1 00:00:04,040 --> 00:00:06,439 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. 2 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:10,240 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just 3 00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,720 Speaker 2: once answers now. 4 00:00:14,120 --> 00:00:16,800 Speaker 1: At the moment. For some people, depending on where you live, 5 00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: you might be hearing an ad on the podcast where 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 1: I sing it's the most wonderful time of the year. 7 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,680 Speaker 1: Then I stop singing so that you don't have to 8 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,280 Speaker 1: listen to my singing, because nobody really should be forced 9 00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:29,640 Speaker 1: to endure that. But Kylie, if you were to describe 10 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: how our December has been going so far, would you 11 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: think that is an appropriate description or would you have 12 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,640 Speaker 1: another one or two words to use instead? 13 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,559 Speaker 2: I think I'm using fully stuffed right now. 14 00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:42,199 Speaker 1: Fully stuffed, as it's been a fully stuffed week, or 15 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:45,479 Speaker 1: do you mean like crammed to fall so crammed? 16 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 2: I'm thinking of something said, but you can think of 17 00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: anything right now? 18 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 1: Haw's life fully stuffed. It's just stuffed. If our kids 19 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 1: said that, would we be okay with that? Would we 20 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 1: look at them and say, don't talk like that? 21 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 2: I don't think so right now. 22 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:06,119 Speaker 1: So this might be tricky. Today on the podcast, we're 23 00:01:06,360 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: reflecting on the week that was, as we do every Friday. 24 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:11,600 Speaker 1: It's called I'll do better tomorrow. How can we focus 25 00:01:11,640 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 1: on being great parents when we are racing towards Christmas 26 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,640 Speaker 1: and the end of twenty twenty four faster than I 27 00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 1: have words for. I mean, it is just so full 28 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,760 Speaker 1: on what can we do to be better parents? How 29 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: can we make sure that we're present and involved in 30 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: our kids' lives in meaningful and positive and helpful ways? Kylie, 31 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 1: what's your I'll do better tomorrow this week? 32 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,520 Speaker 2: So I'm not gonna lie. I am feeling more stretched 33 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 2: than I have in a long. 34 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 1: Time, depleted, exhausted, and context. You didn't want to record 35 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,360 Speaker 1: the podcast today because you don't have time. There is 36 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 1: so much going on. 37 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 2: But I've been reflecting on the year that we've had 38 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:54,880 Speaker 2: and the beautiful gift that you gave me last year 39 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,320 Speaker 2: of fourteen guaranteed. 40 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: Getaways get aways, whether. 41 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 2: It was a weekend or a week away with the 42 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 2: kids or whatever, there was fourteen gatherings that we were 43 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:12,000 Speaker 2: able to enjoy, and for me, so much of that 44 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:15,440 Speaker 2: was tied up in the recognition that our lives are busy. 45 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 2: You travel a lot, and knowing that there was something 46 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 2: to look forward to each month really made a huge 47 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,799 Speaker 2: difference in my capacity to keep carrying the load. 48 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, and for context in case people are sort of thinking, oh, 49 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 1: my goodness, who has fourteen holidays in a year. Some 50 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: of these were just overnighters, some of them were using points, 51 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: We were staying places for free, like with family. 52 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 2: A couple of times, well, let's be real, most of 53 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,120 Speaker 2: them were actually work holidays. A couple of them will 54 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 2: work holidays with my help, and I came with you. 55 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,760 Speaker 1: You were coming with me, and so we just did 56 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 1: that as well. And yeah, we had a couple of 57 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: really nice holidays as well, which was just a delight. 58 00:02:53,600 --> 00:02:55,960 Speaker 1: But I think I know where you're going with this. 59 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 1: You're going to say that it was a lot. 60 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 2: It was a lot. It was a lot. And as 61 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:05,480 Speaker 2: I have reflected on how I'm feeling right in this moment, 62 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 2: having only just come back from our final holiday of 63 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 2: the year, yep, and feeling just as exhausted as I 64 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,799 Speaker 2: did before, maybe even more exhausted, if I'm being completely. 