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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the.

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Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers Now. Hello, this

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Speaker 2: is doctor Justin Colson. Welcome to another episode of the

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Speaker 2: Happy Families podcasts. Father's Day. It's a week away and

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Speaker 2: so we've decided this week we're going to celebrate a

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Speaker 2: whole lot of dads who are just damn well amazing

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Speaker 2: and we're starting with I think one of Australia's best known,

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Speaker 2: most recognized media personalities, Osha Gonsberg. He hosts the Better

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Speaker 2: Than Yesterday podcast. It's a podcast that aims to make

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Speaker 2: today just that little bit better than yesterday and has

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Speaker 2: a chat with guests each time about how they've figured

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Speaker 2: out how to make their lives a bit better than yesterday.

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Speaker 2: You'll see Osher with the Bachelor franchise. He's been involved

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Speaker 2: in the Masked Singer. He had a memoir out called

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Speaker 2: Back After the Break. Osher has kind of been everywhere

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Speaker 2: and done everything, and he joins me now on the

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Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast so that we can talk about what

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Speaker 2: life is like for him as a dad. Osha, thanks

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Speaker 2: for being on.

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Speaker 1: The podcast, I mate, I'm just grateful to return the

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Speaker 1: favor you have taken time away from your extraordinary download numbers.

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Speaker 1: Time on dad put a few times they have We're

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Speaker 1: just this tiny, little, tiny, little itty bitty nebulous, a

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Speaker 1: bunch of dads trying to create a podcast, just this

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Speaker 1: behemoth that you're on. I'm grateful to be a part

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Speaker 1: of it. Thanks man.

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Speaker 2: I also love that we've got this guy with this

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Speaker 2: not just not just an incredible chisel jaw that everyone

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Speaker 2: gets to enjoy on Network ten, but the voice. Listen,

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Speaker 2: Listen to that former radio voice that tells, well, this is.

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Speaker 1: Well, this is also the worst of someone who's just

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Speaker 1: you know, finished eleven or twelve episodes. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what they're going to do. In the edit of the

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Speaker 1: Master Singer last night at at twelve thirty and then

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Speaker 1: you know, I was doing the daycare run coming up

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Speaker 1: to eight am this morning. But this is the microphone.

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Speaker 1: I'm speaking to you on the very microphone. This is

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Speaker 1: the actual setup that I, you know, I do the previously,

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Speaker 1: like that's this, it's this and tonight on Bondo Risk

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Speaker 1: it's this microphone. So that's why it sounds like it

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Speaker 1: does because this is it. This is the microphone that

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Speaker 1: it happens on.

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Speaker 2: It's the microphone that makes you sound like the ultimate dad. Right,

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Speaker 2: it's the microphone that plays the bills. Right now, mate,

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Speaker 2: I should tell me about this. You said it was

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Speaker 2: a disaster. It was. It was hard work getting you

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Speaker 2: a little one. I presume it was Wolf getting a

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Speaker 2: wolfing into the car this morning for daycare.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Wolf, it's just this morning on the way to daycare.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes you just thrilled the go. Sometimes you just can't wait.

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Speaker 1: It's like, are we going yet? Sorry? Mate, got to

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Speaker 1: get some stuff, sort of got to pack some more

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Speaker 1: things in your bag. I don't know. But today, mate,

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Speaker 1: it was just it was just not happening, and it

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Speaker 1: was tough, you know, because his ability to self regulate

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Speaker 1: is quite limited, and he does intervene, he does get

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Speaker 1: in there. He does have a few little breath things

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Speaker 1: that we've shown him, like he once got pinched putting

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Speaker 1: his bicycle helmet on, and so he would go on

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Speaker 1: the way. And so now when we get on the bicycle, like, okay,

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Speaker 1: do you big breathin goes and I go and as

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Speaker 1: he breathes out, I need a click a click in

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Speaker 1: and I see perfect, he guess, yeah, no worries and

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Speaker 1: so I've seen him do that by himself a few times,

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Speaker 1: and he's not even three and he's already self regulating

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Speaker 1: using his breath, which is brilliant. But his ability to

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Speaker 1: know when to do that is limited, vanishing more. And

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Speaker 1: so this morning it was just not happening. And it

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Speaker 1: was one of those ones where like I've I'm not

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Speaker 1: the kind of person to put the forearm across the

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Speaker 1: chest to get him into the baby seat ever, but

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Speaker 1: today it had to happen. I had to do it

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Speaker 1: because the arms weren't going again. And it's like one

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Speaker 1: of those mornings where you can't put your head between

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Speaker 1: his feet and the front seat because you know you're

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Speaker 1: going to cop a kick to the chin. And it's

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Speaker 1: it's you just need to remember that his ability to

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Speaker 1: decide not to kick you in the face doesn't exist.

