flags. I wouldn't be recommending
Speaker 2: anyone to go ahead getting married if if overwhelmingly you
Speaker 2: feel like it's a bad idea or you're having doubts. Yeah, agree,
Speaker 2: I think if.
Speaker 1: You know, people do sometimes get swept up in a
Speaker 1: relationship and all of a sudden you're engaged, and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden you plan the wedding. All it is, well,
Speaker 1: this is what I mean. But then all of a
Speaker 1: sudden you're like, well, hang on, this isn't actually what
Speaker 1: I want. And that is okay, but you're gonna have
Speaker 1: to talk to your fiance. I think that you've only
Speaker 1: got six weeks left until the wedding, you actually don't
Speaker 1: know how you feel, and if you want to go
Speaker 1: through it, talk it out with him.
Speaker 2: I think you're gonna have to.
Speaker 1: You don't really have a choice other than bringing up
Speaker 1: and maybe you do that gently and softly that maybe
Speaker 1: you say, I don't know if it's cold feet, I
Speaker 1: don't know, if something's changed.
Speaker 2: How are you feeling?
Speaker 3: But you I don't think you can marry someone that
Speaker 3: you don't think you love or want to be with.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and if you're going to do it, do it
Speaker 4: like at the altar, make it really dramatic.
Speaker 7: I do it.
Speaker 4: I can't do this and run out the value.
Speaker 2: You don't actually have conflict you just leave. No, I'm joking.
Speaker 6: Have the terrible good luck Rachel with wherever your land and.
Speaker 2: Tell us I think we need to follow up on
Speaker 2: this one.
Speaker 8: I'll keep you updated.
Speaker 4: Okay, so much?
Speaker 2: Sorry?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 6: If you need some advice like that of a pickup
Speaker 6: on Instagram, send us a DM and we'll have you
Speaker 6: on the show.
Speaker 2: What would you guys do?
Speaker 4: Oh, she's doing she needs to leave him. Yeah, it's true,
Speaker 4: she needs to leave him. She's got that feeling she
Speaker 4: needs to go. Sorry you gut? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. Yeah, I don't know if I'm getting married. No, nothing,
Speaker 2: Why to come now, Britt, you told an embarrassing story
Speaker 2: earlier today on the show. It does not sound like me, It.
Speaker 4: Doesn't at all.
Speaker 2: But now I don't want to be I don't want
Speaker 2: to be a story topic. But I've also had something
Speaker 2: very very embarrassing happened to me this week. But it
Speaker 2: has to do with Marley may So. We were at
Speaker 2: the shopping center and like, Marley's very good. Now she's
Speaker 2: very toilet trained. I've got a three and a half
Speaker 2: year old, I've got a two year old. Both of
Speaker 2: them are exceptional at toilet training. Okay, good and so
Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't matter where you are. It's like mummy,
Speaker 2: you can go to the potty. So, you know, especially
Speaker 2: when you're in a shopping center, off you go trying
Speaker 2: to find the closest because as much as they're good
Speaker 2: at it, you don't have a lot of time, right,
Speaker 2: So anyway, going through the shopping center, find the closest
Speaker 2: public toilets. The only one I knew was at the
Speaker 2: other end of the shopping center. So we we you know,
Speaker 2: high tailt and we get there and there's a bit
Speaker 2: of a line. We have to wait. Anyway, it's our turn.
Speaker 2: We go into the cubicle. Now it is a long cubicle,
Speaker 2: and I have both the kids in the cubicle with me.
Speaker 2: I've got Lola Marley, and we kin'd of all take turns.
Speaker 2: Marley goes first to the toilet, so then you win,
Speaker 2: you know, you white one. Then the next one.
Speaker 4: Needs to go and one singular cubicle.
Speaker 2: But it's a really long cubicle, so there's plenty of space.
Speaker 6: The corner suite, you know how, the really good corner
Speaker 6: cubicle you can do.
Speaker 2: In first class. Yes, it really was. It's the big one.
Speaker 2: The door is quite far away from the toilet as well,
Speaker 2: which is guys.
Speaker 3: You know those big ones are usually the disabled toilet, right,
Speaker 3: you know, it's not.
Speaker 2: The first class. This one isn't disabled. It's not because
Speaker 2: it doesn't have any rails on it. It's just really
Speaker 2: long because of the way of the orientation of this bathroom.
Speaker 2: It's at the far end, right, but the toilet is long,
Speaker 2: but the door faces the line.
Speaker 4: So it's business class in the toilet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the premium seat. It's the public toilets. So anyway,
Speaker 2: Morley goes first, Mum, wipe my balm. Then it's Lola,
Speaker 2: mom wipe my mom do it or I do the
Speaker 2: whole job. And then I needed to go to the toilet.
Speaker 4: So's your barn.
Speaker 2: I'm still waiting. Oh well, so anyway the kids have finished,
Speaker 2: I go to the toilet. I'm halfway through going to
Speaker 2: the toilet.
Speaker 4: You eating a pool must be it must be number two.
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, details are not important. But anyway, Marley decides
Speaker 2: that she's had enough of waiting and she just walks
Speaker 2: over to the door and opens it. My pants are
Speaker 2: down around my waist mid the turd. I couldn't get
Speaker 2: up couldn't reach the door, couldn't stop. I was like,
Speaker 2: Molly stopped, Molly, Marley stopped, Marley, don't open that door.
Speaker 2: And she slings it, flings it right open, and there's
Speaker 2: a line of people standing right in front of me.
Speaker 2: Two kids just high taylor out to the basin to
Speaker 2: go wash their hands, and this poor lady makes eye
Speaker 2: contacted with me, walks over, and then goes, oh, I'll
Speaker 2: help you. But you could tell in her mind she.
Speaker 5: Was finally.
Speaker 2: Like, God please. You could tell by the fear in
Speaker 2: her eyes that she didn't know whether to like help
Speaker 2: me by looking after the children or to help me
Speaker 2: by like closing the door and helping me with my dignity. Anyway,
Speaker 2: she grabs the door and she holds the door shut,
Speaker 2: and I can just hear the kids out in the
Speaker 2: bathroom and she's like, don't worry, I've got my eye
Speaker 2: on them. While she's holding the doors. Anyway, I made
Speaker 2: eye contact with a complete exchanger while doing a.
Speaker 1: Poop, and then you had to finish the poop while
Speaker 1: she was holding the door.
Speaker 2: I rushed, I rushed, I finished it. Anyway. Children suck sometimes,
Speaker 2: well really.
Speaker 6: They do dirty that good Samaron, if you're listening, we'll
Speaker 6: give you ten thousand dollars going through that process.
Speaker 4: Can we can we give her that money?
Speaker 2: Like stop giving away money. We have no money and
Speaker 2: we're not giving any money away. But I do give
Speaker 2: you my my greatest thanks, and to everybody else he
Speaker 2: was in that line, there was about five people, and
Speaker 2: everyone pretended that they didn't see, but you all saw.
Speaker 2: And I'm surprised it hasn't come out in Daily Mountains