65 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 1: Honest, than before we left. 66 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:22,360 Speaker 2: Then before we left, it has occurred to me that 67 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 2: it's actually not about the holidays where we think we're 68 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 2: going away to get rejuvenated and you know, kind of 69 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:37,120 Speaker 2: have some relaxing time and all of that. And while 70 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:40,800 Speaker 2: that does play a part. The reality is that we 71 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 2: come back to the same stuff, and in some cases 72 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 2: it actually exacerbates the things that we're coming back to 73 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: because we've now just lost a whole heap of time 74 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 2: that we would have been able to utilize to put 75 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 2: towards managing or you know, working through whatever challenges or 76 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 2: things that we have in front of us. So I hate, 77 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 2: I actually really hate the fact that I'm sitting here 78 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 2: in this space right now feeling so loaded up. So 79 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: Stuff's the word I've got. It's probably not the best 80 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,680 Speaker 2: word to use, but I just I feel like my 81 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,159 Speaker 2: life is just so stuffed and crammed full at the 82 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,360 Speaker 2: moment that it's really hard to even take a breath, 83 00:04:19,400 --> 00:04:23,440 Speaker 2: let alone enjoy the space that we have. And I'm 84 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 2: dreading the fact that come Christmas Day, I'm not even 85 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,520 Speaker 2: going to want to get out of bed because there's 86 00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 2: just been so much in the lead up. So I'm 87 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:37,679 Speaker 2: really wanting to work through that and look at next 88 00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 2: year and how we change things. And as I've been 89 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:44,560 Speaker 2: kind of pondering about all of that, the acknowledgment is 90 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 2: it's not really about the holidays, It's about actually being 91 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 2: intentional about what I put in to my life in 92 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,960 Speaker 2: the first place. We're here at the end of the year. 93 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,920 Speaker 2: I've taken on a lot with homeschooling this year and 94 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,839 Speaker 2: the other commitments that we've already had before we had that, 95 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 2: and so what does next year look like? So I 96 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:06,520 Speaker 2: don't find myself in December feeling completely just spent. 97 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:08,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. A couple of years ago I read a book 98 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,800 Speaker 1: by an academic called Lighty Klots id why his name 99 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: Lighty klots from the Netherlands. The book was called subtract 100 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,040 Speaker 1: It was a bit too academic. It wasn't what I 101 00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: would consider to be a great book. However, the book 102 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: had an overarching theme that really applies to what you're 103 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 1: describing right now, and that is that whenever we try 104 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 1: to improve things, we generally are additive. We're putting more 105 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 1: stuff in, and when there's too much stuff, sometimes it's 106 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: better to start subtracting. And what I'm hearing you say 107 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,279 Speaker 1: is to do better. Maybe we need to do less, 108 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 1: but to do it much more. Well did I say 109 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: that right? No, you did it, But you know what 110 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: I mean. 111 00:05:48,560 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that as I'm reflecting on our year, 112 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:57,040 Speaker 2: I just there are definitely there are definitely areas that 113 00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 2: we can subtract, and so that's my big life lesson. 114 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 1: So can we start subtracting from tomorrow from today? Can 115 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 1: we actually or do we have to get through the 116 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,640 Speaker 1: next couple of weeks before we get to subtract, because 117 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: I like the idea of it. 118 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,800 Speaker 2: Unfortunately, I think we've just got to get through the 119 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 2: next few weeks. Okay, So I don't think there's a 120 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 2: lot we can subtract from the next few weeks. 121 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: But I really I'm going to have a cranky and 122 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: stressed out Kylie for another week or two. 123 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:22,479 Speaker 2: I'm really looking on to it. 124 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:25,480 Speaker 1: Sleeping and on Christmas Day, we're not going to get 125 00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,160 Speaker 1: asleep in We're going to have our son in law 126 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: jump on our bed with our granddaughter on Christmas morning 127 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:33,880 Speaker 1: and we're going to love that as well. One thing, 128 00:06:34,160 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: one thing that I can promise you is it next year, 129 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,400 Speaker 1: we're not having a single holiday cost of living crisis. 130 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 1: And even though we did most of these things on 131 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: the cheap, we are we're not going to go away. 132 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:47,840 Speaker 1: It's just not happening. So you don't have to worry 133 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,080 Speaker 1: about me cramming our calendar to forward. 134 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 2: Trips Okay, what life lessons have you learned? 