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Speaker 1: He cannot regulate his behavior. He cannot He can't expect

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Speaker 1: him to know that, you know, to not hurt someone

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Speaker 1: at that point when he's that agitated. But he just

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Speaker 1: because of our day with the Audrey and eye that like,

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Speaker 1: you just got to go a daycare mode. Sorry, body,

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Speaker 1: we got stuff to do and you can't be around otherwise.

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Speaker 1: Nothing's going to happen today. But understanding how his little

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Speaker 1: brain works, and how is the decision making process works,

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Speaker 1: and how is dopamine things, all that sort of stuff,

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Speaker 1: how is development works, really really helps you. I find

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Speaker 1: it helps me try to keep my calm and try

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Speaker 1: to keep me equal when I'm in that when he's

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Speaker 1: in that state, well you get.

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Speaker 2: You get the Data of the Year award for your

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Speaker 2: MMA avoidance this morning in the back the car and

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Speaker 2: then the trip with and I want to call it

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Speaker 2: distraction because in some ways it is, but it's not

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Speaker 2: just distraction. Like you said. Once you move out of

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Speaker 2: the initial let me distract you and do the circuit breaking,

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Speaker 2: you're stepping into a mindfulness mode where you're actually just

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Speaker 2: paying attention to the here and now, noticing what's happening

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Speaker 2: and and doing doing good things. It's it's so nice

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Speaker 2: to hear the way that you've done that and that

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Speaker 2: you're involved like that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes when if he's super losing it to break

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Speaker 1: the cycle. We live in the way the streets are

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Speaker 1: in our house. There's a little block we can walk

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Speaker 1: around which takes about seven minutes, and we walk around

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Speaker 1: the block and it's not a tree it's a meloluca tree. Oh,

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Speaker 1: look at this beautiful you know, you know north of

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Speaker 1: colon pine. Oh, look at this spiky feel that it's

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Speaker 1: kind of rough. And we go around the block just

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Speaker 1: kind of naming and touching and feeling and seeing the

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Speaker 1: different colors. It's a different colored green to that color green,

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Speaker 1: isn't it? Oh? I can hear a carral w can

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Speaker 1: you hear a man poist? It's not bird bird bird,

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Speaker 1: you know? And we name everything and then by the

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Speaker 1: time we get back eight minutes later, different human, different,

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Speaker 1: different human.

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Speaker 2: And just even being outside, like, you don't have to

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Speaker 2: be a botanist, you don't have to be a natureist

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Speaker 2: to be able to do that. I'll know it's great

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Speaker 2: if you can. But just being outside it changes it

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Speaker 2: changes our kids. Hey, right off the break, we're gonna

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Speaker 2: talk specifically about you, dadding. We're going to do a

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Speaker 2: lightning round. Okay, Okay, I've got I don't know ten,

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Speaker 2: maybe eleven questions that are going to put you in

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Speaker 2: a couple of compromising positions, make you puzzle a little

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Speaker 2: bit and have a bit of fun about what it

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Speaker 2: is to be a dad. All right, Well, look when

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Speaker 2: I get two out of eleven. I will then play

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Speaker 2: the theme from the Bluie TV show on my melodica

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Speaker 2: and get myself out of jail.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: I love it. Tweens, Teens and Screens is the webinar

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Speaker 2: you need if you're struggling with screen time at home.

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Speaker 2: Join me as I unpack the simplest methods to deal

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Speaker 2: with the screen scene and eliminate the drama without having

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Speaker 2: to ban all devices. Even in some of the trickiest situations,

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Speaker 2: screens can work in your family's favor even if you

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Speaker 2: have tweens and teens. Check out Tweens, Teens and Screens

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Speaker 2: at Happy Families dot com dot au. It's the Happy

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Speaker 2: Families podcast, the podcast for the time poor parent who

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Speaker 2: just wants answers. Now, today we are getting answers from

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Speaker 2: Asher as we move towards Father's Day and celebrate everything

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Speaker 2: that's great about Dad. So Osher, let's dive into this.

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Speaker 2: This is a lightning round. It should take five minutes,

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Speaker 2: but I guess that's really going to be up to you.

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Speaker 2: You know, you know, you know what a lightning round means.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, mate, here we go. You've mentioned you've got it.

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Speaker 2: Tell us how many kids you've gotten how old they are.

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Speaker 1: We have two kids. Georgia is eighteen. She's my most

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Speaker 1: step daughter. She's been in my life since she was ten,

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Speaker 1: and Wolfe is nearly three.

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Speaker 2: Okay, which one's your favorite?

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Speaker 1: I don't have a favorite, no favorite. They're both equally

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Speaker 1: magnificent in each each way. There's no possible word to

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Speaker 1: pick a favorite.

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Speaker 2: All right, I'll let you get away with that one. Osha,

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Speaker 2: who do you love the most?

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Speaker 1: Audrey?

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Speaker 2: Your partner or the kids?

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Speaker 1: It's different things, mate, It's like what do I love more?

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Speaker 1: Do I love riding my bicycle? Do I love riding

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Speaker 1: my motorbike? Do I love driving my car? If I

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Speaker 1: need to go from here to there, I get there

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Speaker 1: each way. But they're different, completely different experiences. You can't

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Speaker 1: compare them. I love you the love. The love that

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Speaker 1: you have for a child is utterly completely different to

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Speaker 1: the love that you have for your intimate partner. They're

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Speaker 1: two separate, two separate things. Yeah, it's an impossible question

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Speaker 1: to answer.

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Speaker 2: Is another impossible one for you? Ideal number of kids?

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Speaker 1: We've got two and two is a perfect number, and

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Speaker 1: it would take two concurrent medical miracles for there to

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Speaker 1: be more than two it's We're very, very happy and

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Speaker 1: extraordinarily lucky to have to.

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Speaker 2: Oh, how do you rate yourself as a parent out

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Speaker 2: of ten?

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Speaker 1: Like in the step in the step dad version of

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Speaker 1: what I do? I probably hover anywhere between six and eight,

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Speaker 1: with the occasional dip down to four and three when

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Speaker 1: I really don't get it right, which happens less now

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Speaker 1: but used to happen a lot because I was, you know,

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Speaker 1: being a parental figure to a ten essentially an eleven

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Speaker 1: year old with one year parenting experience. You know, I

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Speaker 1: made a lot of mistakes. Unfortunately that with wolf I

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Speaker 1: reckon I have more anywhere again in between about you

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Speaker 1: know that six and eight, but always looking for that,

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Speaker 1: you know, never going to get to ten. That's fine,

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Speaker 1: ten doesn't exist, but yeah, just try trauma hartist Osha.

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Speaker 1: What's something great that your parents did that you've tried

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Speaker 1: to continue in your parenting exposure to to music and

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Speaker 1: different expressions of culture through art or through theater or

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Speaker 1: definitely music, absolutely music. It's been easy now, like Wolfe

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Speaker 1: was born into into an Australia that was on fire

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Speaker 1: and then very quickly locked in, so it's been a

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Speaker 1: little harder to go to the theater and go see

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Speaker 1: orchestras and things. But we do, we do listen to

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Speaker 1: a lot of different kinds of music all the time.

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Speaker 1: We have a lot of different musical instruments, and we

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Speaker 1: are you know, there's a lot of art and that

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Speaker 1: I'm really grateful that my parents were right into bringing

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Speaker 1: us into that world. Music wasn't just Bob was on

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Speaker 1: the radio. Music was Ah, there's orchestras, and there's jazz,

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Speaker 1: and there's Jacques Tati and there's you know, there's not

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Speaker 1: just Marvel movies. There's you know, all kinds of films.