135 00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 1: Well, it's not this week, but you alluded in your 136 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,839 Speaker 1: conversation about your odd be better tomorrow to our final 137 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: getaway of the year. You and I over a year 138 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,920 Speaker 1: ago decided that I was going to have my first 139 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: ever legit fared income go away on a surfing trip 140 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: to a location and get the best waves of my 141 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 1: life holiday. And we picked a bucket list location, a 142 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 1: place that I've always wanted to go, a place that 143 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:28,240 Speaker 1: you and I have both actually wanted to go. And 144 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,040 Speaker 1: you said, well, if it's a surfing holiday but it's 145 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: to that location, I'd like to come along as well. 146 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 1: So we booked for the two of us to go, 147 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: and I had a great time. I caught a whole 148 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 1: lot of great waves, but I had an experience there 149 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 1: that really bring. As soon as it happened, I thought, 150 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 1: this is parenting, this is life, this is how we 151 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,480 Speaker 1: do life. So I've been surfing since I was thirteen. 152 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,520 Speaker 1: In all that time, You've never come to the beach 153 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: to watch me surf. You're generally not interested in watching 154 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: me in the waves. 155 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,600 Speaker 2: It's not high on my priority list. 156 00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: No, I guess if you're trying to reduce things from 157 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: your life. I had one more for a variety of reasons. 158 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,560 Speaker 1: I've never seen myself surf, but I know that I'm 159 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: an intermediate surfer. I'm quite competent in the water. I'm 160 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 1: surfing big waves and that kind of thing, so I 161 00:08:11,040 --> 00:08:13,800 Speaker 1: know that I can surf pretty well. However, on this 162 00:08:13,840 --> 00:08:16,360 Speaker 1: surfing holiday, we were there with some friends. They took 163 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: some footage and I saw myself surfing for pretty much 164 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,600 Speaker 1: the first time in my life. And while I'm still 165 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: surfing competently, I'm not nearly as good as I thought 166 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 1: I was. In fact, after the first day of surfing 167 00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:33,120 Speaker 1: where you did get to watch me, and I said, hey, 168 00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:34,760 Speaker 1: I needed you get to see me surf. What was 169 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,680 Speaker 1: the one word that you said when I asked what 170 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:38,760 Speaker 1: you thought about my surfing? 171 00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 2: I called you a gumby and you haven't let me 172 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:42,880 Speaker 2: live it down. 173 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 1: You literally looked at me and said gumby. And it 174 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,400 Speaker 1: shattered me. Not that you were judging me, because I 175 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 1: had already judged myself, and I felt like a gumby 176 00:08:51,640 --> 00:08:54,439 Speaker 1: watching myself. Now again, I feel like I need to 177 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: do some ego protection here because I'm that narcissistic that 178 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,720 Speaker 1: I care what a bunch of strangers think about my 179 00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:00,599 Speaker 1: surfing ability, even though nobody's going to see me in 180 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: the water. I'm not a gumby and I am competent. However, 181 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 1: I wasn't surfing at the level that I thought that 182 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: I surfed. Have I patched that up? 183 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:07,840 Speaker 2: Well? 184 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:13,440 Speaker 1: Enough does that I'll move on. Seeing the video and 185 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: seeing a couple of photos of myself surf gave me 186 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,880 Speaker 1: a level of self awareness that I can't possibly have 187 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,600 Speaker 1: without having that reflected back to me. And once I 188 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:26,120 Speaker 1: got over myself and my sadness, I had a chat 189 00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:27,920 Speaker 1: with one of the guys that works at the resort 190 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,439 Speaker 1: and I said, if there was one thing that I 191 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: could do, just one thing that I could do that 192 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 1: would improve my surfing, what would it be? And he said, 193 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 1: I reckon, if you did this, it'd change everything. And 194 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,040 Speaker 1: for the next two days I practiced it. And on 195 00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,600 Speaker 1: the final day of my surfing holiday, when I said, Hey, 196 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,839 Speaker 1: did you see my surfing? What did you say? 197 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 2: I couldn't believe how much you improved just in those 198 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:48,960 Speaker 2: few days. 199 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: I looked like a pro. You looked like it, and 200 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 1: you were really complimentary. But I saw the photos on 201 00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: the final day, and I looked like a completely different surfer. 202 00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:03,280 Speaker 2: So can you share what the advice was that he 203 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 2: gave you? What did he say that you needed to 204 00:10:05,679 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 2: work on? 205 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 1: The advice was when I was doing my turns, he 206 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 1: just said I needed to move my shoulders and by 207 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:13,000 Speaker 1: moving my shoulders my head, that was going to move 208 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: my hips and I was going to move my body 209 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: with a lot more power. I just didn't have enough 210 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 1: power in my turns. I'm still doing nice turns, but 211 00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 1: much better turns if I really rotate my whole body 212 00:10:22,920 --> 00:10:23,560 Speaker 1: through the turn. 213 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:27,319 Speaker 2: So what I love about that was just the acknowledgment 214 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:32,480 Speaker 2: that it requires a whole body movement for you to improve, right, 215 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 2: And I saw that the difference between you from day 216 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:41,120 Speaker 2: one to day five was massive. Still gunny, but. 217 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:44,559 Speaker 1: I BELI I've got to keep you humble, But the 218 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,800 Speaker 1: humility of being willing to ask for advice is important. 