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Speaker 1: And I'm two of four brothers. That gave me and

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Speaker 1: my brothers just a wider angle view of the world

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Speaker 1: to see expression of emotion in so many different things

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Speaker 1: rather than just oh, this is a sad song, so

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Speaker 1: therefore that's what it is. But you know, for example,

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Speaker 1: the person who designed my snap Block I phone case,

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Speaker 1: that is as much an artistic expression as you know,

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Speaker 1: Marla's Knight Symphony. You know, being able to see that

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Speaker 1: as the expression the emotional expression of someone I just

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Speaker 1: who designed this and created it is a very important

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Speaker 1: thing I feel, And yeah, I think that I'm really

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Speaker 1: grateful the Audry's on board with all that.

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Speaker 2: Let's talk about you and Audrey. Who's the better parent?

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Speaker 1: God, Audrey, come on, are you kidding me?

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Speaker 2: Like brownie points?

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Speaker 1: It's not about brownie points. It's just about being an

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Speaker 1: admission of what it is that. You know. All I

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Speaker 1: knew about parenting and what it is to be a

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Speaker 1: dad I had from my own family of origin, you know.

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Speaker 1: And everyone has a different story around that. Audrey had

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Speaker 1: Georgia when she was twenty three. She had Georgia by herself.

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Speaker 1: She was twenty three and dropped out of UNI to

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Speaker 1: have Georgia and just is just the most extraordinary, extraordinarily

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Speaker 1: kind parent. And every action was to you know, past

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Speaker 1: another little bit of independence and solid boundary to g

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Speaker 1: and now you know, she's this super powerful and incredible eighteen

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Speaker 1: year old. There's just just kicking in doors. She's amazing.

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Speaker 2: Love. I love it when somebody speaks so positively, so

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Speaker 2: highly of their partner and is willing to do it

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Speaker 2: in a really unashamed and public way.

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Speaker 1: Come on, she's so good. Yeah, okay, I learned everything

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Speaker 1: from her.

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Speaker 2: Next, next question for you, what's the hardest thing about

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Speaker 2: being a parent?

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Speaker 1: I think the hardest thing that I've seen other people

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Speaker 1: go through is just the acceptance, the wonderful acceptance that

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Speaker 1: the life you had until the moment either the kid

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Speaker 1: popped out the suner before them, you know, came out

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Speaker 1: through the undercarriage, that life stopped, and the life the

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Speaker 1: door closed and that's it, and you say goodbye to it.

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Speaker 1: And that's wonderful because what happens now is so much

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Speaker 1: more amazing and incredible, and there's elements of the life

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Speaker 1: before that that can come into this new bit. But

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Speaker 1: being an acceptance that it's just never ever ever going

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Speaker 1: to be that again. If you want to be in

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Speaker 1: the business of creating an independent and resilient human being,

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Speaker 1: which is the job of a parent, that life that

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Speaker 1: you had is wonderfully and happily over. Write it down

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Speaker 1: at a piece of paper, folded up in a paper

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Speaker 1: boat and pushed out of the Brisbane River. Off it

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Speaker 1: goes goodbye. And that's fine because you get to write

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Speaker 1: a whole new story. But the people that I know

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Speaker 1: who have struggled have struggled with trying to hold on

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Speaker 1: to what it was and try to have kids that

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Speaker 1: are good human beings at the same time and have

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Speaker 1: resentment around the fact that these kids get in the

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Speaker 1: way of what it is, ever it is they wanted

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Speaker 1: to do. But I think that's a struggle for a

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Speaker 1: lot of people.

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Speaker 2: Acceptance is hard. If you could spend an hour with

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Speaker 2: your kids at any age, given that you've now got

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Speaker 2: a three year old but also an eighteen year old,

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Speaker 2: so you're spending the entire spectrum of childhood. If you

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Speaker 2: could spend an hour with your kids at any age,

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Speaker 2: maybe even into adulthood, what age would you choose and why?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess let's say sometime in the

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Speaker 1: late twenties, they take a couple of weeks off their

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Speaker 1: busy lives and we go on some adventure somewhere together,

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Speaker 1: and I get to see them as the independent adults,

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Speaker 1: exploring an environment in a world or a country or

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Speaker 1: city or a place that I've never been to and

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Speaker 1: they've never been to. But I get to see all

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Speaker 1: the work that Audrey and I and they have done

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Speaker 1: in action in the field, and just to get to go, well,

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Speaker 1: look at you, look at you negotiate a cab price

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Speaker 1: in Helsinkie. Nice.

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Speaker 2: Well it wasn't our, but I reckon the week sounds

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Speaker 2: like a lot more fun. I'm going to let that pass, Osha.

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Speaker 2: What's the ultimate joy for you as a dad?

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Speaker 1: The ultimate joy? And let me get it out and

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Speaker 1: then let me get to the last part. The ultimate joy.

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Speaker 1: The ultimate joy is being with the fact that it's

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Speaker 1: no longer about me. Is that it's no longer about me.

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Speaker 1: I am no longer number one. And that is not

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Speaker 1: to say that I'm a humble human being, except in

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Speaker 1: this role of fatherhood. It is because I'm a selfish,

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Speaker 1: selfish person. I'm an alcoholic, I'm twelve years sober. My

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Speaker 1: entire career has been I don't care what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just going to just keep charging ahead like

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Speaker 1: a Japanese buller train. I'm just going to go for

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Speaker 1: this and I get it. I've got it in my

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Speaker 1: career is because of that, and now I have to

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Speaker 1: just be with that stops. I have to be okay

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Speaker 1: with that and who I get to become because of that?

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Speaker 1: Who I get to be like the fact that I

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Speaker 1: am kind of almost being Crowbard into. Mate, You're going

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Speaker 1: to have to stop being selfish about everything because it's

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Speaker 1: no longer about you. Who I get to be now

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Speaker 1: because of that is great. And trust me, selfish me

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Speaker 1: still shows up twenty times a day, he really does,

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Speaker 1: and it's a battle. But I think for me that's

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Speaker 1: the best part, because who I get to be as

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Speaker 1: a human has changed. And that was like, for me,

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Speaker 1: that's it, It's who I get to become.

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Speaker 2: What's that thing that your parents always said that you

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Speaker 2: swore you would never say, but every time you open

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Speaker 2: in your mouth, it comes out anyway.

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Speaker 1: Oh man. It came out early on with g and

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Speaker 1: I caught myself saying it, and I was just disgusted

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Speaker 1: that it came out around your school fees don't pay

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Speaker 1: for themselves.

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Speaker 2: Mate, that's so good, that's so good.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, I can't believe I just used

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Speaker 1: that as a reason for why you should do the

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Speaker 1: dishes or whatever. This is real early, This is like

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Speaker 1: really really early. And I was like, Oh, I'm god,

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Speaker 1: really that's gonna I'm going to have to do some

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Speaker 1: work to come back from that. You know, this is

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Speaker 1: a long time ago.

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Speaker 2: It's a great one. You've got a stepdaughter who's an adult,

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Speaker 2: You've got a three year old, so this might be

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Speaker 2: a bit tricky to answer. You might need to answer

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Speaker 2: it for both of them. But what's your kid's favorite

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Speaker 2: thing to do with you?

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Speaker 1: Anyone that has teenagers understands that that is a very

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Speaker 1: very small list. Yeah, that's right, which is good because

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Speaker 1: it means you've done your job right. I think she

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Speaker 1: enjoys watching rugby league with me. I enjoy watching rugby

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Speaker 1: league with her. Who's your team Queensland? And I say,

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Speaker 1: I think essentially, I don't know. I just really like

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Speaker 1: the way Penrith play. Even though I'm from the East

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Speaker 1: to Sydney. I live in the East of Sydney and

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Speaker 1: broncos with the Brisbane team. I just like the way

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Speaker 1: that Penrith play. I don't necessarily have our team. I

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Speaker 1: appreciate great gameplay, but geez all raiders all the time? Wow?

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Speaker 2: Okay, and what about Wolfing favorite thing for Wolfe to

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Speaker 2: do with you?

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Speaker 1: We have a cargo bike that is brilliant and it

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Speaker 1: fits the three of us. Carries two hundred kilos. It's

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Speaker 1: got a motor and two batteries, so it can take

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Speaker 1: me and wolf and Audrey like proper like Southeast Asian style,

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Speaker 1: the three of us on the bike and it can

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Speaker 1: take us and the beach umbrella and all the toys

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Speaker 1: and everything, down to the beach and back again, and

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Speaker 1: you know, down to the park and back again, and

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Speaker 1: it's unreal. And whenever we get on the big bike,

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Speaker 1: we we call it a big bike. It's just the

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Speaker 1: best time. And we have the most wonderful, wonderful time together.