219 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: There's a lesson there. Nevertheless, go on. 220 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, so I don't know what your old did better 221 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 2: tomorrow is out of that. But for me, the acknowledgment 222 00:10:55,679 --> 00:11:00,880 Speaker 2: that if we want to be great as parents, if 223 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 2: we want to be fully present for our kids, it 224 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 2: requires our whole being oh we can't. We can't actually, 225 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,320 Speaker 2: you know, go in there and do a half pie twist. 226 00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 2: What you actually need to do is use your whole 227 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,800 Speaker 2: body to create that shift and change. 228 00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: And the best parents are fully immersed. Yeah, yeah, they're 229 00:11:22,080 --> 00:11:23,720 Speaker 1: giving it. They're all. That's not what my take home 230 00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: message is. But I really like it a lot, and 231 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 1: I think it's particularly pertinent over the next couple of 232 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,760 Speaker 1: weeks as families are together, to really be present, to 233 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:35,319 Speaker 1: really put your whole do the hokey pokey, you put 234 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: your whole self in and don't take your whole self out. 235 00:11:38,200 --> 00:11:40,240 Speaker 1: Just keep your whole self in. But no, to take 236 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:42,120 Speaker 1: our message for me with self awareness, we are so 237 00:11:42,360 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 1: unaware of what we're doing. We think we're doing it 238 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: one way. We think we look a certain way, we 239 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: think we sound a certain way. We think that we're 240 00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:52,320 Speaker 1: I'm talking to our children with kindness, and then you 241 00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,760 Speaker 1: see yourself and you go, holy cow, is that really me? 242 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,839 Speaker 1: And we don't get the chance to see ourselves. It's 243 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,720 Speaker 1: taken me. I don't want to do the maths, but 244 00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 1: I'm I'm about to turn fifty next year and I 245 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 1: started surfing when I was thirteen, so that's like thirty 246 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,560 Speaker 1: six years of surfing, and for the first time, I 247 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 1: saw myself surf. And when I saw myself, I realized 248 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 1: that I was not where I thought that I actually 249 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:13,840 Speaker 1: am was. 250 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 2: So my question is, would you prefer to have not 251 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 2: seen yourself and then keep the illusion? 252 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: It was painful. Having the illusion shattered was painful, but 253 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 1: it also led to growth so quick. Example, a few 254 00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,199 Speaker 1: months ago, one of the kids was playing a video 255 00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: that they'd been recording in the living room and in 256 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,160 Speaker 1: another room, I'd been saying something to one of her sisters, 257 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:37,360 Speaker 1: and over the video I heard my tone of voice 258 00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 1: as I was speaking to her sister about that thing, 259 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,960 Speaker 1: and it shocked me. It was a moment of self awareness. 260 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: In the conversation with our daughter, I thought that I 261 00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:49,000 Speaker 1: was speaking to her quite plainly and simply and kindly 262 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,079 Speaker 1: and gently and explaining what needed to happen. But I 263 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,200 Speaker 1: heard the video context free, and as I heard the video, 264 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, my goodness, I sound so stern. 265 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:59,520 Speaker 1: I sound pretty hardcore here. And that was a moment 266 00:12:59,559 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: of self awareness for me, and I went, well, that hurts. 267 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,720 Speaker 1: I've just shouted the illusion. I need to speak more 268 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:07,560 Speaker 1: gently than I think that I'm speaking because I don't 269 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: sound the way I think I sound, in the same 270 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,600 Speaker 1: way that I don't surf the way I think I serf. 271 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 1: But hearing that allowed me to make the tweaks and 272 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 1: hopefully I'm a better parent as a result. That's the 273 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: conversation self awareness. Having someone somehow reflect it back to 274 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: us will hurt, I guarantee it, but it will also 275 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 1: make us better if we're willing to make it. And 276 00:13:27,360 --> 00:13:29,040 Speaker 1: that's the whole purpose to day's podcast. It's a whole 277 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 1: purpose of the Happy Families podcast. I'll do better tomorrow, 278 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,160 Speaker 1: So thanks so much for listening, and we really hope 279 00:13:35,160 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 1: that this weekend you can do better tomorrow. The Happy 280 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:40,520 Speaker 1: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. 281 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,640 Speaker 1: To make your family happier. We'd love for you to 282 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 1: check out the resources, particularly the books, at happyfamilies dot 283 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: com dot au and have a great weekend.