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Speaker 1: And I love it. He's got his own little tutor

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Speaker 1: horn because whenever we go up the hills, I'm like, man,

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Speaker 1: I need some help here, so he teaches little It's

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Speaker 1: like an old school kind of horn. We have the

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Speaker 1: best time ever. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Osha. What are you most looking forward to.

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Speaker 1: As a dad? Like? It's the same as everybody's bedtime.

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Speaker 2: Nobody said that before.

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Speaker 1: That's great.

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Speaker 2: If you could go back to you as a young dad,

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Speaker 2: struggling clueless, right, whether you're dealing with a step daughter

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Speaker 2: or you've just got a brand new kiddo and you

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Speaker 2: sleep deprived and you need that bedtime. What advice would

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Speaker 2: you give to yourself as a as a clueless, not

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Speaker 2: quite understanding what's really going on, out of control, burnt

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Speaker 2: out tide whatever.

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Speaker 1: Dad, systematize their repetitive tasks and make them habits and

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Speaker 1: no empty hands, never get caught behind treat your house

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Speaker 1: like a I don't know, like a busy cafe. Like

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Speaker 1: make sure you do closed right all right, close means okay,

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Speaker 1: all its tables are clean, all the dishes are done,

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Speaker 1: all the bottles are sterilized, all the laundry that needs

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Speaker 1: to get done does. It's seriously never ending ordery. So

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Speaker 1: wherever you are in the laundry cycle, like as much

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Speaker 1: of it as is in process, what machines are going

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Speaker 1: to run over at night, just make that a part

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Speaker 1: of it, like systemize it, systemize it systemized, Like this

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Speaker 1: is what I do before, but this is what I do,

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Speaker 1: whatever I cup, this is what I do the moment

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Speaker 1: I get down from a nap. And just make it

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Speaker 1: a part of your day because I got caught. I've

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Speaker 1: been caught behind so many times, like suddenly there's christ

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Speaker 1: I know there's no bottles, or I haven't got enough

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Speaker 1: of this, or I need to go to this chop

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Speaker 1: for that or whatever. Just just systematize that stuff and

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Speaker 1: that way, when you're super tired, you know, it's just

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Speaker 1: a habit. You just do it.

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Speaker 2: Hey, oh show, this is the last question you got

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Speaker 2: to mate. What's your biggest win as a dad.

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Speaker 1: At this point, it would be that Audery and I

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Speaker 1: were able to support her eldest Georgia through an extraordinarily

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Speaker 1: difficult last few years of high school that involved lockdowns,

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Speaker 1: not seeing her friends, not having her the teenage experience

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Speaker 1: that anyone else that ever had to see this young

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Speaker 1: woman who's just powering through the world. It was such

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Speaker 1: a clear goal of what she wants to do to

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Speaker 1: man like, bear in mind, most of this is ordinery.

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Speaker 1: But I'm grateful that I've got to play a part

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Speaker 1: in helping this, you know, just support this beautiful, incredibly talented,

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Speaker 1: smart human being, you know, become who she is. I

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Speaker 1: just threw a lot of got to be around that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, launching the adulthood great stuff. And hey, really really

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Speaker 2: great to talk to you, super that you've been so

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Speaker 2: generous and shared what you have.

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Speaker 1: If all else fails, and you've got to remember, justin

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Speaker 1: if all else fails, if everything's going absolutely bonkers, you

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Speaker 1: just pull out your home and melodica. This is the

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Speaker 1: exact instrument that Joff Bush plays the intro theme of

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Speaker 1: the Blue television show on and so if you're having

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Speaker 1: a total meltdown, you just move out there. Justin pusha

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Speaker 1: and then the kids go like, what what ever just happened?

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Speaker 1: They forget everything, and then you bang dinner.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family podcast is produced by Justin Rawan from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and if

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00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,920
Speaker 2: you'd like more info about making your family happier, visit

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Speaker 2: happy families dot com. Do you have you ever been sick?

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Speaker 1: Sick? Yes, I've got bumbworves proof